All language subtitles for The Middle s01e07 The Scratch.eng

"The Scratch"

(crows cawing)

FRANKIE:
From the outside,

you can see we're just
your average family.

Sure, we're
a little disorganized.

- (beeping)
- Is that the garbage truck?

What time is it?

Mike, did you
take out the trash?

It's Axl's turn.

(sighs)

Trash day!
Bring out your trash!

Come on, guys, move!
Trash truck's a block away!

Okay, okay. I know it probably
looks a little insane

to be so nuts about Trash Day,
but see,

due to recent cutbacks,
trash pickup only happens

once every two weeks.

If you miss it,
you're screwed.

We're never gonna make it!

Brick, what are you doing
under there?

I'm tired of sleeping with Axl.
His bed's always squeaking.

I want my own room.

How long have you been
sleeping under there?

A month.

All right, whatever.
Just get rid of your trash.

You know, I don't understand
why nobody obeys the chore chart.

Axl was supposed
to take out the garbage.

Sue was supposed
to clean up last night.

I mean, why do we even bother
making a chore chart

if nobody pays
any attention to it?

There's nothing on it!

Yeah.

Because I haven't bought
the dry-erase markers yet.

But it's all up here,

and you're supposed to
remember what I told you.

I swear, I spend my whole life
cleaning up other people's crap.

Ow!

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

Hey, guys, the truck's
passing the Donahues'.

- Mom hit me with a beer bottle.
- What?

Brick, don't tell people that.
It sounds horrible.

I was tossing it to Sue,
and Brick got in the way.

Let me see that.
No, you're fine.

- He's all right?
- Yeah. Barely even a scratch.

He's not bleeding
or anything.

I'm sorry, honey.

Darn. I wanted a band-aid.
Can I put a band-aid on anyway?

I want to use
the new Super Mario ones.

(whispers)
Super Mario.

Okay, that's fine, honey.
Mike, come on!

We can do this!
We can do this! Hurry up!

We did it!
We made it! We...

(dog barking)

The day started off lousy,
and then it got weird.

So out of the goodness
of my heart,

I'm gonna reach
into my own wallet,

and instead of buying
that second pontoon boat,

I'm gonna spend the money
on buying some TV ad time.

I decided to dust off
my old commercial

from when we were up to
our jockstraps in good times.

Help! Help! I'm being
assaulted by high prices!

Just keep cool, little lady.

I'm Don Ehlert
of Ehlert Motors,

and they're not gonna get
away with that on my lot.

(funk music playing)

(bangs)

I'm shooting down
high prices...

- (gunshot)
- Ooh!

And bad service.

- (bang)
- Aah! Ooh!

(click)

(blows air)

Uh, Mr. Ehlert,

you can't run
that commercial.

It's racist.

What are you
talking about?

I'm shooting high prices.

It's racist
to shoot high prices?

When high prices is
a... black man, yes, sir.

I just think maybe
if you made a new commercial,

you might appeal to an entirely
new group of people--

You know, young people...

Non-racists.

You two write me up
a new commercial

and have it on my desk
tomorrow morning.

MAN ON P.A.: Frankie,
you have a call on line one.

Your son Brick's school
is on line one.

Well, I'm working, too.
Besides, it's your turn.

I went down to the school
when Axl pantsed the band kids.

I did Sue
and the squirrel attack.

Brick and the chalk-chewing.

Brick and the lying down
in class.

Brick and the beeping in class.
Brick and the howling in class.

Brick and the...

Hi. I'm Brick Heck's dad.
What did he do this time,

forget his lunch? We're in
kind of a hurry this morning.

Thank you.

- What's going on here?
- You tell me.

I hear your wife
got a little rough

with your son
this morning.

What?
Are you joking?

You guys strippers
or something?

No, I'm afraid not. We got
a call from the hall monitor.

He said that your--
your son told him

that his mother hit him
with a beer bottle.

(exhales deeply)

Hi, Dad!

Guys, this is all
a huge misunderstanding.

- It was an accident.
- Relax, Mr. Heck. Just stay calm.

When parents are stressed,
lapses in judgment can occur.

Tell me about it.
We should never have let Brick

anywhere near
the first aid kit.

(whistling)

MIKE: It's tiny.

It's not even a scratch.

Here, Brick,
unwrap it and show 'em.

Sir, we can't allow you
to talk directly to your son.

What?

Is this for real?

Oh, it was for real,
all right.

It started with the bandage

and then just snowballed
from there.

It didn't help that there was
a new hall monitor at school.

Hey, buddy.
What happened to your arm?

I'm not supposed
to tell.

What do you mean?

My mom says
I'm not supposed to tell.

Well, if something
happened at home,

you have
to tell a grown-up.

Okay. My mom hit me
with a beer bottle.

She was mad, and my dad was mad,
and I always get in the way.

You can see
how this sounded.

Everyone could see
how it sounded, except Brick.

And once a teacher hears
something like that,

he's legally required
to report it.

Now I realize this may be
uncomfortable for you

to talk about, Mr. Heck,

but has your wife ever been
physically abusive to you?

(chuckles) Are you kidding?
She's, like, 5 feet tall.

I could kick her ass.

And do you ever
kick... her ass?

No. No, of course not.

- (chuckles)
- (door closes)

Oh, Mike.
Got your message.

Hi, honey. Lookit.
See how little she is?

Take your shoes off, hon.

Oh.

Sorry, Mom. You told me
not to tell, but I told.

- Don't be mad.
- Mad? No! Why would I be mad?

I am never mad,
never, ever, ever.

This is all
a huge misunderstanding.

The beer bottle hit him
when I tossed it gently--

Just oh, so gently--

And do you often
drink in the morning?

No. I think that was
my husband's beer bottle.

Mr. Heck, you're the one
who drinks in the morning?

(sighs) No.
God, this is ridiculous.

Look--hey, you know what?

We have a teenage son that is
a huge pain in the butt.

Don't you think if we wanted
to abuse somebody,

we would have
abused him?

Officer McCoy, if I could
please step in here?

I have known this family
for years...

Years and years
and years.

And although they don't help
with fund-raisers...

We work.

Or teacher appreciation day
or the back-to-school picnic,

they are
a good family.

Well, since the principal
feels so strongly about this,

we'll release him
back into your custody.

(exhales)

Thank you.
Thank you so much.

Okay. So we're all done here?
Everything's cleared up?

Oh, no.
You're in the system now.

A social worker will
be coming by your house

to make
an official evaluation.

You know all those times
you wished someone would come

and take
your kids away?

Well, the reality isn't really

- as great as the fantasy.
SUE: Okay.

So the social worker's
coming tomorrow afternoon

for the home visit.

So if I tell the social worker
that you hit me, too,

does that mean
that I can, like,

trade up to a better
foster family or...

Shut up, shut up, shut up!
They're gonna split us up!

They're gonna
take us away!

Relax. Nobody's taking
anybody anywhere.

This is a formality so they
can sign their paperwork.

We're gonna answer
their questions.

Brick's gonna tell them
what really happened,

and they're gonna see what
a normal family we really are.

Can I have dinner here
in my room tonight?

And at that moment,
it dawned on us

that our future rested
in Brick's hands.

God help us.

So, Brick, your dad and I
thought it might be fun

to have a little practice run
at some of the questions

the social worker
might ask you.

Sprinkles?

- Okay.
- Okay.

There you go.

So for example,
uh, what would you say

if she asked you if your mom
ever hits you?

Not deliberately.

Okay.
That's a good answer.

But you know what's
a good answer, too? "No."

Just... no.

No is good.

Keep it brief.
Keep it simple.

Okay. I'll just tell her

whatever you tell me
I should say.

But--

Well, you wouldn't want her
to think that we're coaching you.

But aren't you
coaching me?

What, this? No.

(scoffs)
This isn't coaching.

No, we're just practicing.

Okay, so to recap,

if she asks you
if we were coaching you,

you would say...

- Yes.
- Gosh, you know,

I think you could say no
for that question, too.

What do you think?

I'm liking no
as a go-to answer.

So you're telling me to lie?
Okay.

No, no, no.
Nobody is telling you to lie.

I think we're just bending
the immediate truth

just a teeny, teeny bit

to get to the truth
that is the true truth.

You understand?

- No.
- You don't?

I don't know. But you said no
was my go-to answer.

Can I go watch TV now?

(sighs)

Sure.

What do you think?

I hope he goes
to a nice family.

Well, I wasn't the only one
stuck in a scary situation

I didn't deserve.

All right, let's get
this show on the road.

Where's Frances?

Um, actually, she had
some, uh, family issues.

And I know she's lied
in the past

and said she had
some family issues, but...

this time she really does.

- All right, let's kick this pig.
- Okay.

Action!

And down here, we got...

Damn it.

- (beep)
- And down here, we got--

What the hell
is my hand doing?

Doesn't feel natural.

I don't know what to do
with my damn hand.

- (beep)
- And down here, we've got--

That's not right,
is it? Eh.

And down--
Oh, screw this!

What are you lookin' at?!

- (beep)
- Quiet!

- (beep)
- Ehlert Motors,

where your
every need will be...

- (insect buzzing)
- Where your every need will...

- Ah...
- (horn honks)

- This...
- (horn honks)

This is your fault.
The words you wrote are clumsy.

- They don't roll off the tongue.
- Um...

Yeah, like this.
What the hell is that?

"Vehicle"?

Yeah, that's fancy.
I don't talk like that.

Aah! Are you
gonna help me,

or are you gonna
just stand there?

So the day of the social worker
visit had arrived,

and we all pulled together
to make a good impression.

How do I look?

Take that off.
Damn it, Axl, take it off!

- (chuckles) Don't hit me.
- Not funny, Axl. Not funny.

(crying)

Hey.

Why are you crying?

I'm just so scared.

Honey, I'm gonna give you
a piece of advice

that my dad
gave me once.

He said, "Son,
stuff those feelings down.

Stuff 'em down,
and eventually they'll go away."

And I have not cried since.

Okay, what do you think?
Shades open or closed?

No. Closed looks like
we're hiding something.

Open. Open.

(gasps)

Oh, my God. The raccoons
tore into the garbage

that never got picked up.

Sue, get out there
and clean that up.

Okay,
where is the Bible?

I wanna put it
on the coffee table.

You know, we don't have
a real book anywhere--

Just "People" magazine.
Mike, quick, turn all the TVs to PBS.

- What channel is that?
- I don't know.

(doorbell rings)

She's here.

Oh! Oh! You see?
It's clean!

That's why
I never wash the windows.

Oh, are you okay?
Oh, my God.

Listen, you can't get a welt
on your head. Not now.

Okay, don't swell up, Sue.
Don't swell.

What are we gonna do?

(sighs) It's very nice
to meet you.

It's very nice
to meet you, too.

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Her head gets cold.

(chuckles)

It's so nice to have
you here, really.

- It's very--
- Yes, it's very nice.

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

Oh, no, no. You--
That was your--

No, I interrupted. It's my fault.
Please, honey. You go.

Thank you, dear.

It's just nice
to have you here.

- (clears throat)
- It really is.

Can I get you
something to drink?

Oh, I'd love
some herbal tea.

Oh, no.
I don't have herbal tea.

I mean, I-I know
it's good for you,

but I just don't like it.
I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

I don't have herbal tea.

(crying)

Oh. Honestly, it's okay.
Look, don't worry.

It's--it's better if everyone
just stays relaxed, okay?

So I'm gonna need
to speak

with each member
of the family individually.

Great.
That sounds great.

We're not nervous.

(laughs loudly)

So how many hours a day
would you say

that you spend together
as a family?

Just about every chance we get.
We love spending time together.

We're together
all the time.

Two.

(voice breaking) I-I don't know.
What's--what's the right answer?

So what are
foster families like?

Are there any with, like,
inground pools or...

Would you say that you drink
alcohol on a regular basis?

(chuckles) Oh, no, not at all.
Hardly ever.

Three times a week.
More if the Colts are losing.

I just love my family
so much.

Are there
any foster families available

with cute teenage girls?

'Cause they wouldn't be
considered my sisters, right?

CAROLE: Does your wife
ever get angry?

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

And what do you do
as a family for fun?

Oh, uh, biking, canoeing,

visiting ancient
Native American historical sites

and looking for arrowheads.

- Watch TV.
- Watch TV.

Watch TV? I don't know.
Is that the right answer?

(voice breaking) I just--
I just love my family so much!

Okay.
Brick is up next.

Yep, our future
was in his hands.

Brick, would you like
to show me to your room?

Okay.

(coughs)

Let me show you the room
that I share with my brother.

It wasn't going well
for me,

and it wasn't going well
for Bob either.

It's Don Ehlert
of Ehlert Motors.

Need a vehicle?
Got bad credit?

We don't care.
Come on down.

We've got the lowest prices
south of Canada.

Follow the arrows! Follow
the signs to Ehlert Motors.

Mr. Ehlert, you did it!

You made it through
the whole thing!

I did? Ha! I did! Well,
let me see it. Play it back.

(speaks indistinctly)

It's Don Ehlert
of Ehlert Motors...

What the hell is this?
I don't look like that.

You made me look old
and bald and... old!

No. He's...

In my old commercial,
I was beautiful, Bob!

What'd you do to me?

(stammers)

Sir, well, you...

DON: Jackass.

It's been a long time.

Wonder how Brick's doing
in there.

(whimpers)

Do not start to cry again, Sue.
I swear, I will--

Thank you, Brick. It was
very nice to meet you, too.

Oh, are you done already?

We were just reading some
Bible verses. How did it go?

I told her everything that you
told me to--I mean, the truth.

Well, I want to thank you all
for your honesty and candor.

I think I have
everything I need,

so I will be
contacting you shortly.

Um, excuse me.

I know you can't tell us
anything official right now,

- but, um...
- Oh.

(whispers)
I promise I won't tell.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Heck.

I'm not able to discuss
anything at this time

until I file my report.

(normal voice) I understand.
Of course. Um, so...

It was lovely to meet you.

Okay.

It's funny, but...

You don't remember me,
do you?

Uh... Should I?

Well, we went out,
like, two or three times.

It was years ago.

Anyway, I really liked you,
but you never called me back.

Oh, well.

It's nice
to see you again.

(door closes)

You dated our social worker?

I don't even remember her.
Oh, wait.

She could have been the one
that liked Duran Duran

and was always
touching my face.

Man, she got old.

How could you not have
called her back?

What's wrong with her?
She's attractive. She's smart.

You should have called, Mike.
You shoulda called.

I didn't call her
because I met you,

and I liked you better.

Well, if this whole thing goes south,
it's on your head.

Frankie, she doesn't seem
like the vindictive type.

Clearly, you know
nothing about women.

Any scorned woman would kill
for this chance!

We are screwed.

(telephone ringing)

I tried to be
as mellow as Mike,

but the truth is,
I was a basket case.

What if this chick
was still mad at Mike

and was gonna
take it out on us?

Damn it, I was gonna
take some action.

WOMAN: You've reached
the government offices

of Social Services.
To schedule a hearing, press 1.

To become a foster family,
press 2.

Hey, quick, everybody!
The new commercial's on.

WOMAN: Help! Help! I'm being
assaulted by high prices!

(bang, bang)
I'm shooting down high prices!

(groaning)

(funk music playing)

That's it? Huh.
That must have been easy.

I tried for days to go
through proper channels,

but I couldn't
wait any longer.

Mike might not have pursued
her, but I sure was gonna.

Hi. I'd like to see
Carole Barry, please.

Is she expecting you?

Is anyone ever really
expecting anyone?

And should we be?

I mean, isn't being
surprised the most fun?

So that's a no.
No appointment, no seeing.

Now you can call
our 1-800 number--

Uh, no, you really can't,
because I tried, and...

- Can I just use your bathroom?
- Employees only.

Oh, I--nervous bladder.
I have a doctor's note.

Go. Go.

Ms. Barry?

Yes?

Hi. It's Frankie Heck.
(stammers)

May I help you?

Uh, well, I-I just
wanted to explain, um,

why my husband Mike
never called you back.

I mean, I'm sure you have been
wondering about it

all these years,
'cause clearly you are lovely,

and he liked you.
He really did.

It's just that the timing
just wasn't right,

because, you see, we met
going up to the Indy 500,

and, um, well...

(sighs)
To tell you the truth,

um, I slept with him
on the second date,

which I never
really do!

But you know, I was
a nice girl then--

As were you, I mean, obviously,
'cause you didn't put out.

And good for you. So I just
hope that all of this

doesn't make you think
differently about my family,

- because--
- Frankie.

- (sighs)
- (toilet flushes)

I got over your husband
a long time ago.

(sighs)

Thank God.

Well, you should
count your blessings,

because believe me, he really
is no picnic to live with.

But he's a good dad!
Oh, such a great dad.

Frankie, I'm not supposed
to tell you any information

until the report is filed.

- But you're fine.
- We are?

Do you have any idea the kind of
crazy families I see in my job?

Trust me, meeting yours was
the best part of my week--

- My month.
- Really?

Really. As soon as I file
my report with my supervisor,

your case will
be officially closed,

and then you can go on
with your life.

Oh, thank you.
Oh!

I'm so sorry
to have bothered you.

I promise you I will
not bother you again.

Actually, that was a lie.

I couldn't go home without
actually seeing it in writing.

- (computer beeps)
- (speaks indistinctly)

(mouths words)

I don't think I ever knew
what relief meant

until that moment.

There was an upside to all
that happened, though.

I had written proof
that I was a good parent,

and believe me,
it came in handy.

Whoa! I cannot believe that you
won't let me go car skiing.

It's safe. There's a spotter car
that follows right behind.

Oh, my God.
You are the worst mom ever.

Really? The state of Indiana
seems to disagree.

Yep. It was good to have it
in writing.

Transcript: LeapinLar
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