Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,333
All right, gentlemen,
we have on the table
2
00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:03,716
a three-way trade
between Ruxin, Kevin
3
00:00:03,836 --> 00:00:05,002
and the Coin.
4
00:00:05,087 --> 00:00:06,670
Ruxin gives Jarvis
Landry to Kevin...
5
00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:08,305
Yes.
...Kevin gives Mark Ingram
6
00:00:08,340 --> 00:00:09,723
to the Coin
7
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:11,009
and to Ruxin the Coin gives...
8
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:12,593
Cam Newton.
Cam Newton.
9
00:00:12,678 --> 00:00:13,894
Here we go.
10
00:00:13,979 --> 00:00:16,680
And the Coin accepts those terms.
Great.
11
00:00:16,732 --> 00:00:17,981
Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
12
00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:19,650
Hola.
13
00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:20,734
?Qu??
14
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:22,069
I can't understand you.
15
00:00:22,154 --> 00:00:23,854
Call back later, bye.
16
00:00:23,906 --> 00:00:26,073
Sofia's mom.
17
00:00:26,158 --> 00:00:27,357
Okay, I'll put all the details
in an e-mail
18
00:00:27,410 --> 00:00:28,325
and send it to you guys,
19
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:29,359
but first, I want to make sure
20
00:00:29,412 --> 00:00:30,360
that you're not gonna welch.
21
00:00:30,413 --> 00:00:31,912
I don't welch on deals.
22
00:00:31,997 --> 00:00:32,996
You welch, Ruxin!
23
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:34,153
You're a prodigious welcher.
24
00:00:34,166 --> 00:00:35,199
That is not true.
25
00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:38,118
Coin says,
"Totally true."
26
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,503
'Cause the Coin knows.
27
00:00:39,538 --> 00:00:40,537
Thank you very much,
28
00:00:40,589 --> 00:00:41,922
my good man.
29
00:00:42,007 --> 00:00:43,173
He got us a reservation
at Rajasthan.
30
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,875
This place isn't even open yet,
31
00:00:44,927 --> 00:00:46,176
and they're booked
for two months.
32
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,544
Yeah. By the time it's open,
33
00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:49,379
Sofia will be home
and we can go out together
34
00:00:49,432 --> 00:00:51,181
and celebrate
her refurbished downstairs.
35
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,350
Oh, I guess
we're telling people now.
36
00:00:53,385 --> 00:00:55,219
Telling everyone. It's so cool.
37
00:00:55,271 --> 00:00:56,687
You know, I'm still kind of pissed
38
00:00:56,722 --> 00:00:58,138
that she didn't come to me, right?
What?
39
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,273
Hola.
'Cause she isn't creepy.
40
00:00:59,358 --> 00:01:00,557
I'm not a
creep, I'm a doctor.
41
00:01:00,609 --> 00:01:02,359
Would you want anyone...
I can't hear you.
42
00:01:02,394 --> 00:01:03,560
Bye-bye.
43
00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:05,195
All I'm saying is,
when you come to me,
44
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,991
I don't make a judgment
about your lifestyle,
45
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:08,198
I just support...
Oh, my God. I know.
46
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,900
You could always work on Jenny.
47
00:01:09,952 --> 00:01:11,485
Or, if you wanted
to make Kevin really happy,
48
00:01:11,570 --> 00:01:13,570
you could fix Pete's little calamari.
Okay.
49
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:14,538
I'd do it.
50
00:01:14,573 --> 00:01:15,906
- What?
- No judgment.
51
00:01:15,991 --> 00:01:17,291
Oh, Jesus, she's texting me now.
I'm a professional...
52
00:01:22,915 --> 00:01:25,549
...really cool technology
from Japan right now...
53
00:01:25,584 --> 00:01:27,984
Ruxin, where are you going?
Yeah, you left your phone.
54
00:01:33,031 --> 00:01:39,195
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
55
00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:41,815
Ruxin?
56
00:01:41,901 --> 00:01:43,600
Hey, Ruxin?
57
00:01:43,652 --> 00:01:45,152
Coming in, buddy.
58
00:01:45,237 --> 00:01:46,270
Hey.
59
00:01:46,322 --> 00:01:47,738
We tried to call you
all night last night.
60
00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:49,273
Hey, how you doing?
61
00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:51,608
Oh, boy.
62
00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:53,694
What happened?
63
00:01:53,779 --> 00:01:55,863
She went in for
her mommy makeover procedure
64
00:01:55,948 --> 00:01:58,365
and she...
65
00:01:58,450 --> 00:02:00,951
she never...
66
00:02:01,036 --> 00:02:02,286
she never came out.
67
00:02:02,338 --> 00:02:03,670
Oh, my gosh.
68
00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:05,455
She was just trying
to tighten herself up for you
69
00:02:05,508 --> 00:02:08,041
and she just slipped away.
70
00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:09,293
What a tragedy.
71
00:02:09,345 --> 00:02:10,961
I mean, she was so hot.
72
00:02:11,046 --> 00:02:12,796
I'll never find anybody better.
73
00:02:12,848 --> 00:02:13,797
Oh, no.
74
00:02:13,849 --> 00:02:14,798
That's for sure.
75
00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:15,966
I mean, look at you.
76
00:02:16,018 --> 00:02:17,351
You've got those
little beady eyes
77
00:02:17,436 --> 00:02:19,116
- and scowly mouth...
- Okay. All right.
78
00:02:19,138 --> 00:02:21,138
Okay, man, just... be strong.
79
00:02:21,190 --> 00:02:23,056
Enough.
80
00:02:23,142 --> 00:02:25,225
Hey.
81
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:28,195
I know you feel
like you're alone,
82
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,646
but we're all here
to support you.
83
00:02:29,698 --> 00:02:32,566
That's why I made you
this condolence hummus.
84
00:02:34,069 --> 00:02:36,486
My own tears are mixed
in with the cumin.
85
00:02:36,539 --> 00:02:38,705
You know, just leave
it out as a snack,
86
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:40,824
and when you dip
your little carrot stick in,
87
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:43,293
think of me as that hummus,
88
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,711
filling you up
89
00:02:44,797 --> 00:02:46,163
and holding you tight
from the inside.
90
00:02:46,248 --> 00:02:48,832
I don't even have
the mental wherewithal
91
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,500
to make a gay joke out of this.
92
00:02:50,553 --> 00:02:52,753
There's so many things
I want to say to you.
93
00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:54,671
Just choose one
and then shuffle on.
94
00:02:56,058 --> 00:02:56,974
You know,
95
00:02:57,009 --> 00:02:58,892
if Sofia came to me...
96
00:02:58,978 --> 00:02:59,478
Andre, stop.
97
00:02:59,511 --> 00:03:01,478
All right.
98
00:03:01,513 --> 00:03:02,429
Number one in Chicago.
99
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,264
I'm just saying.
100
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,983
I got that for a reason...
Enough.
101
00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:07,317
Guys, I just want
you to know that,
102
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,936
as stupid and misguided
103
00:03:09,021 --> 00:03:11,321
as your attempts are
to make me feel better,
104
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,607
I really appreciate you guys
being here right now.
105
00:03:13,692 --> 00:03:16,159
And I'm embarrassed to say this,
106
00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:18,695
but I don't think I can
set my lineup this week.
107
00:03:18,747 --> 00:03:20,581
Don't worry about that.
Oh, Ruxin, don't even think
108
00:03:20,666 --> 00:03:22,199
about that right now.
No problem.
109
00:03:22,284 --> 00:03:23,951
So... I guess
110
00:03:24,036 --> 00:03:25,452
I'll just, like,
111
00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:28,038
take a win this week and then
112
00:03:28,090 --> 00:03:29,762
we can go from there next week?
113
00:03:30,298 --> 00:03:31,806
I'm gonna go take a shower.
114
00:03:32,055 --> 00:03:32,960
Yeah. No, do that.
115
00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:33,927
Yeah.
116
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,800
Uh...
117
00:03:39,885 --> 00:03:41,551
Did he say give him a win?
118
00:03:41,604 --> 00:03:43,387
Yeah. I mean...
119
00:03:43,472 --> 00:03:45,722
is that sufficient grounds
to give him a win?
120
00:03:45,774 --> 00:03:47,557
Do we have to do this?
121
00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:48,609
Peter!
122
00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:50,143
The guy just lost his wife.
123
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:51,979
You're saying that because
you're playing him this week.
124
00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:54,064
Am I?
I didn't realize...
125
00:03:54,149 --> 00:03:55,532
That being said,
126
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,951
how many weeks would
we give him wins?
127
00:03:58,037 --> 00:03:59,036
Uh, why do you ask, Jenny?
Is that because
128
00:03:59,071 --> 00:04:00,070
you're playing him next week?
129
00:04:00,155 --> 00:04:02,122
Guys, listen to me, okay?
This is about
130
00:04:02,207 --> 00:04:04,207
taking as much crap off
Ruxin's plate as possible,
131
00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:05,459
like that stupid trade
132
00:04:05,544 --> 00:04:07,077
the Coin made me do
that I don't want to do
133
00:04:07,129 --> 00:04:08,161
and now I'm not gonna do it.
What?
134
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:08,962
You're welching.
135
00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:09,997
No, I'm thinking about
136
00:04:10,082 --> 00:04:11,164
my friend whose wife just died.
137
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:12,416
Look, guys, real quick,
before he comes back,
138
00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:14,084
I don't mean to be callous here,
139
00:04:14,169 --> 00:04:18,088
but how certain are we
that he's not...
140
00:04:18,140 --> 00:04:19,923
making this up?
141
00:04:19,975 --> 00:04:21,842
Are you saying he's using
sympathy to eke out some wins?
142
00:04:21,927 --> 00:04:23,760
I mean, think about it.
Wouldn't you?
143
00:04:23,812 --> 00:04:25,178
To win the whole thing?
Kevin!
144
00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:27,097
No. No, I would never do that.
145
00:04:27,149 --> 00:04:29,433
Oh, she's gone!
146
00:04:29,485 --> 00:04:30,600
Oh, Tall Guy!
147
00:04:30,686 --> 00:04:31,652
Oh, she's gone.
148
00:04:31,737 --> 00:04:33,320
She's in Heaven, Tall Guy.
149
00:04:33,405 --> 00:04:35,439
I made some hummus.
Oh.
150
00:04:35,524 --> 00:04:37,190
That looks delicious.
151
00:04:37,276 --> 00:04:38,158
Yeah, it is.
152
00:04:38,243 --> 00:04:39,526
I just don't think
153
00:04:39,611 --> 00:04:40,827
I could have sex
with food right now.
154
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,245
I'm so sad.
155
00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:43,246
Okay.
156
00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:44,948
Oh, wait, where's Ruxin?
157
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,249
He's in the shower.
Shower.
158
00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:47,367
He's in the shower?
159
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:48,618
Okay.
160
00:04:48,671 --> 00:04:50,087
I'm coming, Ruxin!
161
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:50,954
No, no. No...
No.
162
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,422
I'll be right there!
163
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,207
We can grieve her together!
164
00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:56,615
What are you
doing in here?
165
00:04:56,628 --> 00:04:57,761
Do you have a boner?
166
00:04:57,796 --> 00:04:58,762
It's a grief boner.
167
00:04:58,797 --> 00:05:00,213
Oh...
168
00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:03,016
Now, if I were you,
169
00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:05,218
this is the one I would choose,
170
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:07,804
the 20-gauge
silver hammertone.
171
00:05:07,856 --> 00:05:10,140
It's $990.
172
00:05:10,192 --> 00:05:11,892
I'm just gonna
stop this right now
173
00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:13,310
and tell you there is no body.
174
00:05:13,395 --> 00:05:14,611
What do you mean,
there's no body?
175
00:05:14,646 --> 00:05:17,030
Sofia's papi won't turn over
176
00:05:17,116 --> 00:05:18,482
her body to me,
177
00:05:18,534 --> 00:05:20,784
so we are going to have
an empty coffin.
178
00:05:20,819 --> 00:05:22,569
I want a simple, wooden coffin.
179
00:05:22,654 --> 00:05:24,488
All right?
180
00:05:24,573 --> 00:05:25,956
Lunchtime.
What?
181
00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:27,824
It's time for my sandwich
and banana.
182
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,660
Can we just finish this coffin...
My sandwich and banana.
183
00:05:30,746 --> 00:05:31,878
We're in the middle
of something here, sir.
184
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:33,246
Lunchtime only comes once a day.
185
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:34,331
Is that a lunch box?
186
00:05:34,383 --> 00:05:36,333
Good luck with your wife.
187
00:05:36,418 --> 00:05:37,634
Wow.
188
00:05:37,669 --> 00:05:39,052
What is going on here?
189
00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:40,303
I'm sorry.
190
00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:41,979
This... this whole thing's
gotta be rough.
191
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:44,424
And look,
the last time we spoke,
192
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,926
we talked about that trade?
193
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:47,644
Don't even worry about that.
Put that out of your mind.
194
00:05:47,679 --> 00:05:49,513
No, I'm not gonna welch
on the deal.
195
00:05:49,598 --> 00:05:50,597
No, you can welch.
196
00:05:50,682 --> 00:05:52,349
You have carte welch privileges.
197
00:05:52,434 --> 00:05:53,734
Look, I don't want
any special treatment
198
00:05:53,819 --> 00:05:55,902
from you guys right now.
Okay.
199
00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:57,571
You know, besides the win
that you already gave me.
200
00:05:57,656 --> 00:05:59,689
I don't need anything more.
Right.
201
00:05:59,775 --> 00:06:03,527
And if you see me adding or
dropping on the waiver wire,
202
00:06:03,612 --> 00:06:05,612
know that I do it
with a heavy heart.
203
00:06:05,697 --> 00:06:07,364
Of course.
204
00:06:07,449 --> 00:06:08,999
Sorry I'm late.
You guys didn't tell me
205
00:06:09,034 --> 00:06:10,500
where you were gonna go,
so I had to use the GPS tracker
206
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,202
I have in Brian's car.
207
00:06:12,254 --> 00:06:14,504
Heard that Papi
won't let the body go.
208
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:15,372
No! Can you talk to him?
209
00:06:15,424 --> 00:06:16,373
Are you kidding?
210
00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:17,457
Last time we talked,
211
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:18,508
he stabbed me on the street
212
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:19,593
and left me for dead.
213
00:06:19,678 --> 00:06:21,094
I just want to bury my wife.
214
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:22,179
I get it, man.
215
00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:24,047
We loved her.
We want to be able
216
00:06:24,099 --> 00:06:25,766
to put her into the ground
for the rest of time.
217
00:06:25,851 --> 00:06:27,517
That being said,
218
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:30,053
we could bury something that was
the weight of your wife.
219
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:31,555
What do you think she is,
220
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,056
two German Shepherds
and a Shih Tzu?
221
00:06:33,108 --> 00:06:34,474
She's lighter than that.
222
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,060
I would honestly say
a German Shepherd,
223
00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:38,478
a Boxer and a Shih Tzu.
224
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,063
I feel like she's
a German Shepherd,
225
00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,782
a Boxer and three dead cats.
226
00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:42,732
How dare you?
227
00:06:42,818 --> 00:06:44,151
You don't think I know
228
00:06:44,236 --> 00:06:45,902
how much my wife weighs
in dead animals?
229
00:06:45,954 --> 00:06:47,571
Guys, guys, she's a half
a Beethoven and a Taco Bell dog.
230
00:06:47,623 --> 00:06:48,623
Let's just put it to bed.
231
00:06:48,657 --> 00:06:49,990
Oh, come on, Brian!
232
00:06:50,075 --> 00:06:51,908
I can't get my hands on
celebrity dogs by tomorrow!
233
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:53,877
We need to kill local dogs!
234
00:06:53,912 --> 00:06:55,162
Jesus.
235
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,247
How am I supposed
to have a funeral with no body?
236
00:06:57,332 --> 00:06:59,132
Is there anything
you can do, Rafi?
237
00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:00,250
I'll talk to him.
238
00:07:00,302 --> 00:07:01,251
I'll see what I can do.
239
00:07:01,303 --> 00:07:02,419
But in the meantime,
240
00:07:02,471 --> 00:07:03,592
I'm gonna get Sofia's weight
241
00:07:03,672 --> 00:07:05,823
in dead animals just in case.
242
00:07:12,552 --> 00:07:14,385
It's just so weird, right?
243
00:07:14,470 --> 00:07:15,875
I know, having a casket
with no body in it?
244
00:07:15,991 --> 00:07:17,107
Ooh, water.
245
00:07:17,192 --> 00:07:19,192
No, it's not water...
246
00:07:19,278 --> 00:07:20,327
Taco.
247
00:07:20,362 --> 00:07:22,112
Mmm.
Bleh.
248
00:07:22,197 --> 00:07:23,780
Tastes like pennies.
249
00:07:23,865 --> 00:07:25,745
We are gathered here today
to celebrate the life
250
00:07:25,784 --> 00:07:27,422
of Sofia Ruxin.
251
00:07:27,643 --> 00:07:29,760
She was a caring wife
252
00:07:29,812 --> 00:07:31,929
and a doting mother,
253
00:07:32,014 --> 00:07:33,597
but perhaps she will
be most missed
254
00:07:33,683 --> 00:07:35,265
by her husband, Rodney,
255
00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:37,918
who would now like to say
a few words.
256
00:07:38,738 --> 00:07:39,937
No. Stop it.
257
00:07:40,022 --> 00:07:41,405
I just don't know when
to clap at these things.
258
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,740
Never. Never clap at a funeral.
259
00:07:42,775 --> 00:07:44,024
He's gonna give a speech.
260
00:07:44,110 --> 00:07:44,908
Your friend's
wife just died.
261
00:07:44,944 --> 00:07:45,943
Thanks.
262
00:07:48,497 --> 00:07:51,580
Everyone calls me Ruxin.
263
00:07:53,279 --> 00:07:54,479
Except Sofia.
264
00:07:54,531 --> 00:07:56,314
She could call me Rodney.
265
00:07:56,366 --> 00:08:01,152
And I let her because
she was... so hot.
266
00:08:01,204 --> 00:08:03,654
He's right, she was fine.
267
00:08:03,707 --> 00:08:05,990
And she was so beautiful,
this is such a tragedy.
268
00:08:06,076 --> 00:08:09,794
The very first time
that she had any work done...
269
00:08:09,829 --> 00:08:13,164
Oh, please, that girl has
been to "Puerto Rico" before.
270
00:08:13,216 --> 00:08:14,382
It was the first time, okay?
271
00:08:14,467 --> 00:08:16,300
But I don't want to focus
on that right now.
272
00:08:16,336 --> 00:08:18,002
I want to focus
on the better times,
273
00:08:18,088 --> 00:08:22,006
the times I spent
in love with my wife.
274
00:08:22,058 --> 00:08:24,642
Love... is a journey.
275
00:08:24,677 --> 00:08:26,310
Wow.
Love is a battlefield.
276
00:08:26,346 --> 00:08:28,346
And I want to ride it
This just puts everything in perspective.
277
00:08:28,398 --> 00:08:29,598
all night long.
Oh, sweetheart.
278
00:08:29,682 --> 00:08:30,898
It's gonna be all right.
279
00:08:30,984 --> 00:08:31,933
No, it's not, I...
280
00:08:32,018 --> 00:08:33,351
I can't go through
with the trade.
281
00:08:33,403 --> 00:08:34,652
What?
I can't.
282
00:08:34,687 --> 00:08:35,987
Nothing inside me says to do it.
283
00:08:36,022 --> 00:08:37,021
I have to just...
284
00:08:37,107 --> 00:08:39,407
Kevin, you have to.
285
00:08:39,492 --> 00:08:40,358
What are you doing?
It doesn't matter.
286
00:08:40,410 --> 00:08:41,692
I'm not trading with him.
287
00:08:41,778 --> 00:08:42,827
It's over.
288
00:08:42,862 --> 00:08:44,195
Love is, uh...
289
00:08:46,666 --> 00:08:50,251
Love has been rejected?
290
00:08:50,336 --> 00:08:52,036
Why would you reject love?!
291
00:08:52,088 --> 00:08:53,755
Huh?!
292
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,041
Everybody works so hard
on getting love to happen,
293
00:08:57,127 --> 00:08:58,926
and then you reject it.
294
00:08:59,012 --> 00:09:01,929
Why have you rejected love?!
295
00:09:02,015 --> 00:09:04,549
God, why...?!
296
00:09:04,634 --> 00:09:07,685
Why has everything forsaken me?!
297
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:12,190
Why is my life so much harder
than everybody else's?!
298
00:09:12,225 --> 00:09:15,226
Why have you cheated me
this way, God?!
299
00:09:15,278 --> 00:09:17,111
Hey, buddy.
300
00:09:17,197 --> 00:09:18,446
Hey, everything's
gonna be all right.
301
00:09:18,531 --> 00:09:20,448
Hey, sexy, get him out of here.
302
00:09:23,903 --> 00:09:25,153
Some pretty intense words,
303
00:09:25,238 --> 00:09:28,039
spoken by my brother-in-law
and third best friend,
304
00:09:28,074 --> 00:09:30,208
whose name I just
found out is Rodney.
305
00:09:30,243 --> 00:09:32,126
Sofia was...
306
00:09:32,212 --> 00:09:33,744
Why?
in many ways, my better half.
307
00:09:33,797 --> 00:09:35,213
Why would you do this to me?
308
00:09:35,248 --> 00:09:36,631
I didn't feel good about it.
309
00:09:36,716 --> 00:09:38,916
I prepared some words...
to say...
310
00:09:38,968 --> 00:09:42,253
on this occasion.
311
00:09:43,673 --> 00:09:45,840
This is harder than
I thought it was gonna be.
312
00:09:45,925 --> 00:09:48,676
For those of you who don't
know me, I'm Rafi, I'm the...
313
00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:50,094
Stop it.
What? What?
314
00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:51,145
Thank you, Andre.
315
00:09:51,231 --> 00:09:52,396
See, he appreciated it.
316
00:09:52,432 --> 00:09:54,682
I'm the, uh, brother-lover
of the deceased.
317
00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:57,268
None of us are prepared
for this kind of loss,
318
00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:01,522
the loss of someone
so young, so beautiful,
319
00:10:01,608 --> 00:10:04,025
so tender and supple.
320
00:10:05,778 --> 00:10:07,361
When I realized
she was really dead
321
00:10:07,447 --> 00:10:11,282
and that she wasn't gonna
come back as, uh, a zombie
322
00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:12,783
or something cool like that,
323
00:10:12,836 --> 00:10:15,369
I was devastated.
324
00:10:15,455 --> 00:10:20,007
I was struggling
to keep my head above water.
325
00:10:20,093 --> 00:10:24,795
So I reached out to the smartest
man I've ever met,
326
00:10:24,848 --> 00:10:28,065
'cause I knew he wouldknow what to do--
327
00:10:28,134 --> 00:10:29,333
Dirty Randy.
328
00:10:35,141 --> 00:10:36,107
Randy.
329
00:10:36,175 --> 00:10:37,041
Yo, Raf.
Hey.
330
00:10:37,110 --> 00:10:38,342
What's happening, man?
331
00:10:38,411 --> 00:10:39,844
Bad news.
332
00:10:39,913 --> 00:10:41,612
Are these bees not bugging you at all?
No.
333
00:10:41,681 --> 00:10:42,747
Bees only sting women
on their periods.
334
00:10:42,815 --> 00:10:43,814
Everybody knows that.
335
00:10:43,883 --> 00:10:44,882
What are you doing here?
336
00:10:44,951 --> 00:10:46,552
Dude, I need your help
finding my sister.
337
00:10:46,553 --> 00:10:47,485
Anywhere, anytime.
338
00:10:47,554 --> 00:10:49,186
She's dead, man.
Okay.
339
00:10:49,255 --> 00:10:52,023
I assume this means you killed
her while making love to her.
340
00:10:52,091 --> 00:10:53,491
Don't worry, I got my Robert
Durst go-bag ready to go.
341
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,393
No, no, we don't...
Let's do this!
342
00:10:55,461 --> 00:10:57,061
We don't need Bobby D's bag, okay?
Let's move, move, move. Are you sure?
343
00:10:57,130 --> 00:10:58,462
She died in Puerto Rico.
344
00:10:58,531 --> 00:11:00,398
I wasn't even
in the country, man.
345
00:11:00,466 --> 00:11:01,799
Weird.
346
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,268
We don't have to cut her up into
tiny pieces like we planned.
347
00:11:04,270 --> 00:11:06,304
Okay, good, but I have the saw.
Awesome.
348
00:11:06,372 --> 00:11:08,940
I did not pay Robert Durst
$90 for that go-bag...
349
00:11:09,008 --> 00:11:10,141
and not negotiate a saw.
350
00:11:10,209 --> 00:11:12,043
Okay, so what do we do?
351
00:11:12,111 --> 00:11:13,177
First things first, man,
352
00:11:13,246 --> 00:11:14,979
we need to get her body
back to Chicago.
353
00:11:15,048 --> 00:11:17,014
And if we need to get her soul
back from the netherworld,
354
00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:18,549
I know a really good
necromancer.
355
00:11:18,618 --> 00:11:19,650
So this is the plan.
Yeah.
356
00:11:19,719 --> 00:11:20,985
We're gonna go to Puerto Rico,
357
00:11:21,054 --> 00:11:23,387
we're gonna get her body,
bring it back to Chicago,
358
00:11:23,456 --> 00:11:25,723
so she can be buried
by the man she loves.
359
00:11:25,792 --> 00:11:27,992
And also her husband,
Rodney Ruxin.
360
00:11:28,061 --> 00:11:30,361
Whoa, whoa, she was married?
Yes.
361
00:11:30,430 --> 00:11:33,931
Man, I said some incredibly
inappropriate things to her.
362
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,500
And her husband was Jewish.
363
00:11:36,569 --> 00:11:38,169
What?!
I know.
364
00:11:38,237 --> 00:11:39,437
I heard they chew
on your shoelaces.
365
00:11:39,505 --> 00:11:41,172
Uh, I think that's goats.
366
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:42,273
Okay, good. Okay.
Yeah.
367
00:11:42,342 --> 00:11:44,175
Hey, check this out.
368
00:11:44,243 --> 00:11:46,811
Oh, my God.
369
00:11:46,879 --> 00:11:47,778
What is that?
370
00:11:47,847 --> 00:11:48,813
Bee pubes, bro.
371
00:11:48,881 --> 00:11:50,448
Dude, that's amazing.
372
00:11:50,516 --> 00:11:51,549
I know, right?
373
00:11:51,618 --> 00:11:52,539
It's a pubic bee beard.
374
00:11:52,552 --> 00:11:53,484
It's a pubic beard of bees.
375
00:11:53,553 --> 00:11:54,485
Touch?.
376
00:11:54,554 --> 00:11:55,653
How does it feel?
377
00:11:55,722 --> 00:11:57,355
It feels like when I had
crabs, only bigger.
378
00:11:57,423 --> 00:11:59,323
A few of them are crawling
into your pee hole, I think.
379
00:11:59,392 --> 00:12:01,692
I bet I can fit, like,
12 bees in my urethra.
380
00:12:01,761 --> 00:12:03,461
I bet I can fit 14 in mine.
381
00:12:03,529 --> 00:12:05,096
So let me ask you,
brother, are you in?
382
00:12:05,148 --> 00:12:07,698
Looks like Randy and Rafi
are going to Puerto Rico
383
00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:09,800
to steal a lady's corpse.
384
00:12:09,869 --> 00:12:11,102
Ow!
385
00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:12,370
Ow! Ow!
386
00:12:12,438 --> 00:12:13,337
Oh, hang on, I got the smoker.
387
00:12:13,406 --> 00:12:14,538
I'll calm 'em down.
388
00:12:14,607 --> 00:12:16,173
No, no, no!
That's steamed bath salts.
389
00:12:16,242 --> 00:12:17,675
That will only make them more
angry and cannibalistic.
390
00:12:17,744 --> 00:12:19,660
Oh, no, why am I not stopping?!
391
00:12:19,746 --> 00:12:20,678
Stop pumping it!
392
00:12:20,747 --> 00:12:21,747
Why do I keep pumping it?!
393
00:12:21,748 --> 00:12:22,663
Aah!
394
00:12:22,749 --> 00:12:24,332
Yeah!
Get out of here!
395
00:12:24,417 --> 00:12:25,967
Bees, follow us!
396
00:12:28,221 --> 00:12:31,555
Dude, this isthe best way to travel.
397
00:12:31,591 --> 00:12:34,458
This is fully better
than a regular seat on United.
398
00:12:34,527 --> 00:12:36,327
Oh, yeah.
So when's the last time you were home?
399
00:12:36,396 --> 00:12:37,728
It's been a while.
400
00:12:37,797 --> 00:12:40,064
My old man and I, we...
401
00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:42,233
we never saw eye-to-eye.
402
00:12:42,301 --> 00:12:44,535
Hey, Sofia, grab the duck.
403
00:12:44,604 --> 00:12:45,936
I dare you.
404
00:12:46,005 --> 00:12:47,905
I dare you to grab the duck.
405
00:12:47,974 --> 00:12:49,507
Get out!
Aah!
406
00:12:49,575 --> 00:12:50,875
You disgust me.
407
00:12:50,943 --> 00:12:53,694
Ow, ow, ow, ow, Papi, no, ow.
408
00:12:55,031 --> 00:12:56,947
This is called daggering, Sofia.
409
00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:01,952
Rafi, ven aqu?!
410
00:13:02,038 --> 00:13:04,555
Ow, ow, ow, ow, Papi, no, ow.
411
00:13:04,624 --> 00:13:07,124
Your dad sounds like a real
shit-covered dick hole.
412
00:13:07,176 --> 00:13:09,160
No, he's not that cool.
413
00:13:09,228 --> 00:13:10,711
He's a big shot
down here, though.
414
00:13:10,797 --> 00:13:12,797
He's got San Juan wired.
415
00:13:12,849 --> 00:13:15,466
The call him
the generalissimo, dude.
416
00:13:15,518 --> 00:13:16,967
Whoa, your dad's a general?
417
00:13:17,053 --> 00:13:18,035
Well, sort of.
418
00:13:18,104 --> 00:13:19,770
He's a general manager
of a drug store.
419
00:13:19,806 --> 00:13:21,372
What?! That's
even cooler!
420
00:13:21,441 --> 00:13:22,339
I know!
421
00:13:22,408 --> 00:13:24,642
You can't buy ice in this town
422
00:13:24,694 --> 00:13:25,976
without talking to my dad.
423
00:13:26,029 --> 00:13:27,028
Cool!
424
00:13:29,482 --> 00:13:31,282
There she is.
425
00:13:31,317 --> 00:13:32,900
Puerto Rico.
426
00:13:32,985 --> 00:13:34,285
Hey, man, we're about to land.
427
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,536
Okay, we'd better jump, then.
428
00:13:43,129 --> 00:13:44,862
I'm just glad to finally be safe
429
00:13:44,931 --> 00:13:45,896
and out of the U.S.A.
430
00:13:45,965 --> 00:13:47,231
Hang on, what now?
431
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,367
Oh, I'm currently wanted
in the States for tons of shit,
432
00:13:50,436 --> 00:13:52,036
looked at a list
of all the countries
433
00:13:52,105 --> 00:13:53,671
U.S. has extradition
treaties with--
434
00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:55,139
Puerto Rico, not on in!
435
00:13:55,208 --> 00:13:58,075
Oh, no, Puerto Rico is
part of the United States.
436
00:13:58,144 --> 00:13:59,376
Just like Viet-Guam.
437
00:13:59,445 --> 00:14:00,745
No, if that was true,
438
00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:02,713
then Puerto Ricans
would be Americans,
439
00:14:02,782 --> 00:14:04,115
and I would be a racist.
440
00:14:04,183 --> 00:14:05,149
You know what,
we're wasting time.
441
00:14:05,218 --> 00:14:06,178
We got to find my sister.
442
00:14:06,185 --> 00:14:07,585
Okay, how do we do this?
443
00:14:07,653 --> 00:14:10,087
First we find this piece of
shit doctor that killed her.
444
00:14:10,156 --> 00:14:12,490
Oh, he looks exactly
like a piece of shit.
445
00:14:12,558 --> 00:14:14,458
I'm gonna be honest, I couldn't
find a picture of the doctor,
446
00:14:14,527 --> 00:14:16,427
so I took a picture
of my shit in scrubs.
447
00:14:16,496 --> 00:14:17,962
Where'd you find those
little tiny scrubs?
448
00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:19,697
Oh. No, that's
a four-foot shit.
449
00:14:19,766 --> 00:14:20,931
Whoa!
Those are my shoes it's wearing.
450
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,533
Oh.
That old lady sitting
451
00:14:22,602 --> 00:14:25,306
next to it at the bus stop is for scale.
That's awesome.
452
00:14:31,781 --> 00:14:32,653
Need
some help?
453
00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:35,047
Oh, whoa, oh,
what are you doing?
454
00:14:35,115 --> 00:14:36,782
You're the guy
that crushed my hand.
455
00:14:36,817 --> 00:14:38,483
And now I'm the guy that's
crushing your dick.
456
00:14:38,552 --> 00:14:40,512
You tell us what happened to my sister,
457
00:14:40,521 --> 00:14:42,721
or I swear to God, I will
break your dick off!
458
00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:44,056
You think we won't do it?!
459
00:14:44,124 --> 00:14:45,490
We've broken the dicks
off of people we like!
460
00:14:45,559 --> 00:14:46,892
As a compliment!
461
00:14:46,961 --> 00:14:48,481
What did you do with
Sofia, you sicko?!
462
00:14:48,529 --> 00:14:49,494
Tell us!
463
00:14:49,563 --> 00:14:50,829
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
464
00:14:50,898 --> 00:14:52,231
Uh, the Puerto Rican Vicodin,
465
00:14:52,299 --> 00:14:53,866
it didn't mix well
with the horse tranquilizers.
466
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:56,535
You gave horse tranquilizers
to my sister?!
467
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,503
No, no, that's
what I was taking.
468
00:14:58,572 --> 00:15:00,439
Whoa, metal hand.
469
00:15:00,507 --> 00:15:02,674
You're like the guy
from Game of Thrones!
470
00:15:02,743 --> 00:15:05,611
Why aren't you in Westeros
burying Stannis Baratheon?
471
00:15:05,679 --> 00:15:06,945
Hey! I'm a season
behind, okay?
472
00:15:07,014 --> 00:15:08,347
No spoilers.
473
00:15:08,415 --> 00:15:09,948
Stannis Baratheon is dead.
474
00:15:10,017 --> 00:15:11,884
Oh no, how's
Jon Snow taking that?
475
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:12,918
Oh, buddy.
476
00:15:12,987 --> 00:15:13,919
I got to pee.
477
00:15:13,988 --> 00:15:14,887
Can you just let me go, please?
478
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:15,954
It's really starting to back up.
479
00:15:16,023 --> 00:15:17,322
I'll let go of your dick,
480
00:15:17,391 --> 00:15:18,657
as soon as you tell us
where you put my sister.
481
00:15:18,726 --> 00:15:20,325
Is she in Casterly Rock?!
482
00:15:20,394 --> 00:15:21,354
I put her in the morgue.
483
00:15:21,395 --> 00:15:23,061
Aha, the morgue.
484
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:26,331
Randy, we need to find
out what a morgue is
485
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,666
and get there.
486
00:15:27,701 --> 00:15:29,334
House Lannister is the worst.
487
00:15:29,403 --> 00:15:30,669
Yeah, the worst!
488
00:15:30,738 --> 00:15:32,638
Now I'm gonna need
a metal penis.
489
00:15:32,706 --> 00:15:35,307
If you get a metal penis,
I will make you a movie star.
490
00:15:35,376 --> 00:15:36,642
Randy, let's go!
491
00:15:39,113 --> 00:15:40,679
That's the fifth time
that's happened this month.
492
00:15:40,748 --> 00:15:43,108
Okay, well, how are we gonna get
her body out of the morgue?
493
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,317
They're not gonna let us
into a place like that.
494
00:15:45,386 --> 00:15:47,302
Don't worry,
I'll take care of this.
495
00:15:50,557 --> 00:15:52,024
Two more overdoses.
496
00:15:52,092 --> 00:15:54,893
Ugh, these guys have been
dead for a while.
497
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,133
I told you,
if we took enough drugs,
498
00:16:01,201 --> 00:16:03,135
we could successfully
mimic death!
499
00:16:03,203 --> 00:16:04,536
Oh, dude,
you were totally right.
500
00:16:04,605 --> 00:16:05,737
I owe you five bees.
501
00:16:05,806 --> 00:16:07,039
Only problem is, uh,
502
00:16:07,107 --> 00:16:08,573
I think they started
to do an autopsy on me.
503
00:16:08,642 --> 00:16:10,242
Dude.
504
00:16:10,311 --> 00:16:11,476
Look, you can see my heart!
505
00:16:11,545 --> 00:16:12,744
- Oh, cool.
- I'm touching it.
506
00:16:12,813 --> 00:16:13,779
Do it again.
507
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:15,147
Poke.
508
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,350
Okay, we gotta stop messing
around with my heart.
509
00:16:18,419 --> 00:16:20,252
Okay, let's open these drawers
until we find Sofia.
510
00:16:20,321 --> 00:16:21,286
Come on, let's go!
511
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,156
Ooh, sexy dead bodies.
512
00:16:24,224 --> 00:16:25,424
Ooh, hello, dead boobs.
513
00:16:25,492 --> 00:16:27,009
This one's burned up.
514
00:16:27,094 --> 00:16:28,460
This guy's dick is huge.
515
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:29,428
Oh, what, really?
Let's see.
516
00:16:29,496 --> 00:16:31,296
Look at this hog.
Oh, man!
517
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,098
Floppa-floppa-
floppa-floppa.
518
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,033
I could do this all night.
519
00:16:35,102 --> 00:16:36,668
But we gotta find Sofia.
520
00:16:36,737 --> 00:16:38,103
She is not here.
521
00:16:38,155 --> 00:16:40,772
And you should not
be here either.
522
00:16:40,841 --> 00:16:44,476
Papi.
I am no longer your papi, you animal.
523
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,211
How'd you even know we were here?
524
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,580
Because a doctor told me
that you attacked his penis.
525
00:16:48,649 --> 00:16:49,815
Yeah, that's not wrong.
526
00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:51,717
You did the same thing
when you were born.
527
00:16:51,785 --> 00:16:53,685
What is it with you
and doctors' penises?
528
00:16:53,754 --> 00:16:54,987
They seem arrogant.
529
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,422
Anyway, my darling Sofia's body
530
00:16:57,491 --> 00:17:00,459
is being prepared
for her proper funeral.
531
00:17:00,527 --> 00:17:02,828
No. She should be buried
in Chicago,
532
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,162
near her husband.
533
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:05,530
Dad, he's Jewish,
534
00:17:05,599 --> 00:17:08,033
and it's customary
for him to eat her heart.
535
00:17:08,102 --> 00:17:09,342
He'll go to hell if he doesn't.
536
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:10,869
She is staying here.
537
00:17:10,938 --> 00:17:13,071
And now, so will you,
538
00:17:13,140 --> 00:17:15,407
in a Puerto Rican prison.
539
00:17:15,476 --> 00:17:17,009
What's that?
540
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,977
It's a prison. In Puerto Rico.
541
00:17:19,046 --> 00:17:20,245
What?
542
00:17:20,314 --> 00:17:22,014
You can't do that.
You can't arrest us.
543
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:22,981
I mean, we haven't even
committed a crime.
544
00:17:23,050 --> 00:17:24,349
Oh, no?
545
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:25,951
This guy here,
Mr. Floppy,
546
00:17:26,020 --> 00:17:27,686
you are wanted in Illinois
547
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,021
for crimes of video piracy,
548
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,422
bestiality
549
00:17:30,491 --> 00:17:32,924
and perverting a minor animal.
550
00:17:32,993 --> 00:17:36,395
That copy of 50 Shades of Grey
videotaped itself,
551
00:17:36,463 --> 00:17:38,997
I did not have sex with that cat
and if I did,
552
00:17:39,066 --> 00:17:40,899
she told me she was 18!
Yeah!
553
00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:42,334
And there is no
extradition here!
554
00:17:42,403 --> 00:17:43,869
This is still the United States.
555
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,271
Why didn't you tell me that?
556
00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:48,006
Dude, I did...
No, you did not.
557
00:17:48,075 --> 00:17:49,341
Oh, what are you talking...
No, you did not!
558
00:17:49,410 --> 00:17:50,976
Dude, this is what
Dr. Reynolds said.
559
00:17:51,045 --> 00:17:52,110
We need...
Nice meeting you, sir!
560
00:17:52,179 --> 00:17:53,945
Oh, God-- oh, say hi to Mom!
561
00:17:54,014 --> 00:17:55,714
All right.
How are we gonna get out here?
562
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:56,963
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
563
00:17:57,083 --> 00:17:58,984
Have sex with all these dead bodies!
Fire extinguishers.
564
00:17:59,053 --> 00:18:01,319
Ooh, fire extinguisher.
Much better.
565
00:18:01,388 --> 00:18:02,621
Yeah.
No, your idea's good, too, though.
566
00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:03,855
Thank you so much.
567
00:18:03,924 --> 00:18:06,558
Ready, and...
568
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:11,530
Raf, you got something
on your face!
569
00:18:11,598 --> 00:18:13,432
I don't think so, I... whoa!
570
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:14,866
Oh, I think it went
through the space
571
00:18:14,935 --> 00:18:16,201
where I got lobotomized before,
572
00:18:16,270 --> 00:18:17,169
so I'm not feeling any of it.
573
00:18:17,204 --> 00:18:18,204
It's like a brain callus.
574
00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:20,272
It's like Maria Callas.
575
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:21,373
Wait a minute.
576
00:18:21,442 --> 00:18:22,763
Why do I know who
Maria Callas is?
577
00:18:22,776 --> 00:18:23,909
Oh, boy.
578
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:25,944
All these signs
are talking to me, Randy!
579
00:18:26,013 --> 00:18:27,045
That one says "exit"!
580
00:18:27,114 --> 00:18:28,647
Oh, shit, I can read!
581
00:18:28,715 --> 00:18:30,015
It's like John Travolta
in Phenomenon.
582
00:18:30,084 --> 00:18:31,516
Dude, I have been totally
Travolta'd here.
583
00:18:31,585 --> 00:18:32,706
Awesome.
584
00:18:32,753 --> 00:18:33,913
Oh, we gotta get out of here.
585
00:18:33,921 --> 00:18:35,020
We gotta go! We gotta bail!
Okay.
586
00:18:35,089 --> 00:18:36,588
Ow!
587
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,177
Wait, there's some kind
of force field.
588
00:18:38,192 --> 00:18:39,257
Ah!
589
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:40,859
Just keep trying!
Okay.
590
00:18:40,928 --> 00:18:42,227
Ah!
Don't change anything!
591
00:18:42,296 --> 00:18:43,695
Just keep trying!
Ah!
592
00:18:43,764 --> 00:18:45,530
Puerto Rico, am I right?
Oh.
593
00:18:45,566 --> 00:18:47,566
Shit!
594
00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:48,617
El polic?a!
595
00:18:48,702 --> 00:18:49,701
What?
The police.
596
00:18:49,736 --> 00:18:50,735
Don't you speak Spanish?
597
00:18:50,804 --> 00:18:51,736
Sure.
Det?ngase.
598
00:18:51,805 --> 00:18:53,121
What's that now?
Det?ngase...
599
00:18:54,975 --> 00:18:56,174
Run!
600
00:18:56,243 --> 00:18:57,659
Into the jungle!
Welcome to the jungle!
601
00:18:57,744 --> 00:18:59,911
We got fun and... whoa!
602
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,685
Okay, we ditched 'em.
603
00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:09,502
Ooh! I call head pole!
604
00:19:09,556 --> 00:19:10,522
Okay, listen.
605
00:19:10,591 --> 00:19:12,190
We can hide out
in the jungle tonight.
606
00:19:12,259 --> 00:19:13,699
I'll scavenge up
some second harvest.
607
00:19:13,727 --> 00:19:15,727
Are you a corn guy
or a seeds guy?
608
00:19:15,796 --> 00:19:17,329
Corn.
609
00:19:17,397 --> 00:19:18,864
This is definitely
the safest place to...
610
00:19:20,134 --> 00:19:21,566
I know, I feel
totally safe here...
611
00:19:24,104 --> 00:19:25,170
Thanks, man.
Your dick broke my fall.
612
00:19:25,239 --> 00:19:27,506
All right, dude,
613
00:19:27,574 --> 00:19:29,040
tomorrow is a big day.
614
00:19:29,109 --> 00:19:30,775
We have to find
my sister's body,
615
00:19:30,828 --> 00:19:32,244
before my dad buries it,
616
00:19:32,279 --> 00:19:34,412
or else we're gonna have
to spend the entire day
617
00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:35,997
digging that grave up!
618
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:38,364
Oh, yeah, my back could not
handle that kind of yard work.
619
00:19:39,253 --> 00:19:40,168
Do you want to...
620
00:19:40,254 --> 00:19:41,453
spoon, or...
621
00:19:41,505 --> 00:19:42,420
Why don't we just fork it?
622
00:19:42,456 --> 00:19:43,455
Yeah, let's fork.
623
00:19:43,540 --> 00:19:44,623
Yep.
624
00:19:44,675 --> 00:19:45,874
Ooh, lock it in.
625
00:19:45,959 --> 00:19:47,459
Yeah, interlock our balls...
Great.
626
00:19:47,511 --> 00:19:48,426
There we go.
627
00:19:50,013 --> 00:19:51,296
Hey, Raf?
Yeah.
628
00:19:51,381 --> 00:19:52,464
Are you hard right now?
629
00:19:52,516 --> 00:19:54,766
I got a bad case of lump dick.
630
00:19:54,801 --> 00:19:56,218
My dick is covered
in bee stings,
631
00:19:56,303 --> 00:19:58,386
so it's swollen, numb
and full of poison.
632
00:19:58,472 --> 00:20:00,188
I need to talk
to your travel agent,
633
00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:02,474
'cause you're having the trip
I want to have.
634
00:20:02,526 --> 00:20:03,975
Good night, Rafi.
635
00:20:04,027 --> 00:20:05,894
Good night, Randy.
636
00:20:14,287 --> 00:20:15,253
Oh, my God.
637
00:20:15,322 --> 00:20:16,387
Ran... Randy?
638
00:20:16,456 --> 00:20:18,022
Dude, don't...
don't move.
639
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:20,224
It's a chupacabra!
640
00:20:20,293 --> 00:20:21,392
Yeah, I know.
641
00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:22,961
He's so cute, right?
642
00:20:23,029 --> 00:20:24,095
Oh, my God.
643
00:20:24,164 --> 00:20:25,124
I want to play with him.
644
00:20:25,165 --> 00:20:26,531
Whoa, look at this!
645
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,399
Oh, we're wrestling.
Oh-- oh, wow.
646
00:20:28,468 --> 00:20:30,069
Oh, he really locked
on to my neck there.
647
00:20:30,070 --> 00:20:31,191
He's going for that jugular.
648
00:20:31,237 --> 00:20:32,103
Oh, yeah, he lives off blood.
649
00:20:32,172 --> 00:20:33,204
Down, boy. Down.
650
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:34,339
Oh, no, I've been training him.
651
00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:35,306
"Down, boy" means
"Go for the dick."
652
00:20:35,375 --> 00:20:36,291
Oh, boy!
653
00:20:36,376 --> 00:20:38,343
Oh, he's really on there.
654
00:20:41,681 --> 00:20:42,880
You're right.
655
00:20:42,949 --> 00:20:44,515
Look at us, we fit in perfectly.
656
00:20:44,584 --> 00:20:45,850
No one suspects a thing.
657
00:20:45,919 --> 00:20:47,199
Now we just have
to find the body
658
00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:48,553
before they light it on fire.
659
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,421
That Jew better be happy
when we deliver this heart.
660
00:20:50,490 --> 00:20:52,790
I told him I want to watch him
eat the whole thing.
661
00:20:52,859 --> 00:20:54,025
Do they knife and fork it,
662
00:20:54,094 --> 00:20:55,560
or they just shove it in
with their hands?
663
00:20:55,612 --> 00:20:56,961
No, they have to eat it like a hand fruit.
664
00:20:57,030 --> 00:20:59,030
This is our daughter.
665
00:20:59,099 --> 00:21:01,132
She's, um...
very sick.
666
00:21:01,201 --> 00:21:02,634
Herpes.
667
00:21:02,702 --> 00:21:04,035
She's rotten with herpes.
668
00:21:04,104 --> 00:21:06,404
She has her father's herpes.
669
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:10,008
And now, to celebrate
the end of a life,
670
00:21:10,076 --> 00:21:13,478
we will dance the traditional
dance of Puerto Rico.
671
00:21:13,546 --> 00:21:14,846
I know what this is.
672
00:21:14,914 --> 00:21:16,481
This is daggering.
673
00:21:16,549 --> 00:21:17,749
Oh, that's awesome.
674
00:21:17,817 --> 00:21:19,500
That's the only way
I know how to dance.
675
00:21:19,586 --> 00:21:20,718
Ay!
Ay!
676
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:28,593
Yeah! Get it!
677
00:21:28,645 --> 00:21:30,628
I wish I had
a male dick right now.
678
00:21:31,798 --> 00:21:34,465
These Puerto Ricans
know how to funeral.
679
00:21:34,534 --> 00:21:35,299
Det?ngase.
680
00:21:35,368 --> 00:21:37,101
Huh! There's that word again.
681
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:38,436
Somehow they saw through
our disguises!
682
00:21:38,521 --> 00:21:39,604
All right,
let's get out of here.
683
00:21:39,656 --> 00:21:40,905
Uh-oh.
684
00:21:40,974 --> 00:21:41,906
Whoa!
685
00:21:43,943 --> 00:21:45,109
Get him, Chupi!
Yes!
686
00:21:45,195 --> 00:21:46,411
Down, boy!
Eat his dick!
687
00:21:46,446 --> 00:21:48,513
Yeah, get that "D," Chupi!
688
00:21:48,581 --> 00:21:50,081
So jealous of our
daughter right now.
689
00:21:50,150 --> 00:21:51,382
We gotta get out of here.
690
00:21:57,123 --> 00:21:58,456
Why is she dressed
for a wedding?
691
00:21:58,525 --> 00:21:59,891
Ah, Papi probably wants her
692
00:21:59,959 --> 00:22:01,225
to marry someone else
in the afterlife.
693
00:22:01,294 --> 00:22:02,860
She was so bonable.
694
00:22:02,929 --> 00:22:05,463
Aw... I only wish she was alive
to hear you say that.
695
00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:06,898
Oh, I screamed it at her a lot.
696
00:22:06,966 --> 00:22:07,999
Yeah, me, too.
697
00:22:08,068 --> 00:22:09,133
Rafi!
698
00:22:09,219 --> 00:22:12,403
You were always
such a disobedient child.
699
00:22:12,472 --> 00:22:14,439
You are supposed to be dead!
700
00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:15,707
Whoa, Dad.
701
00:22:15,775 --> 00:22:17,775
Looks like we've got
a Mexican standoff.
702
00:22:17,844 --> 00:22:19,243
Uh, actually,
we-we don't, technically,
703
00:22:19,312 --> 00:22:20,578
'cause only he has a gun.
704
00:22:20,647 --> 00:22:22,880
Okay, so maybe we have
a Puerto Rican standoff?
705
00:22:22,949 --> 00:22:23,981
What is the difference
706
00:22:24,050 --> 00:22:24,949
between Puerto Ricans
and Mexicans anyway?
707
00:22:25,018 --> 00:22:26,017
Such a good question.
708
00:22:26,086 --> 00:22:27,167
Dad, what is the difference
709
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:28,319
between Puerto Ricans
and Mexicans?
710
00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:30,188
Where are we
vis-?-vis tacos and...
711
00:22:30,256 --> 00:22:31,255
C?llate!
712
00:22:31,324 --> 00:22:32,223
Whoa!
713
00:22:32,292 --> 00:22:33,591
This is all your fault.
714
00:22:33,660 --> 00:22:34,592
That gun's loaded.
715
00:22:34,661 --> 00:22:36,094
Your sick perversions
716
00:22:36,162 --> 00:22:39,263
scared my beautiful daughter
away from Puerto Rican men
717
00:22:39,332 --> 00:22:42,133
and into the arms and tentacles
718
00:22:42,202 --> 00:22:44,068
of the Jew devil!
719
00:22:44,137 --> 00:22:45,069
Wow.
720
00:22:45,138 --> 00:22:46,437
That is anti-Semitic.
721
00:22:46,506 --> 00:22:47,438
That crosses the line.
722
00:22:47,507 --> 00:22:48,873
This ends now.
723
00:22:48,942 --> 00:22:51,309
I'm going to shoot
your dick off.
724
00:22:51,377 --> 00:22:53,044
Weird thing for a dad
to say to his son,
725
00:22:53,113 --> 00:22:54,078
but all right.
726
00:22:54,147 --> 00:22:55,313
Let me help you.
727
00:22:55,381 --> 00:22:56,064
Huh?
728
00:22:58,852 --> 00:23:00,485
You still had
the pubic bee beard?
729
00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:01,886
Yeah. They didn't
want to leave.
730
00:23:01,955 --> 00:23:03,855
And I still have
six in the chamber.
731
00:23:03,923 --> 00:23:05,089
Pow! Pow!
Pow! Pow!
732
00:23:05,158 --> 00:23:07,225
Pow!
733
00:23:07,293 --> 00:23:08,292
Why?!
734
00:23:08,361 --> 00:23:09,560
Now let's get out of here!
735
00:23:09,629 --> 00:23:11,195
- Get the body, quick!
- Let's go!
736
00:23:11,264 --> 00:23:12,697
Quick, quick!
737
00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:14,365
Use her body as a shield!
738
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:15,800
Oh! Ah! Look out!
Ah! Ah!
739
00:23:15,869 --> 00:23:16,868
Not the tit!
740
00:23:18,805 --> 00:23:19,871
All right,
we're gonna have to jump.
741
00:23:19,939 --> 00:23:20,838
I got a better idea!
742
00:23:22,142 --> 00:23:23,741
Look, she's planking.
743
00:23:23,810 --> 00:23:24,976
Check it out, I'm surfing.
744
00:23:25,044 --> 00:23:26,928
How are we gonna get her
back through security?
745
00:23:27,013 --> 00:23:28,463
We'll just have to take
off her shoes and belt.
746
00:23:28,548 --> 00:23:30,248
Bees! To me!
747
00:23:32,185 --> 00:23:35,019
And so, after all that,
748
00:23:35,054 --> 00:23:36,354
I brought our baby home.
749
00:23:36,389 --> 00:23:38,055
Oh, my God.
750
00:23:38,108 --> 00:23:39,557
Gangster.
751
00:23:39,609 --> 00:23:40,641
She looks terrible.
752
00:23:40,727 --> 00:23:41,442
Hi, Sofia.
753
00:23:41,528 --> 00:23:43,060
And even in
754
00:23:43,146 --> 00:23:44,695
her body's inevitable
melting to earth,
755
00:23:44,731 --> 00:23:48,533
Sofia is making me
just rock hard.
756
00:23:53,406 --> 00:23:54,322
Hey, Chupi.
757
00:23:54,407 --> 00:23:55,490
Glad her mom made it
758
00:23:55,575 --> 00:23:56,457
back for the funeral.
759
00:23:57,710 --> 00:23:58,831
Even in grief, still got it.
760
00:23:58,847 --> 00:24:09,788
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
761
00:24:09,838 --> 00:24:14,388
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
52276
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof