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RUXIN: So that dumb jock,
Bethesda, was pissed, and
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00:00:03,285 --> 00:00:06,571
Hudabega was rip shit about
Geoffrey's little baseball
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00:00:06,705 --> 00:00:08,156
incident.
PETE: You mean the "little
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00:00:08,290 --> 00:00:10,124
incident" where you gave your
only son performance-enhancing
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00:00:10,242 --> 00:00:13,661
drugs? You still have that
Sammy Sosa jersey? Yeah.
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00:00:13,829 --> 00:00:15,496
Yeah, game's more interesting
that way. What can I say?
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KEVIN: Well, did Hudabega
fire you, then?
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00:00:17,249 --> 00:00:19,467
No, I didn't get fired, but
I've been banished to Korea.
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00:00:19,585 --> 00:00:21,719
(Kevin groans)
We represent the company that
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00:00:21,837 --> 00:00:24,472
owns the ferry that allegedly
tipped over and killed all those
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00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:26,307
people.
Allegedly?
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00:00:26,425 --> 00:00:28,176
My job is to prove that
everybody walked to one side of
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00:00:28,310 --> 00:00:30,261
the ferry to look over the side.
At what?
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00:00:30,396 --> 00:00:32,480
Perhaps the Malaysian plane.
I can't speculate at this point.
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Wow.
And the thing tipped over.
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00:00:35,517 --> 00:00:39,103
Allegedly. TACO: You know what you
should bring? You should bring this.
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00:00:39,238 --> 00:00:41,573
You don't want to look like a
tourist.
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00:00:41,690 --> 00:00:43,858
A tiny gong.
Thanks, Taco.
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00:00:44,026 --> 00:00:45,706
We're gonna really miss you,
though, Ruxin.
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00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:47,662
I think you guys really are
gonna miss me.
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00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:50,248
I know that I am the denture
glue that keeps these teeth in
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00:00:50,366 --> 00:00:54,702
the mouth that is this league,
and I want you to know I'm gonna
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00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:58,506
stay involved. I'm gonna be present for
everyone, 'cause I know you need it.
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00:00:58,624 --> 00:01:00,258
Right.
I, for example, will not
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00:01:00,376 --> 00:01:03,678
cease to taunt Andre with the
fury of a thousand suns for what
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00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:07,432
he did.
ANDRE: I have no words.
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Except for two.
I'm sorry.
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(whispering): I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
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What, are you taking us to prom?
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No, you are now a part of the
Andre apology tour.
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00:01:18,944 --> 00:01:22,897
I have colluded against you with
the great Jay Glazer, and I
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00:01:23,032 --> 00:01:26,651
accept my punishment, so hit me
with what you got.
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00:01:26,785 --> 00:01:28,903
Sure.
Cool.
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00:01:29,038 --> 00:01:32,490
Okay. Why do these flowers smell
like Polo Sport? Beside the point!
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00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,409
I need to know what the
punishment is.
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00:01:34,576 --> 00:01:36,711
Understood.
We'll let you know.
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00:01:36,829 --> 00:01:38,670
You can't do this to me!
You have to punish me.
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00:01:38,797 --> 00:01:40,748
Punish me!
Classic bottom.
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00:01:40,916 --> 00:01:42,550
All right, if a bullet is
coming, I need to know when it's
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coming.
That makes sense.
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00:01:44,086 --> 00:01:46,054
Just tell me now.
I understand your concern.
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You're a bunch of dicks.
No, sorry, I take that back.
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You're not dicks.
I apologize for that.
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00:01:49,925 --> 00:01:51,676
Put that in the apology to as well.
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You can keep the flowers.
I love you all.
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00:01:53,762 --> 00:01:56,097
(stammers)
All right, good talk, Andre.
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00:01:56,265 --> 00:01:58,232
Thanks for the flowers, Andre.
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00:01:58,350 --> 00:02:00,685
Thank you.
So what's the punishment?
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00:02:00,819 --> 00:02:02,487
There is no punishment.
Ghost punishment.
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00:02:02,604 --> 00:02:04,272
Ah.
The best.
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00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:06,190
But Ruxin still has
to go to Korea.
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00:02:06,325 --> 00:02:08,192
Yeah, but that's more like a
reward for us.
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00:02:08,327 --> 00:02:10,361
You're gonna want to take
this with you, too.
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00:02:10,496 --> 00:02:12,536
I don't think there's anything
like that over there.
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00:02:12,614 --> 00:02:17,593
Is this secretly filled with pot for me
to give to some weirdo in Korea? Nope.
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00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:23,407
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:23,527 --> 00:02:25,978
The truth is, I've been here
for a long time, performing at a
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very high level.
I've been here for a long time,
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00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:33,236
and I feel I deserve a raise.
I hear you, I really do.
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00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:35,321
Good. Okay.
I want you to hear me when I
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00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,907
say absolutely not.
Why would we do that?
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00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,626
A raise for me could do a lot
to boost morale around
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00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,962
this place.
I could be, like, the Rudy for
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00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,498
this entire office of sad sack
losers.
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00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:51,087
That's your pitch? Well, that and... I
got a really nice bottle of Chardonnay.
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00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:53,256
Ooh.
Oh, I've heard of that, but I
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00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:54,924
haven't tried it.
I think we should crack this
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00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,310
bad boy open, celebrate my
raise.
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00:02:57,427 --> 00:03:03,432
Huh. Well... (sighs)
I'll tell you what.
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00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:06,102
Maybe in a couple weeks-- it's
my birthday-- but, uh, no raise.
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00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,111
Give me my Chardonnay back.
Give me my Chard...
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00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:09,772
No, no, no, that's not how
it's done.
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00:03:09,907 --> 00:03:11,741
You don't give Chardonnay and
then ask for it back.
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00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,776
Hmm-mm.
Fine.
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00:03:13,911 --> 00:03:16,245
Yeah. Savage.
Ah, ah, ah! No, no, no, no, no!
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00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:20,583
Off, off, off, off, off! Off!
Goddamn it!
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00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,169
So my dickhead boss totally
Heisman-ed my attempt for a
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00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:27,006
raise. I swear, I think he's trying to
franchise-tag me. Franchise-tag you?
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00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,758
Yeah.
You think you deserve to be
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00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,117
paid the average of the top five
people at your position?
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00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,629
That's a good point.
You want to get paid like
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00:03:33,764 --> 00:03:35,965
Darelle Revis, but you don't
have a competing offer.
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00:03:36,099 --> 00:03:37,683
JENNY: Yeah, you need
that leverage.
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00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,761
You need a stocking horse.
Okay, I figured it out.
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00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:42,438
I figured out my punishment.
You guys hid my car keys, right?
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00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:47,310
No. Who, then, wrecked my trilby
hat from my Hat of the Month Club?
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00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:49,278
God.
Or a really, really smart,
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00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,397
fashionable person.
I just want to know what my
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00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:54,283
punishment is, and can it please
just happen today?
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00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,642
Not how it works, Andre.
The punishee does not decide the
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00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,898
schedule of the punisher.
Yeah, you don't get to decide
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00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,957
when you get mugged.
I'm gonna get mugged?
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00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,326
Maybe.
Just sit down and relax.
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00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:06,379
Oh, I'll sit down in this
chair, Jenny?
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00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:08,497
Or continue to stand up and
be a weirdo.
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00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,800
I guess now because you want
me to stand, I will sit.
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00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,835
We'd love you to leave.
Well, then, guess what.
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I'm gonna stay in this chair.
(chuckles) Figuring all of this
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00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,175
out.
Okay.
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00:04:19,309 --> 00:04:23,429
Oh, damn it! Oh! You... God!
(grunts) I lost to Russell.
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00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,681
Well, you should have played
Sproles in the flex.
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00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,010
You got him sitting on your
bench, and he's killing it.
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00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,152
Honestly, I thought it was a
Vincent Jackson play.
104
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,438
Why?
He's huge.
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00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,992
So you choose your lineup
based on height?
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00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,362
It is a big man's game, Pete.
You know what?
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00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:41,831
You're a height supremacist,
Jenny.
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00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,699
Excuse me?
Uh-huh.
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00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,451
That's a pretty big accusation.
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00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,867
I am not a height supremacist.
I have Russell Wilson on my
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00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,922
team.
And you never play him.
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00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,508
Yeah, and by the way,
remember she passed on Randall
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00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:56,262
Cobb in the seventh to pick up Kelvin
Benjamin, an unproven rookie? Yeah.
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00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,700
I don't feel bad about that.
Kelvin Benjamin is six-six and
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00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,434
he has the catch radius of a guy
who is six-nine.
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00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:05,605
I rest my case, Your Honor. Hey, Pete,
what are you doing? Eagles-Colts.
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00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,762
Great. I need to run some
Taco Corp business by you.
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00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,942
Now, Taco Corp's getting into
real estate.
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00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,228
Great.
Uh... what do you think?
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00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:14,614
It-it-it looks great.
Can you... Yes.
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00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,148
What does it look like on
this side?
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00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,566
It looks great over there, too.
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00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,201
Yeah, what about the font?
Yes.
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00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,569
Yeah, lower, you want it higher?
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00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,488
Taco, yes, as a board member,
I approve.
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00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,457
Great. Easy.
Taco, how are you gonna buy
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00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,909
houses if you clearly can't even
afford a printer?
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00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,078
I mean, you do it.
Can't be that hard.
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00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,913
I don't think you understand
how real estate works.
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00:05:31,048 --> 00:05:33,165
I don't think he understands
how signs work.
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00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,418
Look, I get that you guys are
skeptical, okay?
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00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:39,171
When Steve Jobs invented the
first job, everyone thought he
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00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,141
was an idiot, but today,
everyone has jobs.
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00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:45,261
And look how well Steve Jobs is
doing. Hmm?
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00:05:45,395 --> 00:05:48,264
When are you guys gonna realize
that Taco Corp is a real
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00:05:48,398 --> 00:05:52,318
corporation with real employees
and real board members?
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00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:57,940
Interesting.
What the hell?
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00:05:58,075 --> 00:06:00,993
Let me guess, Taco Corp is
entering the space race, and
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00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:04,664
this is your rocket ship?
Love how you push me to be
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00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:07,283
better, Pete, but no.
This is the first-ever
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00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:10,419
EBDB kiosk.
That's right, you can sign up
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00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:13,205
and find out who your Eskimo
brothers are in the comfort of
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"The EBDB does not treat
venereal diseases."
144
00:06:18,428 --> 00:06:20,796
No, a couple people found
that out the hard way.
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00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,965
Listen, I have a business
proposition for you.
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00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,967
I'm trying to get a raise.
No, no, no, no, if you're
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00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,136
gonna talk business, we need to
do it in the boardroom.
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00:06:27,270 --> 00:06:28,721
I think we're fine right here.
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00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:30,973
Follow me.
It's just one door down.
150
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,726
First door on your left.
Yes.
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00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,728
Come on in, sir.
Oh, God. Jesus.
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00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,730
Yeah.
Okay.
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00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,949
Welcome, sir.
What I need is for Taco Corp
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00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,485
to write me a job offer for
$150,000.
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00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:44,653
Whoa, that's pretty steep, Pete.
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00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,861
The good news is, you don't
actually have to pay me.
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00:06:46,873 --> 00:06:50,242
(fly buzzing)
I can't tell which is more
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00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,244
professional, the boardroom or
the kiosk.
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00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,379
I think they're both fine.
I don't think they're...
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00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,248
No, you know what, I think
the kiosk.
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00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:59,468
Let's move it back to the kiosk.
Come on, follow me.
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00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,170
All right.
Move it to the kiosk.
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00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:05,474
All right. Yeah, this is
much more business-y. Good.
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00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,676
It's like my good friend Mark
from Cuba says, "How you do the
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00:07:07,811 --> 00:07:10,262
small things is how you do
everything."
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00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:16,769
All right, now, um, here we go...
First name. Spartacus.
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00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:19,522
You know what? This would better in the
boardroom. You know, I think this is
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00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:22,024
fine, right here. This-this is
boardroom, let's do it. Follow me!
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00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,859
Real... Jesus Christ.
Here we go!
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00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:29,698
So, next question: Where do you see
yourself five years in the past? What?
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00:07:29,833 --> 00:07:33,202
Okay, this one's a quizzler:
What kind of horse is this?
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00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:36,622
Appaloosa.
Appaloosa... okay.
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00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,875
Let me test your reflexes.
Lift up your hand... whoa.
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00:07:40,010 --> 00:07:41,710
Wow.
Yeah.
175
00:07:41,845 --> 00:07:44,797
Just met you, Spartacus, but I
really like you, and I think
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00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,382
that...
(fly buzzing)
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00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:50,052
Oh, God, no, please, please.
Just feel like...
178
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,605
You are fake hired.
Fake thank you.
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00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,690
I am gonna write up the fake
contract.
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00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,525
You know, let me write the
offer and then you can just kind
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00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,944
of sign it.
That sounds like business.
182
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,832
Hey, use some of that newfound
fake money to cover my parking,
183
00:08:00,952 --> 00:08:02,017
will you?
(whoops)
184
00:08:02,137 --> 00:08:03,477
You got it, Taco.
185
00:08:13,778 --> 00:08:15,579
Okay...
Welcome to the schmooze-fest.
186
00:08:15,699 --> 00:08:20,816
No, it's nice. Okay, there is my new
boss, Mr. Lipscome. He's a D.A.
187
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,652
Lipscome?
Lipscome.
188
00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:24,203
Lipscome.
Don't make it filthy.
189
00:08:24,321 --> 00:08:26,455
His name is "Lipscome."
I know, but emphasis on the
190
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,741
"lips," not the "come" part.
Lips... Lipscome.
191
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,994
Just let it go, okay? Mr. Lipscome...
Now, I don't know much about him.
192
00:08:32,162 --> 00:08:34,282
All I know is he's from Philly
and he's an Eagles fan.
193
00:08:34,298 --> 00:08:35,464
That's my language.
Great.
194
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:36,465
I can do this.
Great.
195
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:38,668
I can do this. Do you want, like, flirty
and sophisticated? Do you want...
196
00:08:38,802 --> 00:08:40,136
No, no, no, no.
...guy's girl?
197
00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:42,505
I can go sexy.
I'd settle for sober.
198
00:08:42,639 --> 00:08:45,925
Just go over to him, tell him
how much I admire him, his worth
199
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,511
ethic, blah, blah, blah...
Babe, I got this.
200
00:08:48,645 --> 00:08:49,679
Good.
Okay?
201
00:08:49,813 --> 00:08:51,013
Okay.
I would like a martini.
202
00:08:51,148 --> 00:08:52,481
No.
Gimlet?
203
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,684
Thank you.
The shrimp needs to be
204
00:08:54,818 --> 00:08:58,104
chilled, not frozen. When you freeze
it, ice crystals form. Mr. Lipscome.
205
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,323
Hello, I'm Jenny MacArthur.
I'm Kevin's wife.
206
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,409
It is so nice to meet you.
I can't tell you how excited
207
00:09:03,527 --> 00:09:05,745
Kevin is to work with you.
He looks up to you, and...
208
00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:08,497
Um... it's...
(Lipscome chuckles)
209
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:11,033
That's, uh, it's actually me.
I'm Gary Lipscome.
210
00:09:11,201 --> 00:09:13,336
Oh, I'm so sorry!
That's all right.
211
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:16,005
He was just so tall and...
I'm sorry?
212
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:21,544
He... he just, uh, was very...
Tall, you said. Like a D.A.
213
00:09:21,678 --> 00:09:24,263
He's tall like a D.A....
I... it was...
214
00:09:24,381 --> 00:09:26,098
...and I'm short and
therefore not like a D.A., is
215
00:09:26,216 --> 00:09:27,883
that what you're trying to say?
No.
216
00:09:28,018 --> 00:09:30,553
No, that is not what I am saying
at all.
217
00:09:30,721 --> 00:09:34,690
You're crouching.
No, I'm... I'm not.
218
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:38,227
Funny thing is, I love short people.
219
00:09:38,395 --> 00:09:41,280
Some of my very closest friends
are short.
220
00:09:41,398 --> 00:09:43,366
Oh, hello.
Hi.
221
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,734
Hi.
Thank you.
222
00:09:44,868 --> 00:09:46,569
Honey... oh.
Uh, Mr. Lipscome.
223
00:09:46,737 --> 00:09:50,790
MacArthur.
He's very grumpy.
224
00:09:50,907 --> 00:09:52,742
What is wrong with you?
Why can't you keep your height
225
00:09:52,909 --> 00:09:56,712
power thoughts to yourself? Kevin,
he is shockingly short. So?
226
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,714
There is Peter Dinklage,
there is Mr. Lipscome, and then
227
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:01,133
there's the rest of us.
"Us"?
228
00:10:01,251 --> 00:10:03,586
My God, come on, Adolf
Heightler.
229
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,971
Geez, Louise...
I didn't mean to offend your
230
00:10:06,089 --> 00:10:08,891
boss.
I look at all heights equally.
231
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:12,311
Yeah, sure you do.
Sieg height!
232
00:10:12,429 --> 00:10:13,929
Height!
No, it's not funny.
233
00:10:14,064 --> 00:10:16,766
That's offensive.
I have plenty of short friends.
234
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:19,735
Oh, good.
Who?
235
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,103
Ellie.
Not a friend.
236
00:10:21,238 --> 00:10:22,605
That's your child.
(over computer): I don't even
237
00:10:22,739 --> 00:10:24,106
think Ellie considers you a
friend.
238
00:10:24,241 --> 00:10:26,742
Blah, you just keep it down,
Computer Ruxin.
239
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,661
I told you I wouldn't abandon
the league.
240
00:10:28,779 --> 00:10:30,996
That's why I zinged you from
around the globe.
241
00:10:31,114 --> 00:10:33,082
You're a great friend, Ruxin.
How's Korea?
242
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,619
It's a shitstorm horrorscape.
The only advantage is that I'm
243
00:10:36,787 --> 00:10:39,955
up when the waiver wire opens.
(man speaking Korean)
244
00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:42,958
Yeah.
(man speaking Korean)
245
00:10:43,093 --> 00:10:45,461
Sorry, Mr. O.
Who is yelling at you?
246
00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:47,630
His name is Mr. O.
He's either the president of the
247
00:10:47,798 --> 00:10:49,849
company or he may be my
assistant.
248
00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:51,851
I can't tell.
Everybody just screams all the
249
00:10:51,968 --> 00:10:54,470
time.
The people here never go home.
250
00:10:54,604 --> 00:10:57,306
All they do is work.
Honestly, Kevin, the janitors
251
00:10:57,474 --> 00:10:59,725
are more motivated than you.
Oh, yeah? Yeah?
252
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,221
Come here, I'll show you
motivated.
253
00:11:01,311 --> 00:11:02,812
Hey! Where am I going?
Oh, yeah!
254
00:11:02,946 --> 00:11:04,814
Oh, my God, is Sala.
Ah.
255
00:11:04,948 --> 00:11:06,816
Show him that pretty...
Deal with that.
256
00:11:06,983 --> 00:11:08,234
You know what?
I'm sorry.
257
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:11,821
I-I messed up. But I am going to fix
this, okay? He's from Philly, right?
258
00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:13,823
Yeah.
Okay, I can work with this.
259
00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:16,292
I'm so sorry I'm late!
I knew that you guys had started
260
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:19,128
without me.
One Cosmopolitan, please.
261
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:24,500
Hi, I am Andrea.
Are we talking about football?
262
00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:27,670
I love their costumes, they're
so cute.
263
00:11:27,804 --> 00:11:30,756
What is going on?
It's me, Andre.
264
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,142
Oh!
What are you doing, Andre?
265
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:36,178
Since you guys haven't yet
punished me, I decided I would
266
00:11:36,313 --> 00:11:39,432
punish myself.
Is it really a punishment, or
267
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,350
are you just kind of exploring
some things?
268
00:11:41,518 --> 00:11:43,558
Yeah, I dressed like a woman.
This is my punishment.
269
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,738
I just feel like a punishment
should be something that's hard,
270
00:11:45,856 --> 00:11:47,336
and you just seem to be smiling
a lot.
271
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,941
Like, right now, you're
really...
272
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:51,861
Because I don't want to... I
don't want you to think I'm not
273
00:11:51,995 --> 00:11:53,863
doing it...
How often are doing this?
274
00:11:53,997 --> 00:11:56,198
I'm super excited, 'cause I
want more girlfriends.
275
00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:59,084
We should totally go out and
get skinny margs...
276
00:11:59,202 --> 00:12:00,870
Yeah.
...and have some nachos.
277
00:12:01,037 --> 00:12:04,457
Well, you know what? I think Ruxin
would like to see some of this. Ruxin?
278
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,091
Thank you, finally. Meet Andrea.
279
00:12:06,209 --> 00:12:09,128
Holy shit!
Is that little Ruxin?
280
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:12,381
Hi, Ruxin, it's me, Andrea.
I think I had fish and soy
281
00:12:12,516 --> 00:12:14,884
milk for breakfast and this is
more disgusting.
282
00:12:15,018 --> 00:12:16,719
Oh, my gosh.
Turn around, baby.
283
00:12:16,853 --> 00:12:18,604
What's that?
You want to see me dance?
284
00:12:18,722 --> 00:12:20,973
That's right, Andre.
Give Daddy a show.
285
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:25,361
I'm a naughty girl
In a dirty little world
286
00:12:25,479 --> 00:12:29,865
Will you show me what to do?
I think there's a bunch of
287
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:33,986
businessmen here who would pay a lot
of money for your panties, Andre. Huh?
288
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,654
What?
(man speaking Korean)
289
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,072
Korea signing off.
Sorry, so sorry, so sorry.
290
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,625
Oh, bye, bye.
Are we done?
291
00:12:39,743 --> 00:12:42,628
No, Andre, you don't get to
decide your own punishment.
292
00:12:42,746 --> 00:12:45,297
We set the punishment and you go
by our sweet time.
293
00:12:45,415 --> 00:12:47,583
Oh, come on, man!
This is bullshit.
294
00:12:47,751 --> 00:12:50,002
You think I like this?
I don't like this.
295
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:53,172
Okay? I'm a man!
And I deserve respect.
296
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,706
You've got it, Andre.
Put 'er there.
297
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,642
Thank... hey!
You do not get to touch that!
298
00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:03,015
Hey! Hey! Ah... I broke a heel.
Damn it!
299
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:06,769
These were Manolo Blahniks.
I have to say, this is the
300
00:13:06,937 --> 00:13:09,605
best I've ever seen him dress.
He looked beautiful.
301
00:13:09,739 --> 00:13:12,575
Why are there condoms in here?
302
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:16,245
Dear Mr. Darren Sproles, my
name is Ellie MacArthur, and I
303
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:18,914
would like to invite you to my
Sadie Hawkins dance.
304
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:23,669
It may sound a little cheesy--
or maybe cheese-steaky-- but the
305
00:13:23,787 --> 00:13:27,289
Eagles are my favorite team and
you're my favorite player.
306
00:13:27,457 --> 00:13:29,792
What are the Eagles?
Oh, cut!
307
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,261
Ellie!
Just say what I wrote.
308
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:34,463
And turn up the cute factor.
I need you to smile with your
309
00:13:34,631 --> 00:13:37,132
whole face.
Once I get that little man
310
00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:39,301
dancing on the dance floor, no
one's ever gonna call me a
311
00:13:39,469 --> 00:13:41,854
height supremacist.
And... action!
312
00:13:41,972 --> 00:13:49,144
Dear Mr. Darren Sproles... No, no, no...
Taco Corp. Never heard of 'em.
313
00:13:49,312 --> 00:13:50,633
Well, they're a brand-new
startup.
314
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,565
They're incubating a pretty
radical new platform in the
315
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:55,284
social media space.
I don't know what that means.
316
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,286
Neither do I.
But they've made me an
317
00:13:57,404 --> 00:14:00,155
aggressive offer, Bill.
And as they say, I'm forced to
318
00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:05,327
consider it. All right, well, let me take
this upstairs and see what I can do.
319
00:14:05,495 --> 00:14:07,379
That's good, 'cause I'd hate
to, uh, take back that bottle of
320
00:14:07,497 --> 00:14:10,583
Chardonnay.
You son of a bitch.
321
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:15,888
I'll make the call now.
>> Thursday Night Football--
322
00:14:16,006 --> 00:14:17,890
could it get any better than
this?
323
00:14:18,008 --> 00:14:19,892
I wish football was on every
night-- Friday night, Saturday
324
00:14:20,010 --> 00:14:21,977
night.
They should have football
325
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,346
every night, not just Thursdays.
Yeah, I just said that,
326
00:14:24,481 --> 00:14:27,349
Ruxin.
We... Forget it.
327
00:14:27,484 --> 00:14:30,853
What's your issue?
What? I got to, I got to pee.
328
00:14:30,987 --> 00:14:33,155
Go pee. The bathroom's right
there.
329
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:36,158
Oh, no, I'm not gonna go pee
so you guys can pull out your
330
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,327
little punishment tricks.
No, no, no. No, thank you.
331
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,245
I don't need something up my
butt.
332
00:14:40,363 --> 00:14:42,665
There's a first.
(both laugh)
333
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,867
There's a first.
We said that already.
334
00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:47,169
I already said that, Computer
Ruspin.
335
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,872
Oh, shit! Kevin, your first
drink is on me.
336
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,541
Thanks to your Taco Corp plan,
I got a raise!
337
00:14:52,709 --> 00:14:54,710
Who's here-- is that Pete?
No.
338
00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:56,712
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
339
00:14:56,846 --> 00:14:58,714
So, you're staying at your
old job?
340
00:14:58,848 --> 00:15:00,768
Yeah, of course I am.
You're refusing Taco Corp's
341
00:15:00,884 --> 00:15:03,218
offer?
It was a fake offer, Taco.
342
00:15:03,386 --> 00:15:06,021
It was generous!
It was beyond generous!
343
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,023
You were never gonna pay me!
I was gonna pretend to pay
344
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,392
you. A deal's a deal!
Whatever, Taco.
345
00:15:10,527 --> 00:15:12,444
I'm staying at my old job.
Sorry.
346
00:15:12,562 --> 00:15:14,480
Oh, my... You are making a
huge mistake.
347
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,534
Taco Corp is blowing up and
you're gonna miss it.
348
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,951
You know why, Pete No Known Last
Name?
349
00:15:19,069 --> 00:15:22,955
Because you're fired!
(all oohing)
350
00:15:23,073 --> 00:15:26,041
No, Mr. O, I-I wasn't making
fun of your last name or your
351
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,494
culture.
For that delayed comment,
352
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,130
Ruspin, you're fired, too!
You're all fired!
353
00:15:31,247 --> 00:15:33,132
I'm gonna get some ice cream.
You guys need anything?
354
00:15:33,249 --> 00:15:35,134
No, thanks.
No, I'm good.
355
00:15:35,251 --> 00:15:37,336
Is he getting ice cream?
Taco's gonna put a bee in
356
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,255
Andre's ice cream?
Holy shit, you guys!
357
00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:42,391
Darren Sproles said yes!
What?!
358
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,393
Yes!
Get out of here.
359
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:47,096
Let me see! Let me see!
Hi, Ellie.
360
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:49,630
This is Darren Sproles and I
would love to attend your school
361
00:15:49,766 --> 00:15:52,151
dance with you.
I'll be there.
362
00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:54,153
Babe, you did this?
This is great!
363
00:15:54,270 --> 00:15:56,155
My boss is a huge Eagles fan!
I know!
364
00:15:56,272 --> 00:15:58,157
This is gonna be good for me.
Aw, Darren Sproles, you are
365
00:15:58,274 --> 00:16:00,943
so cool and smart and nice and
short.
366
00:16:01,077 --> 00:16:03,445
Wait, Martin Short is in the
video?
367
00:16:03,613 --> 00:16:05,447
Yeah, he... Ruxin!
368
00:16:07,793 --> 00:16:10,865
Oh, there's our guest of
honor Darren Sproles!
369
00:16:10,985 --> 00:16:12,852
Ellie, this is the highlight of
your existence.
370
00:16:12,987 --> 00:16:16,856
It is, babe. It's never going to get
better than this right now. Yeah...
371
00:16:16,991 --> 00:16:18,858
You know what, let's start
with a Dad picture.
372
00:16:18,993 --> 00:16:20,860
Yeah, we need a Dad picture.
Get in there.
373
00:16:20,995 --> 00:16:24,864
All right, ready? One, two...
Yeah! Yes!
374
00:16:24,999 --> 00:16:26,866
My turn! Look, I have to.
I'm sorry.
375
00:16:27,001 --> 00:16:29,168
Okay, all right.
Okay, you ready?
376
00:16:29,286 --> 00:16:33,089
All right. Uh, one, two...
Shiva-ship!
377
00:16:33,207 --> 00:16:35,091
What are you...?
What are you...?
378
00:16:35,209 --> 00:16:37,260
Did you get it?
No, no, no, no!
379
00:16:37,378 --> 00:16:39,462
What are you guys doing here?
We did not want to miss
380
00:16:39,596 --> 00:16:41,597
Ellie's special day.
Me neither.
381
00:16:41,715 --> 00:16:43,683
All right, just pace
yourselves. I get him first.
382
00:16:43,801 --> 00:16:45,685
What is your...?
Why are you squirming?
383
00:16:45,803 --> 00:16:47,687
What's your problem?
I have a U.T.I.
384
00:16:47,805 --> 00:16:49,689
What?
A urinary tract infection.
385
00:16:49,807 --> 00:16:51,691
It's no big deal.
Don't you get that by
386
00:16:51,809 --> 00:16:53,059
having sex with lots and lots
of people?
387
00:16:53,227 --> 00:16:56,187
Yeah, that's one way. One way you will
never get it. Okay, well, I got mine
388
00:16:56,230 --> 00:16:58,114
because I held in my pee too
long.
389
00:16:58,232 --> 00:17:00,116
The Seahawks have Beast
Mode and we have Yeast Mode.
390
00:17:00,234 --> 00:17:03,152
No Yeast Mode, okay?
I'm regular Andre.
391
00:17:03,287 --> 00:17:05,154
Uh-uh. From Tefl-Andre to
Yeast Mode.
392
00:17:05,289 --> 00:17:07,156
That is a punishment I can get
behind.
393
00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:09,251
Darren, what do you think?
No, no, please, Darren?
394
00:17:09,293 --> 00:17:11,160
No! Don't talk to him!
Hi, hi, uh, Mr. Sproles.
395
00:17:11,295 --> 00:17:13,162
I'm-I'm Pete Eckhart.
I'm just a huge fan.
396
00:17:13,297 --> 00:17:15,164
It's so great to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
397
00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:17,166
I'm, uh, Dr. Andre Nowzik.
I'm the number one plastic
398
00:17:17,301 --> 00:17:20,053
surgeon in Chicago, and, uh,
this is our friend Ruxin.
399
00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:22,388
It's such a treat that you're
there, Darren, especially since
400
00:17:22,506 --> 00:17:27,927
Jenny hates short people. What?
Ruxin... Really? Uh... no!
401
00:17:28,095 --> 00:17:31,764
That is so not true.
I love anything short.
402
00:17:31,899 --> 00:17:33,766
I love short people.
Are you hungry?
403
00:17:33,934 --> 00:17:35,768
You should have something to
eat before you dance the night
404
00:17:35,936 --> 00:17:38,020
away. Here you go.
Minis?
405
00:17:38,155 --> 00:17:40,022
What?
Minis?
406
00:17:40,157 --> 00:17:42,024
No! They're-they're fun size.
Fun size, huh?
407
00:17:42,159 --> 00:17:44,026
No!
Come on now.
408
00:17:44,161 --> 00:17:46,041
Oh, I didn't mean it like
that, come on, Darren!
409
00:17:46,163 --> 00:17:50,032
No, the truth is, Jenny has always
been a fan of the short players. Yes!
410
00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:54,036
You know, she keeps her fantasy
roster stacked with them. Yeah.
411
00:17:54,171 --> 00:17:56,038
Right now she got stuck with
Vincent Jackson.
412
00:17:56,173 --> 00:17:58,875
Oh, Vincent Jackson. (groans)
He's so tall.
413
00:17:59,009 --> 00:18:01,878
She's been clamoring to get
Tavon Austin off of my squad.
414
00:18:02,012 --> 00:18:06,048
Now, that's a small dude.
He is small. Yes.
415
00:18:06,183 --> 00:18:08,468
It's funny you mention that.
He is kind of small.
416
00:18:08,602 --> 00:18:13,272
I love small.
Okay, Pete, I will talk about
417
00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:15,475
that trade with you.
Let's go ahead and just make
418
00:18:15,609 --> 00:18:19,479
it official right here. No, I, I
have no interest in, uh... Shake!
419
00:18:19,613 --> 00:18:21,814
Shake on it, shake!
Quite a trade.
420
00:18:21,949 --> 00:18:24,283
Oh, yeah!
Quite a trade.
421
00:18:24,401 --> 00:18:26,481
Good grip there, Jenny.
I just want to say thank you.
422
00:18:26,487 --> 00:18:28,371
And I want to say thank you,
sir.
423
00:18:28,489 --> 00:18:30,373
Oh, anytime.
Well, I'm happy.
424
00:18:30,491 --> 00:18:32,825
Great trade, Jenny. (laughs)
Would you like to dance?
425
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,827
I'd love to.
Let's go.
426
00:18:34,962 --> 00:18:36,829
Have fun, guys.
Yeah.
427
00:18:36,964 --> 00:18:39,004
I got to hit the bathroom.
This U.T.I. is the worst.
428
00:18:39,049 --> 00:18:43,836
All right, just excuse
yourself that way, please.
429
00:18:43,971 --> 00:18:46,005
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Whoa! Closed!
430
00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:48,007
Andre, where are you taking me?
431
00:18:48,142 --> 00:18:50,009
Guys, I got to use the girl's
bathroom.
432
00:18:50,144 --> 00:18:52,011
No, no! No, Andre, don't!
No, Andre, no! No!
433
00:18:52,146 --> 00:18:57,650
Okay, I have an idea. Here. No! No! Oh,
my God! Oh, my God! Andre, stop it!
434
00:18:57,768 --> 00:18:58,828
Oh, my God! You're gonna get
arrested.
435
00:18:58,942 --> 00:19:00,826
It burns.
Ruxin?
436
00:19:00,944 --> 00:19:02,828
Wait, what's going on?
What-what are you showing me?
437
00:19:02,946 --> 00:19:06,031
Aw, middle school water fountain
forever unclean.
438
00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:10,035
Would you hurry up, please? You're gonna...
Okay, I'll go... You good?
439
00:19:10,203 --> 00:19:12,371
Oh, Mr. Lipscome!
How are you?
440
00:19:12,539 --> 00:19:14,373
MacArthur. Good.
Have you had an opportunity
441
00:19:14,541 --> 00:19:16,709
to meet Darren Sproles?
Oh! Oh, my God!
442
00:19:16,843 --> 00:19:20,713
Yes! Mr. Sproles, uh, Darren, it's such
an honor to meet you. How you doing?
443
00:19:20,847 --> 00:19:22,715
I'm a huge fan.
Well, thank you.
444
00:19:22,849 --> 00:19:24,717
I'm gonna go grab some water.
Uh, I can grab you a bottle
445
00:19:24,851 --> 00:19:26,731
of water over here.
Ah, no. Got a fountain right
446
00:19:26,853 --> 00:19:30,723
over here I can use. No! You cannot
use that water fountain! Why?
447
00:19:30,857 --> 00:19:33,025
No. Not for you.
There's a perfectly good
448
00:19:33,143 --> 00:19:35,894
fountain right there.
Wow, really-- the tiny water
449
00:19:36,029 --> 00:19:41,316
fountain? No, I didn't mean it like that.
Yeah, she did.
450
00:19:41,451 --> 00:19:43,736
You really got a problem with
short people, huh?
451
00:19:43,870 --> 00:19:45,821
No, I don't.
Oh, yes, she does.
452
00:19:45,955 --> 00:19:47,956
She's a height supremacist.
What? No!
453
00:19:48,074 --> 00:19:49,375
I love short people!
Come on, Darren, we don't
454
00:19:49,492 --> 00:19:50,793
need this.
Darren, I will play you next
455
00:19:50,910 --> 00:19:53,829
week even though you are mini
tiny tiny.
456
00:19:53,963 --> 00:19:55,831
God!
Great. Thank you.
457
00:19:55,965 --> 00:19:58,751
I got to pee again!
No, Yeast Mode!
458
00:19:59,721 --> 00:20:01,222
Well, at least Ellie's still
having a good time.
459
00:20:01,356 --> 00:20:03,224
That sucked.
Thanks a lot, Yeast Mode.
460
00:20:03,358 --> 00:20:05,392
It's not my fault.
I have a U.T.I. and a gluten
461
00:20:05,527 --> 00:20:07,611
allergy, thank you very much.
Can someone point me towards
462
00:20:07,729 --> 00:20:09,613
Jenny?
I want to see her suffer.
463
00:20:09,731 --> 00:20:12,283
Hi, Ruxin. How are you?
(Ruxin yells)
464
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,870
Ah, gentlemen.
I have some huge Taco Corp news.
465
00:20:15,987 --> 00:20:18,122
Yeah? What's going on?
Taco Corp has officially
466
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:25,676
sold the EBDB. Really? How much
you get for it? Uh, $1.1 million.
467
00:20:25,796 --> 00:20:27,847
What?
Mm-hmm.
468
00:20:27,965 --> 00:20:29,849
Wait, who gave you a million
dollars for that?
469
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:32,185
It was my good friend Mark
from Cuba.
470
00:20:32,303 --> 00:20:36,105
Whoa.
Hey, Taco, what's cracking?
471
00:20:36,223 --> 00:20:40,226
Hey, Mark. How's Cuba? Wait, Mark
from Cuba is Mark Cuban? Duh.
472
00:20:40,361 --> 00:20:42,729
Yeah, how do you know Mark?
From Shark Tank.
473
00:20:42,897 --> 00:20:45,865
Taco, I love the EBDB, man.
I see it as a radical new
474
00:20:45,983 --> 00:20:47,734
platform in the social media
space.
475
00:20:47,868 --> 00:20:50,069
Bro, man, we got to incubate
this thing.
476
00:20:50,237 --> 00:20:52,398
Hey! That-That's what I said!
You should have invested,
477
00:20:52,456 --> 00:20:54,874
man, ha!
Oh, Pete! You could have
478
00:20:54,992 --> 00:20:57,744
made so much money if you'd
stuck with Taco Corp.
479
00:20:57,912 --> 00:20:59,913
(bleep) my life!
See you, bro.
480
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,498
Hi, Mark, if I can, I have a
pitch.
481
00:21:02,633 --> 00:21:05,752
It's called Smooth-eHarmony and
it's a dating site and a
482
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,054
smoothie service...
See you, Mark.
483
00:21:08,172 --> 00:21:10,423
Ah, it was a million dollar
idea.
484
00:21:10,557 --> 00:21:12,675
You know what?
Now that I have a bit of money,
485
00:21:12,810 --> 00:21:14,761
I think I will buy that house.
Yes, you should and I should
486
00:21:14,895 --> 00:21:16,763
absolutely be your real estate
agent.
487
00:21:16,897 --> 00:21:20,767
Yes. Mm, I don't think you're tall
enough for me.
488
00:21:20,901 --> 00:21:23,759
Does this place have a bathroom?
Yeah, it's behind the kiosk.
489
00:21:23,997 --> 00:21:25,280
Okay, good.
I go in the tire.
490
00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:35,863
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
491
00:21:35,913 --> 00:21:40,463
Repair and Synchronization by
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