Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,213 --> 00:00:04,543
RUXIN: It is I, your glorious
commissioner, with a playoff update.
2
00:00:04,663 --> 00:00:09,032
In two weeks time, one of us will taste
the sweet, sweet delights of Shiva.
3
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:12,969
Kevin, you remember what those sweet,
sweet delights taste like, don't you?
4
00:00:13,037 --> 00:00:13,970
JENNY: Do you?
5
00:00:14,038 --> 00:00:16,106
KEVIN: No, I-I don't remember
anything before you.
6
00:00:16,174 --> 00:00:17,541
I try.
7
00:00:17,609 --> 00:00:19,276
I try so hard.
8
00:00:19,344 --> 00:00:22,045
And one of us will get crushed
by The Sacko worse than
9
00:00:22,113 --> 00:00:24,381
Gina chewed up and spit out Pete.
10
00:00:24,449 --> 00:00:26,417
ANDRE: Too soon. Pete's a wreck.
11
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,118
PETE: Did you say Gina? Gina?
12
00:00:28,186 --> 00:00:29,453
Aw, poor Petey.
13
00:00:29,521 --> 00:00:32,956
Gina took your heart and crushed
it like it was a red Solo cup at
14
00:00:33,024 --> 00:00:34,458
a frat party. (chuckles)
15
00:00:34,526 --> 00:00:36,293
And then, there's The Sacko.
16
00:00:36,361 --> 00:00:37,828
The poo playoffs.
17
00:00:37,895 --> 00:00:41,798
Me, Andre, Kevin and Chuck,
all festering in the filthy,
18
00:00:41,866 --> 00:00:43,767
disgusting sack that is the bull's balls.
19
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,936
No Sacko, no Sacko, no Sacko, no Sacko.
20
00:00:46,003 --> 00:00:48,939
And Shiva semi-final number one:
we've got Jenny... Woo-hoo!
21
00:00:49,006 --> 00:00:51,007
...who is literally willing
to beat down her competition.
22
00:00:51,075 --> 00:00:53,277
She's got a police record to prove it.
23
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,679
And Ted has decided to take
an interest in the league,
24
00:00:55,747 --> 00:00:57,681
but nobody knows where the hell he is.
25
00:00:57,749 --> 00:00:58,749
Ted, where you at, buddy?
26
00:00:58,816 --> 00:01:00,150
I've been to prison, Ted.
27
00:01:00,218 --> 00:01:01,252
You don't scare me.
28
00:01:01,319 --> 00:01:03,086
Easy, Shawshank.
29
00:01:03,154 --> 00:01:07,157
And in the other Shiva semifinal,
we've got Taco versus Pete.
30
00:01:07,225 --> 00:01:09,260
Taco has something he'd
like to tell us all.
31
00:01:09,327 --> 00:01:10,661
Taco, take it away.
32
00:01:10,729 --> 00:01:12,429
Floor's yours, Taco.
33
00:01:12,497 --> 00:01:13,664
No, no.
34
00:01:13,732 --> 00:01:14,765
Taco, you lampshade.
35
00:01:14,832 --> 00:01:15,766
The computer's on.
36
00:01:15,833 --> 00:01:17,834
God... Oh, my god.
37
00:01:17,902 --> 00:01:19,202
TACO: Oh, is this thing on?
38
00:01:19,271 --> 00:01:19,979
(groans)
39
00:01:20,099 --> 00:01:21,089
Oh, hey, guys.
40
00:01:21,209 --> 00:01:22,610
Let me turn on a light.
41
00:01:22,730 --> 00:01:28,476
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
42
00:01:28,667 --> 00:01:29,534
Thank you so much.
43
00:01:29,601 --> 00:01:30,884
This is delicious.
44
00:01:31,004 --> 00:01:33,672
Hey, did you know, when he was
a kid, he would dance like
45
00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:34,821
crazy all around the house.
46
00:01:34,841 --> 00:01:37,309
For a while, he thought he was
gonna be a ballet dancer.
47
00:01:37,377 --> 00:01:40,846
But then, of course, his body was so
ungainly finally, and lumpy, but, uh...
48
00:01:40,914 --> 00:01:41,847
Oh, here he is.
49
00:01:41,915 --> 00:01:42,848
Hey, ballerina.
50
00:01:42,916 --> 00:01:43,916
That-that dream was dead.
51
00:01:43,917 --> 00:01:45,684
So wonderful to have you here, Dad.
52
00:01:45,752 --> 00:01:46,685
To what do we owe the pleasure?
53
00:01:46,753 --> 00:01:48,620
So, Dad can't come see his son?
54
00:01:48,688 --> 00:01:50,856
So, you came to see us or
you came to see not-Mom?
55
00:01:50,924 --> 00:01:53,625
I love your mother, but her
sisters are in town, and so I
56
00:01:53,693 --> 00:01:56,028
think she has the impression
that I'm away on business.
57
00:01:56,096 --> 00:01:58,697
Oh, and, also, I got a piece of mail.
58
00:01:58,765 --> 00:02:00,966
Because we go to the same
doctor, Dr. Joel Ewing.
59
00:02:01,034 --> 00:02:03,514
So, I got this thing about this
fertility issue, and your sperm
60
00:02:03,536 --> 00:02:04,469
which has motility problems.
61
00:02:04,537 --> 00:02:05,304
Nope.
62
00:02:05,371 --> 00:02:06,138
I'm so sorry.
63
00:02:06,206 --> 00:02:08,240
That's a... that's a tough
thing for both of you.
64
00:02:08,308 --> 00:02:10,242
No, that's... What?
65
00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:11,243
This guy's a quack.
66
00:02:11,311 --> 00:02:12,244
"Motility problems"?
67
00:02:12,312 --> 00:02:13,645
You said that I was the problem.
68
00:02:13,713 --> 00:02:14,513
You're the problem.
69
00:02:14,580 --> 00:02:15,347
We're the problem.
70
00:02:15,415 --> 00:02:16,215
We're a couple.
71
00:02:16,283 --> 00:02:18,217
Well, how could she be the problem?
Look at her.
72
00:02:18,285 --> 00:02:21,386
The naked eye will tell you that
she's fertile like the Nile Delta.
73
00:02:21,454 --> 00:02:24,890
You wanted to film us so that we could
"research" what the problem was.
74
00:02:24,958 --> 00:02:26,025
Uh-uh.
75
00:02:26,092 --> 00:02:27,026
This is unacceptable.
76
00:02:27,093 --> 00:02:28,194
"Abnormally low."
77
00:02:28,261 --> 00:02:31,230
You told her that she
had fertility problems?
78
00:02:31,298 --> 00:02:32,932
That's a bad idea on your part.
79
00:02:32,999 --> 00:02:34,033
What? Lying to my wife?
80
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:35,034
Yes, of course.
81
00:02:35,101 --> 00:02:37,269
Gee, I wonder where I learned that from.
82
00:02:37,337 --> 00:02:38,070
Hmm.
83
00:02:38,138 --> 00:02:39,171
Hmm.
84
00:02:39,239 --> 00:02:41,673
BOTH: Hmm.
85
00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:44,276
Shiva, I offer you the mix
tape that was playing in
86
00:02:44,344 --> 00:02:47,546
Pete's mom's car when you so
graciously took Kevin's virginity.
87
00:02:47,613 --> 00:02:51,583
Shiva, I offer you this autographed
hat, signed by Salt, Spinderella,
88
00:02:51,651 --> 00:02:52,684
but not Pepa.
89
00:02:52,752 --> 00:02:55,187
I see you guys have decided
to start without me.
90
00:02:55,255 --> 00:02:57,422
Well, look who's not sobbing
on their couch anymore.
91
00:02:57,490 --> 00:02:59,892
Yes, I had my heart
broken by Gina Gibiatti.
92
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:00,893
(groaning)
93
00:03:00,961 --> 00:03:01,927
Boo.
94
00:03:01,995 --> 00:03:03,929
But it doesn't matter now,
'cause I have rededicated
95
00:03:03,997 --> 00:03:06,698
myself to my first and my only true love.
96
00:03:06,766 --> 00:03:07,532
Kevin?
97
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:08,600
No. Fantasy football.
98
00:03:08,668 --> 00:03:14,073
And if you will follow me outside, the
offerings will begin and end with me.
99
00:03:14,140 --> 00:03:16,475
Behold the Shivamobile!
100
00:03:16,542 --> 00:03:18,477
Oh... Wow.
101
00:03:18,544 --> 00:03:19,478
What did you do?
102
00:03:19,545 --> 00:03:21,713
Well, my car's a piece of shit,
I don't have a girlfriend
103
00:03:21,781 --> 00:03:24,250
so I have no one to impress,
so I made some changes. Taco.
104
00:03:24,317 --> 00:03:25,084
Whoa.
105
00:03:25,151 --> 00:03:26,919
Told you I was taking it up a notch.
106
00:03:26,987 --> 00:03:28,787
All I did was steal her nametag.
107
00:03:28,855 --> 00:03:31,123
Do you guys really think your
stupid offerings are gonna
108
00:03:31,191 --> 00:03:32,124
helped your shitty-ass teams?
109
00:03:32,192 --> 00:03:33,425
Whoa!
110
00:03:33,493 --> 00:03:34,559
Don't blaspheme.
111
00:03:34,627 --> 00:03:35,594
I don't need offerings.
112
00:03:35,661 --> 00:03:37,829
I have something else working for me.
113
00:03:37,898 --> 00:03:38,898
What?
114
00:03:38,965 --> 00:03:39,932
Actual fantasy skill.
115
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:44,669
That Shiva is going to be
mine, no pandering necessary.
116
00:03:46,739 --> 00:03:47,739
Shiva, I insist.
117
00:03:47,807 --> 00:03:49,408
This mani-pedi is on me.
118
00:03:49,475 --> 00:03:51,510
On, no, you don't have to do that.
119
00:03:51,577 --> 00:03:53,979
No, I want to. It's just...
It's a small offering.
120
00:03:54,047 --> 00:03:57,249
A mere token of my friendship,
because I like hanging out with you.
121
00:03:57,317 --> 00:03:59,084
You're so different from them.
122
00:03:59,152 --> 00:04:00,085
Really?
123
00:04:00,153 --> 00:04:03,289
You know, you're the only one of those
shit-sipping frittatas I can relate to.
124
00:04:03,356 --> 00:04:04,756
Totally.
125
00:04:04,824 --> 00:04:05,757
Totally.
126
00:04:05,825 --> 00:04:06,825
Totally.
127
00:04:06,893 --> 00:04:08,827
(sighs)
128
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,077
Have you been a good
little girl this year?
129
00:04:13,197 --> 00:04:14,130
Can you believe this?
130
00:04:14,198 --> 00:04:16,132
Another mall Santa, and no Krampus.
131
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,413
What the hell is Krampus?
132
00:04:17,533 --> 00:04:18,647
Krampus.
133
00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:20,435
Yeah, saying it louder doesn't help.
134
00:04:20,503 --> 00:04:22,804
The mythical creature recognized
in Germanic cultures?
135
00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:25,540
Krampus accompanies St. Nick
everywhere he goes, and St.
136
00:04:25,608 --> 00:04:28,143
Nick rewards the kids by giving
them presents, but Krampus
137
00:04:28,211 --> 00:04:31,446
punishes them by shoving them
into his sack, bringing them
138
00:04:31,514 --> 00:04:33,755
back to his lair and devouring
them for Christmas dinner.
139
00:04:33,782 --> 00:04:35,750
Who would have thought a lovely
tradition like that would
140
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:38,086
have come out of a country like Germany?
141
00:04:38,154 --> 00:04:39,087
Ho, ho, ho.
142
00:04:39,155 --> 00:04:42,075
Okay, if there's a mall Santa, there
should be a mall Krampus, am I right?
143
00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:42,890
Yeah!
144
00:04:42,958 --> 00:04:43,725
Absolutely.
145
00:04:43,792 --> 00:04:44,759
Yeah, yeah, let's do this.
146
00:04:44,827 --> 00:04:45,787
Yes! Krampus. All right.
147
00:04:45,828 --> 00:04:47,996
Where did Andre want
us to meet him again?
148
00:04:48,063 --> 00:04:48,997
I don't know.
149
00:04:49,064 --> 00:04:50,265
Yeah, right here.
150
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:51,666
Why are we in a mall?
151
00:04:51,734 --> 00:04:53,001
I hate this music so much.
152
00:04:53,068 --> 00:04:54,068
Why is it always playing?
153
00:04:54,137 --> 00:04:55,903
It's the stupid holiday season.
154
00:04:55,971 --> 00:04:57,071
Why is it 45 days long?
155
00:04:57,140 --> 00:04:58,273
Christmas is one day.
156
00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:00,675
That's when we should
listen to Christmas music.
157
00:05:00,743 --> 00:05:02,984
It's like putting on a foam
finger and painting your face
158
00:05:03,045 --> 00:05:05,180
for the whole week
leading up to the game.
159
00:05:05,248 --> 00:05:06,181
Hi!
160
00:05:06,249 --> 00:05:07,015
Oh, there they are.
161
00:05:07,082 --> 00:05:07,849
Hey.
162
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,851
Now, what have you two
lovebirds been up to?
163
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:10,852
BOTH: Shopping!
164
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,854
Dare I ask what you have in the bag?
165
00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:14,856
Check it out. Just a pair of mandals!
166
00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:15,857
"Mandals"?
167
00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:16,691
Sandals.
168
00:05:16,759 --> 00:05:17,692
Yeah, for men.
169
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:18,693
Aw, that's so cute.
170
00:05:18,761 --> 00:05:22,030
You guys like to take two real words and
then combine them into one fake one.
171
00:05:22,097 --> 00:05:24,466
Yeah. So if there's ever a
Carmaggedon in Chicago, I can
172
00:05:24,534 --> 00:05:26,034
wear these on our stay-cation.
173
00:05:26,101 --> 00:05:27,035
Oh, my goodness.
174
00:05:27,102 --> 00:05:28,870
Yeah, that makes me want to crarf.
175
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:29,704
What's "crarf"?
176
00:05:29,772 --> 00:05:31,540
Cry and barf at the same time.
177
00:05:31,607 --> 00:05:33,775
Um, Andre, what are we
doing here, exactly?
178
00:05:33,842 --> 00:05:34,942
Hmm.
179
00:05:35,010 --> 00:05:36,178
I don't know.
180
00:05:36,245 --> 00:05:37,345
Um, what is it now?
181
00:05:37,413 --> 00:05:39,947
Hmm, let me... I'm trying to remember.
182
00:05:40,015 --> 00:05:41,183
Oh, the ring.
183
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,184
Yeah!
184
00:05:42,251 --> 00:05:43,211
It's an engagement ring.
185
00:05:43,252 --> 00:05:45,187
Wait, don't you already
have an engagement ring?
186
00:05:45,254 --> 00:05:46,188
Not for her, for me.
187
00:05:46,255 --> 00:05:48,022
Yeah, it's a man-gagement ring!
188
00:05:48,090 --> 00:05:51,193
Boom! When she gave it to me, I felt
like the luckiest man on this planet.
189
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:52,194
Thank you so much.
190
00:05:52,261 --> 00:05:53,195
Well, I'm gonna go.
191
00:05:53,262 --> 00:05:54,196
Okay.
192
00:05:54,263 --> 00:05:55,344
Gonna buy you a silk scarf.
193
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,065
Oh, my God, I always
wanted a silk scarf. Bye.
194
00:05:57,132 --> 00:05:57,899
Right? Bye.
195
00:05:57,966 --> 00:05:58,733
Bye.
196
00:05:58,801 --> 00:05:59,734
Isn't she great?
197
00:05:59,802 --> 00:06:00,735
She really is.
198
00:06:00,803 --> 00:06:03,971
My only concern is that you might
be rushing this thing a little bit.
199
00:06:04,039 --> 00:06:06,575
No, because when Andre sees
something he likes, he gets it.
200
00:06:06,642 --> 00:06:09,211
You mean, like the massage
chair from Sharper Image?
201
00:06:09,278 --> 00:06:11,479
I'm getting my feeling back in my neck.
It's fine.
202
00:06:11,547 --> 00:06:12,480
Look, here's the situation.
203
00:06:12,548 --> 00:06:15,016
Three weeks ago, you hired this
woman to put expensive garbage
204
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,285
in your apartment, and now
you're talking about marrying
205
00:06:17,286 --> 00:06:19,221
her? I mean, this is... this is crazy.
206
00:06:19,288 --> 00:06:21,656
I love her, okay, and she
loves me, and now this ring
207
00:06:21,724 --> 00:06:22,990
shows everyone that I'm taken.
208
00:06:23,058 --> 00:06:24,226
Who's asking?
209
00:06:24,293 --> 00:06:25,827
Hello, young lady.
210
00:06:25,894 --> 00:06:27,429
And what's your name?
211
00:06:27,496 --> 00:06:28,563
Hey, right here for Santa.
212
00:06:28,631 --> 00:06:29,564
Excuse me.
213
00:06:29,632 --> 00:06:30,565
Yes?
214
00:06:30,633 --> 00:06:31,899
Are you the boss of the mall?
215
00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:33,007
I'm the mall manager, yes.
216
00:06:33,068 --> 00:06:35,437
Well, my name's Taco, and I
would like to apply for the
217
00:06:35,504 --> 00:06:36,538
position of mall Krampus.
218
00:06:36,606 --> 00:06:37,539
Mall Krampus?
219
00:06:37,607 --> 00:06:38,540
What is that?
220
00:06:38,608 --> 00:06:42,009
Krampus. He's the holiday devil, he
threatens bad children by putting them in a
221
00:06:42,077 --> 00:06:43,010
sack and eating them.
222
00:06:43,078 --> 00:06:46,214
Yeah, that doesn't sound like
anything we want here at the mall.
223
00:06:46,282 --> 00:06:48,683
We try to encourage people to
bring their children here and
224
00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:51,018
not be afraid of, you know,
abductions or murdering.
225
00:06:51,086 --> 00:06:52,019
I get it.
226
00:06:52,087 --> 00:06:55,690
You're a smart man, you're not gonna
hire me without auditioning me.
227
00:06:55,758 --> 00:06:56,291
No.
228
00:06:56,359 --> 00:06:59,561
Look, just picture me in the big suit,
and-- oh, watch this, watch this.
229
00:06:59,629 --> 00:07:04,866
Krampus comes and you should
worry Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
230
00:07:04,933 --> 00:07:06,901
Deck your child with fists of fury
231
00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:07,736
He doesn't work here!
232
00:07:07,803 --> 00:07:08,570
Fa-la-la-la-la
233
00:07:08,638 --> 00:07:09,203
Security!
234
00:07:09,272 --> 00:07:10,071
Jesse!
235
00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:13,575
Get-get this-- Go up and come down.
236
00:07:13,643 --> 00:07:15,209
Yeah, I've run from him before.
237
00:07:15,278 --> 00:07:16,110
He's faster than he looks.
238
00:07:16,178 --> 00:07:18,112
And he doesn't quit.
239
00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:19,046
Jesse, come on!
240
00:07:19,114 --> 00:07:20,248
Use your feet to walk.
241
00:07:20,316 --> 00:07:22,617
Don't rely on the
escalator for everything.
242
00:07:22,685 --> 00:07:24,252
I thought you'd be happy for me.
243
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:25,953
I would love to be happy for you, okay?
244
00:07:26,021 --> 00:07:28,723
But this situation is so crazy that I'm
just worried you're gonna get crushed.
245
00:07:28,791 --> 00:07:30,292
Oh, like you were crushed by Gina?
246
00:07:30,359 --> 00:07:31,826
This has nothing to do with that, okay?
247
00:07:31,894 --> 00:07:33,395
How much do you actually
know about this woman?
248
00:07:33,462 --> 00:07:34,296
I know a lot about her.
249
00:07:34,363 --> 00:07:35,797
Oh, you know everything you need to know?
250
00:07:35,864 --> 00:07:37,265
Everything that I need to know, I know.
251
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:39,967
And it doesn't bother you one bit that
Trixie has a little MLA going on?
252
00:07:40,035 --> 00:07:40,602
Ooh.
253
00:07:40,670 --> 00:07:42,470
No. She does not have MLA.
254
00:07:42,538 --> 00:07:44,639
She's beautiful.
255
00:07:44,707 --> 00:07:45,440
Screw you!
256
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:47,275
Screw you, and-- no!
257
00:07:47,343 --> 00:07:49,243
You really didn't need to go there, man.
258
00:07:49,312 --> 00:07:50,679
Look, I had to do something.
259
00:07:50,746 --> 00:07:51,986
I had to pull out the big guns!
260
00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:52,781
Really? MLA?
261
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:55,082
If their relationship can't
withstand a little MLA, then
262
00:07:55,150 --> 00:07:57,084
maybe it's not worth
saving in the first place.
263
00:07:57,152 --> 00:07:58,186
What the hell is MLA?
264
00:07:58,253 --> 00:08:00,288
It means "Mouth Like Anus."
265
00:08:00,356 --> 00:08:03,191
Sometimes, when a woman puts a
certain shade of lipstick on her
266
00:08:03,258 --> 00:08:04,859
mouth, it's sort of... A little anus-y.
267
00:08:04,927 --> 00:08:05,493
Yeah.
268
00:08:05,561 --> 00:08:07,028
And, you know, it can turn most guys off.
269
00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:07,696
How so?
270
00:08:07,763 --> 00:08:09,263
Certain people have a
problem kissing assholes.
271
00:08:09,332 --> 00:08:09,864
Yeah.
272
00:08:09,932 --> 00:08:10,498
Why?
273
00:08:10,566 --> 00:08:13,835
Uh, oh, whatever-- Anyway... Andre
is particularly susceptible to MLA.
274
00:08:13,902 --> 00:08:15,537
I don't see what the problem is.
275
00:08:15,604 --> 00:08:17,104
MLA seems super hot.
276
00:08:17,172 --> 00:08:19,273
MLV gets so boring.
277
00:08:19,342 --> 00:08:20,107
Hey, you!
278
00:08:20,175 --> 00:08:20,976
Hold it right there!
279
00:08:21,009 --> 00:08:21,810
Oh! Right.
280
00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:22,644
I got to go.
281
00:08:22,712 --> 00:08:23,878
See you, guys.
282
00:08:23,946 --> 00:08:24,813
Merry Christmas, sir.
283
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,715
Hope you had a pleasant
shopping experience.
284
00:08:26,782 --> 00:08:28,683
Yeah.
285
00:08:28,751 --> 00:08:33,321
You know, I actually didn't have
a pleasant shopping experience.
286
00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:34,155
Oh, you didn't?
287
00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:36,123
I'm sorry. Why is that?
288
00:08:36,191 --> 00:08:37,124
This.
289
00:08:37,192 --> 00:08:37,992
What? The air?
290
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:39,494
Is it-- Oh, you know what it is?
291
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:42,397
The rock salt that we're using
has a little ammonia in it.
292
00:08:42,465 --> 00:08:44,905
'Cause the old rock salt, the
dogs would lick it, and it would
293
00:08:44,967 --> 00:08:46,300
dry their insides out.
294
00:08:46,369 --> 00:08:48,370
No, it's the Christmas
music that pervades.
295
00:08:48,437 --> 00:08:49,303
Oh, yes. You're welcome.
296
00:08:49,372 --> 00:08:50,972
We play it all through
the Christmas season.
297
00:08:51,039 --> 00:08:52,006
Let me tell you something.
298
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:53,341
Nobody likes Christmas music.
299
00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:54,342
Nobody.
300
00:08:54,410 --> 00:08:59,514
Sir, are you mad because you're, uh...
Because I'm what?
301
00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:02,957
'Cause I'm what, sir?
302
00:09:02,985 --> 00:09:03,551
Hungry?
303
00:09:03,619 --> 00:09:04,652
Oh, is that the new code?
304
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,254
"Hungry" people control the media?
305
00:09:06,321 --> 00:09:07,989
Or the elders of "hunger"
306
00:09:08,056 --> 00:09:09,190
control the banking system?
307
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,993
Uh, Hitler said, "Too many
hungry people in our country."
308
00:09:12,060 --> 00:09:12,894
Is that the issue here?
309
00:09:12,961 --> 00:09:13,528
Hitler?!
310
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:15,764
Yeah. Oh... No need to
drag Hitler into this.
311
00:09:15,831 --> 00:09:17,532
Well, uh, you're the one...
Merry Christmastime.
312
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,434
... who dragged Hitler into
this by making the implication
313
00:09:19,502 --> 00:09:21,936
that I'm Jewish and therefore
hate Christmas music.
314
00:09:22,004 --> 00:09:23,772
I never-- ah, I never said that!
315
00:09:23,839 --> 00:09:25,072
You didn't, you implied it.
316
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:28,075
Are you fishing for a
discount here, is that it?
317
00:09:28,143 --> 00:09:30,545
I can give you a coupon
to the food court.
318
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:31,713
Uh, Cinnabon has bagels.
319
00:09:31,781 --> 00:09:33,281
No, I don't need a coupon from you.
320
00:09:33,348 --> 00:09:33,948
You know what?
321
00:09:34,016 --> 00:09:35,517
I'll play "Dreidel,
Dreidel, Dreidel" for you.
322
00:09:35,584 --> 00:09:36,117
Oh!
323
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:37,064
I'll put it on a loop!
324
00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:38,887
I don't want to hear "Dreidel,
Dreidel" on a loop!
325
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:39,621
You love it.
326
00:09:39,688 --> 00:09:40,288
Oh, I do?
327
00:09:40,355 --> 00:09:43,458
Yeah, because it reminds you of
spinning the top and winning money.
328
00:09:43,526 --> 00:09:44,125
Oh, please.
329
00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:45,226
What do you do for a living?
330
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:45,927
I'm a lawyer.
331
00:09:45,994 --> 00:09:46,628
Perfect!
332
00:09:46,695 --> 00:09:47,361
Oh, perfect.
333
00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:50,131
I hope this is on tape,
because you're not suing me!
334
00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:51,098
Oh, I'm not gonna sue you!
335
00:09:51,166 --> 00:09:51,866
I'm suing you!
336
00:09:51,934 --> 00:09:52,735
You're gonna sue me?
337
00:09:52,768 --> 00:09:53,301
For what?
338
00:09:53,368 --> 00:09:54,736
For nosing your way in here!
339
00:09:54,804 --> 00:09:55,937
"Nosing" my way in here?
340
00:09:56,004 --> 00:09:56,905
I never did this!
341
00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:58,440
Oh, you held it out here.
342
00:09:58,507 --> 00:09:59,441
'Cause my nose is that big?
343
00:09:59,508 --> 00:10:00,575
It was a hand gesture.
344
00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:01,910
You're an anti-Semite.
345
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,045
Well, you're banned from this mall!
346
00:10:04,112 --> 00:10:05,580
Oh, fine! "Banned!"
347
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,653
Oh, that's a step too far!
348
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,050
Merry Christmas.
349
00:10:09,351 --> 00:10:10,351
You're gonna love this place.
350
00:10:10,418 --> 00:10:11,218
It's, like, Cuban fusion.
351
00:10:11,286 --> 00:10:12,753
They've got this great rice bowl.
352
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:13,621
(cell phone ringtone playing)
353
00:10:13,688 --> 00:10:14,255
Uh, what was that?
354
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,188
Wait one sec. One sec. Sorry.
355
00:10:15,257 --> 00:10:16,757
Oh, it's just work, sorry.
356
00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:20,060
I just need to make a phone call.
357
00:10:21,143 --> 00:10:22,610
Just give me a second.
358
00:10:22,678 --> 00:10:23,944
Oh.
359
00:10:24,012 --> 00:10:25,280
Oh!
360
00:10:25,347 --> 00:10:28,949
Jenny! Oh, my... What are you do...
Hey! Oh, my God!
361
00:10:29,017 --> 00:10:29,917
(grunts)
362
00:10:29,985 --> 00:10:31,218
What? What?
363
00:10:31,287 --> 00:10:32,253
Shiva?
364
00:10:32,321 --> 00:10:33,087
Jenny?
365
00:10:33,155 --> 00:10:34,622
Are you kidding me?
366
00:10:34,690 --> 00:10:35,556
What is that?
367
00:10:35,624 --> 00:10:36,824
The Shivamobile.
368
00:10:36,892 --> 00:10:37,592
You.
369
00:10:37,660 --> 00:10:38,225
No!
370
00:10:38,294 --> 00:10:38,893
You knew.
371
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,728
No, I had nothing to do with that!
372
00:10:40,796 --> 00:10:41,462
This is cruel.
373
00:10:41,530 --> 00:10:42,096
No!
374
00:10:42,164 --> 00:10:42,764
This is wrong!
375
00:10:42,831 --> 00:10:43,398
No!
376
00:10:43,465 --> 00:10:44,231
So embarrassing!
377
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:46,133
It's not your best picture.
378
00:10:46,201 --> 00:10:46,834
I'm leaving.
379
00:10:46,902 --> 00:10:48,336
You're beautiful now.
380
00:10:48,404 --> 00:10:49,236
Shiva!
381
00:10:49,305 --> 00:10:50,738
Don't be mad!
382
00:10:50,806 --> 00:10:53,675
Come on!
383
00:10:53,742 --> 00:10:54,676
Oh, there she is.
384
00:10:54,743 --> 00:10:56,477
What the hell are you doing
hanging out with Shiva?
385
00:10:56,545 --> 00:10:59,781
I was having a terrific lady day
with her until your frittata
386
00:10:59,848 --> 00:11:00,748
drive-by ruined it.
387
00:11:00,816 --> 00:11:01,982
That's awful timely.
388
00:11:02,050 --> 00:11:04,211
You guys are just hanging out
during the playoffs, huh?
389
00:11:04,252 --> 00:11:07,087
Would you rather me plaster a
very unfortunate picture of her
390
00:11:07,155 --> 00:11:08,656
on the hood of my car?
391
00:11:08,724 --> 00:11:11,091
That was a sign of respect for our deity.
392
00:11:11,159 --> 00:11:11,959
It's an homage.
393
00:11:12,027 --> 00:11:15,262
What you're doing, it's low, it's kind
of brilliant, but I don't like it.
394
00:11:15,331 --> 00:11:17,432
Did she really look like
that when you hit that shit?
395
00:11:17,499 --> 00:11:18,766
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Worse.
396
00:11:18,834 --> 00:11:21,101
Truth is, there wasn't a lot of
shit that wanted to be hit by
397
00:11:21,169 --> 00:11:21,836
this one in high school.
398
00:11:21,903 --> 00:11:23,838
Yeah, not a lot of people
trying out for JV Kev.
399
00:11:23,905 --> 00:11:26,708
Well, you ruined everything I
had going on with Shiva, and
400
00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:29,344
you're on your way to ruining
Andre as a human being with the
401
00:11:29,411 --> 00:11:30,945
whole... business.
402
00:11:31,012 --> 00:11:31,546
Yikes.
403
00:11:31,613 --> 00:11:33,648
He called the house three times
last night asking if we've
404
00:11:33,716 --> 00:11:36,317
ever seen Trixie eat a Tootsie Roll.
405
00:11:36,385 --> 00:11:38,219
Mmm. These are so good.
406
00:11:38,286 --> 00:11:40,527
Do you know what I always think
of when I think of pasta?
407
00:11:40,556 --> 00:11:41,121
What?
408
00:11:41,189 --> 00:11:42,724
I think of Lady and the Tramp.
409
00:11:42,791 --> 00:11:43,391
Oh, yay.
410
00:11:43,459 --> 00:11:44,359
You know, that little scene?
411
00:11:44,426 --> 00:11:45,993
Will you do the scene with me?
412
00:11:46,061 --> 00:11:46,627
Oh.
413
00:11:46,695 --> 00:11:47,228
Oh, please.
414
00:11:47,295 --> 00:11:48,730
I'm gonna take one end... Uh-huh.
415
00:11:48,797 --> 00:11:49,864
...you take that end, mm-hmm.
416
00:11:49,931 --> 00:11:50,732
You take that end?
417
00:11:50,799 --> 00:11:51,366
No.
418
00:11:51,433 --> 00:11:51,999
Come on.
419
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:52,633
No, no, no.
420
00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:53,234
Yes!
421
00:11:53,301 --> 00:11:54,235
No.
422
00:11:54,302 --> 00:11:55,636
Okay, I'll do it on my own.
423
00:11:55,704 --> 00:11:58,138
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
424
00:11:58,206 --> 00:12:01,308
(slurping)
425
00:12:01,377 --> 00:12:02,176
Mmm!
426
00:12:02,244 --> 00:12:03,244
Wasn't that fun?
427
00:12:03,311 --> 00:12:04,178
That was really fun.
428
00:12:04,246 --> 00:12:05,012
Oh, it's so good.
429
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,180
Have you tried your Pisco Sour?
430
00:12:06,248 --> 00:12:06,814
Uh, no.
431
00:12:06,882 --> 00:12:07,515
Shall we try them?
432
00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:08,416
Try them. All right.
433
00:12:08,484 --> 00:12:09,717
Mmm!
434
00:12:09,785 --> 00:12:13,421
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
435
00:12:13,489 --> 00:12:15,390
So sour!
436
00:12:15,457 --> 00:12:16,023
You know what?
437
00:12:16,091 --> 00:12:16,657
Mm-hmm?
438
00:12:16,725 --> 00:12:17,525
Let's get out of here.
439
00:12:17,593 --> 00:12:18,158
What, now?
440
00:12:18,226 --> 00:12:19,260
Let's go someplace dark.
441
00:12:19,327 --> 00:12:22,096
Let's go see a movie and just
look at something else for a bit.
442
00:12:22,163 --> 00:12:23,598
You're so romantic and spontaneous.
443
00:12:23,665 --> 00:12:24,532
Maybe even a double feature.
444
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,367
I just want to put on my new lipstick.
445
00:12:26,435 --> 00:12:27,167
Oh, no.
446
00:12:27,235 --> 00:12:28,269
Is that flesh color?
447
00:12:28,336 --> 00:12:29,570
It's darker than flesh color.
448
00:12:29,638 --> 00:12:30,738
(smacking lips)
449
00:12:30,806 --> 00:12:32,006
No smacking.
450
00:12:32,073 --> 00:12:32,607
Oh.
451
00:12:32,674 --> 00:12:33,274
What's wrong?
452
00:12:33,341 --> 00:12:34,101
Is it not on right?
453
00:12:34,142 --> 00:12:35,102
What? No, it's on right.
454
00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:36,277
If it's not on right, fix it.
455
00:12:36,344 --> 00:12:37,077
No, it's on right.
456
00:12:37,145 --> 00:12:39,079
I don't mean to be anal, I
just want it to be perfect.
457
00:12:39,147 --> 00:12:39,914
There's no anal.
458
00:12:39,981 --> 00:12:40,748
You show me where?
459
00:12:40,816 --> 00:12:41,382
No.
460
00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:42,082
You wipe it?
461
00:12:42,150 --> 00:12:42,784
Just wipe it?
462
00:12:42,851 --> 00:12:43,451
Is it good?
463
00:12:43,519 --> 00:12:44,084
Uh-huh.
464
00:12:44,152 --> 00:12:44,952
You think it's pretty?
465
00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:45,586
Yeah.
466
00:12:45,654 --> 00:12:46,220
You positive?
467
00:12:46,288 --> 00:12:46,854
Uh-huh.
468
00:12:46,922 --> 00:12:47,455
You positive?
469
00:12:47,523 --> 00:12:48,123
It looks great.
470
00:12:48,156 --> 00:12:49,356
Okay! Let's go.
471
00:12:49,425 --> 00:12:51,893
Ah!
472
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,194
No, I don't want to be in The Sacko.
473
00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:55,062
The Sacko?
474
00:12:55,130 --> 00:12:55,863
Yes, The Sacko.
475
00:12:55,931 --> 00:12:56,651
What is The Sacko?
476
00:12:56,698 --> 00:12:59,634
The Sacko is the trophy that goes
to the person in last place.
477
00:12:59,701 --> 00:13:02,136
It's a petrified bull's ball sack.
478
00:13:02,203 --> 00:13:03,103
(laughs)
479
00:13:03,171 --> 00:13:03,971
And really?
480
00:13:04,039 --> 00:13:07,408
You're in jeopardy of coming in
last place with these dumbbells?
481
00:13:07,476 --> 00:13:09,043
Pick something that isn't so competitive.
482
00:13:09,110 --> 00:13:10,110
You know, beekeeping.
483
00:13:10,178 --> 00:13:11,078
Stamp collecting.
484
00:13:11,146 --> 00:13:12,246
Get another hobby.
485
00:13:12,314 --> 00:13:13,815
I think it's a little late for that, Dad.
486
00:13:13,882 --> 00:13:16,484
And you know that I'm one of
about 40 million Americans
487
00:13:16,552 --> 00:13:17,785
playing fantasy football now?
488
00:13:17,853 --> 00:13:19,420
And you're in last place?
489
00:13:19,488 --> 00:13:20,721
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
490
00:13:20,789 --> 00:13:23,223
They were first and goal, and
they can't even get the guy to
491
00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:23,891
run it in.
492
00:13:23,959 --> 00:13:24,992
Wow. Just like you, I guess.
493
00:13:25,060 --> 00:13:27,294
You know, they can go up and
down the field, but they can't
494
00:13:27,362 --> 00:13:28,095
wiggle it in, finally.
495
00:13:28,163 --> 00:13:29,630
Yes, I understand the analogy.
496
00:13:29,698 --> 00:13:32,567
Is the problem that during the
preseason there was too much
497
00:13:32,634 --> 00:13:35,135
training going on, and so when
you got on the field, you
498
00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:36,971
can't-- you don't have enough, uh, steam?
499
00:13:37,038 --> 00:13:39,507
I don't know why I would have
any issues with motility after
500
00:13:39,575 --> 00:13:41,241
conversations like this.
501
00:13:41,309 --> 00:13:44,311
I don't mean to emasculate you,
but I have what I think is
502
00:13:44,379 --> 00:13:48,082
a good solution to your family problems.
503
00:13:48,149 --> 00:13:51,418
Here's to you, and the
love that you have shared.
504
00:13:51,487 --> 00:13:53,621
Have you considered an
outside sperm donor?
505
00:13:53,689 --> 00:13:54,455
(laughs)
506
00:13:54,523 --> 00:13:56,323
We're not interested in donors.
507
00:13:56,391 --> 00:13:58,626
Well, what if the donor was me?
508
00:13:58,694 --> 00:14:02,797
So that it wasn't a stranger, but
someone in the same genetic line?
509
00:14:02,865 --> 00:14:04,164
That's your grand solution?
510
00:14:04,232 --> 00:14:07,635
Well, somebody who looks like your
husband, only taller and thinner.
511
00:14:07,703 --> 00:14:09,944
But not with the moronic
expression around the mouth, uh,
512
00:14:10,005 --> 00:14:12,640
and the tongue that hangs like
that, and, you know, the brow
513
00:14:12,708 --> 00:14:15,943
that furrows Cro-Magnon style,
and not so gargoyle-y, and, uh,
514
00:14:16,011 --> 00:14:20,047
amphibian in the eyes, and the
pasty face, you know what I mean?
515
00:14:20,115 --> 00:14:22,316
So, in any case, what the...
what the heck's the matter?
516
00:14:22,384 --> 00:14:23,317
What the heck's the matter?
517
00:14:23,385 --> 00:14:24,318
Yeah.
518
00:14:24,386 --> 00:14:25,152
Oh, I don't know.
519
00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:27,054
Maybe it's the idea of you
proposing somehow genetically
520
00:14:27,122 --> 00:14:28,890
leapfrogging over me into my wife?
521
00:14:28,957 --> 00:14:29,724
It would be yours.
522
00:14:29,791 --> 00:14:32,326
Your wife would... It would
be your brother and your son.
523
00:14:32,394 --> 00:14:34,028
Oh, it would be my brother and my son?
524
00:14:34,095 --> 00:14:35,029
Yeah.
525
00:14:35,096 --> 00:14:36,964
Isn't that a double joy, perhaps?
526
00:14:37,032 --> 00:14:40,001
Look, I think it is very
generous, but I would be very
527
00:14:40,068 --> 00:14:42,904
uncomfortable with artificial
insemination, because I want a
528
00:14:42,971 --> 00:14:44,572
child conceived out of love.
529
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,409
Might I suggest alternatively
that you make use of my sperm
530
00:14:48,476 --> 00:14:50,411
and I would deliver it in the
more personal and traditional,
531
00:14:50,478 --> 00:14:52,079
fleshy and non-technological way?
532
00:14:52,147 --> 00:14:52,914
Wow!
533
00:14:52,981 --> 00:14:53,748
What's the matter?
534
00:14:53,815 --> 00:14:55,550
Oh, that's what your offer is?
535
00:14:55,617 --> 00:14:56,383
To have sex with my wife.
536
00:14:56,451 --> 00:14:58,085
Who doesn't want more grandchildren?
537
00:14:58,153 --> 00:15:00,855
How much time have you spent with
Geoffrey since you've been here?
538
00:15:00,923 --> 00:15:01,856
He's away at camp, I thought.
539
00:15:01,924 --> 00:15:03,524
Isn't he away... In the dead of winter?
540
00:15:03,592 --> 00:15:04,358
Mm-mm.
541
00:15:04,426 --> 00:15:05,192
Skiing camp?
542
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:06,861
Or was it hockey camp, or
curling camp, or something?
543
00:15:06,929 --> 00:15:07,695
He's sleeping.
544
00:15:07,763 --> 00:15:08,529
He is?
545
00:15:08,597 --> 00:15:09,363
Yeah.
546
00:15:09,431 --> 00:15:11,198
Well, I'm gonna pop my
head in immediately.
547
00:15:11,266 --> 00:15:12,033
I love that little shit.
548
00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:13,868
I'm sure you would love to pop
your head in immediately.
549
00:15:13,936 --> 00:15:15,737
I don't know what you're getting at.
Anyway...
550
00:15:15,771 --> 00:15:17,404
I think you do exactly
know what I'm getting at.
551
00:15:17,472 --> 00:15:19,206
Hey, I'm not shocked about this.
552
00:15:19,274 --> 00:15:20,875
This is how Pablito was conceived.
553
00:15:20,943 --> 00:15:21,943
Let's talk about Pablito.
554
00:15:21,944 --> 00:15:23,778
I have a distant cousin, and her
husband's father offered the
555
00:15:23,845 --> 00:15:25,546
same thing, and... Just
to clarify who Pablito
556
00:15:25,614 --> 00:15:28,215
is, he's got a hearing problem
and he's under four feet tall.
557
00:15:28,283 --> 00:15:31,052
Best case scenario is
he's a middling jockey.
558
00:15:31,119 --> 00:15:32,853
I know how badly you want this child.
559
00:15:32,921 --> 00:15:34,789
Your hands are moving like a
praying mantis, and your head
560
00:15:34,856 --> 00:15:35,957
looks like a candy apple.
561
00:15:36,024 --> 00:15:37,925
No one's saying it's gonna be done.
562
00:15:37,993 --> 00:15:38,793
Just consider.
563
00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:39,981
Listen to your darling wife.
564
00:15:39,995 --> 00:15:42,296
There's a problem here, I'm just
trying to insert a solution.
565
00:15:42,363 --> 00:15:43,731
All right, enough! Enough.
566
00:15:43,799 --> 00:15:44,599
I'm done.
567
00:15:44,666 --> 00:15:45,967
I'm done with this, okay?
568
00:15:46,034 --> 00:15:48,903
You will not have sex with my wife, and...
(cell phone chimes)
569
00:15:48,971 --> 00:15:50,104
What-what is this now?
570
00:15:50,171 --> 00:15:51,138
And my... (growls)
571
00:15:51,206 --> 00:15:52,940
My team lost!
572
00:15:53,008 --> 00:15:54,408
And I'm in The Sacko.
573
00:15:54,476 --> 00:15:55,710
Off he goes like some child.
574
00:15:55,777 --> 00:15:57,612
I guess a fantasy game is
more important than this.
575
00:15:57,679 --> 00:15:59,480
Hey, I hope you do win
that last place trophy.
576
00:15:59,481 --> 00:16:02,583
At least you'll have one
healthy scrotum in the house!
577
00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:05,403
When are the games on?
578
00:16:05,471 --> 00:16:07,511
They're on now, and you've
pretty much lost already.
579
00:16:07,539 --> 00:16:09,307
Eh. Did I at least set my lines out?
580
00:16:09,375 --> 00:16:11,877
You set your line up,
with all six players.
581
00:16:11,944 --> 00:16:13,345
Oh. Personal best.
582
00:16:13,412 --> 00:16:14,179
Where did you go?
583
00:16:14,247 --> 00:16:16,214
To the attic and to the cloud.
584
00:16:16,282 --> 00:16:17,215
I'm back, guys.
585
00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:18,316
It's like I never left, really.
586
00:16:18,384 --> 00:16:20,886
Jenny, by the way, will I be
playing you or Ted in the-- oh
587
00:16:20,953 --> 00:16:22,520
no, not looking good.
588
00:16:22,588 --> 00:16:25,690
My team is performing like Ruxin's
sperm, just failing all over the place.
589
00:16:25,758 --> 00:16:27,658
But, you know what, it's not over.
590
00:16:27,726 --> 00:16:28,593
I can fix this.
591
00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:29,527
Where are you going?
592
00:16:29,595 --> 00:16:31,997
I'm gonna go find Shiva
and save my season.
593
00:16:32,064 --> 00:16:33,932
I guess I'll take care of the kids.
594
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,000
Move!
595
00:16:35,067 --> 00:16:36,001
Wow.
596
00:16:36,068 --> 00:16:37,369
(sucking noises)
597
00:16:37,436 --> 00:16:38,569
Oh, guess what?
598
00:16:38,637 --> 00:16:39,570
Doesn't bother me.
599
00:16:39,638 --> 00:16:44,342
'Cause I don't care if Trixie has MLA,
'cause I love her and her mouth-anus.
600
00:16:44,410 --> 00:16:48,413
And I plan on walking down the aisle
and kissing that anus on the mouth.
601
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,547
I'm happy for you.
602
00:16:49,615 --> 00:16:51,283
It's beautiful and I love you.
603
00:16:51,350 --> 00:16:52,117
Come here, come here.
604
00:16:52,184 --> 00:16:52,951
Thank you.
605
00:16:53,019 --> 00:16:53,785
All right.
606
00:16:53,852 --> 00:16:54,685
I'm happy for you.
607
00:16:54,753 --> 00:16:56,721
You know he's just doing
that because he won, right?
608
00:16:56,789 --> 00:16:59,724
Well, you know, all's well in the
world, I'm happy for everybody.
609
00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:00,591
It's a good day.
610
00:17:00,659 --> 00:17:02,127
Merry Krampus, everybody!
611
00:17:02,194 --> 00:17:10,701
Silent night, scary night Krampus
creeps up To give you fright
612
00:17:10,769 --> 00:17:15,974
You've been naughty, lazy
and bad So I steal you
613
00:17:16,042 --> 00:17:20,078
From your mommy and dad
Eat you piece by...
614
00:17:20,146 --> 00:17:21,746
All right, all right, all right.
615
00:17:21,814 --> 00:17:22,747
Enough! Please.
616
00:17:22,815 --> 00:17:24,149
Yeah. Enough Christmas music.
617
00:17:24,216 --> 00:17:27,085
I'm in The Sacko, my dad is
personally trying to baste my
618
00:17:27,153 --> 00:17:29,620
wife's turkey, and I can't
deal with it anymore.
619
00:17:29,688 --> 00:17:31,622
I just want to ruin somebody's day!
620
00:17:31,690 --> 00:17:32,790
That's the Krampus spirit!
621
00:17:32,858 --> 00:17:33,825
Eat you....
622
00:17:33,892 --> 00:17:34,826
No!
623
00:17:34,893 --> 00:17:36,661
If I can't play Krampus
carols here or at the mall,
624
00:17:36,728 --> 00:17:38,396
where I am I supposed to play them?
625
00:17:38,464 --> 00:17:40,999
What if I told you you
could play it at the mall?
626
00:17:41,067 --> 00:17:43,234
Don't toy with me; I'm
really high right now.
627
00:17:43,302 --> 00:17:44,302
Perfect.
628
00:17:44,370 --> 00:17:47,238
Well, as your Christmas present,
this Jew is gonna help you get
629
00:17:47,306 --> 00:17:48,606
your Krampus on.
630
00:17:48,674 --> 00:17:49,841
I love this Jew.
631
00:17:49,908 --> 00:17:50,775
You got a costume?
632
00:17:50,843 --> 00:17:52,978
I got something that kids will like.
633
00:17:53,045 --> 00:17:56,014
What they did to that car
was so inappropriate.
634
00:17:56,082 --> 00:17:56,848
Creepy.
635
00:17:56,915 --> 00:17:59,150
The thing that's the creepiest
about it to me is how much time
636
00:17:59,218 --> 00:18:00,085
it must've taken.
637
00:18:00,152 --> 00:18:02,153
I know. I just wanted
to apologize to you.
638
00:18:02,221 --> 00:18:04,356
I wanted to make sure that we are good.
639
00:18:04,423 --> 00:18:05,256
We're good.
640
00:18:05,324 --> 00:18:06,091
Totally?
641
00:18:06,158 --> 00:18:06,924
Totally.
642
00:18:06,993 --> 00:18:07,758
Totally good!
643
00:18:07,826 --> 00:18:09,527
Oh, good, good.
644
00:18:09,595 --> 00:18:11,963
I just wanted to make sure.
645
00:18:12,031 --> 00:18:13,031
Oh, we're fine.
646
00:18:13,099 --> 00:18:14,366
Good, good.
647
00:18:14,433 --> 00:18:15,867
Merry Christmas!
648
00:18:15,934 --> 00:18:18,303
Oh... Hey.
649
00:18:18,371 --> 00:18:19,304
Great to see you again.
650
00:18:19,372 --> 00:18:21,172
Oh! We have a menorah.
651
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,107
Excuse me?
652
00:18:22,174 --> 00:18:23,641
It's next to the ATM.
653
00:18:23,709 --> 00:18:24,830
Why would I care about that?
654
00:18:24,877 --> 00:18:26,511
Take care of your business there.
655
00:18:26,578 --> 00:18:27,545
(laughs): Oh.
656
00:18:27,613 --> 00:18:28,380
What are you doing here?
657
00:18:28,447 --> 00:18:29,447
Oh, I came for the music.
658
00:18:29,515 --> 00:18:31,449
I thought you hated Christmas music.
659
00:18:31,517 --> 00:18:35,620
Oh, I hate Christmas music more than
Jonathan Stewart hates scoring touchdowns.
660
00:18:35,687 --> 00:18:38,056
But I love Krampus music.
661
00:18:38,124 --> 00:18:39,657
(holiday jingle starts playing)
662
00:18:39,725 --> 00:18:42,360
Krampus. Krampus?
663
00:18:42,428 --> 00:18:45,730
Is that-- you know that guy... (roars)
664
00:18:45,797 --> 00:18:47,798
Here's Krampus!
665
00:18:47,866 --> 00:18:49,134
Yeah, I'm his lawyer.
666
00:18:49,201 --> 00:18:52,037
I advised him to get super
high before he did this.
667
00:18:52,104 --> 00:18:53,538
Fear Krampus!
668
00:18:53,605 --> 00:18:57,008
(Taco roars, kids scream)
669
00:18:57,076 --> 00:18:58,309
Kids! It's okay!
670
00:18:58,377 --> 00:18:59,257
Don't be scared, kids!
671
00:18:59,278 --> 00:19:00,438
Tickle him and rub his belly.
672
00:19:00,446 --> 00:19:01,513
No presents!
673
00:19:01,580 --> 00:19:03,048
Hey, you can't do this!
674
00:19:03,115 --> 00:19:03,881
Security!
675
00:19:03,949 --> 00:19:04,715
Get out of my way, Santa.
676
00:19:04,783 --> 00:19:05,883
You little piece of shit!
677
00:19:05,951 --> 00:19:06,984
Don't touch Santa.
678
00:19:07,053 --> 00:19:07,985
Jesse!
679
00:19:08,054 --> 00:19:09,154
Watch it, fat man!
680
00:19:09,221 --> 00:19:10,988
(roars)
681
00:19:11,057 --> 00:19:12,424
Santa's down.
682
00:19:12,491 --> 00:19:13,858
Give me that bag.
683
00:19:13,926 --> 00:19:16,161
It's Krampus time!
684
00:19:16,228 --> 00:19:19,097
You want some, too?
685
00:19:19,165 --> 00:19:20,098
Hey!
686
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:21,533
You maniac.
687
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:22,567
(groans)
688
00:19:22,634 --> 00:19:23,701
Body blow!
689
00:19:23,769 --> 00:19:26,337
You've been naughty!
690
00:19:26,405 --> 00:19:27,539
Yeah!
691
00:19:27,606 --> 00:19:28,739
(laughs)
692
00:19:28,807 --> 00:19:31,409
Get in my sack, you little brat!
693
00:19:31,477 --> 00:19:34,628
When Taco's Krampus,
Christmas comes early!
694
00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:37,332
I was gonna eat you.
695
00:19:38,549 --> 00:19:39,601
(man groans)
696
00:19:39,729 --> 00:19:40,662
Go get 'em, Taco!
697
00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:41,730
Nailed it!
698
00:19:41,798 --> 00:19:43,399
(laughs)
699
00:19:43,466 --> 00:19:44,666
I love this.
700
00:19:44,734 --> 00:19:46,835
It's Christmas shopping with the Shiva.
701
00:19:46,903 --> 00:19:47,669
Just Shiva is fine.
702
00:19:47,737 --> 00:19:48,504
Oh, gosh!
703
00:19:48,571 --> 00:19:49,337
(Taco roars)
704
00:19:49,406 --> 00:19:50,171
Help! Help!
705
00:19:50,239 --> 00:19:51,006
Hey!
706
00:19:51,073 --> 00:19:51,840
Help! Help!
707
00:19:51,908 --> 00:19:53,509
Get in my bag, you little brat!
Get over here.
708
00:19:53,576 --> 00:19:54,342
Leave him alone!
709
00:19:54,411 --> 00:19:57,212
(thud)
710
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,781
Oh, my God! Taco!
711
00:19:58,848 --> 00:20:00,115
Oh, God!
712
00:20:00,182 --> 00:20:01,417
(Taco groans)
713
00:20:01,484 --> 00:20:02,551
That's Taco?
714
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:04,085
Yeah, but he's fine.
715
00:20:04,153 --> 00:20:05,387
He fell on his head.
716
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,188
Hey, nice Krampage, Taco.
717
00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:08,056
(groans)
718
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:09,357
I pooed in the costume again.
719
00:20:09,426 --> 00:20:11,026
I thought I was done with this.
720
00:20:11,093 --> 00:20:11,860
You are.
721
00:20:11,928 --> 00:20:12,761
I thought you were different.
722
00:20:12,829 --> 00:20:13,595
I am!
723
00:20:13,663 --> 00:20:14,430
Really?
724
00:20:14,497 --> 00:20:16,064
Totally.
725
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:19,735
(muffled): What is... what is...
What is that?
726
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,036
I thought it was our year.
727
00:20:21,103 --> 00:20:23,405
I don't know what that means.
728
00:20:23,473 --> 00:20:27,208
But... You dropped your phone.
729
00:20:27,276 --> 00:20:29,711
You're out of the league, huh?
730
00:20:29,779 --> 00:20:30,612
Yes?
731
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,614
Well, you lost.
732
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,251
Shit-sipper.
733
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:39,822
Oh, Krampus!
734
00:20:39,889 --> 00:20:41,824
Oh! No.
735
00:20:41,891 --> 00:20:43,124
Oh!
736
00:20:43,192 --> 00:20:44,862
Ho, ho, ho!
737
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:46,519
I guess I deserved that.
738
00:20:46,639 --> 00:20:57,037
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
739
00:20:57,087 --> 00:21:01,637
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
52245
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese