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1
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KEVIN: Guys, football is back,
it's the first game of the season.
2
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:06,371
It's like nothing else matters now.
3
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,683
PETE: Oh, yes, come on.
4
00:00:07,793 --> 00:00:09,596
ANDRE: Oh, are you kidding me?
5
00:00:09,665 --> 00:00:10,597
Ogletree.
6
00:00:10,666 --> 00:00:13,434
This guy picks up Ogletree off the
waiver wire, then, boom, two touchdowns.
7
00:00:13,503 --> 00:00:14,269
I got a little system.
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00:00:14,337 --> 00:00:15,938
RUXIN: Look, Pete, we all have systems.
9
00:00:16,006 --> 00:00:17,875
Yeah, but my system actually works.
10
00:00:17,944 --> 00:00:18,711
Oh, really?
11
00:00:18,779 --> 00:00:20,581
Yeah, look, I just look at
all the players that are
12
00:00:20,650 --> 00:00:24,019
available, I give them plus
ones or minus ones for all the
13
00:00:24,087 --> 00:00:26,523
attributes, and it actually
kind of works for women, too.
14
00:00:26,592 --> 00:00:27,357
How so?
15
00:00:27,426 --> 00:00:29,960
Look, we all know, after the
draft, there's not too much
16
00:00:30,029 --> 00:00:32,063
talent left on the free
agency market, right?
17
00:00:32,132 --> 00:00:34,465
The same thing is true for women
after the age of 28 'cause all
18
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,300
the good ones are basically taken.
19
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,803
Yeah, they've been drafted
to other people's teams.
20
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,774
And those who are left, myself
included, have a ton of baggage.
21
00:00:41,843 --> 00:00:44,778
Maybe it's a bad hamstring, maybe
she's got daddy issues, you know.
22
00:00:44,847 --> 00:00:47,215
This allows me to ferret it all
out and make the right pick.
23
00:00:47,284 --> 00:00:49,418
Wait a second, so you live
your dating life like you're
24
00:00:49,486 --> 00:00:51,554
just choosing someone
off the waiver wire?
25
00:00:51,622 --> 00:00:52,422
Pretty much, yeah.
26
00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:53,557
I mean, look, here's an example.
27
00:00:53,626 --> 00:00:55,393
These three nice ladies over here.
28
00:00:55,461 --> 00:00:57,328
The one in the middle--
she's beautiful.
29
00:00:57,397 --> 00:00:59,597
That gives her a plus two,
but look closely under the
30
00:00:59,666 --> 00:01:01,467
fingernails-- there's some chalk.
31
00:01:01,536 --> 00:01:03,570
Means she's probably a
teacher, has to get up early.
32
00:01:03,639 --> 00:01:05,272
That's a big minus one for me.
33
00:01:05,341 --> 00:01:09,143
Also, very expensive necklace-- not
affordable on a teacher's salary.
34
00:01:09,212 --> 00:01:10,277
That means she's probably taken.
35
00:01:10,346 --> 00:01:12,846
That gives her a minus two,
which means I got to find
36
00:01:12,915 --> 00:01:15,317
another player to pick up.
37
00:01:15,386 --> 00:01:16,318
Wow.
38
00:01:16,387 --> 00:01:17,152
Hey there, I'm Pete.
39
00:01:17,222 --> 00:01:17,987
How's it going?
40
00:01:18,056 --> 00:01:19,089
Hey. Milana.
41
00:01:19,157 --> 00:01:21,358
No, I could never do this
because I'm not good at math.
42
00:01:21,427 --> 00:01:22,960
I'd lose track of the numbers.
43
00:01:23,029 --> 00:01:23,961
Can't believe that worked.
44
00:01:24,030 --> 00:01:25,964
TACO: Hold on, I'm gonna try this.
45
00:01:26,033 --> 00:01:29,602
I'm gonna pick up Kevin's
beer off the waiver wire.
46
00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:31,704
No, that's just stealing,
Taco, it's theft.
47
00:01:31,772 --> 00:01:32,705
Mmm.
48
00:01:32,773 --> 00:01:35,641
Uh-uh, I don't have time to teach
you how to play fantasy football.
49
00:01:35,709 --> 00:01:37,309
Plus one, minus one.
50
00:01:37,378 --> 00:01:39,312
And zero.
51
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:44,339
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
52
00:01:44,625 --> 00:01:45,945
So, how's the new pediatrician?
53
00:01:46,071 --> 00:01:47,837
JENNY: Dr. Levenson is fantastic.
54
00:01:47,906 --> 00:01:48,838
Good.
55
00:01:48,907 --> 00:01:50,240
Ellie has a rash, though.
56
00:01:50,309 --> 00:01:51,476
Probably gonna have to go back.
57
00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:52,477
Oh.
58
00:01:52,545 --> 00:01:54,779
Um, and then next week we're
gonna have to bring Christopher
59
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:55,947
in for his circumcision.
60
00:01:56,016 --> 00:02:01,199
What, wait... circumcision?
61
00:02:01,319 --> 00:02:02,475
We're, we're doing that?
62
00:02:02,595 --> 00:02:03,284
Why wouldn't we?
63
00:02:03,352 --> 00:02:05,920
Because we haven't even had
a discussion about it.
64
00:02:05,989 --> 00:02:07,154
What is there to talk about?
65
00:02:07,223 --> 00:02:08,389
What is there to talk about?
66
00:02:08,458 --> 00:02:10,792
I mean, you're taking
a piece of him away.
67
00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:12,128
Yeah, then folding it back.
68
00:02:12,196 --> 00:02:16,399
No, chopped off and then taken
to some foreskin wonderland.
69
00:02:16,468 --> 00:02:17,233
Okay, you know what?
70
00:02:17,302 --> 00:02:19,236
We're not done discussing this yet.
71
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,471
I haven't made my full argument.
72
00:02:20,539 --> 00:02:22,573
I'm gonna go to the restroom,
collect my thoughts, and when I
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00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:24,509
come back, we'll continue
this conversation.
74
00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:27,245
Okay, you do that.
75
00:02:32,049 --> 00:02:33,085
Just one?
76
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,121
I can do this in one.
77
00:02:35,190 --> 00:02:38,291
What's it like being counsel for Taco
Corp now that he actually has some money?
78
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,160
There are more meetings, and
they're longer, and he keeps
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00:02:40,229 --> 00:02:42,596
talking about some corporate
retreat, which I know is just a
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00:02:42,665 --> 00:02:44,198
sweat lodge at Burning Man.
81
00:02:44,267 --> 00:02:46,167
Coming through.
82
00:02:46,235 --> 00:02:47,168
Hey, guys.
83
00:02:47,236 --> 00:02:48,336
(sighs)
84
00:02:48,404 --> 00:02:50,605
I am loving this waiver wire stuff.
85
00:02:50,674 --> 00:02:51,539
What's with the bike, Taco?
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00:02:51,608 --> 00:02:55,177
Oh, that was on some guy's front porch,
and I picked it up off the waiver wire.
87
00:02:55,246 --> 00:02:56,011
That's stealing.
88
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:59,115
And now I'm going to pick this plate
up off the waiver wire as well.
89
00:02:59,183 --> 00:02:59,949
That's also stealing.
90
00:03:00,018 --> 00:03:00,783
Hey, guys.
91
00:03:00,852 --> 00:03:01,684
Oh, hey, Sutton, how are you?
92
00:03:01,753 --> 00:03:02,518
Hey, what's up?
93
00:03:02,587 --> 00:03:03,353
Good to see you.
94
00:03:03,421 --> 00:03:04,187
How you been?
95
00:03:04,256 --> 00:03:05,021
Hey, good-- oh, hey.
96
00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:06,690
Hey, good to see... Andre, please.
97
00:03:06,758 --> 00:03:07,524
No, it's okay.
98
00:03:07,593 --> 00:03:08,358
Thank you.
99
00:03:08,427 --> 00:03:09,193
What's going on?
100
00:03:09,261 --> 00:03:10,961
I haven't seen you and
Roger around lately.
101
00:03:11,030 --> 00:03:12,863
Oh, yeah, you guys don't know.
102
00:03:12,932 --> 00:03:13,697
We broke up.
103
00:03:13,766 --> 00:03:14,532
Oh, sorry.
104
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:15,533
Wow.
105
00:03:15,601 --> 00:03:16,667
No, no, i-it's totally fine.
106
00:03:16,736 --> 00:03:18,569
We, we just weren't
right for each other.
107
00:03:18,638 --> 00:03:20,504
You guys are just having sex now?
108
00:03:20,573 --> 00:03:23,074
(laughing): No, no, I... Clean break.
109
00:03:23,142 --> 00:03:26,310
Okay, well, anyhow, welcome to the
terrible world of being single.
110
00:03:26,379 --> 00:03:27,144
No, I am so excited.
111
00:03:27,213 --> 00:03:29,046
I can't wait to just
get back out there.
112
00:03:29,115 --> 00:03:29,880
We'll catch up soon.
113
00:03:29,949 --> 00:03:30,715
Yeah, totally.
114
00:03:30,783 --> 00:03:31,649
It's good to see you guys.
115
00:03:31,718 --> 00:03:32,483
Good to see you.
116
00:03:32,552 --> 00:03:33,317
Yeah, see you.
117
00:03:33,386 --> 00:03:35,186
ALL: Bye.
118
00:03:35,254 --> 00:03:37,087
I'll, I'll bump you a text.
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00:03:37,156 --> 00:03:40,023
Sutton is suddenly single, guys.
120
00:03:40,092 --> 00:03:41,591
So she's on the waiver wire.
121
00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:43,894
Yeah, and who will pick her up first?
122
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:44,728
I got priority.
123
00:03:44,797 --> 00:03:45,562
She talked to me first.
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00:03:45,631 --> 00:03:47,530
She hugged me, she grabbed
my elbow before she left.
125
00:03:47,599 --> 00:03:48,531
You're kidding me.
126
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:49,432
I have priority.
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00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:51,201
I haven't touched a
boob in, like, a year.
128
00:03:51,270 --> 00:03:52,068
I should have priority.
129
00:03:52,137 --> 00:03:53,870
I masturbated to her,
like, six years ago.
130
00:03:53,939 --> 00:03:55,605
Taco, you have a bike,
you have a sandwich.
131
00:03:55,673 --> 00:03:56,839
That's enough, okay? Honestly.
132
00:03:56,908 --> 00:03:57,840
Uh-uh.
133
00:03:57,909 --> 00:03:58,708
Oh, you're disgusting.
134
00:03:58,776 --> 00:04:00,509
I dropped the sandwich.
135
00:04:00,578 --> 00:04:03,278
As your commissioner, I believe
that I should weigh in on this.
136
00:04:03,347 --> 00:04:05,113
You're not our life commissioner.
137
00:04:05,182 --> 00:04:08,249
I am indeed your life
commissioner, and in so I have
138
00:04:08,318 --> 00:04:09,383
decided that Pete has priority.
139
00:04:09,452 --> 00:04:10,384
Oh.
140
00:04:10,453 --> 00:04:13,020
Bullshit-- no, no, no, no, you
can't tell me what to do.
141
00:04:13,089 --> 00:04:14,121
You're not a god.
142
00:04:14,189 --> 00:04:16,256
I'm the closest thing to
God you shits ever got.
143
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,424
She wants to chop the top
of my son's dick off!
144
00:04:18,493 --> 00:04:20,059
Hello, Kevin, nice to see you, too.
145
00:04:20,128 --> 00:04:22,896
Jenny wants to rip the foreskin
off of baby Christopher.
146
00:04:22,964 --> 00:04:24,364
ALL: Chalupa Batman.
147
00:04:24,433 --> 00:04:26,800
Fine. You know, it's unthinkable to me.
148
00:04:26,869 --> 00:04:29,369
I mean, it's archaic and unnecessary.
149
00:04:29,438 --> 00:04:31,272
As a doctor, it is not archaic.
150
00:04:31,340 --> 00:04:32,106
It's very common.
151
00:04:32,175 --> 00:04:35,409
Foreskin is a McArthur family
tradition like alcoholism.
152
00:04:35,478 --> 00:04:36,444
Look, show you.
153
00:04:36,512 --> 00:04:37,445
What are you doing?
154
00:04:37,514 --> 00:04:38,446
Yeah, look at that.
155
00:04:38,515 --> 00:04:39,614
Just, just hold on.
156
00:04:39,683 --> 00:04:40,915
I'm just gonna give an example.
157
00:04:40,984 --> 00:04:43,284
Look how beautiful and
smooth this looks.
158
00:04:43,353 --> 00:04:44,085
A hoodie.
159
00:04:44,154 --> 00:04:45,119
How do you wash it?
160
00:04:45,188 --> 00:04:45,820
It's easy.
161
00:04:45,889 --> 00:04:48,089
You just got to get in
there with soap and water.
162
00:04:48,158 --> 00:04:48,923
Scrub it up.
163
00:04:48,992 --> 00:04:51,792
Guys, guys, guys, I'm
not a human dick, okay?
164
00:04:51,861 --> 00:04:53,961
I think history has proven otherwise.
165
00:04:54,029 --> 00:04:54,795
But here's the thing.
166
00:04:54,864 --> 00:04:57,665
For me, why even bother with washing
it when it can be down here?
167
00:04:57,733 --> 00:05:00,067
I mean, that's what you want
to have sex with, right?
168
00:05:00,135 --> 00:05:02,402
You got a Corvette, you
rock it with the top down.
169
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:05,605
Well, I like my hoodie up, like
Belichick on a cold December Sunday.
170
00:05:05,674 --> 00:05:08,075
All right, fine, The McAsterisk
boys have made their claims.
171
00:05:08,144 --> 00:05:09,743
Obviously, we know where we stand.
172
00:05:09,812 --> 00:05:10,845
Andre, where are you at?
173
00:05:10,913 --> 00:05:11,746
To each his own.
174
00:05:11,815 --> 00:05:13,747
Well, what are you, cut or uncut?
175
00:05:13,816 --> 00:05:14,582
You guys are ridiculous.
176
00:05:14,650 --> 00:05:16,951
Why are you sipping water like you're
testifying in front of Congress?
177
00:05:17,019 --> 00:05:19,687
'Cause it's personal and it's private
and it's none of your business.
178
00:05:19,755 --> 00:05:21,488
Andre, you blog about everything.
179
00:05:21,557 --> 00:05:23,323
I don't blog about everything.
180
00:05:23,392 --> 00:05:24,825
I blog about magic and
sometimes Don Henley.
181
00:05:24,894 --> 00:05:27,127
Is this weird that we've
known you for literally this
182
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:29,163
long and we don't know what
your penis looks like?
183
00:05:29,232 --> 00:05:32,099
But you threw him in the lake
nude when we were in high school.
184
00:05:32,168 --> 00:05:33,835
Yeah, I wasn't looking at his crotch.
185
00:05:33,903 --> 00:05:35,637
Oh, you didn't want to cheat on Kevin.
186
00:05:35,705 --> 00:05:38,306
I've seen his balls a few
times, but never his dick.
187
00:05:38,375 --> 00:05:41,008
Guys, you're perverts, all
right, and it's none of your
188
00:05:41,077 --> 00:05:44,979
business and you'll never know,
and that's it, case closed.
189
00:05:45,048 --> 00:05:48,049
As the Commissioner, I demand to
know what your penis looks like!
190
00:05:48,118 --> 00:05:49,851
Okay, I'm recusing myself
from this situation.
191
00:05:49,919 --> 00:05:51,786
Thank you very much.
192
00:05:51,854 --> 00:05:53,848
And I'm taking your bike.
193
00:05:54,097 --> 00:05:56,062
No, no, no, you do not have priority.
194
00:05:56,182 --> 00:05:57,391
Thank you.
195
00:06:00,045 --> 00:06:00,959
SHIVA: What's with Ruxin?
196
00:06:01,079 --> 00:06:01,956
Is he walking again?
197
00:06:02,076 --> 00:06:06,089
Oh, yeah, yeah, he's walking, sleeping
in a crypt, afraid of garlic.
198
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:11,128
He came in last place in the league,
which, by the way, I won last year.
199
00:06:11,248 --> 00:06:12,614
I won the Shiva, huh?
200
00:06:12,682 --> 00:06:13,448
Congratulations.
201
00:06:13,516 --> 00:06:14,215
Thank you.
202
00:06:14,284 --> 00:06:15,293
Also kind of creepy.
203
00:06:15,413 --> 00:06:16,424
No, you're taking it the wrong way.
204
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,700
I won you! I own you!
205
00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:19,920
Way worse, in fact.
206
00:06:19,989 --> 00:06:20,921
Why?
207
00:06:20,990 --> 00:06:23,257
Kevin, your trophy is the Shiva.
208
00:06:23,325 --> 00:06:25,092
I am Shiva.
209
00:06:25,161 --> 00:06:29,297
I am not a sloppily made
symbol of your lost youth.
210
00:06:29,366 --> 00:06:30,699
Fine. I'm sorry.
211
00:06:30,768 --> 00:06:32,200
I didn't want this to be weird.
212
00:06:32,269 --> 00:06:34,470
I just came here to
talk about foreskin.
213
00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:36,928
I thought you were here to
talk about the reunion.
214
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,765
No, no, that was just a brilliant
ploy to get in the door.
215
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:40,699
Of course it was.
216
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:44,736
I need you to tell my wife that it's
better for my son to be uncircumcised.
217
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:45,403
(Shiva chuckles)
218
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:46,837
You can do this, right?
219
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,405
No, I'm not doing that.
220
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:49,206
That's inappropriate.
221
00:06:49,274 --> 00:06:51,008
I came up with this affidavit.
222
00:06:51,076 --> 00:06:52,242
If you would just sign it.
223
00:06:52,311 --> 00:06:55,879
Okay. "I, Shiva Komedi
Somakanakram, do by so solemnly
224
00:06:55,947 --> 00:06:58,615
swear that Kevin McArthur
and I had great sex"...?
225
00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:01,517
Oh, Kevin, we were 16.
226
00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:03,919
It was in the back of Pete's mom's car.
227
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:05,120
Can I put down "satisfied"
228
00:07:05,189 --> 00:07:06,355
then?
229
00:07:06,423 --> 00:07:08,757
It didn't even last a
whole Aerosmith song.
230
00:07:08,825 --> 00:07:09,925
So, "acceptable"?
231
00:07:09,993 --> 00:07:11,126
All right?
232
00:07:11,195 --> 00:07:12,360
What?! Oh, come on.
233
00:07:12,429 --> 00:07:14,362
This is something that you
should be talking to your
234
00:07:14,431 --> 00:07:16,565
pediatrician about,
maybe a psychiatrist.
235
00:07:16,633 --> 00:07:17,766
I don't know. Maybe both.
236
00:07:17,835 --> 00:07:21,770
Well, Dr. Levenson is not on my team, so...
Oh, you guys are with Levenson?
237
00:07:21,839 --> 00:07:22,938
Yeah.
238
00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:23,939
Oh, he's really cute.
239
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,140
Cute?
240
00:07:25,209 --> 00:07:26,208
Yeah. You met him, right?
241
00:07:26,276 --> 00:07:27,409
No, I haven't met him.
242
00:07:27,478 --> 00:07:28,610
Well, what does he look like?
243
00:07:28,679 --> 00:07:30,612
Oh. Um...
244
00:07:32,882 --> 00:07:34,150
So cute.
245
00:07:34,218 --> 00:07:36,118
Yale grad, John Hopkins Medical.
246
00:07:36,187 --> 00:07:37,620
Such a catch.
247
00:07:37,689 --> 00:07:38,821
I got... I got to go.
248
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:41,825
Um... with-with your permission, I'm
gonna forge your signature on this.
249
00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:42,826
Do not have my permission.
250
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,395
Thank you!
251
00:07:45,464 --> 00:07:46,163
Hi, babe. Wash up.
252
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:47,831
You can help me with dinner, okay?
253
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:48,465
Okay.
254
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:49,099
Great.
255
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:50,300
Hey.
256
00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:51,302
Hey.
257
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:52,169
How was the doctor?
258
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:53,437
I heard he's good-looking.
259
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:54,471
He was great.
260
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,106
Ellie still has this rash.
261
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:58,909
No, no, I said "good-looking."
262
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,777
What? He's a great doctor.
263
00:08:00,846 --> 00:08:04,680
He's wonderful with Christopher, and
Ellie loves him, don't ya, babe?
264
00:08:04,749 --> 00:08:08,184
Yeah, I also really like the perfume
that you wear to the doctor's office.
265
00:08:08,252 --> 00:08:10,986
Oh, the perfume you wear
to the doctor's office!
266
00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:12,654
I bet you smell magnificent!
267
00:08:12,723 --> 00:08:14,189
Ellie, come here for a second.
268
00:08:14,258 --> 00:08:17,993
Show me on this doll where
the doctor touches Mommy.
269
00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:18,928
Be specific.
270
00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:19,762
Kevin, stop it!
271
00:08:19,831 --> 00:08:21,030
Ellie, go wash up for dinner.
272
00:08:21,099 --> 00:08:23,333
You are being ridiculous!
273
00:08:23,401 --> 00:08:24,267
Am I?
274
00:08:24,336 --> 00:08:26,803
Yes, Dr. Levenson is
a wonderful doctor!
275
00:08:26,872 --> 00:08:29,473
You know, I'm beginning to put
this whole thing together.
276
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:33,277
This is all a big ploy
to get circumcised.
277
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,613
You want our son to get a Levenson.
278
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:37,615
You probably wish I had a Levenson.
279
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:40,217
I can't believe you've turned
this whole thing into a
280
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:41,152
conversation about your penis.
281
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,721
You know what? I just figured
you enjoyed my leading man.
282
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:46,557
I do. He's more of a character
actor, but I enjoy him.
283
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:48,025
Fine. You know what?
284
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,961
Character actors work all the time.
285
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,196
I have the Stephen Tobolowsky of dicks.
286
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:53,497
And that's wonderful.
287
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:56,734
But for our son, I want
him to have a Brad Pitt.
288
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,369
Well, he's gonna get a
Stephen Tobolowsky.
289
00:08:58,438 --> 00:08:59,671
He's gonna get Brad Pitt.
290
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:00,672
Tobolowsky!
291
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,040
Brad Pitt.
292
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:05,543
Well, you know, it's time to
make a decision about this.
293
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:08,312
How are we gonna do that?
294
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,381
We're playing each other this weekend.
295
00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:13,884
How about we play for
our son's foreskin?
296
00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:16,220
Bring it on.
297
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,588
Thank you.
298
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:18,890
Sutton!
299
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:19,991
Hey! (chuckles)
300
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:20,825
This is crazy!
301
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:21,893
What are you doing here?
302
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:24,028
This is so weird to bump
into you twice here.
303
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,563
It's absolutely insane.
304
00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:28,199
Except that it's not because
I've been having all of my
305
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,268
lunches here since I found
out you work nearby.
306
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,036
This is seriously my
third sandwich today.
307
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:32,904
You are late.
308
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,372
I know, I had a meeting.
309
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,607
Oh, a meeting. Oh, okay.
310
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:38,876
Well, I'm glad you brought that
up because, um, how do you feel
311
00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:39,777
about night meetings?
312
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:40,911
You mean, like, a date?
313
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,214
Well, those are your words,
not mine, but, but yeah.
314
00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:45,750
I mean, if you were free on
Saturday night, would you be
315
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,952
interested in having a
night meeting with me?
316
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,187
I can't.
317
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,756
Oh, is it, is it too
soon with Roger and...?
318
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:55,893
No, no, no, no, actually I'm
going out with your friend Taco.
319
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:57,228
Taco?
320
00:09:57,297 --> 00:10:00,398
Yeah, I bumped into him outside my
apartment, and he asked me out.
321
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,400
What was Taco doing
outside your apartment?
322
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:03,100
I don't know.
323
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,603
He said he worked for the phone
company, but it looked like he
324
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:06,737
was just taking a nap.
325
00:10:06,805 --> 00:10:08,905
And you're going out with
this person Saturday night?
326
00:10:08,974 --> 00:10:10,440
I am, yeah. It should be fun.
327
00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:11,441
So I'll catch you later.
328
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:12,442
Okay.
329
00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:13,443
Bye.
330
00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:14,644
Bring your wallet.
331
00:10:14,713 --> 00:10:18,248
Hi. Um, I'm gonna put this back.
332
00:10:20,351 --> 00:10:21,985
Taco, you have three
girlfriends already.
333
00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:22,986
I need a backup.
334
00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:24,087
People die all the time.
335
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:26,056
A month ago, I had four girlfriends.
336
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,257
Rest in peace, Oksana.
337
00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:28,091
Goddamn that mountain lion.
338
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,592
Just throw me a bone, will ya, okay?
339
00:10:29,661 --> 00:10:30,560
You don't need this one.
340
00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:32,428
Girls are like kickers, you
can never have enough.
341
00:10:32,497 --> 00:10:33,996
Taco, you don't need a lot of kickers!
342
00:10:34,065 --> 00:10:36,065
When are you gonna get
that through your head?
343
00:10:36,134 --> 00:10:38,067
When I drop her, you can pick her up.
344
00:10:38,136 --> 00:10:39,435
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
345
00:10:39,504 --> 00:10:42,405
As your life commissioner,
I'd love to help out.
346
00:10:42,474 --> 00:10:45,676
So, in this case, I think Pete
needs a lady, and Taco could
347
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:46,777
use a wide receiver.
348
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,447
So maybe there could be a trade here.
349
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:50,748
Actually, not a bad idea.
350
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,316
Go on.
351
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,085
What do you think about Golden Tate?
352
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,352
That's my favorite cereal.
353
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,255
Golden Tate, put it in your...
354
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,423
Sounds like we got a deal.
355
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,023
Nuh-uh-uh-uh.
356
00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:01,827
Sutton is worth a lot more
than a mediocre wide receiver.
357
00:11:01,896 --> 00:11:05,599
I'd say that she's worth Greg Jennings.
358
00:11:05,667 --> 00:11:07,501
No, okay, look, Sutton
is an attractive girl.
359
00:11:07,570 --> 00:11:08,802
Is she Greg Jennings hot?
360
00:11:08,871 --> 00:11:11,004
No, but she might be Eric Decker hot.
361
00:11:11,073 --> 00:11:15,208
No-no-no-no-no, tell me more
about this Greg Jennings guy.
362
00:11:15,277 --> 00:11:17,477
Fine, fine, Greg Jennings.
363
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:22,482
As Commissioner, I sanctify this
trade and so on and so forth.
364
00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:26,152
All right, listen, I need your help with
my lineup, or my son Chalupa Batman is
365
00:11:26,221 --> 00:11:28,121
gonna get the worst
buzz cut of his life.
366
00:11:28,190 --> 00:11:29,690
What are you talking about?
367
00:11:29,758 --> 00:11:32,125
I am playing Jenny this
week for my son's foreskin.
368
00:11:32,194 --> 00:11:33,860
Wait, so we're in the
National Foreskin League?
369
00:11:33,929 --> 00:11:36,230
Yeah, we're all playing to
get into the Sheatha Bowl.
370
00:11:36,298 --> 00:11:37,397
Are we finished now?
371
00:11:37,466 --> 00:11:39,466
No, I'm sorry, you're finished
because there's no way
372
00:11:39,535 --> 00:11:40,534
you're beating Jenny this week.
373
00:11:40,602 --> 00:11:44,505
The over/under on your kid's
schwanz, is that kid getting
374
00:11:44,573 --> 00:11:46,340
his D shorn from base to tip.
375
00:11:46,409 --> 00:11:48,976
Poor little Chalupa is gonna
lose his crispy outer shell.
376
00:11:49,045 --> 00:11:51,645
Can you not speak of my son's
member as if it was fourthmeal?
377
00:11:51,714 --> 00:11:53,581
I'm doing everything
I can do here, guys.
378
00:11:53,650 --> 00:11:57,084
I even made a pilgrimage to
see Shiva, who, by the way,
379
00:11:57,153 --> 00:12:00,254
is not happy that her picture
is still on the trophy.
380
00:12:00,323 --> 00:12:00,888
Really?!
381
00:12:00,957 --> 00:12:02,724
Yeah, I would consider that an honor.
382
00:12:02,792 --> 00:12:03,925
Washington Headskins!
383
00:12:03,994 --> 00:12:05,059
Oh, nice.
384
00:12:05,128 --> 00:12:06,261
You have to excuse Taco.
385
00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:08,363
He's on a five-second tape delay.
386
00:12:08,432 --> 00:12:11,500
Guys, I just left a killer
message for Sutton.
387
00:12:11,569 --> 00:12:13,669
It looks like Andre's gonna
get a little date action.
388
00:12:13,738 --> 00:12:14,536
I don't think so.
389
00:12:14,605 --> 00:12:15,604
I just traded for her.
390
00:12:15,673 --> 00:12:17,572
What are you talking about
you traded for her?
391
00:12:17,641 --> 00:12:18,573
I have priority.
392
00:12:18,642 --> 00:12:19,374
It's been months.
393
00:12:19,443 --> 00:12:20,508
Come on. It's not fair!
394
00:12:20,577 --> 00:12:21,443
Talk to the commissioner.
395
00:12:21,511 --> 00:12:23,111
Look, Andre, I approved this trade.
396
00:12:23,179 --> 00:12:25,946
I think you're gonna have
to take care of yourself.
397
00:12:26,015 --> 00:12:27,248
Stop it, all right?
398
00:12:27,316 --> 00:12:30,083
It's a hoodie, I do not
look like a penis, okay?
399
00:12:30,152 --> 00:12:34,020
Give me a break, all right, 'cause
I got into a thing this morning.
400
00:12:34,089 --> 00:12:36,556
Hit my head on the car and...
Oh, you should sit.
401
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:37,724
Yeah, yeah, yeah, come here.
402
00:12:37,793 --> 00:12:39,593
You have a serious head injury, yeah.
403
00:12:39,661 --> 00:12:40,527
Come on, man.
404
00:12:40,596 --> 00:12:41,562
Poor you.
405
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:45,232
You should rest your arms,
take a nice deep breath.
406
00:12:45,301 --> 00:12:47,702
Why don't you lower your head
to your chest just a little.
407
00:12:47,770 --> 00:12:48,403
But your chin.
408
00:12:48,471 --> 00:12:49,370
It'll help your breathing.
409
00:12:49,439 --> 00:12:50,105
Oh, breathing. Okay.
410
00:12:50,173 --> 00:12:50,905
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
411
00:12:50,974 --> 00:12:51,773
Now you know what?
412
00:12:51,841 --> 00:12:52,940
Straighten him up a little bit.
413
00:12:53,009 --> 00:12:53,708
Straighten him up.
414
00:12:53,777 --> 00:12:55,877
Tell you what, let's get
this a little more erect.
415
00:12:55,945 --> 00:12:57,111
Work the helmets.
416
00:12:57,180 --> 00:12:58,646
Oh, yeah, I should rub these helmets.
417
00:12:58,715 --> 00:12:59,547
How are you feeling?
418
00:12:59,615 --> 00:13:00,414
That feels good, yeah.
419
00:13:00,483 --> 00:13:01,983
Andre, straighten it up a little bit.
420
00:13:02,051 --> 00:13:02,883
Stiffen up a little.
421
00:13:02,952 --> 00:13:03,751
Does that feel good?
422
00:13:03,820 --> 00:13:05,920
Yeah, feels really good.
423
00:13:05,988 --> 00:13:06,887
Feels good?
424
00:13:06,956 --> 00:13:07,755
Oh!
425
00:13:07,824 --> 00:13:08,890
Perfect.
426
00:13:08,959 --> 00:13:10,258
You feel all right?
427
00:13:10,327 --> 00:13:11,093
I feel spent.
428
00:13:11,161 --> 00:13:12,994
Whoo! I got to hit the sack, I think.
429
00:13:13,063 --> 00:13:14,930
Okay, why don't you
go take a little nap?
430
00:13:14,998 --> 00:13:15,797
Go take a nap.
431
00:13:15,866 --> 00:13:16,331
All right.
432
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:17,733
We'll clean up for you, bud.
433
00:13:17,801 --> 00:13:18,300
All right.
434
00:13:18,369 --> 00:13:18,967
Congratulations.
435
00:13:19,036 --> 00:13:21,436
Yeah. Well, well... Look at this.
Look at that.
436
00:13:21,505 --> 00:13:22,805
Oh, money shot.
437
00:13:22,873 --> 00:13:25,240
So, Shiva, I was in the
neighborhood and thought I'd
438
00:13:25,309 --> 00:13:28,110
come by and talk to you a
little bit about the reunion.
439
00:13:28,178 --> 00:13:31,914
Save it. Kevin was in here a few
days ago with the same excuse.
440
00:13:31,982 --> 00:13:32,747
Why was Kevin here?
441
00:13:32,816 --> 00:13:35,016
He wanted me to sign some
piece of paper that said I
442
00:13:35,085 --> 00:13:37,586
enjoyed having sex with him
because he wasn't circumcised.
443
00:13:37,655 --> 00:13:38,787
What a pig!
444
00:13:38,856 --> 00:13:41,824
But here we are, just a
couple gals chatting away.
445
00:13:41,893 --> 00:13:46,129
Why don't you just, like, dish to me
about what Andre's crank is like?
446
00:13:46,198 --> 00:13:47,797
His what?
447
00:13:47,866 --> 00:13:48,999
Yeah, his little Ed Hardy.
448
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:51,268
His Mr. Magoo.
449
00:13:51,337 --> 00:13:52,102
Why do you care?
450
00:13:52,171 --> 00:13:53,971
Because he won't tell me,
and I think that's rude.
451
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,540
Well, it's his penis, and he can
do whatever he wants with it.
452
00:13:56,609 --> 00:13:59,043
Look, I'm not asking for his
Social Security number, I just
453
00:13:59,112 --> 00:14:01,612
want the 411 on his little fatty.
454
00:14:01,681 --> 00:14:02,980
Why would I tell you this?
455
00:14:03,049 --> 00:14:05,850
Because I can have that
unfortunate picture of you from
456
00:14:05,919 --> 00:14:08,186
high school taken off of our trophy.
457
00:14:08,255 --> 00:14:09,520
How?
458
00:14:09,589 --> 00:14:10,455
Haven't you heard?
459
00:14:10,524 --> 00:14:12,857
I'm the commissioner.
460
00:14:15,895 --> 00:14:17,662
What are you doing, Green Bay?
461
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:18,530
Wrap him up and tackle him.
462
00:14:18,598 --> 00:14:20,799
I will take any points
from Frank Gore right now.
463
00:14:20,867 --> 00:14:23,034
You know what? I can't wait
to tell little baby Chalupa
464
00:14:23,103 --> 00:14:28,372
Batman that the very nature of his donger
was determined by a garbage time TD.
465
00:14:28,441 --> 00:14:29,909
How's that Shiva bowl going?
466
00:14:30,029 --> 00:14:31,632
Wait, wait, wait, wait--
what happened to the hoodie?
467
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,534
Okay, I'm not wearing
the hoodie anymore.
468
00:14:33,602 --> 00:14:34,768
Had enough about the hoodie.
469
00:14:34,837 --> 00:14:37,271
Changed into something where you
can't make fun of me, okay?
470
00:14:37,340 --> 00:14:40,775
Andre, now it kind of looks like
your head's coming out of a vagina.
471
00:14:40,843 --> 00:14:42,810
Actually, I see what he's
talking about because you have
472
00:14:42,879 --> 00:14:46,280
a labia minora, labia majora...
Yes, it's called a polo shirt
473
00:14:46,349 --> 00:14:47,481
and a sweater, okay?
474
00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:49,617
And when did you guys become
gynecologists over here?
475
00:14:49,685 --> 00:14:50,617
Here's all the pubic hair.
476
00:14:50,686 --> 00:14:51,618
You got to trim this.
477
00:14:51,687 --> 00:14:53,520
What's that little button
on the front there?
478
00:14:53,589 --> 00:14:54,621
It's a clit.
479
00:14:54,690 --> 00:14:55,556
It's not a clit.
480
00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:56,457
It's a clasp.
481
00:14:56,525 --> 00:14:57,358
You like to twist that up?
482
00:14:57,426 --> 00:14:59,193
No, no, you don't twist it, babe.
483
00:14:59,261 --> 00:15:01,729
What you do, you take it, you
just give it a little flip.
484
00:15:01,797 --> 00:15:03,397
Take it from the bean flicking master.
485
00:15:03,466 --> 00:15:05,065
You got to get really
aggressive with it.
486
00:15:05,134 --> 00:15:05,899
Stop, stop that.
487
00:15:05,968 --> 00:15:07,802
I like to rest my helmet
right on it and just rub it.
488
00:15:07,870 --> 00:15:10,471
You know what, you're all perverts.
You're all, you're disgusting.
489
00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:11,472
You're getting all wet.
490
00:15:11,541 --> 00:15:12,540
I'm gonna bring you home.
491
00:15:12,608 --> 00:15:14,175
(laughter)
492
00:15:14,244 --> 00:15:15,476
Half!
493
00:15:15,545 --> 00:15:17,011
Shiva?
494
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,213
What do you mean, half?
495
00:15:18,281 --> 00:15:19,547
Andre is half circumcised.
496
00:15:19,616 --> 00:15:20,982
What?
497
00:15:21,051 --> 00:15:21,849
What?
498
00:15:21,918 --> 00:15:24,052
Wait, how do you have half a foreskin?
499
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,820
Guess that would make it a two-skin?
500
00:15:25,889 --> 00:15:26,855
Is that even possible?
501
00:15:26,923 --> 00:15:27,856
It is possible.
502
00:15:27,924 --> 00:15:31,893
Sometimes, when attempting to
circumcise a macrosomia... What's that?
503
00:15:31,962 --> 00:15:33,495
It's a big, fat baby.
504
00:15:33,563 --> 00:15:36,264
One encounters problems removing
the entire foreskin because of
505
00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:37,866
the super pubic fatty tissue.
506
00:15:37,934 --> 00:15:39,334
Baby fupa.
507
00:15:39,402 --> 00:15:40,501
Baby fupa!
508
00:15:40,570 --> 00:15:41,569
We call it a buried penis.
509
00:15:41,637 --> 00:15:43,170
I'm sorry, I misspoke.
510
00:15:43,239 --> 00:15:44,605
A buried penis.
511
00:15:44,674 --> 00:15:47,175
So basically, Andre's
doctor got what he could.
512
00:15:47,244 --> 00:15:51,446
Just like scraping the barnacles off
a boat blindfolded in rough seas.
513
00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:52,547
Oh, no.
514
00:15:52,616 --> 00:15:54,183
Thank you.
515
00:15:54,251 --> 00:15:55,517
Why would you do this?
516
00:15:55,586 --> 00:15:56,585
I thought we were cool.
517
00:15:56,654 --> 00:15:57,586
We are cool.
518
00:15:57,655 --> 00:16:00,556
It's just that Rodney promised
that, as commissioner, he would
519
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:04,293
use his powers to take my
photo off of the trophy.
520
00:16:04,362 --> 00:16:05,194
What?
521
00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:06,262
Wait, what? No.
522
00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:07,263
I did not agree to that.
523
00:16:07,332 --> 00:16:08,264
Ruxin, you can't do that.
524
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:10,299
You need a league vote
for something like that.
525
00:16:10,368 --> 00:16:11,467
You promised.
526
00:16:11,536 --> 00:16:12,602
Okay, come on, guys.
527
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:13,436
No!
528
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:14,270
I'm sorry, no.
529
00:16:14,339 --> 00:16:15,104
Can't do it.
530
00:16:15,173 --> 00:16:16,205
Oh, tried my hardest.
531
00:16:16,274 --> 00:16:19,242
Sorry, Shivs.
532
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,443
You're gonna double-cross me?
533
00:16:20,512 --> 00:16:22,945
You know what? This is bullshit.
534
00:16:23,014 --> 00:16:24,046
Hey.
535
00:16:24,115 --> 00:16:24,880
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
536
00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:27,449
This league is a pain in my ass.
537
00:16:27,518 --> 00:16:30,252
I didn't ask to be a part
of it, and I want out.
538
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:31,286
But you're the Shiva.
539
00:16:31,355 --> 00:16:32,654
That's right, I am the Shiva.
540
00:16:32,723 --> 00:16:34,555
Totally.
541
00:16:34,624 --> 00:16:37,625
And the Shiva is angry.
542
00:16:37,694 --> 00:16:40,762
This league does not have
the Shiva's blessing.
543
00:16:40,830 --> 00:16:43,664
This year will go badly for everyone.
544
00:16:43,733 --> 00:16:46,133
The Shiva has spoken.
545
00:16:48,637 --> 00:16:50,438
Hate the new furniture, Andre.
546
00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:52,774
A little dramatic for a
urologist, don't you think?
547
00:16:52,842 --> 00:16:54,075
I think that was a pox.
548
00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:56,176
I knew she was a witch doctor.
549
00:16:56,245 --> 00:16:58,445
Let's just get back to the game.
550
00:16:58,514 --> 00:16:59,780
Yes, Frank Gore!
551
00:16:59,848 --> 00:17:00,780
(groaning)
552
00:17:00,849 --> 00:17:02,849
Garbage time TD.
553
00:17:02,918 --> 00:17:05,585
There goes baby Chalupa's foreskin.
554
00:17:05,654 --> 00:17:09,856
His name is Christopher, and because I
won, Belichick is losing the hoodie.
555
00:17:09,925 --> 00:17:13,027
Oh, this is me, so... Oh, cool.
556
00:17:13,095 --> 00:17:13,961
Yeah.
557
00:17:14,029 --> 00:17:17,531
Well, that was really fun, and I look
forward to future meetings, and it was...
558
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:18,365
Yeah.
559
00:17:18,434 --> 00:17:19,199
It's really... Oh.
560
00:17:19,268 --> 00:17:20,200
Um, um.
561
00:17:20,269 --> 00:17:21,301
I just missed.
562
00:17:21,370 --> 00:17:25,872
This is awkward, um... I had a really
great time tonight, but, um, I just...
563
00:17:25,941 --> 00:17:28,642
I don't think that this is gonna work.
564
00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:29,877
You know that already?
565
00:17:29,945 --> 00:17:33,314
Yeah, I'm getting older, and I
feel like a lot of guys, they
566
00:17:33,382 --> 00:17:37,451
have baggage, so I've just, I've had to, uh...
Implement a system.
567
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:38,453
Exactly, yes.
568
00:17:38,521 --> 00:17:39,287
I understand.
569
00:17:39,356 --> 00:17:42,457
All right, I hate to
ask, but how did I do?
570
00:17:42,525 --> 00:17:45,493
Okay, full head of hair, plus one.
571
00:17:45,562 --> 00:17:46,494
Confident, plus one.
572
00:17:46,562 --> 00:17:50,064
I like that you stalked me in the
food court for a while, plus one.
573
00:17:50,133 --> 00:17:50,898
This is good.
574
00:17:50,967 --> 00:17:51,732
You're thorough.
575
00:17:51,801 --> 00:17:53,901
But there's the immaturity, minus one.
576
00:17:53,970 --> 00:17:55,002
Fear of commitment, minus one.
577
00:17:55,071 --> 00:17:55,836
That's right.
578
00:17:55,905 --> 00:17:57,638
You had three drinks, minus one.
579
00:17:57,707 --> 00:17:58,472
You had four.
580
00:17:58,541 --> 00:18:00,508
You were in the bathroom
so long, minus one.
581
00:18:00,576 --> 00:18:03,144
Wait, wait, wait, there was a
line there; we discussed this.
582
00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:04,178
I stand by that.
583
00:18:04,247 --> 00:18:05,413
For the men's room? Come on.
584
00:18:05,482 --> 00:18:07,415
Bragging about how much
sleep you get, minus one.
585
00:18:07,484 --> 00:18:08,316
It's a nice quality.
586
00:18:08,385 --> 00:18:10,552
And you didn't have to tell me
what celebrity every single
587
00:18:10,621 --> 00:18:12,521
person in the restaurant looked like.
588
00:18:12,589 --> 00:18:14,590
I'm still convinced that guy
might have been Tony Danza.
589
00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:17,326
Minus one, and I'm not even
gonna get into the whole thing
590
00:18:17,395 --> 00:18:19,696
about how you're still friends
with my ex-boyfriend, and I'm
591
00:18:19,764 --> 00:18:21,765
sure you've talked about
what I'm like in bed.
592
00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:24,267
Sutton, I would never do...
All right, minus one.
593
00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:25,769
So that's minus seven.
594
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:26,870
(Pete exhales)
595
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:27,871
That's rough.
596
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:28,905
Sorry, Pete.
597
00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:30,073
Good night.
598
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:31,174
Well played, Sutton.
599
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:32,208
You're out of my league.
600
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,243
Oh, hey, Pete.
601
00:18:33,311 --> 00:18:34,944
Taco, what the hell are you doing here?
602
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:36,879
I'm gonna hang out with Sutton.
603
00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:38,614
Yeah, but... No, no, I know.
604
00:18:38,683 --> 00:18:39,448
I know the deal.
605
00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:40,383
No dating, just sex.
606
00:18:40,451 --> 00:18:44,253
Yeah, but... Independently
wealthy, plus eight.
607
00:18:47,096 --> 00:18:49,899
All right, Christopher, are you
ready for your first haircut?
608
00:18:49,967 --> 00:18:52,227
I'm not comfortable with this at all.
609
00:18:52,347 --> 00:18:53,272
It doesn't look very sterile.
610
00:18:53,392 --> 00:18:54,870
I saw some kid picking
his nose outside.
611
00:18:54,939 --> 00:18:55,904
Have you met your daughter?
612
00:18:55,973 --> 00:18:56,939
What's that supposed to mean?
613
00:18:57,007 --> 00:18:57,940
(knocking on door)
614
00:18:58,008 --> 00:18:58,473
Hey, hey!
615
00:18:58,542 --> 00:18:59,609
It's the MacArthur clan.
616
00:18:59,729 --> 00:19:00,703
How are you?
617
00:19:00,823 --> 00:19:02,044
Jenny, good to see you.
618
00:19:02,113 --> 00:19:03,461
Hi, hey.
619
00:19:03,581 --> 00:19:05,376
Mr. MacArthur, finally, we meet.
620
00:19:05,496 --> 00:19:06,047
Yes.
621
00:19:06,116 --> 00:19:06,882
You're a lucky man.
622
00:19:06,950 --> 00:19:07,749
Let me tell you this.
623
00:19:07,818 --> 00:19:09,618
Your wife does not look
like she just had a baby.
624
00:19:09,687 --> 00:19:12,142
Well, she had a baby,
'cause I put it inside her.
625
00:19:12,262 --> 00:19:12,755
Kevin.
626
00:19:12,823 --> 00:19:13,656
With my penis.
627
00:19:13,724 --> 00:19:14,556
Kevin.
628
00:19:14,625 --> 00:19:16,487
Okay, good.
629
00:19:16,607 --> 00:19:17,979
Hey, Ellie, how you doing there, kiddo?
630
00:19:18,099 --> 00:19:19,137
How's you rash going?
631
00:19:19,257 --> 00:19:20,430
Whoa, what's going on here?
632
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:21,102
There's no rash.
633
00:19:21,222 --> 00:19:21,885
What about your neck?
634
00:19:22,005 --> 00:19:22,872
It disappeared.
635
00:19:22,992 --> 00:19:24,128
How did it disappear?
636
00:19:24,248 --> 00:19:24,857
I don't know.
637
00:19:24,977 --> 00:19:26,402
Just one of those things, I guess.
638
00:19:26,522 --> 00:19:28,132
Oh, top of his class, huh?
639
00:19:28,252 --> 00:19:29,289
Okay, we're good to go.
640
00:19:29,409 --> 00:19:31,988
I've done thousands of these, so
please, you're in safe hands.
641
00:19:32,108 --> 00:19:33,928
I don't want you to
worry about a thing.
642
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:34,661
Easy does it.
643
00:19:34,781 --> 00:19:35,978
All right, this isn't a Benihana.
644
00:19:36,047 --> 00:19:38,315
You're not gonna pop his
foreskin into a shirt pocket.
645
00:19:38,435 --> 00:19:39,148
No.
646
00:19:39,217 --> 00:19:41,678
Okay, you guys have any last
questions before we go ahead?
647
00:19:41,798 --> 00:19:42,862
I'm good, I'm ready.
648
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:47,881
Um, I can't... We can't watch this.
649
00:19:48,001 --> 00:19:49,288
I... we should wait outside.
650
00:19:49,408 --> 00:19:53,218
Why do they do this to poor little
babies like baby Christopher?
651
00:19:53,338 --> 00:19:54,631
'Cause Daddy doesn't know
how to set a line up.
652
00:19:54,699 --> 00:19:55,632
Let's go.
653
00:19:57,192 --> 00:19:58,055
You ready?
654
00:19:58,175 --> 00:19:59,186
Yes, ready.
655
00:19:59,306 --> 00:20:00,269
Great.
656
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:05,675
So there's convertibles and
then there are hardtops.
657
00:20:05,795 --> 00:20:10,370
Some people like the convertibles, but
trust me, hard tops are much better.
658
00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:11,584
It's a classic look.
659
00:20:12,191 --> 00:20:15,541
Oh, did Mommy bring her special
perfume to the doctor's office again?
660
00:20:15,661 --> 00:20:18,180
No, she didn't want to
wear it, but I did.
661
00:20:18,404 --> 00:20:19,673
Is it itching?
662
00:20:20,108 --> 00:20:21,190
Yeah.
663
00:20:21,662 --> 00:20:23,988
It's the perfume that's
making you itch.
664
00:20:24,108 --> 00:20:25,157
I'm a genius.
665
00:20:25,277 --> 00:20:26,061
Okay, I'll be right back.
666
00:20:26,130 --> 00:20:27,229
I gotta go.
667
00:20:27,298 --> 00:20:29,665
Okay, I think we're all set to go.
668
00:20:29,785 --> 00:20:30,423
Let's do this.
669
00:20:30,543 --> 00:20:31,627
He's so brave.
670
00:20:32,037 --> 00:20:32,725
Boo!
671
00:20:32,845 --> 00:20:33,285
Geez.
672
00:20:33,405 --> 00:20:35,848
Hah! It was the perfume, bitches.
673
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,776
And you call yourself a doctor?
674
00:20:37,896 --> 00:20:38,845
(crying)
675
00:20:38,965 --> 00:20:39,616
Oops.
676
00:20:39,736 --> 00:20:40,238
Oops?
677
00:20:40,358 --> 00:20:40,872
Oops?
678
00:20:40,992 --> 00:20:43,479
Oops, like that's the best job
you've ever done, oops, right?
679
00:20:43,548 --> 00:20:46,084
Please tell me you did
not just make a mistake.
680
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:46,932
Well...
681
00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:49,176
Half a one.
682
00:20:49,466 --> 00:20:59,728
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
683
00:20:59,778 --> 00:21:04,328
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