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1
00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,555
RUXIN: Honey.
2
00:00:12,675 --> 00:00:15,081
Oh, God, look at my wedding dress.
3
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:16,445
It looks so big on me.
TACO: What?
4
00:00:16,565 --> 00:00:18,918
Yeah, I didn't do the fitting beforehand.
I was stupid.
5
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:19,820
Are you kidding?
6
00:00:19,888 --> 00:00:22,022
Everyone was saying how
beautiful your dress was.
7
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:23,790
Hey, guys.
Oh, hey.
8
00:00:23,925 --> 00:00:24,992
Hey, baby.
9
00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:27,027
Taco, what are you doing here?
10
00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:27,995
You here to rattle my cage?
11
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:30,596
No, no, no, I'm not playing this week.
I have a buy week.
12
00:00:30,732 --> 00:00:32,465
No, teams have buy weeks.
I know, I have a team.
13
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,401
We're playing each other this week.
What are you doing here?
14
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,357
- I'm here to celebrate
your fifth anniversary. -Yes.
15
00:00:38,477 --> 00:00:41,587
He's here to collect some photos
for a very special anniversary gift.
16
00:00:41,707 --> 00:00:44,476
You don't have to do anything for
our anniversary, all right, Taco?
17
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:47,136
At least somebody wants to do
something for our anniversary.
18
00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:48,828
He's a bit of an anniversary grinch.
19
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:50,550
- What?
- Yeah.
20
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,653
This guy, no, he's so romantic.
21
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,988
He probably has, like, a huge
surprise planned for you.
22
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,089
Don't you?
23
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,925
Do you?
24
00:00:57,992 --> 00:01:03,497
Yeah, it was going to be a big
surprise anniversary party.
25
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,498
Honey.
26
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,732
Now, Taco, you've ruined it.
27
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,200
That is so sweet.
28
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,201
Thank you.
29
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,036
I'm so sorry.
30
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:10,938
I went and ruined the whole thing.
31
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:14,441
He was probably going to do it at the place
where you guys had your first date, right?
32
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:15,542
Mm-hmm, that was the idea.
33
00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:16,543
Oh, my God, that's so sweet.
34
00:01:16,611 --> 00:01:18,143
Oh, stupid.
You know what?
35
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,980
The surprise is kind of ruined.
Maybe we should just not do it at all.
36
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,116
No, no, you would have to do it.
37
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,050
No, no, we have to do it.
For Sofia.
38
00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,054
He was going to invite all
your friends and your family.
39
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:28,956
He was going to rent
the whole place out.
40
00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:33,060
- Ooh. - You're going to have, like,
a caterer, a really expensive one.
41
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:34,061
It's like another wedding.
42
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,896
Except slightly more expensive.
43
00:01:35,964 --> 00:01:38,565
Yeah, for you, baby, anything.
Yeah, anything.
44
00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:39,700
He doesn't care about money.
45
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,969
He was going to hire me to be the DJ.
46
00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:43,036
No, I was not.
47
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:44,905
I'll just do a little
instrumental set then.
48
00:01:44,973 --> 00:01:49,209
No, no, there will be no music
from you in any fashion.
49
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,744
It's okay, come here.
50
00:01:50,812 --> 00:01:51,745
Come here.
51
00:01:51,813 --> 00:01:54,982
(whispering): Taco.
52
00:01:55,049 --> 00:01:56,969
Peace.
53
00:01:57,089 --> 00:02:02,723
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
54
00:02:02,843 --> 00:02:04,491
JENNY: Ruxin.
55
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:07,494
"You are all cordially invited."
56
00:02:07,562 --> 00:02:08,662
Completely tacky.
57
00:02:08,730 --> 00:02:10,764
Well done, guys.
58
00:02:10,832 --> 00:02:15,234
Saturday on my birthday again?
Unbelievable.
59
00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:17,236
KEVIN: On Jenny's birthday?
Perfect.
60
00:02:17,372 --> 00:02:19,306
I don't have to plan anything, I
don't have to buy anything.
61
00:02:19,374 --> 00:02:20,140
The night's spoken for.
62
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:21,908
Yeah, well, I can't
take credit for that.
63
00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:24,311
It was all your goddamn
brother's idea.
64
00:02:24,379 --> 00:02:25,312
We're playing this week.
65
00:02:25,380 --> 00:02:26,480
He's trying to get in my head.
66
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:27,656
Very cunning that Taco.
67
00:02:27,776 --> 00:02:30,399
You seriously gonna sit here and not eat
a goddamn thing?
68
00:02:30,519 --> 00:02:32,766
Look at this shit shag.
I wouldn't eat anything here.
69
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,530
You guys have
all like gutter bowels, alright?
70
00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:37,373
I have a very refined, educated bowel.
71
00:02:37,493 --> 00:02:39,993
That's why I'll be going
to the Gastro Pub down the block.
72
00:02:40,113 --> 00:02:42,117
♪
73
00:02:42,237 --> 00:02:43,289
I don't know what's worse.
74
00:02:43,409 --> 00:02:46,436
*** my phone or that bedazzled
bluetooth you have in your ear.
75
00:02:46,556 --> 00:02:48,828
Okay, first of all,
these are swarovsky crystals.
76
00:02:48,948 --> 00:02:50,850
And it matches my phone.
77
00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:52,370
You look like gay Iron Man.
78
00:02:52,490 --> 00:02:53,478
- Yeah.
- Uh...
79
00:02:53,598 --> 00:02:55,335
I think he means gay Tony Stark.
80
00:02:55,588 --> 00:02:57,980
- Yeah, read your comics, bro.
- Yeah, nicely done.
81
00:02:58,100 --> 00:02:59,478
Look, understand that
82
00:02:59,598 --> 00:03:03,316
latest in fashion, design,
technology, and my lady likes it.
83
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,385
Oh, by the way, she's my plus one.
84
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:09,289
Okay, no, you can't just bring some
rando girl because you have a plus one.
85
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,524
She's not a rando girl, okay?
86
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,225
She likes me, she's super
techie, very cool.
87
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,326
You guys are going to love her.
88
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,094
Oh.
The techie.
89
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,930
Yeah.
I get it.
90
00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:19,798
What? That explains
all the tech gear.
91
00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:20,901
No, I just like this stuff.
92
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,702
Come on, you're a boyfriend
chameleon, you know this.
93
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,304
Am not.
Yes, you are.
94
00:03:24,439 --> 00:03:27,707
You are so desperate for shared
interests, you basically just
95
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,576
adopt whatever hobbies the
person you're dating has.
96
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:31,176
Not true.
Not true?
97
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,279
Not true.
Lest I bring up Hippie Girl.
98
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,147
Anyone, please chime in.
Absolutely.
99
00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:37,250
Okay, all right, you know what?
100
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,186
Starchild was wonderful, all right?
101
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,388
I was Hacky-Sacking way
before I ever met her.
102
00:03:41,456 --> 00:03:43,223
You know who else did RSVP?
Who?
103
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,057
Is Megan.
Ooh.
104
00:03:45,193 --> 00:03:46,825
And she RSVP'd plus one.
Oh, no.
105
00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:49,862
So? I think that's,
I think it's great.
106
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:51,698
Awkward.
107
00:03:51,766 --> 00:03:52,766
It's not awkward, it's great.
108
00:03:52,834 --> 00:03:54,768
Oh, yeah, it's great that your
ex-wife is going to show up
109
00:03:54,836 --> 00:03:55,869
with a plus one to a party.
110
00:03:55,937 --> 00:03:57,771
I want Megan to move on, okay?
111
00:03:57,839 --> 00:03:59,639
I'm happy for her that
she's found someone.
112
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:02,342
You don't want her to be happy.
No way.
113
00:04:02,477 --> 00:04:04,311
You just want her not to sit
around 24-7 hating you.
114
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,979
That's part of it.
You're being selfishly selfless.
115
00:04:07,115 --> 00:04:09,970
I prefer the term
"altruistically self-serving."
116
00:04:10,090 --> 00:04:11,952
Oh, shit, I got to get back to work.
Congratulations.
117
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,447
I got to get out of here.
Enjoy it.
118
00:04:13,567 --> 00:04:16,822
To the bathroom real quick.
I'm not waiting for this bathroom.
119
00:04:16,958 --> 00:04:18,091
Um, I got to race to the office.
120
00:04:18,159 --> 00:04:19,607
See you, guys.
Later.
121
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:20,774
Bye, buddy.
122
00:04:23,064 --> 00:04:25,098
Oh, shit.
123
00:04:25,166 --> 00:04:26,538
Uh...
124
00:04:38,146 --> 00:04:40,847
(door opens and closes)
125
00:04:40,915 --> 00:04:43,817
Oh, come on.
126
00:04:43,885 --> 00:04:47,087
No, wait, no, it's occ...
No.
127
00:04:47,155 --> 00:04:47,921
(man grunting)
128
00:04:47,989 --> 00:04:50,790
Come on.
129
00:04:58,095 --> 00:04:58,881
Sofia...
130
00:04:59,001 --> 00:05:00,636
You look absolutely scrumptious.
131
00:05:00,704 --> 00:05:03,205
And you look like a Russian figure skater.
Oh, thank you.
132
00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:06,655
Hey, hey, hey, no, I said
bottled water on the tables.
133
00:05:06,775 --> 00:05:08,474
What?
Money is not an issue.
134
00:05:08,610 --> 00:05:10,578
How many times do I have
to tell these people?
135
00:05:10,645 --> 00:05:12,646
I'm sorry, guys, I'll be right back.
136
00:05:12,714 --> 00:05:14,582
You take care of it, honey, thanks.
137
00:05:14,649 --> 00:05:16,343
Jesus, look at this place.
138
00:05:16,463 --> 00:05:18,168
Do me a favor and say
"Happy anniversary."
139
00:05:18,288 --> 00:05:19,912
I will when she says
"Happy birthday."
140
00:05:20,032 --> 00:05:21,952
No, you say it first.
Hi.
141
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,208
Oh. Hi, guys.
Kevin and Jenny. Wow.
142
00:05:23,588 --> 00:05:25,425
Hi, Jenny.
You look lovely.
143
00:05:25,545 --> 00:05:26,595
Thank you.
144
00:05:26,715 --> 00:05:29,085
This is the same dress that I
wore at my rehearsal dinner the
145
00:05:29,205 --> 00:05:30,572
night before my wedding.
146
00:05:30,826 --> 00:05:32,604
Oh, the night before my birthday?
My wedding.
147
00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:34,109
My birthday.
My wedding.
148
00:05:34,229 --> 00:05:35,418
My birthday.
My wedding.
149
00:05:35,538 --> 00:05:36,564
Five years ago?
150
00:05:36,684 --> 00:05:37,908
Can you believe the dress still fits?
151
00:05:38,028 --> 00:05:40,327
Actually, I had to take
it in just a little bit.
152
00:05:40,447 --> 00:05:42,437
I am going to go get a drink.
153
00:05:42,557 --> 00:05:44,575
I will get it... okay,
see you over there.
154
00:05:45,337 --> 00:05:46,303
Hey, guys, how's it going?
155
00:05:46,371 --> 00:05:48,105
Why are you eating an ice
cream sandwich, Pete?
156
00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:50,007
When do you ever see an
ice cream truck anymore?
157
00:05:50,075 --> 00:05:50,941
I had to go for it.
158
00:05:51,009 --> 00:05:52,309
Okay, that explains that.
159
00:05:52,377 --> 00:05:53,477
What is this little...?
160
00:05:53,545 --> 00:05:57,782
Ah, this is my newest
invention... Bathroom Cubby.
161
00:05:57,849 --> 00:06:00,384
Got to go to the bathroom, but
you got some food in your hand,
162
00:06:00,452 --> 00:06:02,386
something you don't
want in the bathroom.
163
00:06:02,454 --> 00:06:03,454
This is outside the bathroom.
164
00:06:03,522 --> 00:06:06,957
You stick your sandwich in there,
come back out, everything's clean.
165
00:06:07,025 --> 00:06:08,726
This is brilliant.
Mm-hmm.
166
00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:11,462
I won't even chew gum and go
into the bathroom because I'll
167
00:06:11,530 --> 00:06:14,165
end up chewing whatever
it is I smell in there.
168
00:06:14,232 --> 00:06:16,667
Everybody in the end
needs a Bathroom Cubby.
169
00:06:16,735 --> 00:06:17,668
He doesn't need one.
170
00:06:17,736 --> 00:06:19,904
You have been keeping busy, I see.
171
00:06:19,971 --> 00:06:21,839
Hey.
Hi.
172
00:06:21,973 --> 00:06:23,673
How's it going?
It's really good.
173
00:06:23,809 --> 00:06:25,942
Ted, this is my ex-husband Pete.
Pete.
174
00:06:26,078 --> 00:06:26,844
How you doing?
175
00:06:26,912 --> 00:06:29,380
Uh, I got some... Oh, let me ke...
Here, get a little bit of
176
00:06:29,448 --> 00:06:31,482
that, little bit of that.
177
00:06:31,550 --> 00:06:33,718
It's a pleasure, it's a real pleasure.
178
00:06:33,785 --> 00:06:35,853
Wow, good, uh, firm handshake there.
179
00:06:35,921 --> 00:06:37,521
He works out.
180
00:06:37,589 --> 00:06:40,157
I've got to say thank
you for letting her go.
181
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:42,059
Paved the way to my happiness.
What can I say?
182
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:44,361
I'm a, I'm a spiritual
bulldozer, if you will.
183
00:06:44,429 --> 00:06:45,362
(laughter)
184
00:06:45,430 --> 00:06:47,096
Well, come on over.
Happy, happy, happy.
185
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:48,765
You look gorgeous.
Nice to meet you.
186
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,433
Hi, handsome.
Nice to meet you.
187
00:06:50,569 --> 00:06:52,403
We have a little gift for you.
188
00:06:52,471 --> 00:06:54,170
All right.
Yes.
189
00:06:54,306 --> 00:06:55,306
It's a Nepalese dream box.
190
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,475
Yeah, we just got back from Nepal.
191
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,343
It's something we like to do
every night before we go to
192
00:06:59,411 --> 00:07:01,245
sleep... we put our dreams in there.
193
00:07:01,374 --> 00:07:02,043
Cool.
194
00:07:02,163 --> 00:07:03,449
So, anyway, happy anniversary.
Thank you so much.
195
00:07:03,569 --> 00:07:05,739
It's a gorgeous gift. I mean...
Guys, quick question.
196
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,251
What does that box actually do?
197
00:07:07,371 --> 00:07:09,004
'Cause this one actually
is pretty practical.
198
00:07:09,127 --> 00:07:10,027
I got an idea.
199
00:07:10,095 --> 00:07:13,297
Why don't we put the dream
locker in the dump locker?
200
00:07:13,365 --> 00:07:14,731
Yeah, there you go.
You know what, honey?
201
00:07:14,866 --> 00:07:17,567
Would you like a drink?
I'm going to get you a Jack and ginger.
202
00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:19,502
Thanks, babe.
I can come with you though.
203
00:07:19,638 --> 00:07:22,238
No, no, no, no.
Closure's a beautiful thing.
204
00:07:22,374 --> 00:07:24,842
Thanks for being emotionally
above-board and awesome, Ted.
205
00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:26,310
Isn't he awesome?
206
00:07:26,378 --> 00:07:28,145
I like Ted.
He is really cute.
207
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,545
Yeah.
Come on. Let's go talk.
208
00:07:30,749 --> 00:07:32,016
All right, all right.
209
00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:33,983
Good spot for that.
I like it.
210
00:07:34,119 --> 00:07:36,853
I won't bite.
That thing doesn't even make sense.
211
00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:38,990
Did I just see Megan walk
in with her grandfather?
212
00:07:39,057 --> 00:07:39,857
No.
213
00:07:39,925 --> 00:07:42,692
Where is my drink, sweetheart?
I don't know, but this is my third.
214
00:07:42,828 --> 00:07:46,063
And we are entering into the
fifth anniversary party.
215
00:07:46,131 --> 00:07:47,473
Why are you filming us?
216
00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:49,020
- It's for my vlog.
- Blog.
217
00:07:49,287 --> 00:07:50,835
No, it's a video blog. Vlog.
218
00:07:50,955 --> 00:07:52,150
Everybody, this is Stacy.
219
00:07:52,270 --> 00:07:53,436
Hi.
Hi.
220
00:07:53,572 --> 00:07:54,505
Oh, my God.
221
00:07:54,573 --> 00:07:57,241
It is so great to finally
meet you guys in person.
222
00:07:57,309 --> 00:08:00,075
Thank you. Rodney?
Ruxin.
223
00:08:00,195 --> 00:08:01,433
Oh, my God.
224
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:04,469
I found some of your college
poetry on an archived Prodigy
225
00:08:04,537 --> 00:08:09,374
page, and I just have to say,
"Hernanado's Song" was beautiful.
226
00:08:09,442 --> 00:08:11,241
What is she talking about?
It was beautiful.
227
00:08:11,377 --> 00:08:13,143
And you, Kevin.
Whoa.
228
00:08:13,279 --> 00:08:15,113
How many times do I have to
poke you before you accept my
229
00:08:15,181 --> 00:08:16,381
friend request on Facebook?
230
00:08:16,449 --> 00:08:18,650
I don't even know who you are.
231
00:08:18,718 --> 00:08:20,951
Sofia, Oh, my God.
Hmm?
232
00:08:21,087 --> 00:08:22,354
Oh.
233
00:08:22,421 --> 00:08:26,157
(whispering): By the way, I love
the nose job; it's perky, cute,
234
00:08:26,225 --> 00:08:29,027
but it doesn't rob you of
your ethnicity, you know?
235
00:08:29,095 --> 00:08:30,662
Anyway, I'm going to grab a drink.
236
00:08:30,730 --> 00:08:31,663
Okay.
237
00:08:31,731 --> 00:08:33,264
Do you want something?
Whatever you're having.
238
00:08:33,399 --> 00:08:35,333
Yeah?
All right, great.
239
00:08:35,468 --> 00:08:37,234
Isn't she great?
No.
240
00:08:37,370 --> 00:08:39,136
She's weird.
Totally weird.
241
00:08:39,272 --> 00:08:40,772
What do you mean, she's weird?
No.
242
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:42,973
She's strange, man.
Shit's natural, bitch.
243
00:08:43,109 --> 00:08:44,809
Okay, guys, just chill out.
244
00:08:44,877 --> 00:08:46,476
She Googled you guys.
No, no.
245
00:08:46,612 --> 00:08:48,278
She Googled too deep.
She's a deep Googler.
246
00:08:48,414 --> 00:08:50,547
She's like page five shit, man.
Come on.
247
00:08:50,683 --> 00:08:52,617
No, actually, I am kind o
curious about this whole poetry
248
00:08:52,685 --> 00:08:54,119
thing you've got going on, Rodney.
249
00:08:54,186 --> 00:08:55,286
Come on.
It was a goof.
250
00:08:55,421 --> 00:08:56,721
I got it right here.
No. No.
251
00:08:56,856 --> 00:09:00,992
"With auburn hair and dark,
dark eyes, Hernando rode the
252
00:09:01,112 --> 00:09:05,452
steed of love into the
gallows of my heart."
253
00:09:05,594 --> 00:09:07,131
Hernando's a man's name.
254
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:10,834
You're not weird about Ted and...
Ted? No. Ted?
255
00:09:10,902 --> 00:09:13,803
Honestly, like, I think Ted is great.
He is great.
256
00:09:13,938 --> 00:09:16,373
In fact, I've never met anybody who's
been through the Great Depression.
257
00:09:16,441 --> 00:09:18,042
I'd be curious to get a
firsthand retelling.
258
00:09:18,109 --> 00:09:19,376
Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah.
259
00:09:19,444 --> 00:09:21,879
But seriously, I'm glad
you found someone.
260
00:09:21,946 --> 00:09:25,049
I can see why you'd be attracted to an
older man, 'cause you are very mature.
261
00:09:25,116 --> 00:09:26,649
You always have been.
He is very mature.
262
00:09:26,785 --> 00:09:29,253
But, there is the wild Megan.
263
00:09:29,321 --> 00:09:31,055
What happens when...
He's wild.
264
00:09:31,122 --> 00:09:33,090
Really?
Totally.
265
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,259
What happens when you guys are
at a party and you're ready
266
00:09:35,327 --> 00:09:37,582
to let it rip, and he wants
to go home at 8:15?
267
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,631
- He can hang.
- Oh, he can hang?
268
00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:41,318
Oh, honey, he can hang.
269
00:09:42,946 --> 00:09:45,940
Hey, if we could have
your attention real quickly.
270
00:09:46,060 --> 00:09:47,868
We just want to welcome you all
271
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:51,867
And we're so honored to have you
come and join us at our anniversary party.
272
00:09:51,987 --> 00:09:53,091
Or my birthday party.
273
00:09:53,211 --> 00:09:54,305
So uh...
274
00:09:54,350 --> 00:09:55,698
I just wanted to say when...
275
00:09:55,759 --> 00:09:56,773
Listen up everyone...
276
00:09:56,893 --> 00:09:58,301
If we can get your attention over here.
277
00:09:58,337 --> 00:10:00,371
I think Ruxin has
a little something to say.
278
00:10:00,582 --> 00:10:03,058
Okay, well we started that already, Taco.
279
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,409
When I decided
280
00:10:04,949 --> 00:10:06,722
many many months ago
281
00:10:06,842 --> 00:10:09,381
to throw an anniversary
party for my wife...
282
00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:12,162
I'm sorry.
Can just interrupt for one second?
283
00:10:12,230 --> 00:10:13,356
Do you... Oh, sure.
Come on up.
284
00:10:13,476 --> 00:10:15,164
Uh, thank you.
I'm sorry.
285
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,101
I know this is a very special day.
286
00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:21,225
The love between Ruxin and
Sofia reminds me of my
287
00:10:21,345 --> 00:10:22,940
relationship with my beautiful wife.
288
00:10:23,007 --> 00:10:26,769
Love is a symphony, and
love is a partnership.
289
00:10:28,446 --> 00:10:33,913
And love is...
Sorry, I said I wouldn't do it.
290
00:10:36,253 --> 00:10:38,856
I just... I thank you for
sharing your life with me.
291
00:10:38,923 --> 00:10:39,890
Thank you.
292
00:10:39,958 --> 00:10:41,859
Oh...
(applause)
293
00:10:41,926 --> 00:10:43,659
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
294
00:10:43,795 --> 00:10:46,296
Oh, that's...
Come here.
295
00:10:46,364 --> 00:10:48,265
Please, I had so much more to say.
296
00:10:48,333 --> 00:10:49,333
Oh, that's so thoughtful.
297
00:10:49,401 --> 00:10:51,835
Anyway, I just wanted to say
how honored I am... Oh, God.
298
00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:53,537
Everybody, have fun.
299
00:10:53,605 --> 00:10:54,937
Have fun tonight.
All right!
300
00:10:55,073 --> 00:10:55,873
(Sofia cheers)
301
00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:56,974
(glasses clinking)
302
00:10:57,041 --> 00:10:59,308
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday.
303
00:11:00,272 --> 00:11:01,274
Hey, you know what, Ted?
304
00:11:01,311 --> 00:11:03,378
These guys are in a fantasy league.
305
00:11:03,446 --> 00:11:05,380
Oh, uh, fantasy football?
306
00:11:05,448 --> 00:11:07,181
Yeah, yeah.
Great.
307
00:11:07,317 --> 00:11:08,684
You like football, Ted?
308
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:11,820
Ted's actually in a real league.
309
00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,788
Eight-man, 12-man?
What is it?
310
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,257
I'm in a-a park league.
311
00:11:15,325 --> 00:11:16,592
You play?
312
00:11:16,659 --> 00:11:18,193
You play? Wow.
313
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:21,930
Muddy field, no helmet, no pads,
out there every Saturday.
314
00:11:21,998 --> 00:11:22,931
Wow.
315
00:11:22,999 --> 00:11:25,599
Like Favre in those Wrangler ads?
With other guys.
316
00:11:25,735 --> 00:11:28,604
Actually... Honey, no, don't be so...
Don't be modest.
317
00:11:28,671 --> 00:11:30,539
It's nice to be able to stick
somebody once in a while.
318
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,040
Babe, what are you going to have?
319
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,674
I'm going to have salmon.
Salmon, uh, yeah.
320
00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:35,676
I'll have salmon, too, yeah.
Good choice, yeah.
321
00:11:35,812 --> 00:11:38,688
I'm going to go ahead and have
the bacon-wrapped filet, please?
322
00:11:38,808 --> 00:11:40,918
And if you could double up the
bacon on that, that'd be great.
323
00:11:41,038 --> 00:11:42,803
Go for it, buddy.
324
00:11:42,923 --> 00:11:44,811
Yeah, sounds good. Definitely, yeah.
325
00:11:44,931 --> 00:11:46,598
You should try it.
You should try it.
326
00:11:46,718 --> 00:11:48,120
Yeah, come on. Have a steak.
327
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,413
Yeah, you should.
What the hell..,
328
00:11:50,712 --> 00:11:52,850
Yes!!
Give me a filet rare.
329
00:11:52,970 --> 00:11:55,181
Yeah, Ted.
330
00:11:55,547 --> 00:11:58,114
Alright, Ted. Live a little. I like it.
About the time, right?
331
00:11:58,234 --> 00:12:00,055
Do it, let's do it. You know what?
332
00:12:00,175 --> 00:12:02,461
You have not seen anything yet.
It's fun.
333
00:12:02,581 --> 00:12:04,758
We're gonna have some shots.
It's your birthday.
334
00:12:04,878 --> 00:12:06,896
We need shots.
Yeah, top shelf.
335
00:12:07,216 --> 00:12:08,595
Yeah, yeah, I like it.
336
00:12:08,715 --> 00:12:09,781
Hey guys?
Yeah.
337
00:12:09,901 --> 00:12:10,906
Doesn't need to be top shelf.
338
00:12:11,026 --> 00:12:13,115
Oh, no, no. We're not driving.
Taco got us all cars.
339
00:12:17,719 --> 00:12:19,712
When you're like, with Ted,
340
00:12:19,832 --> 00:12:21,566
what is it like?
Amazing.
341
00:12:21,686 --> 00:12:22,476
The sex?
342
00:12:22,596 --> 00:12:26,566
A 30-year-old sloth is far
less useful to me than a
343
00:12:26,634 --> 00:12:28,768
60-year-old finely tuned machine.
344
00:12:28,836 --> 00:12:31,303
Really?
Really.
345
00:12:31,439 --> 00:12:34,207
Oh, my God.
346
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:35,275
And then there's that.
347
00:12:35,342 --> 00:12:36,908
There's this.
There's that.
348
00:12:37,044 --> 00:12:37,977
Right?
349
00:12:38,045 --> 00:12:40,180
Your random plus one just
tweeted about my anniversary.
350
00:12:40,247 --> 00:12:41,014
That's so great.
351
00:12:41,082 --> 00:12:42,515
And did she use the
hashtag "great event"?
352
00:12:42,583 --> 00:12:44,984
All I know is that I just got a
call from my cousin who is one
353
00:12:45,052 --> 00:12:47,753
of her 831 followers on Twitter.
That's so cool.
354
00:12:47,888 --> 00:12:50,290
No, because he wasn't invited
because I don't want
355
00:12:50,357 --> 00:12:52,525
him here because he collects ferrets.
356
00:12:52,593 --> 00:12:54,861
Well, that's what you get when
you live your life on the net.
357
00:12:54,929 --> 00:12:57,564
You know, your life on the net is
even sadder than your life on Earth?
358
00:12:57,631 --> 00:13:00,233
Well, really? If I'm so sad, then
how do I know that Cedric Benson?
359
00:13:00,591 --> 00:13:02,459
Out for the game.
What?
360
00:13:02,593 --> 00:13:04,394
Yeah.
You got to make a change.
361
00:13:04,529 --> 00:13:06,362
Thank you for this.
I actually do appreciate it.
362
00:13:06,497 --> 00:13:08,763
See? There's benefits.
Ah, ah, ah, ah! No phones.
363
00:13:08,967 --> 00:13:10,866
Bad Rodney.
Bad Rodney.
364
00:13:11,002 --> 00:13:12,002
No, no, no.
365
00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:15,505
I promised you guys a special night
and that means no distractions.
366
00:13:15,573 --> 00:13:19,376
So I am confiscating this phone and
you'll get it back tomorrow morning.
367
00:13:19,444 --> 00:13:21,510
No phone.
No phone, sweetie.
368
00:13:21,646 --> 00:13:22,579
Okay.
369
00:13:22,647 --> 00:13:23,914
Hey.
370
00:13:23,982 --> 00:13:26,750
I don't know what kind of
cockamamie bullshit you're
371
00:13:26,818 --> 00:13:28,452
pulling here, but I'm onto you.
372
00:13:28,519 --> 00:13:30,787
Nobody else thinks you've got
anything running around in your
373
00:13:30,855 --> 00:13:32,789
head, but I know about
your little plan.
374
00:13:32,857 --> 00:13:35,125
Oh, you found out about
my wedding video?
375
00:13:35,193 --> 00:13:36,560
What?
376
00:13:36,627 --> 00:13:38,795
Can I have your attention, everyone?
377
00:13:38,863 --> 00:13:42,065
It has taken me five years, but
I've finally completed Ruxin and
378
00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:44,735
Sofia's wedding gift,
their wedding video.
379
00:13:44,802 --> 00:13:46,770
But we already have a wedding video.
380
00:13:46,838 --> 00:13:49,039
Yes, but I was shooting behind
the scenes footage with
381
00:13:49,107 --> 00:13:51,375
my own camera without
any of you knowing.
382
00:13:51,442 --> 00:13:54,710
I wanted to capture the wedding's
"cinnamon very day" style.
383
00:13:54,846 --> 00:13:56,446
Can we bring the lights down, please?
384
00:13:56,514 --> 00:13:58,415
Enjoy.
Oh.
385
00:13:58,549 --> 00:13:59,549
All right. Yeah.
386
00:13:59,617 --> 00:14:00,150
(applause)
387
00:14:00,218 --> 00:14:01,418
Yay.
388
00:14:01,486 --> 00:14:02,419
Hey.
389
00:14:02,487 --> 00:14:03,487
Religious horror film.
390
00:14:03,554 --> 00:14:04,554
Lovely.
391
00:14:04,622 --> 00:14:07,791
Yeah, there...
there's Ruxin's penis.
392
00:14:07,859 --> 00:14:10,627
Whoa!
393
00:14:10,695 --> 00:14:12,429
That's not your hand, Ruxin.
394
00:14:12,497 --> 00:14:14,598
Why am I watching my wife in lingerie?
395
00:14:14,665 --> 00:14:16,233
Taco, come in.
396
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:18,335
Hey, Sofia, you excited?
397
00:14:18,403 --> 00:14:19,503
Yes, I am.
398
00:14:19,570 --> 00:14:20,337
Oh, it's okay.
399
00:14:20,405 --> 00:14:21,338
It's just Taco. It's fine.
400
00:14:21,406 --> 00:14:22,938
Come on in. Come on in.
Come on in.
401
00:14:23,074 --> 00:14:24,707
You've been working out.
I can tell.
402
00:14:24,842 --> 00:14:26,376
Mmm.
Not hard enough.
403
00:14:26,511 --> 00:14:28,311
Oh, yeah, no, you've
definitely been working out.
404
00:14:28,379 --> 00:14:29,579
You look sexy.
405
00:14:29,647 --> 00:14:30,781
Really, Taco?
406
00:14:30,848 --> 00:14:32,449
There you go.
I heart you.
407
00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:33,494
I heart you, too.
408
00:14:33,614 --> 00:14:35,452
All right, I'm going to say something.
I thank you.
409
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:38,165
That was...
Oh, boy...
410
00:14:38,285 --> 00:14:40,605
Okay, you know...
I thank you.
411
00:14:40,725 --> 00:14:41,858
It was a long time ago.
412
00:14:41,926 --> 00:14:44,594
Guys, long time ago.
413
00:14:44,662 --> 00:14:46,263
Hey, guys.
414
00:14:46,330 --> 00:14:47,697
What's going on?
415
00:14:47,765 --> 00:14:49,432
Hey, it's me!
Guys remember Jasmine, right?
416
00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:51,201
Boyfriend chameleon!
417
00:14:51,269 --> 00:14:52,669
You know what?
418
00:14:52,737 --> 00:14:54,037
I like that... I like that suit.
419
00:14:54,105 --> 00:14:56,473
You look great, Dr. Huxtable.
What?
420
00:14:56,607 --> 00:14:57,607
You look really great.
421
00:14:57,675 --> 00:14:58,708
Thank you.
422
00:14:58,776 --> 00:15:00,542
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You'll be fine.
423
00:15:00,678 --> 00:15:02,611
Hey!
There you go!
424
00:15:02,747 --> 00:15:06,116
I'm worried that her family
full of conquistadors is going
425
00:15:06,184 --> 00:15:09,386
to round up my whole family and
stick us in a basement and put
426
00:15:09,454 --> 00:15:11,121
yellow stars on us.
427
00:15:11,189 --> 00:15:13,457
That's the worst-case scenario.
428
00:15:13,524 --> 00:15:15,158
What is it with Catholicism?
429
00:15:15,226 --> 00:15:17,828
Why is the baby running the show here?
430
00:15:17,895 --> 00:15:19,029
No, no, don't touch!
431
00:15:19,097 --> 00:15:20,629
Don't touch!
You'll burn your skin.
432
00:15:20,765 --> 00:15:22,632
I don't know why I am
marrying this woman.
433
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:25,068
Why couldn't I just marry a
nice Jewish girl... Andrea
434
00:15:25,136 --> 00:15:26,703
Greenblatt in fourth grade?
435
00:15:26,771 --> 00:15:27,804
Because you like blow jobs.
436
00:15:27,872 --> 00:15:29,039
I love blow jobs!
437
00:15:29,107 --> 00:15:31,708
I haven't even written
my vows yet, Kevin.
438
00:15:31,776 --> 00:15:33,677
Your vows are the easy part.
439
00:15:33,744 --> 00:15:35,045
Very simple.
440
00:15:35,113 --> 00:15:36,313
This is what you do.
441
00:15:36,380 --> 00:15:39,149
Love is a... any noun you want.
442
00:15:39,217 --> 00:15:40,550
Any noun you want, all right?
443
00:15:40,618 --> 00:15:41,518
You just do that.
444
00:15:41,586 --> 00:15:43,653
"Love is a journey.
445
00:15:43,721 --> 00:15:45,722
Love is a commitment."
446
00:15:45,790 --> 00:15:48,142
And on the third one,
you can't get it out.
447
00:15:48,262 --> 00:15:52,762
"Love is a...
Hold on, give me a second.
448
00:15:52,830 --> 00:15:55,065
I can't get it out.
449
00:15:55,133 --> 00:15:57,234
"I just... I need a second.
450
00:15:57,301 --> 00:15:59,002
Love is a wonderful thing."
451
00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:00,537
And that's it... done.
452
00:16:00,605 --> 00:16:05,673
What I felt tonight...
Was "insert adjective here."
453
00:16:07,912 --> 00:16:09,179
They're not going to make it.
454
00:16:09,247 --> 00:16:10,847
Some people just aren't like us.
455
00:16:10,915 --> 00:16:12,182
We'll last forever.
456
00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:13,250
We'll last forever.
457
00:16:13,317 --> 00:16:15,252
Are you really getting
married in a church?
458
00:16:15,319 --> 00:16:16,520
I kind of want to.
459
00:16:16,587 --> 00:16:19,489
Is it terrible that I want
to (bleep) your brains out?
460
00:16:19,557 --> 00:16:21,424
In this church, now?
461
00:16:21,492 --> 00:16:23,326
It's wonderful, actually.
462
00:16:23,394 --> 00:16:24,728
I saw a coat closet.
463
00:16:24,795 --> 00:16:27,497
Mmm.
464
00:16:27,565 --> 00:16:29,366
I'm so horny right now.
465
00:16:29,433 --> 00:16:31,203
I want to (bleep) you
in the coat room so badly.
466
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,534
I just...
467
00:16:32,654 --> 00:16:34,433
Guys, we'll be right back.
Watch my purse.
468
00:16:34,553 --> 00:16:35,178
Alright.
469
00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:39,627
I guess they left a coat in the coat room,
or something. That's all I heard.
470
00:16:44,332 --> 00:16:46,038
Alright, can we bring up the lights please?
471
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,271
That was amazing.
472
00:16:48,391 --> 00:16:49,220
Whoo.
473
00:16:49,459 --> 00:16:51,471
I have one more surprise for you guys.
474
00:16:51,907 --> 00:16:55,065
The top of your original wedding cake.
475
00:16:55,185 --> 00:16:56,303
We're gonna have it for desert.
476
00:16:56,673 --> 00:16:58,307
You had second thoughts
about our marriage?
477
00:16:58,375 --> 00:17:00,076
No, I didn't have second
thoughts about our marriage.
478
00:17:00,143 --> 00:17:01,077
You didn't want to marry me?
479
00:17:01,144 --> 00:17:03,624
No, of course, I wanted to marry you.
480
00:17:03,744 --> 00:17:06,093
Uh, I need to go to the bathroom.
Uh, can someone watch my iPad?
481
00:17:06,213 --> 00:17:07,767
Oh, just put it in the,
uh, bathroom cubby.
482
00:17:07,887 --> 00:17:09,669
I set it all up.
You sure? Yeah.
483
00:17:11,469 --> 00:17:12,784
I know how to make this right.
484
00:17:12,904 --> 00:17:13,797
No, you don't.
Cake.
485
00:17:13,917 --> 00:17:15,232
You made it wrong.
I'll make it right.
486
00:17:15,352 --> 00:17:16,628
You embarrassed me.
Cake.
487
00:17:33,377 --> 00:17:34,610
Hey.
488
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:35,912
Hey.
489
00:17:35,979 --> 00:17:38,581
You brought my iPad into the bathroom?
490
00:17:38,649 --> 00:17:42,585
Yeah. Taco has organized this
whole night just to mess with me
491
00:17:42,653 --> 00:17:45,454
and beat me this week, and I'm not
going to let that frittata do it.
492
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:47,423
He's a sly fox.
No, he's not a sly fox.
493
00:17:47,557 --> 00:17:49,792
He's at the bar trying to cut his
own hair with a knife, okay?
494
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,160
You leave that in the cubby.
495
00:17:51,228 --> 00:17:53,595
Give me my iPad.
Let me just take her in peace.
496
00:17:53,730 --> 00:17:55,264
Give me my iPad.
It's my anniversary.
497
00:17:55,399 --> 00:17:56,699
Fine.
498
00:17:56,767 --> 00:17:58,701
Fine.
499
00:17:58,769 --> 00:18:02,471
(door opens and closes)
500
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:04,261
Give me my iPad.
501
00:18:04,328 --> 00:18:06,795
We've been saving that cake for five years.
Get it out of the bathroom.
502
00:18:06,931 --> 00:18:08,631
Ooh, let it take it in.
No!
503
00:18:08,766 --> 00:18:10,433
Take in all the bathroom scent.
504
00:18:10,501 --> 00:18:12,100
Get that cake out of here.
Give me the iPad.
505
00:18:12,236 --> 00:18:13,770
Give me the cake!
Give me the iPad.
506
00:18:13,904 --> 00:18:15,171
Oh!
507
00:18:15,239 --> 00:18:17,607
Oh, shit.
508
00:18:17,675 --> 00:18:19,209
No!
509
00:18:19,277 --> 00:18:20,844
Urinal cake!
510
00:18:20,911 --> 00:18:23,113
You are so screwed.
511
00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:24,347
Keep the iPad.
512
00:18:24,415 --> 00:18:26,182
My gift to you.
513
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:27,951
Happy anniversary.
514
00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:29,452
I can make this right.
515
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,322
I can make this right.
516
00:18:32,390 --> 00:18:33,790
All right.
517
00:18:33,858 --> 00:18:35,659
Here we go.
518
00:18:35,726 --> 00:18:39,162
Our original wedding cake
from five years ago.
519
00:18:39,230 --> 00:18:40,363
Oh, that looks good.
520
00:18:40,431 --> 00:18:44,334
But, you know, it's been around for
five years sitting in the freezer.
521
00:18:44,402 --> 00:18:48,470
It's probably got freezer burn, so...
He's going to eat the urinal cake. Shh, shh.
522
00:18:48,606 --> 00:18:50,674
And you're...
you're probably still angry with me.
523
00:18:50,741 --> 00:18:51,875
No, I'm not still angry.
524
00:18:51,942 --> 00:18:53,376
Taco and I talked it over.
525
00:18:53,444 --> 00:18:54,811
This night's too important.
526
00:18:54,879 --> 00:18:59,449
Well, uh, then, let's, uh...
let's do this, okay? Mm-hmm.
527
00:18:59,583 --> 00:19:01,384
We should just eat the...
Oh, no!
528
00:19:01,452 --> 00:19:02,719
Ooh!
529
00:19:02,787 --> 00:19:05,622
Oh, that's weird that I caught that.
530
00:19:05,690 --> 00:19:07,957
Usually, my reflexes are terrible.
531
00:19:08,025 --> 00:19:13,314
All right, everyone. Since Ruxin planned,
orchestrated and paid for this entire event,
532
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,044
You get the first bite.
533
00:19:15,164 --> 00:19:16,700
You evil genius.
534
00:19:16,767 --> 00:19:18,234
All right, everyone.
535
00:19:18,302 --> 00:19:25,041
Cake, cake, cake...
(all chanting "Cake")
536
00:19:25,109 --> 00:19:26,309
(groans)
537
00:19:26,377 --> 00:19:28,244
Come on, honey.
Come on!
538
00:19:28,379 --> 00:19:29,713
Honey, open your mouth.
539
00:19:29,780 --> 00:19:31,381
Come on.
540
00:19:31,449 --> 00:19:32,916
Cake, baby.
541
00:19:32,983 --> 00:19:34,217
Open your mouth.
542
00:19:34,285 --> 00:19:37,387
(whooping and hollering)
543
00:19:40,057 --> 00:19:41,257
All right, guys.
544
00:19:41,325 --> 00:19:42,492
Dance party time.
545
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:43,593
Come on, let's dance.
546
00:19:43,661 --> 00:19:44,694
We'll sit this one out.
547
00:19:44,762 --> 00:19:46,730
Hey, I thought we were
going to hang, guys.
548
00:19:46,797 --> 00:19:47,931
Oh, we're going to hang.
549
00:19:47,998 --> 00:19:50,266
Ted, we're hanging.
550
00:19:50,334 --> 00:19:53,399
If you're not feeling well...
No, he feels fantastic.
551
00:19:53,519 --> 00:19:54,356
Let's go.
552
00:19:59,143 --> 00:20:03,113
(whooping)
553
00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:04,714
Come on, Teddy.
554
00:20:04,782 --> 00:20:06,349
You all right, Ted?
555
00:20:06,417 --> 00:20:07,851
Hey, Ted, you okay?
556
00:20:07,918 --> 00:20:09,952
Aah!
Whoa!
557
00:20:10,087 --> 00:20:11,087
Ted's not hanging.
558
00:20:11,155 --> 00:20:13,990
Yes, he is going to hang.
559
00:20:14,058 --> 00:20:16,159
He's getting green.
560
00:20:16,227 --> 00:20:17,727
(Sofia screams)
561
00:20:17,795 --> 00:20:19,696
Teddy.
Excuse me, excuse me.
562
00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:22,399
Ted, are you... are you...
honey, are you okay?
563
00:20:22,466 --> 00:20:23,700
Oh, he's doing great.
564
00:20:23,768 --> 00:20:27,135
Hey, Ted. Really great
hanging with you, buddy.
565
00:20:27,271 --> 00:20:28,271
Might want to call 911.
566
00:20:28,339 --> 00:20:29,506
See you later.
567
00:20:29,573 --> 00:20:31,007
That's a hard fall.
568
00:20:31,075 --> 00:20:32,675
Megan, is your dad okay?
569
00:20:32,743 --> 00:20:35,078
Babe, I'm so sorry about today.
570
00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:36,579
I really screwed up.
571
00:20:36,647 --> 00:20:37,647
Why?
572
00:20:37,715 --> 00:20:39,716
It's kind of the best birthday ever.
573
00:20:39,784 --> 00:20:41,650
Really?
Are you kidding me?
574
00:20:41,770 --> 00:20:44,316
It's like a dream wreck.
I can't look away.
575
00:20:44,366 --> 00:20:48,916
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