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1
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ANDRE: Gentlemen, I introduce you to the
newest addition of the Andre gallery:
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00:00:05,785 --> 00:00:06,751
a Klumberg.
3
00:00:06,819 --> 00:00:08,420
PETE: Wow.
4
00:00:08,487 --> 00:00:09,054
KEVIN: God!
5
00:00:09,121 --> 00:00:11,689
I saw it in a gallery in
Telluride, and it spoke to me.
6
00:00:11,757 --> 00:00:15,226
I mean, every time I look at it, I still
get chills because it's so... Yeah.
7
00:00:15,294 --> 00:00:18,363
...powerful, I mean... TACO: Yeah, it's
a penis bird attacking ass mountain.
8
00:00:18,431 --> 00:00:19,931
(both chuckle)
9
00:00:19,999 --> 00:00:22,067
There's no penis here, okay?
10
00:00:22,134 --> 00:00:23,701
It's abstract.
11
00:00:23,769 --> 00:00:24,969
RUXIN: It is something.
12
00:00:25,037 --> 00:00:27,605
Why is the tip of the penis pink?
13
00:00:27,673 --> 00:00:29,541
It's art!
There doesn't need to be a reason!
14
00:00:29,608 --> 00:00:30,608
Use your imagination.
15
00:00:30,676 --> 00:00:33,545
Except for the part that makes
you think this is a penis bird.
16
00:00:33,612 --> 00:00:36,114
To me, it makes me feel like
the penis bird is dipped into
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00:00:36,182 --> 00:00:38,450
ass mountain, and has then been
ejected, but he's taking a
18
00:00:38,517 --> 00:00:40,318
little bit of ass mountain with him.
19
00:00:40,386 --> 00:00:42,987
Or it could be going in at
an angle like the shocker.
20
00:00:43,055 --> 00:00:43,755
Yes.
21
00:00:43,823 --> 00:00:44,789
It's not a shocker.
22
00:00:44,857 --> 00:00:48,760
I don't think they're selling a
picture of the shocker for $25,000.
23
00:00:48,828 --> 00:00:49,727
Okay!
24
00:00:49,795 --> 00:00:50,562
What?!
25
00:00:50,629 --> 00:00:52,764
$25,000 American dollars?
26
00:00:52,832 --> 00:00:53,998
$25,000.
27
00:00:54,066 --> 00:00:54,799
Not bad, right?
28
00:00:54,867 --> 00:00:55,834
I mean, it's a Klumberg.
29
00:00:55,901 --> 00:00:56,734
What a steal.
30
00:00:56,802 --> 00:00:58,736
Yeah, that is definitely a crime.
31
00:00:58,804 --> 00:01:01,005
You could get pictures like
this for free on the Internet.
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00:01:01,073 --> 00:01:02,140
No, it's art.
33
00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:04,342
It's colonialism, and
you'll never get it.
34
00:01:04,410 --> 00:01:07,345
Which part do you think's the dick?
35
00:01:07,346 --> 00:01:10,346
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:12,117
This couch sucks.
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00:01:12,184 --> 00:01:14,185
Well, don't cram into it then.
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00:01:14,253 --> 00:01:18,356
RAFFI: Andre, I am sorry for what I just
did to your bathroom, bro. (chuckles)
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00:01:18,424 --> 00:01:19,591
Why did you bring him?
40
00:01:19,658 --> 00:01:20,859
Because Sofia said I had to.
41
00:01:20,926 --> 00:01:22,427
Hey, man, will you
trade beers with me?
42
00:01:22,495 --> 00:01:23,027
Why?
43
00:01:23,095 --> 00:01:23,661
I tasted yours.
44
00:01:23,729 --> 00:01:24,496
I like it better.
45
00:01:24,563 --> 00:01:25,497
Wait. You had some of this?
46
00:01:25,564 --> 00:01:26,331
Yeah, just a minute ago.
47
00:01:26,398 --> 00:01:27,966
Raffi, don't drink
other people's beers.
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You're a dick.
49
00:01:28,734 --> 00:01:29,667
What? We're all hanging out.
50
00:01:29,735 --> 00:01:30,502
Here, it's all yours.
51
00:01:30,569 --> 00:01:31,169
Thanks, man.
52
00:01:31,237 --> 00:01:32,003
This house is cool.
53
00:01:32,071 --> 00:01:33,938
You know what you should
do in this place, Andre?
54
00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:35,540
Don't talk about
shooting a porno here.
55
00:01:35,608 --> 00:01:36,207
Shoot a porno.
56
00:01:36,275 --> 00:01:39,210
I got this buddy... If you talk about
Dirty Randy... ...Dirty Randy.
57
00:01:39,278 --> 00:01:40,211
This guy is amazing.
58
00:01:40,279 --> 00:01:41,179
I'm not interested.
59
00:01:41,247 --> 00:01:42,881
He scouts locations for pornos.
60
00:01:42,948 --> 00:01:43,681
I've used him before.
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00:01:43,749 --> 00:01:44,649
It's great.
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00:01:44,717 --> 00:01:45,650
They mostly clean everything up.
63
00:01:45,718 --> 00:01:47,485
I don't want to have
people having sex in here.
64
00:01:47,553 --> 00:01:48,153
Dude, are you?
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00:01:48,154 --> 00:01:53,191
Somebody's gotta have sex in this place
I just jerked off in the bathroom, so that's three of us.
66
00:01:53,259 --> 00:01:54,859
I thought you were taking a shit.
67
00:01:54,927 --> 00:01:56,828
Yeah, I did both at the same time.
68
00:01:56,896 --> 00:01:57,962
Oh, come on, man!
69
00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:58,997
What? It's how I work!
70
00:01:59,064 --> 00:02:02,033
Raffi, isn't there somewhere
you're supposed to be?
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00:02:02,101 --> 00:02:03,368
Yeah, I got a date tonight.
72
00:02:03,435 --> 00:02:04,335
Don't talk about Molly.
73
00:02:04,403 --> 00:02:05,303
Molly!
74
00:02:05,371 --> 00:02:06,137
You're dating Molly?
75
00:02:06,205 --> 00:02:08,306
Ah, I don't know if I
would call it "dating."
76
00:02:08,374 --> 00:02:08,907
You know her?
77
00:02:08,974 --> 00:02:11,142
Yeah, I went to the
party to talk to her.
78
00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:13,144
Oh, that's right.
79
00:02:13,212 --> 00:02:14,212
You blew it. (laughs)
80
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,782
You guys, best friend
club Don't touch.
81
00:02:17,850 --> 00:02:19,517
You guys, fella, number one.
82
00:02:19,585 --> 00:02:22,654
If Dirty Randy comes by, don't
let him in if you're alone.
83
00:02:22,721 --> 00:02:23,955
He preys on the weak.
84
00:02:24,023 --> 00:02:25,123
Tell him not to come.
85
00:02:25,191 --> 00:02:27,058
Love you guys.
86
00:02:27,126 --> 00:02:31,996
Uh, Ruxin, I know that Raffi's family and
that he's one of our best friends and
87
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,231
everything, but I hate him.
88
00:02:33,299 --> 00:02:34,199
Taco is right.
89
00:02:34,266 --> 00:02:35,066
That guy is a cancer.
90
00:02:35,134 --> 00:02:35,967
He's the worst, man.
91
00:02:36,035 --> 00:02:37,502
I mean... he really has...
He's horrible!
92
00:02:37,570 --> 00:02:38,536
He's terrible!
93
00:02:38,604 --> 00:02:39,737
I know! I agree!
94
00:02:39,805 --> 00:02:41,539
I want him gone!
95
00:02:41,607 --> 00:02:43,241
Well, then do something about it.
96
00:02:43,309 --> 00:02:45,176
I can't! He's family!
97
00:02:45,244 --> 00:02:46,411
He is my Fredo.
98
00:02:46,478 --> 00:02:47,712
He hasn't even won one game.
99
00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:50,815
El Cuñado has made this
entire thing just unfun.
100
00:02:50,883 --> 00:02:54,986
Well, if it's not fun
anymore, why do we do it?
101
00:02:55,054 --> 00:02:56,254
That's it.
102
00:02:56,322 --> 00:02:59,357
Guys, we disband the league.
103
00:02:59,425 --> 00:03:02,193
No, you can't disband the league.
104
00:03:02,261 --> 00:03:03,228
No, no, not for real.
105
00:03:03,295 --> 00:03:06,064
We have a big fake fight in
front of Raffi where he sees
106
00:03:06,131 --> 00:03:08,399
everything fall apart, then
the next day, we just start
107
00:03:08,467 --> 00:03:10,368
the league over again,
and he's none the wiser.
108
00:03:10,436 --> 00:03:11,002
Good, good.
109
00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:13,938
In order to save the
league, we gotta kill it.
110
00:03:14,006 --> 00:03:15,873
This is just like
Ocean's Twelve.
111
00:03:15,941 --> 00:03:16,874
What?
112
00:03:16,942 --> 00:03:19,377
You're the little Asian guy,
I'm Bernie Mac, you're Casey
113
00:03:19,445 --> 00:03:24,449
Affleck... Maybe we should just
kill the league for real.
114
00:03:24,516 --> 00:03:26,217
Raffi is such an asshole.
115
00:03:26,285 --> 00:03:27,919
He always punches
me in the penis.
116
00:03:27,987 --> 00:03:30,021
JENNY: I have absolutely
no sympathy for you.
117
00:03:30,089 --> 00:03:30,788
I'm done.
118
00:03:30,856 --> 00:03:33,091
Ooh, I almost forgot,
it's garbage day.
119
00:03:33,158 --> 00:03:34,993
Taco, don't rummage through
other people's stuff.
120
00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:36,261
I'll catch up with you guys.
121
00:03:36,328 --> 00:03:37,262
Why does he do this?
122
00:03:37,329 --> 00:03:40,398
You know, at least he's not gonna
be taking it from our house.
123
00:03:40,466 --> 00:03:41,332
RUSSELL: Kevin, hey. Russell.
124
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,333
Hey, Russell. Hey.
125
00:03:42,401 --> 00:03:43,034
Russell, hey!
126
00:03:43,102 --> 00:03:44,068
Hey, Jenny. How are you?
127
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:44,702
How are you?
128
00:03:44,770 --> 00:03:45,570
Good to see you guys.
129
00:03:45,638 --> 00:03:46,237
Wow!
130
00:03:46,305 --> 00:03:47,705
Back from New York, huh?
131
00:03:47,773 --> 00:03:49,941
Yeah.
I tried it, I didn't like it.
132
00:03:50,009 --> 00:03:51,509
Too crowded, too
many crazy people.
133
00:03:51,577 --> 00:03:53,544
What's Taco doing
in the Dumpster?
134
00:03:53,612 --> 00:03:54,412
Howdy, Russell.
135
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:55,380
Like my new hat?
136
00:03:55,447 --> 00:03:57,849
Yeah. A homeless guy threw
that away two days ago.
137
00:03:57,916 --> 00:03:58,750
Well, his loss.
138
00:03:58,817 --> 00:04:00,685
Hey, you need anything
while I'm in here?
139
00:04:00,753 --> 00:04:01,886
Shoe? Part of a cat?
140
00:04:01,954 --> 00:04:03,588
No, no, I'm all
good on cat parts.
141
00:04:03,656 --> 00:04:04,589
All right.
142
00:04:04,657 --> 00:04:09,127
>>
143
00:04:09,194 --> 00:04:10,094
I see him at the grocery store.
144
00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:10,895
Let me ask you a question.
145
00:04:10,963 --> 00:04:12,230
What is going on
with his clothes?
146
00:04:12,298 --> 00:04:13,698
Uh...
It's out of control.
147
00:04:13,766 --> 00:04:15,199
He looks like a
roller-blading instructor.
148
00:04:15,267 --> 00:04:16,134
I know. It's a nightmare.
149
00:04:16,201 --> 00:04:17,068
Yeah, it's embarrassing.
150
00:04:17,136 --> 00:04:18,870
I would love to catch up
with you guys sometime.
151
00:04:18,937 --> 00:04:20,405
Absolutely.
We should have dinner or something.
152
00:04:20,472 --> 00:04:21,072
That would be great.
153
00:04:21,140 --> 00:04:21,939
Do I still have your info?
154
00:04:22,007 --> 00:04:22,573
Is this you guys?
155
00:04:22,641 --> 00:04:23,207
BOTH: Uh, yeah.
156
00:04:23,275 --> 00:04:23,808
That's it.
157
00:04:23,876 --> 00:04:24,442
Cool.
158
00:04:24,510 --> 00:04:25,476
Give us a call.
159
00:04:25,544 --> 00:04:26,544
Did you hear that?
160
00:04:26,612 --> 00:04:27,245
Sorry?
161
00:04:27,313 --> 00:04:28,579
I thought I heard Velcro.
162
00:04:28,647 --> 00:04:29,981
Nothing. I gotta go.
163
00:04:30,049 --> 00:04:31,482
It's great to see you guys.
164
00:04:31,550 --> 00:04:32,417
Yeah.
165
00:04:32,484 --> 00:04:34,152
Taco, be careful.
166
00:04:34,219 --> 00:04:35,486
Lot of bad stuff in there.
167
00:04:35,554 --> 00:04:36,954
Oh, a lot of good stuff.
168
00:04:37,022 --> 00:04:40,091
Hey, I got a hat, I got some
tape, I got a sweatshirt and
169
00:04:40,159 --> 00:04:42,293
a brand-new toilet seat.
170
00:04:42,361 --> 00:04:43,628
I really needed this.
171
00:04:43,696 --> 00:04:45,596
What happened to your old one?
172
00:04:45,664 --> 00:04:47,965
There's no old one.
173
00:04:50,069 --> 00:04:53,171
Hey, Jenny and I ran into your
buddy Russell who I guess
174
00:04:53,238 --> 00:04:54,339
is back from New York.
175
00:04:54,406 --> 00:04:57,909
Yes, here's a little dirt for
you: Russell is a sex addict.
176
00:04:57,976 --> 00:04:58,910
No, he's not.
177
00:04:58,977 --> 00:05:00,011
Yeah, big-time.
178
00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:01,112
That's a tough disease.
179
00:05:01,180 --> 00:05:02,113
There's no such thing.
180
00:05:02,181 --> 00:05:04,182
It's a problem of the
privileged man.
181
00:05:04,249 --> 00:05:05,183
It's all about opportunity.
182
00:05:05,250 --> 00:05:08,820
You don't see janitors running
around being, like, "Oh, God, I
183
00:05:08,887 --> 00:05:10,922
"can't stop tapping
all this ass!"
184
00:05:10,989 --> 00:05:13,191
How much sex do you need
to have before you know
185
00:05:13,258 --> 00:05:13,958
you're an addict?
186
00:05:14,026 --> 00:05:16,627
Guys, you're making fun
of a serious condition.
187
00:05:16,695 --> 00:05:18,796
The guy's just good
at what he does.
188
00:05:18,864 --> 00:05:19,831
He's not an addict.
189
00:05:19,898 --> 00:05:20,932
He's-he's accomplished.
190
00:05:20,999 --> 00:05:23,267
Yeah, sex addicts are just guys
who are telling the truth.
191
00:05:23,335 --> 00:05:26,604
"Yes, I would like to tap that
and I would like to tap that
192
00:05:26,672 --> 00:05:28,139
and I will tap that eventually."
193
00:05:28,207 --> 00:05:29,474
You're such a romantic.
194
00:05:29,541 --> 00:05:30,441
Mm-hmm.
195
00:05:30,509 --> 00:05:32,944
Guys, we got to talk about
this fake fight situation if
196
00:05:33,011 --> 00:05:33,945
we're gonna pull this off.
197
00:05:34,012 --> 00:05:34,746
I'm in.
198
00:05:34,813 --> 00:05:35,613
Yeah, I can't do it.
199
00:05:35,681 --> 00:05:37,482
I gotta keep my hands
clean on this one.
200
00:05:37,549 --> 00:05:38,950
Too much rage in these puppies.
201
00:05:39,017 --> 00:05:40,818
Yeah, I didn't bring
my stun gun.
202
00:05:40,886 --> 00:05:41,886
I don't fight without it.
203
00:05:41,954 --> 00:05:42,754
Anyone else need a drink?
204
00:05:42,821 --> 00:05:44,222
I'm gonna get...
Yeah.
205
00:05:44,289 --> 00:05:44,922
No, we're good.
206
00:05:44,990 --> 00:05:45,790
Know what that means?
207
00:05:45,858 --> 00:05:47,725
Me and you, mano a mano.
208
00:05:47,793 --> 00:05:51,462
Former champion, reigning champion
together on the gridiron.
209
00:05:51,530 --> 00:05:53,564
You seem a little fidgety, man.
210
00:05:53,632 --> 00:05:54,399
You all right?
211
00:05:54,466 --> 00:05:55,400
Yeah, I'm okay.
212
00:05:55,467 --> 00:05:56,334
Just feel a little weird.
213
00:05:56,402 --> 00:05:59,804
Hey, just want to talk to you about this
trade I was thinking about between us.
214
00:05:59,872 --> 00:06:00,772
Okay, let's do it.
215
00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:01,672
Great!
216
00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:02,607
I don't need details.
217
00:06:02,674 --> 00:06:03,341
All right.
218
00:06:03,409 --> 00:06:03,975
You know what?
219
00:06:04,042 --> 00:06:05,076
I think I have to go.
220
00:06:05,144 --> 00:06:06,444
I have to go to the bathroom.
221
00:06:06,512 --> 00:06:07,912
> Okay, you can use the bathroom here.
222
00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:09,013
I don't like them here.
223
00:06:09,081 --> 00:06:11,182
I don't like getting too far
away from my toilet seat.
224
00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:12,283
You know what? I hear ya.
225
00:06:12,351 --> 00:06:15,686
My wife doesn't let me do the serious
stuff at home, so I do it at the office.
226
00:06:15,754 --> 00:06:16,788
The weekends are the hardest.
227
00:06:16,855 --> 00:06:19,357
Just so you know, when I'm out
there, I'm not gonna pull
228
00:06:19,425 --> 00:06:26,664
any punches 'cause Andre goes
two speeds: fast and furious.
229
00:06:26,732 --> 00:06:29,834
All right, don't do that in the fake
fight 'cause that looks really fake.
230
00:06:29,902 --> 00:06:31,035
We also need a safe word.
231
00:06:31,103 --> 00:06:33,304
Which is why I
suggest "fidelio."
232
00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:36,641
Fidelio? Where are you gonna work
fidelio organically into a fight?
233
00:06:36,708 --> 00:06:37,375
That's the trick.
234
00:06:37,443 --> 00:06:40,311
You need to pick a word
that doesn't seem organic.
235
00:06:40,379 --> 00:06:41,145
We'll do the trade.
236
00:06:41,213 --> 00:06:41,979
We'll talk about it.
237
00:06:42,047 --> 00:06:42,947
I have to go, okay?
238
00:06:43,015 --> 00:06:43,781
Okay, great.
239
00:06:43,849 --> 00:06:45,683
See ya. Hey, Raffle.
240
00:06:45,751 --> 00:06:47,185
He's here! Raffi's here.
241
00:06:47,252 --> 00:06:48,186
All right, let's go.
242
00:06:48,253 --> 00:06:49,020
Let's do this.
243
00:06:49,087 --> 00:06:49,821
El Cuñado!
244
00:06:49,888 --> 00:06:50,488
El Cuñado!
245
00:06:50,556 --> 00:06:51,889
What's going on, buddy?
246
00:06:51,957 --> 00:06:53,524
I'm tired of your
nonsense, Andre!
247
00:06:53,592 --> 00:06:55,827
Don't walk away from me, Peter!
248
00:06:55,894 --> 00:06:58,162
I am fed up with you, man!
249
00:06:58,230 --> 00:06:59,730
Oh, it's a fight
between friends.
250
00:06:59,798 --> 00:07:01,532
Why don't we take this outside?
251
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:02,567
What?
252
00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:03,701
The fight's going outside.
253
00:07:03,769 --> 00:07:04,902
Let's take it outside.
254
00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:07,205
In the street like dogs!
255
00:07:07,272 --> 00:07:08,072
Fight!
256
00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:09,073
Let's go, get it going.
257
00:07:09,141 --> 00:07:10,007
Okay.
258
00:07:10,075 --> 00:07:10,842
All right.
259
00:07:10,909 --> 00:07:11,843
Let's get... where were we?
260
00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:12,844
You suck!
261
00:07:12,911 --> 00:07:13,711
You suck.
262
00:07:13,779 --> 00:07:14,545
Throw him a punch.
263
00:07:14,613 --> 00:07:15,379
Get in there.
264
00:07:15,447 --> 00:07:16,214
Get personal!
265
00:07:16,281 --> 00:07:17,215
Bite each other's dicks off!
266
00:07:17,282 --> 00:07:19,183
Why don't you ever listen to
my messages when I call you?
267
00:07:19,251 --> 00:07:20,985
Well, you leave, like,
four-minute messages.
268
00:07:21,053 --> 00:07:22,987
Sometimes I say funny
stuff on them.
269
00:07:23,055 --> 00:07:23,855
Less slapping!
270
00:07:23,922 --> 00:07:24,689
No, you don't.
271
00:07:24,756 --> 00:07:26,924
I will call you back or listen
to a message, but not both.
272
00:07:26,992 --> 00:07:27,992
Guys, dive for the knife!
273
00:07:28,060 --> 00:07:28,826
(knife clatters on ground)
274
00:07:28,894 --> 00:07:31,262
This is the kind of attitude
that makes you a loser.
275
00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:32,497
Geez, I'm trying to be nice.
276
00:07:32,564 --> 00:07:33,331
Relax.
277
00:07:33,398 --> 00:07:35,099
You don't have to
be nice to me.
278
00:07:35,167 --> 00:07:36,033
You're a failure in life.
279
00:07:36,101 --> 00:07:37,168
Your wife divorced you.
280
00:07:37,236 --> 00:07:38,169
You live in a studio apartment.
281
00:07:38,237 --> 00:07:40,204
Yeah, I'm a champion,
and you're a loser.
282
00:07:40,272 --> 00:07:41,405
Oh.
283
00:07:41,473 --> 00:07:42,673
I'm a loser?
284
00:07:42,741 --> 00:07:44,942
You make six figures, you
can't buy good taste, Andre.
285
00:07:45,010 --> 00:07:46,744
Look at your outfit.
286
00:07:46,812 --> 00:07:49,213
And that goddamn
Klumberg painting.
287
00:07:49,281 --> 00:07:51,716
Jesus, I should draw
veins on that thing.
288
00:07:51,783 --> 00:07:55,586
You have worse taste
than El Cuñado.
289
00:07:55,654 --> 00:07:57,121
(Andre yells)
290
00:07:57,189 --> 00:07:58,222
Ow, wow!
291
00:07:58,290 --> 00:07:59,423
Finish him!
292
00:07:59,491 --> 00:08:00,258
Guys, hey.
293
00:08:00,325 --> 00:08:01,092
Get off each other.
294
00:08:01,159 --> 00:08:01,959
All right, we get it.
295
00:08:02,027 --> 00:08:02,793
Fidelio!
296
00:08:02,861 --> 00:08:05,196
Fidelio.
297
00:08:05,264 --> 00:08:06,464
Fine. You know what?
298
00:08:06,532 --> 00:08:07,698
Keep this league.
299
00:08:07,766 --> 00:08:08,766
I quit.
300
00:08:08,834 --> 00:08:10,201
Enjoy your league.
301
00:08:10,269 --> 00:08:12,370
Have a great time.
302
00:08:12,437 --> 00:08:15,106
Guys, how are we going
to get Andre back?
303
00:08:15,173 --> 00:08:18,109
We are all best friends.
304
00:08:18,176 --> 00:08:21,112
But, honestly, if he doesn't
come back, I know a guy, Dirty
305
00:08:21,179 --> 00:08:23,414
Randy, who can join the league.
306
00:08:23,482 --> 00:08:25,917
Truth be told, he's
kind of an asshole.
307
00:08:25,984 --> 00:08:28,386
Bring it in.
308
00:08:28,453 --> 00:08:30,388
Bring it in, guys.
309
00:08:33,219 --> 00:08:34,419
Oh, Raffi's the worst.
310
00:08:34,487 --> 00:08:36,421
He's like a cockroach with a beard.
311
00:08:36,489 --> 00:08:39,257
You know, we should have just put you
in the league from the very beginning.
312
00:08:39,325 --> 00:08:40,125
We made a huge mistake.
313
00:08:40,193 --> 00:08:41,159
But you didn't.
314
00:08:41,227 --> 00:08:42,594
It's okay.
315
00:08:42,662 --> 00:08:43,729
I'm good.
316
00:08:43,796 --> 00:08:45,430
What do you mean, you're good?
317
00:08:45,498 --> 00:08:47,165
I'm in a league now, and I'm good.
318
00:08:47,233 --> 00:08:47,999
What league are you in?
319
00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:49,067
I'm in Russell's league.
320
00:08:49,135 --> 00:08:50,969
You cannot be in a
league with Russell.
321
00:08:51,037 --> 00:08:51,903
Why? He called the other day.
322
00:08:51,971 --> 00:08:52,771
They needed an extra person.
323
00:08:52,839 --> 00:08:53,605
We were talking.
324
00:08:53,673 --> 00:08:54,606
He asked me if I could do it.
325
00:08:54,674 --> 00:08:56,341
Jenny, Russell is a sex addict.
326
00:08:56,409 --> 00:08:58,243
There is no such thing
as a sex addict.
327
00:08:58,311 --> 00:08:59,111
There's just guys.
328
00:08:59,178 --> 00:09:01,246
Yes, guys who want to
sleep with everything.
329
00:09:01,314 --> 00:09:02,247
Yeah, guys.
330
00:09:02,315 --> 00:09:04,416
This guy is perverted, all right?
331
00:09:04,484 --> 00:09:05,650
Who starts a league week three?
332
00:09:05,718 --> 00:09:06,818
Whatever. I'll figure it out.
333
00:09:06,886 --> 00:09:08,854
We're going over there tonight
for the draft, and I'm excited.
334
00:09:08,921 --> 00:09:12,524
Jenny, I don't want you to be in a
league with Russell, the sex machine.
335
00:09:12,592 --> 00:09:14,192
I want you to be in a league with me.
336
00:09:14,260 --> 00:09:15,026
Really?
337
00:09:15,094 --> 00:09:15,861
Really.
338
00:09:15,928 --> 00:09:20,432
Well, it didn't sound like
that in Vegas, did it?
339
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:21,666
Taco!
340
00:09:21,734 --> 00:09:23,869
Hey, I'm here to make that trade.
341
00:09:23,936 --> 00:09:24,803
You want to do it?
342
00:09:24,871 --> 00:09:26,304
Yeah, I'm back here!
343
00:09:26,372 --> 00:09:28,507
I tried calling you,
but you didn't answer.
344
00:09:28,574 --> 00:09:31,777
Yeah, I forgot the phone in the
living room about four hours ago.
345
00:09:31,844 --> 00:09:34,112
Well, you, uh, ready to get this...
Oh!
346
00:09:34,180 --> 00:09:35,147
Hey, Ruxin.
347
00:09:35,214 --> 00:09:37,616
Why didn't you tell me this
was the bathroom, Taco?
348
00:09:37,683 --> 00:09:38,550
How's it going?
349
00:09:38,618 --> 00:09:39,384
I'm fine.
350
00:09:39,452 --> 00:09:40,485
Sorry. It's just been busy.
351
00:09:40,553 --> 00:09:41,386
Doing some work.
352
00:09:41,454 --> 00:09:42,387
Uh, I can come back later.
353
00:09:42,455 --> 00:09:44,322
Oh, I'm going to be here all day.
354
00:09:44,357 --> 00:09:45,123
Putting together a puzzle.
355
00:09:45,191 --> 00:09:46,158
Painting a picture.
356
00:09:46,225 --> 00:09:47,159
Putting together a puzzle.
357
00:09:47,226 --> 00:09:48,026
Painting a picture.
358
00:09:48,094 --> 00:09:49,694
You are painting quite a picture.
359
00:09:49,762 --> 00:09:50,529
Okay.
360
00:09:50,596 --> 00:09:52,197
Where do you think this should go?
361
00:09:52,265 --> 00:09:53,932
This way, this way, this
way, this way or this way?
362
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,801
Well, I'm going to leave,
and I'm never going to come
363
00:09:55,868 --> 00:09:57,536
back, and I'm going to
burn these clothes.
364
00:09:57,603 --> 00:09:58,370
Okay.
365
00:09:58,437 --> 00:09:59,204
See you later.
366
00:09:59,272 --> 00:10:00,305
Okay.
367
00:10:00,373 --> 00:10:02,874
I haven't spoken to
Andre in a couple days.
368
00:10:02,942 --> 00:10:05,811
Yeah, well, he was upset, so...
Well, I wonder why.
369
00:10:05,878 --> 00:10:07,479
You went too far in the fake fight.
370
00:10:07,547 --> 00:10:08,313
Mm-hmm.
371
00:10:08,381 --> 00:10:10,182
He doesn't understand
pretend... I can't help that.
372
00:10:10,249 --> 00:10:11,683
You have to apologize to him.
373
00:10:11,751 --> 00:10:12,517
I'm sorry.
374
00:10:12,585 --> 00:10:14,352
Why do I have to give a real
apology for a fake fight?
375
00:10:14,420 --> 00:10:16,021
You don't have to apologize, Pete.
376
00:10:16,088 --> 00:10:17,689
Just tell him that you
like the painting.
377
00:10:17,757 --> 00:10:19,357
Yeah, tell him you like the Klumberg.
378
00:10:19,425 --> 00:10:21,026
Can we just do something easier?
379
00:10:21,093 --> 00:10:22,694
Can you just shoot me
in the face, please?
380
00:10:22,762 --> 00:10:24,362
No, we talked about that possibility.
381
00:10:24,430 --> 00:10:26,998
Yeah, we'd still be a man down, and
a six-man league is just pathetic.
382
00:10:27,066 --> 00:10:28,667
Yeah, that's a good point, actually.
383
00:10:28,734 --> 00:10:34,639
We cannot let a fake fight
destroy the league for real.
384
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,373
Has anyone seen Taco?
385
00:10:35,441 --> 00:10:37,475
He was supposed to come over to
my house for dinner last night,
386
00:10:37,543 --> 00:10:38,310
never showed up.
387
00:10:38,377 --> 00:10:39,177
I did see your brother.
388
00:10:39,245 --> 00:10:42,647
I went to his apartment, and I literally
could not pry him off the toilet seat.
389
00:10:42,715 --> 00:10:44,516
He sat there the whole time...
Was he sick?
390
00:10:44,584 --> 00:10:45,350
No, he was fine.
391
00:10:45,418 --> 00:10:46,251
In fact, he was engaged.
392
00:10:46,319 --> 00:10:47,085
He was sharp.
393
00:10:47,153 --> 00:10:49,721
It was like he was working
on another level.
394
00:10:49,789 --> 00:10:50,722
Oh, my God.
395
00:10:50,790 --> 00:10:53,391
We had this case down
at the DA's office.
396
00:10:53,459 --> 00:10:57,495
These guys are smuggling in
cocaine molded into toilet seats.
397
00:10:57,563 --> 00:11:00,599
The other day, I saw Taco
rummaging through a-a Dumpster,
398
00:11:00,666 --> 00:11:02,500
and he pulled out a toilet seat.
399
00:11:02,568 --> 00:11:06,404
So Taco is basically addicted
to sitting on the toilet.
400
00:11:06,472 --> 00:11:07,505
Sorry.
401
00:11:07,573 --> 00:11:08,740
(laughing)
402
00:11:08,808 --> 00:11:10,342
This is great, you know?
403
00:11:10,409 --> 00:11:14,012
I got a sex addict trying to plow my
wife, and my brother's Pablo Escobar.
404
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:16,448
Cheers to you, buddy.
405
00:11:16,515 --> 00:11:20,051
So I just kind of want to formally
apologize for the fake fight.
406
00:11:20,119 --> 00:11:21,119
A lot of things were said.
407
00:11:21,187 --> 00:11:23,221
Mean, hurtful things were said.
408
00:11:23,289 --> 00:11:24,289
Yeah, but that was for Raffi.
409
00:11:24,357 --> 00:11:26,124
I mean, you don't have bad taste.
410
00:11:26,192 --> 00:11:28,627
In fact, you have excellent taste.
411
00:11:28,694 --> 00:11:29,861
So you really like it?
412
00:11:29,929 --> 00:11:31,563
Andre, I don't like it.
413
00:11:31,631 --> 00:11:33,465
I think I love it.
414
00:11:33,532 --> 00:11:35,100
See? I knew it!
415
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:37,903
So you and I have the same
taste, but, you know, we can't
416
00:11:37,970 --> 00:11:40,472
go around saying everything
when the guys are over.
417
00:11:40,539 --> 00:11:43,108
You know, it embarrasses them,
you know, that we have that.
418
00:11:43,175 --> 00:11:43,942
Yeah.
419
00:11:44,010 --> 00:11:47,045
And I'll tell you one other thing about
this... it is great with the ladies.
420
00:11:47,113 --> 00:11:48,813
Ladies love the Klumberg, huh?
421
00:11:48,881 --> 00:11:51,549
Oh, nothing says
erotique like Klumberg.
422
00:11:51,617 --> 00:11:53,618
You know, you can
borrow it if you want.
423
00:11:53,686 --> 00:11:54,753
I could not borrow this.
424
00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:57,122
I mean, this...
I couldn't do it to you.
425
00:11:57,189 --> 00:11:58,957
Charms the pants
off the ladies.
426
00:11:59,025 --> 00:12:01,259
So we're friends again and...
Yes, we're friends, because
427
00:12:01,327 --> 00:12:02,327
we get it.
428
00:12:02,395 --> 00:12:03,161
Okay.
429
00:12:03,229 --> 00:12:04,963
And you're back in the
league and we're all good?
430
00:12:05,031 --> 00:12:06,898
Yes, but under one condition.
431
00:12:06,966 --> 00:12:07,966
No.
432
00:12:08,034 --> 00:12:08,967
Okay, I'm in.
433
00:12:09,035 --> 00:12:09,634
All right.
434
00:12:09,702 --> 00:12:10,435
We'll see you later.
435
00:12:10,503 --> 00:12:11,069
Later.
436
00:12:11,137 --> 00:12:13,271
My bro!
437
00:12:18,182 --> 00:12:19,115
Hey, guys.
438
00:12:19,183 --> 00:12:20,784
All right, let's put
Time Cop in.
439
00:12:20,851 --> 00:12:21,785
I got to be home in two hours.
440
00:12:21,852 --> 00:12:22,619
No, no, no.
441
00:12:22,686 --> 00:12:23,453
No Time Cop, Taco.
442
00:12:23,521 --> 00:12:24,421
This is an intervention.
443
00:12:24,488 --> 00:12:25,255
What?
444
00:12:25,322 --> 00:12:26,923
No, smoking pot's not illegal.
445
00:12:26,991 --> 00:12:29,959
Actually, it is, but that's
not why we called you here.
446
00:12:30,027 --> 00:12:30,894
What?
447
00:12:30,961 --> 00:12:31,761
I made hummus.
448
00:12:31,829 --> 00:12:33,329
Guys, I don't have a problem.
449
00:12:33,397 --> 00:12:35,231
I don't know what you
guys are talking about.
450
00:12:35,299 --> 00:12:37,333
Taco, you're holding
on to a toilet seat.
451
00:12:37,401 --> 00:12:38,301
You don't understand.
452
00:12:38,369 --> 00:12:39,235
It's just so comfortable.
453
00:12:39,303 --> 00:12:41,838
You just sit on it, and you're
like, "Wow, I could do anything."
454
00:12:41,906 --> 00:12:44,574
Well, I mean, anything you
could do sitting on a toilet.
455
00:12:44,642 --> 00:12:47,444
The reason you feel that way
is because that toilet seat is
456
00:12:47,511 --> 00:12:55,418
made out of cocaine.
We're all - help you get over this... and one
457
00:12:55,486 --> 00:12:58,655
of the ways that I've tried to
help tonight is to make this
458
00:12:58,722 --> 00:13:01,090
hummus for you and...
Would you like to try this?
459
00:13:01,158 --> 00:13:03,092
I'm really not hungry right now.
460
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,060
Okay, well, it's very good.
461
00:13:04,128 --> 00:13:05,728
Look, you need help, all right?
462
00:13:05,796 --> 00:13:06,563
This is it.
463
00:13:06,630 --> 00:13:08,398
Guys, it's just that when I sit
on this thing, I feel like
464
00:13:08,466 --> 00:13:10,400
the smartest, most powerful
person in the entire bathroom.
465
00:13:10,468 --> 00:13:12,735
You know what, let me...
let me deal with this as a doctor.
466
00:13:12,803 --> 00:13:19,142
Taco, cocaine is a drug
that's very, very addictive.
467
00:13:19,210 --> 00:13:22,078
Everything you just said, I could have
said, even though I'm not a doctor.
468
00:13:22,146 --> 00:13:23,112
Yeah, he talks really slow.
469
00:13:23,180 --> 00:13:23,980
Could you talk, please?
470
00:13:24,048 --> 00:13:26,282
Will you make a pledge to us
that you will try to get better?
471
00:13:26,350 --> 00:13:27,283
Yes.
472
00:13:27,351 --> 00:13:30,420
And will you make a pledge to us
that you will try this hummus?
473
00:13:30,488 --> 00:13:31,488
Stop with the hummus, Andre!
474
00:13:31,555 --> 00:13:32,722
I'm done with it, okay?
475
00:13:32,790 --> 00:13:33,556
It's good.
476
00:13:33,624 --> 00:13:35,625
What, you think you
reinvented the hummus wheel?
477
00:13:35,693 --> 00:13:36,493
I might have.
478
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,394
Really, you smashed the
chickpeas yourself?
479
00:13:38,462 --> 00:13:39,429
I mixed two recipes.
480
00:13:39,497 --> 00:13:40,330
"Oh, look at me!
481
00:13:40,397 --> 00:13:41,164
I'm Chef Vitaly!"
482
00:13:41,232 --> 00:13:41,998
Oh, you know what?
483
00:13:42,066 --> 00:13:42,899
Oh, what... what do I know?
484
00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:44,801
You going to try to tell me
that this is more important...
485
00:13:44,869 --> 00:13:45,835
Down, down, down, down.
486
00:13:45,903 --> 00:13:46,936
Okay, all right, fine.
487
00:13:47,004 --> 00:13:47,770
Guys, guys!
488
00:13:47,838 --> 00:13:49,672
Let's keep our eyes on the
prize here, all right?
489
00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:51,574
There's a man sitting here with
a toilet seat under his shirt.
490
00:13:51,642 --> 00:13:53,076
No, no, no, I threw it away.
491
00:13:53,143 --> 00:13:55,278
Taco, take it out.
492
00:13:55,346 --> 00:13:56,779
You're done.
493
00:13:56,847 --> 00:13:58,815
You're not walking out of
here with that toilet seat.
494
00:13:58,883 --> 00:13:59,649
Hand it over.
495
00:13:59,717 --> 00:14:00,483
All right.
496
00:14:00,551 --> 00:14:01,317
Time to give it up.
497
00:14:01,385 --> 00:14:02,151
Okay, fine.
498
00:14:02,219 --> 00:14:03,019
Can I just have one last hit?
499
00:14:03,087 --> 00:14:03,753
Please?
500
00:14:03,821 --> 00:14:05,488
As a doctor...
Shut up.
501
00:14:05,556 --> 00:14:06,489
You can have one more.
502
00:14:06,557 --> 00:14:07,957
Will you stop saying...
Two minutes.
503
00:14:08,025 --> 00:14:08,791
Thank you.
504
00:14:08,859 --> 00:14:09,659
This is my sweet place.
505
00:14:09,727 --> 00:14:10,527
Oh, it's awesome.
506
00:14:10,594 --> 00:14:11,461
I love it.
507
00:14:11,529 --> 00:14:12,495
It's really nice, right?
508
00:14:12,563 --> 00:14:13,463
It's really great.
509
00:14:13,531 --> 00:14:14,197
Thank you.
510
00:14:14,265 --> 00:14:16,466
Um, where is everyone for the draft?
511
00:14:16,534 --> 00:14:18,334
I told them to come in, like, an hour.
512
00:14:18,402 --> 00:14:19,469
Did you not get my texts?
513
00:14:19,537 --> 00:14:21,604
No, Russell, I did not get your texts.
514
00:14:21,672 --> 00:14:22,705
Well, I'm sorry.
515
00:14:22,773 --> 00:14:24,040
But I'm glad you're here.
516
00:14:24,108 --> 00:14:30,880
Listen, the thing is, is I know what
you are going through right now...
517
00:14:30,948 --> 00:14:32,482
I'm a sex addict... you can say it.
518
00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:34,984
Let me know if there's anything
that I'm doing that is,
519
00:14:35,052 --> 00:14:37,887
like, I don't know,
making it difficult.
520
00:14:37,955 --> 00:14:39,022
Oh, no.
521
00:14:39,089 --> 00:14:41,057
You're worried that you're
going to trigger my addiction?
522
00:14:41,125 --> 00:14:43,993
Yeah, just, you know, is there
anything that I shouldn't be doing?
523
00:14:44,061 --> 00:14:45,562
It's not going to be a problem.
524
00:14:45,629 --> 00:14:47,297
Uh, I don't see you that way.
525
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:48,565
What does that mean?
526
00:14:48,632 --> 00:14:50,833
You can't turn me on sexually.
527
00:14:50,901 --> 00:14:52,135
Is it because I'm married?
528
00:14:52,202 --> 00:14:54,737
No. No, I have sex with
a ton of married women.
529
00:14:54,805 --> 00:14:55,538
A lot.
530
00:14:55,606 --> 00:14:56,506
Today even.
531
00:14:56,574 --> 00:14:58,741
Well, what...
I mean I don't understand what it is.
532
00:14:58,809 --> 00:15:00,843
Like, this doesn't do it for you?
533
00:15:00,911 --> 00:15:03,246
What?
534
00:15:03,314 --> 00:15:04,881
(Jenny giggles)
535
00:15:04,949 --> 00:15:11,821
If I don't trigger your
addiction, what does?
536
00:15:11,889 --> 00:15:14,324
Oh, I mean how much time do you have?
537
00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:17,760
Birthday parties for old people,
fresh bought corn, marbles, you
538
00:15:17,828 --> 00:15:22,498
know... just when I see, like, a room
full of marbles, which is very re, um...
539
00:15:22,566 --> 00:15:26,169
Corduroy's... vut-vut-vut... ejaculate.
540
00:15:26,236 --> 00:15:28,338
But me sitting right here...
No.
541
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:30,573
...alone in your apartment,
does nothing for you?
542
00:15:30,641 --> 00:15:31,574
These tiny tomatoes.
543
00:15:31,642 --> 00:15:34,310
I bought these not realizing...
huge trigger for me.
544
00:15:34,378 --> 00:15:38,815
A tiny tomato does it for you
and I sit here doing nothing?
545
00:15:38,882 --> 00:15:41,351
Open your mouth for just a second.
546
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:42,685
No.
547
00:15:42,753 --> 00:15:45,154
But this little guy.
548
00:15:45,222 --> 00:15:47,223
Oh, man.
549
00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:49,592
Oh, try one of these strawberries.
550
00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:51,160
Would that do it for you if I was...?
551
00:15:51,228 --> 00:15:51,861
Maybe, maybe.
552
00:15:51,929 --> 00:15:52,495
Eat it.
553
00:15:52,563 --> 00:15:53,262
Just eat it?
554
00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:54,597
Yeah, in a slutty way.
555
00:15:54,665 --> 00:15:56,332
Eat that slutty strawberry.
556
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,201
What are you doing?
557
00:15:58,268 --> 00:15:59,235
I don't know.
558
00:15:59,303 --> 00:16:01,104
You're going to choke on that.
559
00:16:01,171 --> 00:16:02,338
This is how you eat it.
560
00:16:02,406 --> 00:16:04,240
Hello, little man.
561
00:16:04,308 --> 00:16:08,344
Oh...
Russell, that's awful.
562
00:16:08,412 --> 00:16:10,013
Like that.
563
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,749
Oh, brother, now I got
myself all riled up.
564
00:16:12,816 --> 00:16:14,083
Oh, boy.
565
00:16:14,151 --> 00:16:15,284
I want to show you something.
566
00:16:15,352 --> 00:16:17,120
Some of the things I bought recently.
567
00:16:17,187 --> 00:16:18,087
What do these remind you of?
568
00:16:18,155 --> 00:16:19,122
Artichokes?
569
00:16:19,189 --> 00:16:22,125
No, the breasts of a...
alien.
570
00:16:22,192 --> 00:16:24,060
That you can also titty bang.
571
00:16:24,128 --> 00:16:24,894
No.
572
00:16:24,962 --> 00:16:26,596
Can we just talk about the draft?
573
00:16:26,664 --> 00:16:27,563
Draft not a trigger.
574
00:16:27,631 --> 00:16:28,931
You not a trigger.
575
00:16:28,999 --> 00:16:30,133
Whipped cream a trigger.
576
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:30,967
Come here, bad boy.
577
00:16:31,035 --> 00:16:33,436
Oh, you know what...
Ah! Oh!
578
00:16:33,504 --> 00:16:35,238
It got all in my mouth.
579
00:16:35,305 --> 00:16:36,272
How did that happen?
580
00:16:36,340 --> 00:16:37,040
I don't know.
581
00:16:37,107 --> 00:16:37,740
(Russell laughs)
582
00:16:37,808 --> 00:16:38,875
(door opens, closes)
583
00:16:38,942 --> 00:16:41,377
Every day's a struggle.
584
00:16:41,445 --> 00:16:42,745
For real.
585
00:16:42,813 --> 00:16:44,213
The deed is done.
586
00:16:44,281 --> 00:16:45,448
Take this and bury it.
587
00:16:45,516 --> 00:16:46,282
No, no, no.
588
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:47,150
No, no, no, no, no.
589
00:16:47,217 --> 00:16:47,917
Just put it on there.
590
00:16:47,985 --> 00:16:48,985
No, that's a nice pillow.
591
00:16:49,053 --> 00:16:50,787
Aw, not on the couch.
592
00:16:50,854 --> 00:16:52,455
Relax.
593
00:16:52,523 --> 00:16:53,956
Party people!
594
00:16:54,024 --> 00:16:55,591
Whoo!
595
00:16:55,659 --> 00:16:57,160
Lemons and pita.
596
00:16:57,227 --> 00:16:58,494
What are you doing?
597
00:16:58,562 --> 00:16:59,495
Raffi, get up.
598
00:16:59,563 --> 00:17:01,164
You smooshed the lemon on the floor.
599
00:17:01,231 --> 00:17:02,165
I smooshed the lemon.
600
00:17:02,232 --> 00:17:02,999
I smooshed the lemon.
601
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:04,934
Oh, my God, it's so
good to see you guys.
602
00:17:05,002 --> 00:17:06,502
I missed you guys.
603
00:17:06,570 --> 00:17:09,605
I'm gonna go crap the booze out
and then me and my bros are
604
00:17:09,673 --> 00:17:13,076
going to hang out for
the rest of our lives.
605
00:17:13,143 --> 00:17:14,610
Get in there, Raffi.
606
00:17:14,678 --> 00:17:16,345
Why are you bringing him here?
607
00:17:16,413 --> 00:17:18,581
What I'm doing is saving the league.
608
00:17:18,649 --> 00:17:21,017
I have been getting
Raffi hammered tonight.
609
00:17:21,085 --> 00:17:27,156
And tomorrow morning
when he horrible things.
610
00:17:27,224 --> 00:17:28,691
And then we kick him
out of the league.
611
00:17:28,759 --> 00:17:29,325
I like it.
612
00:17:29,393 --> 00:17:30,860
That's kind of brilliant actually.
613
00:17:30,928 --> 00:17:31,627
Yeah.
614
00:17:31,695 --> 00:17:34,097
(retching)
615
00:17:34,164 --> 00:17:36,165
What is this?
616
00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:37,800
(sniffs)
617
00:17:37,868 --> 00:17:40,603
What?
618
00:17:40,671 --> 00:17:42,038
(sniffs)
619
00:17:42,106 --> 00:17:43,039
Hey!
620
00:17:43,107 --> 00:17:44,107
Oh, boy.
621
00:17:44,174 --> 00:17:45,641
We got to stick to what we know.
622
00:17:45,709 --> 00:17:46,275
Yes.
623
00:17:46,343 --> 00:17:48,177
We smash up Andre's place and
we tell Raffi he did it.
624
00:17:48,245 --> 00:17:50,113
Yeah, we take a dump in his bed.
625
00:17:50,180 --> 00:17:52,281
Yeah, we take this table and
we whip it out the window.
626
00:17:52,349 --> 00:17:53,015
I'm right here.
627
00:17:53,083 --> 00:17:55,718
Yeah, we take the hummus and
just put it all up in his couch.
628
00:17:55,786 --> 00:17:56,352
No.
629
00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:58,721
All right, I say this could be fun.
630
00:17:58,789 --> 00:17:59,355
Whoa!
631
00:17:59,423 --> 00:18:02,825
You guys, you guys, okay, what if tonight
we all went out and got matching
632
00:18:02,893 --> 00:18:03,793
tattoos?!
633
00:18:03,861 --> 00:18:05,294
Hang on. I'll be right back.
634
00:18:05,362 --> 00:18:06,395
Hang on! Don't move!
635
00:18:06,463 --> 00:18:07,063
Uh-oh.
636
00:18:07,131 --> 00:18:07,864
What uh-oh?
637
00:18:07,931 --> 00:18:10,800
I sort of switched the cocaine
seat with Andre's seat.
638
00:18:10,868 --> 00:18:11,701
Oh, goddamn it, Taco!
639
00:18:11,769 --> 00:18:15,805
Sorry. I wanted to be able to come
back any time and just sit on it.
640
00:18:15,873 --> 00:18:16,873
How often are you here?
641
00:18:16,940 --> 00:18:18,007
When you're at work.
642
00:18:18,075 --> 00:18:19,909
You guys, you guys...
Whoa! (all exclaim)
643
00:18:19,977 --> 00:18:21,010
Just one second! Lookit!
644
00:18:21,078 --> 00:18:21,978
Be careful.
645
00:18:22,045 --> 00:18:24,847
This is the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen in my life!
646
00:18:24,915 --> 00:18:25,515
Thank you.
647
00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:26,382
You're welcome, Andre.
648
00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:27,583
You guys are beautiful, too!
649
00:18:27,651 --> 00:18:29,352
And the friendship we
have is beautiful.
650
00:18:29,419 --> 00:18:30,753
I would do anything for you guys.
651
00:18:30,821 --> 00:18:34,824
You know, I am not gonna let
that dirty sex addict do to
652
00:18:34,892 --> 00:18:39,362
Jenny what this penis bird
has done to butt mountain.
653
00:18:39,429 --> 00:18:40,530
It's not a penis bird!
654
00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:41,430
Yes, it is!
655
00:18:41,498 --> 00:18:44,233
ALL: No!
656
00:18:44,301 --> 00:18:48,271
(Peter laughs)
657
00:18:48,338 --> 00:18:50,940
Suck it!
I'm outta here, bitches!
658
00:18:51,008 --> 00:18:51,941
Whoo!
659
00:18:52,009 --> 00:18:53,342
Where is he going?
660
00:18:53,410 --> 00:18:56,112
Let's go. Let's go.
661
00:18:56,180 --> 00:18:57,280
Raffi?
662
00:18:57,347 --> 00:18:59,015
Why are we looking for this guy?
663
00:18:59,082 --> 00:18:59,916
He wrecked my painting.
664
00:18:59,983 --> 00:19:03,219
We may want him out of the league,
but we don't want him dead.
665
00:19:03,287 --> 00:19:04,453
Ah, I'm fine either way.
666
00:19:04,521 --> 00:19:06,522
Oh, my God, this is Russell's car.
667
00:19:06,590 --> 00:19:09,959
I swear to God, if he touches
Jenny, I will rip his face off.
668
00:19:10,027 --> 00:19:10,726
Jenny!
669
00:19:10,794 --> 00:19:12,361
Ha-ha!
670
00:19:12,429 --> 00:19:13,129
(Russell groans)
671
00:19:13,197 --> 00:19:14,564
Oh, God, Raffi.
672
00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:16,199
Guys, I found a new trigger:
673
00:19:16,266 --> 00:19:18,100
it's cocaine in a man's beard.
674
00:19:18,168 --> 00:19:20,736
Wow. I guess Russell
really is a sex addict.
675
00:19:20,804 --> 00:19:22,905
Hey, Andre, it looks
like your painting.
676
00:19:22,973 --> 00:19:24,140
Bad news, bros.
677
00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:25,441
I'm totally quitting the league.
678
00:19:25,509 --> 00:19:26,442
Russell's got a 12-team league.
679
00:19:26,510 --> 00:19:27,410
12 teams is where it's at.
680
00:19:27,477 --> 00:19:28,044
Yeah.
681
00:19:28,111 --> 00:19:28,644
Right? Right?
682
00:19:28,712 --> 00:19:29,278
Yeah. Yeah.
683
00:19:29,346 --> 00:19:29,912
Right?
684
00:19:29,980 --> 00:19:30,546
Yeah.
685
00:19:30,614 --> 00:19:31,147
Right? Right?
686
00:19:31,215 --> 00:19:31,981
Yeah.
687
00:19:32,049 --> 00:19:32,815
Right? Right? Right? Right?
688
00:19:32,883 --> 00:19:34,250
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
689
00:19:34,318 --> 00:19:37,119
Some things you can't unsee, bro.
690
00:19:43,153 --> 00:19:44,687
We're not at a rave, Taco.
691
00:19:44,754 --> 00:19:46,922
Enter initiate, please.
692
00:19:46,990 --> 00:19:54,163
I made brownies...
No.
693
00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:55,097
Stand.
694
00:19:55,165 --> 00:19:58,400
No, I think I will sit
and just be comfortable.
695
00:19:58,468 --> 00:19:59,902
Sit comfortably!
696
00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:00,869
Thanks.
697
00:20:00,937 --> 00:20:02,204
Wait. That's all the hazing?
698
00:20:02,272 --> 00:20:03,939
You guys hazed me for two weeks.
699
00:20:04,007 --> 00:20:06,275
I'm still finding pieces of
squid all over my apartment.
700
00:20:06,343 --> 00:20:11,780
So, due to last night's circumstances,
Raffi has decided to leave the league.
701
00:20:11,848 --> 00:20:13,882
So we welcome a new member.
702
00:20:13,950 --> 00:20:14,917
Welcome, sweetheart.
703
00:20:14,985 --> 00:20:16,185
"Sweetheart"? No.
704
00:20:16,252 --> 00:20:17,119
That's all she gets?
705
00:20:17,187 --> 00:20:18,854
You guys called me "dick cream"
706
00:20:18,922 --> 00:20:19,555
for two years.
707
00:20:19,623 --> 00:20:20,723
You want dick cream back?
708
00:20:20,790 --> 00:20:24,760
No. I want to be called Andre,
Dre, D-Man, all right?
709
00:20:24,828 --> 00:20:28,464
So, guys, Raffi left me with,
like, a roster of total crap,
710
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:31,133
and I was thinking that maybe
we could just redraft.
711
00:20:31,201 --> 00:20:32,301
ALL: No!
712
00:20:32,369 --> 00:20:34,703
No, no, no, you're on your own now.
713
00:20:34,771 --> 00:20:38,374
Welcome to the league.
714
00:20:42,712 --> 00:20:45,247
All right, I accept the challenge.
715
00:20:45,315 --> 00:20:48,384
And I will take this donkey
of a team and I'm gonna turn
716
00:20:48,451 --> 00:20:50,285
it into a champion, dick cream.
717
00:20:50,353 --> 00:20:51,420
(all laugh)
718
00:20:51,488 --> 00:20:53,155
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
719
00:20:53,223 --> 00:20:53,822
No dick cream.
720
00:20:53,890 --> 00:20:55,290
But just FYI, you guys.
721
00:20:55,358 --> 00:20:56,857
You know you're buddy Russell?
Not a sex addict.
722
00:20:56,858 --> 00:21:06,858
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00:21:06,908 --> 00:21:11,458
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