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1
00:00:01,707 --> 00:00:03,834
ANDRE: So, what do you wanna do
this weekend, Shiva?
2
00:00:04,010 --> 00:00:07,776
I've been thinking,
I wanna see the guys from high school.
3
00:00:08,881 --> 00:00:11,509
The guys from high school?
Why would you wanna see them?
4
00:00:11,684 --> 00:00:14,175
These guys, they're degenerates.
5
00:00:14,353 --> 00:00:15,718
I mean, Pete...
6
00:00:15,888 --> 00:00:17,913
Like, in and out of prison,
I'm pretty sure.
7
00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:19,489
- What?
- Yeah, yeah.
8
00:00:19,659 --> 00:00:22,526
And Kevin, oh, he's lost all this weight.
9
00:00:22,695 --> 00:00:25,630
You know, no one's saying anything,
but we all know: AIDS.
10
00:00:25,798 --> 00:00:27,390
Okay. What about Rodney?
11
00:00:27,567 --> 00:00:30,058
- You mean Ruxin?
- Yeah, Rodney.
12
00:00:30,236 --> 00:00:32,727
- Yeah, should I not call him that now?
- Ha, ha, ha. Rodney.
13
00:00:32,905 --> 00:00:35,100
No, I just haven't heard
anyone call him that.
14
00:00:35,274 --> 00:00:38,402
No, you definitely... You must call him.
15
00:00:38,578 --> 00:00:41,604
I will when I see them.
16
00:00:41,848 --> 00:00:44,373
- Why are we doing this?
- I wanna see them, come on.
17
00:00:44,550 --> 00:00:46,745
- No, no.
- It'd be so much fun.
18
00:00:46,919 --> 00:00:49,979
- Please?
- Oh, oh, my goodness.
19
00:00:50,156 --> 00:00:52,215
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
20
00:00:53,626 --> 00:00:57,027
Oh, Shiva, oh.
21
00:00:57,196 --> 00:01:01,132
ALL:
Oh, Shiva.
22
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:04,827
I wanna snuggle with you and rub off
your luck all over my face and balls.
23
00:01:05,004 --> 00:01:10,670
Oh, I wanna kneel down in front of you
and just savage your downstairs parts.
24
00:01:10,843 --> 00:01:13,073
KEVIN:
I wanna ride tandem bicycles with you.
25
00:01:13,797 --> 00:01:17,255
Shiva, I like you so hard.
26
00:01:17,434 --> 00:01:19,425
- You like her so hard?
- Yeah.
27
00:01:19,603 --> 00:01:22,595
It's you and me in the Shiva Bowl.
You should be worshiping her.
28
00:01:22,773 --> 00:01:25,901
Gives me a different perspective.
This is the end of the Shiva year.
29
00:01:26,076 --> 00:01:29,011
Why don't we change it?
Next year, we'll call it "trophy."
30
00:01:29,179 --> 00:01:32,910
Shiva. It's always been Shiva.
It always will be Shiva.
31
00:01:33,083 --> 00:01:37,315
Oh, Shiva, I wanna stuff myself
inside of you until I ejaculate.
32
00:01:37,487 --> 00:01:39,250
What? Come on.
33
00:01:43,026 --> 00:01:44,960
I'm telling you, I've done the research.
34
00:01:45,128 --> 00:01:46,152
Facts are facts.
35
00:01:46,329 --> 00:01:49,423
You wanna find a hot woman,
look to the Volkswagen Jetta.
36
00:01:49,599 --> 00:01:51,362
Chances are, there'll be one inside.
37
00:01:51,535 --> 00:01:53,435
- How do you conduct research?
- Three days.
38
00:01:53,603 --> 00:01:56,367
I got disguised as a homeless person,
and I walked downtown.
39
00:01:56,540 --> 00:02:00,374
And whenever I saw a Volkswagen Jetta,
I did a little check on a banana leaf.
40
00:02:00,544 --> 00:02:05,379
And 92 percent of the time,
hot women inside the Volkswagen Jettas.
41
00:02:05,949 --> 00:02:09,612
Why'd you dress up
like a homeless person, Taco?
42
00:02:09,786 --> 00:02:12,311
Because people wouldn't give
a normal person change.
43
00:02:12,489 --> 00:02:14,855
Boys, let's get to it here.
44
00:02:15,025 --> 00:02:16,492
- Offering time.
- Homage time.
45
00:02:16,660 --> 00:02:18,992
- Oh, oh, I have something. I'll be back.
PETE: Oh, boy.
46
00:02:19,162 --> 00:02:21,289
Well, let me go first, guys. The rope.
47
00:02:21,465 --> 00:02:24,366
Not unlike the one that you
so thoroughly enjoyed in gym class.
48
00:02:24,534 --> 00:02:27,901
Oh, my God.
That's where she found her sexuality.
49
00:02:28,071 --> 00:02:31,802
Just going up and then down the rope.
And then up and then shorter down.
50
00:02:38,454 --> 00:02:41,912
Wanna put my weenie in your vagini
51
00:02:42,091 --> 00:02:43,115
Take down your pants...
52
00:02:43,292 --> 00:02:45,692
RUXIN: Taco, hey.
PETE: Whoa, you can't make an offering.
53
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:48,557
Yeah, yeah. No, I actually
wanna win this thing this year.
54
00:02:48,731 --> 00:02:51,256
- No.
- You didn't even make the playoffs, Taco.
55
00:02:51,434 --> 00:02:53,334
- What?
PETE: Andre, please.
56
00:02:53,703 --> 00:02:57,036
- You're up.
- Before I do, I wanna tell you something.
57
00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,772
- You coming out of the closet?
- No.
58
00:02:59,942 --> 00:03:01,773
- I have a girlfriend.
- What's his name?
59
00:03:01,944 --> 00:03:04,435
Okay, you know what,
you guys want an offering? Fine.
60
00:03:04,613 --> 00:03:11,018
To my goddess Shiva,
I return the Shiva's panties.
61
00:03:13,389 --> 00:03:17,086
PETE: Uh... No.
- Whose underwear are those?
62
00:03:17,259 --> 00:03:19,386
Shivakamini Somakandarkram.
63
00:03:19,562 --> 00:03:20,961
Oh, who's he?
64
00:03:21,764 --> 00:03:23,925
- Shiva. It's the Shiva.
KEVIN: Shiva?
65
00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:26,398
- Shiva.
- I'm sorry, how did this happen?
66
00:03:26,569 --> 00:03:28,059
How did it happen? I don't know.
67
00:03:28,237 --> 00:03:32,196
She might have found me pretty attractive
when she was doing rounds at my hospital.
68
00:03:32,541 --> 00:03:35,203
She moved up here from Minneapolis
about three months ago.
69
00:03:35,378 --> 00:03:39,314
She's a doctor now.
But it turns out, she's awesome.
70
00:03:39,482 --> 00:03:42,542
So now I am actually
having sex with Shiva.
71
00:03:42,718 --> 00:03:44,845
I'm going to win the Shiva.
72
00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:47,386
And I'm all about Shiva.
73
00:03:47,556 --> 00:03:49,251
What did she say about the League?
74
00:03:49,425 --> 00:03:51,893
- Yeah, I didn't.
- Oh, right, that would be...
75
00:03:52,061 --> 00:03:55,758
And that is why I'm talking to you now.
76
00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:59,389
I need all you sucktards
to keep your mouth shut.
77
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,491
Look, I'm not gonna do anything
to ruin your chances.
78
00:04:01,669 --> 00:04:03,864
- I'll win on my own merit.
- You're gonna lose.
79
00:04:04,039 --> 00:04:06,803
- And this man right here is gonna win.
- Thank you.
80
00:04:06,975 --> 00:04:09,876
- Because he's balls-deep in Shiva.
- Yeah.
81
00:04:10,045 --> 00:04:12,570
- Okay, all right.
- Let's celebrate, shots, shots.
82
00:04:12,747 --> 00:04:15,807
Yeah, I don't know, I have to drive home.
And so do you.
83
00:04:15,984 --> 00:04:17,417
- I'm not driving.
- You cabbing it?
84
00:04:17,585 --> 00:04:18,574
No, I'm not gonna leave my car here.
85
00:04:21,138 --> 00:04:22,503
- Okay, who's Ruxin?
- That's me.
86
00:04:23,674 --> 00:04:25,767
- You call for roadside assistance?
- Indeed.
87
00:04:25,943 --> 00:04:28,207
And what seems to be the problem
with the car?
88
00:04:28,379 --> 00:04:30,040
Operator error.
89
00:04:30,815 --> 00:04:33,181
- You mean you're too drunk to drive?
- Bingo.
90
00:04:33,350 --> 00:04:35,443
Why don't you call a cab,
have a friend drive?
91
00:04:35,619 --> 00:04:39,680
Because I have premium-plus service,
which means I get 200 miles of free towing.
92
00:04:41,192 --> 00:04:44,059
- All right, give me a minute to hook it up.
- Thank you.
93
00:04:45,162 --> 00:04:47,824
TACO:
Hey, hey, hey. Check it out, check it out.
94
00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,464
What'd I tell you?
95
00:04:51,635 --> 00:04:53,694
Hot girl, Volkswagen Jetta.
96
00:04:53,871 --> 00:04:56,499
It's a law, like water or dinosaurs.
97
00:04:56,674 --> 00:04:59,268
Neither one of those things are laws,
Taco.
98
00:04:59,443 --> 00:05:00,842
You guys ready?
99
00:05:01,011 --> 00:05:02,273
Good to go.
100
00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,905
KEVIN: Taco, why are you coming?
You live a block away from the bar.
101
00:05:06,083 --> 00:05:07,812
TACO:
So? I'll crash at your place tonight.
102
00:05:07,985 --> 00:05:10,920
I like going for rides. Whoo-hoo.
103
00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:16,765
RUXIN: I'm here to help you crush Pete.
ANDRE: Thank you.
104
00:05:16,933 --> 00:05:20,733
What you need to do is drop the Vikings
defense and pick up the Cardinals defense.
105
00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,599
No, you tinker too much, all right?
106
00:05:22,772 --> 00:05:25,138
- Let's just keep what we have.
- Tinkering works.
107
00:05:25,308 --> 00:05:27,503
If it worked,
we'd be playing in the Super Bowl.
108
00:05:27,677 --> 00:05:29,907
- It's Shiva Bowl.
- I don't recognize that term.
109
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,874
- Check this out.
PETE: Oh, boy, little children, huh?
110
00:05:33,049 --> 00:05:35,074
- Nervous?
- Pfft! Are you kidding me?
111
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:39,210
Whatever Andre had going for him
Ruxin has surely soiled by now.
112
00:05:39,389 --> 00:05:40,651
- Give it to me.
PETE: Numb nuts.
113
00:05:40,823 --> 00:05:42,017
- Hey, little cuties.
- Hey.
114
00:05:42,192 --> 00:05:43,523
This is a closed session.
115
00:05:43,693 --> 00:05:49,689
You know, no amount of fiddling
is going to help you now, okay?
116
00:05:49,866 --> 00:05:52,596
- I had a wonderful night with Shiva.
- Please stop that.
117
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:56,227
All right, it's weird. You got a trophy
with my girlfriend's face on it.
118
00:05:56,406 --> 00:05:58,601
This is the Shiva.
Your girlfriend is Shiva.
119
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,299
I know, but it's the same thing.
120
00:06:00,476 --> 00:06:02,205
- Completely different.
- It is not.
121
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,944
- Agree to disagree.
TACO [SINGS]: Tickle me, and rub my belly
122
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,981
- Oh, hey, what's up, boys?
- Hey.
123
00:06:08,151 --> 00:06:09,982
Thanks for letting me borrow
your sweatpants and your underwear.
124
00:06:10,153 --> 00:06:13,486
ANDRE: Ha, ha, ha.
- Do you mind if I use the kitchen for a bit?
125
00:06:13,656 --> 00:06:17,717
Make whatever you want. Just clean up.
Jenny and Ellie are gonna come home.
126
00:06:17,894 --> 00:06:19,657
No problem. No problem.
127
00:06:19,829 --> 00:06:21,990
I know what Tom Cruise felt like
in Rain Man.
128
00:06:22,165 --> 00:06:26,101
I dropped some toothpicks on the floor
one time and he counted them quickly.
129
00:06:26,269 --> 00:06:28,737
- He got it completely wrong.
- But he was very quick.
130
00:06:28,905 --> 00:06:31,635
I'm gonna order a pizza.
You staying around for the game?
131
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,901
- Yep.
- We are famished.
132
00:06:34,077 --> 00:06:35,908
- Please.
- I am not going to be here.
133
00:06:36,079 --> 00:06:39,139
Because I'm going to be
with my good luck charm, Shiva.
134
00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:40,981
Let me tell you something.
135
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:45,143
Since I started dating Shiva,
I have not lost a single game, not a one.
136
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:48,984
You're using an unfair,
competitive, sexual advantage.
137
00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:51,854
All I know is I'm gonna take that trophy
from your hands...
138
00:06:52,028 --> 00:06:56,089
...hold it over my head, and tell everyone,
"I, Andre, won the Super Bowl."
139
00:06:56,266 --> 00:06:58,166
- Shiva Bowl.
- Super Bowl.
140
00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:00,768
I don't recognize that.
I don't know what that is.
141
00:07:01,037 --> 00:07:03,005
All I know is when I hold it, I will sing.
142
00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,161
- You wanna sing?
ANDRE: Oh, I will sing.
143
00:07:06,223 --> 00:07:08,783
RUXIN, KEVIN & PETE [SINGING]:
Shivakamini Somakandarkram
144
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,222
Really?
145
00:07:10,394 --> 00:07:12,521
ANDRE:
We're doing this, really. "Shiva Nagila"?
146
00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:14,289
Okay, can we stop?
147
00:07:14,465 --> 00:07:15,932
Hey! Shivakamini Somakandarkram
148
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,294
ANDRE:
Oh, great.
149
00:07:18,369 --> 00:07:21,304
ANDRE:
More? You didn't get enough in high school?
150
00:07:22,773 --> 00:07:24,434
Hey! Shivakamini Somakandarkram
151
00:07:24,608 --> 00:07:26,974
Great. That's enough.
152
00:07:28,312 --> 00:07:31,281
All right, enough, enough, enough. Stop.
153
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,500
Taco, what's that smell?
You smell that?
154
00:07:34,404 --> 00:07:36,702
- Oh, shit.
- What's "oh, shit"?
155
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:40,001
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow!
156
00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,874
KEVIN: Taco, what are you doing?
- Oh, goddamn it.
157
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,879
KEVIN: No brownies.
RUXIN: Oh, Jesus.
158
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:49,109
PETE: Ugh!
- It smells like squirrel diarrhea in here.
159
00:07:49,286 --> 00:07:51,811
No, I'm making homemade deodorant.
I think I burned it.
160
00:07:52,355 --> 00:07:55,984
- lf it's deodorant, why does it stink so bad?
- It's musk scent.
161
00:07:56,159 --> 00:07:57,683
Why are you making your own?
162
00:07:57,861 --> 00:08:00,523
Trying to save money.
You know how expensive deodorant is?
163
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,494
RUXIN: It's like four bucks.
- I know, right?
164
00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:05,032
You need to get a job.
Do you understand me?
165
00:08:05,201 --> 00:08:06,725
I have a job. I make ring tones.
166
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:10,066
- What do you mean?
- I have a "cats having sex" ring tone.
167
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,901
I have a "cats fighting" ring tone.
168
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,635
Well, it's the same audio.
I just changed the title.
169
00:08:14,811 --> 00:08:18,372
- I have a "horse orgasm" ring tone.
- Oh, wait, "horse-gasm" is yours?
170
00:08:18,548 --> 00:08:19,776
TACO:
Yeah, yeah, the:
171
00:08:19,950 --> 00:08:21,247
[TACO & RUXIN NEIGHING]
172
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:24,649
All right, can you guys please stop?
The free ride's over.
173
00:08:24,821 --> 00:08:27,585
You cannot come back
until you have gainful employment.
174
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,224
All right, fine. I'll get a job.
175
00:08:30,741 --> 00:08:32,868
Joseph, you're killing me.
You're killing me.
176
00:08:33,043 --> 00:08:34,305
His second touchdown today.
177
00:08:34,478 --> 00:08:36,412
- I am beating you.
- What?
178
00:08:37,114 --> 00:08:39,412
- We are beating you.
- Who's we? What...?
179
00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:41,676
Andre is beating you and I am helping.
180
00:08:43,769 --> 00:08:44,929
That's really desperate.
181
00:08:45,237 --> 00:08:46,829
All right, guys. This is problematic.
182
00:08:47,006 --> 00:08:49,634
I know what the issue is here.
He's got the real Shiva.
183
00:08:49,809 --> 00:08:51,868
I'm stuck with this trophy.
No way I can win.
184
00:08:52,044 --> 00:08:53,807
I gotta change the energy up.
185
00:08:53,979 --> 00:08:56,174
- Who's up for a field trip?
- Where?
186
00:08:56,348 --> 00:08:58,282
- We're going to Shiva's house now.
- What?
187
00:08:58,450 --> 00:09:01,783
- How do you know where she lives?
- Stole her address from Andre's phone.
188
00:09:02,421 --> 00:09:04,252
- Really?
- Yeah.
189
00:09:04,423 --> 00:09:05,549
Nicely played.
190
00:09:05,858 --> 00:09:07,416
SHIVA: Let's get something to eat.
ANDRE: No, no.
191
00:09:07,593 --> 00:09:11,029
Why are we gonna go out?
Let's just stay here and stay comfy.
192
00:09:11,197 --> 00:09:13,961
And let me keep you all to me, okay?
193
00:09:14,133 --> 00:09:16,624
And we can watch the game. Perfect.
194
00:09:16,802 --> 00:09:18,360
Game?
195
00:09:18,537 --> 00:09:20,971
Winter Olympics on?
I didn't know it was coming back.
196
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:24,541
- No, football.
- Oh, wow. All right. I don't really watch.
197
00:09:24,710 --> 00:09:27,873
- Well, let me take a look at this, let's see.
- Okay.
198
00:09:28,647 --> 00:09:32,048
Oh, you don't have
the NFL Super Fan package?
199
00:09:32,218 --> 00:09:33,981
No, who cares? Really?
200
00:09:34,153 --> 00:09:37,088
Well, I mean, who cares?
I mean, if you only got like one game.
201
00:09:37,256 --> 00:09:39,520
What if I wanna watch
Kansas City and Cincinnati?
202
00:09:39,692 --> 00:09:41,159
See how Cedric Benson does.
203
00:09:41,327 --> 00:09:42,658
- Who's that?
- I don't know.
204
00:09:42,828 --> 00:09:44,921
- Like, I'm just making up that name.
- Right.
205
00:09:45,097 --> 00:09:46,394
Doesn't even... Well...
206
00:09:46,565 --> 00:09:47,998
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
207
00:09:48,467 --> 00:09:49,764
- Someone at the door?
- Yeah.
208
00:09:51,837 --> 00:09:53,429
SHIVA:
Oh, my gosh.
209
00:09:53,606 --> 00:09:54,766
Shivakamini.
210
00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:57,101
- How are you?
SHIVA: This is amazing.
211
00:09:57,276 --> 00:09:59,267
Look who is here.
212
00:09:59,545 --> 00:10:01,513
This is crazy. Did you do this?
213
00:10:03,495 --> 00:10:04,553
This is why you wanted to stay in,
wasn't it?
214
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:06,197
Yes, yes, this is it.
215
00:10:06,365 --> 00:10:10,529
Well, we just wanted to stop by
and see Shivakamini.
216
00:10:10,703 --> 00:10:13,035
Please, just call me Shiva, really. Ha, ha.
217
00:10:13,205 --> 00:10:14,433
RUXIN:
Shiva.
218
00:10:14,607 --> 00:10:16,541
- That has a nice ring to it.
- Strange.
219
00:10:16,709 --> 00:10:18,301
ANDRE:
We had a good time, didn't we?
220
00:10:18,477 --> 00:10:20,638
You guys came to say hi.
See you guys later.
221
00:10:20,813 --> 00:10:22,610
What? No, that is crazy, come on.
222
00:10:22,781 --> 00:10:25,545
Come inside. Make yourselves at home.
Get comfortable.
223
00:10:25,718 --> 00:10:27,345
PETE:
We could come in for a little bit.
224
00:10:27,519 --> 00:10:29,282
- How are you?
- Great.
225
00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:40,515
My name is Taco,
and I wanna work here.
226
00:10:40,685 --> 00:10:43,415
I just wanna hear about you.
What are you up to these days?
227
00:10:43,588 --> 00:10:46,421
I'm a urologist,
specializing in genital reconstruction.
228
00:10:47,286 --> 00:10:49,754
- Oh, so that's how you guys met?
- Ha. Rodney.
229
00:10:50,289 --> 00:10:52,484
ANDRE: Rodney.
- Ruxin.
230
00:10:52,658 --> 00:10:53,750
KEVIN: Rodney.
- Rodney.
231
00:10:53,926 --> 00:10:55,086
KEVIN:
Rodney works for us.
232
00:10:55,261 --> 00:10:58,424
I have to say, I'm so happy
that you're back in our lives.
233
00:10:58,597 --> 00:11:00,656
- You rule, I mean, come on...
- Hey, thank you.
234
00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,892
- Put it up.
SHIVA: Yeah.
235
00:11:03,068 --> 00:11:04,092
ANDRE:
Yeah, okay.
236
00:11:04,270 --> 00:11:06,670
PETE: Get over here, get over here.
ANDRE: No, no, no.
237
00:11:06,839 --> 00:11:08,238
She's all mine.
238
00:11:08,407 --> 00:11:10,136
PETE: Hi, Taco.
TACO: What's up, boys?
239
00:11:10,309 --> 00:11:13,836
ANDRE: What the hell are you doing here?
- Pete gave me the address.
240
00:11:14,013 --> 00:11:15,537
I like the new pad. Nice.
241
00:11:15,714 --> 00:11:18,615
It's not my house, all right?
This is Shiva's house.
242
00:11:18,784 --> 00:11:19,842
Taco.
243
00:11:20,019 --> 00:11:21,680
- Shiva.
- Yeah.
244
00:11:21,854 --> 00:11:23,116
Like the song...
245
00:11:23,289 --> 00:11:24,847
- Shivaka...
KEVIN: No... Ow.
246
00:11:25,024 --> 00:11:27,492
ANDRE: He's a musician.
KEVIN: Taco's a musician.
247
00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:28,820
And he has songs.
248
00:11:28,994 --> 00:11:32,225
- And today, I got a real-person job.
KEVIN: What?
249
00:11:32,398 --> 00:11:33,422
TACO: Yeah.
PETE: Really?
250
00:11:33,599 --> 00:11:35,294
I work at the Volkswagen dealership.
251
00:11:35,467 --> 00:11:36,729
Yeah, and I really like it.
252
00:11:36,902 --> 00:11:39,666
Hey, this morning,
I was making my own deodorant.
253
00:11:39,838 --> 00:11:41,601
Now, look at me, huh?
254
00:11:41,774 --> 00:11:43,605
Taco, would you like a drink?
255
00:11:43,776 --> 00:11:45,607
- Absolutely.
- I will get you one.
256
00:11:45,778 --> 00:11:47,769
- Taco, oh, my gosh.
- Thank you.
257
00:11:47,947 --> 00:11:50,472
Okay, seriously,
this has to end right now.
258
00:11:50,649 --> 00:11:52,549
- You have to leave.
KEVIN: No, we're having fun.
259
00:11:52,718 --> 00:11:54,185
ANDRE:
You are not. You have to leave.
260
00:11:54,353 --> 00:11:56,048
You have to leave right now.
261
00:11:56,889 --> 00:12:00,086
- Wait, what are you doing?
- Just getting a little good luck charm.
262
00:12:00,259 --> 00:12:02,420
No, no, no, you take nothing. Nothing.
263
00:12:02,595 --> 00:12:05,564
You better watch out
because Ruxin went for the laundry room.
264
00:12:05,731 --> 00:12:08,165
- Shit.
- Go, go, go.
265
00:12:08,334 --> 00:12:09,665
[EXHALING]
266
00:12:09,835 --> 00:12:13,168
- What's wrong with you over here?
- I am going crazy sitting next to her.
267
00:12:13,339 --> 00:12:16,604
- What is your problem?
- Because I feel like I'm in Shiva's place.
268
00:12:16,775 --> 00:12:19,005
And this would be
the ultimate Shiva blast.
269
00:12:19,178 --> 00:12:20,577
- Oh, no, Shiva blast.
KEVIN: Awesome?
270
00:12:20,746 --> 00:12:21,770
Dude, l... All right.
271
00:12:21,947 --> 00:12:24,074
- Hold it.
- I can't, it's like a giant dump.
272
00:12:24,250 --> 00:12:25,308
PETE:
You can hold it.
273
00:12:25,484 --> 00:12:28,044
- Kevin, hold it.
- Oh, Shiva!
274
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:30,688
- Go outside.
- Shiva... I can't do it.
275
00:12:30,856 --> 00:12:33,188
- I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it.
PETE: Outside, now.
276
00:12:33,592 --> 00:12:35,355
ANDRE:
Did he just Shiva blast in here?
277
00:12:35,527 --> 00:12:38,928
- I didn't hear anything, you hear anything?
- I don't know what he did.
278
00:12:39,201 --> 00:12:45,572
Shivakamini Somakandarkram!
279
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:48,836
[PANTING]
280
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,714
PETE: So the Monday night game
decides the Shiva Bowl.
281
00:12:53,883 --> 00:12:57,011
Just because we're going head-to-head
doesn't mean we can't enjoy...
282
00:12:57,186 --> 00:12:58,312
...a gentlemanly lunch.
283
00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:03,049
This is what it's about:
good, kind, gentlemanly competition.
284
00:13:03,225 --> 00:13:05,489
Can I offer to buy you a beverage?
A beer perhaps?
285
00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:07,026
Thank you, sir, but, no.
286
00:13:07,196 --> 00:13:10,222
May I purchase you an ale
of any variety you choose?
287
00:13:10,399 --> 00:13:13,630
I have an examination this afternoon.
So I will also have to decline.
288
00:13:13,803 --> 00:13:15,828
Oh, I am very sorry to hear that.
289
00:13:16,005 --> 00:13:19,031
- Who are you seeing?
- A specialist.
290
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,635
- Anyone I might know, perchance?
- Probably not.
291
00:13:21,811 --> 00:13:23,301
Her name's Shiva.
292
00:13:25,323 --> 00:13:26,915
No. No.
293
00:13:27,091 --> 00:13:28,115
No, no, no.
294
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:30,055
What? I have swollen testicles.
295
00:13:30,228 --> 00:13:31,320
She's the best in town.
296
00:13:31,496 --> 00:13:33,396
I wanna have them fondled,
professionally.
297
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,623
Her hands are not going anywhere
near you.
298
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,792
- I don't know what's wrong.
- I'll look at your testicles for you.
299
00:13:38,970 --> 00:13:41,131
I'd prefer
to have the specialist look at them.
300
00:13:41,435 --> 00:13:43,835
- She is my girlfriend.
- She's my doctor.
301
00:13:44,004 --> 00:13:45,198
She is not your doctor.
302
00:13:45,372 --> 00:13:47,499
You have nothing wrong with your balls.
303
00:13:47,674 --> 00:13:51,337
This is not about Fantasy Football.
This is about my girlfriend.
304
00:13:51,712 --> 00:13:53,976
Mm-hm. And it's about my testicles...
305
00:13:54,147 --> 00:13:56,547
...in your girlfriend's hands
in 30 minutes.
306
00:13:56,717 --> 00:13:59,550
If you don't mind picking
up the check, that'd be great.
307
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:03,122
Oh, you think she'd check
my prostate if I asked?
308
00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:05,121
Oh, no, no, no!
309
00:14:05,646 --> 00:14:06,374
All right. Let me take a look at her.
310
00:14:08,343 --> 00:14:10,777
I don't know what happened.
It's from all the towing.
311
00:14:10,945 --> 00:14:12,936
I see this kind of thing all the time.
312
00:14:13,114 --> 00:14:14,979
- I'll have the boys look.
- Appreciate it.
313
00:14:15,149 --> 00:14:17,515
I'm running to this meeting,
and it's a huge help.
314
00:14:17,685 --> 00:14:18,777
Cannot thank you enough.
315
00:14:18,953 --> 00:14:20,784
If you ever own a huge toy company...
316
00:14:20,955 --> 00:14:24,584
...and it turns out your pacifiers
are made of Chinese lead, I'm your guy.
317
00:14:24,759 --> 00:14:27,284
- Thank you.
- All right, let's...
318
00:14:27,996 --> 00:14:29,395
Have a good meeting.
319
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,259
Okay.
320
00:14:31,933 --> 00:14:33,400
[ALARM CONTINUES RINGING]
321
00:14:35,403 --> 00:14:36,734
[ALARM STOPS]
322
00:14:37,005 --> 00:14:38,905
- Yeah.
MAN: Hey.
323
00:14:39,073 --> 00:14:41,633
- What are you doing here?
- Came out to get a bit of air.
324
00:14:41,809 --> 00:14:44,277
Get your overalls on,
grab your mop, get out there.
325
00:14:44,445 --> 00:14:46,709
- A kid pissed all over the showroom floor.
- Again?
326
00:14:46,881 --> 00:14:49,247
- Yeah. Let's go, go clean up.
- I'm on it, boss.
327
00:14:49,817 --> 00:14:53,981
[SINGING] Gonna clean up some pee-peeCleaning up the pee-pee
328
00:14:54,155 --> 00:14:58,148
SHIVA: And just so you know,
this is a very minor exam.
329
00:14:58,326 --> 00:15:01,523
I'm sure everything's fine.
And it's going to go very quickly.
330
00:15:01,696 --> 00:15:03,561
I don't think we need to go quick.
331
00:15:03,731 --> 00:15:05,892
I'd rather leave knowing
we were very thorough.
332
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:08,433
Really got in there root around.
Do what it takes.
333
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:10,503
- Strictly professional.
- Absolutely.
334
00:15:10,672 --> 00:15:13,402
- So tell me, have you had...?
ANDRE: His balls are fine.
335
00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:17,271
Oh, okay, great. So it didn't start.
336
00:15:17,445 --> 00:15:19,504
SHIVA: What are you doing?
ANDRE: In the neighborhood.
337
00:15:19,681 --> 00:15:21,080
You didn't pick up your phone.
338
00:15:21,249 --> 00:15:22,614
- I'm at work.
- I know.
339
00:15:22,784 --> 00:15:25,912
SHIVA: So...
- You should check for emergencies.
340
00:15:26,087 --> 00:15:27,952
And I just wanted to come in...
341
00:15:28,122 --> 00:15:31,523
...and tell you, there's no need
to check his balls, his balls are fine.
342
00:15:31,693 --> 00:15:35,094
His testicles, I'm sure, are fine.
343
00:15:35,263 --> 00:15:38,391
That's what we're going to find out
if you'd give us a few minutes.
344
00:15:38,566 --> 00:15:42,229
- Not sure what the problem is, Dr. Nozic.
- The problem is, you are a deviant.
345
00:15:42,403 --> 00:15:46,237
- I'm not sure this ball-fondling is on the up...
- Testicles.
346
00:15:46,407 --> 00:15:48,602
Testicle fondling is on the up and up.
347
00:15:48,776 --> 00:15:51,040
- Why else would he be here?
- Yes, Andre.
348
00:15:51,212 --> 00:15:52,543
Why else would I be here...
349
00:15:52,714 --> 00:15:56,047
...if I was not concerned
about the welfare of my testicles?
350
00:15:57,018 --> 00:16:01,045
Because he...
I don't know, you just gotta trust me.
351
00:16:01,222 --> 00:16:04,885
- You have to trust me on this.
- Andre, you have to trust me too, okay?
352
00:16:05,059 --> 00:16:07,619
- You're making the patient uncomfortable.
- Okay.
353
00:16:08,162 --> 00:16:11,689
If this makes it easier, if you wanna stay
and watch, you know, that's fine.
354
00:16:11,866 --> 00:16:15,666
I mean, I wouldn't mind getting
a second pair of eyes on these pair.
355
00:16:16,137 --> 00:16:18,503
Andre, do you want to stay?
356
00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:20,573
Yeah. Yeah.
357
00:16:20,742 --> 00:16:25,338
- Would you walk me through the procedure?
SHIVA: Sure.
358
00:16:25,513 --> 00:16:29,244
I'm just basically going to be checking
on your testicles, one by one...
359
00:16:29,417 --> 00:16:31,817
...making sure that
everything's in the right place.
360
00:16:31,986 --> 00:16:34,216
Palpitating each, and
checking the scrotal sack.
361
00:16:34,389 --> 00:16:36,584
To be clear,
my testicles will be in your hands.
362
00:16:36,758 --> 00:16:39,352
Then you'll fondle the right one,
the left one, okay.
363
00:16:39,527 --> 00:16:42,223
Anything near the shaft area...
364
00:16:42,397 --> 00:16:44,957
...or the lower shaft?
- Definitely, the lower shaft.
365
00:16:45,133 --> 00:16:46,725
PETE: Sounds good.
- Great, all right.
366
00:16:46,901 --> 00:16:49,131
Just relax. I'm going to lift your gown.
367
00:16:49,303 --> 00:16:50,531
- Okay.
- It's a little cold.
368
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:53,435
All right. And they are asymmetrical.
369
00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:56,709
And looking healthy so far.
370
00:16:56,878 --> 00:16:59,369
- Okay.
- No sign of hernia.
371
00:16:59,547 --> 00:17:01,174
And...
372
00:17:01,349 --> 00:17:04,045
If you could just give me
a good, deep cough, please.
373
00:17:04,218 --> 00:17:05,242
[PETE COUGHS]
374
00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:07,047
SHIVA:
That's great.
375
00:17:08,389 --> 00:17:11,085
Everything looks okay, all right.
You doing okay?
376
00:17:11,259 --> 00:17:13,557
ANDRE: No!
SHIVA: What, Andre?
377
00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:16,390
ANDRE: I'm gonna kill you.
PETE: Unprofessional.
378
00:17:16,564 --> 00:17:19,055
ANDRE: I'm gonna kill you.
PETE: Unprofessional.
379
00:17:19,534 --> 00:17:20,899
[CROWD CHEERING ON TV]
380
00:17:21,069 --> 00:17:22,536
Ha, ha, ha. The king is dead.
381
00:17:22,704 --> 00:17:23,796
The king is dead!
382
00:17:23,971 --> 00:17:26,633
Oh, Lord. The king is dead. Ha, ha, ha.
383
00:17:26,808 --> 00:17:29,936
Pete lost. We won. I'm gonna
take Shiva and make her mine.
384
00:17:30,111 --> 00:17:32,477
And I'll deliver her to Andre tomorrow.
Oh, God.
385
00:17:32,647 --> 00:17:34,945
- We won.
- Oh, Rodney!
386
00:17:35,116 --> 00:17:37,277
Goddamn it!
387
00:17:37,452 --> 00:17:38,885
- No.
- I forgot my keys.
388
00:17:39,053 --> 00:17:40,247
- Get...
- Where are my keys?
389
00:17:40,421 --> 00:17:41,979
- I don't know.
- In my pocket.
390
00:17:42,156 --> 00:17:44,454
- They're in my pocket.
- Argh!
391
00:17:44,625 --> 00:17:46,058
[GRUNTING]
392
00:17:46,227 --> 00:17:51,096
Oh, you son of a bitch.
393
00:17:51,632 --> 00:17:54,066
I hate my friends!
394
00:18:09,666 --> 00:18:10,928
Right.
395
00:18:14,370 --> 00:18:16,804
- Good afternoon, miss.
- Hi.
396
00:18:16,973 --> 00:18:19,305
- What are we looking at, the Jetta?
- How'd you know?
397
00:18:19,475 --> 00:18:20,806
I had a feeling.
398
00:18:20,804 --> 00:18:24,865
WOMAN: So when do I actually pay for this?
TACO: We'll talk about that over margaritas.
399
00:18:25,041 --> 00:18:28,704
MAN: Hey, hey, hey!
Bring back that car, you asshole!
400
00:18:28,878 --> 00:18:29,867
Damn it.
401
00:18:31,963 --> 00:18:33,157
Oh, man.
What's going on with the car here?
402
00:18:33,465 --> 00:18:36,957
Oh, Taco, you goddamn idiot.
I'm gonna...
403
00:18:37,135 --> 00:18:38,124
Ugh!
404
00:18:43,108 --> 00:18:44,803
Yeah, hello, roadside assistance?
405
00:18:44,976 --> 00:18:46,705
Yeah, Ruxin.
406
00:18:47,345 --> 00:18:49,745
No, no, no.
Well, you have to pick me up.
407
00:18:49,914 --> 00:18:51,142
I've got premium plus.
408
00:18:51,316 --> 00:18:53,876
What do you mean I used up
all of my miles?
409
00:18:54,285 --> 00:18:56,719
Ugh! I should have used a fake name.
410
00:18:58,256 --> 00:18:59,985
Oh, thank God it's a Mercedes. Hey.
411
00:19:04,062 --> 00:19:05,927
- Hi.
- Rodney?
412
00:19:06,097 --> 00:19:07,758
- Hey, people call me Ruxin.
- Hi.
413
00:19:07,932 --> 00:19:09,593
- How are you?
- Are you going to Andre's?
414
00:19:09,768 --> 00:19:11,235
- Yeah.
- Is your car okay?
415
00:19:11,403 --> 00:19:13,064
Thank God.
No, my car broke down.
416
00:19:13,238 --> 00:19:16,002
- Taco got his hands on it.
- Oh, what happened?
417
00:19:16,174 --> 00:19:17,641
Oh, my God.
418
00:19:17,809 --> 00:19:19,640
Is that my high school yearbook photo?
419
00:19:19,811 --> 00:19:22,279
Look, I can explain.
420
00:19:23,415 --> 00:19:26,043
But it's not gonna
make you feel any better.
421
00:19:27,952 --> 00:19:29,510
[PHONE BEEPING]
422
00:19:30,221 --> 00:19:33,054
- Hello?
RUXIN [ON INTERCOM]: Shiva's here.
423
00:19:33,224 --> 00:19:36,660
Oh, I'm coming down to meet you.
I can't wait to see that beautiful bitch.
424
00:19:37,495 --> 00:19:39,087
Aha! See, I told you.
425
00:19:39,264 --> 00:19:42,495
I make love to Shiva,
and then I get the Shiva.
426
00:19:42,667 --> 00:19:44,191
Ugh!
427
00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,028
You're such an asshole.
428
00:19:47,205 --> 00:19:49,435
[COUGHING]
429
00:19:50,575 --> 00:19:52,099
We're cool, right?
430
00:19:53,211 --> 00:19:54,542
See you at the reunion.
431
00:19:55,847 --> 00:19:56,973
I like her.
432
00:19:57,449 --> 00:19:58,541
- Ruxin?
- Yeah?
433
00:19:59,617 --> 00:20:01,244
ANDRE:
Why's your name on the trophy?
434
00:20:03,219 --> 00:20:04,208
Because we won.
435
00:20:05,154 --> 00:20:07,520
Oh, Shiva.
436
00:20:08,324 --> 00:20:11,555
This is by far
the most destructive season ever.
437
00:20:11,727 --> 00:20:16,164
And I cannot wait to play next year,
because I shall be victorious!
438
00:20:16,332 --> 00:20:17,731
RUXIN: No.
- Yeah, I don't think so.
439
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:19,162
KEVIN:
Why?
440
00:20:19,335 --> 00:20:22,463
I got a little Shiva charm,
just to help me into the playoffs.
441
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,401
KEVIN: You Robin Hood.
- Real Shiva hair too.
442
00:20:24,573 --> 00:20:26,336
- You took that from her house?
- Yeah.
443
00:20:26,509 --> 00:20:30,912
Poor choice, my friend, because
I stole a picture of her and her family.
444
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,241
- A couple generations of Shiva.
PETE: What is this?
445
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,231
- Who's buzzing, what is it...?
- Oh, that's right.
446
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,598
KEVIN: Oh, my God.
RUXIN: Shiva's vibrator.
447
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:40,796
ANDRE: Really?
- Horrible.
448
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,532
I had to get as close as I could.
449
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:45,405
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah. That was inside.
450
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,876
[SINGING]
Shivakamini
451
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:50,607
TACO & ANDRE:
Somakandarkram
452
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:55,777
ALL: ShivakaminiSomakandarkram, hey
453
00:20:55,955 --> 00:21:00,654
ShivakaminiSomakandarkram
454
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:05,662
Shivakamini Somakandarkram, hey!
455
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:09,393
Shivakamini Somakandarkram
456
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:12,936
Shivakamini Somakandarkram, hey!
457
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:16,269
Shivakamini Somakandarkram
458
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:20,276
Shivakamini Somakandarkram, hey!
459
00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:53,834
[ENGLISH - US - SDH]
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