All language subtitles for The League s01e06 The Shiva Bowl.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,707 --> 00:00:03,834 ANDRE: So, what do you wanna do this weekend, Shiva? 2 00:00:04,010 --> 00:00:07,776 I've been thinking, I wanna see the guys from high school. 3 00:00:08,881 --> 00:00:11,509 The guys from high school? Why would you wanna see them? 4 00:00:11,684 --> 00:00:14,175 These guys, they're degenerates. 5 00:00:14,353 --> 00:00:15,718 I mean, Pete... 6 00:00:15,888 --> 00:00:17,913 Like, in and out of prison, I'm pretty sure. 7 00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:19,489 - What? - Yeah, yeah. 8 00:00:19,659 --> 00:00:22,526 And Kevin, oh, he's lost all this weight. 9 00:00:22,695 --> 00:00:25,630 You know, no one's saying anything, but we all know: AIDS. 10 00:00:25,798 --> 00:00:27,390 Okay. What about Rodney? 11 00:00:27,567 --> 00:00:30,058 - You mean Ruxin? - Yeah, Rodney. 12 00:00:30,236 --> 00:00:32,727 - Yeah, should I not call him that now? - Ha, ha, ha. Rodney. 13 00:00:32,905 --> 00:00:35,100 No, I just haven't heard anyone call him that. 14 00:00:35,274 --> 00:00:38,402 No, you definitely... You must call him. 15 00:00:38,578 --> 00:00:41,604 I will when I see them. 16 00:00:41,848 --> 00:00:44,373 - Why are we doing this? - I wanna see them, come on. 17 00:00:44,550 --> 00:00:46,745 - No, no. - It'd be so much fun. 18 00:00:46,919 --> 00:00:49,979 - Please? - Oh, oh, my goodness. 19 00:00:50,156 --> 00:00:52,215 - Really? - Mm-hm. 20 00:00:53,626 --> 00:00:57,027 Oh, Shiva, oh. 21 00:00:57,196 --> 00:01:01,132 ALL: Oh, Shiva. 22 00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:04,827 I wanna snuggle with you and rub off your luck all over my face and balls. 23 00:01:05,004 --> 00:01:10,670 Oh, I wanna kneel down in front of you and just savage your downstairs parts. 24 00:01:10,843 --> 00:01:13,073 KEVIN: I wanna ride tandem bicycles with you. 25 00:01:13,797 --> 00:01:17,255 Shiva, I like you so hard. 26 00:01:17,434 --> 00:01:19,425 - You like her so hard? - Yeah. 27 00:01:19,603 --> 00:01:22,595 It's you and me in the Shiva Bowl. You should be worshiping her. 28 00:01:22,773 --> 00:01:25,901 Gives me a different perspective. This is the end of the Shiva year. 29 00:01:26,076 --> 00:01:29,011 Why don't we change it? Next year, we'll call it "trophy." 30 00:01:29,179 --> 00:01:32,910 Shiva. It's always been Shiva. It always will be Shiva. 31 00:01:33,083 --> 00:01:37,315 Oh, Shiva, I wanna stuff myself inside of you until I ejaculate. 32 00:01:37,487 --> 00:01:39,250 What? Come on. 33 00:01:43,026 --> 00:01:44,960 I'm telling you, I've done the research. 34 00:01:45,128 --> 00:01:46,152 Facts are facts. 35 00:01:46,329 --> 00:01:49,423 You wanna find a hot woman, look to the Volkswagen Jetta. 36 00:01:49,599 --> 00:01:51,362 Chances are, there'll be one inside. 37 00:01:51,535 --> 00:01:53,435 - How do you conduct research? - Three days. 38 00:01:53,603 --> 00:01:56,367 I got disguised as a homeless person, and I walked downtown. 39 00:01:56,540 --> 00:02:00,374 And whenever I saw a Volkswagen Jetta, I did a little check on a banana leaf. 40 00:02:00,544 --> 00:02:05,379 And 92 percent of the time, hot women inside the Volkswagen Jettas. 41 00:02:05,949 --> 00:02:09,612 Why'd you dress up like a homeless person, Taco? 42 00:02:09,786 --> 00:02:12,311 Because people wouldn't give a normal person change. 43 00:02:12,489 --> 00:02:14,855 Boys, let's get to it here. 44 00:02:15,025 --> 00:02:16,492 - Offering time. - Homage time. 45 00:02:16,660 --> 00:02:18,992 - Oh, oh, I have something. I'll be back. PETE: Oh, boy. 46 00:02:19,162 --> 00:02:21,289 Well, let me go first, guys. The rope. 47 00:02:21,465 --> 00:02:24,366 Not unlike the one that you so thoroughly enjoyed in gym class. 48 00:02:24,534 --> 00:02:27,901 Oh, my God. That's where she found her sexuality. 49 00:02:28,071 --> 00:02:31,802 Just going up and then down the rope. And then up and then shorter down. 50 00:02:38,454 --> 00:02:41,912 Wanna put my weenie in your vagini 51 00:02:42,091 --> 00:02:43,115 Take down your pants... 52 00:02:43,292 --> 00:02:45,692 RUXIN: Taco, hey. PETE: Whoa, you can't make an offering. 53 00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:48,557 Yeah, yeah. No, I actually wanna win this thing this year. 54 00:02:48,731 --> 00:02:51,256 - No. - You didn't even make the playoffs, Taco. 55 00:02:51,434 --> 00:02:53,334 - What? PETE: Andre, please. 56 00:02:53,703 --> 00:02:57,036 - You're up. - Before I do, I wanna tell you something. 57 00:02:57,440 --> 00:02:59,772 - You coming out of the closet? - No. 58 00:02:59,942 --> 00:03:01,773 - I have a girlfriend. - What's his name? 59 00:03:01,944 --> 00:03:04,435 Okay, you know what, you guys want an offering? Fine. 60 00:03:04,613 --> 00:03:11,018 To my goddess Shiva, I return the Shiva's panties. 61 00:03:13,389 --> 00:03:17,086 PETE: Uh... No. - Whose underwear are those? 62 00:03:17,259 --> 00:03:19,386 Shivakamini Somakandarkram. 63 00:03:19,562 --> 00:03:20,961 Oh, who's he? 64 00:03:21,764 --> 00:03:23,925 - Shiva. It's the Shiva. KEVIN: Shiva? 65 00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:26,398 - Shiva. - I'm sorry, how did this happen? 66 00:03:26,569 --> 00:03:28,059 How did it happen? I don't know. 67 00:03:28,237 --> 00:03:32,196 She might have found me pretty attractive when she was doing rounds at my hospital. 68 00:03:32,541 --> 00:03:35,203 She moved up here from Minneapolis about three months ago. 69 00:03:35,378 --> 00:03:39,314 She's a doctor now. But it turns out, she's awesome. 70 00:03:39,482 --> 00:03:42,542 So now I am actually having sex with Shiva. 71 00:03:42,718 --> 00:03:44,845 I'm going to win the Shiva. 72 00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:47,386 And I'm all about Shiva. 73 00:03:47,556 --> 00:03:49,251 What did she say about the League? 74 00:03:49,425 --> 00:03:51,893 - Yeah, I didn't. - Oh, right, that would be... 75 00:03:52,061 --> 00:03:55,758 And that is why I'm talking to you now. 76 00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:59,389 I need all you sucktards to keep your mouth shut. 77 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,491 Look, I'm not gonna do anything to ruin your chances. 78 00:04:01,669 --> 00:04:03,864 - I'll win on my own merit. - You're gonna lose. 79 00:04:04,039 --> 00:04:06,803 - And this man right here is gonna win. - Thank you. 80 00:04:06,975 --> 00:04:09,876 - Because he's balls-deep in Shiva. - Yeah. 81 00:04:10,045 --> 00:04:12,570 - Okay, all right. - Let's celebrate, shots, shots. 82 00:04:12,747 --> 00:04:15,807 Yeah, I don't know, I have to drive home. And so do you. 83 00:04:15,984 --> 00:04:17,417 - I'm not driving. - You cabbing it? 84 00:04:17,585 --> 00:04:18,574 No, I'm not gonna leave my car here. 85 00:04:21,138 --> 00:04:22,503 - Okay, who's Ruxin? - That's me. 86 00:04:23,674 --> 00:04:25,767 - You call for roadside assistance? - Indeed. 87 00:04:25,943 --> 00:04:28,207 And what seems to be the problem with the car? 88 00:04:28,379 --> 00:04:30,040 Operator error. 89 00:04:30,815 --> 00:04:33,181 - You mean you're too drunk to drive? - Bingo. 90 00:04:33,350 --> 00:04:35,443 Why don't you call a cab, have a friend drive? 91 00:04:35,619 --> 00:04:39,680 Because I have premium-plus service, which means I get 200 miles of free towing. 92 00:04:41,192 --> 00:04:44,059 - All right, give me a minute to hook it up. - Thank you. 93 00:04:45,162 --> 00:04:47,824 TACO: Hey, hey, hey. Check it out, check it out. 94 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,464 What'd I tell you? 95 00:04:51,635 --> 00:04:53,694 Hot girl, Volkswagen Jetta. 96 00:04:53,871 --> 00:04:56,499 It's a law, like water or dinosaurs. 97 00:04:56,674 --> 00:04:59,268 Neither one of those things are laws, Taco. 98 00:04:59,443 --> 00:05:00,842 You guys ready? 99 00:05:01,011 --> 00:05:02,273 Good to go. 100 00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,905 KEVIN: Taco, why are you coming? You live a block away from the bar. 101 00:05:06,083 --> 00:05:07,812 TACO: So? I'll crash at your place tonight. 102 00:05:07,985 --> 00:05:10,920 I like going for rides. Whoo-hoo. 103 00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:16,765 RUXIN: I'm here to help you crush Pete. ANDRE: Thank you. 104 00:05:16,933 --> 00:05:20,733 What you need to do is drop the Vikings defense and pick up the Cardinals defense. 105 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,599 No, you tinker too much, all right? 106 00:05:22,772 --> 00:05:25,138 - Let's just keep what we have. - Tinkering works. 107 00:05:25,308 --> 00:05:27,503 If it worked, we'd be playing in the Super Bowl. 108 00:05:27,677 --> 00:05:29,907 - It's Shiva Bowl. - I don't recognize that term. 109 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,874 - Check this out. PETE: Oh, boy, little children, huh? 110 00:05:33,049 --> 00:05:35,074 - Nervous? - Pfft! Are you kidding me? 111 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:39,210 Whatever Andre had going for him Ruxin has surely soiled by now. 112 00:05:39,389 --> 00:05:40,651 - Give it to me. PETE: Numb nuts. 113 00:05:40,823 --> 00:05:42,017 - Hey, little cuties. - Hey. 114 00:05:42,192 --> 00:05:43,523 This is a closed session. 115 00:05:43,693 --> 00:05:49,689 You know, no amount of fiddling is going to help you now, okay? 116 00:05:49,866 --> 00:05:52,596 - I had a wonderful night with Shiva. - Please stop that. 117 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:56,227 All right, it's weird. You got a trophy with my girlfriend's face on it. 118 00:05:56,406 --> 00:05:58,601 This is the Shiva. Your girlfriend is Shiva. 119 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,299 I know, but it's the same thing. 120 00:06:00,476 --> 00:06:02,205 - Completely different. - It is not. 121 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,944 - Agree to disagree. TACO [SINGS]: Tickle me, and rub my belly 122 00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,981 - Oh, hey, what's up, boys? - Hey. 123 00:06:08,151 --> 00:06:09,982 Thanks for letting me borrow your sweatpants and your underwear. 124 00:06:10,153 --> 00:06:13,486 ANDRE: Ha, ha, ha. - Do you mind if I use the kitchen for a bit? 125 00:06:13,656 --> 00:06:17,717 Make whatever you want. Just clean up. Jenny and Ellie are gonna come home. 126 00:06:17,894 --> 00:06:19,657 No problem. No problem. 127 00:06:19,829 --> 00:06:21,990 I know what Tom Cruise felt like in Rain Man. 128 00:06:22,165 --> 00:06:26,101 I dropped some toothpicks on the floor one time and he counted them quickly. 129 00:06:26,269 --> 00:06:28,737 - He got it completely wrong. - But he was very quick. 130 00:06:28,905 --> 00:06:31,635 I'm gonna order a pizza. You staying around for the game? 131 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,901 - Yep. - We are famished. 132 00:06:34,077 --> 00:06:35,908 - Please. - I am not going to be here. 133 00:06:36,079 --> 00:06:39,139 Because I'm going to be with my good luck charm, Shiva. 134 00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:40,981 Let me tell you something. 135 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:45,143 Since I started dating Shiva, I have not lost a single game, not a one. 136 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:48,984 You're using an unfair, competitive, sexual advantage. 137 00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:51,854 All I know is I'm gonna take that trophy from your hands... 138 00:06:52,028 --> 00:06:56,089 ...hold it over my head, and tell everyone, "I, Andre, won the Super Bowl." 139 00:06:56,266 --> 00:06:58,166 - Shiva Bowl. - Super Bowl. 140 00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:00,768 I don't recognize that. I don't know what that is. 141 00:07:01,037 --> 00:07:03,005 All I know is when I hold it, I will sing. 142 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,161 - You wanna sing? ANDRE: Oh, I will sing. 143 00:07:06,223 --> 00:07:08,783 RUXIN, KEVIN & PETE [SINGING]: Shivakamini Somakandarkram 144 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,222 Really? 145 00:07:10,394 --> 00:07:12,521 ANDRE: We're doing this, really. "Shiva Nagila"? 146 00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:14,289 Okay, can we stop? 147 00:07:14,465 --> 00:07:15,932 Hey! Shivakamini Somakandarkram 148 00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,294 ANDRE: Oh, great. 149 00:07:18,369 --> 00:07:21,304 ANDRE: More? You didn't get enough in high school? 150 00:07:22,773 --> 00:07:24,434 Hey! Shivakamini Somakandarkram 151 00:07:24,608 --> 00:07:26,974 Great. That's enough. 152 00:07:28,312 --> 00:07:31,281 All right, enough, enough, enough. Stop. 153 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,500 Taco, what's that smell? You smell that? 154 00:07:34,404 --> 00:07:36,702 - Oh, shit. - What's "oh, shit"? 155 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:40,001 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow! 156 00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,874 KEVIN: Taco, what are you doing? - Oh, goddamn it. 157 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,879 KEVIN: No brownies. RUXIN: Oh, Jesus. 158 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:49,109 PETE: Ugh! - It smells like squirrel diarrhea in here. 159 00:07:49,286 --> 00:07:51,811 No, I'm making homemade deodorant. I think I burned it. 160 00:07:52,355 --> 00:07:55,984 - lf it's deodorant, why does it stink so bad? - It's musk scent. 161 00:07:56,159 --> 00:07:57,683 Why are you making your own? 162 00:07:57,861 --> 00:08:00,523 Trying to save money. You know how expensive deodorant is? 163 00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,494 RUXIN: It's like four bucks. - I know, right? 164 00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:05,032 You need to get a job. Do you understand me? 165 00:08:05,201 --> 00:08:06,725 I have a job. I make ring tones. 166 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:10,066 - What do you mean? - I have a "cats having sex" ring tone. 167 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,901 I have a "cats fighting" ring tone. 168 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,635 Well, it's the same audio. I just changed the title. 169 00:08:14,811 --> 00:08:18,372 - I have a "horse orgasm" ring tone. - Oh, wait, "horse-gasm" is yours? 170 00:08:18,548 --> 00:08:19,776 TACO: Yeah, yeah, the: 171 00:08:19,950 --> 00:08:21,247 [TACO & RUXIN NEIGHING] 172 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:24,649 All right, can you guys please stop? The free ride's over. 173 00:08:24,821 --> 00:08:27,585 You cannot come back until you have gainful employment. 174 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,224 All right, fine. I'll get a job. 175 00:08:30,741 --> 00:08:32,868 Joseph, you're killing me. You're killing me. 176 00:08:33,043 --> 00:08:34,305 His second touchdown today. 177 00:08:34,478 --> 00:08:36,412 - I am beating you. - What? 178 00:08:37,114 --> 00:08:39,412 - We are beating you. - Who's we? What...? 179 00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:41,676 Andre is beating you and I am helping. 180 00:08:43,769 --> 00:08:44,929 That's really desperate. 181 00:08:45,237 --> 00:08:46,829 All right, guys. This is problematic. 182 00:08:47,006 --> 00:08:49,634 I know what the issue is here. He's got the real Shiva. 183 00:08:49,809 --> 00:08:51,868 I'm stuck with this trophy. No way I can win. 184 00:08:52,044 --> 00:08:53,807 I gotta change the energy up. 185 00:08:53,979 --> 00:08:56,174 - Who's up for a field trip? - Where? 186 00:08:56,348 --> 00:08:58,282 - We're going to Shiva's house now. - What? 187 00:08:58,450 --> 00:09:01,783 - How do you know where she lives? - Stole her address from Andre's phone. 188 00:09:02,421 --> 00:09:04,252 - Really? - Yeah. 189 00:09:04,423 --> 00:09:05,549 Nicely played. 190 00:09:05,858 --> 00:09:07,416 SHIVA: Let's get something to eat. ANDRE: No, no. 191 00:09:07,593 --> 00:09:11,029 Why are we gonna go out? Let's just stay here and stay comfy. 192 00:09:11,197 --> 00:09:13,961 And let me keep you all to me, okay? 193 00:09:14,133 --> 00:09:16,624 And we can watch the game. Perfect. 194 00:09:16,802 --> 00:09:18,360 Game? 195 00:09:18,537 --> 00:09:20,971 Winter Olympics on? I didn't know it was coming back. 196 00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:24,541 - No, football. - Oh, wow. All right. I don't really watch. 197 00:09:24,710 --> 00:09:27,873 - Well, let me take a look at this, let's see. - Okay. 198 00:09:28,647 --> 00:09:32,048 Oh, you don't have the NFL Super Fan package? 199 00:09:32,218 --> 00:09:33,981 No, who cares? Really? 200 00:09:34,153 --> 00:09:37,088 Well, I mean, who cares? I mean, if you only got like one game. 201 00:09:37,256 --> 00:09:39,520 What if I wanna watch Kansas City and Cincinnati? 202 00:09:39,692 --> 00:09:41,159 See how Cedric Benson does. 203 00:09:41,327 --> 00:09:42,658 - Who's that? - I don't know. 204 00:09:42,828 --> 00:09:44,921 - Like, I'm just making up that name. - Right. 205 00:09:45,097 --> 00:09:46,394 Doesn't even... Well... 206 00:09:46,565 --> 00:09:47,998 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 207 00:09:48,467 --> 00:09:49,764 - Someone at the door? - Yeah. 208 00:09:51,837 --> 00:09:53,429 SHIVA: Oh, my gosh. 209 00:09:53,606 --> 00:09:54,766 Shivakamini. 210 00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:57,101 - How are you? SHIVA: This is amazing. 211 00:09:57,276 --> 00:09:59,267 Look who is here. 212 00:09:59,545 --> 00:10:01,513 This is crazy. Did you do this? 213 00:10:03,495 --> 00:10:04,553 This is why you wanted to stay in, wasn't it? 214 00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:06,197 Yes, yes, this is it. 215 00:10:06,365 --> 00:10:10,529 Well, we just wanted to stop by and see Shivakamini. 216 00:10:10,703 --> 00:10:13,035 Please, just call me Shiva, really. Ha, ha. 217 00:10:13,205 --> 00:10:14,433 RUXIN: Shiva. 218 00:10:14,607 --> 00:10:16,541 - That has a nice ring to it. - Strange. 219 00:10:16,709 --> 00:10:18,301 ANDRE: We had a good time, didn't we? 220 00:10:18,477 --> 00:10:20,638 You guys came to say hi. See you guys later. 221 00:10:20,813 --> 00:10:22,610 What? No, that is crazy, come on. 222 00:10:22,781 --> 00:10:25,545 Come inside. Make yourselves at home. Get comfortable. 223 00:10:25,718 --> 00:10:27,345 PETE: We could come in for a little bit. 224 00:10:27,519 --> 00:10:29,282 - How are you? - Great. 225 00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:40,515 My name is Taco, and I wanna work here. 226 00:10:40,685 --> 00:10:43,415 I just wanna hear about you. What are you up to these days? 227 00:10:43,588 --> 00:10:46,421 I'm a urologist, specializing in genital reconstruction. 228 00:10:47,286 --> 00:10:49,754 - Oh, so that's how you guys met? - Ha. Rodney. 229 00:10:50,289 --> 00:10:52,484 ANDRE: Rodney. - Ruxin. 230 00:10:52,658 --> 00:10:53,750 KEVIN: Rodney. - Rodney. 231 00:10:53,926 --> 00:10:55,086 KEVIN: Rodney works for us. 232 00:10:55,261 --> 00:10:58,424 I have to say, I'm so happy that you're back in our lives. 233 00:10:58,597 --> 00:11:00,656 - You rule, I mean, come on... - Hey, thank you. 234 00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,892 - Put it up. SHIVA: Yeah. 235 00:11:03,068 --> 00:11:04,092 ANDRE: Yeah, okay. 236 00:11:04,270 --> 00:11:06,670 PETE: Get over here, get over here. ANDRE: No, no, no. 237 00:11:06,839 --> 00:11:08,238 She's all mine. 238 00:11:08,407 --> 00:11:10,136 PETE: Hi, Taco. TACO: What's up, boys? 239 00:11:10,309 --> 00:11:13,836 ANDRE: What the hell are you doing here? - Pete gave me the address. 240 00:11:14,013 --> 00:11:15,537 I like the new pad. Nice. 241 00:11:15,714 --> 00:11:18,615 It's not my house, all right? This is Shiva's house. 242 00:11:18,784 --> 00:11:19,842 Taco. 243 00:11:20,019 --> 00:11:21,680 - Shiva. - Yeah. 244 00:11:21,854 --> 00:11:23,116 Like the song... 245 00:11:23,289 --> 00:11:24,847 - Shivaka... KEVIN: No... Ow. 246 00:11:25,024 --> 00:11:27,492 ANDRE: He's a musician. KEVIN: Taco's a musician. 247 00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:28,820 And he has songs. 248 00:11:28,994 --> 00:11:32,225 - And today, I got a real-person job. KEVIN: What? 249 00:11:32,398 --> 00:11:33,422 TACO: Yeah. PETE: Really? 250 00:11:33,599 --> 00:11:35,294 I work at the Volkswagen dealership. 251 00:11:35,467 --> 00:11:36,729 Yeah, and I really like it. 252 00:11:36,902 --> 00:11:39,666 Hey, this morning, I was making my own deodorant. 253 00:11:39,838 --> 00:11:41,601 Now, look at me, huh? 254 00:11:41,774 --> 00:11:43,605 Taco, would you like a drink? 255 00:11:43,776 --> 00:11:45,607 - Absolutely. - I will get you one. 256 00:11:45,778 --> 00:11:47,769 - Taco, oh, my gosh. - Thank you. 257 00:11:47,947 --> 00:11:50,472 Okay, seriously, this has to end right now. 258 00:11:50,649 --> 00:11:52,549 - You have to leave. KEVIN: No, we're having fun. 259 00:11:52,718 --> 00:11:54,185 ANDRE: You are not. You have to leave. 260 00:11:54,353 --> 00:11:56,048 You have to leave right now. 261 00:11:56,889 --> 00:12:00,086 - Wait, what are you doing? - Just getting a little good luck charm. 262 00:12:00,259 --> 00:12:02,420 No, no, no, you take nothing. Nothing. 263 00:12:02,595 --> 00:12:05,564 You better watch out because Ruxin went for the laundry room. 264 00:12:05,731 --> 00:12:08,165 - Shit. - Go, go, go. 265 00:12:08,334 --> 00:12:09,665 [EXHALING] 266 00:12:09,835 --> 00:12:13,168 - What's wrong with you over here? - I am going crazy sitting next to her. 267 00:12:13,339 --> 00:12:16,604 - What is your problem? - Because I feel like I'm in Shiva's place. 268 00:12:16,775 --> 00:12:19,005 And this would be the ultimate Shiva blast. 269 00:12:19,178 --> 00:12:20,577 - Oh, no, Shiva blast. KEVIN: Awesome? 270 00:12:20,746 --> 00:12:21,770 Dude, l... All right. 271 00:12:21,947 --> 00:12:24,074 - Hold it. - I can't, it's like a giant dump. 272 00:12:24,250 --> 00:12:25,308 PETE: You can hold it. 273 00:12:25,484 --> 00:12:28,044 - Kevin, hold it. - Oh, Shiva! 274 00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:30,688 - Go outside. - Shiva... I can't do it. 275 00:12:30,856 --> 00:12:33,188 - I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it. PETE: Outside, now. 276 00:12:33,592 --> 00:12:35,355 ANDRE: Did he just Shiva blast in here? 277 00:12:35,527 --> 00:12:38,928 - I didn't hear anything, you hear anything? - I don't know what he did. 278 00:12:39,201 --> 00:12:45,572 Shivakamini Somakandarkram! 279 00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:48,836 [PANTING] 280 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,714 PETE: So the Monday night game decides the Shiva Bowl. 281 00:12:53,883 --> 00:12:57,011 Just because we're going head-to-head doesn't mean we can't enjoy... 282 00:12:57,186 --> 00:12:58,312 ...a gentlemanly lunch. 283 00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:03,049 This is what it's about: good, kind, gentlemanly competition. 284 00:13:03,225 --> 00:13:05,489 Can I offer to buy you a beverage? A beer perhaps? 285 00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:07,026 Thank you, sir, but, no. 286 00:13:07,196 --> 00:13:10,222 May I purchase you an ale of any variety you choose? 287 00:13:10,399 --> 00:13:13,630 I have an examination this afternoon. So I will also have to decline. 288 00:13:13,803 --> 00:13:15,828 Oh, I am very sorry to hear that. 289 00:13:16,005 --> 00:13:19,031 - Who are you seeing? - A specialist. 290 00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,635 - Anyone I might know, perchance? - Probably not. 291 00:13:21,811 --> 00:13:23,301 Her name's Shiva. 292 00:13:25,323 --> 00:13:26,915 No. No. 293 00:13:27,091 --> 00:13:28,115 No, no, no. 294 00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:30,055 What? I have swollen testicles. 295 00:13:30,228 --> 00:13:31,320 She's the best in town. 296 00:13:31,496 --> 00:13:33,396 I wanna have them fondled, professionally. 297 00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:35,623 Her hands are not going anywhere near you. 298 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,792 - I don't know what's wrong. - I'll look at your testicles for you. 299 00:13:38,970 --> 00:13:41,131 I'd prefer to have the specialist look at them. 300 00:13:41,435 --> 00:13:43,835 - She is my girlfriend. - She's my doctor. 301 00:13:44,004 --> 00:13:45,198 She is not your doctor. 302 00:13:45,372 --> 00:13:47,499 You have nothing wrong with your balls. 303 00:13:47,674 --> 00:13:51,337 This is not about Fantasy Football. This is about my girlfriend. 304 00:13:51,712 --> 00:13:53,976 Mm-hm. And it's about my testicles... 305 00:13:54,147 --> 00:13:56,547 ...in your girlfriend's hands in 30 minutes. 306 00:13:56,717 --> 00:13:59,550 If you don't mind picking up the check, that'd be great. 307 00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:03,122 Oh, you think she'd check my prostate if I asked? 308 00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:05,121 Oh, no, no, no! 309 00:14:05,646 --> 00:14:06,374 All right. Let me take a look at her. 310 00:14:08,343 --> 00:14:10,777 I don't know what happened. It's from all the towing. 311 00:14:10,945 --> 00:14:12,936 I see this kind of thing all the time. 312 00:14:13,114 --> 00:14:14,979 - I'll have the boys look. - Appreciate it. 313 00:14:15,149 --> 00:14:17,515 I'm running to this meeting, and it's a huge help. 314 00:14:17,685 --> 00:14:18,777 Cannot thank you enough. 315 00:14:18,953 --> 00:14:20,784 If you ever own a huge toy company... 316 00:14:20,955 --> 00:14:24,584 ...and it turns out your pacifiers are made of Chinese lead, I'm your guy. 317 00:14:24,759 --> 00:14:27,284 - Thank you. - All right, let's... 318 00:14:27,996 --> 00:14:29,395 Have a good meeting. 319 00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,259 Okay. 320 00:14:31,933 --> 00:14:33,400 [ALARM CONTINUES RINGING] 321 00:14:35,403 --> 00:14:36,734 [ALARM STOPS] 322 00:14:37,005 --> 00:14:38,905 - Yeah. MAN: Hey. 323 00:14:39,073 --> 00:14:41,633 - What are you doing here? - Came out to get a bit of air. 324 00:14:41,809 --> 00:14:44,277 Get your overalls on, grab your mop, get out there. 325 00:14:44,445 --> 00:14:46,709 - A kid pissed all over the showroom floor. - Again? 326 00:14:46,881 --> 00:14:49,247 - Yeah. Let's go, go clean up. - I'm on it, boss. 327 00:14:49,817 --> 00:14:53,981 [SINGING] Gonna clean up some pee-pee Cleaning up the pee-pee 328 00:14:54,155 --> 00:14:58,148 SHIVA: And just so you know, this is a very minor exam. 329 00:14:58,326 --> 00:15:01,523 I'm sure everything's fine. And it's going to go very quickly. 330 00:15:01,696 --> 00:15:03,561 I don't think we need to go quick. 331 00:15:03,731 --> 00:15:05,892 I'd rather leave knowing we were very thorough. 332 00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:08,433 Really got in there root around. Do what it takes. 333 00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:10,503 - Strictly professional. - Absolutely. 334 00:15:10,672 --> 00:15:13,402 - So tell me, have you had...? ANDRE: His balls are fine. 335 00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:17,271 Oh, okay, great. So it didn't start. 336 00:15:17,445 --> 00:15:19,504 SHIVA: What are you doing? ANDRE: In the neighborhood. 337 00:15:19,681 --> 00:15:21,080 You didn't pick up your phone. 338 00:15:21,249 --> 00:15:22,614 - I'm at work. - I know. 339 00:15:22,784 --> 00:15:25,912 SHIVA: So... - You should check for emergencies. 340 00:15:26,087 --> 00:15:27,952 And I just wanted to come in... 341 00:15:28,122 --> 00:15:31,523 ...and tell you, there's no need to check his balls, his balls are fine. 342 00:15:31,693 --> 00:15:35,094 His testicles, I'm sure, are fine. 343 00:15:35,263 --> 00:15:38,391 That's what we're going to find out if you'd give us a few minutes. 344 00:15:38,566 --> 00:15:42,229 - Not sure what the problem is, Dr. Nozic. - The problem is, you are a deviant. 345 00:15:42,403 --> 00:15:46,237 - I'm not sure this ball-fondling is on the up... - Testicles. 346 00:15:46,407 --> 00:15:48,602 Testicle fondling is on the up and up. 347 00:15:48,776 --> 00:15:51,040 - Why else would he be here? - Yes, Andre. 348 00:15:51,212 --> 00:15:52,543 Why else would I be here... 349 00:15:52,714 --> 00:15:56,047 ...if I was not concerned about the welfare of my testicles? 350 00:15:57,018 --> 00:16:01,045 Because he... I don't know, you just gotta trust me. 351 00:16:01,222 --> 00:16:04,885 - You have to trust me on this. - Andre, you have to trust me too, okay? 352 00:16:05,059 --> 00:16:07,619 - You're making the patient uncomfortable. - Okay. 353 00:16:08,162 --> 00:16:11,689 If this makes it easier, if you wanna stay and watch, you know, that's fine. 354 00:16:11,866 --> 00:16:15,666 I mean, I wouldn't mind getting a second pair of eyes on these pair. 355 00:16:16,137 --> 00:16:18,503 Andre, do you want to stay? 356 00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:20,573 Yeah. Yeah. 357 00:16:20,742 --> 00:16:25,338 - Would you walk me through the procedure? SHIVA: Sure. 358 00:16:25,513 --> 00:16:29,244 I'm just basically going to be checking on your testicles, one by one... 359 00:16:29,417 --> 00:16:31,817 ...making sure that everything's in the right place. 360 00:16:31,986 --> 00:16:34,216 Palpitating each, and checking the scrotal sack. 361 00:16:34,389 --> 00:16:36,584 To be clear, my testicles will be in your hands. 362 00:16:36,758 --> 00:16:39,352 Then you'll fondle the right one, the left one, okay. 363 00:16:39,527 --> 00:16:42,223 Anything near the shaft area... 364 00:16:42,397 --> 00:16:44,957 ...or the lower shaft? - Definitely, the lower shaft. 365 00:16:45,133 --> 00:16:46,725 PETE: Sounds good. - Great, all right. 366 00:16:46,901 --> 00:16:49,131 Just relax. I'm going to lift your gown. 367 00:16:49,303 --> 00:16:50,531 - Okay. - It's a little cold. 368 00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:53,435 All right. And they are asymmetrical. 369 00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:56,709 And looking healthy so far. 370 00:16:56,878 --> 00:16:59,369 - Okay. - No sign of hernia. 371 00:16:59,547 --> 00:17:01,174 And... 372 00:17:01,349 --> 00:17:04,045 If you could just give me a good, deep cough, please. 373 00:17:04,218 --> 00:17:05,242 [PETE COUGHS] 374 00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:07,047 SHIVA: That's great. 375 00:17:08,389 --> 00:17:11,085 Everything looks okay, all right. You doing okay? 376 00:17:11,259 --> 00:17:13,557 ANDRE: No! SHIVA: What, Andre? 377 00:17:13,728 --> 00:17:16,390 ANDRE: I'm gonna kill you. PETE: Unprofessional. 378 00:17:16,564 --> 00:17:19,055 ANDRE: I'm gonna kill you. PETE: Unprofessional. 379 00:17:19,534 --> 00:17:20,899 [CROWD CHEERING ON TV] 380 00:17:21,069 --> 00:17:22,536 Ha, ha, ha. The king is dead. 381 00:17:22,704 --> 00:17:23,796 The king is dead! 382 00:17:23,971 --> 00:17:26,633 Oh, Lord. The king is dead. Ha, ha, ha. 383 00:17:26,808 --> 00:17:29,936 Pete lost. We won. I'm gonna take Shiva and make her mine. 384 00:17:30,111 --> 00:17:32,477 And I'll deliver her to Andre tomorrow. Oh, God. 385 00:17:32,647 --> 00:17:34,945 - We won. - Oh, Rodney! 386 00:17:35,116 --> 00:17:37,277 Goddamn it! 387 00:17:37,452 --> 00:17:38,885 - No. - I forgot my keys. 388 00:17:39,053 --> 00:17:40,247 - Get... - Where are my keys? 389 00:17:40,421 --> 00:17:41,979 - I don't know. - In my pocket. 390 00:17:42,156 --> 00:17:44,454 - They're in my pocket. - Argh! 391 00:17:44,625 --> 00:17:46,058 [GRUNTING] 392 00:17:46,227 --> 00:17:51,096 Oh, you son of a bitch. 393 00:17:51,632 --> 00:17:54,066 I hate my friends! 394 00:18:09,666 --> 00:18:10,928 Right. 395 00:18:14,370 --> 00:18:16,804 - Good afternoon, miss. - Hi. 396 00:18:16,973 --> 00:18:19,305 - What are we looking at, the Jetta? - How'd you know? 397 00:18:19,475 --> 00:18:20,806 I had a feeling. 398 00:18:20,804 --> 00:18:24,865 WOMAN: So when do I actually pay for this? TACO: We'll talk about that over margaritas. 399 00:18:25,041 --> 00:18:28,704 MAN: Hey, hey, hey! Bring back that car, you asshole! 400 00:18:28,878 --> 00:18:29,867 Damn it. 401 00:18:31,963 --> 00:18:33,157 Oh, man. What's going on with the car here? 402 00:18:33,465 --> 00:18:36,957 Oh, Taco, you goddamn idiot. I'm gonna... 403 00:18:37,135 --> 00:18:38,124 Ugh! 404 00:18:43,108 --> 00:18:44,803 Yeah, hello, roadside assistance? 405 00:18:44,976 --> 00:18:46,705 Yeah, Ruxin. 406 00:18:47,345 --> 00:18:49,745 No, no, no. Well, you have to pick me up. 407 00:18:49,914 --> 00:18:51,142 I've got premium plus. 408 00:18:51,316 --> 00:18:53,876 What do you mean I used up all of my miles? 409 00:18:54,285 --> 00:18:56,719 Ugh! I should have used a fake name. 410 00:18:58,256 --> 00:18:59,985 Oh, thank God it's a Mercedes. Hey. 411 00:19:04,062 --> 00:19:05,927 - Hi. - Rodney? 412 00:19:06,097 --> 00:19:07,758 - Hey, people call me Ruxin. - Hi. 413 00:19:07,932 --> 00:19:09,593 - How are you? - Are you going to Andre's? 414 00:19:09,768 --> 00:19:11,235 - Yeah. - Is your car okay? 415 00:19:11,403 --> 00:19:13,064 Thank God. No, my car broke down. 416 00:19:13,238 --> 00:19:16,002 - Taco got his hands on it. - Oh, what happened? 417 00:19:16,174 --> 00:19:17,641 Oh, my God. 418 00:19:17,809 --> 00:19:19,640 Is that my high school yearbook photo? 419 00:19:19,811 --> 00:19:22,279 Look, I can explain. 420 00:19:23,415 --> 00:19:26,043 But it's not gonna make you feel any better. 421 00:19:27,952 --> 00:19:29,510 [PHONE BEEPING] 422 00:19:30,221 --> 00:19:33,054 - Hello? RUXIN [ON INTERCOM]: Shiva's here. 423 00:19:33,224 --> 00:19:36,660 Oh, I'm coming down to meet you. I can't wait to see that beautiful bitch. 424 00:19:37,495 --> 00:19:39,087 Aha! See, I told you. 425 00:19:39,264 --> 00:19:42,495 I make love to Shiva, and then I get the Shiva. 426 00:19:42,667 --> 00:19:44,191 Ugh! 427 00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,028 You're such an asshole. 428 00:19:47,205 --> 00:19:49,435 [COUGHING] 429 00:19:50,575 --> 00:19:52,099 We're cool, right? 430 00:19:53,211 --> 00:19:54,542 See you at the reunion. 431 00:19:55,847 --> 00:19:56,973 I like her. 432 00:19:57,449 --> 00:19:58,541 - Ruxin? - Yeah? 433 00:19:59,617 --> 00:20:01,244 ANDRE: Why's your name on the trophy? 434 00:20:03,219 --> 00:20:04,208 Because we won. 435 00:20:05,154 --> 00:20:07,520 Oh, Shiva. 436 00:20:08,324 --> 00:20:11,555 This is by far the most destructive season ever. 437 00:20:11,727 --> 00:20:16,164 And I cannot wait to play next year, because I shall be victorious! 438 00:20:16,332 --> 00:20:17,731 RUXIN: No. - Yeah, I don't think so. 439 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:19,162 KEVIN: Why? 440 00:20:19,335 --> 00:20:22,463 I got a little Shiva charm, just to help me into the playoffs. 441 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,401 KEVIN: You Robin Hood. - Real Shiva hair too. 442 00:20:24,573 --> 00:20:26,336 - You took that from her house? - Yeah. 443 00:20:26,509 --> 00:20:30,912 Poor choice, my friend, because I stole a picture of her and her family. 444 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,241 - A couple generations of Shiva. PETE: What is this? 445 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,231 - Who's buzzing, what is it...? - Oh, that's right. 446 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,598 KEVIN: Oh, my God. RUXIN: Shiva's vibrator. 447 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:40,796 ANDRE: Really? - Horrible. 448 00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,532 I had to get as close as I could. 449 00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:45,405 - You know what I mean? - Yeah. That was inside. 450 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,876 [SINGING] Shivakamini 451 00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:50,607 TACO & ANDRE: Somakandarkram 452 00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:55,777 ALL: Shivakamini Somakandarkram, hey 453 00:20:55,955 --> 00:21:00,654 Shivakamini Somakandarkram 454 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:05,662 Shivakamini Somakandarkram, hey! 455 00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:09,393 Shivakamini Somakandarkram 456 00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:12,936 Shivakamini Somakandarkram, hey! 457 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:16,269 Shivakamini Somakandarkram 458 00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:20,276 Shivakamini Somakandarkram, hey! 459 00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:53,834 [ENGLISH - US - SDH] 460 00:21:53,884 --> 00:21:58,434 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37124

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