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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,111 --> 00:00:08,171 Gentlemen, let's just take a moment here to celebrate something... 2 00:00:08,335 --> 00:00:12,431 ...that I think we can all agree is a truly amazing thing. 3 00:00:12,590 --> 00:00:15,525 And that is me. 4 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,515 As your current champion and three-time winner... 5 00:00:18,674 --> 00:00:21,472 ...I would like to welcome each and every one of you... 6 00:00:21,631 --> 00:00:24,600 ...to this fifth season of The League. 7 00:00:24,757 --> 00:00:26,122 I love playing with you guys. 8 00:00:26,285 --> 00:00:31,416 It's not just that you lose. It's that you try so hard, and you still lose. 9 00:00:31,571 --> 00:00:34,131 Daddy's friends think they're gonna go balls-deep in him... 10 00:00:34,296 --> 00:00:36,161 ...but he's gonna go balls-deep in them. 11 00:00:36,324 --> 00:00:37,450 Yes, he is. 12 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,486 And then you make these terrible bets... 13 00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:43,106 ...that end up biting you in the ass when you do lose, Kevin. 14 00:00:43,503 --> 00:00:45,334 KEVIN: Oh, dear God. WOMAN: It's humiliating. 15 00:00:45,498 --> 00:00:46,965 I know. We gotta win this year. 16 00:00:47,127 --> 00:00:49,823 - Yeah, you have to listen to me. - I will. I promise, okay? 17 00:00:49,986 --> 00:00:51,214 So let's talk schedule. 18 00:00:51,382 --> 00:00:54,180 Call Taco and tell him that The League has actually started. 19 00:00:54,340 --> 00:00:56,240 Oh, you found it. Awesome. 20 00:00:56,402 --> 00:00:58,233 Come to Papa. 21 00:00:58,496 --> 00:00:59,724 [SIGHS] 22 00:00:59,891 --> 00:01:01,381 I have a mental erection. 23 00:01:01,554 --> 00:01:03,988 Oh, and lest I forget, the draft... 24 00:01:04,146 --> 00:01:07,047 ...which is gonna be at Andre's swanky new downtown loft. 25 00:01:07,205 --> 00:01:09,833 [O VER COMPUTER] Andre, we don't care how much money you make. 26 00:01:09,997 --> 00:01:12,659 You're still the same sweet, gullible little suck-tard... 27 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,312 ...that we tricked into this. 28 00:01:14,484 --> 00:01:16,475 [TATTOO GUN BUZZING] 29 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,974 - Eagle looks cool, right? PETE: Oh, it looks awesome. 30 00:01:19,137 --> 00:01:20,536 ANDRE: So happy you guys are here. 31 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,793 I love you guys. You're the best. 32 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,890 - You guys are getting one too, right? PETE: Yeah, I'm up next. 33 00:01:26,052 --> 00:01:29,886 God bless Fantasy Football. There are many things a man can do with his time. 34 00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:33,198 And this is better than those things. 35 00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:36,592 - Are you sick? - Hey, how's it going? 36 00:01:36,756 --> 00:01:38,121 No, I just... 37 00:01:38,285 --> 00:01:41,743 I had, like, a half day, and I was just getting some stuff done here. 38 00:01:41,908 --> 00:01:43,466 What's that? What's that? 39 00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:47,265 That is just a little quick video chat I was having. 40 00:01:47,426 --> 00:01:48,893 Fantasy Football. 41 00:01:49,719 --> 00:01:52,688 It's like faux football, by the way, "fake." 42 00:01:55,237 --> 00:01:56,636 Shit. 43 00:01:58,063 --> 00:01:58,129 PETE: Kevin. KEVIN [O VER PHONE]: Ready for this thing? 44 00:01:58,129 --> 00:01:59,892 PETE: Kevin. KEVIN [O VER PHONE]: Ready for this thing? 45 00:02:00,057 --> 00:02:01,922 PETE: I'm impressed with you this season. 46 00:02:02,084 --> 00:02:05,747 You made it seven... Eight minutes, actually, before you threw in the towel. 47 00:02:05,907 --> 00:02:07,169 - I'm impressed. - Bullshit. 48 00:02:07,337 --> 00:02:10,101 - I'm doing the work this year, okay? PETE: Heh, heh, heh. 49 00:02:10,261 --> 00:02:13,788 Yeah, I may even fly out to some, you know, mini-camps. How about that? 50 00:02:13,951 --> 00:02:15,748 Ever think about that? I'm ready to go. You ready? 51 00:02:15,913 --> 00:02:16,971 [TOILET FLUSHES O VER PHONE] 52 00:02:17,142 --> 00:02:18,473 What was that? What was that noise? 53 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,938 - What? - The sound of swirling water. 54 00:02:22,096 --> 00:02:24,223 - A flush. - Are you in the bathroom? 55 00:02:24,389 --> 00:02:26,516 Yeah, I'm in the bathroom. 56 00:02:26,683 --> 00:02:27,775 What's the big deal? 57 00:02:27,945 --> 00:02:30,778 Not sure I appreciate being associated with bathroom time. 58 00:02:30,937 --> 00:02:33,030 This is the only time I get to myself. 59 00:02:33,198 --> 00:02:36,031 - Is this a common occurrence? - Yeah. 60 00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:39,955 That conversation we had about whether Meegan and I were gonna get married? 61 00:02:40,112 --> 00:02:41,443 - Toilet. - What about... 62 00:02:41,608 --> 00:02:43,701 ...when I thought I might wanna leave my job? 63 00:02:43,868 --> 00:02:46,268 - Porta Potty. - Porta Potty? 64 00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:47,792 That day was weird. 65 00:02:47,957 --> 00:02:49,857 We were doing construction on the house. 66 00:02:50,018 --> 00:02:52,919 The reason I'm calling is because I gotta let you know that... 67 00:02:53,076 --> 00:02:55,408 ...Jenny and I are gonna try to have another kid. 68 00:02:55,569 --> 00:02:56,729 No. No. 69 00:02:56,899 --> 00:02:58,833 Thank you so much for the warm tidings. 70 00:02:58,993 --> 00:03:00,722 Dude, you do not understand, okay? 71 00:03:00,888 --> 00:03:03,220 We had a massive blow-up over the kid situation. 72 00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:07,043 This has far-reaching implications. I'm gonna get buried underneath this. 73 00:03:07,204 --> 00:03:09,035 Sucks to be you, champion. Gotta go. 74 00:03:09,198 --> 00:03:10,631 You suck. See you Sunday. 75 00:03:10,793 --> 00:03:12,488 Love you. 76 00:03:16,012 --> 00:03:18,776 Hey, Meegan? Have you seen my lucky draft shirt? 77 00:03:19,004 --> 00:03:20,164 MEEGAN: Mm-mm. 78 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,493 I haven't seen it. 79 00:03:21,663 --> 00:03:23,824 - You sure? - What? 80 00:03:23,990 --> 00:03:27,255 What are you saying? Do you think I threw it away? 81 00:03:27,413 --> 00:03:30,075 No, just asking. Sorry. 82 00:03:31,868 --> 00:03:33,927 You were on phone with Kevin for a long time. 83 00:03:34,095 --> 00:03:36,859 Yeah. We were just catching up a little bit. 84 00:03:37,020 --> 00:03:38,578 How's Jenny? 85 00:03:38,748 --> 00:03:41,342 - She's good. - Hm. 86 00:03:41,540 --> 00:03:43,269 Anything new? 87 00:03:43,435 --> 00:03:45,665 Same old, same old, you know. 88 00:03:45,829 --> 00:03:48,389 Not much really changes over there, so, yeah. 89 00:03:48,555 --> 00:03:49,886 MEEGAN: Really? - Whoa. 90 00:03:50,050 --> 00:03:52,041 MEEGAN: I think something's changing. Hi. - Hi. 91 00:03:52,211 --> 00:03:54,202 MEEGAN: Hi. Give it, give it up. 92 00:03:54,372 --> 00:03:55,464 PETE: Give me... MEEGAN: What? 93 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,830 PETE: Give me a shot at this. Give me a shot at this. 94 00:03:57,995 --> 00:03:59,519 - Okay. MEEGAN: Oh, I don't mind it rough. 95 00:03:59,690 --> 00:04:01,282 PETE: This is... 96 00:04:01,452 --> 00:04:02,476 This is nice. 97 00:04:03,147 --> 00:04:04,842 Nice and slow. 98 00:04:05,008 --> 00:04:06,771 - Nice and really slow. MEEGAN: I like that. 99 00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:08,096 PETE: Mm-hm. 100 00:04:08,266 --> 00:04:11,599 - You're massaging the back. MEEGAN: Yeah. You like that? 101 00:04:11,757 --> 00:04:13,554 MEEGAN: Unh. - Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. 102 00:04:13,717 --> 00:04:15,150 That's a finger. 103 00:04:15,313 --> 00:04:18,111 MEEGAN: Just the tip. - You can't... The tip is already too much. 104 00:04:18,271 --> 00:04:20,501 - Just pull it out because I don't like... MEEGAN: Unh. No. 105 00:04:20,665 --> 00:04:22,565 - Just the tip. PETE: No, I don't like the tip. 106 00:04:22,726 --> 00:04:24,591 MEEGAN: I'm the boss. I'm the boss. - Not okay. Whoa. 107 00:04:24,754 --> 00:04:27,279 - Oh, no, no, no. MEEGAN: No, don't move, don't move! 108 00:04:27,446 --> 00:04:30,415 PETE: Oh, fingers. Not okay, not okay. - Don't move! Don't move! 109 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:32,561 [BOTH GRUNTING] 110 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,055 [MEEGAN PANTING] 111 00:04:38,515 --> 00:04:39,812 Oh, my God. 112 00:04:39,978 --> 00:04:41,605 Holy. 113 00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:44,763 - That was amazing. - Okay. 114 00:04:45,096 --> 00:04:46,256 Yeah. 115 00:04:47,158 --> 00:04:48,591 Good show, old boy. 116 00:04:53,374 --> 00:04:55,205 [CHILDREN YELLING] 117 00:04:57,695 --> 00:04:59,663 - Look at you. WOMAN: Hi. Great party. 118 00:04:59,823 --> 00:05:02,155 I think Ellie's got the same bow on today. 119 00:05:02,315 --> 00:05:03,339 Oh, well, they match. 120 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,104 JENNY: She's right there. - Okay, thanks. 121 00:05:05,274 --> 00:05:07,970 - Glad you made it. I know it's early. - Anytime, my brother. 122 00:05:08,132 --> 00:05:09,156 KEVIN: Thank you. JENNY: Hey, Tac. 123 00:05:09,330 --> 00:05:10,797 - She's growing up. KEVIN: She is. 124 00:05:10,958 --> 00:05:12,516 TACO: What's she, like 9 now? - Nope. 125 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:15,053 - Nope. She's 5, Taco. - Oh. 126 00:05:15,213 --> 00:05:18,205 She's so advanced right now, though. She is counting. 127 00:05:18,370 --> 00:05:20,736 She's spelling, words. 128 00:05:20,897 --> 00:05:22,364 It's incredible. 129 00:05:23,922 --> 00:05:25,355 TACO: I can see that. KEVIN: Yeah. 130 00:05:25,517 --> 00:05:26,779 - She's quite the wordsmith. KEVIN: She's great. 131 00:05:27,977 --> 00:05:29,774 Hey, guess what I did yesterday. 132 00:05:29,938 --> 00:05:32,031 You got stoned and watched a movie. 133 00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:34,923 - Yeah, Total Recall. Twice. KEVIN: How'd I know? 134 00:05:35,091 --> 00:05:38,891 But on top of that, I wrote Ellie a birthday song. 135 00:05:39,046 --> 00:05:40,070 - No, no. JENNY: You did? 136 00:05:40,243 --> 00:05:42,404 TACO: I did, I did. KEVIN: I told you not to do that. 137 00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:44,834 - You didn't have to do it again. - It's awesome. 138 00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:47,692 KEVIN: Thank you so much, Taco. - That's really sweet, Taco. 139 00:05:47,855 --> 00:05:49,914 PETE: Pete's here. Hold it. 140 00:05:50,082 --> 00:05:51,276 JENNY: Oh, my God. - Whoa. 141 00:05:51,445 --> 00:05:53,106 - Make way, make way, make way. - Pete. 142 00:05:53,273 --> 00:05:54,797 - You really stepped up. - Holy cow. 143 00:05:54,968 --> 00:05:57,493 It's just a little something I picked up on the way. 144 00:05:57,661 --> 00:05:58,923 It's nothing big at all. 145 00:05:59,091 --> 00:06:00,115 [PETE HUMS FANFARE] 146 00:06:00,287 --> 00:06:03,347 JENNY: That's... - Behold, the Shiva. 147 00:06:03,511 --> 00:06:06,036 Redux, by the way. With some new and improved elements. 148 00:06:06,204 --> 00:06:08,331 I've had her so long, I should do something. 149 00:06:08,497 --> 00:06:10,522 We've got the 2008 champion, Pete Eckhart. 150 00:06:10,692 --> 00:06:12,956 Two thousand and seven champion Pete Eckhart. 151 00:06:13,118 --> 00:06:15,609 It looks good. I think it should stay right there. 152 00:06:15,778 --> 00:06:19,077 If we're gonna talk football, I should talk to Jenny because that's... 153 00:06:19,234 --> 00:06:20,997 - Talk to me? I'm an observer. KEVIN: Exactly. 154 00:06:21,162 --> 00:06:23,130 You keep insinuating that she runs my team. 155 00:06:23,289 --> 00:06:25,723 - She doesn't run my team. JENNY: Nothing to do with it. 156 00:06:25,882 --> 00:06:27,975 PETE: Then you really need to sack up this year... 157 00:06:28,143 --> 00:06:30,771 ...and do it for... If not for yourself, for your family. 158 00:06:30,935 --> 00:06:33,028 I want it so bad. Look at it. It's so strong. 159 00:06:33,196 --> 00:06:35,255 You ever had sex with a trophy before? 160 00:06:35,422 --> 00:06:37,856 No. But I can't wait, because I will. 161 00:06:38,015 --> 00:06:39,039 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 162 00:06:39,212 --> 00:06:41,339 - This year, it's gonna be in my house. - Really? 163 00:06:41,505 --> 00:06:44,372 It's gonna be mine. And I'm gonna get all your sloppy seconds. 164 00:06:44,531 --> 00:06:46,761 I'm gonna suck it. I'm gonna dry hump it. 165 00:06:46,923 --> 00:06:49,483 - I'm gonna blow it. KEVIN: Okay, that's enough. That's enough. 166 00:06:49,649 --> 00:06:50,741 - Hey, hey. PETE: That's gross. 167 00:06:50,912 --> 00:06:53,346 Bing Crosby, lose the hat. Freaking the kids out. 168 00:06:53,506 --> 00:06:56,168 - You don't like the hat? - No, previous season's is gone. 169 00:06:56,331 --> 00:06:59,061 The last thing he's gonna do is draft Tiki Barber... 170 00:06:59,223 --> 00:07:01,054 ...even though he's a commentator. 171 00:07:01,217 --> 00:07:03,310 Yeah, you guys got in my head. I shat the bed. 172 00:07:03,478 --> 00:07:04,843 PETE: Know what you should do? 173 00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:07,202 KEVIN: Look at Phil Simms or Boomer Esiason this year. 174 00:07:07,533 --> 00:07:08,591 Watch out, guys. 175 00:07:08,763 --> 00:07:12,460 Watch out. Because next year, I'm gonna be the one making fun of you. 176 00:07:12,619 --> 00:07:13,984 PETE: Yeah? Boo. KEVIN: Whoa. 177 00:07:14,614 --> 00:07:16,673 - He hit it hard on that one. ANDRE: Yeah. 178 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,274 Hey, that's a nice trophy. What's it for? 179 00:07:19,832 --> 00:07:22,130 Taco, it's for the... It's for The League. 180 00:07:22,291 --> 00:07:23,849 That's your name. You wrote that. 181 00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:26,181 KEVIN: You won this. You had it for a year, in '06. 182 00:07:26,347 --> 00:07:28,872 - For football. PETE: This was in your house a year, man. 183 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,635 Real quick, we have to talk about the timing of the draft on Saturday. 184 00:07:32,796 --> 00:07:34,593 - Oh, yeah. PETE: I need a ride from you. 185 00:07:34,757 --> 00:07:36,691 - I need to piggyback on your curfew. - No. 186 00:07:36,851 --> 00:07:39,615 I don't know what my plans are, okay? I don't have a curfew. 187 00:07:39,776 --> 00:07:41,403 I may get wasted, sleep at Taco's. 188 00:07:41,571 --> 00:07:43,698 Sleep at my house. I got four extra bedrooms. 189 00:07:43,865 --> 00:07:44,695 No, I don't want to. 190 00:07:45,394 --> 00:07:47,954 Because I don't wanna sleep in Ed Hardy pajamas. 191 00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:50,144 - Bring your own pajamas. KEVIN: No, I'm not. 192 00:07:50,313 --> 00:07:52,372 - Get your own way there. PETE: Ooh. Ruxin. 193 00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:55,231 KEVIN: There he is. TACO: Hey, I'm Taco. 194 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,300 Taco, we've been friends for 15 years. 195 00:07:57,460 --> 00:07:58,484 Did we get paroled? 196 00:07:58,657 --> 00:08:02,525 - I'm not under house arrest. I come and go. - You got all afternoon to hang out... 197 00:08:02,679 --> 00:08:04,909 No, I'm getting diapers. I got 20 minutes for some beer. 198 00:08:05,072 --> 00:08:06,130 KEVIN: Grab one. - There. 199 00:08:06,303 --> 00:08:08,999 KEVIN: Gather around. It's time to pick the draft order. 200 00:08:09,161 --> 00:08:10,560 This is how we're gonna do it. 201 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:13,693 I spent a lot of time, lot of effort into it, got very excited. 202 00:08:13,848 --> 00:08:15,713 - So that will go over there. PETE: This your...? 203 00:08:15,875 --> 00:08:17,775 On the count of three, pull out a paper. 204 00:08:17,936 --> 00:08:19,335 Here we go. One, two, three. 205 00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:21,261 - There it is. - This is really exciting. 206 00:08:21,958 --> 00:08:23,152 - Number four. PETE: Number six. 207 00:08:23,322 --> 00:08:24,880 - Number one. - Number one. 208 00:08:25,050 --> 00:08:27,484 ANDRE: Tim Brady, mother* * * * * * s. KEVIN: Congratulations. 209 00:08:27,643 --> 00:08:29,975 But that is not who you're gonna be drafting. 210 00:08:30,136 --> 00:08:31,228 See the kids over there? 211 00:08:31,399 --> 00:08:33,264 The kid with your number is your kid. 212 00:08:33,427 --> 00:08:36,726 Where they finish in the race is where you draft, huh, bitches? 213 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,579 You didn't even pick your own child. 214 00:08:38,746 --> 00:08:40,771 That's good, because she's not that fast. 215 00:08:40,939 --> 00:08:43,271 - This is fantastic. I'm impressed. - I know. 216 00:08:43,665 --> 00:08:45,360 Go! 217 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:47,585 [CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] 218 00:08:49,914 --> 00:08:52,041 - Did you turn this into a League event? - I did. 219 00:08:52,207 --> 00:08:55,108 - This is good. We're not rooting for Ellie? - No, number seven. 220 00:08:55,266 --> 00:08:57,564 - Come on, seven! KEVIN: Come on, seven! 221 00:08:57,992 --> 00:08:59,857 Go, come on. Go. 222 00:09:03,144 --> 00:09:04,668 Go for it, you son of a bitch! 223 00:09:07,997 --> 00:09:10,693 RUXIN: Yes! KEVIN: Ball sack! 224 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:15,479 You flaxen-haired little maniac! Adrian Peterson, the first pick in the draft. 225 00:09:15,643 --> 00:09:17,270 GIRL: Mom. - Give me my child. 226 00:09:17,437 --> 00:09:19,132 I love this kid. I love this kid. 227 00:09:19,299 --> 00:09:21,062 - Balls. - Yes. 228 00:09:21,791 --> 00:09:23,088 Suck it! 229 00:09:23,487 --> 00:09:26,149 RUXIN: Hey, check out special-needs Harry Potter over there. 230 00:09:26,312 --> 00:09:27,779 It's Matt Friedman, the Oracle. 231 00:09:27,941 --> 00:09:29,135 Who's the Oracle? 232 00:09:29,304 --> 00:09:31,465 He's a Fantasy Football genius, okay? 233 00:09:31,631 --> 00:09:35,795 No wife, no job, just pure football knowledge. 234 00:09:35,953 --> 00:09:37,944 - He just licked a hot dog. KEVIN: Yeah. 235 00:09:38,113 --> 00:09:39,705 No, no, no. Ruxin. 236 00:09:39,875 --> 00:09:43,834 My party, my balloons, my hot dog, my Oracle. So... 237 00:09:43,996 --> 00:09:45,588 JENNY: No, no, no, baby. - What? What? 238 00:09:45,758 --> 00:09:47,885 No Freaky Friedman. Come on, honey. 239 00:09:48,052 --> 00:09:49,485 We don't need him. You got me. 240 00:09:49,648 --> 00:09:50,808 - Okay. - Okay? 241 00:09:50,977 --> 00:09:52,239 - Can I have them both? - No. 242 00:09:52,639 --> 00:09:54,004 Now go get the video camera. 243 00:09:54,169 --> 00:09:56,399 - Hey. - Hey. 244 00:09:57,260 --> 00:09:58,284 What's up, buddy? 245 00:09:58,456 --> 00:09:59,787 This is for you, Ellie. 246 00:09:59,952 --> 00:10:01,613 Happy birthday, princess. 247 00:10:01,781 --> 00:10:02,839 Yay, Taco. 248 00:10:03,010 --> 00:10:07,140 [SINGING] It's your birthday today What does that mean 249 00:10:07,298 --> 00:10:09,596 I guess I'll try to explain 250 00:10:09,758 --> 00:10:12,659 That five years ago on this day 251 00:10:12,816 --> 00:10:18,880 It was the first time Your parents saw your beautiful face 252 00:10:20,295 --> 00:10:23,230 And nine months before that magical day 253 00:10:23,387 --> 00:10:26,447 Your dad probably took Your mom out on a date 254 00:10:26,611 --> 00:10:28,545 And they were having a good time 255 00:10:28,706 --> 00:10:31,800 Can I get your info, maybe give you a shout at some point? 256 00:10:34,456 --> 00:10:35,718 - Daughter's birthday. KEVIN: Yeah. 257 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,147 Daughter's birthday. 258 00:10:37,315 --> 00:10:40,546 TACO: Happy birthday 259 00:10:40,705 --> 00:10:45,972 Happy birthday 260 00:10:47,353 --> 00:10:48,377 JENNY: Seriously? 261 00:10:48,549 --> 00:10:50,642 And when they got home They were horny as hell 262 00:10:50,810 --> 00:10:54,177 And your dad threw your mom Down on the bed 263 00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:56,893 And he tore her panties off 264 00:10:57,059 --> 00:11:00,324 And his wee-wee was hard as a rock 265 00:11:00,483 --> 00:11:01,507 Wee-wee? 266 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:04,410 And at this point Your mom wanted to give your dad head 267 00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:06,005 But your dad also wanted... 268 00:11:06,168 --> 00:11:07,635 Can you even hear this? 269 00:11:07,796 --> 00:11:10,128 So they formed a 69 270 00:11:10,522 --> 00:11:14,151 And your mom came at least three times 271 00:11:14,578 --> 00:11:18,480 And then your dad was so excited To get inside your mom 272 00:11:18,632 --> 00:11:22,932 That he forgot to put a condom on And when he realized his... 273 00:11:23,086 --> 00:11:24,576 JENNY: Thank you, Taco. 274 00:11:24,749 --> 00:11:25,773 - That was great. KEVIN: Okay. 275 00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:27,573 Taco, thank you. 276 00:11:27,741 --> 00:11:28,969 PETE: Yay for Taco. KEVIN: Yeah. 277 00:11:29,136 --> 00:11:30,330 - Hey. JENNY: Hey. 278 00:11:30,499 --> 00:11:32,399 - How are you? Do you need help? JENNY: No. 279 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,824 - Do you want some cake? - No, do you need a drink? 280 00:11:34,987 --> 00:11:38,889 It's really good. No, we're actually trying, so I'm not drinking today. 281 00:11:41,402 --> 00:11:43,597 - What? - Yeah. 282 00:11:43,962 --> 00:11:44,986 - Get out. - No. 283 00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:47,559 - Congrats. - How long have you been trying? 284 00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:49,478 Just this past month. 285 00:11:49,646 --> 00:11:52,513 Wow, that's amazing. Two babies. 286 00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:53,831 That's just incredible. 287 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,128 When the time in your life is right, that's when you should do it. 288 00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,351 You guys are at that spot. That's great. 289 00:11:59,518 --> 00:12:00,883 That's so funny. Our... It's... 290 00:12:01,047 --> 00:12:02,674 I feel like we're at the same spot. 291 00:12:02,843 --> 00:12:05,175 JENNY: Really? - Yeah, and it's so funny, except for: 292 00:12:05,335 --> 00:12:07,360 You and Kevin were so smart, there was planning. 293 00:12:07,530 --> 00:12:08,997 Like, we're ready, we're gonna do it. 294 00:12:09,159 --> 00:12:11,286 MEEGAN: Planning? They have sex all the time. 295 00:12:11,452 --> 00:12:14,012 Clearly Kevin doesn't have slow swimmers, does he? 296 00:12:14,178 --> 00:12:15,202 I might have a beer. 297 00:12:15,374 --> 00:12:17,569 We should have sex more often, because someone... 298 00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:18,928 Can I ask you a question? 299 00:12:19,097 --> 00:12:23,090 How does a woman know that her husband has slow swimmers? 300 00:12:23,252 --> 00:12:24,480 Because obviously... 301 00:12:24,649 --> 00:12:27,914 It's like CSI. Gotta scoop it up. You pull out, I scoop it up. 302 00:12:28,072 --> 00:12:29,801 I clean up. I get to the bottom. 303 00:12:29,967 --> 00:12:31,525 - I'm like a detective. PETE: Okay. 304 00:12:31,695 --> 00:12:33,162 MEEGAN: You know, I need to know. 305 00:12:33,324 --> 00:12:35,189 Maybe my swimmers wouldn't be so slow... 306 00:12:35,352 --> 00:12:38,810 ...if someone wasn't putting their finger in my ass while we're having sex. 307 00:12:38,976 --> 00:12:40,841 - Wow. PETE: I think that tends to... 308 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,452 Whore. 309 00:12:45,623 --> 00:12:48,683 Attagirl. There you go. 310 00:12:48,847 --> 00:12:50,371 Good girl. 311 00:12:53,236 --> 00:12:53,302 RUXIN: When you've got the sixth pick in the draft, you don't have choices. 312 00:12:53,302 --> 00:12:56,362 RUXIN: When you've got the sixth pick in the draft, you don't have choices. 313 00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,824 First pick, Adrian Peterson. 314 00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:02,945 I mean, the guy has hammies that could literally pull a car. 315 00:13:03,108 --> 00:13:07,636 He's got these shoebox calves, that beautiful chestnut-black skin. 316 00:13:07,794 --> 00:13:09,989 - I know that sounds weird. - That's creepy. 317 00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:14,921 What does not sound weird is the help I will receive from my friend the Oracle. 318 00:13:15,075 --> 00:13:17,771 A 9-year-old who will work his testicle-free magic... 319 00:13:17,933 --> 00:13:18,957 Oh, my, God! 320 00:13:19,129 --> 00:13:21,461 - to provide picks and the scientific precision... 321 00:13:21,623 --> 00:13:25,525 ...that will take me to the top and make this the year of the Ruxin. 322 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,271 Stop. Just please stop talking. 323 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,408 Go inside and be professional, do our jobs. 324 00:13:29,568 --> 00:13:30,865 - Okay. - Okay. 325 00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:33,931 - No problem, Jenny. KEVIN: She doesn't run my team. 326 00:13:34,088 --> 00:13:35,612 Mr. Gomez, how are we? 327 00:13:35,783 --> 00:13:37,944 GOMEZ: How you doing? Everything good? - Yeah. 328 00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:40,203 Mr. Gomez, I represent the state. 329 00:13:40,371 --> 00:13:44,831 And we have what I believe is enough evidence to put you away for 10 years. 330 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,425 Oh, no, no, no. Ernie's an innocent man. 331 00:13:47,584 --> 00:13:49,245 So he's not going away for any time. 332 00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:50,812 - Did you do it? - Of course not. 333 00:13:50,975 --> 00:13:51,999 There you go. 334 00:13:52,171 --> 00:13:53,195 - Really? - Really. 335 00:13:53,368 --> 00:13:55,165 Ernie, do you remember waving... 336 00:13:55,329 --> 00:13:57,991 ...at the surveillance cameras of all three liquor stores? 337 00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,320 We've got the videotape. 338 00:14:00,781 --> 00:14:03,215 "Hi, Mom. It's me, Ernesto." 339 00:14:03,374 --> 00:14:05,672 Your client's going away for 10 years. 340 00:14:06,331 --> 00:14:07,525 Unless... 341 00:14:08,891 --> 00:14:09,949 Unless? 342 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:12,613 [WHISPERING] We swap first-round picks. 343 00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:14,179 Sidebar. 344 00:14:14,575 --> 00:14:16,065 GOMEZ: Unless? 345 00:14:17,335 --> 00:14:18,563 You can't take my number one. 346 00:14:18,730 --> 00:14:19,992 [IN NORMAL TONE] Give me the number one. 347 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,788 I'm gonna give you my sixth pick in the draft, okay? 348 00:14:22,951 --> 00:14:27,285 And I'm gonna give your client seven years. I'm gonna knock it down from 10 to seven. 349 00:14:27,439 --> 00:14:29,100 For the number one pick... 350 00:14:29,267 --> 00:14:32,703 ...this man should be able to walk out the door, go on a crime spree... 351 00:14:32,858 --> 00:14:35,019 ...that would make Robert Blake cum in his pants. 352 00:14:35,184 --> 00:14:38,176 Then he should be able to go home, and have sex with your wife... 353 00:14:38,342 --> 00:14:40,207 ...then be given a parade in his honor. 354 00:14:40,370 --> 00:14:42,167 - He's kidding. - Shh. 355 00:14:42,331 --> 00:14:44,492 Respect the sidebar, sir. Thank you. 356 00:14:45,755 --> 00:14:49,054 Listen, I'm doing you a favor here, okay? This is pro bono work for you. 357 00:14:49,212 --> 00:14:52,773 Listen, all I wanna say to you is this, I gotta do two of these cases a year. 358 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,994 This man, guilty or innocent... 359 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:58,325 ...can do no more than six years for third-round picks. 360 00:14:58,486 --> 00:15:02,445 It's not gonna happen, okay? It's first-round pick. 361 00:15:02,608 --> 00:15:03,939 What do you wanna do? 362 00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,367 He goes for five years. We swap first rounds. 363 00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:13,283 Pleasure doing business with you, sir. 364 00:15:15,073 --> 00:15:16,540 GOMEZ: Excuse me, sir. 365 00:15:16,702 --> 00:15:17,828 Excuse me. 366 00:15:19,328 --> 00:15:20,761 What was that? 367 00:15:20,924 --> 00:15:24,451 You're going away for five years, and I just lost Adrian Peterson. 368 00:15:24,614 --> 00:15:27,208 You had to go to the third liquor store? 369 00:15:27,372 --> 00:15:29,101 Just go to one. 370 00:15:29,267 --> 00:15:32,100 I stole a KitKat last week. 371 00:15:32,259 --> 00:15:34,784 Nobody knows. You keep it small. 372 00:15:37,876 --> 00:15:39,207 FRIEDMAN: Hi. - Hi, how are you? 373 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,704 - Good. - Hey, can Matthew come out and play? 374 00:15:41,865 --> 00:15:43,856 No, Matthew's getting ready for bed. 375 00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,893 - Just tell him Ruxin's here. - Absolutely not. 376 00:15:47,051 --> 00:15:48,916 You know, I'll hook up with him online. 377 00:15:49,079 --> 00:15:51,639 No, you won't. No, you won't. 378 00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,529 - Numb-nuts. - What's up, Kevin? 379 00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:57,494 Where you been? You forgot the Shiva at my house. 380 00:15:57,654 --> 00:16:00,646 Maybe you should just hang onto it. I don't think I'm gonna play. 381 00:16:00,812 --> 00:16:03,747 Not gonna do your mind game. Take it back, bring it on Saturday. 382 00:16:03,904 --> 00:16:05,201 I'm gonna win it like a man. 383 00:16:05,366 --> 00:16:06,833 PETE: Look, Meegan and I had a talk... 384 00:16:06,995 --> 00:16:09,555 ...and to be honest I have so much work coming up to do. 385 00:16:09,721 --> 00:16:11,382 I gotta... It's gonna be super busy. 386 00:16:11,549 --> 00:16:12,777 Wait, you're not playing? 387 00:16:12,945 --> 00:16:15,004 I'm gonna be really busy, is what I'm saying. 388 00:16:15,172 --> 00:16:17,140 Yeah, everybody's busy with everything. 389 00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:18,699 Cave on everything else, okay. 390 00:16:18,862 --> 00:16:20,762 Don't cave on this. It's important. 391 00:16:21,421 --> 00:16:22,649 I can't do it this year. 392 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,578 - Okay. PETE: All right? 393 00:16:24,746 --> 00:16:26,407 I'm sorry. 394 00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,093 Look what I got. 395 00:16:31,759 --> 00:16:32,953 - That's excellent. - You see it? 396 00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:35,283 - Yes. Enjoy it, man, enjoy it. - Bang. 397 00:16:35,449 --> 00:16:36,575 That's where it stays. 398 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:39,236 - That's where she's gonna stay. - Yeah, in the street. 399 00:16:39,405 --> 00:16:42,169 - You're not gonna tempt me into... - I'm gonna drive away. 400 00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:43,922 - I'm walking back. - Good enough. 401 00:16:44,091 --> 00:16:45,991 PETE: Going in the door. KEVIN: I'm starting the car. 402 00:16:46,152 --> 00:16:47,983 PETE: Okay. KEVIN: You see that? 403 00:16:48,712 --> 00:16:50,577 I'm really going. 404 00:16:53,532 --> 00:16:54,829 [SIGHS] 405 00:17:00,712 --> 00:17:03,476 ANDRE: Welcome to Chez Andre. 406 00:17:03,637 --> 00:17:05,628 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 407 00:17:05,898 --> 00:17:07,365 Gentlemen, take a look around... 408 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,518 ...because this is how a single man in the city lives. 409 00:17:10,684 --> 00:17:15,178 A man with a 65-inch LED TV... 410 00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:18,239 ...with DirecTV, NFL Sunday Ticket... 411 00:17:18,396 --> 00:17:21,024 ...and Super Fan package. - Whoo. 412 00:17:21,189 --> 00:17:24,818 Yes, it's college football right now. But next week, it will be NFL. 413 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:28,640 And it will be pure Fantasy Football nirvana. 414 00:17:28,801 --> 00:17:30,359 Tiffany, drinks. 415 00:17:30,529 --> 00:17:31,962 - Ladies. - You hired bartenders? 416 00:17:32,124 --> 00:17:33,921 ANDRE: There you go. TACO: How you doing? 417 00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:35,747 KEVIN: All right. ANDRE: I figured, you know... 418 00:17:35,914 --> 00:17:37,313 Can we just wait for a second? 419 00:17:37,476 --> 00:17:41,242 I figured we play Fantasy Football, but let's live a fantasy life. 420 00:17:41,398 --> 00:17:42,660 Gentlemen, to... Can we...? 421 00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:44,056 I'm gonna make a toast. 422 00:17:44,224 --> 00:17:47,284 This year I'd like to make a toast to you guys. To my friends. 423 00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:48,472 And to... Can we...? 424 00:17:48,645 --> 00:17:51,273 Can you hold on with your drinks for a second, please? 425 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:52,461 Can we please wait? 426 00:17:52,633 --> 00:17:53,998 - I'm making a toast. RUXIN: Sorry. 427 00:17:54,163 --> 00:17:55,960 - Guys, guys. ANDRE: Just to good friends. 428 00:17:56,124 --> 00:17:57,751 - And l... Don't cheers. KEVIN: Cheers. 429 00:17:57,919 --> 00:17:59,648 ANDRE: I didn't even say it yet. - All right. 430 00:17:59,814 --> 00:18:01,475 We're not drinking. Just doing this. 431 00:18:01,642 --> 00:18:03,109 ANDRE: I know, but let me say my thing. 432 00:18:03,271 --> 00:18:05,432 To my friends. To my dear friends. 433 00:18:05,597 --> 00:18:07,588 KEVIN: Cheers. ANDRE: No, no, no. 434 00:18:07,758 --> 00:18:09,191 Come on. Come on. 435 00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:11,481 KEVIN: What is this? Art? 436 00:18:11,647 --> 00:18:12,773 ANDRE: No, not art. 437 00:18:12,943 --> 00:18:15,241 Oh, Dr. Dre smokes the chronic? 438 00:18:15,404 --> 00:18:17,463 ANDRE: Bingo, Taco. - All right. 439 00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:20,828 Right after graduation, you guys rolled me my first joint. 440 00:18:21,753 --> 00:18:23,277 That's it. 441 00:18:23,714 --> 00:18:26,740 - I kept it. We got crazy. KEVIN: Ruxin, you told me you told him. 442 00:18:26,904 --> 00:18:29,304 I never told him. How do you tell someone that? 443 00:18:29,465 --> 00:18:30,864 Tell me what? 444 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,892 You know what is in that joint? 445 00:18:33,054 --> 00:18:34,282 Weed. 446 00:18:34,451 --> 00:18:36,851 - No. - No. Not weed. 447 00:18:37,010 --> 00:18:38,204 My pubic hairs. 448 00:18:38,771 --> 00:18:41,740 No, no, no. No, no, no. That was... 449 00:18:41,897 --> 00:18:44,263 Dude, you're messing with me, because I got high. 450 00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:45,890 I got wasted. 451 00:18:46,052 --> 00:18:50,751 - How did you get high off of ball hair? - What are you, shitting me? 452 00:18:50,904 --> 00:18:51,962 You seriously got high? 453 00:18:52,135 --> 00:18:55,263 - Are you serious, this is your ball hair? - It was not his ball hair. 454 00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:57,655 - It was his lower-shaft hair. - Yep, right by the root. 455 00:18:58,849 --> 00:18:59,941 - You know what? - Cheers. 456 00:19:00,113 --> 00:19:01,478 - No, no cheers. - Cheers. 457 00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:03,337 I could have gotten... No, no. 458 00:19:03,503 --> 00:19:05,368 PETE: What is this thing we're going to anyway? 459 00:19:05,531 --> 00:19:06,828 MEEGAN: It's called Down Doggie. 460 00:19:07,857 --> 00:19:09,620 Down Dog. Is it a yoga benefit? 461 00:19:09,785 --> 00:19:13,812 It's a charity event for dogs with Down syndrome. 462 00:19:14,705 --> 00:19:16,036 [PETE LAUGHING] 463 00:19:16,201 --> 00:19:17,463 Are you...? Oh, you're ser... 464 00:19:17,630 --> 00:19:19,222 I thought you were kidding. Sorry. 465 00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:21,655 How do they even tell the dog has Down syndrome? 466 00:19:21,818 --> 00:19:24,412 Seems like an arbitrary distinction. Don't know how... 467 00:19:24,578 --> 00:19:25,772 - It's an epidemic. PETE: Okay. 468 00:19:25,941 --> 00:19:27,408 Sorry, I was messing around. 469 00:19:27,569 --> 00:19:30,265 It's a really good event for you to network. I'm gonna network. 470 00:19:30,428 --> 00:19:31,725 And if you network, just imagine. 471 00:19:31,890 --> 00:19:32,914 [DOORBELL RINGS] 472 00:19:33,087 --> 00:19:35,078 Brilliant. That's Theresa too, with my dry cleaning. 473 00:19:35,247 --> 00:19:37,215 Be a love and go fetch it for me. 474 00:19:38,173 --> 00:19:39,663 Okay. 475 00:19:39,835 --> 00:19:41,234 Brilliant. 476 00:19:43,757 --> 00:19:45,884 Hey, Theresa. Come on in. 477 00:19:46,217 --> 00:19:47,445 How you doing? 478 00:19:47,613 --> 00:19:49,342 [THERESA SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 479 00:19:52,034 --> 00:19:53,661 Where did you get that shirt? 480 00:19:55,624 --> 00:19:58,218 Mrs. Meegan. She gave it to me. 481 00:19:58,384 --> 00:20:00,284 She gave it to you? 482 00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,269 She says, "No more for you." 483 00:20:07,857 --> 00:20:09,324 Wow. 484 00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,545 For the third pick of the draft... 485 00:20:11,713 --> 00:20:16,878 The Double Ent-Andres pick Michael Turner. Running back. 486 00:20:17,031 --> 00:20:19,022 Was that necessary, the last part? 487 00:20:19,192 --> 00:20:23,561 But we can all take a lesson from Andre, please put your own picks on the board. 488 00:20:23,713 --> 00:20:26,079 I'm the commissioner, not the sticker bitch. 489 00:20:26,239 --> 00:20:29,231 Also, I wanna take this moment to talk about league fees. 490 00:20:29,397 --> 00:20:32,457 Guys, I need checks on time this year. 491 00:20:32,621 --> 00:20:34,646 Taco, okay? I need money. 492 00:20:34,814 --> 00:20:35,906 No Beanie Babies. 493 00:20:36,078 --> 00:20:38,171 No Camel Cash. No poems. 494 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,329 Well, what about homemade hummus? 495 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:41,889 No. 496 00:20:42,361 --> 00:20:46,388 All right, we got the four of us, the two out-of-town idiots are on auto draft. 497 00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:48,915 - Vince is on the phone. - Okay, enough, enough. 498 00:20:49,075 --> 00:20:50,599 I've heard enough, okay? 499 00:20:50,770 --> 00:20:53,864 You are stalling for Pete. It's his pick, where is he? 500 00:20:54,028 --> 00:20:55,962 I don't know. He's probably on his way. 501 00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,180 - He's on his way? KEVIN: Yeah. 502 00:20:57,352 --> 00:20:59,616 If he doesn't show up in the next ten seconds... 503 00:20:59,779 --> 00:21:01,644 ...I'm going to make his pick for him. 504 00:21:01,806 --> 00:21:05,105 And I think that Pete would want with his first pick... 505 00:21:05,263 --> 00:21:07,993 ...either a kicker, or the Detroit Lions' defense. 506 00:21:08,155 --> 00:21:09,679 PETE: No, no, no, Ruxin. 507 00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:12,285 - Gentlemen, your champion has arrived. - Bam. 508 00:21:12,443 --> 00:21:13,467 - Oh, God. RUXIN: You're late. 509 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:14,766 KEVIN: Where have you been? 510 00:21:14,936 --> 00:21:17,404 I just paid my cleaning lady $200 for my own T-shirt. 511 00:21:17,562 --> 00:21:19,826 Goddamn it, I made it. I'm very happy to be here. 512 00:21:19,989 --> 00:21:22,753 KEVIN: She doesn't look very good. - No, she took a little beating. 513 00:21:22,914 --> 00:21:26,543 It might have been a garbage truck or some rabid squirrels or something. 514 00:21:26,704 --> 00:21:29,901 - I'm glad she's here. I'm glad you're here. - Okay, ladies, ladies. 515 00:21:30,061 --> 00:21:32,962 Make a pick, or get a room and rub dongs. 516 00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:34,916 Either way, let's get moving here. 517 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,742 All right. Matt Forte. 518 00:21:37,905 --> 00:21:39,634 Who's next? 519 00:21:47,113 --> 00:21:49,308 When the life 520 00:21:49,839 --> 00:21:51,568 Grabs you 521 00:21:52,731 --> 00:21:54,062 KEVIN: Oh, thank you. 522 00:21:54,226 --> 00:21:56,490 TACO: Look how nice that is. - Thank you very much. 523 00:21:56,653 --> 00:21:58,712 KEVIN: Taco, you're up. Your pick. 524 00:21:58,881 --> 00:22:01,941 TACO: You guys still thinking about football? - Come on, man, just pick. 525 00:22:02,105 --> 00:22:03,402 Joffrey Reynolds. 526 00:22:03,567 --> 00:22:05,432 Who is Joffrey Reynolds? 527 00:22:05,595 --> 00:22:07,688 Running back. Calgary Stampeders. He's good. 528 00:22:07,856 --> 00:22:09,983 KEVIN: Taco, it's NFL players only, okay. 529 00:22:10,149 --> 00:22:12,014 - What's...? I don't understand. RUXIN: Understand me? 530 00:22:12,176 --> 00:22:13,578 Dude, great party, right? 531 00:22:13,739 --> 00:22:15,172 - You guys having fun? KEVIN: Yeah. 532 00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,302 RUXIN: Is this a draft? Who are these people? ANDRE: It's both. 533 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:19,127 Just pick, Taco. 534 00:22:19,290 --> 00:22:20,814 - Come on. TACO: Fine. 535 00:22:20,986 --> 00:22:22,578 Uh... 536 00:22:22,814 --> 00:22:24,441 "Darren Sproli." 537 00:22:24,608 --> 00:22:26,405 KEVIN: Darren Sproles. Good pick. Good job. 538 00:22:26,570 --> 00:22:27,832 Darren Sproles? No, no, no. 539 00:22:27,999 --> 00:22:30,729 - That's who I was gonna pick. - Who cares? He picked Sproles. 540 00:22:31,091 --> 00:22:34,060 He could've picked Bill Shatner. He doesn't know the difference. 541 00:22:34,215 --> 00:22:36,445 Hello, is Matthew there? 542 00:22:36,609 --> 00:22:37,871 No, no, this isn't Ruxin. 543 00:22:38,038 --> 00:22:40,700 This is Dale Thompson. I am his Civics teacher. 544 00:22:40,864 --> 00:22:42,491 Paging To Catch a Predator. 545 00:22:42,659 --> 00:22:43,921 [LAUGHING] 546 00:22:49,041 --> 00:22:50,338 KEVIN: Hey, Andre, you're up, man. 547 00:22:50,503 --> 00:22:52,869 Anyone pick Keyshawn Johnson? 548 00:22:54,093 --> 00:22:56,857 - I'm sure he's been picked. - How has he not been picked yet? 549 00:22:57,018 --> 00:22:59,350 KEVIN: Don't know how he hasn't. - Keyshawn, on the board. 550 00:22:59,511 --> 00:23:01,376 PETE: Done. - Fine, Keyshawn Johnson. 551 00:23:01,539 --> 00:23:04,133 ANDRE: Keyshawn. - Who wants to tell him about Keyshawn? 552 00:23:04,298 --> 00:23:06,630 Keyshawn Johnson retired like three years ago. 553 00:23:06,791 --> 00:23:08,725 - There's the mistake. RUXIN: Yearly Andre mistake. 554 00:23:08,885 --> 00:23:10,614 ANDRE: No, no. PETE: He's retired. Put it on. 555 00:23:10,780 --> 00:23:12,441 No, I meant Chad Johnson. 556 00:23:12,608 --> 00:23:13,768 - Ochocinco? - Ochocinco? 557 00:23:14,204 --> 00:23:15,330 Shit. 558 00:23:17,927 --> 00:23:19,827 Sorry about all the D-bags. I just... 559 00:23:19,987 --> 00:23:21,147 PETE: Hey, hold on a second. 560 00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:23,945 I'm sorry, did you just bring a 9-year-old to the party? 561 00:23:24,110 --> 00:23:25,941 No, I brought the Oracle to the party. 562 00:23:26,104 --> 00:23:27,935 ORACLE: This party blows. RUXIN: Couldn't agree more. 563 00:23:28,098 --> 00:23:30,566 - Why is he wearing your jersey? - We worked out a deal. 564 00:23:30,725 --> 00:23:33,717 He gets my Manning Jersey, and I get a championship. What? 565 00:23:34,082 --> 00:23:35,913 Catch you on the rebound, frumpkins. 566 00:23:36,076 --> 00:23:37,543 Why are you going upstairs? 567 00:23:37,705 --> 00:23:40,606 To talk strategy, jealous? 568 00:23:40,763 --> 00:23:42,424 He got high off your pubes? 569 00:23:42,592 --> 00:23:44,150 - His pubes, yeah. - Off the root. 570 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,254 Right off the bottom of the root. 571 00:23:46,813 --> 00:23:47,871 ANDRE: What's going on, man? 572 00:23:48,043 --> 00:23:50,170 Hey, Dr. No. Hey, heads up, man. 573 00:23:50,336 --> 00:23:52,327 My bush is getting a little thick. Wanna get baked? 574 00:23:52,497 --> 00:23:54,055 [LAUGHING] 575 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:56,992 DERAMO: Dumbest thing I've ever heard. 576 00:23:57,150 --> 00:23:59,175 - Seventh round, Jay Cutler? - No. 577 00:23:59,344 --> 00:24:01,710 - Why? - Young guy, new system. 578 00:24:01,870 --> 00:24:04,304 Guarantee he throws four picks in the first game. 579 00:24:04,464 --> 00:24:05,795 Okay. Larry Johnson? 580 00:24:05,959 --> 00:24:08,427 - That's a great pick. - Thank you. 581 00:24:08,585 --> 00:24:11,782 - In '05. - Sorry. 582 00:24:11,942 --> 00:24:13,773 KEVIN: Taco? - Taco, it's your pick. 583 00:24:13,937 --> 00:24:14,961 Come on. 584 00:24:15,732 --> 00:24:17,199 Aaron Rodgers. 585 00:24:17,361 --> 00:24:19,420 Yeah, what she said. 586 00:24:19,588 --> 00:24:22,489 - Oh, no, no, no. Not on my bidet. - Nicely done. 587 00:24:22,647 --> 00:24:24,979 PETE: Thanks for hosting, Andre. Good party. 588 00:24:25,139 --> 00:24:27,004 - It's a good party, dude. - I'm impressed. 589 00:24:27,167 --> 00:24:28,532 ANDRE: Glad that you came. KEVIN: Yes. 590 00:24:28,696 --> 00:24:31,597 I'm glad that you decided to cave on some things. 591 00:24:31,754 --> 00:24:33,585 Look, good things happen when you do. 592 00:24:33,749 --> 00:24:36,445 Let me tell you, I know you're all in your head about kids. 593 00:24:36,608 --> 00:24:39,270 It's not that bad. We made Ellie into our little slave. 594 00:24:39,433 --> 00:24:41,765 We taught her how to mop. She's got the Mop & Glo. 595 00:24:41,926 --> 00:24:44,190 She's all over the place. It's awesome, trust me. 596 00:24:44,352 --> 00:24:49,221 Kevin, there's no caving, all right? Look, I bailed. 597 00:24:49,870 --> 00:24:51,303 What do you mean you bailed? 598 00:24:51,465 --> 00:24:53,797 I mean me and Meegan are done. It's over. 599 00:24:53,959 --> 00:24:55,654 - You guys always are fighting. - Yeah. 600 00:24:55,820 --> 00:24:58,448 Yeah, we fight all the time, that's the point. 601 00:24:58,612 --> 00:24:59,874 FRIEDMAN: Matthew. Hey. 602 00:25:00,042 --> 00:25:02,636 You, where's my son? Where's Ruxin? 603 00:25:03,133 --> 00:25:04,623 - I think he's upstairs. FRIEDMAN: Damn. 604 00:25:05,527 --> 00:25:06,926 Matthew! 605 00:25:07,089 --> 00:25:08,420 [ANDRE LAUGHING] 606 00:25:08,584 --> 00:25:11,314 - I don't feel like helping you. - You haven't done anything. 607 00:25:11,477 --> 00:25:13,911 - You told me not to draft Cutler. - I'm wanna go home. 608 00:25:14,070 --> 00:25:15,731 You're not going with my jersey on. 609 00:25:15,898 --> 00:25:18,025 - This is my jersey. We had a deal. - No, no. 610 00:25:18,191 --> 00:25:20,386 - We had a deal. This is my jersey. - No. 611 00:25:20,551 --> 00:25:24,112 RUXIN: Take off that shirt. Give me the jersey back. 612 00:25:24,274 --> 00:25:27,937 - What the hell are you doing to my son? - Okay, this guy's being a total douche. 613 00:25:28,096 --> 00:25:29,495 RUXIN: Look, Antonio Gates or Jeremy Shockey? 614 00:25:29,660 --> 00:25:31,150 FRIEDMAN: Shush. 615 00:25:31,321 --> 00:25:33,687 You all are responsible for this. 616 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:35,406 Hi, me from before. 617 00:25:35,576 --> 00:25:38,010 Just need to figure out this eighth round, tight end. 618 00:25:38,169 --> 00:25:40,865 Shut your mouth. You broke into my home, kidnapped my son. 619 00:25:41,027 --> 00:25:43,325 As an attorney, I don't see it that way. 620 00:25:43,487 --> 00:25:45,148 You sick pervert. 621 00:25:45,681 --> 00:25:49,048 PETE: Oh, Shiva. FRIEDMAN: Stay down. 622 00:25:49,770 --> 00:25:51,032 RUXIN: What about Kellen Winslow? 623 00:25:51,199 --> 00:25:53,599 - I'll kill you. RUXIN: All right, all right. I'm just... 624 00:25:53,759 --> 00:25:55,818 Know what, I'll hit you guys up on Facebook. 625 00:25:55,986 --> 00:25:57,647 Another successful draft. 626 00:25:57,814 --> 00:25:59,509 Yeah, absolutely. 627 00:25:59,676 --> 00:26:01,473 Cheers. 628 00:26:01,837 --> 00:26:03,896 [TACO COUGHING] 629 00:26:05,326 --> 00:26:07,453 Yo, I tried smoking mine, it's not working. 630 00:26:07,620 --> 00:26:10,145 She doesn't have any. Kevin, hook a brother up, man. 631 00:26:12,008 --> 00:26:13,407 No. 632 00:26:47,410 --> 00:26:48,399 [ENGLISH - US - SDH] 633 00:26:48,449 --> 00:26:52,999 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 49665

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