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www.Tvsubtitles.Net
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Having fun?
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Oh, it's amazing.
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It's... i didn't realize stagette parties were this wild.
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It's the warm-Up for your honeymoon.
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Now come on, follow the leda.
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This way.
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Is this the happy couple?
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Sickening, isn't it?
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They want their fortune told.
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Please, i am not a gypsy, rose-Louise.
12
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I am a trained tarotitian.
13
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Now...
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shall we see what the cards have in store?
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Oh.
16
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Oh.
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Uh-Huh.
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When is the special day?
19
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This saturday.
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Uh-Oh.
21
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What? What?
22
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I'm sorry, girls, but you can't possibly
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Get married this saturday.
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Didn't you know?
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Mercury is in retrograde.
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A time of extreme imbalance in the universe.
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Upheaval. Miscommunication.
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And misunderstandings
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Resulting in serious discord for everyone.
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Oh...
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yeah, but is it going to rain?
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Signing contracts, making pacts,
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Taking vows. No. No. Not now.
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It'll be a total disaster.
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A catastrophe. But...
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on a positive note,
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You'll redecorate your dining room
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Around june in aqua and maroon.
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And it will be stunning.
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Aw.
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Ah.
42
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So, what do you get two dykes who have everything?
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Dykes don't have everything. That's why they're so miserable.
44
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Well, unfortunately, matching penis transplants
45
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Are a little pricey for a poor shopkeeper like myself.
46
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Silver-Plated dental dams?
47
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Ooh, a specially engraved double-Headed dildo?
48
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How about stemware?
49
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Honey, dildos are stemware.
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A water buffalo.
51
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What?
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Lesbians are into endangered species.
53
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Yeah, unfortunately they aren't one of them.
54
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Oh, you guys are brutal.
55
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We need to get them something that shows we care.
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Something special.
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Well, i'd go shopping with you,
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But, uh, i'm actually picking out
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A very special gift for myself.
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Yes, boys. I have finally
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Saved up enough cash
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Whacking away on teddy's house of porn,
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To buy me that brand new ass i've always wanted.
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You're really getting plastic surgery?
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The landscape is littered with slaves to beauty
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Who have noses that are too small,
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Tits that are too big.
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You could end up the next cosmetic casualty.
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It's true. What if they make a mistake?
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Like accidentally sewing up your ass hole?
71
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Well, you'll just have to chew me a new one.
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You're so good at it.
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At least wait a week until mercury's out of retrograde.
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Boy, you actually believe in that shit?
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There is evidence that upheavals in our solar system
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Can cause disturbances here on earth.
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Blaming the planets for your fuck-Ups is just an excuse
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Not to accept responsibility.
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Gentlemen!
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It's time to pick the winner
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Of the liberty avenue aids hospice charity raffle.
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Now somebody's going on an all-Expense paid trip for two
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To this weekend's white party in miami.
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Can i get a drum roll please?
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And the luckiest prick in pittsburgh is...
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brian kinney.
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Yeah, i don't know. The planets don't seem to be fucking with me.
88
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Ha, ha, ha, ha.
89
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Oh, yeah? How do you plan to go away
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And still be at melanie and lindsay's wedding?
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Ha, ha, ha, ha.
92
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Oh, no.
93
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Vic?
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What's the matter? You okay, uncle vic?
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See for yourself.
96
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They're re-Evaluating your disability?
97
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And if they take it away, there goes my share
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Of our monthly income.
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Well, goddamn it!
100
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What kind of fucked up universe
101
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Would snatch my brother from the jaws of death
102
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Only to slowly starve both of us
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Out of house and home?
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Ben says it's got to do with mercury.
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Oh, does he?
106
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Look, don't panic. I can help out.
107
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No!
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Michael, this is a sign.
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If i lose my benefits, then...
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i'll just have to get back to work.
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Are you sure?
112
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Once upon a time, i was a pretty decent chef.
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Decent? Hah!
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Decent?
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He was another sara lee.
116
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I'll take that as the compliment
117
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That i'm sure was intended.
118
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The trick will be finding somebody willing to hire me.
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Well, there's no shortage of restaurants.
120
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There's also no shortage of chefs.
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I'm rusty as an old skillet.
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And when they find out why i haven't been working,
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Their souffles will drop.
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Would you stop talking yourself out of a job
125
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Before you even get one?
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What if i got you a shift at the diner?
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We could work together.
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Come on.
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In selecting your ideal derriere,
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It's very important that you be happy with your choice,
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Since it'll be following you around
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For a long, long time.
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Right.
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Our catalog will help.
135
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Thanks.
136
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Wow, so many to choose from.
137
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Pear shape, melon shape.
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Each with its own unique personality.
139
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God. How am i ever going to decide?
140
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Well, sometimes it helps to see them in the flesh.
141
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My staff have all had work done
142
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And they'd be more than willing to show you
143
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Our most popular models.
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Somebody loves his job.
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When you work in a bakery,
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It's hard to resist the buns.
147
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Gerald? Tell the boys to come in.
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Yes, doctor.
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Oh!
150
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Mr. Honeycutt's having difficulty making up his mind.
151
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Wow, they're all so beautiful.
152
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I did them all myself.
153
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I also did their asses.
154
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Oh.
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So take a good, close look.
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Feel free to touch.
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Firmness and flexibility are key factors.
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Double bubble.
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Good skin tone.
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Really, uh,
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Really gives a boy something to...
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hold on to.
163
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Oh, dimples.
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All the rage this year.
165
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Looks like little twin puddings
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Just begging to be tasted.
167
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Oh, hello, gorgeous.
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Whoo! Look at that.
169
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It's a great give, you know?
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You could stretch it out and it'd still hold its shape.
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God, they're all so tempting, dr. Beamer,
172
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Um, but h-How do i know what'll look good on me?
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I can show you on my digital imaging system.
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Or, if you prefer,
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We can do a custom design.
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Of course, that would be extra.
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Well, now is definitely not the time
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To sit on one's wallet.
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Let's do it. Good.
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We faxed those orders weeks ago.
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No... weeks ago.
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Many days ago.
183
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Look, is there somebody there who speaks english
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As a first language?
185
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Pardon?
186
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Oh... lindsay!
187
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Oh, god. Gus just ate the seating plan.
188
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We do not have the order.
189
00:08:10,743 --> 00:08:13,745
So, what are you going to serve
190
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My 24 no dairy, no yeast, no wheat kosher vegans?
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Ah... wah...
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oh...
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sweetheart, oh my god.
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What's the matter?
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Have... a panic...
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attack.
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Oh, my god!
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Bloating. I...
199
00:08:35,177 --> 00:08:36,679
Look. I can't even...
200
00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:38,680
put on my shoe.
201
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I-It's just a little anxietyrelated water retension.
202
00:08:42,684 --> 00:08:43,684
It's...
203
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I'm as big as lake michigan. No! No!
204
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No! No!
205
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No, you're not.
206
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Here. Breathe into this. There we go.
207
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Okay, there we go. Okay. Lie down.
208
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Put your feet up.
209
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That's it.
210
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I am not going to get into my dress.
211
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You know, i thought we agreed,
212
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No weird lesbo sex in front of the kid.
213
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Fuck off, brian!
214
00:09:11,103 --> 00:09:12,604
Fine. I just dropped by to let you know
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I'm not going to be at the wedding.
216
00:09:13,605 --> 00:09:16,024
I'm going to the white party in miami instead.
217
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Later.
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You can't ditch my special day!
219
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You selfish prick.
220
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As usual, objectivity falls to me. Think.
221
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You don't really want me there, do you?
222
00:09:25,847 --> 00:09:27,832
I'd have to be chemically dependent just to show up.
223
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I'll be drunk, i'll be bored,
224
00:09:30,334 --> 00:09:33,504
Not to mention better looking than the brides.
225
00:09:34,003 --> 00:09:35,438
I'll offend all the dykes, i'll heckle the ceremony
226
00:09:35,438 --> 00:09:36,938
Table dance at the reception
227
00:09:37,439 --> 00:09:38,940
And inevitably fuck every goodlooking guy,
228
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Gay, straight or undecided in the place.
229
00:09:40,941 --> 00:09:43,444
Finally, i'll pass out naked
230
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Bitching about the cheap booze.
231
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You'll loose your dignity, your friends and your shirts
232
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Paying for the damages.
233
00:09:48,447 --> 00:09:54,385
Hell, i'm doing you a favour getting out of town.
234
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Have a safe trip.
235
00:10:03,808 --> 00:10:05,310
I can't go on.
236
00:10:05,810 --> 00:10:09,812
We've walked, how far? 100 blocks in, what, 100 hours?
237
00:10:10,313 --> 00:10:13,316
Try two blocks in about 11 minutes. Oh.
238
00:10:13,316 --> 00:10:15,817
Seems a lot longer when you're shopping for lesbians.
239
00:10:15,817 --> 00:10:18,319
I still say a wedding gift should be something romantic.
240
00:10:18,319 --> 00:10:21,821
You know, like this. Lingerie?
241
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:23,823
I thought you said "romantic"?
242
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:27,825
You want to get two dykes a romantic gift?
243
00:10:27,825 --> 00:10:28,826
Get them this.
244
00:10:29,327 --> 00:10:30,827
Powertools? That's romantic?
245
00:10:30,827 --> 00:10:31,762
For dykes they are.
246
00:10:33,263 --> 00:10:36,732
Oh, and for only $499.00
these beauties are a steal.
247
00:10:36,732 --> 00:10:39,234
Only? I can barely afford a screw.
248
00:10:39,234 --> 00:10:41,235
Well, fortunately you have ben.
249
00:10:43,188 --> 00:10:45,689
I'll cover it, we'll just say it's from both of us.
250
00:10:45,689 --> 00:10:47,623
I can't let you do that. I can afford it.
251
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Oh, shit.
252
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Shit.
253
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What? I'd better get back to the studio.
254
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I've got a three-Way at half past 4:00.
255
00:10:59,982 --> 00:11:00,983
Or is it a four-Way at half past 3:00?
256
00:11:01,483 --> 00:11:04,453
I can't remember. Here. Take this.
257
00:11:04,453 --> 00:11:06,871
What am i supposed to get? The power tools
258
00:11:06,871 --> 00:11:08,371
Or the lingerie.
259
00:11:08,872 --> 00:11:09,840
You decide. Whatever you pick,
260
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,324
I'm sure it'll be the perfect gift.
261
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Bye.
262
00:11:36,292 --> 00:11:37,776
Hello, mon!
263
00:11:37,776 --> 00:11:39,278
Welcome.
264
00:11:39,278 --> 00:11:42,712
Come take a look here.
265
00:11:42,712 --> 00:11:43,714
These are amazing.
266
00:11:43,714 --> 00:11:45,165
Where are they from?
267
00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:48,150
From a little country in africa right next to chad.
268
00:11:48,150 --> 00:11:51,653
It's called chuck. My people have lived there for centuries
269
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In peace and harmony.
270
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Making love and art.
271
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Hmm.
272
00:11:59,659 --> 00:12:01,593
Isn't she beautiful?
273
00:12:02,093 --> 00:12:03,061
Her name is haza-Ri.
274
00:12:03,563 --> 00:12:06,514
Goddess of love and pride.
275
00:12:06,514 --> 00:12:08,465
How much is she?
276
00:12:08,465 --> 00:12:10,466
$600.
277
00:12:10,466 --> 00:12:11,967
I only have $500.
278
00:12:12,417 --> 00:12:14,419
That would be $600 chuck dollars.
279
00:12:14,419 --> 00:12:15,921
$500 american.
280
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:23,242
Competition, world class.
281
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,744
Wardrobe, crucial.
282
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:31,248
Margin for error, zero.
283
00:12:31,248 --> 00:12:41,338
So long, pittsburgh. Hello, miami vice.
284
00:12:41,338 --> 00:12:45,342
I thought your all-Expense paid fuckfest was just for the weekend.
285
00:12:45,342 --> 00:12:47,343
Well, each party has its own theme.
286
00:12:47,343 --> 00:12:49,795
And a strict dress code.
287
00:12:49,795 --> 00:12:54,299
The white party. 15,000 horny queers all in white.
288
00:12:54,799 --> 00:12:56,284
I'll be busy, too.
289
00:12:56,284 --> 00:12:58,251
I have a paper due on renaissance art.
290
00:12:58,251 --> 00:13:00,119
Then there's the muscle beach party.
291
00:13:00,619 --> 00:13:02,104
Then there's the laundry.
292
00:13:02,104 --> 00:13:03,522
And of course the wedding.
293
00:13:04,023 --> 00:13:06,457
And i musn't forget the cabana boy contest.
294
00:13:06,457 --> 00:13:08,892
I have to remember to write my grandmother.
295
00:13:08,892 --> 00:13:10,294
Fuck!
296
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,762
I've got dick-All to wear to the white dawn bash.
297
00:13:12,762 --> 00:13:16,648
Will you even need clothes by then?
298
00:13:16,648 --> 00:13:18,149
Not if you've got anything to say about it.
299
00:13:18,149 --> 00:13:20,100
You're taking me?
300
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,518
If you can tear yourself away from your granny's letter.
301
00:13:22,518 --> 00:13:23,953
Oh, thank you!
302
00:13:24,454 --> 00:13:26,422
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
303
00:13:26,422 --> 00:13:30,925
Shit! What am i gonna wear?
304
00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:45,669
You are not gonna believe what i got them.
305
00:13:45,669 --> 00:13:48,170
What we got them. What... what is it?
306
00:13:48,671 --> 00:13:50,672
No, you'll see, it's a surprise.
307
00:13:51,172 --> 00:13:52,557
What'd you get them?
308
00:13:52,557 --> 00:13:55,560
The best gift of all. My absence.
309
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:56,961
All right, judges.
310
00:13:57,428 --> 00:13:59,879
Time to make your final decision.
311
00:13:59,879 --> 00:14:05,701
Which of the following three choices will it be?
312
00:14:06,201 --> 00:14:07,151
Well, if you choose number one,
313
00:14:07,151 --> 00:14:09,153
You'll look exactly like, uh...
314
00:14:09,653 --> 00:14:11,655
michael.
315
00:14:11,655 --> 00:14:12,588
Go with number two.
316
00:14:13,088 --> 00:14:14,574
You'll look just like the rear end of a '72 impala.
317
00:14:14,574 --> 00:14:16,992
Number three's pert and perky.
318
00:14:17,492 --> 00:14:20,427
Though it might be too small for the rest of your features.
319
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,912
Perhaps i need an artist's opinion.
320
00:14:22,912 --> 00:14:29,317
Justin, w-Which do you find to be most esthetically pleasing?
321
00:14:29,317 --> 00:14:31,318
This one.
322
00:14:31,318 --> 00:14:33,320
It successfully integrates form and function
323
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,322
Into an elegant whole, but at the same time,
324
00:14:35,322 --> 00:14:36,322
It's in good taste.
325
00:14:36,322 --> 00:14:38,775
He doesn't want an ass with good taste.
326
00:14:38,775 --> 00:14:41,759
He wants an ass that tastes good.
327
00:14:41,759 --> 00:14:44,662
Thank you, sweetheart.
328
00:14:45,096 --> 00:14:45,596
Well, boys,
329
00:14:46,097 --> 00:14:47,514
Shall we dance?
330
00:14:47,514 --> 00:14:49,932
I need my beauty rest for the white party.
331
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:50,883
Now that you're over 30,
332
00:14:50,883 --> 00:14:52,383
Shouldn't you be going to the gray party?
333
00:14:52,884 --> 00:14:53,835
You should be going
334
00:14:53,835 --> 00:14:56,254
To melanie and lindsay's wedding.
335
00:14:56,754 --> 00:14:57,754
You'll be there, you can cry for both of us.
336
00:15:07,679 --> 00:15:08,679
You know what?
337
00:15:08,679 --> 00:15:10,681
Every time something big happens,
338
00:15:10,681 --> 00:15:13,116
My moving away, your fucking 30th birthday party,
339
00:15:13,116 --> 00:15:15,618
You pull the elusive brian kinney bit and bail.
340
00:15:16,119 --> 00:15:17,619
Why is that?
341
00:15:17,619 --> 00:15:20,621
You know, if that's a rhetorical question not requiring an answer,
342
00:15:20,621 --> 00:15:23,556
Pardon me while i take a leak.
343
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:26,493
You know what i think it is?
344
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:27,993
I think you're afraid to let anyone know
345
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,461
That you love them.
346
00:15:29,927 --> 00:15:33,930
That you have feelings like the rest of us.
347
00:15:33,930 --> 00:15:37,367
It's okay to be human, you know.
348
00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:39,368
Okay.
349
00:15:39,368 --> 00:15:43,304
You really want to know the reason i bail?
350
00:15:43,304 --> 00:15:48,175
The truth is, i'd rather get laid.
351
00:15:48,175 --> 00:15:58,916
We done?
352
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:01,917
Does he always kiss you like that?
353
00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:03,919
About four times a year.
354
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:06,922
Usually when he's really drunk or he wants me to shut up.
355
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:13,893
Ah.
356
00:16:14,343 --> 00:16:16,345
I stick it and spin.
357
00:16:16,345 --> 00:16:17,846
Okay? Now when it's ready,
358
00:16:18,346 --> 00:16:20,348
You plate 'em, you drop the tab under the dish,
359
00:16:20,348 --> 00:16:22,833
You throw it here and then you ring the bell.
360
00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:24,334
Got it?
361
00:16:24,334 --> 00:16:26,836
Stick it, spin 'em, drop 'em.
362
00:16:26,836 --> 00:16:28,271
What'd i tell you?
363
00:16:28,271 --> 00:16:30,272
Short ordering's no different than being a chef.
364
00:16:30,272 --> 00:16:31,706
Just faster.
365
00:16:31,706 --> 00:16:35,159
Hey, we got hustle in our blood.
366
00:16:35,159 --> 00:16:39,162
Okay, now i'm going to give you your first tip.
367
00:16:39,661 --> 00:16:42,163
No matter what happens, don't panic.
368
00:16:42,163 --> 00:16:44,581
Just take your time, okay?
369
00:16:44,581 --> 00:16:46,534
Your worst is fucking good enough
370
00:16:46,534 --> 00:16:48,535
For this joint.
371
00:16:48,535 --> 00:16:52,021
Okay?
372
00:16:52,021 --> 00:16:53,955
It's not such a big deal.
373
00:16:53,955 --> 00:16:57,459
Hey, debbie. We need a couple of black coffees to go.
374
00:16:57,459 --> 00:16:58,442
They were specially engraved
375
00:16:58,442 --> 00:17:05,798
With our names on them and everything.
376
00:17:05,798 --> 00:17:06,798
I hate to tell you gals,
377
00:17:06,798 --> 00:17:08,799
But for the happy couple,
378
00:17:08,799 --> 00:17:10,301
You look fucking miserable.
379
00:17:10,301 --> 00:17:11,268
Rosenberg's jewelry called.
380
00:17:11,768 --> 00:17:13,770
They can't find our wedding rings.
381
00:17:13,770 --> 00:17:16,589
You can use my nipple rings.
382
00:17:16,589 --> 00:17:18,090
Loads of sentimental value.
383
00:17:18,090 --> 00:17:19,074
To me.
384
00:17:19,074 --> 00:17:20,074
Thanks, honey.
385
00:17:20,074 --> 00:17:22,075
But it just wouldn't be the same.
386
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,577
Listen, no.
387
00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:24,995
We're not going to allow mercury
388
00:17:24,995 --> 00:17:26,496
Or anything else to fuck up our wedding.
389
00:17:26,997 --> 00:17:29,932
Everything's going ahead as planned.
390
00:17:29,932 --> 00:17:32,850
Uh... not exactly everything.
391
00:17:32,850 --> 00:17:34,284
More good news?
392
00:17:34,785 --> 00:17:36,286
Brian invited me to the white party.
393
00:17:36,286 --> 00:17:37,771
And you said?
394
00:17:37,771 --> 00:17:40,656
That i'd go.
395
00:17:40,656 --> 00:17:42,624
It's a once in a lifetime thing.
396
00:17:42,624 --> 00:17:45,994
So is getting married.
397
00:17:45,994 --> 00:17:46,977
'Course there are no hard bodies.
398
00:17:46,977 --> 00:17:49,963
No drugs, no thousands of dicks.
399
00:17:50,413 --> 00:17:52,414
Just two people saying "i do".
400
00:17:52,414 --> 00:17:55,350
You're right, how could it possibly compare?
401
00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:56,802
It's okay.
402
00:17:56,802 --> 00:17:58,269
After all justin's been through...
403
00:17:58,269 --> 00:17:59,770
yeah, he deserves a break.
404
00:17:59,770 --> 00:18:04,156
Have a great time.
405
00:18:06,108 --> 00:18:07,109
Oh, that fucking brian.
406
00:18:07,609 --> 00:18:08,610
It's bad enough he's not coming, does he have to
407
00:18:08,610 --> 00:18:10,111
Poach our ring bearer as well?
408
00:18:10,111 --> 00:18:11,612
What does it matter? There are no rings.
409
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:15,615
Hey, honey.
410
00:18:15,615 --> 00:18:16,616
Hello?
411
00:18:16,616 --> 00:18:18,117
Oui, bonjour. C'est...
412
00:18:18,117 --> 00:18:20,118
i'm sorry, what? Il y a un petit problèème.
413
00:18:20,118 --> 00:18:22,603
I don't understand. It must be the caterer.
414
00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:25,105
Jo, what kosher vegan delicacy have you whipped up?
415
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,606
I'm sorry...
416
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:30,075
Oh, wait. Listen you bleeding asshole!
417
00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:32,059
I'm a lawyer, we have a contract, we'll sue.
418
00:18:32,059 --> 00:18:35,061
Sue? Oh, that word you understand.
419
00:18:35,061 --> 00:18:37,531
Hah, something wrong?
420
00:18:37,531 --> 00:18:38,515
The caterer and the hall
421
00:18:39,015 --> 00:18:40,015
Have been shut down by the health department,
422
00:18:40,015 --> 00:18:41,517
For salmonella poisoning.
423
00:18:42,467 --> 00:18:44,469
Is that all? Is that all. Is that all?
424
00:18:44,469 --> 00:18:45,970
We have no food, we have no place to eat the food.
425
00:18:47,455 --> 00:18:49,957
Okay, if you don't mind,
426
00:18:49,957 --> 00:18:52,959
I think i'll lie down for a bit, okay?
427
00:18:57,963 --> 00:18:59,947
You spent $500...
428
00:18:59,947 --> 00:19:02,449
my $500 on that?
429
00:19:02,449 --> 00:19:03,450
It was a steal.
430
00:19:03,450 --> 00:19:04,450
Yeah, and i'm the one that got robbed.
431
00:19:04,450 --> 00:19:05,452
Look, just take it back.
432
00:19:05,452 --> 00:19:06,885
I can't take it back.
433
00:19:06,885 --> 00:19:07,836
What store did you buy it at?
434
00:19:07,836 --> 00:19:09,837
I didn't get it at a store.
435
00:19:09,837 --> 00:19:10,838
Where'd you get it?
436
00:19:10,838 --> 00:19:11,771
Off a blanket.
437
00:19:11,771 --> 00:19:13,690
A blanket?
438
00:19:13,690 --> 00:19:15,692
You bought lindsay and melanie's wedding gift
439
00:19:15,692 --> 00:19:17,193
From some streetcorner shyster?
440
00:19:17,193 --> 00:19:18,160
It's from chuck.
441
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,662
It's a little country next to chad.
442
00:19:19,662 --> 00:19:22,113
Chuck? Chad? They sound like a couple of homos.
443
00:19:22,113 --> 00:19:24,097
It's the perfect gift. Perfectly hideous.
444
00:19:24,097 --> 00:19:26,099
It's a work of art! It's a piece of shit.
445
00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:28,100
It's symbolic of love and pride.
446
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,036
It's symbolic of stupidity and bad taste.
447
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,036
You take that back.
448
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,354
I can't. I got it off a blanket.
449
00:19:33,354 --> 00:19:34,805
Look, the next time you want to buy a gift,
450
00:19:34,805 --> 00:19:35,807
Buy it yourself.
451
00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:37,725
That's what i was counting on you for.
452
00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:40,160
Yeah, you were too busy bringing joy to the world.
453
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,144
Look, just because i'm a success...
454
00:19:41,643 --> 00:19:42,561
you can take your success
455
00:19:42,561 --> 00:19:43,562
And shove it.
456
00:19:43,562 --> 00:19:44,562
And i'm sure you won't have any trouble
457
00:19:44,562 --> 00:19:46,064
Figuring out where.
458
00:19:46,064 --> 00:19:54,953
Yeah, i'll just ask chuck and chad.
459
00:19:54,953 --> 00:19:57,956
I'm sorry, george.
460
00:19:57,956 --> 00:19:59,457
I've made up my mind.
461
00:19:59,457 --> 00:20:02,459
But it's such...
462
00:20:02,459 --> 00:20:03,960
a beautiful bottom.
463
00:20:04,460 --> 00:20:05,895
It'll do in a pinch.
464
00:20:05,895 --> 00:20:06,896
I'll say.
465
00:20:06,896 --> 00:20:08,897
Besides, you're too young.
466
00:20:08,897 --> 00:20:11,899
I mean, plastic surgery is just for foolish old men
467
00:20:12,399 --> 00:20:16,853
Who refuse to grow old gracefully.
468
00:20:17,353 --> 00:20:18,854
What about michael jackson?
469
00:20:18,854 --> 00:20:20,355
And elizabeth taylor?
470
00:20:20,355 --> 00:20:21,856
And cher?
471
00:20:21,856 --> 00:20:24,791
Well, i can't speak for their backsides,
472
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,294
Only yours.
473
00:20:26,294 --> 00:20:27,794
Thank you.
474
00:20:28,245 --> 00:20:30,212
But in my world, if you don't look like you
475
00:20:30,713 --> 00:20:33,214
Just stepped out of a calvin klein underwear ad,
476
00:20:33,214 --> 00:20:34,215
You're nothing.
477
00:20:34,215 --> 00:20:37,202
Well, that's a world i'm happy not to know.
478
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:39,152
Not to mention,
479
00:20:39,152 --> 00:20:41,654
It'll make me feel better about myself.
480
00:20:41,654 --> 00:20:44,606
You know, raise my self-Esteem.
481
00:20:44,606 --> 00:20:47,542
Well, my wife virginia felt similarly.
482
00:20:47,542 --> 00:20:49,043
Had herself snipped and clipped,
483
00:20:49,043 --> 00:20:51,461
Eyes to thighs, swore it would change her life, too.
484
00:20:51,961 --> 00:20:53,412
And did it?
485
00:20:53,412 --> 00:20:55,847
She was the same miserable cunt she always was.
486
00:20:55,847 --> 00:20:59,300
Only without the wrinkles.
487
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,302
Emmett...
488
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:02,302
forgive me.
489
00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:07,239
But anyone who values themself because of their ass...
490
00:21:07,239 --> 00:21:14,194
is an ass.
491
00:21:14,194 --> 00:21:16,196
Oh, i'm so sorry you're still waiting.
492
00:21:16,196 --> 00:21:17,697
More coffee? It's on the house.
493
00:21:17,697 --> 00:21:19,198
No? Okay.
494
00:21:19,198 --> 00:21:22,701
Um, your order is next, i promise you.
495
00:21:22,701 --> 00:21:25,702
All i want is a hamburger!
496
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:28,705
Your order has been abducted by aliens,
497
00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:31,707
So don't give me those dirty looks.
498
00:21:33,208 --> 00:21:34,675
Hey, debbie, what's up with my order?
499
00:21:35,676 --> 00:21:36,677
Hey!
500
00:21:37,178 --> 00:21:39,179
I have got orders coming out my ass,
501
00:21:39,179 --> 00:21:41,680
A room full of hungry homicidals
502
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,182
A-And i don't have any clean plates
503
00:21:43,182 --> 00:21:44,682
To do my set-Ups with.
504
00:21:44,682 --> 00:21:47,135
What in the fuck is going on back here?
505
00:21:47,135 --> 00:21:48,620
You don't have to yell.
506
00:21:48,620 --> 00:21:49,620
I'm right here.
507
00:21:49,620 --> 00:21:50,621
Well, you could have fooled me.
508
00:21:50,621 --> 00:21:52,555
Do you think you could do a grilled cheese
509
00:21:52,555 --> 00:21:53,556
In under an hour?
510
00:21:53,556 --> 00:21:57,043
You told me to take my time.
511
00:21:57,043 --> 00:22:00,961
Debbie! I didn't mean your fucking lifetime.
512
00:22:01,462 --> 00:22:02,963
That does it.
513
00:22:02,963 --> 00:22:04,964
Excuse me. Who am i kidding?
514
00:22:04,964 --> 00:22:05,948
Excuse me! I can't do this.
515
00:22:05,948 --> 00:22:07,383
Where are you going?
516
00:22:07,383 --> 00:22:08,350
Home.
517
00:22:08,350 --> 00:22:09,851
You can't leave me like this.
518
00:22:09,851 --> 00:22:11,269
You're better off.
519
00:22:11,269 --> 00:22:14,271
I'm useless. I'm worse than useless.
520
00:22:14,271 --> 00:22:17,674
I'm ridiculous.
521
00:22:18,174 --> 00:22:21,143
Honey, there is no way we can squeeze
522
00:22:21,143 --> 00:22:23,144
That many guests into our house.
523
00:22:23,645 --> 00:22:25,646
Baby, we can move all the furniture into the garage.
524
00:22:25,646 --> 00:22:31,634
Lambskin, you'd have my 1000 year-Old aunt stand all night?
525
00:22:31,634 --> 00:22:33,618
Pudding pie, she has a walker.
526
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:34,619
She can lean.
527
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:37,105
And what if, somehow,
528
00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:39,523
My little love button,
529
00:22:39,523 --> 00:22:42,475
We manage to overcome the laws of physical science
530
00:22:42,976 --> 00:22:43,925
And pack 'em all in?
531
00:22:44,426 --> 00:22:46,394
What the fuck are they going to see,
532
00:22:46,394 --> 00:22:47,896
Besides each other's nose hair?
533
00:22:47,896 --> 00:22:49,847
You're not even trying to make this work.
534
00:22:50,348 --> 00:22:51,848
And you're not even trying to make sense.
535
00:22:52,349 --> 00:22:53,350
There's no need to be abusive.
536
00:22:53,350 --> 00:22:54,817
I wasn't being abusive.
537
00:22:54,817 --> 00:22:57,820
I was merely expressing...
538
00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:58,821
frustration.
539
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:00,271
So now i'm frustrating?
540
00:23:00,271 --> 00:23:02,205
I didn't say that.
541
00:23:03,190 --> 00:23:05,124
Cleaning's here.
542
00:23:05,124 --> 00:23:07,576
Ah.
543
00:23:07,576 --> 00:23:09,545
Yours, mel.
544
00:23:09,545 --> 00:23:13,047
And what was yours, linz.
545
00:23:13,047 --> 00:23:17,434
Apparently the dry-Cleaning solution was too...
546
00:23:17,434 --> 00:23:20,852
there's no need to explain.
547
00:23:20,852 --> 00:23:25,256
At this point in the plot, we all get it.
548
00:23:25,256 --> 00:23:29,726
But the good news is, they gave you $100 worth of coupons.
549
00:23:29,726 --> 00:23:31,227
Hurray.
550
00:23:31,727 --> 00:23:34,729
We will find you something else to wear,
551
00:23:34,729 --> 00:23:37,231
Boo-Boo. And we will have
552
00:23:37,231 --> 00:23:39,233
Our beautiful, special fucking day,
553
00:23:39,733 --> 00:23:41,234
Goddamn it!
554
00:23:41,234 --> 00:23:44,736
Even if we have to do it nude in the backyard.
555
00:23:48,173 --> 00:23:53,176
Or maybe we can face reality,
556
00:23:53,176 --> 00:23:55,594
Mysterious marilyn was right.
557
00:23:56,094 --> 00:23:58,547
Oh, not that mercury in retrograde shit again.
558
00:23:59,047 --> 00:24:00,499
Our wedding's been methodically
559
00:24:00,499 --> 00:24:04,501
And systematically deconstructed. If you ask me,
560
00:24:04,501 --> 00:24:08,921
Somebody up there doesn't think we should get married.
561
00:24:08,921 --> 00:24:10,422
Maybe there's a reason.
562
00:24:12,390 --> 00:24:15,325
Maybe that's because people like us...
563
00:24:17,260 --> 00:24:19,179
aren't supposed to get married.
564
00:24:19,179 --> 00:24:20,596
Like us?
565
00:24:20,596 --> 00:24:56,255
Do you need the roof to cave in?
566
00:24:56,255 --> 00:24:58,758
You know, i'm reminded of a scene from "alien".
567
00:24:59,258 --> 00:25:03,260
One of the great aids metaphor flicks of all time.
568
00:25:03,260 --> 00:25:05,261
Our intrepid intergalactic garbage collectors,
569
00:25:05,261 --> 00:25:07,764
Led by uber-Bitch dyke ripley,
570
00:25:07,764 --> 00:25:10,766
After who you've obviously modelled yourself,
571
00:25:10,766 --> 00:25:13,267
Are snuggled safely in their sleep pods
572
00:25:13,768 --> 00:25:15,236
For the long ride home,
573
00:25:15,236 --> 00:25:17,738
When suddenly the monster appears.
574
00:25:17,738 --> 00:25:21,106
The wedding's off.
575
00:25:21,106 --> 00:25:23,108
You two have finally come to your senses?
576
00:25:23,108 --> 00:25:24,542
That's almost reason enough
577
00:25:25,042 --> 00:25:26,543
To interrupt my base coat.
578
00:25:26,543 --> 00:25:30,030
But not quite.
579
00:25:30,030 --> 00:25:31,531
It's because of lindsay.
580
00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:34,033
She...
581
00:25:34,033 --> 00:25:35,533
she...
582
00:25:35,533 --> 00:25:37,969
she what?
583
00:25:37,969 --> 00:25:41,972
With all the disasters... and mysterious marilyn,
584
00:25:41,972 --> 00:25:43,406
Mercury in retrograde,
585
00:25:43,906 --> 00:25:45,407
And the rings and the food,
586
00:25:45,407 --> 00:25:48,393
And the hall and the dress.
587
00:25:48,393 --> 00:25:50,328
She thinks the wedding's not supposed to happen because...
588
00:25:50,328 --> 00:25:53,747
because we're gay.
589
00:25:54,214 --> 00:25:56,215
Christ.
590
00:25:56,215 --> 00:25:59,651
Send in a dyke to do a faggot's work.
591
00:26:01,152 --> 00:26:04,154
We have precisely 21 hours
592
00:26:04,154 --> 00:26:05,655
To get the munchers married.
593
00:26:05,655 --> 00:26:07,657
What? Are you crazy?
594
00:26:07,657 --> 00:26:09,075
We can't do that.
595
00:26:09,075 --> 00:26:10,576
Nobody knows wedding shit better than queers.
596
00:26:10,576 --> 00:26:12,527
We're at the florists, the caterers,
597
00:26:12,527 --> 00:26:15,028
The planners, the designers.
598
00:26:15,028 --> 00:26:18,031
The servers, the performers, even fucking priests.
599
00:26:18,031 --> 00:26:19,450
He means that literally.
600
00:26:19,949 --> 00:26:21,884
If anybody can do it, we can. And we will,
601
00:26:22,385 --> 00:26:24,386
In time for me to make my flight.
602
00:26:24,386 --> 00:26:26,337
Don't you think this is awfully ambitious?
603
00:26:26,337 --> 00:26:27,254
Why don't you just leave it up to everybody else
604
00:26:27,756 --> 00:26:28,255
So you can criticize?
605
00:26:28,756 --> 00:26:29,723
If we left it up to you,
606
00:26:29,723 --> 00:26:30,723
They'd be getting married on a blanket
607
00:26:30,723 --> 00:26:31,708
On a street corner.
608
00:26:31,708 --> 00:26:32,659
Yo, bitches,
609
00:26:33,126 --> 00:26:34,126
Tear each other's hair out later.
610
00:26:34,126 --> 00:26:35,627
I don't care how you do it,
611
00:26:36,127 --> 00:26:38,130
But you two are responsible for staffing, flowers
612
00:26:38,130 --> 00:26:39,547
And decorations.
613
00:26:39,547 --> 00:26:41,965
Emmett, you find us a place.
614
00:26:41,965 --> 00:26:43,949
Oh, how about the liberty baths?
615
00:26:43,949 --> 00:26:47,452
They have a fabulous... party room.
616
00:26:47,452 --> 00:26:48,888
Deb,
617
00:26:49,354 --> 00:26:50,839
You pull together something for linz to wear.
618
00:26:50,839 --> 00:26:54,841
I'd love to. Oh, i can just see it with its flowers...
619
00:26:55,341 --> 00:26:59,745
a-And bows and ruffles.
620
00:26:59,745 --> 00:27:02,247
Maybe something more simple.
621
00:27:02,247 --> 00:27:03,747
Vic, you're up for the cake.
622
00:27:03,747 --> 00:27:06,182
No, my cooking's a recipe for disaster.
623
00:27:06,683 --> 00:27:07,684
He'd be great.
624
00:27:07,684 --> 00:27:10,170
If they were getting married a year from now.
625
00:27:10,670 --> 00:27:12,671
Don't worry, vic. I'll help you.
626
00:27:12,671 --> 00:27:15,606
Okay, great. Get to work.
627
00:27:15,606 --> 00:27:18,543
Now hold it, kinney. What are you doing?
628
00:27:19,042 --> 00:27:21,544
I'm getting my beauty rest. Bye-Bye.
629
00:27:26,397 --> 00:27:30,901
Oh, not tonight, dear. I'm saving myself for miami.
630
00:27:30,901 --> 00:27:32,401
Correct me if i'm wrong,
631
00:27:32,401 --> 00:27:33,402
But i thought you didn't give a shit
632
00:27:33,402 --> 00:27:34,403
About your friends,
633
00:27:34,403 --> 00:27:36,388
That you only care about getting laid.
634
00:27:36,388 --> 00:27:39,341
I just never want to hear the word "wedding" again.
635
00:27:39,341 --> 00:27:41,325
You're pathetic.
636
00:27:41,325 --> 00:27:44,761
Oh, emmett, do you want to go with me to get material?
637
00:27:44,761 --> 00:27:49,198
Uh, hello. Um... zanzibar. Yeah.
638
00:27:49,198 --> 00:27:52,200
Yes, i'd like to book a wedding in your private room.
639
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,201
Yes, of course. We can do that no problem.
640
00:27:54,701 --> 00:27:55,702
You can?
641
00:27:55,702 --> 00:27:58,205
Oh, you can. Oh, god. Wonderful.
642
00:27:58,205 --> 00:28:01,706
Okay. Um, right, well, that will be for abou.
80.
643
00:28:02,207 --> 00:28:04,208
Mm-Hmm. Right. Tonight.
644
00:28:04,208 --> 00:28:10,713
Tonight?
645
00:28:10,713 --> 00:28:11,714
Any luck?
646
00:28:11,714 --> 00:28:14,216
I have tried a through z.
647
00:28:14,216 --> 00:28:16,217
I'm afraid there is no such thing
648
00:28:16,217 --> 00:28:19,220
As an instant wedding.
649
00:28:19,220 --> 00:28:21,221
If i may make a suggestion?
650
00:28:21,221 --> 00:28:24,223
Be my wedding guest.
651
00:28:24,223 --> 00:28:25,224
Well, it's not very trendy,
652
00:28:25,224 --> 00:28:34,213
But the price is right.
653
00:28:34,213 --> 00:28:35,714
Holy xanadu!
654
00:28:36,215 --> 00:28:39,217
Well, last time it was used,
655
00:28:39,717 --> 00:28:41,718
It was my daughter frankie's wedding.
656
00:28:41,718 --> 00:28:43,720
Frankie?
657
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,221
Yeah, virginia named her after hammond meats'
658
00:28:45,221 --> 00:28:46,722
Most popular product.
659
00:28:48,641 --> 00:28:51,142
Gosh, it was one of the happiest days of my life.
660
00:28:51,142 --> 00:28:54,144
Well, it sounds to me, honey, like this place is due for a party.
661
00:28:54,144 --> 00:28:56,613
I couldn't think of a more appropriate occasion
662
00:28:56,613 --> 00:28:57,614
Than your friends' wedding.
663
00:28:58,113 --> 00:29:00,616
I'll fill this room with exotic flowers.
664
00:29:01,116 --> 00:29:02,117
I'll bring in the pittsburgh symphony.
665
00:29:02,117 --> 00:29:03,618
I'm on the board. Um...
666
00:29:04,118 --> 00:29:07,053
That... that's very kind, as usual.
667
00:29:07,053 --> 00:29:10,056
Um, but i... i'd kind of like to take care of this myself.
668
00:29:10,056 --> 00:29:14,058
You know, give mel and lindsay the most fabulous wedding
669
00:29:14,058 --> 00:29:15,510
Two girls ever had.
670
00:29:15,510 --> 00:29:18,513
That's also very kind. As usual.
671
00:29:18,513 --> 00:29:21,448
How can you afford to?
672
00:29:21,448 --> 00:29:26,368
My tush fund.
673
00:29:26,868 --> 00:29:28,853
You'd burst your bubblebutt dream?
674
00:29:29,354 --> 00:29:31,855
Well... if you don't mind a bumpy ride,
675
00:29:31,855 --> 00:29:34,691
I think this old thing's got a few more miles on it.
676
00:29:34,691 --> 00:29:36,191
Oh!
677
00:29:41,596 --> 00:29:42,597
Thank you.
678
00:29:42,597 --> 00:29:44,531
Now, i have to get started.
679
00:29:44,531 --> 00:29:46,532
I should have been up to my tits in tulle
680
00:29:47,032 --> 00:29:49,535
And twinkling lights hours ago!
681
00:29:58,976 --> 00:29:59,976
Oh, shit!
682
00:29:59,976 --> 00:30:01,410
What happened?
683
00:30:01,410 --> 00:30:04,878
Nothing.
684
00:30:04,878 --> 00:30:05,879
Fuck!
685
00:30:05,879 --> 00:30:07,380
Now what?
686
00:30:07,864 --> 00:30:09,316
It's me, deb.
687
00:30:09,316 --> 00:30:13,235
I'm a klutz.
688
00:30:13,235 --> 00:30:15,237
You'd think i'd never set foot in a kitchen before.
689
00:30:15,237 --> 00:30:17,238
You just need to relax.
690
00:30:17,238 --> 00:30:19,206
It's more than that.
691
00:30:19,206 --> 00:30:20,207
I've been out of the world too long.
692
00:30:20,207 --> 00:30:21,207
I can't go back.
693
00:30:21,207 --> 00:30:23,626
You're right, you can't.
694
00:30:23,626 --> 00:30:26,127
Christ, would you look at this mess.
695
00:30:26,628 --> 00:30:29,597
You are the fucking saddest hard-Luck case
696
00:30:29,597 --> 00:30:30,598
I have ever seen.
697
00:30:30,598 --> 00:30:31,548
Debbie!
698
00:30:32,015 --> 00:30:33,500
Get back in your robe, huh?
699
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:36,502
Or better yet, find a train to fall under.
700
00:30:36,502 --> 00:30:38,503
At least i'd get the insurance.
701
00:30:38,503 --> 00:30:40,972
Sunshine, get your jacket. Let's go.
702
00:30:40,972 --> 00:30:42,406
Where are you going?
703
00:30:42,406 --> 00:30:43,857
Where do you think?
704
00:30:43,857 --> 00:30:45,842
To the bakery. You promised the girls
705
00:30:45,842 --> 00:30:47,343
A wedding cake, didn't you?
706
00:30:47,343 --> 00:30:49,312
You can't just stroll into a bakery
707
00:30:49,312 --> 00:30:50,312
And buy a wedding cake.
708
00:30:50,312 --> 00:30:51,313
They're made special.
709
00:30:51,763 --> 00:30:52,731
So, we'll get 'em a-A...
710
00:30:52,731 --> 00:30:54,231
a bon voyage cake.
711
00:30:54,231 --> 00:30:55,216
Or a birthday cake,
712
00:30:55,216 --> 00:30:58,200
Or a fucking bar mitzvah cake!
713
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,704
Any cake will be better than the dried out brick
714
00:31:00,704 --> 00:31:08,575
That you're planning.
715
00:31:08,575 --> 00:31:12,545
How dare you call my hazelnut buttercream
716
00:31:12,545 --> 00:31:36,628
A dried out brick?
717
00:31:36,628 --> 00:31:39,113
You did all that on purpose, didn't you?
718
00:31:39,113 --> 00:31:43,117
How do you think i got him to live in the first place?
719
00:31:43,117 --> 00:31:48,120
I just kept screaming, "so fucking die already!"
720
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,622
Worked like a charm.
721
00:31:49,622 --> 00:31:52,123
He never figured it out?
722
00:31:52,123 --> 00:31:55,009
Apparently not.
723
00:31:55,009 --> 00:31:56,010
Justin,
724
00:31:56,010 --> 00:31:57,460
I need these egg whites beaten.
725
00:31:57,460 --> 00:32:00,446
And as for you...
726
00:32:00,446 --> 00:32:02,447
you want to grow up to be another brian kinney?
727
00:32:02,447 --> 00:32:03,932
Always running away from love,
728
00:32:03,932 --> 00:32:04,933
Never towards it,
729
00:32:04,933 --> 00:32:06,400
Then you go to miami
730
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:08,401
And you fuck your little twinkie brains out.
731
00:32:08,401 --> 00:32:10,854
But it's never going to make you happy.
732
00:32:10,854 --> 00:32:13,338
Nice try, debbie.
733
00:32:13,338 --> 00:32:18,309
Wait a minute.
734
00:32:18,809 --> 00:32:19,811
All right, you're on to me.
735
00:32:20,294 --> 00:32:22,295
But one day you're going to look back,
736
00:32:22,295 --> 00:32:26,298
And you're going to regret that you didn't go to the wedding.
737
00:32:26,298 --> 00:32:29,299
With your family.
738
00:32:29,299 --> 00:32:32,252
And that's the truth, sunshine.
739
00:32:32,252 --> 00:32:47,197
That's the truth.
740
00:32:47,197 --> 00:32:50,200
French toast with fresh strawberries.
741
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,701
Bacon crumbles and real maple syrup.
742
00:32:53,152 --> 00:32:57,154
Coffee made with the really good beans.
743
00:32:57,154 --> 00:32:59,138
And peaches with the skin peeled off,
744
00:32:59,638 --> 00:33:01,640
'Cause the little hairs make your teeth itch.
745
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,542
No, thanks. Baby, please,
746
00:33:04,042 --> 00:33:04,542
You have to eat.
747
00:33:05,043 --> 00:33:06,494
What for?
748
00:33:06,494 --> 00:33:08,462
You need to keep your strength up to feel miserable.
749
00:33:08,462 --> 00:33:10,414
Have a strawberry.
750
00:33:10,414 --> 00:33:12,415
No. Come on, boo-Boo.
751
00:33:12,415 --> 00:33:14,417
One little bite. Stop it!
752
00:33:14,417 --> 00:33:15,417
Stop what?
753
00:33:15,417 --> 00:33:16,918
Being so sweet.
754
00:33:16,918 --> 00:33:17,835
I can't help it.
755
00:33:18,335 --> 00:33:20,821
Compulsive adorable disorder.
756
00:33:21,322 --> 00:33:22,323
All right, get up.
757
00:33:22,323 --> 00:33:23,757
What the fuck are you doing here?
758
00:33:23,757 --> 00:33:24,691
Come on, move your asses.
759
00:33:25,175 --> 00:33:27,176
What for?
760
00:33:27,176 --> 00:33:28,176
You're getting married.
761
00:33:28,176 --> 00:33:36,649
Huh.
762
00:33:37,149 --> 00:33:38,651
Come on, get out. Oh.
763
00:33:38,651 --> 00:33:41,153
Come on, get out. Where the hell are we?
764
00:33:41,153 --> 00:33:42,654
Get out, get out. What's going on?
765
00:33:42,654 --> 00:33:45,155
Ms. Marcus, ms. Peterson.
766
00:33:45,155 --> 00:33:47,056
Welcome to your wedding.
767
00:33:47,056 --> 00:33:49,992
Uh, allow me to introduce our gracious host,
768
00:33:49,992 --> 00:33:52,494
My dear, dear friend george schickel.
769
00:33:52,494 --> 00:33:54,412
Schickel's pickles?
770
00:33:54,412 --> 00:33:58,364
The pleasure's mine. And my home is yours today.
771
00:33:58,364 --> 00:34:00,316
Okay, enough chat. You're both due in hair and make-Up,
772
00:34:00,316 --> 00:34:01,317
So let's get a move on.
773
00:34:01,317 --> 00:34:03,318
Thanks.
774
00:34:03,318 --> 00:34:04,269
Go!
775
00:34:04,770 --> 00:34:06,270
Oh, no-Nono-No-No. You're not bringing
776
00:34:06,704 --> 00:34:07,705
That hideous thing in here.
777
00:34:07,705 --> 00:34:09,156
I most certainly am.
778
00:34:09,639 --> 00:34:11,108
Not if i have anything to say about it.
779
00:34:11,591 --> 00:34:13,093
Well, who gives a shit what you have to say about it?
780
00:34:13,093 --> 00:34:15,511
I'm the one who paid for that waste of wood.
781
00:34:15,511 --> 00:34:16,978
Well, don't worry about it. I'm gonna pay you back
782
00:34:16,978 --> 00:34:18,480
And i'm gonna give it to the girls myself.
783
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:19,947
What do you think about that?
784
00:34:19,947 --> 00:34:21,416
I think you're an idiot for picking it out in the first place.
785
00:34:21,416 --> 00:34:22,416
Well, i think you're a dickhead
786
00:34:22,416 --> 00:34:23,417
For making me feel like an idiot.
787
00:34:23,417 --> 00:34:24,917
Boys. Boys.
788
00:34:25,401 --> 00:34:28,787
We still squabbling over the silly statue?
789
00:34:29,287 --> 00:34:30,789
God, she must have been to dr. Beamer.
790
00:34:31,289 --> 00:34:32,740
Ah, you see? Emmett agrees.
791
00:34:32,740 --> 00:34:33,741
It's an abomination.
792
00:34:33,741 --> 00:34:35,675
I didn't say that.
793
00:34:35,675 --> 00:34:37,177
Although i will say,
794
00:34:37,676 --> 00:34:50,353
It's not worth destroying your friendship over.
795
00:34:50,353 --> 00:34:51,854
No, no, debbie, i do my own hair.
796
00:34:52,354 --> 00:34:53,355
I can tell.
797
00:34:54,355 --> 00:34:55,857
You need more bella donna.
798
00:34:55,857 --> 00:34:57,357
Less bitchy butchy. Come on.
799
00:34:57,858 --> 00:34:59,358
Next thing, you'll have me wearing a pointy bra
800
00:34:59,358 --> 00:35:00,861
And lipliner. How could you guess, sweetheart?
801
00:35:02,812 --> 00:35:04,280
Oh, hey, brian! Brian!
802
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:05,213
Brian.
803
00:35:05,714 --> 00:35:07,214
I'm the one that should be screaming.
804
00:35:07,214 --> 00:35:08,716
Aren't you supposed to be off somewhere
805
00:35:08,716 --> 00:35:11,218
Sticking your pina in some colada?
806
00:35:11,218 --> 00:35:13,153
I need a few minutes with the brides.
807
00:35:13,653 --> 00:35:15,604
Alone.
808
00:35:15,604 --> 00:35:17,606
You make it fast, huh?
809
00:35:17,606 --> 00:35:20,057
I gotta get 'em dressed.
810
00:35:20,057 --> 00:35:23,027
I hear you're the one responsible for this.
811
00:35:23,027 --> 00:35:24,477
I don't know what lying asshole told you that,
812
00:35:24,477 --> 00:35:26,478
But i suppose a man in my position
813
00:35:26,478 --> 00:35:28,479
Has to endure such attacks against his character.
814
00:35:28,980 --> 00:35:32,433
Here. Oh, my gosh.
815
00:35:32,433 --> 00:35:34,935
Oh, my god, brian! Ooh!
816
00:35:35,435 --> 00:35:37,937
They're exactly like the ones our jewelers lost.
817
00:35:37,937 --> 00:35:40,857
Complete with the inscription.
818
00:35:40,857 --> 00:35:49,795
Hey, don't get moist.
819
00:35:49,795 --> 00:35:52,731
Uh, i'm gonna call the sitter
820
00:35:52,731 --> 00:35:58,168
And make sure gus is all right.
821
00:35:58,668 --> 00:36:02,172
I can't believe the guys pulled all this together at the last minute.
822
00:36:02,672 --> 00:36:04,673
Yeah. So, are you packed?
823
00:36:04,673 --> 00:36:08,675
Toothpaste and undies.
824
00:36:08,675 --> 00:36:09,626
Excited?
825
00:36:09,626 --> 00:36:16,098
My pecker's all a-Twitter.
826
00:36:16,098 --> 00:36:21,603
Can you help me button this up here?
827
00:36:21,603 --> 00:36:23,604
Oh, yeah.
828
00:36:23,604 --> 00:36:25,071
Isn't it amazing?
829
00:36:25,071 --> 00:36:27,573
Debbie just whipped it up.
830
00:36:28,073 --> 00:36:31,076
With some help of some mice and bluebirds.
831
00:36:31,577 --> 00:36:35,079
Oh, yeah. Well, i'm sorry i won't be there to see you
832
00:36:35,079 --> 00:36:36,079
Glide down the aisle.
833
00:36:36,079 --> 00:36:38,581
No, you're not!
834
00:36:38,581 --> 00:36:41,584
I'm sure you're going to have a fabulous time.
835
00:36:41,584 --> 00:36:45,587
Hey, we'll both be in white. Yeah.
836
00:36:46,086 --> 00:36:55,076
Just be careful.
837
00:36:55,076 --> 00:36:57,528
Lindsay.
838
00:36:57,528 --> 00:37:00,363
It's your wedding present.
839
00:37:00,363 --> 00:37:04,783
All-Expense paid trip for two to miami.
840
00:37:04,783 --> 00:37:06,735
Trade it in for a later flight.
841
00:37:07,202 --> 00:37:09,170
Have a honeymoon, i'll take care of gus.
842
00:37:09,170 --> 00:37:11,122
But you don't want to be here.
843
00:37:11,122 --> 00:37:14,124
You said yourself you'd get drunk,
844
00:37:14,124 --> 00:37:15,591
Make a scene, pass out nude.
845
00:37:16,091 --> 00:37:17,092
Will you just take the fucking tickets.
846
00:37:17,092 --> 00:37:19,961
No!
847
00:37:19,961 --> 00:37:22,347
I want you to go.
848
00:37:22,347 --> 00:37:24,848
It wouldn't be right for you to stay.
849
00:37:24,848 --> 00:37:28,284
Brian kinney sacrificing for others.
850
00:37:28,284 --> 00:37:33,288
Trapped in a hideous display of sentimentality.
851
00:37:33,288 --> 00:37:35,789
I'd lose all faith, all hope.
852
00:37:35,789 --> 00:37:38,758
What kind of gift is that?
853
00:37:38,758 --> 00:37:45,129
I want you to fuck lots of beautiful guys.
854
00:37:45,129 --> 00:37:48,064
No apologies.
855
00:37:48,064 --> 00:37:52,469
No regrets.
856
00:37:52,469 --> 00:37:56,471
It's the best gift you could give me.
857
00:37:56,471 --> 00:38:21,055
Knowing you're happy.
858
00:38:21,055 --> 00:38:26,026
I love you too, brian.
859
00:38:26,026 --> 00:38:28,527
This marriage stuff is kind of cool.
860
00:38:28,527 --> 00:38:32,531
In fact, i was thinking maybe someday...
861
00:38:32,531 --> 00:38:34,032
what, you and i?
862
00:38:34,032 --> 00:38:35,533
Yeah, stranger things have happened.
863
00:38:35,533 --> 00:38:37,034
Not really.
864
00:38:37,034 --> 00:38:40,036
What you need is a good fucking on the beach.
865
00:38:40,036 --> 00:38:41,537
Hey...
866
00:38:41,988 --> 00:38:44,923
i can't go.
867
00:38:44,923 --> 00:38:45,924
You forgot your bain de soleil.
868
00:38:46,423 --> 00:38:49,425
I want to go to the wedding.
869
00:38:49,425 --> 00:38:50,927
For lindsay and melanie?
870
00:38:51,377 --> 00:38:52,845
For me.
871
00:38:52,845 --> 00:38:54,763
I want to be a part of it.
872
00:38:55,263 --> 00:38:57,748
I want to see their faces when they say "i do".
873
00:38:57,748 --> 00:38:59,200
Give emmett kleenex.
874
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:00,700
Console debbie.
875
00:39:00,700 --> 00:39:04,154
You know she's going to be a mess.
876
00:39:04,154 --> 00:39:07,639
So you're standing me up to see two dykes tie the knot?
877
00:39:07,639 --> 00:39:11,642
Yeah. I guess i am.
878
00:39:11,642 --> 00:39:14,578
You angry?
879
00:39:14,578 --> 00:39:19,431
I think you're a selfish, heartless asshole.
880
00:39:19,431 --> 00:39:24,368
Keep up the good work.
881
00:40:01,195 --> 00:40:03,630
Friends, family,
882
00:40:03,630 --> 00:40:07,632
Welcome to the celebration of a loving, lifetime commitment
883
00:40:07,632 --> 00:40:10,601
Of melanie and lindsay.
884
00:40:10,601 --> 00:40:12,603
They've asked me to thank you for bearing witness
885
00:40:12,603 --> 00:40:14,538
To today's ceremony
886
00:40:14,538 --> 00:40:16,506
And to join them in recognizing it
887
00:40:17,006 --> 00:40:18,941
As a true and binding expression
888
00:40:18,941 --> 00:40:22,877
Of their devotion to one another.
889
00:40:22,877 --> 00:40:23,878
Melanie.
890
00:40:26,380 --> 00:40:27,864
Honey...
891
00:40:29,832 --> 00:40:33,319
i wasn't sure we'd make it here today.
892
00:40:33,319 --> 00:40:35,303
But thanks to our friends,
893
00:40:35,303 --> 00:40:41,673
Or, i should say, our family...
894
00:40:41,673 --> 00:40:43,643
not even the stars or the planets could keep us
895
00:40:43,643 --> 00:40:49,029
From exchanging our vows.
896
00:40:49,029 --> 00:40:52,949
I love you, lindsay peterson.
897
00:40:52,949 --> 00:40:54,451
I will fight for you,
898
00:40:54,950 --> 00:40:58,836
I will protect you.
899
00:40:58,836 --> 00:41:04,291
You are mybeshert.
900
00:41:04,291 --> 00:41:05,724
Lindsay.
901
00:41:07,643 --> 00:41:09,144
Melanie,
902
00:41:09,144 --> 00:41:12,564
With so much love and support around us,
903
00:41:13,064 --> 00:41:16,566
I really do believe that there is no obstacle,
904
00:41:16,566 --> 00:41:19,067
No problem we can't overcome.
905
00:41:19,568 --> 00:41:22,504
Together.
906
00:41:22,504 --> 00:41:25,456
In friendship and in love.
907
00:41:25,956 --> 00:41:30,926
Our hearts will be eternally united.
908
00:41:31,427 --> 00:41:35,797
I love you, melanie marcus.
909
00:41:35,797 --> 00:41:52,976
May i have the rings?
910
00:41:52,976 --> 00:41:55,445
Melanie,
911
00:41:55,445 --> 00:42:05,218
Do you take lindsay to be your wife?
912
00:42:05,718 --> 00:42:07,653
I do.
913
00:42:07,653 --> 00:42:16,460
Lindsay, do you take melanie to be your wife?
914
00:42:16,460 --> 00:42:18,894
I do.
915
00:42:18,894 --> 00:42:21,346
By the power vested in me,
916
00:42:21,346 --> 00:42:24,799
By the love and faith of those assembled,
917
00:42:24,799 --> 00:42:31,570
I declare to the world that you are married in our eyes.
918
00:42:31,570 --> 00:42:33,573
You can seal this with a little suck-Face.
919
00:43:17,153 --> 00:43:19,138
What was i thinking buying them that awful statue?
920
00:43:19,138 --> 00:43:20,138
No-No-Nono-No-No.
921
00:43:20,138 --> 00:43:21,640
No-No-No, i-It, i was wrong.
922
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:23,642
It was the perfect gift. It's a piece of shit.
923
00:43:24,142 --> 00:43:25,643
No, it's a work of art.
924
00:43:25,643 --> 00:43:28,144
What are they going to do with an african love goddess?
925
00:43:28,144 --> 00:43:34,149
They'll look at it and say, "our friends michael and ted
926
00:43:34,149 --> 00:43:39,152
Gave this to us because they love us."
927
00:43:39,152 --> 00:43:40,654
And then they'll stick it in the garage.
928
00:43:40,654 --> 00:43:45,658
They'll stick it in the garage.
929
00:43:45,658 --> 00:43:46,658
Come on.
930
00:43:53,597 --> 00:43:56,032
This is delicious. Mmm.
931
00:43:56,032 --> 00:43:59,500
My hazelnut buttercream is a hit.
932
00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:01,502
I never had a doubt.
933
00:44:01,502 --> 00:44:02,502
Well, for a while there i wasn't sure
934
00:44:02,502 --> 00:44:04,505
I still had the ingredients.
935
00:44:04,505 --> 00:44:07,007
If you ever need your pantry restocked,
936
00:44:07,007 --> 00:44:09,458
Just holler.
937
00:44:09,959 --> 00:44:10,458
Attention!
938
00:44:10,959 --> 00:44:12,960
Attention, everyone.
939
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:16,463
As honourary mistress of ceremonies,
940
00:44:16,463 --> 00:44:20,966
It is my pleasure to announce the throwing of the bouquet.
941
00:44:20,966 --> 00:44:21,967
You know the drill.
942
00:44:22,467 --> 00:44:27,855
You catch it, you're next.
943
00:44:27,855 --> 00:44:30,340
Back of the room, kid.
944
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:32,291
No! No!
945
00:44:32,791 --> 00:44:35,260
Get in there, come on, mikey.
946
00:44:35,260 --> 00:44:38,262
Ready?
947
00:44:38,262 --> 00:44:39,713
Ready!
948
00:44:39,763 --> 00:44:44,313
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