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www.Tvsubtitles.Net
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975.
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980. 985.
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990.
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995. 997.
6
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998.
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1,000! Ah-H!
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1,003!
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Oh! Oh! Yes sir!
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Over 1,000 selfsatisfied customers.
11
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And we're out.
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Whoo!
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Oh-H.
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All right. Ah-H-H.
15
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You take ten,
16
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And then we will start...
17
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Round three. Oh, no can do.
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Honey, my dick's down for the count.
19
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Hmmm. Listen now,
20
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There are a lot of fans out there
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Who are wanting to see you go for the record.
22
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The record?
23
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Set by the legendary peter pounder.
24
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He once came 6 times in 45 minutes.
25
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6 times in 45 minutes?
26
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I haven't done that since i was 18.
27
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Well then,
28
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Don't you worry your pretty little dick about it.
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Twice in 30 minutes is very...
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respectable.
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Respectable?
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Rev up the web cam, boys.
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We're going for the gold.
34
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Attaboy, champ.
35
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And we're live.
36
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I made you sausage and peppers,
37
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And i don't want to hear a goddamned word about it.
38
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Are you kidding me?
39
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If it wasn't for you, i'd probably starve to death.
40
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Well, as the mother of a future captain of industry,
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I couldn't very well let that happen.
42
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Well, i don't want to burst your bubble, mom, but...
43
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i'm not exactly gonna become a gazillionaire selling comics.
44
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Everybody has to start somewhere, sweetheart,
45
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And you've started. That's what's important.
46
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I'm so proud of you, michael.
47
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You've turned out to be quite a man.
48
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Chew your food.
49
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Hey. Hey.
50
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Uh... i was in the neighbourhood.
51
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Um, you left this at my place.
52
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His place?
53
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I didn't know you were getting laid.
54
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Good for you.
55
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I'm his mother. Yes.
56
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I remember. Oh.
57
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He remembers me.
58
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You're a little hard to forget.
59
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And for your information, i didn't get laid.
60
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Oh. Too bad.
61
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Well...
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i have to get back to the diner.
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It's nice seeing you again.
64
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Better luck this time.
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Bye.
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That is some kind of mother you got there.
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You don't know the half.
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Yeah. I'd like to.
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And, i'd like to know all there is to know about you.
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Stop, you're making me blush, which...
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after growing up with her, you'd think would be impossible.
72
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Yeah. I also wanted to see how you were...
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um, how you were doing after last night,
74
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You know, uh, after my big announcement:
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"Hi there. My name's ben. I'm 33.
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Pisces, love the outdoors,
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And i'm hiv positive."
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You know, it's, uh...
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i still haven't figured out a way to...
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drop that bomb gracefully.
81
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I hope i didn't seem too thrown.
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It's just the first time it's come up
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With someone that i've been interested in.
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Interested as in... as in still interested?
85
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Okay, well that's good.
86
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Some guys, you tell them, they run for the door.
87
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So you're not... you're not freaked out.
88
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Please. Right after my mother told me i was gay,
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She gave me this big safe sex lecture.
90
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I... i knew how to put a condom on a cucumber
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Before i knew how to drive.
92
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Yeah, well... yeah, i...
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i was gonna ask you out tonight, but...
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now i'm not so sure.
95
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Why not? Well...
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michael, a cucumber is a lot to live up to.
97
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What d'ya say, doc? She gonna live?
98
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You got grief in the gearbox, baby,
99
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Just like my love life.
100
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So how much are we looking at?
101
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Ooh, it ain't gonna be cheap.
102
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Ah, shit!
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Language.
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You want to turn our gus into a trash-Mouth?
105
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Like mommy, like son.
106
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Mmmm.
107
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Leda says we're looking at some major repairs.
108
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Oh, no!
109
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Just when we almost have enough saved for the wedding.
110
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Guess we'll just have to cut a few corners,
111
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Like printing up our own invitations on the computer.
112
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I am not having some tacky announcements.
113
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Fine. We can walk to the ceremony.
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There must be some other way. Forget my mom.
115
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The early-Bird special was hatched in her honour.
116
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What about your folks?
117
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Huh! What, "huh"?
118
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Honey, you're a dyke, you're marrying a jew,
119
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And you're a registered democrat. Need i say more?
120
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I'll bring it up at dinner tonight.
121
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I thought you didn't want to go.
122
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Now we have a reason to.
123
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I don't want you begging them for money.
124
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I'm not begging.
125
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They paid for all three of my sister's weddings.
126
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They can fucking well chip in for ours.
127
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Language. Language.
128
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So anyone up for babylon tonight?
129
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I can't. I got... i gotta do inventory.
130
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I thought inventory was the last week of the month.
131
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It is when you have a business that's on its feet, but you know,
132
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Uh, when you're just starting out... all right,
133
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So, who is he? Who is he?
134
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Who is he? Who is he? Nobody. Ow!
135
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I bet it's that teacher.
136
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He... he's a professor,
137
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Not a teacher. Oh-Ho. Ah.
138
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The professor.
139
00:06:03,395 --> 00:06:06,398
So, what does that make you, mary ann or ginger?
140
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So when do we get to meet him? Never!
141
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Why? Is something wrong with him?
142
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Something wrong withyou.
143
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I would like this one to live,
144
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Before my best friends devour him.
145
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Hey, you're fetch dixon, aren't you?
146
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Uh, yes. Yeah. Yes, uh, yes i am.
147
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I'm a... i'm a huge fan.
148
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Not as huge as you, but...
149
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Why, thank you. That... that... that's so nice.
150
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Could i... see it?
151
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You know, just... for a second?
152
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Show him.
153
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All right... no, no, no, no.
154
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I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
155
00:06:37,643 --> 00:06:39,644
Look, if you want to sample the merchandise,
156
00:06:39,644 --> 00:06:42,147
You have to sign on to jerkatwork.Net.
157
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Sorry.
158
00:06:45,116 --> 00:06:48,118
That's the third time today.
159
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Well, you better get used to it.
160
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,121
Emmett's a star.
161
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His dick's a star.
162
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He's just the lifesupport system.
163
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Careful, he'll get a swelled head.
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Hey, save it for the website.
165
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Will you all just stop?
166
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I'm not a star.
167
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I'm still little old me,
168
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:07,470
You know, plain old country-Boy from mississippi,
169
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,471
Giving my friend teddy a helping hand.
170
00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:15,894
And the way lynnette's been hinting,
171
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I think i might be a grandmother soon.
172
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You already are...
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in case you've forgotten.
174
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I know, dear.
175
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There you are. Mm, thank you.
176
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Uh, mrs. Petersen,
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That necklace is so lovely.
178
00:07:33,677 --> 00:07:35,178
Is that red coral from bali?
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Why yes. Have you been?
180
00:07:37,613 --> 00:07:38,615
No. No, actually,
181
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My aunt dotty owns a jewelry store.
182
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Lynnette bought it for me on one of her honeymoons.
183
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Don't ask which.
184
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We decided to skip our honeymoon for now,
185
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You know, considering all the expenses?
186
00:07:50,993 --> 00:07:52,493
We're out of rolls.
187
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Can we get some rolls here, please?
188
00:07:53,945 --> 00:07:55,913
We should have tried chez denis
189
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Over on the river.
190
00:07:57,865 --> 00:07:59,867
Duncan took lynnette there on saturday.
191
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Had a lovely meal.
192
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We're thinking of having them cater our reception.
193
00:08:03,854 --> 00:08:05,338
Aren't they expensive?
194
00:08:05,338 --> 00:08:07,340
Well, no more than the one lynnette used...
195
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all three times.
196
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You got to admit, she's consistent.
197
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And besides, getting married these days
198
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Is an expensive proposition, no matter what you do.
199
00:08:20,553 --> 00:08:23,555
That's why we were hoping that...
200
00:08:23,555 --> 00:08:25,006
you might be able to help us out a little.
201
00:08:25,006 --> 00:08:27,992
If you see the waiter, could you ask him for some butter?
202
00:08:27,992 --> 00:08:29,994
I mean, we're handling it all by ourselves, but...
203
00:08:29,994 --> 00:08:31,495
we could use some assistance,
204
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No matter how small.
205
00:08:34,916 --> 00:08:36,417
Anything would be helpful.
206
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Honey...
207
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,286
you helped lynnette with her wedding.
208
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That's different.
209
00:08:41,237 --> 00:08:43,723
Why is it different?
210
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Because her wedding was real.
211
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:52,597
Yours is...
212
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well, i don't know what yours is.
213
00:08:59,438 --> 00:09:00,938
How's your steak, dear?
214
00:09:00,938 --> 00:09:05,943
Just great.
215
00:09:07,394 --> 00:09:09,896
It's been a long time since i made out in the park.
216
00:09:10,396 --> 00:09:12,399
Well, stick with me and maybe you'll get lucky.
217
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,884
Ah, really?
218
00:09:14,884 --> 00:09:16,352
I finished your book.
219
00:09:16,352 --> 00:09:18,321
Oh yeah? "So how... how'd you like it,"
220
00:09:18,321 --> 00:09:22,258
The insecure writer asked, trying desperately to sound nonchalant.
221
00:09:22,759 --> 00:09:24,726
I didn't.
222
00:09:24,726 --> 00:09:26,178
I loved it.
223
00:09:26,178 --> 00:09:28,680
You...
224
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:31,183
especially that part where the customs officials in thailand
225
00:09:31,683 --> 00:09:35,019
Confiscated your hiv meds. Oh, yeah.
226
00:09:35,019 --> 00:09:37,522
That was one of the worst days of my life.
227
00:09:37,522 --> 00:09:40,525
But, as they say, out of adversity,
228
00:09:40,525 --> 00:09:43,027
You know, comes knowledge, and...
229
00:09:43,027 --> 00:09:45,529
i've learned to put my fears aside, and just...
230
00:09:45,529 --> 00:09:48,031
find serenity in the chaos.
231
00:09:48,532 --> 00:09:50,033
I wish i could do that.
232
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I do just the opposite.
233
00:09:51,535 --> 00:09:53,036
I could find chaos in serenity
234
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With my eyes closed.
235
00:09:55,538 --> 00:09:58,541
I think that the secret is to stop regretting the past
236
00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:01,043
And fearing the future,
237
00:10:01,043 --> 00:10:05,029
And... just live in the now.
238
00:10:05,029 --> 00:10:06,998
Sounds like something my mom would say.
239
00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:09,501
She always says, "if you've got one foot in tomorrow
240
00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:12,003
And one foot in yesterday, you'll piss on today."
241
00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:14,454
Actually she says "shit"
242
00:10:14,454 --> 00:10:16,940
But i want... i wanted to clean it up a little.
243
00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:19,743
Yeah, actually, your mom and buddha have a lot in common.
244
00:10:19,743 --> 00:10:21,945
What, jenny craig dropouts?
245
00:10:22,396 --> 00:10:24,180
No. No, um...
246
00:10:24,614 --> 00:10:25,932
he teaches you to...
247
00:10:26,349 --> 00:10:29,101
focus on the smallest details.
248
00:10:29,101 --> 00:10:33,054
You know, the... breeze against your cheek...
249
00:10:33,054 --> 00:10:36,993
the way your shirt falls against your body...
250
00:10:36,993 --> 00:10:40,495
the feel of someone's hand on your back...
251
00:10:40,495 --> 00:10:42,997
helps you realize that...
252
00:10:42,997 --> 00:10:45,500
right now, this moment is...
253
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:49,420
it's all there is.
254
00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:52,405
Well, if that's true, then...
255
00:10:52,405 --> 00:10:55,342
we should probably take advantage of it.
256
00:10:55,342 --> 00:11:04,734
Yeah.
257
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Come on.
258
00:11:13,742 --> 00:11:16,245
Where are we going?
259
00:11:16,245 --> 00:11:17,745
To experience the now.
260
00:11:34,711 --> 00:11:36,712
Yeah, i've just... i've got an eye for this kind of thing
261
00:11:36,712 --> 00:11:39,215
And i can tell you've got talent...
262
00:11:39,215 --> 00:11:42,218
big, big talent, so...
263
00:11:42,218 --> 00:11:45,221
if you ever want to earn some extra cash,
264
00:11:45,221 --> 00:11:47,722
In your spare time, just, uh...
265
00:11:47,722 --> 00:11:48,723
gimme a call.
266
00:11:48,723 --> 00:11:50,225
We'll set up an audition.
267
00:11:50,726 --> 00:11:51,726
Okay. Good.
268
00:11:51,726 --> 00:11:55,730
Thanks, man. Thanks.
269
00:11:55,730 --> 00:11:58,232
Hey, porn king,
270
00:11:58,232 --> 00:12:01,218
Why don't you introduce me to some of your new friends?
271
00:12:01,718 --> 00:12:04,721
Any time, bri.
272
00:12:04,721 --> 00:12:06,222
Is that a rolex?
273
00:12:06,222 --> 00:12:08,658
You bet it is.
274
00:12:08,658 --> 00:12:11,160
All those years, seeing those wealthy clients come in
275
00:12:11,661 --> 00:12:13,162
With their big cars and their fancy jewelry,
276
00:12:13,663 --> 00:12:15,614
And there i was, this dumb jerk in a cubicle,
277
00:12:15,614 --> 00:12:18,083
Hunched over a computer making them rich.
278
00:12:18,583 --> 00:12:19,585
Now it's my turn.
279
00:12:19,585 --> 00:12:20,568
Hey, there's fetch.
280
00:12:20,568 --> 00:12:24,055
Hey, hon. You're so hot, fetch.
281
00:12:24,055 --> 00:12:25,556
Oooh. Okay.
Hi, fetch.
282
00:12:25,556 --> 00:12:27,057
All right. Easy.
283
00:12:27,558 --> 00:12:28,560
Hey, fetch. Boys, there's... there's...
284
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,060
there's more than enough of me to go around for everyone.
285
00:12:30,561 --> 00:12:31,562
Hi.
286
00:12:31,562 --> 00:12:34,981
Whoo!
287
00:12:34,981 --> 00:12:36,983
Ultimately it's all so empty.
288
00:12:36,983 --> 00:12:46,191
You know, at the end of the night, you still go home alone.
289
00:12:46,191 --> 00:12:48,194
But not tonight.
290
00:12:48,194 --> 00:12:49,695
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it.
291
00:12:49,695 --> 00:12:51,196
What do you think you're doing?
292
00:12:51,196 --> 00:12:52,698
You have a matinee tomorrow.
293
00:12:53,198 --> 00:12:57,152
So? So you need to conserve your strength.
294
00:12:57,152 --> 00:13:00,104
And no more drinking and eating peanuts.
295
00:13:00,104 --> 00:13:02,106
You'll gain weight. Now...
296
00:13:02,106 --> 00:13:04,108
Go home. Get some sleep.
297
00:13:04,607 --> 00:13:09,496
That's an order.
298
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:11,965
Hi. How's it going?
299
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,966
I'm ted schmidt.
300
00:13:13,966 --> 00:13:16,970
I own jerkatwork.Net.
301
00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:18,471
I've got an eye for this kind of thing
302
00:13:18,971 --> 00:13:20,472
And i can tell you've got big...
303
00:13:20,472 --> 00:13:22,474
So mr. Producer gets to go home with the hottie,
304
00:13:22,474 --> 00:13:25,978
And the poor little star has to go home alone?
305
00:13:26,478 --> 00:13:27,479
Well, he...
306
00:13:27,479 --> 00:13:28,480
He's right. I...
307
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,982
i need to conserve my strength.
308
00:13:31,482 --> 00:13:36,437
Well, let me see your wrist.
309
00:13:36,437 --> 00:13:38,939
That's a stunning watch you're wearing.
310
00:13:38,939 --> 00:13:41,942
I'm not wearing a watch.
311
00:13:41,942 --> 00:13:45,445
Wow, emmett, you're really observant.
312
00:13:45,445 --> 00:13:50,383
He's got a rolex.
313
00:13:50,383 --> 00:13:53,886
And you better hurry home.
314
00:13:53,886 --> 00:13:57,840
A star needs his beauty rest.
315
00:14:09,733 --> 00:14:11,736
I thought when you said you wanted to experience the now,
316
00:14:12,237 --> 00:14:15,689
You meant something spiritual. I did.
317
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,690
This tribe i visited in new guinea
318
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,692
Would dance until they collapsed.
319
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:22,695
It's how they freed themselves from their bodies, from time.
320
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,197
Looked just like this,
321
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,698
Uh, except for the light show,
322
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,633
But, uh, then they had shooting stars.
323
00:14:51,771 --> 00:14:57,710
There's michael with some hottie.
324
00:14:57,710 --> 00:15:01,047
Hey, michael.
325
00:15:01,047 --> 00:15:02,981
Over here.
326
00:15:02,981 --> 00:15:03,932
Oh-Oh.
327
00:15:03,932 --> 00:15:05,851
We've been spotted.
328
00:15:05,851 --> 00:15:07,803
I should warn you, my friends can be a little...
329
00:15:07,803 --> 00:15:08,754
what? Judgmental?
330
00:15:08,754 --> 00:15:11,255
Uh, vicious? Condescending?
331
00:15:11,255 --> 00:15:19,130
So you've met them?
332
00:15:19,130 --> 00:15:20,631
Ben, this is...
333
00:15:20,631 --> 00:15:23,633
ted, justin and brian.
334
00:15:24,117 --> 00:15:25,068
Nice to meet you.
335
00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:27,037
Thought you were taking inventory.
336
00:15:27,037 --> 00:15:28,038
I was.
337
00:15:28,522 --> 00:15:30,973
You look awfully familiar. Uh, did you go to penn?
338
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,925
Uh, yale undergrad,
339
00:15:32,925 --> 00:15:35,828
Uh, then iowa for the creative writing programme.
340
00:15:35,828 --> 00:15:37,813
Ben wrote a book called "r-U-1-2".
341
00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:40,316
Yeah, that's where i recognized you from.
342
00:15:40,316 --> 00:15:42,317
I saw your interview in "the advocate".
343
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:43,818
I ran right out and bought it.
344
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,237
Oh, really? So you were the one.
345
00:15:46,721 --> 00:15:48,690
Come on. It was... you got great reviews.
346
00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:50,691
I mean, it was so honest, so...
347
00:15:50,691 --> 00:15:53,661
Forthright. It was so, uh...
348
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,612
so revealing.
349
00:15:55,612 --> 00:15:57,614
Yeah, well that's... that's what writers do, you know.
350
00:15:57,614 --> 00:15:59,082
We just, uh, cut ourselves open and...
351
00:15:59,082 --> 00:16:02,084
and bleed all over the page.
352
00:16:02,084 --> 00:16:04,021
I thought you wanted to dance.
353
00:16:04,021 --> 00:16:09,958
See you, guys.
354
00:16:10,425 --> 00:16:12,395
He's really hot.
355
00:16:12,395 --> 00:16:13,813
He's all right.
356
00:16:13,813 --> 00:16:15,814
Looks, brains.
357
00:16:16,314 --> 00:16:17,816
He's a nice guy too.
358
00:16:17,816 --> 00:16:20,818
I'd say he's perfect except for one thing.
359
00:16:20,818 --> 00:16:21,820
He's positive.
360
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,681
I got you a croissant.
361
00:16:35,181 --> 00:16:36,182
I don't want a croissant.
362
00:16:36,683 --> 00:16:37,684
You love croissants.
363
00:16:37,684 --> 00:16:41,154
I said i don't want one, okay? So drop it.
364
00:16:42,121 --> 00:16:44,573
I didn't mean literally.
365
00:16:44,573 --> 00:16:47,476
I wish you'd drop it too, this charming mood.
366
00:16:47,476 --> 00:16:48,976
I can't help it.
367
00:16:48,976 --> 00:16:51,980
Oh, i should never have asked them.
368
00:16:51,980 --> 00:16:53,948
So you did. They said no.
369
00:16:53,948 --> 00:16:55,950
Now it's over.
370
00:16:55,950 --> 00:16:58,452
Come on. Let's go look at wedding cakes.
371
00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:00,388
What for? We can't afford one.
372
00:17:00,388 --> 00:17:03,341
Maybe if we're careful, we can save up enough for a ding dong.
373
00:17:03,341 --> 00:17:05,775
Look, we'll find the money to pay for it.
374
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:09,279
It's not about the money.
375
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,766
It's about... love?
376
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,718
You want them to show you the same attention
377
00:17:15,718 --> 00:17:20,656
They show lynnette.
378
00:17:20,656 --> 00:17:24,125
Maybe we have to put forth more of an effort.
379
00:17:24,609 --> 00:17:26,611
We've never really asked them over to...
380
00:17:26,611 --> 00:17:31,115
see how we live, meet our friends...
381
00:17:31,616 --> 00:17:35,052
which makes us just a guilty as they are.
382
00:17:35,052 --> 00:17:37,555
So, what do we do?
383
00:17:37,555 --> 00:17:40,557
Invite them over. Throw a little party.
384
00:17:40,557 --> 00:17:43,009
You're serious.
385
00:17:43,009 --> 00:17:46,513
If they could see that we're a real family
386
00:17:47,014 --> 00:17:49,515
With a real life just like your sister,
387
00:17:49,949 --> 00:17:53,301
They might feel differently.
388
00:17:53,301 --> 00:17:57,739
Hey, it's at least worth a shot.
389
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:07,181
Come on.
390
00:18:07,181 --> 00:18:08,182
May i show you something?
391
00:18:08,682 --> 00:18:10,184
Yeah. We'd like to look at wedding cakes.
392
00:18:10,184 --> 00:18:11,685
Oh, lovely. They're...
393
00:18:11,685 --> 00:18:13,136
"i'm positive."
394
00:18:13,136 --> 00:18:14,622
It was the first thing out of his mouth.
395
00:18:14,622 --> 00:18:15,573
After your dick.
396
00:18:16,073 --> 00:18:17,490
It's commendable that he told you,
397
00:18:17,490 --> 00:18:18,491
But it still doesn't change the fact
398
00:18:18,992 --> 00:18:20,927
That you're playing with fire.
399
00:18:20,927 --> 00:18:22,928
I mean, what happens if a condom breaks,
400
00:18:22,928 --> 00:18:24,931
Or he's flossing his teeth and his gums bleed.
401
00:18:24,931 --> 00:18:25,865
Or if he shoots his load
402
00:18:25,865 --> 00:18:27,366
And you're bending over to tie your shoe
403
00:18:27,366 --> 00:18:29,368
And it accidentally flies up your ass.
404
00:18:29,368 --> 00:18:30,869
Jesus christ, brian,
405
00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:32,821
Do you have to make a fucking joke out of everything?
406
00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:34,323
Even your best friend's safety?
407
00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:35,257
I know how to be safe.
408
00:18:35,757 --> 00:18:37,258
No, you think you do.
409
00:18:37,258 --> 00:18:39,243
We all do.
410
00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:40,244
It's more than just being careful.
411
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,747
It's knowing that you're living with death,
412
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,249
Knowing that ben has something inside him that could kill him,
413
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:48,184
And if you have just one little fuck-Up,
414
00:18:48,184 --> 00:18:51,187
One moment of forgetfulness, just one mistake,
415
00:18:51,187 --> 00:18:54,658
It could kill you too.
416
00:18:54,658 --> 00:18:56,609
I think you're being a little dramatic, teddy.
417
00:18:56,609 --> 00:18:58,093
There are plenty of guys
418
00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,595
Who have boyfriends who are positive.
419
00:18:59,595 --> 00:19:02,081
Well, those people aren't michael.
420
00:19:02,581 --> 00:19:03,582
And you weren't so fucking nonchalant
421
00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:05,534
When you thought you might have been infected.
422
00:19:06,034 --> 00:19:07,518
Look, i appreciate your concern,
423
00:19:07,518 --> 00:19:09,454
But you're talking about ben like he's a disease
424
00:19:09,955 --> 00:19:12,407
And not a person.
425
00:19:12,407 --> 00:19:14,409
And if you were seeing someone that you cared about
426
00:19:14,409 --> 00:19:16,843
Who was positive, i think you'd feel differently.
427
00:19:16,843 --> 00:19:18,845
No, i'm sorry. I... i know it's not politically correct
428
00:19:18,845 --> 00:19:20,347
Or even nice, but no, i wouldn't do it
429
00:19:20,847 --> 00:19:22,316
No matter how much i liked the guy.
430
00:19:22,316 --> 00:19:23,767
Wouldn't do what, honey?
431
00:19:23,767 --> 00:19:27,219
Date someone who's positive.
432
00:19:27,219 --> 00:19:30,206
Well that's a hell of an attitude.
433
00:19:30,206 --> 00:19:32,441
And i've gotta say i'm kinda surprised hearing it from one of you,
434
00:19:32,441 --> 00:19:33,959
Considering all the guys you fuck.
435
00:19:34,427 --> 00:19:36,361
Yeah, numbers may vary from person to person.
436
00:19:36,861 --> 00:19:39,365
I mean, one of you could be positive.
437
00:19:39,365 --> 00:19:43,868
The reason you're not certainly isn't because you're alwayscareful.
438
00:19:43,868 --> 00:19:46,754
I know goddamn well that isn't true.
439
00:19:46,754 --> 00:19:48,723
You're lucky.
440
00:19:49,174 --> 00:19:52,092
You're fucking lucky.
441
00:19:52,092 --> 00:19:53,560
So don't tell me you couldn't love somebody
442
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:57,564
Just because they're not as fortunate as you are.
443
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:59,565
It's all the more reason to, if you ask me.
444
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:00,500
Thank you, mother.
445
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,386
What for, honey?
446
00:20:03,386 --> 00:20:14,278
Ben's positive.
447
00:20:14,278 --> 00:20:15,781
So, can i get you guys anything else?
448
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:22,753
Mm-Mm. Thanks.
449
00:20:22,753 --> 00:20:25,756
You're on in five minutes. Where have you been?
450
00:20:25,756 --> 00:20:27,258
Oh, um...
451
00:20:27,758 --> 00:20:29,259
preparing...
452
00:20:29,759 --> 00:20:30,760
a list.
453
00:20:31,261 --> 00:20:33,763
Well, you can do your grocery shopping later, okay?
454
00:20:33,763 --> 00:20:36,716
It's, uh, it's not that kind of list.
455
00:20:43,223 --> 00:20:45,224
"Private dressing room with toilet,
456
00:20:45,724 --> 00:20:47,226
Rotating bed,
457
00:20:47,226 --> 00:20:49,227
10% of gross profit". What the fuck is this?
458
00:20:49,711 --> 00:20:52,180
Uh, they're... they're called artist's demands.
459
00:20:52,180 --> 00:20:54,582
"Lube"? What's wrong with the lube?
460
00:20:54,582 --> 00:20:56,050
That grease is so cheap,
461
00:20:56,050 --> 00:20:57,552
You could fry chicken in it.
462
00:20:57,552 --> 00:20:59,986
This is a joke, right?
463
00:20:59,986 --> 00:21:01,989
If it is, i fail to see the humour.
464
00:21:01,989 --> 00:21:04,941
Oh, um, don't, uh, don't forget that one.
465
00:21:04,941 --> 00:21:07,377
Kind of my favourite.
466
00:21:07,877 --> 00:21:09,378
Your name over the bed.
467
00:21:09,862 --> 00:21:12,365
Well, i... am the star.
468
00:21:12,365 --> 00:21:13,799
The star gets top billing.
469
00:21:13,799 --> 00:21:16,736
I was thinking of using just "fetch".
470
00:21:16,736 --> 00:21:18,236
You know, like cher.
471
00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:20,238
All, uh, all done up, twinkly lights,
472
00:21:20,706 --> 00:21:22,174
So, uh, so my friends can see it
473
00:21:22,174 --> 00:21:23,174
When you pull back for a long shot.
474
00:21:23,174 --> 00:21:25,677
Well, excuse me, cher, but, uh,
475
00:21:25,677 --> 00:21:28,679
There's only one long shot your fans are interested in,
476
00:21:28,679 --> 00:21:29,680
So come on.
477
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,649
Less yak and more jack.
478
00:21:31,649 --> 00:21:34,084
What about my demands?
479
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:38,471
You mean these?
480
00:21:38,471 --> 00:21:40,974
Look...
481
00:21:40,974 --> 00:21:43,476
emmett...
482
00:21:43,976 --> 00:21:45,478
if it weren't for me,
483
00:21:45,478 --> 00:21:47,979
You'd still be moonlighting as a naked maid,
484
00:21:47,979 --> 00:21:50,483
"Buffing in the buff" trying to pick up a few extra bucks, okay?
485
00:21:50,483 --> 00:21:52,918
Yeah, and, uh, and if it weren't for me,
486
00:21:53,418 --> 00:21:54,920
You'd still be a pencil-Pusher
487
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,871
Pulling your pud.
488
00:21:56,871 --> 00:21:58,373
Oh, so i owe all this to you?
489
00:21:58,373 --> 00:22:01,842
Hmmm. Difficult question. Let me think.
490
00:22:01,842 --> 00:22:03,794
Yes!
491
00:22:03,794 --> 00:22:06,297
I can replace you whenever i want.
492
00:22:06,297 --> 00:22:09,250
Then we'll see how quickly your fans forget.
493
00:22:09,250 --> 00:22:10,251
Really? Really.
494
00:22:10,251 --> 00:22:13,102
Dicks like you...
495
00:22:13,603 --> 00:22:18,007
dime a dozen.
496
00:22:18,007 --> 00:22:19,509
Well, i tell you what.
497
00:22:19,509 --> 00:22:22,511
You find some twinky with a dinky,
498
00:22:22,511 --> 00:22:24,513
And see how far you get.
499
00:22:24,513 --> 00:22:26,465
Oh, and when you do,
500
00:22:26,465 --> 00:22:28,934
Give him this.
501
00:22:28,934 --> 00:22:36,891
He's going to need it.
502
00:22:37,391 --> 00:22:38,893
Last time i saw you cleaning thetchotckes
503
00:22:39,393 --> 00:22:42,395
Was when michael moved away with david.
504
00:22:42,395 --> 00:22:45,399
I'm just sick of seeing this place like a goddamned pigsty.
505
00:22:45,899 --> 00:22:49,903
That's all.
506
00:22:50,403 --> 00:22:52,404
Would you stop windexing for half a second
507
00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:54,908
And talk to me?
508
00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:57,409
I can't.
509
00:22:57,409 --> 00:23:00,912
Why not?
510
00:23:00,912 --> 00:23:05,416
It's personal.
511
00:23:05,416 --> 00:23:08,419
What could be personal after you've wiped my ass?
512
00:23:08,419 --> 00:23:13,925
You haven't wiped mine.
513
00:23:14,425 --> 00:23:16,760
You've already cleaned that clown... leave me alone!
514
00:23:17,211 --> 00:23:18,212
Shit!
515
00:23:18,212 --> 00:23:24,684
Now look what you've done.
516
00:23:26,185 --> 00:23:28,688
I'm sorry.
517
00:23:28,688 --> 00:23:49,990
Sis. Sis... get away.
518
00:23:49,990 --> 00:23:52,993
This new guy...
519
00:23:52,993 --> 00:23:56,496
that michael's dating, this, um...
520
00:23:56,496 --> 00:24:01,000
this ben...
521
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,436
he's positive.
522
00:24:03,936 --> 00:24:06,421
Oh.
523
00:24:06,421 --> 00:24:08,323
So?
524
00:24:08,824 --> 00:24:12,828
So...
525
00:24:12,828 --> 00:24:15,279
i don't want him dating anyone who's sick.
526
00:24:15,780 --> 00:24:20,751
Who said he's sick?
527
00:24:20,751 --> 00:24:23,753
I knew i couldn't talk to you about it.
528
00:24:23,753 --> 00:24:26,256
So negative people shouldn't be allowed to date positive people,
529
00:24:26,756 --> 00:24:32,646
Is that it? Don't twist my words.
530
00:24:32,646 --> 00:24:35,147
Then what are you saying?
531
00:24:35,147 --> 00:24:37,150
He's my son.
532
00:24:37,150 --> 00:24:46,592
I don't want him gettin' anything.
533
00:24:47,092 --> 00:24:50,595
I never thought i'd say this...
534
00:24:50,595 --> 00:24:52,096
but for the first time in my life,
535
00:24:52,096 --> 00:24:54,097
I wish my son wasn't gay.
536
00:24:54,097 --> 00:24:57,035
You don't mean that.
537
00:24:57,035 --> 00:25:00,037
Not if it means i have to watch him puking,
538
00:25:00,037 --> 00:25:03,539
And shitting and wasting away to nothing.
539
00:25:03,539 --> 00:25:04,540
I can't listen
540
00:25:04,540 --> 00:25:05,976
To any more of this.
541
00:25:05,976 --> 00:25:12,931
Do you think i want michael to end up like you?
542
00:25:12,931 --> 00:25:16,319
Jeez.
543
00:25:16,319 --> 00:25:17,819
Oh, shit!
544
00:25:17,819 --> 00:25:22,823
Michael.
545
00:25:23,325 --> 00:25:24,826
I'm just getting some stuff and then i'm out of here.
546
00:25:24,826 --> 00:25:25,827
Honey...
547
00:25:26,328 --> 00:25:27,328
look, michael, sweetheart...
548
00:25:27,328 --> 00:25:28,829
how could you talk that way to uncle vic?
549
00:25:29,330 --> 00:25:30,331
You really hurt him.
550
00:25:30,764 --> 00:25:33,767
People say a lot of things when they're upset.
551
00:25:33,767 --> 00:25:37,704
And i'm upset. I'm very fucking upset.
552
00:25:37,704 --> 00:25:39,706
And, uh, and how long were you gonna wait
553
00:25:39,706 --> 00:25:42,659
Before you told me about ben?
554
00:25:42,659 --> 00:25:44,160
I didn't think you'd care,
555
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,662
Especially after all noble sentiments and hash browns
556
00:25:46,662 --> 00:25:50,599
You were dishing out at the diner.
557
00:25:50,599 --> 00:25:52,601
All right.
558
00:25:52,601 --> 00:25:56,537
I'm gonna make you very, very happy.
559
00:25:56,537 --> 00:25:59,974
You always wanted a normal mother?
560
00:25:59,974 --> 00:26:02,977
Okay, you got one.
561
00:26:02,977 --> 00:26:04,478
I don't want you dating that guy.
562
00:26:04,478 --> 00:26:06,930
I don't care what you want.
563
00:26:06,930 --> 00:26:09,933
And don't tell me who to date. I'm 30 years old.
564
00:26:09,933 --> 00:26:11,935
Who i date, and what i do,
565
00:26:11,935 --> 00:26:17,940
Is none of your goddamn fucking business.
566
00:26:22,861 --> 00:26:24,863
We're really lucky.
567
00:26:24,863 --> 00:26:26,864
What? Living in this land of plenty?
568
00:26:27,348 --> 00:26:33,821
Hmmm. Roll over.
569
00:26:33,821 --> 00:26:35,822
Every time michael and ben have sex,
570
00:26:35,822 --> 00:26:38,743
Think of all that they have to deal with.
571
00:26:38,743 --> 00:26:42,245
It's michael's decision.
572
00:26:42,245 --> 00:26:44,698
Is that a pimple on your ass?
573
00:26:44,698 --> 00:26:45,698
Where? Right there.
574
00:26:46,198 --> 00:26:47,199
Where? Right there.
575
00:26:47,199 --> 00:26:53,689
Shut up.
576
00:26:53,689 --> 00:26:56,191
No matter how long they're together,
577
00:26:56,191 --> 00:26:58,694
Even if it's forever,
578
00:26:58,694 --> 00:27:00,195
They can never do it raw.
579
00:27:00,695 --> 00:27:03,698
Um... neither have we.
580
00:27:03,698 --> 00:27:06,201
Yeah, but we could...
581
00:27:06,201 --> 00:27:11,205
if we wanted.
582
00:27:11,205 --> 00:27:13,707
I mean...
583
00:27:13,707 --> 00:27:20,129
we're both negative.
584
00:27:20,129 --> 00:27:23,132
You want me to fuck you bareback?
585
00:27:23,633 --> 00:27:25,635
Yes.
586
00:27:25,635 --> 00:27:27,637
Come inside your tight little ass?
587
00:27:27,637 --> 00:27:32,641
Do it.
588
00:27:32,641 --> 00:27:36,611
Fuck me.
589
00:27:36,611 --> 00:27:40,614
Fuck... yourself.
590
00:27:40,614 --> 00:27:45,619
What? You stupid little twat.
591
00:27:45,619 --> 00:27:48,621
Never let anyone fuck you without a condom.
592
00:27:48,621 --> 00:27:50,106
You're not just anyone.
593
00:27:50,106 --> 00:27:52,108
Yeah, i'm sure that's what ben thought
594
00:27:52,108 --> 00:28:00,048
About the guy who infected him.
595
00:28:00,549 --> 00:28:09,474
Put it on me.
596
00:28:09,974 --> 00:28:19,983
Hmm.
597
00:28:19,983 --> 00:28:26,406
Hmm!
598
00:28:33,913 --> 00:28:37,415
I want you safe.
599
00:28:37,415 --> 00:28:39,919
And i want you around for a long time.
600
00:28:51,412 --> 00:28:54,348
Okay. The tea service is polished,
601
00:28:54,348 --> 00:28:55,849
The flowers are all arranged.
602
00:28:55,849 --> 00:29:00,220
Those vegetarian roll-Ups look scrumptious. Huh.
603
00:29:00,220 --> 00:29:02,171
How do i look?
604
00:29:02,672 --> 00:29:03,673
Like a fucking nun.
605
00:29:03,673 --> 00:29:08,094
What happened to your tits?
606
00:29:08,094 --> 00:29:10,046
Who knew my year working in a piercing salon
607
00:29:10,046 --> 00:29:12,514
Would come in so handy.
608
00:29:12,514 --> 00:29:13,932
That's tasha and her harp.
609
00:29:14,432 --> 00:29:19,871
Somebody get the door.
610
00:29:19,871 --> 00:29:21,372
I was hoping you were the harp.
611
00:29:21,372 --> 00:29:23,874
I'm into fucking not plucking.
612
00:29:23,874 --> 00:29:26,377
What happened to your tits?
613
00:29:26,377 --> 00:29:29,880
Hey, sonny-Boy, your old man's here to rescue you.
614
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:30,848
Hi,
615
00:29:30,848 --> 00:29:33,416
I'm leda.
616
00:29:33,416 --> 00:29:36,419
Ah, melanie's evil ex.
617
00:29:36,419 --> 00:29:38,855
And you must be the anti-Christ.
618
00:29:39,355 --> 00:29:40,856
Big fan.
619
00:29:41,356 --> 00:29:41,857
Oh, don't bother,
620
00:29:42,341 --> 00:29:43,325
It's a virgin.
621
00:29:43,325 --> 00:29:45,811
The sitter's coming for gus this afternoon.
622
00:29:45,811 --> 00:29:47,312
Take him to the park.
623
00:29:47,312 --> 00:29:49,314
Be careful on the swings. Don't get him dirty.
624
00:29:49,314 --> 00:29:50,815
Be back by 2:00.
625
00:29:50,815 --> 00:29:52,817
And, wear something... nice.
626
00:29:52,817 --> 00:29:54,753
Anything else? Shave.
627
00:29:54,753 --> 00:29:58,723
My balls are as clean as a whistle.
628
00:29:59,707 --> 00:30:01,658
Tasha, finally.
629
00:30:01,658 --> 00:30:03,560
Leda, can you show her where to put it?
630
00:30:05,046 --> 00:30:06,496
It's too easy.
631
00:30:06,997 --> 00:30:09,449
We're trying to make lindsay's parents feel at home.
632
00:30:09,449 --> 00:30:10,950
Well, you should have rented caskets.
633
00:30:10,950 --> 00:30:12,919
I say we greet 'em wearing strap-Ons.
634
00:30:12,919 --> 00:30:15,905
Ever been fucked by a dyke with a dildo?
635
00:30:15,905 --> 00:30:17,406
Is that an offer?
636
00:30:17,406 --> 00:30:19,325
This is really important to lindsay,
637
00:30:19,325 --> 00:30:28,683
So could both of you keep your fucking, foul mouths shut?
638
00:30:28,683 --> 00:30:33,605
They're not coming.
639
00:30:33,605 --> 00:30:36,039
Are we surprised?
640
00:30:36,039 --> 00:30:38,041
Mom said daddy slipped a disc and...
641
00:30:38,041 --> 00:30:39,542
he'll be on his back for days.
642
00:30:39,542 --> 00:30:41,478
Well, that i'd like to see.
643
00:30:41,478 --> 00:30:42,913
Shut up, brian.
644
00:30:51,754 --> 00:30:53,756
It was like an episode of the "twilight zone".
645
00:30:53,756 --> 00:30:55,257
Huh. My favourite was the one
646
00:30:55,257 --> 00:30:56,758
Where you could trade in your old body
647
00:30:56,758 --> 00:30:59,193
For a hot, new one.
648
00:30:59,193 --> 00:31:03,198
She actually said she wished i wasn't gay.
649
00:31:03,198 --> 00:31:11,088
Well, i'll always be glad you're a big, fat queer.
650
00:31:11,088 --> 00:31:14,490
You two make a beautiful couple.
651
00:31:14,490 --> 00:31:15,925
Hey, there.
652
00:31:15,925 --> 00:31:17,360
Aren't you sweet?
653
00:31:17,860 --> 00:31:20,330
Hi, sweetie.
654
00:31:20,330 --> 00:31:21,831
And your baby looks just like you.
655
00:31:27,202 --> 00:31:31,707
So sweet.
656
00:31:31,707 --> 00:31:33,708
You know, she's right. What are you talking about?
657
00:31:34,208 --> 00:31:35,710
The baby's the spitting image of you.
658
00:31:35,710 --> 00:31:39,664
I mean debbie.
659
00:31:39,664 --> 00:31:40,648
You should forget ben.
660
00:31:42,083 --> 00:31:44,084
What the fuck do you know? Well, let's see.
661
00:31:44,084 --> 00:31:46,537
I know advertising,
662
00:31:47,038 --> 00:31:48,471
And i know you.
663
00:31:48,471 --> 00:31:50,457
Those ads you see for the cocktails
664
00:31:50,957 --> 00:31:52,392
With the greatlooking guys
665
00:31:52,392 --> 00:31:53,892
Skiing and mountain-Climbing,
666
00:31:54,393 --> 00:31:56,896
Like all you have to do is pop a little protease inhibitor,
667
00:31:56,896 --> 00:32:00,382
And you too can have the time of your life.
668
00:32:00,883 --> 00:32:01,884
Well, it's just...
669
00:32:01,884 --> 00:32:03,351
kind of tough downhill racing
670
00:32:03,851 --> 00:32:06,322
When you've got non-Stop diarrhea.
671
00:32:06,322 --> 00:32:08,306
I can handle it. Well...
672
00:32:08,306 --> 00:32:11,259
then handle it.
673
00:32:11,759 --> 00:32:15,263
Kiss it. Jerk it off. Just...
674
00:32:15,763 --> 00:32:20,150
don't fall in love with it.
675
00:32:20,650 --> 00:32:22,651
Mrs. Petersen? Melanie.
676
00:32:22,651 --> 00:32:30,126
What a surprise.
677
00:32:30,126 --> 00:32:32,127
Unfortunately, i'm just on my way out.
678
00:32:32,127 --> 00:32:34,630
George, barbara, is that you?
679
00:32:34,630 --> 00:32:38,633
Mr. Petersen.
680
00:32:38,633 --> 00:32:39,634
I was expecting...
681
00:32:39,634 --> 00:32:42,119
someone else?
682
00:32:42,119 --> 00:32:44,122
Congratulations on your speedy recovery.
683
00:32:44,122 --> 00:32:47,057
Well, you know how it is with these back things.
684
00:32:47,057 --> 00:32:49,059
One minute you can't stand up. The next minute...
685
00:32:49,059 --> 00:32:52,980
playing mixed doubles.
686
00:32:52,980 --> 00:32:54,481
This is very awkward.
687
00:32:54,481 --> 00:32:56,983
Awkward?
688
00:32:56,983 --> 00:33:00,486
That you couldn't come over to our house for a couple of hours?
689
00:33:00,486 --> 00:33:02,488
Lindsay's been working her ass off for you.
690
00:33:02,488 --> 00:33:04,474
Would it be so fucking hard to show up?
691
00:33:04,474 --> 00:33:07,893
Language. Language.
692
00:33:07,893 --> 00:33:10,896
Your excuses are bullshit.
693
00:33:10,896 --> 00:33:12,330
All she wants from you
694
00:33:12,330 --> 00:33:14,332
Is to show her a little support.
695
00:33:14,332 --> 00:33:16,267
The only reason you want us to come to your party
696
00:33:16,267 --> 00:33:18,269
Is so that we'll write you a cheque.
697
00:33:18,269 --> 00:33:19,687
Nancy, please.
698
00:33:19,687 --> 00:33:20,688
Why not admit it?
699
00:33:20,688 --> 00:33:24,675
Look, i know what you think about me.
700
00:33:24,675 --> 00:33:26,176
I'm the slick jew lawyer
701
00:33:26,176 --> 00:33:29,163
Come to shake you down for a few shekels.
702
00:33:29,163 --> 00:33:32,132
The dyke who corrupted your daughter.
703
00:33:32,132 --> 00:33:33,616
Well, you're wrong.
704
00:33:33,616 --> 00:33:36,535
I'm lindsay's loving partner,
705
00:33:36,535 --> 00:33:38,538
And gus' adoring mother.
706
00:33:38,538 --> 00:33:40,023
And i know
707
00:33:40,023 --> 00:33:43,492
That i will never cause him the pain that you've caused her.
708
00:33:43,492 --> 00:34:20,809
He'll never have to wonder whether or not i love him.
709
00:34:20,809 --> 00:34:22,310
Are we gonna talk?
710
00:34:22,310 --> 00:34:26,815
Or are we just gonna rake the whole goddamn neighbourhood?
711
00:34:26,815 --> 00:34:30,801
If you want to talk, talk.
712
00:34:30,801 --> 00:34:34,303
You know i didn't mean what i said...
713
00:34:34,303 --> 00:34:39,809
well, for it to come out the way it did.
714
00:34:39,809 --> 00:34:43,745
I've just had it with this fucking disease.
715
00:34:43,745 --> 00:34:47,250
Tell me about it.
716
00:34:47,250 --> 00:34:54,189
I know, baby.
717
00:34:54,189 --> 00:34:59,143
I just can't go through it again.
718
00:34:59,143 --> 00:35:01,645
What makes you think you'll have to?
719
00:35:01,645 --> 00:35:05,082
Michael doesn't have hiv. Ben does.
720
00:35:05,082 --> 00:35:07,585
And there's nothing in his life that's not gonna be affected by it,
721
00:35:07,585 --> 00:35:10,086
Including michael.
722
00:35:10,086 --> 00:35:14,524
And what affects michael, affects me.
723
00:35:14,524 --> 00:35:17,026
It's like what they say about marriage;
724
00:35:17,026 --> 00:35:20,028
You don't just get them. You get the whole damn family.
725
00:35:20,028 --> 00:35:24,533
Yeah, well i'm not so crazy about the in-Laws.
726
00:35:34,041 --> 00:35:38,044
I mean, even if they have safe sex...
727
00:35:38,044 --> 00:35:40,982
what if something happens?
728
00:35:40,982 --> 00:35:47,987
What if michael comes to us, and he says, "i've got it"?
729
00:35:47,987 --> 00:35:53,943
What do we do?
730
00:35:53,943 --> 00:35:59,365
First we'd die.
731
00:35:59,865 --> 00:36:17,748
And then we'd deal with it.
732
00:36:23,669 --> 00:36:25,671
This party sucks.
733
00:36:25,671 --> 00:36:30,142
I prefer to think of it as mellow.
734
00:36:30,142 --> 00:36:33,645
I'm going to go upstairs and swallow a bottle of xanax.
735
00:36:33,645 --> 00:36:36,648
Good idea.
736
00:36:37,148 --> 00:36:39,651
Fucking flowers are making my allergies go berserk.
737
00:36:39,651 --> 00:36:42,152
Oh! Well, gee, that's a good reason to leave.
738
00:36:42,653 --> 00:36:44,154
And leave me alone
739
00:36:44,154 --> 00:36:47,591
With the ladies who munch? No way!
740
00:36:47,591 --> 00:36:49,593
Uh, well...
741
00:36:49,593 --> 00:36:54,030
in that case, i guess there's only one thing we can do.
742
00:36:54,030 --> 00:36:58,985
Yay!
743
00:36:59,485 --> 00:37:01,486
You know, i can honestly say there is, uh,
744
00:37:01,486 --> 00:37:03,973
There's not one thing here i'd put in my mouth.
745
00:37:03,973 --> 00:37:06,975
That's a first.
746
00:37:07,476 --> 00:37:09,411
Excuse me?
747
00:37:09,411 --> 00:37:15,750
This food's the worst.
748
00:37:15,750 --> 00:37:17,752
Oh, did i... did i tell you, michael,
749
00:37:17,752 --> 00:37:20,253
That i received a, uh... a very...
750
00:37:20,253 --> 00:37:24,258
very lucrative offer from cocks'r'us.Net?
751
00:37:24,258 --> 00:37:28,111
Why no, emmett, you didn't.
752
00:37:28,612 --> 00:37:30,613
Did i tell you, michael, about my new star?
753
00:37:31,113 --> 00:37:32,115
Dick long.
754
00:37:32,115 --> 00:37:33,550
Not only lives up to,
755
00:37:33,550 --> 00:37:35,534
Butsurpasseshis name.
756
00:37:35,534 --> 00:37:36,969
You don't say.
757
00:37:36,969 --> 00:37:38,387
You can tell, uh, mr. Schmidt,
758
00:37:38,387 --> 00:37:41,390
If you happen to see his wizened countenance,
759
00:37:41,390 --> 00:37:44,393
That he still owes me my last paltry paycheque.
760
00:37:44,393 --> 00:37:46,394
And, uh, you can tell mr. Honeycutt,
761
00:37:46,394 --> 00:37:50,898
Whose ass has more tread marks than a steelbelted radial,
762
00:37:50,898 --> 00:37:53,901
If he doesn't come by and pick up his personal effects,
763
00:37:53,901 --> 00:37:55,902
His dildoes will be donated to charity.
764
00:37:55,902 --> 00:37:57,404
Why don't you tell each other yourselves?
765
00:37:57,404 --> 00:37:59,405
And while you're at it, why don't you both apologize
766
00:37:59,405 --> 00:38:00,907
For acting like a couple of idiots?
767
00:38:00,907 --> 00:38:02,409
I'm the one who created him. Yeah.
768
00:38:02,409 --> 00:38:04,410
He would be out of business if it weren't for me.
769
00:38:04,410 --> 00:38:05,411
You could show a little gratitude.
770
00:38:05,411 --> 00:38:07,413
And you could show a little generosity.
771
00:38:07,413 --> 00:38:08,913
And you both could show a little maturity.
772
00:38:08,913 --> 00:38:10,416
It's none of your goddamned business, who the fuck asked your opinion
773
00:38:10,416 --> 00:38:22,394
Anyway? Michael. Just butt out.
774
00:38:30,834 --> 00:38:32,803
Mmmm.
775
00:38:48,633 --> 00:38:50,635
Enjoying the view?
776
00:38:50,635 --> 00:38:52,637
Huh. Go away.
777
00:38:52,637 --> 00:38:55,139
Make me.
778
00:38:55,139 --> 00:38:57,142
Your party really sucks.
779
00:38:57,142 --> 00:38:58,642
That's already been well established,
780
00:38:58,642 --> 00:39:06,150
If you've been paying attention.
781
00:39:06,150 --> 00:39:10,103
You really... give a shit what they think?
782
00:39:10,103 --> 00:39:21,113
They're my parents, brian.
783
00:39:21,113 --> 00:39:23,614
I know i shouldn't care.
784
00:39:23,614 --> 00:39:27,101
I shouldn't let it hurt me.
785
00:39:27,101 --> 00:39:31,606
It's not my job to please them...
786
00:39:32,105 --> 00:39:37,327
to make them happy.
787
00:39:37,327 --> 00:39:38,829
You remember...
788
00:39:39,329 --> 00:39:41,831
what's his name, um...
789
00:39:41,831 --> 00:39:47,319
billy the asshole's birthday party in junior year?
790
00:39:47,319 --> 00:39:49,822
When rebecca tucci dumped me?
791
00:39:50,322 --> 00:39:52,825
Those were the days.
792
00:39:52,825 --> 00:39:54,827
Jeez, is this supposed to cheer me up?
793
00:39:54,827 --> 00:39:57,829
I was a wreck.
794
00:39:57,829 --> 00:40:00,265
Not for long.
795
00:40:00,265 --> 00:40:02,767
Oh, thanks to you putting "e" in the punch,
796
00:40:03,268 --> 00:40:04,769
Some... loose women and...
797
00:40:05,270 --> 00:40:07,271
the b-52s.
798
00:40:07,271 --> 00:40:09,690
Well, those who don't learn their lessons,
799
00:40:09,690 --> 00:40:13,694
Are condemned to repeat their courses.
800
00:40:33,345 --> 00:40:35,330
The bitch is back.
801
00:40:35,330 --> 00:40:37,248
Come and dance with me, baby.
802
00:40:37,248 --> 00:40:38,749
Check the server?
803
00:40:38,749 --> 00:40:40,185
Double check the connection...
804
00:40:52,061 --> 00:40:56,064
how do you like it.
805
00:40:56,064 --> 00:40:58,418
Does that offer still stand?
806
00:41:02,888 --> 00:41:03,889
Oh-Ho-Ho-Ho.
807
00:41:14,815 --> 00:41:16,801
Mom!
808
00:41:16,801 --> 00:41:21,188
Daddy!
809
00:41:21,188 --> 00:41:23,657
You call this brunch?
810
00:41:23,657 --> 00:41:25,157
Hey, how about some punch?
811
00:41:25,157 --> 00:41:28,078
Mel, no.
812
00:41:28,078 --> 00:41:31,046
Uh, i thought you weren't coming.
813
00:41:31,046 --> 00:41:32,548
We changed our minds.
814
00:41:32,548 --> 00:41:34,549
Oh. And from the look of things,
815
00:41:34,549 --> 00:41:36,018
We shouldn't have.
816
00:41:36,018 --> 00:41:37,469
Hi.
817
00:41:37,469 --> 00:41:40,788
We're just having some fun.
818
00:41:40,788 --> 00:41:42,774
You call this fun?
819
00:41:42,774 --> 00:41:45,276
Well, it may not be your idea of fun, but...
820
00:41:45,276 --> 00:41:47,779
yes.
821
00:41:50,130 --> 00:41:51,632
Everyone, i'd like you to meet my parents...
822
00:41:53,133 --> 00:41:55,135
the guests of honour.
823
00:41:55,135 --> 00:41:57,054
You needn't introduce us.
824
00:41:57,054 --> 00:42:00,022
We're not staying.
825
00:42:00,022 --> 00:42:01,958
Come on, ron.
826
00:42:01,958 --> 00:42:03,459
You know, the whole point of this party
827
00:42:03,459 --> 00:42:05,928
Was to prove that we're just like you,
828
00:42:05,928 --> 00:42:08,380
So that you'd accept us,
829
00:42:08,380 --> 00:42:10,382
The way that i've tried to accept you.
830
00:42:10,382 --> 00:42:13,802
I didn't realize that i needed to be accepted.
831
00:42:13,802 --> 00:42:16,771
You're right, mom, you don't.
832
00:42:16,771 --> 00:42:17,772
Neither do we.
833
00:42:37,473 --> 00:42:39,474
All.
834
00:42:56,891 --> 00:43:04,397
Come for my personal effects.
835
00:43:04,397 --> 00:43:12,404
I have your cheque.
836
00:43:12,404 --> 00:43:14,406
I'll be as quick as i can.
837
00:43:14,406 --> 00:43:15,407
Emmett, i... please,
838
00:43:15,908 --> 00:43:16,908
Let's just, uh...
839
00:43:16,908 --> 00:43:19,411
Let's not say anything more. We've...
840
00:43:19,411 --> 00:43:39,262
both made our positions painfully clear.
841
00:43:39,763 --> 00:43:45,769
I, uh...
842
00:43:45,769 --> 00:43:49,205
your fans are going to miss you.
843
00:43:49,205 --> 00:43:54,125
Well, i'm sure dick long will help them forget.
844
00:43:54,626 --> 00:43:58,129
Ah, well, actually he's...
845
00:43:58,129 --> 00:44:03,017
only a dick medium.
846
00:44:03,017 --> 00:44:07,972
You're by far my biggest attraction.
847
00:44:07,972 --> 00:44:10,473
And i... i suppose i do...
848
00:44:10,473 --> 00:44:13,476
Owe my fame... such as it is...
849
00:44:13,978 --> 00:44:18,982
and my fortune, such as it isn't...
850
00:44:18,982 --> 00:44:24,937
to you.
851
00:44:25,437 --> 00:44:26,438
Five per cent.
852
00:44:26,938 --> 00:44:29,941
That's a very, uh, generous offer...
853
00:44:30,441 --> 00:44:32,444
teddy, but, um...
854
00:44:32,444 --> 00:44:33,945
It's not just about the money. I mean, for me,
855
00:44:33,945 --> 00:44:47,457
I-It's always been about the art.
856
00:44:47,457 --> 00:44:50,459
The finest lubricant...
857
00:44:50,459 --> 00:44:52,462
water soluble...
858
00:44:52,462 --> 00:44:56,965
heated t.
98.6 degrees.
859
00:44:56,965 --> 00:45:08,876
I... i appreciate the gesture, but...
860
00:45:21,338 --> 00:45:26,342
i'm so sorry i underestimated you.
861
00:45:26,342 --> 00:45:31,797
You're more than just an enormous dick.
862
00:45:31,797 --> 00:45:35,784
You're my friend.
863
00:45:35,784 --> 00:45:39,237
And you're mine.
864
00:45:39,237 --> 00:45:49,196
Oooh!
865
00:45:49,196 --> 00:45:51,632
So, what do you say?
866
00:45:51,632 --> 00:45:55,635
I'm ready for my close-Up, mr. Schmidt.
867
00:46:03,642 --> 00:46:08,146
Mmmm.
868
00:46:14,585 --> 00:46:19,023
Condoms?
869
00:46:19,023 --> 00:46:21,959
Bathroom.
870
00:46:21,959 --> 00:46:26,430
I'll get them. Okay.
871
00:47:04,097 --> 00:47:05,599
Find them?
872
00:47:05,599 --> 00:47:26,984
Found them.
873
00:47:26,984 --> 00:47:28,986
I can't do this.
874
00:47:28,986 --> 00:47:32,973
Here. Let me try.
875
00:47:32,973 --> 00:47:39,980
No, i mean i can't...
876
00:47:39,980 --> 00:47:42,982
i thought i could...
877
00:47:42,982 --> 00:47:44,984
that i could handle it but...
878
00:47:44,984 --> 00:47:48,988
i guess i was just fooling myself.
879
00:47:48,988 --> 00:47:53,992
I'm sorry.
880
00:47:54,492 --> 00:47:58,496
Don't apologize.
881
00:47:58,997 --> 00:48:02,499
It's, uh, better we find out now...
882
00:48:02,499 --> 00:48:26,622
Before... before someone gets hurt.
883
00:48:26,672 --> 00:48:31,222
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