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www.Tvsubtitles.Net
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Internet access,
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$38.00.
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Adult porn site membership:
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$29.95.
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Watching men jerk off
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From the comfort of your own home:
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Priceless.
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Masturbate the possibilities.
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All you're showing is a twink beating his meat.
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And your point being?
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Well, there must be eight gazillion gay porn sites.
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I-I personally have been to at least seven gazillion.
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What makes yours any different?
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Oh ye of little faith.
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All right, imagine you're at your desk,
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Let's even say at wertshafter's,
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And you're working on the littleman account.
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Okay, it's due at 5:00, but you're already done
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And i mean, let's be honest,
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You don't really give a shit about littleman anyway.
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Who's littleman?
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So, you log on for a little afternoon delight.
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But suddenly mr. Wertshafter barges in,
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Demanding to know "where's that littleman file?"
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Ah!
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Voila.
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Boss screen. That's pretty slick.
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Ultimate safe sex.
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Jerkatwork.Net.
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For guys who don't only work at work.
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I-I think you need...
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something bigger.
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Looks like he's doing all right to me.
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Bigger, huh? Okay. Robbie,
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Time for your break.
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Holy cum shot!
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Yeah!
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All right, don't forget you're back in ten minutes.
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He can come again in ten minutes?
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Witness the jizzball.
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Little trick of the trade.
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Proof that the hand job is quicker than the eye.
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Yeah well, leave it to you...
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To fake... an orgasm.
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"The squid". The squid?
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Uh, issue and year?
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Issue 21, 19...
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'67. Um, right wall bin, row 3.
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You know, i think they should be filed
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According to superhero fashion sense.
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Superheroes with taste, superheroes who clash.
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Let's hope they never let you near the library of congress.
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How did buzzy run this place?
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Nothing's catalogued,
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Inventory's non-Existent.
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There's no endcaps, there's no window displays.
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The place is a fucking mess.
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Yeah, and it wouldn't have killed the man
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To use a little pledge now and then, either.
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What was i thinking buying this place?
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Hell if i know.
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Shitty little store with a bunch of old musty comics.
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Thanks for the pep talk, ma.
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But it's your dream, sweetheart,
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And that's all that matters.
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Ah-Ha!
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Em, where were you looking?
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Ah, at him.
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Mm, those glasses.
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I just love the bookish type.
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There's so much to learn...
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between the covers.
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Hm. So what do we think?
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Michael?
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Hm?
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Yay or nay?
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Hm, brown leather jacket, denim shirt,
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Those shoes. Yeah, classic breeder wear.
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I say straight.
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"Sandman",
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"Batman", "superman".
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If he picks up an "x-Men" i say gay.
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I go with michael.
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Comic sense over clothes sense.
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Excuse me, uh,
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I'm looking for, uh, "wonderwoman".
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You found her.
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Just kidding.
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Uh, you're looking for my son, he's the owner.
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Hm. Michael!
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You got a customer.
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You're on.
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Hi.
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Hey. Can i help you?
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Uh, yeah, yeah. I hope so.
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Uh, i'm looking for some comic books.
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Well, good thing you didn't go next door.
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You'd gotten lebanese take-Out.
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Anything in particular?
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Uh, yes, yes actually.
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I'm looking for works that, uh, based on their...
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uh, narrative,
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Their graphics, cultural references,
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Subtextual points of view,
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One might regard as, um...
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gay?
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Right. Right.
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Um, well y-You made some good choices here.
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Um, can i make some suggestions?
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Please. Um, you might try "alpha flight"
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Where northstar takes care of a boy with aids.
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Or, uh, i highly recommend "x-Force" 56,
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Where, uh, rictor and shatterstar are described
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As being more than friends.
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Um, there's one with destiny and mystique you should look at.
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Oh, good.
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You know, it's amazing
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How much michael knows.
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What can i say? My kid's a genius.
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...good choices here.
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These drawings are, uh...
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very disturbing.
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They're supposed to be.
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And quite different than the work you submitted
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When we accepted you.
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Well, i don't see things the same way.
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Professor stanley tells me you're using a computer.
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It's the only way that i can work.
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We expect our students to master the traditional disciplines.
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Sometimes the traditional disciplines
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Can be a handicap too.
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I mean, as much as not being able to use your hand.
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I thought that i could never be an artist again.
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But instead this has taught me...
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new ways to be an artist.
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Ways that i never would have thought of otherwise.
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So what'd he say?
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Oh, my application was approved.
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He said i could stay.
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O-O-O-Oh, sunshine!
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Oh, honey. Oh-Ho!
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Thank you. That's wonderful.
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Thanks.
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Way to go, baby.
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Oh, thank you. Mmm.
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What's with all the kissing?
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Are you trying to turn him straight?
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Oh, shit, they're gonna do it right here.
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I'll get my camera.
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Better yet, get a room.
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Save it for ted's website.
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Yeah, it might earn you a few bucks.
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It'd help pay for college.
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Don't put any ideas in his head.
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Or mine.
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Maybe we could do it.
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Help pay for the wedding.
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What do you think, teddy?
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Sure thing, mel. Just grow yourself a nine-Inch cock and...
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could we talk about something else other than sex
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For just a few minutes, you know?
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So, i-If the twink jerks off for more than eight hours,
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Does he get overtime?
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Don't you bus here, honey.
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You're not in the diner, sit down.
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It's okay, i don't mind.
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Brian, will you grab that?
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That?
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Ah, not that. The platter, please.
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Yes, dear.
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Holy crap, they're like fucking newlyweds.
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I never thought i would live to see it.
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I think it's wonderful.
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Yeah.
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10 bucks says they don't last a month.
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I give it...
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three weeks.
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Call me a romantic. Five.
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I'll raise you ten
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And say two.
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Aw, you're all pussies.
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72 hours.
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Deb?
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I don't put a price on people's happiness.
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And considering all they've gone through,
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I'd think their friends would bet for the house
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Instead of against it.
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That's a good point.
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Hmm.
191
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So, linz, you in or out?
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We have to go.
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Oh, but...
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Wait a minute. We haven't had dessert.
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The sitter has to be home b.
9:00.
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Mel?
Sorry.
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I made pie.
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Linz, you okay?
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I'm fine.
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Cramps? No!
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You're acting crankier than gus when he needs a nap.
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I just needed to get out of there, that's all.
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I know, debbie's tchotckes
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Kind of drive me a little crazy too.
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It isn't the tchotckes.
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It's listening to that constant stream
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Of sexual innuendo all evening.
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And frankly i didn't find that remark about performing on ted's website
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In the least bit amusing.
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Wait, i... i wasn't serious! Christ.
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When did you become such a prude?
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I'm not a prude.
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Yeah, well maybe i am.
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A little. A little.
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I don't understand people spreading their legs
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For the whole world to see.
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I know it exists, but... the idea of anyone i know
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Being part of it really bothers me.
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Come on.
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Back so soon.
221
00:09:26,756 --> 00:09:28,224
Don't tell me you went through
222
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All those comics i gave you already.
223
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Yeah, well i'm... i'm pretty fast.
224
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Oh.
225
00:09:33,463 --> 00:09:34,463
I mean, i read quickly.
226
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Huh. Uh, hate wasting time. Life's just too short.
227
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Who knows what could happen tomorrow
228
00:09:40,469 --> 00:09:43,972
Or even five minutes from now, right?
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00:09:43,972 --> 00:09:45,973
Isn't that the truth. Um, is there anything else
230
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I can help you with? Uh, yeah i hope so.
231
00:09:48,976 --> 00:09:49,976
Um, i should explain.
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My name is, uh, ben.
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Ben bruckner.
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Michael. Novotny.
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Hey, michael. Uh, i teach gay studies at carnegie mellon.
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I knew it!
237
00:10:01,370 --> 00:10:02,338
You knew what?
238
00:10:02,805 --> 00:10:04,256
Well, with all that talk about cultural references,
239
00:10:04,256 --> 00:10:07,693
I knew you had to be...
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a professor.
241
00:10:10,128 --> 00:10:11,629
Oh, okay. Well, anyway.
242
00:10:12,130 --> 00:10:14,632
We're, uh, exploring homoeroticism in literature
243
00:10:14,632 --> 00:10:16,583
From greek and... mmm.
244
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:20,087
Oman mythology. Thanks.
245
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,556
Up to and including comic book culture.
246
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,024
Modern comic book culture, so,
247
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,959
I'm doing a little research.
248
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,461
Research. Right. Mm-Hmm.
249
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:32,465
Got it. Um, well let me see what else i can find for you.
250
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:36,384
Uh, actually, uh, i already found what i want.
251
00:10:36,384 --> 00:10:37,303
Yeah? Mm-Hmm.
252
00:10:37,802 --> 00:10:38,803
You.
253
00:10:38,803 --> 00:10:40,255
Me?
254
00:10:40,255 --> 00:10:42,257
Yeah. I'd like you to come speak to my class.
255
00:10:45,693 --> 00:10:46,693
About what?
256
00:10:46,693 --> 00:10:48,695
Well, when it comes to comics,
257
00:10:48,695 --> 00:10:50,697
You're obviously the expert.
258
00:10:50,697 --> 00:10:52,199
So... i wouldn't say that.
259
00:10:52,199 --> 00:10:54,700
It's just something i know about since i was a kid.
260
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:58,137
Hm. No, no-No. It's... it's definitely more than...
261
00:10:58,137 --> 00:10:59,639
than knowing.
262
00:10:59,639 --> 00:11:02,140
When you... when you talk about them, you...
263
00:11:02,608 --> 00:11:05,594
you have a passion.
264
00:11:06,094 --> 00:11:07,095
So, uh,
265
00:11:07,095 --> 00:11:09,096
What do you say?
266
00:11:09,096 --> 00:11:14,819
Will you come?
267
00:11:14,819 --> 00:11:19,772
Um... i'd love to come.
268
00:11:44,478 --> 00:11:45,446
Check it out,
269
00:11:45,947 --> 00:11:46,948
I got a second box of penne free
270
00:11:46,948 --> 00:11:47,914
With a coupon.
271
00:11:47,914 --> 00:11:50,417
You clip coupons?
272
00:11:50,417 --> 00:11:51,418
Yeah.
273
00:11:51,418 --> 00:11:52,419
You can save a lot of money.
274
00:11:52,419 --> 00:11:54,387
I had no idea you were so tight.
275
00:11:54,387 --> 00:11:56,322
Sure you did. Why don't you take
276
00:11:56,322 --> 00:11:57,823
The two boxes of penne back
277
00:11:57,823 --> 00:12:00,826
And get one box of rigatoni?
278
00:12:00,826 --> 00:12:05,330
Fuck the 50 cents.
279
00:12:05,330 --> 00:12:08,816
And buy some crisco, even if it's not on sale.
280
00:12:08,816 --> 00:12:11,269
See that guy?
281
00:12:11,269 --> 00:12:13,270
That's brian kinney.
282
00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:15,272
Used to be the hottest stud on liberty avenue.
283
00:12:15,272 --> 00:12:16,757
Now...
284
00:12:17,257 --> 00:12:18,192
he's in a relationship.
285
00:12:18,192 --> 00:12:23,629
Tsk-Tsk-Tsktsk-Tsk-Tsk.
286
00:12:23,629 --> 00:12:25,632
Did you include my expenses?
287
00:12:25,632 --> 00:12:27,099
What expenses?
288
00:12:27,099 --> 00:12:29,068
A bottle of keri lotion. It was $8.50.
289
00:12:29,068 --> 00:12:36,074
Yeah? You have a receipt?
290
00:12:36,575 --> 00:12:37,509
Uh, yeah.
291
00:12:37,509 --> 00:12:39,511
That's okay. I'll take your word for it.
292
00:12:39,511 --> 00:12:43,014
Okay, uh, percentage of total subscribers...
293
00:12:43,014 --> 00:12:44,949
and time on-Line added to your base...
294
00:12:46,901 --> 00:12:53,306
it comes to a grand total of...
295
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,259
$18.72.
296
00:12:56,725 --> 00:12:58,694
Are you telling me i spent eight hours whacking off
297
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:00,195
For $18.00?
298
00:13:00,195 --> 00:13:01,196
A lot of people do it for free, you know.
299
00:13:01,196 --> 00:13:03,148
Yeah, yeah. But you said i was going to make, like,
300
00:13:03,148 --> 00:13:04,566
$500.00 a day.
301
00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:07,019
That was based on third quarter projected earnings.
302
00:13:07,519 --> 00:13:09,520
Okay. What about this quarter?
303
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,522
Well, you know, when you commit
304
00:13:11,522 --> 00:13:13,024
To a... a fledgling enterprise,
305
00:13:13,024 --> 00:13:14,525
It's not really about the money. It's...
306
00:13:14,525 --> 00:13:17,027
it's about investing in the future and nurturing growth.
307
00:13:17,027 --> 00:13:19,029
You know, you can tell that to my dick, ted.
308
00:13:19,529 --> 00:13:21,031
Because it's worn to a nub.
309
00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:23,483
Well, i know a good physical therapist.
310
00:13:23,483 --> 00:13:24,985
Is that covered by the company health plan?
311
00:13:24,985 --> 00:13:26,469
Company health plan?
312
00:13:26,469 --> 00:13:28,971
Huh.
313
00:13:28,971 --> 00:13:30,972
What about the 401k you said you were going to offer?
314
00:13:31,473 --> 00:13:32,958
Okay.
315
00:13:32,958 --> 00:13:35,944
Well... w-We need to discuss that.
316
00:13:35,944 --> 00:13:38,446
You know...
317
00:13:38,446 --> 00:13:42,399
i know when someone is jerking me around.
318
00:13:42,399 --> 00:13:44,836
I quit.
319
00:13:44,836 --> 00:13:47,337
Ah... you're walking out on a golden opportunity here.
320
00:13:47,337 --> 00:13:51,241
Being in on the ground floor of an exciting new...
321
00:13:51,742 --> 00:13:53,743
creative endeavour.
322
00:13:56,245 --> 00:13:58,247
My roommates never pick up their clothes
323
00:13:58,247 --> 00:14:00,699
Or make their bed, or ooh! Wash a dish.
324
00:14:00,699 --> 00:14:02,701
We have a cleaning lady, comes twice a week.
325
00:14:02,701 --> 00:14:04,202
Yeah, i have to wait a half hour
326
00:14:04,202 --> 00:14:05,704
To get into the bathroom. And when i get in there
327
00:14:05,704 --> 00:14:06,705
There's never any hot water left.
328
00:14:07,205 --> 00:14:08,707
We shower together.
329
00:14:08,707 --> 00:14:10,709
To conserve water.
330
00:14:11,208 --> 00:14:13,210
They play their music so loud,
331
00:14:13,210 --> 00:14:14,211
I can't even hear myself think.
332
00:14:14,211 --> 00:14:16,713
That sounds awful. No, it's wonderful.
333
00:14:19,216 --> 00:14:22,219
I'm glad to be living with brian.
334
00:14:22,219 --> 00:14:24,721
Hm. Yeah well, don't... don't get too comfortable.
335
00:14:24,721 --> 00:14:26,222
You know how long that'll last.
336
00:14:26,222 --> 00:14:28,224
Hm. Mmm.
337
00:14:28,224 --> 00:14:30,225
That's what everybody says, but he's changed.
338
00:14:30,225 --> 00:14:33,228
Mm. Like today...
339
00:14:33,228 --> 00:14:35,230
there was this really cute guy with a goatee
340
00:14:35,230 --> 00:14:37,231
And a leather jacket at the shop n' save.
341
00:14:37,231 --> 00:14:40,234
Normally, he would've left me in the checkout line.
342
00:14:40,234 --> 00:14:41,736
This time, barely even looked.
343
00:14:42,236 --> 00:14:44,238
Yeah, sounds like you were, though.
344
00:14:44,238 --> 00:14:46,741
Oh! Here.
345
00:14:46,741 --> 00:14:49,743
Hey, what do you expect? I'm at my sexual peak.
346
00:14:49,743 --> 00:14:52,245
From here on in, it is all downhill.
347
00:14:53,747 --> 00:14:56,749
You want any more? No. No.
348
00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:29,811
I told you so.
349
00:15:29,811 --> 00:15:31,312
I tried to warn you.
350
00:15:31,813 --> 00:15:33,314
Didn't i try to warn him?
351
00:15:33,314 --> 00:15:35,316
"You need something bigger," i said. Didn't i say that?
352
00:15:35,316 --> 00:15:38,319
But you wouldn't listen.
353
00:15:38,319 --> 00:15:39,821
If i don't come up with something quick
354
00:15:39,821 --> 00:15:42,322
I'm going to lose my condo, my car...
355
00:15:42,823 --> 00:15:44,324
my ass.
356
00:15:44,324 --> 00:15:46,326
You're not listening now.
357
00:15:46,827 --> 00:15:47,828
No one ever listens. I...
358
00:15:48,328 --> 00:15:49,328
might as well be the invisible man.
359
00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:53,800
Or worse, worse... a mime. Mime.
360
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,301
They say you should, uh,
361
00:15:55,301 --> 00:15:56,803
Start a speech with a joke.
362
00:15:56,803 --> 00:15:57,769
How about this one? Um...
363
00:15:58,271 --> 00:16:00,222
how can you tell if a superhero is gay?
364
00:16:00,222 --> 00:16:02,207
His boots match his purse.
365
00:16:04,693 --> 00:16:05,160
That's funny.
366
00:16:05,659 --> 00:16:06,561
Not funny.
367
00:16:06,561 --> 00:16:09,964
It stinks.
368
00:16:09,964 --> 00:16:12,967
Okay, is no one going to acknowledge my presence?
369
00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:19,339
Pass the jam. Pass the cream.
370
00:16:21,341 --> 00:16:23,343
He never listens.
371
00:16:23,343 --> 00:16:24,844
Okay, get 'em up, boys.
372
00:16:25,344 --> 00:16:26,845
Your coffee cups, that is.
373
00:16:26,845 --> 00:16:29,348
Hmm.
374
00:16:29,348 --> 00:16:30,349
Here you go, honey.
375
00:16:30,349 --> 00:16:31,300
Thanks, deb.
376
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:32,801
Yeah. Hi, honey.
377
00:16:32,801 --> 00:16:35,770
Hey, deb.
378
00:16:35,770 --> 00:16:38,272
Morning, deb.
379
00:16:38,272 --> 00:16:40,274
Flop two, sinker and some suds.
380
00:16:40,274 --> 00:16:41,776
Flop. Sinker.
381
00:16:41,776 --> 00:16:44,277
My life's a breakfast combo. Two eggs,
382
00:16:44,277 --> 00:16:46,780
A doughnut and coffee for mr. Wonderful.
383
00:16:46,780 --> 00:16:48,281
Somebody got lucky last night, huh?
384
00:16:48,782 --> 00:16:50,283
Mm-Hmm.
385
00:16:50,283 --> 00:16:53,285
Homoeroticism in comic books.
386
00:16:53,285 --> 00:16:56,238
The male form has been worshipped in...
387
00:16:56,238 --> 00:16:59,741
From michelangelo to captain astro. What's he doing?
388
00:16:59,741 --> 00:17:01,176
What am i doing?
389
00:17:01,176 --> 00:17:02,161
What's he doing?
390
00:17:02,161 --> 00:17:03,662
Michael's giving a lecture at...
391
00:17:03,662 --> 00:17:05,663
at carnegie goddamn mellon.
392
00:17:06,164 --> 00:17:07,165
That's what he's doing!
393
00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:11,668
I'm impressed, mikey.
394
00:17:11,668 --> 00:17:14,605
Next you'll be receiving your honorary doctorate.
395
00:17:15,105 --> 00:17:16,607
I don't think so.
396
00:17:16,607 --> 00:17:19,109
Especially since the closest i've ever come to higher education
397
00:17:19,610 --> 00:17:23,112
Is when i fucked that, uh, textbook salesman from cleveland.
398
00:17:23,112 --> 00:17:25,114
Well, according to my calculations,
399
00:17:25,614 --> 00:17:28,100
I've got just about enough money left for my funeral.
400
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:31,103
Well, don't ask me to deliver the eulogy.
401
00:17:31,603 --> 00:17:33,605
No one would listen.
402
00:17:33,605 --> 00:17:35,607
Hmm?
403
00:17:35,607 --> 00:17:38,026
Deb? My breakfast?
404
00:17:38,026 --> 00:17:42,963
Working on it.
405
00:17:42,963 --> 00:17:43,963
Morning, sunshine.
406
00:17:44,965 --> 00:17:46,966
Can i get you anything else?
407
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,468
Uh, yeah.
408
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:50,470
Come to think of it... mmm.
409
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:54,473
I'll be late for class.
410
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,382
Hey! Didn't your mother teach you
411
00:18:04,382 --> 00:18:07,385
To cross on the green?
412
00:18:07,385 --> 00:18:09,886
What did he do now? Nothing.
413
00:18:09,886 --> 00:18:11,388
Cut the shit. I know that face.
414
00:18:11,388 --> 00:18:14,391
That's the "brian kinney just fucked me" face.
415
00:18:14,391 --> 00:18:16,893
Yeah, except it wasn't me he was fucking.
416
00:18:16,893 --> 00:18:17,894
It was some other guy.
417
00:18:17,894 --> 00:18:19,896
I come home, he's on the fucking couch.
418
00:18:19,896 --> 00:18:21,897
Another hurricane off the coast of florida,
419
00:18:22,399 --> 00:18:24,401
Another earthquake in peru. So what else is new?
420
00:18:24,401 --> 00:18:26,902
Well, i guess i just thought that now that we're together...
421
00:18:26,902 --> 00:18:28,404
things would be different.
422
00:18:28,404 --> 00:18:31,407
Brian is never going to change. You know that.
423
00:18:31,407 --> 00:18:33,408
Then why am i there?
424
00:18:33,408 --> 00:18:36,411
Well, may... maybe because you got bashed in the head
425
00:18:36,411 --> 00:18:39,914
And he feels guilty.
426
00:18:39,914 --> 00:18:41,415
No, i'm sorry. I didn't mean for it
427
00:18:41,415 --> 00:18:45,919
To sound like that. I...
428
00:18:45,919 --> 00:18:48,421
sorry.
429
00:18:53,159 --> 00:18:55,661
8,000 down the drain.
430
00:18:55,661 --> 00:18:58,664
9,000 down the drain.
431
00:18:58,664 --> 00:19:00,115
Stop fretting, teddy.
432
00:19:00,115 --> 00:19:01,616
I have a plan.
433
00:19:01,616 --> 00:19:03,552
At this point in the story, i'm so desperate,
434
00:19:04,052 --> 00:19:05,554
I actually stop what i'm doing,
435
00:19:05,554 --> 00:19:07,055
Turn to you with a plaintive expression
436
00:19:07,055 --> 00:19:09,557
And ask, "you do?"
437
00:19:10,057 --> 00:19:11,559
Of course.
438
00:19:11,559 --> 00:19:14,561
After you lose everything you have in the world,
439
00:19:14,561 --> 00:19:17,064
You move in with michael and me.
440
00:19:17,064 --> 00:19:22,068
We have an inflatable mattress and a spare key.
441
00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:23,569
10,000 down the drain.
442
00:19:23,569 --> 00:19:28,006
11,000 down the drain...
443
00:19:28,507 --> 00:19:29,508
okay...
444
00:19:29,508 --> 00:19:30,943
i have another idea.
445
00:19:30,943 --> 00:19:32,893
Does it involve begging at an off-Ramp
446
00:19:32,893 --> 00:19:34,895
Or sleeping in a cardboard box?
447
00:19:34,895 --> 00:19:36,314
No. No.
448
00:19:36,815 --> 00:19:40,718
Actually, it involves...
449
00:19:40,718 --> 00:19:43,704
zack o'tool.
450
00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:47,707
Uh, remember how i told you you needed something bigger?
451
00:19:47,707 --> 00:19:52,178
Maybe now you'll listen.
452
00:19:52,178 --> 00:19:53,680
Excuse me, boys.
453
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,681
Excuse me.
454
00:19:55,681 --> 00:19:57,683
Um, zack.
455
00:19:57,683 --> 00:19:59,685
So, good to see you again.
456
00:20:01,136 --> 00:20:03,638
Did you really expect a porn star of his magnitude
457
00:20:03,638 --> 00:20:05,139
To remember you?
458
00:20:05,139 --> 00:20:07,642
Well, maybe he'll remember this.
459
00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:17,517
Oh, yeah.
460
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,002
You're the guy that was supposed to blow me.
461
00:20:19,002 --> 00:20:20,453
Right.
462
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,937
Yeah, and i'm the guy who paid you to do it.
463
00:20:21,937 --> 00:20:22,922
Yeah.
464
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:23,906
To what, uh...
465
00:20:23,906 --> 00:20:25,908
w-What brings you to town?
466
00:20:25,908 --> 00:20:28,410
Working on my new film.
467
00:20:28,410 --> 00:20:30,362
It's a football epic.
468
00:20:30,845 --> 00:20:33,831
"Backsides in motion". Check it out.
469
00:20:33,831 --> 00:20:35,834
Oh, uh, i-I love...
470
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:36,834
anything with shoulder pads.
471
00:20:38,335 --> 00:20:40,287
So... i gotta go.
472
00:20:54,132 --> 00:20:55,634
Hah, didn't i tell you
473
00:20:56,085 --> 00:20:58,086
It's even bigger in person?
474
00:20:58,086 --> 00:21:00,589
It's huge!
475
00:21:00,589 --> 00:21:03,091
It's gargantuan.
476
00:21:03,091 --> 00:21:05,593
It's just what you need.
477
00:21:05,593 --> 00:21:06,594
What i need.
478
00:21:06,594 --> 00:21:08,596
Huh! What everybody needs.
479
00:21:08,596 --> 00:21:11,599
Come on.
480
00:21:14,067 --> 00:21:16,052
Uh, say, zack...
481
00:21:16,052 --> 00:21:17,554
hey, zack.
482
00:21:18,037 --> 00:21:18,972
Now what?
483
00:21:19,471 --> 00:21:20,906
Well, my, um... m-My friend has this live,
484
00:21:20,906 --> 00:21:22,842
Uh, website... -Not interested.
485
00:21:22,842 --> 00:21:25,294
Uh, well, s-Since you have, uh,
486
00:21:25,294 --> 00:21:26,295
You know, a legion of, uh,
487
00:21:26,295 --> 00:21:28,713
Of fans... not interested.
488
00:21:28,713 --> 00:21:31,683
What better way to plug your new picture?
489
00:21:31,683 --> 00:21:33,117
Huh...
490
00:21:33,618 --> 00:21:36,120
whacking off on the web is for amateurs, boys.
491
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,572
We'll give you 1,000 bucks, uh,
492
00:21:38,056 --> 00:21:40,507
A limousine, uh, champagne, and, um...
493
00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:42,493
your own personal fluffer.
494
00:21:42,493 --> 00:21:43,944
What are you saying?
495
00:21:43,944 --> 00:21:45,444
That'll cost me a fortune!
496
00:21:45,946 --> 00:21:50,884
Would you rather lose one?
497
00:21:50,884 --> 00:21:52,318
So, zack,
498
00:21:52,318 --> 00:21:54,754
How about sharing your member...
499
00:21:55,253 --> 00:22:01,159
with our members?
500
00:22:01,159 --> 00:22:02,660
Sexy, perfect body.
501
00:22:02,660 --> 00:22:04,662
Aloof, desirable,
502
00:22:04,662 --> 00:22:06,097
Yet unattainable. Okay,
503
00:22:06,580 --> 00:22:08,031
Okay, that's enough about me.
504
00:22:08,031 --> 00:22:09,983
I was referring to the "silver surfer".
505
00:22:09,983 --> 00:22:11,485
This speech is for shit.
506
00:22:11,985 --> 00:22:13,387
Well, why'd you agree?
507
00:22:13,387 --> 00:22:15,389
The professor's really cute.
508
00:22:15,389 --> 00:22:17,373
Really? Oh,
509
00:22:17,373 --> 00:22:19,826
You can put that idea right out of your mind, mister.
510
00:22:19,826 --> 00:22:21,828
I saw him first. Besides, you're living with someone.
511
00:22:22,328 --> 00:22:24,329
He's living with me. Whatever.
512
00:22:24,329 --> 00:22:26,331
Either way, you're all comfy and cozy.
513
00:22:26,833 --> 00:22:28,333
Except when you're fucking other guys.
514
00:22:28,333 --> 00:22:30,268
Who i fuck is none of your business.
515
00:22:30,268 --> 00:22:35,706
Or his.
516
00:22:35,706 --> 00:22:36,674
Now get out.
517
00:22:36,674 --> 00:22:37,675
What the fuck is the matter with you?
518
00:22:38,175 --> 00:22:41,077
This is it.
519
00:22:41,077 --> 00:22:42,579
Oh.
520
00:22:45,082 --> 00:22:47,584
This is a really dumb idea. Come on, let's get outta here.
521
00:22:47,584 --> 00:22:49,569
Don't be pathetic. You made a commitment
522
00:22:49,569 --> 00:22:50,570
Now you're going to go through with it. Yeah,
523
00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:52,038
A lot you know about making commitments.
524
00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:53,523
Which is why i never do.
525
00:22:55,974 --> 00:22:57,476
What if i make a fool out of myself?
526
00:22:57,476 --> 00:22:59,927
Who gives a shit? It's fucking college.
527
00:22:59,927 --> 00:23:02,363
Now, go show the frat boys
528
00:23:02,363 --> 00:23:03,831
What the real men are made of
529
00:23:03,831 --> 00:23:09,786
And get me some phone numbers while you're at it.
530
00:23:09,786 --> 00:23:15,709
Bye!
531
00:23:34,225 --> 00:23:35,225
"Homoerotic themes and imagery
532
00:23:35,225 --> 00:23:36,727
As depicted in the graphic novel."
533
00:23:37,227 --> 00:23:38,729
You mean comic book.
534
00:23:38,729 --> 00:23:40,230
I can just see
535
00:23:40,230 --> 00:23:41,732
The big essay question on the final.
536
00:23:41,732 --> 00:23:43,734
"Compare and contrast michel foucault
537
00:23:43,734 --> 00:23:45,235
With batman and robin."
538
00:23:46,235 --> 00:23:48,738
How can you compare homoerotic themes
539
00:23:48,738 --> 00:23:51,239
And imagery in comic books with...
540
00:23:51,239 --> 00:23:52,741
gide and genet?
541
00:23:52,741 --> 00:23:53,743
Proust or wilde.
542
00:23:53,743 --> 00:23:55,744
Baldwin or williams.
543
00:23:55,744 --> 00:23:57,245
So who's giving this lecture anyway?
544
00:23:57,245 --> 00:23:59,247
Spiderman?
545
00:23:59,247 --> 00:24:01,749
Uh, it says some guy who runs a comic book store.
546
00:24:01,749 --> 00:24:03,250
Hah, he should be a real brain trust.
547
00:24:05,252 --> 00:24:08,755
Yeah.
548
00:24:21,567 --> 00:24:27,506
Hey!
549
00:24:27,506 --> 00:24:29,508
Mmm. Mmm.
550
00:24:29,508 --> 00:24:31,009
So, what do you think?
551
00:24:31,009 --> 00:24:33,511
Sexy. Timeless. Easy to wriggle out of
552
00:24:33,511 --> 00:24:35,012
Once the guests are gone.
553
00:24:35,012 --> 00:24:37,514
Do you want us to wear wedding dresses?
554
00:24:37,514 --> 00:24:39,483
Well, what else?
555
00:24:39,483 --> 00:24:40,918
Well, we could wear strap-Ons.
556
00:24:40,918 --> 00:24:43,854
Get married on ted's website.
557
00:24:43,854 --> 00:24:44,855
I don't think that's funny.
558
00:24:46,839 --> 00:24:52,212
How could a nice and intelligent person do something like that?
559
00:24:52,212 --> 00:24:57,600
Come on, let's go through some magazines together.
560
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:02,554
All right.
561
00:25:02,554 --> 00:25:06,557
What are you doing?
562
00:25:06,557 --> 00:25:08,977
After i came out,
563
00:25:09,476 --> 00:25:10,978
Back when i was in college,
564
00:25:11,478 --> 00:25:14,481
My dad cut me off. So...
565
00:25:14,481 --> 00:25:15,983
he told me he never wanted to see me again.
566
00:25:15,983 --> 00:25:19,886
Well, i figured i had to find a way to support myself.
567
00:25:20,335 --> 00:25:21,836
And, well, you know how jewish parents are.
568
00:25:21,836 --> 00:25:24,340
"Never" turned out to be three and a half weeks.
569
00:25:26,274 --> 00:25:27,260
By then i'd made enough
570
00:25:27,726 --> 00:25:29,728
To pay for that year's tuition
571
00:25:29,728 --> 00:25:36,150
And the next.
572
00:25:36,150 --> 00:25:46,976
It's not exactly "modern bride".
573
00:25:52,364 --> 00:26:04,225
Oh, my god!
574
00:26:04,225 --> 00:26:08,194
Oh, my god!
575
00:26:08,194 --> 00:26:13,099
Oh, my god, mel.
576
00:26:19,990 --> 00:26:24,993
503 people have already logged on to see zack o'tool.
577
00:26:24,993 --> 00:26:26,494
Is that good?
578
00:26:26,996 --> 00:26:28,496
Uh? Do the math.
579
00:26:28,998 --> 00:26:35,002
$29.95
times 500 is $15,000.
580
00:26:35,002 --> 00:26:38,005
Ja, das ist very, very good.
581
00:26:39,439 --> 00:26:41,441
And all just to see zack whack.
582
00:26:41,441 --> 00:26:43,442
Wow.
583
00:26:43,442 --> 00:26:44,394
When's he getting here?
584
00:26:44,394 --> 00:26:47,331
Any minute now.
585
00:26:47,331 --> 00:26:48,831
You know, teddy, i'm, uh,
586
00:26:49,265 --> 00:26:50,766
I'm so proud of you.
587
00:26:50,766 --> 00:26:54,270
You took your dream, grabbed it by the balls
588
00:26:54,270 --> 00:26:55,771
Shaved 'em and, uh...
589
00:26:55,771 --> 00:26:57,255
and made it come true.
590
00:26:58,256 --> 00:27:02,176
Oh! I'll get it.
591
00:27:02,677 --> 00:27:04,179
Jerkatwork.Net. See zack o'tool
592
00:27:04,179 --> 00:27:06,113
Live.
593
00:27:06,113 --> 00:27:08,115
Hello? Hello.
594
00:27:08,115 --> 00:27:09,616
Hello? Tad?
595
00:27:10,117 --> 00:27:11,068
No, this isted.
596
00:27:11,068 --> 00:27:12,018
Zack?
597
00:27:12,519 --> 00:27:14,021
Yeah. Yeah. Uh, i'm here on set.
598
00:27:14,021 --> 00:27:15,521
We're running a little...
599
00:27:15,521 --> 00:27:16,990
behind.
600
00:27:16,990 --> 00:27:19,409
W-What do you mean "a little behind"?
601
00:27:19,409 --> 00:27:21,393
I'm about to do my big scene where i ream the team
602
00:27:21,393 --> 00:27:22,894
For fumbling their balls.
603
00:27:22,894 --> 00:27:25,329
Well...
604
00:27:25,329 --> 00:27:27,332
I mean, w-We can start a little later. But...
605
00:27:27,332 --> 00:27:29,334
Zack, we're ready. Uh, the director's calling.
606
00:27:29,334 --> 00:27:30,334
Uh, we got a big wide shot...
607
00:27:30,334 --> 00:27:31,302
zack!
608
00:27:31,802 --> 00:27:32,753
Can you let tad know
609
00:27:32,753 --> 00:27:33,755
I can't make it? Thanks.
610
00:27:34,255 --> 00:27:36,756
Zack, no. Wait, wait, wait. Don't hang up...
611
00:27:36,756 --> 00:27:37,758
my boys.
612
00:27:37,758 --> 00:27:41,728
He's gotta be able to take it off...
613
00:27:44,230 --> 00:27:45,682
teddy, what is it?
614
00:27:45,682 --> 00:27:48,684
I've got
615
00:27:48,684 --> 00:27:51,186
Waiting to see zack o'tool jacking the beanstalk.
616
00:27:51,186 --> 00:27:55,690
Only he's not coming.
617
00:27:55,690 --> 00:27:59,695
At least not here.
618
00:28:00,194 --> 00:28:01,195
What am i going to do?
619
00:28:01,195 --> 00:28:03,648
Well, m-My offer still stands.
620
00:28:03,648 --> 00:28:04,649
The inflato-Bed
621
00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:12,521
And the spare key are yours.
622
00:28:12,521 --> 00:28:14,474
Get on the bed.
623
00:28:14,474 --> 00:28:15,474
Excuse me?
624
00:28:15,474 --> 00:28:17,910
I said, "get on the bed".
625
00:28:17,910 --> 00:28:19,411
What for?
626
00:28:19,411 --> 00:28:20,912
What do you think?
627
00:28:20,912 --> 00:28:23,416
The show must go on.
628
00:28:23,416 --> 00:28:24,917
Ted, are you crazy?
629
00:28:24,917 --> 00:28:26,918
Well... you like jerking off, don't you?
630
00:28:26,918 --> 00:28:27,919
I mean, you'd do it anyway.
631
00:28:28,420 --> 00:28:32,339
Yes, but not in front of hundreds of people.
632
00:28:32,339 --> 00:28:34,843
Besides, they're signing on to see zack o'tool.
633
00:28:34,843 --> 00:28:37,344
Not me. Okay? Doesn't matter.
634
00:28:37,845 --> 00:28:39,346
At this point a dick's a dick.
635
00:28:39,346 --> 00:28:41,347
And you're the only dick i've got.
636
00:28:41,347 --> 00:28:44,317
Now here.
637
00:28:44,317 --> 00:28:47,820
Y-You know, i-I'm sorry, teddy. Every friendship,
638
00:28:47,820 --> 00:28:50,322
Even one as deep and as close as ours
639
00:28:50,322 --> 00:28:51,740
Has its limitations.
640
00:28:51,740 --> 00:28:53,241
I'll pay you what i'm paying o'tool.
641
00:28:53,241 --> 00:28:57,195
Then again, if you can't do a friend a favour...
642
00:29:35,328 --> 00:29:37,265
stop.
643
00:29:37,265 --> 00:29:38,766
Why?
644
00:29:39,266 --> 00:29:40,267
You got something better to do?
645
00:29:40,767 --> 00:29:42,269
Homework.
646
00:29:42,269 --> 00:29:43,769
Huh!
647
00:29:44,271 --> 00:29:45,772
We're in deepshit trouble.
648
00:29:59,784 --> 00:30:04,238
You're not still upset about the zucchini man, are you?
649
00:30:04,238 --> 00:30:05,739
I don't even remember it or him.
650
00:30:05,739 --> 00:30:07,741
It... it was nothing.
651
00:30:07,741 --> 00:30:11,244
I know. You're just you being you.
652
00:30:11,745 --> 00:30:13,747
I know who you are.
653
00:30:14,247 --> 00:30:15,748
I don't expect you to change.
654
00:30:15,748 --> 00:30:17,750
In fact, i don't even want you to.
655
00:30:17,750 --> 00:30:20,252
Then what?
656
00:30:20,252 --> 00:30:24,256
Why am i here?
657
00:30:24,256 --> 00:30:26,258
One night your mommy and daddy wanted to make a baby...
658
00:30:26,758 --> 00:30:27,759
brian.
659
00:30:27,759 --> 00:30:30,761
You know what i mean.
660
00:30:30,761 --> 00:30:39,770
Is it just 'cause you feel guilty about what happened?
661
00:30:40,270 --> 00:30:43,773
Answer me. Answer me.
662
00:30:43,773 --> 00:31:07,228
If i hadn't gotten bashed in the head, would i even be here?
663
00:31:22,106 --> 00:31:24,610
Hey, michael! Michael.
664
00:31:24,610 --> 00:31:25,610
Hey.
665
00:31:25,610 --> 00:31:27,111
Hey.
666
00:31:27,111 --> 00:31:29,614
I was, uh... i was trying to catch you.
667
00:31:30,114 --> 00:31:31,115
Well, you caught me.
668
00:31:31,616 --> 00:31:32,616
Yeah.
669
00:31:32,616 --> 00:31:36,086
Yeah, the class waited for you. You never showed.
670
00:31:36,086 --> 00:31:38,088
Yeah. Things got really busy. I-I should've called.
671
00:31:38,088 --> 00:31:40,090
I'm sorry.
672
00:31:40,090 --> 00:31:41,057
Well, i'd like to reschedule.
673
00:31:41,057 --> 00:31:43,526
And, uh, how's thursday?
674
00:31:44,026 --> 00:31:45,528
Well, with starting a new business and all, um,
675
00:31:45,528 --> 00:31:49,497
I-I don't think i'll have the time.
676
00:31:49,497 --> 00:31:53,001
Yeah, um... you know, i understand.
677
00:31:53,001 --> 00:31:54,502
It was an imposition in the first place.
678
00:31:54,502 --> 00:31:56,972
W-Wait. Wait. Look.
679
00:31:56,972 --> 00:31:58,974
Look, the truth is,
680
00:31:58,974 --> 00:32:00,475
I'm no brainiac.
681
00:32:00,475 --> 00:32:02,426
Well, wait, um...
682
00:32:02,426 --> 00:32:04,928
one of superman's arch-Villains.
683
00:32:04,928 --> 00:32:06,429
Am i right? See?
684
00:32:06,429 --> 00:32:08,398
I-I'm learning.
685
00:32:08,398 --> 00:32:09,832
Yeah? I'm impressed.
686
00:32:09,832 --> 00:32:11,834
Okay.
687
00:32:11,834 --> 00:32:14,836
But, me talking to a bunch of college students
688
00:32:14,836 --> 00:32:17,290
Pretending that i know something is bullshit.
689
00:32:17,290 --> 00:32:18,791
Why is that bullshit, michael?
690
00:32:18,791 --> 00:32:20,225
Because "the justice league of america"
691
00:32:20,225 --> 00:32:22,227
Isn't exactly proust or foucault
692
00:32:22,227 --> 00:32:24,229
Or... whoever the fuck they are.
693
00:32:24,229 --> 00:32:27,199
C-Can i tell you something?
694
00:32:27,698 --> 00:32:31,135
What you know is just as valuable.
695
00:32:31,135 --> 00:32:32,637
You have this...
696
00:32:32,637 --> 00:32:34,138
you have this incredible knowledge
697
00:32:34,621 --> 00:32:36,589
Of gay semiotics you don't even realize.
698
00:32:36,589 --> 00:32:38,041
Gay what?
699
00:32:38,041 --> 00:32:39,042
Never mind, it does not matter.
700
00:32:39,042 --> 00:32:43,545
The point is, you have this...
701
00:32:43,545 --> 00:32:48,550
passion? You radiate it.
702
00:32:48,550 --> 00:32:50,052
It's... it's like "the flame".
703
00:32:52,003 --> 00:32:53,504
Wow. Well, that...
704
00:32:53,504 --> 00:33:02,380
Must be why i'm... feeling a little hot.
705
00:33:02,380 --> 00:33:04,381
No-No-No. They're bailing fast.
706
00:33:04,381 --> 00:33:05,882
Well, what did you expect?
707
00:33:05,882 --> 00:33:07,317
They signed up to see zack o'tool
708
00:33:07,317 --> 00:33:08,818
And instead they get me.
709
00:33:08,818 --> 00:33:10,821
I mean, i-I'll be... i'll be screaming in ecstasy,
710
00:33:11,321 --> 00:33:12,321
They'll be screaming for their money back.
711
00:33:12,823 --> 00:33:13,806
And i'm going to have to give it to them
712
00:33:13,806 --> 00:33:21,297
Unless you start doing something.
713
00:33:21,297 --> 00:33:28,686
Take something off!
714
00:33:28,686 --> 00:33:31,139
Better.
715
00:33:31,139 --> 00:33:33,073
Take off your goddamn pants!
716
00:33:33,073 --> 00:33:40,079
All right.
717
00:33:40,079 --> 00:33:49,054
Careful.
718
00:33:54,059 --> 00:34:03,934
Now your undies!
719
00:34:03,934 --> 00:34:05,436
Good.
720
00:34:05,436 --> 00:34:06,937
Right.
721
00:34:06,937 --> 00:34:09,439
180 and holding.
722
00:34:09,439 --> 00:34:10,940
All right, i think we've stopped the bleeding.
723
00:34:10,940 --> 00:34:12,392
W-What do i do now?
724
00:34:12,875 --> 00:34:14,309
What do you mean, what do you do?
725
00:34:14,810 --> 00:34:18,781
You grab your pud and you pull!
726
00:34:18,781 --> 00:34:25,787
Right.
727
00:34:28,773 --> 00:34:31,208
It's starting to go up.
728
00:34:31,208 --> 00:34:40,149
So am i.
729
00:34:40,149 --> 00:34:42,651
Holy shit!
730
00:34:42,651 --> 00:34:44,153
What?
731
00:34:44,153 --> 00:34:45,154
What?
732
00:34:45,154 --> 00:34:46,572
You're bigger than o'tool.
733
00:34:46,572 --> 00:34:47,573
Ahh.
734
00:34:47,573 --> 00:34:49,075
Our subscribers think so, too.
735
00:34:49,075 --> 00:34:51,025
Okay, k-Keep... keep stroking.
736
00:34:52,444 --> 00:34:54,946
I-I always told you i was a...
737
00:34:54,946 --> 00:34:57,449
Grower, not a sh... shower.
738
00:34:59,883 --> 00:35:05,322
Um... w-When do you want me to shoot?
739
00:35:05,322 --> 00:35:06,773
Not yet.
740
00:35:06,773 --> 00:35:08,274
Okay.
741
00:35:10,244 --> 00:35:14,147
H-How much longer?
742
00:35:14,147 --> 00:35:15,598
Now! Now-Now-Now-Now! Go-Go-Go-Go!
743
00:35:15,598 --> 00:35:18,049
Shoot! Shoot.
744
00:35:29,927 --> 00:35:31,929
Emmett, that's amazing!
745
00:35:31,929 --> 00:35:34,347
That is amazing!
746
00:35:34,347 --> 00:35:37,851
Emmett, oh my god.
747
00:35:37,851 --> 00:35:41,353
No one is ever going to know that you used the jizzball.
748
00:35:41,353 --> 00:35:47,292
What jizzball?
749
00:35:47,793 --> 00:35:50,796
The male figure has been worshipped from michelangelo's "david"
750
00:35:50,796 --> 00:35:54,248
All the way to "captain astro".
751
00:35:54,749 --> 00:35:57,735
Um, the strength and musculature...
752
00:36:02,156 --> 00:36:05,125
of the...
753
00:36:05,609 --> 00:36:09,112
of the, uh...
754
00:36:09,613 --> 00:36:11,614
um...
755
00:36:16,535 --> 00:36:20,038
i'm sorry, you know what, um...
756
00:36:20,038 --> 00:36:23,541
i haven't a clue what "homoeroticism in literature" means.
757
00:36:23,541 --> 00:36:27,044
I just know that "the flash" looks good in tights.
758
00:36:27,979 --> 00:36:29,481
Um...
759
00:36:29,481 --> 00:36:30,982
you see, i-I started reading "the flash"
760
00:36:30,982 --> 00:36:33,433
And "superman" and "captain america"
761
00:36:33,433 --> 00:36:34,434
When i was just a kid.
762
00:36:34,434 --> 00:36:37,436
Um, at first because it was fun, you know,
763
00:36:37,436 --> 00:36:39,439
I liked the stories and i liked the pictures
764
00:36:39,439 --> 00:36:41,874
And it was a great escape from all the shit that...
765
00:36:41,874 --> 00:36:45,877
um, sorry; the stuff that was bugging me.
766
00:36:45,877 --> 00:36:49,831
And, uh, my mom didn't want me to read them.
767
00:36:49,831 --> 00:36:55,337
But, later on when i realized that...
768
00:36:55,337 --> 00:36:56,838
later on when i realized that i was gay,
769
00:36:57,338 --> 00:36:59,840
Um, i read them for a different reason.
770
00:37:00,341 --> 00:37:02,842
Because in ways that maybe nobody intended,
771
00:37:02,842 --> 00:37:04,844
These superheroes were a lot like me.
772
00:37:04,844 --> 00:37:07,830
You know, at work they're meek and...
773
00:37:07,830 --> 00:37:09,332
they're unappreciated, and...
774
00:37:09,332 --> 00:37:11,833
they're the guys, uh, that never get laid.
775
00:37:11,833 --> 00:37:14,253
And, uh, um...
776
00:37:14,253 --> 00:37:17,256
when they're around other people, they...
777
00:37:17,256 --> 00:37:18,724
they can't let anyone get too close
778
00:37:18,724 --> 00:37:22,728
For fear that their true identities would be discovered.
779
00:37:22,728 --> 00:37:25,229
Yet with all the... the villains and the monsters
780
00:37:25,229 --> 00:37:26,731
And the evil forces that are trying to destroy them,
781
00:37:26,731 --> 00:37:29,233
Somehow they survive.
782
00:37:29,233 --> 00:37:31,735
Um, even the one thing that can kill superman,
783
00:37:32,235 --> 00:37:33,737
The one thing to which he has no immunity,
784
00:37:33,737 --> 00:37:37,156
Kryptonite, ultimately you know that he'll survive that
785
00:37:37,156 --> 00:37:40,577
And he'll go on to save the world.
786
00:37:40,577 --> 00:37:44,080
I believe the same about us.
787
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:48,583
That's what the comics have shown me.
788
00:37:48,583 --> 00:37:51,586
That despite everything...
789
00:37:51,586 --> 00:37:54,088
we'll survive.
790
00:37:54,088 --> 00:37:58,992
And we'll win.
791
00:37:58,992 --> 00:38:00,961
Um, but, uh...
792
00:38:00,961 --> 00:38:01,962
back to the guys in the tights.
793
00:38:16,208 --> 00:38:18,209
Sunshine, what are you doing here?
794
00:38:18,209 --> 00:38:21,112
You haven't rented out my old room yet, have you?
795
00:38:21,596 --> 00:38:22,597
No.
796
00:38:22,597 --> 00:38:30,054
Come on in.
797
00:38:30,054 --> 00:38:31,488
Hasn't the kid been through enough
798
00:38:31,488 --> 00:38:32,990
Without you causing him more pain?
799
00:38:32,990 --> 00:38:33,990
Stay out of it.
800
00:38:33,990 --> 00:38:35,926
The fuck i will!
801
00:38:35,926 --> 00:38:36,926
I care about him.
802
00:38:36,926 --> 00:38:38,861
All you care about is... getting my dick sucked.
803
00:38:38,861 --> 00:38:41,364
I think that's been firmly established.
804
00:38:41,364 --> 00:38:46,368
Now, can we move on from there?
805
00:38:46,368 --> 00:38:50,372
Look, all i want is to... interfere?
806
00:38:50,372 --> 00:38:53,808
You can call it whatever the fuck you want.
807
00:38:53,808 --> 00:38:55,309
I don't want justin hurt.
808
00:38:55,810 --> 00:38:57,778
Well, that's life, isn't it?
809
00:38:57,778 --> 00:39:03,249
Surprise!
810
00:39:05,752 --> 00:39:08,755
You think you got everybody fooled, don't you?
811
00:39:08,755 --> 00:39:11,190
Well not me, honey.
812
00:39:11,190 --> 00:39:13,692
I've known you too long
813
00:39:13,692 --> 00:39:18,564
And regrettably, too well.
814
00:39:18,564 --> 00:39:21,566
And no matter how hard you try to deny it,
815
00:39:22,066 --> 00:39:26,571
I can tell you care as much about him as he cares about you.
816
00:39:27,071 --> 00:39:30,557
Only you haven't got the big, hairy cojonesto say it.
817
00:39:30,557 --> 00:39:32,242
Oh, well, maybe i could borrow yours.
818
00:39:33,743 --> 00:39:38,164
Well, hey. Whatever it takes.
819
00:39:38,164 --> 00:39:41,584
To admit that you love him.
820
00:39:41,584 --> 00:39:44,086
And i know that you do.
821
00:39:44,086 --> 00:39:45,521
Despite all your efforts
822
00:39:45,521 --> 00:39:48,523
To never let another heart touch yours.
823
00:39:48,523 --> 00:39:52,477
And that's assuming, of course, you have one.
824
00:39:52,977 --> 00:39:53,477
That little,
825
00:39:53,978 --> 00:39:55,479
Persistent kid
826
00:39:55,479 --> 00:39:58,966
Has somehow gotten in under the wire.
827
00:39:58,966 --> 00:40:02,419
And that's what's happened, huh?
828
00:40:02,419 --> 00:40:08,841
Admit the truth.
829
00:40:08,841 --> 00:40:17,282
You love him, don't you?
830
00:40:21,787 --> 00:40:24,789
I thought so.
831
00:40:24,789 --> 00:40:26,290
Then tell him.
832
00:40:26,290 --> 00:40:28,793
Tell him what you could never say to michael.
833
00:40:35,799 --> 00:40:37,766
Hey, enough browsing. Let me get you a drink.
834
00:40:37,766 --> 00:40:40,270
You've had a hard day's work.
835
00:40:40,270 --> 00:40:41,771
Hey, come by, check us out.
836
00:40:41,771 --> 00:40:43,772
Jerkatwork.Net. Hi.
837
00:40:43,772 --> 00:40:46,275
Jerkatwork.Net. Come by, check us out.
838
00:40:46,275 --> 00:40:49,278
Come by.
839
00:40:49,777 --> 00:40:50,779
Was, um...
840
00:40:50,779 --> 00:40:54,282
was that incredibly cute guy cruising me?
841
00:40:54,282 --> 00:40:55,717
Not just cruising,
842
00:40:55,717 --> 00:40:58,218
He's in maximum overdrive.
843
00:40:58,218 --> 00:41:01,221
Excuse me, but was that you today on the website?
844
00:41:01,221 --> 00:41:02,723
Uh, why yes, it was.
845
00:41:03,223 --> 00:41:05,659
And come back and see us at jerkatwork.Net again real soon.
846
00:41:05,659 --> 00:41:08,644
Your performance was really inspiring.
847
00:41:08,644 --> 00:41:10,146
Do you mind signing this for me?
848
00:41:15,100 --> 00:41:16,601
Oh...
849
00:41:16,601 --> 00:41:17,602
'kay.
850
00:41:21,022 --> 00:41:24,476
"To christopher."
851
00:41:24,476 --> 00:41:26,977
"To...
852
00:41:27,478 --> 00:41:30,447
christopher.
853
00:41:30,447 --> 00:41:32,448
Thanks for being...
854
00:41:32,448 --> 00:41:36,953
Such... a big fan.
855
00:41:37,437 --> 00:41:40,872
I hope...
856
00:41:40,872 --> 00:41:46,845
I can... live up... to...
857
00:41:47,345 --> 00:41:49,296
it.
858
00:41:49,296 --> 00:41:53,301
All my best...
859
00:41:53,301 --> 00:41:58,255
Love... and luck,
860
00:41:58,255 --> 00:42:05,178
Emmett... honeycutt."
861
00:42:05,178 --> 00:42:07,163
Wow, thanks.
862
00:42:12,167 --> 00:42:14,169
My little star!
863
00:42:16,171 --> 00:42:18,674
You know, we're going to have to get you a porn name.
864
00:42:18,674 --> 00:42:21,175
What's wrong with emmett honeycutt?
865
00:42:21,175 --> 00:42:23,177
No-No-No-No. No. Porn lore has it,
866
00:42:23,177 --> 00:42:26,680
You're supposed to take the name of your childhood pet
867
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:30,183
And add the name of the street you grew up on.
868
00:42:30,183 --> 00:42:33,186
Well, back in hazelhurst, we had a lot of pets.
869
00:42:33,687 --> 00:42:36,690
Oh, but, um, my favourite was this little mutt
870
00:42:37,189 --> 00:42:38,191
Named fetch.
871
00:42:38,191 --> 00:42:39,191
And the street?
872
00:42:39,692 --> 00:42:44,195
We lived at the corner of mason and dixon.
873
00:42:44,195 --> 00:42:46,197
Fetch dixon.
874
00:42:46,197 --> 00:42:48,200
A star is... porn.
875
00:42:49,701 --> 00:42:51,202
Fetch dixon.
876
00:43:35,692 --> 00:44:05,651
Hmmm.
877
00:44:12,041 --> 00:44:13,042
I thought you didn't like porn.
878
00:44:13,042 --> 00:44:16,995
Oh.
879
00:44:16,995 --> 00:44:20,498
Look...
880
00:44:20,498 --> 00:44:24,936
i don't.
881
00:44:25,369 --> 00:44:28,372
And i like even less thinking about all those strange men
882
00:44:28,372 --> 00:44:31,875
And probably even a few women looking at you.
883
00:44:31,875 --> 00:44:34,343
It was a long time ago before i knew you.
884
00:44:34,343 --> 00:44:36,330
Why didn't you ever tell me?
885
00:44:36,330 --> 00:44:39,297
It's not something i really wanted to boast about.
886
00:44:39,297 --> 00:44:41,299
I-I practically forgot about it until now.
887
00:44:41,299 --> 00:44:44,754
I don't like us having any secrets.
888
00:44:44,754 --> 00:44:51,726
There aren't any more, are there?
889
00:44:52,226 --> 00:44:56,196
I swear.
890
00:44:56,196 --> 00:44:58,147
What about you?
891
00:44:58,147 --> 00:44:59,149
Well, there was that time...
892
00:44:59,649 --> 00:45:00,650
that i was a hooker in alaska.
893
00:45:02,652 --> 00:45:04,153
But that was only a summer job.
894
00:45:06,139 --> 00:45:10,610
Ahh!
895
00:45:29,492 --> 00:45:30,994
I used to have a pretty hot bod.
896
00:45:30,994 --> 00:45:32,495
You still do.
897
00:45:34,497 --> 00:45:40,002
Why settle for a magazine when you can have the real thing?
898
00:46:08,577 --> 00:46:09,578
Hey.
899
00:46:09,578 --> 00:46:12,498
Hey. Hey, fuck off.
900
00:46:12,998 --> 00:46:16,351
What do you want?
901
00:46:16,851 --> 00:46:19,254
You were right.
902
00:46:19,254 --> 00:46:20,255
The reason i took you in
903
00:46:20,255 --> 00:46:24,258
Was because you took a bat to the head.
904
00:46:24,258 --> 00:46:28,745
But it's not the reason i want you to stay.
905
00:46:28,745 --> 00:46:30,163
But...
906
00:46:30,163 --> 00:46:32,166
don't get the idea that we're some married couple,
907
00:46:32,166 --> 00:46:33,666
Because we're not.
908
00:46:33,666 --> 00:46:37,670
We're not like fucking straight people.
909
00:46:37,670 --> 00:46:39,671
We're not like your parents,
910
00:46:39,671 --> 00:46:41,173
And we're not a pair of dykes
911
00:46:41,173 --> 00:46:45,643
Marching down the aisle in matching vera wangs.
912
00:46:45,643 --> 00:46:47,128
We're queers. And if we're together
913
00:46:47,128 --> 00:46:48,629
It's because we want to be,
914
00:46:48,629 --> 00:46:51,132
Not because there's locks on our doors.
915
00:46:51,132 --> 00:46:52,632
So, if i'm out late, just assume i'm doing
916
00:46:53,134 --> 00:46:56,554
Exactly what i want to be doing: i'm fucking.
917
00:46:56,554 --> 00:46:59,005
And... when i come home,
918
00:46:59,506 --> 00:47:00,507
I'll also be doing...
919
00:47:01,007 --> 00:47:04,009
exactly what i want to do:
920
00:47:04,009 --> 00:47:07,981
Coming home to you.
921
00:47:07,981 --> 00:47:09,982
Okay.
922
00:47:09,982 --> 00:47:12,951
I want some things too.
923
00:47:12,951 --> 00:47:14,903
You can fuck whoever you want,
924
00:47:14,903 --> 00:47:17,405
As long as it's not twice.
925
00:47:17,405 --> 00:47:19,407
Same for me.
926
00:47:19,907 --> 00:47:26,847
And no names or numbers exchanged.
927
00:47:26,847 --> 00:47:27,848
And no matter where you are,
928
00:47:28,348 --> 00:47:30,350
No matter what you're doing,
929
00:47:30,350 --> 00:47:33,854
You always come home.
930
00:47:33,854 --> 00:47:35,821
By 2:00.
931
00:47:35,821 --> 00:47:37,323
4:00.
932
00:47:37,807 --> 00:47:39,191
3:00.
933
00:47:39,191 --> 00:47:40,693
One more thing.
934
00:47:41,176 --> 00:47:43,179
You don't kiss anyone else on the mouth
935
00:47:43,179 --> 00:47:44,179
But me.
936
00:48:09,918 --> 00:48:11,921
Here you go.
937
00:48:12,354 --> 00:48:14,356
Thanks.
938
00:48:14,356 --> 00:48:18,342
Oh, got something else for you here.
939
00:48:18,342 --> 00:48:19,844
"R-U-1-2".
940
00:48:19,844 --> 00:48:21,345
R-U-1-2? Oh, i get it.
941
00:48:21,345 --> 00:48:24,348
Y-You wrote this? You wrote a book?
942
00:48:24,348 --> 00:48:26,850
Yes, yes. It's my first and, uh,
943
00:48:27,351 --> 00:48:28,852
So far, only novel.
944
00:48:28,852 --> 00:48:30,353
The "cleveland plain dealer" called it
945
00:48:30,353 --> 00:48:33,856
"A noble effort from a fresh new voice".
946
00:48:33,856 --> 00:48:35,809
It was on the remainders table a week later.
947
00:48:37,759 --> 00:48:42,263
I've never met anybody who's written a book before.
948
00:48:42,263 --> 00:48:48,669
Open it.
949
00:48:49,170 --> 00:48:50,620
"To michael.
950
00:48:50,620 --> 00:48:52,122
Beneath whose mildmannered appearance
951
00:48:52,122 --> 00:48:55,625
Beats the heart of a superhero."
952
00:48:55,625 --> 00:49:03,033
Ben...
953
00:49:03,033 --> 00:49:12,908
i don't know what to say.
954
00:49:12,908 --> 00:49:19,314
No words required.
955
00:49:19,814 --> 00:49:54,744
How about this?
956
00:49:54,744 --> 00:49:56,196
Wait.
957
00:49:56,196 --> 00:49:58,699
Wait, hey, hey. I said wait. I said wait.
958
00:49:58,699 --> 00:50:01,651
Michael...
959
00:50:01,651 --> 00:50:05,120
what for?
960
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:09,625
I-I just wanted you to know that, uh...
961
00:50:09,625 --> 00:50:16,414
i'm hiv positive.
962
00:50:16,464 --> 00:50:21,014
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