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1
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The thing you need to know is:
2
00:00:51,296 --> 00:00:53,079
it's all about sex.
3
00:00:53,089 --> 00:00:54,225
It's true.
4
00:00:54,234 --> 00:00:57,613
In fact, they say men think
about sex every 28 second.
5
00:00:57,632 --> 00:01:00,278
Of course, that's straight
men, gay men it's every nine.
6
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:05,091
You can be at the
supermarket or the laundromat,
7
00:01:05,347 --> 00:01:06,853
buying a fabulous shirt
8
00:01:06,868 --> 00:01:09,759
when suddenly you find yourself
checking out some hot guy.
9
00:01:09,790 --> 00:01:12,298
Hotter than the one you saw
last weekend or went home with
10
00:01:12,313 --> 00:01:14,723
the night before, which
explains why we're all at
11
00:01:14,731 --> 00:01:15,992
Babylon at one in the morning
12
00:01:16,007 --> 00:01:18,147
instead of at home, in bed.
13
00:01:18,583 --> 00:01:20,791
But who wants to be at home in bed,
14
00:01:20,806 --> 00:01:23,164
especially alone, when you can be here,
15
00:01:23,186 --> 00:01:24,635
knowing that at any moment,
16
00:01:24,913 --> 00:01:26,490
you might see him...
17
00:01:26,610 --> 00:01:29,065
the most beautiful man who ever lived.
18
00:01:30,447 --> 00:01:32,783
That is until tomorrow night.
19
00:01:41,708 --> 00:01:45,603
By the way, that's me,
6'1", 46-inch chest,
20
00:01:45,604 --> 00:01:47,605
16-inch biceps, 28-inch waist.
21
00:01:47,606 --> 00:01:49,607
A veritable God...
22
00:01:49,608 --> 00:01:50,402
I wish.
23
00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:54,112
Okay, that's me.
24
00:01:54,113 --> 00:01:57,116
Michael Novotny, the
semi-cute "boy next door" type.
25
00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:00,370
29, 5'10", 140. 9 1/2 cut.
26
00:02:00,392 --> 00:02:02,105
All right, so I exaggerate,
27
00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:04,831
but like, who's told the truth
since they invented cybersex?
28
00:02:08,039 --> 00:02:10,632
When did '70s night become '80s night?
29
00:02:10,633 --> 00:02:12,895
I remember this song from high school.
30
00:02:12,910 --> 00:02:14,251
Talk about feeling ancient.
31
00:02:14,256 --> 00:02:17,020
Speak for yourself,
honey, I was a mere child.
32
00:02:17,822 --> 00:02:20,263
And those are my two
buddies, Ted and Emmett.
33
00:02:20,263 --> 00:02:24,147
Give me those divas of
disco any day. Gloria Gaynor.
34
00:02:24,148 --> 00:02:25,149
Donna Summer.
35
00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:26,651
And miss Alisha Bridges.
36
00:02:26,652 --> 00:02:28,654
♪ I love the night life ♪
37
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,432
Oh... my God.
38
00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:38,546
Have you ever seen
anything more beautiful?
39
00:02:38,666 --> 00:02:40,667
Venice, at sunset.
40
00:02:40,668 --> 00:02:42,670
Fine, you go down the Grand Canal,
41
00:02:42,671 --> 00:02:44,171
I'll go down on him.
42
00:02:46,559 --> 00:02:48,354
Emmett can be a little campy.
43
00:02:48,678 --> 00:02:50,679
Okay, a lot campy. But you got to admit,
44
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,216
these days, it takes real guts to be
a queen in a world full of commoners.
45
00:02:54,254 --> 00:02:55,685
The problem with perfection
46
00:02:55,686 --> 00:02:57,186
is its inability to recognize
47
00:02:57,187 --> 00:02:59,189
anything less perfect than itself.
48
00:02:59,190 --> 00:03:01,143
In other words, you hit on him
49
00:03:01,192 --> 00:03:02,756
and he turned you down.
50
00:03:02,989 --> 00:03:05,196
Yeah.
51
00:03:05,197 --> 00:03:08,502
Ted's this really smart guy
and he's got a really big heart.
52
00:03:08,547 --> 00:03:11,704
Only, nobody here is interested
in the size of that organ.
53
00:03:11,705 --> 00:03:13,205
Why am I wasting my time
54
00:03:13,206 --> 00:03:15,089
staring at a bunch of
over-pumped princesses
55
00:03:15,093 --> 00:03:17,592
with IQs smaller than their waist...
56
00:03:17,712 --> 00:03:19,594
Jesus, look at him.
57
00:03:19,619 --> 00:03:21,716
Like I said, it's all about sex.
58
00:03:21,717 --> 00:03:23,453
Except when you're having it.
59
00:03:23,475 --> 00:03:26,220
And then it's all about,
"will he stay?" "Will he go?"
60
00:03:26,221 --> 00:03:28,224
"How am I doing?" "What am I doing?"
61
00:03:29,225 --> 00:03:30,821
Unless, of course, you're...
62
00:03:30,846 --> 00:03:31,985
Brian Kinney.
63
00:03:33,731 --> 00:03:36,408
And then it's, "who gives
a fuck what you think?
64
00:03:36,423 --> 00:03:38,737
You're lucky to have me."
65
00:03:48,247 --> 00:03:50,147
I'll get Brian.
66
00:04:18,784 --> 00:04:20,786
- Hey, Todd, how's it going?
- Fine.
67
00:04:25,792 --> 00:04:27,292
We need to go.
68
00:04:27,293 --> 00:04:29,295
We want to eat.
69
00:04:29,296 --> 00:04:31,045
I'm just going to give him my number.
70
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:32,772
What'd you do, write it on your dick?
71
00:04:32,990 --> 00:04:35,303
How long is this going to take?
72
00:04:37,806 --> 00:04:40,611
10 minutes, tops.
73
00:04:52,323 --> 00:04:53,824
Hmm, Bruno.
74
00:04:53,825 --> 00:04:56,327
Lo-ove your outfit.
75
00:04:56,328 --> 00:04:58,330
Not everyone can wear tangerine.
76
00:05:00,332 --> 00:05:02,334
How long are we going to wait?
I've got to work in the morning.
77
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:04,217
Who doesn't? He said he'd be right out.
78
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:05,753
Yeah, we've all heard that before.
79
00:05:05,768 --> 00:05:07,220
This is some great system he's got.
80
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,640
He gets to party all night
and you drive him home.
81
00:05:09,844 --> 00:05:11,845
It's no big deal, okay?
82
00:05:11,846 --> 00:05:13,848
Hmm. Don't look now but, uh,
83
00:05:13,849 --> 00:05:15,350
somebody's watching.
84
00:05:18,855 --> 00:05:21,738
Oh, him. He has been
cruising me all night.
85
00:05:21,858 --> 00:05:23,358
Hmm, playing hard to get.
86
00:05:23,359 --> 00:05:24,850
I love that in a man.
87
00:05:24,862 --> 00:05:27,364
Not playing, just not interested.
88
00:05:28,365 --> 00:05:29,366
Check out that bubble butt.
89
00:05:29,367 --> 00:05:31,249
And that basket.
90
00:05:31,369 --> 00:05:32,871
Enough in there for the big, bad wolf.
91
00:05:32,872 --> 00:05:35,128
Would you quit staring?
92
00:05:35,373 --> 00:05:37,375
There's more to a guy than his cock size.
93
00:05:37,376 --> 00:05:38,878
Hmm.
94
00:05:39,378 --> 00:05:41,380
Look at that!
95
00:05:42,191 --> 00:05:44,940
Or his perfectly shaped ass.
96
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,830
Which is why you read
all those comic books
97
00:05:47,838 --> 00:05:49,489
with those super-heroes
in their little tights...
98
00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:50,390
for the plot.
99
00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,392
I told you, I am not interested.
100
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:53,840
Maybe just for once you should be.
101
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,177
Show a certain someone
102
00:05:55,192 --> 00:05:56,899
he's not the only one who can score.
103
00:06:34,443 --> 00:06:35,944
'Scuse me.
104
00:06:35,945 --> 00:06:37,947
Uh, could you tell me, like,
105
00:06:37,948 --> 00:06:39,712
where's a good place to go?
106
00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:42,452
Depends what you're looking for.
107
00:06:43,454 --> 00:06:45,455
You want twinkies, go to Boytoy.
108
00:06:45,456 --> 00:06:47,457
You want leather, go to the Meathook.
109
00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:49,341
If you want snotty, conceited assholes
110
00:06:49,350 --> 00:06:52,099
who think they're better than
everybody else, try Pistol.
111
00:06:52,464 --> 00:06:54,466
It's kind of late to be
out, though, isn't it?
112
00:06:54,727 --> 00:06:56,969
Especially on a school night.
113
00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:58,471
Why don't you come home with me, hmm?
114
00:06:58,472 --> 00:07:00,473
No thanks. Huh!
115
00:07:00,474 --> 00:07:02,475
Go on home to your mommy.
116
00:07:02,903 --> 00:07:04,660
Go on.
117
00:07:16,993 --> 00:07:18,995
That was quick.
118
00:07:18,996 --> 00:07:21,498
Well, when you've had as
much practice as he's had...
119
00:07:22,499 --> 00:07:24,001
I got bored.
120
00:07:24,002 --> 00:07:27,004
I know. Getting your dick
sucked can be so tedious.
121
00:07:27,005 --> 00:07:28,387
Well, he looked pretty hot to me.
122
00:07:28,408 --> 00:07:30,009
Anybody would look hot to you.
123
00:07:47,529 --> 00:07:49,553
And that's when it happened.
124
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:52,035
When he came along.
125
00:07:58,042 --> 00:08:00,268
How's it going?
126
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,545
Had a busy night?
127
00:08:03,048 --> 00:08:05,549
Just, uh, checking out the bars, you know?
128
00:08:05,550 --> 00:08:08,553
Boytoy, Meathook.
129
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,555
The Meathook. Really?
130
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:13,058
So you're into leather?
131
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:15,062
Sure.
132
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,066
Where you headed?
133
00:08:19,067 --> 00:08:22,069
No place special.
134
00:08:22,070 --> 00:08:23,571
I can change that.
135
00:08:24,573 --> 00:08:26,074
Hey!
136
00:08:26,075 --> 00:08:27,575
Hey! What about us?
137
00:08:27,576 --> 00:08:29,077
You can ride with Ted.
138
00:08:29,078 --> 00:08:31,859
- Thanks a lot.
- Asshole!
139
00:08:33,583 --> 00:08:37,587
Well, if it isn't miss riding
hood and her big basket.
140
00:08:37,588 --> 00:08:40,091
Find someone else to
stalk, I'm not interested.
141
00:08:41,593 --> 00:08:43,482
Go home.
142
00:08:51,607 --> 00:08:52,604
Coming in?
143
00:08:52,605 --> 00:08:56,610
Huh? Oh, yeah.
144
00:08:57,111 --> 00:08:59,114
Shut the door.
145
00:09:23,142 --> 00:09:26,145
This is a... really nice place.
146
00:09:36,657 --> 00:09:39,160
I like your kitchen.
147
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:41,663
Do you like special k?
148
00:09:42,664 --> 00:09:45,463
It's okay. I like Cheerios better.
149
00:09:46,846 --> 00:09:49,707
I don't mean the kind
you eat with bananas.
150
00:09:50,174 --> 00:09:52,676
My disco-pharmacologist
cooks this up for me.
151
00:09:54,571 --> 00:09:57,181
I'm really allergic to a lot of drugs.
152
00:09:57,182 --> 00:09:58,683
The doctor gave me penicillin once,
153
00:09:58,684 --> 00:10:00,184
nearly killed me.
154
00:10:00,185 --> 00:10:01,686
And...
155
00:10:01,687 --> 00:10:03,459
- Tylenol.
- Tylenol?
156
00:10:03,689 --> 00:10:06,692
No one's allergic to Tylenol.
Tylenol's what they give you
157
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,694
when you're allergic to everything else.
158
00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,696
Oh.
159
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:13,701
Well, uh, codeine. Codeine's the worst.
160
00:10:13,966 --> 00:10:15,513
Like, I get diarrhea
161
00:10:15,536 --> 00:10:17,969
and start vomiting
uncontrollably at the same time.
162
00:10:18,089 --> 00:10:20,708
Well, we'll make sure and
keep that one on the top shelf.
163
00:10:20,709 --> 00:10:22,711
Out of reach.
164
00:10:29,220 --> 00:10:30,721
So, are you coming or going?
165
00:10:32,723 --> 00:10:34,726
Or coming and then going?
166
00:10:35,727 --> 00:10:38,185
Or coming and staying?
167
00:11:55,321 --> 00:11:56,702
Thank you for the lift.
168
00:11:56,822 --> 00:11:58,324
- See ya.
- Bye.
169
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:09,336
Oh my God, look.
170
00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:11,339
He must have followed us.
171
00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:13,341
Christ, that's just what I need.
172
00:12:13,342 --> 00:12:15,845
Honey, it's what we all need.
173
00:12:16,154 --> 00:12:18,847
Hey! When was the last time you got laid?
174
00:12:18,848 --> 00:12:20,230
My point exactly.
175
00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:22,353
If you can't remember, then it's time.
176
00:12:22,853 --> 00:12:24,735
Now, where are your manners?
177
00:12:24,855 --> 00:12:26,561
Go, uh, go invite the gentleman in
178
00:12:26,581 --> 00:12:28,359
while I make sure none
of my fine washables
179
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,862
are hanging in the tub.
180
00:12:55,392 --> 00:12:57,393
Don't come yet.
181
00:12:57,394 --> 00:13:00,398
Hah, I'll try.
182
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:04,402
Stop.
183
00:13:09,408 --> 00:13:11,910
So, what do you like to do?
184
00:13:11,911 --> 00:13:12,911
Do?
185
00:13:12,912 --> 00:13:15,914
I don't know.
186
00:13:15,915 --> 00:13:18,918
Watch tv, play Tomb Raider.
187
00:13:18,919 --> 00:13:21,421
I mean in bed.
188
00:13:21,422 --> 00:13:22,924
Oh.
189
00:13:24,926 --> 00:13:26,428
This is fine.
190
00:13:27,929 --> 00:13:31,434
Are you a top or a bottom?
191
00:13:33,936 --> 00:13:37,440
Top... and bottom.
192
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:39,442
Oh, you're versatile, then.
193
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:40,944
And ambidextrous...
194
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,827
which was really confusing at first
195
00:13:42,839 --> 00:13:45,451
'cause I could never figure
out which hand to throw with.
196
00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:48,453
Do you like to rim?
197
00:13:48,454 --> 00:13:51,457
Sure. I love it.
198
00:13:51,458 --> 00:13:53,460
Great.
199
00:13:54,461 --> 00:13:56,964
Go to it.
200
00:13:57,965 --> 00:13:59,466
Well?
201
00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:02,471
Um, what exactly do you mean?
202
00:14:06,975 --> 00:14:08,477
Yeah?
203
00:14:08,478 --> 00:14:10,059
What?
204
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:12,981
When?
205
00:14:13,592 --> 00:14:15,485
Are you kidding me?
206
00:14:15,486 --> 00:14:18,098
No, of course you're not
kidding me. When did it happen?
207
00:14:18,376 --> 00:14:20,373
Why didn't you call me?
208
00:14:20,989 --> 00:14:23,054
Well, of course I was out.
209
00:14:23,497 --> 00:14:25,997
I can't believe it.
210
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,499
Shit!
211
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,502
Jesus Christ! I told you not to.
212
00:14:29,867 --> 00:14:31,504
I tried. I'm sorry.
213
00:14:31,505 --> 00:14:33,005
- All over my new duvet.
- I tried.
214
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:35,256
Thank you very much.
215
00:14:35,376 --> 00:14:37,511
It'll wash out, won't it?
216
00:14:37,512 --> 00:14:39,774
I mean, you should see my sheets at home.
217
00:14:39,819 --> 00:14:42,016
Just some kid. What's your name again?
218
00:14:42,017 --> 00:14:44,520
- Justin.
- Justin.
219
00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:47,022
I'll be right there.
220
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:55,014
Ooh, don't mind me.
221
00:14:55,134 --> 00:14:56,471
Just, uh, can't sleep
222
00:14:56,486 --> 00:14:58,183
without my milk and Oreos.
223
00:14:58,979 --> 00:15:01,231
That's my friend Emmett. He's
staying with me temporarily
224
00:15:01,246 --> 00:15:03,266
since the hooker who lived
down the hall from him
225
00:15:03,281 --> 00:15:06,045
burned his apartment
building down two years ago.
226
00:15:06,546 --> 00:15:08,812
Two years is a long time to be temporary.
227
00:15:08,932 --> 00:15:11,551
And yet it hasn't
interfered with my love life.
228
00:15:12,265 --> 00:15:14,554
Which, I suppose, says
a lot about my love life.
229
00:15:15,142 --> 00:15:17,939
Do you mind if we skip the
back story and cut to the chase?
230
00:15:18,059 --> 00:15:19,561
It's almost 2:00 in the morning.
231
00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:27,207
You have a great ass.
232
00:15:27,571 --> 00:15:29,072
Oh yeah?
233
00:15:31,575 --> 00:15:33,578
So do you, it's really...
234
00:15:39,585 --> 00:15:41,586
firm.
235
00:15:41,587 --> 00:15:43,087
It's called "the butt".
236
00:15:43,088 --> 00:15:44,591
I got it in a catalogue.
237
00:15:50,598 --> 00:15:51,979
Parts department.
238
00:15:52,016 --> 00:15:54,100
Melanie called. It's happened.
239
00:15:54,101 --> 00:15:55,370
What? Oh my God! When?
240
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,278
I don't know, I had
my damn cell phone off.
241
00:15:57,608 --> 00:15:59,253
I'm picking you up in two minutes.
242
00:15:59,884 --> 00:16:03,112
Now? I... kind of got my hands full.
243
00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:05,876
"The bulge".
244
00:16:06,064 --> 00:16:07,896
You order both, you get a discount.
245
00:16:08,617 --> 00:16:09,619
Who's that?
246
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:10,621
Uh, no one.
247
00:16:10,923 --> 00:16:13,317
Mikey, you've got someone there with you.
248
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:14,714
I can't believe it.
249
00:16:14,751 --> 00:16:16,126
You should only be here.
250
00:16:16,127 --> 00:16:17,511
Forget about it, don't let me bother you.
251
00:16:17,913 --> 00:16:19,631
Fuck the shit out of him.
252
00:16:19,632 --> 00:16:21,607
No, wait. Pick me up. I... I'm ready.
253
00:16:21,652 --> 00:16:22,134
Now.
254
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:25,383
We going to do this or not?
255
00:16:25,923 --> 00:16:28,319
I am really, really sorry.
256
00:16:28,372 --> 00:16:30,024
Um, a friend of mine needs me.
257
00:16:30,144 --> 00:16:31,145
It's an emergency.
258
00:16:31,265 --> 00:16:33,404
- Shit. After all that?
- I know.
259
00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:34,749
I promise we'll reschedule though.
260
00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:36,151
No "ifs", "ands" or...
261
00:16:40,657 --> 00:16:42,301
- What's going on?
- Everything.
262
00:16:42,421 --> 00:16:44,040
Come on, get up. You gotta go.
263
00:16:44,066 --> 00:16:45,663
- Where?
- Home.
264
00:16:45,958 --> 00:16:47,317
I can't go home now. My...
265
00:16:47,437 --> 00:16:48,752
my parents think I'm
staying at a friend's.
266
00:16:48,786 --> 00:16:50,166
You live with your parents?
267
00:16:50,167 --> 00:16:51,669
Well, I'm still in school.
268
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:53,672
I mean, college.
269
00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:56,173
- What year are you in?
- Junior.
270
00:16:56,174 --> 00:16:59,177
Sophomore. Between my
junior and sophomore year.
271
00:16:59,178 --> 00:17:00,179
How old are you?
272
00:17:00,782 --> 00:17:01,681
21.
273
00:17:03,684 --> 00:17:05,184
What year were you born?
274
00:17:05,955 --> 00:17:07,687
1979.
275
00:17:07,946 --> 00:17:10,048
Bullshit. You had to think
before you answered that.
276
00:17:10,056 --> 00:17:11,192
How old are you really?
277
00:17:12,516 --> 00:17:14,228
20.
278
00:17:16,198 --> 00:17:18,480
19.
279
00:17:20,704 --> 00:17:21,704
18.
280
00:17:21,705 --> 00:17:24,160
Well what is this, a missile launch?
281
00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:25,209
17.
282
00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:29,713
What is with kids today?
283
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:32,217
We just want to get
laid like everybody else.
284
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,719
Have you ever been with anyone before?
285
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,457
Sure.
286
00:17:36,727 --> 00:17:39,225
Well, not exactly.
287
00:17:40,429 --> 00:17:42,229
This is sort of my first.
288
00:17:43,734 --> 00:17:45,386
I figured.
289
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,234
Kind of young, aren't you?
290
00:17:49,238 --> 00:17:51,491
Well, I was 14 my first time.
291
00:17:51,611 --> 00:17:52,740
That's really young.
292
00:17:52,741 --> 00:17:53,743
With my gym teacher.
293
00:17:53,744 --> 00:17:55,715
I bet he was some old perv.
294
00:17:55,835 --> 00:17:59,249
That old perv was probably
the same age that I am now.
295
00:18:00,589 --> 00:18:02,753
It was after school in the locker rooms.
296
00:18:04,133 --> 00:18:05,388
He was taking a shower.
297
00:18:05,755 --> 00:18:07,258
I went back for something.
298
00:18:07,647 --> 00:18:09,761
A book, my jockstrap,
299
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:11,263
I don't remember.
300
00:18:13,077 --> 00:18:16,050
Anyway, there he was all
naked soaping himself.
301
00:18:16,268 --> 00:18:17,935
He saw me there,
302
00:18:18,273 --> 00:18:20,273
a big boner under my chinos.
303
00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:25,610
Shit. I walked right into the showers
304
00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:26,780
with all my clothes on.
305
00:18:26,781 --> 00:18:27,782
No.
306
00:18:27,783 --> 00:18:29,164
Got down on my knees
307
00:18:29,171 --> 00:18:30,785
and sucked him off right there.
308
00:18:30,786 --> 00:18:32,286
He let you?
309
00:18:32,287 --> 00:18:33,790
Let me?
310
00:18:35,291 --> 00:18:36,292
He loved it.
311
00:18:37,293 --> 00:18:38,872
I bet you were scared.
312
00:18:38,992 --> 00:18:41,568
Well, I guess we're all a
little scared our first time.
313
00:18:48,306 --> 00:18:50,429
But I don't remember any more.
314
00:19:05,827 --> 00:19:06,829
You brought him?
315
00:19:06,839 --> 00:19:08,416
He's got nowhere to go.
316
00:19:08,678 --> 00:19:09,955
Get in.
317
00:19:11,006 --> 00:19:12,268
Jeez!
318
00:19:37,865 --> 00:19:39,866
Oh, my God.
319
00:19:39,867 --> 00:19:41,369
Say hello to your son.
320
00:19:44,372 --> 00:19:46,375
Well, go on.
321
00:19:53,884 --> 00:19:55,384
When did it start?
322
00:19:55,385 --> 00:19:57,159
Around 7:00.
323
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:59,890
Six hours later, there he was.
324
00:19:59,891 --> 00:20:01,890
Oh, I wish I could have been here.
325
00:20:01,890 --> 00:20:03,993
How often do I get to see snatch?
326
00:20:05,743 --> 00:20:07,399
Looks just like you.
327
00:20:08,401 --> 00:20:10,903
I guess he must be mine then.
328
00:20:10,904 --> 00:20:13,406
Want to hold him?
329
00:20:15,409 --> 00:20:16,910
Okay, careful. Don't drop him.
330
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:19,915
That's just what I was planning on doing.
331
00:20:21,868 --> 00:20:23,385
We've been thinking of names.
332
00:20:23,407 --> 00:20:26,421
Mel wants to call him
Abraham after her grandfather,
333
00:20:26,422 --> 00:20:28,925
but I like Gus.
334
00:20:31,929 --> 00:20:33,430
What do you think?
335
00:20:35,933 --> 00:20:39,587
You wouldn't survive a day
at school being named Abraham.
336
00:20:39,707 --> 00:20:41,438
But I guess Gus is okay.
337
00:20:41,439 --> 00:20:44,160
Hah, thank you very much,
and who the hell are you?
338
00:20:44,190 --> 00:20:45,444
His name's J...
339
00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:48,507
Justin.
340
00:20:48,627 --> 00:20:50,951
You were on the phone when
he shot his load all over me.
341
00:20:53,876 --> 00:20:54,956
Oh, Brian!
342
00:20:55,228 --> 00:20:56,923
He can't help it.
343
00:20:56,958 --> 00:20:58,763
He's only 17.
344
00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,844
So, you and Lindsay each
had an infant tonight.
345
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,466
Yeah, but mine doesn't suck on my tits.
346
00:21:04,467 --> 00:21:06,970
Not unless I want him to.
347
00:21:07,971 --> 00:21:10,975
"Gus". It's a good butch name.
348
00:21:11,475 --> 00:21:12,976
Come on, Gus,
349
00:21:12,977 --> 00:21:15,479
give your daddy a smile.
350
00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:30,997
It's disgusting, all those lesbians
351
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,500
fawning over him and making goo-goo talk.
352
00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:36,004
That's what women do over babies.
353
00:21:38,507 --> 00:21:41,010
Who's talking about
the baby? I mean Justin.
354
00:21:45,515 --> 00:21:48,018
It's kind of weird, you having a kid.
355
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,022
Still, it's exciting, isn't it?
356
00:21:52,023 --> 00:21:56,027
What? Having some wrinkled
little time-clock ticking away?
357
00:21:56,028 --> 00:21:58,529
Reminding you that you're
getting older by the minute.
358
00:21:58,530 --> 00:22:00,266
By the second?
359
00:22:00,386 --> 00:22:03,293
Keep thinking like that you're
going to end up prematurely gre-ey.
360
00:22:03,536 --> 00:22:06,038
Oh, I think I see one.
361
00:22:06,039 --> 00:22:08,042
Ow!
362
00:22:11,620 --> 00:22:13,730
Why didn't somebody try and stop me?
363
00:22:13,963 --> 00:22:15,931
Hello? Somebody did.
364
00:22:16,051 --> 00:22:17,958
But you wouldn't listen.
You had to let Lindsay
365
00:22:17,973 --> 00:22:19,936
fill your head with all
her bullshit flattery.
366
00:22:20,056 --> 00:22:22,314
"Oh, Brian, you're so good looking.
367
00:22:22,434 --> 00:22:25,453
Oh, oh, Brian, y... y... you're so smart.
368
00:22:25,573 --> 00:22:27,676
Oh, oh, you've got
such great genes, Brian,
369
00:22:27,676 --> 00:22:29,494
and I don't mean your 501s."
370
00:22:31,575 --> 00:22:33,805
And now you're stuck with a kid.
371
00:22:35,074 --> 00:22:36,575
For life.
372
00:22:42,082 --> 00:22:44,584
Well there is always one solution.
373
00:22:51,593 --> 00:22:53,594
I could end it all right now.
374
00:22:53,595 --> 00:22:56,097
Oh, that'd be dramatic.
375
00:22:56,098 --> 00:22:59,636
Just like "ER", birth and
death in the same episode.
376
00:22:59,659 --> 00:23:02,104
Now get down!
377
00:23:02,105 --> 00:23:03,488
Well, you'll have to come get me...
378
00:23:03,744 --> 00:23:05,389
I'm serious. Stop clowning.
379
00:23:05,434 --> 00:23:06,610
Or I'll jump!
380
00:23:30,138 --> 00:23:33,141
Come on, Mikey, let's fly.
381
00:23:33,142 --> 00:23:35,144
Like in all those comic books.
382
00:23:39,649 --> 00:23:41,651
I'm Superman.
383
00:23:43,154 --> 00:23:44,655
I'll show you the world.
384
00:23:44,958 --> 00:23:47,113
Why am I always Lois Lane?
385
00:24:07,754 --> 00:24:09,308
Congratulations...
386
00:24:11,929 --> 00:24:13,243
Dad.
387
00:24:31,210 --> 00:24:33,213
Sorry.
388
00:24:35,215 --> 00:24:36,715
Honestly.
389
00:24:36,716 --> 00:24:38,098
Fucked him.
390
00:24:38,127 --> 00:24:39,621
You did not, you looked at him.
391
00:24:39,651 --> 00:24:41,168
That may appear to be what happened,
392
00:24:41,183 --> 00:24:42,103
but we did it all.
393
00:24:42,107 --> 00:24:43,947
Oh yeah, and how was he?
394
00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:45,726
Fabulous.
395
00:24:45,727 --> 00:24:47,228
- Want one?
- No.
396
00:24:47,229 --> 00:24:48,730
More for me.
397
00:24:50,733 --> 00:24:52,735
Listen, you're going to go
say goodnight to Lindsay,
398
00:24:52,736 --> 00:24:54,722
you're going to go home, go to bed
399
00:24:54,752 --> 00:24:59,318
and get up and go to work for the
next 20 years to support your kid.
400
00:24:59,521 --> 00:25:01,345
You see this line, how deep it is?
401
00:25:01,365 --> 00:25:02,967
That means you're very creative.
402
00:25:03,087 --> 00:25:05,749
That's true. I want to be a
cartoonist or a computer animator.
403
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,351
It's far too lesbianic
out here for a young boy.
404
00:25:08,471 --> 00:25:09,628
Out.
405
00:25:09,748 --> 00:25:11,340
I'll meet you out front.
406
00:25:16,017 --> 00:25:18,266
I'm sorry, sir, you'll
have to come back tomorrow.
407
00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:19,766
The mother needs her rest.
408
00:25:19,767 --> 00:25:20,768
And so does the father.
409
00:25:20,769 --> 00:25:22,272
It's okay, nurse.
410
00:25:26,275 --> 00:25:28,776
Sweet dreams, Sonny boy.
411
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:31,281
First night on earth.
412
00:25:32,368 --> 00:25:34,035
Hon, could you get me some ice
413
00:25:34,050 --> 00:25:35,454
and maybe something fizzy?
414
00:25:35,574 --> 00:25:37,317
How about some ginger ale?
415
00:25:43,795 --> 00:25:45,296
Uh, anything for you?
416
00:25:45,297 --> 00:25:47,800
Uh, if you see any amyl
nitrate laying around.
417
00:25:55,809 --> 00:25:57,192
Alone at last.
418
00:25:57,213 --> 00:25:58,422
Careful.
419
00:26:00,818 --> 00:26:03,819
Well, here we are.
420
00:26:05,045 --> 00:26:07,080
Ma and pa.
421
00:26:09,326 --> 00:26:10,827
Hey.
422
00:26:13,591 --> 00:26:15,730
Don't mind me,
423
00:26:16,454 --> 00:26:19,838
just feeling a little... vulnerable.
424
00:26:26,346 --> 00:26:28,624
I promise not to tell.
425
00:26:28,744 --> 00:26:30,554
Who would have thought?
426
00:26:30,850 --> 00:26:32,352
You and me.
427
00:26:32,353 --> 00:26:34,160
Parents.
428
00:26:35,857 --> 00:26:38,360
It's pretty scary, boys and girls.
429
00:26:39,861 --> 00:26:41,862
Think it's too late to return it?
430
00:26:41,863 --> 00:26:43,262
We could try.
431
00:26:44,867 --> 00:26:47,457
Ohh.
432
00:26:47,870 --> 00:26:50,498
I guess this means
we're finally grown-ups.
433
00:26:50,618 --> 00:26:52,256
"Don't say that, Wendy,
434
00:26:52,376 --> 00:26:53,377
we'll never grow up."
435
00:26:53,695 --> 00:26:55,451
Don't be scared.
436
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,383
Hell, if our parents
could fuck up, so can we.
437
00:27:03,389 --> 00:27:04,890
I don't want you to worry.
438
00:27:04,891 --> 00:27:06,892
About money, I mean.
439
00:27:06,893 --> 00:27:07,894
If you need anything...
440
00:27:07,895 --> 00:27:10,425
No, we'll be all right.
441
00:27:10,628 --> 00:27:12,017
But thanks.
442
00:27:18,407 --> 00:27:19,907
I would've fucked you, you know?
443
00:27:19,908 --> 00:27:21,910
Oh!
444
00:27:21,911 --> 00:27:24,413
If I wasn't afraid your
lover'd beat the shit out of me.
445
00:27:24,414 --> 00:27:25,415
Stop.
446
00:27:25,634 --> 00:27:26,915
I mean it.
447
00:27:26,916 --> 00:27:28,918
She could take out Oscar de la Renta.
448
00:27:28,919 --> 00:27:31,419
You mean La Hoya.
449
00:27:31,922 --> 00:27:32,924
Whatever.
450
00:27:34,250 --> 00:27:36,608
Well, you had plenty of chances.
451
00:27:37,930 --> 00:27:40,313
And I took advantage
of a few, if I recall.
452
00:27:40,433 --> 00:27:42,435
It wasn't half bad.
453
00:27:43,268 --> 00:27:45,432
Now you tell me?
454
00:27:45,942 --> 00:27:48,442
You mean I could have been
straight this whole time?
455
00:27:49,152 --> 00:27:50,940
I wouldn't say that.
456
00:27:52,028 --> 00:27:54,266
Well then I guess it's just as well.
457
00:28:03,707 --> 00:28:04,961
Ice?
458
00:28:07,465 --> 00:28:09,466
Tick-tick-tick.
459
00:28:09,467 --> 00:28:11,469
Tick.
460
00:28:11,503 --> 00:28:13,471
Tick. Tick.
461
00:28:13,472 --> 00:28:15,473
Tick.
462
00:28:15,474 --> 00:28:16,475
What are you doing?
463
00:28:18,978 --> 00:28:20,360
I'm just repeating the first words
464
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:21,538
my Sonny boy said to me.
465
00:28:21,658 --> 00:28:23,738
It wasn't "da-da".
466
00:28:23,858 --> 00:28:26,615
It was tick-tick-tick-tick.
467
00:28:27,268 --> 00:28:29,491
Smart little fucker.
468
00:28:30,985 --> 00:28:33,089
He can tell time already.
469
00:28:33,209 --> 00:28:34,868
Brian, what did you take?
470
00:28:42,055 --> 00:28:45,509
I'm just teaching my kid the alphabet.
471
00:28:47,319 --> 00:28:49,394
I'm going to fuck you.
472
00:28:49,444 --> 00:28:53,356
I'm going to fuck you all night.
473
00:29:07,799 --> 00:29:08,783
Shit!
474
00:29:09,001 --> 00:29:11,149
Sorry, I didn't want to hit that doggie.
475
00:29:11,186 --> 00:29:12,628
Fuck the doggie.
476
00:29:12,673 --> 00:29:14,198
Okay, boy wonder.
477
00:29:14,551 --> 00:29:16,426
I'm taking you home. Where do I turn?
478
00:29:16,466 --> 00:29:17,547
He's going with me.
479
00:29:17,548 --> 00:29:18,695
Oh no, he's not.
480
00:29:18,740 --> 00:29:21,050
Pop quiz. No talking.
481
00:29:21,051 --> 00:29:23,211
Here's a question. Multiple choice.
482
00:29:23,331 --> 00:29:24,682
Do you want to come home with me?
483
00:29:24,728 --> 00:29:26,373
A, yes,
484
00:29:26,561 --> 00:29:28,205
b, yes,
485
00:29:28,325 --> 00:29:30,856
or c, yes.
486
00:29:30,976 --> 00:29:33,371
Tick, tick, tick. Time's up. Pencils down.
487
00:29:33,566 --> 00:29:35,067
What do you say?
488
00:29:35,098 --> 00:29:36,645
None of the above.
489
00:29:37,073 --> 00:29:38,071
He's going home.
490
00:29:38,072 --> 00:29:40,073
I'm going with him.
491
00:29:42,074 --> 00:29:43,839
Good boy.
492
00:29:44,579 --> 00:29:47,081
You get an "a" plus.
493
00:30:06,764 --> 00:30:09,205
Now you know what rimming is.
494
00:30:12,612 --> 00:30:15,070
He calls me, practically
begs me to go with him,
495
00:30:15,114 --> 00:30:16,497
knowing full well I'm with someone
496
00:30:16,533 --> 00:30:18,618
for the first time in
I don't know how long.
497
00:30:18,619 --> 00:30:21,366
Seven months, two weeks and three days.
498
00:30:21,486 --> 00:30:22,680
Thank you.
499
00:30:22,943 --> 00:30:24,865
And even though the guy wasn't
all he was cracked up to be...
500
00:30:24,888 --> 00:30:26,413
We'll let that remark pass.
501
00:30:26,420 --> 00:30:28,320
At least he wanted me.
502
00:30:28,846 --> 00:30:29,987
Me.
503
00:30:33,637 --> 00:30:35,639
God, I am so horny.
504
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:38,642
Poor baby.
505
00:30:38,643 --> 00:30:40,143
Well I have just the thing.
506
00:30:40,144 --> 00:30:42,146
A new porn video.
507
00:30:42,266 --> 00:30:45,472
It all takes place in
a prisoner-of-war camp.
508
00:30:45,855 --> 00:30:49,152
"Hot, horny men starved for action".
509
00:30:49,272 --> 00:30:50,887
I can relate to that.
510
00:30:51,382 --> 00:30:53,883
Guaranteed to make your
privates stand up and salute.
511
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,077
"Schindler's fist"?
512
00:30:57,164 --> 00:30:59,785
Here, I will leave you two alone.
513
00:30:59,823 --> 00:31:02,872
I'm sure you're going to have
a deep, meaningful relationship.
514
00:31:02,992 --> 00:31:05,173
Good night.
515
00:31:10,179 --> 00:31:12,845
Okay, private, drop trou and bend over.
516
00:31:12,965 --> 00:31:14,295
For my physical, sir?
517
00:31:14,415 --> 00:31:16,262
No, target practice.
518
00:31:16,687 --> 00:31:17,870
Yes, sir.
519
00:31:19,027 --> 00:31:20,927
Put your legs up
520
00:31:20,957 --> 00:31:22,564
on my shoulders.
521
00:31:24,196 --> 00:31:26,198
That's it.
522
00:31:27,700 --> 00:31:29,200
Oh, wait.
523
00:31:29,201 --> 00:31:30,983
In school we had this lecture...
524
00:31:31,103 --> 00:31:32,800
about safe sex.
525
00:31:34,114 --> 00:31:36,631
And now we're going to
have a demonstration.
526
00:31:43,218 --> 00:31:45,220
Put it on me.
527
00:31:45,721 --> 00:31:47,285
Go on.
528
00:31:47,724 --> 00:31:49,225
Slip it on my dick.
529
00:31:59,237 --> 00:32:01,917
Ah! It's cold.
530
00:32:02,232 --> 00:32:03,616
It'll heat up.
531
00:32:05,745 --> 00:32:07,246
Just...
532
00:32:07,479 --> 00:32:08,830
Go slow, okay?
533
00:32:21,884 --> 00:32:23,498
It hurts.
534
00:32:23,618 --> 00:32:25,060
Does it always hurt?
535
00:32:25,068 --> 00:32:27,186
A little bit.
536
00:32:28,395 --> 00:32:30,273
But that's a part of it.
537
00:32:33,745 --> 00:32:35,780
Now relax.
538
00:32:38,784 --> 00:32:41,286
I want you to always remember this.
539
00:32:43,289 --> 00:32:45,792
So that no matter who you're ever with...
540
00:32:49,296 --> 00:32:51,298
I'll always be there.
541
00:34:12,393 --> 00:34:14,686
What the fuck are you doing here?
542
00:34:16,398 --> 00:34:17,900
Y... you said I could stay.
543
00:34:20,197 --> 00:34:21,404
Right.
544
00:34:21,524 --> 00:34:23,021
Your parents.
545
00:34:23,404 --> 00:34:25,910
They think you're at a friend's.
546
00:34:32,918 --> 00:34:35,421
Jesus Christ! What the hell happened?
547
00:34:38,627 --> 00:34:40,324
Don't tell me.
548
00:34:40,928 --> 00:34:42,428
I was doing handstands.
549
00:34:42,429 --> 00:34:43,593
And juggling.
550
00:34:43,976 --> 00:34:45,763
You're not very good.
551
00:34:46,064 --> 00:34:47,333
Shit.
552
00:34:47,686 --> 00:34:49,938
Why do I do these things?
553
00:34:51,012 --> 00:34:52,386
I'll tell you why.
554
00:34:52,777 --> 00:34:55,338
It was that fucking pig Anita.
555
00:34:55,713 --> 00:34:58,184
She told me that was "E". That wasn't "E",
556
00:34:58,206 --> 00:35:01,195
that was some shit they cooked
up in a bathtub in Tijuana.
557
00:35:01,953 --> 00:35:03,230
That's why you should never take drugs
558
00:35:03,253 --> 00:35:04,956
that aren't prescribed by a physician,
559
00:35:04,965 --> 00:35:06,958
or recommended by a reliable pharmacist.
560
00:35:11,964 --> 00:35:12,965
What are you?
561
00:35:13,155 --> 00:35:14,875
A public service announcement?
562
00:35:17,201 --> 00:35:19,471
Get dressed, I'll drive you home.
563
00:35:19,472 --> 00:35:21,475
You can't.
564
00:35:22,327 --> 00:35:25,038
- Michael has the car.
- Why has he got it?
565
00:35:25,256 --> 00:35:27,223
- You were too high...
- I know what happened.
566
00:35:27,482 --> 00:35:29,015
I was there.
567
00:35:29,135 --> 00:35:30,720
I remember everything...
568
00:35:32,620 --> 00:35:33,656
perfectly.
569
00:35:36,492 --> 00:35:37,994
What was your name again?
570
00:35:37,995 --> 00:35:39,496
Justin.
571
00:35:41,498 --> 00:35:43,901
Yeah, right.
572
00:35:47,005 --> 00:35:48,006
Can I take a shower?
573
00:35:48,007 --> 00:35:49,507
Yeah, but hurry up.
574
00:35:50,010 --> 00:35:52,511
It's through there...
575
00:35:53,172 --> 00:35:54,561
I think.
576
00:36:06,154 --> 00:36:09,000
Where the hell are you? I've been
trying your cell, it's turned off.
577
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:10,547
If you're there, pick up.
578
00:36:10,667 --> 00:36:12,844
Brian? Listen, Lindsay's water broke.
579
00:36:12,874 --> 00:36:15,030
She's having contractions.
We're at the hospital.
580
00:36:18,544 --> 00:36:21,060
Fuck! I have a baby.
581
00:36:25,380 --> 00:36:26,859
Two babies.
582
00:36:40,068 --> 00:36:41,967
Holy shit!
583
00:36:43,329 --> 00:36:45,747
You little bastards! Get
the fuck away from there!
584
00:36:45,762 --> 00:36:46,574
Faggot!
585
00:36:46,575 --> 00:36:47,575
Queer!
586
00:36:47,576 --> 00:36:49,077
Faggot!
587
00:36:49,078 --> 00:36:50,579
Who're you calling a faggot?
588
00:36:50,580 --> 00:36:52,472
- We've seen you.
- Queer!
589
00:37:09,712 --> 00:37:11,183
Morning.
590
00:37:12,105 --> 00:37:14,107
Oh, my lord.
591
00:37:14,108 --> 00:37:15,216
Motherfuckers!
592
00:37:15,228 --> 00:37:16,860
I'm calling the cops.
593
00:37:16,980 --> 00:37:19,128
Brian is going to have a fit,
594
00:37:19,143 --> 00:37:21,032
you know how he feels about his Jeep.
595
00:37:21,152 --> 00:37:22,909
Well if he cares so much about it
596
00:37:22,924 --> 00:37:24,772
then he shouldn't have lent it to me.
597
00:37:24,892 --> 00:37:27,279
He knows what a terrible
neighbourhood this is.
598
00:37:27,820 --> 00:37:29,938
Well, I, uh, I was going
to ask for a lift to work.
599
00:37:29,975 --> 00:37:32,295
But on second thought, I think I'll walk.
600
00:37:32,629 --> 00:37:34,131
Have a nice day.
601
00:37:35,629 --> 00:37:37,402
Shit!
602
00:38:01,966 --> 00:38:04,279
Why didn't you tell me I had a kid?
603
00:38:04,667 --> 00:38:06,794
You said you remembered everything.
604
00:38:06,914 --> 00:38:09,663
It all happened so fast.
605
00:38:09,888 --> 00:38:11,674
What's his name again?
606
00:38:11,675 --> 00:38:13,141
Gus.
607
00:38:13,456 --> 00:38:15,003
I'm the one who decided.
608
00:38:18,183 --> 00:38:19,683
Did you actually fuck her?
609
00:38:19,684 --> 00:38:21,378
- Who?
- Lindsay.
610
00:38:21,498 --> 00:38:23,188
You're awfully rude.
611
00:38:23,189 --> 00:38:24,843
Well, did you?
612
00:38:25,159 --> 00:38:26,706
I jerked off in a cup,
613
00:38:26,713 --> 00:38:28,688
and they squirted it up her.
614
00:38:28,808 --> 00:38:30,196
Gross.
615
00:38:30,198 --> 00:38:31,985
She must have really wanted a kid.
616
00:38:32,105 --> 00:38:34,231
Most women do.
617
00:38:34,351 --> 00:38:36,273
Even lesbians?
618
00:38:36,393 --> 00:38:39,187
Lesbians are women...
619
00:38:39,435 --> 00:38:41,672
sort of.
620
00:38:42,211 --> 00:38:45,714
My mom says sometimes she
wished she never had me.
621
00:38:45,715 --> 00:38:50,221
That's probably because she's stuck with
this annoying brat for the rest of her life.
622
00:38:53,724 --> 00:38:56,228
So, you gonna raise him?
623
00:38:57,194 --> 00:38:58,230
Me?
624
00:38:58,350 --> 00:39:00,205
No way.
625
00:39:00,731 --> 00:39:02,235
The munchers are.
626
00:39:02,735 --> 00:39:06,032
But I'll be around to provide
the masculine influence
627
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:09,141
so important in a young boy's life.
628
00:39:09,261 --> 00:39:11,246
I'll bet Melanie could
do it better than you.
629
00:39:11,247 --> 00:39:14,748
Don't get smart, or
I'll have to spank you.
630
00:39:14,749 --> 00:39:15,750
Really?
631
00:39:29,267 --> 00:39:30,768
You up for one more?
632
00:39:43,706 --> 00:39:45,286
Brian!
633
00:39:57,913 --> 00:40:00,586
Christ. Didn't you get enough last night?
634
00:40:03,687 --> 00:40:07,812
There is no such thing as enough.
635
00:40:08,591 --> 00:40:10,258
Besides...
636
00:40:10,378 --> 00:40:14,117
I couldn't send him off without a
nourishing high-protein breakfast.
637
00:40:14,936 --> 00:40:17,823
It's great!
638
00:40:21,829 --> 00:40:24,832
Will you come on? I'm not
gonna be late because of you.
639
00:40:37,489 --> 00:40:39,849
I said hurry up!
640
00:40:45,356 --> 00:40:49,228
Yeah. She said, "don't be late."
641
00:40:51,635 --> 00:40:56,005
Oh, that's beautiful,
Mikey. Just beautiful.
642
00:40:56,020 --> 00:40:57,365
It's not my fault.
643
00:40:57,485 --> 00:40:59,820
I told you about those two
psychopaths down the street.
644
00:40:59,873 --> 00:41:01,255
What, a couple of 12-year-olds?
645
00:41:01,276 --> 00:41:03,281
They start early these days.
646
00:41:03,401 --> 00:41:05,895
What are you laughing at? Nothing.
647
00:41:06,879 --> 00:41:08,351
You.
648
00:41:08,621 --> 00:41:10,776
You sound like my parents fighting.
649
00:41:13,892 --> 00:41:16,893
It doesn't matter anyway.
It's a company car.
650
00:41:19,396 --> 00:41:22,198
Well, come on. We have to
take the child to school.
651
00:41:22,401 --> 00:41:23,401
In this?
652
00:41:24,593 --> 00:41:25,903
You care?
653
00:41:27,906 --> 00:41:29,908
Fuck no.
654
00:41:54,938 --> 00:41:56,939
Here we are, Sonny boy.
655
00:41:56,940 --> 00:41:58,653
Be sure to come home right after school.
656
00:41:58,683 --> 00:42:00,260
No lingering on the playground
657
00:42:00,275 --> 00:42:02,543
or in the locker room
with the gym teacher.
658
00:42:02,663 --> 00:42:04,449
Oh, you did not tell him about that.
659
00:42:05,517 --> 00:42:07,957
It's the most famous
shower scene since "Psycho."
660
00:42:08,144 --> 00:42:11,749
Hey, Justin! Wanna suck me off?
661
00:42:12,958 --> 00:42:15,729
No, but I'll kick your tight
little virgin ass so hard,
662
00:42:15,744 --> 00:42:17,465
you won't sit down for a week.
663
00:42:21,501 --> 00:42:22,971
Can we get out of here?
664
00:42:25,474 --> 00:42:26,974
When can I see you again?
665
00:42:26,975 --> 00:42:28,358
You can see me right now.
666
00:42:28,389 --> 00:42:30,019
I mean later... tonight.
667
00:42:30,139 --> 00:42:33,165
Who knows where I'll be later tonight.
668
00:42:34,487 --> 00:42:35,981
We better go.
669
00:42:36,980 --> 00:42:38,279
Please?
670
00:42:40,321 --> 00:42:42,494
I'll see you in your dreams.
671
00:43:04,024 --> 00:43:07,523
Where have you been? Your mom called.
672
00:43:07,524 --> 00:43:09,162
I didn't know what to tell her.
673
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,010
I said you were still asleep.
674
00:43:11,130 --> 00:43:13,533
I just saw the face of God.
675
00:43:13,773 --> 00:43:14,749
Huh?
676
00:43:15,064 --> 00:43:17,310
His name is Brian Kinney.
677
00:43:19,450 --> 00:43:21,613
Thank God he's finally gone.
678
00:43:21,658 --> 00:43:23,242
He almost wore me out.
679
00:43:23,542 --> 00:43:26,045
Somebody wore you out?
680
00:43:26,308 --> 00:43:28,095
I said "almost."
681
00:43:29,665 --> 00:43:31,685
I'll drop you by the store.
682
00:43:31,722 --> 00:43:33,209
The hell you will.
683
00:43:33,329 --> 00:43:36,040
You better get this thing repainted
before you go into the office.
684
00:43:36,063 --> 00:43:37,549
I'm not having it repainted.
685
00:43:38,060 --> 00:43:39,044
What?
686
00:43:39,352 --> 00:43:42,064
- I like it this way.
- Are you crazy?
687
00:43:45,743 --> 00:43:47,571
No. They are.
688
00:43:47,815 --> 00:43:49,467
Well, I say fuck 'em.
689
00:43:50,076 --> 00:43:52,577
They can write it in neon across the sky.
690
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,753
Faggot!
691
00:44:26,608 --> 00:44:29,118
Brian Kinney, a father?
692
00:44:29,119 --> 00:44:30,540
It's true. I was there.
693
00:44:30,585 --> 00:44:32,237
I saw it happen with my own eyes.
694
00:44:32,537 --> 00:44:34,864
Talk about conceiving the inconceivable.
695
00:44:35,074 --> 00:44:36,681
Or is it the other way around?
696
00:44:36,801 --> 00:44:38,266
Would you give the guy a break?
697
00:44:38,386 --> 00:44:39,978
Couldn't be any worse than my daddy was.
698
00:44:40,098 --> 00:44:42,403
Or mine, not that I can remember him.
699
00:44:42,523 --> 00:44:45,136
So what's next? PTA parent?
700
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,170
Little league coach? Scoutmaster?
701
00:44:48,366 --> 00:44:49,958
They don't allow queers in the scouts.
702
00:44:50,010 --> 00:44:51,864
They're afraid we'll induct new recruits.
703
00:44:51,984 --> 00:44:54,988
I only go out with men
who've already enlisted.
704
00:44:55,484 --> 00:44:57,781
So, uh, who's he look like?
705
00:44:58,044 --> 00:45:00,710
Well, he's got Brian's
eyes and mouth and...
706
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:02,805
Lindsay's nose.
707
00:45:03,158 --> 00:45:05,246
Well, if he's got Melanie's
dick, we're in big trouble.
708
00:45:07,664 --> 00:45:08,933
You should see the pictures I took.
709
00:45:08,948 --> 00:45:09,970
He's so adorable.
710
00:45:09,970 --> 00:45:12,366
In one of them he's actually
playing with himself.
711
00:45:12,674 --> 00:45:15,527
- Who, Brian?
- No, the baby.
712
00:45:15,925 --> 00:45:17,930
Can you imagine, he's only
been in the world about an hour
713
00:45:17,937 --> 00:45:19,665
and already he's pulling his pud?
714
00:45:20,055 --> 00:45:21,805
- Excuse me.
- Yeah.
715
00:45:21,925 --> 00:45:24,200
Can you tell me where
men's jockey shorts are?
716
00:45:24,688 --> 00:45:25,686
Aisle four.
717
00:45:26,686 --> 00:45:29,217
- Thanks.
- Sure.
718
00:45:29,961 --> 00:45:32,078
Well, that proves the theory.
719
00:45:32,086 --> 00:45:34,789
We've all got dick on the
brain from womb to tomb.
720
00:45:34,909 --> 00:45:36,516
Speak for yourself.
721
00:45:36,718 --> 00:45:37,710
I am.
722
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:39,329
Yeah, go for it.
723
00:45:39,703 --> 00:45:41,704
Are you watching that
filthy web site again?
724
00:45:41,705 --> 00:45:44,160
You can't believe this guy.
He must be at least 10 inches.
725
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:46,262
Ted? Ted.
726
00:45:46,382 --> 00:45:48,507
Uh, can I put you on
hold one moment please?
727
00:45:48,627 --> 00:45:49,768
Yes, Mr. Wertshafter?
728
00:45:49,888 --> 00:45:52,081
Have you finished going
over the Gropnik returns?
729
00:45:52,201 --> 00:45:53,599
Oh, yes, sir.
730
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:55,438
I just printed them out.
731
00:45:55,490 --> 00:45:57,856
There you are. Federal and state.
732
00:45:58,224 --> 00:46:01,226
- Thanks.
- You're welcome...
733
00:46:01,227 --> 00:46:02,730
Mr. Wertshafter.
734
00:46:08,656 --> 00:46:09,902
Sorry. The boss.
735
00:46:09,917 --> 00:46:11,494
Shit! You better be careful.
736
00:46:11,532 --> 00:46:14,866
The last thing you need is for
him to catch you on cumquick.com.
737
00:46:14,986 --> 00:46:17,345
Oh please, that guy's so
blind, he's yet to figure out
738
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:19,027
his wife's been boinking
his business partner
739
00:46:19,027 --> 00:46:20,026
for the last five years.
740
00:46:20,026 --> 00:46:22,251
How do you think he's
gonna find out about me?
741
00:46:22,252 --> 00:46:23,015
I'll catch you later.
742
00:46:23,135 --> 00:46:24,756
- Later.
- Later.
743
00:46:26,487 --> 00:46:29,078
Remember that story we
all read in high school,
744
00:46:29,198 --> 00:46:31,953
you know the one about the
prisoners chained in the cave?
745
00:46:32,261 --> 00:46:33,830
Plato or whoever.
746
00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:36,001
All they could see were shadows on a wall,
747
00:46:36,016 --> 00:46:39,260
so after a while, they started
thinking that was reality.
748
00:46:39,771 --> 00:46:41,821
Well, in a way, that's what Ted's like.
749
00:46:41,941 --> 00:46:44,832
It's been so long since he's had
sex with someone he didn't download,
750
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:46,942
he's forgotten that
all those perfect bodies
751
00:46:46,965 --> 00:46:48,837
and perfect faces aren't real.
752
00:46:48,957 --> 00:46:51,286
That no one's really
there. That they're only...
753
00:46:51,676 --> 00:46:54,131
shadows.
754
00:46:54,251 --> 00:46:57,030
Then again, whoever got
anal warts in a chatroom?
755
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:05,944
Michael.
756
00:47:23,184 --> 00:47:25,782
The difference between
our beer and their beer
757
00:47:25,812 --> 00:47:28,440
is that our beer says, "sex"...
758
00:47:29,829 --> 00:47:32,262
not clydesdales.
759
00:47:35,341 --> 00:47:36,535
If you want to be cool,
760
00:47:36,843 --> 00:47:38,029
if you want to be popular,
761
00:47:38,345 --> 00:47:41,543
if you want to get... laid...
762
00:47:43,353 --> 00:47:45,103
this is what you drink.
763
00:47:45,629 --> 00:47:47,439
What about the model?
764
00:47:47,559 --> 00:47:50,750
Are you sure he isn't too, um...
765
00:47:53,356 --> 00:47:54,862
Gay?
766
00:47:55,954 --> 00:47:57,381
Ladies?
767
00:47:57,501 --> 00:47:59,033
I wouldn't care if he was.
768
00:47:59,153 --> 00:48:01,128
I'd go to bed with him anyway.
769
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:04,567
What do you think?
770
00:48:06,429 --> 00:48:08,377
I hadn't thought about it.
771
00:48:51,929 --> 00:48:54,430
Move. Move. You guys show
some hustle out there.
772
00:48:54,431 --> 00:48:55,432
Let's go.
773
00:48:56,992 --> 00:48:58,757
Guess what I was doing last night.
774
00:48:58,779 --> 00:49:00,438
Sleeping, same as me?
775
00:49:00,942 --> 00:49:03,942
Having sex, all night,
776
00:49:03,943 --> 00:49:05,906
with that guy I met, Brian Kinney.
777
00:49:06,026 --> 00:49:08,448
We did it till 6:00 in the morning.
778
00:49:10,688 --> 00:49:13,955
Well? Aren't you shocked?
779
00:49:14,727 --> 00:49:16,259
Not really.
780
00:49:15,456 --> 00:49:15,456
Not really.
781
00:49:17,458 --> 00:49:19,461
Oh.
782
00:49:20,517 --> 00:49:23,966
Well, I kinda figured that you're...
783
00:49:25,039 --> 00:49:26,173
you know.
784
00:49:26,736 --> 00:49:28,471
Even though you never told me.
785
00:49:28,816 --> 00:49:31,475
I'm telling you now.
786
00:49:34,004 --> 00:49:36,302
Want some of my veggie wrap?
787
00:49:38,983 --> 00:49:41,486
So what was it like?
788
00:49:41,487 --> 00:49:44,212
Well, I started out as a tight end,
789
00:49:44,220 --> 00:49:46,555
but wound up a wide receiver.
790
00:49:46,766 --> 00:49:47,959
- Ball.
- Ball.
791
00:49:48,079 --> 00:49:50,671
Come on, where's your arm?
792
00:49:51,001 --> 00:49:52,499
Thanks.
793
00:49:53,614 --> 00:49:55,575
- Thank you.
- Good to meet you.
794
00:49:55,620 --> 00:49:57,069
- Thank you.
- Next time.
795
00:49:57,272 --> 00:49:59,008
Thanks.
796
00:50:02,511 --> 00:50:05,015
Uh, he's married.
797
00:50:05,287 --> 00:50:06,286
Uh-huh.
798
00:50:06,406 --> 00:50:07,435
With two children.
799
00:50:07,555 --> 00:50:09,042
Ah, a family man.
800
00:50:09,223 --> 00:50:11,685
- Huh!
- Excuse me.
801
00:50:12,023 --> 00:50:14,081
Could you, uh, tell me
where the men's room is?
802
00:50:14,126 --> 00:50:16,131
Yeah, it's just down
the hall and to the left.
803
00:50:16,251 --> 00:50:17,115
Thanks.
804
00:50:20,745 --> 00:50:24,447
That's a long trip.
805
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:26,609
He might get lost.
806
00:50:26,812 --> 00:50:28,712
I'm sure you'll show him the way.
807
00:50:31,258 --> 00:50:33,142
There I was on my back.
808
00:50:33,262 --> 00:50:36,051
And there he was on top
of me, slipping it in.
809
00:50:36,551 --> 00:50:39,555
That must have hurt. Didn't it hurt?
810
00:50:39,815 --> 00:50:41,069
Yeah, at first it felt like someone
811
00:50:41,084 --> 00:50:42,871
was shoving a broom up there.
812
00:50:43,104 --> 00:50:46,168
But, I told him to go slower, and he did.
813
00:50:46,573 --> 00:50:49,067
Then I stopped thinking about
it when I looked at his face.
814
00:50:50,381 --> 00:50:52,521
His eyes were closed.
815
00:50:52,641 --> 00:50:53,827
His mouth was open
816
00:50:53,842 --> 00:50:55,697
in a sort of smile,
817
00:50:55,817 --> 00:50:58,573
like he was in another place.
818
00:50:58,761 --> 00:51:01,336
A beautiful place.
819
00:51:01,584 --> 00:51:03,583
That place was me.
820
00:51:04,768 --> 00:51:06,788
And his body. God!
821
00:51:07,089 --> 00:51:09,342
Like his body was so amazing.
822
00:51:09,462 --> 00:51:11,593
I could see every muscle.
823
00:51:12,781 --> 00:51:15,222
He said he wanted to
stay inside me forever,
824
00:51:15,740 --> 00:51:18,101
and I wanted him to.
825
00:51:20,103 --> 00:51:22,105
I still feel him,
826
00:51:22,225 --> 00:51:24,608
like, he's still there.
827
00:51:25,762 --> 00:51:30,268
Christ, Daphne, everybody
talks about having sex.
828
00:51:32,311 --> 00:51:33,497
But I really did it.
829
00:51:45,892 --> 00:51:48,635
I had to piss during that whole pitch.
830
00:51:48,636 --> 00:51:50,638
Didn't think I could hold it.
831
00:51:53,977 --> 00:51:56,645
Your presentation was very impressive.
832
00:51:56,646 --> 00:51:58,648
Think so?
833
00:52:04,512 --> 00:52:06,510
Yeah, it was very impressive.
834
00:52:08,170 --> 00:52:10,054
Well, I'm glad you liked it,
835
00:52:10,385 --> 00:52:12,518
because that's what we're here for.
836
00:52:14,170 --> 00:52:15,980
To please the client.
837
00:52:16,220 --> 00:52:19,404
So, like, what is he now?
838
00:52:19,524 --> 00:52:20,561
Your boyfriend?
839
00:52:21,192 --> 00:52:23,177
We just met.
840
00:52:23,774 --> 00:52:26,455
Well... do you love him?
841
00:52:27,026 --> 00:52:28,460
I don't know.
842
00:52:30,672 --> 00:52:32,850
Yeah, I love him.
843
00:52:33,691 --> 00:52:35,103
Does he love you?
844
00:52:35,396 --> 00:52:37,355
- He said he did.
- When?
845
00:52:37,573 --> 00:52:39,991
Well, when he was about to shoot.
846
00:52:40,374 --> 00:52:42,709
He was moving really fast,
and he let out this groan
847
00:52:42,739 --> 00:52:44,429
like nothing I'd ever heard before.
848
00:52:44,714 --> 00:52:45,870
And that's when he said it,
849
00:52:45,990 --> 00:52:47,417
right when he came.
850
00:52:47,650 --> 00:52:50,616
He said, "I love you."
851
00:52:50,901 --> 00:52:52,591
Then he leaned in and kissed me.
852
00:52:59,109 --> 00:53:01,392
Well, I guess we better be getting back.
853
00:53:01,512 --> 00:53:02,856
Yeah, I guess so.
854
00:53:05,727 --> 00:53:07,229
It's been a pleasure.
855
00:53:08,364 --> 00:53:10,219
It can be even more of one.
856
00:53:12,235 --> 00:53:13,736
Excuse me?
857
00:53:24,249 --> 00:53:26,250
You know, I'm never wrong.
858
00:53:26,251 --> 00:53:29,008
- Huh?
- Oh nothing, buddy.
859
00:53:29,279 --> 00:53:30,983
I... I don't kiss.
860
00:53:31,667 --> 00:53:33,859
Yeah, right.
861
00:53:50,797 --> 00:53:52,066
Mr. Novotny?
862
00:53:52,186 --> 00:53:53,471
Mike. Mike.
863
00:53:53,801 --> 00:53:55,385
I was wondering if...
864
00:53:55,505 --> 00:53:57,669
well, you know those boxes
you wanted me to move. Mm-hmm.
865
00:53:57,698 --> 00:53:59,853
I mean, I don't want to seem
like I'm shirking or anything,
866
00:53:59,861 --> 00:54:01,370
but they're kind of heavy.
867
00:54:01,385 --> 00:54:03,998
Do you think one of the guys
could maybe give me a hand?
868
00:54:04,118 --> 00:54:06,341
Yeah, no problem. I can
get somebody to help you.
869
00:54:06,386 --> 00:54:08,188
Oh, that'd be great. Okay.
870
00:54:08,459 --> 00:54:09,802
I'll be over on aisle 14.
871
00:54:09,848 --> 00:54:11,432
- Okay.
- Okay.
872
00:54:11,552 --> 00:54:13,307
Yes, your majesty.
873
00:54:13,427 --> 00:54:15,727
Somebody should tell
her Princess Di is dead,
874
00:54:15,847 --> 00:54:18,122
and they're not looking for a replacement.
875
00:54:18,318 --> 00:54:19,775
The boxes are heavy.
876
00:54:19,895 --> 00:54:21,983
And there's nothing wrong
with asking for help.
877
00:54:21,990 --> 00:54:23,838
I... I think she's kind of sweet actually.
878
00:54:23,958 --> 00:54:25,700
You think she's sweet?
879
00:54:26,322 --> 00:54:28,824
Well, I don't really know her, but, yeah.
880
00:54:28,824 --> 00:54:30,827
What about cute?
881
00:54:31,925 --> 00:54:33,525
Yeah, she's cute.
882
00:54:33,855 --> 00:54:36,334
Well, she thinks you're cute too.
883
00:54:36,837 --> 00:54:38,744
She... does?
884
00:54:38,932 --> 00:54:40,367
She likes you a lot.
885
00:54:40,487 --> 00:54:42,499
But she didn't know if you liked her,
886
00:54:42,537 --> 00:54:44,136
so I said I'd find out.
887
00:54:44,842 --> 00:54:46,726
So you don't really think she's stuck-up.
888
00:54:46,749 --> 00:54:48,431
Oh, she's a doll.
889
00:54:48,844 --> 00:54:52,321
You know, I never heard you
say you liked a girl before.
890
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:54,484
Well, I... in fact...
891
00:54:54,852 --> 00:54:57,750
I've never heard you
say anything about girls.
892
00:54:58,126 --> 00:55:00,724
You... like girls, don't you?
893
00:55:01,362 --> 00:55:04,757
- Sure. Uh...
- So? Then you'll come with us
894
00:55:04,968 --> 00:55:07,017
after work tonight. We're
taking her out for a drink.
895
00:55:07,047 --> 00:55:08,361
I don't think I can. I...
896
00:55:08,481 --> 00:55:12,492
No excuses. Shoeless Joe's, 7:30.
897
00:55:12,612 --> 00:55:15,691
And... do something about your hair.
898
00:55:16,450 --> 00:55:18,215
It was a trap.
899
00:55:18,402 --> 00:55:21,098
Hey, see that number in the red shorts?
900
00:55:22,292 --> 00:55:24,178
I could work out for 100 years
901
00:55:24,193 --> 00:55:25,694
and never look like that.
902
00:55:25,724 --> 00:55:27,152
Pretending she didn't like her,
903
00:55:27,159 --> 00:55:28,782
just to see what I'd say.
904
00:55:28,834 --> 00:55:30,043
Shawn Peters.
905
00:55:30,163 --> 00:55:32,672
I went home with him the other night,
thinking he was this brutal top.
906
00:55:32,900 --> 00:55:33,385
And?
907
00:55:33,438 --> 00:55:34,782
And I fell for it!
908
00:55:34,827 --> 00:55:37,132
Turns out he's a big Nelly bottom.
909
00:55:38,407 --> 00:55:40,031
I could have told you that.
910
00:55:40,151 --> 00:55:41,976
Aw, it's so discouraging.
911
00:55:41,998 --> 00:55:43,448
Are there no real men left?
912
00:55:43,478 --> 00:55:45,063
And now they're expecting me to meet them.
913
00:55:45,078 --> 00:55:46,009
In steroid city?
914
00:55:46,039 --> 00:55:47,172
No, in this straight bar.
915
00:55:47,187 --> 00:55:49,305
Is there anyone here listening?
916
00:55:49,898 --> 00:55:52,045
There's this new girl at
work who's interested in you.
917
00:55:52,090 --> 00:55:54,193
Fat Marley tricked you into
meeting her and some of the others
918
00:55:54,208 --> 00:55:56,348
for a drink after work,
and now you have to go
919
00:55:56,386 --> 00:55:57,535
or they might suspect.
920
00:55:57,753 --> 00:55:58,931
Check out Mr. Pec-Deck.
921
00:55:59,127 --> 00:56:00,096
So what...
922
00:56:00,216 --> 00:56:01,124
If they do?
923
00:56:01,432 --> 00:56:02,611
They could fire him.
924
00:56:02,649 --> 00:56:05,439
Or I could end up an assistant
manager for the rest of my life.
925
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:08,199
And the solution is to
pretend you like pussy?
926
00:56:08,844 --> 00:56:11,404
Ah, look, he's not like you, okay?
927
00:56:12,230 --> 00:56:13,484
What is that supposed to mean?
928
00:56:13,537 --> 00:56:15,880
Meaning he's not an obviously gay man.
929
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:18,448
Are you accusing me of being obvious?
930
00:56:18,568 --> 00:56:20,851
If the fuck-me pump fits...
931
00:56:23,539 --> 00:56:26,903
Well, I could be a... a r...
real man, if I wanted to.
932
00:56:27,023 --> 00:56:29,329
You know, just lower my voice,
933
00:56:29,374 --> 00:56:32,010
stop... gesturing with my hands,
934
00:56:32,130 --> 00:56:34,654
make sure my face is expressionless.
935
00:56:34,774 --> 00:56:36,876
Never, never use words like...
936
00:56:36,891 --> 00:56:39,429
Like fabulous or divine,
937
00:56:39,467 --> 00:56:44,573
talk about, I don't know,
nailing bitches and RBIs.
938
00:56:44,919 --> 00:56:46,987
But I'd rather my flame burn bright,
939
00:56:46,988 --> 00:56:49,491
than be some puny, little pilot light.
940
00:56:49,812 --> 00:56:51,487
And a fabulous flame it is.
941
00:56:51,532 --> 00:56:52,778
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
942
00:56:52,808 --> 00:56:55,902
But Michael is out there
in the straight world.
943
00:56:56,499 --> 00:56:58,501
And believe me, it isn't easy.
944
00:56:59,502 --> 00:57:01,505
You do what you have to do.
945
00:57:02,564 --> 00:57:04,194
I better go change.
946
00:57:04,239 --> 00:57:06,010
For your big date?
947
00:57:07,593 --> 00:57:09,493
Ooh, here's a sports mag.
948
00:57:09,613 --> 00:57:10,792
Better bone up.
949
00:57:11,513 --> 00:57:15,200
Just in case the conversation veers
away from Liza's weight problem.
950
00:57:20,785 --> 00:57:23,030
Justin, did you hear me?
I said you're not going.
951
00:57:23,031 --> 00:57:24,179
I'm going.
952
00:57:24,299 --> 00:57:26,852
- You were just there last night.
- So what?
953
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:30,660
So, I was planning to
take you and your sister
954
00:57:30,675 --> 00:57:31,952
out for pizza.
955
00:57:32,147 --> 00:57:32,951
You...
956
00:57:34,620 --> 00:57:37,046
You know, I expect you
to clean up this mess.
957
00:57:37,047 --> 00:57:38,835
I don't understand why you have to spend
958
00:57:38,873 --> 00:57:40,465
all your time with Daphne.
959
00:57:41,299 --> 00:57:44,679
Of all the beautiful clothes
your father and I bought for you,
960
00:57:44,679 --> 00:57:46,444
you have to pick something
that no longer fits.
961
00:57:46,466 --> 00:57:48,028
That is too tight.
962
00:57:49,275 --> 00:57:50,461
That's why.
963
00:57:52,565 --> 00:57:53,566
Justin?
964
00:57:55,568 --> 00:57:58,071
Don't I get a kiss goodbye?
965
00:58:05,257 --> 00:58:07,270
I expect you to call.
966
00:58:25,604 --> 00:58:28,239
We need a secret code word like "shazam",
967
00:58:28,261 --> 00:58:29,808
so that if I get in a tight spot,
968
00:58:30,109 --> 00:58:31,400
you can come in and rescue me.
969
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:35,178
A tight spot. How about "buttplug"?
970
00:58:36,251 --> 00:58:39,263
"Buttplug" might be a little
hard to work into a conversation.
971
00:58:39,270 --> 00:58:41,883
Because that's what you are,
pretending you're one of them.
972
00:58:42,094 --> 00:58:43,490
I couldn't help it.
973
00:58:43,513 --> 00:58:45,007
Oh, you could have told her the truth,
974
00:58:45,030 --> 00:58:47,630
instead of acting like
a scared, little faggot.
975
00:58:47,846 --> 00:58:50,332
You should have just said, "I
take it up the ass, sweetheart.
976
00:58:50,452 --> 00:58:52,397
- Deal with it."
- Right. Right.
977
00:58:52,517 --> 00:58:55,138
By the way, I noticed you
got the Jeep repainted.
978
00:59:04,148 --> 00:59:06,652
Oh my God, this place
is like, breeder central.
979
00:59:08,176 --> 00:59:10,657
Buttplug, buttplug, buttplug, butt...
980
00:59:13,383 --> 00:59:14,585
See you, Mikey.
981
00:59:20,668 --> 00:59:22,365
I want to watch the end of the game.
982
00:59:41,192 --> 00:59:43,512
Michael. Michael!
983
00:59:43,774 --> 00:59:45,607
Where you been? We thought you got lost.
984
00:59:45,727 --> 00:59:47,529
Some, uh, last minute business.
985
00:59:47,649 --> 00:59:49,076
Slide it on in.
986
00:59:49,196 --> 00:59:51,832
Harv, move your hairy ass.
987
00:59:55,710 --> 00:59:56,711
Thanks.
988
00:59:59,581 --> 01:00:00,625
What'll you have?
989
01:00:00,662 --> 01:00:03,373
Uh... same as everybody else.
990
01:00:03,719 --> 01:00:04,635
Good choice.
991
01:00:04,958 --> 01:00:06,723
Uh, bring over another pitcher.
992
01:00:08,225 --> 01:00:08,961
Hi.
993
01:00:09,501 --> 01:00:11,161
Glad you could make it.
994
01:00:11,476 --> 01:00:12,745
I told you he'd be here,
995
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:14,607
didn't I? Not to worry?
996
01:00:14,877 --> 01:00:16,041
I wasn't worried.
997
01:00:16,086 --> 01:00:18,001
Now just make sure he's not seeing anyone,
998
01:00:17,994 --> 01:00:19,728
before you get all lovey-dovey.
999
01:00:20,359 --> 01:00:22,741
Marley, would you shut
up and leave 'em alone?
1000
01:00:24,664 --> 01:00:26,233
You're not seeing anyone, are you?
1001
01:00:26,767 --> 01:00:27,390
Me?
1002
01:00:29,973 --> 01:00:32,001
- No.
- Well that's good.
1003
01:00:32,407 --> 01:00:35,073
- I mean...
- I understand.
1004
01:00:35,576 --> 01:00:37,528
You don't want to get
involved with someone
1005
01:00:37,550 --> 01:00:39,127
if they're involved already.
1006
01:00:41,335 --> 01:00:43,955
- So are you?
- Seeing anyone?
1007
01:00:44,075 --> 01:00:47,605
- No. We just broke up.
- Oh. Sorry.
1008
01:00:47,793 --> 01:00:50,428
Oh, don't be. He was a real doofus.
1009
01:00:50,954 --> 01:00:53,304
Only I didn't know it at the time.
1010
01:00:53,424 --> 01:00:55,752
There's so much you
don't know at the time.
1011
01:00:55,872 --> 01:00:57,659
Isn't that the truth?
1012
01:00:57,892 --> 01:00:59,559
Like, can you believe, he...
1013
01:00:59,596 --> 01:01:01,631
he didn't even know how to fix a sink?
1014
01:01:02,285 --> 01:01:03,704
Really!
1015
01:01:03,824 --> 01:01:06,197
He called me at work
saying, "what should I do?"
1016
01:01:06,242 --> 01:01:08,292
I said, "I don't care what you do.
1017
01:01:08,337 --> 01:01:10,372
Buy some cement. Get a cork.
1018
01:01:10,492 --> 01:01:13,300
Used chewing gum. But plug it up!"
1019
01:01:16,161 --> 01:01:18,369
But plug it...
1020
01:01:20,884 --> 01:01:22,026
Buttplug...
1021
01:01:26,313 --> 01:01:27,717
A million dollars?
1022
01:01:27,747 --> 01:01:28,994
That's the general idea.
1023
01:01:29,114 --> 01:01:30,391
A million fucking dollars?
1024
01:01:30,406 --> 01:01:32,501
Brian, please. You'll wake the baby.
1025
01:01:33,132 --> 01:01:36,383
Well, the answer's no. Definitely not.
1026
01:01:36,729 --> 01:01:38,321
Huh, I don't understand the problem.
1027
01:01:38,337 --> 01:01:40,882
I mean, Lindsay told me you
offered to help support him.
1028
01:01:41,138 --> 01:01:42,512
It was very generous.
1029
01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:44,922
Well that's different than
a life insurance policy.
1030
01:01:44,937 --> 01:01:47,843
It's simply in case
something happens to you.
1031
01:01:47,874 --> 01:01:50,067
Like I'm decapitated
at a railroad crossing?
1032
01:01:50,187 --> 01:01:52,785
Or burned beyond recognition
in some gas explosion?
1033
01:01:53,259 --> 01:01:55,909
You know, I can just
imagine the grizzly deaths
1034
01:01:55,924 --> 01:01:56,975
you've conjured up for me.
1035
01:01:57,095 --> 01:01:59,355
Like in case you get sick.
1036
01:02:02,405 --> 01:02:04,658
Ah. Even better.
1037
01:02:04,696 --> 01:02:06,250
Considering your life.
1038
01:02:06,265 --> 01:02:08,052
I mean, when's the last
time you were tested?
1039
01:02:08,082 --> 01:02:11,011
Six months ago. I was negative.
1040
01:02:11,011 --> 01:02:12,370
That's 26 weeks
1041
01:02:12,385 --> 01:02:14,563
and 182 one-night stands.
1042
01:02:14,585 --> 01:02:17,972
You know, I've always admired people
who could multiply in their heads.
1043
01:02:18,092 --> 01:02:20,585
And I'm always careful.
1044
01:02:20,630 --> 01:02:23,026
Look, this isn't for us. It's for our son.
1045
01:02:23,146 --> 01:02:24,956
We need to make sure
he'll be provided for.
1046
01:02:24,986 --> 01:02:26,661
And all I have to do is die.
1047
01:02:26,781 --> 01:02:29,726
Hopefully not before
you sign these papers.
1048
01:02:33,781 --> 01:02:36,026
We won't be laughing come Superbowl time,
1049
01:02:36,026 --> 01:02:37,100
when we're up against the titans.
1050
01:02:37,115 --> 01:02:38,820
We don't stand a chance.
1051
01:02:38,940 --> 01:02:39,983
Don't say that.
1052
01:02:39,998 --> 01:02:41,560
You've got to believe, right, Mike?
1053
01:02:41,568 --> 01:02:42,521
Like Cher!
1054
01:02:46,037 --> 01:02:48,412
You watch football?
1055
01:02:49,915 --> 01:02:51,033
Constantly.
1056
01:02:51,258 --> 01:02:53,418
So, uh...
1057
01:02:53,438 --> 01:02:54,670
what do you think?
1058
01:02:57,207 --> 01:02:58,612
What do I think?
1059
01:03:01,637 --> 01:03:02,764
I think...
1060
01:03:04,934 --> 01:03:07,300
due to free agency, we've
lost some of our best players.
1061
01:03:07,322 --> 01:03:09,357
Still, our defense is strong,
but we need a new scheme
1062
01:03:09,402 --> 01:03:11,445
from our defensive
coordinator to move the ball.
1063
01:03:15,687 --> 01:03:17,609
That's just what I say.
1064
01:03:26,895 --> 01:03:28,961
Hello, sports fans.
1065
01:03:29,081 --> 01:03:30,409
I'm coming to get you.
1066
01:03:30,965 --> 01:03:32,797
It's okay. I'm having a really good time.
1067
01:03:32,812 --> 01:03:34,149
She's really, really nice.
1068
01:03:34,524 --> 01:03:36,312
She's really nice?
1069
01:03:36,657 --> 01:03:38,853
Do you think she and her
friends would be really nice
1070
01:03:38,857 --> 01:03:40,773
if they knew the little
charade you were playing?
1071
01:03:40,893 --> 01:03:43,597
They'd probably tie you to a
fence and bash your brains in.
1072
01:03:44,475 --> 01:03:45,962
They're not like that.
1073
01:03:46,014 --> 01:03:47,441
Not like that, huh?
1074
01:03:47,479 --> 01:03:48,875
Listen to me, Mikey.
1075
01:03:48,995 --> 01:03:51,436
- Are you listening?
- Yeah, I'm listening.
1076
01:03:51,984 --> 01:03:54,883
There's only two kinds of
straight people in this world;
1077
01:03:55,161 --> 01:03:57,293
the ones that hate you to your face,
1078
01:03:57,564 --> 01:03:59,794
and the ones that hate
you behind your back.
1079
01:03:59,914 --> 01:04:02,324
Now get the fuck out of there...
1080
01:04:03,001 --> 01:04:05,003
because I need you.
1081
01:04:24,525 --> 01:04:25,527
Oh yeah!
1082
01:04:31,948 --> 01:04:33,195
Hi.
1083
01:04:34,037 --> 01:04:35,418
Oh shit, just what I need.
1084
01:04:35,425 --> 01:04:36,604
What's-his-name.
1085
01:04:36,875 --> 01:04:38,812
Justin. His name's Justin.
1086
01:04:39,022 --> 01:04:40,674
If I can remember it and
I didn't even fuck him,
1087
01:04:40,697 --> 01:04:41,951
why can't you?
1088
01:04:42,184 --> 01:04:43,468
Because I did.
1089
01:04:48,763 --> 01:04:51,159
So, Dawson, how are
things down at the creek?
1090
01:04:52,601 --> 01:04:55,304
Thank you, Pittsburgh.
1091
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:57,564
I love you.
1092
01:05:02,070 --> 01:05:02,963
You know, for a skinny white boy,
1093
01:05:02,970 --> 01:05:05,598
I make one fucking fabulous black woman!
1094
01:05:06,988 --> 01:05:09,150
How about another round on me?
1095
01:05:09,270 --> 01:05:11,561
I got a better idea. Let's move on.
1096
01:05:11,681 --> 01:05:12,958
What's wrong with here?
1097
01:05:13,348 --> 01:05:14,594
I've had everyone here.
1098
01:05:14,714 --> 01:05:15,998
Yeah, my problem precisely.
1099
01:05:16,194 --> 01:05:17,530
You haven't had me.
1100
01:05:18,090 --> 01:05:19,590
Oh yeah?
1101
01:05:21,129 --> 01:05:23,261
What? Y... you never told us.
1102
01:05:23,306 --> 01:05:24,786
There's nothing to tell.
1103
01:05:26,303 --> 01:05:27,962
We were up in his room.
1104
01:05:28,082 --> 01:05:30,801
We were 14, 15 tops.
1105
01:05:31,154 --> 01:05:33,083
We were supposed to be studying, whatever,
1106
01:05:33,308 --> 01:05:35,156
only we're not. We're looking
1107
01:05:35,178 --> 01:05:37,993
at this trashy photo mag his mom
swiped from the beauty parlour.
1108
01:05:38,512 --> 01:05:39,579
Anyway...
1109
01:05:39,699 --> 01:05:42,838
there's this shot of Patrick
Swayze from "Dirty Dancing"...
1110
01:05:43,837 --> 01:05:45,137
without his shirt on.
1111
01:05:46,533 --> 01:05:48,824
So I've got this hard-on
just from looking at it,
1112
01:05:48,839 --> 01:05:50,889
and I glance over at
Mikey, and guess what?
1113
01:05:52,143 --> 01:05:53,630
He's got one too.
1114
01:05:53,667 --> 01:05:55,897
Okay, you can stop now.
1115
01:05:56,333 --> 01:05:58,000
Twin stiffies.
1116
01:05:58,391 --> 01:05:59,434
I reach over,
1117
01:05:59,825 --> 01:06:01,139
start rubbing it.
1118
01:06:01,640 --> 01:06:03,572
He's practically swooning.
1119
01:06:04,255 --> 01:06:07,506
I pop it out, start stroking it,
1120
01:06:07,694 --> 01:06:09,849
nice and slow.
1121
01:06:10,202 --> 01:06:13,311
And we're both this close.
1122
01:06:13,333 --> 01:06:15,023
Then...
1123
01:06:16,405 --> 01:06:19,063
his mom walks in without knocking.
1124
01:06:19,664 --> 01:06:21,436
They always do.
1125
01:06:21,556 --> 01:06:22,712
Did she see you?
1126
01:06:22,832 --> 01:06:24,184
I don't see how she could have missed it.
1127
01:06:24,304 --> 01:06:27,119
Only we didn't come, so it doesn't count.
1128
01:06:28,178 --> 01:06:30,686
Oh, "Dirty Dancing".
1129
01:06:31,174 --> 01:06:32,639
That's a really old movie.
1130
01:06:32,759 --> 01:06:35,327
- What?
- I said that's a really old movie.
1131
01:06:35,447 --> 01:06:36,686
It's not that old.
1132
01:06:36,889 --> 01:06:38,692
How old are you?
1133
01:06:38,879 --> 01:06:40,686
Uh-oh.
1134
01:06:41,425 --> 01:06:43,077
How old do you think I am?
1135
01:06:45,864 --> 01:06:46,592
33?
1136
01:06:47,801 --> 01:06:49,926
Fuck you!
1137
01:06:50,114 --> 01:06:52,201
- He's 29.
- And fuck you too.
1138
01:06:52,239 --> 01:06:54,124
- What did you tell him for?
- Fair's fair.
1139
01:06:54,244 --> 01:06:55,866
We all know what that
means. In a few months,
1140
01:06:55,986 --> 01:06:57,571
you'll be 30.
1141
01:06:57,849 --> 01:06:59,133
Might as well be dead.
1142
01:06:59,711 --> 01:07:01,025
Hmm, well...
1143
01:07:01,866 --> 01:07:03,225
you ought to know.
1144
01:07:03,488 --> 01:07:05,073
You already are.
1145
01:07:08,478 --> 01:07:10,535
Oh no you don't.
1146
01:07:10,655 --> 01:07:13,719
Come back here. You're not
sticking us with that kid.
1147
01:07:13,945 --> 01:07:16,761
He's your responsibility.
Now get back in there.
1148
01:07:16,881 --> 01:07:18,316
You know, I'm getting a little sick
1149
01:07:18,323 --> 01:07:20,598
of people telling me
what's my responsibility.
1150
01:07:20,884 --> 01:07:22,679
If Lindsay and Melanie want
to go off and have a kid,
1151
01:07:22,702 --> 01:07:24,144
that's their responsibility.
1152
01:07:24,264 --> 01:07:26,014
If what's-his-name-justin...
1153
01:07:26,134 --> 01:07:28,266
wants to go out and pick up guys
while he's still in high school,
1154
01:07:28,289 --> 01:07:29,445
that's his responsibility.
1155
01:07:29,565 --> 01:07:32,148
My responsibility is to myself.
1156
01:07:32,268 --> 01:07:33,928
I don't owe anybody a goddamn thing.
1157
01:07:33,935 --> 01:07:35,377
Calm down!
1158
01:07:39,177 --> 01:07:40,236
I gotta go.
1159
01:07:46,858 --> 01:07:48,389
Anyone up for Babylon?
1160
01:07:48,585 --> 01:07:49,621
I was thinking Boytoy.
1161
01:07:49,629 --> 01:07:52,039
You know, I haven't been
snubbed by a twinkie in weeks.
1162
01:07:53,150 --> 01:07:55,314
What about him?
1163
01:07:55,434 --> 01:07:56,500
What about him?
1164
01:07:56,913 --> 01:07:59,023
Well, we can't just leave him here.
1165
01:07:59,331 --> 01:08:00,721
It's not our problem.
1166
01:08:00,983 --> 01:08:01,832
He's mine?
1167
01:08:02,057 --> 01:08:03,702
No, Brian's your problem.
1168
01:08:03,822 --> 01:08:05,766
Let him clean up his
own mess for a change.
1169
01:08:05,886 --> 01:08:08,289
Don't waste your Friday night babysitting.
1170
01:08:26,690 --> 01:08:28,793
I come all the way here just to see him.
1171
01:08:29,040 --> 01:08:31,015
He doesn't want anything to do with me.
1172
01:08:31,233 --> 01:08:34,320
Yeah well, the thing you
got to know about Brian is...
1173
01:08:35,686 --> 01:08:37,105
he's not your boyfriend.
1174
01:08:37,518 --> 01:08:39,802
Brian doesn't do boyfriends.
1175
01:08:40,402 --> 01:08:42,918
Yeah well, you weren't
there when we were doing it.
1176
01:08:43,451 --> 01:08:45,472
You don't know the things we did...
1177
01:08:46,334 --> 01:08:48,336
how he kissed me.
1178
01:08:49,181 --> 01:08:51,291
You don't know anything.
1179
01:08:51,652 --> 01:08:52,996
I know this.
1180
01:08:53,116 --> 01:08:54,979
Brian is a selfish prick
1181
01:08:54,986 --> 01:08:57,126
who doesn't care about anyone but himself.
1182
01:08:57,847 --> 01:09:00,350
If I were you, I'd just forget about him.
1183
01:09:02,533 --> 01:09:05,199
Hi'ya, boys. Gettin' any tonight?
1184
01:09:06,183 --> 01:09:07,595
I haven't seen you around here before.
1185
01:09:07,632 --> 01:09:09,742
- He's new.
- And cute.
1186
01:09:10,036 --> 01:09:12,461
Every guy in the place has his
eye on you tonight, sweetheart.
1187
01:09:12,867 --> 01:09:13,843
Can we order?
1188
01:09:13,963 --> 01:09:14,579
Shoot.
1189
01:09:15,007 --> 01:09:17,871
Bet it'll be the first
time tonight, am I right?
1190
01:09:17,883 --> 01:09:21,630
I'll have the chicken
fried steak. No remarks.
1191
01:09:21,750 --> 01:09:22,636
And, uh,
1192
01:09:22,681 --> 01:09:24,409
he'll have a bacon cheeseburger.
1193
01:09:24,529 --> 01:09:25,295
Please.
1194
01:09:25,730 --> 01:09:26,774
Please.
1195
01:09:27,000 --> 01:09:28,666
You gotta keep your strength up, sunshine.
1196
01:09:28,674 --> 01:09:31,302
You can't cruise all
night on an empty stomach.
1197
01:09:33,701 --> 01:09:36,393
What a freak!
1198
01:09:37,892 --> 01:09:39,664
Yeah, she takes some getting used to,
1199
01:09:39,672 --> 01:09:42,352
but once you do, can't help but love her.
1200
01:09:42,367 --> 01:09:44,358
One chicken-fried steak with no remarks,
1201
01:09:44,373 --> 01:09:45,972
coming up in a flash.
1202
01:09:46,010 --> 01:09:47,587
Thanks, mom.
1203
01:09:47,707 --> 01:09:49,239
You're welcome, baby.
1204
01:10:02,395 --> 01:10:04,768
You're, like, so lucky.
1205
01:10:04,888 --> 01:10:07,922
- I am?
- Your mom's cool about you being gay.
1206
01:10:08,125 --> 01:10:10,116
If mine found out, she'd kill me.
1207
01:10:10,236 --> 01:10:11,775
At least it gives her a sense of purpose.
1208
01:10:11,790 --> 01:10:13,255
I mean, without me she'd be playing bingo
1209
01:10:13,270 --> 01:10:15,043
instead of organizing pride marches and...
1210
01:10:15,163 --> 01:10:16,846
handing out condoms.
1211
01:10:16,876 --> 01:10:17,972
Do you need a ride?
1212
01:10:17,980 --> 01:10:19,924
Uh, I borrowed a friend's car.
1213
01:10:19,962 --> 01:10:22,117
Oh, you don't have a
little beemer of your own?
1214
01:10:22,237 --> 01:10:23,687
I'm working on it.
1215
01:10:24,055 --> 01:10:25,857
Just remember what I told you about Brian.
1216
01:10:25,977 --> 01:10:27,682
If he's such a selfish prick,
1217
01:10:27,712 --> 01:10:29,304
how come you're always
following him around?
1218
01:10:29,311 --> 01:10:31,519
I'm not always following him around.
1219
01:10:31,797 --> 01:10:33,397
We're best friends.
1220
01:10:33,833 --> 01:10:35,312
We accept each other for who we are,
1221
01:10:35,304 --> 01:10:37,377
no judgments, no obligations,
1222
01:10:37,497 --> 01:10:39,472
no questions asked.
1223
01:10:39,810 --> 01:10:42,393
You're just waiting for him
to finish jerking you off.
1224
01:10:43,264 --> 01:10:44,849
- What?
- You never got off.
1225
01:10:44,969 --> 01:10:47,245
That's why you're still hanging
around after all these years.
1226
01:10:47,290 --> 01:10:50,114
Go on, chicken. Back to your coop.
1227
01:10:51,796 --> 01:10:54,769
And don't go looking for him.
It'll just make things worse.
1228
01:10:57,991 --> 01:10:59,991
Ready, sweetie?
1229
01:11:03,319 --> 01:11:04,859
Did he take off?
1230
01:11:07,442 --> 01:11:08,486
Just as well.
1231
01:11:08,944 --> 01:11:10,828
He was a little too young for you.
1232
01:11:14,007 --> 01:11:15,509
Hmm.
1233
01:11:18,471 --> 01:11:20,334
Should I invite my cousin Rita?
1234
01:11:20,950 --> 01:11:22,992
- Which one's she?
- You know.
1235
01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:24,727
The one with the, uh, overbite
1236
01:11:24,847 --> 01:11:26,161
who never approved of us?
1237
01:11:26,281 --> 01:11:28,481
Oh, her. Might as well.
1238
01:11:28,489 --> 01:11:30,171
She probably won't come anyway.
1239
01:11:30,527 --> 01:11:32,844
Oh... that's my good boy.
1240
01:11:32,964 --> 01:11:34,407
You know, it's funny.
1241
01:11:34,527 --> 01:11:36,720
I used to see these women
feeding their kids, and I'd think,
1242
01:11:36,750 --> 01:11:37,974
"ugh, what a turn-off."
1243
01:11:38,538 --> 01:11:40,539
But watching you...
1244
01:11:41,326 --> 01:11:42,993
it's beautiful.
1245
01:11:43,542 --> 01:11:47,046
You can't believe how connected you feel.
1246
01:11:58,287 --> 01:12:00,096
Good night, sweetie.
1247
01:12:03,348 --> 01:12:05,450
Next time, we'll feed him together.
1248
01:12:05,570 --> 01:12:07,425
You can give him my breast.
1249
01:12:09,693 --> 01:12:11,857
It's so full.
1250
01:12:39,158 --> 01:12:42,071
I guess that's all we can do for now.
1251
01:12:44,786 --> 01:12:47,579
Oh, 34 guests. That's a lot.
1252
01:12:47,594 --> 01:12:48,683
Not everyone will show.
1253
01:12:48,803 --> 01:12:51,056
Well, let's hope one
in particular doesn't.
1254
01:12:59,585 --> 01:13:01,650
I hope we weren't too hard on him.
1255
01:13:01,868 --> 01:13:03,535
Who? Brian?
1256
01:13:03,655 --> 01:13:05,518
All that talk about the insurance.
1257
01:13:05,638 --> 01:13:08,141
It almost sounded like we were
hoping something might happen to him.
1258
01:13:08,261 --> 01:13:09,949
We're just being practical.
1259
01:13:09,971 --> 01:13:11,909
I mean, he's the father, isn't he?
1260
01:13:12,029 --> 01:13:15,150
It only makes sense that his
son should be his beneficiary.
1261
01:13:22,507 --> 01:13:24,482
I'm just saying maybe
we should have waited
1262
01:13:24,497 --> 01:13:26,187
until he was over the initial shock.
1263
01:13:26,307 --> 01:13:27,275
Huh!
1264
01:13:28,372 --> 01:13:30,639
What shock? You're the one who gave birth.
1265
01:13:30,639 --> 01:13:32,404
All he did was show up
with his latest trick.
1266
01:13:32,441 --> 01:13:34,003
At least he showed up.
1267
01:13:34,033 --> 01:13:36,376
Christ, it never ceases to amaze me.
1268
01:13:36,421 --> 01:13:38,261
- What?
- The way you put up with his shit.
1269
01:13:38,284 --> 01:13:39,297
Shhh.
1270
01:13:39,417 --> 01:13:41,197
- I don't put up with it.
- Like hell.
1271
01:13:41,204 --> 01:13:43,712
I understand it... him.
1272
01:13:44,043 --> 01:13:46,559
What? That he's a bigger
infant than his son?
1273
01:13:46,574 --> 01:13:48,354
That he does exactly what he wants.
1274
01:13:48,384 --> 01:13:50,479
No excuses, no apologies.
1275
01:13:50,599 --> 01:13:52,146
I've always admired him for that.
1276
01:13:52,266 --> 01:13:53,723
Well, then you can put up with it.
1277
01:13:53,731 --> 01:13:55,225
I don't have to.
1278
01:13:55,345 --> 01:13:57,192
Come on, let's go back to sleep...
1279
01:13:57,700 --> 01:13:59,202
for an hour.
1280
01:14:08,387 --> 01:14:09,213
Yes.
1281
01:14:10,716 --> 01:14:13,513
So, you going out cruising
after you drop me off?
1282
01:14:14,720 --> 01:14:17,560
No. I've been invited
to an all-night orgy.
1283
01:14:17,680 --> 01:14:20,594
Sounds hot.
1284
01:14:20,797 --> 01:14:24,026
If you must know, I am going
back to my gay apartment,
1285
01:14:24,146 --> 01:14:25,828
taking off my gay clothes,
1286
01:14:25,858 --> 01:14:27,607
and getting into my gay bed.
1287
01:14:28,704 --> 01:14:30,544
You're in a mood.
1288
01:14:30,919 --> 01:14:32,240
It's goddamn Brian.
1289
01:14:34,171 --> 01:14:35,726
What did he do this time?
1290
01:14:37,663 --> 01:14:38,993
Never mind.
1291
01:14:39,750 --> 01:14:42,109
I wish you wouldn't let him get to you.
1292
01:14:44,983 --> 01:14:47,258
But he always does.
1293
01:14:48,757 --> 01:14:51,370
That's why I keep hoping
that you'll meet somebody.
1294
01:15:02,276 --> 01:15:03,899
Why are all the lights on?
1295
01:15:04,493 --> 01:15:06,655
Something must be wrong with Vic.
1296
01:15:06,850 --> 01:15:08,030
Vic!
1297
01:15:08,953 --> 01:15:10,350
Baby?
1298
01:15:12,543 --> 01:15:13,842
Is everything all right?
1299
01:15:14,833 --> 01:15:16,748
Just couldn't sleep.
1300
01:15:16,868 --> 01:15:18,318
- Hey, Mikey.
- Uncle Vic.
1301
01:15:18,355 --> 01:15:20,297
Are you in pain?
1302
01:15:20,743 --> 01:15:22,799
- Yeah.
- Where? Tell me.
1303
01:15:22,800 --> 01:15:24,803
My wallet.
1304
01:15:28,205 --> 01:15:29,902
Holy shit!
1305
01:15:30,022 --> 01:15:30,789
What is it?
1306
01:15:30,834 --> 01:15:33,647
It's the Mastercard bill
from our... our trip to Italy.
1307
01:15:33,669 --> 01:15:35,584
First-class airline tickets,
1308
01:15:35,997 --> 01:15:38,078
the Excelsior in Rome,
1309
01:15:38,393 --> 01:15:41,413
the diamond and coral
earrings I bought you in Capri.
1310
01:15:41,533 --> 01:15:43,245
They're all here.
1311
01:15:43,861 --> 01:15:45,588
The problem is, so am I.
1312
01:15:46,023 --> 01:15:48,043
Don't say that.
1313
01:15:48,456 --> 01:15:50,288
It's a miracle you're still alive.
1314
01:15:50,408 --> 01:15:52,759
It's a miracle how I'm
gonna pay for all of this.
1315
01:15:53,878 --> 01:15:54,838
Hustle?
1316
01:17:11,895 --> 01:17:14,794
Patrick Swayze is so hot!
1317
01:17:30,394 --> 01:17:32,182
I guess we'll have to take care of that.
1318
01:17:37,696 --> 01:17:40,617
Patrick Swayze is so hot.
1319
01:17:44,712 --> 01:17:47,655
I've seen "Dirty
Dancing", like, five times.
1320
01:17:47,686 --> 01:17:49,527
What I wouldn't give to fuck him.
1321
01:17:49,572 --> 01:17:51,037
Don't say that, Brian.
1322
01:17:51,157 --> 01:17:53,913
You're so pathetic.
1323
01:17:55,031 --> 01:17:56,826
First I'd unzip his fly.
1324
01:17:58,396 --> 01:18:00,821
Then I'd pull out his kingsized boner.
1325
01:18:02,053 --> 01:18:04,554
Play with it, real slow.
1326
01:18:04,674 --> 01:18:06,784
Oh, yeah?
1327
01:18:06,904 --> 01:18:09,232
Hey, Mikey...
1328
01:18:10,508 --> 01:18:12,671
you have a woodie.
1329
01:18:12,791 --> 01:18:13,880
I do not.
1330
01:18:13,902 --> 01:18:15,524
You do too.
1331
01:18:16,996 --> 01:18:19,324
We'll have to do something about that.
1332
01:18:33,091 --> 01:18:34,352
Hi, babe.
1333
01:18:34,472 --> 01:18:36,695
Ma! Can't you knock?
1334
01:18:36,815 --> 01:18:38,895
I forgot to tell you
we're having a yard sale,
1335
01:18:38,933 --> 01:18:40,630
so if you want to throw anything out...
1336
01:18:41,531 --> 01:18:44,537
Oh, don't tell me you
still have a crush on him.
1337
01:19:02,213 --> 01:19:03,059
I'd fuck you.
1338
01:19:10,755 --> 01:19:13,503
Top floor. Come on up.
1339
01:19:17,163 --> 01:19:18,545
- Christ! What are you...
- I'm sorry.
1340
01:19:18,582 --> 01:19:21,075
- I... I don't want to...
- You can't just drop by unannounced.
1341
01:19:21,195 --> 01:19:22,405
I just want to talk.
1342
01:19:22,592 --> 01:19:23,877
There's nothing to talk about.
1343
01:19:23,997 --> 01:19:25,777
Please? I won't stay long. I...
1344
01:19:25,814 --> 01:19:28,225
- I'll just... can I?
- No.
1345
01:19:29,592 --> 01:19:31,018
Oh, shit.
1346
01:19:37,784 --> 01:19:39,586
The door was about to shut so I...
1347
01:19:39,706 --> 01:19:40,998
slipped in.
1348
01:19:48,505 --> 01:19:50,592
Penthouse. Not bad.
1349
01:19:51,403 --> 01:19:53,656
- Who's this?
- No one.
1350
01:19:53,844 --> 01:19:55,053
I have to see you.
1351
01:19:55,173 --> 01:19:56,323
I'm busy.
1352
01:19:56,691 --> 01:19:58,620
I don't mind a threesome,
1353
01:19:58,936 --> 01:20:00,167
although he's kind of young.
1354
01:20:00,287 --> 01:20:01,421
He's also kind of leaving.
1355
01:20:01,541 --> 01:20:04,538
- Who's he?
- Forgive me for not introducing you.
1356
01:20:04,725 --> 01:20:06,911
Justin, this is Mr. Goodfuk.
1357
01:20:07,031 --> 01:20:09,516
Mr. Goodfuk, may I present Justin.
1358
01:20:09,636 --> 01:20:10,965
Name is George.
1359
01:20:11,085 --> 01:20:14,576
Sorry. George Goodfuk.
1360
01:20:15,147 --> 01:20:16,349
You don't even know him.
1361
01:20:16,469 --> 01:20:18,195
Well, I was hoping to get to.
1362
01:20:18,586 --> 01:20:21,183
Now why don't you just scamper on home?
1363
01:20:24,277 --> 01:20:25,816
He's my stalker.
1364
01:20:25,854 --> 01:20:28,159
That wasn't very kind,
1365
01:20:28,460 --> 01:20:30,765
sending him off, a kid that age,
1366
01:20:30,983 --> 01:20:33,476
by himself at this time of night.
1367
01:20:33,769 --> 01:20:36,169
Who are you? Father Goodfuk?
1368
01:20:39,565 --> 01:20:41,675
Oh, all right.
1369
01:20:42,283 --> 01:20:43,620
Make yourself comfortable.
1370
01:20:45,952 --> 01:20:48,738
And don't... steal anything.
1371
01:20:51,336 --> 01:20:53,348
Hey. Hey!
1372
01:20:53,386 --> 01:20:56,908
I just left a complete
stranger alone in my apartment
1373
01:20:56,915 --> 01:20:57,989
to come and talk to you,
1374
01:20:58,109 --> 01:21:00,697
so don't run away from me.
1375
01:21:02,697 --> 01:21:04,319
We need to get something straight.
1376
01:21:04,439 --> 01:21:06,204
You don't do boyfriends.
1377
01:21:06,324 --> 01:21:08,907
Mikey's been talking to you.
1378
01:21:09,388 --> 01:21:10,912
You'll fuck anyone.
1379
01:21:11,355 --> 01:21:13,262
He's ugly. You don't even know him.
1380
01:21:13,382 --> 01:21:16,716
- And I... I really thoug...
- Justin.
1381
01:21:18,474 --> 01:21:20,721
I've had you.
1382
01:21:21,545 --> 01:21:23,399
What happened last night...
1383
01:21:23,685 --> 01:21:25,227
it was for fun.
1384
01:21:25,247 --> 01:21:28,318
You wanted me and I wanted you.
1385
01:21:28,371 --> 01:21:30,030
That's all it was.
1386
01:21:30,733 --> 01:21:33,236
A fuck?
1387
01:21:33,868 --> 01:21:36,240
Well what did you think it was?
1388
01:21:38,726 --> 01:21:42,511
Look, I don't believe in love.
1389
01:21:43,142 --> 01:21:45,334
I believe in fucking.
1390
01:21:45,860 --> 01:21:47,956
It's honest. It's efficient.
1391
01:21:48,076 --> 01:21:50,554
You get in and out with
a maximum of pleasure
1392
01:21:50,584 --> 01:21:52,882
and a minimum of bullshit.
1393
01:21:53,482 --> 01:21:55,503
Love is something that straight people
1394
01:21:55,518 --> 01:21:58,199
tell themselves they're
in so they can get laid,
1395
01:21:58,319 --> 01:21:59,693
and then they end up hurting each other,
1396
01:21:59,715 --> 01:22:02,802
because it was all based
on lies to begin with.
1397
01:22:05,024 --> 01:22:06,218
If that's what you want,
1398
01:22:06,751 --> 01:22:09,725
then go and find yourself
a pretty, little girl...
1399
01:22:10,979 --> 01:22:13,232
and get married.
1400
01:22:13,923 --> 01:22:16,287
That's not what I want.
1401
01:22:16,618 --> 01:22:18,346
I want you.
1402
01:22:18,916 --> 01:22:20,869
You can't have me. I'm too o...
1403
01:22:23,910 --> 01:22:25,412
you're too young for me.
1404
01:22:25,532 --> 01:22:27,297
You're 17. I'm 28.
1405
01:22:27,417 --> 01:22:29,219
29.
1406
01:22:30,330 --> 01:22:33,116
All right. 29.
1407
01:22:34,325 --> 01:22:36,405
All the more reason.
1408
01:22:38,838 --> 01:22:40,595
Now go do your homework.
1409
01:23:16,596 --> 01:26:19,596
synced and corrected by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com
1410
01:26:19,646 --> 01:26:24,196
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