All language subtitles for Philadelphia s06e07 Pregnant.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:03,662 [Charlie] I'm so pumped, dude. 2 00:00:03,903 --> 00:00:05,773 I hope I get to see at least one ancient spirit. 3 00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:07,946 [Mac] I think we should get some chalk and some erasers... 4 00:00:08,274 --> 00:00:11,234 because that dust cloud, you know, really shows the laser beam alarms. 5 00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:13,021 - So you can see... - Oh! Get a little dust cloud going. 6 00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:15,179 We got to spend a lot of time in the Civil War section. 7 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,065 No, we're not doing the Civil War section, Frank. 8 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,430 We are gonna hit up ancient Egypt though. I'm very excited about that. 9 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:21,246 - And we're sticking together. - Just so I'm clear... 10 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:24,451 you guys don't actually think that things are going to come alive... 11 00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:27,004 because you're spending the night in a museum, right? 12 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,110 I'm sorry, but we're simply opening ourselves up... 13 00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:31,509 to the possibility of an amazing adventure this evening. 14 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,175 Is there something wrong with that? 15 00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,513 Now, whether that means Charlie running into his ancient spirits... 16 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,299 or us having to just, you know, run away from security guards all night... 17 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,285 Either way, it's gonna be a really, really great time. 18 00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:42,793 It's certainly gonna be a lot better than sticking around the bar all night... 19 00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:45,076 watching you eat sandwich after sandwich after sandwich. 20 00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:46,872 What the hell is the matter with you? 21 00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:48,697 You've been stuffing your face for days. 22 00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:51,702 It's fatness, Frank, plain and simple. It's a person becoming fat before your eyes. 23 00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:55,342 I don't even really know how to make the bird jokes anymore. Like, they don't apply. 24 00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,145 I'm not fat. I'm pregnant. 25 00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:00,175 I feel like you say that all the time now. 26 00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:02,423 You better do yourself a favor and flush it out. 27 00:01:02,762 --> 00:01:04,982 Wait a second. You've definitely said that before. You're right. 28 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:08,555 Yeah, and since we're all saying things that we say all the time, I'll just reiterate... 29 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,209 Dee, we don't care about you or your body or your baby... 30 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,351 or that baby bird that you're probably carrying inside of you. 31 00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:14,983 - Right. - Oh, really? 32 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,491 Well, you should give a shit, 'cause one of you is the father. 33 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,743 - What? - Wh-What the hell you talking about? 34 00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,678 I'm talking about the Halloween party, where one of you got me pregnant. 35 00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:27,748 But, you know, since you guys don't care about me or my body or my baby... 36 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,378 or whatever it was that you were saying, we shouldn't talk about it. 37 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:34,327 You guys are on your way to a museum to spend the night. Hey, have a great time, guys. 38 00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:39,610 - [Door Closes] - Oh, shit. 39 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,800 I mean, what is she even talking about? 40 00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:16,994 Got her pregnant at the Halloween party? What does that mean? 41 00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:18,737 I don't even remember that party. I was wasted. 42 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,495 Yeah, me too. I browned out that evening. 43 00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,218 "Browned out"? What's "browned out"? 44 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:26,376 Oh, it's when you drink so much that everything goes brown. 45 00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:29,426 It's not as severe as a blackout, 'cause I remember bits and pieces. 46 00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:31,489 I like to call it "browning out." 47 00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,974 - Hmm, never heard of that before. - There's a good reason for that, Frank... 48 00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:36,054 because I think Mac just made it up on the spot. 49 00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,346 - I did. - You did. That's a great term. 50 00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:39,891 - "Browning out"? - You like it? 51 00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:41,146 - I love it. - Thank you. 52 00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:42,671 I'm pretty sure at a certain point... 53 00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,239 we all probably browned out. 54 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,247 So I think our best chance at figuring this out... 55 00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,266 is for us to all put our browns together... 56 00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:51,058 mash them together and try and figure out which one of you two banged my sister. 57 00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:53,661 Okay, but let's not overuse the "brown" thing right in the beginning, you know. 58 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,770 Yeah, but here's the thing... Once you throw a term like that out... 59 00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:58,035 and everybody likes it, it's pretty much fair game. 60 00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,108 - We can use it whenever we want. - It's public domain at that point. 61 00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:02,343 - It becomes public domain. - Now we're just trying to figure out who banged Dee. 62 00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:05,022 That's the important thing. Let's not focus too much on the "brown" thing... 63 00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:07,228 even though it's a term that I'm gonna use a lot. 64 00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:08,984 And I'm probably gonna use it a lot right now. 65 00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:11,185 So here's what I remember from my brown state. 66 00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:12,924 I remember we were all in costume... 67 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,883 and our costumes were pretty cool, except for yours. 68 00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:19,199 I was really pissed off at you, because we agreed to go as Mario and Luigi. 69 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,656 [Dennis] I held up my end of the bargain. 70 00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:24,721 And then you showed up wearing a different costume at the last minute. 71 00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:27,311 Dude, what are you doing? Where's your Mario costume? 72 00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:29,544 No, I went with a sexier look. 73 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,216 Sexy? Bro, we agreed on funny over sexy this year... 74 00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:33,952 so we could disarm the ladies. 75 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,674 You don't remember this conversation? Without my Mario, what am I? 76 00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,893 I'm just, like, some weird Italian plumber. I look like an asshole. 77 00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:41,663 What is that? What even is that? 78 00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:44,991 I'm that character from Lord of the Rings, "Viggio Morgenstein." 79 00:03:45,491 --> 00:03:47,631 Okay, that is not the character's name. That's the actor's name. 80 00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:49,304 And you're not even getting that right. 81 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:52,112 You're totally, totally boning me here, bro. Do you realize that? 82 00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:54,932 Yo, yo, yo! Look at the turnout for our "par-tay." 83 00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:56,535 [Buzzing] 84 00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:58,549 [Transylvanian Accent] I want to suck your blood! 85 00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:02,971 It's Twilight time! Time for blood sucking. [Laughs] 86 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:04,950 Yeah, dude, I'm doing a vampire thing! 87 00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:06,731 'Cause chicks are all into vampires and stuff... 88 00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,233 you know, 'cause of the stupid Twilight movie and all that other crap. 89 00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:12,196 You know, so I'm like, what if the waitress is into it? This is my best shot! 90 00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,839 You are dressed like the Phantom of the Opera. He's not a vampire. 91 00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:16,771 - He eats theater people. - No, he doesn't. 92 00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:18,316 - I think he might. - He does. 93 00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,488 And I'm surprised you even know who the Phantom of the Opera is. 94 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,057 - He might not. - He doesn't. 95 00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:24,225 - No, I don't. I don't. - This party blows. 96 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,964 There's no studs here. No beef in the freezer, if you know what I mean. 97 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:30,527 Dee, why in God's name would you wear a costume with giant wings? 98 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:32,907 - I'm a sexy angel. - Are we supposed to pretend... 99 00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:34,789 like you're not dressed like a giant bird? 100 00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:37,504 I mean, if you're gonna be sexy, don't dress like a bird, Dee. 101 00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:40,190 - I didn't dress like a bird. I'm clearly an angel. - No. 102 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:43,360 Besides, did you guys see that cooze over there dressing like a peacock? 103 00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:46,276 [Scoffs] Big, giant bird. Green bird. 104 00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,826 - Ooh! - Ooh! 105 00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:50,498 She wears it well. 106 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,627 Woof, woof. She wears it very well. 107 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,359 She wears it so well, in fact, that I have now pinpointed her as my prey for the evening. 108 00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,446 Yeah! She will be mine. [Chuckles] 109 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:01,946 As a matter of fact, I'm gonna go get that process started right now. 110 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,942 Out of my way, bird. 111 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,897 This is all sounding right. I remember this. 112 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:08,830 Yeah? This all sounds right to you? Okay, okay. 113 00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:11,598 So it was later in the evening, and things had progressed quite a bit... 114 00:05:12,011 --> 00:05:14,261 'cause I remember we were all starting to get pretty lit at this point. 115 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,577 But, see, I distinctly remember there being... 116 00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:18,816 some kind of a commotion at the other end of the bar. 117 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,582 [Woman] Hey, leave us alone! Just stop it! 118 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,448 Now, this lady, she sounded like she was in a fair amount of distress... 119 00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:28,427 but I didn't really give a shit, because despite looking like a cartoon bricklayer... 120 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:33,095 I was starting to get pretty close to sealing the deal with the peacock lady. 121 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:36,073 Look, dude, you've been bugging me all night, okay? 122 00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:38,339 I think your costume's weird, I think you're creepy... 123 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:41,661 - and I just want you to leave me alone. - Yeah. 124 00:05:42,141 --> 00:05:43,451 Yes. 125 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:44,790 [Laughing] Yes. 126 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,231 - [Slurring] Stupid costume is so sexy. - What? 127 00:05:47,613 --> 00:05:49,923 I can't believe it, man. She takes advantage of me. 128 00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:53,746 She's like, "Oh, my God, you look so sexy! I'm gonna sex you all up!" 129 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:56,867 I'm like, "You're just my friend! Get your sex off me!" 130 00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:01,010 And then she gets all sexy with me, 'cause I've, like, got the sexiest costume in the world on! 131 00:06:01,594 --> 00:06:04,204 - I hate it! - So what... Did you want to get rid of that costume? 132 00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,210 Yes, I want to get rid of the costume! 133 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,369 You have any idea what it's like to be this sexy? 134 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,221 - Can I have your costume, dude? - Yeah, you can have it. 135 00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:12,253 - Really? You'll switch costumes with me? - I didn't even wanna be... 136 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:13,942 - Yeah! - Let's switch. Let's switch. 137 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,227 Come on, let's go switch. You'll be okay, buddy. 138 00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,716 Yes, dude! It's all coming back to me now. You came over to me. 139 00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:21,828 We agreed to switch costumes. You gave me your sexy, sexy costume... 140 00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:25,181 and I was able to fell the seductive temptress finally. 141 00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:28,281 Oh, yeah, so I did have sex with the peacock lady. 142 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,941 Yeah, awesome. Ah, that's so awesome, dude. 143 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:34,224 Well, mystery solved. I mean... Awesome! 144 00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:37,304 - That's not the mystery. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 145 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,870 That you banged the peacock chick is not the mystery. 146 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,633 The Dee thing is the mystery. Right. Dee... 147 00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:45,585 Somebody had sex with Dee, and she got pregnant and... Well, whatever. Okay. 148 00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:48,785 Well, clearly, from that story, Charlie, you're the one that banged her. 149 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,412 That's why you were feeling so much remorse and regret... 150 00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,388 and you had the tears coming out of your eye. 151 00:06:53,679 --> 00:06:55,289 Who wouldn't feel that way after banging... 152 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,801 Ah, shit, dude. Oh, shit. 153 00:06:58,184 --> 00:06:59,674 'Cause the way you're telling that story... 154 00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:02,532 it definitely sounds like that, 'cause I remember crying! 155 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:04,610 No. 156 00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:07,165 Those were tears of joy. 157 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,210 Yes, and it wasn't 'cause of Dee, obviously. 158 00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:11,339 Okay, I remember this now. I remember this, all right? 159 00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:13,124 [Charlie] Frank and Artemis were sitting at the bar... 160 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,329 and they were in the middle of some kind of big argument. 161 00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:17,918 And I was with the McPoyle brothers over at the jukebox... 162 00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:20,474 and I just finalized a delicate truce with them. 163 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,330 So look... So if you guys are cool, then I'm totally cool. 164 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:26,353 - We're cool as cucumbers. - Bump it. 165 00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,799 This time I will bump it. The truce is on! 166 00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,988 [Charlie] We bumped fists, and Dee walked by. 167 00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:34,007 - Oh, hey, Dee. - Hey, Charlie. Great costume. 168 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,854 Yeah, you too. 169 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:36,852 Thanks. 170 00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,393 Like the feathers. 171 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:41,378 - And just then the waitress came in. - [Laughing] 172 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:45,928 Hey, I see you received my invitation. 173 00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:48,906 Yeah, Charlie, I received all 100 of them. 174 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,702 Who's this jerk? 175 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,220 This is my new boyfriend. He's here to protect me. 176 00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,326 Oh, wait. This is the guy you were telling me about. 177 00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:57,796 - Hey. - Hey. 178 00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:00,260 - The lady's taken. - Get out of my face, bro. 179 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,136 - [Mocking] Oh, really? - Yeah, really. 180 00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:04,495 - You want to get your ass kicked? - Okay, leave us alone. 181 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,371 - I have to defend your honor! - Please stop it! 182 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,097 Mac, get my back. 183 00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:10,525 - [Shrieks] - [Crowd Gasps] 184 00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:11,926 [Shrieks] 185 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:16,028 Oh, goddamn it! I got milk all over me! 186 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:19,439 That... was insanely masculine. 187 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,622 I made out with the waitress! That's amazing, man! 188 00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,431 I got to call her or... I'm out of here. 189 00:08:26,706 --> 00:08:27,816 - Charlie, didn't happen. - What? What? 190 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,380 - No? - That's not the way it happened. 191 00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:31,572 - No? - No. You got parts of it right... 192 00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:33,961 but you're leaving out some major things. 193 00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:36,303 Let me set the damn record straight. 194 00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:40,429 First of all, don't say I went as Spider-Man. I didn't go as Spider-Man. 195 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,420 I was Man-Spider. 196 00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:43,828 [Frank] Totally different! 197 00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:45,896 Yes, I was having an argument with Artemis... 198 00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:48,855 because a couple weeks before, we had some makeup sex... 199 00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:50,995 in a Dumpster out in the back of Wendy's. 200 00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:54,167 - [Frank Grunting] - [Artemis Moaning] Yeah! Yeah! 201 00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:57,884 [Frank] She incorporated a bun in the lovemaking. 202 00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:00,424 She took the... the dough... 203 00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:03,143 and rolled it up into a ball, and then she... 204 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:07,293 We were going berserk. She loves that kind of stuff. And I-I admit I do too. 205 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,460 Frank... Frank, we don't need to hear this part of the story, okay? 206 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,073 Can you just tell us about Halloween? Stick to Halloween night. 207 00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:14,912 [Frank] Okay. We were arguing... 208 00:09:15,187 --> 00:09:18,147 because she wanted another Dumpster hump, and I wanted to stay at the party. 209 00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:21,054 So I walked away. That's when you were doing your thing. 210 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:24,010 - I'm gonna kick your ass, bro! - Leave us alone! 211 00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,570 - I have to defend your honor! - Please stop! 212 00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,513 - Mac, get my back, dude! - I'm here, buddy! 213 00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:30,001 [Grunting] 214 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,406 - [Shrieks] - [Crowd Gasps] 215 00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:34,677 Goddamn it! I got milk all over me! 216 00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:37,194 You are insane! 217 00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:41,231 Insanely masculine. 218 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,921 [Frank] It was Artemis that took advantage of you... 219 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,747 because she was trying to make me jealous. 220 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,523 - [Shouting, Indistinct] - After you broke free... 221 00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:52,128 you wandered off muttering something about the costume being too sexy. 222 00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:53,558 Not from you! 223 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,689 It's the stupid sexy costume! 224 00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:59,398 Ah, shit. Somebody please tell me Frank's memory is not correct. 225 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,680 Knock, knock, dick-faces. 226 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,751 - Hi. - Artie, thanks for coming so quick. 227 00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:13,567 Listen, we're trying to piece together a night, and we need some guidance. 228 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,440 I don't remember that night. 229 00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:16,915 I didn't tell you which night yet. 230 00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:19,019 I don't remember most evenings. 231 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,282 You can try me, but I will not promise you anything. 232 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,881 - Last Halloween. - Oh, Halloween. 233 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:25,312 - Anything ring a bell? - That was quite a night. 234 00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:28,241 I suppose I do recall a few bits and pieces. 235 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:29,561 - What happened? - Spill. 236 00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:31,252 Well, I was angry at you... 237 00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:33,520 because of an incident that happened a few weeks before... 238 00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:35,616 where you and I were in the Dumpster behind Wendy's. 239 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,625 - [Artemis Moaning] - I incorporated a hamburger bun in a way that he found very... 240 00:10:39,071 --> 00:10:41,211 This is not the part that... Why does everybody think we wanna know about that? 241 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,534 Because it's really interesting and innovative, and I thought maybe you'd want some lessons. 242 00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:46,851 - Did you make out with me? - I sure did. 243 00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:50,459 And it worked like a charm. I had Frank all to myself for a month straight after that. 244 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,473 All right, let's get back to Halloween. 245 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:56,002 Anything else that happened that night... like Deandra getting pregnant? 246 00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:59,392 Oh, well, that makes sense. Mac slept with her at the party. 247 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,010 What? 248 00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:03,534 What are you talking about? 249 00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:05,966 I'm talking about the sounds of hot, passionate lovemaking... 250 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,172 that was coming from the bathroom that I had heard with my own two ear-balls. 251 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,220 [Artemis] After the fight and the kiss... 252 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,965 Mac had blood all over his knuckles and went to the bathroom to wash it off. 253 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,789 Dee was incensed that her costume was covered in milk. 254 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,548 - [Cawing] - So she went to the bathroom to clean herself up. 255 00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:24,467 But the line for the ladies' room was too long... 256 00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,404 so she went to the men's room. 257 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,906 Frank started to apologize to me, and after a few minutes... 258 00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:31,718 we decided to have makeup sex in the men's room. 259 00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:34,964 But the door was locked, and I heard the passionate, unmistakable sounds... 260 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,448 of lovemaking coming from inside. 261 00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:39,697 Mac was making love to Sweet Dee in the bathroom... 262 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,812 so Frank and I had to sneak outside to my station wagon... 263 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:44,729 where we gave each other hand jobs. 264 00:11:46,338 --> 00:11:49,378 Well, there you have it. Mac's the dad. 265 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,745 - Mac's the dad! Chant with me. - No... 266 00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,888 - Mac's the dad! Let's go! Mac... - No, I'm not the... 267 00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,673 I'm not the dad, okay, Charlie? Just trust me on that. 268 00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,453 Hey, all the evidence is pointing towards you, pal. 269 00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,992 Yes, there were passionate sounds of lovemaking... 270 00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:05,194 coming from the bathroom, but it wasn't me and Dee. 271 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:09,668 Damn it. I was hoping I wouldn't have to admit this, but I guess I have to tell you. 272 00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:12,466 [Sighs] Okay, here goes. 273 00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,942 I was in the back of the bar when the commotion began... 274 00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:16,911 and I heard Charlie cry out for help. 275 00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:19,253 [Mac] He was about to get his ass kicked by thatgiant dude. 276 00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:21,445 Mac, help me, please! I need you! 277 00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,354 - There was no time for an ocular pat-down. - Not in my bar, bro. 278 00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,087 [Crowd Gasps] 279 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:29,535 I secured the area, and I retained order- like I always do. 280 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:32,159 Everybody chill. 281 00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:33,628 It's cool now. 282 00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:35,603 [Cheering] 283 00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:39,736 I had a tremendous amount of douche bag blood all over my knuckles... 284 00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,876 so I went to the bathroom to clean it off. 285 00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:43,834 - That's when Dee came in. - Oh, hey, Dee. 286 00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:46,470 [Cawing] 287 00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:49,006 Look, I do not give a shit about your problems, Dee, okay? 288 00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:51,648 I'm still pumped up from that ass-whooping I just handed out. Did you see that? 289 00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:53,527 [Cawing Continues] 290 00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:55,116 I don't give a shit, Dee, okay? 291 00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,954 - I don't know how you're gonna get all that milk off of you. - [Caws] 292 00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:00,517 - What is that supposed to mean? - [Babbling] 293 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,540 Okay, you know what? Shoo. Shoo. Get out of here. Shoo. Shoo! 294 00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:05,913 - Get out of here. Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Come on! - [Cawing] 295 00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:07,592 Get out! Get out! 296 00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,433 So annoying. 297 00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,652 Whoa! Margaret, what are you doing here? 298 00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:14,702 [Groans] God, that is so gross. 299 00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:17,277 You're always doing that. Are you trying to tell me something? 300 00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:20,153 [Shudders] Is that, like, a sexual thing? 301 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,668 All right. Let's do this. 302 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:26,998 [Grunting] 303 00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:28,909 Hold on a second. So are you telling us... 304 00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:31,838 that you had sex with Margaret McPoyle that night? 305 00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:33,128 Yes. 306 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,422 - [Groans] - Ooh. 307 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,047 - Yeah. - Well, you know... 308 00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,335 we got to go confront the McPoyles about this now. 309 00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:40,174 Yeah, we got to confirm this whole story. 310 00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:42,202 The only consistent part about every single one of these stories... 311 00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,221 is that the McPoyles were there, and they were drinking milk... 312 00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:46,603 which means they were stone-cold sober that night. 313 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:48,479 They could probably confirm the truth. 314 00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:49,901 Ah, shit. 315 00:13:50,262 --> 00:13:52,452 [Baby Crying In Background] 316 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,932 [Hawaiian] 317 00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:58,805 Last Halloween. Hmm. 318 00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:00,985 And Dee's pregnant, huh? 319 00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:02,417 Hmm. 320 00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:04,281 I remember that night well. 321 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,097 As do I. Quite well. 322 00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:08,688 You were all very, very, very drunk. 323 00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:10,571 - Quite drunk. - You should feel shame. 324 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,630 Okay, don't give us your judgments, all right? 325 00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:14,702 - Can you please just tell us what you remember? - Tell us what happened. 326 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:18,150 Well, we just finished accepting Charles's terrible, terrible truce. 327 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:20,997 That's, like, the whole truce. You know, that's all there is to it. 328 00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:24,553 And if you guys are cool with it, then I'll be perfectly cool with it. 329 00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:27,404 - Whatever. - Just get out of our face. Your breath is awful. 330 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:28,790 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 331 00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,701 All right, well, bump it? 332 00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:32,753 What about this one? You bump? 333 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,292 That's cool. [Laughing] 334 00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:38,104 Cool, guys. Good truce, good truce, good truce, good truce. 335 00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,440 - Ah, hey, Dee. - Shut up. 336 00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:42,649 Yep. Yep. 337 00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:45,122 Uh, hello, hello, hello, hello! 338 00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:48,264 [Laughs] I see you received my invitation. 339 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,061 I'm sorry. Do I know you? 340 00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:52,542 - Who's this jerk? - Uh, this is my boyfriend. 341 00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,325 - What the hell? - Whoa. Time out, buddy. What's going on here? 342 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,368 The lady's taken, buddy! 343 00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:58,863 - Yeah, I know she is! - Who are you? 344 00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:01,438 - You want to get your ass kicked? - Leave us alone! 345 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,504 I have to defend your honor! 346 00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:05,642 [Shouts] Mac, get my back! 347 00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,311 [Grunting] 348 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,063 - [Gasps] - [Crowd Gasps] 349 00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:12,061 Goddamn it! I got milk all over me! 350 00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:14,241 Viggio Morgenstein! 351 00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:17,658 Hey. 352 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,607 [Grunts] I'm insanely high on mescaline. 353 00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:24,038 Are you telling me that wasn't even the waitress? 354 00:15:24,356 --> 00:15:25,666 Not at all. 355 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,705 After the fight, Mac went to the bathroom... 356 00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:30,657 - to wash that poor girl's blood off his hands. - [Shudders] 357 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,766 And Dee followed. 358 00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:36,545 They were only in there a short moment together before Dee came back out. 359 00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,412 Mac kicked her out of the bathroom... 360 00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,771 so he could make sweet love to Margaret in private. 361 00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:44,674 I heard you gave quite a performance, Macwell. 362 00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:50,383 - Mmm. - [Moaning] 363 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,973 - Mmm! - [Moaning Continues] 364 00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:54,812 - Mmm! - Oh! 365 00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:56,697 Okay, that's enough, all right? 366 00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:58,299 God, that's your sister. [Stammers] 367 00:15:58,557 --> 00:15:59,697 - Uh... - Yeah. 368 00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,475 You know what? Just move past it. Tell the story, please. 369 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,050 She's still expecting a call. 370 00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,285 Okay. That's not gonna happen, so just move past it, all right? 371 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,561 You will call her! 372 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,838 Jesus, man, I'm sorry. Fine, I'll call her. 373 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,308 As I was saying... 374 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,910 Dee came out of the bathroom in quite a rage. 375 00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:18,619 [Slurring] Stupid costume. 376 00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:20,367 Everybody calling me a bird. 377 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,726 [Liam] She accosted the girl you were all ogling that evening. 378 00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:26,712 Hey, you, everybody thinks you're so hot, huh? You big hot bird. 379 00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:29,896 Well, I tell you what. You take it off and switch with me. 380 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:31,842 - What are you talking about? - Me, mine... 381 00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:33,794 This is mine now. Switch it. 382 00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:36,173 - Uh, I don't think so. - [Mocking] "Oh, I don't think so." 383 00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:37,988 I didn't ask you, okay? 384 00:16:38,263 --> 00:16:41,283 Listen. All right, number one, it's a win-win for both of us. 385 00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,197 That weird plumber... he's gonna leave you alone for the rest of the night. 386 00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,793 That's good, right? And then the second great thing for you... 387 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,602 is I'm not gonna beat the shit out of you, so let's go. 388 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:53,049 [Ryan] Dee came out of the bathroom in her new costume feeling quite saucy. 389 00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:57,235 Call me a bird all night. Making fun, saying names. 390 00:16:57,816 --> 00:17:00,126 Well, let's see who's sexy now, dickwads. 391 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,329 'Cause I look good. 392 00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:03,994 [Liam] Dee was clearly on a warpath... 393 00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:06,946 to prove to one of you that she was indeed sexy. 394 00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:10,673 [Ryan] And the best way to do that was to trick one of you two into making love to her. 395 00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,708 [Liam] Knowing that Charlie was the weakest... 396 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,276 and by far the most vulnerable... 397 00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:17,614 she assumed he would be the easiest to take advantage of. 398 00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:21,190 [Ryan] And so she took Charlie into the back office and had her way with him. 399 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,955 [Hawaiian] 400 00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:26,950 You should see the look on your face. 401 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:28,946 It's good enough to eat. 402 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:31,388 No. Hold on a second. That wasn't me. 403 00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:34,090 - What? - That wasn't me. I switched costumes with Dennis. 404 00:17:34,486 --> 00:17:35,886 That was Dennis. 405 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,956 So Dennis thought Deandra was the peacock chick. 406 00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:44,217 [Mac] And Dee thought that Dennis was Charlie? 407 00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:54,250 So Dee thinks that I'm the dad, but, Dennis, you're the dad! 408 00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:56,453 - [Exhales] - [Church Bell Tolls] 409 00:17:57,976 --> 00:17:59,556 [Both] Delightful. 410 00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:00,805 [Moans] 411 00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:02,323 Oh, shit. I'm gonna be sick. 412 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:03,841 Go. Do it. 413 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,783 - [Retching] - Feel it. Let it out. 414 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,925 - Let's just get out... Let's just get out of here. - [Retching] 415 00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:11,172 Don't flush. 416 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,929 - [Mac] Dee! - [Frank] Deandra! 417 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,470 [Charlie] Dee! Dee! 418 00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:17,808 - Deandra! - Yeah! 419 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,310 This is bad! This is real bad! 420 00:18:20,699 --> 00:18:22,399 You thought you had sex with Charlie... 421 00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,571 but it was Dennis that you went into the back room with. 422 00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:26,213 - [Mac] See? - [Coughing] 423 00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,692 I had sex with you. It was sex with me. It was sex with me. 424 00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:30,974 He threw up the whole way over here, Dee. 425 00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,010 Dennis is the father of that baby. 426 00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:38,002 We got to get you and that monster that's in your gut down to Mexico A.S.A.P.! 427 00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:40,737 Are you kidding me? I did not have sex with Dennis. 428 00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:43,456 Yes, you did! Yeah... All right, look, look. 429 00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:46,046 You went in the back office with him, not me. 430 00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:49,995 You thought it was me 'cause you wanted sex from me! But you got sex from Dennis! 431 00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:53,282 Okay, you're saying that because I went into the back office alone with Dennis... 432 00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:55,432 that I must have had sex with him? 433 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:58,544 Gross! No! That did not happen. 434 00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:01,284 Have you guys been obsessing about this all night long? 435 00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:03,043 - Yes! - Yeah? 436 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,268 Of course. We were running around trying to figure out who the father is. 437 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:07,161 If it's not Dennis, who is it? 438 00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:09,116 - It's none of you. - Huh? 439 00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:10,874 No, none of you are the father. 440 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,430 I just told you that 'cause you were making fun of me for eating the sandwich... 441 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:16,099 and I thought it would upset you and get you going, and it did, it worked. 442 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:17,828 You guys have been obsessing about this all night. 443 00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,820 [Stammers] So, wait... 444 00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:23,285 Are-Are you absolutely sure that you and I did not have sex... 445 00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:25,345 and that that's not my... 446 00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:26,621 Uh, yeah. 447 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,732 - Oh! - [Laughing] 448 00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:32,757 - Whoa! Ho, ho! [Laughing] - Whoo! 449 00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,298 Yeah, but I'll tell you what. 450 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,781 I'm not gonna tell you who the father is. 451 00:19:38,143 --> 00:19:39,513 - Who gives a shit? - Yeah. 452 00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:41,858 You all give a shit. You just said so. You were up all night. 453 00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:43,554 You were thinking about it all night long. 454 00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:45,655 Yeah, but that was before, when you said it was one of us. 455 00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:47,914 - Now that it's not one of us, I mean... - Who cares? 456 00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:49,953 - Who cares, right? - It's no big deal. 457 00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,745 - Yeah, we don't care. - All right. Oh, my God. 458 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,514 I got to take a... Oh, Jesus. 459 00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:55,982 - Whoo, ooh! - Whoa, baby! 460 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:57,501 Whoo! 461 00:19:57,729 --> 00:19:59,509 - This close, baby. - That is a load off my shoulders, man. 462 00:19:59,831 --> 00:20:01,791 - I really dodged a bullet on that one. - You did, man. 463 00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,384 - Well, we all did. We all did. - Hey, what about the museum? 464 00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:05,640 - Huh? - Yes! 465 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:06,857 - We could do it. - Boom. 466 00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:08,412 There's still time! Dee, we're out of here! 467 00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:10,074 - You look like a turkey! - Yeah. 468 00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:13,182 - I would say... I would say, you look like an ostrich! - Yes! 469 00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:14,845 - Right? - That's pretty good. 470 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,480 You know, I want to call her an emu... 471 00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:19,298 - but I want to save it for, you know... - Save it, save it, save it. 472 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,798 You are a big, fat, flightless bird! 473 00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:23,584 - Yeah, yeah! - Those are all... 474 00:20:23,855 --> 00:20:25,165 - Those are all... - [Charlie] Yeah, I mean... 475 00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:27,534 - [Dennis] Just sort of the general... - The general whatever. 476 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:06,509 [Voices Speaking Backwards] 477 00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:12,607 English - US - SDH 478 00:21:12,657 --> 00:21:17,207 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41552

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