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1
00:01:13,368 --> 00:01:17,408
The Paki shop won't let us have
nothing on tick! Says it's part of his culture!
2
00:01:17,956 --> 00:01:21,362
Don't think it's got anything to do
with the 46 quid we already owe 'em do you?
3
00:01:22,239 --> 00:01:23,528
Funny enough he mentioned that!
4
00:01:26,874 --> 00:01:29,202
- Still, it's got nothing to do with me!
- That's right!
5
00:01:30,070 --> 00:01:33,598
The moment you suggested going
down the auction and buying on yer own,
6
00:01:33,990 --> 00:01:37,116
I knew there'd be trouble!
But I won' say nothing on the matter Rodney.
7
00:01:37,513 --> 00:01:38,429
Good!
8
00:01:42,165 --> 00:01:43,657
They must have seen him coming!
9
00:01:49,532 --> 00:01:51,461
- Good morning Uncle.
- Oh, morning Del.
10
00:01:51,699 --> 00:01:53,282
The Paki
won't let us have no breakfast.
11
00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:55,866
That's alright, I haven't much
felt like eating, recently.
12
00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:03,582
- What's the weather like out?
- It's parky Del!
13
00:02:04,222 --> 00:02:09,830
- Good, good! Nice thick frost is there?
- Bit slippery underfoot, yeah!
14
00:02:11,266 --> 00:02:15,375
- Triffic. Lots and lots of flecks of snow in the air is there?
- Yes, bit of sleet Del, yeah.
15
00:02:15,558 --> 00:02:19,997
Oh cushty! Nice northerly wind
howling in from the Urals is there?
16
00:02:21,090 --> 00:02:22,342
Cuts right through you Del!
17
00:02:22,536 --> 00:02:29,081
Lovely!! Because today Uncle Albert,
owing to young Rodney's foresight and GCEs,
18
00:02:31,275 --> 00:02:35,621
while all them other plonkers down the
market are selling woolly hats and thermal under-wear
19
00:02:35,882 --> 00:02:39,544
we're gonna make a right killing. Do
you know why we're gonna make a killing?
20
00:02:41,863 --> 00:02:43,286
We ain't got woolly
underwear.
21
00:02:43,927 --> 00:02:51,379
We've got sun tan lotion!! And
we ain't got just a little drop of sun tan lotion!
22
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:55,113
We've got 500 bloody quids worth of the stuff.
23
00:02:55,971 --> 00:02:58,722
I've told you I bought it as
an investment!
24
00:02:58,976 --> 00:03:01,894
An investment! Menage a trois!
25
00:03:03,824 --> 00:03:06,308
In the middle of the worst
winter for two million years -
26
00:03:06,648 --> 00:03:12,994
with the weathermen laying odds on a new Ice Age
this dipstick goes out and buys out Amber Solaire!
27
00:03:13,602 --> 00:03:16,499
The weathermen are also forecasting
a boiling hot summer!
28
00:03:17,359 --> 00:03:20,637
So come May or June we can sell
all of that or swop it for something else!
29
00:03:21,148 --> 00:03:26,009
- Like 50 or 60 anoraks maybe!?
- You won't give me any credit, will you?
30
00:03:26,447 --> 00:03:30,552
- Nor will that Paki!
- Oh shut up Albert!
31
00:03:30,888 --> 00:03:32,185
It's nothing to do with me!
32
00:03:32,636 --> 00:03:37,137
That five hundred quid that you squandered on this stuff
was the last of the company's capital!
33
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,268
And how was I supposed to know that?
34
00:03:39,462 --> 00:03:43,463
How were you supposed to know
that? You're the firm's accountant you wally!
35
00:03:45,346 --> 00:03:46,833
Throwing that at me now are you?
36
00:03:47,029 --> 00:03:52,238
Oh, look at that, we've got
nothing to sell and no money to buy with!
37
00:03:54,141 --> 00:03:57,038
It can't be that bad Del!
There must be something you can knock out?
38
00:03:57,236 --> 00:03:59,478
Yeah, I know what I would like to knock out.
39
00:04:00,889 --> 00:04:02,532
- What's in the van?
- Nothin'!
40
00:04:03,086 --> 00:04:05,422
- What's in the garage?
- The van!
41
00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:11,956
The only thing we've knocked out in the last month was that
electric deep-fryer to the guvn'r at the Nag's Head
42
00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:13,801
and I'm waiting for a comeback on that!
43
00:04:14,410 --> 00:04:18,656
It's him, ain't it? I mean, ever since he come to live
here we've had nothing but bad luck!
44
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,382
- What's he on about now?
- Oh I don't know.
45
00:04:21,687 --> 00:04:23,712
Alright, what about the time
he was in the navy!
46
00:04:24,035 --> 00:04:28,285
Every single ship he ever sailed on
either got torpedoed or divebombed!
47
00:04:30,254 --> 00:04:34,904
Two of them in peacetime!
Del, that man is a jinx!
48
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:38,924
Oh leave it out Rodney! Gordon
Bennett, you'll be burning witches next!
49
00:04:46,322 --> 00:04:52,574
I went down and ordered Grandad's headstone
the other day! Beautiful thing it is!
50
00:04:53,438 --> 00:04:59,404
It's got all angels and things round it and it's got
this great big eagle with a scroll in its foot!
51
00:05:01,879 --> 00:05:03,622
Of course, I think I'll have to cancel
that now!
52
00:05:04,581 --> 00:05:06,915
That'll cheer 'em up down at the plastics factory
won't it, eh?
53
00:05:08,638 --> 00:05:10,870
They've gone and bought all the fiberglass
and everything!
54
00:05:12,242 --> 00:05:15,937
Something's bound to turn up
Del! He who dares, eh?
55
00:05:16,304 --> 00:05:18,142
If you say so Rodney, if you
say so.
56
00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:20,944
I was reading in the Sunday papers
about them fellas
57
00:05:21,115 --> 00:05:25,490
what pick up with these rich old widows
- what they call 'em - toy boys!
58
00:05:28,147 --> 00:05:34,430
You wanna see the stuff they pick for presents.
Solid gold watches, sports cars - money!
59
00:05:35,013 --> 00:05:36,777
Might be worth considering!
60
00:05:38,851 --> 00:05:43,320
Well, we both admire your spirit Uncle, but don't you
think you've left it bit late for that sort of thing.
61
00:05:45,115 --> 00:05:47,844
I'm not talking about me! I meant you!
62
00:05:48,212 --> 00:05:53,225
Me?? I'm not selling my body
to some old tart! Thank you.
63
00:05:54,998 --> 00:05:56,896
Not even for the family??
64
00:05:57,072 --> 00:06:03,068
Especially not for the family!
I'm not gonna let myself become some hooker!
65
00:06:07,796 --> 00:06:13,753
Listen Uncle. You came to stay
with us for a couple of nights, about four weeks ago.
66
00:06:14,728 --> 00:06:18,861
So you don't know us very well.
So let me explain something to you you see.
67
00:06:19,282 --> 00:06:23,842
You see, you can't expect Rodney to go
and do something like that!
68
00:06:24,263 --> 00:06:27,101
I mean even I wouldn't expect
Rodney to do something like that!
69
00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:35,705
- I suppose it was too much to ask! Sorry Del.
- That's alright!
70
00:06:36,842 --> 00:06:39,421
I mean, Rodney can't even give
it away let alone flog it!
71
00:06:55,612 --> 00:06:57,668
'Ere you are, look, stick that
on the windscreen, will you.
72
00:07:05,995 --> 00:07:08,104
Couldn't we sell this and get
something more useful?
73
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,264
- Like what?
- Like a bus pass!
74
00:07:12,745 --> 00:07:15,109
I ain't in the mood Rodney,
I'm just not in the mood!! Alright.
75
00:07:18,898 --> 00:07:22,724
Be handy if one of them was to
accidentally fall in our direction wouldn't it, eh?
76
00:07:22,881 --> 00:07:25,982
- Leave off Del!
- You've got nowhere to hide it!
77
00:07:29,335 --> 00:07:33,953
- Yeah, well, that's what I meant.
- I suppose you're right. Come on.
78
00:07:38,097 --> 00:07:41,900
Hello Mike. How's that deepfryer Del sold you?
79
00:07:47,847 --> 00:07:49,832
I want a word with you Trotter!
80
00:07:50,133 --> 00:07:53,280
Yes, yes, of course Michael!
I'll be in the office!
81
00:07:58,364 --> 00:08:02,189
- What are you trying to do to me??
- I don't know Del Boy!
82
00:08:02,454 --> 00:08:05,435
Del, I've just had a thought
where we could hide one of them barrels.
83
00:08:05,605 --> 00:08:06,292
Yeah, where?
84
00:08:06,471 --> 00:08:07,540
In his mouth!
85
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,271
That's enough, thanks Mike.
86
00:08:12,744 --> 00:08:15,378
Come on darling, I ordered
chicken in a basket 'alf hour ago!
87
00:08:15,571 --> 00:08:21,415
- What you waiting for, the egg to hatch!
- It's not my fault! Our deepfryer's on the blink!
88
00:08:25,379 --> 00:08:32,588
- Ain't customers stupid, eh?
- Put it like that, I suppose they are!
89
00:08:33,317 --> 00:08:36,516
Here you are, come on, get that
down your neck, a small rum.
90
00:08:36,952 --> 00:08:40,708
- Just to keep the cold out Del!
- Make the most of it, could be your last!
91
00:08:41,617 --> 00:08:42,562
I've been thinking!
92
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,954
Oh leave it out Rodney, we're
in enough trouble as it is.
93
00:08:46,363 --> 00:08:50,648
Hang on, right, now look, when
I was studying for my GCE in Maths, right
94
00:08:50,935 --> 00:08:54,642
I had to learn to do cross-canceling equations.
95
00:08:56,182 --> 00:09:02,342
The idea is, you list all your problems
and then eradicate them using a process of elimination,
96
00:09:02,535 --> 00:09:05,801
thus discovering the solution!
That's what I've been doing!
97
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,456
G'on then, I'm game. Go on.
98
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:15,009
One: We are traders who have
nothing to sell, right?
99
00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:21,353
Two: We are traders who have
no money to buy with. Correct?
100
00:09:22,705 --> 00:09:24,878
I'm gonna smack you right in
the bloody mouth in a minute.
101
00:09:25,572 --> 00:09:27,900
Hang on! Three...
102
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:35,158
Oh no, there ain't a three! So, the solution
to our problem is thus:
103
00:09:36,129 --> 00:09:40,690
We have to find a way of
making money out of nothing!
104
00:09:47,102 --> 00:09:49,293
Oh, I don't know how we do it,
that's the answer!
105
00:09:51,164 --> 00:09:58,124
And you had to use ink to come to that conclusion??
Stone me Rodney, a Millwall fan could have worked that out!
106
00:09:59,352 --> 00:10:02,384
Don't keep on at me Del, at least I'm trying ain't I,
which is more than I can say for you.
107
00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:05,417
Me, I wasn't the one that spent
500 quid on all that rubbish.
108
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:06,275
Would you get of my back...
109
00:10:06,454 --> 00:10:10,699
Pack it in you two! Look at
you, you're at each other's throats.
110
00:10:11,234 --> 00:10:16,216
Bloody money, whether you've got too much of it or
not enough, it always causes trouble.
111
00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:23,136
Don't worry, something will turn up, you see.
I'll see you two later.
112
00:10:23,562 --> 00:10:24,757
Yeah, yeah alright.
113
00:10:25,771 --> 00:10:27,605
D'you think we ought to go with
him in case he gets mugged?
114
00:10:28,926 --> 00:10:36,870
Nah, he's skint anyway! Well that's it, ain't it,
I'm gonna have to pawn all the jewellery again!
115
00:10:37,121 --> 00:10:41,085
Honestly these rings they know more about hock than
a German wine taster!
116
00:10:42,292 --> 00:10:43,625
Something's gonna turn up Del!
117
00:10:43,862 --> 00:10:47,526
What, with our luck? If I threw a fiver into the air
it'd come down as a summons!
118
00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:52,678
I don't ask much out of life do
I, eh? Only an 'apenny more than I can spend.
119
00:10:52,829 --> 00:10:55,464
And look at me, look, I'm gutted!
It's all your fault Rodney!
120
00:10:55,643 --> 00:10:57,005
Oh don't start all that again!
121
00:10:57,727 --> 00:11:02,480
Well it is. I mean ever since you were that high
you've done nothing but hold me back!
122
00:11:02,942 --> 00:11:04,314
I held you back??
123
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:07,263
Yeah, I mean, when Mum died I
should have had you put into care!
124
00:11:07,447 --> 00:11:08,961
I would have been someone by now!
125
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,223
I would have done, I would have probably
had me own penthouse,
126
00:11:11,435 --> 00:11:14,245
and I would have had an Aston Martin
with a telephone an' all that.
127
00:11:14,869 --> 00:11:18,527
Well, I'll tell you something Del. You'd have been
doing me a favour if you'd had put me into care!
128
00:11:18,922 --> 00:11:21,534
'Cos at least then I might have got a proper job
when I left school,
129
00:11:21,759 --> 00:11:24,420
instead of humping your old suitcase all
over London!
130
00:11:24,588 --> 00:11:26,224
But you didn't wanna leave
school did you?
131
00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:29,144
If it'd been up to you, you would have been
there drawing your old age pension.
132
00:11:29,943 --> 00:11:33,227
I only wanted to stay there
while I got GCEs in Maths and Art!
133
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:34,911
And a lot of good they done
the firm!
134
00:11:35,147 --> 00:11:39,507
The only time your GCE has come in handy was that
time when I asked you to count them tins of paint!
135
00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:48,129
- What the bloody hell's that?
- You don't think it was that deep-fryer do you?
136
00:11:49,510 --> 00:11:51,594
I'm not gonna stay to find out.
Come on, let's look lively! Come on.
137
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,308
- Del.
- Yeah, won't be a minute love.
138
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,237
- Yeah, we've just got to...
- It's your Uncle Albert!!
139
00:11:56,935 --> 00:12:00,227
- What about Uncle Albert?
- He's fallen down our cellar! Quick.
140
00:12:00,551 --> 00:12:01,763
Fallen down the cellar...
141
00:12:08,071 --> 00:12:13,174
- Well??
- No, no, no, Del the old neck's gone.
142
00:12:13,735 --> 00:12:15,486
No, no, no, I mean, what happened??
143
00:12:15,754 --> 00:12:19,838
I don't know! I just looked up
- and there was Albert plummeting towards me!
144
00:12:21,231 --> 00:12:23,769
- Hold on, where is he??
- Oh he's over there somewhere!
145
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,939
How the hell did he get over
there?
146
00:12:28,369 --> 00:12:33,732
He hit the plank and bounced! He went through the air
like one of them springboard divers!
147
00:12:34,790 --> 00:12:36,186
Cor my neck don't 'alf hurt, Del!
148
00:12:36,367 --> 00:12:37,416
Your neck! Your neck.
149
00:12:37,614 --> 00:12:44,034
Uncle Albert nearly ends up in a Jumbo's flightpath, and all you
can think about is your rotten Gregory!! Oh come on.
150
00:12:44,376 --> 00:12:48,358
- Are you alright?
- I'm a bit shaken and dazed Rodney!
151
00:12:48,715 --> 00:12:54,823
It's probably jet-lag! Come on,
get him onto his feet Rodney. Come on, up you come.
152
00:12:54,985 --> 00:12:59,327
Fancy leaving an open cellar door unguarded.
I've got a good mind to sue the brewery!
153
00:12:59,511 --> 00:13:01,662
Yeah, put yer arm around Rodney's.
Sue the brewery?
154
00:13:01,932 --> 00:13:03,964
Put him down. What the hell
d'you think you're doing?
155
00:13:04,588 --> 00:13:06,020
Del, you just said pick him up.
156
00:13:06,223 --> 00:13:08,818
Yeah, I know what I just said
but you don't know what sort of damage he's done!
157
00:13:09,016 --> 00:13:10,490
He might have broken something!
158
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:14,619
Yeah he has! About four dozen
bottles of Guiness! Come on Del.
159
00:13:14,773 --> 00:13:16,855
There's nothing wrong
with him. He said so himself.
160
00:13:17,049 --> 00:13:18,812
Yeah, but how does he know
that? How does he know that?
161
00:13:18,995 --> 00:13:21,772
He might have hit his head and got
percussion!
162
00:13:23,424 --> 00:13:27,131
Look, the first thing to do in first aid is
never move the victim, right?
163
00:13:27,425 --> 00:13:30,922
You'll have to move me soon
Del, the last bell's just gone!
164
00:13:31,223 --> 00:13:33,824
See that, he's got ringing
sounds in his ears!
165
00:13:34,390 --> 00:13:35,732
This is even worse than I thought
Rodney.
166
00:13:35,939 --> 00:13:39,197
Quick nip upstairs and get on the telephone,
yeah, phone for a solicitor!
167
00:13:43,092 --> 00:13:47,849
A solicitor?? Del you can't sue!
168
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,004
You don't wanna put money on it
do you?
169
00:13:50,613 --> 00:13:53,760
Him falling down that hole could be the biggest
bit of luck we've had in years.
170
00:13:54,147 --> 00:13:57,461
But Del, if he'd hurt himself
there'd be little signs - wouldn't there
171
00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:00,816
like blood and pain!
His hat ain't come off.
172
00:14:01,628 --> 00:14:03,056
How's that alright.
173
00:14:03,473 --> 00:14:08,291
Don't give us all that Quincy cobblers Rodney!
You don't know how bad I am!
174
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:12,192
You see, you don't know how bad he is.
Now quick whip upstairs and phone Solly Attwell!
175
00:14:12,347 --> 00:14:15,448
You'll find his number in the Yellow
Pages. Go on, look lively.
176
00:14:15,638 --> 00:14:19,654
Solly Atwell's our solicitor.
Bloody 'ell, he's more bent than the villains!
177
00:14:20,421 --> 00:14:23,979
That's the sort of man we need
in a case like this, a specialist!
178
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,010
G' on then, get on the blower!
179
00:14:26,427 --> 00:14:29,110
You don't mind if I phone for
an ambulance first, do you?
180
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:33,074
Ambulance! Ambulance! Good thinking.
That'll look great on the report!
181
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:35,490
Well done, Rodney. Go on, away you go.
182
00:14:37,092 --> 00:14:39,193
The old brewery are gonna pay
through the nose for this.
183
00:14:39,884 --> 00:14:42,104
I told you something'd turn up,
didn't I Del?
184
00:14:42,337 --> 00:14:45,493
That's alright Uncle, you just
conserve yer oxygen. That's right.
185
00:14:47,179 --> 00:14:49,448
Uncle - Albert - did I hear
you groaning in pain?
186
00:14:49,814 --> 00:14:52,201
- No!
- Well why not?? Come on.
187
00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:02,238
I'm afraid it's bad news Derek,
I'd brace yourselves if I was you!
188
00:15:02,923 --> 00:15:07,684
According to this medical report and the X-ray they took
...there's nothing wrong with him!
189
00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:13,463
There's gotta be something wrong with him!
He was none too clever before he fell down the hole!
190
00:15:14,454 --> 00:15:20,052
Sorry Del Boy! Not a mark, scratch, abrasion or bruise!
He must have landed on something soft.
191
00:15:20,309 --> 00:15:22,121
Yeah he did, the landlord!
192
00:15:22,472 --> 00:15:24,831
If I were you Del Boy I'd
accept the brewery's offer.
193
00:15:25,514 --> 00:15:26,406
What offer??
194
00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:28,052
Their solicitors phoned me today.
195
00:15:28,238 --> 00:15:33,454
To save any adverse publicity they're willing to
settle out of court for 2,000 pounds.
196
00:15:34,122 --> 00:15:37,053
- Two grand??
- Take the money Del.
197
00:15:37,518 --> 00:15:42,004
No, I wanted more than that!
I wanted enough money to set us up proper.
198
00:15:42,988 --> 00:15:51,421
Wait a minute, if they're willing to settle for 2,000 pounds
out of court, think what they'll settle for in court!
199
00:15:51,756 --> 00:15:54,787
- But Del, there's nothing wrong with him!!
- Well it ain't my bloody fault is it??
200
00:15:55,421 --> 00:16:02,222
Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, please!
Now perhaps we should look at the case from another angle.
201
00:16:02,432 --> 00:16:05,505
I mean we've only been considering
the physical damage!
202
00:16:05,989 --> 00:16:09,314
But what about this!
203
00:16:11,105 --> 00:16:13,339
We ain't gonna get a lot for
his bloody hat are we!
204
00:16:14,972 --> 00:16:18,591
No, I mean his - his mind
Derek! Psychological injuries!
205
00:16:18,781 --> 00:16:19,897
Will the court swallow that?
206
00:16:20,068 --> 00:16:21,610
If you three say the right
things they will.
207
00:16:21,776 --> 00:16:26,410
Hey listen, there was a case in America
where this chap fell down a manhole and,
208
00:16:27,055 --> 00:16:30,368
like your Uncle, he sustained no physical
injuries.
209
00:16:30,677 --> 00:16:35,608
Yet her successfully sued the Los Angeles City
council for thirty million dollars!
210
00:16:36,694 --> 00:16:42,270
- Thirty million!!
- He claimed the accident had ruined his sex life!
211
00:16:44,866 --> 00:16:47,635
At that rate we'll get one
pound seventy five.
212
00:16:48,783 --> 00:16:50,658
We're not claiming anything
like that!
213
00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:58,852
I'm just giving you that as an example of how these
'unseen' injuries can mount up in the old compo stakes!
214
00:16:59,379 --> 00:17:01,811
Now, look at the facts as I see them.
215
00:17:02,326 --> 00:17:07,193
An elderly man who fought bravely for his country,
sailing the seven seas,
216
00:17:07,457 --> 00:17:11,029
insuring that Britain never, never,
never shall be slaves
217
00:17:11,602 --> 00:17:16,228
has had his retirement -
his few well earned years of rest,
218
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:20,184
ruined by the negligence of a multinational company!
219
00:17:21,489 --> 00:17:30,163
An active man struck down by the thoughtless
action of this mammouth, rich corporation!
220
00:17:31,113 --> 00:17:39,934
The bouts of amnesia, the fear of the outside world and,
most distressing of all, losing the use of his legs!
221
00:17:41,402 --> 00:17:50,610
Sit! Right, that's it, do the bizzo Solly! Alright listen,
I want no Mickey Mouse magistrates!
222
00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:56,161
I want the High Court, I want a pukka brief -
you know black cape, crowntopper, all the Xs, alright?
223
00:17:56,849 --> 00:17:57,738
Right Solly?
224
00:17:57,969 --> 00:18:00,867
I'll set the wheels in motion.
I shall need a list of witnesses.
225
00:18:01,203 --> 00:18:02,908
No, see, there weren't no witnesses!
226
00:18:03,239 --> 00:18:05,385
- Will ten do?
- Lovely!
227
00:18:07,309 --> 00:18:13,869
Now Mr Trotter, you were standing outside the Nag's
Head public house when this tragic accident occurred?
228
00:18:14,373 --> 00:18:15,178
...Yes!
229
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:17,847
- You saw the incident clearly?
- Yes!
230
00:18:18,283 --> 00:18:23,893
- Would you tell the court what happened.
- My uncle fell down a hole!
231
00:18:26,575 --> 00:18:30,027
Yes! Would you tell the court
how he fell down the hole.
232
00:18:31,429 --> 00:18:34,236
...Em...well, it was...
233
00:18:35,726 --> 00:18:37,048
Like that!
234
00:18:39,894 --> 00:18:44,208
No, no Mr Trotter! Did he trip,
did he stumble?
235
00:18:45,841 --> 00:18:51,776
No. Well, he sort of walked
and then fell down the hole!
236
00:18:53,494 --> 00:18:58,187
- Didn't he see the warning notice?
- There was no warning notice.
237
00:18:58,525 --> 00:19:02,319
- Wasn't he stopped by the guard rail!
- There was no guard rail either.
238
00:19:02,699 --> 00:19:08,283
I see! No warning notice, no guard rail!
Sounds very dangerous to me!
239
00:19:09,053 --> 00:19:15,292
Yes! I can remember thinking to myself at the time,
'That's rather dangerous! Someone could fall down that!'
240
00:19:16,804 --> 00:19:21,616
And how right you were! So,
you ran straight down to the cellar?
241
00:19:22,348 --> 00:19:23,397
Yes!
242
00:19:23,628 --> 00:19:26,712
- And were you the first person to find your Uncle?
- Yes!
243
00:19:27,102 --> 00:19:30,668
- What did he look like?
- Horrible!
244
00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:36,859
Would you please tell the
court, are you related to the plaintiff?
245
00:19:37,603 --> 00:19:39,100
No, no I just drink in his pub!
246
00:19:39,868 --> 00:19:42,959
- That little one there is me Uncle!
- Quite!
247
00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:48,166
I saw it all your worship, utter negligence
a complete disregard for public safety...
248
00:19:48,386 --> 00:19:54,284
Yes, yes, quite! Mr Frazer, I don't think we need concern
ourselves any further with the accident itself!
249
00:19:54,723 --> 00:19:58,849
I believe liability has been proved
quite - quite conclusively!
250
00:19:59,088 --> 00:20:02,829
Much obliged to your honour!
Let us move on now to the after-effects of the accident.
251
00:20:03,429 --> 00:20:05,841
Has your Uncle changed in any
way since this happened?
252
00:20:06,477 --> 00:20:09,737
Do what? Oh yeah - oh yeah.
He's a completely different man now!
253
00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:13,774
I mean he used to be so active! You know it was
full of swimming, sponsored walks, marathon.
254
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,827
You know, well they used to call him the
Jimmy Savile of Peckham!
255
00:20:19,109 --> 00:20:21,482
Well, he was always out and about,
you'd rarely find him in!
256
00:20:21,790 --> 00:20:22,478
And now?
257
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:30,211
Well, now he is like the Olympic flame
he never goes out your lordship. Locked in his room,
258
00:20:30,385 --> 00:20:33,194
he' - he's frightened he might fall
down another hole!
259
00:20:33,871 --> 00:20:37,665
And how has the gradual loss
of feeling in his leg affected him?
260
00:20:37,921 --> 00:20:39,527
Well, how would it affect you
Captain?
261
00:20:39,867 --> 00:20:44,147
I mean, one minute, you know he's there doing his
acrobatics to his Dizzy Lizzy LP,
262
00:20:45,243 --> 00:20:48,470
and then the next minute he has to ask us whether or
not he's got his shoes on!
263
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:56,212
But I mean, the worstest, the worstest thing of all is your
honour is these sudden bouts of amnesia.
264
00:20:56,727 --> 00:20:59,821
You know, they have led to him having some very
nasty falls.
265
00:21:00,157 --> 00:21:03,817
I fail to see the connection.
How can amnesia cause one to fall?
266
00:21:04,273 --> 00:21:06,182
He keeps forgetting he can't walk!
267
00:21:09,796 --> 00:21:11,358
I have no further questions
m'lud.
268
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:14,349
- Mr Gerrard?
- No questions your honour.
269
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,015
You may stand down Mr Trotter.
270
00:21:16,243 --> 00:21:19,099
Stand down? I've only just
started. I've got loads more I could tell you!
271
00:21:19,296 --> 00:21:21,157
That will be all Mr Trotter,
thank you.
272
00:21:30,317 --> 00:21:31,253
Alright Mike.
273
00:21:32,438 --> 00:21:33,352
How we doing Solly?
274
00:21:33,636 --> 00:21:36,218
We're home and dry. This could
be a ten grander coming up here!
275
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,333
Mr Frazer, do you intend
calling any more witnesses?
276
00:21:39,688 --> 00:21:41,906
- I have no further witnesses m'lud.
- Mr Gerrard?
277
00:21:42,171 --> 00:21:47,278
Just one your honour. I call
the plaintiff, Albert Gladstone Trotter.
278
00:21:50,566 --> 00:21:51,844
I thought you said they
wouldn't call him?
279
00:21:52,054 --> 00:21:55,082
I said 'we' wouldn't call him!
Look don't worry, I've already briefed him.
280
00:21:55,288 --> 00:21:57,966
Any awkward questions he just claims loss
of memory!
281
00:21:58,163 --> 00:22:00,690
Loss of memory! Knowing him
he'll forget!
282
00:22:02,338 --> 00:22:04,444
Take the book in your right
hand and read the card.
283
00:22:05,264 --> 00:22:08,214
There's no need to stand Mr
Trotter. Please remain seated.
284
00:22:08,776 --> 00:22:16,884
Thank you your worship. I swear to tell the truth, the
whole truth and nothing but the truth.
285
00:22:17,767 --> 00:22:25,396
You are Albert Gladstone Trotter, presently residing at
368 Nelson Mandela House, Dockside Estate, Peckham?
286
00:22:26,559 --> 00:22:27,890
I think so sir.
287
00:22:28,333 --> 00:22:33,628
Yes. I'll make this as brief as possible Mr Trotter, I
realise how distressing this must be for you.
288
00:22:35,151 --> 00:22:38,695
Do you have any recollection
of the accident?
289
00:22:39,749 --> 00:22:46,713
Very little sir. One minute I was walking along, on me way
to post me entry form for The Krypton Factor.
290
00:22:49,528 --> 00:22:54,159
Anyway, next I was falling through the air!
All me life flashed before me!
291
00:22:54,592 --> 00:22:59,294
The battle of the River Plate,
the sinking of the Graf Spee, raid on Telemar.
292
00:23:01,185 --> 00:23:03,482
- Silence that man!
- Sorry your honour!
293
00:23:04,211 --> 00:23:07,374
After that it's all a blank.
Me memory keeps going, see.
294
00:23:07,658 --> 00:23:09,308
Have you ever suffered with
amnesia before?
295
00:23:10,001 --> 00:23:11,409
I can't remember.
296
00:23:13,013 --> 00:23:19,165
I see! But you can remember the war! After all, you have
all your ribbons there to remind you.
297
00:23:19,797 --> 00:23:24,310
- Where were you based Mr Trotter?
- I was overseas sir.
298
00:23:24,677 --> 00:23:25,879
Really, how odd!
299
00:23:26,156 --> 00:23:30,029
I looked into your naval record and it seems
that you spent the best part of the war
300
00:23:30,444 --> 00:23:36,525
stationed in a storage depot
on the Isle of Wight! Hardly overseas!
301
00:23:36,973 --> 00:23:39,069
You wanna try walking it pal!
302
00:23:42,162 --> 00:23:48,939
I also noticed Mr Trotter that in May, 1944,
you were one of several naval ratings,
303
00:23:49,144 --> 00:23:54,372
seconded to a Marine parachute unit,
specially formed for missions behind enemy lines.
304
00:23:54,759 --> 00:23:57,499
I believe you were involved in
laundry matters!
305
00:23:57,793 --> 00:24:02,097
But whilst with this unit you underwent
basic parachute training.
306
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:06,283
Would you tell the court what
this training consisted of?
307
00:24:07,373 --> 00:24:09,223
Em...jumping off of things!
308
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:15,552
'Jumping off of things!' In other words,
learning to fall without injuring oneself!
309
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,853
My memory ain't what it used
to be your worship.
310
00:24:19,277 --> 00:24:22,772
I sympathise Mr Trotter and
intend to help you as much as I can.
311
00:24:23,395 --> 00:24:29,569
Tell me, could you possibly be the same Albert
Gladstone Trotter who, in 1946,
312
00:24:29,762 --> 00:24:34,769
fell down the cellar of the Victory Inn, Portsmouth,
and received one hundred pounds compensation?
313
00:24:35,239 --> 00:24:37,347
I can't remember that far back sir.
314
00:24:37,705 --> 00:24:44,262
Well, let's try a more recent case then. Could you be the
same Albert Gladstone Trotter who, in 1951,
315
00:24:44,492 --> 00:24:46,930
fell down the cellar of the Coach and Horses,
Peckham Rye,
316
00:24:48,266 --> 00:24:54,030
- and received a 225 pound out of court settlement?
- Me mind's a blank!
317
00:24:55,084 --> 00:25:02,299
Maybe you were the same Albert Gladstone Trotter who, in 1949,
fell down the cellar of the Crossed Keys off-licence, Gravesend?
318
00:25:03,020 --> 00:25:08,965
How about the Thatched Inn, Canning Town, or
does the Brunswick Club, New Cross, ring a bell?
319
00:25:09,798 --> 00:25:11,438
I don't believe it!
320
00:25:13,506 --> 00:25:19,433
It's a bloody nightmare Rodney, it's a bloody nightmare!
He's been down more holes than Tony Jacklin.
321
00:25:29,633 --> 00:25:34,094
I don't believe it! I do not believe what that
garrity old git has done to us!
322
00:25:35,477 --> 00:25:38,737
I mean, the only hole he hasn't fallen down
is the black one in Calcutta!
323
00:25:41,841 --> 00:25:43,925
What is it the insurance
companies nicknamed him?
324
00:25:44,222 --> 00:25:46,178
- The ferret!
- The ferret!
325
00:25:47,168 --> 00:25:50,613
He's had 15 previous lawsuits
for falling down holes!
326
00:25:51,107 --> 00:25:52,779
Those are the known cases
Rodney!
327
00:25:53,142 --> 00:25:57,282
I mean, how many times has the landlord settled out
of court with a quiet backhander to save all the aggro?
328
00:26:07,484 --> 00:26:12,359
Alright, come on, how many pubs, off-licences
and drinking clubs have you done in your time?
329
00:26:13,178 --> 00:26:18,876
Well, quite a few Del! The
first cellar I fell down was genuine - honest!
330
00:26:19,998 --> 00:26:25,500
But 'cos I'd learnt to fall properly I didn't hurt myself
but I still got compensation out of it
331
00:26:25,665 --> 00:26:27,719
and I thought 'This is handy!'
332
00:26:28,457 --> 00:26:37,942
So, whenever me and yer Grandad was hard up for a
few bob well I'd go'n fall down a hole! I was only tryin' to help.
333
00:26:38,451 --> 00:26:42,398
Only tryin' to help? I was
nearly done for contempt of court.
334
00:26:42,654 --> 00:26:49,110
His name's been sent to the director of public prosecution
and Solly and the brief look
335
00:26:49,278 --> 00:26:53,957
like they're gonna get defrocked!
And you were only tryin' to help!!
336
00:26:54,186 --> 00:26:59,742
I said I'm sorry Rodney! I didn't wanna do it!
I mean, I'm past all that stunt-man lark!
337
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,191
But you two have been good to me
these past few weeks.
338
00:27:05,065 --> 00:27:09,902
And I wanted to get some money to -
well - repay you.
339
00:27:11,870 --> 00:27:14,933
And I wanted to get yer Grandad his
headstone.
340
00:27:24,054 --> 00:27:26,202
You did it for Grandad's headstone?
341
00:27:27,082 --> 00:27:32,173
He was my older brother Del.
When I was a kid he used to look after me.
342
00:27:34,016 --> 00:27:43,757
I never did anything for him - never had the
chance to - until now! Sorry boys!
343
00:27:53,674 --> 00:27:59,213
Alright,
don't worry about it Uncle Albert.
344
00:28:03,296 --> 00:28:05,958
Come on Rodney, let's get Ironside home!
345
00:28:14,405 --> 00:28:17,557
- It's turned out nice innit boys?
- Triffic!
346
00:28:19,793 --> 00:28:21,688
I'd better knock out some of
that sun tan lotion, eh?
347
00:28:25,590 --> 00:28:31,688
'Ere just a - just a minute why
am I pushing you? You can walk you lazy old sod!
348
00:28:33,349 --> 00:28:34,648
Oh yeah, I forgot!
349
00:28:35,072 --> 00:28:37,632
Oh had another little bout of
amnesia, eh Del!
350
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:42,023
Now don't you start all that blackout nonsense
with me Uncle 'cos it won't wash!
351
00:28:44,444 --> 00:28:48,284
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