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1
00:00:40,095 --> 00:00:45,504
- What do you reckon then Mike, 29?
- Last orders now - please.
2
00:00:46,106 --> 00:00:47,698
I'm not interested.
3
00:00:48,075 --> 00:00:50,758
I'll give you the box - it's got re-dial -,
oi, top me up too, don't hang about.
4
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,984
Go an' tell that girl over there will you,
we're closing in a minute.
5
00:00:57,019 --> 00:00:58,608
And how am I supposed to do that?
6
00:00:58,643 --> 00:01:02,443
I've been tryin' to talk to her all night but
she's foreign, don't understand the lingo!
7
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:04,414
What's occurring Mike?
8
00:01:04,449 --> 00:01:08,565
Well it's that foreign tart,
she can't speak a word of English.
9
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,874
She's been sitting there all night.
Keeps bursting into tears!
10
00:01:10,909 --> 00:01:14,962
Yeah, well at your prices you can't blame her?
What's her nationality?
11
00:01:15,562 --> 00:01:18,241
- Ain't got a clue!
- Maybe she's Swedish!!
12
00:01:19,794 --> 00:01:22,386
- Swedish??
- Hark at him.
13
00:01:22,421 --> 00:01:25,066
Yeah, well d'you know the
Swedish for 'Chucking out time'??
14
00:01:25,101 --> 00:01:29,054
- That's one pound fourty-seven...
- Alright, I'll get it.
15
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,398
Here Del, Del, you speak a
bit of French don't you?
16
00:01:32,119 --> 00:01:33,590
Potage bonne femme!
17
00:01:36,007 --> 00:01:38,407
Listen, go and have a chat
with her, see if she speaks a bit French?
18
00:01:39,072 --> 00:01:41,769
Of course I will Mike, anything for a mate.
How much d'you say these drinks were?
19
00:01:42,298 --> 00:01:45,209
One four...On the house Del!
20
00:01:45,954 --> 00:01:47,787
Good boy, well done Michael,
you're a gentleman!
21
00:01:50,180 --> 00:01:51,585
Right, you can stay here
if you like Rodney.
22
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,261
You must be joking!
23
00:01:53,799 --> 00:01:56,850
You're gonna to speak French to someone,
I wouldn't miss this for a million pounds.
24
00:01:58,245 --> 00:02:01,194
- Alright, alright then - I'll show you. Come on.
- Go on then.
25
00:02:01,862 --> 00:02:04,890
Alright Maureen, I can take
over now. Right.
26
00:02:07,776 --> 00:02:12,608
Au revoir! Parlez vous the old Francais?
27
00:02:13,465 --> 00:02:16,222
Oh, oui bien sur. Pouvez
vous m'aider s'il vous plait?
28
00:02:16,257 --> 00:02:20,354
Est'ce qu'il y'a un hotel ou pension quelconque
par ici ou je peux trouver une chambre?
29
00:02:31,745 --> 00:02:33,448
Na, she don't speak French
either Mike!
30
00:02:34,466 --> 00:02:37,787
Excusez-moi Monsieur.
Je ne suis pas Francais, mais Allemande!
31
00:02:38,642 --> 00:02:42,941
- Who?
- Allemagne!! Deutschland!! Germany!! Ja?
32
00:02:43,284 --> 00:02:44,084
She's German!
33
00:02:44,119 --> 00:02:48,018
Oh, it's alright, panic over Mike,
Bamber's cracked it! She's German!
34
00:02:48,053 --> 00:02:48,910
What do you want?
35
00:02:48,945 --> 00:02:52,437
I can speak a bit of German,
I was over there just after the war.
36
00:02:52,956 --> 00:02:57,365
Yes, sit down, sit down. Come
over here. Now listen to me.
37
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:01,204
I want you to ask her what her name is, where she lives,
her address and all that sort of thing.
38
00:03:01,239 --> 00:03:02,720
Right, leave this to me...
39
00:03:04,335 --> 00:03:06,032
Vot ees your nem?
40
00:03:11,135 --> 00:03:16,591
Vot is your n...Vot is yor nem...
He's winding me up ain't he?
41
00:03:17,192 --> 00:03:19,175
Does anyone speak English?
42
00:03:19,711 --> 00:03:24,728
English! You saucy mare, course we speak English,
we invented the lingo didn't we?
43
00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:31,276
- Yes we sp... Well, I speak English!
- You help me maybe? I look for my hotel!
44
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,949
Oh right. Which hotel?
What is the name of your hotel??
45
00:03:36,351 --> 00:03:37,533
I not sure of this!
46
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,103
Oh stone me, there's bloody
millions of them across the river.
47
00:03:42,435 --> 00:03:47,110
- Er, he say 'There are many hotels in London.'
- Oh ja, many!
48
00:03:47,665 --> 00:03:50,841
You just come in then?
Gatwick airport - silver bird?
49
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:52,505
Please?
50
00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:55,378
He say 'Have you just arrived
in England?'
51
00:03:55,917 --> 00:04:00,387
Oh no. I be in England now
for one year. I am language student.
52
00:04:00,609 --> 00:04:05,032
French and English, ja? I work as au
pair and study at the college.
53
00:04:05,431 --> 00:04:08,062
The family I work for
tell me I must go.
54
00:04:08,564 --> 00:04:13,399
They are not happy with me.
They say I must leave., so I have hotel yes?
55
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:20,396
Oh yes! Don't worry, I - I will make sure
you get to your hotel.
56
00:04:20,731 --> 00:04:23,763
I will make sure you get safely
to your room!
57
00:04:25,809 --> 00:04:27,846
I think I can handle this on my own Del,
don't you?
58
00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:32,887
Yeah, I bet you can! Yeah,
blimey what a turn up, eh?
59
00:04:33,419 --> 00:04:36,509
He thought he was gonna pull a Swede
and she's got lumbered with a cabbage!
60
00:04:39,873 --> 00:04:45,159
Come on Albert, let's take a Toby home,
we'll leave the keys of the car with the old saint here!
61
00:04:45,873 --> 00:04:47,486
Off you go. Tata darling.
62
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:51,156
Best of luck girl, keep
yer hand on yer pfennig!
63
00:04:54,017 --> 00:04:54,762
No Del!
64
00:04:54,797 --> 00:04:56,086
Alright, I tell you what I'm
gonna do Michael,
65
00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:57,952
I'm gonna leave the phone here so that
you can have a think about it
66
00:04:57,987 --> 00:04:59,894
and I'll give you a bell on it in the morning.
Alright son.
67
00:05:00,859 --> 00:05:05,471
So, have you any idea where
your hotel is?
68
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,424
I do not have hotel!
69
00:05:07,881 --> 00:05:09,965
But I thought you said you
were looking for a hotel?
70
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:16,342
- Ja, I look for hotel.
- Oh...There are no hotels in this area!
71
00:05:17,285 --> 00:05:20,961
This is what I think! So, I am nowhere?
72
00:05:22,566 --> 00:05:26,747
No, no, don't cry! Something'll turn up!
Give us a bit of time to think!
73
00:05:26,782 --> 00:05:27,764
I have money!
74
00:05:28,405 --> 00:05:31,748
Put that away! Blimey, they'd chop
your head off round here if you've got gold teeth!
75
00:05:33,054 --> 00:05:34,022
Please?
76
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:38,781
This is dangerous place at night!
The streets are bad place!
77
00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:42,471
- Ja, this is why I fear!
- Come on, time to go home now - please.
78
00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:49,562
Look, you could spend the
night at our flat I suppose.
79
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:53,325
You know - if you want.
It ain't very much, but it's comfortable...
80
00:05:55,047 --> 00:05:58,776
Well no, it ain't really comfortable.
You're more than welcome!
81
00:05:58,811 --> 00:06:02,177
- You could have my bed.
- But where will you sleep?
82
00:06:05,308 --> 00:06:08,641
Oh, we'll think of something.
Shall I take your case?
83
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,167
Thank you.
84
00:06:43,651 --> 00:06:47,979
Yeah, listen Kristos, everyone's got a
cordless phone these days except you!
85
00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:54,117
What? No, of course they're not faulty! I
said of course they're not faulty!
86
00:06:58,713 --> 00:07:00,287
D'you get that little bird home?
87
00:07:01,135 --> 00:07:06,529
Eh, yeah I got her home! See thing is Del,
she didn't actually have a hotel to go back to!
88
00:07:06,892 --> 00:07:08,991
Alright Rodney - can't you see I'm on the phone.
What did you say - go on.
89
00:07:09,026 --> 00:07:13,337
- So I said she could spend the night here!
- What d'you mean, she can spend the night here?
90
00:07:13,372 --> 00:07:14,614
Come in Anna.
91
00:07:14,649 --> 00:07:16,205
Yeah hello dar...
92
00:07:22,014 --> 00:07:28,190
Alright Kristos, listen, I've got to go, I'll hang up
because something big has just turned up.
93
00:07:30,671 --> 00:07:33,186
Anna, this is my brother
Derek. Del, this is Anna.
94
00:07:33,505 --> 00:07:35,752
- Good evening.
- Good evening, yeah.
95
00:07:36,199 --> 00:07:37,969
- And this is our Uncle Albert.
- How do you do?
96
00:07:38,443 --> 00:07:42,247
- Hello dear, nice to meet you all!
- May I sit down?
97
00:07:43,209 --> 00:07:47,159
Certainly. Please put your bag down.
That's it - good girl.
98
00:07:48,690 --> 00:07:49,907
D'you fancy a bit of 'addock?
99
00:07:50,516 --> 00:07:53,460
Hey, no, you're alright, we've already eaten.
I took her down the Star of Bengal.
100
00:07:54,486 --> 00:07:59,461
D'you think a ruby was wise in her condition?
Excuse me, excuse us.
101
00:07:59,815 --> 00:08:02,906
Can I have a private word
with you in private please, thank you.
102
00:08:03,298 --> 00:08:05,931
Yeah, yeah sure. I won't be
a minute Anna.
103
00:08:06,465 --> 00:08:09,158
Albert please try to entertain our guests!
104
00:08:11,827 --> 00:08:12,814
Shut the door.
105
00:08:15,209 --> 00:08:18,573
Del, I couldn't help it, honest, I mean,
how was I to know she was pregnant?
106
00:08:19,369 --> 00:08:20,700
'How was I supposed to know
she was pregnant?'
107
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,489
It doesn't take a Doctor bleedin' Spock
to work that one out Rodney!
108
00:08:24,357 --> 00:08:26,743
Look, I'll take her out
tomorrow and get her a room, eh?
109
00:08:27,665 --> 00:08:31,307
What happens if that
sprog of hers decides to clock in tonight?
110
00:08:33,184 --> 00:08:34,688
I don't want to worry you two boys,
111
00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:39,128
but unless I'm very much mistaken
that young girl out there's up the duff!
112
00:08:43,739 --> 00:08:45,325
Why don't you go out an' hit
an iceberg Albert?
113
00:08:46,391 --> 00:08:48,719
I don't understand this, I just don't know
what's been happening to me just lately!
114
00:08:48,889 --> 00:08:50,165
I just do not know what's happening.
115
00:08:50,667 --> 00:08:54,088
I've got more relatives crawling out the
woodwork than Blake Carrington,
116
00:08:54,936 --> 00:08:57,188
and now I'm taking in the waifs and
strays of Europe.
117
00:08:57,807 --> 00:08:59,691
Ah, that's why we gotta help innit?
118
00:08:59,949 --> 00:09:02,533
We're in the European Community now,
we've gotta stick together!
119
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:04,904
Pity her knees didn't!
120
00:09:09,221 --> 00:09:10,944
Come on, we got
room in the flat ain't we?
121
00:09:11,105 --> 00:09:12,458
I mean, it's only one more person.
122
00:09:12,751 --> 00:09:15,781
Yeah, but it's one more person
who's about to become two more persons!
123
00:09:16,321 --> 00:09:19,905
On the other hand it could be twins
or triplets, or quadlets!!
124
00:09:20,275 --> 00:09:24,790
Yeah, he's right an' all. I mean,
she could be sitting out there with a bellyful of people!
125
00:09:27,607 --> 00:09:30,300
One hot bath and we get
chucked out for overcrowding!
126
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:35,771
No, I'm sorry Rodney, I'm sorry.
I can't take the risk. Sorry, no!
127
00:09:37,408 --> 00:09:40,500
Alright, alright, we'll
chuck her out in the street shall we?
128
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:42,960
But you go
an' give her the good news Del!
129
00:09:51,876 --> 00:09:59,671
Munchengladbach! We've hit a bit of a snag!
130
00:10:01,205 --> 00:10:03,824
I mean at
the pacific moment in time,
131
00:10:04,262 --> 00:10:07,277
we are a bit knackered for space see.
132
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:11,882
- Please?
- He says 'There is no room at the inn!'
133
00:10:12,621 --> 00:10:14,944
Don't start all that Sunday
school rubbish with me Rodney.
134
00:10:17,245 --> 00:10:18,828
Unt plonker, yah!
135
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:23,692
- Please?
- He's calling me a... Don't matter.
136
00:10:24,571 --> 00:10:26,101
Who did the dirty deed then?
137
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:27,707
Please?
138
00:10:28,017 --> 00:10:30,623
He say, who's the father?
Oi, that's a bit personal innit?
139
00:10:30,813 --> 00:10:31,750
Yeah, a bit personal.
140
00:10:31,942 --> 00:10:37,619
Oh, father, yes, I understand. Family I work with,
Mr and Mrs Wainwright, have son, Spencer,
141
00:10:37,824 --> 00:10:42,997
who is the student. One day Spencer
return from university with degree ja?
142
00:10:43,638 --> 00:10:48,610
I'm not drink but this day I
have the champagne. Then I am spinning, ja?
143
00:10:49,486 --> 00:10:55,863
Then Spencer comes to my room.
He wants to...to...what word?
144
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:57,165
Oh, you mean he wants to...
145
00:10:59,704 --> 00:11:02,954
- He wants to be my friend, ja?
- What, while you were still spinning?
146
00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:07,002
Ja, I am still spinning! Then
I find baby is here.
147
00:11:08,024 --> 00:11:12,368
I phone Spencer and he say I must not
tell his parents he is father.
148
00:11:13,112 --> 00:11:15,809
But this morning, I am very worried
and I tell them.
149
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:25,604
They say I lie, they say I am bad person.
Mr Wainwright say 'My disruptive influence on Spencer...
150
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:29,427
... makes it inexpedient for me to remain!'
151
00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:35,109
- Please?
- He say 'On yer bike!'
152
00:11:35,432 --> 00:11:41,087
- Oh! On yer bike.
- Mr Wainwright, he is a...What word?
153
00:11:42,006 --> 00:11:43,388
Git?
154
00:11:44,899 --> 00:11:49,452
A businessman. A rich man.
He give me money for journey home.
155
00:11:49,686 --> 00:11:50,812
So why didn't you go?
156
00:11:51,059 --> 00:11:55,448
I cannot go yet. My family will see baby.
This is not good!
157
00:11:55,951 --> 00:11:59,878
So I wait and when baby is born
I give baby to people.
158
00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:11,829
Yeah, yeah, if you think so sweetheart, yeah.
It's a terrible world this innit Rodney? Terrible.
159
00:12:13,087 --> 00:12:17,123
Look, the best thing...Why don't you chuck
this thing in your room for you know - for tonight.
160
00:12:18,124 --> 00:12:19,030
Cheers mate.
161
00:12:21,563 --> 00:12:30,467
Anna, listen, you go with Rodney through there and he
will show you where you can kip tonight. Yeah.
162
00:12:30,662 --> 00:12:31,505
Thank you.
163
00:12:31,892 --> 00:12:33,549
It's alright - here you are
girl - let me help you.
164
00:12:34,011 --> 00:12:42,526
I'll take these - straight through here.
Open the door - take that, take this as well.
165
00:12:43,444 --> 00:12:44,485
Mind the batteries.
166
00:12:44,678 --> 00:12:48,533
Yeah, mind that, alright?
Goodnight now. Night.
167
00:12:51,024 --> 00:12:52,272
It's a funny old world innit?
168
00:12:52,644 --> 00:12:57,677
I mean, you take thousands of couples
round the world all trying to have kids but can't!
169
00:12:59,335 --> 00:13:04,464
I remember my mate Nipper Townsend. Years and
years him and his wife dreamed of having a kid.
170
00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:05,684
They never did though!!
171
00:13:05,982 --> 00:13:08,786
You got to take so
many things into account, haven't you?
172
00:13:08,974 --> 00:13:12,610
Well, the temperature, the cycle, tight
pants, all that!
173
00:13:14,284 --> 00:13:18,001
True! Course, Nipper being
stationed in Malta didn't help!
174
00:13:22,978 --> 00:13:25,737
You seem to know a lot
about all this medical malarkey!
175
00:13:26,434 --> 00:13:28,993
Yeah well, I get it off
Boycie and Marlene don't ?
176
00:13:29,344 --> 00:13:31,111
You know Boycie, the second-hand car trader.
177
00:13:31,473 --> 00:13:36,547
Yeah, well him and Marlene have been
trying to have a little sprog for years but no joy.
178
00:13:38,315 --> 00:13:42,903
They've had more tests you
know than the atom bomb - still no good.
179
00:13:43,877 --> 00:13:47,678
I mean they've tried to foster
and adopt, no, nothing. Funny that eh?
180
00:13:48,231 --> 00:13:51,983
Funny, they're stinking rich and
yet with all that money
181
00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:57,828
they can't buy the one thing
they most dearly love - a little baby!
182
00:13:58,407 --> 00:14:00,727
Yeah, that's the way the
cookie bounces, eh?
183
00:14:03,104 --> 00:14:04,663
Yeah, I expect...
184
00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:12,012
What's wrong?
185
00:14:12,450 --> 00:14:17,654
Eh? No, nothing, nothing. No, I've just worked out
everything could work out very very cushty!
186
00:14:21,243 --> 00:14:23,525
Come on Duke, get stick. Come on Dukie.
187
00:14:44,887 --> 00:14:49,501
- S...say that again Del Boy??
- I said, I could help you have a baby!
188
00:14:51,710 --> 00:14:55,553
Well, what d'you mean?
You're willing to be one of them suffragette fathers?
189
00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:59,938
No, no! I mean, I know where
there's a baby going!
190
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,089
What - knocked off?
191
00:15:05,841 --> 00:15:09,872
No, no, no, it's all pukka!
You see, I know this young German girl.
192
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:15,201
She hadn't been in our green and pleasant
land for no more than three months
193
00:15:15,375 --> 00:15:17,000
when she was suddenly
taken pregnant!
194
00:15:17,314 --> 00:15:18,710
Oh that's lovely innit Marlene?
195
00:15:18,976 --> 00:15:23,378
A little while from now we could be awakened
by the pitter-patter of tiny jackboots!
196
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:27,527
Leave it out Boycie! Look,
he'd be brought up as yours wouldn�t he.
197
00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:31,261
Anyway, the father is English,
you see, the full story is
198
00:15:31,647 --> 00:15:33,870
Rodney met this girl
in the pub little while ago...
199
00:15:34,093 --> 00:15:36,851
Hang about! You mean that
dipstick Rodney's the father?
200
00:15:38,297 --> 00:15:40,685
No, no, no, of course he
ain't Boycie, leave it out.
201
00:15:40,878 --> 00:15:44,356
What Rodney, blimey, he
don't know what it's all about yet.
202
00:15:45,290 --> 00:15:47,441
Haven't you seen the
funny way he still stirs his tea?
203
00:15:48,505 --> 00:15:52,962
No, Rodney, take your leg out
of that dog's mouth!!
204
00:15:56,234 --> 00:15:57,767
I despair of that boy - I really do.
205
00:16:00,041 --> 00:16:05,580
The father is some sort of student geezer who's
washed his hands of the whole affair like he don't know!
206
00:16:05,759 --> 00:16:08,309
Well him and me have got a lot in common,
because I don't wanna know either!
207
00:16:08,310 --> 00:16:11,919
Hang on a minute Boyce. Let's not be hasty.
I mean...
208
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:16,107
...you are the one who's always going on about
having a son and air.
209
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:18,186
And it is a boy.
210
00:16:18,892 --> 00:16:20,700
I didn't think it had been born yet.
211
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:22,472
She's had a scan.
212
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:27,627
Let me show you something, look.
I borrowed a passport so I could show you.
213
00:16:28,152 --> 00:16:30,460
There is a pisture of her, look.
Her name is Anna.
214
00:16:31,393 --> 00:16:34,750
She's a beautiful girl, isn't she?
She's bound to have a handsome kid.
215
00:16:35,522 --> 00:16:39,403
And the student fella's father,
is a very very successful bussinesman.
216
00:16:40,095 --> 00:16:44,090
So the kid's gonna have everything, you know.
Good looks, brains, bussiness acument.
217
00:16:45,015 --> 00:16:49,220
Just the sort of son that you'd need
for your second hand empire Boycie.
218
00:16:50,411 --> 00:16:53,174
We can at least talk about it Boycie.
219
00:16:54,215 --> 00:16:58,447
Yeah, yeah, alright then love.
Just give us a couple of minutes, will you Del.
220
00:17:06,711 --> 00:17:08,233
I think I've tired him out.
221
00:17:13,431 --> 00:17:19,487
He's a rascal! What they doing?
222
00:17:19,864 --> 00:17:21,637
It's alright, nothing.
They're just having a bit of a chat.
223
00:17:22,130 --> 00:17:24,805
Go and get yourself a little ale, and top me up
while you're over there, alright.
224
00:17:25,891 --> 00:17:28,538
- It is definitely a boy??
- Yep, definitely a boy!
225
00:17:29,539 --> 00:17:30,669
What's all that about?
226
00:17:30,964 --> 00:17:34,800
No, no, nothing, Boycie's thinking of getting a boat
and I'm gonna get him some equipment see.
227
00:17:35,078 --> 00:17:36,366
Oh, that sort of buoy!
228
00:17:36,636 --> 00:17:41,370
- This German bird, is she healthy?
- Healthy? She's Boris Becker's cousin!
229
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:45,170
What the bloody 'ells going
on here Del?
230
00:17:45,373 --> 00:17:50,331
Alright, alright Rodney! I was gonna tell you, see
Boycie and Marlene might have Anna's baby.
231
00:17:50,699 --> 00:17:56,440
What!!! What is this, a raffle? Del, this is a tiny
human being we're talking about!!
232
00:17:56,606 --> 00:17:58,909
This is flesh and blood.
It's Anna's child!
233
00:17:59,097 --> 00:18:03,563
Yes I know that Rodney, but Anna wants it adopted,
and Boycie and Marlene want to adopt!
234
00:18:03,822 --> 00:18:06,357
Yeah, well, if that's what they want
they can go to an adoption society?
235
00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:10,045
No, we've tried lots of times Rodney,
but they always turn us down.
236
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:11,642
It's because of his record!
237
00:18:12,475 --> 00:18:15,431
Boycie did a little bit of a
stretch when he was younger you know.
238
00:18:16,031 --> 00:18:17,093
Oh yeah! What for?
239
00:18:17,282 --> 00:18:25,816
Perjury, embezzlement, conspiring
to pervert the course of justice,
240
00:18:26,543 --> 00:18:31,128
the fraudulent conversion of traveler�s cheques and
attempting to bribe the Mayor of Lambeth!
241
00:18:34,568 --> 00:18:37,941
See, it's any little thing with these
adoption people!
242
00:18:38,515 --> 00:18:42,740
Leave it out Boycie, with your record
I'm surprised we're allowed to keep a dog!
243
00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:50,184
Yeah, but it's all in the past! I mean how many times
have I gotta repay my debt to society??
244
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:53,127
Yeah, that's true. I mean,
don't a person deserve a second chance?
245
00:18:54,557 --> 00:18:56,497
Well...Yeah, that's fair enough.
246
00:18:56,713 --> 00:18:59,390
And that's what we're gonna
give this little baby! A second chance!
247
00:18:59,587 --> 00:19:01,828
A chance to live in this beautiful house.
248
00:19:02,399 --> 00:19:08,445
A chance to have a loving father and a doting
mother! And they don't come more doting than that!
249
00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:16,117
- I mean, even Duke's got a bib!
- But it's illegal!
250
00:19:16,436 --> 00:19:21,927
What, giving a little baby love and warmth
and a chance in life is against the law?
251
00:19:26,739 --> 00:19:32,299
I don't know, the welfare
people gonna wonder where Anna's baby is?
252
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,256
It's obvious innit? It's with
its mother...In Germany!!
253
00:19:36,601 --> 00:19:41,681
I think we've cracked it at last Boycie.
Well, you can tell everybody it's our own child!
254
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:47,033
I mean, we're always reading in the papers about
women giving birth who didn't even know they were pregnant.
255
00:19:47,374 --> 00:19:52,870
- It might raise a few eyebrows!
- Well yeah, but they're only neighbours!
256
00:19:53,431 --> 00:19:56,993
I was thinking more of that gynecologist
who examined you on Monday!
257
00:19:59,938 --> 00:20:05,010
I'll never have to see him again, will I?
Just give us a minute Del. Come on Boycie.
258
00:20:12,251 --> 00:20:13,993
You're gonna earn out of this
ain't yer?
259
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,988
How dare you!
That is a terrible thing to say!!
260
00:20:17,374 --> 00:20:18,810
What sort of bloke do you think I am??
261
00:20:19,908 --> 00:20:21,724
I'm doing it for Anna and them two,
262
00:20:21,885 --> 00:20:25,147
but most important of all,
I'm doing it for that little unborn baby.
263
00:20:26,662 --> 00:20:28,850
- Oh look, I'm sorry.
- No, don't touch me.
264
00:20:34,028 --> 00:20:35,636
But you are gonna
earn out of it ain't yer?
265
00:20:36,170 --> 00:20:40,709
- Look. That is a cruel and callous jibe.
- How much this all gonna cost?
266
00:20:45,890 --> 00:20:47,991
Only her airline ticket home,
267
00:20:48,793 --> 00:20:54,947
and of course money for the birth certificate
and a few quid to cover our petrol and telephone calls...
268
00:20:57,261 --> 00:20:59,060
Three grand should cover it, I should think.
269
00:21:04,052 --> 00:21:06,525
- Tea up Del Boy!
- Can't you see I'm busy?
270
00:21:08,899 --> 00:21:16,207
Got you, you Martian git! Let me see, re-set...
271
00:21:18,207 --> 00:21:19,459
What's up with you?
272
00:21:20,199 --> 00:21:24,401
You know perfectly well
what's up with me! Selling a baby.
273
00:21:24,595 --> 00:21:26,739
God - it's like something out of Dickens' times!
274
00:21:27,398 --> 00:21:30,276
Rodney listen. How many times
has Boycie tucked me up, eh?
275
00:21:30,762 --> 00:21:35,246
That three grand isn't for
the baby, it's just payment of old debts!
276
00:21:35,426 --> 00:21:40,091
It's most probably for the best son. I mean,
Anna gets her baby adopted by a loving family.
277
00:21:40,379 --> 00:21:42,633
That's right. Marlene gets
the sprog she's always wanted.
278
00:21:42,973 --> 00:21:45,589
- And you get three grand!!!
- Exactly, everyone's a winner!
279
00:21:45,882 --> 00:21:48,630
Yeah, everyone, everyone except Anna!
280
00:21:48,854 --> 00:21:50,667
Au contraire Rodney, au
contraire!
281
00:21:51,049 --> 00:21:55,259
Because as soon as old Boycie weighs in with the
poppy I'm going straight down the bureau de change
282
00:21:55,601 --> 00:21:58,009
and I'm gonna get a few hundred
translated for her!
283
00:21:58,152 --> 00:22:02,867
So that means that Anna is gonna go straight back
to the Fatherland with 300 drachma in her bin!
284
00:22:09,056 --> 00:22:12,277
- She's in pain!
- How'd you know, you can't speak German!
285
00:22:15,726 --> 00:22:20,807
- This is it! This is it!
- No, no, no, it's not. Maybe it's just indigestion!
286
00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:24,150
Listen to me - go in the
kitchen and get a glass of water!
287
00:22:24,458 --> 00:22:25,266
Right!
288
00:22:25,517 --> 00:22:27,137
You ain't giving her Andrews are you?
289
00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:34,713
Don't be a plonker, now phone the hospital,
get on the blower, don't forget, call the maternity unit!
290
00:22:36,963 --> 00:22:40,324
- I'll hold the lift. I'll hold the lift.
- Yes. Deep breaths!! Deep breaths!!
291
00:22:44,202 --> 00:22:45,921
How the bloody hell do these
phones work???
292
00:22:46,296 --> 00:22:48,584
Right listen, when did you start
getting the pains darling?
293
00:22:48,781 --> 00:22:50,140
They come this morning.
294
00:22:50,315 --> 00:22:55,778
This morning - don't worry, don't worry because the
ambulance is gonna come any minute and don't worry.
295
00:22:56,017 --> 00:23:00,118
Just relax, everything's gonna be cushty!
How are you getting on?
296
00:23:00,646 --> 00:23:02,568
- It's alright darling.
- Danke.
297
00:23:03,029 --> 00:23:06,979
That's alright. Vorsprung durch Technik!
298
00:23:17,539 --> 00:23:19,907
Sit down Marlene, you're
doing up the Wilton!
299
00:23:21,408 --> 00:23:22,802
Sit down Marlene!!!!
300
00:23:23,916 --> 00:23:25,470
The baby's alright, ain't he Del?
301
00:23:25,648 --> 00:23:30,679
Yes, yes, Marlene, for the umpteenth time.
You're gonna have a beautiful bouncing baby!
302
00:23:32,097 --> 00:23:33,214
What's he weigh?
303
00:23:33,398 --> 00:23:37,166
Dunno, he ain't stopped bouncing yet!
Ain't stopped bouncing!
304
00:23:37,957 --> 00:23:43,620
- I don't know, seven pound something!
- We've decided to call him Mark!
305
00:23:44,475 --> 00:23:46,593
That's handy, 'cos his Father's
name was Spencer!
306
00:23:50,832 --> 00:23:55,794
They're back.They're here.
Don't panic, alright? Calm down.
307
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,852
- Everything alright Rodders?
- No, everything is not bloody alright!
308
00:24:02,682 --> 00:24:03,899
Boycie and Marlene
are here.
309
00:24:04,079 --> 00:24:06,734
Oh, are they here already?
Have you told them about their little boy?
310
00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:09,520
- What about him?
- About him being a little girl.
311
00:24:10,350 --> 00:24:13,456
No, no, I haven't broken the news yet!
How could that Anna do that to me?
312
00:24:13,999 --> 00:24:16,043
After all I've done for it!
So what's wrong then?
313
00:24:16,338 --> 00:24:20,182
Well for one, Anna has fallen in love with her baby!
But the most important thing...
314
00:24:20,323 --> 00:24:25,377
She's done what? Oh no, she can't do that to me.
No she can't do - a deal's a deal! I'll sort it out.
315
00:24:27,820 --> 00:24:29,303
Alright Albert?
Alright, I'll sort it out.
316
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:34,054
- Here she is. Hello sweetheart, how you feeling?
- Oh, I am fine thank you.
317
00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:35,036
Oh good.
318
00:24:35,689 --> 00:24:40,929
I think maybe things are not cushty!
I think maybe now I keep baby.
319
00:24:42,151 --> 00:24:44,532
No, no, no. You can't do that darling - no, no, no.
320
00:24:44,704 --> 00:24:47,510
Because you know, we'll have
the VAT people round here.
321
00:24:48,475 --> 00:24:51,581
Come on, I'll explain everything.
Go on in, that's it, go on.
322
00:24:52,438 --> 00:24:54,175
Put the baby down there.
323
00:24:55,861 --> 00:25:03,450
First of all these are the very nice people who are
gonna buy...erm, erm, who are gonna look after your baby.
324
00:25:09,718 --> 00:25:11,174
Someone upset her?
325
00:25:12,145 --> 00:25:15,190
No, no, no. She's just got
like baby blues that's all...
326
00:25:15,730 --> 00:25:23,333
Just a minute Boycie, I'm gonna have to come clean,
you see the thing is, it's about your little boy - he ain't.
327
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,131
- Ain't what?
- Well, ain't a little baby boy.
328
00:25:27,806 --> 00:25:29,237
What is it then?
329
00:25:33,662 --> 00:25:35,361
A little baby girl innit, eh?
330
00:25:35,682 --> 00:25:37,720
A girl? But you said she'd
had a scan.
331
00:25:37,981 --> 00:25:39,311
I know what I told you,
alright Boycie.
332
00:25:39,488 --> 00:25:42,898
I know I told you it was gonna be a boy but it ain't.
Just keep your money the deal's off right.
333
00:25:43,097 --> 00:25:47,077
I don't care if it's a boy, a
girl or twins! It's a baby.
334
00:25:50,209 --> 00:25:55,974
Alright Marlene, we'll take
it. It's amazing innit?
335
00:25:56,425 --> 00:25:58,570
Everything you buy off him's
got something missing!
336
00:26:06,109 --> 00:26:07,834
Alright, don't look at me
like that. What else could I do?
337
00:26:08,026 --> 00:26:10,628
No good asking me son.
I ain't never flogged a baby before.
338
00:26:14,698 --> 00:26:19,737
Rodney, you know I was doing
it for Anna weren't I? I was only tryin' help.
339
00:26:20,506 --> 00:26:22,135
What do you want, applause??
340
00:26:23,376 --> 00:26:28,000
Alright sorry Boycie, sorry mate.
Listen the deal's off, it's off alright.
341
00:26:28,252 --> 00:26:31,719
Is that right Del? The deal's off is it?
Too bleedin right it's off.
342
00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:33,429
What are you talking about?
343
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,081
What?! How?!
344
00:26:44,490 --> 00:26:46,968
That's the other thing I
meant to tell you out there.
345
00:26:47,794 --> 00:26:54,184
You see Spencer's mummy and
daddy came over in 1956 from the West Indies.
346
00:26:57,590 --> 00:27:06,269
- Well it don't bother me Boyce.
- Leave off Marlene. The baby's brown.
347
00:27:08,368 --> 00:27:10,090
So is Duke.
348
00:27:14,323 --> 00:27:16,917
But I ain't claiming to be Duke's father.
349
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:22,789
- There is a likeness though.
- Just shut it.
350
00:27:24,425 --> 00:27:26,022
We could say it's a throw-back.
351
00:27:26,220 --> 00:27:31,359
For Gawd's sake Marlene.
I might be able to con people into buying my cars.
352
00:27:31,533 --> 00:27:35,365
I might be able to convince 'em that you conceived
and gave birth in seven days flat,
353
00:27:35,542 --> 00:27:38,988
but how the hell am I gonna persuade 'em
that my grandad was Louis Armstrong!!
354
00:27:43,112 --> 00:27:44,878
You ain't heard the last of this Del Boy!
355
00:27:51,803 --> 00:27:53,316
I s'pose he's right, eh Del?
356
00:28:01,167 --> 00:28:02,899
You know it
makes sense eh.
357
00:28:04,365 --> 00:28:08,053
Still, it was a nice little
dream while it lasted, eh?
358
00:28:11,971 --> 00:28:18,494
I'm gonna turn round now, I'm gonna walk out that door
...and I ain't gonna look back.
359
00:28:22,269 --> 00:28:23,739
No, of course not.
360
00:28:42,658 --> 00:28:49,792
Gawd, women. Ssh Anna. Anna
come out here, your baby's hungry.
361
00:28:50,858 --> 00:28:53,977
Quiet, quiet, your mummy's coming,
yes she is.
362
00:28:55,254 --> 00:28:59,141
Ain't you got bright eyes, eh?
Look at that.
363
00:28:59,544 --> 00:29:01,951
She's gonna be a blinder when she
gets older, eh?
364
00:29:02,001 --> 00:29:06,551
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