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1
00:00:03,814 --> 00:00:05,397
Hey. Marc Maron.
2
00:00:05,432 --> 00:00:06,648
Hey, man.
3
00:00:06,683 --> 00:00:08,016
I listen to your podcast.
4
00:00:08,068 --> 00:00:09,851
Oh, yeah? Great.
Thanks, buddy.
5
00:00:09,903 --> 00:00:12,270
That was a pretty tasty
Salon article today.
6
00:00:12,322 --> 00:00:13,905
What? Okay.
7
00:00:13,941 --> 00:00:15,440
All right.
I'll check it out, man.
8
00:00:15,492 --> 00:00:17,409
- You do that.
- Okay.
9
00:00:22,783 --> 00:00:24,282
What?
10
00:00:24,334 --> 00:00:25,834
It's a solid article.
11
00:00:25,869 --> 00:00:28,787
"Why no black guests
on Maron's podcast?"
12
00:00:28,839 --> 00:00:30,038
God damn it.
13
00:00:30,090 --> 00:00:31,623
Hey, the writer
has a point.
14
00:00:31,675 --> 00:00:33,675
No, he doesn't.
I have black guests on.
15
00:00:33,710 --> 00:00:36,044
Okay, what's your ratio
of white to black guests?
16
00:00:36,096 --> 00:00:37,762
That's not
the point, man.
17
00:00:37,798 --> 00:00:39,798
Because they have the ratio
right here in the article.
18
00:00:39,850 --> 00:00:41,766
All right. I get it.
What am I supposed to do?
19
00:00:41,802 --> 00:00:43,969
Comedy is segregated.
We travel in different circles.
20
00:00:44,021 --> 00:00:45,303
Yeah,
or you don't want to.
21
00:00:45,355 --> 00:00:47,472
That's bullshit.
I don't go to black clubs.
22
00:00:47,524 --> 00:00:50,025
Other than the big guys,
I don't know any of them.
23
00:00:51,061 --> 00:00:53,061
What are you doing now?
24
00:00:53,113 --> 00:00:56,231
Making a new hashtag
on Twitter.
25
00:00:56,283 --> 00:01:00,485
#noblackguestsonmaronspodcast.
26
00:01:00,537 --> 00:01:02,787
You know we're friends,
right?
27
00:01:02,823 --> 00:01:04,456
Yeah. Yeah,
I just want to get out
28
00:01:04,491 --> 00:01:06,625
in front of this thing in case
it starts snowballing.
29
00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:08,210
Oh, right.
30
00:01:08,245 --> 00:01:10,162
- Horrible.
- It's important.
31
00:01:10,214 --> 00:01:11,413
No.
32
00:01:11,465 --> 00:01:14,132
["The Poisoned Well" plays]
33
00:01:16,136 --> 00:01:18,587
Won't fall for it
34
00:01:18,639 --> 00:01:21,256
You can't see
35
00:01:21,308 --> 00:01:23,758
And you can't tell
36
00:01:23,810 --> 00:01:28,346
I just can't drink
from the poisoned well
37
00:01:28,381 --> 00:01:30,181
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:33,401
Hey, do you guys think I don't have
enough black guests on my show?
39
00:01:33,437 --> 00:01:36,271
I don't know. It's audio.
I don't hear color.
40
00:01:36,323 --> 00:01:38,406
It's just, I mean,
I want to book black comics,
41
00:01:38,442 --> 00:01:40,659
but I just... They... they,
like, live in a different world
42
00:01:40,694 --> 00:01:42,327
or s... I-I don't know
what I'm trying to say.
43
00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:43,578
God damn it.
44
00:01:43,614 --> 00:01:44,863
Well, you're racist.
45
00:01:44,915 --> 00:01:46,081
You don't want to talk
to black people.
46
00:01:46,116 --> 00:01:48,450
Why am I being singled out?
47
00:01:48,502 --> 00:01:50,001
'Cause you're
the man now.
48
00:01:50,037 --> 00:01:52,120
And you're trying to keep
the black man down.
49
00:01:52,172 --> 00:01:54,589
And you're Jewish, too,
so it's, like, super old school.
50
00:01:54,625 --> 00:01:56,174
This is garbage.
51
00:01:56,210 --> 00:01:58,176
I mean, that Salon is just
sensationalized articles.
52
00:01:58,212 --> 00:02:00,262
It's click bait.
No one's gonna buy it.
53
00:02:00,297 --> 00:02:02,430
I don't know.
I'm getting a lot of re-tweets.
54
00:02:02,466 --> 00:02:04,933
Yeah, thanks a lot, dick.
I got to go to a black club.
55
00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:06,351
I think there's one
down on Pico
56
00:02:06,386 --> 00:02:07,969
next to Roscoe's Chicken
and Waffles.
57
00:02:08,021 --> 00:02:09,521
- Oh, is that...
- Shut up.
58
00:02:09,556 --> 00:02:11,890
We'll go tonight.
I'll be right by your side.
59
00:02:11,942 --> 00:02:14,309
- Thank you, Andy.
- Fo shizzle.
60
00:02:14,361 --> 00:02:16,061
I'm going alone.
61
00:02:16,113 --> 00:02:18,480
MAN: I'll prove to you that
Asians are the best drivers.
62
00:02:18,532 --> 00:02:21,866
Think about it like this...
anybody can just drive safely.
63
00:02:21,902 --> 00:02:23,118
[laughter]
64
00:02:23,153 --> 00:02:25,370
And anybody can have
an accident.
65
00:02:25,405 --> 00:02:26,955
But do you know how hard it is
66
00:02:26,990 --> 00:02:30,075
to almost have an accident
all day?
67
00:02:30,127 --> 00:02:32,160
- [laughter]
- I learned something when I was in Asia.
68
00:02:32,212 --> 00:02:33,962
I came back
to tell you something.
69
00:02:33,997 --> 00:02:36,214
Well, well, well.
Look who it is...
70
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:37,666
the mighty Marc Maron.
71
00:02:37,718 --> 00:02:39,751
I'm Kyle Erby.
I'm a comedian.
72
00:02:39,803 --> 00:02:41,086
Oh, hey, man.
How's it going?
73
00:02:41,138 --> 00:02:42,337
It's good, man.
It's good.
74
00:02:42,389 --> 00:02:44,055
Thought I'd drop by,
check out the scene.
75
00:02:44,091 --> 00:02:45,924
- Scene?
- Asians are the best drivers.
76
00:02:45,976 --> 00:02:48,059
Yeah, you know.
77
00:02:48,095 --> 00:02:50,762
Oh,
you mean a black club?
78
00:02:50,814 --> 00:02:52,147
Yeah.
79
00:02:52,182 --> 00:02:54,182
It's good, man.
You can say it, man.
80
00:02:54,234 --> 00:02:56,067
Just use your words.
Black club.
81
00:02:56,103 --> 00:02:57,652
Okay, man, yeah.
82
00:02:57,688 --> 00:02:59,187
Just thought I'd come by
and check out a black club.
83
00:02:59,239 --> 00:03:00,689
I've never really
been to one.
84
00:03:00,741 --> 00:03:02,023
You know,
it felt wrong.
85
00:03:02,075 --> 00:03:03,658
Dude, it's just...
it's a club, man.
86
00:03:03,694 --> 00:03:05,243
We make people laugh
like you do.
87
00:03:05,279 --> 00:03:06,828
Come on, man.
I'll show you around.
88
00:03:06,863 --> 00:03:08,029
Okay. Thanks, buddy.
89
00:03:08,081 --> 00:03:09,281
Let's dance off-beat.
90
00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:10,865
[laughter]
91
00:03:10,917 --> 00:03:13,585
And right?
And we literally cannot do it.
92
00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:16,254
'Cause wha... what happens is,
you get back on beat by mistake.
93
00:03:16,290 --> 00:03:18,256
- [laughter]
- Not on purpose. You get back on beat...
94
00:03:18,292 --> 00:03:20,542
Well, I do sets at the improv
all the time.
95
00:03:20,594 --> 00:03:22,377
- You do?
- Yeah, on "black night."
96
00:03:22,429 --> 00:03:23,470
- [scoffs] Yep.
- Right.
97
00:03:23,506 --> 00:03:24,095
[chuckles]
98
00:03:24,131 --> 00:03:26,264
Mondays, 10:00 P.M.
The "black hour."
99
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,300
- Right.
- Every... every other night's white night.
100
00:03:28,352 --> 00:03:29,551
Yep.
101
00:03:29,603 --> 00:03:30,969
Asian Sundays.
102
00:03:31,021 --> 00:03:32,103
- Oh, yeah. [laughs]
- [laughs]
103
00:03:32,139 --> 00:03:33,188
All right, fair enough.
104
00:03:33,223 --> 00:03:34,439
It's segregated.
105
00:03:34,474 --> 00:03:35,724
No shit.
106
00:03:35,776 --> 00:03:36,975
The audiences
are different.
107
00:03:37,027 --> 00:03:38,560
We got to change
our acts
108
00:03:38,612 --> 00:03:39,811
to perform in front
of white audiences.
109
00:03:39,863 --> 00:03:41,062
I have to change my act
110
00:03:41,114 --> 00:03:42,397
to perform for
a black audience.
111
00:03:42,449 --> 00:03:44,616
When's the last time
that happened?
112
00:03:44,651 --> 00:03:47,285
- [laughter]
- The one time... the one time.
113
00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:49,204
The difference is you
don't got to perform
114
00:03:49,239 --> 00:03:51,406
in front of black audiences
in order to break out.
115
00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:52,991
Thank you. You just get to
keep doing what you want to do.
116
00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:54,409
Mm-hmm.
117
00:03:54,461 --> 00:03:56,244
But we got to have
a black act, a white act.
118
00:03:56,296 --> 00:03:58,413
You know, we got to change our
whole act for the white man, dude.
119
00:03:58,465 --> 00:04:00,081
- Scale it down.
- That's right.
120
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,751
Honestly, the thought of
performing for a black audience
121
00:04:02,803 --> 00:04:04,803
- makes me sweat right now.
- [laughter]
122
00:04:04,838 --> 00:04:07,505
That's 'cause you got to have energy, man.
You got to perform.
123
00:04:07,557 --> 00:04:09,724
We just can't sit there,
mumbling, in one spot
124
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,259
or sitting on a stool.
125
00:04:11,311 --> 00:04:14,145
Now, now, wait a minute.
The stool can be powerful.
126
00:04:14,181 --> 00:04:17,182
It forces people
to listen to your words.
127
00:04:17,234 --> 00:04:18,566
Why don't you just
lay down onstage?
128
00:04:18,602 --> 00:04:20,185
- I did that.
- [Nina laughs]
129
00:04:20,237 --> 00:04:22,237
I did. I did it once.
People in back can't see.
130
00:04:22,272 --> 00:04:23,521
- [laughs]
- No, sir. You better not go in there
131
00:04:23,573 --> 00:04:25,523
playing with
black folks' money like that.
132
00:04:25,575 --> 00:04:27,609
- Heck, no. Unh-unh. Ooh.
- No, sir. Black folk'll boo you offstage.
133
00:04:27,661 --> 00:04:29,661
- That's right.
- There's that... what white people do.
134
00:04:29,696 --> 00:04:31,196
- They just get quiet and sad, right?
- Mm-hmm.
135
00:04:31,248 --> 00:04:33,198
That's why white comedians
can be vulnerable, you know?
136
00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:34,699
- We got to be macho.
- That's right.
137
00:04:34,751 --> 00:04:36,201
We got...
we got to be tough.
138
00:04:36,253 --> 00:04:38,002
I don't know.
Pryor got pretty vulnerable.
139
00:04:38,038 --> 00:04:39,704
He talked about sucking
a dick onstage.
140
00:04:39,756 --> 00:04:40,839
I do that.
141
00:04:40,874 --> 00:04:41,923
Oh, well, good.
142
00:04:41,958 --> 00:04:43,208
As long as someone's
covering it.
143
00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:44,843
Yeah. But,
hey, listen,
144
00:04:44,878 --> 00:04:46,261
Richard Pryor wouldn't be
able to do that today, man.
145
00:04:46,296 --> 00:04:47,545
- Yeah.
- No way. For sure.
146
00:04:47,597 --> 00:04:48,797
I don't know if it's the hip-hop,
the rap culture,
147
00:04:48,849 --> 00:04:49,375
- but...
- Uh-huh.
148
00:04:49,377 --> 00:04:50,481
...no, you wouldn't be
able to say that today.
149
00:04:50,483 --> 00:04:52,851
Right? This is great.
150
00:04:52,886 --> 00:04:55,019
Oh, you like talking about Richard Pryor
sucking a dick onstage?
151
00:04:55,055 --> 00:04:57,105
No, man. I mean
just, like, hanging out.
152
00:04:57,140 --> 00:04:58,440
I'm... I feel like an idiot
that I didn't come down here sooner.
153
00:04:58,475 --> 00:05:00,442
It's great talking
to you guys.
154
00:05:00,477 --> 00:05:02,143
And I should have you on the podcast,
talk about this stuff.
155
00:05:02,195 --> 00:05:04,646
Yeah, and you know who you
need to get, Bruce Bruce.
156
00:05:04,698 --> 00:05:06,147
Oh, yeah.
157
00:05:06,199 --> 00:05:07,282
I'd love to get Bruce Bruce
on the podcast.
158
00:05:07,317 --> 00:05:08,900
Hey, you know, his guy's out
back.
159
00:05:08,952 --> 00:05:10,785
- Bruce does what he says.
- Seriously?
160
00:05:10,821 --> 00:05:12,537
Yeah. You should
talk to him.
161
00:05:13,707 --> 00:05:15,540
- Doug.
- Yo, Kyle.
162
00:05:15,575 --> 00:05:17,659
- 'Sup, dawg?
- What's up, baby?
163
00:05:17,711 --> 00:05:19,210
Hey, man,
this is Marc Maron.
164
00:05:19,246 --> 00:05:22,714
Hey, man.
165
00:05:22,749 --> 00:05:25,884
- What took you so long?
- What?
166
00:05:25,919 --> 00:05:28,219
Oh, you don't think I know
why you here, Marc Maron?
167
00:05:28,255 --> 00:05:29,971
I read Salon.
168
00:05:30,006 --> 00:05:33,641
You know I can get Bruce Bruce
to do your little podcast.
169
00:05:33,677 --> 00:05:35,059
You read Salon?
170
00:05:36,847 --> 00:05:38,680
That's right.
171
00:05:38,732 --> 00:05:41,349
I enjoy click-bait garbage
just as much as the next guy,
172
00:05:41,401 --> 00:05:42,600
Marc Maron.
173
00:05:42,652 --> 00:05:44,102
Okay.
174
00:05:44,154 --> 00:05:46,654
So, can... can you get
Bruce Bruce to do my podcast?
175
00:05:52,996 --> 00:05:55,330
Yeah, I can do that,
Marc Maron.
176
00:05:55,365 --> 00:05:56,865
Can you stop calling me
Marc Maron?
177
00:05:56,917 --> 00:05:59,284
No, I can't,
Marc Maron.
178
00:05:59,336 --> 00:06:02,921
All right.
Well, what happens now, man?
179
00:06:02,956 --> 00:06:04,706
- Well, now you give me your E-mail...
- Okay.
180
00:06:04,758 --> 00:06:06,541
...and I go back, finish
talking to my friends.
181
00:06:06,593 --> 00:06:09,761
Okay.
182
00:06:09,796 --> 00:06:12,347
Goodbye, Marc Maron.
183
00:06:14,384 --> 00:06:19,020
A-All right.
All right. Thanks.
184
00:06:24,895 --> 00:06:27,111
[alarm honks]
185
00:06:34,371 --> 00:06:36,538
So, you brought
the whole crew with you, huh?
186
00:06:36,573 --> 00:06:38,156
Yeah, they go
most places I do.
187
00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:40,041
You know Doug.
This is Kyle and Stump.
188
00:06:40,076 --> 00:06:42,410
Yeah, I know Doug and Kyle.
How you doing, Stump?
189
00:06:42,462 --> 00:06:43,878
Thanks for having me on.
190
00:06:43,914 --> 00:06:45,997
Yeah, thanks for doing it, man.
I'm a big fan.
191
00:06:46,049 --> 00:06:47,549
So, where do we do this?
192
00:06:47,584 --> 00:06:49,334
We do it in the studio
right over here.
193
00:06:49,386 --> 00:06:50,668
Okay.
194
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,638
All right, Bruce,
you can sit here.
195
00:06:57,561 --> 00:07:00,812
[laughs]
196
00:07:00,847 --> 00:07:03,731
Nice job figuring out how to
put a table in the garage.
197
00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:05,350
All right.
198
00:07:05,402 --> 00:07:06,568
Look out, Howard Stern.
199
00:07:06,603 --> 00:07:07,852
Somebody's doing a show
in a doghouse.
200
00:07:07,904 --> 00:07:09,604
- [laughter]
- Okay. Funny. Funny.
201
00:07:09,656 --> 00:07:12,991
So, uh, we're gonna get
started here in a minute.
202
00:07:13,026 --> 00:07:14,242
All right.
Cool.
203
00:07:14,277 --> 00:07:15,660
Um...
204
00:07:15,695 --> 00:07:17,612
N-No, I mean, it's a...
it's a one-on-one thing
205
00:07:17,664 --> 00:07:19,781
with just me and Bruce.
206
00:07:19,833 --> 00:07:21,199
Oh, cool.
We won't say anything.
207
00:07:21,251 --> 00:07:22,500
No, no, I know.
I know.
208
00:07:22,536 --> 00:07:24,035
But it's just not
how I do interviews.
209
00:07:24,087 --> 00:07:26,204
I-I... I mean, like, if you
watch "The Tonight Show,"
210
00:07:26,256 --> 00:07:29,791
you don't see the guest hanging out
with his buddies. You know what I'm saying?
211
00:07:29,843 --> 00:07:33,378
[chuckles] You know you talking
into a computer in your toolshed, right?
212
00:07:33,430 --> 00:07:35,713
- [laughter]
- BRUCE: All right, clear out.
213
00:07:35,765 --> 00:07:37,382
Let the man do the interview
the way he wants.
214
00:07:37,434 --> 00:07:38,383
It's his shed.
215
00:07:38,435 --> 00:07:40,134
[laughter]
216
00:07:40,186 --> 00:07:43,021
Okay, so, yeah, you guys can
just hang out in the backyard.
217
00:07:43,056 --> 00:07:45,139
Uh... It's a little
chilly outside.
218
00:07:45,191 --> 00:07:47,692
I think we'll just
hang out in the house.
219
00:07:52,949 --> 00:07:54,782
Hmm.
220
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,120
Yeah. Okay.
221
00:07:59,155 --> 00:08:01,873
I'll take you
in the house.
222
00:08:01,908 --> 00:08:03,124
Walk you in there.
223
00:08:03,159 --> 00:08:04,659
Well, thank you,
Marc Maron.
224
00:08:04,711 --> 00:08:06,744
Okay.
225
00:08:10,544 --> 00:08:13,829
Okay. Well,
I guess you guys can just,
226
00:08:13,881 --> 00:08:15,547
you know,
hang out in here.
227
00:08:15,583 --> 00:08:19,418
Uh, i-if you want to watch TV,
there's the TV in there.
228
00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:22,805
Um... I got... I got a stereo
system, but I-I would just not.
229
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,007
You know,
it's very complicated and...
230
00:08:27,194 --> 00:08:29,979
I-I-I barely know
how to use it.
231
00:08:30,014 --> 00:08:31,498
Okay. Well, you know.
232
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:32,764
- All right. All right.
- Come on, man.
233
00:08:32,817 --> 00:08:34,527
You listen to rock 'n' roll
when you were a kid?
234
00:08:34,563 --> 00:08:35,450
Yeah, I did, man.
235
00:08:35,486 --> 00:08:36,902
And where'd you... where
were you living, though?
236
00:08:36,937 --> 00:08:38,404
- Were you the oddball?
- Yeah. I'm in the hood.
237
00:08:38,439 --> 00:08:39,772
- I'm talking about straight hood.
- Yeah.
238
00:08:39,824 --> 00:08:41,106
I'm just... But they...
239
00:08:41,158 --> 00:08:42,691
they thought I was
the weirdest kid.
240
00:08:42,743 --> 00:08:44,360
'Cause, you know,
I used to wear a baseball cap
241
00:08:44,412 --> 00:08:46,245
- with a fireman hat turned forward.
- Yeah.
242
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,580
- So, I wa... I was kind of weird.
- This was in Atlanta.
243
00:08:48,616 --> 00:08:49,999
So, you're living
out here now.
244
00:08:50,034 --> 00:08:51,417
Where you living
in Los Angeles?
245
00:08:51,452 --> 00:08:52,534
Hey, I bought
Ray Romano's old house.
246
00:08:52,586 --> 00:08:53,919
Furnished and everything.
247
00:08:53,954 --> 00:08:56,922
I know that house!
I've been to that house.
248
00:08:56,957 --> 00:08:58,624
That's a nice house.
It's all set up?
249
00:08:58,676 --> 00:09:00,759
Yeah, man. No shopping.
Hey, just moved right on in.
250
00:09:00,795 --> 00:09:02,845
I even kept a "Everybody
Loves Raymond" poster.
251
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,213
- Real...
- It's in the bathroom.
252
00:09:04,265 --> 00:09:05,714
I guess that makes
everything easier.
253
00:09:05,766 --> 00:09:07,599
Yeah. It's nice to have
things easy. No drama.
254
00:09:07,635 --> 00:09:09,134
I don't know
what that means, Bruce,
255
00:09:09,186 --> 00:09:11,303
'cause I love drama.
I-I attract drama.
256
00:09:11,355 --> 00:09:14,973
I'm in drama. I-I-I hug drama.
I roll around in drama.
257
00:09:15,026 --> 00:09:17,893
I can't... I can't
e-extract myself from it.
258
00:09:17,945 --> 00:09:20,479
Nah, man. You need to learn
to have a good time.
259
00:09:20,531 --> 00:09:22,865
I think I have a good time
sometimes, Bruce.
260
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:25,067
I don't always know
when it's happening.
261
00:09:25,119 --> 00:09:27,236
You ever just go onstage
and just smile?
262
00:09:27,288 --> 00:09:29,988
I-I have no idea what
you're saying right now.
263
00:09:30,041 --> 00:09:32,991
What is going on in here?
Wow.
264
00:09:33,044 --> 00:09:35,461
My cat is gonna be in
a good mood today.
265
00:09:35,496 --> 00:09:37,413
What are you guys doing?
266
00:09:37,465 --> 00:09:41,667
Sorry, man.
We got really high.
267
00:09:41,719 --> 00:09:45,087
It was good weed, though.
He gave it to us.
268
00:09:45,139 --> 00:09:48,924
Yeah, I wanted everyone
to be really high.
269
00:09:48,976 --> 00:09:49,975
What's with this dude?
270
00:09:50,010 --> 00:09:51,760
Uh, well, I don't know.
271
00:09:51,812 --> 00:09:54,596
Do you know anybody that just
makes people uncomfortable?
272
00:09:54,648 --> 00:09:55,848
Yeah, yeah. Stump.
273
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:57,149
Well,
that guy's my Stump.
274
00:09:57,184 --> 00:09:58,517
- Well, man...
- Yeah.
275
00:09:58,569 --> 00:10:00,269
- Thanks for having me over, man.
- Yeah, buddy.
276
00:10:00,321 --> 00:10:01,619
Give me a call, man.
We can hang at my place.
277
00:10:01,655 --> 00:10:02,071
Yeah, yeah.
278
00:10:02,106 --> 00:10:03,247
- Okay.
- Thanks for doing it. That's great.
279
00:10:03,249 --> 00:10:04,940
- That's great.
- Come on, guys.
280
00:10:04,992 --> 00:10:06,742
Come on, superman.
You good to drive, Stump?
281
00:10:06,777 --> 00:10:08,193
A'ight.
282
00:10:08,245 --> 00:10:10,329
Hey, next time have me
on the podcast, man.
283
00:10:10,364 --> 00:10:12,081
Oh, yeah. Okay, Kyle.
You got it.
284
00:10:12,116 --> 00:10:15,033
See you later, Stump.
All right, Doug.
285
00:10:15,086 --> 00:10:18,036
- [sighs] Marc Maron.
- Oh, yeah?
286
00:10:18,089 --> 00:10:19,755
- What are we doing? Are you...
- Come here.
287
00:10:19,790 --> 00:10:21,590
- Oh, okay, man.
- You smell good.
288
00:10:21,625 --> 00:10:23,926
Yeah. All right.
Thank you.
289
00:10:23,961 --> 00:10:26,545
Okay, buddy.
Take it easy.
290
00:10:28,215 --> 00:10:29,765
Wow.
291
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,717
Well, that couldn't
have gone any better.
292
00:10:31,769 --> 00:10:35,471
So if you came here to gloat,
you were wrong.
293
00:10:35,523 --> 00:10:37,856
All I had to do was
extend my reach a little bit.
294
00:10:37,892 --> 00:10:40,192
People are just people, man.
Especially comics.
295
00:10:40,227 --> 00:10:42,027
We speak
the common language.
296
00:10:42,062 --> 00:10:44,446
Wow.
297
00:10:44,482 --> 00:10:46,899
Look, I'm not gonna
expect you to be man enough
298
00:10:46,951 --> 00:10:49,952
to admit you were wrong.
299
00:10:51,539 --> 00:10:55,491
I am Marc Maron,
Friend of the Black Man.
300
00:10:55,543 --> 00:10:59,745
Do you need a nap?
Is that what you need?
301
00:10:59,797 --> 00:11:02,965
There you go.
[chuckles]
302
00:11:10,057 --> 00:11:12,641
Where's my laptop?
I want to see how my new episode's doing.
303
00:11:12,676 --> 00:11:14,426
Last time I saw it,
it was there on the table.
304
00:11:14,478 --> 00:11:15,978
Yeah,
that's where I put it.
305
00:11:16,013 --> 00:11:17,229
I put it right there,
but now it's not there,
306
00:11:17,264 --> 00:11:19,515
so... where is it?
307
00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:22,935
You know, I don't know
if I don't care 'cause I'm high
308
00:11:22,987 --> 00:11:25,654
or if I just
don't give a shit.
309
00:11:25,689 --> 00:11:27,773
How have you never
been shot yet?
310
00:11:27,825 --> 00:11:30,075
I don't know.
311
00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:31,693
Come on!
Come on, Dave!
312
00:11:31,745 --> 00:11:33,912
You got to help me
find this thing.
313
00:11:33,948 --> 00:11:35,998
There's a lot
of information on it.
314
00:11:36,033 --> 00:11:37,749
My banking stuff's
on there,
315
00:11:37,785 --> 00:11:40,002
my podcast schedule,
my personal shit.
316
00:11:40,037 --> 00:11:41,703
God damn it.
317
00:11:41,755 --> 00:11:43,589
Yeah. I think it's pretty
obvious what happened here.
318
00:11:43,624 --> 00:11:45,123
Just say it.
319
00:11:45,176 --> 00:11:48,427
No, man. I can't say it.
That... It just can't be true.
320
00:11:48,462 --> 00:11:50,095
- It's too...
- What, stereotypical?
321
00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:51,129
Yeah!
322
00:11:51,182 --> 00:11:52,848
- Let's do the math.
- No.
323
00:11:52,883 --> 00:11:55,184
- Okay, so...
- [sighs]
324
00:11:55,219 --> 00:11:57,603
...you left your laptop
on the dining-room table,
325
00:11:57,638 --> 00:12:01,190
and then you went outside
to meet some black guys.
326
00:12:01,225 --> 00:12:02,691
Why you got to
bring race into it?
327
00:12:02,726 --> 00:12:04,476
They're just guys
that happen to be black.
328
00:12:04,528 --> 00:12:07,813
Right. A-And then the black guys
came into your house...
329
00:12:07,865 --> 00:12:09,565
Why... why are you pushing
this black thing?
330
00:12:09,617 --> 00:12:11,984
...and then when
the black guys left,
331
00:12:12,036 --> 00:12:13,402
your computer was missing.
332
00:12:13,454 --> 00:12:15,204
Misplaced.
It's misplaced.
333
00:12:15,239 --> 00:12:17,656
You know, you just can't
face the truth
334
00:12:17,708 --> 00:12:20,158
because you're a racist.
335
00:12:20,211 --> 00:12:22,160
What does that
even mean?
336
00:12:22,213 --> 00:12:23,996
You know, you aren't
looking at the obvious
337
00:12:24,048 --> 00:12:25,581
because of the color
of their skin.
338
00:12:25,633 --> 00:12:29,885
You're giving a thief a pass
because he's black.
339
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,221
And you're white
or Jewish or whatever.
340
00:12:32,256 --> 00:12:33,472
Jewish is white.
341
00:12:33,507 --> 00:12:34,840
Yeah, I'm not really
sure about that.
342
00:12:34,892 --> 00:12:36,508
You have
a mental disorder.
343
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,227
You know, if you treated
everyone the same
344
00:12:38,262 --> 00:12:39,978
regardless of the color
of their skin,
345
00:12:40,014 --> 00:12:42,981
you would accuse them
of taking the laptop.
346
00:12:43,017 --> 00:12:46,151
What, uh... No, wait.
You... Now you're twisting it.
347
00:12:47,605 --> 00:12:49,938
Ah, shit.
348
00:12:49,990 --> 00:12:52,241
One of them had
a backpack, and...
349
00:12:52,276 --> 00:12:54,660
I just... I just don't
want it to be true, man.
350
00:12:54,695 --> 00:12:57,746
Yeah, of course you don't,
'cause you're a good person.
351
00:12:57,781 --> 00:13:00,115
Good people
can be racists.
352
00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:01,583
You know,
if they were white,
353
00:13:01,619 --> 00:13:03,669
I probably would have
talked to them by now.
354
00:13:03,704 --> 00:13:06,171
I would have called
a white Bruce Bruce by now.
355
00:13:06,206 --> 00:13:07,789
Right.
356
00:13:07,841 --> 00:13:11,009
The only way to deal with
your racism is head-on.
357
00:13:11,045 --> 00:13:14,179
You got to go over
to black Bruce Bruce's house
358
00:13:14,214 --> 00:13:15,764
and just confront them.
359
00:13:15,799 --> 00:13:17,516
Why does it got to be
a confrontation?
360
00:13:17,551 --> 00:13:20,269
Let's just go over there
and... and find out what's up.
361
00:13:20,304 --> 00:13:22,271
It's probably just
a misunderstanding.
362
00:13:22,306 --> 00:13:23,772
You want to go with me?
363
00:13:23,807 --> 00:13:25,274
What, as like backup?
364
00:13:25,309 --> 00:13:26,692
Yeah.
365
00:13:26,727 --> 00:13:28,193
This is a bad idea, man.
366
00:13:28,228 --> 00:13:31,897
Oh, fo shizzle.
Fo shizzle.
367
00:13:35,184 --> 00:13:36,616
Gate's closed.
368
00:13:36,652 --> 00:13:39,686
Well, just hit
the little intercom thingy.
369
00:13:39,722 --> 00:13:41,922
I don't want to
do this, man.
370
00:13:41,974 --> 00:13:43,306
Well, what's
the other option?
371
00:13:43,342 --> 00:13:45,258
You just give up all
the information
372
00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:47,094
on your computer,
just walk away?
373
00:13:47,146 --> 00:13:48,678
What, because
they're black guys?
374
00:13:48,731 --> 00:13:50,897
What if
they didn't do it?
375
00:13:50,933 --> 00:13:53,483
Well, then you'll spend the rest
of your life thinking that they did,
376
00:13:53,519 --> 00:13:55,485
and knowing you didn't
confront them
377
00:13:55,521 --> 00:13:56,686
because of the color
of their skin.
378
00:13:56,739 --> 00:13:58,105
[sighs]
379
00:13:58,157 --> 00:14:00,190
Hey, this is some
deathbed shit.
380
00:14:00,242 --> 00:14:02,025
This is your rosebud.
381
00:14:02,077 --> 00:14:04,745
[scoffs]
382
00:14:06,198 --> 00:14:09,449
Yeah, black rosebud.
383
00:14:10,919 --> 00:14:12,536
Hey, Maron. What's up?
384
00:14:12,588 --> 00:14:14,254
Hey, what's up, man?
385
00:14:14,289 --> 00:14:16,706
I was just driving by
and saw Ray Romano's old place,
386
00:14:16,759 --> 00:14:18,375
remembered you...
you lived here
387
00:14:18,427 --> 00:14:21,044
and thought we'd stop in
and say hi.
388
00:14:21,096 --> 00:14:23,096
Y-You said you wanted to hang
out, so, you know...
389
00:14:23,132 --> 00:14:25,398
I'm here.
390
00:14:25,434 --> 00:14:27,934
But usually people
call first.
391
00:14:27,970 --> 00:14:31,188
Yeah, yeah.
I forgot my phone.
392
00:14:31,223 --> 00:14:32,939
Hey, Kyle.
393
00:14:36,195 --> 00:14:38,145
We was about to
binge-watch "Mad Men."
394
00:14:38,197 --> 00:14:40,480
Oh. Really?
You like that show?
395
00:14:40,532 --> 00:14:41,731
That's weird.
396
00:14:41,784 --> 00:14:45,452
Why is that?
397
00:14:45,487 --> 00:14:47,454
Uh... Don't know.
It's stupid.
398
00:14:47,489 --> 00:14:50,740
I don't know.
N-No reason, I guess.
399
00:14:50,793 --> 00:14:53,660
I don't... I don't know.
I don't know.
400
00:14:53,712 --> 00:14:56,463
We should wear suits
like that.
401
00:14:56,498 --> 00:14:57,831
- Yeah, man.
- For real.
402
00:14:57,883 --> 00:14:59,833
Yeah, yeah,
those are nice suits, man.
403
00:14:59,885 --> 00:15:01,501
[mid-tempo music plays]
404
00:15:05,974 --> 00:15:08,758
Actually...
[sighs]
405
00:15:08,811 --> 00:15:10,760
- [TV shuts off]
- ...we came here for a reason.
406
00:15:10,813 --> 00:15:12,345
Marc's got something
to tell you.
407
00:15:12,397 --> 00:15:13,814
Podcast wasn't good?
408
00:15:13,849 --> 00:15:16,600
Shit. I knew it.
Not funny enough, right?
409
00:15:16,652 --> 00:15:19,736
I thought it got too real.
People want us to be funny.
410
00:15:19,771 --> 00:15:21,271
Comedians should be funny.
411
00:15:21,323 --> 00:15:23,023
You know,
Marc's okay with "not funny".
412
00:15:23,075 --> 00:15:24,157
Okay, so what's up?
413
00:15:24,193 --> 00:15:25,992
Okay.
414
00:15:26,028 --> 00:15:29,863
I-I had a laptop
on the table
415
00:15:29,915 --> 00:15:34,618
when Doug and Kyle and Stump
came over, all right?
416
00:15:34,670 --> 00:15:36,119
And... and when they left...
417
00:15:36,171 --> 00:15:37,370
Hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on.
418
00:15:37,422 --> 00:15:39,172
Hey, Stump?
419
00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:41,258
Come over here
and sit down.
420
00:15:41,293 --> 00:15:44,594
[sighs]
421
00:15:48,967 --> 00:15:53,386
Scoot closer.
422
00:15:53,438 --> 00:15:55,138
Please continue.
423
00:15:55,190 --> 00:15:58,550
Okay, so when they left,
424
00:15:58,602 --> 00:16:01,103
the computer was,
uh... was gone.
425
00:16:01,138 --> 00:16:04,022
- Right.
- Yeah.
426
00:16:08,279 --> 00:16:10,946
But maybe you can spell it out
a bit more.
427
00:16:10,981 --> 00:16:12,648
Really take me
through it.
428
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:13,949
I can.
429
00:16:13,984 --> 00:16:15,200
You know what?
430
00:16:15,236 --> 00:16:17,286
- I got this, Dave.
- Yeah.
431
00:16:17,321 --> 00:16:19,655
So... so, why don't you tell me
what you think really happened?
432
00:16:19,707 --> 00:16:20,906
'Cause I'm not quite
getting it.
433
00:16:20,958 --> 00:16:22,908
- All right, come on.
- Say it.
434
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,660
We all know what...
what I'm saying.
435
00:16:24,712 --> 00:16:26,295
Say it out loud.
436
00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:28,046
I don't want to. Y-You...
you heard what I just said.
437
00:16:28,082 --> 00:16:29,548
Yeah,
you said some black guys
438
00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:31,250
came into your shitty,
little house
439
00:16:31,302 --> 00:16:33,085
and stole your
thousand-dollar laptop.
440
00:16:34,755 --> 00:16:37,389
Yeah, yeah, that's...
that's what I'm saying.
441
00:16:39,343 --> 00:16:42,311
Let me tell you something,
Mr. Podcast Man.
442
00:16:42,346 --> 00:16:44,730
These are my employees, and they
work they asses off for me.
443
00:16:44,765 --> 00:16:46,682
So much, they often have
to go everywhere I go
444
00:16:46,734 --> 00:16:49,318
so we can talk business between
the bullshit interviews.
445
00:16:49,353 --> 00:16:51,019
I pay them well
for what they do.
446
00:16:51,071 --> 00:16:52,855
They don't have to steal shit
from anyone
447
00:16:52,907 --> 00:16:54,323
because they're grown,
responsible men.
448
00:16:54,358 --> 00:16:55,574
Okay, okay, look.
449
00:16:55,609 --> 00:16:57,159
But you think you can
450
00:16:57,194 --> 00:16:58,577
just come up in here
and accuse them of stealing?
451
00:16:58,612 --> 00:17:00,279
Hey, look, if...
if you were white,
452
00:17:00,331 --> 00:17:02,080
I would have gone
to your goddamn house
453
00:17:02,116 --> 00:17:04,116
right after I realized
the computer was gone,
454
00:17:04,168 --> 00:17:05,534
but because
you're all black,
455
00:17:05,586 --> 00:17:07,836
I wasn't even gonna
come... at all.
456
00:17:07,872 --> 00:17:09,371
But I did.
457
00:17:09,423 --> 00:17:12,791
Because you're black
and I'm not racist.
458
00:17:12,843 --> 00:17:15,260
Well, I want to thank you
for that Rosa Parks shit right there.
459
00:17:15,296 --> 00:17:17,596
I'm gonna nominate you
for the NAACP Award.
460
00:17:17,631 --> 00:17:18,428
All right, okay.
461
00:17:18,430 --> 00:17:19,965
Let me tell you something
else I'm gonna do...
462
00:17:20,017 --> 00:17:22,017
since you took the time
to come all the way up here
463
00:17:22,052 --> 00:17:23,802
to the Hollywood Hills
down from your barrio
464
00:17:23,854 --> 00:17:25,771
to accuse us
of stealing your shit,
465
00:17:25,806 --> 00:17:28,023
I'm gonna pay you for it.
466
00:17:28,058 --> 00:17:31,226
No, man. It...
It's not... necessary.
467
00:17:31,278 --> 00:17:32,728
[sighs]
468
00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:34,396
- Pick it up.
- No.
469
00:17:34,448 --> 00:17:36,231
- Pick it up.
- I'm not gonna pick it up.
470
00:17:36,283 --> 00:17:37,449
Why,
you too good for my money?
471
00:17:37,484 --> 00:17:38,901
No! God damn it.
472
00:17:38,953 --> 00:17:40,285
I'd pick it up.
473
00:17:40,321 --> 00:17:42,321
You know,
or else you look too proud
474
00:17:42,373 --> 00:17:44,156
to take money from
a black guy.
475
00:17:44,208 --> 00:17:45,290
Listen to your weird friend.
476
00:17:48,913 --> 00:17:50,829
[sighs]
477
00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:54,299
This doesn't feel right.
478
00:17:54,335 --> 00:17:55,751
Certainly not right
coming up here
479
00:17:55,803 --> 00:17:57,252
accusing my employees
of stealing.
480
00:18:01,342 --> 00:18:04,476
Okay.
Well, I'm gonna go.
481
00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:08,597
[sighs]
482
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,853
See you later,
Kyle.
483
00:18:14,905 --> 00:18:17,322
Nope.
484
00:18:17,358 --> 00:18:19,274
Bye, Marc Maron.
485
00:18:27,517 --> 00:18:29,851
You know,
I'm proud of you.
486
00:18:29,886 --> 00:18:32,020
That was an important thing
for you to face.
487
00:18:32,055 --> 00:18:34,055
You know,
racism is real.
488
00:18:34,107 --> 00:18:36,858
And, uh...
you dealt with it.
489
00:18:38,812 --> 00:18:41,145
I got... I got something
special for you.
490
00:18:45,619 --> 00:18:47,902
What?! You took it?!
491
00:18:47,954 --> 00:18:50,321
What the... What's
the matter with you, man?!
492
00:18:50,373 --> 00:18:51,873
Seriously?!
493
00:18:51,908 --> 00:18:54,325
You were never gonna
confront your racism.
494
00:18:54,377 --> 00:18:56,160
- It had to be done.
- That didn't prove anything.
495
00:18:56,213 --> 00:18:58,880
You just made a dick out
of me... a racist dick.
496
00:18:58,915 --> 00:19:00,415
And you... you're
a horrible friend.
497
00:19:00,467 --> 00:19:02,050
I-I don't... I... It's...
498
00:19:02,085 --> 00:19:04,135
I don't even think you had
good intentions at all.
499
00:19:04,170 --> 00:19:05,637
You're just trying
to start shit.
500
00:19:05,672 --> 00:19:06,888
Wrong.
501
00:19:06,923 --> 00:19:09,340
Well... maybe.
502
00:19:09,392 --> 00:19:12,810
But you never suspected me,
a white guy,
503
00:19:12,846 --> 00:19:15,230
and you refused to suspect
the black guys,
504
00:19:15,265 --> 00:19:16,981
even though
they obviously did it.
505
00:19:17,017 --> 00:19:18,850
They didn't do it!
You did!
506
00:19:18,902 --> 00:19:22,070
And in my heart, I-I have
nothing against black people,
507
00:19:22,105 --> 00:19:24,489
but now several of them
have something against me.
508
00:19:24,524 --> 00:19:27,408
I don't really like
the way you used "them."
509
00:19:27,444 --> 00:19:29,744
Oh, really?
Well, who cares, stupid?
510
00:19:29,779 --> 00:19:32,580
Now you know that you
should suspect everybody
511
00:19:32,616 --> 00:19:35,533
and that you can confront
black people.
512
00:19:35,585 --> 00:19:37,118
You're a better person
because of it.
513
00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:39,087
You're...
you're welcome.
514
00:19:39,122 --> 00:19:41,372
I think you're possibly
the worst friend
515
00:19:41,424 --> 00:19:43,591
anyone has ever had.
516
00:19:43,627 --> 00:19:46,377
Or the best.
It's a fine line.
517
00:19:46,429 --> 00:19:47,712
No, I'm talking about,
like,
518
00:19:47,764 --> 00:19:49,347
in the history
of human friendship.
519
00:19:49,382 --> 00:19:52,550
Yeah, I think me, too.
520
00:19:52,602 --> 00:19:56,387
You know, I deserve,
like, half that money.
521
00:19:56,439 --> 00:19:58,556
I'm donating
all of this money
522
00:19:58,608 --> 00:20:00,892
to the United Negro
College Fund.
523
00:20:00,944 --> 00:20:03,311
Wow.
Just classic white guilt.
524
00:20:03,363 --> 00:20:06,364
Oh, is it, stupid?
Who cares? Shut up.
525
00:20:06,399 --> 00:20:08,900
No. Stop it.
526
00:20:11,705 --> 00:20:13,821
I don't always know
what the right thing is
527
00:20:13,873 --> 00:20:15,456
with the... Not so much...
528
00:20:15,492 --> 00:20:17,575
Well, yeah, the right thing
to do, righteousness.
529
00:20:17,627 --> 00:20:19,911
I-I'm not sure if
I'm racist or not sometimes.
530
00:20:19,963 --> 00:20:21,296
But I think about it.
531
00:20:21,331 --> 00:20:24,299
I'm... I'm constantly
self-conscious,
532
00:20:24,334 --> 00:20:25,717
constantly self-aware,
533
00:20:25,752 --> 00:20:27,835
constantly hyper-vigilant
and self-centering
534
00:20:27,887 --> 00:20:30,138
about what I'm thinking and
what's coming out of my mouth.
535
00:20:30,173 --> 00:20:32,640
Nervous is what I am.
Nervous.
536
00:20:32,676 --> 00:20:35,093
Nervousness is not
an unreasonable reaction
537
00:20:35,145 --> 00:20:37,645
to situations that
you're uncomfortable in
538
00:20:37,681 --> 00:20:39,564
or are new to you
or are awkward.
539
00:20:39,599 --> 00:20:43,818
Nervousness is completely
the right reaction.
540
00:20:43,853 --> 00:20:45,770
Nervousness doesn't become
racism till you start
541
00:20:45,822 --> 00:20:47,188
hearing yourself say things
like,
542
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,190
"Oh, shit,
there's a lot of them."
543
00:20:49,242 --> 00:20:50,692
Then you're on a slippery slope.
544
00:20:50,744 --> 00:20:52,860
Then it's some... and then
it's not just self-aware.
545
00:20:52,912 --> 00:20:57,699
You... you've taken a turn
to the dark side.
546
00:20:57,751 --> 00:20:59,283
And see, I'm not...
That... that...
547
00:20:59,336 --> 00:21:00,668
See, that's not a racist thing.
548
00:21:00,704 --> 00:21:02,670
When I say "dark side,"
that's not...
549
00:21:02,706 --> 00:21:05,506
See, why would
I even think that?
550
00:21:05,542 --> 00:21:06,958
Ridiculous.
551
00:21:07,010 --> 00:21:16,984
She has made my whole
life a mess
552
00:21:17,020 --> 00:21:20,955
But still I work day and night
for her
553
00:21:20,990 --> 00:21:22,690
So she can always have
the very best
554
00:21:22,726 --> 00:21:26,461
Baby, am I a good man?
555
00:21:26,496 --> 00:21:28,596
Am I a good man?
556
00:21:28,631 --> 00:21:29,897
Am I a good man?
557
00:21:29,932 --> 00:21:34,932
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
558
00:21:34,982 --> 00:21:39,532
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41386
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