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1
00:00:00,251 --> 00:00:02,719
So, I went
on a birthday trip
2
00:00:02,721 --> 00:00:04,354
to palm Springs
with my girlfriends,
3
00:00:04,356 --> 00:00:07,257
which was like the best birthday
I can ever remember...
4
00:00:07,259 --> 00:00:09,892
I mean, not that I
can remember a lot of them.
5
00:00:09,894 --> 00:00:12,028
So, was Michelle there?
6
00:00:12,030 --> 00:00:13,763
W-well...
7
00:00:13,765 --> 00:00:15,431
Look, I know you're friends
with my ex-wife.
8
00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:16,699
I don't have
a problem with it.
9
00:00:16,701 --> 00:00:18,368
Well, good. Good for you.
10
00:00:18,370 --> 00:00:20,770
Um, yeah. I just saw her.
11
00:00:21,905 --> 00:00:23,740
The baby looks adorable.
12
00:00:23,742 --> 00:00:25,074
Ohh. I take it back.
13
00:00:25,076 --> 00:00:26,776
I've got a little bit
of a problem.
14
00:00:26,778 --> 00:00:27,777
Marc.
15
00:00:27,779 --> 00:00:29,112
No. All right.
16
00:00:29,114 --> 00:00:32,015
I-I guess I'm glad
the baby's okay.
17
00:00:33,384 --> 00:00:35,918
Okay. I'm glad
the baby's okay.
18
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:37,787
You've got to move on, man.
19
00:00:39,723 --> 00:00:41,557
Marc.
20
00:00:41,559 --> 00:00:43,893
What? I...
21
00:00:43,895 --> 00:00:45,094
I thought I, like, lost you.
All right. Yep. Party... good.
22
00:00:45,096 --> 00:00:47,864
I'm glad they have babies.
Whatever.
23
00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:56,806
Won't fall for it
24
00:00:56,808 --> 00:00:59,475
you can't see
25
00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,477
and you can't tell
26
00:01:01,479 --> 00:01:06,983
I just can't drink
from the poisoned well
27
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:10,753
no. I'm serious.
28
00:01:10,755 --> 00:01:11,921
I-I really think
I'm finally over her.
29
00:01:11,923 --> 00:01:13,089
Mm-hmm.
30
00:01:13,091 --> 00:01:14,424
Why? Does she talk about me?
31
00:01:14,426 --> 00:01:16,259
Marc, I know that it's fun
to be depressed,
32
00:01:16,261 --> 00:01:18,594
but, uh, when was the last time
you were on a real date?
33
00:01:18,596 --> 00:01:20,163
I don't know!
34
00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:22,098
I don't even know if I've ever
been on a real date.
35
00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:23,766
I mean, it's just so much easier
to have sex with fans
36
00:01:23,768 --> 00:01:25,134
and see where that goes.
37
00:01:25,136 --> 00:01:27,437
Okay. That's disturbing.
What?
38
00:01:27,439 --> 00:01:28,938
Hey, I have someone.
39
00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:30,940
What? And she runs
this, you know, cool,
40
00:01:30,942 --> 00:01:32,275
little store down on York.
41
00:01:32,277 --> 00:01:33,776
She's funny, and she's hip.
42
00:01:33,778 --> 00:01:35,945
Yeah? Is she a fan?
I don't know, Marc.
43
00:01:35,947 --> 00:01:38,614
You might actually have
to work for this one. Eh.
44
00:01:38,616 --> 00:01:40,616
Listen, I'm doing
this group reading tonight.
45
00:01:40,618 --> 00:01:41,951
Why don't you come by?
46
00:01:41,953 --> 00:01:43,319
It'd be a great, you know,
low-pressure way
47
00:01:43,321 --> 00:01:45,154
to meet someone.
Yes, but is it easier
48
00:01:45,156 --> 00:01:47,824
than just me going through
my fan e-mails?
49
00:01:47,826 --> 00:01:50,126
I'm pretending
you didn't say that.
50
00:01:53,997 --> 00:01:57,800
There's a homeless guy
going through your garbage.
51
00:01:57,802 --> 00:02:00,136
That's not a homeless guy.
That's my dad.
52
00:02:00,138 --> 00:02:02,305
Although he is homeless.
53
00:02:02,307 --> 00:02:05,975
Hey. Dad, I didn't hear
your mobile mcmansion pull up.
54
00:02:05,977 --> 00:02:07,643
Look at this,
you cocky, little shit.
55
00:02:07,645 --> 00:02:09,979
I mean, that's 2 1/2 cents you
just threw out, huh? Hmm.
56
00:02:09,981 --> 00:02:12,982
You two, uh, banging? No, dad.
This is illeana...
57
00:02:12,984 --> 00:02:15,151
Please,
don't tell him my name.
58
00:02:15,153 --> 00:02:16,486
Oh.
59
00:02:16,488 --> 00:02:17,720
You're coming tonight, right?
Yes.
60
00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:20,823
Hey.
61
00:02:20,825 --> 00:02:22,158
What are you doing here?
62
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:23,393
Oh. I met this lady online.
63
00:02:23,395 --> 00:02:25,728
She's very special. Mm.
64
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:27,730
She's a... she's a...
She's a great typer.
65
00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:29,565
She's way faster than me.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
66
00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:32,835
Of course, I got to do it
only with just the one hand.
67
00:02:32,837 --> 00:02:34,170
All right. All right. Okay.
68
00:02:34,172 --> 00:02:35,338
Hey, you really should
come over
69
00:02:35,340 --> 00:02:36,839
and check out
the casa sometime, huh?
70
00:02:36,841 --> 00:02:39,342
Yes. Yes.
I will try to do that.
71
00:02:39,344 --> 00:02:40,743
Okay. Anytime.
72
00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:42,912
Uh, except tomorrow
between 1:00 and 3:00.
73
00:02:42,914 --> 00:02:45,114
Street cleaning.
74
00:02:47,718 --> 00:02:51,387
"Smoke wafted
through the champagne room
75
00:02:51,389 --> 00:02:53,723
"as Bambi shook
her tattooed breasts
76
00:02:53,725 --> 00:02:57,193
in the face
of the vietnamese businessman."
77
00:02:57,195 --> 00:02:58,694
Hey, sorry I'm late.
78
00:02:58,696 --> 00:03:00,696
Marc, this is Megan.
79
00:03:00,698 --> 00:03:02,265
Hi. Hi.
80
00:03:02,267 --> 00:03:04,867
"Her thoughts
were with that little girl,
81
00:03:04,869 --> 00:03:08,037
"waiting for the bus
in the rain."
82
00:03:08,039 --> 00:03:09,705
Nice space you got here.
83
00:03:09,707 --> 00:03:14,544
"There was so much she wanted to
say to that little girl,
84
00:03:14,546 --> 00:03:18,548
if indeed she wasn't a figment
of her dark imagination."
85
00:03:18,550 --> 00:03:20,716
She's really working
through some issues here.
86
00:03:20,718 --> 00:03:22,385
Shh!
87
00:03:22,387 --> 00:03:26,556
"She grinded her vagina
into his unrepentant thigh,
88
00:03:26,558 --> 00:03:30,560
"and all Bambi
could think was...
89
00:03:30,562 --> 00:03:34,730
'I have the power.'"
90
00:03:34,732 --> 00:03:36,232
I like it.
91
00:03:36,234 --> 00:03:38,067
It's like proust meets
penthouse letters.
92
00:03:39,237 --> 00:03:42,438
I saw that smile.
93
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,107
You cannot be a huge fan
of iggy pop
94
00:03:45,109 --> 00:03:46,442
if all you have
is "lust for life."
95
00:03:46,444 --> 00:03:47,577
It's a classic.
96
00:03:47,579 --> 00:03:48,811
Yeah, for people
who don't...
97
00:03:48,813 --> 00:03:50,413
You know, who aren't real fans
of iggy pop.
98
00:03:50,415 --> 00:03:52,482
To be a real fan, you've got to
listen to the stooges.
99
00:03:52,484 --> 00:03:54,817
Uh, the three stooges?
Oh, come on!
100
00:03:54,819 --> 00:03:55,918
Make me a tape.
101
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,086
Oh... make... make...
102
00:03:57,088 --> 00:03:58,588
Are we there?
Is that where we're at?
103
00:03:58,590 --> 00:03:59,755
Are we making tapes already?
104
00:03:59,757 --> 00:04:00,756
I've known you 10 minutes.
105
00:04:00,758 --> 00:04:02,291
This is terrible. What?!
106
00:04:02,293 --> 00:04:03,960
No. I'm having...
We're having a terrible time.
107
00:04:03,962 --> 00:04:05,261
No, no. This is good.
No. This is a disaster.
108
00:04:05,263 --> 00:04:07,096
Have you ever heard
my podcast?
109
00:04:07,098 --> 00:04:08,931
Uh... No.
110
00:04:08,933 --> 00:04:10,266
What do you do
in your podcast?
111
00:04:10,268 --> 00:04:11,434
What is it?
I talk, man. I...
112
00:04:11,436 --> 00:04:13,169
You just talk?
For a little while.
113
00:04:13,171 --> 00:04:14,604
You just... and then I talk
to comedians and actors.
114
00:04:14,606 --> 00:04:16,272
But do you have
any information in it?
115
00:04:16,274 --> 00:04:18,574
Or is it just... a lot
of information about me.
116
00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:23,446
Wow. S-so, now they're saying
that soy is bad for you?
117
00:04:23,448 --> 00:04:24,947
Yeah. I was surprised, too.
118
00:04:24,949 --> 00:04:28,284
Apparently, it mimics estrogen
in high doses.
119
00:04:28,286 --> 00:04:30,953
Oh. Then I am working
on a great set of tits.
120
00:04:30,955 --> 00:04:32,622
Huh.
121
00:04:32,624 --> 00:04:34,624
Hey, guys...
So sorry to interrupt.
122
00:04:34,626 --> 00:04:36,626
Megan, I need you to
be at the register.
123
00:04:36,628 --> 00:04:38,628
Somebody
wants to buy my book.
124
00:04:38,630 --> 00:04:40,129
It's never happened before.
125
00:04:40,131 --> 00:04:41,130
I don't know what to do.
Yay.
126
00:04:41,132 --> 00:04:42,298
Yay.
127
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:44,534
I'll be right back. Okay.
128
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:52,208
I recommend the dip.
It smells like pussy.
129
00:04:52,210 --> 00:04:53,876
Is... That a good thing?
130
00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:56,379
I'm justine.
131
00:04:56,381 --> 00:04:58,214
Marc. Mm.
132
00:04:58,216 --> 00:05:01,217
"M" is for magnificence.
"A" is for autonomous.
133
00:05:01,219 --> 00:05:04,720
"R" is for radiant.
And "k" is for knowledge.
134
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,722
Uh, actually,
it's with a "c."
135
00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:09,058
"C" is for cunnilingus.
136
00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:11,227
Sure. That...
That starts with a "c."
137
00:05:11,229 --> 00:05:13,563
So, did you enjoy my piece?
138
00:05:13,565 --> 00:05:16,566
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That was, uh... that was great.
139
00:05:16,568 --> 00:05:19,235
Mm. It was heavy. Heavy.
140
00:05:19,237 --> 00:05:22,238
So, uh, what made you
decide to write that?
141
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,874
Well, that's what I do.
I'm a writer.
142
00:05:24,876 --> 00:05:26,342
Oh, of course.
143
00:05:26,344 --> 00:05:27,877
I wasn't implying
that you weren't a writer.
144
00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:29,345
Well, that's what it says
on my license plate...
145
00:05:29,347 --> 00:05:30,846
You know, without
the "I" and the "e."
146
00:05:30,848 --> 00:05:32,248
Right. Right.
147
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:34,016
I just meant to compliment
your imagination.
148
00:05:34,018 --> 00:05:36,185
I mean, you really seemed to
get inside the head
149
00:05:36,187 --> 00:05:38,854
of a dominatrix.
150
00:05:38,856 --> 00:05:42,525
Because that's my day job.
151
00:05:42,527 --> 00:05:45,094
Oh. Okay.
152
00:05:48,198 --> 00:05:51,434
Oh. It does smell
like pussy.
153
00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,079
Hey, there he is.
154
00:06:03,081 --> 00:06:05,247
I was hoping you'd stop by.
155
00:06:05,249 --> 00:06:06,582
I fixed the place up.
156
00:06:06,584 --> 00:06:08,584
Yeah, I thought I'd come...
Come around
157
00:06:08,586 --> 00:06:10,086
and see what you got done
in here.
158
00:06:10,088 --> 00:06:12,088
Yeah. Wow.
159
00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:13,589
Nice.
160
00:06:13,591 --> 00:06:14,924
I hope you didn't feel
the need
161
00:06:14,926 --> 00:06:16,425
to bring
a housewarming present.
162
00:06:16,427 --> 00:06:18,094
Nope. It's not a house.
163
00:06:18,096 --> 00:06:20,262
Yeah. Fair enough.
164
00:06:20,264 --> 00:06:22,598
So, um...
What do you want to do?
165
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,934
You want to play cards,
watch TV?
166
00:06:24,936 --> 00:06:25,935
I don't know.
167
00:06:28,439 --> 00:06:31,073
Who's that?
Her? That's my lady.
168
00:06:31,075 --> 00:06:32,241
Does she have a name?
169
00:06:32,243 --> 00:06:33,576
Yeah. It's kind of weird.
170
00:06:33,578 --> 00:06:35,911
I just call her
"the pineapple."
171
00:06:35,913 --> 00:06:37,580
We met at one of those
Internet dating sites...
172
00:06:37,582 --> 00:06:40,082
You know, the ones that pair up
millionaires with models.
173
00:06:40,084 --> 00:06:42,451
How about a game
of crazy eights?
174
00:06:42,453 --> 00:06:44,787
Okay. You gonna deal her in?
175
00:06:44,789 --> 00:06:46,088
She doesn't want to play.
176
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:48,124
I hear Michelle had a baby.
177
00:06:48,126 --> 00:06:49,258
Uh...
178
00:06:49,260 --> 00:06:50,565
It must be
a great-looking kid.
179
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,429
Oh, come on!
180
00:06:53,431 --> 00:06:54,930
You're not still hung up
on that broad, are you?
181
00:06:54,932 --> 00:06:56,932
I mean, you've got to
get out there, man,
182
00:06:56,934 --> 00:06:59,101
blow some steam
out of your dick.
183
00:06:59,103 --> 00:07:01,771
Here. Let me give you the name
of that website.
184
00:07:01,773 --> 00:07:03,272
You like models?
185
00:07:03,274 --> 00:07:04,774
Well, you know, actually
I met someone tonight,
186
00:07:04,776 --> 00:07:07,610
and, uh, yeah, I'm not sure
where it's gonna go
187
00:07:07,612 --> 00:07:08,978
or what's gonna happen.
188
00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:10,780
Oh, come on, Marc.
What are you waiting for?
189
00:07:10,782 --> 00:07:12,448
You know, life is short.
190
00:07:12,450 --> 00:07:14,617
It pains me to see you
like this, son.
191
00:07:14,619 --> 00:07:16,967
I just want you to be as happy
as me and the pineapple.
192
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:23,526
I don't know.
You guys set a pretty high bar.
193
00:07:35,639 --> 00:07:37,473
Hey, it's Marc maron.
194
00:07:37,475 --> 00:07:39,975
Yes, that one,
from the other... right.
195
00:07:39,977 --> 00:07:42,812
Exactly. That's me. I'm him.
196
00:07:42,814 --> 00:07:45,815
Uh... I don't think
I've asked a girl out
197
00:07:45,817 --> 00:07:47,016
since I was in sixth grade.
198
00:07:47,018 --> 00:07:48,317
I don't know
how that's possible,
199
00:07:48,319 --> 00:07:49,685
but I was
trying to figure it out.
200
00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:52,221
Stop babbling.
Where do you want to take me?
201
00:07:52,824 --> 00:07:55,326
You know, for as long
as I can remember,
202
00:07:55,328 --> 00:07:56,660
I've always drawn
to writing,
203
00:07:56,662 --> 00:07:58,329
you know, to follow
in the tradition
204
00:07:58,331 --> 00:07:59,997
of the great
female writers...
205
00:07:59,999 --> 00:08:03,234
Emily Dickinson,
Virginia woolf, Evelyn waugh...
206
00:08:03,236 --> 00:08:05,903
Well, uh, great.
You know, I-I, uh...
207
00:08:05,905 --> 00:08:07,905
I like a lot
of those writers, as well.
208
00:08:07,907 --> 00:08:10,407
I mean, Evelyn waugh
was technically a man,
209
00:08:10,409 --> 00:08:12,409
but I-I-I agree
that "brideshead revisited"
210
00:08:12,411 --> 00:08:14,044
reads as chick lit.
211
00:08:17,049 --> 00:08:19,183
Oh, you make me laugh,
Marc maron.
212
00:08:19,185 --> 00:08:21,352
But that wasn't really a...
Joke.
213
00:08:21,354 --> 00:08:24,021
You know, I, uh... I read
"the Jerusalem syndrome."
214
00:08:24,023 --> 00:08:25,689
It's very clever.
215
00:08:25,691 --> 00:08:27,858
Wow. You read my book.
216
00:08:27,860 --> 00:08:31,061
Well, the first five pages
that were free on Amazon, yes.
217
00:08:31,063 --> 00:08:34,064
Okay. All right. Still, that's
more than my parents read.
218
00:08:34,066 --> 00:08:36,267
So, what made you decide
to be a writer?
219
00:08:36,269 --> 00:08:38,602
Oh. A book deal.
220
00:08:40,773 --> 00:08:42,706
I don't know. I...
221
00:08:42,708 --> 00:08:44,875
I like capturing
the small moments
222
00:08:44,877 --> 00:08:46,377
that happen in my day.
223
00:08:46,379 --> 00:08:49,213
You know, it helps me
make sense of the world.
224
00:08:49,215 --> 00:08:50,547
Hmm.
225
00:08:50,549 --> 00:08:52,383
Like yesterday,
I had this client
226
00:08:52,385 --> 00:08:54,718
who wanted me to
shove my foot in his ass.
227
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,387
Okay. Well, yeah.
228
00:08:56,389 --> 00:08:58,722
Okay, yeah, I could see
how that would be the basis
229
00:08:58,724 --> 00:09:00,891
of a...
Of a poem or a short story
230
00:09:00,893 --> 00:09:03,260
or trip
to the emergency room.
231
00:09:03,262 --> 00:09:07,264
No. No, that wouldn't happen.
I'm a professional.
232
00:09:07,266 --> 00:09:09,733
Good to know.
233
00:09:09,735 --> 00:09:12,770
Look, it's... it's my job,
and I love it.
234
00:09:12,772 --> 00:09:14,238
Hmm.
235
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:17,608
But if we're gonna take this
to the next level,
236
00:09:17,610 --> 00:09:19,943
I really want to be myself.
237
00:09:19,945 --> 00:09:21,779
Great.
238
00:09:21,781 --> 00:09:23,280
'Cause, yeah,
I'm not really...
239
00:09:23,282 --> 00:09:25,616
Yeah, uh, that...
That's not really my thing.
240
00:09:25,618 --> 00:09:29,119
I... yeah, I'm... I'm not...
I wouldn't say I'm normal,
241
00:09:29,121 --> 00:09:32,289
but... yeah, I'm open-minded,
but I have, uh...
242
00:09:32,291 --> 00:09:36,827
I have never craved... A...
A foot in my ass.
243
00:09:36,829 --> 00:09:37,895
Hmm.
244
00:09:43,301 --> 00:09:45,436
Uh, yeah.
245
00:09:45,438 --> 00:09:47,004
We'll see.
246
00:09:50,509 --> 00:09:53,844
I-I just have to grab my books.
It'll just be second.
247
00:09:53,846 --> 00:09:55,112
Okay.
248
00:09:55,114 --> 00:09:56,513
Do you want to
give me a hand?
249
00:09:56,515 --> 00:09:57,681
Uh...
250
00:10:00,151 --> 00:10:01,485
Actually, do you mind
if I stay in the car?
251
00:10:01,487 --> 00:10:02,986
Do it!
252
00:10:14,633 --> 00:10:15,999
Oh. Hey, girl.
253
00:10:16,001 --> 00:10:18,202
I just came to pick up
my unsold ones...
254
00:10:18,204 --> 00:10:19,370
If there are any.
255
00:10:19,372 --> 00:10:22,373
Uh, there's couple boxes
in the back.
256
00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:23,540
Marc.
257
00:10:23,542 --> 00:10:26,210
Hey.
258
00:10:26,212 --> 00:10:29,046
You good?
259
00:10:29,048 --> 00:10:32,216
Are you?
260
00:10:32,218 --> 00:10:35,619
Marc, are you gonna
help me out back here?!
261
00:10:41,192 --> 00:10:42,693
What is he doing?
262
00:10:42,695 --> 00:10:45,996
I don't know.
263
00:10:45,998 --> 00:10:48,499
She reads the Bible
and listens to him talk all day.
264
00:10:48,501 --> 00:10:51,835
She has an amazing tolerance
for bullshit.
265
00:10:51,837 --> 00:10:55,005
Who the hell knows
what people see in each other?
266
00:10:55,007 --> 00:10:56,673
Yeah, exactly.
267
00:10:56,675 --> 00:10:59,843
I mean, you chose
the dominatrix slut over Megan.
268
00:10:59,845 --> 00:11:01,845
Easy. She's a writer.
269
00:11:01,847 --> 00:11:03,847
Just because her day job
involves lube,
270
00:11:03,849 --> 00:11:06,417
doesn't make her any less
of an artist.
271
00:11:08,853 --> 00:11:10,521
Megan really liked you.
272
00:11:10,523 --> 00:11:12,022
Do you know how hard it was
273
00:11:12,024 --> 00:11:13,857
to talk her into
even meeting you?
274
00:11:13,859 --> 00:11:16,693
You're a 48-year-old,
twice-divorced
275
00:11:16,695 --> 00:11:19,863
recovering drug addict
who drives a camry.
276
00:11:19,865 --> 00:11:21,532
That was kind of
a hard sell.
277
00:11:21,534 --> 00:11:23,367
Hey, hey. don't...
Don't knock the camry.
278
00:11:23,369 --> 00:11:25,536
It's always on the, uh...
The list of most-stolen cars.
279
00:11:25,538 --> 00:11:27,070
They're very sought after.
280
00:11:27,072 --> 00:11:29,440
You know,
this doesn't make any sense.
281
00:11:29,442 --> 00:11:31,775
I mean, you're Mr. jealousy.
282
00:11:31,777 --> 00:11:33,110
Now you're gonna
be dating someone
283
00:11:33,112 --> 00:11:34,945
who gives hand jobs
for a living.
284
00:11:34,947 --> 00:11:36,780
I know! I was just thinking
about that.
285
00:11:36,782 --> 00:11:38,949
I must be evolving
as a person...
286
00:11:38,951 --> 00:11:40,884
Or I'm dead inside.
287
00:11:40,886 --> 00:11:43,053
You're deliberately
sabotaging yourself
288
00:11:43,055 --> 00:11:45,722
'cause Megan is a real person
and that scares you.
289
00:11:45,724 --> 00:11:47,891
So, instead,
you're gonna throw yourself
290
00:11:47,893 --> 00:11:50,561
into a relationship
that can have no future.
291
00:11:50,563 --> 00:11:53,564
Why? Just because she has
a job that you don't approve of?
292
00:11:53,566 --> 00:11:55,232
I mean,
spare me the judgment.
293
00:11:55,234 --> 00:11:58,135
I like this girl.
This might be serious.
294
00:12:01,406 --> 00:12:05,742
Hmm. Uh, she doesn't have
a dishwasher.
295
00:12:05,744 --> 00:12:06,244
Ugh.
296
00:12:09,814 --> 00:12:12,816
Oh, god. That was... okay.
297
00:12:12,818 --> 00:12:14,651
Okay. You good?
298
00:12:14,653 --> 00:12:15,819
Yeah.
299
00:12:15,821 --> 00:12:17,488
Yeah. Okay.
300
00:12:17,490 --> 00:12:20,157
Oh, my god.
301
00:12:20,159 --> 00:12:22,159
Whoo.
302
00:12:22,161 --> 00:12:24,761
Oh, god.
303
00:12:24,763 --> 00:12:27,764
That was amazing.
304
00:12:29,435 --> 00:12:31,268
God, it was just so tender.
305
00:12:31,270 --> 00:12:34,271
I feel so connected to you.
306
00:12:37,510 --> 00:12:40,511
You liked it, right?
307
00:12:40,513 --> 00:12:44,014
Yeah. Yeah, it was great.
308
00:12:44,016 --> 00:12:46,350
'Cause, you know, uh,
if you feel
309
00:12:46,352 --> 00:12:49,353
like living on the edge...
310
00:12:49,355 --> 00:12:51,188
There's things
I can do to you.
311
00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:53,023
Uh, no. I'm good.
312
00:12:53,025 --> 00:12:56,026
I'm... you know, I'm...
I'm... I'm... I'm good.
313
00:12:56,028 --> 00:12:57,694
It's great.
314
00:12:57,696 --> 00:13:00,531
God, what are you
so afraid of?
315
00:13:00,533 --> 00:13:02,366
I'm... I'm not afraid.
316
00:13:02,368 --> 00:13:05,536
I just... see, I just like
regular sex, you know?
317
00:13:05,538 --> 00:13:07,871
Well, how do you know
what you like
318
00:13:07,873 --> 00:13:09,640
if you haven't tried it?
319
00:13:09,642 --> 00:13:13,310
All right. Like,
what do you have in mind?
320
00:13:13,312 --> 00:13:18,649
Well
I'd like to tie you to this bed,
321
00:13:18,651 --> 00:13:22,986
and do you things to you
until you beg me to stop.
322
00:13:22,988 --> 00:13:28,659
Nah, uh... well... I'm good.
323
00:13:28,661 --> 00:13:31,161
I'm just trying
to blow your mind.
324
00:13:31,163 --> 00:13:32,663
I'm... I'm blown.
325
00:13:32,665 --> 00:13:37,334
I-I mean, my mind is...
Is blown.
326
00:13:37,336 --> 00:13:41,505
You're afraid.
327
00:13:41,507 --> 00:13:44,174
I don't know
what's happening.
328
00:13:44,176 --> 00:13:46,410
Couldn't get it
in the litter box?
329
00:13:46,412 --> 00:13:48,645
This isn't a goddamn
carnival game.
330
00:13:48,647 --> 00:13:50,981
Hey, neighbor.
331
00:13:50,983 --> 00:13:52,649
I brought you a little something here.
No knocking?
332
00:13:52,651 --> 00:13:54,151
Huh? How could I?
333
00:13:54,153 --> 00:13:55,319
What is that?
334
00:13:55,321 --> 00:13:57,654
This is called
sinigang soup.
335
00:13:57,656 --> 00:13:59,656
I mean, it's, uh,
sour pork soup.
336
00:13:59,658 --> 00:14:01,191
The pineapple made it
for me.
337
00:14:01,193 --> 00:14:03,160
I mean, she's so good to me.
I don't really deserve her.
338
00:14:03,162 --> 00:14:04,495
Here. Okay. I'm glad that's
working out for you.
339
00:14:04,497 --> 00:14:06,163
I want you to try it.
Here. It's good.
340
00:14:06,165 --> 00:14:07,664
You'll love it. I don't want it.
I don't want it.
341
00:14:07,666 --> 00:14:08,999
Just try it.
342
00:14:09,001 --> 00:14:10,741
It's supposed to
be very healthy for you.
343
00:14:11,504 --> 00:14:14,171
It's healthy. Mm! Mnh-mnh!
344
00:14:14,173 --> 00:14:16,206
Wow. That is horrible.
345
00:14:16,208 --> 00:14:17,508
I guess it's not just me.
346
00:14:17,510 --> 00:14:18,575
Oh, wait.
347
00:14:18,577 --> 00:14:20,177
Hold on.
I've got to take this.
348
00:14:20,179 --> 00:14:21,512
What the hell is philippine,
anyway. What is that?
349
00:14:21,514 --> 00:14:24,181
Some kind of Chinese-Mexican
hybrid, right?
350
00:14:24,183 --> 00:14:25,182
I don't...
351
00:14:25,184 --> 00:14:26,850
All right. I'm going.
352
00:14:26,852 --> 00:14:29,086
Hello.
353
00:14:29,088 --> 00:14:31,755
Oh, hey, uh, I'm at a job,
and my truck's dead.
354
00:14:31,757 --> 00:14:33,190
Do you think
you could give me a lift?
355
00:14:33,192 --> 00:14:34,691
What? You don't have AAA?
356
00:14:34,693 --> 00:14:37,194
No. I have you.
357
00:14:37,196 --> 00:14:39,029
All right. All right.
Send me the address.
358
00:14:39,031 --> 00:14:40,697
I'll come down there.
359
00:14:40,699 --> 00:14:43,967
Okay. Yeah.
See you in a few.
360
00:14:45,337 --> 00:14:47,671
Hey, honey. Hey, baby.
You ready to go?
361
00:14:47,673 --> 00:14:50,674
Come on in. I'm just
finishing up with a client.
362
00:14:50,676 --> 00:14:54,511
Oh, no. I-I don't want to
watch this sad bastard.
363
00:14:54,513 --> 00:14:56,347
I-I am a sad bastard.
364
00:14:56,349 --> 00:14:57,848
You shut up
and lick my boot.
365
00:14:57,850 --> 00:14:59,516
I'm just gonna wait outside.
366
00:14:59,518 --> 00:15:00,751
Oh, come on, Marc.
367
00:15:00,753 --> 00:15:02,386
I'm just gonna
be a few minutes.
368
00:15:02,388 --> 00:15:04,088
Don't you like
watching me work?
369
00:15:04,090 --> 00:15:05,089
Not really.
370
00:15:05,091 --> 00:15:06,423
I like it.
371
00:15:06,425 --> 00:15:07,891
Of course you like it.
372
00:15:07,893 --> 00:15:10,067
Come on, Marc. I thought
you were more open-minded.
373
00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:13,264
Look, I-I don't care
what you do to this loser.
374
00:15:13,266 --> 00:15:14,932
I-I am a loser.
375
00:15:14,934 --> 00:15:16,433
Hey, tell your boyfriend
to spit on me.
376
00:15:16,435 --> 00:15:17,868
Okay. You bite this.
377
00:15:17,870 --> 00:15:19,403
Hold on a minute.
378
00:15:19,405 --> 00:15:21,905
Am I part of this idiot's
humiliation fantasy?
379
00:15:21,907 --> 00:15:23,574
I-I am an idiot. Shut up.
380
00:15:23,576 --> 00:15:25,709
He said shut up.
381
00:15:25,711 --> 00:15:27,211
Look, would it bother you
382
00:15:27,213 --> 00:15:29,380
if you were a part
of his humiliation fantasy?
383
00:15:29,382 --> 00:15:31,282
Wait. Do you even
need a ride?
384
00:15:31,284 --> 00:15:33,250
Does that matter?
385
00:15:33,252 --> 00:15:34,885
Yeah. That's why
I came down here.
386
00:15:34,887 --> 00:15:36,220
And now
you're gonna run away
387
00:15:36,222 --> 00:15:38,222
because you can't handle it.
388
00:15:38,224 --> 00:15:39,290
I can handle it.
389
00:15:39,292 --> 00:15:40,724
More. More.
390
00:15:40,726 --> 00:15:42,092
Okay. We're not
talking to you.
391
00:15:42,094 --> 00:15:43,560
Look, I can handle it.
392
00:15:43,562 --> 00:15:45,896
I just... I-I don't want to
be part of it.
393
00:15:45,898 --> 00:15:47,731
Marc, this is what I am.
394
00:15:47,733 --> 00:15:50,834
Fine. Whatever. Get AAA.
395
00:15:56,142 --> 00:15:57,908
Wait. Who's in charge here?
396
00:15:57,910 --> 00:15:59,143
Shut up.
397
00:16:10,508 --> 00:16:13,676
Hey. Hi.
398
00:16:13,678 --> 00:16:17,346
I-I just wanted to apologize
for last night.
399
00:16:17,348 --> 00:16:20,015
I shouldn't have made you
see that stuff with Darren.
400
00:16:20,017 --> 00:16:22,518
He's a "Darren"?
401
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,019
So, do you want to hang out?
402
00:16:24,021 --> 00:16:26,188
You know, just...
Just normal stuff.
403
00:16:26,190 --> 00:16:28,357
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Come on in.
404
00:16:33,897 --> 00:16:36,398
Oh. Um, before I forget.
405
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,901
I, uh... I made you this.
406
00:16:38,903 --> 00:16:40,235
Oh. What is it?
407
00:16:40,237 --> 00:16:42,071
It's banana bread.
408
00:16:42,073 --> 00:16:43,439
Hmm. I know you like it.
409
00:16:43,441 --> 00:16:45,207
I heard you talk about it
on your podcast.
410
00:16:45,209 --> 00:16:46,709
Yeah, well...
411
00:16:46,711 --> 00:16:47,876
Thank you.
412
00:16:47,878 --> 00:16:50,446
I-I-I can't do this anymore.
413
00:16:50,448 --> 00:16:53,449
What? I'm sorry.
414
00:16:53,451 --> 00:16:56,885
Wait. Okay.
Is this about last night?
415
00:16:56,887 --> 00:16:58,554
No. It's just that...
Like, this is a...
416
00:16:58,556 --> 00:16:59,888
This is a nice thing.
417
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:01,724
This is the kind
of thing that...
418
00:17:01,726 --> 00:17:03,726
It's like a thoughtful thing
you do for a significant other,
419
00:17:03,728 --> 00:17:05,728
and I just... I don't know.
420
00:17:05,730 --> 00:17:07,296
I don't want to
be significant.
421
00:17:09,766 --> 00:17:12,768
Holy shit.
422
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:17,272
So... so, you... you don't care
that I pee on guys,
423
00:17:17,274 --> 00:17:18,941
but you're freaked out
right now
424
00:17:18,943 --> 00:17:20,576
that I made you
banana bread.
425
00:17:20,578 --> 00:17:22,244
I know. It's weird, right?
426
00:17:22,246 --> 00:17:24,146
But you get it on some level,
don't you?
427
00:17:24,148 --> 00:17:25,814
No.
428
00:17:25,816 --> 00:17:27,583
Well, I can try
to explain it to you.
429
00:17:27,585 --> 00:17:29,485
Do you want me to try to
explain it to you?
430
00:17:29,487 --> 00:17:33,122
You little piece of shit.
431
00:17:33,124 --> 00:17:35,124
Yeah, I could... I could see
how you could think that.
432
00:17:35,126 --> 00:17:37,926
Whoa.
433
00:17:37,928 --> 00:17:39,428
You're... you're doing
your thing.
434
00:17:39,430 --> 00:17:40,763
Uh, I get it.
435
00:17:40,765 --> 00:17:43,265
You are gonna get
what I give you,
436
00:17:43,267 --> 00:17:45,601
and I want you to know
that you're a piece of shit!
437
00:17:45,603 --> 00:17:47,770
Now, shut up!
438
00:17:47,772 --> 00:17:50,105
I'm sorry, justine.
439
00:17:50,107 --> 00:17:52,274
You've really got to leave.
440
00:18:03,453 --> 00:18:05,521
You're a frightened,
little man.
441
00:18:08,958 --> 00:18:12,461
Yes, I am.
442
00:18:12,463 --> 00:18:15,964
Hey, it Marc.
Yes, Marc maron.
443
00:18:15,966 --> 00:18:17,966
Uh-huh. That guy.
444
00:18:17,968 --> 00:18:19,501
Look, I'm sorry about earlier.
445
00:18:19,503 --> 00:18:23,806
It was awkward, it was my fault,
and I feel bad about it.
446
00:18:23,808 --> 00:18:27,976
And I-I-I want to
make it up to you somehow
447
00:18:27,978 --> 00:18:30,145
because I think
we have a... a good thing.
448
00:18:30,147 --> 00:18:32,815
So... I know.
449
00:18:32,817 --> 00:18:35,317
Do you want to
hang out tonight or what?
450
00:18:35,319 --> 00:18:37,820
Can we do that?
Can you... can you... can you...
451
00:18:37,822 --> 00:18:40,155
I-I would totally understand
if you don't want to.
452
00:18:40,157 --> 00:18:42,825
Yes? Great.
453
00:18:42,827 --> 00:18:45,160
Okay. I'll do that.
454
00:18:45,162 --> 00:18:47,329
All right.
I'll see you in a bit.
455
00:18:47,331 --> 00:18:48,897
Okay. Bye.
456
00:18:50,668 --> 00:18:53,168
You want to suck on these,
little man?
457
00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:55,003
Yes. Yes, I do.
458
00:18:55,005 --> 00:18:57,673
Well, you don't deserve to,
you pussy.
459
00:18:57,675 --> 00:19:00,242
I'll tell you
what you can have.
460
00:19:02,679 --> 00:19:05,681
Uh... no, no.
No. What's the safe word?
461
00:19:05,683 --> 00:19:07,182
What's the safe word?
462
00:19:07,184 --> 00:19:11,186
Oh. The safe word...
Is "marry me."
463
00:19:13,023 --> 00:19:14,690
Oh, god!
464
00:19:14,692 --> 00:19:18,527
Are you okay? Oh. Yeah.
465
00:19:18,529 --> 00:19:20,529
Horrible dream. Mm-hmm.
466
00:19:20,531 --> 00:19:22,030
Very relieved.
467
00:19:22,032 --> 00:19:23,098
Ho.
468
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:24,600
What happened?
469
00:19:24,602 --> 00:19:27,870
Oh, Megan.
You're a nice person.
470
00:19:27,872 --> 00:19:31,206
I don't think
we should be having sex.
471
00:19:31,208 --> 00:19:33,542
But we just did.
472
00:19:33,544 --> 00:19:37,379
I know. I can't drag you
into my sordid world.
473
00:19:37,381 --> 00:19:40,048
I'm no good.
474
00:19:40,050 --> 00:19:42,718
It's... it's just that even
if things between us
475
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,720
are beautiful and right,
476
00:19:44,722 --> 00:19:46,555
I would make you dirty
just by virtue
477
00:19:46,557 --> 00:19:47,890
of what I've been through.
478
00:19:47,892 --> 00:19:51,560
I mean, I've been
with a lot of crazy...
479
00:19:54,064 --> 00:19:56,165
My dick's been through wars.
480
00:20:02,406 --> 00:20:04,406
Justine?
481
00:20:04,408 --> 00:20:06,408
Yeah. How you doing?
482
00:20:06,410 --> 00:20:07,910
All right.
483
00:20:07,912 --> 00:20:09,244
Come outside.
484
00:20:09,246 --> 00:20:10,445
There's something
I want to show you.
485
00:20:10,447 --> 00:20:12,681
Right now? Yeah.
486
00:20:18,923 --> 00:20:21,657
Hello?
487
00:20:23,259 --> 00:20:26,495
I just screwed your father,
you rotten prick!
488
00:20:27,764 --> 00:20:30,432
Larry. Yeah?
489
00:20:30,434 --> 00:20:33,101
It was a pleasure.
You've got my number.
490
00:20:33,103 --> 00:20:35,204
Yeah.
491
00:20:37,173 --> 00:20:40,108
That's a great piece of ass
you gave up there, Marc.
492
00:20:40,110 --> 00:20:42,978
Yeah. She just used you
to piss me off.
493
00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:45,347
Yeah. I know.
That's why I got a discount.
494
00:20:45,349 --> 00:20:47,182
What happened to pineapple?
495
00:20:47,184 --> 00:20:50,285
She has a name, Marc.
It's yvelisse.
496
00:20:50,287 --> 00:20:53,121
All right.
What happened to yvelisse?
497
00:20:53,123 --> 00:20:56,458
She moved on. I moved on.
498
00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:59,628
Why don't you move on.
499
00:21:08,139 --> 00:21:11,675
I see red flags
as either a slalom course,
500
00:21:11,677 --> 00:21:13,343
or, perhaps,
if there's enough of them,
501
00:21:13,345 --> 00:21:15,512
like, I just see it
as an advertisement for a club
502
00:21:15,514 --> 00:21:17,147
I can't help but go into.
503
00:21:17,149 --> 00:21:19,149
Like, you know, "what's gonna
go... let's go in there.
504
00:21:19,151 --> 00:21:22,486
There's nothing but heartbreak
and chaos in there."
505
00:21:22,488 --> 00:21:24,054
I don't know
what I'm saying, really.
506
00:21:24,056 --> 00:21:26,323
I just... I just don't know
how many more times
507
00:21:26,325 --> 00:21:28,325
I can stick my dick
into a hurricane
508
00:21:28,327 --> 00:21:29,659
and expect something else
to happen.
509
00:21:29,661 --> 00:21:31,995
I don't know
what is wrong with me,
510
00:21:31,997 --> 00:21:33,997
but if look into a woman's eyes
511
00:21:33,999 --> 00:21:37,000
and there's nothing but...
But storm and chaos,
512
00:21:37,002 --> 00:21:39,336
I'm like, "I'm going in.
Where's my raincoat?"
513
00:21:39,338 --> 00:21:40,570
You know, I'm in there,
514
00:21:40,572 --> 00:21:42,205
and I'm standing there
in a storm
515
00:21:42,207 --> 00:21:44,408
with just two things
that look like jumper cables,
516
00:21:44,410 --> 00:21:46,676
saying, you know,
"where's the broken-daddy box?
517
00:21:46,678 --> 00:21:50,180
Maybe if I plug directly into
it, I can hang on for awhile."
518
00:21:50,182 --> 00:21:52,349
Does that make sense, anybody?
I mean, is that something...
519
00:21:52,351 --> 00:21:56,019
Did I just create some kind of
freudian or jungian landscape
520
00:21:56,021 --> 00:21:59,022
that people can hang
their metaphorical hat on?
521
00:21:59,024 --> 00:22:00,924
I don't know.
It makes sense to me.
522
00:22:01,124 --> 00:22:07,124
Sub by mercurian2007, Synced by santibone
www.Addic7ed.com
523
00:22:07,174 --> 00:22:11,724
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Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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