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1
00:00:08,193 --> 00:00:09,392
Hi, mom.
2
00:00:09,394 --> 00:00:11,427
Marc, it's your mother.
3
00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:12,929
Yeah. I know, mom.
4
00:00:12,931 --> 00:00:14,530
I'm just calling to tell you
5
00:00:14,532 --> 00:00:16,699
that Kyle is very excited
to meet you today.
6
00:00:16,701 --> 00:00:17,767
Who?
7
00:00:17,769 --> 00:00:20,036
Kyle... Sheila's grandson.
8
00:00:20,038 --> 00:00:22,872
You were gonna talk to him
about a career in comedy.
9
00:00:22,874 --> 00:00:24,607
Oh, is that today?
10
00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:26,709
Why do you always make
these arrangements?
11
00:00:26,711 --> 00:00:29,112
I-I... there's no such thing
as a career in comedy.
12
00:00:29,114 --> 00:00:31,381
Well, he's very excited
to meet you.
13
00:00:31,383 --> 00:00:33,049
I shouldn't tell you this,
14
00:00:33,051 --> 00:00:36,052
but Sheila had a drinking
problem in the early '70s.
15
00:00:36,054 --> 00:00:37,387
Yes, you manage to get that
16
00:00:37,389 --> 00:00:39,555
into a lot of conversations.
17
00:00:41,059 --> 00:00:42,892
You have a cold?
18
00:00:42,894 --> 00:00:45,228
No, there's some bad smell
in my house,
19
00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:47,397
and I can't figure out
where it is.
20
00:00:47,399 --> 00:00:48,731
Check the garbage.
21
00:00:48,733 --> 00:00:50,566
I checked the garbage, mom.
22
00:00:50,568 --> 00:00:51,934
How's Vic?
23
00:00:51,936 --> 00:00:54,570
Oh, he's driving me crazy
with his prostate.
24
00:00:54,572 --> 00:00:56,739
He pees too much.
He can't pee.
25
00:00:56,741 --> 00:00:58,241
It hurts when he pees.
26
00:00:58,243 --> 00:01:00,243
I don't know what to do.
27
00:01:00,245 --> 00:01:03,913
This Florence nightingale bit
is really not my thing.
28
00:01:03,915 --> 00:01:06,983
Oh, and his daughter
is bisexual now.
29
00:01:06,985 --> 00:01:10,153
But you know
who's really got it bad?
30
00:01:10,155 --> 00:01:12,488
David weiss.
31
00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:13,756
You remember him?
32
00:01:13,758 --> 00:01:16,259
Of course I remember
my ex-wife's father.
33
00:01:16,261 --> 00:01:17,760
Well, you've been married
so many times,
34
00:01:17,762 --> 00:01:19,095
I didn't know
if you'd remember.
35
00:01:19,097 --> 00:01:20,430
Twice, mom.
36
00:01:20,432 --> 00:01:22,598
He's got cancer,
and it's terminal.
37
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,835
Oh. That's horrible.
38
00:01:25,837 --> 00:01:28,938
Oh, my god.
He was so healthy.
39
00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:30,340
I think they get it worse.
40
00:01:30,342 --> 00:01:31,674
God, he ate right.
41
00:01:31,676 --> 00:01:33,776
He took vitamins,
ran compulsively.
42
00:01:33,778 --> 00:01:35,778
Everyone dies
from something.
43
00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:39,015
Why do you always get off
on telling people bad news?
44
00:01:39,017 --> 00:01:40,616
What did I do this time?
45
00:01:40,618 --> 00:01:43,853
I just haven't seen him
in like 15 years.
46
00:01:43,855 --> 00:01:44,854
It's horrible.
47
00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:46,122
I feel bad for Steph.
48
00:01:46,124 --> 00:01:47,457
You should feel bad.
49
00:01:47,459 --> 00:01:49,359
You just like
spreading gloom.
50
00:01:49,361 --> 00:01:51,361
Marc,
I don't like spreading gloom.
51
00:01:51,363 --> 00:01:53,363
I'm just trying
to make conversation.
52
00:01:53,365 --> 00:01:54,530
Okay, okay.
53
00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:55,965
You make it very difficult
54
00:01:55,967 --> 00:01:57,867
to know
what I can bring up with you.
55
00:01:57,869 --> 00:02:00,636
All right. I get...
Okay, I'm sorry, I guess.
56
00:02:00,638 --> 00:02:02,805
So, you gonna be nice
to Kyle?
57
00:02:02,807 --> 00:02:03,973
Who?
58
00:02:03,975 --> 00:02:06,476
Kyle!
I just told you about Kyle.
59
00:02:06,478 --> 00:02:09,045
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I will.
60
00:02:09,047 --> 00:02:10,313
Thank you.
61
00:02:10,315 --> 00:02:11,647
And there's no reason
to bring up
62
00:02:11,649 --> 00:02:13,383
his grandmother's
drinking problem.
63
00:02:13,385 --> 00:02:15,318
That was a long time ago.
64
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:18,154
Okay, mom.
65
00:02:22,159 --> 00:02:24,160
Won't fall for it
66
00:02:24,162 --> 00:02:27,497
you can't see
67
00:02:27,499 --> 00:02:29,832
and you can't tell
68
00:02:29,834 --> 00:02:33,903
I just can't drink
from the poisoned well
69
00:02:36,204 --> 00:02:38,104
About six months ago,
I'm in a pick-up pokie game
70
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,543
with one of my best friends.
71
00:02:40,545 --> 00:02:42,044
Yeah. We drop the gloves
72
00:02:42,046 --> 00:02:43,012
and start punching
the shit out of each other
73
00:02:43,014 --> 00:02:44,013
at center ice.
74
00:02:44,015 --> 00:02:45,515
Like full on... Yep.
75
00:02:45,517 --> 00:02:46,849
And I know it sounds insane,
76
00:02:46,851 --> 00:02:48,351
but basically,
he had it coming.
77
00:02:48,353 --> 00:02:49,519
That doesn't surprise me.
78
00:02:49,521 --> 00:02:50,853
Why?
79
00:02:50,855 --> 00:02:52,855
Y-you seem like a guy
who would kick some ass.
80
00:02:52,857 --> 00:02:54,857
Not... I mean, I've... like,
my new year's resolution
81
00:02:54,859 --> 00:02:56,225
is I'm not gonna
get involved
82
00:02:56,227 --> 00:02:57,360
with fights
with cab drivers anymore.
83
00:02:57,362 --> 00:02:58,594
I'm too old.
84
00:02:58,596 --> 00:03:00,196
Really? At fifty... fifty-what?
55.
85
00:03:00,198 --> 00:03:01,564
Good for you. Turn over a new leaf.
A new leaf.
86
00:03:01,566 --> 00:03:03,032
Growing up finally.
I mean, you've got...
87
00:03:03,034 --> 00:03:04,367
You must have
some great fight stories
88
00:03:04,369 --> 00:03:05,768
from working in the clubs.
89
00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:07,203
No. No. I don't. I don't.
90
00:03:07,205 --> 00:03:08,871
I-it's amazing to me,
actually,
91
00:03:08,873 --> 00:03:10,706
but I've never been
in a fight ever.
92
00:03:10,708 --> 00:03:12,208
Never been in a fight
at a comedy club
93
00:03:12,210 --> 00:03:13,776
after doing a set
and pissing people off?
94
00:03:13,778 --> 00:03:15,211
Never been in a fight
anywhere.
95
00:03:15,213 --> 00:03:17,213
What, are you some kind
of a pussy or...
96
00:03:17,215 --> 00:03:18,548
Want to take it outside?
97
00:03:18,550 --> 00:03:19,749
You gonna talk to me
like that in my garage?
98
00:03:19,751 --> 00:03:21,050
I'd love to go outside
with you.
99
00:03:21,052 --> 00:03:22,385
All right, well,
maybe I overstepped.
100
00:03:22,387 --> 00:03:23,786
Yeah. I'm not a pussy.
101
00:03:23,788 --> 00:03:25,721
You know, I'm... maybe
I'm right on the pussy cusp.
102
00:03:25,723 --> 00:03:27,557
But I'm not...
I'm a diplomatic person.
103
00:03:27,559 --> 00:03:28,891
Okay, "diplomatic"
is a pussy word.
104
00:03:28,893 --> 00:03:30,259
You're a pussy.
105
00:03:30,261 --> 00:03:31,794
All right! Okay! I get it.
You think I'm a pussy.
106
00:03:31,796 --> 00:03:34,464
You just let me call you a pussy
twice to your face.
107
00:03:34,466 --> 00:03:36,732
Okay, if you want to frame it
that way, fine. Suit yourself.
108
00:03:36,734 --> 00:03:39,268
I think it's part of the...
The male makeup,
109
00:03:39,270 --> 00:03:42,104
and I think it's reflected
in animal society, too.
110
00:03:42,106 --> 00:03:43,573
Like, we have aggression.
111
00:03:43,575 --> 00:03:45,274
We're supposed to
get it out.
112
00:03:45,276 --> 00:03:47,076
That's why we create sports
where you hit each other.
113
00:03:47,078 --> 00:03:48,444
That's why we invented
the hammer,
114
00:03:48,446 --> 00:03:49,579
so that we could pound shit.
115
00:03:49,581 --> 00:03:50,646
Right.
116
00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:51,914
It gets your aggression out.
117
00:03:51,916 --> 00:03:53,149
You know what I mean?
It's healthy.
118
00:03:53,151 --> 00:03:54,083
It's good
for your self-esteem.
119
00:03:54,085 --> 00:03:55,251
How's your self-esteem?
120
00:03:55,253 --> 00:03:56,819
It's okay.
I mean, I hate myself.
121
00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:58,087
But that's where
I get it out.
122
00:03:58,089 --> 00:03:59,755
I beat myself up.
123
00:03:59,757 --> 00:04:01,924
Okay, you literally,
since the first time I met you,
124
00:04:01,926 --> 00:04:02,925
have hated yourself.
125
00:04:02,927 --> 00:04:04,427
You have not advanced.
126
00:04:04,429 --> 00:04:05,595
I'm much better at it.
127
00:04:05,597 --> 00:04:06,796
Really?
128
00:04:06,798 --> 00:04:08,130
But you've advanced
like an inch.
129
00:04:08,132 --> 00:04:10,299
You need to be
expressing that anger.
130
00:04:10,301 --> 00:04:11,334
You're too angry.
131
00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:12,635
I'm too angry?
132
00:04:12,637 --> 00:04:14,470
You're... denis leary
is gonna tell me
133
00:04:14,472 --> 00:04:15,838
I have an anger problem?
134
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,273
Oh, my god.
You're gonna die.
135
00:04:17,275 --> 00:04:18,941
You're gonna have
a massive heart attack
136
00:04:18,943 --> 00:04:21,010
from pent-up anger...
And the ice cream.
137
00:04:21,012 --> 00:04:23,813
Yeah, you're gonna die on
the ice because your friend...
138
00:04:23,815 --> 00:04:25,681
I hope... I hope
I die on the ice.
139
00:04:28,286 --> 00:04:29,952
Thanks for doing the show,
buddy.
140
00:04:29,954 --> 00:04:31,521
Not a problem, pal.
It was great.
141
00:04:31,523 --> 00:04:32,522
Yeah. Yeah.
142
00:04:32,524 --> 00:04:33,856
Hey, listen.
143
00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:35,525
I'm getting a little concerned
about you.
144
00:04:35,527 --> 00:04:37,126
Concerned about me? Why?
145
00:04:37,128 --> 00:04:39,295
Yeah. Because I'm looking around
inside the garage.
146
00:04:39,297 --> 00:04:41,130
There's like a million
self-help books.
147
00:04:41,132 --> 00:04:42,798
I think
I saw a joni Mitchell album.
148
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,133
All right, all right,
come on.
149
00:04:44,135 --> 00:04:45,535
Ease up.
Ease up with this already.
150
00:04:45,537 --> 00:04:47,169
There's no joni Mitchell albums
in there.
151
00:04:47,171 --> 00:04:48,804
Just 'cause I don't fight
or play fantasy football
152
00:04:48,806 --> 00:04:50,540
doesn't make me
any less of a man.
153
00:04:50,542 --> 00:04:52,208
Okay, don't you own
like 100 cats?
154
00:04:52,210 --> 00:04:53,342
All right. Yeah. I do.
155
00:04:53,344 --> 00:04:54,644
I-I can't defend the cats.
156
00:04:54,646 --> 00:04:57,346
Hey, what's that smell?
157
00:04:57,348 --> 00:04:58,681
Oh, you smell that?
158
00:04:58,683 --> 00:04:59,982
Yeah, that is...
That's putrid, man.
159
00:04:59,984 --> 00:05:01,317
It's been going on
for like weeks.
160
00:05:01,319 --> 00:05:02,685
I don't know what it is.
161
00:05:02,687 --> 00:05:04,554
I was just gonna,
you know, ride it out.
162
00:05:06,323 --> 00:05:07,323
What?
163
00:05:11,995 --> 00:05:13,663
There you go.
164
00:05:13,665 --> 00:05:14,997
I didn't even know
that came off.
165
00:05:14,999 --> 00:05:16,566
It's the opening
to the crawl space.
166
00:05:18,669 --> 00:05:20,836
You don't know
what a crawl space is, do you?
167
00:05:20,838 --> 00:05:22,338
Just take it easy,
fake fireman.
168
00:05:22,340 --> 00:05:24,073
Oh, boy.
169
00:05:24,075 --> 00:05:25,408
Oh, yeah.
170
00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:26,509
You got a dead animal
in there, man.
171
00:05:26,511 --> 00:05:27,510
Dead?
172
00:05:27,512 --> 00:05:28,578
Yeah, looks like a possum.
173
00:05:28,580 --> 00:05:30,346
Oh, gnarly!
174
00:05:30,348 --> 00:05:31,514
Yeah.
175
00:05:31,516 --> 00:05:33,382
Who do I call
to deal with this?
176
00:05:33,384 --> 00:05:35,051
You don't call anybody.
177
00:05:35,053 --> 00:05:36,919
You go in there,
you grab it,
178
00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:38,354
you pull it out
and throw it in the garbage.
179
00:05:38,356 --> 00:05:39,522
Want me to do it?
180
00:05:39,524 --> 00:05:40,356
No, no.
I'll deal with it later.
181
00:05:40,358 --> 00:05:41,924
I'm gonna go in.
182
00:05:41,926 --> 00:05:43,359
No, I'll deal with it later.
I'll deal with it later.
183
00:05:43,361 --> 00:05:45,027
You're gonna
deal with it later.
184
00:05:45,029 --> 00:05:46,529
Yeah. What, do I got to do it
in front of you?
185
00:05:46,531 --> 00:05:48,864
I'll deal...
I'll crawl under there later.
186
00:05:48,866 --> 00:05:50,933
Yeah, sure you will.
187
00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:53,369
Good luck with that.
188
00:06:00,877 --> 00:06:02,044
Steph?
189
00:06:02,046 --> 00:06:04,046
Hi. It's Marc.
190
00:06:04,048 --> 00:06:06,215
Hi.
191
00:06:06,217 --> 00:06:09,452
Hey, I-I just heard
about your dad.
192
00:06:09,454 --> 00:06:14,390
Yeah, you know, I-I... I can't
even imagine what you're...
193
00:06:14,392 --> 00:06:18,227
What you're dealing with
over there, and...
194
00:06:18,229 --> 00:06:19,895
Yeah.
195
00:06:19,897 --> 00:06:22,398
I just... I just wanted
to call to say that I'm sorry
196
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,968
that you're going through that.
197
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:27,570
Yeah.
198
00:06:27,572 --> 00:06:29,071
I'm okay.
199
00:06:29,073 --> 00:06:31,974
No, thanks for asking.
200
00:06:31,976 --> 00:06:33,476
Oh, okay.
201
00:06:33,478 --> 00:06:35,945
Yeah, it's... it's good to know.
202
00:06:35,947 --> 00:06:37,246
Okay.
203
00:06:37,248 --> 00:06:39,749
All right, well,
take care of yourself.
204
00:06:39,751 --> 00:06:42,685
All right. Bye-bye.
205
00:06:54,098 --> 00:06:55,431
Uh, yeah. Hi.
206
00:06:55,433 --> 00:06:57,800
Uh, this is Marc,
uh, in highland park.
207
00:06:57,802 --> 00:07:00,436
I think you cut my, uh, lawn.
208
00:07:00,438 --> 00:07:01,771
I don't know for sure.
209
00:07:01,773 --> 00:07:03,439
This might be
someone else's card.
210
00:07:03,441 --> 00:07:05,274
But I have
sort of an odd request.
211
00:07:05,276 --> 00:07:06,642
I-I believe there's a dead...
212
00:07:08,112 --> 00:07:10,446
Hello? Hello?
213
00:07:10,448 --> 00:07:13,282
Jose Luis, this is Marc maron
in highland park.
214
00:07:13,284 --> 00:07:15,117
I have a dead possum under my...
215
00:07:16,621 --> 00:07:17,787
Hello?
216
00:07:17,789 --> 00:07:20,790
God damn it!
217
00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:22,158
Yeah?
218
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,459
I'm Kyle?
219
00:07:23,461 --> 00:07:25,661
My grandmother's friends
with your mom?
220
00:07:25,663 --> 00:07:26,962
Are you asking me?
221
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,634
So, what do you hope
to do out here?
222
00:07:31,636 --> 00:07:33,169
What do you want to be?
223
00:07:33,171 --> 00:07:35,304
Well, eventually, I want
to write, direct, and produce
224
00:07:35,306 --> 00:07:36,472
my own stuff.
225
00:07:36,474 --> 00:07:38,140
Mm-hmm. Like apatow?
226
00:07:38,142 --> 00:07:39,809
Yeah, before he got shitty.
227
00:07:39,811 --> 00:07:40,810
Right.
228
00:07:40,812 --> 00:07:42,144
Yeah, I have a lot of ideas.
229
00:07:42,146 --> 00:07:43,479
Yeah. Like what?
230
00:07:43,481 --> 00:07:44,814
Seriously?
231
00:07:44,816 --> 00:07:47,016
Yeah. What do you got?
232
00:07:47,018 --> 00:07:49,018
Uh, well, I'm working
on this movie idea
233
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,820
for will ferrell,
Malcolm mcdowell,
234
00:07:50,822 --> 00:07:52,321
and McLovin from "superbad."
235
00:07:52,323 --> 00:07:55,491
It takes place underwater
but in the future,
236
00:07:55,493 --> 00:07:59,495
so it's heavy on cgi,
and it's hilarious.
237
00:07:59,497 --> 00:08:00,896
So what's it about?
238
00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:02,331
Oh, whoa.
Pump the brakes, you know.
239
00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:03,499
Still in preproduction.
240
00:08:03,501 --> 00:08:05,000
But you get the idea,
though.
241
00:08:05,002 --> 00:08:07,169
Yeah, it sounds
like you're in the right town,
242
00:08:07,171 --> 00:08:09,538
and I wish you the best of luck
with everything.
243
00:08:09,540 --> 00:08:11,006
But I got nothing for you.
244
00:08:11,008 --> 00:08:13,576
No, no. Marc, wait.
Uh, uh...
245
00:08:13,578 --> 00:08:16,011
I'm sorry. I'm an asshole.
246
00:08:16,013 --> 00:08:17,847
I don't know what
you were expecting from this.
247
00:08:17,849 --> 00:08:19,415
I mean, my mother thinks
I'm Mr. Hollywood
248
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:20,683
with all these connections,
249
00:08:20,685 --> 00:08:21,884
but obviously,
that's not true,
250
00:08:21,886 --> 00:08:23,252
or I wouldn't
be doing a podcast.
251
00:08:23,254 --> 00:08:24,520
I love your podcast.
252
00:08:24,522 --> 00:08:25,855
I listen to it all the time.
253
00:08:25,857 --> 00:08:27,256
I'm a huge comedy fan.
254
00:08:27,258 --> 00:08:28,858
Look, I don't know
exactly what I want to do,
255
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:30,693
but I know
I want to be in the business.
256
00:08:30,695 --> 00:08:32,928
I don't know what my mother said
to your grandmother,
257
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:35,431
but I got nothing for you,
kid, okay?
258
00:08:35,433 --> 00:08:37,366
I could be your assistant.
259
00:08:37,368 --> 00:08:39,535
You know, I could...
I could run errands,
260
00:08:39,537 --> 00:08:41,537
lick envelopes,
help you write jokes.
261
00:08:41,539 --> 00:08:42,438
No.
262
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:43,939
Not that. Yeah.
263
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:46,442
But I could feed the cats,
you know, answer fan mail.
264
00:08:46,444 --> 00:08:48,711
I could... I could live here,
I guess.
265
00:08:48,713 --> 00:08:50,212
So then it's just like, "Kyle!"
And I'm right there.
266
00:08:50,214 --> 00:08:51,380
All right, all right, slow down.
Okay.
267
00:08:51,382 --> 00:08:52,548
All right, I appreciate it,
268
00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:53,916
but I don't need
an assistant,
269
00:08:53,918 --> 00:08:55,217
and I can't pay
an assistant.
270
00:08:55,219 --> 00:08:56,552
Pay me whatever you can.
271
00:08:56,554 --> 00:08:58,087
You know,
I'm already on unemployment.
272
00:08:58,089 --> 00:08:59,755
My parents pay
for my cellphone.
273
00:09:01,058 --> 00:09:02,391
Dude, I need this.
274
00:09:02,393 --> 00:09:03,959
I'm 25 years old.
This is it for me.
275
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,061
If this doesn't work out,
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
276
00:09:06,063 --> 00:09:07,596
I mean,
I've been living with my mother
277
00:09:07,598 --> 00:09:08,597
for the last three years.
278
00:09:08,599 --> 00:09:09,932
I'm suicidal.
279
00:09:09,934 --> 00:09:11,567
All right,
that's a little dramatic.
280
00:09:11,569 --> 00:09:12,768
You don't know my mother.
281
00:09:12,770 --> 00:09:14,236
Yeah, but generally,
282
00:09:14,238 --> 00:09:15,571
you want to leave "suicidal"
off the r?sum?.
283
00:09:15,573 --> 00:09:18,407
Look, I'd do anything for you.
Anything.
284
00:09:18,409 --> 00:09:20,242
Really?
285
00:09:20,244 --> 00:09:21,911
That's right. Anything. Mm.
286
00:09:21,913 --> 00:09:23,579
All right, would you, uh...
287
00:09:23,581 --> 00:09:25,481
Would you take a bullet
for me?
288
00:09:25,483 --> 00:09:27,249
Absolutely.
289
00:09:27,251 --> 00:09:29,919
Would you lie in court
for me?
290
00:09:29,921 --> 00:09:31,487
Yeah, sure. Who cares?
291
00:09:34,257 --> 00:09:35,991
Would you move a body
for me?
292
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:38,260
Hell yes, d...
Wait, a dead body?
293
00:09:38,262 --> 00:09:41,497
Animal body.
294
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,600
Yes,
I can move an animal body.
295
00:09:44,602 --> 00:09:46,502
Well, Kyle,
you got yourself a job.
296
00:09:53,611 --> 00:09:54,810
Whoa.
297
00:09:54,812 --> 00:09:56,445
So you can,
like, crawl under here?
298
00:09:56,447 --> 00:09:58,180
Yeah, that's why they call it
a crawl space, dude.
299
00:09:58,182 --> 00:09:59,949
You don't know
what a crawl space is?
300
00:09:59,951 --> 00:10:01,350
I do now.
301
00:10:01,352 --> 00:10:02,818
All right, look.
I'm gonna do the hard stuff.
302
00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:05,020
You're just backup, okay?
303
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,822
Oh, yeah. You see that?
304
00:10:06,824 --> 00:10:07,957
Just what I thought.
305
00:10:07,959 --> 00:10:09,491
It's a dead possum
under there.
306
00:10:09,493 --> 00:10:11,460
We're gonna have to go in
and get it.
307
00:10:11,462 --> 00:10:12,461
You with me?
308
00:10:12,463 --> 00:10:13,529
Yeah, man.
309
00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:16,465
All right,
we're gonna need some stuff.
310
00:10:16,467 --> 00:10:17,867
I... you know,
what have I got?
311
00:10:17,869 --> 00:10:19,969
I got a... I got a rake.
312
00:10:19,971 --> 00:10:24,206
I got one of those...
Orange grabber things.
313
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:25,708
I've got two beach buckets.
314
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:27,643
Yeah, I don't think any
of that stuff's gonna do it.
315
00:10:27,645 --> 00:10:30,479
Look, I think we're gonna need
coveralls, gloves, masks,
316
00:10:30,481 --> 00:10:33,549
possibly head gear, definitely
a better flashlight...
317
00:10:33,551 --> 00:10:35,384
Hey, we're not
going into outer space.
318
00:10:35,386 --> 00:10:39,822
Don't they have, like,
a dead-animal-grabber tool?
319
00:10:39,824 --> 00:10:42,725
Um, I could Google
"dead animal grabber."
320
00:10:42,727 --> 00:10:45,060
Let's go
to the hardware store.
321
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:48,497
So... so don't Google
"dead animal grabber" or...
322
00:10:48,499 --> 00:10:49,565
Okay, I'm coming.
323
00:10:50,637 --> 00:10:53,904
What are we looking for, exactly?
I'm not sure, all right?
324
00:10:53,906 --> 00:10:55,072
I'll know it when I see it.
325
00:10:55,074 --> 00:10:56,240
Is it this?
326
00:10:56,242 --> 00:10:57,474
No. Just relax. Chill out.
327
00:10:57,476 --> 00:10:58,976
Can I help you guys
with anything?
328
00:10:58,978 --> 00:11:00,144
No, we're good.
329
00:11:00,146 --> 00:11:01,478
Yes, please.
330
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,414
We are trying to retrieve
a dead possum
331
00:11:03,416 --> 00:11:04,581
from a crawl space.
332
00:11:04,583 --> 00:11:06,483
You know what
a crawl space is, right?
333
00:11:06,485 --> 00:11:08,585
Yeah, they're pretty common.
334
00:11:08,587 --> 00:11:09,920
Oh, perfect.
335
00:11:09,922 --> 00:11:11,322
Then you know
what we're talking about.
336
00:11:11,324 --> 00:11:13,090
So, what do you think
we'll need
337
00:11:13,092 --> 00:11:16,260
in the way of tools
and/or retrieval equipment?
338
00:11:16,262 --> 00:11:17,928
We were thinking
a dead-animal grabber.
339
00:11:17,930 --> 00:11:19,430
You know what? We're fine.
340
00:11:19,432 --> 00:11:21,265
We're just gonna look around.
It's no big deal.
341
00:11:21,267 --> 00:11:22,766
If you're going
under the house,
342
00:11:22,768 --> 00:11:25,102
you're definitely gonna want
some gloves and coveralls.
343
00:11:25,104 --> 00:11:26,437
Yes! Nailed it!
344
00:11:26,439 --> 00:11:28,672
Really? We need coveralls?
345
00:11:28,674 --> 00:11:31,275
Wow. 28 bucks.
346
00:11:31,277 --> 00:11:32,609
Why is it so cheap?
347
00:11:32,611 --> 00:11:33,844
China.
348
00:11:33,846 --> 00:11:34,778
Wow, you think you'd see
more people
349
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:35,779
wearing these around.
350
00:11:35,781 --> 00:11:38,015
You do. On work sites.
351
00:11:38,017 --> 00:11:41,185
I'd wear these anywhere.
Very cool.
352
00:11:41,187 --> 00:11:43,287
Respirator mask.
353
00:11:43,289 --> 00:11:45,456
You'll be kicking up
a lot of dust under the house.
354
00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:46,623
And hantavirus.
355
00:11:46,625 --> 00:11:48,292
Oh, check it out.
356
00:11:48,294 --> 00:11:50,794
"Ideal for working with lead,
asbestos, toxic dusts,
357
00:11:50,796 --> 00:11:53,030
"fiberglass,
ammonia, formaldehyde,
358
00:11:53,032 --> 00:11:56,133
certain acid gases,
and hantavirus."
359
00:11:56,135 --> 00:11:57,968
Boom! Nailed it again!
Really?
360
00:11:57,970 --> 00:11:58,969
No.
361
00:11:58,971 --> 00:12:00,304
Oh.
362
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:02,039
How are you fixed
for flashlights?
363
00:12:02,041 --> 00:12:03,474
Uh, I think I got one.
364
00:12:03,476 --> 00:12:05,376
You can never have
too many flashlights.
365
00:12:05,378 --> 00:12:06,710
Xenon.
366
00:12:06,712 --> 00:12:09,146
Practically see these
from outer space.
367
00:12:09,148 --> 00:12:10,814
Oh, that'll be good
368
00:12:10,816 --> 00:12:12,990
for when I need to signal
the aliens to pick me up.
369
00:12:15,153 --> 00:12:17,154
Anything else
I can help you with, fellas?
370
00:12:17,156 --> 00:12:21,325
Oh, you know, is there some sort
of special receptacle
371
00:12:21,327 --> 00:12:24,395
for the carcass
when I take it out?
372
00:12:31,169 --> 00:12:33,837
Right. Excellent. Okay.
373
00:12:33,839 --> 00:12:35,906
Oh, what is that?!
That's cool!
374
00:12:35,908 --> 00:12:37,241
Bug-zapper racket.
375
00:12:37,243 --> 00:12:38,242
No way!
376
00:12:38,244 --> 00:12:39,510
This place is awesome!
377
00:12:39,512 --> 00:12:41,011
Look at
all these possibilities.
378
00:12:41,013 --> 00:12:42,079
I'm already exhausted.
379
00:12:42,081 --> 00:12:43,414
Do we need anything else?
380
00:12:43,416 --> 00:12:45,015
Well, you know,
since my wife left,
381
00:12:45,017 --> 00:12:46,350
I kind of let things go.
382
00:12:46,352 --> 00:12:48,218
Maybe it's time to rebuild,
take charge.
383
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:49,253
Yes, absolutely.
384
00:12:49,255 --> 00:12:50,854
Look at this.
385
00:12:50,856 --> 00:12:52,523
You can replace the entire guts
of a toilet for $8.
386
00:12:52,525 --> 00:12:54,024
The toilet broken?
387
00:12:54,026 --> 00:12:55,859
No, man, but you got to
get a jump on this stuff.
388
00:12:55,861 --> 00:12:57,694
You got to do it
before it breaks.
389
00:12:57,696 --> 00:12:59,096
Garbage disposals.
390
00:12:59,098 --> 00:13:00,597
Look pretty badass.
391
00:13:00,599 --> 00:13:02,699
One horsepower.
Three grind stages.
392
00:13:02,701 --> 00:13:04,868
This stuff doesn't
just dispose of food.
393
00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:06,370
It eats and digests it.
394
00:13:06,372 --> 00:13:08,372
Yeah,
and check out that warranty.
395
00:13:08,374 --> 00:13:10,541
Yeah, it lasts
for as long as you live.
396
00:13:10,543 --> 00:13:11,942
Oh, nail gun!
397
00:13:11,944 --> 00:13:13,710
I've been needing
one of these forever.
398
00:13:13,712 --> 00:13:15,612
Everything
has to be re-nailed.
399
00:13:15,614 --> 00:13:17,548
Yeah, you know,
I could use one of those, too.
400
00:13:17,550 --> 00:13:19,049
No, don't get one.
401
00:13:19,051 --> 00:13:20,217
You can just use mine
when I'm not using it.
402
00:13:20,219 --> 00:13:21,418
Really?
403
00:13:21,420 --> 00:13:23,220
Thanks, Marc.
404
00:13:23,222 --> 00:13:24,755
Oh, a hummingbird feeder.
405
00:13:24,757 --> 00:13:26,557
Those are super easy
to put up.
406
00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:28,959
My father-in-law used to love
these things.
407
00:13:28,961 --> 00:13:30,627
My ex-father-in-law.
408
00:13:30,629 --> 00:13:32,963
He had a bunch hanging outside
the dining-room window
409
00:13:32,965 --> 00:13:35,065
so he could watch them
while he ate.
410
00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:36,800
I just heard he was dying.
411
00:13:38,403 --> 00:13:39,937
That guy treated me
like family.
412
00:13:39,939 --> 00:13:41,138
And then I repaid him
413
00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:44,074
by treating his daughter
like shit.
414
00:13:44,076 --> 00:13:45,909
I broke that guy's heart.
415
00:13:45,911 --> 00:13:48,579
I guess there's no fixing it,
right?
416
00:13:48,581 --> 00:13:51,114
That's sad, man.
417
00:13:51,116 --> 00:13:54,017
Can we just get back
to buying cool shit?
418
00:14:18,611 --> 00:14:20,110
We doing this?
419
00:14:20,112 --> 00:14:21,945
Yeah.
420
00:14:21,947 --> 00:14:24,281
I think we should get
something to eat first.
421
00:14:24,283 --> 00:14:25,616
Yeah. Tacos?
422
00:14:25,618 --> 00:14:27,684
Definitely. Yeah.
423
00:14:30,622 --> 00:14:33,457
Man, this hot sauce
is delicious.
424
00:14:33,459 --> 00:14:35,826
Yeah, I don't usually eat
this many carbs,
425
00:14:35,828 --> 00:14:40,531
but tomorrow's my cheat day,
so if I make today my cheat day,
426
00:14:40,533 --> 00:14:44,301
and then tomorrow, I'll just
have, like, legumes, Kale,
427
00:14:44,303 --> 00:14:45,836
I should be all right.
428
00:14:45,838 --> 00:14:48,472
I don't know
what any of that means.
429
00:14:48,474 --> 00:14:49,506
Oh, you will.
430
00:14:49,508 --> 00:14:51,975
Have a good one.
431
00:14:51,977 --> 00:14:53,977
Hey. Yeah, you too, man.
432
00:14:53,979 --> 00:14:54,978
Cool.
433
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:57,548
Work union!
434
00:15:06,525 --> 00:15:11,161
All right. All right.
It's time to do this.
435
00:15:13,332 --> 00:15:14,865
Wow. These gloves are nice.
436
00:15:14,867 --> 00:15:17,034
I've never felt so equipped
to do something
437
00:15:17,036 --> 00:15:18,702
in my entire life.
438
00:15:18,704 --> 00:15:22,239
You could almost wear these
in the snow.
439
00:15:22,241 --> 00:15:24,174
Let's go. Let's do this.
Let's get under there.
440
00:15:24,176 --> 00:15:27,344
Let's get
that rotting possum corpse.
441
00:15:28,681 --> 00:15:31,014
All right, I'm going.
442
00:15:31,016 --> 00:15:32,249
All right.
443
00:15:32,251 --> 00:15:35,018
I'm going.
444
00:15:42,195 --> 00:15:43,795
All right, we doing this?
445
00:15:43,797 --> 00:15:44,796
Let's do this.
446
00:15:44,798 --> 00:15:46,031
All right, all right.
447
00:15:46,033 --> 00:15:48,433
Easy.
448
00:15:51,804 --> 00:15:53,672
I'm going in.
449
00:15:53,674 --> 00:15:55,373
Whoa, Marc.
450
00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:57,475
I don't think your mask is on
tight enough, man.
451
00:15:57,477 --> 00:15:58,476
It's fine.
452
00:15:58,478 --> 00:15:59,477
Okay.
453
00:15:59,479 --> 00:16:01,479
Marc, I'm just saying,
454
00:16:01,481 --> 00:16:02,981
if that mask
is not sealed perfectly,
455
00:16:02,983 --> 00:16:04,316
there's a chance
you could die.
456
00:16:04,318 --> 00:16:06,051
I know. Hantavirus.
457
00:16:06,053 --> 00:16:08,053
Hantavirus, plague,
458
00:16:08,055 --> 00:16:10,522
asbestos poisoning,
mesothelioma.
459
00:16:10,524 --> 00:16:11,723
Whew.
460
00:16:11,725 --> 00:16:13,391
What happened
to "let's do this"?
461
00:16:13,393 --> 00:16:15,160
Look, I read on yahoo!
462
00:16:15,162 --> 00:16:17,362
This girl on vacation
in yosemite died of hantavirus.
463
00:16:17,364 --> 00:16:19,164
And she wasn't
in no crawl space.
464
00:16:19,166 --> 00:16:20,665
She was in a cabin.
465
00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:22,334
All right, fine. Fine.
466
00:16:22,336 --> 00:16:25,003
I'll do it
just so you'll shut up.
467
00:16:26,540 --> 00:16:28,039
Come on!
468
00:16:28,041 --> 00:16:29,341
Shit! Shit! Shit!
469
00:16:29,343 --> 00:16:31,209
I hate this shit! Shit!
470
00:16:31,211 --> 00:16:32,510
Whoa. You're freaking out.
471
00:16:32,512 --> 00:16:34,346
No shit!
Why can't I do this?!
472
00:16:34,348 --> 00:16:36,014
Every other guy can do this!
473
00:16:36,016 --> 00:16:37,349
It's my dad's fault!
474
00:16:37,351 --> 00:16:38,850
Ne never showed me
how to do this stuff.
475
00:16:38,852 --> 00:16:40,518
He never showed me
how to throw a football.
476
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,853
We never went camping.
477
00:16:41,855 --> 00:16:43,255
I can't fix anything.
478
00:16:43,257 --> 00:16:45,857
He was supposed to be around
when I was a kid.
479
00:16:45,859 --> 00:16:48,693
He was supposed to show me
how to do this crap.
480
00:16:48,695 --> 00:16:51,529
And then he just...
He just left,
481
00:16:51,531 --> 00:16:55,033
with no explanation,
no apologies, nothing.
482
00:16:55,035 --> 00:16:56,368
It was neglect, man.
483
00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:58,036
It was neglect and abuse.
484
00:16:58,038 --> 00:16:59,938
I was molested
at sleep-away camp!
485
00:17:02,241 --> 00:17:03,241
What?
486
00:17:03,243 --> 00:17:04,709
I'm sorry.
487
00:17:04,711 --> 00:17:06,211
I didn't mean
for that to come out.
488
00:17:06,213 --> 00:17:07,779
I think I got caught up
in your energy,
489
00:17:07,781 --> 00:17:09,381
and then it just...
490
00:17:09,383 --> 00:17:12,217
I don't think I've ever
said that out loud before.
491
00:17:12,219 --> 00:17:15,220
Y-you want to talk about it?
492
00:17:15,222 --> 00:17:17,255
No.
493
00:17:17,257 --> 00:17:19,557
You sure? I'm here for you.
494
00:17:19,559 --> 00:17:21,393
Yeah, no, I think it's a
sit-down conversation problem.
495
00:17:21,395 --> 00:17:24,362
Yeah, yeah, it's definitely
a sit-down conversation.
496
00:17:25,898 --> 00:17:28,266
All right,
let's... let's get back to this.
497
00:17:28,268 --> 00:17:29,901
Let's... let's focus.
498
00:17:29,903 --> 00:17:32,070
We're gonna get the possum
for both of us.
499
00:17:32,072 --> 00:17:33,905
Yeah, get that goddamn thing,
Marc.
500
00:17:33,907 --> 00:17:35,073
I will, buddy.
501
00:17:35,075 --> 00:17:35,907
And beat the shit out of it.
502
00:17:35,909 --> 00:17:37,442
That's a little weird.
503
00:17:37,444 --> 00:17:39,477
Sorry. I'm the stupidest.
504
00:18:00,599 --> 00:18:04,336
Mr. Marc! Mr. Marc!
505
00:18:13,279 --> 00:18:14,446
Jose Luis.
506
00:18:14,448 --> 00:18:16,281
You got my message.
507
00:18:16,283 --> 00:18:18,450
Your phone machine's
screwed up, buddy.
508
00:18:18,452 --> 00:18:19,784
You needed me?
509
00:18:19,786 --> 00:18:21,119
Yeah.
510
00:18:21,121 --> 00:18:22,954
There's a dead possum
under the house.
511
00:18:22,956 --> 00:18:25,790
Oh, no problem.
I get it for you.
512
00:18:25,792 --> 00:18:28,827
Oh, cool.
513
00:18:28,829 --> 00:18:30,829
Hey... hey, you know what?
514
00:18:30,831 --> 00:18:33,798
It's a three-man job.
We'll do it together.
515
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:37,202
Ah, it's okay.
It's a one-man job.
516
00:18:40,639 --> 00:18:41,639
Here you go.
517
00:18:41,641 --> 00:18:45,276
It's okay.
518
00:18:56,822 --> 00:18:59,724
So, this thing at camp...
519
00:18:59,726 --> 00:19:02,861
It was a fondling situation.
520
00:19:02,863 --> 00:19:04,863
I was 8.
521
00:19:04,865 --> 00:19:09,167
He was 6.
522
00:19:09,169 --> 00:19:10,668
Did you resist it?
523
00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:14,005
No.
524
00:19:14,007 --> 00:19:16,374
It just sounds like
a couple of kids being curious.
525
00:19:16,376 --> 00:19:19,210
You know,
it happens to everybody.
526
00:19:19,212 --> 00:19:21,212
Really?
527
00:19:21,214 --> 00:19:24,349
I never thought about it
that way.
528
00:19:24,351 --> 00:19:27,352
What a relief.
529
00:19:27,354 --> 00:19:30,922
What about the counselor
that was watching us?
530
00:19:33,225 --> 00:19:34,592
I got it.
531
00:19:53,579 --> 00:19:56,214
Look, folks, I'm not
an Alpha male, all right?
532
00:19:56,216 --> 00:19:58,416
I act like one sometimes,
but I know I'm not a real one,
533
00:19:58,418 --> 00:20:00,051
and the way I know that is,
534
00:20:00,053 --> 00:20:03,054
if I ever lock eyes with
a real Alpha male, they know.
535
00:20:03,056 --> 00:20:05,056
They're like, "say hi
to the little girl in there,"
536
00:20:05,058 --> 00:20:07,392
and I'm like,
"oh, no. They saw you."
537
00:20:07,394 --> 00:20:10,762
Look, I think all men
have a girl inside of them.
538
00:20:10,764 --> 00:20:13,398
You just don't want her
to come out at the wrong time.
539
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,900
I know I've got one in there.
I know she's a bitch.
540
00:20:15,902 --> 00:20:18,069
I'm starting to think
she has an eating disorder.
541
00:20:18,071 --> 00:20:19,904
And her name's Jill.
542
00:20:19,906 --> 00:20:21,940
All right,
but t-that's my issue.
543
00:20:21,942 --> 00:20:24,409
The bottom line is,
no matter who you are,
544
00:20:24,411 --> 00:20:26,778
you're gonna be defined
by your actions.
545
00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:30,515
And sometimes
you just got to man up.
546
00:20:46,265 --> 00:20:50,168
I'm so sorry.
547
00:21:27,340 --> 00:21:30,843
All right,
let's do this, birds.
548
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,800
Sub by mercurian2007
Synced and corrected by santibone www.Addic7ed.com
549
00:21:35,850 --> 00:21:40,400
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