All language subtitles for Lovejoy s05e13 The Price Of Fish.eng

(Birdsong)

(♪ Loud music)

O, how much more
doth beauty beauteous seem,

by that sweet ornament
which truth doth give?

The rose looks fair,
but fairer we it deem,

for that sweet odour
which doth in it live.

That's not bad that.

Tink, is it, hm?

Not bad at all.

Right. It wouldn't fool an expert,

but, er, you never know when a sonnet
by Shakespeare might come in useful.

(Horn)

Afternoon, Milady.

Is he here and is he ready or neither?

Both.

Dinner jacket?

- Where you two going?
- It's a secret, Tink.

Lovejoy,
you hold no secrets from me.

I meant it's a secret from me, Tink.

Drive on, ma'am.

He won't be a problem, will he, Charlie?

Lovejoy?

A mere bagatelle, my dear Magnus,
a mere bagatelle.

So, tell me about Henrietta Horsham.

Known as Hattie.

You'll adore her, Lovejoy.

She was captain of the lacrosse team,
after all.

Oh, then, we'll get on famously.

Hattie and her father, Peter,
live in a nice little house in the country...

...with Hattie's granny, Mabel,
who's about 400 years old and indestructible.

There's a fabulous longcase clock that
Peter wants to show you. His pride and joy.

- Then they're expecting me?
- They're all expecting you, Lovejoy.

Yeah... That's a nice little house.

Chas, darling!

Hattie, darling

- It's been yonks.
- Ages.

Is that him?

Lovejoy?

- Yeah?
- Meet Hattie.

Hello, Hattie.

Lovejoy, thrilled. Ever so.

Come, meet Papa.

Papa.

Papa, you remember Charlotte.

My dear.

Peter, how lovely to see you again.
You do look well.

Don't be polite, charlotte, I look dreadful.

- And Lovejoy.
- How do you do, Mr. Lovejoy?

No mister, Papa, just Lovejoy.

- Peter Horsham.
- Oh, Peter, please.

I'll show you to your rooms.

That's a...

Chas, this is your room.

Lovejoy, you're next door.

Divine to see you both.
Dinner in an hour.

(Knocks on door)

It's me.

Masters of discretion, the Victorians.

As is your friend Hattie,

who I'm growing fonder of by the minute.

Now I want to show you something.

Oh, yes!

What a fabulous bed!

Whose is it - Granny's?

Queen Victoria's.

She used to stay for the odd weekend.

Oh, so they let visitors use it, do they?

Hm?

See you at dinner.

Beautiful house.

About to be wined and dined.

Bedrooms with interconnecting doors.

What more could you ask
for a romantic weekend?

She planned this really well.

Lovejoy?

Lovely figures around here, Charlotte.

Who are all these people?

Husbands... and boyfriends.

Whose husbands and boyfriends?

The class of '73.

Charterslee School for Girls.

You just brought me here to parade me
in front of all your lacrosse friends, didn't you?

You flatter yourself, Lovejoy.

I brought you here to look at the clock.

Charlotte?

Samantha!

Hello, darling. How... are you?

- Very well, and you?
- You look lovely. Yes, I'm fine.

Is that your husband?

No, no! (Laughs)

No, this is Lovejoy.

- A friend?
- Yes, a friend.

Hello, I'm Samantha... Drake-Pemberton.
Single.

(Man) Dinner is served.

So, Lovejoy,
was your family ever in tea?

Sorry, I didn't quite catch that?

I was merely inquiring, Lovejoy,
whether your family was ever in tea?

Drank it, never in it.

Lovejoy, I've been dying
for you to tell all the girls your little secret.

What's it really like to be sent to prison?

Was it, um... very rough?

Well, at times,

but, you soon learn a thing or two
when you share a cell with a tattooed biker,

- called Mavis.
- (Laughs)

What?

You certainly captured your audience.

- What're you talking about?
- Fibber!

Fibber?

Charlotte, what do you mean?

Since when was open prison
worse than a convict ship to Australia?

- Well, this is me.
- This is me.

Ah!

- A fabulous evening, eh, Timmy?
- Mm.

- Well, good night, Charlotte.
- Good night.

- Sleep well.
- And you.

(Laughs)

Hello, Lovejoy.

Oh, great minds think alike, eh?

I, er... take it you're alone?

(Lovejoy) I find you very attractive, I really do,
but I don't...

- Samantha?
- (Samantha laughs)

But you...
Samantha, you're not being fair.

You're really not. Now look...

- What if I was antique?
- Not at all.

- These walls are terribly thin.
- Make me.

I'll look you up when I'm in London.
I promise, honestly, Samantha.

Please, good night.

Bye.

Whoo!

Charlotte?

Charlotte?

(Knocks) It's me.

- (Sighs)
- Charlotte?

This is an 18th century Sevres vase, 1772,
painted in the Rococo taste of...

Excuse me,
could you tell me where the bathroom is?

Ah, first on the right.

Thank you. Excuse me.

Bye, thank you.

- Bye! Morning, Charlotte, sleep well?
- Shouldn't I have done?

Funny thing happened
on my way to the bathroom.

Not interested.

I didn't realize this place was owned

- by the Suffolk Heritage Trust.
- Really? Something you didn't know?

I think we should start again, don't you?
I'll try it again.

Bye. Good morning Charlotte, sleep well?
Well, I don't know, Lovejoy.

How did you sleep?
Well, I didn't sleep too badly considering...

You never took my card, Lovejoy.

Bye, darling. Lovely to see you.
Be good.

See you in another ten years, Samantha.

- Charlotte, you don't think anything...
- I don't really...

Daddy's dying to show you his clock.

18th century longcase. It's beautiful.

When my wife died five years ago,
we sold up to the Suffolk Heritage Trust,

but we couldn't bring ourselves
to let that go.

It's been in the family for 200 years.

But now you're curious
to find out how much it's worth?

More than curious.

I've now decided to sell it.

Well, it's only a piece of furniture, isn't it?

The truth is, Lovejoy, we're flat broke.

- Hattie!
- We're amongst friends, papa.

I'm afraid we owe rather a lot of money
to the tax man.

How much do you need?

20,000 would enable us
to stay in this house a few years longer.

At least it would see my mother out.

Mabel Horsham, my mother.

18th century longcase,

a Dutch marquetry longcase.

Well, Peter, it's not worth £20,000.

Sorry about that.
Nowhere near, in fact.

There's some extra holes up here...

which is where the original movement
would've been attached.

And, see down here, these scrapings
have been made by this pendulum,

but there's another set below,

which means... the casing's original,
the works ain't.

What is it worth, then?

- About eight thousand pounds.
- Oh, dear.

Anything else you can sell?

Only the clothes I stand up in.

As I said, we sold almost everything.

These are nice.

Those were made specially
for my grandfather.

We were each of us left a set,
my brothers and I.

Victorian enamel.

Worth about £1,500.

Oh.

This... This fish could be worth a few thousand,
you know.

(Laughs) You're joking! That old thing?

Just last year a plaster cast
of a Scottish salmon was sold for £7,000.

Mind you, it was a prize catch
with a known history.

Oh, but so is that, Lovejoy.

Our friend was an extremely notorious fish.

He was landed in 1917.

And do you know who by?

My mother, Mabel Horsham.

Morning. Good morning.

Lovejoy not about then?

Well, give him that for me, would you, Tinker,
there's a good chap.

Oh, give him that, there's a good chap.

And I wouldn't hang about
while he's opening it, if I were you.

(Kettle whistling)

Beth, what you doing?

17-year-old Miss Mabel Barraclough
with her prize catch.

Measuring three foot nine
and weighing 47 pounds,

the pike was later discovered
to have swallowed a bracelet,

that allegedly belonged to the famous dancer,
Miss Isadora Duncan.

That makes our friend here a celebrity fish.

Now, if we can prove this story,
we may be in business.

Do we know who stuffed this?

H. Linklater, Ipswich.

Ah, shame it wasn't W.F. Homer.

He was a famous fish taxidermist.

Famous for bending the glass
right round the corners.

Um, what're you trying to say, Lovejoy?

What I'm saying is,
I don't know much about stuffing fish.

Are you sure you want to sell this, Peter?

I'd rather you asked Mabel that.

Barraclough Hall, Barraclough, Norfolk.
Simple enough.

Kate Henshal, you are a peach. Bye-bye.

News of this magnitude
must be delivered in person.

- Well then.
- No, Beth, you stay behind,

clean up after our handiwork,

and whatever you do,
don't let Charlie back in.

Oh, yes, Isadora... Miss Duncan,
she was a frequent visitor.

She wasn't what one called a beauty,

but when she danced,

oh, what grace was there.

Was she dancing by the lake
when the bracelet fell in?

(Laughs) No, she was having
a furious argument with a young gentleman,

and threw the bracelet he'd given her
into the water,

but she was most grateful
when the bracelet reappeared,

and father returned it to her.

She was always broke, poor girl.

Did you catch that enormous pike
all by yourself, Mrs. Horsham?

I most certainly did, young man.
Hook, line and sinker.

But you may dispose of it
on Peter's behalf, if you wish.

- Lovejoy?
- Excuse me.

- Tink!
- Love letter from Charlie Gimbert.

This isn't gonna make my weekend, is it?

No, it's not, it's an eviction notice.

Good afternoon, ma'am.

Well, he's been very generous, he's given me
till noon next Friday to find a new home.

Come on, Tink, let's sort this out.
Goodbye, ladies.

Talk to you later.
I'll call you, Charlotte.

Bye, Hattie, bye, Mrs. Horsham.

It's not the Middle Ages, Lovejoy.
Tenants do have rights.

Yeah, tenants do have rights.
Trouble is, I'm not a tenant.

Eh?

There's no written agreement, Tink.

But you pay rent.

Cash in hand.

Gentlemen's agreement.

You made a gentlemen's agreement
with Charlie Gimbert?

- You're going soft in your old age.
- I know, I know.

Of course, the committee
would never have the audacity

to assume your interest in the cause,
Mr. Gimbert,

but, erm, Lady Felsham always found herself
able to provide space for the occasion,

and, um, a little something
to kick off the fund with.

And what would be a little something?

Two thousand.

(Car approaching)

Excuse me, please.

One thousand?

Lovejoy, thank God you've arrived.

What are you up to, Charlie?

You will not credit what's going on in there.

Not only do they want to
turn it into Alton Towers for a day,

they're demanding that I give them £2,000
to supervise their launching fund.

Good, well, I want you to take back
this eviction notice.

I'm sick to death of being taken
as a soft touch

for every bleeding heart Liberal
good cause that gets invented,

and I've had more than I can take of,

"Lady Felsham gave this"
and "Lady Felsham gave that".

Go and bloody well ask Lady Felsham then!

- What are you talking about, Charlie?
- Look, this is why I'm selling Felsham Hall.

You see? I've had enough!

I no longer want to be lord of the manor.
I've had enough.

Oh, it was fun for while, while it lasted.

But not any more, oh, no.
No, no, come Friday, midday,

they'll be in here, the prospective buyers,
measuring up, that sort of thing.

You will be gone by then,
won't you, Lovejoy?

Bless you, because I don't want this
to become a thing between us.

I don't want this to split us up in any way.
Oh no, oh no.

Oh, well, once more into the fray.

- What if...
- Yeah?

- No.
- Go on.

- No.
- Go on.

No, no, it would require
acts of arson and kidnapping.

Maybe not then.

- How about we...
- Just a sec, Beth.

Tinker,
Charlie mentioned buyers, didn't he?

Buyers, which means groups, maybe
business consortiums. What else did he say?

- Friday, measuring up, that sort of thing.
- Measuring up, that sort of thing.

Buyers measuring up indicates changes.
What do changes require?

Planning permission.

Where does one find out
about planning permission?

Public Records office at Kiverton.

And who's got a friend
in the Public Records office in Kiverton?

- I have.
- You have.

Selling Felsham Hall?

Yeah.

- That's appalling.
- Isn't it?

Anyway, there's nothing I can do about it
till Monday, so I thought I'd pop back.

I wouldn't bother.
Sunday's spoiled already.

Spoiled - who spoiled it?

Oh, you mean apart from inviting Samantha
into your room?

She barged her way in
and I barged her out again.

- 0h, really?
- Yes, really.

Anyway, I've gotta come back
and collect the fish and my evening suit.

- Not necessarily in that order.
- Don't bother.

I'll bring them both to Linklater's tomorrow.
See you there, 11 o'clock sharp.

Treat them mean.

And then of course, there was the dancing.
Pity you missed it, Lovejoy.

- (Bell)
- Dancing? Nah, don't believe it.

Some of this lot have got more life
than your old school chums.

Shop!

Yes?

One of yours?

My grandfather stuffed all sorts,

from aardvarks to zebras.

But with fish, he would rather make
a plaster cast or even a wood carving.

Stuffing a fellow of this size
was no mean feat, I can assure you.

Of course, you don't get fish of this size
these days, do you?

Not with all this pollution about.

Mr. Linklater, do you have any proof
that this fish is who it says it is?

Um...

perhaps I could leave you my number?

- Then if you find anything...
- Here it is.

July 15th, 1917, Miss Mabel Barraclough,
Barraclough Hall, Suffolk.

To stuff and mount said pike,
two pounds thirteen and sixpence.

She's a lovely girl, I'll say that.

- What's that?
- Pretty figure.

How much do you want for her?

I don't want money, Lawrence.

Don't be ridiculous,
you always want money.

Well, if you insist, but...
what I really want is information.

- Oh.
- Publicly available information, I hasten to add.

But I need it in a hurry
which is why I brought erm...

erm...

Bribe is the word you're after, Tinker.

Ferocious looking chap, eh?

What do you think, Miss Frobisher?

We do have the provenance, don't we?

Newspaper article, taxidermist's records.

I don't see why Mr. Pike. Here

can't fetch something in the region of
two and half, even three thou.

We'll find out soon enough.

The next sale's the day after tomorrow.

I'll be there.
I need to make a phone call.

Pay phone in the corridor.

Excuse me.

- Here are some pictures for reference.
- Ah!

Do try and bring him in as early as poss,
won't you.

Our regulars like to have a thorough browse and
probe before the off.

Don't worry, Lovejoy doesn't mind
the occasional early start.

- Oh, actually, I was referring to the fish.
- Oh!

A health farm?

Yes.
Can you imagine anything more frightful?

Compulsory exercises,
no booze and salads.

Yes, I can, but I didn't pay 500 quid a week
for the privilege.

Wonder how Charlie got involved in this?

He patronizes
one of the dreadful places himself.

It's called The Ferns.

Tinker, what would I do without you?

Oh.

Is Charlie just gonna sell Felsham Hall

or is he going in the health farm...

Oh!

Hello.

Love letters?

"My dearest darling Mabel,

"it seems a lifetime since we were together
in each other's arms,

"and my heart aches more with each slow
passing day that I cannot be with you.

"I can neither sleep nor wake without your
pretty face appearing like a vision before me,

"but let us see each other soon, my sweet,
I beg you,

"or else my heart should break
with missing you.

"Your ever loving devoted Billy."

"My dearest darling Mabel,

"my beloved and most cherished angel, your
letter has filled me with the most terrible fear.

"Do you really think we ought
never to meet again as you say?

"Why must we allow the opinions of others
to destroy our future?

"Write soon, I beg you,
your ever loving Billy."

Perhaps she never saw him again.

- Mm.
- You're crying.

I'm not crying.

Yes, you are,
there's distinct moisture around your eyes.

- I'm not crying. Don't be ridiculous.
- You are. You're crying.

I'm not crying, but if I was,
would that be so terrible?

We're all scared to show our emotions.
That's the trouble with today's world.

Oh, I see, you're admitting it,
you are crying.

That's not what I said.

If I was crying, I would admit it,

but in this particular instance, Charlotte...

Oh, for goodness' sake!

I wasn't crying.

So, this is where Charlie goes, is it, Tink?

And it's his name on the planning application
to make changes to Felsham Hall,

along with this Magnus?

Magnus McNulty, whoever he is.

He's probably got something to do with
The Ferns.

Charlie goes here.

Magnus must go here.

I think it's time you went here, Tink.

- Me?!
- Mm.

I'll go with you, it'll be fun.

Fun?!
Why don't you go?

I've gotta see a man about a fish.

Ah!

No, no! We do this properly or not at all.

Come on.

Good morning.

Major Dill, I presume.

- And this must be...
- My...

- Niece.
...niece.

Of course.
Welcome to The Ferns.

There's nothing to be frightened of.

Do you think I could have
a medicinal sherry?

(Laughs)

"With what mingled joy and sorrow
do I take up the pen

"to write to my dearest friend."

Hello, Hattie.

You remember Lovejoy, grandmamma.

Of course I do, dear girl.
I'm not senile.

Mrs. Horsham.

Would you read to me, Lovejoy?

A change of voice would be refreshing.

Would you? I've masses to do.

It'll be a pleasure.

Thank you.

The pike!

I'd forgotten.

He was a gentleman, was Billy.

Not by birth, but by demeanor.

He was a good worker too,
on the estate.

But he was dismissed,
along with his father,

when our... liaison was discovered.

My family...
my family disapproved most strongly.

You see, Billy and I
came from different worlds.

It would never have worked out between us.

So, I had to turn my back on him.

Do you know what happened to him?

What happened to the seed of Europe?

I'm told he received his papers
soon after his last letter to me,

to which I never replied.

He died at Passchendaele.

I've no regrets about Billy and me.

In life you have to seize the moment,
Lovejoy.

Death doesn't wait for the timid.

This is where we caught the pike.

We?

Billy and me.

You don't think I could've caught that monster
all by myself, do you?

Would you mind?

No.

No, I'd be... delighted.

"My darling Mabel..."

- Ow!
- Ah, there you are, Major Dill.

I've had your doctor on the phone and he has
advised me that under no circumstances

are we to allow you to eat anything other
than bulgur wheat and root vegetables.

My doctor?

- Dr. Lovejoy.
- (Laughs)

Miss Whittaker,
does Charlie Gimbert stay here often?

Why, yes, do you know him?

Oh, no, he's a friend of Uncle's.

Oh, and another member -

Mcneil... Mc... Mcsomething.

Magnus McNulty? (Laughs)

Magnus isn't a member,
he works here.

He's the membership
and accounts administrator.

Charming man, Mr. Gimbert.

I didn't know you were acquainted.

I'll let you have a double helping
of live yoghurt for breakfast, Major Dill.

(Dog barking)

(Beeps horn)

Charlotte! Charlotte!

(Knock on door)

Come in, Beth.

Charlotte?

Charlotte, I've been thinking...
about you and me.

Seize the moment.
That's what Mabel says.

Death doesn't wait for the timid.
And she's right, she's absolutely right.

She and Billy had to go for it.

Six weeks later he was dead,
wasn't he?

Planning on going to war, Lovejoy?

Charlotte,
you know what I'm trying to say.

I'm not sure
that I want to get involved with you.

The second time
is more significant than the first,

and if we sleep together again,

it must mean that we both really mean it,

- and I'm not sure that you really mean it.
- Oh, I do. I really do.

Why don't you get in the truck and I'll give you
a lift home? You must be exhausted.

Charlotte!

Charlotte!

Charlotte! Get that...

(Beeps horn)

O, how much more doth beauty
beauteous seem,

by that sweet ornament
which truth doth give?

The rose looks fair, but fairer we it deem
for that sweet odour which doth in it live.

(Laughs)

Shakespeare wrote that.

I know Shakespeare wrote that.

Oh, no... Shakespeare wrote that.

You mean?

It's for you, Shelia.

Oh, Tinker...

(Phone)

Major Dill's suite.

I'm awfully sorry, you'll have to tell him
that Major Dill is dead.

- My doctor.
- (Laughs)

(Bangs gavel)

£350 for this fine Silex reel. Thank you.

Next, lot 18.

It's a beautiful example
of a Linklater glass-fronted case...

Some of these punters
were showing serious interest, so...

Let's hope.

...start the bidding for this splendid fellow.

Can I say two thousand pounds?

I'm in your hands, ladies and gentlemen.

One thousand pounds?

500?

Thank you, sir. It's a low bid,
but it's a start. Thank you.

550?

550 to the lady with the beads.

Any advance on 550? 600?

Didn't even make its reserve.

Sorry, Peter.
Leave it with me, eh?

No, Lovejoy, you've done enough.

No, I'll make this work.

Sorry, Hattie.

Thanks for trying, Lovejoy.

Dr. Lovejoy.

You're looking very healthy
for a corpse, Tink.

Never better, old bean.

So, there's a lot to be said
for the right food and exercise, eh?

Oh, volumes, old chap, volumes.
Been fishing?

- So talk to me.
- You were right.

McNulty and Charlie want to turn
Felsham Hall into a health farm.

The financial backing is all in place.

For Felsham Hall,
Charlie gets two million quid,

shares in the company
and a seat on the board.

Figured.

We've got two days
to scare these buyers off, right.

By the way, our little stay at The Ferns
didn't cost a penny.

It's amazing what you can buy
with a Shakespearian sonnet.

I want you to see your friend Lawrence again,
Tink.

I want him to find out if a town or village
ever stood on this land,

and if that town or village
was ever granted rights

which might've fallen out of use over the years,
rights which might be revived, you know.

Odds are about a thousand to one against.

Let's cut those odds, let's make that description
fit any village anywhere in Suffolk.

Hm?

(Man) Mr. Loveboy, I've found something
might interest you.

0h, Linklater here, by the way.

It's another fish.

I mean, the same fish.

My grandfather did a wood carving
of that same pike you brought in

for a Mr. William Jones.

(Beep)

- (Beeping)
- Billy.

Grandfather must've done the wood carving
a few weeks later.

He wouldn't have had the fish.
He carved it from memory, right?

Right, which is why it's worth more,
of course.

If the two fish
could be sold together as a pair,

that would be a real collector's item.

William Jones, 51 Fleet Road, Colchester.

You're talking
about a priceless historical document.

You um... only wanna take some photos,
that right?

And there's nothing illegal you got in mind?

You see, what you don't understand
about women, Lovejoy,

is that we assume men are insincere
until they're proven otherwise.

For men, though, it's the other way round.

That's a very cynical view, Beth.
I mean, I don't...

Hello?

Hello, is that a Mr. F.P. Jones?

Good. You don't know me,

but I'm trying to trace the descendants
of a Mr. William Jones,

also known as Billy, who died in 1917.

You're not,
well, sorry to have troubled you.

Thank you.

Why couldn't this fella have been called
Fazackerley Curmudgely or something,

instead of Jones, eh?

(Clock chimes)

Oh, hello. Good morning.

Is that Hill & Harvey, Removals?

Yes.

Is that Leslie Jones I'm speaking to?

Oh, it's not.
Well, I'm terribly sorry to have disturbed you.

- Lovejoy?
- Yeah?

Great Moxford.

I've never heard of it.

Precisely.

In the early 1600s, the whole village of
Great Moxford was wiped out by the plague.

But fortunately, the village records survived
in the archives at Kiverton,

where they've been under a pile of dust
and rubbish for 300 years.

- Until today, that is.
- But look, this is even better.

Back in the 12th century, Great Moxford
did loyally serve both king and country

by providing a body of armed men
to participate in the taking of Jerusalem,

for which service
the village was awarded a royal charter,

granted by Richard the Lionheart,
in perpetuity.

That means forever.
Wash your hands, there's work to do,

and we've only got 24 hours.

Oh.

I was just passing and wondered
if you were up for a spot of lunch.

Well, that's very sweet.

I was just thinking of passing your place.
Unfortunately, you don't have time for lunch.

You've got to visit
every antique shop in Colchester,

and find out if they've bought or sold
a wooden carving of a prize pike.

- Me?
- Mm-hm.

On my own?

- Every one?
- Every one.

(Sighs) Can't you come with me?

No.

No! Because as much sympathy as I have
with the plight of the homeless,

I have no intention of experiencing it
at firsthand.

And besides, these people we're helping,
are your friends. See you later.

(Bell)

I tell you what you could try.

There's an angler's association in town,

and they quite often buy up
fishing memorabilia.

It's a bit of a long shot, I know, but...

Don't worry...

I'm used to those.

- Beth.
- (Phone)

- Here you go.
- Ta.

Careful. Tink.

Lovejoy Antiques.

Oh, hang on a minute.

- Charlotte, for you.
- Hi.

You need to see a Ted Forbes
of 84 Amber Road, Colchester.

Phone me when you've checked him out.

I'm going home, Lovejoy.

You'll have to check him out yourself.

- Mr. Forbes?
- Yes.

My name's Lovejoy.
I'm on a most unusual search.

I'd never sell it.

I know he's an ugly old brute, but he was
given to my late wife by her uncle, you see.

As a wedding present, would you believe.

(Both laugh)

Perhaps you'd like to buy the stuffed original.
They'd make a lovely pair.

- Buy the original?
- Mm.

- On a state pension?
- (Both laugh)

D'you think your late wife's uncle would've
known the fella who caught this fish originally -

Billy Jones?

My wife's uncle and Billy Jones
are one and the same chap.

Ah.

Billy Jones died at Passchendaele in 1917.

Whoever told you that?

Uncle Billy... Visitor.

I have a story to tell you of love and sacrifice
and... (Sniffs)... passion and...

Oh, I'd be fascinated to hear that story, Lovejoy,

as I would be to know why you're carrying
what looks like a baby shark

- nailed to a piece of wood.
- This baby shark, as you put it...

However, I imagine you're going to be
rather busy this evening, Lovejoy.

I mean, packing. The time now being
eight o'clock on a Thursday evening,

leaving you precisely 16 hours

to remove every last vestige
of your nefarious existence from my property.

Tinker.

Beth.

As fast as your wretched little legs
will carry you, thank you so much.

Did he see?

No.

How's it going, Beth?

Well, it's gonna take all night, I think.

So, it takes all night.

Tink, I want you to go down the Half Moon
and give everybody we know a tenner,

in return for a small favor.

- Morning.
- Oh, Hill & Harvey.

Yeah, very reputable firm.

- You are Lovejoy?
- Yeah.

Well, it's today you're moving.

No, it's not, but I'd hate to see you
go away empty-handed.

Oh, cheers, guv.

Beauty is truth.

Truth, beauty.

Morning, Beth.

(Beeps horn)

Good morning, Charlie.

In half an hour, you're gonna be
trespassing on the premises...

Felsham Hall Health Resort
non-executive director, C. Gimbert.

How did you know that?

If you're trying to pull some stunt here,
you better think again...

Are these friends of yours?

Magnus, my old friend.

Morning, Charlie.

You must be Mr. McNulty.

And you must be Lovejoy.

- All set?
- Yes, all set.

This way, gentlemen.
Let's try the main house first.

- Are you interested in history, Mr. McNulty?
- As it happens, yes.

Oh, I've got something here
that'll grab you, then.

Really, we must press on, Magnus.

A royal charter

granted to the village of Great Moxford

for services rendered to the crown.

Great Moxford?
What's Great Moxford?

Great Moxford?

Great Moxford is the village

that used to stand on the very ground
that we're standing on now.

What kind of royal charter?

- Magnus...
- It's a royal charter... Excuse me, Charlie.

...a royal charter
granted by Richard the Lionheart

to the said village, and its descendants,
in perpetuity, to exercise their rights.

Rights? What rights?
What are you talking about, Lovejoy?

To exercise their rights to hold a market
every second Friday in the month.

(Sheep bleating)

Sheep market.

Great Moxford Sheep Market.

We can't have this!

Why didn't you warn me?

Because it's not true,
because he's just invented it!

Because he's a liar and a fraud,
and this document is a forgery.

Doesn't look like a forgery to me.

Forgery!

See?

The original is in the public records office
in Kiverton, Mr. McNulty. See for yourself.

Why didn't you tell me about this,
you stupid man?

I love the sheep, where did you find them?

Don't even ask.

That's that. Come on.

Got some fish to deliver.

Uh-oh. My friend Sheila.

I really can explain, Sheila.

When I gave you that Shakespeare sonnet,
I really didn't know it was forged.

Of course you did, Tinker, and so did I,

but I wasn't gonna let that spoil
a perfectly good evening.

Tink... Shall we go?

- Shall we go?
- Oh, why not?

What's this?

Something's come up.

Back trouble.

A rather respectable young man
that's has taken a bit of a shine to my niece.

- Niece?
- (Bleating)

- Hello, Sheila. I'm Lovejoy, by the way.
- Hello.

Goodbye, Charlie!

(Tinker) Bye, Charlie.
(Sheila) Bye, Charlie.

It's a work of art.

And worth between ten and fifteen thousand
as a pair.

And Billy insists you have it... as a gift.

I couldn't possibly accept, Lovejoy.

For Mabel.

Incredible!

I never heard of him till half an hour ago.

All these years
and she never mentioned him.

Well, perhaps she thought
you'd think less of her,

if she once loved somebody
other than your father.

He let her think
he'd been killed in the trenches...

...so she could get on with her life.

Did he ever marry?

Never too late.

I insist that you all stay
as my guests for dinner,

and for the night, if you wish.

On one condition.

(Speaks Japanese)

(Speaks Japanese)

(All gasp)

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