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1
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(Man) ♪ And I can't swim over
2
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♪ And neither have I wings to fly
3
00:01:02,909 --> 00:01:08,370
♪ If I could find me a handy boatman
4
00:01:08,414 --> 00:01:12,510
♪ To ferry me over to my love and die ♪
5
00:01:12,552 --> 00:01:16,886
- Morning, Beau.
- Hiya, Rachel. Grub?
6
00:01:16,923 --> 00:01:18,720
I'll bring it up.
7
00:01:21,661 --> 00:01:23,856
Ooh!
8
00:01:23,897 --> 00:01:26,365
- I've got you some beer.
- Thanks.
9
00:01:29,969 --> 00:01:32,494
Just look at the state of you.
10
00:01:47,186 --> 00:01:49,620
- Very hot.
- I've been working.
11
00:01:58,264 --> 00:02:00,664
I think you should take a break.
12
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,691
I need it.
13
00:02:06,472 --> 00:02:08,963
What? What happened?
14
00:02:09,008 --> 00:02:10,999
The earth moved, I think.
15
00:02:39,572 --> 00:02:43,702
- What is it?
- I've got no idea. It's worth finding out.
16
00:02:50,783 --> 00:02:55,277
Won't be a tick, Lovejoy.
Need a present for Wilfred and Daphne.
17
00:02:55,321 --> 00:02:57,016
Azi Kumar is a grocer.
18
00:02:57,056 --> 00:02:59,786
The man's an absolute marvel.
Sells everything.
19
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,790
Oh, well, ask the marvel
20
00:03:02,829 --> 00:03:06,560
if he's got a pair
of four-inch number eight coach bolts,
21
00:03:06,599 --> 00:03:09,124
with square heads and octagonal nuts.
22
00:03:09,168 --> 00:03:11,159
Right.
23
00:03:13,473 --> 00:03:16,067
Personally, I've never heard of them.
24
00:03:16,109 --> 00:03:18,043
How do, Lovejoy.
25
00:03:18,077 --> 00:03:20,170
Morning, memsahib. How goes it?
26
00:03:20,213 --> 00:03:22,443
Absolutely pukka, Azi.
27
00:03:25,151 --> 00:03:27,312
The village of Great Buckling,
28
00:03:28,621 --> 00:03:31,681
reborn to the locals,
29
00:03:31,724 --> 00:03:34,557
after 15 years in a yuppy's stranglehold.
30
00:03:34,594 --> 00:03:37,586
Oh, it was a treat
to see them scurrying back to London
31
00:03:37,630 --> 00:03:39,723
when house prices hit the deck.
32
00:03:39,766 --> 00:03:43,429
And you know
what the real cherry on the top was?
33
00:03:43,469 --> 00:03:46,529
Azi's shop used to be an estate agent's.
34
00:03:49,942 --> 00:03:53,969
Even the church is being reconsecrated
after 20 years in the wilderness.
35
00:03:54,013 --> 00:03:57,039
That's right. A church opening
instead of closing.
36
00:03:57,083 --> 00:04:00,644
There's even a new reverend,
R.J. Fairbrother, whoever he is.
37
00:04:00,686 --> 00:04:03,519
Look at this. James Shotley, Alice Shotley.
38
00:04:03,556 --> 00:04:05,683
Who's that? That's Raymond Shotley.
39
00:04:05,725 --> 00:04:10,890
Claud Shotley, Arthur Shotley.
No wonder there's only three of them left.
40
00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:13,023
There's Wilfred, his sister Daphne
41
00:04:13,066 --> 00:04:18,629
and their nephew Christian, a spotty-faced
Herbert who joined the army to see the world.
42
00:04:18,671 --> 00:04:22,004
Signal Corps.
It's like British Telecom with guns.
43
00:04:22,041 --> 00:04:24,839
Ah, his dad.
44
00:04:24,877 --> 00:04:28,040
James Harold Shotley.
45
00:04:28,081 --> 00:04:33,212
Died last month, leaving death duties
that make you want to believe in eternal life.
46
00:04:33,252 --> 00:04:34,913
- Lovejoy!
- Yo!
47
00:04:34,954 --> 00:04:38,788
- Do you want your nuts chamfered or ordinary?
- Ooh! One of each.
48
00:04:38,825 --> 00:04:41,259
I take it all back. The man's a marvel.
49
00:04:44,797 --> 00:04:46,788
- Thanks, Azi. Bye-bye.
- Bye.
50
00:04:58,044 --> 00:05:00,444
Pure Pakistani silk, Wilfred.
51
00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:05,275
But I've got a tie.
52
00:05:05,318 --> 00:05:09,118
Yes, well, now you have two, dear,
to ring the changes with.
53
00:05:09,889 --> 00:05:12,653
- Want a tie?
- Take no notice of him, Jane.
54
00:05:12,692 --> 00:05:16,128
He's been a miserable old devil
ever since Jimbo fell off his perch.
55
00:05:16,162 --> 00:05:19,256
- Oh, Jimbo meaning James?
- Our brother, yes.
56
00:05:19,298 --> 00:05:21,061
What have you brought me?
57
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:25,093
It's a rather nice shawl, actually.
Well, I liked it, anyway.
58
00:05:25,138 --> 00:05:29,973
- It's from Pakistan.
- Yes, it's lovely.
59
00:05:30,009 --> 00:05:32,102
It's red.
60
00:05:32,145 --> 00:05:34,443
She can't bear red.
61
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,778
Drains her face.
62
00:05:38,351 --> 00:05:40,512
Here.
63
00:05:41,454 --> 00:05:45,481
- Jane, how lovely to see you.
- Oh, Christian, hello!
64
00:05:45,525 --> 00:05:49,757
How nice to see you, too,
looking so well and... well.
65
00:05:49,795 --> 00:05:52,263
- Without the spots, she means.
- You remember Lovejoy.
66
00:05:52,298 --> 00:05:55,028
Mmm. Er... Need your help.
67
00:05:56,602 --> 00:06:00,231
You'd agree that a chair is a chair,
and a table a table.
68
00:06:00,273 --> 00:06:03,765
Well, to a civilian, yeah.
You eat off one, you sit on the other.
69
00:06:04,911 --> 00:06:10,577
Yes, well, I have two choices.
Solvent civilian or penniless man of culture.
70
00:06:10,616 --> 00:06:13,016
He's done a deal with the taxman.
71
00:06:13,052 --> 00:06:16,783
Letting him have what's in the dining room
instead of death duties.
72
00:06:16,822 --> 00:06:19,791
Yes, well, it's about the only treasure
we've got.
73
00:06:19,825 --> 00:06:23,056
I thought I'd better have it valued first, though.
74
00:06:23,095 --> 00:06:25,427
In case they try to shaft him.
75
00:06:33,406 --> 00:06:35,397
What do you reckon, then, Lovejoy?
76
00:06:36,209 --> 00:06:39,872
Yeah, it's a lovely piece of work.
77
00:06:41,214 --> 00:06:44,911
Don't get craftsmanship like that any more,
do you, fella?
78
00:06:44,951 --> 00:06:47,044
(Jane) How much are the death duties?
79
00:06:47,086 --> 00:06:50,385
(Christian) Er... Thirty thousand. It's the land.
80
00:06:50,423 --> 00:06:54,189
You er... You couldn't raise it any other way,
could you?
81
00:06:55,228 --> 00:06:59,597
Well, I put some acreage up for sale,
but no one wants to buy it these days.
82
00:06:59,632 --> 00:07:01,099
We're all in the same boat.
83
00:07:02,635 --> 00:07:07,299
Well, I hate to be the bloke who tells you this,
84
00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:10,605
but the table's worth about five grand.
85
00:07:11,811 --> 00:07:13,802
Same goes for the chairs.
86
00:07:14,614 --> 00:07:16,878
You said he was an expert.
87
00:07:16,916 --> 00:07:19,749
Wilfred, they're copies.
88
00:07:19,785 --> 00:07:22,379
They're good, but they're copies.
89
00:07:23,489 --> 00:07:26,356
So, where does that leave Christian?
90
00:07:26,392 --> 00:07:31,455
Well, keeping his mouth shut. Hopefully,
the taxman won't know treacle from tart.
91
00:07:31,497 --> 00:07:34,557
When's he coming to value this stuff,
by the way?
92
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,591
Tomorrow.
93
00:07:37,603 --> 00:07:40,163
But... won't that be cheating, Lovejoy?
94
00:07:40,206 --> 00:07:46,577
No, no, no, no, no.
It's just a bit of a reshuffling of moral priorities.
95
00:07:46,612 --> 00:07:50,548
For two hundred and fifty quid,
I'll point him in the wrong direction.
96
00:07:51,584 --> 00:07:53,575
Sounds like cheating to me.
97
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,681
What do you say, Uncle?
98
00:07:56,722 --> 00:07:59,452
I agree. It's cheating.
99
00:08:01,294 --> 00:08:02,955
Let's cheat.
100
00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:06,521
Hey, Beau, do you want a drink?
101
00:08:15,941 --> 00:08:18,307
How's it going, Mr. Dill? Eric?
102
00:08:18,344 --> 00:08:20,073
Ah, evening, Beau.
103
00:08:20,112 --> 00:08:23,570
Before you settle down,
over there is asking for you.
104
00:08:29,121 --> 00:08:32,181
Yeah, right.
You didn't happen to catch her name, did you?
105
00:08:32,224 --> 00:08:36,456
Donna. You met her at the traffic lights,
George Street, Wednesday morning.
106
00:08:36,495 --> 00:08:38,929
Got her. Back in a tick.
107
00:08:43,402 --> 00:08:45,393
Hi.
108
00:08:49,408 --> 00:08:51,638
Those lights were on amber. She told me.
109
00:08:51,677 --> 00:08:56,080
So he had all of what, ten seconds
to make his play? And now look at her.
110
00:08:57,416 --> 00:09:00,852
Some of us have it, dear boy. Others don't.
111
00:09:00,886 --> 00:09:02,877
Well, you're good at darts.
112
00:09:05,524 --> 00:09:07,355
Get your hands off!
113
00:09:16,936 --> 00:09:19,268
What can I get you, Mr. Dill? The usual?
114
00:09:19,305 --> 00:09:23,867
That's very kind of you, Beau.
Eric'll have a pint of sour grapes.
115
00:09:30,649 --> 00:09:32,549
Come on, then, Beau.
116
00:09:32,585 --> 00:09:34,576
Tell us, why did Donna storm out?
117
00:09:35,855 --> 00:09:40,417
You are now looking at a man who no longer
covets his neighbor's ass or wife.
118
00:09:40,459 --> 00:09:44,828
Or if he does, rather,
he no longer tries to pull it.
119
00:09:46,332 --> 00:09:48,766
The light dawns.
120
00:09:48,801 --> 00:09:52,362
He's come to us for help with his celibacy.
121
00:09:53,239 --> 00:09:56,731
Oh, you've come to the right people.
We're the professionals.
122
00:09:56,776 --> 00:09:58,767
No, no, nothing like that.
123
00:09:59,311 --> 00:10:03,304
If I was to tell you that I, Derek Whittaker,
might or might not have found
124
00:10:03,349 --> 00:10:06,079
something which may or may not
be worth a few bob...
125
00:10:06,118 --> 00:10:09,645
- If I said I'd found it, would you be interested?
- We'd be fascinated.
126
00:10:09,688 --> 00:10:11,679
If a little confused.
127
00:10:14,126 --> 00:10:16,117
Perhaps this'll help.
128
00:10:19,732 --> 00:10:23,930
- Thanks for giving us first option.
- Yeah, but holes in walls are ten a penny.
129
00:10:23,969 --> 00:10:27,336
- You want Sotheby's, mate.
- Fair enough. I'm out of here.
130
00:10:27,373 --> 00:10:32,367
But if you're interested, nine o'clock
tomorrow morning, Great Buckling church.
131
00:10:32,411 --> 00:10:37,906
Beau, how come thou no longer covetest
thy neighbor's ass?
132
00:10:39,084 --> 00:10:42,110
Promise you won't laugh or tell anyone?
133
00:10:43,222 --> 00:10:45,213
Our lives on it.
134
00:10:46,892 --> 00:10:48,883
I'm in love.
135
00:10:57,536 --> 00:11:01,165
For a randy dog, Beau,
you're one hell of a craftsman.
136
00:11:03,809 --> 00:11:05,538
So come on, then. Where's this hole?
137
00:11:05,578 --> 00:11:07,569
Due north of that skull.
138
00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:15,011
Yes, from the weave and the weft,
139
00:11:15,054 --> 00:11:17,955
I'd say 18th century.
140
00:11:18,791 --> 00:11:22,227
Almost certainly a flag.
141
00:11:23,729 --> 00:11:27,563
For some reason, I feel shame.
142
00:11:29,235 --> 00:11:32,170
If it's worth anything,
remember, I'm the one who found it.
143
00:11:32,204 --> 00:11:36,436
Oh, we'll conduct our business
according to the usual rules, young man.
144
00:11:39,512 --> 00:11:41,503
(Creaking)
145
00:11:42,515 --> 00:11:44,642
(Whimpers)
146
00:11:44,683 --> 00:11:48,779
- What is it?
- Oh, my God!
147
00:11:50,155 --> 00:11:52,555
What's the matter?
148
00:11:52,591 --> 00:11:57,028
The distance between me and the ground
is what's the matter.
149
00:12:00,199 --> 00:12:05,227
Oh! Why did you let him up there,
you pillock?
150
00:12:05,271 --> 00:12:10,038
- Am I the man's keeper?
- Come on down, you silly old fool.
151
00:12:10,075 --> 00:12:12,703
Oh, yes, very sensitive, Lovejoy.
152
00:12:12,745 --> 00:12:16,237
I'll just get the shovel
to scrape him up when he jumps.
153
00:12:18,083 --> 00:12:20,984
- Well?
- Don't shout at me, Lovejoy.
154
00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:25,787
It's a disease, vertigo.
I've had it since my first pair of Cuban heels.
155
00:12:27,993 --> 00:12:33,192
Listen, I should be helping Christian Shotley
schmooze the taxman.
156
00:12:33,232 --> 00:12:37,532
- I really haven't got time for this.
- Shotley? Keep away from that mob, Lovejoy.
157
00:12:37,570 --> 00:12:40,038
They're mad as hatters. It's that inbreeding.
158
00:12:40,072 --> 00:12:44,668
They fought in the American Revolution,
which, you recall, we failed to put down.
159
00:12:46,278 --> 00:12:48,610
Have you always trusted me or not, partner?
160
00:12:48,647 --> 00:12:52,708
Lovejoy, if this is leading to a manly embrace,
I'd rather we skipped it.
161
00:12:52,751 --> 00:12:55,777
- Do you trust me or not?
- Of course not!
162
00:12:55,821 --> 00:12:57,288
- Exactly.
- That's why we get on.
163
00:12:57,323 --> 00:12:59,086
Exactly.
164
00:12:59,124 --> 00:13:02,924
But you were the one that convinced me
that I had, you know, the gift.
165
00:13:03,762 --> 00:13:06,356
You know, I could always sniff out winners.
166
00:13:06,398 --> 00:13:09,959
Under floorboards, behind brick walls,
beneath ten coats of paint, right?
167
00:13:10,002 --> 00:13:11,902
Yes, you could sniff out gold.
168
00:13:11,937 --> 00:13:14,565
Yeah, well, Shotley Farm,
169
00:13:15,407 --> 00:13:17,398
it's crying out to me, Tink.
170
00:13:17,443 --> 00:13:19,172
- With what?
- I don't know.
171
00:13:19,211 --> 00:13:21,475
All I know is I need your nose there as well.
172
00:13:21,513 --> 00:13:25,313
It could be Shaker stuff, it could be...
173
00:13:25,351 --> 00:13:27,444
- Colonial furniture!
- Yeah, it could be.
174
00:13:27,486 --> 00:13:29,818
Those Redcoat garrisons.
175
00:13:29,855 --> 00:13:31,618
- Yeah.
- Tons of it!
176
00:13:32,658 --> 00:13:35,320
Chairs! Chests!
177
00:13:35,961 --> 00:13:39,260
Benches and bedsteads and pictures.
178
00:13:39,298 --> 00:13:43,667
- Wonderful pictures!
- If it's there, we might as well have it.
179
00:13:43,702 --> 00:13:48,002
The damned fools burned loads of it
and the lot went to mice.
180
00:13:49,708 --> 00:13:52,575
Hey, Lovejoy! I'm down!
181
00:14:02,221 --> 00:14:04,212
(Sniffing)
182
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:16,798
I don't usually work to an audience.
183
00:14:16,835 --> 00:14:20,362
I hope you don't expect
a closing song. (Chuckles)
184
00:14:21,407 --> 00:14:24,376
Ah! These markings, Mr. Lovejoy.
185
00:14:24,410 --> 00:14:26,537
Oh, yes, the number of the ship.
186
00:14:26,578 --> 00:14:29,706
I'd say the table was made
from salvage timber.
187
00:14:29,748 --> 00:14:31,477
21 was the Arundel.
188
00:14:31,517 --> 00:14:34,315
The flagship of Henry VI!
189
00:14:34,353 --> 00:14:36,184
- Mmm.
- Interesting.
190
00:14:36,221 --> 00:14:40,487
I reckon it's all part of a package made
for Bishop Mullins, a henchman of Henry's,
191
00:14:40,526 --> 00:14:42,517
who had a gaff down the road.
192
00:14:43,462 --> 00:14:47,626
Well, the Yorkists murdered him
and his sister flogged off the family furniture.
193
00:14:47,666 --> 00:14:51,466
Now, the Shotleys knew a bargain when they...
when they saw one,
194
00:14:51,503 --> 00:14:53,767
so they... they...
195
00:14:53,806 --> 00:14:55,797
What are you doing?
196
00:15:00,579 --> 00:15:02,570
What are you doing?
197
00:15:05,984 --> 00:15:07,349
What do you smell?
198
00:15:07,386 --> 00:15:11,288
I smell a rat. Are you here to value this
or is Big Brother closing in on me?
199
00:15:11,323 --> 00:15:15,885
Hush now, Mr. Lovejoy. Anyone would think
you'd been fiddling your tax returns.
200
00:15:18,630 --> 00:15:21,463
- What do you smell?
- I don't smell anything.
201
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:24,264
Formaldehyde. In the glue.
202
00:15:24,303 --> 00:15:28,569
Which dates the chairs around 1960, I reckon.
203
00:15:31,777 --> 00:15:33,836
As do the clamp marks on the table.
204
00:15:35,547 --> 00:15:37,606
The distressing doesn't convince me either.
205
00:15:38,717 --> 00:15:41,208
Sorry, Mr. Shotley. Can't risk it.
206
00:15:41,253 --> 00:15:43,847
You still owe the nation £30,000.
207
00:15:49,027 --> 00:15:51,928
Go on. Have a little play.
208
00:15:51,964 --> 00:15:55,024
Cheer up. We'll get by somehow.
209
00:16:25,030 --> 00:16:26,861
You knew, didn't you?
210
00:16:28,934 --> 00:16:30,868
Knew what?
211
00:16:30,903 --> 00:16:34,703
That the table and chairs were fakes.
Now, what's going on?
212
00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:37,072
(Hums)
213
00:16:37,109 --> 00:16:39,100
I'm going to the church.
214
00:17:02,467 --> 00:17:05,265
My father bought me some soldiers
one Christmas.
215
00:17:06,071 --> 00:17:08,835
French grenadiers and guards.
216
00:17:12,244 --> 00:17:15,441
We played the battle of Waterloo,
217
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,711
with brazil nuts for the British.
218
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:22,379
I'm proud to say the brazil nuts won.
219
00:17:22,421 --> 00:17:23,410
Pow!
220
00:17:23,455 --> 00:17:27,186
You're never too old to be young, my friend.
Want a game?
221
00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:36,726
Here we go.
222
00:17:36,768 --> 00:17:38,759
That's fine. That's it, that's it.
223
00:17:38,804 --> 00:17:40,738
Right, down. Lower it down.
224
00:17:40,772 --> 00:17:42,763
Ow! Ow! Hang on, hang on. Ow!
225
00:17:43,876 --> 00:17:45,867
Watch the fingers.
226
00:17:47,813 --> 00:17:50,407
Right, what have we got in here, then?
227
00:17:55,020 --> 00:17:57,488
Hey, hey, careful, careful! You'll tear it.
228
00:18:01,793 --> 00:18:04,193
I think we've got something here, you know.
229
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,566
Oh, it's beautiful!
230
00:18:10,602 --> 00:18:13,298
(Imitates gunshots)
231
00:18:22,047 --> 00:18:24,038
(Sings to herself)
232
00:18:25,617 --> 00:18:27,608
Right, chuck us the flag.
233
00:18:29,354 --> 00:18:31,345
No!
234
00:18:32,557 --> 00:18:34,548
Oh, sorry.
235
00:18:36,161 --> 00:18:38,561
Where did you find this?
236
00:18:38,597 --> 00:18:43,159
Erm... Up there, love. A bit of restoration work,
you know, tidying the place up.
237
00:18:44,303 --> 00:18:46,168
- Thank you.
- Give it to me!
238
00:18:46,204 --> 00:18:48,195
Hey, finders keepers!
239
00:18:50,442 --> 00:18:52,433
Oh!
240
00:18:55,013 --> 00:18:59,143
- What was that all about?
- Don't ask me. Blooming nutter!
241
00:19:00,218 --> 00:19:03,585
Wilfred! Wilfred!
242
00:19:04,423 --> 00:19:06,584
Wilfred.
243
00:19:06,625 --> 00:19:09,617
Wilfred, I want you to be very brave, dear.
244
00:19:10,362 --> 00:19:14,890
- What's happened?
- The flag. It's turned up after all these years.
245
00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:17,561
Guy must have hidden it in the church.
246
00:19:17,602 --> 00:19:20,935
- Who found it?
- That boy who works for Jane Felsham.
247
00:19:20,973 --> 00:19:23,441
The one who needs cleaning up.
248
00:19:23,475 --> 00:19:26,740
(Eric) "Ad mortem usque parati"?
249
00:19:26,778 --> 00:19:28,769
Sounds like a curry.
250
00:19:29,281 --> 00:19:32,182
"Ad mortem usque parati", Eric,
251
00:19:32,217 --> 00:19:34,685
means "Ready to fight to the death".
252
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,281
And that is not Boston
where the beans come from,
253
00:19:38,323 --> 00:19:40,382
but Boston where they had the tea party.
254
00:19:40,425 --> 00:19:44,555
And who are the Glorious 21st
when they're at home?
255
00:19:44,596 --> 00:19:48,032
The 21st were Redcoats, soldiers.
256
00:19:48,066 --> 00:19:50,967
Hey, Christian,
your family fought in the War of Independence.
257
00:19:51,003 --> 00:19:54,097
Ah, yes, I think you want Wilfred for all that.
Not me.
258
00:19:54,139 --> 00:19:58,405
Ah, Lady Jane! Just what I needed
with half a church wall down me gizzard.
259
00:19:58,443 --> 00:20:00,206
Hmm, I'll bet you did.
260
00:20:00,245 --> 00:20:04,477
Mind you, just say the word
and I'd eat the other half, just for you.
261
00:20:04,516 --> 00:20:07,451
(Tinker) Beau! Covet not.
262
00:20:07,486 --> 00:20:10,148
Sorry. I just meant thanks. Really.
263
00:20:10,188 --> 00:20:12,816
Yeah, sure you did.
264
00:20:12,858 --> 00:20:16,089
No, really.
Your ladyship, I don't fancy you one little bit.
265
00:20:16,128 --> 00:20:19,291
Oh. For this relief, much thanks.
266
00:20:19,331 --> 00:20:23,392
Well, I mean, I do fancy you, of course.
But not as a player, more as a spectator.
267
00:20:23,435 --> 00:20:26,097
Oh, get me out of this, for God's sake.
268
00:20:26,138 --> 00:20:30,131
Beau, may we get back to the flag, hmm?
Thank you.
269
00:20:30,175 --> 00:20:33,235
Eric, take a couple of pictures
and then clean it up, will you?
270
00:20:33,278 --> 00:20:35,007
- Right.
- Hang on a sec.
271
00:20:35,047 --> 00:20:38,813
- That's my flag, so I say what happens to it.
- Ah, just a minute.
272
00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:41,512
That church was on Shotley land 200 years ago,
273
00:20:41,553 --> 00:20:44,920
so anything that's hidden in the walls
is probably mine.
274
00:20:44,956 --> 00:20:49,290
We're forgetting something. If we don't flog it,
it might as well belong to the Girl Guides.
275
00:20:49,327 --> 00:20:53,787
Yeah, and who are the people
who know where to offer it?
276
00:20:54,466 --> 00:20:56,457
Ahem! Excuse me. Yoohoo!
277
00:20:56,501 --> 00:20:58,594
The old firm.
278
00:20:58,637 --> 00:21:01,231
Well, that makes five of us that want a cut.
279
00:21:01,273 --> 00:21:03,867
Why don't we chop the bloody thing
into strips?
280
00:21:03,909 --> 00:21:07,640
(Jane) Ah, Wilfred. Just the man we need.
281
00:21:07,679 --> 00:21:10,705
Now, your family fought
in the American War of Independence.
282
00:21:10,749 --> 00:21:13,513
- So what?
- So tell us more.
283
00:21:13,552 --> 00:21:16,248
Like anything you know about this flag.
284
00:21:16,288 --> 00:21:20,122
It's mine. This flag belongs to my family.
285
00:21:20,926 --> 00:21:24,453
- And it's coming right home with me. Now.
- Careful!
286
00:21:24,496 --> 00:21:28,762
Jane, would you like to explain the facts of life
to Wilf, and death as in death duties, Chris?
287
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,665
Hmm, £30,000-worth.
288
00:21:31,670 --> 00:21:35,572
He's right, Wilf.
This flag could solve an awful lot of problems.
289
00:21:35,607 --> 00:21:37,768
If we can prove it's yours to sell.
290
00:21:37,809 --> 00:21:39,367
Wilf?
291
00:21:41,546 --> 00:21:43,537
Oh, very well.
292
00:21:44,449 --> 00:21:46,440
(Mutters)
293
00:21:52,424 --> 00:21:54,619
Why do you think Wilf went funny
when he saw the flag?
294
00:21:54,659 --> 00:21:56,490
No idea. Sorry.
295
00:21:56,528 --> 00:21:58,860
- Shall I get him at it?
- Hmm?
296
00:21:58,897 --> 00:22:01,297
Well, Wilf's a big kid.
297
00:22:01,333 --> 00:22:03,801
You're not much smaller yourself.
298
00:22:05,570 --> 00:22:08,130
What is it, Wilf?
299
00:22:08,173 --> 00:22:10,164
It's come off again.
300
00:22:24,823 --> 00:22:26,484
Thanks for the lift.
301
00:22:26,525 --> 00:22:28,720
Quick game of soldiers, Wilf?
302
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,058
I've got other toys, you know.
303
00:22:31,897 --> 00:22:33,125
Tons of 'em.
304
00:22:40,906 --> 00:22:43,306
This is paradise, Wilf.
305
00:22:43,341 --> 00:22:45,605
Sheer paradise!
306
00:22:45,644 --> 00:22:47,407
It's our childhood.
307
00:22:48,180 --> 00:22:51,877
- Me and Daphne's.
- It looks to have been a very good one.
308
00:22:54,586 --> 00:22:57,054
Cos of all this?
309
00:22:58,056 --> 00:23:02,254
We took this out into the paddock one day,
310
00:23:02,294 --> 00:23:04,626
Jimbo and me and Daphne.
311
00:23:04,663 --> 00:23:06,927
Just tots, we were.
312
00:23:07,732 --> 00:23:13,466
And over there in the distance,
there were two people on real horses,
313
00:23:13,505 --> 00:23:15,496
a man and a woman.
314
00:23:17,042 --> 00:23:19,033
They rode right over to us and...
315
00:23:20,979 --> 00:23:23,539
I knew I'd seen them before...
316
00:23:24,616 --> 00:23:26,140
somewhere.
317
00:23:27,185 --> 00:23:29,176
The lady looked down and she said,
318
00:23:30,255 --> 00:23:32,849
"My, oh, my, aren't they growing up fast?"
319
00:23:32,891 --> 00:23:35,018
And off they went.
320
00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:41,556
I turned to our nurse... That shows
how much dough there was in those days.
321
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,660
We had nannies and cooks, maids.
322
00:23:45,770 --> 00:23:48,034
I turned to her and I asked,
323
00:23:49,608 --> 00:23:51,803
"Who are those people, Rosie?"
324
00:23:53,411 --> 00:23:55,140
Do you know what she said?
325
00:23:55,180 --> 00:24:00,277
Oh, I do.
"They're your mother and father," she said.
326
00:24:04,155 --> 00:24:08,649
I would rather have had
just one tea caddy full of soldiers
327
00:24:08,693 --> 00:24:11,127
and a bagful of brazil nuts
328
00:24:12,797 --> 00:24:15,288
to go with parents who I really knew.
329
00:24:21,773 --> 00:24:24,970
- Ah, is Mrs. Catchpole in?
- Who wants to know?
330
00:24:25,010 --> 00:24:27,410
It's all right, it's all right, I'm family.
331
00:24:27,445 --> 00:24:29,208
Oh.
332
00:24:29,247 --> 00:24:31,238
Not again!
333
00:24:31,983 --> 00:24:34,417
- Yoohoo!
- Oh, hi, Aunt Sal.
334
00:24:34,452 --> 00:24:37,319
Could you do us a favor, look after this for us?
335
00:24:37,355 --> 00:24:41,291
- What is it?
- It's a flag, and possibly very, very valuable.
336
00:24:41,326 --> 00:24:43,260
So, a safe place.
337
00:24:46,164 --> 00:24:49,759
I'm not a hundred per cent sure
what we're looking for, Lovejoy.
338
00:24:49,801 --> 00:24:52,429
Oh, you know, letters, papers,
339
00:24:52,470 --> 00:24:56,065
receipts, drawings.
340
00:24:56,107 --> 00:24:59,599
Anything that would tell us about that flag.
341
00:24:59,644 --> 00:25:01,635
You know, an old will...
342
00:25:03,148 --> 00:25:09,917
...or an old painting that...
doesn't want to be seen.
343
00:25:13,124 --> 00:25:18,323
- Smoke from the fire's done that.
- No, no, no, no, someone's painted over it.
344
00:25:25,036 --> 00:25:28,403
A man on horseback,
surrounded by cannon fodder,
345
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,635
and he's waving old bluey.
346
00:25:30,675 --> 00:25:35,612
"Ready to fight to the death, the Glorious 21st."
347
00:25:36,648 --> 00:25:39,617
I think we've dug up General Gage's Standard.
348
00:25:41,486 --> 00:25:43,113
Brilliant.
349
00:25:44,055 --> 00:25:46,046
Any takers?
350
00:25:47,292 --> 00:25:49,419
Do you know any Americans?
351
00:26:05,443 --> 00:26:06,808
They're mine.
352
00:26:08,446 --> 00:26:11,643
- Hello.
- Park that wreck.
353
00:26:12,784 --> 00:26:14,775
Come on, get aboard.
354
00:26:52,290 --> 00:26:57,387
- Well, here it is, my tribute to the W.I.
- The Women's Institute?
355
00:26:57,429 --> 00:26:59,761
War of Independence.
356
00:26:59,798 --> 00:27:01,766
What do you think?
357
00:27:02,434 --> 00:27:05,631
Well, I think most of it was made in England.
358
00:27:05,670 --> 00:27:08,605
I understand you fellas have a painting
to show me. Let's have it.
359
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,631
Please.
360
00:27:17,015 --> 00:27:19,575
Where did you find this, Mr. Lovejoy?
361
00:27:19,617 --> 00:27:22,677
It's just Lovejoy, and around and about.
362
00:27:23,354 --> 00:27:26,915
The Sons of Columbus,
whom I have the honor of being President of...
363
00:27:26,958 --> 00:27:27,947
Grammar!
364
00:27:27,992 --> 00:27:32,361
...have been searching for the Shotley Standard
for over 200 years.
365
00:27:32,397 --> 00:27:34,695
The Shotley Standard?
366
00:27:34,732 --> 00:27:38,463
Named after the damn fool idiot
who led the detail against us at Lexington.
367
00:27:38,503 --> 00:27:41,700
- First scramble of the Revolution.
- That was General Gage, surely?
368
00:27:41,739 --> 00:27:45,675
Hell, no! Colonel Sir Guy Shotley,
the fella in the picture.
369
00:27:46,778 --> 00:27:50,737
Hell, if it had been Gage,
things might have gone a lot different.
370
00:27:50,782 --> 00:27:54,343
I might be calling you fellas sir,
and meaning it.
371
00:27:56,154 --> 00:28:00,284
So... Where's the flag?
372
00:28:00,325 --> 00:28:03,453
- Please.
- Where's the money?
373
00:28:05,697 --> 00:28:08,632
Why, Mr. Lovejoy, I do believe you're serious.
374
00:28:08,666 --> 00:28:10,793
It's Lovejoy, and yes, sir...
375
00:28:10,835 --> 00:28:13,463
(Phony US accent) I do believe I am.
376
00:28:13,505 --> 00:28:15,871
Now, listen here, curly.
377
00:28:15,907 --> 00:28:18,467
We should have taken that flag
after the Battle of Lexington.
378
00:28:18,510 --> 00:28:21,138
- You lost.
- We won the goddamn war.
379
00:28:21,179 --> 00:28:24,239
- Unless you've got a mind it isn't over yet.
- Fighting talk.
380
00:28:24,282 --> 00:28:26,079
What are you going to chuck at us, Chuck?
381
00:28:26,117 --> 00:28:28,108
Lawyers, friend.
382
00:28:28,152 --> 00:28:31,553
You ain't seen blood and guts
till you see John D. Parmenter in action.
383
00:28:31,589 --> 00:28:34,558
Over here, we give our kids
proper middle names, not initials.
384
00:28:34,592 --> 00:28:37,220
- He is English.
- So is the flag.
385
00:28:37,262 --> 00:28:39,253
Have a rotten day.
386
00:28:43,835 --> 00:28:46,861
Get my plane ready to fly.
You got two minutes.
387
00:28:48,907 --> 00:28:50,898
(Engine sputters)
388
00:29:27,178 --> 00:29:29,339
Ooh!
389
00:29:29,380 --> 00:29:31,143
Lunatic!
390
00:30:04,816 --> 00:30:08,252
What do you mean,
he buzzed you with his aeroplane?
391
00:30:08,286 --> 00:30:11,847
Metal bird in sky, Janey. Bzzzzm!
Swooped down on Lovejoy.
392
00:30:11,889 --> 00:30:13,948
He nearly killed us in the cornfield.
393
00:30:13,992 --> 00:30:18,452
Oh, yes? And where was Cary Grant
all this time? Being poisoned by two old ladies?
394
00:30:18,496 --> 00:30:20,487
(Laughs)
395
00:30:22,066 --> 00:30:24,296
(Beau) Well, I thought it was very witty.
396
00:30:24,335 --> 00:30:27,964
Charming. Intelligent.
What you'd expect from a beautiful woman.
397
00:30:28,006 --> 00:30:30,566
Oh, a bucket of cold water, someone.
398
00:30:30,608 --> 00:30:34,100
Sorry. Sorry, I don't find you funny
at all, Jane.
399
00:30:34,145 --> 00:30:37,137
I don't find you attractive either. Well, I do.
400
00:30:37,181 --> 00:30:40,412
- That's the trouble...
- Beau? Beau, shut up.
401
00:30:40,451 --> 00:30:44,854
The point is, does this Colonel Fellowes
fellow want the flag or not?
402
00:30:44,889 --> 00:30:46,686
He wants it, but he doesn't want to pay for it.
403
00:30:46,724 --> 00:30:48,521
- Why the hell not?
- He thinks he owns it.
404
00:30:48,559 --> 00:30:51,221
He's not the only one.
The new deacon says it belongs to the church.
405
00:30:51,262 --> 00:30:54,129
I'll sort the Reverend Fairbrother out
whenever I meet him.
406
00:30:54,165 --> 00:30:58,864
Oh, politely, though.
I've been invited to the reconsecration.
407
00:31:00,505 --> 00:31:04,134
- Well, Chris, I thought I could help.
- You have, Lovejoy.
408
00:31:04,175 --> 00:31:07,576
Oddly enough, the Army teaches you
to roll with every punch,
409
00:31:07,612 --> 00:31:09,204
never to fight back like you do.
410
00:31:09,247 --> 00:31:11,147
Absolutely.
411
00:31:11,182 --> 00:31:14,015
This Colonel Fellowes is throwing lawyers at us.
412
00:31:14,052 --> 00:31:16,816
John D. Parmenter from Bungy.
413
00:31:16,854 --> 00:31:20,950
Well, he's never heard of Harvey Q. Swainston
from Great Buckling.
414
00:31:25,930 --> 00:31:31,266
Make no mistake, ladies and gentlemen,
I shall give this rabble no quarter.
415
00:31:32,303 --> 00:31:35,363
Good. Advice?
416
00:31:38,843 --> 00:31:41,710
Avoid the courts.
417
00:31:42,814 --> 00:31:45,339
I'm not saying it won't come to that
in the end.
418
00:31:45,383 --> 00:31:47,647
But let's begin with open discussion.
419
00:31:49,020 --> 00:31:54,652
I mean, if we can't see off
a few bull-brained colonials,
420
00:31:54,692 --> 00:31:56,523
what hope is there?
421
00:31:57,929 --> 00:32:01,262
Let's draw them in,
422
00:32:02,467 --> 00:32:05,368
and make them feel British.
423
00:32:07,538 --> 00:32:12,942
I mean, that's all the Yanks have ever
really wanted, you know. To be British.
424
00:32:12,977 --> 00:32:17,004
Which begs the question,
why did they rebel in the first place?
425
00:32:19,183 --> 00:32:23,552
You never know how much you want a thing
until you lose it, Lady Jane.
426
00:32:27,925 --> 00:32:31,258
Just what we needed.
A pompous, bigoted, jingoistic snob.
427
00:32:31,295 --> 00:32:35,322
With that total inability
to see the other chap's point of view.
428
00:32:35,366 --> 00:32:39,462
- Where are you going, Jane?
- I promised myself one of Azi's birdboxes.
429
00:32:39,504 --> 00:32:41,938
- A what?
- A birdbox.
430
00:32:41,973 --> 00:32:45,500
- Birdbox?
- Afternoon, memsahib. How goes it?
431
00:32:45,543 --> 00:32:48,376
Still pukka, Azi.
I'd like one of your birdboxes, if I may.
432
00:32:48,412 --> 00:32:50,471
Fifteen quid to you.
433
00:32:50,515 --> 00:32:54,576
And if you're all very good,
I'll allow one of you to put it up for me later.
434
00:32:55,486 --> 00:32:59,115
Just a moment. Just a moment.
435
00:33:00,024 --> 00:33:02,618
Azi, where'd you get this?
436
00:33:04,462 --> 00:33:07,124
No, not up your right nostril.
437
00:33:08,566 --> 00:33:11,967
He won't let you have them any cheaper,
Lovejoy.
438
00:33:12,003 --> 00:33:14,733
His name, Azi.
439
00:33:45,870 --> 00:33:49,306
Oh, I don't do it for the money.
I do it for the interest.
440
00:33:49,907 --> 00:33:51,704
Right, Chris?
441
00:33:51,742 --> 00:33:54,040
Not that it's any of your business.
442
00:33:54,078 --> 00:33:56,137
Oh, the birdboxes, no.
443
00:33:56,180 --> 00:33:58,171
The tables, yes.
444
00:33:59,150 --> 00:34:01,141
Come on.
445
00:34:06,290 --> 00:34:11,159
You know, Wilf, I wish you'd told me
that you'd made this table.
446
00:34:11,195 --> 00:34:13,356
And these chairs, eh?
447
00:34:14,232 --> 00:34:18,692
- Who says he made them?
- A little birdbox told me. Hmm?
448
00:34:20,905 --> 00:34:25,308
Bit much for blue tits, you know.
Dovetail joints, hmm?
449
00:34:25,343 --> 00:34:30,042
Glued, screwed, beveled and French polished,
all in a style I'd seen somewhere before.
450
00:34:30,081 --> 00:34:33,073
Right here.
Might as well have signed 'em, Wilf.
451
00:34:35,453 --> 00:34:37,421
How much does Azi give you for one of these?
452
00:34:37,455 --> 00:34:38,888
A fiver.
453
00:34:39,624 --> 00:34:44,687
Fiver? He knocks them out for fifteen.
You should get Daphne onto him.
454
00:34:45,563 --> 00:34:47,929
I rue the day we ever met you, Mr. Lovejoy.
455
00:34:47,965 --> 00:34:51,731
To you, the past is just something
to be traded in for profit.
456
00:34:52,503 --> 00:34:54,994
And pleasure and pride, Daphne.
457
00:34:55,039 --> 00:34:57,769
Huh! What exactly have you got
to be proud of?
458
00:34:57,808 --> 00:35:01,141
Well, if my mum could see me now,
she'd say, "Look, the kid's made it.
459
00:35:01,178 --> 00:35:03,840
"He's having tea
with the descendents of that chap
460
00:35:03,881 --> 00:35:06,611
"that started the American War
of Independence."
461
00:35:06,651 --> 00:35:10,087
Yes, it's well said like that. Means very little.
462
00:35:11,155 --> 00:35:14,283
Just give it two seconds and what have you got?
463
00:35:14,325 --> 00:35:19,058
Guy Shotley, one of our ancestors,
was sent out to do a job,
464
00:35:19,096 --> 00:35:21,894
to put down a bunch of tinpot farmers.
465
00:35:22,500 --> 00:35:27,767
He failed, and lost this country
the biggest colony it ever had.
466
00:35:27,805 --> 00:35:29,898
Yes, but people don't go around saying,
467
00:35:29,941 --> 00:35:33,934
"Oh, there's Wilf Shotley,
his great-great-whatsit lost us America."
468
00:35:34,812 --> 00:35:36,370
Some would say he did us all a favor.
469
00:35:36,414 --> 00:35:40,316
And it was 200 years ago. Have we been
trying to cover that up ever since?
470
00:35:40,351 --> 00:35:42,251
Maybe that's why you've got no money, Chris.
471
00:35:42,286 --> 00:35:48,191
People came nosing round for a good story,
got paid off, eh, Wilf? Daphne?
472
00:35:48,225 --> 00:35:53,686
That's the trouble with Danegeld.
The old Dane keeps coming back for more.
473
00:35:53,731 --> 00:35:59,169
So you flogged off all the furniture and
made new stuff like the table and chairs, eh?
474
00:35:59,203 --> 00:36:02,366
Have a little play, dear. Steady your nerves.
475
00:36:02,406 --> 00:36:04,397
Use a plate.
476
00:36:04,442 --> 00:36:08,503
Look, I don't care who knows about our past.
They can... They can stuff it.
477
00:36:08,546 --> 00:36:10,480
I don't even care about the furniture.
478
00:36:10,514 --> 00:36:14,610
All I know is, I'm still short £30,000.
479
00:36:14,652 --> 00:36:17,519
(Hums)
480
00:36:25,830 --> 00:36:28,526
Wilf, have you got lots of these?
481
00:36:29,967 --> 00:36:31,958
What? Regiments of 'em.
482
00:36:34,605 --> 00:36:37,836
Fellas, I love you.
483
00:36:57,628 --> 00:37:00,654
Morning, chief. Up the British, eh?
484
00:37:00,698 --> 00:37:03,724
Yes, indeed, Mr. Kumar.
485
00:37:04,769 --> 00:37:06,760
(Tires squeal)
486
00:37:07,705 --> 00:37:09,696
Morning.
487
00:37:37,468 --> 00:37:42,599
We are not impressed. There is nothing wrong
with public transport in this country.
488
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,404
OK, everyone? We are not impressed.
489
00:37:48,679 --> 00:37:50,840
This is John D. Parmenter.
490
00:37:54,285 --> 00:37:56,719
Harvey Q. Swainton.
491
00:37:58,355 --> 00:38:02,416
Harvey Q?
Sounds like something to grill steaks on.
492
00:38:02,460 --> 00:38:04,792
(Giggles)
493
00:38:04,829 --> 00:38:09,232
Perhaps you'd care for some coffee, gentlemen,
before we get down to business?
494
00:38:15,906 --> 00:38:17,897
(Helicopter drowns speech)
495
00:38:27,885 --> 00:38:29,682
With your permission, Jane?
496
00:38:29,720 --> 00:38:31,415
- Certainly.
- Right.
497
00:38:31,455 --> 00:38:34,185
Now, here is the city of Boston,
498
00:38:35,726 --> 00:38:37,353
with the great redoubt.
499
00:38:39,530 --> 00:38:41,657
Excuse me.
500
00:38:41,699 --> 00:38:44,361
More gun emplacements.
501
00:38:44,401 --> 00:38:50,601
And the river, running through
ravines and rocks and deep gulleys,
502
00:38:50,641 --> 00:38:54,771
with the woods and the hills
running down to the river.
503
00:38:54,812 --> 00:38:57,508
That's your town of Lexington.
504
00:38:58,649 --> 00:39:00,674
And more heights.
505
00:39:00,718 --> 00:39:06,122
Great, wild, rugged country
down to the town of Concord.
506
00:39:06,157 --> 00:39:10,025
And here, most important,
507
00:39:10,661 --> 00:39:12,629
at North Bridge,
508
00:39:12,663 --> 00:39:19,068
the terrain takes on a whole new tenor.
509
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:28,410
In my mind's eye, I see a consignment of tea
aboard a ship in Boston harbor.
510
00:39:28,445 --> 00:39:30,970
There it sits, quite happily,
511
00:39:31,015 --> 00:39:35,213
until a party of colonials,
dressed as Mohawk Indians,
512
00:39:35,252 --> 00:39:37,812
decide to tip it into the sea.
513
00:39:40,424 --> 00:39:46,420
Had these people never heard of the close bond
brooked between an Englishman and his tea?
514
00:39:47,765 --> 00:39:50,825
General Gage was furious,
515
00:39:50,868 --> 00:39:55,237
and immediately dispatched
Colonel Sir Guy Shotley, with 2,500 men,
516
00:39:55,272 --> 00:39:59,800
to teach these upstarts a lesson
they would never forget.
517
00:40:00,578 --> 00:40:05,379
As they reached the village of Lexington,
they were attacked by a mob of farmers,
518
00:40:05,416 --> 00:40:09,045
ruthless, despicable men,
519
00:40:09,086 --> 00:40:12,578
forerunners of the modern-day guerrillas.
520
00:40:13,257 --> 00:40:16,317
Needless to say, Shotley wiped them out,
521
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:20,296
heeled them into the ground
and proceeded to Concord,
522
00:40:20,331 --> 00:40:25,633
where, in a seedy backstreet, he discovered
where the rebels had dumped their stores.
523
00:40:25,669 --> 00:40:29,161
Muskets, gunpowder, cannon.
524
00:40:29,206 --> 00:40:32,573
And he razed the building to the ground.
525
00:40:32,610 --> 00:40:34,237
I object, Your Ladyship.
526
00:40:34,278 --> 00:40:36,178
So soon, squire?
527
00:40:36,213 --> 00:40:39,842
What exactly do you find objectionable,
Mr. Parmenter?
528
00:40:39,883 --> 00:40:42,943
The War of Independence
wasn't fought over tea.
529
00:40:42,987 --> 00:40:45,581
Nor was it the result of a few local skirmishes.
530
00:40:45,623 --> 00:40:50,526
It was brought on by the coercive acts
imposed by the British Government
531
00:40:50,561 --> 00:40:53,189
to enslave the American people.
532
00:40:55,499 --> 00:40:58,764
Yes, well, I'm not terribly up
on the history of it all,
533
00:40:58,802 --> 00:41:01,965
but, well, yes,
I'm sure there was more to it than tea.
534
00:41:17,621 --> 00:41:19,316
Yoohoo!
535
00:41:19,356 --> 00:41:21,347
It's not what you think.
536
00:41:24,128 --> 00:41:27,029
- Did I say anything?
- No. It's love.
537
00:41:27,064 --> 00:41:30,465
Well, I'm glad to hear it. Now, Auntie,
where's the flag? We're running late.
538
00:41:30,501 --> 00:41:34,562
- Rush, rush, rush. It's all you boys ever...
- Just tell us where it is, love.
539
00:41:34,605 --> 00:41:38,006
- It's on the line. I gave it a quick rinse.
- What?
540
00:41:39,677 --> 00:41:41,668
Antique fabric cycle, I hope.
541
00:41:41,712 --> 00:41:44,442
Yes. No. Fabrics and curtains, fast colored.
542
00:41:44,481 --> 00:41:47,507
This is an 18th century relic, Salome.
543
00:41:47,551 --> 00:41:50,679
- And it hasn't been washed since, I bet.
- Soaking bloody wet!
544
00:41:50,721 --> 00:41:53,656
- It's come up rather nice.
- It's come up good as new.
545
00:41:53,691 --> 00:41:56,216
- Well, bung it in the dryer.
- You're joking.
546
00:41:56,260 --> 00:41:58,660
Frillies and delicates, it'll be fine.
547
00:42:02,633 --> 00:42:07,229
And so, on the grounds of those overwhelming
victories at both Lexington and Concord,
548
00:42:07,271 --> 00:42:12,231
I rest my case that the flag
is the property of Mr. Christian Shotley.
549
00:42:13,243 --> 00:42:14,642
Thank you, Your Ladyship.
550
00:42:14,678 --> 00:42:17,112
What you've said is all well and good,
Mr. Swainston...
551
00:42:17,147 --> 00:42:21,106
Sorry we're late, folks,
but restoration work cannot be hurried.
552
00:42:21,985 --> 00:42:24,351
(Murmurs of approbation)
553
00:42:24,388 --> 00:42:29,189
Mr. Parmenter, this is Lovejoy,
Mr. Catchpole and Mr. Whittaker.
554
00:42:29,226 --> 00:42:31,217
Please.
555
00:42:33,797 --> 00:42:35,264
Derek Whittaker?
556
00:42:35,299 --> 00:42:37,529
(Jane) Yes, that's right.
557
00:42:38,202 --> 00:42:39,760
Uh, yes.
558
00:42:39,803 --> 00:42:42,795
What you've said is all well and good,
Mr. Swainston,
559
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:45,365
but only half the story.
560
00:42:46,377 --> 00:42:48,845
Yes, we were beaten at Lexington.
561
00:42:48,879 --> 00:42:51,313
Yes, we did take a drubbing at Concord.
562
00:42:51,348 --> 00:42:54,806
However,
as your boys hightailed it back to Boston,
563
00:42:54,852 --> 00:43:01,087
angry farmers lay in wait behind every barn,
every wall, every bump in the ground.
564
00:43:01,125 --> 00:43:04,094
Those farmers took their revenge.
565
00:43:07,698 --> 00:43:10,098
Pennyworth, 50 Redcoats killed.
566
00:43:11,201 --> 00:43:13,726
Forkway Creek, another 200.
567
00:43:14,405 --> 00:43:16,965
Outside Lexington itself, 25.
568
00:43:17,007 --> 00:43:20,408
At Marbles Farm, the toll was 84.
569
00:43:20,444 --> 00:43:22,503
At Haversham's, 93.
570
00:43:22,546 --> 00:43:26,073
At the Sanderson Ranch, greater still. 180.
571
00:43:29,820 --> 00:43:33,278
Two miles from the garrison,
another 35 were killed.
572
00:43:33,323 --> 00:43:35,188
By the time you boys got home,
573
00:43:35,225 --> 00:43:38,717
there were just 500 of you still alive.
574
00:43:40,864 --> 00:43:43,662
And you call that a victory?
575
00:43:43,700 --> 00:43:45,258
Ha!
576
00:43:45,302 --> 00:43:47,293
Derek Whittaker?
577
00:43:49,106 --> 00:43:50,539
Beau Derek Whittaker?
578
00:43:50,574 --> 00:43:55,034
Yes. The Beau Derek Whittaker.
I mean, what do you want, his birth certificate?
579
00:43:56,180 --> 00:43:59,445
And do you remember Rosemary?
580
00:43:59,483 --> 00:44:02,816
Rosemary? You'd have to give us
a few more details, squire.
581
00:44:02,853 --> 00:44:04,650
Very interesting. What happened next?
582
00:44:04,688 --> 00:44:07,452
Isn't that just typical?
583
00:44:07,491 --> 00:44:09,482
This man's forgotten her.
584
00:44:11,128 --> 00:44:13,926
And I still can't get her out of my mind.
585
00:44:15,098 --> 00:44:19,694
I... I have a photo of her here somewhere.
586
00:44:19,736 --> 00:44:22,899
- Here it is.
- Do you want some advise, John D?
587
00:44:22,940 --> 00:44:26,000
Put her out of your mind.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
588
00:44:26,043 --> 00:44:27,510
He speaks as a shark.
589
00:44:27,544 --> 00:44:30,536
I don't want other fish!
590
00:44:30,581 --> 00:44:32,572
I want Rosemary.
591
00:44:33,750 --> 00:44:38,847
And if this bargain basement Lothario
hadn't shown up, I'd still have her.
592
00:44:39,656 --> 00:44:41,647
You bastard!
593
00:44:41,692 --> 00:44:45,628
(All shouting)
594
00:44:45,662 --> 00:44:48,790
That's the trouble with wars.
They start off being about one thing,
595
00:44:48,832 --> 00:44:51,892
and then they end up
being about something completely different.
596
00:44:51,935 --> 00:44:55,871
In this case,
needle over the ownership of some daft flag
597
00:44:55,906 --> 00:45:01,845
is now a row about Beau the Obliger's
willingness to er... oblige.
598
00:45:01,879 --> 00:45:04,143
- Mr. Lovejoy?
- Yeah?
599
00:45:04,181 --> 00:45:06,172
I've come for the flag.
600
00:45:08,151 --> 00:45:09,209
Really?
601
00:45:09,253 --> 00:45:12,017
Let's sit round the table
and discuss this rationally.
602
00:45:12,055 --> 00:45:15,388
You're behaving like schoolboys.
Look at the state of you, Mr. Parmenter.
603
00:45:15,425 --> 00:45:17,552
Are you all right, Colonel Fellowes?
604
00:45:17,594 --> 00:45:23,430
The church, once owned by the Shotleys,
was sold to the diocese in 1798.
605
00:45:23,467 --> 00:45:25,458
This is a copy of the deed of sale.
606
00:45:25,502 --> 00:45:29,165
It's made out to include
everything that was in the church at the time,
607
00:45:29,206 --> 00:45:32,039
which, naturally, will have included the flag.
608
00:45:32,075 --> 00:45:34,043
How do you know it was there then?
609
00:45:34,077 --> 00:45:36,068
Mr. Whittaker, the stone mason,
610
00:45:36,113 --> 00:45:40,573
said the plaster rendered over the flag's
hidey-hole was at least 200 years old.
611
00:45:41,885 --> 00:45:45,252
This Reverend R.J. Fairbrother's
certainly done his homework, hasn't he?
612
00:45:45,289 --> 00:45:47,621
Yes, I have.
613
00:45:48,625 --> 00:45:50,786
- Yes.
- The Reverend is a she.
614
00:45:51,562 --> 00:45:53,723
See you in church, Mr. Lovejoy.
615
00:45:53,764 --> 00:45:57,427
Just Lovejoy, and er... Sure as hell, Rev.
616
00:45:58,936 --> 00:46:01,302
- The flag.
- Over there.
617
00:46:01,338 --> 00:46:05,331
And would you mind telling these people
exactly what you just told me?
618
00:46:05,375 --> 00:46:07,343
What I'm trying to say is,
619
00:46:07,377 --> 00:46:11,780
blame must be apportioned equally
between you, Rosemary and Mr. Parmenter.
620
00:46:11,815 --> 00:46:14,841
- I object, Your Ladyship.
- (All) Overruled!
621
00:46:14,885 --> 00:46:18,082
- I'll take that, if you don't mind.
- Eh?
622
00:46:18,121 --> 00:46:20,180
- Lady, Jane, I presume?
- Excuse me.
623
00:46:20,223 --> 00:46:22,487
This is the Reverend R.J. Fairbrother,
624
00:46:22,526 --> 00:46:27,225
and she's going to tell you all
something that you're not going to like.
625
00:46:28,198 --> 00:46:31,656
- What now, Lovejoy?
- Well, the flag was just a matinee.
626
00:46:31,702 --> 00:46:33,693
Gala performance comes later.
627
00:46:36,773 --> 00:46:39,105
My Lady, ladies and gentlemen,
628
00:46:39,142 --> 00:46:44,808
if you would care to bring your drinks
and follow me, we are now ready for you.
629
00:46:44,848 --> 00:46:46,839
Thank you.
630
00:46:53,190 --> 00:46:58,890
On offer, ladies and gentlemen, is
the Shotley family's collection of model soldiers.
631
00:46:59,863 --> 00:47:02,661
It is a peerless collection,
632
00:47:02,699 --> 00:47:08,399
cast in lead by Cayonne of Paris, dated 1892.
633
00:47:08,438 --> 00:47:12,602
It includes a second collection of cannon horse,
wagon and carriage.
634
00:47:12,643 --> 00:47:14,543
So, cards on the table, folks.
635
00:47:14,578 --> 00:47:18,947
I know what this little lot is worth, and
so do you, so we don't need to waste time, eh?
636
00:47:18,982 --> 00:47:21,007
Who'll kick me off at ten grand?
637
00:47:22,753 --> 00:47:26,120
Thank you. Fifteen? Do I hear fifteen?
638
00:47:27,724 --> 00:47:29,715
Fifteen thousand.
639
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:31,284
Twenty.
640
00:47:32,663 --> 00:47:35,325
Twenty thousand? Thank you.
641
00:47:35,365 --> 00:47:37,731
Another five, hmm?
642
00:47:39,803 --> 00:47:42,294
Thirty? Do I hear thirty thousand? Thir...
643
00:47:42,339 --> 00:47:45,740
Thank you very much.
What about thirty-five thousand?
644
00:47:45,776 --> 00:47:47,175
Thirty-five to you, sir.
645
00:47:48,211 --> 00:47:50,372
Yeah, I know. I'm late. All right?
646
00:47:51,682 --> 00:47:57,086
♪... leads against the foe
647
00:47:57,120 --> 00:48:01,784
♪ Forward into battle
648
00:48:01,825 --> 00:48:06,853
♪ See his banners flow
649
00:48:06,897 --> 00:48:12,130
♪ Onward, Christian soldiers
650
00:48:12,169 --> 00:48:17,232
♪ Marching as to war
651
00:48:17,274 --> 00:48:21,802
♪ With the cross of Jesus
652
00:48:21,845 --> 00:48:29,308
♪ Going on before
653
00:48:38,361 --> 00:48:42,821
Friends, let me welcome you
to Great Buckling Church,
654
00:48:43,500 --> 00:48:47,800
revitalized now, after 20 years of dereliction.
655
00:48:48,638 --> 00:48:52,130
Around us, we see many artefacts,
656
00:48:52,175 --> 00:48:55,167
testifying to our rich history.
657
00:48:55,212 --> 00:48:58,409
Milestones in the journey towards civilization,
658
00:48:59,382 --> 00:49:03,819
some to be proud of, others perhaps not,
659
00:49:03,854 --> 00:49:06,618
but all of them worthy of our reflection.
660
00:49:06,656 --> 00:49:08,419
- Hey, Lovejoy?
- Hmm?
661
00:49:08,458 --> 00:49:10,449
You and Lady Jane.
662
00:49:11,361 --> 00:49:13,420
Did you?
663
00:49:13,463 --> 00:49:15,727
- Please!
- Go on, I won't tell anyone.
664
00:49:15,766 --> 00:49:18,758
- Beau, where are we?
- Go on.
665
00:49:18,802 --> 00:49:21,930
- Big fella could be watching us.
- He won't mind.
666
00:49:21,972 --> 00:49:23,837
I know somebody who will.
667
00:49:23,874 --> 00:49:27,105
And now, let us sing hymn number 185.
668
00:49:27,144 --> 00:49:31,342
Lord Jesus, think on me
and purge away my sin.
669
00:49:31,381 --> 00:49:34,839
From earth-born passion, set me free
670
00:49:34,885 --> 00:49:37,046
and make me pure within.
671
00:49:37,096 --> 00:49:41,646
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