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1
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_
2
00:00:09,125 --> 00:00:11,250
Oh. Chase.
3
00:00:11,267 --> 00:00:12,767
Just want to thank you again
4
00:00:12,769 --> 00:00:14,223
for bringing me on
board your new company.
5
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,637
Oh, Greg, I never forget my
hardest-working employees.
6
00:00:16,639 --> 00:00:18,422
And you were the only
one who wasn't taken down
7
00:00:18,447 --> 00:00:20,308
by a feminist blog.
8
00:00:20,310 --> 00:00:22,043
This Spotz app is genius.
9
00:00:22,045 --> 00:00:25,446
I mean, Airbnb for your driveway.
10
00:00:25,448 --> 00:00:27,615
How many times have I looked
at my driveway and thought,
11
00:00:27,617 --> 00:00:29,384
"How can I make money off of you?"
12
00:00:29,386 --> 00:00:30,785
Not once, you know,
13
00:00:30,787 --> 00:00:32,887
which is why I didn't think of this.
14
00:00:32,889 --> 00:00:34,422
Well, thinking of apps
15
00:00:34,424 --> 00:00:36,657
and standing to pee
is a young man's game.
16
00:00:36,659 --> 00:00:39,192
Okay. Well, I'll write that down.
17
00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:40,324
Greg, meet the team.
18
00:00:40,325 --> 00:00:42,449
This is Austin. You probably know her
19
00:00:42,451 --> 00:00:44,384
from her gamertag, PookieGunner.
20
00:00:44,386 --> 00:00:45,452
'Sup?
21
00:00:45,454 --> 00:00:48,021
Sandy, aka BedBathAndBeyonc�.
22
00:00:48,023 --> 00:00:49,022
Mister.
23
00:00:49,024 --> 00:00:50,123
And Edward,
24
00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:51,491
better known as
25
00:00:51,501 --> 00:00:53,668
- Booger-X.
- Oh! (LAUGHS)
26
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,180
Booger, like Revengeof the Nerds.
27
00:00:56,205 --> 00:00:57,828
I don't know that podcast.
28
00:00:57,853 --> 00:01:01,160
No, it's a movie. I-I'll bring
in a DVD for you sometime.
29
00:01:02,337 --> 00:01:05,468
So you can rip it onto a link.
30
00:01:05,968 --> 00:01:07,274
SoundCloud.
31
00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,476
(LAUGHS)
32
00:01:09,478 --> 00:01:10,687
Okay, guys, tell you what.
33
00:01:10,712 --> 00:01:12,946
Why don't you put him on the group text
34
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:14,548
and bring him up to speed.
35
00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:15,849
Now, if you'll excuse me,
36
00:01:15,851 --> 00:01:18,552
I have to go sit down and take a pee.
37
00:01:21,430 --> 00:01:23,523
What's up, Mario Van Peoples?
38
00:01:23,525 --> 00:01:25,292
Feeling some donuts?
39
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:28,495
Compliments of DJGreg420WhuWhu.
40
00:01:28,497 --> 00:01:30,130
(PHONES CHIME)
41
00:01:30,933 --> 00:01:32,732
(LAUGHTER)
42
00:01:34,097 --> 00:01:35,830
We're off gluten.
43
00:01:35,961 --> 00:01:38,238
Maybe I can return these.
44
00:01:40,623 --> 00:01:43,577
Oh, Jen, it's the
worst. Everyone hates me.
45
00:01:43,579 --> 00:01:45,645
I can't fit in. I just...
46
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:49,015
I'm sorry. I just needed
to hear a friendly voice.
47
00:01:49,017 --> 00:01:50,684
Your mom didn't pick up, huh?
48
00:01:50,686 --> 00:01:52,018
No, she didn't.
49
00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:53,768
You know, I mean,
50
00:01:53,793 --> 00:01:56,189
they all have these inside jokes.
51
00:01:56,191 --> 00:01:58,158
I mean, I'm-I'm looking
at the bathroom wall.
52
00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,292
It's covered in graffiti
53
00:01:59,294 --> 00:02:00,861
where they make fun of each other.
54
00:02:00,863 --> 00:02:03,096
You know, "Jay is gross."
55
00:02:03,098 --> 00:02:04,898
"Pat smells his wipes."
56
00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:07,500
"Jacob doesn't recycle." I mean...
57
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,970
Nothing about old Greg.
58
00:02:09,972 --> 00:02:11,805
You're not eating in
the bathroom, are you?
59
00:02:11,807 --> 00:02:13,640
What? No way.
60
00:02:14,133 --> 00:02:15,909
(MOUTH FULL): You know,
I'm really thinking
61
00:02:15,911 --> 00:02:18,144
it was a mistake taking this job.
62
00:02:18,146 --> 00:02:19,379
Oh, honey, don't worry about it.
63
00:02:19,381 --> 00:02:21,181
You'll figure out how
to speak their language.
64
00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:23,016
Yeah, but how do I do that?
65
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:25,485
Well, you're eating in the bathroom
66
00:02:25,487 --> 00:02:29,422
while talking to your wife,
so maybe start with not that.
67
00:02:29,424 --> 00:02:31,424
(SIGHS)
68
00:02:46,095 --> 00:02:47,398
(LAUGHS)
69
00:02:47,423 --> 00:02:50,744
I saw what you jokesters
wrote in the bathroom about me.
70
00:02:50,746 --> 00:02:52,412
(SCOFFS) Classic.
71
00:02:52,414 --> 00:02:55,882
Hey! Listen up, everybody.
72
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:58,451
Emergency meeting, my office, right now.
73
00:02:58,453 --> 00:03:00,954
Angry face emoji.
74
00:03:04,493 --> 00:03:06,860
There's some serious stuff
happening in the bathroom.
75
00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:09,562
More serious than when
Larry hung himself in there?
76
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,064
That was bad.
77
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:13,099
Or when Andrea had her baby in there?
78
00:03:13,101 --> 00:03:14,234
Ooh, that was bad, too,
79
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,835
but this is worse.
80
00:03:15,837 --> 00:03:18,872
Whoever wrote that about
Greg crossed the line.
81
00:03:18,874 --> 00:03:21,441
Oh, oh, i-it's fine.
82
00:03:21,443 --> 00:03:23,076
I mean, really, it's...
83
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,745
Got to have a-a thick
skin if you're gonna
84
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:28,093
be in the Spotz gang.
85
00:03:28,118 --> 00:03:31,392
Isn't that right, PookieHunterGamer?
86
00:03:31,556 --> 00:03:33,301
PookieGunner.
87
00:03:33,326 --> 00:03:34,625
I was close.
88
00:03:34,650 --> 00:03:37,424
Death threats, hate
speech, body shaming,
89
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,492
all in one horrible scribble?
90
00:03:39,494 --> 00:03:41,127
It's not okay.
91
00:03:41,129 --> 00:03:42,662
Talking about...
92
00:03:42,664 --> 00:03:45,632
that area? Not okay.
93
00:03:45,634 --> 00:03:47,139
Pointing out this?
94
00:03:47,459 --> 00:03:48,868
Not okay.
95
00:03:48,870 --> 00:03:51,171
Why don't we talk about what's up here
96
00:03:51,173 --> 00:03:53,206
or what's in here.
97
00:03:53,705 --> 00:03:55,182
Okay, if you're a woman,
98
00:03:55,207 --> 00:03:57,677
I guess let's just
stick to what's up here.
99
00:03:58,347 --> 00:04:00,180
That's a beautiful blouse, by the way.
100
00:04:00,861 --> 00:04:03,328
So, who was it?
101
00:04:03,923 --> 00:04:05,018
Okay.
102
00:04:05,020 --> 00:04:06,920
If you're not man enough to...
103
00:04:06,922 --> 00:04:09,089
Can't say that.
104
00:04:09,091 --> 00:04:12,826
If you don't have the balls
to tell me that it was you,
105
00:04:13,056 --> 00:04:15,875
then we're just gonna
get a handwriting analysis
106
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:17,866
and find out the culprit that way.
107
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:19,132
When I find out who did
108
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,467
the crime in the bathroom,
109
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:22,702
they will be terminated and prosecuted.
110
00:04:22,704 --> 00:04:24,004
(WORKERS MURMURING)
111
00:04:24,006 --> 00:04:26,006
Greg, what are you doing?
112
00:04:26,008 --> 00:04:28,441
I don't know. I was
just trying to fit in.
113
00:04:28,443 --> 00:04:30,076
That's, like, the definition
114
00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:31,978
of creating a hostile work environment.
115
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,646
Why would you write that?
116
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,316
Matt used to say it to me all
the time when we were kids.
117
00:04:36,879 --> 00:04:38,225
I knew I should've gone with
118
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:40,791
his other insult, "Greg is adopted."
119
00:04:40,792 --> 00:04:42,830
You know, but we have
this Russian kid there,
120
00:04:42,831 --> 00:04:45,492
and he has two dads, so it
felt kind of risky, you know?
121
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:46,659
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
122
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,862
When I said to learn
to speak their language,
123
00:04:48,864 --> 00:04:50,864
I meant, like, buy a hat.
124
00:04:50,866 --> 00:04:53,035
I did buy a hat. You threw it away.
125
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,561
Well, it was a stupid hat.
126
00:04:57,829 --> 00:04:59,739
Chase, uh...
127
00:04:59,741 --> 00:05:01,941
I'm sorry, but we need to talk
128
00:05:01,943 --> 00:05:04,677
about what was written in the bathroom.
129
00:05:04,991 --> 00:05:07,826
I know, buddy. Have a seat.
130
00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:12,285
I just got off the phone with
my entire board of directors.
131
00:05:12,287 --> 00:05:14,220
I'm out. They suspended me.
132
00:05:14,222 --> 00:05:17,971
W-Why? I mean, you didn't write
that stuff in the bathroom.
133
00:05:17,996 --> 00:05:19,459
I assume.
134
00:05:19,461 --> 00:05:22,479
No way to tell. I wasn't allowed
to analyze the handwriting.
135
00:05:22,504 --> 00:05:23,830
The board feels that I've created
136
00:05:23,832 --> 00:05:27,558
a toxic work environment,
and I have to agree.
137
00:05:27,848 --> 00:05:29,369
You know how many times
I've gone home crying
138
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,649
after someone wrote
something horrible about me?
139
00:05:31,674 --> 00:05:34,586
Yeah, yeah, I read that
thing about your man boobs.
140
00:05:34,611 --> 00:05:36,209
But if it makes you feel any better,
141
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,244
I did not notice until I read it.
142
00:05:38,596 --> 00:05:40,062
You're a good guy, Greg.
143
00:05:40,087 --> 00:05:42,215
That's why the board
wants you to take over.
144
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,885
What? Me?
145
00:05:48,186 --> 00:05:50,457
Hey, boss man. How's work?
146
00:05:50,459 --> 00:05:52,459
Those teenagers still being mean to you?
147
00:05:52,461 --> 00:05:53,960
Well, you tell me.
148
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:56,062
Listen to what my team wrote about me
149
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,597
on the bathroom wall.
150
00:05:57,599 --> 00:05:59,699
"Must be nice to be an old loser
151
00:05:59,701 --> 00:06:02,669
who gets promoted after
two days." (CHUCKLES)
152
00:06:02,671 --> 00:06:04,270
I'm finally fitting in.
153
00:06:04,272 --> 00:06:05,605
Oh, wow.
154
00:06:05,607 --> 00:06:08,074
Life has a funny way of working out.
155
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:11,377
Hey, uh, any luck getting
rid of what you wrote?
156
00:06:11,379 --> 00:06:14,908
No, they told me they're
gonna have to retile.
157
00:06:15,117 --> 00:06:17,776
Guess I shouldn't
have written it so big.
158
00:06:23,542 --> 00:06:25,376
_
159
00:06:25,421 --> 00:06:27,160
(GASPS)
160
00:06:27,162 --> 00:06:30,140
ALL: Aw!
161
00:06:30,165 --> 00:06:33,945
Jen, you wretched thing,
how am I supposed to handle
162
00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:36,379
that adorable dress?
163
00:06:36,404 --> 00:06:40,255
I mean, just kill me.
Just end it all now.
164
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,808
JEN: Lark, what do you say?
165
00:06:41,810 --> 00:06:43,730
Thank you, Easter Bunny.
166
00:06:43,751 --> 00:06:45,210
- Aw.
- Thank you... Oh.
167
00:06:45,211 --> 00:06:47,292
- She thinks I'm the Easter Bunny.
- (LAUGHTER)
168
00:06:47,681 --> 00:06:50,516
We are doing such a good job.
169
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,397
Isn't this just a little sanctimonious?
170
00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:58,291
Uh... maybe.
171
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,727
(AAHING, LAUGHTER)
172
00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:03,663
I got to trade my kids
in for a new model.
173
00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:07,076
Someone got resurrected today,
and we're just sitting here
174
00:07:07,101 --> 00:07:10,607
obsessing over the third most
boring person in our family.
175
00:07:10,632 --> 00:07:11,704
Who are the first two...
176
00:07:11,706 --> 00:07:13,531
No offense, you guys.
177
00:07:17,114 --> 00:07:18,344
Hungwy.
178
00:07:18,346 --> 00:07:19,722
Are you speaking Korean?
179
00:07:19,747 --> 00:07:21,548
I thought you and
Sung-sook had a falling out.
180
00:07:21,550 --> 00:07:23,349
We want p'sghetti.
181
00:07:23,351 --> 00:07:24,918
Okay, honey, I don't
know what you're doing,
182
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:26,700
but I assume that
you're making fun of me
183
00:07:26,709 --> 00:07:29,293
in some sort of complicated
way that I don't understand.
184
00:07:29,294 --> 00:07:31,124
So no TV for you tonight, okay?
185
00:07:31,126 --> 00:07:32,392
Uh...
186
00:07:32,975 --> 00:07:35,028
You have no idea how
much I enjoyed that.
187
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:37,564
It's your second helping,
so I'm guessing a lot.
188
00:07:37,566 --> 00:07:40,668
I meant your desperation.
I think you need to start
189
00:07:40,708 --> 00:07:42,730
wetting your pants
again to really sell it.
190
00:07:42,755 --> 00:07:44,722
I don't know what you're talking about.
191
00:07:44,747 --> 00:07:48,988
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) You forget,
I was the cute one before you.
192
00:07:49,013 --> 00:07:51,411
Then some thing clawed
its way out of Mom,
193
00:07:51,413 --> 00:07:53,479
turned the family into a Sophia cult.
194
00:07:53,481 --> 00:07:55,582
Well, that'll never
happen with Lark and me.
195
00:07:55,584 --> 00:07:57,150
She's so stale.
196
00:07:57,152 --> 00:08:00,019
She's like if two blah
white people had a baby.
197
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,921
Hey, babe, you know what I love?
198
00:08:01,922 --> 00:08:04,335
- Quinoa?
- Yeah.
199
00:08:04,944 --> 00:08:06,878
Don't worry, Clementine and Tyler
200
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:09,261
won't go five years
without getting pregnant.
201
00:08:09,286 --> 00:08:11,653
And Lark'll be out on her ass, too.
202
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,612
JOAN: Oh, I can't!
203
00:08:15,637 --> 00:08:18,766
I can't live on a planet this adorable!
204
00:08:18,829 --> 00:08:22,890
Just weigh me down and
throw me in the river!
205
00:08:23,524 --> 00:08:25,478
Mine's twirlier.
206
00:08:27,292 --> 00:08:29,793
Okay. Sophie, stop it. You look
like you're tripping on acid.
207
00:08:29,836 --> 00:08:31,985
You want to know what?
What if we just, um...
208
00:08:31,987 --> 00:08:33,340
Oh. Here you go.
209
00:08:33,375 --> 00:08:35,956
- JOAN: Oh...
- Oh. Good?
210
00:08:35,957 --> 00:08:37,423
My!
211
00:08:37,425 --> 00:08:40,159
Just decapitate me!
212
00:08:40,435 --> 00:08:41,957
(QUIETLY): These are
empty threats, right?
213
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,417
- (CAMERA CLICKING)
- Hey, uh, Sophia,
214
00:08:43,418 --> 00:08:46,299
can-can you move a little bit, please?
215
00:08:46,301 --> 00:08:48,568
No, no, no. Other way.
You're in the frame.
216
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,345
There you go. Yeah, keep going.
217
00:08:51,370 --> 00:08:53,306
A little more. Bucket's still in.
218
00:08:53,308 --> 00:08:55,034
Bucket's still in. There we go.
219
00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:57,610
All right, Lark. Smile. Perfect.
220
00:08:58,073 --> 00:08:59,791
JOHN: I want a copy of that.
221
00:08:59,816 --> 00:09:01,414
I'm gonna tape it on my computer
222
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,182
as my new screen saver.
223
00:09:03,184 --> 00:09:05,118
Happy Easter, everyone.
224
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:10,984
It's time for our under-fives
to get ready for the egg hunt!
225
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,000
You hear that, Lark?
226
00:09:12,027 --> 00:09:13,926
You gonna win the egg
hunt, like we said?
227
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,129
I will win that the most!
228
00:09:16,292 --> 00:09:17,918
- Really cute.
- (SIGHS)
229
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:20,751
- Right, Sophia?
- Shut it, Samantha.
230
00:09:20,876 --> 00:09:24,835
Ready, set, and go!
231
00:09:25,233 --> 00:09:26,800
GREG: Lark. Larkie.
232
00:09:26,825 --> 00:09:28,241
Go get that big blue egg.
233
00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:29,333
Yeah!
234
00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:30,668
- Oh, look at her.
- Oh, look at her.
235
00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:31,744
GREG: To the right, Lark, to the right.
236
00:09:31,751 --> 00:09:34,114
- Oh, no. Not the rock.
- JEN: Aw.
237
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:36,049
Well, you know, she probably felt bad
238
00:09:36,051 --> 00:09:38,384
that the rock wasn't
getting any attention.
239
00:09:38,386 --> 00:09:40,520
SOPHIA: She doesn't
even know her colors.
240
00:09:40,522 --> 00:09:42,655
Or left from right.
241
00:09:43,224 --> 00:09:44,891
Sophia, what are you doing?
242
00:09:45,607 --> 00:09:46,826
You snooze, you lose.
243
00:09:46,828 --> 00:09:49,095
Sophia. Those aren't for you!
244
00:09:49,097 --> 00:09:51,002
What on earth? What the...?
245
00:09:51,166 --> 00:09:52,165
No!
246
00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:54,133
Wh-What's that young lady doing?
247
00:09:55,983 --> 00:09:58,183
Where are her parents?
248
00:09:59,074 --> 00:10:01,174
JOAN: Honey. Please.
249
00:10:01,176 --> 00:10:02,575
Don't do that.
250
00:10:02,577 --> 00:10:03,801
Okay, what do we do?
251
00:10:03,802 --> 00:10:06,084
- I think we just do the right thing.
- Yeah.
252
00:10:06,114 --> 00:10:07,647
Whose monster child is this?
253
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:11,150
Yeah! Get that girl off the field, huh?
254
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,250
SAMANTHA: Careful.
255
00:10:18,381 --> 00:10:20,114
Those'll mess you up.
256
00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:22,562
My tolerance is off the
charts at this point.
257
00:10:22,564 --> 00:10:24,466
I don't even feel it.
258
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,738
You sure showed
those three-year-olds.
259
00:10:26,763 --> 00:10:28,868
Their parents are calling you Godzilla.
260
00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:32,072
I'm not proud I destroyed Tokyo, okay?
261
00:10:32,097 --> 00:10:33,673
So if you're here to make fun of me,
262
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:36,576
why don't you just go
somewhere and have puberty.
263
00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:38,641
I'm not gonna make fun of you.
264
00:10:39,159 --> 00:10:41,231
Mom and Dad wanted me to give you this.
265
00:10:42,918 --> 00:10:44,960
Ten bucks? Why?
266
00:10:45,221 --> 00:10:47,251
They said it's only half of what's yours
267
00:10:47,276 --> 00:10:49,756
if you don't call them Mom
and Dad till we leave the park.
268
00:10:50,174 --> 00:10:52,091
Fine by me.
269
00:10:52,439 --> 00:10:54,439
Hey, life isn't over
270
00:10:54,464 --> 00:10:56,562
because you aren't the cute one anymore.
271
00:10:56,751 --> 00:10:59,285
This just means it's
time to reinvent yourself.
272
00:10:59,717 --> 00:11:01,350
Find a new thing.
273
00:11:03,304 --> 00:11:06,105
Uh, but don't sulk. That's my thing.
274
00:11:07,313 --> 00:11:10,083
Give me one of those.
275
00:11:12,075 --> 00:11:13,975
Okay, ready?
276
00:11:17,535 --> 00:11:19,369
(CHUCKLES)
277
00:11:21,918 --> 00:11:23,836
- What are you doing?
- Gotcha!
278
00:11:23,837 --> 00:11:25,941
(CHUCKLES) I'm a practical jokester now.
279
00:11:25,966 --> 00:11:27,460
You been Soph'd!
280
00:11:27,462 --> 00:11:29,896
Okay, well, just clean all this
up when you're done, all right?
281
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,566
Ketchup stains.
282
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:33,966
- (SIGHS)
- Maybe keep trying.
283
00:11:36,542 --> 00:11:38,460
_
284
00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:41,700
Hey, John.
285
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,302
Hey! I didn't recognize
you without my son.
286
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,676
Do you want some breakfast?
287
00:11:45,709 --> 00:11:48,501
Uh... well, it's 5:00 o'clock.
288
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:52,243
Oh? Well, I'm going back to bed.
289
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,462
JOAN: Who's in here?
290
00:11:53,487 --> 00:11:55,990
Who is in here? Say hi to Mommy!
291
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,667
- (JOAN IMITATES SPUTTERING CAR)
- Wow.
292
00:11:57,709 --> 00:11:59,834
Looks like you two had some fun.
293
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,186
I made Cheeto my baby.
294
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,055
Is he in diapers?
295
00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:06,622
That's crazy. He's 49.
296
00:12:06,647 --> 00:12:07,825
JEN: You know what, sweetie?
297
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,327
I love his beautiful necklace,
298
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,362
but it looks very fancy, so I think
299
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:13,965
we should just take it off
and give it back to Mom-Mom.
300
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:17,101
Jen, if you like the necklace,
why don't you keep it?
301
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,670
Oh, no. No, no. I couldn't
take your necklace.
302
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:22,590
Sure you can. I never wear it.
303
00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:25,251
And I'd love for you to
have something of mine.
304
00:12:25,276 --> 00:12:27,176
It'd make me so happy
305
00:12:27,201 --> 00:12:30,262
to see you enjoy it while
I still have half a brain.
306
00:12:30,287 --> 00:12:31,649
(LAUGHS)
307
00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:34,585
Joanie, what is that, face crabs?
308
00:12:36,245 --> 00:12:37,231
Hurry, hurry
309
00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:39,292
while there's still
some of my quiche left.
310
00:12:39,324 --> 00:12:42,436
I made it with marshmallow,
so it's both savory and sweet.
311
00:12:42,438 --> 00:12:44,872
Mmm. Mmm. Yum. Best of both worlds.
312
00:12:44,874 --> 00:12:48,108
You know what? I'm just so
full. Couldn't eat another bite.
313
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,977
(BOTH LAUGH)
314
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:52,780
Oh, you're wearing the necklace?
315
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:54,648
It looks beautiful on you.
316
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,450
Oh, thank you. I love it.
317
00:12:56,452 --> 00:12:58,619
I haven't taken it off. (LAUGHS)
318
00:12:58,621 --> 00:13:00,287
Here, let me help you.
319
00:13:00,289 --> 00:13:01,689
Oh, thank you.
320
00:13:01,691 --> 00:13:04,325
I'll owe you big
321
00:13:04,327 --> 00:13:07,762
if you can throw out Colleen's
quiche without her seeing it.
322
00:13:07,764 --> 00:13:10,431
Yeah, yeah, I think I'll
throw it in the trash, though,
323
00:13:10,433 --> 00:13:12,466
'cause the last one broke
the garbage disposal.
324
00:13:12,467 --> 00:13:15,542
- Oh, my gosh, that's right.
- Ooh, yeah.
325
00:13:16,793 --> 00:13:18,089
Oh, hey,
326
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:20,142
how does your mom feel
about getting naked?
327
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,626
- Hmm?
- I was thinking about taking her
328
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:22,544
to the Korean spa.
329
00:13:22,578 --> 00:13:24,606
Oh, she loves being
naked, like, too much.
330
00:13:24,631 --> 00:13:28,682
Like, my entire childhood felt
like one big Cinemax movie.
331
00:13:29,322 --> 00:13:30,633
Wow.
332
00:13:30,658 --> 00:13:31,886
Where'd you get that necklace?
333
00:13:31,888 --> 00:13:33,454
Oh, your mom gave it to me.
334
00:13:33,459 --> 00:13:35,126
- Isn't it gorgeous?
- Oh. Yeah.
335
00:13:35,127 --> 00:13:37,291
- Thanks.
- That's nice. I'm glad she decided
336
00:13:37,292 --> 00:13:38,709
to keep it in the family.
337
00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:41,429
Will you excuse me for one second?
338
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,899
I just can't get enough
of this quiche, Colleen!
339
00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:46,924
COLLEEN: I knew you'd like it!
340
00:13:47,570 --> 00:13:50,455
Mom, how could you give Jen my necklace?
341
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,773
You and Dad gave it to me when I was 16.
342
00:13:52,775 --> 00:13:55,209
Oh, no. We did, didn't we?
343
00:13:55,211 --> 00:13:57,111
For not getting pregnant.
344
00:13:57,113 --> 00:13:59,447
No, you gave me the Celica
for not getting pregnant.
345
00:13:59,449 --> 00:14:01,348
The necklace you gave
me for my birthday.
346
00:14:01,350 --> 00:14:02,850
I thought that I lost it.
347
00:14:02,852 --> 00:14:04,196
You're gonna have to go get that back.
348
00:14:04,221 --> 00:14:05,750
Oh, this is terrible.
349
00:14:05,775 --> 00:14:08,142
Don't beat yourself up, Mom.
It's okay. I forgive you.
350
00:14:08,618 --> 00:14:10,758
No, it's just Jen loves the necklace
351
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,226
and it's brought us closer,
352
00:14:12,228 --> 00:14:15,129
and I don't know how
I can ask for it back.
353
00:14:15,434 --> 00:14:18,879
Well, I think the same way that
you asked for my Celica back
354
00:14:18,904 --> 00:14:20,534
when I did get pregnant.
355
00:14:20,536 --> 00:14:21,936
(SIGHS)
356
00:14:21,938 --> 00:14:24,338
(KNOCKING)
357
00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:26,625
JOAN: Hello, Jen!
358
00:14:26,707 --> 00:14:29,834
- Hi.
- Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi!
359
00:14:29,846 --> 00:14:33,113
I-I just wanted to return
your pie plate from brunch.
360
00:14:33,115 --> 00:14:34,949
Oh, you didn't have to do that,
361
00:14:34,951 --> 00:14:37,103
especially because it's not mine.
362
00:14:37,128 --> 00:14:39,361
Oh. Well, I-I have
to go to the bathroom.
363
00:14:39,386 --> 00:14:41,063
Would you excuse me?
364
00:14:45,161 --> 00:14:49,730
Where are you? Where are you?
Where are you? Where are you?
365
00:14:50,209 --> 00:14:51,710
(CLICKS TONGUE) Uh, Joan?
366
00:14:51,734 --> 00:14:53,067
(GASPS)
367
00:14:53,713 --> 00:14:54,778
I lied.
368
00:14:54,803 --> 00:14:56,070
I didn't have to go to the bathroom.
369
00:14:56,072 --> 00:14:58,005
I always go before I leave the house.
370
00:14:58,007 --> 00:15:01,004
Yeah. It troubles me that
I know that about you.
371
00:15:01,005 --> 00:15:03,417
I was looking for the
necklace I gave you.
372
00:15:03,418 --> 00:15:04,612
It's Heather's.
373
00:15:04,614 --> 00:15:06,413
Oh.
374
00:15:06,415 --> 00:15:09,783
Oh, that's why she was staring
at my chest all morning.
375
00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:13,187
I had completely
forgotten. I'm so sorry.
376
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:17,658
I was gonna replace it with
this replica that John made.
377
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:21,276
Yeah, that-that looks like a
marble on some fishing line.
378
00:15:21,301 --> 00:15:25,119
Yeah, I knew you'd know, but
he had me convinced, and...
379
00:15:25,144 --> 00:15:27,415
It's-it's okay. Really.
380
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,069
It still means a lot
381
00:15:29,071 --> 00:15:30,655
that you wanted to give it to me.
382
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,306
It made me feel like a daughter.
383
00:15:32,308 --> 00:15:35,910
(CHUCKLES) Which makes sense,
because it is your daughter's.
384
00:15:35,912 --> 00:15:38,112
You know, my son is so lucky.
385
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,918
I don't know what he's
always complaining about.
386
00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:44,751
So you're saying he-he
complains about me?
387
00:15:49,098 --> 00:15:50,373
Here it is, dear.
388
00:15:50,398 --> 00:15:52,593
Oh, Mom, you didn't have to do that.
389
00:15:52,595 --> 00:15:54,376
You told me I did.
390
00:15:54,401 --> 00:15:57,150
And then Tim called and said I'd better.
391
00:15:57,175 --> 00:15:59,366
And then the kids
called and threatened me.
392
00:15:59,368 --> 00:16:01,235
Oh. Did they?
393
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:02,834
- Yeah.
- Aw.
394
00:16:02,876 --> 00:16:04,627
I hope Jen wasn't too upset.
395
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:08,252
No, she was very mature and
understanding, elegant even.
396
00:16:08,277 --> 00:16:10,077
Which is why I gave her
those little earrings,
397
00:16:10,079 --> 00:16:11,912
you know, the lotus flowers.
398
00:16:11,914 --> 00:16:15,408
The-the ones that you got me
for my high school graduation.
399
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,584
Oh, no.
400
00:16:17,542 --> 00:16:19,418
_
401
00:16:20,209 --> 00:16:23,001
I just think it's really weird
to stab somebody that you love.
402
00:16:23,042 --> 00:16:25,125
Is this really the
only way we can do IVF?
403
00:16:25,126 --> 00:16:27,293
Yes, babe. And you
have to get used to it,
404
00:16:27,295 --> 00:16:29,295
because we have to do it every day.
405
00:16:29,297 --> 00:16:30,496
Hormones are not the kind of thing
406
00:16:30,498 --> 00:16:32,165
you can wrap in peanut
butter and swallow.
407
00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:33,038
I asked.
408
00:16:33,063 --> 00:16:35,912
Okay, this is just really
hard for me, you know?
409
00:16:35,918 --> 00:16:38,168
- Yeah.
- Because I'm really scared of needles.
410
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,837
(INHALES SHARPLY) Just do it.
411
00:16:39,838 --> 00:16:41,585
- Okay.
- No, wait, I'm not ready.
412
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,625
- (EXHALES)
- Just do it.
413
00:16:43,626 --> 00:16:44,668
- I'm not ready.
- (GRUNTS)
414
00:16:44,669 --> 00:16:47,377
- (SHOUTING)
- Oh, s...
415
00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:49,549
Hi!
416
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:51,835
Hey! Who's ready to do some shots?
417
00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:53,019
(CHUCKLES)
418
00:16:53,021 --> 00:16:55,488
I really appreciate you
helping us with our IVF.
419
00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:58,602
I've asked literally everyone
else, and no one would do it.
420
00:16:58,633 --> 00:17:01,127
That's how I get 90% of my patients.
421
00:17:01,129 --> 00:17:03,630
Oh, I'm just so nervous,
and Matt is a mess.
422
00:17:03,632 --> 00:17:05,598
And then my needle kit
fell out on the bus,
423
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,467
and I got all these unsettling winks.
424
00:17:07,492 --> 00:17:09,969
Oh, I hear you. I used
to get shots all the time.
425
00:17:09,971 --> 00:17:11,521
And before you jump to the obvious...
426
00:17:11,546 --> 00:17:12,326
Diabetes.
427
00:17:12,351 --> 00:17:14,207
Steroids... in med school,
428
00:17:14,209 --> 00:17:16,643
I used to let my classmates
practice giving shots on me.
429
00:17:16,645 --> 00:17:17,644
Ten bucks a pop.
430
00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:19,970
Oh. People used to
pay me in college, too.
431
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,963
For... stuff.
432
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,516
Please don't make this weird, Colleen.
433
00:17:23,518 --> 00:17:25,084
Just turn around, drop your pants,
434
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:26,219
and let's make a baby.
435
00:17:26,221 --> 00:17:28,221
Okay. (CHUCKLES) Here we go.
436
00:17:28,223 --> 00:17:30,253
Just give me a little heads-up, okay?
437
00:17:30,254 --> 00:17:32,292
- Sure.
- Because, uh, I'm really nervous,
438
00:17:32,292 --> 00:17:34,374
and my-my reflexes are crazy.
439
00:17:34,375 --> 00:17:36,126
- Done!
- So when you get... What?
440
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:37,947
Tim!
441
00:17:37,959 --> 00:17:40,124
You really are a great doctor!
442
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,167
Eh, it was nothing.
443
00:17:41,209 --> 00:17:42,835
That was incredible.
I didn't feel a thing.
444
00:17:42,837 --> 00:17:44,820
I just always assumed you were terrible.
445
00:17:44,845 --> 00:17:46,140
Funny, that's exactly what Heather said
446
00:17:46,165 --> 00:17:47,331
when I got her pregnant.
447
00:17:47,356 --> 00:17:48,522
Hmm.
448
00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:53,084
Psst!
449
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:54,581
Oh! (GRUNTS) Hey!
450
00:17:54,584 --> 00:17:56,001
- Hey!
- You're, uh...
451
00:17:56,017 --> 00:17:56,700
you're early!
452
00:17:56,751 --> 00:17:59,001
Yeah, I'm really excited
for your medical magic.
453
00:17:59,035 --> 00:18:00,294
It's like you're one of those chickens
454
00:18:00,319 --> 00:18:01,520
that can play tic-tac-toe.
455
00:18:01,545 --> 00:18:03,022
Like, you don't believe it's possible,
456
00:18:03,024 --> 00:18:04,317
and all of a sudden, there you are;
457
00:18:04,342 --> 00:18:05,892
he's beating you three
straight. (CHUCKLES)
458
00:18:05,894 --> 00:18:07,026
Now, I don't mean
459
00:18:07,028 --> 00:18:09,228
to be nosy, but I am. What's that?
460
00:18:09,737 --> 00:18:12,738
That? Oh, that... Uh, yarn.
461
00:18:12,763 --> 00:18:14,730
Surgical yarn.
462
00:18:15,203 --> 00:18:16,965
Okay, I knit. It relaxes me.
463
00:18:16,966 --> 00:18:19,460
But just please don't
tell the family, okay?
464
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,574
'Cause then they'll finally
have something to tease me about.
465
00:18:21,584 --> 00:18:22,376
There it is.
466
00:18:22,397 --> 00:18:24,374
Aw! I think it's so sweet.
467
00:18:24,375 --> 00:18:27,334
- Yeah. See?
- What is that, a... pot holder?
468
00:18:27,358 --> 00:18:29,549
Or... No! It's a sweater.
469
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:31,484
Or vest. I...
470
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:33,249
Maybe it's a sweater vest.
471
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:34,920
- Let me help you.
- You know how to knit?
472
00:18:34,959 --> 00:18:36,625
- Oh.
- Yeah, my mother wouldn't buy me
473
00:18:36,626 --> 00:18:38,658
a thong, so my
abuelita knitted me one.
474
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:41,828
It was very progressive,
and also very uncomfortable.
475
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:44,464
Whoa, look at you!
You're like a regular...
476
00:18:44,466 --> 00:18:47,683
- famous knitter.
- (CHUCKLES) There you go.
477
00:18:47,847 --> 00:18:50,150
These past few weeks have been nice.
478
00:18:50,167 --> 00:18:51,542
- Yeah.
- I like that we have our
479
00:18:51,584 --> 00:18:53,544
private little club, and...
480
00:18:53,641 --> 00:18:56,403
it's kind of fun keeping another
secret from my wife, you know?
481
00:18:56,417 --> 00:18:58,876
- (CHUCKLES)
- Oh, you know what?
482
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,184
I'll undo mine. I'll
undo mine. You keep going.
483
00:19:01,209 --> 00:19:03,918
- Oh! You're so patient.
- Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
484
00:19:04,150 --> 00:19:06,386
You know what, you are
gonna make a great mom.
485
00:19:06,388 --> 00:19:08,955
Aw. Thank you so much, Tim.
486
00:19:08,957 --> 00:19:10,424
Sure.
487
00:19:13,918 --> 00:19:16,293
- Psst!
- It was clogged when I went in there!
488
00:19:16,334 --> 00:19:19,293
No... What? No, come here, man.
489
00:19:19,965 --> 00:19:21,707
Colleen told me your little secret.
490
00:19:21,732 --> 00:19:23,817
What? You can't trust her. She's a liar.
491
00:19:23,842 --> 00:19:25,441
No, she says you're a great doctor.
492
00:19:25,466 --> 00:19:28,574
Oh. Then I take back what
I just said. She's lovely.
493
00:19:28,983 --> 00:19:30,777
I was wondering if you would teach me
494
00:19:30,779 --> 00:19:32,545
how to give her the shots myself.
495
00:19:32,570 --> 00:19:34,347
Oh, no, I don't mind doing the shots.
496
00:19:34,349 --> 00:19:35,782
And despite what I just said,
497
00:19:35,784 --> 00:19:37,417
I really do value her friendship.
498
00:19:37,419 --> 00:19:39,552
Okay, but I need to overcome this.
499
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,521
If-if I can do it, man,
she'll be really happy.
500
00:19:41,523 --> 00:19:44,527
Okay. Look, it's gonna
be hard to stick this
501
00:19:44,542 --> 00:19:47,334
into someone you respect, so
just pretend I'm somebody else.
502
00:19:47,373 --> 00:19:50,010
I have to, uh, sanitize the area here
503
00:19:50,035 --> 00:19:51,664
and get a little bit of a...
504
00:19:51,666 --> 00:19:52,765
(SHOUTS)
505
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:54,574
Oh! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
506
00:19:54,626 --> 00:19:57,138
You just pumped
estrogen into my kidneys!
507
00:19:57,167 --> 00:19:58,459
Oh, no.
508
00:19:58,595 --> 00:19:59,872
Breathe better.
509
00:19:59,874 --> 00:20:01,507
Huh.
510
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,209
Nah.
511
00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:07,239
(KNOCKING) Hi!
512
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,406
- Oh! Hey!
- Just wanted to stop by
513
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,968
and say thank you so
much for everything.
514
00:20:11,969 --> 00:20:14,042
- Matt is doing great.
- (CHUCKLES)
515
00:20:14,083 --> 00:20:15,959
Well, not exactly great.
516
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,481
But at least he's stopped
crying and he waits
517
00:20:17,501 --> 00:20:18,918
- until I leave to throw up.
- (CHUCKLES)
518
00:20:18,943 --> 00:20:20,851
(CHUCKLES) Well, it took a lot of work.
519
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,171
Matt treated me like a voodoo doll.
520
00:20:23,196 --> 00:20:25,587
Somewhere out there, there's a giant Tim
521
00:20:25,588 --> 00:20:27,543
- who's in a lot of pain.
- (CHUCKLES)
522
00:20:27,544 --> 00:20:29,917
I'm really gonna miss
our needle parties.
523
00:20:29,918 --> 00:20:31,627
- Yeah, me, too.
- Yeah.
524
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:34,398
Hey. This is for you.
525
00:20:34,542 --> 00:20:36,501
- Aw.
- For helping me learn to knit.
526
00:20:36,533 --> 00:20:37,801
Thank you.
527
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,939
For when you get pregnant.
They're baby booties.
528
00:20:42,507 --> 00:20:43,791
Oh.
529
00:20:43,792 --> 00:20:46,293
- So cute.
- Yeah.
530
00:20:46,709 --> 00:20:51,709
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
531
00:20:51,759 --> 00:20:56,309
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