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1
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,746
- _
- ("Deck the Halls" playing)
2
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:14,187
("Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24" playing)
3
00:00:16,825 --> 00:00:19,025
- (DRIVING PERCUSSIVE BEAT PLAYS)
- Oh.
4
00:00:19,794 --> 00:00:20,860
- Yeah!
- (MUSIC VOLUME INCREASES)
5
00:00:20,862 --> 00:00:23,062
(ORCHESTRA PLAYING DRAMATICALLY)
6
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:36,476
(VOCALIZING)
7
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,085
- (MUSIC ENDS)
- Yeah-ha!
8
00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:56,054
- Whoo!
- Hey, Greg?
9
00:00:56,574 --> 00:00:58,056
Merry Christmas.
10
00:00:59,034 --> 00:01:02,402
It really is the most
wonderful time of the year.
11
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,096
No! No! No... (GROANS)
12
00:01:06,118 --> 00:01:08,062
Oh, boy.
13
00:01:08,087 --> 00:01:10,464
- _
- ("The Twelve Days of Christmas" playing)
14
00:01:11,868 --> 00:01:13,398
How cool are we?
15
00:01:13,423 --> 00:01:15,538
Even though we're
technically not a couple,
16
00:01:15,563 --> 00:01:18,176
we can still have people
over for a holiday party.
17
00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:20,545
Oh, I'm gonna make sure that the
parking brake is on this time.
18
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,514
We don't want the house
rolling away again.
19
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,182
Yeah, nobody wants another Easter.
20
00:01:26,944 --> 00:01:28,686
See? I told you everyone would fit.
21
00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:30,455
Yeah, you're right. And the photo booth
22
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,524
is a great conversation starter.
23
00:01:32,908 --> 00:01:34,641
Toilet's broke.
24
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,394
Got some good pictures, though.
25
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:39,130
I'm starving. Where's the food?
26
00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:41,933
Oh, we can't eat... this
place is at weight capacity.
27
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,635
Are you okay, Mom? You look pale.
28
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,036
Yeah, I feel pale.
29
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I don't think this house
30
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:48,706
- can sustain human life.
- Oh, no, no, no.
31
00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:51,309
It'll be okay. Honey, open
that window for my mom.
32
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:52,677
I tried... it's just a decal.
33
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,913
Yeah, I need air. I'm
gonna just lie down.
34
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:58,216
- Whoa! - Okay. We need to
get Joan out of here, stack.
35
00:01:58,218 --> 00:01:59,684
I think it's "stat."
36
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,253
No. I'm a doctor, Jen. It's "stack."
37
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:05,290
If I had a nipple for every
time someone corrected me...
38
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,268
- How do we get her out?
- Go high!
39
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:09,226
Lift with your legs.
40
00:02:11,327 --> 00:02:12,265
Easy...
41
00:02:12,290 --> 00:02:14,766
We did it. You know a party's a success
42
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,467
when someone crowd surfs.
43
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:17,969
CLEMENTINE: This is the best!
44
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,429
Merry Christmas, Joan!
45
00:02:19,454 --> 00:02:20,320
- (LOUD THUMP)
- Oh!
46
00:02:20,345 --> 00:02:21,406
Oh, we forgot to open the door.
47
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:24,409
Back her up, back her up, back her up.
48
00:02:24,621 --> 00:02:26,021
_
49
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:29,280
(BELL TINKLING)
50
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:31,716
Donation?
51
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,505
Here's a ten-spot.
52
00:02:35,915 --> 00:02:39,270
Doesn't it make you sick,
people not being so generous
53
00:02:39,295 --> 00:02:40,391
during the holidays?
54
00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:42,093
Thank you for your donation.
55
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:44,629
Oh, wait. That was a hundred dollars.
56
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:47,765
I meant to give you a
ten. I'll need that back.
57
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:50,401
I'm sorry, it's locked.
They don't trust us.
58
00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:52,470
Well, if I was gonna
donate a hundred dollars,
59
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:56,341
I'd have done it in
church so God could see me.
60
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,076
This isn't much of a lock.
61
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:04,582
(BELL TINKLING)
62
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,752
- What are you doing?
- I just want what's mine.
63
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,888
Somebody do some... Can you help?
64
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,223
Uh, maybe on the way out.
65
00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:15,327
Wait.
66
00:03:15,878 --> 00:03:18,096
I'm the only one that
gave you any money?
67
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:21,399
Well, people aren't as
generous as they used to be.
68
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,103
Ah...
69
00:03:25,495 --> 00:03:27,662
just keep it.
70
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:29,908
Merry Christmas.
71
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,210
Hey, that's my drone.
72
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,711
Thank you for your donation.
73
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:35,914
(BELL TINKLING)
74
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,448
Uh...
75
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:39,017
Yeah.
76
00:03:39,666 --> 00:03:41,612
_
77
00:03:42,285 --> 00:03:43,919
MATT: Okay, bubbles in the tub,
78
00:03:43,944 --> 00:03:46,691
and little kid toy... all set.
79
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:47,825
Look familiar?
80
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:49,827
- Tim showed you that video?
- What?
81
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:50,862
- What?
- What?
82
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:54,032
No, dude. I'm talking about this.
83
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,133
Oh!
84
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,701
Mom's favorite photo.
85
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:58,436
Yeah. Well, it'll be
her second favorite photo
86
00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:00,271
- once we recreate it.
- Oh, I love that!
87
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:02,173
Oh, yeah, let's match this exactly.
88
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:03,975
- Yeah.
- Uh, well, are you sure the three of us
89
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,010
can fit in that tub without, you know,
90
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,745
our, uh, parts touching?
91
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,847
- We're gonna be wearing swimsuits.
- HEATHER: Yeah.
92
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:10,912
Well, I'm just a purist
93
00:04:10,937 --> 00:04:12,894
when it comes to
recreations, that's all.
94
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,862
But, I mean, we can go your way.
That's fine.
95
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:15,501
- (SNIFFS)
- Yeah.
96
00:04:15,526 --> 00:04:17,221
HEATHER: Oh, you guys,
this takes me back.
97
00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:19,123
I remember Mom sitting right there,
98
00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:20,224
drinking wine,
99
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:22,126
cursing out Dad for never being home.
100
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:23,895
- That's right.
- (LAUGHS)
101
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,396
Hey, thank you guys for this.
102
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:27,765
You know, I never get
Mom anything good, so...
103
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,000
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
104
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,402
Yeah, this isn't just from you.
105
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:32,804
Sure it is... it was my idea.
106
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,105
I'm getting scissored by my sister,
107
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,907
and I still have to
buy Mom a gift? Uh-uh.
108
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,809
- This is from the three of us.
- Yeah.
109
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:38,843
But I did all the work.
110
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,840
You filled up the tub!
111
00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:41,668
You want to know what?
112
00:04:41,693 --> 00:04:43,348
I'm getting out. No deal.
113
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,283
Oh, I'm stuck.
114
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,985
Okay, listen, you know what, I get it.
115
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,487
You want the glory, because
your presents always suck.
116
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,089
Okay? Nobody wants
117
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,224
sliced-up painting that
you made into bookmarks.
118
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,993
Well, don't open
your present this year.
119
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:58,062
Okay, yeah, but this
is a great idea, Matt.
120
00:04:58,064 --> 00:04:59,797
I wanted it to be from me, because...
121
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,232
Mom sees me as the creative one
122
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,767
and I'm always disappointing her.
123
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:03,799
Honey...
124
00:05:03,824 --> 00:05:05,370
It being from the three of
us is the right thing to do,
125
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:06,637
especially since I'm going to need you
126
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,188
to help pitch in to get it framed.
127
00:05:08,213 --> 00:05:10,339
- Okay.
- So, thank you. I love you guys.
128
00:05:10,364 --> 00:05:12,619
- We love you, too.
- Love you, too. Oh.
129
00:05:15,251 --> 00:05:17,652
Please never tell me what this is.
130
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:21,865
(CAMERA SNAPS)
131
00:05:21,928 --> 00:05:23,146
_
132
00:05:24,006 --> 00:05:26,496
I know this is a tough
time of year for you
133
00:05:26,521 --> 00:05:27,825
since you lost your wife.
134
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:31,162
Yeah, part of me just wants to
pretend like it's not Christmas,
135
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,432
you know, just go on
like it's any other day.
136
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,535
But damn it, I want my peppermint bark.
137
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,604
Oh, that is very good.
138
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:43,107
Oh! It's like Santa's in
my mouth, nuts and all.
139
00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:45,843
Oh, we-we might want to explore that.
140
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,780
You know, Christmas is a difficult time
141
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,582
- for a lot of people.
- (MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
142
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:54,018
Oh, please!
143
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,720
Just leave,
144
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:57,488
you mechanical cockroach.
145
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,557
Get... out!
146
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:01,659
Out!
147
00:06:02,603 --> 00:06:04,602
- Oh, I just hate that thing.
- (MECHANICAL GROAN)
148
00:06:04,627 --> 00:06:05,596
I'm sorry.
149
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:06,697
I wanted
150
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:08,433
a vacuum cleaner last year,
151
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:12,797
you know, for Christmas, and
so John got me that cyborg rat
152
00:06:12,822 --> 00:06:15,640
that lives off his toenail
clippings. (SHUDDERS)
153
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:16,908
- Ooh.
- Anyway,
154
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,876
what we want to watch out for here
155
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:22,270
are any warning signs of depression.
156
00:06:22,295 --> 00:06:26,781
- (GUITAR PLAYS GENTLY) - Like
losing interest in normal activities,
157
00:06:26,806 --> 00:06:29,333
wanting to sleep all the time...
158
00:06:32,036 --> 00:06:33,972
feelings of emptiness...
159
00:06:33,997 --> 00:06:37,254
John! There's nothing in here!
160
00:06:37,442 --> 00:06:38,551
And, of course,
161
00:06:38,576 --> 00:06:40,576
any suicidal thoughts.
162
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:45,736
What you want to keep saying to
yourself is that you're loved.
163
00:06:46,478 --> 00:06:48,172
(CRYING): Thank you.
164
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,208
JOHN: That Timpkins guy
165
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:53,313
gave me a hug and a
big kiss when he left.
166
00:06:53,338 --> 00:06:56,709
- You're one hell of a therapist, Joanie.
- Oh, thank you.
167
00:06:56,734 --> 00:06:59,250
I try to have compassion with...
168
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,119
Oh, no!
169
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:03,020
Go away!
170
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,857
I just...
171
00:07:05,882 --> 00:07:09,560
have the feeling that I'm
missing some cry for help.
172
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:20,771
(ECHOING BOOM)
173
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,106
What was that?
174
00:07:29,635 --> 00:07:32,028
Who's gonna vacuum up the vacuum?
175
00:07:33,447 --> 00:07:35,647
- _
- ("I Have a Little Dreidel" playing)
176
00:07:38,858 --> 00:07:41,492
(FLY BUZZING)
177
00:07:44,775 --> 00:07:48,032
(SCREAMING)
178
00:07:51,254 --> 00:07:53,788
Yup. I found her.
179
00:07:53,928 --> 00:07:55,973
You got a pretty big bee hole.
180
00:07:56,608 --> 00:07:57,842
Uh, what?
181
00:07:57,844 --> 00:08:00,478
It's a hole where the
bees is getting in.
182
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,613
If you got a compact
mirror, I'll show her to you.
183
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,782
Y-You want to show me my, uh...
184
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:06,617
- Bee hole.
- Uh-huh.
185
00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:08,052
You're gonna have to
bend over, but I promise
186
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,487
it's worth the extra effort.
187
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,855
Well, you know what they say.
188
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,056
You've seen one, you've seen 'em all.
189
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:13,524
- That's what they say, but, uh...
- Mm-hmm.
190
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:16,294
In my experience, each
and every one's different.
191
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,229
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, that's the beauty of nature.
192
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,856
- Right.
- Yeah, but you never know
193
00:08:19,881 --> 00:08:20,872
till you get your head up in there.
194
00:08:20,949 --> 00:08:22,633
- Yeah.
- Yup.
195
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:25,136
No problem. Yup. (GRUNTS)
196
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:27,672
Look, there's a crack right
here, leads right to the hole.
197
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,040
It's probably how they
got in there so deep.
198
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,008
- Just rode that crack right up to it.
- (CHUCKLES)
199
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:34,140
So, uh, y-you have a lot of experience
200
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:35,713
filling bee holes then?
201
00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:37,615
I mean, I've-I've
filled a bee hole or two.
202
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:40,935
I mean, just a couple weeks
ago, I was in a truck stop toilet
203
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,474
plugging a bee hole.
204
00:08:42,499 --> 00:08:43,821
It's the quickest $100 I ever made.
205
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:46,757
Okay. Well, hey, thanks
for saving Christmas, Oscar.
206
00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:49,660
I-I probably won't tell
Lark exactly how, but...
207
00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:50,962
Yeah, all she needs to know is
208
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:54,065
that I obliterated Mommy's bee hole.
209
00:08:57,660 --> 00:09:00,087
- _
- ("The Twelve Days of Christmas" playing)
210
00:09:00,089 --> 00:09:02,056
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
211
00:09:02,058 --> 00:09:03,357
- Hey!
- Hello!
212
00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:04,625
- Hi!
- Hi!
213
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:07,365
- (KISSING)
- Oh, Merry Christmas.
214
00:09:07,390 --> 00:09:09,033
- Here you go.
- Oh, you brought wine.
215
00:09:09,058 --> 00:09:11,132
- You didn't have to do that.
- Yeah! Well, we figured
216
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,167
it was time we stopped
lying and say that, you know,
217
00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:15,369
we forgot it in the car and
actually bring something in
218
00:09:15,371 --> 00:09:17,672
to one of these family
functions. And, Mom, this is...
219
00:09:17,674 --> 00:09:19,907
- this is a really good bottle of wine.
- Mm-hmm.
220
00:09:19,909 --> 00:09:20,942
- Whew.
- My office
221
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:22,410
did a white elephant exchange,
222
00:09:22,412 --> 00:09:24,245
and as soon as I saw
this expensive bottle,
223
00:09:24,247 --> 00:09:26,814
I pretended I had an ovarian
cyst burst, and I left.
224
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,150
I find the more specific you
are, the less people question it.
225
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,585
- So smart.
- Mm-hmm.
226
00:09:30,587 --> 00:09:33,821
Well, every great bottle
of wine has its story.
227
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,430
- Come on, let me take you in here...
- Okay.
228
00:09:35,455 --> 00:09:36,382
To the party.
229
00:09:36,407 --> 00:09:38,559
- Oh...
- Hey, gang, look who's here!
230
00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:40,394
- Merry Christmas!
- Hey!
231
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:42,096
(SIGHS)
232
00:09:42,098 --> 00:09:43,547
What a waste.
233
00:09:43,572 --> 00:09:45,533
We finally bring something
and nobody's drinking it.
234
00:09:45,535 --> 00:09:48,236
- Not even Heather.
- No, no, this is great.
235
00:09:48,238 --> 00:09:50,104
We already got credit for it,
so we can just take it home
236
00:09:50,106 --> 00:09:51,138
and regift it next year.
237
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:52,773
Yeah, or we could take
it home and drink it.
238
00:09:52,775 --> 00:09:54,909
We can make it our
Christmas gift to each other.
239
00:09:54,911 --> 00:09:56,644
Did you not get me a Christmas gift?
240
00:09:56,646 --> 00:09:58,489
I totally got you a Christmas gift.
241
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:00,815
Is it one of your paintings
sliced into a bookmark?
242
00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:02,134
Does nobody in this family read?
243
00:10:02,159 --> 00:10:04,952
Ugh. Read, read, read.
244
00:10:04,954 --> 00:10:06,988
(GAGS)
245
00:10:07,991 --> 00:10:09,824
Let's go. I hid the
wine under my sweater.
246
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:10,958
What's in your purse?
247
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,426
The wine opener I stole.
248
00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:13,995
- Right.
- Merry Christmas!
249
00:10:13,997 --> 00:10:15,062
Love you, Mom! Bye!
250
00:10:15,064 --> 00:10:16,764
- Bye.
- Oh, oh, wait.
251
00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:17,570
Wait, wait!
252
00:10:17,595 --> 00:10:19,901
Nobody drank your wonderful wine.
253
00:10:19,903 --> 00:10:21,936
You should just take it home.
254
00:10:21,938 --> 00:10:22,938
Oh...
255
00:10:22,963 --> 00:10:24,109
John!
256
00:10:24,134 --> 00:10:25,973
Get their wine!
257
00:10:25,975 --> 00:10:27,909
Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
258
00:10:28,455 --> 00:10:30,971
I didn't let anybody touch your wine.
259
00:10:30,996 --> 00:10:31,619
Okay.
260
00:10:31,644 --> 00:10:33,881
Because they were already drunk.
261
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,690
And so that's when you
start pouring the swill.
262
00:10:36,715 --> 00:10:38,947
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- John!
263
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,454
I don't see it.
264
00:10:40,456 --> 00:10:42,757
Well, that means you're looking at it!
265
00:10:42,759 --> 00:10:44,512
- Oh, you know what, it's okay.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
266
00:10:44,537 --> 00:10:45,237
We're gonna take off.
267
00:10:45,262 --> 00:10:46,327
Thank you for a great night, Mom.
268
00:10:46,329 --> 00:10:47,795
- Bye.
- Mwah. Thank you so much.
269
00:10:47,797 --> 00:10:49,292
- Oh, bye.
- Merry Christmas.
270
00:10:49,317 --> 00:10:50,464
Oh!
271
00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:52,733
Oh, oh, what is that?
272
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,674
(SHOUTS) My ovarian cyst!
273
00:10:54,699 --> 00:10:56,199
- (GROANS)
- Ooh...
274
00:10:56,394 --> 00:10:58,294
_
275
00:11:00,777 --> 00:11:03,411
Guys, I'm having a little problem here.
276
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,755
Sleep, she ain't coming.
277
00:11:05,780 --> 00:11:07,782
Sophia, if you want to
keep up our tradition
278
00:11:07,784 --> 00:11:09,483
of sleeping together on Christmas Eve,
279
00:11:09,485 --> 00:11:11,786
you have to keep up
your end of the bargain.
280
00:11:11,788 --> 00:11:14,902
- Go to sleep.
- Hey, you don't have a drone
281
00:11:14,927 --> 00:11:16,924
waiting for you on the other side.
282
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,159
This isn't easy.
283
00:11:18,161 --> 00:11:21,228
I am what they call "wired."
284
00:11:21,230 --> 00:11:23,064
Then go get some milk.
285
00:11:23,066 --> 00:11:25,368
Hmm. Good idea. Milk.
286
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,560
Nature's Ambien.
287
00:11:31,184 --> 00:11:33,184
I love you.
288
00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:35,710
Sophia? Why are you still up?
289
00:11:35,712 --> 00:11:37,044
Are you crazy?
290
00:11:37,046 --> 00:11:39,146
I love you so much.
291
00:11:39,148 --> 00:11:41,983
I love you, and I love you.
292
00:11:41,985 --> 00:11:43,593
Boop, boop.
293
00:11:43,618 --> 00:11:46,587
Out of all the people,
I love you guys the most.
294
00:11:46,589 --> 00:11:48,356
What are you drinking?
295
00:11:48,358 --> 00:11:50,191
Cow milk.
296
00:11:50,193 --> 00:11:53,027
The sweet, sweet nectar of cow.
297
00:11:53,029 --> 00:11:55,129
- (HICCUPS)
- (SNIFFS)
298
00:11:55,154 --> 00:11:57,239
Oh, no. She drank the
eggnog from the party.
299
00:11:57,264 --> 00:11:59,344
Give it back. I've never felt so good.
300
00:11:59,369 --> 00:12:00,768
- What?
- HEATHER: Are you guys still awake
301
00:12:00,770 --> 00:12:02,570
in there? Seriously?
302
00:12:03,406 --> 00:12:05,439
- No. Come on.
- (MUTTERING)
303
00:12:05,441 --> 00:12:06,841
What are you doing?
304
00:12:06,843 --> 00:12:10,111
You're gonna wake up your little sister.
305
00:12:10,113 --> 00:12:11,112
(SNORING SOFTLY)
306
00:12:11,114 --> 00:12:14,448
She's so peaceful. Mm.
307
00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:15,883
(DOOR CLOSES)
308
00:12:15,885 --> 00:12:17,460
(SIGHS)
309
00:12:17,485 --> 00:12:19,585
Now I need some eggnog.
310
00:12:22,515 --> 00:12:24,725
Why is it wet?
311
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,741
- (GASPS) Sophia!
- Oh, my God!
312
00:12:26,766 --> 00:12:28,471
Everybody shut up!
313
00:12:28,496 --> 00:12:30,026
Santa's coming.
314
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,917
_
315
00:12:34,704 --> 00:12:36,771
- Psst.
- (QUIETLY): Yeah, yeah, yeah.
316
00:12:36,773 --> 00:12:38,139
Coast is clear. Lark's asleep.
317
00:12:38,141 --> 00:12:40,274
Okay, good, 'cause I really
want this to be a surprise.
318
00:12:40,276 --> 00:12:41,242
Okay.
319
00:12:41,244 --> 00:12:43,244
(GASPS)
320
00:12:43,246 --> 00:12:47,022
Oh! He's even cuter than the
photos that the shelter sent.
321
00:12:47,047 --> 00:12:48,849
- Yeah.
- She's gonna love him.
322
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,318
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- Oh.
323
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,887
I thought you were getting the puppy.
324
00:12:52,889 --> 00:12:55,756
This is the puppy.
325
00:12:56,883 --> 00:12:58,849
(LOUD CRASHING)
326
00:12:58,961 --> 00:13:00,394
What the hell was that?
327
00:13:00,396 --> 00:13:02,027
Wh... You put the dog
in his crate, right?
328
00:13:02,052 --> 00:13:03,185
Yeah.
329
00:13:07,236 --> 00:13:09,837
(SNARLING)
330
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:15,309
- (GROWLING)
- TOY VOICE: Mama. Mama.
331
00:13:15,311 --> 00:13:17,011
He's killing Jessica Jammies.
332
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,379
(GROWLING) Mama.
333
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:19,980
No.
334
00:13:19,982 --> 00:13:21,515
- No, no, no!
- Mama.
335
00:13:21,517 --> 00:13:23,189
- No, that is not working.
- Huh?
336
00:13:23,221 --> 00:13:24,228
- With a dog that size...
- Why?
337
00:13:24,253 --> 00:13:25,707
You have to establish
dominance, like this.
338
00:13:25,732 --> 00:13:26,497
Mama.
339
00:13:26,522 --> 00:13:28,489
Hey, buddy.
340
00:13:28,491 --> 00:13:29,356
- Who's in...
- Mama.
341
00:13:29,358 --> 00:13:30,524
- Um...
- (SHUDDERS)
342
00:13:30,526 --> 00:13:32,226
GREG: Okay, okay.
343
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,261
Who's in charge? Huh?
344
00:13:34,263 --> 00:13:36,063
- (GRUNTS) He's in charge.
- Oh, no.
345
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,331
He's the alpha dog now.
346
00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:38,466
JEN: No!
347
00:13:38,468 --> 00:13:39,301
- (DEEPLY): No!
- (BARKING)
348
00:13:39,326 --> 00:13:40,859
- (DEEPER): No!
- (BARKING)
349
00:13:40,884 --> 00:13:42,450
No! (BARKS)
350
00:13:42,475 --> 00:13:43,841
No!
351
00:13:44,807 --> 00:13:45,824
(LOW SNARL)
352
00:13:45,849 --> 00:13:47,682
Okay, shh. Let's just keep it quiet.
353
00:13:47,944 --> 00:13:50,945
All right? Let's not do anything crazy.
354
00:13:51,712 --> 00:13:52,780
All right.
355
00:13:52,782 --> 00:13:53,509
(LOW SNARL)
356
00:13:53,534 --> 00:13:55,843
Don't... make... a sound.
357
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:56,917
(TOY SQUEAKS) Mama.
358
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,185
(BARKING)
359
00:13:59,228 --> 00:14:00,621
- No, no, no, no, no!
- (SCREAMS)
360
00:14:00,623 --> 00:14:02,123
- No, no, no, no!
- (GASPING)
361
00:14:04,861 --> 00:14:06,994
Oh, no!
362
00:14:07,864 --> 00:14:10,097
Greg, Lark's big present
363
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,066
just ate all of Lark's little presents.
364
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,601
What are we gonna do?
365
00:14:15,685 --> 00:14:18,887
Celebrate Hanukkah?
366
00:14:21,769 --> 00:14:23,410
Well, I guess it all worked out.
367
00:14:23,412 --> 00:14:25,679
The dog's much happier
with his new family.
368
00:14:25,681 --> 00:14:28,349
Yeah, and Lark loves her gift.
369
00:14:28,351 --> 00:14:30,851
Thank you for my playhouse.
370
00:14:30,853 --> 00:14:32,419
Merry Christmas, Lark.
371
00:14:32,421 --> 00:14:34,388
And Happy Hanukkah.
372
00:14:35,121 --> 00:14:37,792
Honey, where did she
get that necklace though?
373
00:14:38,957 --> 00:14:41,665
That's the dog's shock collar.
374
00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:42,689
Hey, Lark...
375
00:14:42,714 --> 00:14:44,056
Not-not near the water.
376
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:49,614
- _
- ("The Twelve Days of Christmas" playing)
377
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,173
(GASPS) Christmas!
378
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,743
God. Oh, babe, no. Come on.
The kids aren't even up yet.
379
00:14:55,745 --> 00:14:57,351
Oh, well, you snooze, you lose.
380
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,888
It's Santa time.
381
00:14:58,890 --> 00:15:01,691
I love this thing, 'cause you
don't have to wear underwear.
382
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:02,959
(GROANS): Mmm...
383
00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:04,160
(GASPS)
384
00:15:04,162 --> 00:15:07,129
Oh, I know, babe... I gasp
every time I see it, too.
385
00:15:07,131 --> 00:15:08,397
No, it can't be.
386
00:15:08,399 --> 00:15:09,365
What's the matter?
387
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,133
I have a gray pube!
388
00:15:11,135 --> 00:15:14,423
(GASPS) Oh, yeah!
389
00:15:14,448 --> 00:15:17,399
Oh, it's like a little
piece of silver tinsel.
390
00:15:17,424 --> 00:15:18,823
That's festive.
391
00:15:18,848 --> 00:15:21,049
Well, had to happen sooner or later.
392
00:15:21,651 --> 00:15:23,145
(WHISPERS): Not yet.
393
00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:25,882
Merry Christmas!
394
00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:26,883
Mom.
395
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:29,151
Bring it way down.
396
00:15:29,153 --> 00:15:30,806
Here, Dad. This is for you.
397
00:15:30,831 --> 00:15:31,815
Ooh.
398
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,589
Leave the presents to the
young ones who still have
399
00:15:33,591 --> 00:15:35,057
- their whole lives ahead of them.
- Oh, honey,
400
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,960
come on, are you really gonna
let one tiny little gray hair
401
00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:39,328
ruin your favorite holiday?
402
00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:41,923
Wasn't tiny... it was twice
as long as all the others.
403
00:15:41,948 --> 00:15:43,432
Okay, well, then why
don't you just pluck it out
404
00:15:43,434 --> 00:15:44,567
and be done with it?
405
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:45,768
It doesn't work that way.
406
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:47,712
Gray hairs are like ants.
407
00:15:47,737 --> 00:15:48,971
- Okay.
- Oh, you see one,
408
00:15:48,973 --> 00:15:51,610
- there's a hundred more behind it.
- Mm.
409
00:15:51,635 --> 00:15:53,676
That was just the scout pube, Heather.
410
00:15:53,678 --> 00:15:56,479
- The colony is coming.
- Okay, okay.
411
00:15:56,481 --> 00:15:58,180
Art pens!
412
00:15:58,182 --> 00:15:59,649
Cool.
413
00:15:59,651 --> 00:16:01,984
Well, maybe there's
something even cooler
414
00:16:01,986 --> 00:16:04,161
than art pens inside.
415
00:16:08,581 --> 00:16:11,368
- A plane ticket to France?
- Yes.
416
00:16:11,393 --> 00:16:13,524
To that summer art camp
you wanted to go to.
417
00:16:13,549 --> 00:16:14,852
Merry Christmas, sweetie.
418
00:16:14,877 --> 00:16:16,196
TIM: Enjoy it now,
419
00:16:16,221 --> 00:16:17,790
- Sophia.
- Okay, babe, that's Samantha.
420
00:16:17,815 --> 00:16:18,734
Eh, they're all the same.
421
00:16:18,736 --> 00:16:20,547
Thank you so much!
422
00:16:20,572 --> 00:16:22,115
I can't believe this!
423
00:16:22,140 --> 00:16:24,941
I'm gonna call Uncle
Matt. He'll be so excited.
424
00:16:25,843 --> 00:16:27,772
Can you believe that, Tim?
425
00:16:27,797 --> 00:16:30,826
Our daughter is mature enough
to go to Europe by herself.
426
00:16:30,851 --> 00:16:32,315
Think about that, honey.
427
00:16:32,317 --> 00:16:36,152
Huh, maybe you're right.
This is all that matters.
428
00:16:36,723 --> 00:16:38,675
Of course. We're getting older,
429
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,222
but we get to watch our kids grow up.
430
00:16:40,224 --> 00:16:42,158
- Mmm.
- Hey, I'll be right back.
431
00:16:43,355 --> 00:16:45,706
"Burnt Pumpkin Spice"?
432
00:16:47,037 --> 00:16:48,024
It's a match!
433
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,215
(PEN RATTLING)
434
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:50,706
All right. (GRUNTS)
435
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:52,715
(GASPS)
436
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:54,295
- Dad!
- Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
437
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,285
- It's not what it looks like.
- Oh, my... God!
438
00:16:55,310 --> 00:16:56,035
I just want to feel...
439
00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:57,760
like a young man again!
440
00:16:58,285 --> 00:16:59,527
_
441
00:16:59,691 --> 00:17:00,810
Ooh...
442
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:04,080
This feels like the teapot I asked for.
443
00:17:04,082 --> 00:17:05,281
Oh!
444
00:17:05,283 --> 00:17:07,350
- With... cherries.
- Yeah,
445
00:17:07,352 --> 00:17:10,705
I had to hand-paint that,
but the paint's kind of toxic,
446
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,908
so you shouldn't put liquids in it.
447
00:17:12,933 --> 00:17:13,941
Okay.
448
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:14,991
Mm.
449
00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:16,425
(RATTLING)
450
00:17:16,427 --> 00:17:18,995
(MURMURS EXCITEDLY)
451
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:22,473
Oh, it's... cherry earrings.
452
00:17:22,498 --> 00:17:24,297
- Oh!
- Look. They match the pajamas
453
00:17:24,322 --> 00:17:26,222
that you got me.
454
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,916
ALL: Oh!
455
00:17:31,207 --> 00:17:32,088
JOAN: Oh!
456
00:17:32,113 --> 00:17:34,363
- Are they pretty.
- Oh, I love that.
457
00:17:35,814 --> 00:17:36,679
What is this?
458
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,681
It's a cherry toilet brush!
459
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,049
(LAUGHTER)
460
00:17:40,051 --> 00:17:43,052
- Oh! Oh!
- (LAUGHTER)
461
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:45,154
- That's great.
- HEATHER: Okay.
462
00:17:45,156 --> 00:17:46,522
You know what? No.
463
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,357
I'm done. I'm done with the cherries.
464
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,059
No... no more cherries.
465
00:17:50,061 --> 00:17:51,460
Cherries are your thing.
466
00:17:51,462 --> 00:17:52,762
No, Mom. I said
467
00:17:52,764 --> 00:17:55,464
that I love cherries one time years ago.
468
00:17:55,466 --> 00:17:57,900
And the only reason we even went
to that stupid cherry orchard
469
00:17:57,902 --> 00:18:00,069
is because we got lost on
the way to pick strawberries.
470
00:18:00,071 --> 00:18:02,271
Well, in my defense, we got lost
471
00:18:02,273 --> 00:18:04,691
because I thought the
directions were a prank.
472
00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:06,583
I'm done with the cherries.
473
00:18:06,608 --> 00:18:08,926
The next person to phone it in
474
00:18:08,951 --> 00:18:10,589
and give me some cherry-themed
475
00:18:10,614 --> 00:18:12,759
piece of crap Christmas gift
476
00:18:12,784 --> 00:18:15,084
is dead to me.
477
00:18:19,257 --> 00:18:21,957
Maybe the garbage will appreciate it.
478
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:23,759
Honey, honey, honey,
honey. No, no, no, no, no.
479
00:18:23,761 --> 00:18:25,828
- I love it. Mommy loves it. Oh...
- JOHN: You heard her.
480
00:18:25,830 --> 00:18:27,763
She's into strawberries.
481
00:18:27,765 --> 00:18:29,331
Yeah.
482
00:18:32,504 --> 00:18:34,397
_
483
00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:36,296
Here you go. This is for Mom and Dad.
484
00:18:36,321 --> 00:18:37,721
Yup.
485
00:18:44,098 --> 00:18:46,232
Aw, look at you guys, huh?
486
00:18:46,234 --> 00:18:47,582
(LAUGHTER)
487
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,726
JOAN: Oh! Look at you.
488
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:53,163
See, Joanie, I told you three
adults would fit in that tub.
489
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:55,645
And I told you that wasn't my objection.
490
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,977
Oh, this is so wonderful!
491
00:18:57,979 --> 00:18:59,311
I love it. Thank you.
492
00:18:59,313 --> 00:19:00,961
Thank you, kids.
493
00:19:00,986 --> 00:19:02,915
Hey, there's one more present.
494
00:19:02,917 --> 00:19:04,717
Says it's from Santa.
495
00:19:04,719 --> 00:19:07,152
Please tell me it's new
locks for the bathroom door.
496
00:19:09,290 --> 00:19:11,056
It's a DVD that says "Play me."
497
00:19:11,058 --> 00:19:12,624
TIM (GASPS): Oh!
498
00:19:12,626 --> 00:19:15,527
A gift from the ghost
of technologies past.
499
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:18,108
- Is this from you guys?
- No, right?
500
00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:20,366
- I have no idea what this is.
- Oh.
501
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:23,268
- _
- ("Sarajevo" playing on TV)
502
00:19:23,270 --> 00:19:24,636
JOAN: Oh, look at. So cute.
503
00:19:24,638 --> 00:19:27,130
JOAN: You guys were adorable.
504
00:19:27,641 --> 00:19:29,375
HEATHER: Well, I'll
be damned. I am wearing
505
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,490
- a dress with cherries all over it.
- Mm-hmm.
506
00:19:31,515 --> 00:19:32,888
- Lot of cherries.
- SAMANTHA: So cute.
507
00:19:32,913 --> 00:19:33,804
Hey, I don't remember
508
00:19:33,829 --> 00:19:35,639
being asked to submit any pictures.
509
00:19:35,664 --> 00:19:37,750
I bet this is from before
we joined the family.
510
00:19:37,752 --> 00:19:39,852
- Yeah.
- Oh, but there I am!
511
00:19:39,854 --> 00:19:42,221
- HEATHER: Oh, look at.
- COLLEEN: Oh! I was so cute.
512
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:43,756
- Oh, that is cute. Look at your cheeks.
- Thanks.
513
00:19:43,758 --> 00:19:46,492
- TIM: It's nice.
- JOAN: You're so adorable.
514
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:50,963
("Sarajevo" plays dramatically)
515
00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:53,198
No, no, no. Oh, come on, Matt!
516
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:54,967
(LAUGHING): What?
517
00:19:54,969 --> 00:19:56,702
(ALL LAUGHING)
518
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,006
Swing out, sister!
519
00:20:01,008 --> 00:20:02,241
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
520
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:03,375
Oh, my God.
521
00:20:03,377 --> 00:20:04,643
What are you doing?
522
00:20:04,645 --> 00:20:05,635
Kleenex are supposed
523
00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:07,762
to symbolize snowflakes
falling from the sky.
524
00:20:07,787 --> 00:20:08,986
Oh, wait. Here comes the blizzard.
525
00:20:09,183 --> 00:20:13,185
(ALL LAUGHING)
526
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,912
(KISSES) Merry Christmas, you guys.
527
00:20:14,937 --> 00:20:16,671
You, too, Matt.
528
00:20:18,826 --> 00:20:21,360
(SONG ENDS DRAMATICALLY)
529
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,695
So I'm just not in this at all?
530
00:20:24,719 --> 00:20:26,019
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
531
00:20:26,069 --> 00:20:30,619
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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