All language subtitles for Letterkenny s05e02 The Ol College Try.eng
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1
00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:12,550
You're�having�a�conversation about�your�pal's�second�cousin.
2
00:00:12,583 --> 00:00:13,573
The�other�day...
3
00:00:13,607 --> 00:00:15,712
Who,�Jarret? No,�Garrets.
4
00:00:15,745 --> 00:00:16,510
He's�a�good�guy.
5
00:00:16,545 --> 00:00:17,840
He�took�me�to�the�movies in�grade�six,
6
00:00:17,874 --> 00:00:19,214
and�he�wouldn't hold�my�hand.
7
00:00:19,248 --> 00:00:20,543
A�young�man's�hands can�get�sweaty
8
00:00:20,577 --> 00:00:21,577
in�that�sort�of�situation.
9
00:00:21,611 --> 00:00:24,011
Then�put�your�arm�around�me, what's�the�problem?
10
00:00:24,044 --> 00:00:26,949
Anywho,�Garrett's�movings�down to�Los�Angeles
11
00:00:26,982 --> 00:00:27,982
to�try�to�be�an�actors.
12
00:00:28,016 --> 00:00:28,951
He's�winning�for the�weather�alone.
13
00:00:28,986 --> 00:00:31,783
Negative. �lt�shouldn't be�warm�all�the�time.
14
00:00:31,816 --> 00:00:33,614
Four�seasons�helps keep�a�man�regular.
15
00:00:33,647 --> 00:00:35,222
Like�a�bowl�of�brans in�the�mornin'.
16
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:37,880
Huh.
17
00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:39,454
Garrett's�moving�down�to�LA
18
00:00:39,488 --> 00:00:41,583
to�be�an�actor.
19
00:00:41,617 --> 00:00:43,487
Isn't�that�something you�just�kind�of�are?
20
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:44,780
It's�not�as�if�a�librarian
21
00:00:44,814 --> 00:00:48,024
can�just�call�themselves
a�librarian�without collecting�a�paycheck.
22
00:00:48,057 --> 00:00:48,822
They�got�to�work.
23
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,656
That's�correct,�Ms. �Katys.
24
00:00:50,690 --> 00:00:51,755
So�Garrett�is�moving�down to�Los�Angeles
25
00:00:51,789 --> 00:00:54,924
to�try�to�earn�a�livings as�an�actor.
26
00:00:54,957 --> 00:00:56,557
Can�you�do�that? Do�whats?
27
00:00:57,355 --> 00:00:58,955
Well,�earn�a�living as�an�actor.
28
00:00:58,989 --> 00:01:01,354
That's�a�thing? Sure�it�is.
29
00:01:01,622 --> 00:01:04,292
So,�you�can�earn�a�living as�an�actor,�you�say?
30
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,430
Yeah. �How�do�you�think�Brad�Pitt bought�all�those�paintings
31
00:01:06,464 --> 00:01:07,994
and�became�so�passionates about�architecture?
32
00:01:08,028 --> 00:01:12,028
I�would�smash�that�dude
with�a�category�five�hurricane ��off�the�coast.
33
00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:14,965
Huh,�Garrett's�going to�LA�to�make�a�living as�an�actor?
34
00:01:15,232 --> 00:01:16,032
What�a�time�to�be�alive.
35
00:01:18,430 --> 00:01:20,830
LA�people�should shut�the�fuck�up. They�eat�tacos.
36
00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:23,228
What's�this? What,�you've�never met�one�before?
37
00:01:23,261 --> 00:01:24,261
That's�all�they fuckin'�talk�about.
38
00:01:24,296 --> 00:01:26,166
"Hey,�you�like�tacos? Let's�get�some�tacos.
39
00:01:26,199 --> 00:01:26,929
"You�know�who's�got�great�tacos?
40
00:01:26,964 --> 00:01:28,834
"Well,�these�guys�have the�best�tacos.
41
00:01:28,867 --> 00:01:29,514
"You�like�tacos,�right?
42
00:01:29,549 --> 00:01:30,525
"Tacos,�tacos,�tacos.
43
00:01:30,559 --> 00:01:32,266
"Venice�Beach�tacos."
44
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,970
It's�fuckin'�fish�steak or�carnitas ����wrapped�in�tortitas.
45
00:01:35,003 --> 00:01:36,003
How�good�can�it�fucking�be?
46
00:01:36,037 --> 00:01:37,602
He's�right. There!
47
00:01:37,636 --> 00:01:39,506
LA�people�should �����shut�the�fuck�up
about�hiking,�too.
48
00:01:39,765 --> 00:01:40,530
What's�this?
49
00:01:40,564 --> 00:01:41,904
What,�you�never�met one�of�them�before?
50
00:01:41,938 --> 00:01:43,198
It's�all�they fuckin'�talk�about.
51
00:01:43,232 --> 00:01:44,302
"Have�you�ever�been�on this�hike�before?
52
00:01:44,336 --> 00:01:45,901
"This�is�the�best�hike I've�ever�been�on�before.
53
00:01:45,935 --> 00:01:46,935
"Hiking,�hiking,�hiking.
54
00:01:46,969 --> 00:01:48,804
"Runyon�Canyon. Hiking,�hiking,�hiking."
55
00:01:48,838 --> 00:01:50,168
Just�an�asshole's�word for�"walkin'."
56
00:01:50,202 --> 00:01:51,202
I�wasn't�born�yesterday.
57
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,071
It's�all�tacos�and�hikes, hikes�and�tacos.
58
00:01:53,105 --> 00:01:54,975
Why�don't�you�ever�hike
while�you�have�a�taco, you�fuckin'�asshole?
59
00:01:55,008 --> 00:01:57,903
But�how�are�youse�to�know
that�hikings�and�tacos aren't�better�in�LA?
60
00:01:57,936 --> 00:01:58,971
They�are.
61
00:01:59,006 --> 00:02:00,006
Aren't�they?
62
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,145
Everything's�better�in�"LA".
63
00:02:02,178 --> 00:02:03,243
Says�who? People�in�LA.
64
00:02:03,277 --> 00:02:05,107
Yeah,�didn't�you never�not�notice
65
00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:07,211
that�people�from�up�here go�down�to�LA,
66
00:02:07,245 --> 00:02:09,915
and�then�they�come�back up�here�calling�it,�"LA"?
67
00:02:09,948 --> 00:02:10,595
Is�that�what�they�do?
68
00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:12,277
LA.
69
00:02:12,311 --> 00:02:14,446
Thank�you. �LA.
70
00:02:14,479 --> 00:02:16,814
And�everything's�better�in�"LA"?
71
00:02:16,848 --> 00:02:18,978
What,�you�never�met �����one�of�them�before?
That's�all�they�talk�about.
72
00:02:19,246 --> 00:02:21,611
What,�you've never�even�been�to�LA?
73
00:02:21,644 --> 00:02:24,314
You�have�to�come�to�LA, you'll�love�LA.
74
00:02:24,347 --> 00:02:27,477
LA,�LA.�Toyota�Hybrid fucking�cars. �LA.
75
00:02:27,510 --> 00:02:29,085
Oh,�yeah,�you�think you�know�tacos,�eh?
76
00:02:29,119 --> 00:02:30,449
I'll�tell�you, ������you're�some�kind�of fucking�asshole
77
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,353
if�you�think�you�know�tacos, you�never�had�a�taco�in�"LA".
78
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:34,681
Think�you�know�hiking?
79
00:02:34,715 --> 00:02:36,315
You've�never�seen�a�hike�until you've�had�a�hike�in�"LA".
80
00:02:36,349 --> 00:02:39,524
Ugh, I�hate�the�weather�up�here
81
00:02:39,556 --> 00:02:41,086
it's�so�much�warmer�in�LA.
82
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,590
Oh,�yeah, �didn't�you�not�know it�gets�just�as�cold�in�"LA"?
83
00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:46,153
It's�just�different kind�of�cold�in�"LA".
84
00:02:46,186 --> 00:02:47,221
It's�a�desert,�you�know?
85
00:02:47,256 --> 00:02:48,586
Pull�your�finger out�of�your�ass.
86
00:02:48,854 --> 00:02:50,184
That's�exactly�what�I�says,
"Pull�your�finger �����out�of�your�ass."
87
00:02:50,453 --> 00:02:53,618
Now,�hold�your�horses�here.
88
00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,321
Who's�do�youse�knows that's�ever�beens�to�LA?
89
00:03:00,056 --> 00:03:01,891
What's�this�about�LA?
90
00:03:12,327 --> 00:03:13,892
Whose�crib�is�it�anyways?
91
00:03:13,926 --> 00:03:15,261
I�dealt,�my�crib.
92
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,030
I�loves�cribbage.
93
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:17,925
Run�of�three, that's�it�for�me.
94
00:03:19,262 --> 00:03:21,662
Run�of�four, I'm�out�the�door.
95
00:03:21,931 --> 00:03:22,966
Uh,�fifteen-two,
96
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,060
double�on�the�eight�for�ten,
97
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,894
and�jack�of�suits for�elevens,
98
00:03:25,928 --> 00:03:28,068
which�is�a�pretty�hard�numbers to�rhymes�with.
99
00:03:33,132 --> 00:03:34,167
Ooh!
100
00:03:34,202 --> 00:03:36,872
What's�we�gettin' ����all�dressed�up�for, Mr. �Saturday�Nights?
101
00:03:36,905 --> 00:03:38,200
Are�you�sure�you're not�tryin'�too�hard,
102
00:03:38,234 --> 00:03:39,504
with�that�button�done�up�there?
103
00:03:39,538 --> 00:03:42,738
Now,�youse�know ������Tanis�and�I�are�givin'�it
the�ol'�college�try.
104
00:03:42,770 --> 00:03:43,817
You�know,�I�get ending�things�with�Rosie
105
00:03:43,852 --> 00:03:46,205
because�you�have�feelings for�another�woman...
106
00:03:46,238 --> 00:03:47,803
She�reads�too�much. She�up�to�somethin'.
107
00:03:47,837 --> 00:03:50,202
and�I�back�that. Thank�you,�Katy.
108
00:03:50,235 --> 00:03:51,000
But...
109
00:03:52,069 --> 00:03:54,209
don't�you�think Tanis�is�a�little...
110
00:03:54,242 --> 00:03:55,159
rough�around�the�edges?
111
00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:56,299
How�do�you�mean?
112
00:03:56,334 --> 00:03:59,511
Isn't�her,�uh,�soil�a�bit�rocky?
113
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:02,213
Isn't�her�grain�a�little�bit rough�for�the�lays?
114
00:04:02,246 --> 00:04:03,236
Well...
115
00:04:03,271 --> 00:04:05,941
only�one�way�to�find�out, super�chieftains.
116
00:04:11,814 --> 00:04:13,414
So�many�off-season reps,�buddy.
117
00:04:13,448 --> 00:04:14,978
So�many�preseason reps,�buddy.
118
00:04:15,012 --> 00:04:16,082
Say�no�to�the�juice.
119
00:04:16,116 --> 00:04:17,106
Ain't�fucking�baseball,�buddy.
120
00:04:17,141 --> 00:04:18,446
We�dug�deep. Buried�down.
121
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,280
Time�to�show�the�boys some�gains.
122
00:04:19,549 --> 00:04:21,679
Coach's�gonna�flip when�he�sees�these�gains.
123
00:04:21,947 --> 00:04:23,512
Gain�Gretzky. Gain�"The�Rock"�Johnson.
124
00:04:23,546 --> 00:04:25,983
Shania�Gain. Gains,�Trains and�Automobiles.
125
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,884
Let's�show�these�boys�that legends�walk�amongst�them.
126
00:04:29,152 --> 00:04:30,212
Hashtag,�legend-life.
127
00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:38,981
You�guys�wanna�go�back�out and�try�that�again?
128
00:04:39,015 --> 00:04:42,225
Maybe�it's�the�lighting�in�here, but�I'm�not�seeing�any�gains.
129
00:04:42,257 --> 00:04:43,517
But...
130
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:45,151
Doesn't�matter. Team�folded.
131
00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:46,490
Why?
132
00:04:46,749 --> 00:04:48,584
There's�not�enough�bodies. Why?
133
00:04:48,618 --> 00:04:51,558
'Cause�it's�Senior�A whales-shit�hockey!
134
00:04:53,424 --> 00:04:55,294
The�way�I�see�it, you�got�three�options.
135
00:04:56,352 --> 00:04:58,187
You�can�go�to�the�next�town and�play�for�them.
136
00:04:58,221 --> 00:05:01,161
Travel�for whale�shit?
137
00:05:01,194 --> 00:05:03,029
Gains�for�whale�shit was�even�a�stretch.
138
00:05:03,062 --> 00:05:04,592
You�didn't�get�gains.
139
00:05:04,626 --> 00:05:07,556
Traveling�for�whale�shit, that's�a�stretch�too�far.
140
00:05:07,589 --> 00:05:09,929
Hang�'em�up.
141
00:05:09,962 --> 00:05:11,832
Well,�there's�good�rubber
left�in�these�wheels, �������though,�boys.
142
00:05:11,866 --> 00:05:14,231
Let's�do�power�skating,�bro. Oh,�good�call,�bro.
143
00:05:15,828 --> 00:05:18,498
Join�a�championship�team right�here�in�Letterkenny...
144
00:05:19,296 --> 00:05:20,366
Hmm.
145
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,660
as�coaches...
146
00:05:21,694 --> 00:05:23,564
with�me.
147
00:05:23,597 --> 00:05:24,857
Oh.
148
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:27,032
Team's�already�won back-to-back�ships.
149
00:05:29,168 --> 00:05:30,768
We've�actually�never won�a�ship,�buddy.
150
00:05:30,802 --> 00:05:35,037
On�track�to�win back-to-back-to-back�boats.
151
00:05:35,304 --> 00:05:37,164
Love�to�win a�boat,�buddy. Yeah,�buddy.
152
00:05:37,198 --> 00:05:37,850
Then�come�on,
153
00:05:37,884 --> 00:05:40,102
let's�win�a�fuckin'�sea�liner.
154
00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:42,240
Let's�win a�Great�Lakes�freighter.
155
00:05:42,274 --> 00:05:42,921
Let's�win�a�cable�ferry.
156
00:05:42,955 --> 00:05:44,603
Let's�win�a�cabin�cruiser.
157
00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:46,202
Let's�win�a�Boston�whaler.
158
00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:47,836
Let's�win a�recreational�trawler.
159
00:05:47,870 --> 00:05:49,670
Let's�win�a�paddle�steamer!
160
00:05:49,704 --> 00:05:51,304
Let's�win�a�pleasure�barge.
161
00:05:51,337 --> 00:05:51,989
Let's�win�an�outrigger.
162
00:05:52,024 --> 00:05:54,737
Let's�win�a�freshwater�vessel!
163
00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:56,370
Let's�win�a�naval�drifter.
164
00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:57,186
Let's�win�a�water�Rambo!
165
00:05:57,220 --> 00:05:58,799
Let's�win�a�landing�craft!
166
00:05:58,833 --> 00:06:02,507
Let's�win�a�saltwater�lugger!
167
00:06:02,774 --> 00:06:04,339
Let's�win�a�sea�tugger!
168
00:06:04,373 --> 00:06:08,373
Let's�win a�luxury-fuckin'- yacht!
169
00:06:08,405 --> 00:06:09,440
Let's�go!
170
00:06:09,709 --> 00:06:12,649
Yeah!
171
00:06:13,177 --> 00:06:14,472
Wait!
172
00:06:14,506 --> 00:06:16,646
You're�gonna�need an�ice-breaker.
173
00:06:23,849 --> 00:06:25,944
Tanis,�how�are�you�now?
174
00:06:28,116 --> 00:06:29,151
What?
175
00:06:29,185 --> 00:06:30,245
What... What?
176
00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:32,619
The�actual�fuck�was�that?
177
00:06:32,652 --> 00:06:33,982
What? Well,�you're�standing,
178
00:06:34,016 --> 00:06:37,181
breathing,�and�smoking, so�the�other�thing,
179
00:06:37,979 --> 00:06:38,649
The�spitting?
180
00:06:38,683 --> 00:06:41,953
Some�barefaced, uncultivated�version of�it,�yes.
181
00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:43,586
What,�you�never�seen someone�spit�before?
182
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:47,055
Yes,�an�inexcusably�obese�man in�the�batter's�box
183
00:06:47,087 --> 00:06:47,817
at�a�Blue�Jays�game.
184
00:06:47,851 --> 00:06:49,451
But�you�never�seen a�girl�spit�before.
185
00:06:49,485 --> 00:06:54,225
Yes,�a�six-year-old,�after
consuming�an�insect �in�her�ice-cream�cone.
186
00:06:54,257 --> 00:06:55,857
But�you�don't�think girls�should�spit.
187
00:06:55,891 --> 00:06:56,891
I�don't�say�what�girls should�do.
188
00:06:56,925 --> 00:07:00,125
But�you�don't�like�it when�girls�spit.
189
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:03,063
Preferably�not�within my�line�of�sight,�earshot,
190
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:04,920
and�in�a�perfect�world,�ever.
191
00:07:09,726 --> 00:07:11,866
You�hungry? Am�I�hungry?
192
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,194
Yeah,�that's�what�I�said.
193
00:07:13,463 --> 00:07:16,663
I'm�immediately�concerned
that�sensation�may�never �reestablish�itself,
194
00:07:16,696 --> 00:07:17,956
but�what�a�ride�it's�been.
195
00:07:17,990 --> 00:07:18,795
Oh,�don't�be�so�dramatic.
196
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:20,624
What�is�this,�the�1950s?
197
00:07:20,658 --> 00:07:23,328
You�want�me�to�go�borrow
an�ankle-length�skirt from�my�auntie?
198
00:07:25,464 --> 00:07:26,534
Come�on. I�cooked�for�you.
199
00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:27,863
Let's�go.
200
00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:36,937
Come�on.
201
00:07:37,196 --> 00:07:39,606
He�was�supposed�to�be�here over�an�hour�ago. �Try�him�again.
202
00:07:39,639 --> 00:07:40,899
Stewart,�I�just�tried�him.
203
00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:42,803
And? Straight�to�voicemail.
204
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,402
Aggravating. Stewart!
205
00:07:44,435 --> 00:07:46,765
Agitating. Stewart!
206
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:47,869
Alarming. Stewart.
207
00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:50,007
Roald.
208
00:07:50,806 --> 00:07:52,136
I�think...
209
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:53,475
I�may�have�a�problem.
210
00:07:53,509 --> 00:07:54,769
No. �No!
211
00:07:54,803 --> 00:07:55,738
I'm�in�over�my�head! We�all�want�it.
212
00:07:55,772 --> 00:07:58,237
I�have�no�control! We�all�need�it!
213
00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,340
Then�where�is�it?
214
00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:00,410
Right�here.
215
00:08:02,008 --> 00:08:04,903
Get�it�out! Give�it�to�me.
216
00:08:04,936 --> 00:08:06,806
I've�got�it! lt's�all�right�here.
217
00:08:07,873 --> 00:08:09,438
But�you�guys�got�meth,�right?
218
00:08:09,472 --> 00:08:11,037
Yes. �Yes,�yes,�yes.
219
00:08:11,071 --> 00:08:12,141
The�drugs�are all�over�there.
220
00:08:12,175 --> 00:08:15,080
Just�bring�me�that�computer and�get�us�to�the�Dark�Web.
221
00:08:15,113 --> 00:08:18,243
First�the�meth, then�the�Dark�Web.
222
00:08:18,276 --> 00:08:20,416
Roald. You�want�some,�too?
223
00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:21,474
I'm�good.
224
00:08:23,082 --> 00:08:26,012
Bring�me�the�Dark�Web over�to�my�stand-up�desk.
225
00:08:28,149 --> 00:08:29,714
Why�do�you�have a�stand-up�desk?
226
00:08:29,748 --> 00:08:32,148
Because�sitting�is quietly�murdering�you.
227
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:37,214
Actually,�yes,�Roald,�I... I�will�have�some�meth.
228
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,089
And�here�we�are.
229
00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:44,913
The�Dark�Web.
230
00:08:44,947 --> 00:08:46,782
Why�do�you�guys�crave the�Dark�Web�so�much?
231
00:08:46,815 --> 00:08:48,120
Because�the�Dark�Web is�exclusive.
232
00:08:48,154 --> 00:08:49,754
The�Dark�Web is�only�accessible
233
00:08:50,023 --> 00:08:50,823
using�special�software,
234
00:08:50,857 --> 00:08:53,717
users�remain�untraceable
235
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,360
and�anonymous on�the�Dark�Web.
236
00:08:55,394 --> 00:08:56,441
You�can�hire�a�hitman on�the�Dark�Web.
237
00:08:56,475 --> 00:08:59,053
Purchase�illegal�contraband on�the�Dark�Web.
238
00:08:59,086 --> 00:09:00,921
Sell�illegal�contraband on�the�Dark�Web.
239
00:09:00,955 --> 00:09:02,520
Or�you�could�join a�rebel�army.
240
00:09:02,554 --> 00:09:04,694
Or�you�could�build�a�bomb
for�your�own�rebel�army �������on�the�Dark�Web.
241
00:09:04,727 --> 00:09:09,232
The�thrill�of�having
all�of�that�at�your�fingertips �is�so... metal!
242
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:11,093
What's�on�the�menu�today,�chef?
243
00:09:11,128 --> 00:09:12,578
I�left�a�tab�open for�you�guys.
244
00:09:12,612 --> 00:09:13,989
Something�I�thought you'd�dig.
245
00:09:16,694 --> 00:09:18,564
It's�funny,�the�way you�last�liked�that ,
like the�Dark�Web�site�was�food.
246
00:09:18,832 --> 00:09:20,162
'Cause...
247
00:09:20,691 --> 00:09:22,831
"How�to�cook�human�meat!"
248
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:25,733
Oh,�fuck!
249
00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:27,062
These�Hard�Right�mutts�again.
250
00:09:27,096 --> 00:09:27,861
I�don't�like�these�mutts.
251
00:09:27,896 --> 00:09:30,036
We�could�ignore ��������the�call. Oh,�Stewart!
252
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,329
Let's�ignore�the�call.
253
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:33,198
But�how�are�we�gonna �find�cool�new�things
to�do�on�the�Dark�Web,
254
00:09:33,232 --> 00:09:35,632
unless�we�make �������cool�new�pals on�the�Dark�Web.
255
00:09:35,665 --> 00:09:36,430
Fine,
256
00:09:36,699 --> 00:09:38,569
anything�to�keep the�Dark�Web�sustainable.
257
00:09:39,637 --> 00:09:40,437
But�we�should�sit�for�this.
258
00:09:56,175 --> 00:09:57,235
What�are�you�doing?
259
00:09:59,373 --> 00:10:00,973
What?
260
00:10:01,241 --> 00:10:03,111
Well,�you're�sitting,�breathing, and�taking�your�boots�off,
261
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,135
so,�the�other�thing.
262
00:10:04,169 --> 00:10:07,109
To�borrow�a�phrase�from my�stance�on�social�media,
263
00:10:07,637 --> 00:10:08,442
I�don't�follow.
264
00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:09,741
Crossing�your�legs.
265
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,175
Yeah,�for�a�hot�second, to�take�my�boots�off.
266
00:10:12,443 --> 00:10:14,313
Boots�or�no�boots, �don't�you�think�it's a�little�fruity�loops
267
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,382
for�a�man�to�be sitting�like�that?
268
00:10:15,416 --> 00:10:16,946
On�the�contrary,
269
00:10:16,980 --> 00:10:20,710
I'm�sitting�like�this�because
the�less�bending�over �a�man�does,�the�better.
270
00:10:20,742 --> 00:10:21,742
Hmm.
271
00:10:21,777 --> 00:10:23,342
Sounds�homophobic�to�me.
272
00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:25,245
Sounds�chiropractic�to�me.
273
00:10:25,279 --> 00:10:27,349
Hmm. �Just�checking.
274
00:10:27,382 --> 00:10:28,407
I�swing�both�ways,�you�know?
275
00:10:28,442 --> 00:10:30,052
So,�if�you�ever�wanted to�invite�a�girl�over...
276
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:32,180
or�a�guy...
277
00:10:34,048 --> 00:10:36,448
Are�we�gonna�have a�problem�here,�Tanis?
278
00:10:38,045 --> 00:10:40,985
Let's�just�stop�talking, food's�ready. �Come,�eat.
279
00:10:52,984 --> 00:10:56,194
What's�on�the�Dark�Web�menu today,�gentlemen?
280
00:10:56,451 --> 00:10:58,286
Funny�you put�it�like�that�'cause...
281
00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,790
We�were�about�to�enjoy some�Dark�Web�literature
282
00:10:59,824 --> 00:11:03,129
about�how�to�cook human�meat�until...
283
00:11:03,926 --> 00:11:05,491
our�friend�called.
284
00:11:05,525 --> 00:11:09,265
Hmm. �13%�of�human�beings are�can?
285
00:11:10,062 --> 00:11:11,087
13%�sounds�right.
286
00:11:11,121 --> 00:11:12,456
Wrong!�That's�what they�want�you�to�think.
287
00:11:12,490 --> 00:11:15,275
The�truth,�100% of�human�beings�.
288
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:19,128
The... �The�ones on�Earth,�anyway.
289
00:11:20,724 --> 00:11:22,334
How�do�you know�that?
290
00:11:22,368 --> 00:11:23,358
How�do�I�know�that?
291
00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:25,532
Ha!�Well, let's�rewind�the�clock.
292
00:11:25,565 --> 00:11:26,612
1840,�lreland,
293
00:11:26,647 --> 00:11:28,695
the�potato�famine�forces
294
00:11:28,728 --> 00:11:31,938
thousands�of�those�godless, heathen�bogtrotters
295
00:11:32,196 --> 00:11:33,796
to�migrate�to�North�America.
296
00:11:34,064 --> 00:11:36,699
No�potatoes,�you�say!
297
00:11:36,732 --> 00:11:40,472
Well,�then�what�did �those�paddy-t ?
298
00:11:41,529 --> 00:11:42,999
Fast-forward,�1955, Des�Plaines,�lllinois,
299
00:11:43,033 --> 00:11:47,373
McDonald's�restaurants opened�their�first�location.
300
00:11:47,405 --> 00:11:50,075
Not�a�single�cow�was photographed�that�day,
301
00:11:50,108 --> 00:11:52,743
and�yet�they're serving�burgers?�Gotcha.
302
00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:53,823
Now�McDonald's�openly...
303
00:11:55,669 --> 00:12:00,209
Openly�boasts over�999�billion�served.
304
00:12:01,274 --> 00:12:05,004
Fast-forward,�2016,�Donald�Trump ,
305
00:12:05,272 --> 00:12:09,012
inherits�the�highest�percentage s
306
00:12:09,044 --> 00:12:11,139
in�the�world.
307
00:12:11,407 --> 00:12:14,077
The�left-wing,�fake�news, pinko�media
308
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:15,380
wants�you�to�think�that�he�spent
309
00:12:15,414 --> 00:12:18,074
16�of�his�first�100�days in�office�golfing.
310
00:12:18,107 --> 00:12:20,177
Wrong. �Wrong!
311
00:12:20,211 --> 00:12:23,151
Donald�J.�Trump�spent�16 of�his�first�100�days,
312
00:12:23,184 --> 00:12:25,279
as�President�of the�United�States,
313
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:26,312
Commander-in-Chief,
314
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,711
leader�of�the�goddamned free�world,
315
00:12:28,745 --> 00:12:31,955
getting�that�per�capita percentage�of�cannibals
316
00:12:31,987 --> 00:12:34,882
down�from�100�to... �Everett?
317
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:36,985
Uh... �13%?
318
00:12:37,019 --> 00:12:38,619
That's�right. �Do�the�math.
319
00:12:40,216 --> 00:12:42,616
No,�no,�actually�do... Actually�do�the�math.
320
00:12:42,884 --> 00:12:44,214
Do�the�meth?
321
00:12:44,248 --> 00:12:45,283
We�did�the�meth.
322
00:12:46,881 --> 00:12:50,856
Listen,�uh,�friend.
323
00:12:50,889 --> 00:12:53,254
We've�been�listening�to�you ramble�for�an�hour.
324
00:12:53,287 --> 00:12:56,722
We�only�joined�the�Dark�Web to�see�cool�new�things,
325
00:12:56,754 --> 00:12:58,319
and�join�cool new�movements.
326
00:12:58,353 --> 00:12:59,693
And�make cool�new�pals.
327
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,985
Cool�new�pals,�you�say?
328
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,088
Yes. No.
329
00:13:06,123 --> 00:13:07,123
Stewart.
330
00:13:07,157 --> 00:13:09,827
I�know�how�you�can�make all�the�.
331
00:13:10,095 --> 00:13:11,660
Spare�us�the�hyperbole.
332
00:13:11,693 --> 00:13:13,023
How?
333
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:14,623
Join�the�Hard�Right!
334
00:13:16,490 --> 00:13:19,430
I�said�that�like�that�was leadin,
335
00:13:19,463 --> 00:13:20,915
but�it's�really�just... Just�joi.
336
00:13:20,949 --> 00:13:23,162
But...
337
00:13:23,195 --> 00:13:25,295
Do�you�like�our�flag? Oh,�you�probably...
338
00:13:26,363 --> 00:13:28,493
couldn't... �Do�you�like�it?
339
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,160
I... �I�designed�it.
340
00:13:37,565 --> 00:13:38,600
Mmm.
341
00:13:38,634 --> 00:13:42,104
Eat�up. �You're�gonna�need fuel�for�later.
342
00:13:47,168 --> 00:13:48,238
What... What?
343
00:13:48,272 --> 00:13:51,132
the�actual�fuck was�that�now?
344
00:13:51,165 --> 00:13:51,975
What�now?
345
00:13:52,234 --> 00:13:54,104
Well,�you're�sitting,�eating, and�breathing,
346
00:13:54,138 --> 00:13:55,443
so,�the�other�thing.
347
00:13:56,501 --> 00:13:58,101
Burping? Yes.
348
00:13:58,135 --> 00:14:00,240
Some�primitive, distressing�version�of�it.
349
00:14:00,508 --> 00:14:02,073
That�was�nothing. Terrific.
350
00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:03,977
You�can�burp,�too. Outstanding.
351
00:14:04,235 --> 00:14:05,845
You�can�fucking�fart, if�you�want.
352
00:14:06,104 --> 00:14:07,174
You�know�why? Because�it's�normal.
353
00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:08,738
But�is�it�fashionable?
354
00:14:08,772 --> 00:14:09,842
It's�becoming...
355
00:14:10,111 --> 00:14:11,136
It's�unbecoming.
356
00:14:11,170 --> 00:14:13,545
Well,�your�boyfriend�Daryl
357
00:14:13,579 --> 00:14:14,909
burps�and�spits.
358
00:14:15,178 --> 00:14:16,243
Dary�also�chases�ducks,
359
00:14:16,277 --> 00:14:18,342
draws�on�the�walls,
360
00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:20,245
and�must�be�told not�to�taste�or�touch
361
00:14:20,279 --> 00:14:21,539
everything�he�sees.
362
00:14:21,573 --> 00:14:22,378
That's�true.
363
00:14:22,412 --> 00:14:23,982
So,�is�it�because�I'm�a�lady?
364
00:14:24,016 --> 00:14:25,041
Who's�a�lady?
365
00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:28,250
So,�what,�you're�saying�that girls�shouldn't�burp,�too?
366
00:14:28,283 --> 00:14:30,343
I�don't�say what�girls�should�do.
367
00:14:30,377 --> 00:14:32,247
Well,�men�shouldn't shackle�women.
368
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:34,385
We�made�Prohibition�happen, watch�your�step.
369
00:14:34,419 --> 00:14:35,949
Already�walkin'�on�eggshells.
370
00:14:35,982 --> 00:14:36,517
Done�your�food?
371
00:14:36,552 --> 00:14:37,867
That�ship's�clear across�the�pond.
372
00:14:37,901 --> 00:14:39,981
Same. �Let's�go�make�a�fire
373
00:14:40,249 --> 00:14:40,914
'cause�it's�a�beautiful fucking�day.
374
00:14:40,949 --> 00:14:43,449
Is�that�what�it�is? What?
375
00:14:43,987 --> 00:14:44,787
Hmm?
376
00:14:46,655 --> 00:14:47,950
Okay,�pheasants.
377
00:14:47,984 --> 00:14:49,819
We�got�bact-to-back-to-back.
378
00:14:49,852 --> 00:14:51,992
Coast�Guard�Zodiacs at�our�fingertips.
379
00:14:52,251 --> 00:14:53,286
But�full�disclosure,
380
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,190
this�team's�got�a�bit�of an�attitude�problem,�all�right?
381
00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:57,823
Little�battle�of�leadership going�on�in�here.
382
00:14:57,857 --> 00:15:00,222
All�right?�Sure,�they�got�their center�console�skiffs,
383
00:15:00,255 --> 00:15:03,195
but�they�went�through�a�lot of�coaches�in�the�process.
384
00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:03,958
Mundane�details,�boys.
385
00:15:03,992 --> 00:15:05,287
We�want a�twin�engine�jet�boat.
386
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,626
We�want�that�cruise�ship.
387
00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:09,590
That's�the�attitude,�pylons. Now�get�in�there.
388
00:15:09,858 --> 00:15:10,658
All�right.
389
00:15:15,194 --> 00:15:16,264
What�the...
390
00:15:17,323 --> 00:15:17,858
What�are�you�two�doing?
391
00:15:17,892 --> 00:15:20,297
Sorry,�boys... �Ladies.
392
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:21,295
We�didn't�know you�were�ladies,�boys.
393
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:23,497
Um... �Not�ladyboys. �We�didn't know�you�were�ladies.
394
00:15:23,530 --> 00:15:25,563
Do�you�think�the�door�is�open to�everyone�here?
395
00:15:25,597 --> 00:15:26,662
Just�because�Mary-Anne looks�like�she's�homeless,
396
00:15:26,696 --> 00:15:29,336
doesn't�mean�you�can treat�it�like�a�shelter.
397
00:15:29,369 --> 00:15:30,281
Fuck�you,�Betty-Anne.
398
00:15:30,315 --> 00:15:31,968
But�she's�right.
399
00:15:32,002 --> 00:15:33,332
Door�isn't�open to�everybody�here.
400
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,471
Just�because�our�mitt�looks like�the�back�of�Christ's�head,
401
00:15:35,504 --> 00:15:37,069
doesn't�mean�you�can�treat it�like�a�church.
402
00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:38,363
Fuck�you,�Mary-Anne.
403
00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:41,337
Your�mitt�looks�like�Babe�Ruth's ball�glove�from�the�dirty�'30s
404
00:15:41,595 --> 00:15:44,265
if�20�more�dudes�spat chewing�tobacco�in�it.
405
00:15:44,298 --> 00:15:45,615
Your�mitt's�actually a�work�of�art,�Betty-Anne.
406
00:15:45,649 --> 00:15:49,307
Like�Salvador�Dali's melting�clocks,
407
00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:52,269
but�instead�of�melting�clocks, it's�melting�salad�bowls
408
00:15:52,302 --> 00:15:53,572
of�off-pink�ice-cream.
409
00:15:53,606 --> 00:15:56,276
Hmm. �I�love�ice-cream, Mary-Anne.
410
00:15:56,309 --> 00:15:57,874
I�love�all�frozen�treats.
411
00:15:58,133 --> 00:16:02,413
Your�mitt�looks�like�I�squeezed
a�cherry-red�popsicle�with �a�handful�of�dryer�lint.
412
00:16:02,445 --> 00:16:04,540
Meet�your�new�team,�pheasants.
413
00:16:08,276 --> 00:16:09,346
You�serious�with that�turtleneck?
414
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:10,945
You�could�lose a�lot�of�heat�in�the�neck,
415
00:16:10,979 --> 00:16:11,979
as�I�like�to�say.
416
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:12,543
You�mean,�cold?
417
00:16:12,812 --> 00:16:14,107
I�wouldn't�say I'm�hot,�but...
418
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,081
Ugh. �Most�men�I�know
wouldn't�complain�about something�like�that.
419
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:22,641
You�see�the�elephant?
420
00:16:22,675 --> 00:16:24,275
You�mean�next�to the�bus�crash?
421
00:16:24,309 --> 00:16:25,344
That's�the�one. Yeah,�I�see�it.
422
00:16:25,378 --> 00:16:26,378
You�wanna�talk�about�it?
423
00:16:26,413 --> 00:16:27,743
Let's�talk�about�it.
424
00:16:28,281 --> 00:16:30,376
A�woman�can�be�what�she�wants.
425
00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:31,750
That�is�so�nice�of�you to�allow�that.
426
00:16:31,784 --> 00:16:33,079
Not�what�I�meant. I'm�kidding.
427
00:16:33,113 --> 00:16:35,488
A�woman�should�be what�she�wants.
428
00:16:36,016 --> 00:16:36,681
Better.
429
00:16:36,715 --> 00:16:39,450
There's�no�definition of�a�woman.
430
00:16:39,483 --> 00:16:41,353
It's�the�same�as�a�man, there's�no�definition...
431
00:16:41,387 --> 00:16:43,717
No�need�to�womansplain, I'm�aware.
432
00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:47,220
But�a�woman�should�be�with a�man�she�finds... desirable.
433
00:16:47,252 --> 00:16:49,052
And�vice�versa.
434
00:16:49,086 --> 00:16:50,956
Like,�long-term, like�in�a�relationship.
435
00:16:50,990 --> 00:16:52,025
Can't�confirm.
436
00:16:53,353 --> 00:16:54,153
I�don't�think you're�it,�cowboy.
437
00:16:54,187 --> 00:16:56,552
Oh,�you�think? I�know.
438
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,220
Good�enough. Good�stuff.
439
00:16:59,254 --> 00:16:59,984
A�short-term...
440
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,358
on�the�other�hand...
441
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:03,991
How�short?
442
00:17:04,025 --> 00:17:05,625
A�night. A�night?
443
00:17:06,154 --> 00:17:07,224
An�hour?
444
00:17:08,022 --> 00:17:09,327
Maybe�more�than�an�hour.
445
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,961
A�night. A�night.
446
00:17:10,995 --> 00:17:12,030
Maybe�even�a�morning.
447
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,054
Maybe�even�a�morning.
448
00:17:13,089 --> 00:17:14,124
'Cause�we�didn't�do all�the�things�I�wanted�to�do.
449
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,298
Well,�we�talked, we�ate... lt�was�good,�right?
450
00:17:16,331 --> 00:17:17,356
Thank�you�for�supper. My�pleasure.
451
00:17:17,391 --> 00:17:18,308
We�talked,�we�ate,
452
00:17:18,342 --> 00:17:19,990
we�sat�by�the�fire.
453
00:17:20,024 --> 00:17:21,329
So,�then�the�other�thing.
454
00:17:21,363 --> 00:17:22,693
Good�enough. Good�stuff.
455
00:17:35,502 --> 00:17:37,632
Just�kiddin'!
456
00:17:45,635 --> 00:17:47,235
Fifteen-two, the�rest�won't�do.
457
00:17:47,269 --> 00:17:49,104
Fifteen-four, the�rest�don't�score.
458
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:51,232
Runs�of�threes, that's�its�for�me's.
459
00:17:53,899 --> 00:17:55,239
Youse�been�playin' all�fuckin'�night?
460
00:17:55,273 --> 00:17:55,920
How'd�it�go,�big�brother?
461
00:17:55,955 --> 00:17:56,796
Do�you�all�know�what,
462
00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:58,033
aside�from�the�end�there,
463
00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,271
so�fuckin'�poorly.
464
00:18:00,305 --> 00:18:01,905
Called�it. How�poorly?
465
00:18:01,938 --> 00:18:02,320
So�poor.
466
00:18:02,355 --> 00:18:03,464
He�said,�so�fuckin'�poor.
467
00:18:03,498 --> 00:18:05,372
Talkin'�about�ultra�poor.
468
00:18:05,641 --> 00:18:07,241
Called�it. What�did�I�miss?
469
00:18:07,274 --> 00:18:08,274
Taco�night.
470
00:18:08,309 --> 00:18:10,179
But�not�just any�taco�night.
471
00:18:10,212 --> 00:18:11,507
LA�taco�night.
472
00:18:11,776 --> 00:18:14,446
Oh,�there's�no�taco�night like�an�"LA"�taco�night.
473
00:18:14,479 --> 00:18:16,314
Oh,�yeah. You've�never�had�taco�night
474
00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:18,408
unless�you've�had an�"LA"�taco�night.
475
00:18:18,441 --> 00:18:20,546
Oh,�yeah. �Well, if�it's�taco�night�in�"LA",
476
00:18:20,580 --> 00:18:22,450
then�you�must�have�had�a�hike. Did�youse�have�a�hike?
477
00:18:22,483 --> 00:18:23,473
Oh,�yeah.
478
00:18:23,508 --> 00:18:24,843
You�can't�have�taco�night in�"LA"�without�havin'�a�hike.
479
00:18:24,877 --> 00:18:27,482
Oh,�yeah. We�had�an�LA�hike,
480
00:18:27,515 --> 00:18:30,185
but�it�was�so�cold, it�gets�so�cold�in�LA.
481
00:18:30,218 --> 00:18:32,278
Oh,�yeah. It's�a�deserts,�don't�you�know?
482
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,676
Oh,�yeah. lt�gets�just�as�cold�in�"LA".
483
00:18:34,710 --> 00:18:35,780
It's�just�a�different�kind of�cold�in�"LA".
484
00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:38,144
Pull�your�finger out�of�your�ass.
485
00:18:38,177 --> 00:18:40,047
That's�what�I�say, I�said�pull�your�finger �out�of�your�ass,
486
00:18:40,081 --> 00:18:41,351
you're�from�"LA".
487
00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:44,315
Oh,�yeah. You've�got�to�take�La�Cienega to�La�Tijera
488
00:18:44,348 --> 00:18:46,418
if�you're�going�to�LAX�in�"LA".
489
00:18:46,451 --> 00:18:49,391
Oh,�yeah. ����I�will�have�another cold-pressed�juice
490
00:18:49,424 --> 00:18:50,684
'cause�we're�in�LA.
491
00:18:50,718 --> 00:18:52,588
Oh,�yeah. ��I'm�just�poppin'�down to�Trader�Joe's
492
00:18:52,622 --> 00:18:54,187
to�load�up�on�kombuchas�in�"LA".
493
00:18:54,455 --> 00:18:57,655
Oh,�yeah. �You�can ���stick�your�Hybrid�Toyotas
straight�up�your�ass,
494
00:18:57,688 --> 00:18:59,218
it's�all�about�Teslas now�in�"LA".
495
00:18:59,252 --> 00:19:02,192
Oh,�yeah. ���lt's�like�you�could�never usually�get�a�pizza
496
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,320
that�was�that�good in�"LA"�until�now.
497
00:19:04,353 --> 00:19:06,458
Oh,�yeah. We're�gonna�have�a�winter�brunch
498
00:19:06,492 --> 00:19:08,292
outside�on�Melrose.
499
00:19:08,325 --> 00:19:09,620
'Cause�you�can�do�that�in�LA.
500
00:19:09,654 --> 00:19:12,594
Oh,�yeah. �I'm�taking improv�classes�at�the�UCBs,
501
00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:15,227
but�only�until�the�groundlings figure�it�out�in�"LA".
502
00:19:15,260 --> 00:19:19,000
Oh,�yeah. �You�better get�joined�in�a�burlesque�troupe
if�you're�going�to�"LA."
503
00:19:19,257 --> 00:19:20,292
"LA".
504
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:20,992
"LA". "LA".
505
00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:22,996
"LA"? "LA".
506
00:19:23,030 --> 00:19:24,290
"LA". "LA".
507
00:19:24,324 --> 00:19:25,664
"LA". "LA".
508
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,028
"LA"...
509
00:19:28,061 --> 00:19:29,366
Pull�your�finger out�of�your�ass.
510
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,530
That's�what�I�say,
I�said�pull�your�finger out�of�your�ass.
511
00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:36,130
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