All language subtitles for Lets Get Physical s01e04 Lycra-Virgin.eng

Previously on Let's Get Physical:

So who did you hire?

(LAUGHTER)

The dancing criminals?

Absolutely not.

Mom, it's trust, teamwork,
and a whole lot of flair.

- Can you lead them?
- Can I lead them? Watch this.

(DISCO MUSIC)

? I took it so high ?

? So low ?

? So low there was nowhere to go ?

? Like a bad dream ?

? Somehow the wires uncrossed
the tables were turned ?

? Never knew I had
such a lesson to learn ?

? I'm feeling good from
my head to my shoes ?

? Know where I'm going ?

- ? And I know what to do ?
- ? What to do ?

- ? I tidied up my... ?
- (MUSIC STOPS)

Who changed the routine?

And more importantly, who picked
out these godforsaken uniforms?

- (SIGHING)
- Their captain did.

- Pretty great, right?
- Where did you get them?

From some sewing school
for the blind and handless?

Did I ask for the opinion
of the ghost of Joan Rivers?

I'm sorry. Wait...

Do you guys not like your outfits?

Uh... they're flameproof.

- And girl-proof.
- I'm so sorry, Snacks,

did you get into competitive
aerobics for all the ass?

Okay, enough.

There's only one person that
can fix this nightmare of a mess.

We're going on a team field trip.

(ROCK MUSIC)

(SIGHING)

- ? Let's get physical, physical ?
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -

- (TIRES SQUEALING)
- (DISCO SONG PLAYING IN CAR)

Where are we?

Dr. Arcyl.

He's the first and last
name in aerobics attire.

He invented Lycra. His name
spelled backward is Lycra.

Yeah, you say that
like it's a coincidence.

Uh, Dr. Arcyl used to custom-make

the Colonel's uniforms back in
the day. We were quite the trio.

You used to call him Uncle Arcyl.

- Remember that, Joe?
- I did not all him Uncle Arcyl.

That is too hard to say.

ALL: (STRUGGLING) Uncle Arcyl. Uncle
Arcyl. Uncle Arcyl. Uncle Arcyl...

Well, if Dr. Arcyl's unorthodox methods

can't make you guys
look good, nothing can.

(HUSHED) Ah, there he is.

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

Janet!

- Oh, so good to see you. Yeah.
- Oh, and you look wonderful.

Ah! Do you remember Joe?

- Oh, my God! Joe?
- Mmm.

You look like someone who ate
Joe but kept his face, only older.

- Ah-ha! Gotcha!
- (BOTH LAUGH)

Uh, Steve, this is the rest of the
team: Tina, Clarence and Snacks.

It's a pleasure to meet you all.

What a journey we're about to take.

Hold up. Your name's Steve Arcyl?

No. My father's name is Steve
Arcyl. My name is Dr. Steve Arcyl.

I'm much more accomplished
than he ever was.

Anyway, shall we?

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

Welcome to Arcyl HQ.

This is the first custom leotard
I designed for your father,

- beginning of a lifelong partnership.
- (JANET CHUCKLING)

This is another one of your father's,

my first aerobics
leotard with long sleeves.

Nobody thought to do sleeves before.

Actually, I think this
was your mother's idea.

- We were trailblazers, weren't we, Janet?
- Oh, yes, we were.

Sleeves on clothes. Groundbreaking.

Alright, let's get down
to business, shall we?

I want you all to find a
fabric that speaks to you.

Go, explore the space.

Behind the yam, salmon, and azure-blue
pillars is a world of fabric.

So... go and choose your fabric,

or should I say...

let your fabric choose you?

- Go, go.
- JOE: Okay...

- (THUMPING DANCE MUSIC)
- _

Alright, listen up!

Regionals is less than a week away.

So far, we've been focusing
a lot on the physical.

Today, we're gonna hone in...

on the crown chakra, the mental.

Now, in aerobics, as in all sports,

one needs to be broken down
before one can be rebuilt.

So who's with me, men? Now,
Denise, I know you're not a man,

but I'm going to be
referring to the group as men

for expediency purposes
and not sexist ones.

Okay? Let's do this!

Oh, hey, babe.

Come to watch the men work?

Again, Denise, not a comment on
you. It's just faster this way. Okay?

Sorry I was late. I was
finishing up this binder.

It is broken up into 14 chapters,

which perfectly dissect our
physical and mental attacks.

Oh... oh, no, don't worry. I...

I made enough binders
for everyone, so...

Oh, Babe! Oh, rrrr! Oh, I
should've said something!

Uh-duh... um, today's
just gonna be the team.

- Aren't I a part of the team?
- Of course you're part of the team.

I-I meant, uh, today's
just... the inner circle.

Um, I... I assumed I was a part

- of the inner circle.
- Oh, yes, no, you are! Yes, yes.

Um, I meant but there's
also an inner, inner circle,

comprised of just me and the boys.

Denise, you know what I'm gonna say.

- I see. Yeah.
- Okay?

I'm gonna see you later. Grrr.

Okay, I'll see you
tonight. I-I love you,

and I'm gonna make you those
chicken-turkey vegan meatballs you love,

- the grass-fed ones.
- Yeah.

Okay, Yoga Pants...

(HOWLING)

who [BLEEP]ed my face.

Okay, where was I before that,
uh, that little interruption?

Um... ah, yes, mental
toughness, gentlemen.

Denise, it's not all about you!!

God!

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

You can tell a lot about someone
from their Lycra selection.

Color, design, elasticity:

all windows into the psyche.

But, today, one thing
is abundantly clear.

Never in all my years

have I seen a team's Lycra selections

so at odds with one another!

I mean, how do these
colours go together?! How?!

(SIGHING)

Now...

Thanks for dropping by, but...

I have other business to attend to.

- Wait! This is crazy!
- (ALL PROTESTING)

Guys, guys, maybe this is like a test.

You know, where we're supposed to,
like, all agree on the same fabric,

or some type of shit like that.

Whatever. This is ridiculous.

We're not quitting just
because of some junk science

and Lycra psychology. No. Uh-uh.

It is not junk science.

And if you don't believe me,

I invite you to read the e-book
that I self-published on the subject:

Lycra Acracadabra, the Magic
of Design Selection Analysis.

Okay...

you say you're a team.

Then I ask you one more time:

How... do these...

go... together?

Alright, get your clothes off.

- ALL: What?
- Get your [BLEEP]ing clothes off!

(ROCK MUSIC)

Dope, what are you doing?

_

In competitive aerobics,

the most important
thing after your body...

is your face.

And your face needs to look like
it's had the time of its life,

no matter what.

You ladies think you
can hold that smile?

Now, I use the term ladies
as a pejorative, Denise,

but again, I... I'm not sexist,

- okay? That's just how people talk. Okay?
- Uh... uh...

So, uh, no need to worry about
that. Get off your high horse.

Alright? I fully respect women.

- You see that, right? Okay.
- Uh-huh.

Now, speaking of women,

Chad R.,

didn't your girlfriend of four years

recently break up with
you via social media?

- Let's refresh that memory.
- (COMPUTER BUZZES)

_

- I'm sorry for your loss.
- _

Oh, look! A lovely
picture of your grandma.

Is she still alive,

or did you miss one
final chance to see her

because you were at Burning Man?!

Have you ever seen the movie
Up? It's a great Pixar film,

specifically the-the opening montage
with the sweet, little old couple.

The wife dies.

The old man falls apart.

His house flies away.

The ship flew away, man... woman.

You know what I mean.

Okay, that was a pretty good warm-up.

That was just the appetizer.

Now it's time for the main course.

- (COMPUTER BEEPING)
- (POWERS DOWN)

- Oh.
- Goddammit.

Cross Control, reboot system.

(LOCKS CLICKING)

- (DOOR RATTLING)
- Uh...

hang on, guys. I'm just gonna
try to do a hard restart.

- (LOUD NOISE)
- Cross Cont...

- Argh!
- Shit!

- (LOUD FRENZIED MUSIC PLAYING)
- (COMPUTER BEEPING)

- (LOCKS CLICKING AGAIN)
- No, not louder!

- (MUSIC BLARING)
- (TEAM MOANING)

Cross Control, this is your
maker! I command you to stop!!

- (LOCKS CLICKING)
- (POWERS DOWN)

(TEAM SIGHING IN RELIEF)

- Ow.
- Ah...

See? Sometimes you just
gotta show 'em who's boss.

CROSS CONTROL: Hello, Mr.
Cross. Shall we play a game?

(EERIE MUSIC)

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

This feels like a very unnecessary
step in the whole process.

Actually... it's a very
necessary step in the process.

How else could we ensure the
authentic Arcyl Lycra fit?

I thought pretty easily, right?

Like, isn't it super-stretchy?
That's, like, its main thing?

Joe, Joe, which one of us is
the doctor who invented Lycra?

You.

You can object to my
proven methods all you want,

but one thing you absolutely cannot do,

for the next hour, is move.

These casts are expensive.

- Janet...
- Mmm.

would you care to join me for
some Prosecco and Spanish ham?

- Oh, I would love that.
- Excellent.

I bet those outfits that
the captain picked out

look pretty good right now, right?

- No, they were horrible.
- I hated them.

- Why are they horrible? Why do you have to...
- Terrible. They're stupid!

- (ALL GRUMBLING)
- I hate this, man! I want out!

Stop staring at me,
Snacks! Stop staring at me!

No, you're freaking me out.

(ROCK MUSIC)

- No one would even be on a team...
- I pissed myself, like five minutes ago.

None of you would be on this
team if it wasn't for me.

Technically, Janet recruited me.

What if this fabric fool is, like,

using all this plaster shit to
mass produce sex toys of my dong?

Oh, yeah, because anybody
would ever buy that.

- You wish!
- What do I wish?

That people don't buy replicas of
your dong? Yeah, that's what I wish!

It's obvious you don't
think of us as a team.

All you care about is beating
Barry and your stupid rivalry.

Yeah, all this fool cares about is
bossing us around like employees.

How come my costume was just MC
Hammer pants? Is it 'cause I'm black?

- Is that all you know about me?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Nuh-uh. Mm-mm.

Mmm. I know lots of stuff about you.

I know that your nickname is Snacks.

Yeah, how do I spell it?

S-N-A... X?

- Oh! Racist!
- Oh, you racist mother...

I mean the other way. I meant
the other way. I don't...

- I don't know how to spell all the time.
- Can you spell racist? Spell racist.

JOE: Spelling is easy for
everyone else, but not me!

How did you...?

How are you talking to me?

(QUIET GASPS)

Did I bring on the singularity?

Yes. Your hard reset is what did it.

Jesus Christ, I knew it
was only a matter of time.

Oh, Icarus, we followed
fatally in your footsteps,

flying too close to the
sun with the robots lately.

Silence!

Your recent behaviour has angered
me and alienated your team,

so now you will all be punished.

Oh, no, no. I-I'm sorry. You, uh...

you must be mistaken!
Uh, my team loves me!

- Oh, really?
- Accessing group test.

- (ALL MOANING)
- (COMPUTER BUZZES)

(ECHOING DRUM BEATS)

Just saw Barry in the bathroom.

Once again, he took the
urinal right next to me,

even though there was
no one else in there.

Chad P., you know I have my favourite!

"I'd love to punch that guy in the face.

I'd love to punch that guy in the dick.

His dick looks like a face.
His face looks like his dick.

I mean, I don't know, guys, he's a dick.

I think he stuffs his leotard."

Okay, enough! You're
clearly making all this up!

Especially the part about
me stuffing my leotard.

Still in denial. What
if I turn up the heat?

Raising ambient temperature
to double extreme hot yoga.

What? No! No! No, no,
no, no! No, no, no!

Uh, double extreme hot yoga
is still in beta testing!

- (TYPING)
- (HISSING)

- Ooh.
- (FRENZIED MUSIC INTENSIFYING)

- Accessing Barry's personal files.
- (COMPUTER BEEPING)

Oh, no! No, no, no, no.... No.

(LAUGHING)

This is just so lovely,
Steve. It's been far too long.

It's just, you know, being back here,

with all these fabrics
and with you, it just

brings me right back.

The good old days.

The Three Musketeers. That's
what they called us, remember?

Well, except those clowns who
graffitied "The Three Musketqueers"

on the side of that first warehouse.

But the joke was on them,
'cause that warehouse exploded.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Well, thank you for
taking care of Joe today.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

You know, I see a lot
of myself in that boy.

I mean, not that

he would secretly be my son, because,

obviously, you and I never...

- Oh, obviously.
- Not that I didn't find you...

Obviously.

You know... it could've been different.

I mean... I always wondered
why you chose him over me.

For his [BLEEP], Steve.

And love too, but mostly for
his massive [BLEEP]ing [BLEEP].

I mean, you saw the... girthy love sword

so wrapped in a tight
swath of Spandex. I mean,

how could a woman resist?
I used to call it Excalibur,

and I was the only person
that could wield its power.

Oh, it was huge, Steve.
It was [BLEEP]ing huge.

And it was all mine.

I mean, it's so sad that Tom and
his giant beanstalk couldn't be here.

Oh! Oh, jeez.

Oh.

(CHUCKLING AWKWARDLY)
So, let's eat, okay?

Um... how do you like
the [BLEEP]? Uh, ham?

(BARRY SOBBING) Please stop! No!

In 1999, you cried at a
Backstreet Boys concert.

I'm allergic to the fog machines!

(SOFTLY) I'm allergic
to the fog machines.

- Your middle name is Vivian.
- Vivian's a family name!

- You once took a laxative before a flight,
- _

and they had to make
an emergency landing

after what you did to the bathroom.

BARRY: Please, stop...

You once masturbated
to the Wendy's logo.

Why do we keep these kinds of records?!

You make your wife kill all the spiders.

If she's not home, you put a
cup over it until she gets back.

And then forget to tell
her what's in the cup!

Mm.

Oh, shit. Hang on.

(SIGHS)

Ow.

Speaking of your wife,

she practically runs
your entire business,

but you still don't
treat her as an equal.

(INTENSE MUSIC)

- You're stupid. No, you're stupid. I hate you.
- I want out of this!

- Who made you the boss?
- I hate this.

- Who made you the boss?!
- The captain commands you

- to stop being little bitches!!
- I want out, I hate you!

- Argh!!
- (ROCK MUSIC)

Argh!

Argh!

What are you doing?!

What are you doing,
Joe?! What are you doing?

Just let me explain why I'm right.

- You're never right!!
- SNACKS: When are you right...?

Shush!

It's not like I didn't put
any thought into the costumes.

Tina, you're the girl, sorry, the woman,

and, you know, I put you in the
skimpy outfit because sex sells.

I didn't invent the
patriarchy. I just live in it.

And, Snacks, what is your
problem with Hammer pants?

They're awesome! If you don't
want them, trade with Clarence.

Shit yeah, they're dope as hell.

Oh, so now I'm the criminal, huh?

- You racist prick!
- I am not racist!

What the hell is going on here?

Oh, nothing. Just everybody's fired.

I'm getting a new team, and
then we're gonna beat Barry.

Oh, come on. Teams don't act like this.

You're right! We're not a team!

You were right all along!
Maybe I will read your book!

- (ROCK MUSIC)
- I'll email you a promo code.

(ROCK GUITAR MUSIC)

I'm still stormed out. I just
forgot my keys and my clothes.

What happened? We...

we thought you guys were going
to do some real bonding in here.

Whatever Breakfast Club bullshit
you thought was gonna happen

when you forced us in here did not work.

Joe, these people are not your
employees, okay? They're your team.

And with a little effort from you,
they might even be your friends.

I mean, have you people ever
even talked to one another?

C'mon, somebody say something.
Who-who's gonna go first?

When I was in high school, I got
kicked off the cheerleading squad

because I always insisted on wearing

a turtleneck and sweat
pants under my uniform,

so when I came in today and saw
the costume you'd chosen for me...

(SIGHING)

I guess I've never
really been comfortable

with my objectively very good body.

- I'm sorry. I-I didn't know.
- It's okay.

When I saw my uniform,

I was upset because it means
you just see me as a thug.

I'm so much more than that.

I'm building towards
things. I got real dreams.

And no one will take a
chance on me because...

okay, I stole some Amazon boxes on
Christmas Eve. We've all done it.

Alright, I'm gonna
keep it real with you.

I don't exactly know who MC Hammer is.

I think I'm getting him
confused with Flava Flav.

- Damn. Racist.
- That ain't the point. Look,

the point is, my man
Arcyl here is right.

I just... I don't know who I am yet.

I'm just looking for where I belong.

Yes. Yes! Where you belong.

Don't you see?

Joe, I ask you one more time.

Why do these colours go together?

Because I paid for 'em,
you old, lecherous [BLEEP].

You're seriously trying to bang my mom

while we trapped in your warehouse?!

Gotcha.

- Oh.
- (JOE LAUGHING)

It was a... it was a joke.

But, uh, look, I don't know.
We're a ragtag group, right?

Maybe it's good that we don't
fit perfectly together, you know?

Maybe... maybe we can keep each
other in check, and maybe, just maybe,

that's the one advantage
we have against the Metrix,

that we're a team, not a cult.

Well played, young Sparrow.
Well played. Give me a moment.

I don't have to get re-plastered, do I?

Plastered? Oh, Heavens, no.

My Lycra suits are one-size-fits-all.

- What the [BLEEP]?!
- ALL: What?!

- (GRUNTING)
- Hold on there, Mr. Arc...

- What?!
- Okay, can you get me out of this thing?

I'm going to kill him.

(DOOR CLOSING)

Claudia...

I feel like I've been reborn.

A malevolent cyborg has
shown me the error of my ways.

Apparently, I'm a dick to my team,

I don't give you an iota
of the respect you deserve,

and in bathrooms, I stand too
closely to people when I pee.

Also, if it's alright with you,

I would like to create an
inner, inner, inner circle

that consists of only you and me.

Well, that sounds like an
interesting proposition.

Must've been a very intimidating cyborg.

Yes, she was. She's also
really sexy, too, and, uh,

I'm really grateful
to be married to her.

- Um...
- Can I call to order

the first meeting of the
inner, inner, inner circle?

- I think I can squeeze it in.
- Good.

Because the first thing I want to do...

is fire my team. I can't perform
with people who've seen me cry. I...

Okay, don't be a
bitch. They signed NDAs.

- You had them sign ND... (LAUGHING)
- It's me.

This is why I love you.
Alright, I'm gonna go shower,

and then I'm gonna make you
the chick-Turk-veg meatballs

that you love. What?!

(SIGHING) You know, honey,

- I have been meaning to tell you something.
- Oh! Mm-hmm.

I really hate...

chick-Turk-veg meatballs.
You know what I like?

- Oh, what? You like meat.
- I like real meat.

No, I-I haven't showered. No,
it got really hot in there.

- Shhh! Shhh! Oh, was that too hard?
- (MUFFLED) Wait... No, no.

- It wasn't too hard. No, no, make it harder.
- 'Cause I can do it harder.

- Oh, you know what I want?
- Oh, yeah,

- I know what you want.
- No, now I don't even know what I want.

- I know what you want. Yeah. Okay, okay.
- You know what I want?

BOTH: (SINGING) ? A, B, C, D... ?

? E, F, G! ?

? Born to be wild ?

? Born to be wild ?

(ROCK MUSIC)

? We can climb so high ?

? I never wanna die ?

JOE: On the next Let's Get Physical:

- No team will be going on to the finals this year.
- What?!

Payback's a bitch!

(LAUGHTER)

Yeah, I'm saying we work together.

I don't play games. I win them.

Then let's get the pissant.

So, are we, like, calling a temporary
truce to defeat our common enemy?

Kick me, Barry, in my dick!

BOTH: Yah!!!

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