All language subtitles for Lets Get Physical s01e02 The Dancing Criminals.eng

[NARRATOR] Previously,
on Let's Get Physical.

I'm donating your eight million
dollar inheritance to the

winning gym of the Competitive
Aerobics Championship.

- What?
- Our bodies our temples.

My body's a dive bar.

- You're saying your gym can beat my gym?
- It's time for a rematch.

The Craigslist ad is
live, we're going to be

swimming in spandex women.

(ALL LAUGHING)

To the best friends
a guy could ever have.

- Yeah.
- I could not

have taken on Barry without you.

To staying positive and

[TOGETHER] Testing negative!

Who wants a whiskey shot? Whiskey
shot, whiskey shot, whiskey shot,

whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

(FRIENDS LAUGHING)

Bar car, enhance drunk times.

(IMITATING BEEPING)

Whiskey body please,

(IMITATING BEEPING)

thank you.

You're so great bar
car, you're the best.

You're the best.

(LAUGHS)

I bet Barry doesn't have a bar car,

probably has a kale
car, or protein mobile.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, I know.

(PHONE RINGING)

End sleep cycle.

Hello, who is this, it's 3:00 a.m.

Yeah, this is Gary Maldinado

from the, uh, local national observer.

Do you care to comment
on the recent murder?

What, who-who got murdered?

You did bitch in front of your
minions, Joe Force is back!

- ? Let's get physical, physical ?
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -

(GROOVY MUSIC)

You have left me quite a task.

Hard to believe that our
son has gotten even dumber.

Do you remember when we first met,

oh I was just a young Brit,

poised to win my first
international beauty competition.

When a young, strapping,
left-handed knocked on my door.

You told me what Mary
Kate Murray had done,

to make up for that appalling
Copacabana dance she did,

you know with the ridiculous fruity hat.

Did we panic?

No.

Oh no, we fell in love.

Trying to find another
way to win, we always won.

We were a team, we did it together,

I was a young girl full of dreams.

But when they placed
that tiara on my head,

I became a woman with a vision.

(SIGHS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Do any of you remember what
happened after 3:00 a.m.?

Now... now I'm sure you
all have a lot of questions

twirling in your minds.

Did last night's celebration
turn into an orgy,

with your best friends mother?

When Joseph finds out do
you think he might want to

murder you all with a cinder block?

Or is today the day the Guns
Van Bovi officially breaks up?

The answer to all three
is a resounding yes.

Well I'm going to make sure
that Joseph fulfills his destiny

as head of the family and I
am not going to let any of you

disgusting freeloaders get in his way.

And by the way, you came too quick.

You were limp, until
Gout took his clothes off,

and you have an innie penis,
and none of you made me squeal

so I suggest you all leave
quickly, quicker than you came.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

_

(GROOVY MUSIC)

Uh Clarence, Snacks, that was fantastic.

Sorry about the music,
my band's supposed

to be here but they're running late.

They're running alright.

Ah, you guys seem like a real team,

how long you been together?

Uh, we met out in the parking lot.

Wow that is impressive.

I'd love to see you in some
spandex and show you some moves.

You better slow down
because you can't hire them

until we've reviewed their applications.

Clarence Carter, mmm, age 30-ish,

email, ihadfiveonitindoweed@clarence69.com

Oh, it says here that your
last employment was as a

line cook at the Norfolk
Institution for Men?

That's right ma'am I did a
short stint for check fraud okay,

but ever since then I've
been a law abiding Craig head.

Ex-con and a drug addict, no you may go.

No Mom-Mom, Craig head,
uh, it's Craigslist,

he found our ad on Craigslist.

Uh, yeah, it's fine.

Uh, Snacks, uh, you
only wrote down Snacks.

- Mmm.
- See, when I was just a little man,

you know my mom
couldn't afford a sitter,

you know what I'm saying, so she used to

leave me in a room with a bowl
of water on the floor and...

and a box of snacks.

Oh my, that's so horrible, I'm so sorry.

(LAUGHS ) I'm playin'
with you man, come on man.

I robbed my high school snack
shop, you know what I'm sayin'

started my own mobile shop baby,
self-made, come on. (LAUGHS)

Well you can leave now
and make sure you don't

steal anything on your way out.

Whoa, hold up, hold up.

Let me popcorn shrimp
this for you right quick.

- Excuse me, you're going to what?
- Ah...

Explain myself lady.

Look Metrix is handing
out a month-long membership

to every dancer in town.

Now Snacks and I, we're pretty
much a package deal right.

- Fact.
- So,

not only we the best dancers
you're going to see today

we are probably the only dancers
you're going to see today.

Well let me give you a
kernel of popcorn shrimp,

Fitness by Force has never
hired criminals for their team

and we're not about to start now, so

I suggest you leave now.

- (EXHALES)
- (SCOFFS)

What are you doing?

If we hired them, we'd be
one girl short of a full team.

Well once I assemble a team that
is not comprised of delinquents,

we're going to have to train everyday

and we're going to have to
start crafting a press campaign

that supports your comeback.

Approaching this like a stupid pageant

is exactly how we lose.

Didn't you witness my
comeback last night?

That was amazing and unexpected.

And that's how we win dad's money,

with unexpected dancers like those two.

When your father was coaching our teams,

they were training a year in advance.

Now, regionals, only a month away

and I need aerobic athletes to coach.

Oh, you're never going to
be the coach of this team.

The mascot maybe, the Jumping
Janet, or the Raging Queen.

No, now look I am not your help
or your mascot, I am your mother,

and your coach. Where are you going?

I'm going to find out
where my band is drinking

and then I'm going to the Metrix
to steal some of Barry's dancers,

'cause screw him!

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Remember my fellow aerobians,
there is no judgment here.

- Don't do that, don't do that.
- Uh-huh.

We breathe as one, we work as one.

That's amazing-ly annoying to look at.

- (UPBEAT MUSIC)
- _

- _
- (FAILURE BUZZER)

[CROSS CONTROL]
Eliminated, please go home.

(CRYING)

- (FAILURE BUZZER)
- [CROSS CONTROL] Eliminated, dimples uneven.

No, please Mr. Cross don't cut me.

I've wanted this my whole life.

We just started the team last night.

Okay, I wanted this since last night.

Aerobics judges look
for symmetry not this...

Picasso thing you got
going on here, respectfully.

Alright, rhythmic monkey
claps, five, six, seven, eight.

Clap clap, clap clap
clap. Clap clap, up.

This place is packed for tryouts.

They can't use everyone,

we'll just wait for a
good reject, like me.

(CRYING)

Bingo, a crying girl, my specialty.

Only one person can make
someone cry like this.

Barry Cross, trust me.

Dear, what happened?

He said my dimples were uneven.

Honey, I used to compete in pageants

and I can tell you without a doubt
that your smile would win them all.

Unless of course I was
competing, in which case,

runner-up is nothing to be ashamed of.

(CRYING)

Hey your crying, which
means you have emotions.

- So I know you're not a Metrix robot.
- Mmm.

Why don't you dance for us?

She can't, she works for us.

Oh, what are you worried about?

You think my son's too
fat and lazy to win anyway.

I'm not..

I'm chubby and tired.

How can you be sweating
just standing there?

I'm wearing a jean jacket.

Why don't you come and dance for us,

we will offer you a
salary, stock options...

Uh no, everyone who tried out
with us signed a non-compete clause

so no one here can
legally dance with you.

You should go get ready
for your shift. Choo choo.

Look you can keep your pretty
little internet minions,

but every great dancer
was once an underdog

that needed to be discovered.

Great, why don't you go
discover someone else to harass.

(LAUGHING)

Come on, Mom.

I'm so glad we broke up.

Bye!

My lioness.

- (PURRS)
- I love watching you track and hunt our prey,

- it gets me so turned on.
- Mmm.

Well, the last one to
the office, is the bottom.

Oh no, my shoes are
untied I have to run slowly

'cause I'm going to be a bottom
when I have sex with my wife!

_

- _
- Hey Joe, it's Gout.

Me and the band got your messages
sorry we've been ghosting you.

As you probably know,
we were on our way back

to McDappy's when your
mom told us what happened.

We just couldn't believe it,

we've even pulled over to figure it out.

I smelled Rick's dick,
Rick smelt my dick,

then Andre smelt both of our
dicks, and we smelled his.

Uh, it got real confusing
so we just went to IHOP.

Anyway, I guess what
I'm trying to say is...

we think we all banged your mom

and we're sorry that
we're mother (BLEEP)ers.

(SCREAMS)

You f(BLEEP)ed my band?

The whole band?

Andre, Rick and Gout?

His name is Gout!

Oh yes, I remember Gout.
He was very aggressive.

Do you know what they've
done on Kid Rock cruises?

I had to get rid of them so you
could focus on winning our money.

Mom, you don't have to f(BLEEP)
people to get rid of them.

Oh, well, with those buffoons around,

there was no way in the world
that you were ever going to win.

I already am a winner.

Well, here's another
way of looking at it.

Are you?

I swear that by the time this is over,

I will return our family to glory again.

Great. So you can be in charge of glory,

and I will assemble the team
and I will coach them to victory.

Why? So you can bang them too?

No, no, no, no. I
will assemble the team,

and I will coach us to victory.

You can't even assemble a sandwich.

You watch, by the end of today,
I will have assembled a team

and they will be eating
sandwiches, that I made!

Woo. Looking for dancers. Do you dance?

- Do you want to dance? No, okay.
- Go away.

Maybe somebody else will.

- Oh, do you dance?
- Huh?

No, no.

You don't have to wad it up.

- [BARRY] I want Navy Seal knees.
- _

And Jane Fonda arms.

I want fab foxy hands.

And Richard Simmons ass.

Hey, want a beef stick?

- Eww.
- No, I want you to dance for a beef stick,

like an actual beef stick. Okay, fine.

Are you dancers? Do you dance?

- Ah! Ah, come on,
- [GIRL] Get lost, buddy.

just say no.

The movie is called
"Perfect" for a reason.

Become one with these Jamie
Lee Curtis pelvic thrusts.

Looking for dancers. Do you dance?

Hey, I'm talking to you!

Feel that control.

Feel that raw sexuality.

Here you go, sonny.

Hey baby, you dance?

- (UPBEAT MUSIC)
- _

(MACHINE CHURNING)

Good natural intracellular viscosity.

(UNDER BREATH) Oh, Barry... (SIGHS)

Just a second, babe. I'm just
finishing up a jiggle test.

Very little rippling. Very good, Okay.

I'm going to review
your soft spots report,

and I'll have an answer
for you in the morning.

- Thank you very much.
- [CROSS CONTROL] You have perfect breasts

and a perfect buttocks.

She is perfect for mixed pairs.

Baby, how is it that
you can finish a class,

and still smell even
better than you did before?

I mean, your... your
sexy sweat pheromones have

my alpha-wolf senses jacked to the max.

That's a f(BLEEP)ing great
name for a supplement.

Alpha-Wolf Max. Let's write that down.

You see, this... this rivalry with
Joe has my primal instincts renewed.

(GROWLS) What's the
matter? Something's wrong.

My instincts tell me something's wrong.

I'm an intuitive man, something's wrong.

Oh, wait a minute. (CHUCKLES)

Honey, we haven't done our DOD
boards today. I'm so sorry, I...

No, no. It's not about that.

- That's what it is. I'm an idiot.
- No.

I've been so up in my own head. Okay,

Cross Control, pull up our
Devotion of the Day boards.

[CROSS CONTROL] Devotion of the Day.

Look into your partner's eyes,
and share what scares you the most.

Ready? One, two, three.

- Simple sugars.
- Being replaced.

Wait, what?

Yeah, you wouldn't get it.

Um, I'm going to go take a shower.

Alone.

You smell good.

- (ROCK MUSIC)
- _

What are you doing here?

I just wanted to meet
the team you assembled

- and give them my blessing.
- Ah, well,

they're out on a 5K run. Coaches orders.

Oh, so your, uh, training meal-plan

is to feed them fast food after the run?

Yup. It's a new weight
loss technique from Iceland.

It's all the rage.

Fine, there's no team.

So, are you ready for some help?

Yeah.

Good, well then, come with me.

I need to show you something.

- Can I eat?
- No.

Well, I'm definitely going to change.

- Come on, I'm hungry.
- I told you.

- (GROWL)
- Come on.

(JAUNTY MUSIC)

Oh, thank you, Mary.

Oh, just such wonderful service.

That's why I always love coming here.

Whatever, lady.

- Mmm.
- Is this what you wanted to show me?

Booze-less coffee and a dying waitress?

Do you know who that waitress is?

Don't tell me that's my real mother.

Good god, no.

My hips ache every time I
look at your swollen ham head.

No, no, that was my old rival.

My Barry Cross.

Her name is Mary Kate Murray.

Mom, what did you do to her?

Cut her brake lines, spent
two months in the hospital.

And now you come here in a disguise
and make her serve you fruit cups?

Mom, that's horrible.

Unlike this cantaloupe,
victory has no expiration date.

I mean, look at her...

that's what losing looks like.

And this is what winning tastes like.

Mmm.

See that bitch over there?

She comes in here once a week
in that Audrey Hepburn get up

and she thinks I don't recognize her.

And every week I hock a loogie
in her goddamn cantaloupe.

Ugh.

I get it, I will work with you.

But I will never forgive you
for sleeping with my band.

Oh, Joseph, you've got so much to learn.

Did you think that I cut her brakes,

do you think that I had carnal
knowledge with your band or...

do you think that those were
all lies for the greater purpose?

Are you saying that you
didn't have sex with my band?

Yes, Joseph, that's
exactly what I'm saying.

I so want to be mad at you now,

but I can't because I'm impressed.

Oh, we're going to be a team together,

we need to trust each other, hmm?

No more lies.

Fine, okay, you find a girl,
I'll get two more dancers

and then we'll meet
back at Fitness by Force.

Did you really believe that
your band would nail your Mummy?

Are you kidding, they'd
get into a fist fight

for a back alley blow job from Mary.

- (UPBEAT MUSIC)
- _

We now have finalists in every category.

- _
- (COMPUTER CHIMES)

Minor's team.

(COMPUTER CHIMES)

Finalists for the trios.

(COMPUTER CHIMES)

I, of course, will crush Fat Joe
in the individual's competition.

Now the only other category

that's set in stone is mixed pairs.

(COMPUTER CHIMES)

Oh, I'm flattered.

That would be a lot of
fun actually (LAUGHS)

but you need to focus on winning,

and I will focus on managing, okay?

Like that sexy Gerard Butler movie,

you run the empire
while I go off to war.

Yeah.

You think they CGI'd his abs?

Oh, definitely, those are not real.

Yeah, just think, you just go to
the gym, do the work, but no...

Cross Control, foreplay of the day.

- [CROSS CONTROL] Foreplay of the day.
- That's not a program.

Beta testing. Log data.

(COMPUTER BEEP)

Look into your partner's
eyes, and verbally arouse them.

Oh, I wanna...

snort branched chain amino
acids off your gluteus Maximus

and blow on your love bean.

I wanna... I wanna pluck
out your mustache hairs

- and choke you out with my thighs.
- Oh...

I...

I want to...

bench press your toned body

and play Beethoven's
Fifth on your pubic patch.

Oh my god, baby.

I want to suck your eyeballs out

and spit them into a
f(BLEEP)ing dirty martini.

(EXHALES)

Data log complete. I got to go.

Suck my eyeballs out,
that would kill me.

- (UPBEAT MUSIC)
- _

Good Tina, so I want you to start today.

- Perfect.
- Good. We can...

The crying car girl?

Her name is Tina, and
I just hired her to be

our new office manager and
your mixed pairs partner.

Oh, what about the non-compete clause?

After I got cut, I kind of freaked out

and choked Mr. Cross in his office.

I have a bit of a temper.
Usually I have it under control,

but stress and emotional situations

can trigger another Tina, a darker Tina.

I like you.

But then he fired me and wiped away
all of my records from the Metrix.

So, who did you hire?

Joe mother(BLEEP)ing Force.

The dancing criminals, absolutely not.

Oh, so Snack stole some candy bars
and he can't be apart of the team.

But you cut a woman's
brakes and that's okay?

- Mom, we're all criminals.
- Hey, hey, hey, check it out Judge Moody,

after you kicked us out
we spent an entire day

watching aerobics videos on YouTube.

- Re-re-re-re-re-research!
- Re-re-research!

(LAUGHS)

They worked, Mom.

Hi, I'm Geoff with a G,

and I'm stepping hot for
the Myrtle Beach per minute.

I like tight clothes and fast cars.

(DISCO MUSIC)

I'm Larry from Las Vegas Legwarmers,

- I like slots by day and squats by night.
- Let me try.

Hi, I'm Tina and I
have hairless rescue cat

and I've only had two sexual partners.

Damn it, Tina, you're
making me look bad.

Are we really going to rely on that?

Hey, Mom, it's trust, teamwork
and a whole lot of flare.

Fine, they can join the team.

But can you lead them?

(SCOFFS) Can I lead them, watch this!

- Ready, guys?
- Yeah.

- What-what?
- Yeah. Hell, yeah.

Here we go, and five, six, seven, eight.

Fist pump, fist pump, jumping jacks,

grape vine to the right,
jump, grape vine to the left,

jump and twist and ribs.

All right, let's try
that again, are you ready?

- Yeah! Yeah!
- Here we go,

and five, six, seven, eight.

[ANNOUNCER]
On the next Let's Get Physical.

My dad left us something
in a safe deposit box.

- What is this?
- What's in the box?

You don't want to play hardball with me.

Hardball, Foosball.

If I could guarantee that you walk away

with four million
dollars, no matter what.

No, no!

The never before seen aerobics
move that I want to share with...

Yes!

[CHILD] Grandma's House

Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0