Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,478 --> 00:00:03,788
- Thank you very much, everyone.
Good night. - Steve: Good job, Jim!
2
00:00:03,856 --> 00:00:05,560
Man: All right. That
was Jim Jefferies, guys.
3
00:00:05,628 --> 00:00:06,899
That was, uh, interesting.
4
00:00:06,967 --> 00:00:08,471
All right. Well, that sucked.
5
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,108
Mike, you told me to work clean!
6
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,946
I said do your act. Just
take out the dirty stuff.
7
00:00:12,014 --> 00:00:14,082
This is a network television showcase.
8
00:00:14,149 --> 00:00:16,079
They need to know you can work clean.
9
00:00:16,147 --> 00:00:17,245
Mike, do you even watch what I do?
10
00:00:17,313 --> 00:00:18,683
The first two minutes of my show
11
00:00:18,751 --> 00:00:19,886
involves the words "Cock,
shit, pussy, balls."
12
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:22,191
Okay, so say "Penis" and "Poo."
13
00:00:22,258 --> 00:00:23,790
"Balls" are also legal
in the right context,
14
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,893
- as is "Snatch."
- I can say "snatch"?
15
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,463
- Man: Please welcome...
- Maybe not, no.
16
00:00:27,531 --> 00:00:29,366
- I can't say "Poo."
- Why?
17
00:00:29,433 --> 00:00:32,067
Because it's juvenile to
say "Poo," you big poo.
18
00:00:32,135 --> 00:00:34,708
No. I-I just don't
think I'm built for this.
19
00:00:34,776 --> 00:00:36,242
It wasn't until I was 19 till I realized
20
00:00:36,309 --> 00:00:38,043
that I had to do a whole
thing, like, shaving...
21
00:00:38,111 --> 00:00:40,551
Look at her. She's doing
great, and she's working clean.
22
00:00:40,618 --> 00:00:42,454
Really don't care about it, so...
23
00:00:42,522 --> 00:00:44,624
- Good job.
- Suck a dick, Steve.
24
00:00:44,691 --> 00:00:46,091
I think they were afraid to laugh
25
00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:47,525
because they didn't want
to miss the next joke.
26
00:00:47,593 --> 00:00:49,060
That's why they weren't laughing.
27
00:00:49,128 --> 00:00:50,899
Corrinne: Kkk, white. It's not...
28
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:52,701
Ah, bullshit. It sucked. Why
didn't you do your good stuff?
29
00:00:52,769 --> 00:00:54,369
It was my good stuff without swearing.
30
00:00:54,437 --> 00:00:56,139
[Scoffs] You can't work clean.
31
00:00:56,207 --> 00:00:58,312
- I just found that out, didn't I? Thank you.
- Oh, my God.
32
00:00:58,380 --> 00:01:00,247
Not only do I have to lose
weight in my arms, my thighs,
33
00:01:00,314 --> 00:01:01,883
and my legs, now I have to
lose five pounds in my vagina.
34
00:01:01,951 --> 00:01:04,453
[Laughter]
35
00:01:04,521 --> 00:01:06,961
- Now, she knows how to work clean.
- Yeah.
36
00:01:07,028 --> 00:01:08,195
- [Laughs]
- Peggy: Hey.
37
00:01:08,263 --> 00:01:10,029
- Jim & Steve: Hey.
- Billy: Hey!
38
00:01:10,097 --> 00:01:11,700
- Peggy. You come to see me. Th...
- No, I was just...
39
00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,503
I just got here. Hi.
40
00:01:13,571 --> 00:01:15,706
- Billy: Hi, Peg.
- How are you?
41
00:01:15,774 --> 00:01:19,014
- Hi. You look pretty.
- Thanks.
42
00:01:19,082 --> 00:01:20,951
Jim, I'm really sorry about
that whole "Loveline" thing.
43
00:01:21,019 --> 00:01:22,821
No, I understand you're upset we broke up.
44
00:01:22,888 --> 00:01:24,557
It takes a lot to get over a relation...
45
00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:26,127
- Hey, baby. Hey.
- Hi.
46
00:01:26,194 --> 00:01:27,260
Bob Saget.
47
00:01:27,328 --> 00:01:28,695
Billy, that's Bob Saget.
48
00:01:28,762 --> 00:01:30,498
I'm not an idiot.
49
00:01:30,565 --> 00:01:32,769
- [Chuckles]
- Man: No one's ever told you...
50
00:01:32,837 --> 00:01:34,336
Um, Bob, do you know Jim?
51
00:01:34,404 --> 00:01:37,139
Uh, no. No. Uh, nice to meet you.
52
00:01:37,207 --> 00:01:39,377
- Hey. Jim.
- And this is Billy and Steve.
53
00:01:39,444 --> 00:01:41,010
I-I-I'm
a big fan.
54
00:01:41,078 --> 00:01:42,445
- Uh... Mnh-mnh.
- Bob: Oh, thanks.
55
00:01:42,513 --> 00:01:44,650
Hi, Bob Saget. Hey, shake his hand for me.
56
00:01:44,717 --> 00:01:46,419
Steve: He can't shake, so...
57
00:01:46,486 --> 00:01:47,719
That's cool. I don't
want to touch him anyway.
58
00:01:47,787 --> 00:01:49,087
[Laughter]
59
00:01:49,155 --> 00:01:51,125
That's not a joke. He's disabled.
60
00:01:51,192 --> 00:01:53,261
Um, Jim is also a comedian.
61
00:01:53,329 --> 00:01:54,762
Oh, really?
62
00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:56,598
No, I used to, uh, date, uh...
63
00:01:56,666 --> 00:01:59,236
I was just up there.
64
00:01:59,303 --> 00:02:00,839
So, these executives
65
00:02:00,907 --> 00:02:02,540
are making you play clean, as well, huh?
66
00:02:02,608 --> 00:02:04,542
Me? [Chuckles] N-No.
67
00:02:04,609 --> 00:02:06,978
No, I just come in here and
crush it and make them laugh,
68
00:02:07,046 --> 00:02:08,548
and that's what I do.
69
00:02:08,617 --> 00:02:09,818
- Of course you do. Right.
- Yeah, he does.
70
00:02:09,886 --> 00:02:11,688
Bob: That's right. It was nice to meet you.
71
00:02:11,755 --> 00:02:13,489
- Jim, right?
- Jim. Yeah.
72
00:02:13,557 --> 00:02:14,758
- See you soon, babe.
- Bye. - Oh.
73
00:02:14,826 --> 00:02:16,493
Ladies and gentlemen, Bob Saget.
74
00:02:16,561 --> 00:02:18,732
[Cheers and applause]
75
00:02:18,799 --> 00:02:22,169
Billy: Bob Saget! I know Bob Saget!
76
00:02:22,237 --> 00:02:23,940
Bob: Thank you very much.
77
00:02:24,008 --> 00:02:25,308
Let's hear it for the very short person
78
00:02:25,376 --> 00:02:26,676
- that I don't care to know.
- Come on.
79
00:02:26,744 --> 00:02:28,378
W-Why don't you go over there and gush?
80
00:02:28,445 --> 00:02:29,847
- That's Bob Saget. Let's go watch.
- Let's go.
81
00:02:29,914 --> 00:02:33,015
- Enjoy yourselves.
- [Laughter]
82
00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:34,917
Peggy's a gag hag with Bob Saget.
83
00:02:34,985 --> 00:02:38,087
Now, I see that you have some
problems, and I appreciate it,
84
00:02:38,155 --> 00:02:39,656
'cause I support anybody
85
00:02:39,723 --> 00:02:41,123
that... that craps
their pants all the time.
86
00:02:41,191 --> 00:02:42,791
[Laughter]
87
00:02:42,859 --> 00:02:44,527
- That wasn't a joke.
- Good set.
88
00:02:44,594 --> 00:02:46,829
Bob: That's a really good
joke from the old days.
89
00:02:46,897 --> 00:02:48,230
Oh, thank you.
90
00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:49,331
You know who you are.
91
00:02:49,399 --> 00:02:52,703
Angela! Hey.
92
00:02:52,771 --> 00:02:54,871
Did you see Corrinne tonight, huh?
93
00:02:54,939 --> 00:02:56,173
Really funny.
94
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,376
- I like this guy.
- This guy?
95
00:02:58,444 --> 00:03:00,079
Yeah, this guy! Everybody loves Jim.
96
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,714
He killed it tonight.
97
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:03,849
- Angela McKinnon.
- G'day. Jim Jefferies.
98
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:07,755
Why don't you come to my
office sometime and we can talk?
99
00:03:07,823 --> 00:03:10,622
What we'll do is we'll see if
we can squeeze him in next week.
100
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,258
Jim is really busy. He's in...
101
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,330
Why don't you let him answer?
102
00:03:14,398 --> 00:03:15,932
I would love to, anytime you want.
103
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,236
Good answer. Okay. Make it soon.
104
00:03:19,304 --> 00:03:20,338
Okay, Mike?
105
00:03:20,405 --> 00:03:22,674
You got it.
106
00:03:22,742 --> 00:03:26,312
Okay. Australians don't
high-five. Who was that?
107
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:28,217
Only the biggest comedy exec in town.
108
00:03:28,284 --> 00:03:29,852
This is huge, man.
109
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,852
I don't know how you
did it, but you did it.
110
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,589
Now, I got to roll. Jamie Foxx is here.
111
00:03:34,657 --> 00:03:35,590
- Man: Bob Saget!
- Thanks, Mike.
112
00:03:35,658 --> 00:03:37,024
- [Applause]
- Yeah!
113
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:38,390
Man: Whoo!
114
00:03:38,458 --> 00:03:40,057
- Man: Way to go, Bob.
- Thanks.
115
00:03:40,125 --> 00:03:41,659
Hey. Great set, Bob.
116
00:03:41,726 --> 00:03:44,096
Oh, thanks, man. So, you know Angela?
117
00:03:44,163 --> 00:03:46,230
We just met.
118
00:03:46,298 --> 00:03:48,866
Welcome to show business.
119
00:03:48,934 --> 00:03:50,901
[Chuckles]
120
00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:52,201
Peggy: Bye, Jim.
121
00:03:52,269 --> 00:03:54,104
Bye.
122
00:03:54,172 --> 00:03:57,476
"Welcome to show business."
123
00:03:57,544 --> 00:03:59,243
Bob Saget.
124
00:04:00,623 --> 00:04:03,190
I get it. You're jealous.
It's just like Todd.
125
00:04:03,258 --> 00:04:04,826
- Oh, my God.
- Jim: It's not like Todd.
126
00:04:04,893 --> 00:04:06,394
Turn.
127
00:04:06,462 --> 00:04:08,564
I'd be all right if
Peggy was dating someone,
128
00:04:08,631 --> 00:04:10,400
you know, lower. Just...
129
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,535
Turn.
130
00:04:11,602 --> 00:04:13,840
Someone less successful.
131
00:04:13,907 --> 00:04:15,407
In the comedy world,
they're called "Gag Hags."
132
00:04:15,475 --> 00:04:17,209
- Nice. - Turn.
- Yeah, you know, like,
133
00:04:17,277 --> 00:04:18,545
when you first start dating a girl,
134
00:04:18,613 --> 00:04:20,481
they're not even into comedy, right?
135
00:04:20,549 --> 00:04:22,183
And then you break up with them,
136
00:04:22,251 --> 00:04:24,353
and all they seem to do
is date bloody comedians.
137
00:04:24,421 --> 00:04:25,889
What if he's better-looking than you?
138
00:04:25,956 --> 00:04:27,157
- That's fine.
- Better car?
139
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,692
It's fine.
140
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:29,994
- Richer?
- Totally cool.
141
00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:31,730
Funnier?
142
00:04:31,798 --> 00:04:34,399
No, not... not funnier.
143
00:04:34,467 --> 00:04:35,898
More famous.
144
00:04:35,966 --> 00:04:37,932
Right. Don't they kind of go hand in hand?
145
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,234
No, they don't go hand in hand!
146
00:04:39,302 --> 00:04:40,803
Some people get overlooked.
147
00:04:40,871 --> 00:04:42,371
Like men don't date up?
148
00:04:42,439 --> 00:04:44,041
I don't know. Saget is pretty funny.
149
00:04:44,108 --> 00:04:45,475
- [Cellphone vibrating]
- You're not helping, Billy.
150
00:04:45,543 --> 00:04:48,043
This conversation is ridiculous.
151
00:04:48,111 --> 00:04:49,344
Hello?
152
00:04:49,412 --> 00:04:50,545
- Mike: Jimmy J.!
- Hi, Mike.
153
00:04:50,613 --> 00:04:52,282
Hey, so how is Tuesday
154
00:04:52,350 --> 00:04:56,249
at, um... Uh... 10:00 A.M.?
155
00:04:56,316 --> 00:04:58,650
Yeah, sure. Sure. Wait.
What's this all about?
156
00:04:58,718 --> 00:05:00,619
Meeting with Angela. General meeting.
157
00:05:00,687 --> 00:05:02,421
She just wants to get to know
you, see what you're all about.
158
00:05:02,488 --> 00:05:04,154
Okay.
159
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,420
Mike?
160
00:05:05,488 --> 00:05:06,988
Yeah, Jim?
161
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:09,324
What am I all about?
162
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:13,196
You are all about making her happy.
163
00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:15,834
- That's what you're all about.
- Okay.
164
00:05:15,902 --> 00:05:18,337
All right. I got to take
this call. Love you, man.
165
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:21,105
A really big executive wants
to have a meeting with me.
166
00:05:21,173 --> 00:05:22,708
Really? Off that set?
167
00:05:22,776 --> 00:05:24,712
Yeah.
168
00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:28,951
Uh, water?
169
00:05:29,019 --> 00:05:30,218
Ah, no, I'm fine. Thank you.
170
00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:31,419
You sure?
171
00:05:31,487 --> 00:05:33,518
- Yeah. Thanks.
- Okay.
172
00:05:33,586 --> 00:05:35,156
- Hey.
- Hi. Jim Jefferies.
173
00:05:35,224 --> 00:05:36,491
Mm.
174
00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:38,024
Thank you so much for having me.
175
00:05:38,091 --> 00:05:39,157
Oh, please.
176
00:05:39,225 --> 00:05:41,559
So, where in England are you from?
177
00:05:41,627 --> 00:05:43,464
Oh, no. I'm, uh... I'm Australian.
178
00:05:43,531 --> 00:05:45,835
You know what? That is so much better.
179
00:05:45,903 --> 00:05:50,271
I just... British actors are so...
180
00:05:50,338 --> 00:05:51,639
girly.
181
00:05:51,708 --> 00:05:53,310
You know what I mean?
182
00:05:53,377 --> 00:05:56,981
Australian men... now,
those are real men, right?
183
00:05:57,049 --> 00:05:59,950
Look, Russell Crowe?
184
00:06:00,018 --> 00:06:01,451
That's a real guy.
185
00:06:01,519 --> 00:06:03,353
So...
186
00:06:03,421 --> 00:06:06,722
What is Jim about?
187
00:06:06,790 --> 00:06:09,226
Okay. Well, I love stand-up.
188
00:06:09,294 --> 00:06:11,727
I would also like to be in movies.
189
00:06:11,795 --> 00:06:13,896
I'd like to be in television. I can write.
190
00:06:13,964 --> 00:06:15,598
What have you written?
191
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,367
Oh, I've written heaps of stuff.
192
00:06:17,435 --> 00:06:19,338
- I've, uh, written my stand-up...
- Mm-hmm.
193
00:06:19,406 --> 00:06:20,607
And, um, other stuff.
194
00:06:20,675 --> 00:06:23,844
- And, uh, can you act?
- Yes.
195
00:06:23,912 --> 00:06:25,747
Have you been in anything?
196
00:06:25,815 --> 00:06:27,616
Not yet.
197
00:06:27,684 --> 00:06:29,683
Well, don't worry about
that. Acting is easy.
198
00:06:29,751 --> 00:06:32,152
What you need is a good look.
199
00:06:32,220 --> 00:06:34,056
- Have I got a good look?
- Not at all.
200
00:06:34,124 --> 00:06:35,592
But that just means you might have to work
201
00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:37,663
a little bit harder
than some of the others.
202
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,031
[Sighs] Yep.
203
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,567
Are you a hard worker?
204
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,003
That I am, yes.
205
00:06:42,071 --> 00:06:45,809
Are you willing to go that extra mile?
206
00:06:45,877 --> 00:06:47,109
Absolutely.
207
00:06:47,177 --> 00:06:49,245
That is great.
208
00:06:49,312 --> 00:06:51,181
- One more thing.
- Anything.
209
00:06:51,249 --> 00:06:52,953
Good answer.
210
00:06:53,020 --> 00:06:55,157
[Breathes deeply]
211
00:06:57,527 --> 00:06:59,729
[Sighs]
212
00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:03,003
Lick my pussy.
213
00:07:06,107 --> 00:07:08,474
Y... Uh... You...
W-W-What now?
214
00:07:08,542 --> 00:07:10,042
You heard me.
215
00:07:10,110 --> 00:07:11,843
Y... Um, you want me to lick your... What?
216
00:07:11,911 --> 00:07:14,312
Yes.
217
00:07:14,379 --> 00:07:16,113
Um, I...
218
00:07:16,181 --> 00:07:20,719
Uh, I would rather get a job on my merits.
219
00:07:20,787 --> 00:07:24,624
[Laughs]
220
00:07:24,691 --> 00:07:27,225
Well, everyone in Hollywood
thinks they have merits.
221
00:07:27,293 --> 00:07:30,661
Look, I just told you acting is easy.
222
00:07:30,729 --> 00:07:32,062
That's why everybody wants to do it.
223
00:07:32,130 --> 00:07:35,131
I mean, there was
literally like 17, 18 guys
224
00:07:35,199 --> 00:07:38,033
could've played Chandler
on "Friends," right?
225
00:07:38,101 --> 00:07:39,635
- Mm-hmm.
- But Matthew Perry,
226
00:07:39,702 --> 00:07:42,571
he did something that
none of the others did.
227
00:07:42,639 --> 00:07:44,306
Licked your pussy.
228
00:07:44,374 --> 00:07:46,475
Like a champ, may I add.
229
00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:48,075
Like a champ.
230
00:07:48,143 --> 00:07:51,245
Here's how to think of it
that might make it easier.
231
00:07:51,313 --> 00:07:55,884
Think of this as a tunnel to stardom.
232
00:07:55,952 --> 00:07:57,486
- Tunnel?
- You know what I mean.
233
00:07:57,554 --> 00:08:00,458
So, like, are you willing to get in there
234
00:08:00,526 --> 00:08:03,231
and burrow, burrow, burrow
235
00:08:03,298 --> 00:08:06,598
up to the... limelight, stardom?
236
00:08:06,666 --> 00:08:08,434
[Groans]
237
00:08:08,501 --> 00:08:11,205
So, Jim...
238
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:12,806
What are you gonna do?
239
00:08:15,543 --> 00:08:17,378
I'm gonna lick your pussy.
240
00:08:17,445 --> 00:08:18,879
That's right.
241
00:08:18,947 --> 00:08:21,181
Uh... Now, how do we do this?
242
00:08:21,249 --> 00:08:23,150
Do we [Inhales sharply] uh, schedule it?
243
00:08:23,218 --> 00:08:25,252
Do we get a... Do I talk to
the young man out there...?
244
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,020
Actually, I'm pretty busy,
so you just do it right now.
245
00:08:28,088 --> 00:08:29,787
Right. Mm-hmm. D-did
you have to do this
246
00:08:29,855 --> 00:08:31,188
when you got into the industry?
247
00:08:31,255 --> 00:08:32,455
No, I'm a woman.
248
00:08:32,523 --> 00:08:33,991
So, right now?
249
00:08:34,058 --> 00:08:35,791
Unfortunately, I do have an appointment
250
00:08:35,859 --> 00:08:37,092
in about 15 minutes, so...
251
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:38,927
Okay.
252
00:08:41,095 --> 00:08:43,096
[Door opens]
253
00:08:43,164 --> 00:08:45,934
Angela: Have a nice day!
254
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:54,336
Mike: Jimmy J., how'd it go?
255
00:08:54,404 --> 00:08:58,414
Um... I think it went good.
256
00:08:58,482 --> 00:09:00,618
All right, well, I will put in a call,
257
00:09:00,686 --> 00:09:02,921
- and I'll let you know how it went.
- No. No, no, no, Mike.
258
00:09:02,989 --> 00:09:04,556
No, I-I don't want to meet with her again.
259
00:09:04,624 --> 00:09:05,923
Why? What happened?
260
00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:08,422
She made me lick her pussy.
261
00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:11,094
You there? Mike, you there?
262
00:09:11,161 --> 00:09:12,760
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard you. I heard you.
263
00:09:12,828 --> 00:09:15,161
- Heard you.
- Mike?
264
00:09:15,229 --> 00:09:16,464
You okay?
265
00:09:16,532 --> 00:09:18,199
Yeah, I...
266
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:19,833
I'm okay.
267
00:09:19,901 --> 00:09:21,767
But I'm gonna get parts now, right?
268
00:09:21,835 --> 00:09:24,268
- [Telephone beeps]
- It's Angela on 2.
269
00:09:24,336 --> 00:09:26,036
Yeah, hey, Jimmy, that's
her on the other line.
270
00:09:26,104 --> 00:09:27,738
Hold on. Don't go anywhere, okay?
271
00:09:27,806 --> 00:09:32,608
[Orchestral music plays]
272
00:09:32,676 --> 00:09:34,510
Jim?
273
00:09:34,578 --> 00:09:38,049
She said you didn't do a good job.
274
00:09:38,117 --> 00:09:40,648
What?! I...
275
00:09:40,716 --> 00:09:42,184
I did a good job!
276
00:09:42,252 --> 00:09:44,388
Did she cum?
277
00:09:44,455 --> 00:09:46,656
Did she say she didn't cum?
278
00:09:46,724 --> 00:09:48,290
No, she just said it was a bad meeting.
279
00:09:50,527 --> 00:09:52,529
I went in there, and I did my very best.
280
00:09:52,596 --> 00:09:54,197
I was down there for 15 minutes.
281
00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:56,932
That's more than anyone
should be expected to do that.
282
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,033
She kept on saying, "I've got another
meeting, I've got another meeting,"
283
00:09:59,101 --> 00:10:01,333
so I tried to hurry it
along as much as I could.
284
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:02,936
I was on a hardwood floor, Mike!
285
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,372
My knees are killing me!
286
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,242
I was sober.
287
00:10:06,310 --> 00:10:07,743
What happened?
288
00:10:07,811 --> 00:10:09,442
I thought I should stop
when her assistant rang.
289
00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:11,109
Her assistant came in?
290
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,145
Like, you guys all, or just the two of you?
291
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,751
- No.
- All right, well, what did she say?
292
00:10:15,818 --> 00:10:19,186
Um... She said it was good.
293
00:10:19,254 --> 00:10:21,054
Did she use the word "Good,"
294
00:10:21,122 --> 00:10:22,654
or did she say,
[Enthusiastically] "It was good"?
295
00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:24,554
She said "Good," Mike.
296
00:10:24,621 --> 00:10:28,056
Great is good, awesome is
great, but good is always bad.
297
00:10:28,124 --> 00:10:30,355
Well, I-I did my best.
298
00:10:30,423 --> 00:10:32,457
Here's the good news. She said
she'll meet with you again.
299
00:10:32,524 --> 00:10:34,659
How is this good news?
300
00:10:34,727 --> 00:10:38,666
Now you know what to expect,
right? Are you up for that?
301
00:10:38,734 --> 00:10:40,899
I didn't have a lot of time to prepare.
302
00:10:40,966 --> 00:10:42,499
Well, then I guess you better prepare.
303
00:10:42,567 --> 00:10:44,033
I don't know what you have to do.
304
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,401
Put your tongue on bed rest.
305
00:10:45,469 --> 00:10:47,070
Eat a life saver from inside out.
306
00:10:47,138 --> 00:10:48,839
Whatever it is, do it, man!
307
00:10:50,574 --> 00:10:52,476
What's she looking for?
308
00:10:52,544 --> 00:10:55,649
An orgasm, Jim! She's
looking for an orgasm!
309
00:10:55,717 --> 00:10:58,383
Jesus! Put your head into this!
310
00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:00,517
I'm not sure I can do that again, Mike.
311
00:11:00,584 --> 00:11:04,022
Do you know how many miles of dick
312
00:11:04,089 --> 00:11:06,823
that have been sucked in
this town by actresses?
313
00:11:06,891 --> 00:11:08,725
Well, it's a woman's world now.
314
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,631
The tables have turned, so you're
just gonna have to deal with it.
315
00:11:14,769 --> 00:11:16,969
[Sighs]
316
00:11:17,036 --> 00:11:19,768
Hey, uh, how was your meeting?
317
00:11:21,904 --> 00:11:23,136
Strange.
318
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:25,339
Strange? How?
319
00:11:25,406 --> 00:11:27,976
I came in there, and then she, uh,
320
00:11:28,044 --> 00:11:30,245
wanted me to make her, uh...
321
00:11:30,313 --> 00:11:32,380
Make her...?
322
00:11:32,448 --> 00:11:34,215
Cum. Wanted me to make her cum.
323
00:11:34,282 --> 00:11:35,682
- Awesome.
- No.
324
00:11:35,749 --> 00:11:37,117
What's her name?
325
00:11:37,185 --> 00:11:39,454
- Angela McKinnon.
- Wait. Wait. Wait.
326
00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:41,988
So, she wanted you to sleep with her?
327
00:11:42,056 --> 00:11:42,922
No.
328
00:11:44,459 --> 00:11:46,629
Oh. She wanted to blow you?
329
00:11:46,697 --> 00:11:47,764
Who cums from blowing me?
330
00:11:50,565 --> 00:11:53,167
She made me go down on her.
331
00:11:53,236 --> 00:11:55,539
- What?
- That is great.
332
00:11:55,607 --> 00:11:58,374
[Gasps] Is this her?
333
00:11:58,442 --> 00:12:00,143
- Yes.
- Yeah, that's not so great.
334
00:12:00,211 --> 00:12:03,116
[Both laugh]
335
00:12:03,183 --> 00:12:04,486
That is hilarious!
336
00:12:04,553 --> 00:12:05,788
Not really.
337
00:12:07,057 --> 00:12:09,057
How was it? [Laughs]
338
00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:10,058
Tart.
339
00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:12,463
[Laughter]
340
00:12:12,530 --> 00:12:14,999
Hallelujah! There is a God!
341
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,633
You're being punished.
342
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,167
- For what?!
- This is so great!
343
00:12:19,234 --> 00:12:20,434
- [Cellphone ringing]
- Oh, man.
344
00:12:20,502 --> 00:12:21,868
All right. Let's get out of here.
345
00:12:21,936 --> 00:12:23,235
Where are you guys gonna be later?
346
00:12:23,303 --> 00:12:25,203
Oh, we'll call you.
347
00:12:25,270 --> 00:12:26,569
Billy: Jim munched ancient carpet.
348
00:12:26,637 --> 00:12:27,903
[Laughter]
349
00:12:27,970 --> 00:12:29,433
Jimmy J.! Hey, man.
350
00:12:29,501 --> 00:12:31,602
You got your meeting tomorrow at 9:00 A.M.
351
00:12:31,670 --> 00:12:33,638
- Great.
- Hey, Jimmy, listen.
352
00:12:33,706 --> 00:12:36,305
I could give this opportunity
to any number of actors
353
00:12:36,372 --> 00:12:38,105
that would kill to have this chance.
354
00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:39,308
Opportunity?
355
00:12:39,375 --> 00:12:40,843
Yeah, Jimmy, it's huge.
356
00:12:40,911 --> 00:12:43,378
Oh, yeah. It's huge.
357
00:12:43,446 --> 00:12:45,448
Really?
358
00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:47,151
No, it is huge.
359
00:12:47,219 --> 00:12:50,186
Now I'm gonna have that
image in my head all night.
360
00:12:50,253 --> 00:12:51,920
Thanks, pal.
361
00:12:53,589 --> 00:12:55,122
Jim, are you all right?
362
00:12:55,189 --> 00:12:56,553
[Sighs]
363
00:12:56,621 --> 00:12:58,687
My agent and your God
are trying to punish me.
364
00:12:58,755 --> 00:13:01,392
[Chuckles] Jim, you know I love you, right?
365
00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:05,031
But you really backed yourself
into a corner with this one.
366
00:13:05,098 --> 00:13:06,632
What am I meant to do?
367
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:09,001
- Have a compass.
- What will that do?
368
00:13:09,069 --> 00:13:12,006
So you can know right from wrong.
369
00:13:12,073 --> 00:13:14,142
Okay, look, Jim, you really need
to get this out of your head,
370
00:13:14,209 --> 00:13:15,441
so what do you do when you're stressed?
371
00:13:15,509 --> 00:13:16,675
Drink.
372
00:13:16,742 --> 00:13:19,045
Okay. We know how well that helps.
373
00:13:19,112 --> 00:13:21,383
- I also masturbate.
- Oh, Jim.
374
00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:24,186
You really didn't learn
anything at S.A.A., did you?
375
00:13:24,253 --> 00:13:25,887
No, it did make sex shameful.
376
00:13:25,954 --> 00:13:28,355
All right. How do you ground yourself?
377
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:33,899
- I like telling jokes.
- Well, all right, then.
378
00:13:33,966 --> 00:13:36,099
Why don't you go take
your ass down to the club,
379
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:39,472
do a set, and clear your head?
380
00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:42,776
Bob: It's nice to play to,
uh, such a... full house...
381
00:13:42,843 --> 00:13:44,510
[Laughter]
382
00:13:44,577 --> 00:13:46,814
and full pants.
383
00:13:46,881 --> 00:13:49,250
Thank you so much. Have a great night.
384
00:13:49,318 --> 00:13:51,586
[Cheers and applause]
385
00:13:51,653 --> 00:13:54,655
Bob Saget! That was awesome!
386
00:13:54,723 --> 00:13:57,923
Oh... my... God.
387
00:13:57,991 --> 00:14:00,060
Hey, Jim. What are you doing here?
388
00:14:00,127 --> 00:14:01,361
Maybe I should ask you the same question.
389
00:14:01,429 --> 00:14:02,894
We were just, uh...
390
00:14:02,962 --> 00:14:04,859
- just... just... just... just...
- Just what, Steve?
391
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,660
- It was my fault, Jim.
- Well, that's obvious.
392
00:14:06,728 --> 00:14:08,195
Okay. I wanted to see them.
393
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,631
I wanted to play video games.
394
00:14:09,699 --> 00:14:11,099
How long has this been going on?
395
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:13,465
We just went to a couple gigs.
396
00:14:13,533 --> 00:14:15,200
- A couple of gigs?
- Yeah.
397
00:14:15,269 --> 00:14:18,405
The other day when you said you
were out hitting golf balls...
398
00:14:18,473 --> 00:14:19,573
You were with her and him.
399
00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:21,042
Golf balls, Steve?
400
00:14:21,109 --> 00:14:22,744
It was a pressure-filled moment.
401
00:14:22,811 --> 00:14:24,078
I was afraid how he would react.
402
00:14:24,145 --> 00:14:25,345
And how would I react, Steve?
403
00:14:25,413 --> 00:14:26,580
Like this, Jim.
404
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:28,849
I was worried you'd freak out.
405
00:14:28,917 --> 00:14:31,852
No, no. You're wrong. You're wrong.
406
00:14:31,919 --> 00:14:35,621
I'm not freaking out.
Who's freaking out? Not me.
407
00:14:35,689 --> 00:14:38,489
[Sighs] I just don't feel
like I can trust you right now.
408
00:14:38,556 --> 00:14:41,494
I just don't feel like
we're connecting emo...
409
00:14:41,561 --> 00:14:43,898
I-I just don't want to talk to you.
410
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,099
- Oh, Jim, come on.
- Jim.
411
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:46,332
Oh, "Come on" what, Billy?
412
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:50,407
I'm out there all day
413
00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:52,540
licking old ladies just to make ends meet.
414
00:14:52,608 --> 00:14:54,808
- What?
- Yes. That's right, Peggy.
415
00:14:54,876 --> 00:14:57,516
That's where my career's at right
now, licking old ladies' staches.
416
00:14:57,584 --> 00:15:01,155
And all I need is a little
bit of understanding from you!
417
00:15:01,222 --> 00:15:02,688
I know, I'm... I'm sorry. Don't leave.
418
00:15:02,756 --> 00:15:06,093
Hey. How was Angela?
419
00:15:06,161 --> 00:15:08,030
Pungent.
420
00:15:09,661 --> 00:15:11,696
Hey, Jim.
421
00:15:11,763 --> 00:15:13,231
I have nothing to say to you two.
422
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:15,336
Oh, come on, Jim. It was two gigs.
423
00:15:16,705 --> 00:15:17,671
It was three.
424
00:15:17,739 --> 00:15:18,939
Some honesty at last.
425
00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:20,607
Bob Saget's funny.
426
00:15:20,675 --> 00:15:22,110
- What, and I'm not?
- No, no, you are funny.
427
00:15:22,178 --> 00:15:23,844
It's just that we've
heard all your stories.
428
00:15:23,912 --> 00:15:25,444
You used to love my stories.
429
00:15:25,512 --> 00:15:26,745
Ramona: You guys are morons.
430
00:15:26,813 --> 00:15:28,314
What? Saget is funny.
431
00:15:28,382 --> 00:15:30,485
[Chuckling] This is not about Saget!
432
00:15:30,553 --> 00:15:33,557
Peggy is a beautiful, sweet woman.
433
00:15:33,624 --> 00:15:35,793
Of course she's gonna date
up. That's what people do.
434
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:38,095
Would you date a girl uglier after Peggy?
435
00:15:38,162 --> 00:15:39,762
Of course not.
436
00:15:39,830 --> 00:15:41,463
- Well, you have.
- Billy, shut up.
437
00:15:41,530 --> 00:15:43,698
This is what I'm talking
about. You objectify women.
438
00:15:43,765 --> 00:15:46,535
You call them shrimp or... or prawns
439
00:15:46,603 --> 00:15:48,969
and you talk about keeping the
body and snapping off the head.
440
00:15:49,037 --> 00:15:50,670
- Mmm...
- It's despicable!
441
00:15:50,738 --> 00:15:52,405
It's 'cause they got a
good body and a bad head.
442
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:53,873
- No!
- You can still sleep with them.
443
00:15:53,941 --> 00:15:55,208
- You got to cover their face.
- Jim!
444
00:15:55,276 --> 00:15:57,011
This is what women go through every day.
445
00:15:57,078 --> 00:16:00,213
What? Dating Bob Saget?
446
00:16:00,281 --> 00:16:01,781
This is not about Bob Saget!
447
00:16:01,849 --> 00:16:04,051
You guys just don't get it.
448
00:16:04,119 --> 00:16:07,221
Wow. I had no idea that's
what it was like to be black.
449
00:16:07,288 --> 00:16:09,956
- Black.
- No! Not black, you dumbasses!
450
00:16:10,024 --> 00:16:12,192
- A woman!
- Billy: Okay.
451
00:16:12,259 --> 00:16:14,026
Jim is being objectified.
452
00:16:14,094 --> 00:16:15,994
Mm.
453
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,597
Therefore, he's feeling insecure.
454
00:16:17,664 --> 00:16:19,531
It's true.
455
00:16:19,598 --> 00:16:21,263
He's being sexually harassed!
456
00:16:21,331 --> 00:16:22,497
She's right.
457
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,698
Oh.
458
00:16:23,765 --> 00:16:25,569
When you have a body like this,
459
00:16:25,637 --> 00:16:27,507
women don't think you have a mind.
460
00:16:27,574 --> 00:16:29,442
They don't see your inner beauty.
461
00:16:29,509 --> 00:16:32,443
- I'm a victim.
- Yeah.
462
00:16:32,511 --> 00:16:35,879
But I got to do it again
if I'm gonna get that job.
463
00:16:35,947 --> 00:16:36,946
- No.
- I'm just gonna get stoned
464
00:16:37,014 --> 00:16:39,276
and imagine her pussy's a pizza.
465
00:16:39,344 --> 00:16:40,876
Jim! You don't ever have to do that again.
466
00:16:40,944 --> 00:16:42,573
I don't know. Really?
467
00:16:42,641 --> 00:16:45,242
You go in there, you tell her, "No way."
468
00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:47,947
Then you hit her with an
idea that she can't refuse.
469
00:16:48,015 --> 00:16:50,080
That's a good idea.
470
00:16:50,148 --> 00:16:51,816
- That's something she'll respect.
- Well...
471
00:16:51,884 --> 00:16:53,786
You go in there holding
your head high, man.
472
00:16:53,854 --> 00:16:55,221
Don't go down low.
473
00:16:55,289 --> 00:16:56,855
Yeah. You can do it, Jim.
474
00:16:56,923 --> 00:16:59,252
I can do this.
475
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,623
I-I got... I got...
millions of good ideas.
476
00:17:02,691 --> 00:17:04,588
Yeah, and if she doesn't like your ideas...
477
00:17:07,589 --> 00:17:09,391
- then you lick her pussy.
- Yeah, I'll go down on her.
478
00:17:09,459 --> 00:17:10,460
- Just...
- Easy.
479
00:17:10,528 --> 00:17:11,928
Morons.
480
00:17:13,495 --> 00:17:15,030
- Hey, Bob.
- Hey, man.
481
00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:18,369
You hear Peggy's dating Louis C.K. now?
482
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:20,838
Yeah. Yeah, I heard that.
483
00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:22,171
Sorry to hear that, man.
484
00:17:22,238 --> 00:17:23,805
Tough, huh? When they date up.
485
00:17:23,873 --> 00:17:25,676
Yeah.
486
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,348
I licked an executive's pussy.
487
00:17:32,415 --> 00:17:35,520
I did that once back in 1987,
488
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:37,923
and I got two hit shows out of it.
489
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:39,825
And Angela was hot back then.
490
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,661
Yeah.
491
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,365
- Jim: Billy's in a wheelchair. He can't get laid.
- Angela: [Laughs]
492
00:17:45,433 --> 00:17:47,266
So, we take him off to the
brothel, we lay him down,
493
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:49,200
we take his clothes off,
she's giving him a blowjob.
494
00:17:49,267 --> 00:17:51,135
We think he's gonna die the entire time.
495
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:52,605
- We think he's gonna die.
- Oh, no!
496
00:17:52,673 --> 00:17:54,007
You really think he's gonna die?
497
00:17:54,075 --> 00:17:57,042
Well, we were, at the
time. He's all right now.
498
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,112
This shows such passion
and commitment, you know.
499
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:01,451
I mean, I-I really admire it.
500
00:18:01,518 --> 00:18:02,953
- Thank you. Thank you.
- I really do.
501
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:06,124
Now, speaking of passion and commitment...
502
00:18:06,192 --> 00:18:07,293
Mm-hmm.
503
00:18:07,361 --> 00:18:09,531
Could you show some of that
504
00:18:09,598 --> 00:18:12,499
in another... area?
505
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:17,004
- Mm.
- [Squeaks]
506
00:18:18,704 --> 00:18:20,004
Okay. Yeah.
507
00:18:20,071 --> 00:18:21,738
[Chuckles]
508
00:18:21,805 --> 00:18:25,441
Oh, you know, you got such a nice face.
509
00:18:25,509 --> 00:18:29,974
Now, put it where it can do some real good.
510
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:33,810
[Cellphone ringing]
511
00:18:33,878 --> 00:18:35,711
Hello.
512
00:18:35,779 --> 00:18:37,746
Jimmy J.! You nailed it!
513
00:18:37,814 --> 00:18:39,446
Really?
514
00:18:39,514 --> 00:18:43,351
Yeah, she went on and on and
on about how funny you were.
515
00:18:43,419 --> 00:18:45,788
What did she say about my performance?
516
00:18:45,856 --> 00:18:47,057
Uh...
517
00:18:47,124 --> 00:18:48,490
- Better.
- Yeah, much improved.
518
00:18:48,557 --> 00:18:50,124
She wants to put you in a holding deal.
519
00:18:50,191 --> 00:18:52,091
What's a holding deal?
520
00:18:52,159 --> 00:18:54,294
Yeah, holding deal. It's where
they pay you to do nothing.
521
00:18:54,362 --> 00:18:57,097
Nothing?! Love doing
nothing! I'm good at it.
522
00:18:57,165 --> 00:18:58,900
Yeah, just put you in a show
that's coming down the pike.
523
00:19:00,972 --> 00:19:02,875
I don't have to go down on her, right?
524
00:19:02,943 --> 00:19:04,210
Probably.
525
00:19:04,278 --> 00:19:05,712
Uh, probably, sure.
526
00:19:05,779 --> 00:19:06,914
Who cares?! You're in a holding deal!
527
00:19:06,981 --> 00:19:09,217
Holding deal!
528
00:19:09,283 --> 00:19:10,850
Steve: Come on. Do it, Jim.
529
00:19:10,918 --> 00:19:13,553
Jim: 8 grand. No worries.
530
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:17,688
Billy, Steve, I think our
problems are behind us.
531
00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:19,123
I'm proud of you.
532
00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:20,623
Yeah, man. You stood up for yourself.
533
00:19:20,691 --> 00:19:22,225
And I ate her out.
534
00:19:22,293 --> 00:19:26,063
Looks like everything
turned out pretty good.
535
00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:28,232
Yeah. Yeah, I think...
536
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,534
[Cellphone rings]
537
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,435
Hey, there, Mike.
538
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,436
- Mike: Jimmy, don't buy anything yet.
- What? Why?
539
00:19:33,504 --> 00:19:35,439
Angela left. She's going to
work for a management company.
540
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:37,008
- The deal's on hold.
- The holding deal's on hold?!
541
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:38,643
- The holding deal's on hold.
- What happened?
542
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:41,448
She left the network. She's
with... Got another job.
543
00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:42,883
Don't worry. There's a new guy coming in.
544
00:19:42,950 --> 00:19:44,251
In a couple of weeks, I'm
gonna get you a meeting.
545
00:19:44,319 --> 00:19:46,153
You hang in there, buddy.
546
00:19:46,221 --> 00:19:48,254
[Chuckles] Yeah. Thanks.
547
00:19:54,999 --> 00:19:57,933
I'm really happy you're
here, Jim. I'm a huge fan.
548
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,466
You're a very funny man.
549
00:19:59,534 --> 00:20:01,302
- You're a family guy?
- Yeah.
550
00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:03,137
- Ah, these your kids?
- Yes.
551
00:20:03,204 --> 00:20:05,804
- What a handsome bunch of
boys these are. - Uh-huh.
552
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,371
They're on vacation in
your country right now.
553
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:09,540
The Great Barrier Reef...
have you heard of that place?
554
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:10,975
- I love it there. Having the time of their life.
- Yeah.
555
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,477
If you don't mind me saying,
556
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,345
your wife is a very attractive woman.
557
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,047
- I don't know how I got so lucky.
- Yeah.
558
00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:17,916
22 years of pure wedded bliss.
559
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:20,485
- 22 years?
- I know. In Hollywood.
560
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,520
- It just doesn't happen.
- Doesn't happen.
561
00:20:22,588 --> 00:20:24,319
- Yeah.
- You know?
562
00:20:24,387 --> 00:20:26,187
I think that's half the reason
they hired me here... family man.
563
00:20:26,255 --> 00:20:27,857
This is such a relief.
564
00:20:27,925 --> 00:20:30,893
Well, Angela said some pretty
amazing things about you.
565
00:20:32,995 --> 00:20:35,064
Think we can work something out, Jim?
566
00:20:35,132 --> 00:20:37,066
[Squeaks]
567
00:20:39,469 --> 00:20:41,540
I'm gonna have to say no.
568
00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:44,645
I can't... I can't be sucking your cock.
569
00:20:44,712 --> 00:20:45,912
I-I can't suck your cock!
570
00:20:45,980 --> 00:20:49,421
It's... no.
571
00:20:49,488 --> 00:20:51,425
I don't know what you're talking about.
572
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:07,500
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
573
00:21:07,550 --> 00:21:12,100
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40834
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.