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1
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Sync & corrections by No1
www.addic7ed.Com
2
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Okay, let's just say I've done
everything that you said I'm doing.
3
00:00:04,442 --> 00:00:05,962
How long should I be
punished for this?
4
00:00:06,010 --> 00:00:08,444
What is the statute... - until
you realize that you're wrong.
5
00:00:08,512 --> 00:00:12,080
Both: Thank you.
6
00:00:12,148 --> 00:00:13,481
Don't worry about it.
7
00:00:13,550 --> 00:00:14,682
It's fine.
8
00:00:14,751 --> 00:00:17,085
Oh, you're very quick to give
up on that, weren't you?
9
00:00:17,153 --> 00:00:18,620
What is that
supposed to mean?
10
00:00:18,688 --> 00:00:20,321
Well, we're having
this argument.
11
00:00:20,390 --> 00:00:21,489
It's gonna go on for weeks.
12
00:00:21,558 --> 00:00:23,825
But when it comes to the
check, don't worry about it.
13
00:00:23,894 --> 00:00:24,893
Old Jim will pay for it.
14
00:00:24,962 --> 00:00:26,361
Oh, that's fair. Yeah.
15
00:00:26,430 --> 00:00:28,997
How much do drinks
cost here, or anywhere?
16
00:00:29,066 --> 00:00:30,699
I don't know, Jim. I don't.
17
00:00:30,768 --> 00:00:32,101
Sorry.
18
00:00:32,169 --> 00:00:33,002
Hi. How are you?
19
00:00:33,070 --> 00:00:34,103
Hi. Good, thank you.
20
00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:34,971
Eating alone?
21
00:00:35,039 --> 00:00:35,539
Yeah.
22
00:00:35,540 --> 00:00:36,606
It's fun, isn't it?
23
00:00:36,674 --> 00:00:37,174
Yeah.
24
00:00:37,208 --> 00:00:38,641
How much do drinks cost here?
25
00:00:38,710 --> 00:00:40,477
Well, drinks are $6.
26
00:00:40,545 --> 00:00:42,079
Call drinks are $8.
27
00:00:42,147 --> 00:00:43,914
And... How much is a beer?
28
00:00:43,983 --> 00:00:44,982
A draft is $5.
29
00:00:45,050 --> 00:00:46,416
A draft is $5, Peggy.
30
00:00:46,485 --> 00:00:47,651
It's $5 for a draft.
31
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:48,985
Would you like one?
32
00:00:49,054 --> 00:00:49,554
No.
33
00:00:49,588 --> 00:00:50,654
Are you paying?
34
00:00:50,723 --> 00:00:51,521
Of course.
35
00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:52,789
I would love one!
36
00:00:52,858 --> 00:00:53,657
All right.
37
00:00:53,726 --> 00:00:54,958
Thank you so much.
38
00:00:55,027 --> 00:00:56,359
You're so welcome.
39
00:00:56,428 --> 00:00:59,830
See, she knows how much
drinks cost because she's what
40
00:00:59,898 --> 00:01:01,465
they call "unattractive."
41
00:01:01,533 --> 00:01:02,232
You're not.
42
00:01:02,301 --> 00:01:04,902
You've never bought a drink
in your entire life!
43
00:01:04,970 --> 00:01:06,570
This is why I'd love to be gay.
44
00:01:06,639 --> 00:01:07,771
Oh, it would suit me.
45
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,841
I wouldn't enjoy the sex at
first, but I'd muscle through
46
00:01:10,910 --> 00:01:11,809
it... I'm a trooper.
47
00:01:11,878 --> 00:01:12,877
I'd have it in my mouth.
48
00:01:12,946 --> 00:01:15,646
Tears would be streaming down my
face, but it'd all be worth it,
49
00:01:15,715 --> 00:01:17,581
just so I could split
the occasional bill.
50
00:01:17,650 --> 00:01:20,151
That's why lesbians are so
bloody angry... neither of them
51
00:01:20,219 --> 00:01:21,085
know who's gonna pay.
52
00:01:21,154 --> 00:01:24,054
One of them's sitting there thinking,
"well, I put the effort in."
53
00:01:24,123 --> 00:01:25,022
I've shaved my head.
54
00:01:25,091 --> 00:01:26,590
I've got a brand-new
plaid shirt.
55
00:01:26,659 --> 00:01:28,359
"She better treat me
like a princess."
56
00:01:28,427 --> 00:01:29,527
Yep, you're an asshole.
57
00:01:29,595 --> 00:01:32,096
Why do they always look like
men if they hate us so much?
58
00:01:32,165 --> 00:01:34,733
You never see a Jew
dressed as a Nazi!
59
00:01:34,801 --> 00:01:36,168
Hi. Sorry. Excuse me.
60
00:01:36,236 --> 00:01:36,902
Awkward.
61
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:39,738
You two are splitting
the bill, right?
62
00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:41,340
Yeah. Good for you.
63
00:01:41,408 --> 00:01:41,974
Civilized.
64
00:01:42,042 --> 00:01:43,809
It's very hard to
keep your anger in.
65
00:01:43,877 --> 00:01:45,644
I don't think I'm
yelling, you know?
66
00:01:45,712 --> 00:01:48,547
I'll be having a discussion with
a girl, and I'll say, "look, I"
67
00:01:48,616 --> 00:01:49,649
don't agree with you."
68
00:01:49,717 --> 00:01:51,684
And then she'll be,
"stop yelling at me!"
69
00:01:51,752 --> 00:01:52,985
I'll be, "I'm not yelling!"
70
00:01:53,053 --> 00:01:55,420
And then, all of a sudden,
of course you're yelling.
71
00:01:55,489 --> 00:01:58,357
And then she looks at you like
you're a murderer or acting like
72
00:01:58,426 --> 00:02:00,760
a child or someone
who's killing a child.
73
00:02:00,828 --> 00:02:03,095
Oh, it's a woman's world, mate.
74
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:05,264
I think I'd prefer to be gay.
75
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:06,666
You know?
76
00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:09,469
But I could never have the
sex, never enjoy that.
77
00:02:09,537 --> 00:02:11,537
Therein lies the
rub, so to speak.
78
00:02:11,606 --> 00:02:15,841
Could never have sex with
something I respect.
79
00:02:15,910 --> 00:02:17,843
[Scoffs]
80
00:02:17,912 --> 00:02:19,445
That joke kills onstage.
81
00:02:19,513 --> 00:02:21,580
Hey, Jim, are you
gonna bring a suit?
82
00:02:21,649 --> 00:02:22,381
It's Omaha.
83
00:02:22,450 --> 00:02:23,949
Are there nice places there?
84
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:24,750
It's Omaha.
85
00:02:24,819 --> 00:02:26,719
Hey, Steve, don't
forget the k-y.
86
00:02:26,787 --> 00:02:27,486
That's funny.
87
00:02:27,555 --> 00:02:28,888
We don't even use it anymore.
88
00:02:28,956 --> 00:02:31,456
Beginning of the relationship,
we did... he was very tender.
89
00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:32,824
Jim, please stop, all right?
90
00:02:32,893 --> 00:02:34,826
You know I have a thing
about sharing a room.
91
00:02:34,895 --> 00:02:35,527
And flying.
92
00:02:35,596 --> 00:02:37,596
You have a problem
with everything, Steve.
93
00:02:37,664 --> 00:02:38,504
He's afraid to fly.
94
00:02:38,565 --> 00:02:40,485
Seriously, I've been on
more flights than he has.
95
00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:42,234
When you fly, do you
go economy or cargo?
96
00:02:42,303 --> 00:02:42,701
Cargo.
97
00:02:42,770 --> 00:02:43,368
That's nice.
98
00:02:43,437 --> 00:02:45,638
Steve, you didn't tell me you
sucked at flying, as well.
99
00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:46,972
Where's my damn floss?
100
00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:48,540
Billy, did you take my floss?
101
00:02:48,609 --> 00:02:50,042
You're going mad, Steve!
102
00:02:50,111 --> 00:02:51,610
Billy didn't take your floss.
103
00:02:51,679 --> 00:02:52,445
How could he?
104
00:02:52,513 --> 00:02:54,447
How do you get like this?
105
00:02:54,515 --> 00:02:55,181
Hey, mom!
106
00:02:55,249 --> 00:02:56,415
We're watching "hoarders."
107
00:02:56,484 --> 00:02:57,082
Shut up.
108
00:02:57,151 --> 00:02:59,885
I had to stop by and pick up
your damn pain medication, and
109
00:02:59,954 --> 00:03:02,555
then your father was telling
me a story that I'd heard a
110
00:03:02,623 --> 00:03:03,689
thousand times before.
111
00:03:03,758 --> 00:03:04,490
Which story?
112
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:05,524
Oh, I don't know.
113
00:03:05,593 --> 00:03:06,659
One with a tent?
114
00:03:06,727 --> 00:03:08,327
Is that a hoarder reference?
115
00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:11,363
It's surprisingly nice of you
to take Steve to the show.
116
00:03:11,432 --> 00:03:13,966
Steve, you guys need to
go to the airport, okay?
117
00:03:14,035 --> 00:03:15,434
Steve! This is disgusting!
118
00:03:15,503 --> 00:03:17,436
It's like a health
hazard in here!
119
00:03:17,504 --> 00:03:18,604
Oh, come on, mom.
120
00:03:18,673 --> 00:03:20,239
Nobody can live at your house.
121
00:03:20,307 --> 00:03:22,674
And why are you, of
all people, cleaning?
122
00:03:22,743 --> 00:03:23,475
Shut up!
123
00:03:23,544 --> 00:03:25,243
Will you both just stop it?!
124
00:03:25,312 --> 00:03:26,411
Jim, are you ready?
125
00:03:26,479 --> 00:03:27,312
I'm ready.
126
00:03:27,380 --> 00:03:28,513
Is this old food?
127
00:03:28,581 --> 00:03:30,514
Oh, Steve, this is disgusting!
128
00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:31,215
Look at this!
129
00:03:31,284 --> 00:03:32,617
No wanking near me, Steve.
130
00:03:32,685 --> 00:03:34,485
There will be no
drugs or hookers.
131
00:03:34,554 --> 00:03:35,553
Janice, it's Omaha.
132
00:03:35,622 --> 00:03:37,221
I've called...
they're both busy.
133
00:03:37,289 --> 00:03:38,222
You are so sick.
134
00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:39,890
We flew to San
Francisco once.
135
00:03:39,959 --> 00:03:40,925
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
136
00:03:40,993 --> 00:03:42,259
And I threw up the whole way.
137
00:03:42,328 --> 00:03:44,228
And he screamed,
"we're gonna crash!
138
00:03:44,297 --> 00:03:45,095
We're gonna die!"
139
00:03:45,164 --> 00:03:46,363
I love this story, too.
140
00:03:46,432 --> 00:03:48,933
You're being picked on by a
110-pound man in a wheelchair.
141
00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:49,767
He was nervous.
142
00:03:49,836 --> 00:03:51,769
I gave up my room for
you, you little shit.
143
00:03:51,838 --> 00:03:52,937
Okay, just go. Just go.
144
00:03:53,006 --> 00:03:54,286
Give me a kiss. Go, go. Get out.
145
00:03:54,341 --> 00:03:55,239
Both of you, get out.
146
00:03:55,308 --> 00:03:55,940
Bye, Steve!
147
00:03:56,009 --> 00:03:57,242
Don't forget to crash and die!
148
00:03:57,310 --> 00:03:58,009
I won't Billy.
149
00:03:58,078 --> 00:04:00,145
Don't forget to have mom
wash your balls for you!
150
00:04:00,213 --> 00:04:01,179
You're gonna burn.
151
00:04:01,248 --> 00:04:03,705
Stop it!
152
00:04:05,053 --> 00:04:05,986
This one's shorter.
153
00:04:06,055 --> 00:04:09,390
Trust me.
154
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:10,591
Your jacket, sir.
155
00:04:10,593 --> 00:04:12,793
I'm gonna wear it
on the plane, though.
156
00:04:12,862 --> 00:04:14,829
All jackets must
be removed, sir.
157
00:04:14,897 --> 00:04:16,530
Okay.
158
00:04:16,532 --> 00:04:17,665
Proceed.
159
00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:19,099
[Beeping]
160
00:04:19,168 --> 00:04:20,501
Step back, please.
161
00:04:20,569 --> 00:04:21,101
Belt?
162
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:22,236
Oh, sorry.
163
00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,104
Hey, mom! I got to pee.
164
00:04:24,173 --> 00:04:26,340
You don't have to pee, Billy!
165
00:04:26,409 --> 00:04:27,608
You peed 10 minutes ago.
166
00:04:27,676 --> 00:04:28,775
What are you doing?
167
00:04:28,844 --> 00:04:29,676
I'm cleaning!
168
00:04:29,745 --> 00:04:31,111
Yes, I know that, mother.
169
00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:31,680
But why?
170
00:04:31,747 --> 00:04:32,179
Why?
171
00:04:32,247 --> 00:04:32,747
Yes.
172
00:04:32,781 --> 00:04:35,549
Because these boys are
inadequate to take care of you,
173
00:04:35,618 --> 00:04:37,684
and I can't keep coming
over to do this.
174
00:04:37,753 --> 00:04:42,256
So, um, we are going to hire
and interview help today.
175
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:43,223
What?
176
00:04:43,292 --> 00:04:44,091
Yeah! Mm-hmm.
177
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,393
We are going to get a
home-care nurse for you.
178
00:04:46,462 --> 00:04:47,294
No, we're not!
179
00:04:47,363 --> 00:04:48,595
Is this your bag, sir?
180
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:49,164
Yes.
181
00:04:49,165 --> 00:04:49,830
Bag check.
182
00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:51,298
What? What's wrong with it?
183
00:04:51,366 --> 00:04:52,733
They're all over 3 ounces.
184
00:04:52,801 --> 00:04:54,101
Well, that's cough syrup.
185
00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:54,669
Nope.
186
00:04:54,703 --> 00:04:55,536
Yes, we are.
187
00:04:55,604 --> 00:04:56,503
No, we're not!
188
00:04:56,572 --> 00:04:57,337
Yes, we are!
189
00:04:57,406 --> 00:04:58,438
No, we're not, mom.
190
00:04:58,507 --> 00:04:59,873
Steve and Jim are doing fine.
191
00:04:59,942 --> 00:05:00,774
They are not.
192
00:05:00,843 --> 00:05:01,575
[Groans]
193
00:05:01,644 --> 00:05:03,844
You want to leave the
room, that's fine.
194
00:05:03,913 --> 00:05:07,281
But we are hiring somebody today
whether you like it or not.
195
00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:07,949
Mom?
196
00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:08,649
Yep?
197
00:05:08,718 --> 00:05:10,652
You're a hoarder.
198
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:14,089
I am a collector, and there
is a big, big difference.
199
00:05:14,157 --> 00:05:14,823
Face scrub.
200
00:05:14,891 --> 00:05:15,391
Nope.
201
00:05:15,425 --> 00:05:16,157
Aftershave?
202
00:05:16,226 --> 00:05:16,726
Nope.
203
00:05:16,727 --> 00:05:17,826
That's shaving cream.
204
00:05:17,894 --> 00:05:18,394
Nope.
205
00:05:18,428 --> 00:05:19,861
That's just lotion for hands.
206
00:05:19,930 --> 00:05:21,129
I only use it on my hands!
207
00:05:21,198 --> 00:05:21,563
No.
208
00:05:21,631 --> 00:05:24,632
It's a shampoo and
conditioner in one.
209
00:05:24,701 --> 00:05:26,968
Back and sides are
very hard to manage.
210
00:05:27,037 --> 00:05:27,568
Nope.
211
00:05:27,637 --> 00:05:28,836
No, not that one.
212
00:05:28,905 --> 00:05:30,371
That's for my tinea cruris.
213
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,372
Jock itch.
214
00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:32,039
Yes.
215
00:05:32,108 --> 00:05:33,273
Absolutely not.
216
00:05:33,342 --> 00:05:34,374
Thank you, sir.
217
00:05:34,443 --> 00:05:35,943
Have a wonderful flight.
218
00:05:36,011 --> 00:05:36,943
Thank you.
219
00:05:37,012 --> 00:05:38,078
Next, please.
220
00:05:38,147 --> 00:05:39,112
Hey! Hold it!
221
00:05:39,181 --> 00:05:40,447
Drop the bag, sir.
222
00:05:40,516 --> 00:05:41,281
Security?
223
00:05:41,350 --> 00:05:41,915
What?!
224
00:05:41,984 --> 00:05:45,452
No, it's... it's... I'm afraid
you're gonna have to come with me.
225
00:05:45,521 --> 00:05:46,021
Jim!
226
00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:47,855
You're gonna be
a while, Steve!
227
00:05:47,924 --> 00:05:48,689
Oh, God.
228
00:05:48,758 --> 00:05:50,357
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
229
00:05:50,426 --> 00:05:51,992
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
230
00:05:52,061 --> 00:05:53,994
Dead. Dead. Dead.
231
00:05:54,162 --> 00:05:55,563
Eh, alive.
232
00:05:55,631 --> 00:05:56,964
They cavity-searched me.
233
00:05:57,033 --> 00:06:00,201
Who's a lucky boy, then?
234
00:06:00,269 --> 00:06:00,801
Alive. Dead.
235
00:06:00,870 --> 00:06:01,802
What are you doing?
236
00:06:01,871 --> 00:06:03,503
Playing the
alive/dead game, Steve.
237
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:04,137
Stop it.
238
00:06:04,206 --> 00:06:07,107
When the plane crashes and we're
all living on a deserted island.
239
00:06:07,175 --> 00:06:07,807
[Bell dings]
240
00:06:07,876 --> 00:06:08,475
Oh, God.
241
00:06:08,543 --> 00:06:10,810
You don't have to go
as soon as they call.
242
00:06:10,879 --> 00:06:12,946
If I don't go now,
I'm never gonna go!
243
00:06:13,014 --> 00:06:13,514
Steve?
244
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:14,113
What?!
245
00:06:14,182 --> 00:06:14,682
Dead.
246
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:15,349
[Cackles]
247
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,550
You're such a dick.
248
00:06:16,619 --> 00:06:17,985
Excuse me.
249
00:06:18,054 --> 00:06:18,653
Oh, God.
250
00:06:18,721 --> 00:06:21,923
Pardon me. I have to get a...
excuse me. There's no...
251
00:06:21,992 --> 00:06:23,759
excuse me. I need to get past.
252
00:06:23,827 --> 00:06:25,994
Mine's full, and
I... [Grunts]
253
00:06:26,063 --> 00:06:26,595
Excuse me.
254
00:06:26,664 --> 00:06:27,696
I need to get through.
255
00:06:27,765 --> 00:06:28,397
Excuse me.
256
00:06:28,466 --> 00:06:28,966
What?!
257
00:06:29,033 --> 00:06:30,232
Can you hold her a sec?
258
00:06:30,301 --> 00:06:31,367
No, I really can't.
259
00:06:31,435 --> 00:06:32,468
She's a service dog.
260
00:06:32,536 --> 00:06:34,537
What kind of service
does she perform?
261
00:06:34,605 --> 00:06:35,137
Therapy.
262
00:06:35,206 --> 00:06:36,639
Really? What kind of therapy?
263
00:06:36,707 --> 00:06:37,807
Emotional. I got it.
264
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:40,643
The dog is gonna have to go
in its carrier under the seat.
265
00:06:40,712 --> 00:06:41,611
It's not my dog.
266
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,479
It's mine, and
it's a therapy dog.
267
00:06:43,548 --> 00:06:44,113
Really?
268
00:06:44,182 --> 00:06:45,181
That's what I said.
269
00:06:45,249 --> 00:06:46,115
Wha... okay. Help.
270
00:06:46,184 --> 00:06:47,483
Steve, get out of my seat.
271
00:06:47,552 --> 00:06:50,053
I got to look out the window,
or else I'll get sick.
272
00:06:50,121 --> 00:06:50,820
Here, please.
273
00:06:50,889 --> 00:06:51,620
What's this?
274
00:06:51,689 --> 00:06:53,489
It's supposed to
be a therapy dog.
275
00:06:53,557 --> 00:06:54,223
It's roxy!
276
00:06:54,292 --> 00:06:54,990
Who's roxy?
277
00:06:55,059 --> 00:06:57,793
She's a therapy dog to help
your friend with his nerves,
278
00:06:57,862 --> 00:06:59,161
'cause he's pretty keyed up.
279
00:06:59,230 --> 00:07:00,129
She's very cute.
280
00:07:00,198 --> 00:07:00,896
Thank you!
281
00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:02,098
What's wrong with you?
282
00:07:02,166 --> 00:07:02,699
Nothing.
283
00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:03,499
Hey, Steve?
284
00:07:03,568 --> 00:07:04,467
Get out of my seat.
285
00:07:04,536 --> 00:07:05,036
Can't.
286
00:07:05,103 --> 00:07:06,436
Steve, get out of my seat.
287
00:07:06,505 --> 00:07:07,704
What's the problem here?
288
00:07:07,773 --> 00:07:09,172
This man is being very rude.
289
00:07:09,241 --> 00:07:11,341
Your dog's not gonna
help me get my seat!
290
00:07:11,410 --> 00:07:12,242
Yes, he would.
291
00:07:12,311 --> 00:07:13,644
Steve, get out of my seat.
292
00:07:13,712 --> 00:07:14,411
Sir, please.
293
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:15,679
Just take the middle seat.
294
00:07:15,748 --> 00:07:17,548
No, I booked this
seat months ago!
295
00:07:17,617 --> 00:07:18,416
This is my seat!
296
00:07:18,485 --> 00:07:19,851
This man's sitting in my seat.
297
00:07:19,919 --> 00:07:20,952
Give me my seat, Steve.
298
00:07:21,021 --> 00:07:21,619
I can't!
299
00:07:21,688 --> 00:07:28,561
He obviously cannot, so please, sir,
please just take the middle seat.
300
00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:29,295
Thank you.
301
00:07:29,364 --> 00:07:31,765
Maybe you'll get lucky and
no one sits in the aisle.
302
00:07:31,833 --> 00:07:34,668
Steve, I haven't been on a
plane for four years that hasn't
303
00:07:34,737 --> 00:07:35,702
been completely full.
304
00:07:35,771 --> 00:07:36,271
God!
305
00:07:36,272 --> 00:07:37,337
What are you doing?!
306
00:07:37,406 --> 00:07:38,639
I can't get comfortable!
307
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:39,974
I can't get comfortable!
308
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,275
Will you bring me a pillow?
309
00:07:41,344 --> 00:07:42,343
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
310
00:07:42,412 --> 00:07:43,711
Also, I still have to pee.
311
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:44,846
Okay, well, hold it.
312
00:07:44,915 --> 00:07:46,014
Okay. You can pee later.
313
00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:48,216
The doctor said that it
is good to hold it in.
314
00:07:48,285 --> 00:07:50,018
Mom, does this
look comfortable?
315
00:07:50,087 --> 00:07:51,052
Take the pillow away.
316
00:07:51,121 --> 00:07:52,520
Oh, I can't get comfortable!
317
00:07:52,589 --> 00:07:55,757
Don't think you're gonna go to
the toilet whenever you want to.
318
00:07:55,826 --> 00:07:57,258
Then what am I gonna do?
319
00:07:57,327 --> 00:07:58,660
You're gonna sit there!
320
00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:01,229
I wish they would just
let you stay with me.
321
00:08:01,298 --> 00:08:04,366
The state won't let me stay
with you, mom... thank God.
322
00:08:04,435 --> 00:08:05,367
[Knock on door]
323
00:08:05,436 --> 00:08:08,003
Oh! Our first candidate.
324
00:08:08,072 --> 00:08:10,005
Try to look healthy.
325
00:08:18,047 --> 00:08:19,381
That's never gonna happen.
326
00:08:19,450 --> 00:08:20,382
What?! Come on.
327
00:08:20,451 --> 00:08:21,783
Why can't I have a hot one?
328
00:08:21,852 --> 00:08:24,920
Because you are not wheeling
around in that wheelchair with
329
00:08:24,989 --> 00:08:25,654
an erection.
330
00:08:25,723 --> 00:08:27,156
I've seen it. It's offensive.
331
00:08:27,224 --> 00:08:28,323
It's not offensive.
332
00:08:28,392 --> 00:08:29,625
It's very disturbing.
333
00:08:29,694 --> 00:08:31,460
It's magnificent.
334
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:35,730
All these people are dead.
335
00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:36,630
The child's dead.
336
00:08:36,699 --> 00:08:37,264
Please.
337
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:38,465
These people are dead.
338
00:08:38,534 --> 00:08:39,967
I'm alive. It's a desert island.
339
00:08:40,036 --> 00:08:40,868
She's there, too.
340
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,304
We're eating you, Steve.
341
00:08:43,372 --> 00:08:45,906
Hi.
342
00:08:45,975 --> 00:08:49,477
There's only two more
seats, and... No.
343
00:08:49,545 --> 00:08:51,245
Don't ever sit
next to me, Steve.
344
00:08:51,314 --> 00:08:53,046
Why can't I find a
girl like that?
345
00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:54,815
Maybe because
you're an asshole?
346
00:08:54,884 --> 00:08:56,116
You're right, you know.
347
00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:57,518
That's what twiggy said to me.
348
00:08:57,587 --> 00:08:58,119
Peggy.
349
00:08:58,187 --> 00:08:59,020
Peggy said to me.
350
00:08:59,088 --> 00:09:01,522
You know, when they always talk
about movies, like, in the
351
00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:03,824
1960s, whenever you see them,
they always depict air
352
00:09:03,893 --> 00:09:06,360
stewardesses as being, like,
these hot, young things with a
353
00:09:06,429 --> 00:09:09,030
pillbox hat and the hair and the
perfect makeup and the perfect
354
00:09:09,099 --> 00:09:11,032
eyes and the little waist
and the great tits?
355
00:09:11,101 --> 00:09:11,533
Yeah.
356
00:09:11,601 --> 00:09:13,701
I don't think any of
those women have retired.
357
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:14,335
Look at her!
358
00:09:14,404 --> 00:09:17,906
50 years of recycled air have
made her face drip off her skull
359
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,442
like the end of "raiders
of the lost ark."
360
00:09:20,510 --> 00:09:22,277
Oh, Jim, please.
361
00:09:22,345 --> 00:09:25,113
Cybil.
362
00:09:25,181 --> 00:09:29,116
You just got lucky.
363
00:09:29,185 --> 00:09:31,318
[Sighs]
364
00:09:31,387 --> 00:09:32,319
Uhoh.
365
00:09:32,388 --> 00:09:35,155
Oh, my God.
366
00:09:35,224 --> 00:09:36,345
Get out of my seat, Steve.
367
00:09:36,391 --> 00:09:36,891
I can't.
368
00:09:36,925 --> 00:09:37,965
I'm losing it here, Jim.
369
00:09:38,026 --> 00:09:39,066
Swap seats with me, Steve.
370
00:09:39,127 --> 00:09:39,826
I'm losing it.
371
00:09:39,894 --> 00:09:41,015
Give it back to me, Steve.
372
00:09:41,062 --> 00:09:41,562
I can't!
373
00:09:41,596 --> 00:09:42,397
You want roxy now?
374
00:09:42,463 --> 00:09:43,061
I really do.
375
00:09:43,130 --> 00:09:43,662
Too late.
376
00:09:43,731 --> 00:09:46,865
I think you're in my seat.
377
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:49,501
Yeah.
378
00:09:51,004 --> 00:09:53,772
Will you hold this
for me, please?
379
00:09:53,841 --> 00:09:54,740
You're a dead man.
380
00:09:54,808 --> 00:09:55,407
He's massive.
381
00:09:55,476 --> 00:09:56,575
Ma'am, there's no room.
382
00:09:56,643 --> 00:09:57,709
Whose backpack is this?
383
00:09:57,778 --> 00:09:58,376
It's his.
384
00:09:58,445 --> 00:10:00,779
Sir, you'll have to put your
backpack under your seat.
385
00:10:00,848 --> 00:10:03,415
I only bring a single one so
I don't have to have anything
386
00:10:03,484 --> 00:10:04,149
under the seat!
387
00:10:04,218 --> 00:10:05,851
Sir, put it in
front of your seat.
388
00:10:05,919 --> 00:10:07,619
This woman brought
three and a dog!
389
00:10:07,688 --> 00:10:08,453
Service animal.
390
00:10:08,522 --> 00:10:11,289
Is there a problem?
391
00:10:11,358 --> 00:10:12,057
Thank you.
392
00:10:12,125 --> 00:10:13,525
Excuse me. I have to pee.
393
00:10:13,593 --> 00:10:14,626
You have to wait.
394
00:10:14,695 --> 00:10:15,860
We're actively taxiing.
395
00:10:15,929 --> 00:10:18,329
Why didn't you put your
bagunder your seat?
396
00:10:18,398 --> 00:10:19,364
This is my seat.
397
00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:21,733
Sir, please, put your
bag under your seat.
398
00:10:21,802 --> 00:10:22,767
This is my seat.
399
00:10:22,836 --> 00:10:24,570
I tried to explain
to... - now.
400
00:10:24,638 --> 00:10:25,871
Don't bother the man.
401
00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:26,571
He's angry.
402
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:27,405
I am angry!
403
00:10:27,474 --> 00:10:28,606
I have the middle seat!
404
00:10:28,675 --> 00:10:33,045
Welcome to trans-voyage air flight
27, nonstop to Omaha, Nebraska.
405
00:10:33,114 --> 00:10:34,480
This is a non-smoking flight.
406
00:10:34,549 --> 00:10:35,281
What? Wait.
407
00:10:35,350 --> 00:10:36,616
I don't remember that memo.
408
00:10:36,685 --> 00:10:39,619
Surely, you can't smoke in the
airport, but you think you'd be
409
00:10:39,688 --> 00:10:41,655
able to smoke in a
cylinder in the sky.
410
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:42,556
Oh, please, Jim.
411
00:10:42,624 --> 00:10:43,724
Please pay attention.
412
00:10:43,792 --> 00:10:47,027
This is for your safety, as well as
the safety of everyone else on board.
413
00:10:47,095 --> 00:10:49,829
[British accent] It's very
important that my instructions
414
00:10:49,898 --> 00:10:51,231
be carried out to the letter.
415
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,667
After all, everything I do,
I do to ensure his safety.
416
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:54,802
Billy, pay attention.
417
00:10:54,870 --> 00:10:56,003
This is about your safety.
418
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:58,005
I'm gonna pee my pants.
419
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,441
I've heard that for 30 years.
420
00:11:00,509 --> 00:11:02,276
[Soft-music playing]
421
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:04,478
[Grunting]
422
00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:10,317
Did you see that?
423
00:11:10,386 --> 00:11:11,552
Please, Jim, don't talk.
424
00:11:11,620 --> 00:11:12,820
Don't cause a scene, please.
425
00:11:12,888 --> 00:11:14,054
I think you are perfect.
426
00:11:14,123 --> 00:11:14,922
Are you crazy?!
427
00:11:14,990 --> 00:11:15,622
No, she's not!
428
00:11:15,691 --> 00:11:16,089
Yes!
429
00:11:16,158 --> 00:11:17,357
I think I know what's best.
430
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:18,892
But I can't work weekends.
431
00:11:18,961 --> 00:11:19,860
Oh, thank God.
432
00:11:19,928 --> 00:11:22,595
And I don't think I want
to work for you, anyway.
433
00:11:22,664 --> 00:11:23,597
You're too angry.
434
00:11:23,665 --> 00:11:26,633
Well, you'd be angry, too,
if you had a mother like her.
435
00:11:26,702 --> 00:11:29,670
[British accent] And a rather
magnificent but apparently
436
00:11:29,739 --> 00:11:32,106
offensive cock, and you
couldn't jerk it off.
437
00:11:32,175 --> 00:11:33,274
[Normal voice] Bitch!
438
00:11:33,343 --> 00:11:34,442
Just let it go, man.
439
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:35,476
It's just an armrest.
440
00:11:35,545 --> 00:11:38,146
Yeah, but I'll just say,
like, nicely, like, kindly,
441
00:11:38,214 --> 00:11:40,915
like, "excuse me, good sir, but
you are taking my armrest."
442
00:11:40,984 --> 00:11:43,385
No, you will not say,
"kindly," "good sir," or,
443
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:44,753
"excuse me," or any of that!
444
00:11:44,822 --> 00:11:46,688
Yeah, I am a lot
nicer in my head.
445
00:11:46,757 --> 00:11:47,989
Look, you can have mine.
446
00:11:48,058 --> 00:11:49,724
Steve, I've
already got yours.
447
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:50,792
I get both of them.
448
00:11:50,861 --> 00:11:53,595
There's certain things that
people should already know, all
449
00:11:53,664 --> 00:11:56,298
right... things like don't
kill people, try not to rape.
450
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:58,968
When you're in an airplane,
there's a thing called plane
451
00:11:59,037 --> 00:12:02,404
etiquette, and it goes like this...
window gets an armrest and a wall.
452
00:12:02,473 --> 00:12:03,672
Middle gets two armrests.
453
00:12:03,741 --> 00:12:06,175
Aisle gets an armrest and a
little bit of extra leg.
454
00:12:06,244 --> 00:12:07,109
We're not animals!
455
00:12:07,178 --> 00:12:08,210
We live in a society!
456
00:12:08,279 --> 00:12:09,578
It's not that big a deal.
457
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,446
Oh, it's all right
for you, Steve.
458
00:12:11,515 --> 00:12:14,149
We haven't all been pleasurably
cavity-searched today.
459
00:12:14,217 --> 00:12:16,117
I'm going for it. I'm in.
460
00:12:16,186 --> 00:12:16,884
I'm in.
461
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,586
Don't. He's black.
462
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,321
He's also very gay.
463
00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:22,156
Go.
464
00:12:23,024 --> 00:12:26,360
[Grunting]
465
00:12:32,373 --> 00:12:35,708
[Grunting]
466
00:12:39,312 --> 00:12:39,978
[Groans]
467
00:12:40,047 --> 00:12:40,980
What are you doing?
468
00:12:41,048 --> 00:12:42,248
I got to do this, Steve.
469
00:12:42,316 --> 00:12:44,951
He's been fighting for this
armrest for 20 minutes, but now
470
00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:46,252
he's met the wall of Jim.
471
00:12:46,321 --> 00:12:47,687
So why are you squashing me?
472
00:12:47,756 --> 00:12:49,422
It's a principle
thing, Steve.
473
00:12:49,491 --> 00:12:51,024
[Both grunt]
474
00:12:51,093 --> 00:12:51,858
[Panting]
475
00:12:51,927 --> 00:12:52,726
[Gasps]
476
00:12:52,795 --> 00:12:55,796
Mommy, the lady man is being
mean to the angry man.
477
00:12:55,864 --> 00:12:56,463
Good.
478
00:12:56,532 --> 00:12:58,866
Why are you such a...
[Bell dings]
479
00:12:58,935 --> 00:12:59,500
Hey!
480
00:12:59,569 --> 00:13:00,735
[All gasp, murmur]
481
00:13:00,803 --> 00:13:01,702
[Bell dings]
482
00:13:01,771 --> 00:13:03,337
Mommy, what's a "can't"?
483
00:13:03,406 --> 00:13:05,206
Did he just say the "c" word?
484
00:13:05,275 --> 00:13:06,974
Yep, he dropped the c-bomb.
485
00:13:07,043 --> 00:13:07,942
Oh, my God.
486
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:08,876
Excuse me?
487
00:13:08,945 --> 00:13:11,078
What did you call me?
488
00:13:11,147 --> 00:13:11,946
A [Ding] Sir.
489
00:13:12,015 --> 00:13:13,047
I called you a [Ding]
490
00:13:13,116 --> 00:13:13,748
[All gasp]
491
00:13:13,817 --> 00:13:15,116
Oh, grow up, the lot of you!
492
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:17,953
Now, I get it... it's not as
popular a word as it should be
493
00:13:18,021 --> 00:13:18,820
in this country.
494
00:13:18,889 --> 00:13:19,621
Hear, hear.
495
00:13:19,690 --> 00:13:20,355
Thank you.
496
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:23,725
But in other countries, like the
u.K., it's used... - all the time.
497
00:13:23,794 --> 00:13:25,661
It's used in
Shakespeare, chaucer.
498
00:13:25,729 --> 00:13:27,629
It's the oldest
expletive in the book.
499
00:13:27,698 --> 00:13:30,466
Are you upset because you're
trying to take my armrest?
500
00:13:30,534 --> 00:13:31,400
Oh, here we go.
501
00:13:31,469 --> 00:13:32,868
Your armrest? Your armrest?
502
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,369
You don't know plane etiquette.
503
00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:36,171
Window gets an
armrest and a wall.
504
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:37,406
Middle gets two armrests.
505
00:13:37,475 --> 00:13:39,942
Aisle gets an armrest and a
little bit of extra leg.
506
00:13:40,011 --> 00:13:40,909
We're not animals!
507
00:13:40,978 --> 00:13:41,977
We live in a society!
508
00:13:42,046 --> 00:13:43,045
He's got a point.
509
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,447
Sorry, man. I didn't know.
510
00:13:44,516 --> 00:13:45,882
Will you move your elbow?
511
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:48,117
I am only taking the
back of the armrest.
512
00:13:48,186 --> 00:13:49,386
You can have all the rest.
513
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:52,389
You take the back, you
take the whole damn thing.
514
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:55,359
No one's ever gone, "thanks for
the front of the armrest."
515
00:13:55,428 --> 00:13:56,894
He's right about that, too.
516
00:13:56,963 --> 00:13:57,595
Spot on.
517
00:13:57,664 --> 00:13:59,798
And you're not just
taking my armrest!
518
00:13:59,866 --> 00:14:03,569
You're almost coming over the armrest,
and it's digging into my ribcage.
519
00:14:03,637 --> 00:14:07,173
Well, if someone lost a
little weight... - Oh, God.
520
00:14:07,241 --> 00:14:08,607
He didn't say that!
521
00:14:08,676 --> 00:14:10,810
Oh, this is gonna get good.
522
00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:11,944
You bitchy queen.
523
00:14:12,013 --> 00:14:12,912
How dare you?
524
00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:13,679
[Laughter]
525
00:14:13,748 --> 00:14:14,647
Oh, piss off.
526
00:14:14,715 --> 00:14:16,149
Isn't "bitch" a bad word?
527
00:14:16,217 --> 00:14:18,484
Nowhere near as bad
as that other word.
528
00:14:18,552 --> 00:14:19,818
He's a very angry man.
529
00:14:19,887 --> 00:14:20,886
I'm not angry!!
530
00:14:20,955 --> 00:14:22,421
This is a civil-rights thing.
531
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:24,858
I'm standing up for
middle seats everywhere!
532
00:14:24,927 --> 00:14:25,427
Yeah!
533
00:14:25,494 --> 00:14:26,193
Sit down!
534
00:14:26,261 --> 00:14:28,528
Oh, here she comes,
without her Walker.
535
00:14:28,597 --> 00:14:29,097
Shh!
536
00:14:29,131 --> 00:14:30,531
What is the problem now?
537
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,566
I want this asshole
away from me.
538
00:14:32,635 --> 00:14:35,537
You know, there is no need
for that kind of language.
539
00:14:35,605 --> 00:14:38,607
This is the exact reason
that that type of language was
540
00:14:38,675 --> 00:14:39,741
invented, all right?
541
00:14:39,810 --> 00:14:40,743
We're both angry.
542
00:14:40,811 --> 00:14:41,910
We're having a fight.
543
00:14:41,979 --> 00:14:42,978
When do you swear?
544
00:14:43,047 --> 00:14:44,113
He's right again.
545
00:14:44,181 --> 00:14:45,447
I swear all the time.
546
00:14:45,516 --> 00:14:47,416
Even I swear
when I get upset.
547
00:14:47,485 --> 00:14:48,517
All right, then.
548
00:14:48,586 --> 00:14:50,452
There is no need
for name-calling.
549
00:14:50,521 --> 00:14:51,253
Thank you.
550
00:14:51,322 --> 00:14:52,921
I didn't call him any names.
551
00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:55,090
Yeah, you called
him a bitchy queen.
552
00:14:55,159 --> 00:14:55,924
Thank you.
553
00:14:55,993 --> 00:14:57,392
I'm just trying to help.
554
00:14:57,461 --> 00:14:58,927
You're not helping, Steve.
555
00:14:58,996 --> 00:14:59,895
Yes, you are.
556
00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:00,929
Listen, cybil.
557
00:15:00,998 --> 00:15:02,163
Can I call you cybil?
558
00:15:02,232 --> 00:15:02,732
No.
559
00:15:02,799 --> 00:15:04,032
Cybil, you're right.
560
00:15:04,101 --> 00:15:06,335
There is never a need
for name-calling.
561
00:15:06,403 --> 00:15:09,371
But... as a proud
gay man myself, I
562
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,974
feel like I've earned the
right to say such words.
563
00:15:12,042 --> 00:15:14,142
This liar's trying
to take my armrest.
564
00:15:14,211 --> 00:15:14,910
Oh, please.
565
00:15:14,979 --> 00:15:17,846
Everyone knows that the
middle seat gets both armrests.
566
00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:18,914
Thank you, cybil.
567
00:15:18,983 --> 00:15:20,049
We're not animals!
568
00:15:20,118 --> 00:15:21,183
We live in a society!
569
00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:22,351
Hear, hear.
570
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:23,852
But he's not gay!
571
00:15:23,921 --> 00:15:24,520
Ah!
572
00:15:24,588 --> 00:15:25,554
That is upsetting.
573
00:15:25,623 --> 00:15:28,457
All right, I'm gonna have
to separate the two of you.
574
00:15:28,526 --> 00:15:28,958
Hmm!
575
00:15:29,026 --> 00:15:31,960
And you will have to find
a new seat in the back.
576
00:15:32,029 --> 00:15:33,395
[Scoffs]
577
00:15:33,464 --> 00:15:34,963
Get to the back of the plane!
578
00:15:35,032 --> 00:15:36,231
Ooh, that is so wrong!
579
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:37,766
Sit down, you limey bastard!
580
00:15:37,835 --> 00:15:38,500
Steady on!
581
00:15:38,569 --> 00:15:40,035
Oh, shut up, you pommy cock.
582
00:15:40,104 --> 00:15:41,103
That's the British!
583
00:15:41,172 --> 00:15:42,871
I'm Australian, you
bloody racist!
584
00:15:42,940 --> 00:15:44,006
That's not racism.
585
00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:44,840
That's bigotry.
586
00:15:44,909 --> 00:15:45,908
Shut up, Steve!
587
00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:47,376
Australia's a nationality.
588
00:15:47,444 --> 00:15:48,310
Shut up, Steve!
589
00:15:48,379 --> 00:15:49,077
No way.
590
00:15:49,146 --> 00:15:50,446
What? You know her.
591
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:51,780
She took care of you.
592
00:15:51,849 --> 00:15:54,449
And I need to get out
of that damn place.
593
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:55,751
I want out real bad.
594
00:15:55,820 --> 00:15:57,987
They blame me for
the boys escaping.
595
00:15:58,055 --> 00:15:58,587
No.
596
00:15:58,656 --> 00:16:02,124
Mom, I hate the way she cleans
my... - what, your taint?
597
00:16:02,193 --> 00:16:02,992
Yes, my taint.
598
00:16:03,061 --> 00:16:04,894
What are you talking
like that for?
599
00:16:04,962 --> 00:16:06,328
I thought I raised you better.
600
00:16:06,397 --> 00:16:07,363
She said it first!
601
00:16:07,432 --> 00:16:09,198
Yeah, well, she's
a professional.
602
00:16:09,267 --> 00:16:10,532
I'm going to piss myself.
603
00:16:10,601 --> 00:16:12,868
I understand that you
collect porcelain dolls.
604
00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:13,602
Yes, I do.
605
00:16:13,671 --> 00:16:14,670
I just love those.
606
00:16:14,739 --> 00:16:15,337
You do?!
607
00:16:15,406 --> 00:16:17,439
Yeah, they're some
of my favorite things.
608
00:16:17,508 --> 00:16:18,340
[Urinating]
609
00:16:18,409 --> 00:16:19,541
Oh, they're mine, too.
610
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:22,310
Hey, do you have any idea how
hard it is to pee while you
611
00:16:22,378 --> 00:16:24,713
stand around talking about
those creepy-ass dolls?
612
00:16:24,781 --> 00:16:26,314
It's your mama and me, son.
613
00:16:26,383 --> 00:16:28,750
She carried you for nine months.
614
00:16:28,819 --> 00:16:31,186
She was ripped from
her "v" to her "a."
615
00:16:31,255 --> 00:16:34,489
She done seen your little
pee-pee, and I've been washing
616
00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:37,359
your taint for longer
than I care to remember.
617
00:16:37,428 --> 00:16:40,629
So I suggest that you relax
about that shit right now.
618
00:16:40,698 --> 00:16:41,229
Mom?
619
00:16:41,298 --> 00:16:41,863
Hmm?
620
00:16:41,932 --> 00:16:44,399
Can I talk to you
alone for a second?
621
00:16:44,468 --> 00:16:45,067
Yeah.
622
00:16:45,136 --> 00:16:46,769
Can we just have a second?
623
00:16:46,837 --> 00:16:48,603
Mmhmm.
624
00:16:53,209 --> 00:16:54,442
What is wrong with you?
625
00:16:54,511 --> 00:16:55,677
She's great! I love her!
626
00:16:55,746 --> 00:16:56,978
She just wants the job!
627
00:16:57,047 --> 00:16:58,847
She probably hates
porcelain dolls.
628
00:16:58,916 --> 00:17:01,917
And as for what's wrong with me,
it's you, because you're always
629
00:17:01,986 --> 00:17:04,253
trying to control me, not
letting me be a guy!
630
00:17:04,322 --> 00:17:07,222
You make it like everything that
happens, it's the end of the
631
00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:09,892
world, like I'm an ax
murderer killing children!
632
00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:11,294
Let me live, woman!
633
00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:13,929
I kept you alive
all these years.
634
00:17:13,998 --> 00:17:15,564
They're gonna kill you.
635
00:17:15,633 --> 00:17:20,803
No, you're going to kill
me by trying to control me.
636
00:17:20,872 --> 00:17:21,837
This is roxy!
637
00:17:21,906 --> 00:17:23,071
She makes me happy.
638
00:17:23,140 --> 00:17:23,640
Hi.
639
00:17:23,674 --> 00:17:24,973
[High-pitched] Hi!
640
00:17:25,042 --> 00:17:27,208
[Deep voice] Roxy
the therapy dog.
641
00:17:27,277 --> 00:17:31,212
So much roxy.
642
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,213
[Sighs]
643
00:17:32,281 --> 00:17:34,548
[Normal voice] I'm
sorry about everything.
644
00:17:34,617 --> 00:17:35,716
You're looking great.
645
00:17:35,784 --> 00:17:37,718
Middle seat.
646
00:17:39,654 --> 00:17:41,254
No armrest here, dickhead.
647
00:17:41,323 --> 00:17:42,455
[All murmuring]
648
00:17:42,524 --> 00:17:44,290
Get to your seat now.
649
00:17:46,927 --> 00:17:49,362
He's in that seat that folds
down with the seatbelt overtop
650
00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:50,590
like he's stuck in a go-kart.
651
00:17:50,631 --> 00:17:52,198
And the old bitch
is in the toilet.
652
00:17:52,266 --> 00:17:57,469
She's got nowhere
to sit, and... hey.
653
00:17:57,538 --> 00:18:02,874
Guess you have to sit here
if he's sitting there.
654
00:18:08,181 --> 00:18:09,715
Hey, aren't you
Jim jefferies?
655
00:18:09,783 --> 00:18:10,949
Yeah, man. How you doing?
656
00:18:11,018 --> 00:18:11,583
I'm good.
657
00:18:11,652 --> 00:18:14,219
Hey, I had no idea you were gay.
658
00:18:15,655 --> 00:18:17,422
Yeah. Love cock.
659
00:18:17,491 --> 00:18:19,458
It's a big one for me.
660
00:18:19,527 --> 00:18:20,959
Love the cocks.
661
00:18:21,028 --> 00:18:22,928
As many as I can get.
662
00:18:22,996 --> 00:18:24,663
Little dogs? Thank you.
663
00:18:24,731 --> 00:18:26,331
Little dogs with bows.
664
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,233
Is that your boyfriend?
665
00:18:28,302 --> 00:18:34,239
Which one are we looking.
...Still feeling nervous?
666
00:18:34,308 --> 00:18:36,241
[Chuckles]
667
00:18:36,309 --> 00:18:37,876
We're married.
668
00:18:37,944 --> 00:18:39,877
Hey, man. That's cool.
669
00:18:39,946 --> 00:18:41,746
I just want to
tell you I'm sorry.
670
00:18:41,815 --> 00:18:44,716
I was in the wrong, and I said
some things that I didn't mean,
671
00:18:44,784 --> 00:18:45,483
and I'm sorry.
672
00:18:45,552 --> 00:18:49,086
I was angry at my girlfriend, and I
took it out on you, and it was wrong.
673
00:18:49,155 --> 00:18:49,820
Thank you.
674
00:18:49,889 --> 00:18:51,255
I actually like you people.
675
00:18:51,324 --> 00:18:53,490
I do... gays, not blacks.
676
00:18:53,559 --> 00:18:54,599
Not that I dislike blacks.
677
00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:57,361
Who would dislike... I think you
should be able to get married.
678
00:18:57,429 --> 00:18:58,595
Once again, gays, not blacks.
679
00:18:58,664 --> 00:18:59,863
Black people can get married.
680
00:18:59,932 --> 00:19:00,812
They can in Australia.
681
00:19:00,866 --> 00:19:03,066
We're very tolerant of you
people... gays and blacks.
682
00:19:03,134 --> 00:19:04,734
We like... we don't
have many blacks.
683
00:19:04,802 --> 00:19:05,401
Lots of gays.
684
00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:06,402
But we like them both.
685
00:19:06,471 --> 00:19:08,638
Anyway, I believe that gay
people should get married,
686
00:19:08,707 --> 00:19:11,107
because I believe that gay
people should have equal rights,
687
00:19:11,176 --> 00:19:13,176
have the same level of
misery as the rest of us.
688
00:19:13,245 --> 00:19:14,525
Why should gay people be able to
689
00:19:14,579 --> 00:19:17,147
have a relationship and keep all
their money, eh, don't have to
690
00:19:17,215 --> 00:19:19,783
get lawyers involved?
691
00:19:19,851 --> 00:19:25,755
So, to reiterate, I'm sorry.
692
00:19:25,824 --> 00:19:29,192
[Scoffs]
693
00:19:29,261 --> 00:19:32,396
Have you got anything
you want to say to me?
694
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:33,864
No. Why should I?
695
00:19:33,932 --> 00:19:36,900
Well, you did say I
was fat, and it hurt.
696
00:19:36,969 --> 00:19:38,935
Unless that's what you're into.
697
00:19:39,004 --> 00:19:41,737
Do you like fat, white
guys, like, sexually?
698
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:42,672
Is that a thing?
699
00:19:42,740 --> 00:19:46,509
You know, like how black heterosexual
guys like white, fat, blond chicks?
700
00:19:46,578 --> 00:19:49,779
Because it would be good if you
did, 'cause it would really make
701
00:19:49,848 --> 00:19:50,647
me feel better.
702
00:19:50,715 --> 00:19:52,282
Hey, Jimmy.
703
00:19:52,350 --> 00:19:56,886
Just standing, listening to this
bigoted, racist asshole Australian.
704
00:19:56,955 --> 00:19:58,688
Yes, I do like the accent.
705
00:19:58,757 --> 00:20:00,556
I'm in town for a few hours.
706
00:20:00,625 --> 00:20:01,758
Want to hook up?
707
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:04,761
Cool. I'll be right there.
708
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,132
Did you see that?
709
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,935
Yeah, he called you a
racist, bigoted asshole.
710
00:20:11,004 --> 00:20:12,770
No, not that.
711
00:20:12,839 --> 00:20:16,141
He just rang up the only gay guy
in Omaha and got himself sex
712
00:20:16,209 --> 00:20:17,842
for, like, in 30 minutes time.
713
00:20:17,911 --> 00:20:18,743
Of course.
714
00:20:18,812 --> 00:20:19,744
These people.
715
00:20:19,813 --> 00:20:20,812
Gays, not blacks.
716
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,014
Right.
717
00:20:23,082 --> 00:20:24,015
Hello, penny?
718
00:20:24,084 --> 00:20:24,649
Peggy.
719
00:20:24,717 --> 00:20:25,884
Peggy. Hi, it's Jim.
720
00:20:25,952 --> 00:20:27,552
I've been thinking about things.
721
00:20:27,620 --> 00:20:30,655
Look, I'm gonna be back in a
couple of days, and I think it'd
722
00:20:30,724 --> 00:20:33,592
be great if we could get
together and just lay in bed all
723
00:20:33,661 --> 00:20:40,066
day and just... you're still
angry about the dinner?
724
00:20:40,135 --> 00:20:41,067
Peggy?
725
00:20:43,803 --> 00:20:45,371
That's Penny for you.
726
00:20:45,439 --> 00:20:49,642
Ready or not, Omaha,
Nebraska, 'cause here we come
727
00:20:49,711 --> 00:20:53,045
Bianca? Hi. I'm in Omaha.
728
00:20:53,114 --> 00:20:56,882
Yeah, it's Jim Jefferies...
you think she would have been
729
00:20:56,883 --> 00:20:58,649
able to tell just
from my accent.
730
00:20:58,650 --> 00:21:16,188
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731
00:21:16,238 --> 00:21:20,788
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