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1
00:00:01,420 --> 00:00:03,287
I'm nobody's little
buddy, all right?
2
00:00:03,356 --> 00:00:04,121
Billy, relax.
3
00:00:04,190 --> 00:00:05,456
Yes. Listen to spoon face.
4
00:00:05,525 --> 00:00:05,956
What?
5
00:00:06,025 --> 00:00:06,757
Spoon face.
6
00:00:06,826 --> 00:00:09,293
You know when you look in
the back of a spoon, and...
7
00:00:09,362 --> 00:00:10,160
Oh, he does!
8
00:00:10,229 --> 00:00:11,461
Very funny, assholes.
9
00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:12,963
Let's get some prostitutes.
10
00:00:13,031 --> 00:00:14,464
I don't want a prostitute.
11
00:00:14,533 --> 00:00:15,033
I do.
12
00:00:15,067 --> 00:00:17,367
And take off this damn
oxygen, spoon face.
13
00:00:17,436 --> 00:00:19,904
What do you mean, you
don't want a prostitute?
14
00:00:19,972 --> 00:00:21,739
I don't want to just have sex.
15
00:00:21,808 --> 00:00:22,907
I want a relationship.
16
00:00:22,976 --> 00:00:24,743
You've finally done it, Steve!
17
00:00:24,811 --> 00:00:25,544
Done what?
18
00:00:25,612 --> 00:00:26,578
Billy's a pussy.
19
00:00:26,647 --> 00:00:27,446
I know, right?
20
00:00:27,515 --> 00:00:28,547
Your life is great!
21
00:00:28,616 --> 00:00:30,850
You just have to sit here
all day doing nothing!
22
00:00:30,918 --> 00:00:31,517
Like you?
23
00:00:31,586 --> 00:00:32,184
Like me!
24
00:00:32,253 --> 00:00:33,386
But I have to go to work!
25
00:00:33,454 --> 00:00:34,754
You don't have to go to work!
26
00:00:34,822 --> 00:00:37,456
You don't have to clean up
after other people, don't have
27
00:00:37,525 --> 00:00:38,390
to do the laundry.
28
00:00:38,459 --> 00:00:39,558
No laundry, no house.
29
00:00:39,627 --> 00:00:40,459
Two-hour shits.
30
00:00:40,528 --> 00:00:41,660
Two-hour shits, Billy!
31
00:00:41,729 --> 00:00:43,428
Don't have to
wipe your own ass.
32
00:00:43,497 --> 00:00:44,629
Tell him about stairs!
33
00:00:44,698 --> 00:00:45,430
Challenging!
34
00:00:45,498 --> 00:00:46,931
Stairs are an organized hill.
35
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:47,931
That's all they are.
36
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,999
Trust me, you don't
want a relationship.
37
00:00:50,068 --> 00:00:50,967
They all end badly.
38
00:00:51,036 --> 00:00:52,235
Internet dating, Billy.
39
00:00:52,304 --> 00:00:52,669
No.
40
00:00:52,737 --> 00:00:53,836
Shut up, spoon face.
41
00:00:53,905 --> 00:00:56,706
All you got to do is click
this button here, and you start
42
00:00:56,775 --> 00:00:58,641
talking to other
people on the screen.
43
00:00:58,709 --> 00:00:59,608
Okay.
44
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:04,946
Oh, Jim, I got one.
45
00:01:05,014 --> 00:01:05,613
Yeah?
46
00:01:05,682 --> 00:01:06,514
Yeah, yeah.
47
00:01:06,582 --> 00:01:08,015
She wants to see my cock.
48
00:01:08,084 --> 00:01:09,350
Yeah, that's a man.
49
00:01:09,419 --> 00:01:11,051
No, it's not. It's a woman.
50
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,552
Is the picture moving?
51
00:01:12,621 --> 00:01:13,153
Yes!
52
00:01:13,222 --> 00:01:14,154
But it's on a loop.
53
00:01:14,223 --> 00:01:14,654
Yeah.
54
00:01:14,723 --> 00:01:17,591
What you've got there is a fat,
naked man who wants to see your
55
00:01:17,659 --> 00:01:18,024
cock.
56
00:01:18,093 --> 00:01:20,694
See, Billy, the Internet's
filled with a lot of horrible
57
00:01:20,763 --> 00:01:23,764
things, like pedophilia and
bestiality and people who
58
00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:26,901
comment on stand-up routines
that they don't understand!
59
00:01:26,970 --> 00:01:27,470
Okay.
60
00:01:27,537 --> 00:01:28,602
[ Mouse clicking ]
61
00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:30,104
No. No. No. Whoa.
62
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,205
Hey, dudes.
63
00:01:31,274 --> 00:01:32,440
[ All laugh ]
64
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:33,074
Screw you!
65
00:01:33,143 --> 00:01:35,309
Oh, Jim, why'd you
put him on SpinTheCan?
66
00:01:35,378 --> 00:01:37,946
That's the "naked, lonely guy
with his cock out" site.
67
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,781
And how'd you know that, Steve?
68
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:40,982
What's with the skis?
69
00:01:41,051 --> 00:01:43,218
I want to make him
look like a sportsman.
70
00:01:43,287 --> 00:01:44,653
We got to give him a profile.
71
00:01:44,722 --> 00:01:46,054
How tall would you like to be?
72
00:01:46,123 --> 00:01:47,155
6' tall.
73
00:01:47,224 --> 00:01:48,223
6' tall.
74
00:01:48,292 --> 00:01:49,658
[ Keyboard clacking ]
75
00:01:49,727 --> 00:01:50,326
Weight?
76
00:01:50,394 --> 00:01:51,393
190?
77
00:01:51,462 --> 00:01:52,495
You're an Adonis.
78
00:01:52,563 --> 00:01:54,029
Steve, go make yourself useful.
79
00:01:54,098 --> 00:01:56,899
Get some pictures of him playing
tennis and rock climbing.
80
00:01:56,968 --> 00:01:58,300
Billy, just be yourself.
81
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:01,437
[ As '50s dad ] Billy, women
don't want you to be yourself.
82
00:02:01,506 --> 00:02:05,375
At times, they say they
do, but you know women.
83
00:02:05,444 --> 00:02:06,409
They like to lie.
84
00:02:06,478 --> 00:02:09,745
Women have this image of a man
in their head that they've had
85
00:02:09,814 --> 00:02:12,915
since they were little girls
watching princess movies and
86
00:02:12,984 --> 00:02:14,383
playing with their daddies.
87
00:02:14,452 --> 00:02:17,086
You try to accommodate them,
which is an activity that women
88
00:02:17,154 --> 00:02:18,520
can't relate to.
89
00:02:18,655 --> 00:02:21,524
So you change, and you try to
be what they want you to be.
90
00:02:21,592 --> 00:02:24,893
You change, and they believe that
you don't have balls anymore.
91
00:02:24,962 --> 00:02:27,996
So you change back to yourself,
and then they think you're a
92
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:28,630
bastard.
93
00:02:28,699 --> 00:02:29,764
I love '50s dad.
94
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,332
But Jesus, that sounds scary.
95
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:34,503
[ Normal voice ] Do you really
want to get involved with
96
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,270
this world?
97
00:02:35,339 --> 00:02:36,104
Sounds great.
98
00:02:36,173 --> 00:02:37,338
Who's that guy?
99
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:38,840
There you go. Good. Cool.
100
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,041
[ Record scratching ]
101
00:02:40,110 --> 00:02:41,076
Who's that?
102
00:02:41,145 --> 00:02:41,810
Nice.
103
00:02:41,879 --> 00:02:43,211
Who's that guy?
104
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,847
Who's that?
105
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:47,483
Who's that guy
106
00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:50,285
Looking at me in the mirror
saying, "damn, homey, you so"
107
00:02:50,354 --> 00:02:50,919
fly"?
108
00:02:50,988 --> 00:02:52,554
Who's that dude?
109
00:02:52,623 --> 00:02:53,388
Awesome, man.
110
00:02:53,457 --> 00:02:56,625
Everybody want
to be next to
111
00:02:56,693 --> 00:02:57,392
Ready?
112
00:02:57,461 --> 00:02:58,793
[ Record scratching ]
113
00:02:58,862 --> 00:03:01,062
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah
114
00:03:01,131 --> 00:03:02,897
Whoo!
115
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:09,704
[ Laughing ]
116
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:10,273
What?
117
00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:11,439
How about that one?
118
00:03:11,508 --> 00:03:11,907
No.
119
00:03:11,975 --> 00:03:12,607
Why not?
120
00:03:12,676 --> 00:03:15,711
Because you're practically an
albino, and you have a belly.
121
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:18,314
[ As '50s dad ] That's
where you're wrong, Billy.
122
00:03:18,383 --> 00:03:19,582
Here comes '50s dad.
123
00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:20,249
Awesome.
124
00:03:20,318 --> 00:03:23,119
Women like their men's bodies
with a bit of character.
125
00:03:23,188 --> 00:03:24,420
Makes them feel good.
126
00:03:24,489 --> 00:03:27,824
Women date men on death row
because they know where they are
127
00:03:27,892 --> 00:03:31,061
every minute of the day, and
that makes them feel secure.
128
00:03:31,129 --> 00:03:33,997
That's what women really
want... your soul, Billy.
129
00:03:34,066 --> 00:03:36,200
And sparkly things.
130
00:03:36,268 --> 00:03:36,833
And plants.
131
00:03:36,902 --> 00:03:37,567
[ Tone sounds ]
132
00:03:37,636 --> 00:03:38,368
Oh, hey, Jim!
133
00:03:38,437 --> 00:03:39,203
I got a response.
134
00:03:39,271 --> 00:03:40,504
[ Normal voice ] Ooh, nice.
135
00:03:40,573 --> 00:03:41,672
Move! Her name is Liz.
136
00:03:41,741 --> 00:03:42,739
She lives in Silverlake.
137
00:03:42,808 --> 00:03:43,506
Oh, no good.
138
00:03:43,575 --> 00:03:44,841
Can't go with Silverlake girl.
139
00:03:44,910 --> 00:03:45,608
She's a hipster.
140
00:03:45,677 --> 00:03:48,110
She'll make you enjoy bands
that you don't want to enjoy.
141
00:03:48,179 --> 00:03:49,445
You'll be wearing skinny jeans.
142
00:03:49,513 --> 00:03:50,713
You'll have to get a tattoo.
143
00:03:50,781 --> 00:03:51,380
Oh, shit!
144
00:03:51,449 --> 00:03:52,448
She wants to video chat.
145
00:03:52,516 --> 00:03:53,649
What do I do? What do I do?
146
00:03:53,718 --> 00:03:56,352
Just... just... -
okay, okay, okay!
147
00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:56,920
Hi.
148
00:03:56,921 --> 00:03:57,353
Hi!
149
00:03:57,421 --> 00:03:58,354
Say your name.
150
00:03:58,422 --> 00:03:59,989
Is someone else back there?
151
00:04:00,057 --> 00:04:01,657
No, no, no. It's just the TV.
152
00:04:01,726 --> 00:04:02,658
Say your name!
153
00:04:02,727 --> 00:04:03,626
Say your name.
154
00:04:03,694 --> 00:04:04,760
It's Liz, Billy.
155
00:04:04,829 --> 00:04:05,761
It's on the page.
156
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:07,363
So, Liz, what are you into?
157
00:04:07,432 --> 00:04:08,564
Ink.
158
00:04:08,633 --> 00:04:09,966
Style.
159
00:04:10,034 --> 00:04:10,766
Indie bands.
160
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:11,768
Dope. Me, too.
161
00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:13,836
Are you sure no
one's back there?
162
00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:15,104
Nah, I'm by myself.
163
00:04:15,173 --> 00:04:16,472
Ask to see her tattoo.
164
00:04:16,541 --> 00:04:17,841
Can I see your tattoo?
165
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:21,845
Okay.
166
00:04:21,914 --> 00:04:23,046
Okay, tramp stamp.
167
00:04:23,115 --> 00:04:24,381
We love it. We love it.
168
00:04:24,450 --> 00:04:25,816
It's a tramp stamp.
169
00:04:25,885 --> 00:04:27,218
Uh, I love it! What is it?
170
00:04:27,287 --> 00:04:28,653
The goddess of femininity.
171
00:04:28,721 --> 00:04:30,554
Why do you have
that on your butt?
172
00:04:30,623 --> 00:04:31,989
Above my butt.
173
00:04:32,058 --> 00:04:32,657
To empower.
174
00:04:32,725 --> 00:04:34,359
To empower thrusts
into her ass.
175
00:04:34,427 --> 00:04:35,493
What's wrong with you?
176
00:04:35,562 --> 00:04:37,128
To empower thrusts up your ass?
177
00:04:37,197 --> 00:04:37,795
[ Gasps ]
178
00:04:37,864 --> 00:04:38,730
Radiohead blows.
179
00:04:38,798 --> 00:04:39,298
[ Click ]
180
00:04:39,332 --> 00:04:40,965
You don't really
want a local girl.
181
00:04:41,034 --> 00:04:42,100
It's not gonna work out.
182
00:04:42,169 --> 00:04:43,034
You might meet her.
183
00:04:43,103 --> 00:04:44,370
What if you meet her one day?
184
00:04:44,438 --> 00:04:46,338
What you need is a girl
from the antipodes.
185
00:04:46,407 --> 00:04:46,907
What?
186
00:04:46,908 --> 00:04:49,143
Do they teach you anything
in school over here?
187
00:04:49,212 --> 00:04:51,612
Some girl from Australia,
that's what you need to find.
188
00:04:51,681 --> 00:04:53,715
Australian girls are great
when they're young.
189
00:04:53,783 --> 00:04:55,183
Not so good when they're adults.
190
00:04:55,252 --> 00:04:56,484
I wouldn't have sex with one.
191
00:04:56,553 --> 00:04:58,153
The sounds they
make are terrible.
192
00:04:58,222 --> 00:04:58,722
Really?
193
00:04:58,789 --> 00:05:00,022
You know, just like, "oh."
194
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,056
Yeah? You like that?
195
00:05:01,125 --> 00:05:02,091
Keep putting it in me.
196
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,126
Oh, yeah. Oh.
197
00:05:03,195 --> 00:05:06,296
"Now pull it out and put
your goo on me face!"
198
00:05:06,365 --> 00:05:07,564
It's horrendous.
199
00:05:07,633 --> 00:05:08,666
Awesome.
200
00:05:08,734 --> 00:05:11,936
[ As '50s dad ] Billy,
whenever you try to...
201
00:05:12,004 --> 00:05:13,003
no more '50s dad.
202
00:05:13,072 --> 00:05:13,771
You sure?
203
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:14,805
No. No '50s dad.
204
00:05:14,874 --> 00:05:16,373
[ Normal voice ] Well, look.
205
00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:18,409
When you meet a girl,
try to be funny.
206
00:05:18,478 --> 00:05:19,710
That's all you got to do.
207
00:05:19,779 --> 00:05:21,312
Be funny. Girls like witty guys.
208
00:05:21,380 --> 00:05:24,415
I'm not very attractive, but I'm
funny, and they appreciate it.
209
00:05:24,484 --> 00:05:26,884
Compliment them a little
bit, but not too much.
210
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,186
And always end a
compliment with an insult.
211
00:05:29,255 --> 00:05:30,220
Mention a "flawr."
212
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:30,954
A floor?
213
00:05:31,023 --> 00:05:33,023
A "flawr"... a
problem with them.
214
00:05:33,092 --> 00:05:33,891
Oh, a flaw!
215
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:34,591
A flaw.
216
00:05:34,660 --> 00:05:36,226
Mention a flaw with them, like,
217
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,728
"you have a beautiful face.
218
00:05:37,797 --> 00:05:39,630
What's with the
green hulk eyes?"
219
00:05:39,698 --> 00:05:40,497
Green eyes.
220
00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:42,132
And then, as you're talking
221
00:05:42,201 --> 00:05:43,667
to them, make sure you always
222
00:05:43,736 --> 00:05:46,102
leave a certain amount of...
223
00:05:48,906 --> 00:05:51,274
silence.
224
00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:53,476
They'll think you're mysterious,
225
00:05:53,545 --> 00:05:56,413
when, in reality, you
just have nothing to say.
226
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:57,147
Yeah.
227
00:05:57,216 --> 00:05:58,882
But more important than
228
00:05:58,951 --> 00:06:01,785
anything, know when to leave.
229
00:06:01,854 --> 00:06:04,988
Wow. Dramatic exit.
230
00:06:08,430 --> 00:06:10,097
Hey, Jim. I got another one.
231
00:06:10,166 --> 00:06:11,799
Just remember your training.
232
00:06:11,867 --> 00:06:13,234
I'm going in.
233
00:06:13,302 --> 00:06:14,135
Hi. I'm Billy.
234
00:06:14,203 --> 00:06:15,603
Hi, Billy. I'm Yolanda.
235
00:06:15,671 --> 00:06:17,238
Nice to meet you, Yolanda.
236
00:06:17,306 --> 00:06:18,038
You, too.
237
00:06:18,107 --> 00:06:20,440
You're not married or
anything, are you?
238
00:06:20,509 --> 00:06:21,009
Yes!
239
00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:21,576
Yes.
240
00:06:21,644 --> 00:06:22,144
No!
241
00:06:22,177 --> 00:06:23,010
No, no, no.
242
00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:23,610
Okay.
243
00:06:23,679 --> 00:06:24,311
[ Laughs ]
244
00:06:24,379 --> 00:06:27,180
[ Chuckling ] I don't
even know why I said that.
245
00:06:27,249 --> 00:06:28,615
Um, you're really pretty.
246
00:06:28,684 --> 00:06:29,816
Oh. Thank you.
247
00:06:29,885 --> 00:06:31,718
You're kind of cute yourself.
248
00:06:31,787 --> 00:06:35,956
Thanks. Uh... You are
really pretty, in fact.
249
00:06:36,025 --> 00:06:39,826
But... What's with
those big dumbo ears?
250
00:06:39,895 --> 00:06:40,560
What?
251
00:06:40,629 --> 00:06:42,162
Yeah, they're huge.
252
00:06:42,231 --> 00:06:43,763
Can you fly with those?
253
00:06:43,832 --> 00:06:45,265
Eat shit, asshole.
254
00:06:45,334 --> 00:06:46,132
[ Click, beep ]
255
00:06:46,201 --> 00:06:46,701
Jim!
256
00:06:46,768 --> 00:06:47,934
What the hell, Billy?
257
00:06:48,003 --> 00:06:49,536
I was doing what you said to
258
00:06:49,604 --> 00:06:52,104
do... use a sweet Disney
reference because of some
259
00:06:52,173 --> 00:06:52,972
princess thing.
260
00:06:53,041 --> 00:06:54,841
You went straight to "asshole."
261
00:06:54,909 --> 00:06:55,908
It was very mean.
262
00:06:55,977 --> 00:06:57,310
Got your underwear, Jim.
263
00:06:57,379 --> 00:06:59,246
Want me to put them
in your drawer?
264
00:06:59,315 --> 00:07:00,480
Sure, Steve! Thanks!
265
00:07:00,549 --> 00:07:01,782
He's very helpful.
266
00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:04,550
Billy, you can't say a
girl has dumbo ears.
267
00:07:04,619 --> 00:07:06,018
"You say, " you're very pretty,
268
00:07:06,087 --> 00:07:07,917
but what about your
little earlobes?
269
00:07:07,986 --> 00:07:09,952
"Why do you have such
little earlobes?"
270
00:07:10,021 --> 00:07:11,154
You don't pick on the face.
271
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:12,421
Stay away from the face, the
272
00:07:12,490 --> 00:07:13,489
breasts, the shoulders.
273
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:14,557
It's so complicated!
274
00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:15,391
It really is.
275
00:07:15,459 --> 00:07:17,159
You're the
best-looking guy I know.
276
00:07:17,227 --> 00:07:19,294
You should be able to
meet women really easily.
277
00:07:19,363 --> 00:07:20,996
Like, look how
good-looking you are.
278
00:07:21,064 --> 00:07:22,163
You have really blue eyes.
279
00:07:22,232 --> 00:07:23,532
I'm angry at you right now, but.
280
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,966
I can't even talk to you because
281
00:07:25,035 --> 00:07:26,868
those things are piercing
through my soul.
282
00:07:26,937 --> 00:07:28,303
Were you part of the Aryan race,
283
00:07:28,371 --> 00:07:30,505
or is that just Hitler
haircut just coincidental?
284
00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:33,308
There's something bizarre
about your eyes, Billy.
285
00:07:33,377 --> 00:07:36,511
Have you noticed your eyes?
286
00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:37,212
It works.
287
00:07:37,281 --> 00:07:37,913
Bullshit.
288
00:07:37,982 --> 00:07:39,281
He gets laid more than we do
289
00:07:39,350 --> 00:07:40,616
because he's better-looking.
290
00:07:40,684 --> 00:07:41,350
I object.
291
00:07:41,418 --> 00:07:43,118
I am better-looking than Steve.
292
00:07:43,187 --> 00:07:43,885
Screw you.
293
00:07:43,954 --> 00:07:45,287
But I'm not better-looking
294
00:07:45,356 --> 00:07:47,055
than you and your
crazy blue eyes.
295
00:07:47,124 --> 00:07:48,957
[ As '50s dad ] One
more rule, Billy.
296
00:07:49,026 --> 00:07:49,458
God.
297
00:07:49,526 --> 00:07:51,226
When you're out and about,
298
00:07:51,295 --> 00:07:52,861
and you see a group of young
299
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:56,565
ladies, always hit on the
ugly girl first, Billy.
300
00:07:56,634 --> 00:07:58,034
The good-looking girl will be
301
00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:59,568
impressed that you're being so
302
00:07:59,637 --> 00:08:01,436
nice to her grotesque friend.
303
00:08:01,505 --> 00:08:04,606
Do you understand what I'm
saying to you, Billy?
304
00:08:04,675 --> 00:08:05,307
I do.
305
00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:06,041
Yeah.
306
00:08:06,109 --> 00:08:08,910
I have to go work at
the asbestos plant.
307
00:08:08,979 --> 00:08:10,512
Thanks, '50s dad!
308
00:08:12,581 --> 00:08:13,848
Jim's method doesn't work.
309
00:08:13,917 --> 00:08:14,682
Does not work.
310
00:08:14,751 --> 00:08:16,083
You just got to be yourself.
311
00:08:16,152 --> 00:08:17,151
Got to be yourself!
312
00:08:17,219 --> 00:08:17,618
Ben.
313
00:08:17,687 --> 00:08:18,118
Yeah.
314
00:08:18,187 --> 00:08:19,186
Can you be yourself?
315
00:08:19,255 --> 00:08:19,954
I am myself.
316
00:08:20,022 --> 00:08:21,789
Ooh, Lauren from
accounting's here.
317
00:08:21,858 --> 00:08:22,857
Lauren's here. Yeah.
318
00:08:22,926 --> 00:08:24,125
All right. I'm going in.
319
00:08:24,193 --> 00:08:24,959
He's going in.
320
00:08:25,027 --> 00:08:25,392
Ben!
321
00:08:25,461 --> 00:08:25,961
Yeah.
322
00:08:25,962 --> 00:08:27,594
Stop repeating
everything I say.
323
00:08:27,663 --> 00:08:28,829
Got it. Stop repeating.
324
00:08:28,898 --> 00:08:29,497
Hey, Jim!
325
00:08:29,565 --> 00:08:31,198
Here's one... Renee
from Melbourne.
326
00:08:31,267 --> 00:08:33,567
Well, send her a friend
request, and send her that
327
00:08:33,635 --> 00:08:34,902
picture of you rock climbing.
328
00:08:34,970 --> 00:08:35,969
Whoa, that was fast.
329
00:08:36,038 --> 00:08:37,104
She wants to video chat.
330
00:08:37,173 --> 00:08:37,605
Okay.
331
00:08:37,673 --> 00:08:39,607
Fix my hair and pull
me up in the chair.
332
00:08:39,676 --> 00:08:41,042
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
333
00:08:41,110 --> 00:08:41,809
[ Tones sound ]
334
00:08:41,878 --> 00:08:42,743
[ Grunts ]
335
00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:44,846
And take the back
of my chair off.
336
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,682
Hi. I'm Billy. Are you Renee?
337
00:08:47,751 --> 00:08:49,284
Do you do this much?
338
00:08:49,353 --> 00:08:50,619
Not too much.
339
00:08:50,688 --> 00:08:51,820
A lot of weirdos.
340
00:08:51,889 --> 00:08:53,221
It's Ben and Steve.
341
00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:55,757
Who's Ben and... Steve.
342
00:08:55,825 --> 00:08:57,792
Always hit on the
ugly girl first.
343
00:08:57,861 --> 00:08:58,292
Kim!
344
00:08:58,361 --> 00:09:00,728
What are you doing hanging
out with this group?
345
00:09:00,797 --> 00:09:02,163
You're way hotter than them.
346
00:09:02,231 --> 00:09:03,397
[ Chuckling ] Steve.
347
00:09:03,466 --> 00:09:04,265
Yeah, hotter.
348
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,300
I mean, uh... Look
at Lauren, here.
349
00:09:06,369 --> 00:09:08,703
She's beautiful, but
what's up with those eyes?
350
00:09:08,772 --> 00:09:09,871
Yeah. She has eyes.
351
00:09:09,939 --> 00:09:11,473
Those are the greenest eyes I
352
00:09:11,541 --> 00:09:12,607
think I've ever seen.
353
00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:13,542
Like the hulk!
354
00:09:13,611 --> 00:09:14,176
[ Growls ]
355
00:09:14,245 --> 00:09:16,145
Have you ever
seen eyes so green?
356
00:09:16,214 --> 00:09:17,647
Nobody has eyes that green.
357
00:09:17,715 --> 00:09:18,514
Uh, I don't.
358
00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:19,916
I have blue eyes.
359
00:09:19,985 --> 00:09:21,151
Yeah!
360
00:09:21,219 --> 00:09:22,352
Blue.
361
00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:22,921
Blue.
362
00:09:22,988 --> 00:09:23,854
Silence.
363
00:09:23,923 --> 00:09:27,391
They'll think you're
mysterious, when you know...
364
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:28,592
[ Chuckles ]
365
00:09:28,661 --> 00:09:30,594
you're just an idiot.
366
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:34,282
Where are you?
367
00:09:34,351 --> 00:09:36,317
I'm in venice, uh, California.
368
00:09:36,386 --> 00:09:37,752
Are you a movie star?
369
00:09:37,821 --> 00:09:38,753
[ Chuckles ]
370
00:09:38,822 --> 00:09:39,588
Yes.
371
00:09:39,656 --> 00:09:40,422
No, I'm not.
372
00:09:40,491 --> 00:09:42,991
You look kind of like
that guy from "road trip."
373
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:45,494
You look nothing like
the guy from "road trip."
374
00:09:45,563 --> 00:09:47,529
You know, I actually
get that a lot.
375
00:09:47,598 --> 00:09:49,098
I think that guy's handsome.
376
00:09:49,166 --> 00:09:52,134
You're kind of pretty yourself.
377
00:09:52,203 --> 00:09:53,702
Except for your earlobes.
378
00:09:53,770 --> 00:09:55,003
What do you mean?
379
00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:56,137
I don't know.
380
00:09:56,206 --> 00:09:57,806
They're, like, crazy small.
381
00:09:57,874 --> 00:09:58,840
[ Giggling ]
382
00:09:58,909 --> 00:09:59,575
Stop it!
383
00:09:59,643 --> 00:10:01,443
[ Chuckling ] No, seriously!
384
00:10:01,512 --> 00:10:03,945
I mean, itty-bitty
earlobes like that?
385
00:10:04,014 --> 00:10:04,913
Who has those?
386
00:10:04,981 --> 00:10:05,780
Come on!
387
00:10:05,849 --> 00:10:07,682
Why don't you lean in closer
388
00:10:07,751 --> 00:10:10,484
so I can take a look at them?
389
00:10:15,392 --> 00:10:16,959
Are you okay?
390
00:10:17,028 --> 00:10:19,762
Silence.
391
00:10:21,165 --> 00:10:22,132
Yeah.
392
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:26,870
I-I'm just... I'm just
speechless from your beauty.
393
00:10:26,939 --> 00:10:32,042
And your really,
scarily tiny earlobes.
394
00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:33,043
[ Giggles ]
395
00:10:33,112 --> 00:10:35,412
And always end the
compliment with an insult.
396
00:10:35,481 --> 00:10:37,514
Is there something
wrong with my eyes?
397
00:10:37,583 --> 00:10:38,883
Yeah, they're freaking the
398
00:10:38,951 --> 00:10:40,251
hell out of me, that's what.
399
00:10:40,319 --> 00:10:42,553
The freakiest blue eyes
I think I've ever seen.
400
00:10:42,622 --> 00:10:43,654
Like two blue lagoons.
401
00:10:43,723 --> 00:10:46,057
Where's Brooke shields
swimming in your eyeballs?
402
00:10:46,126 --> 00:10:46,958
I love Brooke.
403
00:10:47,026 --> 00:10:47,592
Freaky.
404
00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:48,459
They're blue.
405
00:10:48,528 --> 00:10:49,126
[ Chuckles ]
406
00:10:49,195 --> 00:10:50,328
Yeah, they're blue.
407
00:10:50,396 --> 00:10:51,729
The good-looking girl will
408
00:10:51,798 --> 00:10:53,931
get jealous that you're
not hitting on her.
409
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,366
Hey, Kim.
410
00:10:55,435 --> 00:10:57,068
Look like you could use a drink.
411
00:10:57,137 --> 00:10:58,203
Uh, yes, please.
412
00:10:58,271 --> 00:10:59,438
A skinny girl Martini.
413
00:10:59,506 --> 00:11:00,806
Oh. Not that you need it.
414
00:11:00,874 --> 00:11:02,775
Yeah, it's a little
late for that.
415
00:11:02,843 --> 00:11:04,777
[ Laughs ]
416
00:11:04,845 --> 00:11:07,179
You don't.
417
00:11:09,916 --> 00:11:10,582
Jesus, Steve.
418
00:11:10,651 --> 00:11:11,983
Where did you get those moves?
419
00:11:12,052 --> 00:11:12,851
Ben, shut up.
420
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,152
You're killing this for me.
421
00:11:14,221 --> 00:11:14,986
Shut up, Ben.
422
00:11:15,055 --> 00:11:16,121
That Steve, though.
423
00:11:16,189 --> 00:11:16,721
He's funny.
424
00:11:16,790 --> 00:11:17,522
He's great.
425
00:11:17,591 --> 00:11:18,990
I don't know what to do now.
426
00:11:19,059 --> 00:11:20,358
You don't know what to do.
427
00:11:20,427 --> 00:11:21,026
Be funny.
428
00:11:21,094 --> 00:11:22,160
Girls like witty guys.
429
00:11:22,229 --> 00:11:23,595
I got it. I'm going back in.
430
00:11:23,664 --> 00:11:25,563
He's got it, and
he's going back in.
431
00:11:25,632 --> 00:11:26,998
No, you hang up.
432
00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:28,399
No, you hang up!
433
00:11:28,468 --> 00:11:31,035
No, seriously, you hang up.
434
00:11:31,104 --> 00:11:32,936
I have to go to the bathroom.
435
00:11:33,005 --> 00:11:34,271
I'll be right back.
436
00:11:34,340 --> 00:11:36,040
All right. Take your time.
437
00:11:36,109 --> 00:11:36,640
Jim! Jim!
438
00:11:36,709 --> 00:11:37,875
Billy rolled away.
439
00:11:37,944 --> 00:11:39,543
I can't hang up, and I got to
440
00:11:39,612 --> 00:11:41,445
pee so bad, I'm
going to explode.
441
00:11:41,514 --> 00:11:41,946
Hurry!
442
00:11:42,014 --> 00:11:43,147
All right.
443
00:11:43,216 --> 00:11:44,582
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
444
00:11:44,651 --> 00:11:45,783
[ Sighing ]
445
00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:47,418
[ Urinating ]
446
00:11:47,487 --> 00:11:48,520
[ Moans ]
447
00:11:48,588 --> 00:11:50,755
What are you doing?
448
00:11:50,824 --> 00:11:52,257
[ Urinating stops, starts ]
449
00:11:52,325 --> 00:11:53,024
Nothing!
450
00:11:53,093 --> 00:11:54,259
What is that noise?
451
00:11:54,328 --> 00:11:56,758
A sprinkler hitting
the side of the house.
452
00:11:56,826 --> 00:11:59,921
Were you just doing
something dirty?
453
00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:01,089
No!
454
00:12:01,158 --> 00:12:02,424
Yes.
455
00:12:02,493 --> 00:12:03,625
Yes.
456
00:12:03,694 --> 00:12:05,194
Oh, you're dirty.
457
00:12:05,263 --> 00:12:07,263
[ Chuckling ] Sometimes.
458
00:12:07,331 --> 00:12:08,330
Do you mind?
459
00:12:08,399 --> 00:12:10,366
Oh, it's a bit early.
460
00:12:10,434 --> 00:12:14,069
But I do think
it's kind of sexy.
461
00:12:14,137 --> 00:12:14,903
Love her.
462
00:12:14,972 --> 00:12:17,639
What does an I.T. Guy
use for birth control?
463
00:12:17,707 --> 00:12:18,673
I don't know.
464
00:12:18,742 --> 00:12:19,841
His personality.
465
00:12:19,910 --> 00:12:21,843
[ Laughter ]
466
00:12:21,912 --> 00:12:23,077
Like Ben, here.
467
00:12:23,146 --> 00:12:23,945
Right?
468
00:12:24,013 --> 00:12:25,046
[ Laughter ]
469
00:12:25,114 --> 00:12:28,383
So, Steve... All this
time, we've worked in
470
00:12:28,452 --> 00:12:29,217
the same office.
471
00:12:29,286 --> 00:12:30,118
We've never talked.
472
00:12:30,187 --> 00:12:32,554
I was just too afraid.
473
00:12:32,623 --> 00:12:33,222
Oh.
474
00:12:33,290 --> 00:12:35,491
Of your freakishly blue eyes!
475
00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:36,258
My God!
476
00:12:36,327 --> 00:12:37,392
[ Laughs ]
477
00:12:37,461 --> 00:12:39,528
I was afraid you were gonna
478
00:12:39,597 --> 00:12:41,363
give me frostbite with those
479
00:12:41,432 --> 00:12:42,964
crystal-blue eyes of yours.
480
00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:45,501
Well, I never knew
you were that funny.
481
00:12:45,569 --> 00:12:47,136
I'm not.
482
00:12:47,205 --> 00:12:50,206
I use my personality for sex.
483
00:12:50,274 --> 00:12:51,707
I'm funnier than Ben.
484
00:12:51,776 --> 00:12:52,808
[ Both laughing ]
485
00:12:52,877 --> 00:12:54,643
More important than anything,
486
00:12:54,712 --> 00:12:56,846
know when to leave.
487
00:12:56,914 --> 00:12:58,147
Well, you know what?
488
00:12:58,216 --> 00:12:59,182
It's getting late.
489
00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:00,249
Steve, so soon.
490
00:13:00,318 --> 00:13:02,284
It's time I blew
this pop stand.
491
00:13:02,353 --> 00:13:02,952
"Blue."
492
00:13:03,021 --> 00:13:05,021
It's time he blew
this pop stand.
493
00:13:05,090 --> 00:13:06,289
So good to see you.
494
00:13:06,357 --> 00:13:06,857
Yeah!
495
00:13:06,925 --> 00:13:07,656
Okay.
496
00:13:07,725 --> 00:13:09,458
It was great to catch up.
497
00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:10,893
It was really nice.
498
00:13:10,962 --> 00:13:12,728
Yeah.
499
00:13:12,797 --> 00:13:14,563
[ Laughing ]
500
00:13:14,632 --> 00:13:16,065
You're funny.
501
00:13:16,134 --> 00:13:17,767
You are funny.
502
00:13:17,835 --> 00:13:19,568
You're both great.
503
00:13:19,637 --> 00:13:20,536
Bye.
504
00:13:20,604 --> 00:13:21,937
[ Click ]
505
00:13:22,005 --> 00:13:23,438
High five, little buddy!
506
00:13:23,506 --> 00:13:24,271
It worked!
507
00:13:24,340 --> 00:13:26,373
You were talking
to her forever!
508
00:13:26,442 --> 00:13:27,040
I know!
509
00:13:27,109 --> 00:13:29,476
What were you even
talking to her about?
510
00:13:29,544 --> 00:13:31,011
I couldn't even tell you!
511
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,612
Holy shit, Jim. It worked.
512
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,014
Both: You got laid?
513
00:13:34,082 --> 00:13:37,450
No a prolonged hug.
514
00:13:37,519 --> 00:13:39,652
From Lauren!
515
00:13:39,721 --> 00:13:40,486
In accounting!
516
00:13:40,555 --> 00:13:42,055
Oh! Lauren from accounting!
517
00:13:42,123 --> 00:13:44,491
I talked to her last
night for five hours.
518
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:47,193
Can you teach me how to
talk to a girl like that?
519
00:13:47,262 --> 00:13:47,762
Yeah.
520
00:13:47,829 --> 00:13:51,064
You ask them about their lives,
what their hopes are, what they
521
00:13:51,133 --> 00:13:52,932
think about life's
big questions.
522
00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:55,301
They have lives, and
they hope for things.
523
00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:56,302
I never even knew.
524
00:13:56,371 --> 00:13:58,271
What are the big
questions in life?
525
00:13:58,339 --> 00:14:00,606
You know, like what
happens when you die.
526
00:14:00,675 --> 00:14:01,707
Well, you've died.
527
00:14:01,776 --> 00:14:03,242
What does happen when you die?
528
00:14:03,311 --> 00:14:03,976
Nothing.
529
00:14:04,045 --> 00:14:04,710
[ Sighs ]
530
00:14:04,779 --> 00:14:05,477
Okay. See you.
531
00:14:05,546 --> 00:14:06,679
Wait, you can't leave!
532
00:14:06,748 --> 00:14:07,313
Why not?
533
00:14:07,382 --> 00:14:10,017
Because she's gonna show me
hers, and I want to show her
534
00:14:10,085 --> 00:14:10,384
mine.
535
00:14:10,452 --> 00:14:11,885
Okay, I'll rig it up for you.
536
00:14:11,954 --> 00:14:13,354
No, but I may need your help.
537
00:14:13,422 --> 00:14:15,289
Billy, I'm not gonna
touch your dick!
538
00:14:15,358 --> 00:14:16,590
Somebody has to! I can't!
539
00:14:16,659 --> 00:14:19,059
Steve, you have to stay
and jerk your brother off.
540
00:14:19,128 --> 00:14:19,994
No. No way, man.
541
00:14:20,062 --> 00:14:21,829
I dressed him up in
his date clothes.
542
00:14:21,897 --> 00:14:22,729
You're up, jimbo.
543
00:14:22,798 --> 00:14:24,097
I got a real date with Lauren.
544
00:14:24,166 --> 00:14:25,165
Which one's Lauren?
545
00:14:25,234 --> 00:14:26,599
Not tonight, buddy!
546
00:14:26,668 --> 00:14:27,634
[ Tones sound ]
547
00:14:27,703 --> 00:14:29,002
Okay. I got to go.
548
00:14:29,071 --> 00:14:30,671
Wait, wait! Here she is.
549
00:14:30,740 --> 00:14:31,105
Hi!
550
00:14:31,173 --> 00:14:31,673
Hi!
551
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,140
Wow, you look great.
552
00:14:33,208 --> 00:14:34,174
[ Chuckles ]
553
00:14:34,243 --> 00:14:35,009
So do you.
554
00:14:35,077 --> 00:14:37,711
No, I mean, you look...
Really great.
555
00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:39,413
You know, I was thinking about
556
00:14:39,481 --> 00:14:41,849
what you said, and
you're totally right.
557
00:14:41,918 --> 00:14:43,951
It's all about being
in the moment.
558
00:14:44,019 --> 00:14:44,718
Really?
559
00:14:44,787 --> 00:14:47,354
You seem to have it so together.
560
00:14:47,423 --> 00:14:48,856
I struggle constantly about
561
00:14:48,924 --> 00:14:51,158
what should be as
opposed to what is.
562
00:14:51,227 --> 00:14:53,526
I never would have
gotten that from you.
563
00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:54,828
You're really sweet.
564
00:14:54,896 --> 00:14:55,862
So are you.
565
00:14:55,931 --> 00:14:59,799
I don't understand a
word you guys are saying.
566
00:15:01,769 --> 00:15:04,337
Seriously, those eyes
are, like, electric blue.
567
00:15:04,406 --> 00:15:07,340
No, really... did you grow up
near a nuclear power plant?
568
00:15:07,409 --> 00:15:08,709
[ Laughing ] No! Stop!
569
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:10,010
You're embarrassing me.
570
00:15:10,079 --> 00:15:10,711
Silence.
571
00:15:10,780 --> 00:15:13,514
They'll think you're
mysterious, when, in reality,
572
00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:15,617
you really just have
nothing to say.
573
00:15:15,686 --> 00:15:18,054
What is it? What?
574
00:15:18,123 --> 00:15:20,458
You're just really beautiful.
575
00:15:20,526 --> 00:15:23,294
Steve.
576
00:15:23,363 --> 00:15:24,929
Except for those smurf eyes.
577
00:15:24,998 --> 00:15:25,663
Ugh!
578
00:15:25,732 --> 00:15:27,332
[ Laughing ]
579
00:15:27,401 --> 00:15:29,167
Seriously.
580
00:15:31,437 --> 00:15:33,205
Can I call you right back?
581
00:15:33,274 --> 00:15:37,643
Yeah, of course. Bye.
582
00:15:37,711 --> 00:15:38,844
Billy, she's awesome.
583
00:15:38,913 --> 00:15:39,413
I know.
584
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,579
I am so hot for her.
585
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:41,481
Shut up, Jim!
586
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:42,916
No, we can do this, but what
587
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,451
we'll do is I'll masturbate in
588
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,486
front of the webcam.
589
00:15:45,554 --> 00:15:46,587
She'll think it's you.
590
00:15:46,656 --> 00:15:48,756
Jim, you are not
screwing my girlfriend.
591
00:15:48,825 --> 00:15:50,191
She had a turtle as a child.
592
00:15:50,260 --> 00:15:51,192
I will kill you.
593
00:15:51,261 --> 00:15:51,993
[ Tones sound ]
594
00:15:52,061 --> 00:15:55,897
[ As '50s dad ] Well, Billy,
you better answer that call.
595
00:15:55,966 --> 00:15:57,132
[ Click ]
596
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,667
Both: Wow.
597
00:15:58,735 --> 00:16:00,068
Is someone there?
598
00:16:00,137 --> 00:16:02,103
No, no, no, that was the TV.
599
00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:03,938
What are you looking at?
600
00:16:04,007 --> 00:16:06,374
A cat crawled across the house.
601
00:16:06,442 --> 00:16:08,009
You're acting weird.
602
00:16:08,078 --> 00:16:09,911
You're just so pretty, and.
603
00:16:09,979 --> 00:16:12,413
I'm just mesmerized
by your beauty.
604
00:16:12,482 --> 00:16:14,415
Well, does this help?
605
00:16:14,484 --> 00:16:15,550
[ Normal voice ] Yes.
606
00:16:15,618 --> 00:16:16,417
It does. It does.
607
00:16:16,486 --> 00:16:16,884
Yes.
608
00:16:16,953 --> 00:16:18,252
Is someone else there?
609
00:16:18,321 --> 00:16:19,353
No, it's the TV.
610
00:16:19,422 --> 00:16:21,989
Oh, this is not the way I
want this to turn out.
611
00:16:22,058 --> 00:16:23,290
It's getting all weird.
612
00:16:23,359 --> 00:16:24,792
But I really like you a lot.
613
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,894
Well, would you
like to see more?
614
00:16:26,962 --> 00:16:28,162
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
615
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:31,165
Yes, absolutely.
616
00:16:31,233 --> 00:16:32,566
Steve, what are you doing?
617
00:16:32,635 --> 00:16:34,401
Me and Billy are
about to get some.
618
00:16:34,470 --> 00:16:36,404
I think she wants
to sleep with me.
619
00:16:36,472 --> 00:16:37,839
I don't know what to do, man!
620
00:16:37,907 --> 00:16:38,940
I'm freaking out here!
621
00:16:39,008 --> 00:16:40,441
All you got to do is sit
622
00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:42,110
down, get your drink, slam it,
623
00:16:42,178 --> 00:16:43,878
"and say, " do you want to go back
624
00:16:43,947 --> 00:16:45,346
for a drink at my house?"
625
00:16:45,415 --> 00:16:47,716
And then, first one
to speak loses, okay?
626
00:16:47,784 --> 00:16:49,718
I can do this.
627
00:16:49,786 --> 00:16:51,153
You all right?
628
00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:52,988
Mm.
629
00:16:53,056 --> 00:16:54,055
[ Glass slams ]
630
00:16:54,124 --> 00:16:54,890
All right.
631
00:16:54,958 --> 00:16:57,425
Let's go to my house
and have a drink.
632
00:16:57,494 --> 00:17:00,428
[ Laughs ]
633
00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:01,029
Okay.
634
00:17:01,098 --> 00:17:01,863
Really?
635
00:17:01,932 --> 00:17:02,897
[ Laughs ]
636
00:17:02,966 --> 00:17:05,032
Like you've... like you've never
637
00:17:05,101 --> 00:17:06,734
taken anyone home before.
638
00:17:06,803 --> 00:17:09,136
[ Both laugh ]
639
00:17:09,205 --> 00:17:10,571
I haven't.
640
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,406
[ Laughs ]
641
00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:13,807
You're so silly.
642
00:17:13,876 --> 00:17:15,809
Come on!
643
00:17:15,878 --> 00:17:19,013
[ Chuckles, sighs ]
644
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,014
Are you coming?
645
00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:22,217
I want to see yours.
646
00:17:22,286 --> 00:17:23,218
Okay.
647
00:17:23,287 --> 00:17:24,853
[ Chuckles nervously ]
648
00:17:30,128 --> 00:17:32,896
[ Laughing ] Oh, my God!
649
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:33,696
It's huge!
650
00:17:33,765 --> 00:17:36,199
Guess you could say
I'm kind of blessed.
651
00:17:36,267 --> 00:17:39,035
I want to see you touch it.
652
00:17:39,104 --> 00:17:42,338
Um, you know, I'm
not... I'm not sure.
653
00:17:42,407 --> 00:17:43,673
Oh, come on!
654
00:17:43,742 --> 00:17:46,376
I know. Let's do it together.
655
00:17:46,445 --> 00:17:49,012
You're so cute.
656
00:17:49,081 --> 00:17:50,947
Jim, come on, please?
657
00:17:51,016 --> 00:17:52,382
Shh. Shut up.
658
00:17:52,451 --> 00:17:55,018
Honey, grab that anaconda.
659
00:17:55,087 --> 00:17:55,886
Oh, my God.
660
00:17:55,954 --> 00:17:57,020
I hate Australians.
661
00:17:57,089 --> 00:17:58,121
No, Jim, listen!
662
00:17:58,190 --> 00:17:59,823
I really think I love this girl.
663
00:17:59,892 --> 00:18:02,058
Oh, come on, Billy!
664
00:18:02,127 --> 00:18:04,394
I won't make any
noises, I swear.
665
00:18:04,463 --> 00:18:06,997
Shut up!
666
00:18:07,065 --> 00:18:08,432
[ Door opens ]
667
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:09,599
Such a gentleman.
668
00:18:09,668 --> 00:18:10,934
Well, what can I say?
669
00:18:11,003 --> 00:18:14,305
Hey, everybody, this is
lau... - my God, Steve!
670
00:18:14,374 --> 00:18:15,240
Mom?!
671
00:18:15,309 --> 00:18:17,510
What's going on? Billy?
672
00:18:17,578 --> 00:18:20,346
Never talk to me again.
673
00:18:20,415 --> 00:18:24,584
- I...
- Lauren from accounting.
674
00:18:24,653 --> 00:18:26,019
Yeah.
675
00:18:26,088 --> 00:18:27,420
Skype sex.
676
00:18:27,489 --> 00:18:29,055
Yeah. Yep.
677
00:18:29,124 --> 00:18:30,523
Good for you, buddy.
678
00:18:30,592 --> 00:18:31,291
Thanks.
679
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:32,258
She's hot.
680
00:18:32,327 --> 00:18:34,661
I got to... hey, wait!
681
00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:37,397
You are a sick, sick man, Jim.
682
00:18:37,466 --> 00:18:40,867
Listen, I can point
out all your "flawrs!"
683
00:18:40,936 --> 00:18:43,504
I can point out all your floors!
684
00:18:43,573 --> 00:18:44,672
Aw, come on!!
685
00:18:44,741 --> 00:18:46,707
Billy wanted to masturbate.
686
00:18:46,776 --> 00:18:48,242
We all know he can't.
687
00:18:48,311 --> 00:18:50,578
So, I... I'm... I
helped him masturbate.
688
00:18:50,647 --> 00:18:51,446
Oh, my God.
689
00:18:51,515 --> 00:18:52,280
He can't?
690
00:18:52,349 --> 00:18:53,781
Who in the hell is that?
691
00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:55,417
We've met this girl on the.
692
00:18:55,485 --> 00:18:57,118
Internet, and she's just great,
693
00:18:57,187 --> 00:18:59,855
and we love her, and... look.
Say hello to Renee.
694
00:18:59,923 --> 00:19:02,090
Hi! It's nice to meet you!
695
00:19:02,159 --> 00:19:02,524
Hi.
696
00:19:02,593 --> 00:19:03,625
She's wonderful.
697
00:19:03,694 --> 00:19:06,161
This might be the best
relationship I've ever had.
698
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:08,196
Jim, this is not
your relationship.
699
00:19:08,265 --> 00:19:09,364
Mom, this is the best
700
00:19:09,432 --> 00:19:10,898
relationship I've ever had, and
701
00:19:10,967 --> 00:19:13,601
part of a healthy relationship
is a sexual component.
702
00:19:13,669 --> 00:19:16,337
So you volunteered
to masturbate him?
703
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,371
No, no, no, no, no.
704
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,239
I wanted to masturbate
in front of her.
705
00:19:19,308 --> 00:19:20,274
Billy wouldn't let me.
706
00:19:20,343 --> 00:19:21,909
He had to show his own cock.
707
00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:24,144
That's because I
like you so much.
708
00:19:24,213 --> 00:19:25,980
Oh, Billy.
709
00:19:26,048 --> 00:19:28,215
Okay, enough. Enough!
710
00:19:28,284 --> 00:19:29,216
[ Scoffs ]
711
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:33,854
Do it, Jim.
712
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,290
You sure you want
me to do this, Billy?
713
00:19:36,358 --> 00:19:36,902
Do it.
714
00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:45,131
I'm sorry, Renee.
715
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,900
I have m.D., and
I'm not outdoorsy.
716
00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:50,169
And as you probably heard, I...
717
00:19:50,238 --> 00:19:52,371
I can't even touch myself.
718
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,974
Oh, no. Renee, please don't cry.
719
00:19:55,043 --> 00:19:56,242
I am so sorry.
720
00:19:56,311 --> 00:19:56,976
No.
721
00:19:57,045 --> 00:19:58,778
[ Chuckles, sniffles ]
722
00:19:58,847 --> 00:20:03,817
Um... I lied, too.
723
00:20:03,885 --> 00:20:05,652
I'm so sorry.
724
00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:10,858
Um, who's holding the
computer and touching you?
725
00:20:10,926 --> 00:20:12,860
Hi. Jim.
726
00:20:12,928 --> 00:20:15,896
Pretty amazing friend
you've got, there, Billy.
727
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:16,663
I know.
728
00:20:16,732 --> 00:20:17,798
[ Knock on door ]
729
00:20:17,867 --> 00:20:18,399
Hey.
730
00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,267
Billy, that's... that's my date.
731
00:20:20,336 --> 00:20:22,003
You... you're gonna be okay?
732
00:20:22,071 --> 00:20:24,405
I'm fine.
733
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:25,073
Hi.
734
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:29,711
Hey, what do you think
happens when we die?
735
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:31,713
Do you have any hobbies?
736
00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:33,314
[ Door closes ]
737
00:20:33,383 --> 00:20:36,150
Don't you worry
738
00:20:36,219 --> 00:20:37,352
don't you worry
739
00:20:37,420 --> 00:20:38,353
Hi, Renee.
740
00:20:38,421 --> 00:20:40,588
What's up with your legs?
741
00:20:40,723 --> 00:20:43,524
They're, like, crazy small.
742
00:20:43,593 --> 00:20:45,092
[ Chuckles ]
743
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,927
I mean, with legs that small,
744
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,262
how do you even walk?
745
00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:49,430
Really, Billy?
746
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:50,464
[ Chuckles ]
747
00:20:50,533 --> 00:20:53,467
I mean, who has legs that small?
748
00:20:53,536 --> 00:20:54,902
Nobody.
749
00:20:54,971 --> 00:20:56,904
Nobody I know.
750
00:20:56,972 --> 00:21:01,708
I mean... Can you buy shoes
with legs that small?
751
00:21:01,758 --> 00:21:06,308
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