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Sync & corrections
by No1 www.addic7ed.Com
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[Cellphone rings]
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Hello? Yeah.
4
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Yes. Hello, mum.
5
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Mum, you're not dying.
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No, you're not.
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[Indistinct conversations]
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Where the hell you been, man?
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I took off work to
witness this thing for you.
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I've been on the phone with my mum, okay?
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She's dying.
12
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She is?
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Yeah. Again.
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Dying again.
15
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How you feeling?
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Like she should be dead.
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She does this every year.
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You know, she's getting
on my case, you know?
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Yeah, about what?
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Well, she wants me to be more
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legitimate or something.
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What's she talking about?
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You're killing it in stand-up.
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Yeah, I know!
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But, like, I'm not on the telly
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in Australia, so to my mum, I'm,
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a disappointment.
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I... I'm a drunk idiot.
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You know?
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Maybe she's right. I...
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Oh, you're gonna go legit?
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Well... change is good, you know?
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Can't keep going on like this.
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Yeah.
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I think I... I think I'd like to have kids.
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You think you'd be a good father?
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I think I'd be a great father.
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What about a husband?
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Yeah, there's a problem.
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Yeah.
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[Bell dings]
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Oh, this is us.
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Hello.
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Uh, Jim Jefferies, extra "e."
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It's j-e-f-f-e-r-i-e-s.
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Steve Nugent.
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I'm his witness.
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Uh, you don't need a witness.
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Yeah, I know.
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What the hell am I doing.
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Here?
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I can't stay in line,
Steve. My mum's dying.
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[Scoffs]
54
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Hey, I've got a plan, all right?
55
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I... I... I... I could meet a woman.
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I... I could marry her.
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I could get her pregnant.
She'd have the child.
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And then, if she could die soon
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afterwards, that would really be.
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best for everyone, really, because...
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you know, the kid couldn't hate.
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You then, right?
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"I'm doing my best.
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"Your mum's dead," you know?
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Jesus, Jim, that is
cold-blooded, even for you.
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I've looked into it.
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All right, it's not as easy as
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you think anyway, all right?
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It turns out that terminally ill
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women don't want to get pregnant.
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They're all about them and "what"
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"they're up to" and their
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situation... high-maintenance,
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if you ask me.
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Selfish, in a way, don't you think?
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Are you saying you want a
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woman to die during childbirth?
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No! I'm not an animal, Steve!
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You know, like, she could be
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around for the first few years,
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until the kid could walk and
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talk and... and get me a beer,
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you know, and take care of itself.
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Oh, how nice.
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So she knows the child before she dies.
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Exactly. Yes. Thank you.
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This isn't a bad thing.
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This woman's dying anyway.
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This is... this is good
times for this lady.
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I'd still have sex with her,
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even though her hair
was coming out in clumps.
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Jim, Jim.
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I would still tell her she
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looked attractive even though
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she didn't look attractive.
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I'd still lie to her,
because I'm a good person.
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You know, I'd hold her one titty
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while we had... if that was the case.
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Think of the sympathy sex off
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this woman, how grateful she'd be.
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You are such a sick dick.
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You know that?
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Why don't you just try to do
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something nice for someone for nce?
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Nice?!
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Sign here.
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Yeah, nice.
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Compassionate? Kind?
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Please, all right?
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I'm taking care of this kid all by myself.
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My therapist says if you want
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to get out of your head, you do
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something nice for someone else.
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Steve?
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All right? My wife's just died.
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Alien.
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I'm an alien of extraordinary.
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Ability, Steve.
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I'm like E.T.
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This is a great country.
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I'm sorry. He's Australian.
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So, I could really use the
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money, so I guess I'll see you
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guys in a minute.
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Uh, that's it. Thanks, mom.
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Where you going?
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Uh, going to see Billy.
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Is he still alive?
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You are an asshole, Jim.
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No, it's just that I never
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get to see him anymore.
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That's because I put him in a
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home like a year and a half ago.
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Right, you did.
135
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Yeah, and I go to see
him a couple times a week.
136
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Do you?
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Yeah. And we talk about it.
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We do?
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And he asks about you.
140
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Ah.
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I guess he likes you, for some reason.
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That's nice.
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Billy's, uh, the tall one with
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the ginger hair and the harsh features?
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[Sighs]
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That's my sister, asshole.
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Ah, sister.
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Billy's the short one in the wheelchair.
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Yes.
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Oh, I like Billy.
151
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I'm glad he's not dead.
152
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Do you want to go?
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No, it's too depressing.
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Come on, man.
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Like I said, try to be nice.
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Nice?
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Mm-hmm.
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Yes. I'm gonna come.
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W... w... what do I have to do?
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You don't have to do anything.
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It's just your shrink says I
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should do something nice, and
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this is nice, right?
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I don't have to lick
your balls or something?
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- What type of person... - What? You!
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Remember... my mother never
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forgave you for that old wheelchair thing.
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Why does she hold a grudge?
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I don't understand.
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You pushed Billy, in his
wheelchair, into the water, Jim.
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Billy loved it!
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He's paralyzed!
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Janice, it's so nice to see you again.
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Go away, Jim.
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Why in the hell did you bring him here?
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'Cause... what the hell were you thinking?!
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Billy wants to see me.
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Jim's here.
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Really?
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Honey, I'm sorry.
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Hi, Jim.
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[Monitor beeping]
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[Chuckles nervously]
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Where the hell have you been?
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I'm sorry. [Chuckles]
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I'm sorry... I'm sorry
I haven't been around.
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Steve told me you were dead.
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[laughs]
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[laughter]
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Yeah.
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Janice, remember when I
pushed him into the lake?
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[laughs]
193
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Told you... he loved it.
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[Coughing, laughing]
195
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I almost drowned.
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Yeah. Good times.
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Hey, mom?
198
00:05:57,962 --> 00:05:58,727
Yes. Mm-hmm?
199
00:05:58,796 --> 00:06:00,562
Can you, uh, give us a minute?
200
00:06:00,631 --> 00:06:02,063
And take this mask off, please.
201
00:06:02,132 --> 00:06:02,998
Oh, no. No, no.
202
00:06:03,066 --> 00:06:04,466
I don't think that's a good...
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Come on. Please.
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Okay.
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All right, but not for too long, All right?
206
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Thanks.
207
00:06:14,612 --> 00:06:15,110
Steve?
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Oh, yeah, right.
209
00:06:16,380 --> 00:06:19,982
I'll just go with mom and
dad and get a bite, then.
210
00:06:22,753 --> 00:06:25,755
I... I'm sorry I haven't been around.
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00:06:25,823 --> 00:06:27,590
No, Jim, it's okay.
212
00:06:27,658 --> 00:06:28,891
It's kind of depressing.
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Isn't it? Isn't it, yeah?
214
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[Chuckles]
215
00:06:31,161 --> 00:06:32,727
I was trying to tell Steve that
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he wouldn't... he wouldn't listen.
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He said you liked it here.
218
00:06:36,033 --> 00:06:37,599
[laughs]
219
00:06:37,668 --> 00:06:39,635
Why have you asked to see me?
220
00:06:39,703 --> 00:06:40,936
I have a favor.
221
00:06:41,005 --> 00:06:42,371
I'm 32 years old, Jim.
222
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:43,839
Hey, that's great.
223
00:06:43,908 --> 00:06:44,840
That is, man.
224
00:06:44,909 --> 00:06:45,541
Yeah.
225
00:06:45,609 --> 00:06:47,209
That is. It's amazing.
226
00:06:47,278 --> 00:06:49,645
[Chuckles weakly] Jim.
227
00:06:49,714 --> 00:06:50,979
That's not the point.
228
00:06:51,048 --> 00:06:52,080
It's amazing.
229
00:06:52,149 --> 00:06:53,848
What I'm trying to say is,
230
00:06:53,917 --> 00:06:55,350
I'm 32 years old, and...
231
00:06:55,418 --> 00:06:57,552
I've never been laid.
232
00:06:57,621 --> 00:06:59,387
Really?
233
00:06:59,456 --> 00:07:01,456
I mean, how could I, man?
234
00:07:01,525 --> 00:07:03,658
Well... yeah.
235
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:07,062
Yeah, well, I... never thought of that.
236
00:07:07,131 --> 00:07:08,831
And you're the only guy I
237
00:07:08,899 --> 00:07:11,166
know who would take me to a hooker.
238
00:07:11,235 --> 00:07:13,135
So, I know this is a lot to ask,
239
00:07:13,204 --> 00:07:16,171
- but I was wondering...
- Shh.
240
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:16,572
Yes.
241
00:07:16,641 --> 00:07:17,172
Yes?
242
00:07:17,241 --> 00:07:17,706
Yes!
243
00:07:17,775 --> 00:07:18,407
Really?
244
00:07:18,476 --> 00:07:19,241
Oh, awesome!
245
00:07:19,310 --> 00:07:19,775
Yes.
246
00:07:19,843 --> 00:07:22,344
I was put on this earth
to make this happen.
247
00:07:22,413 --> 00:07:23,879
Hookers and blow, my friend.
248
00:07:23,948 --> 00:07:25,714
- Yeah...
- Well, hookers. Blow.
249
00:07:25,783 --> 00:07:26,915
No... no blow for you.
250
00:07:26,984 --> 00:07:28,917
Well, may... well, how's your heart?
251
00:07:28,986 --> 00:07:30,285
Jim, it would kill me.
252
00:07:30,354 --> 00:07:32,020
No, no. No, no blow.
253
00:07:32,089 --> 00:07:34,023
Just hookers for you, then.
254
00:07:34,091 --> 00:07:34,657
When?
255
00:07:34,725 --> 00:07:36,492
Now. Today.
256
00:07:36,561 --> 00:07:38,460
Immediately. You never know.
257
00:07:38,529 --> 00:07:39,161
Yes.
258
00:07:39,230 --> 00:07:40,329
But listen.
259
00:07:40,398 --> 00:07:41,864
You can't tell Steve.
260
00:07:41,933 --> 00:07:44,066
He would not understand.
261
00:07:44,135 --> 00:07:45,701
No [bleep].
262
00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:46,869
What are you, high?
263
00:07:46,938 --> 00:07:48,037
A little, yeah.
264
00:07:48,106 --> 00:07:49,438
Look, he's your brother!
265
00:07:49,507 --> 00:07:50,273
[Sighs]
266
00:07:50,342 --> 00:07:52,608
You should want to do this for him.
267
00:07:52,677 --> 00:07:54,410
I'm doing it whether you like it.
268
00:07:54,479 --> 00:07:55,044
Or not.
269
00:07:55,113 --> 00:07:56,178
It'll kill him.
270
00:07:56,247 --> 00:07:57,880
He's gonna die soon anyway.
271
00:07:57,949 --> 00:07:58,815
Oh, my God.
272
00:07:58,884 --> 00:08:01,117
This is a good way for him to go.
273
00:08:01,186 --> 00:08:01,851
Okay, sure.
274
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,219
We'll have to answer a few
275
00:08:03,288 --> 00:08:04,787
- questions, but...
- No.
276
00:08:04,856 --> 00:08:05,488
Why not?
277
00:08:05,556 --> 00:08:07,056
Well, for starters, my mom.
278
00:08:07,124 --> 00:08:08,324
She already hates you.
279
00:08:08,392 --> 00:08:12,061
That's why I'm the perfect
guy to kill your brother.
280
00:08:14,799 --> 00:08:16,132
Good news.
281
00:08:16,201 --> 00:08:18,601
All right. Listen.
282
00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:20,904
Jim told me about you wanting to get laid.
283
00:08:20,973 --> 00:08:21,839
You're a dick.
284
00:08:21,907 --> 00:08:22,740
No! No, no.
285
00:08:22,808 --> 00:08:23,674
No, it's okay.
286
00:08:23,743 --> 00:08:24,909
I'm all right with it.
287
00:08:24,978 --> 00:08:27,745
I just... no sex. Blowjob only.
288
00:08:27,814 --> 00:08:29,347
No!
289
00:08:29,416 --> 00:08:30,949
I want to feel a vagina!
290
00:08:31,018 --> 00:08:32,784
Let the man feel a vagina.
291
00:08:32,853 --> 00:08:35,487
- No. No vagi...
- No, just like feel...
292
00:08:35,555 --> 00:08:37,122
No! God, knock it off!
293
00:08:37,190 --> 00:08:38,356
No sex! B.J. only.
294
00:08:38,425 --> 00:08:39,491
Screw you, Steve.
295
00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:41,359
You're in no position to argue.
296
00:08:41,428 --> 00:08:42,660
Your brother's right.
297
00:08:42,729 --> 00:08:44,763
You really are in no position to argue.
298
00:08:44,832 --> 00:08:48,200
Both: [bleep] you, Jim.
299
00:08:48,268 --> 00:08:49,534
No... what... Billy?
300
00:08:49,603 --> 00:08:51,136
What's he... what's he doing?
301
00:08:51,204 --> 00:08:52,604
He just left the room.
302
00:08:52,672 --> 00:08:54,305
But he just turned his head.
303
00:08:54,374 --> 00:08:57,775
Well... that's all he can do.
304
00:08:57,844 --> 00:09:02,846
- He can't...
- Oh, Christ.
305
00:09:02,915 --> 00:09:05,015
Why did he leave the room?
306
00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:06,383
What did you say?
307
00:09:06,452 --> 00:09:08,785
Both: Nothing.
308
00:09:09,781 --> 00:09:10,747
And you know what?
309
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:12,849
If it gets uncomfortable, just say "stop."
310
00:09:12,918 --> 00:09:14,217
Mom, nothing in this world
311
00:09:14,286 --> 00:09:16,486
could be more uncomfortable
than this right now.
312
00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:17,788
Don't... don't be funny.
313
00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:19,222
Okay. I'm sorry.
314
00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:21,058
I love you.
315
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,026
God.
316
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,462
Don't be a stranger, Janice.
317
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:26,963
What is wrong with you?
318
00:09:27,032 --> 00:09:28,298
She doesn't hate me.
319
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:28,832
Dad.
320
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,200
Stick it right here.
321
00:09:30,268 --> 00:09:32,969
An STD is the last thing
that's gonna kill me.
322
00:09:33,037 --> 00:09:33,803
Oh. Yeah.
323
00:09:33,871 --> 00:09:34,570
[Chuckles]
324
00:09:34,639 --> 00:09:35,904
You told my parents?
325
00:09:35,973 --> 00:09:38,073
Yeah, I've been telling everyone.
326
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:38,907
God, Jim!
327
00:09:38,976 --> 00:09:39,875
No, dad, no.
328
00:09:39,944 --> 00:09:40,942
I don't want that.
329
00:09:41,011 --> 00:09:41,910
Oh, come on.
330
00:09:41,979 --> 00:09:43,244
It's part of the drill.
331
00:09:43,313 --> 00:09:46,080
I'm never gonna forget this.
332
00:09:46,149 --> 00:09:50,918
Neither is my wife.
333
00:09:50,987 --> 00:09:52,653
What is it with women and sex?
334
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:53,655
No, it's mothers.
335
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:56,324
They don't understand sex with their sons.
336
00:09:56,393 --> 00:09:58,961
It just... [Fun's "Carry on" plays]
337
00:09:59,029 --> 00:10:01,163
Your mother used to have sex with her sons?
338
00:10:01,232 --> 00:10:02,098
Very good, Jim.
339
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,466
I'm just saying, that could
340
00:10:03,534 --> 00:10:05,367
be why he's in the chair to begin with.
341
00:10:05,436 --> 00:10:06,802
Yeah. That's good, asshole.
342
00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:07,302
Hey, honey.
343
00:10:07,371 --> 00:10:08,470
This is sick. It's just sick.
344
00:10:08,539 --> 00:10:09,071
Hey, listen.
345
00:10:09,139 --> 00:10:10,973
I'm not gonna be able to
have our daughter tonight.
346
00:10:11,041 --> 00:10:12,274
I have to do something for Billy.
347
00:10:12,343 --> 00:10:13,609
I have to take him to the doctor.
348
00:10:13,677 --> 00:10:14,910
I have to take him to the doctor.
349
00:10:14,979 --> 00:10:15,577
What? No!
350
00:10:15,646 --> 00:10:17,045
We're not going to Vegas.
351
00:10:17,114 --> 00:10:19,281
Where did you get that idea?
352
00:10:19,350 --> 00:10:19,748
Jim.
353
00:10:19,817 --> 00:10:21,249
You follow him on Twitter.
354
00:10:21,318 --> 00:10:21,984
Of course.
355
00:10:22,052 --> 00:10:23,752
Yes, I do know what I'm doing.
356
00:10:23,821 --> 00:10:25,421
Well, don't listen to my mom,
357
00:10:25,489 --> 00:10:28,657
because I'm not going to kill my brother.
358
00:10:28,726 --> 00:10:31,293
Hello?
359
00:10:31,362 --> 00:10:32,127
[Sighs]
360
00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:33,596
Let's go!
361
00:10:33,664 --> 00:10:35,097
This I know
362
00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:37,733
I never said we are
363
00:10:37,801 --> 00:10:38,534
Hey.
364
00:10:38,602 --> 00:10:40,970
Can we take all this stuff off?
365
00:10:41,038 --> 00:10:41,504
No.
366
00:10:41,572 --> 00:10:43,806
... Know you can never look back
367
00:10:43,874 --> 00:10:46,842
You can't take the ma... it could kill him.
368
00:10:46,911 --> 00:10:49,211
If you're lost and alone
369
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,747
Or you're sinking like a stone
370
00:10:51,816 --> 00:10:53,349
Carry on
371
00:10:53,417 --> 00:10:54,350
We just passed the police.
372
00:10:54,418 --> 00:10:55,217
What is that?
373
00:10:55,286 --> 00:10:56,518
[Chuckles]
374
00:10:56,587 --> 00:10:58,653
May your past be the sound
375
00:10:58,722 --> 00:11:00,789
Of your feet upon the ground
376
00:11:00,858 --> 00:11:04,559
Carry on
377
00:11:04,628 --> 00:11:08,430
Carry on, carry on
378
00:11:08,499 --> 00:11:09,064
No.
379
00:11:09,133 --> 00:11:10,966
I'm not gonna kill my brother.
380
00:11:11,035 --> 00:11:11,967
[Coughs]
381
00:11:12,036 --> 00:11:12,901
[Chuckles]
382
00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:14,536
I can't move my legs!
383
00:11:14,605 --> 00:11:15,904
So I met up with some
384
00:11:15,973 --> 00:11:18,340
friends at the edge of the night
385
00:11:18,409 --> 00:11:22,244
At a bar off 75
386
00:11:22,313 --> 00:11:24,647
Yeah! Go, Billy, go!
387
00:11:24,715 --> 00:11:27,450
Billy won't stop hitting himself, Steve!
388
00:11:27,519 --> 00:11:28,851
Billy's wanking now.
389
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:33,456
He's masturbating in the car.
390
00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:35,424
I'm [bleep] serious, dude.
391
00:11:35,493 --> 00:11:36,993
... I can cheat it off
392
00:11:37,061 --> 00:11:38,695
To make up for the times...
393
00:11:38,763 --> 00:11:42,064
[laughing]
394
00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:44,601
And it's nice to know
395
00:11:44,669 --> 00:11:46,869
When I was left for dead
396
00:11:46,938 --> 00:11:48,972
I was found and now I don't...
397
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,373
All right, sorry to leave you
398
00:11:50,442 --> 00:11:53,009
two, but I'm busting for a piss.
399
00:11:53,078 --> 00:11:56,146
[Indistinct conversations]
400
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,147
Hi, everyone. Sorry.
401
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,316
If everyone can quickly...
can you all gather around?
402
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,385
Oh, short hair, redhead, Tattoos, Asian.
403
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,187
Very nice. You all look great.
404
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,555
Look, here's the deal.
405
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:07,225
Outside, I have a severely disabled friend.
406
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,895
If you're not up for it, speak
now or forever hold your peace.
407
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,064
I assume you don't know your dad.
408
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,165
How bad is he?
409
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:18,436
He's... yeah. He's pretty damn bad.
410
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,438
Good for you. Morals.
411
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,006
Look, just quickly, everyone.
412
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,608
I just need a couple of you.
413
00:12:23,677 --> 00:12:24,342
[Beeping]
414
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,977
Quickly, just a show of hands.
415
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:28,980
Who can't do this?
416
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:30,681
Okay, okay. I get it.
417
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,316
You have to go hide.
418
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:33,717
No, it's just that I...
419
00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:36,220
I just don't want him to
be rejected by hookers.
420
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,421
It's nothing personal.
421
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,023
With all due respect, it's just
422
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,625
the type of people that you are.
423
00:12:40,694 --> 00:12:42,260
That's all. Thank you.
424
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:44,061
Thank you so much. Thank you.
425
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:46,797
- Just, please...
- Take off this damn mask.
426
00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:48,098
No. Stop asking.
427
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,300
Come on, man.
428
00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:50,367
You know what?
429
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,602
Are you kidding?
430
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,037
I just asked you nicely!
431
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,238
Please stay. Please?
432
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:55,606
No, the mask stays on.
433
00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:57,240
I don't look good in a mask.
434
00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:58,808
Come on. You look bad-ass.
435
00:12:58,877 --> 00:13:00,777
You're gonna wreck this for me.
436
00:13:00,845 --> 00:13:03,479
No, what's gonna wreck
it for you is being dead.
437
00:13:03,548 --> 00:13:04,380
Hey, Billy.
438
00:13:04,448 --> 00:13:08,417
It's, uh... morning shift, you know.
439
00:13:08,486 --> 00:13:11,020
Only two girls working.
440
00:13:11,088 --> 00:13:12,455
Which one do you want?
441
00:13:12,523 --> 00:13:15,124
I want the one in the green dress.
442
00:13:15,192 --> 00:13:15,691
Steve?
443
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:16,224
Yeah?
444
00:13:16,293 --> 00:13:18,227
Do either of them have a green dress?
445
00:13:18,295 --> 00:13:19,328
Oh, yeah. Yeah, no.
446
00:13:19,396 --> 00:13:20,495
His eyes are messed up.
447
00:13:20,564 --> 00:13:21,363
He's color-blind.
448
00:13:21,432 --> 00:13:22,397
He's color-blind?
449
00:13:22,466 --> 00:13:22,965
Yeah.
450
00:13:23,034 --> 00:13:24,400
It's not part of the condition.
451
00:13:24,469 --> 00:13:26,236
It's just... unfortunate.
452
00:13:26,304 --> 00:13:28,872
I want the one in the green dress.
453
00:13:28,941 --> 00:13:31,875
Good choice.
454
00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:33,911
Hi.
455
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:34,578
Hi.
456
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:35,613
Um, sorry.
457
00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:37,748
Thank you so much for your time.
458
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,150
You seem very nice.
459
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,852
I didn't catch your name.
460
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:41,686
Paris.
461
00:13:41,755 --> 00:13:42,687
Really?
462
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:45,323
[Giggles] No. It's Wendy.
463
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,325
That's better.
464
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,129
Wendy.
465
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,330
W... what do I do?
466
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:53,597
"What do I do?"
467
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,233
You're the hooker!
468
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:55,766
Okay.
469
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:56,767
All right, Billy.
470
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,002
You need anything at
all, we'll be in the bar.
471
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:00,637
Okay, don't sit on him.
472
00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:01,905
Blowjob only.
473
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:05,375
You're being a good brother today, man.
474
00:14:07,797 --> 00:14:09,497
Steve, have a drink.
475
00:14:09,566 --> 00:14:10,799
No, not yet.
476
00:14:10,868 --> 00:14:12,968
Look, you got heart, mate.
477
00:14:13,036 --> 00:14:13,802
Yeah.
478
00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:15,637
Don't over-think it.
479
00:14:15,706 --> 00:14:17,706
How long does it take Billy to come?
480
00:14:17,775 --> 00:14:19,308
I don't know. He's a virgin.
481
00:14:19,377 --> 00:14:20,676
Shouldn't take too long.
482
00:14:20,745 --> 00:14:23,145
It takes him 2 hours
to take a shit, though.
483
00:14:23,214 --> 00:14:26,549
[Chuckles]
484
00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:28,384
This is nice.
485
00:14:28,453 --> 00:14:30,820
Yeah, it is.
486
00:14:30,889 --> 00:14:33,022
Kind of depressing.
487
00:14:33,091 --> 00:14:35,224
It is, isn't it?
488
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,692
How the hell would I know?
489
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,961
How long does it take
your brothers to come?
490
00:14:39,029 --> 00:14:41,162
11 and 14 minutes.
491
00:14:41,231 --> 00:14:42,797
Have you watched?
492
00:14:42,866 --> 00:14:45,434
They're family.
493
00:14:45,502 --> 00:14:48,136
How does Billy get his clothes off?
494
00:14:48,205 --> 00:14:49,537
Shit!
495
00:14:49,606 --> 00:14:51,539
[Knock on door]
496
00:14:51,608 --> 00:14:54,075
I told you... it's more for two.
497
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:54,709
Yeah.
498
00:14:54,778 --> 00:14:56,745
We forgot to take his clothes off.
499
00:14:56,814 --> 00:14:57,579
Oh, right.
500
00:14:57,648 --> 00:14:58,280
[laughs]
501
00:14:58,349 --> 00:15:01,917
I totally didn't think of that.
502
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:02,584
Okay, look.
503
00:15:02,653 --> 00:15:04,653
He, um... he needs to be
picked up really gently.
504
00:15:04,722 --> 00:15:05,321
Sure, sure.
505
00:15:05,389 --> 00:15:06,589
So I'm gonna lift him, and
506
00:15:06,658 --> 00:15:08,357
you're gonna have to take his pants off.
507
00:15:08,426 --> 00:15:09,325
No, no, no, no, no.
508
00:15:09,393 --> 00:15:10,492
You can take his pants off.
509
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:12,194
No, but you don't know how to do it.
510
00:15:12,263 --> 00:15:13,195
You're his brother.
511
00:15:13,264 --> 00:15:14,396
But that's not the point.
512
00:15:14,465 --> 00:15:15,664
The point is that he has to be
513
00:15:15,732 --> 00:15:16,965
picked up gently, and you don't
514
00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:17,999
know how to do it, so...
515
00:15:18,068 --> 00:15:21,036
Like you've never taken a guy's pants off.
516
00:15:21,105 --> 00:15:21,937
I haven't.
517
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:24,072
Mom does this better than you.
518
00:15:24,141 --> 00:15:24,840
Ow, bitch!
519
00:15:24,908 --> 00:15:26,241
Sorry, buddy.
520
00:15:27,811 --> 00:15:29,044
All right.
521
00:15:29,113 --> 00:15:30,378
You ready?
522
00:15:30,447 --> 00:15:31,312
No.
523
00:15:31,381 --> 00:15:33,148
Come on, Jim.
524
00:15:33,217 --> 00:15:34,583
Take my pants off.
525
00:15:34,651 --> 00:15:36,084
So, I'm gonna pick him up,
526
00:15:36,153 --> 00:15:37,552
and you pull the pants off.
527
00:15:37,621 --> 00:15:38,487
You ready? Ready?
528
00:15:38,555 --> 00:15:39,688
[Straining] 1, 2, 3!
529
00:15:39,757 --> 00:15:40,689
[Chair rattles]
530
00:15:40,758 --> 00:15:41,957
I don't know, Steve!
531
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:42,657
It's stuck.
532
00:15:42,726 --> 00:15:43,591
Come on, Jim.
533
00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:44,793
Just pick his butt up.
534
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:45,360
[Slap]
535
00:15:45,429 --> 00:15:49,064
[Gagging, coughing]
536
00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:50,432
That was my mouth.
537
00:15:50,501 --> 00:15:51,967
That got in my mouth.
538
00:15:52,036 --> 00:15:53,302
You like that?
539
00:15:53,371 --> 00:15:53,969
No.
540
00:15:54,038 --> 00:15:55,104
Oh, my God!
541
00:15:55,172 --> 00:15:56,438
It's 9 1/2 inches!
542
00:15:56,507 --> 00:15:57,273
I know.
543
00:15:57,341 --> 00:15:59,976
That was... that was on the tongue.
544
00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:01,611
I can taste that.
545
00:16:01,679 --> 00:16:03,079
Big cock you got there, Bill.
546
00:16:03,148 --> 00:16:03,846
Yeah, yeah.
547
00:16:03,915 --> 00:16:05,014
Bill's got a big cock.
548
00:16:05,083 --> 00:16:06,549
I... I... I didn't even know if you
549
00:16:06,618 --> 00:16:08,718
- could get that to...
- It's not a muscle!
550
00:16:08,787 --> 00:16:09,820
It's a mental thing.
551
00:16:09,888 --> 00:16:10,554
He thinks it.
552
00:16:10,623 --> 00:16:13,090
The blood flows, and then
that happens, every time.
553
00:16:13,159 --> 00:16:13,591
Wow.
554
00:16:13,659 --> 00:16:15,059
I'm pretty sure that's why
555
00:16:15,128 --> 00:16:16,994
the rest of your muscles don't work.
556
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,396
[Chuckles]
557
00:16:18,464 --> 00:16:20,297
Sorry, wha... sorry, sorry, sorry.
558
00:16:20,366 --> 00:16:22,266
What... what's... what are we doing?
559
00:16:22,334 --> 00:16:23,367
No light, no sex.
560
00:16:23,436 --> 00:16:23,901
Yeah.
561
00:16:23,969 --> 00:16:24,868
He's a virgin.
562
00:16:24,937 --> 00:16:26,637
What's the worst that can happen?
563
00:16:26,706 --> 00:16:28,138
Oh, let her have the light.
564
00:16:28,207 --> 00:16:30,174
I'm more worried about cleanliness.
565
00:16:30,242 --> 00:16:33,177
I washed it this morning.
566
00:16:33,246 --> 00:16:34,011
You did?!
567
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,079
Yes, he did.
568
00:16:35,147 --> 00:16:37,548
Yeah, I even got behind the ball sack.
569
00:16:37,616 --> 00:16:38,816
Look at this guy!
570
00:16:38,885 --> 00:16:39,350
Ow!
571
00:16:39,419 --> 00:16:40,785
What a good brother.
572
00:16:40,854 --> 00:16:43,387
You've got a really good brother, Billy.
573
00:16:43,456 --> 00:16:45,156
You've got a great brother.
574
00:16:45,225 --> 00:16:46,825
Bit gay, but good.
575
00:16:46,893 --> 00:16:49,494
Didn't you just have a dick in your mouth?
576
00:16:49,562 --> 00:16:50,495
[Chuckles]
577
00:16:50,563 --> 00:16:51,496
Yes, he did, Billy.
578
00:16:51,564 --> 00:16:53,064
Yes, he did.
579
00:16:53,133 --> 00:16:55,033
Let's... come on.
580
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,467
Yeah.
581
00:16:56,536 --> 00:16:57,802
So, listen, buddy.
582
00:16:57,871 --> 00:16:59,504
If, for any reason, you don't
583
00:16:59,572 --> 00:17:02,073
want to do this... [ soft music plays]
584
00:17:02,141 --> 00:17:03,708
I get it, okay?
585
00:17:03,776 --> 00:17:05,376
You just say the word, and we'll
586
00:17:05,445 --> 00:17:06,877
pay the man, and we'll leave.
587
00:17:06,946 --> 00:17:07,912
Now, listen to me.
588
00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:09,580
There's something that I want to
589
00:17:09,648 --> 00:17:11,015
tell you, and I know that I
590
00:17:11,084 --> 00:17:16,420
don't say it enough, so... I love you.
591
00:17:16,489 --> 00:17:18,255
Me, too.
592
00:17:18,324 --> 00:17:20,057
Come on.
593
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:22,059
Love you.
594
00:17:22,127 --> 00:17:22,926
All right?
595
00:17:22,995 --> 00:17:24,761
So, if there's anything that you
596
00:17:24,830 --> 00:17:27,163
want to say to us, I think maybe
597
00:17:27,232 --> 00:17:32,168
now would be a good time.
598
00:17:32,237 --> 00:17:34,170
Leave.
599
00:17:34,239 --> 00:17:36,806
And, baby, that's no lie
600
00:17:36,874 --> 00:17:39,409
I want to feel your vagina.
601
00:17:39,477 --> 00:17:40,410
Okay!
602
00:17:40,479 --> 00:17:43,046
No! Blowjob only!
603
00:17:43,115 --> 00:17:45,248
[Up-tempo music playing]
604
00:17:45,317 --> 00:17:47,751
[Indistinct conversations]
605
00:17:53,058 --> 00:17:54,225
Hey.
606
00:17:54,294 --> 00:17:56,228
[Sniffs]
607
00:17:56,296 --> 00:17:56,628
What?
608
00:17:56,697 --> 00:17:58,296
What if we did the wrong thing?
609
00:17:58,365 --> 00:17:59,698
We didn't do the wrong thing.
610
00:17:59,766 --> 00:18:01,066
What if he's dying in there?
611
00:18:01,134 --> 00:18:03,035
I mean, what if he's not breathing, right?
612
00:18:03,103 --> 00:18:06,104
I mean, what if his
freaking heart stopped, Jim?!
613
00:18:06,173 --> 00:18:08,106
Calm down.
614
00:18:08,175 --> 00:18:09,574
I'll resuscitate him.
615
00:18:09,643 --> 00:18:11,376
You know how to do that?
616
00:18:11,445 --> 00:18:13,245
How hard can it be, right?
617
00:18:13,314 --> 00:18:15,147
Like, push, push, blow, blow.
618
00:18:15,215 --> 00:18:17,115
"I'm awake! Uh, what happened?
619
00:18:17,184 --> 00:18:18,316
Uh..."
620
00:18:18,385 --> 00:18:19,751
Well, it's over!
621
00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:23,588
Both: Is he dead?
622
00:18:23,657 --> 00:18:25,390
Oh.
623
00:18:25,459 --> 00:18:27,226
Well, I didn't check.
624
00:18:32,732 --> 00:18:35,067
Is that a look of pleasure?
625
00:18:35,136 --> 00:18:38,504
No, that is not a look of pleasure.
626
00:18:38,572 --> 00:18:41,907
[Crowd murmuring]
627
00:18:41,976 --> 00:18:43,809
I have 13 strangers staring
628
00:18:43,877 --> 00:18:45,744
at me, and I don't possess the
629
00:18:45,813 --> 00:18:47,846
ability to put away my own cock.
630
00:18:47,915 --> 00:18:49,181
How would you feel?
631
00:18:49,249 --> 00:18:50,382
Good point.
632
00:18:50,451 --> 00:18:51,984
We got to get him dressed.
633
00:18:52,052 --> 00:18:55,220
No, I've got to clean him up first.
634
00:18:55,289 --> 00:18:57,856
That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
635
00:18:57,925 --> 00:18:58,624
Yeah.
636
00:18:58,692 --> 00:19:01,293
I had his cock in my mouth, so...
637
00:19:01,362 --> 00:19:02,594
Steve, please?
638
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,696
Everybody, get the hell out.
639
00:19:04,765 --> 00:19:06,298
Of here, please?
640
00:19:06,366 --> 00:19:07,733
Guys!
641
00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:11,637
Guys.
642
00:19:11,706 --> 00:19:13,272
Close the door...
643
00:19:13,341 --> 00:19:14,607
I'll clean him up.
644
00:19:14,675 --> 00:19:17,209
I'll help.
645
00:19:17,278 --> 00:19:21,146
We'll double you up next time.
646
00:19:21,215 --> 00:19:23,215
[laughter]
647
00:19:34,295 --> 00:19:37,262
Because we are
648
00:19:37,331 --> 00:19:39,531
We are shining stars
649
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,666
We are invincible
650
00:19:41,735 --> 00:19:44,002
We are who we are
651
00:19:44,070 --> 00:19:45,570
On our darkest day
652
00:19:45,638 --> 00:19:46,504
[laughing]
653
00:19:46,573 --> 00:19:48,706
When we're Miles away
654
00:19:48,775 --> 00:19:49,674
So we'll come
655
00:19:49,742 --> 00:19:53,343
We will find our way home
656
00:19:53,412 --> 00:19:55,612
If you're lost and alone
657
00:19:55,681 --> 00:19:57,848
Or you're sinking like a stone
658
00:19:57,917 --> 00:19:59,016
Bye, Wendy.
659
00:19:59,085 --> 00:20:02,520
Carry on
660
00:20:02,589 --> 00:20:04,922
May your past be the sound of
661
00:20:04,991 --> 00:20:06,791
Your feet upon the ground
662
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:11,229
And carry on
663
00:20:11,298 --> 00:20:15,967
Whoa, whoa, whoa
664
00:20:16,035 --> 00:20:18,602
[laughter]
665
00:20:23,460 --> 00:20:26,028
That... that was a good day.
666
00:20:26,096 --> 00:20:27,429
That was good.
667
00:20:27,497 --> 00:20:28,864
[Sighs]
668
00:20:28,932 --> 00:20:29,698
I feel great.
669
00:20:29,766 --> 00:20:34,003
I feel... I feel kind,
generous, compassionate.
670
00:20:34,070 --> 00:20:39,642
I'm a good guy.
671
00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:42,511
This is gonna work out great for me.
672
00:20:42,579 --> 00:20:45,447
Billy's gonna be the best wingman ever.
673
00:20:45,499 --> 00:20:46,866
Girls are gonna be like, "oh",
674
00:20:46,950 --> 00:20:49,451
you brought your friend in
the "wheelchair, did you?"
675
00:20:49,519 --> 00:20:51,486
And I go, "oh, he's more than a friend.
676
00:20:51,538 --> 00:20:52,821
He's my best friend."
677
00:20:52,873 --> 00:20:55,958
Oh, we're gonna get special
treatment wherever we go.
678
00:20:56,009 --> 00:20:57,793
The parking's gonna be amazing.
679
00:20:57,861 --> 00:20:59,345
The toilets are gonna be great!
680
00:20:59,429 --> 00:21:00,796
We'll be at a ballgame, and
681
00:21:00,864 --> 00:21:04,099
people will just get out of the
way... just, "here they come!"
682
00:21:04,167 --> 00:21:06,569
The cripple and his friend, the good guy!
683
00:21:06,636 --> 00:21:08,137
"Everyone, out of the way!"
684
00:21:08,205 --> 00:21:10,806
And I'll be like, "no,
don't worry about us.
685
00:21:10,874 --> 00:21:13,542
We're okay. We can make it on our own."
686
00:21:13,610 --> 00:21:15,611
"No, you can't! You're special!
687
00:21:15,679 --> 00:21:17,546
You need special treatment!"
688
00:21:17,614 --> 00:21:20,449
And I'll be like, "thank you for noticing.
689
00:21:20,517 --> 00:21:23,652
Have sex with me."
690
00:21:23,703 --> 00:21:26,539
No woman's gonna ever be able to refuse!
691
00:21:26,623 --> 00:21:29,391
[Siren wailing]
692
00:21:29,459 --> 00:21:30,993
Ah, shit.
693
00:21:44,374 --> 00:21:46,208
Is there a problem, officer?
694
00:21:57,887 --> 00:22:00,656
There's no problem here, son.
695
00:22:00,724 --> 00:22:04,526
You're an extraordinary young man.
696
00:22:04,594 --> 00:22:06,562
With extraordinary abilities, Sir.
697
00:22:06,630 --> 00:22:07,546
Right on.
698
00:22:09,633 --> 00:22:13,385
["Home is not places" plays]
699
00:22:13,470 --> 00:22:17,806
Feel it burn in my soul
700
00:22:17,874 --> 00:22:20,809
I'm gonna get so much pussy.
701
00:22:20,877 --> 00:22:28,617
Like a wound that is exposed
702
00:22:28,642 --> 00:22:33,642
Sync & corrections by No1 and chamallow
www.addic7ed.com
703
00:22:33,692 --> 00:22:38,242
Repair and Synchronization by
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