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1
00:00:00,679 --> 00:00:02,578
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
plays)
2
00:00:02,712 --> 00:00:03,877
(beer can pops open)
DEE: Oh, yeah.
3
00:00:04,012 --> 00:00:06,249
These are going down real smooth
now.
4
00:00:06,383 --> 00:00:08,489
MAC: Dee, slow down.
You're on pace to drink 130
5
00:00:08,623 --> 00:00:10,259
beers.
FRANK: Don't ruin this for
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00:00:10,393 --> 00:00:12,830
me, Deandra.
This could be the last chance I
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00:00:12,964 --> 00:00:15,081
got to do something great in my
life.
8
00:00:15,201 --> 00:00:17,442
You jerks are just all mad
'cause I'm gonna be the one to
9
00:00:17,575 --> 00:00:20,341
shatter Boss Hogg's drinking
record.
10
00:00:20,474 --> 00:00:23,176
DENNIS: Dee, Boss Hogg was a
big, fat redneck from The Dukes
11
00:00:23,377 --> 00:00:25,784
of Hazzard.
Wade Boggs is a Hall of Fame
12
00:00:25,919 --> 00:00:27,518
third baseman.
CHARLIE: Yeah, it's Wade
13
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,922
Boggs's drinking record, okay?
The man's a legend.
14
00:00:30,057 --> 00:00:32,296
He drank 50 beers on a
cross-country flight and then
15
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,832
absolutely destroyed the Seattle
Mariners the next day, okay?
16
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:37,065
That's why we're doing this, to
honor his memory, okay?
17
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:39,639
May he rest in peace.
First off, Wade Boggs is very
18
00:00:39,774 --> 00:00:42,379
much alive.
Secondly, the number of beers is
19
00:00:42,515 --> 00:00:45,684
actually highly disputed.
Some say 50, some teammates said
20
00:00:45,818 --> 00:00:48,459
60, some said as many as 70
beers.
21
00:00:48,593 --> 00:00:50,995
Which, to be honest, is an
absolutely insane amount of
22
00:00:51,129 --> 00:00:52,698
beer.
Nobody can drink that much.
23
00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:54,504
FRANK: Not with an attitude
like that.
24
00:00:54,639 --> 00:00:57,144
Perhaps we're taking this a
little bit too seriously?
25
00:00:57,279 --> 00:00:59,159
Absolutely we're not, okay?
The man is a legend.
26
00:00:59,215 --> 00:01:01,049
That's why we're doing this, all
right?
27
00:01:01,184 --> 00:01:03,152
To honor his memory.
Rest in peace, Wade.
28
00:01:03,287 --> 00:01:06,094
Again, he is still alive.
29
00:01:07,039 --> 00:01:17,211
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
30
00:01:31,774 --> 00:01:34,344
Always sticking me with the
nerds.
31
00:01:34,478 --> 00:01:36,144
(call button chimes)
32
00:01:36,279 --> 00:01:37,280
Yes, ma'am?
33
00:01:37,415 --> 00:01:38,549
Uh, actually, I can, uh,
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00:01:38,683 --> 00:01:39,383
handle this one.
35
00:01:39,518 --> 00:01:40,384
We'll be sharing the in-flight
36
00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:41,384
call system today.
37
00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:42,384
Excuse me?
38
00:01:42,518 --> 00:01:43,384
Oh, sorry, let me explain.
39
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,386
We're doing a Wade Boggs-type
40
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:45,388
thing, and that makes me sort of
41
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,389
the Commissioner Bud Selig of
42
00:01:46,524 --> 00:01:47,789
the group.
43
00:01:47,990 --> 00:01:50,389
Oh, you're the commissioner now?
44
00:01:50,522 --> 00:01:52,357
Well, somebody's gotta keep
the game fair and everybody
45
00:01:52,493 --> 00:01:54,334
invested, okay, Dee?
He didn't win the chugging
46
00:01:54,461 --> 00:01:56,529
contest.
Two more beers, please.
47
00:01:56,663 --> 00:01:58,830
Actually, ma'am, we're about
to take off, so we're gonna need
48
00:01:58,964 --> 00:02:00,667
you to stow your tray table.
Yay.
49
00:02:00,801 --> 00:02:02,441
Let me take that and throw it
out for you.
50
00:02:02,536 --> 00:02:04,136
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but just give me a second.
51
00:02:04,271 --> 00:02:08,506
Okay? Just give me a second?
There you go.
52
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,341
Great.
(Dee belches)
53
00:02:10,475 --> 00:02:12,277
Hold on. Hold on.
54
00:02:16,818 --> 00:02:18,717
Ugh!
Ouch!
55
00:02:18,851 --> 00:02:22,154
It's... really cold.
Man, Dee...
56
00:02:22,289 --> 00:02:23,993
(Dee belches)
Oh, God.
57
00:02:24,128 --> 00:02:25,864
You really have to slow down a
little bit.
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00:02:25,998 --> 00:02:29,266
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
plays)
59
00:02:39,646 --> 00:02:41,347
Can I get you something to
drink?
60
00:02:41,481 --> 00:02:43,349
Yeah, I'll just get a beer,
please.
61
00:02:43,484 --> 00:02:45,883
(whispering): Hey, Frank.
I'm a little concerned about
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00:02:46,018 --> 00:02:48,138
this frat boy over here.
There's only so many beers on
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00:02:48,219 --> 00:02:50,857
the flight.
FRANK: I'll take care of him.
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00:02:50,991 --> 00:02:52,891
For you, sir?
Excuse me, miss?
65
00:02:53,026 --> 00:02:54,559
Mm-hmm.
Um, actually, yeah... how
66
00:02:54,694 --> 00:02:56,459
many beers are we allowed to
order at once?
67
00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:58,360
I'm not sure.
No one has ever asked that
68
00:02:58,494 --> 00:03:00,127
before.
Okay, great, so there's no
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00:03:00,261 --> 00:03:01,981
rule on that.
Uh, why don't you give me six,
70
00:03:02,061 --> 00:03:03,760
then, please?
How about you make it an even
71
00:03:03,895 --> 00:03:05,629
dozen?
How about I start you with
72
00:03:05,763 --> 00:03:07,700
two apiece and then we just take
it from there?
73
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,735
Sure, if you want to be
lugging beers back and forth the
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00:03:09,870 --> 00:03:11,904
entire flight.
I guess that's, uh, up to you.
75
00:03:12,039 --> 00:03:14,940
I'll be taking care of
everybody on the Boggs account.
76
00:03:15,075 --> 00:03:18,746
Oh, and by the way, do you sell
condoms?
77
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,784
No, I'm afraid we don't.
Aw...
78
00:03:21,918 --> 00:03:23,653
Yeah.
I'll have to figure something
79
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,222
else out.
Got it.
80
00:03:25,356 --> 00:03:28,394
Thank you so much.
Hey... Frank.
81
00:03:28,528 --> 00:03:31,064
Mmm?
What's with the condom thing?
82
00:03:31,198 --> 00:03:33,968
You think the Boggs record is
the only one I'm going for?
83
00:03:34,102 --> 00:03:38,908
I'm gonna become the first-ever
member of the Air Sex Society.
84
00:03:39,042 --> 00:03:40,811
Okay.
What is that?
85
00:03:40,945 --> 00:03:43,146
That means I'm gonna be
plowing somebody in the bathroom
86
00:03:43,247 --> 00:03:45,751
before this plane lands.
Right, but do you think you
87
00:03:45,885 --> 00:03:47,588
just made that up?
Because that's already a thing.
88
00:03:47,722 --> 00:03:49,623
It's called the Mile High Club.
People have been doing it since
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00:03:49,757 --> 00:03:51,823
planes have been around.
That name sucks.
90
00:03:51,958 --> 00:03:55,696
I'll tell you what, though.
I will make you a bet that I
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00:03:55,830 --> 00:03:58,600
plow somebody on this fight,
somewhere other than the
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00:03:58,735 --> 00:04:01,102
bathroom, before we hit the
Great Lakes.
93
00:04:01,237 --> 00:04:02,937
I'll take that bet.
Yeah?
94
00:04:03,071 --> 00:04:04,771
Whoa, whoa.
Did I hear you guys talking
95
00:04:04,906 --> 00:04:06,472
about a bet?
There's no betting, okay?
96
00:04:06,607 --> 00:04:08,287
That compromises the integrity
of the game.
97
00:04:08,308 --> 00:04:09,976
It's got nothing to do
with the Wade Boggs thing.
98
00:04:10,111 --> 00:04:11,512
It doesn't matter, okay, guys?
99
00:04:11,646 --> 00:04:13,214
That's a rule, and as
commissioner, you have to obey
100
00:04:13,348 --> 00:04:15,315
me.
Right, Commissioner.
101
00:04:15,449 --> 00:04:17,849
Go get me another beer.
Okay, I will, but... not
102
00:04:17,984 --> 00:04:19,850
because you told me to, but
because I'm commissioner and
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00:04:19,985 --> 00:04:21,786
that's my job.
104
00:04:25,427 --> 00:04:29,729
You're on.
105
00:04:29,864 --> 00:04:33,402
(Dee snoring)
Pathetic.
106
00:04:35,604 --> 00:04:42,409
29... beers.
(call button chimes)
107
00:04:42,544 --> 00:04:44,512
How can I help you?
Hmm? Oh.
108
00:04:44,647 --> 00:04:46,213
Hey-oh!
This is my guy.
109
00:04:46,348 --> 00:04:47,981
Yeah.
Hey, I got a couple more for
110
00:04:48,116 --> 00:04:49,596
you, bud, so just grab 'em.
Oh, great.
111
00:04:49,651 --> 00:04:51,587
Actually, while you're here,
could I have a rum and Coke,
112
00:04:51,721 --> 00:04:53,356
please?
Uh, oh, uh... hold on one
113
00:04:53,491 --> 00:04:55,159
second.
It's a beer-drinking contest,
114
00:04:55,293 --> 00:04:56,896
Charlie.
No, that's cool, I'm still
115
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,398
doing the Boggs thing, but you
know what?
116
00:04:58,533 --> 00:05:00,168
A stiff cocktail would go good
with my chicken, so...
117
00:05:00,302 --> 00:05:01,901
Why are you filling up with
chicken?
118
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,516
Do you know anything about
Wade Boggs?
119
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:05,070
The man ate a chicken before
every game, all right?
120
00:05:05,204 --> 00:05:06,904
That's why they called him the
Chicken Man.
121
00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:09,272
Man batted .328 lifetime.
I'm sure he ate some rum and
122
00:05:09,407 --> 00:05:11,208
Cokes, too, all right?
(chuckles)
123
00:05:11,342 --> 00:05:12,710
You just said "ate rum and
Cokes."
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00:05:12,844 --> 00:05:14,677
You're getting a little buzzed.
You shouldn't be drinking hard
125
00:05:14,812 --> 00:05:16,252
alcohol.
No, I said one rum and Coke.
126
00:05:16,347 --> 00:05:17,679
Just one, please.
Make it a double, though.
127
00:05:17,814 --> 00:05:20,911
Hey-oh!
Mama needs another pop, pop
128
00:05:21,046 --> 00:05:23,778
Hey, pop, soda pop, soda pop,
soda pop, soda pop, nah...
129
00:05:23,913 --> 00:05:25,913
What are you doing?
Why are you dancing around like
130
00:05:25,915 --> 00:05:27,685
a jackass?
Wade Boggs would roll in his
131
00:05:27,819 --> 00:05:29,454
grave if he could see your
behavior.
132
00:05:29,588 --> 00:05:31,687
Wade Boggs is alive.
Huh?
133
00:05:31,821 --> 00:05:33,623
He lives in Tampa, Florida.
He's in his early 50s.
134
00:05:33,757 --> 00:05:35,125
And you... where did you come
from?
135
00:05:35,259 --> 00:05:36,860
You were just passed out two
minutes ago.
136
00:05:36,928 --> 00:05:39,697
I know it, I was, and then I
popped a couple of these babies.
137
00:05:39,832 --> 00:05:42,971
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the hell are those, Dee?
138
00:05:43,105 --> 00:05:45,072
Greenies. Uppers.
Vtt! Feel like I got a rocket
139
00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:47,076
up my ass.
These guys find out
140
00:05:47,210 --> 00:05:49,079
that you're taking
performance-enhancing drugs,
141
00:05:49,214 --> 00:05:51,083
the integrity of the game
is completely compromised,
142
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,085
all right?
Shit.
143
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,322
As the Bud Selig of the
group, it's my job to quietly
144
00:05:55,458 --> 00:05:57,727
sweep this under the rug before
anybody finds out.
145
00:05:57,861 --> 00:05:59,460
You know, Commissioner, you
just... you kind of just lost
146
00:05:59,595 --> 00:06:01,295
the chugging contest...
Go.
147
00:06:01,430 --> 00:06:04,500
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
plays)
148
00:06:06,772 --> 00:06:09,908
Hey!
You know, I actually went to
149
00:06:10,043 --> 00:06:13,277
school at the same college, your
alma mater, in 1966.
150
00:06:13,412 --> 00:06:15,179
Yeah?
Yeah, here, have a beer, huh?
151
00:06:15,313 --> 00:06:16,915
It's like...
Oh, that's nice of you.
152
00:06:17,050 --> 00:06:19,819
Yeah, yeah, good, yeah.
Drink up.
153
00:06:19,953 --> 00:06:21,952
Frank?
Did you just buy frat boy a
154
00:06:22,086 --> 00:06:23,950
beer?
Don't worry about it.
155
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,952
I laced it with sleeping pills.
He's gonna be out like a light
156
00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:29,187
in two minutes.
That is some diabolical shit,
157
00:06:29,321 --> 00:06:30,954
dude.
Ow...!
158
00:06:31,088 --> 00:06:32,956
(Dennis laughs)
So what's going on with the sex
159
00:06:33,090 --> 00:06:34,524
moves?
I've been laying chum up and
160
00:06:34,658 --> 00:06:36,259
down this plane.
Yeah, I-I know.
161
00:06:36,393 --> 00:06:38,261
I've noticed.
Yeah, I've got my prey picked
162
00:06:38,395 --> 00:06:39,862
out.
I'm just waiting for the right
163
00:06:39,997 --> 00:06:41,757
moment to pounce.
What are you talking about?
164
00:06:41,797 --> 00:06:43,462
You haven't moved an inch.
You're just drinking.
165
00:06:43,597 --> 00:06:45,467
Oh, is that what you think?
Mm-hmm.
166
00:06:45,601 --> 00:06:48,004
Frank, of the 206 passengers
on this flight, 98 of them are
167
00:06:48,138 --> 00:06:53,676
women, but only one of them is a
suitable candidate: 44G.
168
00:06:53,810 --> 00:06:57,610
Notice how she glances forlornly
at the empty seat next to her.
169
00:06:57,745 --> 00:07:00,880
It was meant for someone
special.
170
00:07:01,015 --> 00:07:03,684
And the tan line on her ring
finger suggests the wound is
171
00:07:03,819 --> 00:07:07,187
still fresh, leaving her
vulnerable.
172
00:07:07,321 --> 00:07:09,658
Furthermore, when we hit
turbulence earlier, she giggled,
173
00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:12,158
telling me she's a bit of a
thrill seeker.
174
00:07:12,293 --> 00:07:14,961
You think she offed the guy
and went on the run?
175
00:07:15,096 --> 00:07:17,530
Pretty tough to lay low in a
dress like that.
176
00:07:17,664 --> 00:07:21,298
Granted, it's not a particularly
remarkable garment.
177
00:07:21,432 --> 00:07:23,864
It's from the J.Crew Spring 2012
collection.
178
00:07:23,999 --> 00:07:26,733
Although, it is a bit much for
an airplane.
179
00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:29,108
Furthermore, if she were
standing, you'd notice she's got
180
00:07:29,139 --> 00:07:32,006
no panty line, giving me about
five extra seconds to enter her
181
00:07:32,140 --> 00:07:36,377
swiftly before she realizes I am
not the answer to her problems.
182
00:07:36,512 --> 00:07:40,880
(laughs)
I'll tell you my tastes lie a
183
00:07:41,015 --> 00:07:46,986
little bit more in 39F.
No.
184
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,090
No, thank you, Frank.
No, her blouse is covered in
185
00:07:50,224 --> 00:07:52,828
cigarette burns.
And I imagine underneath that
186
00:07:52,963 --> 00:07:55,244
blouse, you'll find copious
amounts of road rash, probably
187
00:07:55,332 --> 00:07:57,998
sustained in some sort of
off-roading accident, which
188
00:07:58,132 --> 00:08:02,573
would also explain her limp.
Although, something tells me the
189
00:08:02,708 --> 00:08:04,776
two are unrelated.
Either way, she's North Dakota
190
00:08:04,910 --> 00:08:07,044
trash through and through and
far beneath a gentleman such as
191
00:08:07,178 --> 00:08:09,945
myself.
Uh, miss?
192
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,879
Six more beers.
193
00:08:15,689 --> 00:08:18,224
(groans)
Hey-oh!
194
00:08:18,358 --> 00:08:20,827
Ah, there we go. Yeah.
Hey, listen, Charlie?
195
00:08:20,962 --> 00:08:22,928
Yeah.
I need you to start a
196
00:08:23,063 --> 00:08:26,130
McGwire/Sosa-like rivalry with
Dee.
197
00:08:26,264 --> 00:08:28,263
Look, I think you're getting,
like, too worked up about this
198
00:08:28,398 --> 00:08:30,267
thing.
Can we just drink the beer and
199
00:08:30,401 --> 00:08:32,281
hang out, you know?
Well, here-here's the thing.
200
00:08:32,403 --> 00:08:34,271
The game seems to be getting a
little bit off the rails.
201
00:08:34,406 --> 00:08:36,275
Frank and Dennis are super
distracted and Dee is kind of
202
00:08:36,410 --> 00:08:38,370
just running away with it.
Boggsy didn't drink six
203
00:08:38,413 --> 00:08:40,773
gallons of beer because he was
obsessed with, like, breaking
204
00:08:40,814 --> 00:08:42,948
some record.
You know what I mean?
205
00:08:43,083 --> 00:08:46,087
He did it 'cause he was just,
like, thirsty, you know?
206
00:08:46,222 --> 00:08:48,262
And looking to pass the time.
Yeah, but I can sell a
207
00:08:48,288 --> 00:08:50,820
rivalry, all right?
What I can't sell is... 27
208
00:08:50,955 --> 00:08:52,821
beers.
What-what am I gonna do with 27
209
00:08:52,956 --> 00:08:54,824
beers?
Who-who cares about 27 beers?
210
00:08:54,959 --> 00:08:56,824
We're not selling anything.
Like, I think you're taking
211
00:08:56,959 --> 00:08:58,824
the commissioner thing way...
Look, you lost the chugging
212
00:08:58,959 --> 00:09:00,826
contest, man.
It's not a big deal.
213
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,827
Why did you make me Bud Selig
if you didn't...?
214
00:09:02,962 --> 00:09:04,828
Nobody did.
You just started saying that.
215
00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:06,828
Look, I got empties for you.
Just take those and don't, like,
216
00:09:06,962 --> 00:09:08,828
put so much pressure on
yourself over...
217
00:09:08,962 --> 00:09:11,431
Attention, passengers.
This is your captain, Boss Hogg,
218
00:09:11,566 --> 00:09:13,801
speaking.
And this cold slice of heaven is
219
00:09:13,935 --> 00:09:17,034
my 40th beer of the afternoon.
So any of you dicknips think you
220
00:09:17,169 --> 00:09:20,641
can slug it down faster than me,
you're welcome to get your fat
221
00:09:20,776 --> 00:09:22,641
asses up here to try. Uh-uh!
Yeah, no.
222
00:09:22,775 --> 00:09:24,643
Uh-uh!
Put your...
223
00:09:24,778 --> 00:09:26,645
Uh-uh!
Oh, I'm gonna need that.
224
00:09:26,779 --> 00:09:28,647
Ah, you... whatever.
Okay.
225
00:09:28,781 --> 00:09:30,717
The Boggs group is cut off.
(Mac groans)
226
00:09:30,851 --> 00:09:32,718
What? Aw, dude.
That's not good.
227
00:09:32,853 --> 00:09:34,718
I can't stop drinking now.
Damn it!
228
00:09:34,852 --> 00:09:37,119
I'll probably die, dude.
I'm running low, too. Shit.
229
00:09:37,253 --> 00:09:40,125
Okay, luckily I came prepared.
Oh, yeah?
230
00:09:40,259 --> 00:09:42,326
Yeah.
Charlie, we're not on a
231
00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:45,632
wide-body DC-10 for nothing.
Right. We bought tickets.
232
00:09:45,766 --> 00:09:48,568
Well, yes, but we chose a
wide-body DC-10 on purpose.
233
00:09:48,702 --> 00:09:51,570
That's what I was...
To get up in the sky.
234
00:09:51,705 --> 00:09:55,140
Let me walk you through it.
I got a hundred extra beers in a
235
00:09:55,275 --> 00:09:57,741
checked bag, okay?
Now, according to movies like
236
00:09:57,943 --> 00:10:00,344
Executive Decision and
Passenger 57, there is a secret
237
00:10:00,478 --> 00:10:03,079
hatch on every plane that allows
me to travel freely throughout
238
00:10:03,214 --> 00:10:05,814
the aircraft.
Well, everybody knows that.
239
00:10:05,949 --> 00:10:08,818
Yeah, so I just got to find
my right time to get down there.
240
00:10:08,952 --> 00:10:10,872
I think you can probably go,
like, anytime, yeah.
241
00:10:10,951 --> 00:10:12,818
Or just do it... just
right now, right?
242
00:10:12,952 --> 00:10:14,820
This stewardess is, like,
not on the ball.
243
00:10:14,955 --> 00:10:17,259
Okay, yeah.
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
244
00:10:17,393 --> 00:10:19,592
plays)
245
00:10:23,829 --> 00:10:25,762
Oh!
Hey-oh!
246
00:10:25,897 --> 00:10:27,764
Geez. Why isn't the door
locked, Frank?
247
00:10:27,898 --> 00:10:30,034
I'm posting up.
Half the battle is getting them
248
00:10:30,168 --> 00:10:32,503
to follow you to the bathroom.
This way, I'm sitting here.
249
00:10:32,638 --> 00:10:35,004
It's like lambs to the
slaughter.
250
00:10:35,139 --> 00:10:38,537
Aah! What's happening to me?!
(passengers gasp)
251
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:42,239
Some-something is wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen, if
252
00:10:42,374 --> 00:10:45,112
there's a doctor on board,
please press your call button.
253
00:10:45,247 --> 00:10:48,780
Dude, how many sleeping pills
did you give that kid?
254
00:10:48,914 --> 00:10:52,187
I don't know-- seven? 12?
(stammers) 12?!
255
00:10:52,321 --> 00:10:54,188
Yeah! What? You told me to
take care of him.
256
00:10:54,322 --> 00:10:56,190
I didn't tell you to kill him.
257
00:10:56,324 --> 00:10:58,324
Well, you better go do
something; otherwise they're
258
00:10:58,328 --> 00:11:00,193
gonna have to make an emergency
landing and this whole thing's
259
00:11:00,328 --> 00:11:02,195
gonna be screwed!
Ah, shit! (grunts)
260
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,465
Uh, what seems to be the
problem here?
261
00:11:04,599 --> 00:11:07,799
Are you a doctor?
Mantis Toboggan, MD.
262
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:11,468
You want this young man to live,
you're gonna have to give me
263
00:11:11,603 --> 00:11:15,204
some aspirin, a roll of duct
tape, a bag of peanuts and four
264
00:11:15,339 --> 00:11:19,573
beers.
265
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:35,262
Jackpot.
(hatch opens)
266
00:11:35,397 --> 00:11:37,565
(indistinct chatter)
267
00:11:42,238 --> 00:11:45,243
Speed it up a little bit, honey?
268
00:11:45,377 --> 00:11:48,746
Ooh. Wow!
(laughing): Yeah!
269
00:11:48,881 --> 00:11:51,518
Oh, you really know your way
around.
270
00:11:51,652 --> 00:11:53,521
Well, if I've learned
anything from films like
271
00:11:53,723 --> 00:11:56,123
Executive Decision or Passenger57, there's always a way into
272
00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:58,661
the cargo hold.
You're weird.
273
00:11:58,795 --> 00:12:00,765
You have no idea.
Oh...
274
00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:02,769
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Nothing with my lips, all right?
275
00:12:02,903 --> 00:12:04,703
Okay.
I won't do that with you.
276
00:12:04,823 --> 00:12:08,107
Mind if I take a pill?
Yeah, sure, take a pill.
277
00:12:08,242 --> 00:12:12,811
Okay.
(sniffs)
278
00:12:12,945 --> 00:12:15,782
All right, well, that's
happening.
279
00:12:15,916 --> 00:12:17,815
(grunting)
Now, just do that.
280
00:12:17,949 --> 00:12:20,216
That's a boy!
Is it really necessary to
281
00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:23,453
restrain him like this?
You can never be too careful
282
00:12:23,587 --> 00:12:26,956
with altitude sickness.
One time, this broad chewed
283
00:12:27,090 --> 00:12:32,127
through the fuselage of a 747!
Luckily, I'm a pilot, too.
284
00:12:32,261 --> 00:12:37,197
I inverted the bird and landed
her safely in an open field.
285
00:12:37,331 --> 00:12:39,968
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna need to see some
286
00:12:40,102 --> 00:12:43,037
identification.
You don't think I'm a pilot?
287
00:12:43,172 --> 00:12:45,574
I don't think you're a doctor.
288
00:12:45,708 --> 00:12:50,883
That is a serious accusation!
You've had 14 beers.
289
00:12:51,017 --> 00:12:54,418
You don't know that.
It's written on your shirt.
290
00:12:54,553 --> 00:12:58,157
(grunts)
How would you like to go to
291
00:12:58,292 --> 00:13:00,692
the bathroom with me?
I got to go.
292
00:13:00,827 --> 00:13:03,898
You and me?
Well, Frank, I have
293
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,736
singlehandedly pushed the limits
of high-altitude eroticism.
294
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,739
You banged her?
Yeah.
295
00:13:08,874 --> 00:13:10,741
What happened to the classy
broad?
296
00:13:10,876 --> 00:13:13,444
Oh, happily married. Yeah.
Turns out she takes her ring off
297
00:13:13,579 --> 00:13:16,250
when she flies because her
fingers swell. Yeah.
298
00:13:16,385 --> 00:13:18,745
But it-it's all good, Frank.
You know, hey, turns out Boggs,
299
00:13:18,850 --> 00:13:20,786
he didn't hit it out of the park
every single time at bat.
300
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,789
Mm-hmm.
He just tried to get the ball
301
00:13:22,923 --> 00:13:25,204
in play and hope that he could
squeak it through the hole.
302
00:13:25,224 --> 00:13:27,194
And I just, uh, squeaked it
through multiple holes if you
303
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:30,098
know what I'm saying.
Don't you!
304
00:13:30,233 --> 00:13:32,635
Ladies and gentlemen, please
fasten your seat belts as we
305
00:13:32,769 --> 00:13:35,138
begin our initial decent into
North Dakota.
306
00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:37,152
Oh, shit. Well, you know, you
heard the captain.
307
00:13:37,273 --> 00:13:39,141
On your bike.
I wish I could just sit with
308
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:41,144
you.
Yeah. Hmm.
309
00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:43,713
But, you know, there's already a
guy in the seat, so...
310
00:13:43,847 --> 00:13:47,654
Oh. Excuse me, Mr. Person,
would you mind switching seats
311
00:13:47,788 --> 00:13:50,321
so I could sit with my
boyfriend?
312
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:54,594
Thank you.
(laughs)
313
00:13:54,729 --> 00:13:58,464
(taps on seat)
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
314
00:13:58,598 --> 00:14:00,768
plays)
315
00:14:03,741 --> 00:14:07,807
Hello, Charlie.
Oh, shit!
316
00:14:07,942 --> 00:14:10,980
You're the ghost of Wade Boggs!
I'm not a ghost, Charlie.
317
00:14:11,114 --> 00:14:14,416
You're just hallucinating.
You've had over 30 beers, dude!
318
00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:16,850
Uh, you did? Nice, man.
You know, you're friend Mac
319
00:14:16,985 --> 00:14:18,853
is right.
Oh, yeah?
320
00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:21,489
I didn't win five batting
titles because it was fun.
321
00:14:21,624 --> 00:14:23,628
Right.
I won it because I wanted to
322
00:14:23,762 --> 00:14:26,199
be the best.
You see what I'm saying?
323
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,766
Nah, not really, man.
There's nothing more fun than
324
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,768
winning.
So, come on, drink up.
325
00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:32,840
All right.
I'll have one with you. Yeah.
326
00:14:32,974 --> 00:14:35,374
Nice! All right!
Let's do it, Boggs! Let's drink!
327
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:41,217
All right. Cheers!
Howdy, Dee.
328
00:14:41,351 --> 00:14:44,786
Well, what do you say, Boss?
Now, I know you're not
329
00:14:44,921 --> 00:14:46,956
quitting on me.
I need you to keep drinking
330
00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:49,356
those beers, so you can help me
stop them Duke boys from
331
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:53,060
spoiling all my crooked Hazzard
County schemes!
332
00:14:53,194 --> 00:14:56,395
You got it, Boss Hoss.
333
00:15:04,647 --> 00:15:07,216
All right!
Well, here we are-- beautiful
334
00:15:07,350 --> 00:15:09,817
North Dakota.
Hope you brought a coat 'cause
335
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,988
it looks cold as shit out there.
I don't live in North Dakota.
336
00:15:13,124 --> 00:15:16,494
You're going to L.A.?
About 200 miles inland-- the
337
00:15:16,629 --> 00:15:19,197
Salton Sea.
My family has a tilapia farm
338
00:15:19,331 --> 00:15:22,333
there.
Goddamn.
339
00:15:22,468 --> 00:15:27,174
Good. Good for them.
Will you excuse me for a minute?
340
00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:30,576
Sure.
(indistinct announcement)
341
00:15:30,711 --> 00:15:33,181
Dennis, Dennis?
Huh?
342
00:15:33,316 --> 00:15:35,652
Where you going?
Oh, uh, I mistook that girl
343
00:15:35,787 --> 00:15:38,320
for Great Plains trash.
She's actually desert trash.
344
00:15:38,454 --> 00:15:40,854
I should've picked up on the
multiple gecko tattoos, so this,
345
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:43,358
this is kind of on me.
Either way, I'd rather stay in
346
00:15:43,493 --> 00:15:46,013
this barren wasteland of a state
than spend one more minute with
347
00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:48,495
that filth.
I'll see you back in Philly.
348
00:15:48,629 --> 00:15:51,833
Wait, wait, Dennis.
Don't go.
349
00:15:58,412 --> 00:16:00,614
Now you can go.
350
00:16:05,853 --> 00:16:07,722
Come on! Drink! Drink!
You guys can do it!
351
00:16:07,857 --> 00:16:09,725
You guys are gonna make it!
I can't believe what we are
352
00:16:09,859 --> 00:16:11,726
witnessing here.
We are making history here,
353
00:16:11,860 --> 00:16:14,229
people!
We're making history!
354
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,463
Beer me, baby.
You're 40 beers back, bitch!
355
00:16:16,597 --> 00:16:18,596
Just sit back and enjoy the
show.
356
00:16:18,731 --> 00:16:21,133
Well, I'm tired of people
telling me what I can't do.
357
00:16:21,267 --> 00:16:23,970
They say I can't drink on a
plane.
358
00:16:24,105 --> 00:16:26,406
They say I can't bang on a
plane.
359
00:16:26,540 --> 00:16:29,643
They'll say I can't be a pilot.
I can't be a doctor.
360
00:16:29,777 --> 00:16:32,276
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it right in front
361
00:16:32,411 --> 00:16:34,378
of your face.
I'm gonna chug 15 beers right
362
00:16:34,513 --> 00:16:40,922
now.
Oh, that's so cold.
363
00:16:41,057 --> 00:16:45,561
Beer's cold.
(grunts)
364
00:16:45,695 --> 00:16:47,866
There's a...
365
00:16:51,639 --> 00:16:53,841
All right.
366
00:16:58,110 --> 00:17:00,109
Instant rebuff.
367
00:17:02,311 --> 00:17:07,950
Just leave me here.
(electronic bell chimes)
368
00:17:11,751 --> 00:17:13,917
Okay, guys, here we go.
Almost there! Almost there!
369
00:17:14,052 --> 00:17:17,183
Wake up! Perk up! Perk up!
Guys, we're at 70 beers.
370
00:17:17,317 --> 00:17:19,186
That means one more to break the
record.
371
00:17:19,321 --> 00:17:21,186
Come on.
Come on, you can do it!
372
00:17:21,321 --> 00:17:23,453
Let's go! Chug it! Chug it!
Come on, come on, you can do it.
373
00:17:23,587 --> 00:17:26,627
You can do it!
I believe in you!
374
00:17:26,761 --> 00:17:29,101
Yeah!
Yeah, Dee, go!
375
00:17:29,235 --> 00:17:32,475
I did it!
71 beers! Holy shit!
376
00:17:32,609 --> 00:17:34,945
I'm the king.
I'm the king, Boss Hogg.
377
00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:37,479
But you're not done yet.
(both groan)
378
00:17:37,614 --> 00:17:39,981
Yeah, no. Uh, Boggs didn't just
drink enough beer to kill a
379
00:17:40,115 --> 00:17:41,983
horse.
He also suited up the next day
380
00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:43,987
and went three for five, so
you're gonna have to do that.
381
00:17:44,122 --> 00:17:45,990
I can do it, but just give me
the bat. I can't get it...
382
00:17:46,124 --> 00:17:48,493
Yeah, totally.
All right, uh... where's Dee?
383
00:17:48,627 --> 00:17:50,731
She took a ride on the carousel.
384
00:17:50,865 --> 00:17:53,068
What?
385
00:18:00,944 --> 00:18:02,410
Okay, here we go, Charlie.
386
00:18:02,544 --> 00:18:03,824
You got to go at least three for
387
00:18:03,878 --> 00:18:05,146
ten, all right?
388
00:18:05,281 --> 00:18:06,149
You ready?
389
00:18:06,283 --> 00:18:07,551
I got all numbers.
390
00:18:07,685 --> 00:18:08,552
Okay, I'm gonna put a little
391
00:18:08,686 --> 00:18:09,686
mustard on this one, all right?
392
00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:11,255
Give me the hot dog, baby!
393
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,628
All right.
394
00:18:42,867 --> 00:18:44,802
Holy shit, dude!
395
00:18:44,936 --> 00:18:46,803
You roped that!
396
00:18:46,938 --> 00:18:47,904
That's the Wade Boggs style!
397
00:18:48,038 --> 00:18:48,904
Wow!
398
00:18:49,039 --> 00:18:49,905
All right, give me another
399
00:18:50,039 --> 00:18:50,905
one.
400
00:18:51,039 --> 00:18:51,905
You know, that's the only
401
00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:52,906
ball I have, and I didn't expect
402
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,276
you to hit it that far.
403
00:18:54,411 --> 00:18:55,311
I really don't feel like going
404
00:18:55,445 --> 00:18:56,613
to get it.
405
00:18:56,747 --> 00:18:58,449
So, I'm the commissioner.
406
00:18:58,583 --> 00:18:59,484
I say you did it!
407
00:18:59,618 --> 00:19:00,485
Game on!
408
00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:01,486
Yeah!
409
00:19:01,620 --> 00:19:02,486
Hey, one for one-- that's
410
00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:03,620
batting a thousand, dude.
411
00:19:03,621 --> 00:19:04,501
That's baseball, baby!
412
00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:05,488
Yeah!
413
00:19:05,623 --> 00:19:06,490
(whoops)
414
00:19:06,624 --> 00:19:07,491
Nice work!
415
00:19:07,626 --> 00:19:08,493
Yeah!
416
00:19:08,627 --> 00:19:09,561
Hey, man?
417
00:19:09,695 --> 00:19:10,562
Yeah?
418
00:19:10,696 --> 00:19:11,856
(slurring): California U.S.A.
419
00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:14,429
It's kind of gloomy, huh?
420
00:19:14,564 --> 00:19:16,064
Yeah.
421
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:18,099
What do now?
422
00:19:18,234 --> 00:19:19,355
Well, if we hurry up, we can
423
00:19:19,436 --> 00:19:20,735
get back to the airport and get
424
00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:21,870
a red-eye back to Philly.
425
00:19:21,969 --> 00:19:23,068
They got chicken Philly?
426
00:19:23,201 --> 00:19:24,301
They got chicken, yeah!
427
00:19:24,435 --> 00:19:25,802
Hey, let's go grab a beer, huh?
428
00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:39,184
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
429
00:19:39,234 --> 00:19:43,784
Repair and Synchronization by
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