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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,968 --> 00:00:05,202 (phone alert) 2 00:00:18,916 --> 00:00:20,117 Yeah, I'd love a noon facial with David. 3 00:00:20,251 --> 00:00:22,553 Okay, is Lisa P. available? Manicure, pedicure? 4 00:00:22,687 --> 00:00:23,954 No, it has to be Lisa P. 5 00:00:24,089 --> 00:00:25,255 I'll take any appointment available. 6 00:00:25,423 --> 00:00:26,590 Oh, yeah, Lisa M. is fine. 7 00:00:26,691 --> 00:00:28,092 No, I will not see Philippe. 8 00:00:28,193 --> 00:00:30,513 Phillippe hurt me once and I think I complained about that. 9 00:00:37,702 --> 00:00:39,970 Kegels? 10 00:00:40,071 --> 00:00:42,472 Hmm... 11 00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:46,709 (speaking Korean) 12 00:00:46,810 --> 00:00:48,144 Disgusting. 13 00:00:48,278 --> 00:00:49,345 What are you guys talking about? 14 00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:51,013 Yeah, hi. 15 00:00:51,148 --> 00:00:52,982 I can't come in today. 16 00:00:53,117 --> 00:00:55,651 Well, then I quit. 17 00:00:58,455 --> 00:01:00,022 Do you wax? 18 00:01:03,226 --> 00:01:06,128 Okay... how's the asshole reshaping? 19 00:01:06,229 --> 00:01:08,097 Should I get a diamond or a heart? 20 00:01:08,231 --> 00:01:10,132 A four-leaf clover. 21 00:01:10,233 --> 00:01:13,468 I need all the luck I can get. 22 00:01:19,709 --> 00:01:21,243 Shit. 23 00:01:31,521 --> 00:01:34,722 Oh, hi! I thought you were coming later. 24 00:01:34,857 --> 00:01:38,225 Do you want to have sex with me? I do. 25 00:01:45,968 --> 00:01:48,369 Ugh... 26 00:01:48,704 --> 00:01:51,373 Oh. 27 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,207 Come on, bitch. 28 00:01:53,341 --> 00:01:55,509 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 29 00:01:55,644 --> 00:01:57,978 Oh, my God, so you get off holidays? 30 00:01:58,112 --> 00:01:59,547 (doorbell) 31 00:02:13,227 --> 00:02:14,961 (doorbell) 32 00:02:23,838 --> 00:02:26,772 33 00:02:26,797 --> 00:02:32,797 Sync && corrections by XhmikosR www.addic7ed.com 34 00:02:33,013 --> 00:02:35,948 Nothing's changed, everything is exactly the same. 35 00:02:36,116 --> 00:02:37,584 I get acupuncture now. 36 00:02:37,718 --> 00:02:39,985 That's a fancy, like, richer person thing, right? 37 00:02:40,087 --> 00:02:41,454 Thank you. She goes, "nice." 38 00:02:41,622 --> 00:02:45,124 I know, right? Acupuncture. 39 00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:47,259 I go to a nicer waxing place. 40 00:02:47,393 --> 00:02:49,128 A place where they, like, change the paper. 41 00:02:49,162 --> 00:02:51,897 I'm like, whoa! 42 00:02:51,998 --> 00:02:54,266 Am I the duchess of Deutschland? 43 00:02:54,367 --> 00:02:56,202 Like, how... 44 00:02:56,336 --> 00:02:58,303 There's, like, no blood on the paper. 45 00:02:58,438 --> 00:03:02,441 I'm like, whoa, what do I owe this... 46 00:03:02,575 --> 00:03:05,110 Make an acceptance speech. 47 00:03:05,245 --> 00:03:06,945 Acupuncture, waxing. 48 00:03:07,079 --> 00:03:09,348 Just like paying for more Asian people to hurt me. 49 00:03:09,482 --> 00:03:11,583 That's what happens. 50 00:03:11,718 --> 00:03:13,418 That's what happens with money. 51 00:03:14,220 --> 00:03:16,287 52 00:03:17,456 --> 00:03:19,457 Welcome to "Who's More Over Their Ex?" 53 00:03:19,591 --> 00:03:21,793 The game show where two contestants compete to prove 54 00:03:21,894 --> 00:03:23,128 they're doing totally fine. 55 00:03:23,262 --> 00:03:25,396 Let's meet our players, Amy and Julian. 56 00:03:25,530 --> 00:03:26,664 Come on out, guys. 57 00:03:26,799 --> 00:03:28,099 Welcome to the show. No. 58 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:29,968 Amy, tell us about your relationship. 59 00:03:30,102 --> 00:03:32,970 Oh, well, actually Aiden and I aren't broken up-broken up. 60 00:03:33,071 --> 00:03:35,906 We're just kind of on hiatus because he made out with 61 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,143 somebody at a party in front of me, and I totally overreacted. 62 00:03:39,244 --> 00:03:41,445 I tried to apologize, but it was too late. 63 00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:43,281 I already made things super weird. 64 00:03:43,382 --> 00:03:44,749 Pathetic. Julian. 65 00:03:44,916 --> 00:03:46,350 Oh... story's a little different. 66 00:03:46,485 --> 00:03:48,652 I was about to propose to Maggie. 67 00:03:48,787 --> 00:03:50,087 Who wouldn't, right? 68 00:03:50,255 --> 00:03:53,023 And then she, uh, decided to move to San Francisco. 69 00:03:53,124 --> 00:03:54,357 But it's cool. 70 00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:55,959 I have my own things going on, you know what I mean? 71 00:03:55,994 --> 00:03:57,795 I developed this new social networking app. 72 00:03:57,896 --> 00:03:59,029 It's called Klooper. 73 00:03:59,164 --> 00:04:00,697 And you'll be hearing about it. 74 00:04:00,832 --> 00:04:02,499 No, I won't. Let's play! 75 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,369 Contestants, you will now receive a phone call from your ex. 76 00:04:06,504 --> 00:04:09,372 Whoever holds out the longest without picking up plays first. 77 00:04:09,473 --> 00:04:10,774 He looks like Aiden. 78 00:04:10,908 --> 00:04:12,275 Not even remotely. 79 00:04:12,443 --> 00:04:14,243 (phone vibrating) 80 00:04:14,345 --> 00:04:18,181 Remember, all you have to do is nothing. 81 00:04:18,316 --> 00:04:22,819 You just have to have an ounce of dignity. 82 00:04:22,953 --> 00:04:24,486 Hey, are you in town or-- (buzzer) 83 00:04:24,621 --> 00:04:25,988 You fool, it was me. 84 00:04:26,123 --> 00:04:27,990 Is she-- Is she with you? 85 00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:29,885 No, she's not with me, she's in San Francisco 86 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,360 having the time of her life. 87 00:04:31,461 --> 00:04:32,962 You're with me in this room. 88 00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:34,570 Amy, you've got control of the board. 89 00:04:34,664 --> 00:04:38,734 Hit that button to select your challenge. 90 00:04:38,868 --> 00:04:40,068 "Mutual Friend!" 91 00:04:40,169 --> 00:04:41,770 Okay, Amy, your challenge is 92 00:04:41,871 --> 00:04:44,340 to have a conversation with a mutual friend of Aiden's 93 00:04:44,474 --> 00:04:45,708 and not ask about him. 94 00:04:45,809 --> 00:04:47,576 Let's bring out your friend Melanie. 95 00:04:47,711 --> 00:04:49,545 - Hey, Mel. - Hey. 96 00:04:49,679 --> 00:04:50,646 What's up? 97 00:04:50,780 --> 00:04:53,114 - Nothing... hung over. - Ugh. 98 00:04:53,216 --> 00:04:54,549 What'd you get into last night? 99 00:04:54,650 --> 00:04:56,885 Oh, popcorn at home. You? 100 00:04:57,019 --> 00:05:00,088 Some party in Greenpoint. 101 00:05:00,223 --> 00:05:01,356 Did you go with Kelly or... 102 00:05:01,390 --> 00:05:03,959 Yeah. 103 00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:06,361 Was Aiden there? (buzzer) 104 00:05:06,462 --> 00:05:08,096 - Yeah. - Okay, what was his vibe like? 105 00:05:08,197 --> 00:05:10,565 - Like, did he seem sad or-- - Disappointing. 106 00:05:10,699 --> 00:05:11,899 All right, Julian, you've got control. 107 00:05:11,967 --> 00:05:14,403 Hit that button. 108 00:05:15,838 --> 00:05:17,372 "Change Your Status!" 109 00:05:17,473 --> 00:05:19,841 Okay, Julian, your challenge is simply to change 110 00:05:19,975 --> 00:05:21,843 your online relationship status. 111 00:05:21,943 --> 00:05:23,644 Okay, piece of cake. 112 00:05:23,779 --> 00:05:25,346 No problem. 113 00:05:25,447 --> 00:05:28,048 We're just gonna change that to 114 00:05:28,183 --> 00:05:29,950 "It's Complicated." (buzzer) 115 00:05:30,051 --> 00:05:32,052 - Hear me out. - Nothing complicated about it. 116 00:05:32,187 --> 00:05:34,154 You are alone, Julian. Amy, hit that button. 117 00:05:37,492 --> 00:05:39,526 "No Excuses!" All right, Amy, 118 00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:41,896 your challenge is to hear a piece of information 119 00:05:41,997 --> 00:05:44,398 that could be used as an excuse to reach out to your ex 120 00:05:44,532 --> 00:05:45,866 and not act on it. 121 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,401 Oh. Not a problem. 122 00:05:47,535 --> 00:05:48,935 It shouldn't be, but here we are. 123 00:05:49,036 --> 00:05:52,338 "There was a fire four blocks and two avenues away 124 00:05:52,473 --> 00:05:54,307 from Aiden's house yesterday." 125 00:05:54,409 --> 00:05:57,210 The thing with this particular one is that he walks to work 126 00:05:57,344 --> 00:05:59,279 that way sometimes, so I feel like 127 00:05:59,380 --> 00:06:00,880 I should probably just step out and call him 128 00:06:01,015 --> 00:06:01,948 and make sure he's okay. (buzzer) 129 00:06:02,082 --> 00:06:03,482 Actually, you know he's okay because 130 00:06:03,483 --> 00:06:05,051 he was at that party in Greenpoint. 131 00:06:05,185 --> 00:06:06,419 You really need to pull yourself together, 132 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,021 you're embarrassing yourself on television. 133 00:06:08,088 --> 00:06:12,025 All right, it's time to play the final round. 134 00:06:12,159 --> 00:06:16,095 Contestants, please step into the nostalgia chamber. 135 00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:17,763 136 00:06:17,898 --> 00:06:19,965 Your challenge is to hear the song 137 00:06:20,099 --> 00:06:21,934 "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt 138 00:06:22,068 --> 00:06:24,537 and not cry or eat carrot cake-- are you ready? 139 00:06:24,671 --> 00:06:26,572 Uh, can we do a different song? 140 00:06:26,740 --> 00:06:28,407 No. 141 00:06:28,508 --> 00:06:30,042 Play the song. 142 00:06:30,176 --> 00:06:32,778 (muffled song playing) 143 00:06:32,879 --> 00:06:33,379 144 00:06:41,354 --> 00:06:43,188 (buzzer) Julian's crying and eating cake. 145 00:06:43,323 --> 00:06:45,924 Amy, that makes you our winner! Step on out of there! 146 00:06:46,025 --> 00:06:49,527 Congratulations, your prize is Aiden. 147 00:06:49,628 --> 00:06:50,862 You win your ex back, Amy. 148 00:06:50,963 --> 00:06:52,430 Oh! Oh, my God! 149 00:06:52,565 --> 00:06:54,165 Baby, I missed you so much! 150 00:06:54,266 --> 00:06:55,834 (buzzer) 151 00:06:55,968 --> 00:06:58,603 Ooh, sorry, Amy, but that was your final test. 152 00:06:58,704 --> 00:07:00,939 You're not over your ex. 153 00:07:01,039 --> 00:07:02,907 - What? - Tough break. 154 00:07:03,041 --> 00:07:04,308 (mumbling) 155 00:07:04,409 --> 00:07:06,277 Yeah, sorry about that. 156 00:07:06,378 --> 00:07:07,945 Julian, you don't win either. 157 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,581 Nobody wins. There's no way to win this game. 158 00:07:10,715 --> 00:07:12,183 Well, that's all the time we have. 159 00:07:12,317 --> 00:07:14,418 Tina, if you're watching, give me a call anytime. 160 00:07:14,552 --> 00:07:17,355 Fuck you, I love you-- this is all for you! 161 00:07:22,427 --> 00:07:22,927 162 00:07:29,294 --> 00:07:31,830 They're just like us. 163 00:07:31,931 --> 00:07:33,732 Olivia Munn's cute. 164 00:07:33,866 --> 00:07:35,900 She's pretty. Don't you think she's pretty? 165 00:07:36,035 --> 00:07:38,637 Yeah, she's cute. 166 00:07:38,771 --> 00:07:40,271 Yeah. 167 00:07:40,439 --> 00:07:42,172 Channing Tatum has a new movie coming out. 168 00:07:42,207 --> 00:07:44,942 He's so hot. You think he's hot? 169 00:07:45,010 --> 00:07:46,777 I wouldn't know. 170 00:07:46,911 --> 00:07:49,847 Seriously? 171 00:07:49,981 --> 00:07:52,316 You think it makes you gay to acknowledge that a guy's hot? 172 00:07:52,417 --> 00:07:56,453 I-- I can't tell, I like girls, all right? 173 00:07:56,554 --> 00:07:58,421 Yeah, but come on, you can just admit that. 174 00:07:58,523 --> 00:08:00,390 Can we just drop it? 175 00:08:00,458 --> 00:08:02,496 Fine. 176 00:08:05,830 --> 00:08:08,966 But I mean, you see no difference between, like, 177 00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:11,301 Eugene Levy and Channing Tatum? 178 00:08:11,435 --> 00:08:13,036 Nope. 179 00:08:13,171 --> 00:08:15,772 If they both needed mouth-to-mouth, you don't think 180 00:08:15,906 --> 00:08:17,474 it would be grosser to give it to Levy? 181 00:08:17,475 --> 00:08:19,008 It would be equally gross. 182 00:08:19,143 --> 00:08:20,943 You're lying. 183 00:08:21,078 --> 00:08:23,647 Okay, okay, you're asleep, 184 00:08:23,814 --> 00:08:27,150 and you wake up to what you think is me going down on you 185 00:08:27,285 --> 00:08:29,952 but then you look next to you, and I'm laying in the bed. 186 00:08:30,087 --> 00:08:34,390 And then I say, "Eugene Levy is on your penis right now." 187 00:08:34,524 --> 00:08:36,826 but then you look down, and it's actually Channing Tatum. 188 00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:40,697 Wouldn't you be, like, slightly relieved and, like, finish? 189 00:08:40,831 --> 00:08:41,898 No. 190 00:08:42,032 --> 00:08:43,399 But you thought it was me up until the very end. 191 00:08:43,433 --> 00:08:45,367 Okay, stop making me think about this, all right? 192 00:08:45,535 --> 00:08:48,370 Oh, my God, you're so homophobic. 193 00:08:48,471 --> 00:08:50,071 Imagining a hot guy's mouth around your junk 194 00:08:50,106 --> 00:08:53,108 doesn't all of a sudden make you not straight. 195 00:08:53,243 --> 00:08:55,611 Okay. 196 00:08:55,712 --> 00:08:57,813 You're in jail, okay? 197 00:08:57,914 --> 00:09:01,116 And these guys have you surrounded in the shower, 198 00:09:01,218 --> 00:09:02,718 and there's no way out of it. 199 00:09:02,819 --> 00:09:05,120 You've already just given over to the fact that you are 200 00:09:05,287 --> 00:09:08,590 definitely about to take it right in the butthole. 201 00:09:08,725 --> 00:09:09,791 - Oh, my God. - All right? 202 00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:11,126 Okay, can we please just not talk about it. 203 00:09:11,194 --> 00:09:12,260 No, no, no, no, no. 204 00:09:12,394 --> 00:09:14,062 You're being silly about something so meaningless. 205 00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:15,363 Just listen, you're in jail. 206 00:09:15,464 --> 00:09:17,565 Okay, so you're surrounded, okay? 207 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:19,701 But they give you a choice who you're gonna get it from. 208 00:09:19,835 --> 00:09:21,969 Four of the guys are Eugene Levy, 209 00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,170 and they haven't showered in weeks. 210 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,740 But then there's Channing. 211 00:09:25,874 --> 00:09:31,078 Beautiful, perfectly chiseled, great at dancing, Channing. 212 00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:33,348 He's fresh out of the shower, 213 00:09:33,449 --> 00:09:34,515 and his hair looks professionally done, 214 00:09:34,550 --> 00:09:36,483 but you know it just fell like that. 215 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,285 - Amy. - What? 216 00:09:38,419 --> 00:09:39,820 Just tell me you know what a handsome man looks like 217 00:09:39,821 --> 00:09:41,588 and I will leave you alone. 218 00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:44,658 Okay, I can see how Channing Tatum might be a little bit good-looking. 219 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,326 Are you happy? Jesus! 220 00:09:46,427 --> 00:09:48,428 (knock on door) Get it. 221 00:09:48,563 --> 00:09:51,398 (sighs) 222 00:09:53,368 --> 00:09:56,270 Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I can't find my cat. 223 00:09:56,371 --> 00:09:57,271 Have you seen it? 224 00:09:57,405 --> 00:09:59,172 Oh. 225 00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:01,341 Hey. 226 00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:04,378 Hey. 227 00:10:09,917 --> 00:10:10,984 Wow. 228 00:10:11,118 --> 00:10:12,585 - Hey. - Oh. 229 00:10:12,753 --> 00:10:14,553 - Hey. - I'm John. 230 00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:16,489 - Shh... - Yeah. 231 00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:18,457 Okay. 232 00:10:30,136 --> 00:10:34,173 I'll find your cat. 233 00:10:34,308 --> 00:10:36,842 What's his name? 234 00:10:36,943 --> 00:10:38,377 I'll figure it out. 235 00:10:38,478 --> 00:10:40,212 Take my pants off. 236 00:10:40,347 --> 00:10:41,246 Yeah, okay. 237 00:10:41,380 --> 00:10:42,247 Get in there. 238 00:10:43,683 --> 00:10:46,318 239 00:10:46,419 --> 00:10:47,379 What's your type? Like... 240 00:10:47,420 --> 00:10:51,356 I like sad, skinny guys with beards. 241 00:10:51,457 --> 00:10:52,590 - Hipsters. - Who wear like-- 242 00:10:52,692 --> 00:10:54,226 - Yeah. - Terrible fashion sense. 243 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,594 - Yep. - Take your pick. 244 00:10:56,696 --> 00:10:58,863 Hey. 245 00:10:58,964 --> 00:11:01,733 246 00:11:01,867 --> 00:11:03,201 I had an idea. 247 00:11:03,302 --> 00:11:06,504 A show where four women get together to talk, 248 00:11:06,639 --> 00:11:08,840 mostly about their mutual friend Janelle. 249 00:11:08,941 --> 00:11:10,675 Let's gab. 250 00:11:10,810 --> 00:11:14,411 (applause) - Hi, hi! - Oh, they're cute, thank you. 251 00:11:14,546 --> 00:11:16,580 So did everybody have an exciting weekend? 252 00:11:16,648 --> 00:11:17,781 Oh, you know what? I want to start, 253 00:11:17,883 --> 00:11:20,451 because Saturday I had a day. 254 00:11:20,552 --> 00:11:21,886 What happened? 255 00:11:22,054 --> 00:11:24,388 Well, you know, I was picking up my new rescue puppy Simon. 256 00:11:24,522 --> 00:11:26,423 (audience) Aww... 257 00:11:26,591 --> 00:11:27,925 Stop. You have to rescue. 258 00:11:28,060 --> 00:11:29,827 - There's no other way. - On the way home, 259 00:11:29,928 --> 00:11:32,062 ran into guess who? 260 00:11:32,196 --> 00:11:33,530 (imitating fanfare) 261 00:11:33,631 --> 00:11:35,065 - Don't tell me. - Janelle. 262 00:11:35,199 --> 00:11:36,199 Oh, I knew it. 263 00:11:36,334 --> 00:11:37,801 - Janelle, okay? - Of course. 264 00:11:37,902 --> 00:11:41,405 So we're saying goodbye, and she kisses me on both cheeks. 265 00:11:41,506 --> 00:11:42,673 - Oh, my God. - Like, um, I'm sorry, 266 00:11:42,707 --> 00:11:46,176 are you the duchess of Brussels all of a sudden? 267 00:11:46,310 --> 00:11:49,079 Yeah, it's like, uh, USA? 268 00:11:49,146 --> 00:11:50,947 Well, Amy's already got us started, 269 00:11:51,048 --> 00:11:52,482 so I think we should just get right into it. 270 00:11:52,516 --> 00:11:54,684 Our "Big Issues" segment. 271 00:11:54,785 --> 00:11:57,254 Oh, people love this, love it. 272 00:11:57,388 --> 00:12:00,924 Okay, I have a huge issue with Janelle's Facebook page. 273 00:12:01,058 --> 00:12:03,559 - Ugh. Who doesn't? - Don't we all? 274 00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:06,429 Hashtag "hope this day never ends"? 275 00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:09,632 Um, that's what days do, Janelle, they end! 276 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,635 And B, uh, we know his name's Steve. 277 00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:14,970 Like, you know she just wants to say "fianc?". 278 00:12:15,105 --> 00:12:17,407 - So French. - I can't. 279 00:12:17,541 --> 00:12:19,442 There's something, like, off about this dude. 280 00:12:19,543 --> 00:12:21,843 Mm-hmm, something is up, something's up. 281 00:12:21,945 --> 00:12:24,313 I actually really like him. 282 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:28,317 Yeah, but, like... come on. 283 00:12:28,451 --> 00:12:32,254 Oh, yeah, totally. He is weird. 284 00:12:32,355 --> 00:12:33,588 - Right! - He is weird. 285 00:12:33,723 --> 00:12:35,124 So weird. 286 00:12:35,225 --> 00:12:38,560 Well, we're onto our segment where we check Janelle's Instagram. 287 00:12:38,661 --> 00:12:40,829 Oh, my God, this is the best. 288 00:12:40,963 --> 00:12:44,666 Wow, shocker. It's about her cat again. 289 00:12:44,767 --> 00:12:45,967 Like, we get it-- its fur makes it look like 290 00:12:46,101 --> 00:12:48,437 it's wearing a tuxedo-- who cares? 291 00:12:48,538 --> 00:12:49,871 Oh, God. 292 00:12:49,972 --> 00:12:52,874 Do you know that that cat, I heard, isn't even a rescue? 293 00:12:52,942 --> 00:12:55,810 - Shut up. - She bought it, yeah. 294 00:12:55,978 --> 00:12:57,278 - No. - I knew it. 295 00:12:57,379 --> 00:12:58,980 You know where she got it? 296 00:12:59,114 --> 00:13:00,949 - The mall. - She got a mall cat. 297 00:13:01,116 --> 00:13:03,985 Oh, my God. That is so disgusting. 298 00:13:04,086 --> 00:13:05,253 Oh, my God, you guys. 299 00:13:05,421 --> 00:13:07,621 I just got a DM from Janelle. 300 00:13:07,756 --> 00:13:09,924 - Oh, my God. - Should we read it? 301 00:13:10,058 --> 00:13:13,828 Uh, it says, "Heard about the new show, ladies. 302 00:13:13,962 --> 00:13:18,432 I'm sure it's great 'cause you guys are the best." 303 00:13:20,936 --> 00:13:22,636 She knows I'm at work. 304 00:13:22,737 --> 00:13:23,804 Like, I'm at work. 305 00:13:23,939 --> 00:13:25,940 - Yeah, it's like, we're working. - We're working. 306 00:13:25,974 --> 00:13:27,974 All right, you guys, stay with us, 'cause when we come back, 307 00:13:27,976 --> 00:13:30,277 we'll be interviewing Janelle's personal trainer, 308 00:13:30,378 --> 00:13:32,279 who she met with once. 309 00:13:32,447 --> 00:13:34,014 (laughing) 310 00:13:34,115 --> 00:13:35,815 At least she went. 311 00:13:35,950 --> 00:13:38,185 Okay, do you want to be a part of this show? 312 00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:40,354 (applause) 313 00:13:40,855 --> 00:13:43,389 314 00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:45,391 Do you ever get annoyed with people's posts? 315 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,660 - Yeah. - Like, what annoys you the most? 316 00:13:47,795 --> 00:13:50,697 When people are specifically downers. 317 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,665 - Like a cry for help? - Yes. 318 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,401 Because I'm not gonna help you. 319 00:13:55,536 --> 00:13:56,569 You're the best friend. 320 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,175 321 00:14:02,243 --> 00:14:03,176 Good afternoon. 322 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,811 I'm here to address the allegations 323 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,213 of inappropriate behavior on my part. 324 00:14:07,348 --> 00:14:13,253 It's amazing that in 2014, there can still be a witch hunt. 325 00:14:13,387 --> 00:14:16,489 I'd like to thank everyone who has stood by me, 326 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:20,126 especially my beautiful husband, Trentman. 327 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:21,394 Yes, you have a question? 328 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:25,063 Can you explain the graphic photos of yourself that you tweeted? 329 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,633 I tweeted those photos privately to my doctor, 330 00:14:27,768 --> 00:14:30,302 who was available only via direct message. 331 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:34,640 I see, so your doctor's Twitter handle is "Hung as fuck"? 332 00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:36,275 Correct. Dr. Hung. 333 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,912 He is Korean, and yes, my vagina's in perfect health. 334 00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,748 Thank you for your concern. 335 00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:45,850 What about the lewd texts sent from your cell phone 336 00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:47,552 to college-aged interns? 337 00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:49,754 I-- What do you consider lewd? 338 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,223 "Your dick, my mouth right now." 339 00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,858 Okay, that was an autocorrect issue. 340 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,761 Now, I'd like to focus on the work I've done 341 00:14:56,862 --> 00:14:58,530 since I've been in office. 342 00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,865 Have there been some scandals? Yes. 343 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,434 Have I done a good job? 344 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,602 No. 345 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,071 Well, that's why I need another term. 346 00:15:07,205 --> 00:15:10,107 Why did you send the guy an invite to your pussy on Facebook? 347 00:15:10,208 --> 00:15:13,945 That was a misunderstanding. I'm new to Facebook. 348 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,146 You put "invite" and then "pussy". 349 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,447 I mean, how confusing is that? 350 00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:18,182 Would you comment, please, on allegations 351 00:15:18,216 --> 00:15:20,051 that you were seen coming out of Slayer's dressing room 352 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,353 with your face and hair covered 353 00:15:22,487 --> 00:15:24,088 in what appeared to be tapioca pudding? 354 00:15:24,222 --> 00:15:26,690 Um... no. 355 00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:27,925 We were going through your old yearbook, 356 00:15:28,026 --> 00:15:30,127 and can you clarify your senior quote, 357 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:34,197 "Where you see a fist, I see a comfortable chair"? 358 00:15:34,332 --> 00:15:36,800 I at this time would like to take the last question. 359 00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:39,803 Is anything related to not what you just asked? 360 00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:41,204 Yes? 361 00:15:41,339 --> 00:15:43,774 Yes, what about allegations you had sexual relations 362 00:15:43,908 --> 00:15:46,543 with Chris Christie's dog walker while on government property? 363 00:15:46,678 --> 00:15:51,314 That wasn't a dog, that was a prostitute, and it was at my gym. 364 00:15:51,449 --> 00:15:54,351 (all shouting) 365 00:15:54,452 --> 00:15:59,622 Okay, well, looks like you caught your witch, all right? 366 00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:02,758 This is just a case of slut-shaming. 367 00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:05,962 This slut is not ashamed. 368 00:16:06,096 --> 00:16:09,298 Especially of the perfect puss pic I tweeted? 369 00:16:09,432 --> 00:16:12,101 You're welcome! You are welcome! 370 00:16:12,202 --> 00:16:14,770 There are more where that came from, okay? 371 00:16:14,905 --> 00:16:18,273 If you're lucky, you'll catch another glimpse. 372 00:16:18,408 --> 00:16:22,211 At this time, if anybody has any further questions, 373 00:16:22,312 --> 00:16:26,315 you can address them to my campaign manager... Damone. 374 00:16:26,416 --> 00:16:30,152 Isn't that right, Damone? 375 00:16:30,253 --> 00:16:32,354 That's it for questions for the congresswoman. 376 00:16:32,489 --> 00:16:34,623 Her husband will make a brief statement 377 00:16:34,724 --> 00:16:37,258 while I talk to the congresswoman in private. 378 00:16:41,497 --> 00:16:44,733 I just want to say that I love my wife and I'm standing by her. 379 00:16:44,867 --> 00:16:47,335 Our private life is just that, private, 380 00:16:47,469 --> 00:16:49,538 and I don't think that she should be punished 381 00:16:49,705 --> 00:16:54,175 just because of the perfect pussy picture that you guys published. 382 00:16:54,343 --> 00:16:55,476 Thank you. 383 00:16:56,578 --> 00:16:59,180 384 00:16:59,314 --> 00:17:01,415 Would you vote for someone if you knew they had a sex scandal? 385 00:17:01,417 --> 00:17:03,351 It depends on the nature of the sex scandal. 386 00:17:03,485 --> 00:17:06,521 - A handy in a library. - Oh, definitely. 387 00:17:06,621 --> 00:17:07,955 In front of their kids. Let me finish. 388 00:17:08,090 --> 00:17:09,357 Oh... 389 00:17:09,458 --> 00:17:10,724 But the kids are blind. 390 00:17:10,859 --> 00:17:12,159 Oh, okay. 391 00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:15,195 It depends on the scandal, but in general, no. 392 00:17:15,329 --> 00:17:16,664 You don't care who they ejac'd on? 393 00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:17,665 No, not in general. 394 00:17:17,766 --> 00:17:19,332 Let's play "Fuck Marry Kill". 395 00:17:19,467 --> 00:17:22,169 - Okay. - Clinton, Weiner, Me. 396 00:17:22,303 --> 00:17:25,072 I'd fuck you, marry Clinton, and kill Weiner. 397 00:17:25,206 --> 00:17:27,474 Thank you? 398 00:17:30,777 --> 00:17:33,444 399 00:17:33,545 --> 00:17:36,248 I'm gonna bring out someone who is my absolute favorite 400 00:17:36,382 --> 00:17:37,916 live performer of all time. 401 00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:39,450 If you saw season one, you saw her. 402 00:17:39,585 --> 00:17:45,055 Give it up for the one, the only Bridget Everett! 403 00:17:46,458 --> 00:17:49,126 Hit the track! 404 00:17:49,227 --> 00:17:51,596 This song goes out to anybody with a pussy. 405 00:17:51,730 --> 00:17:53,665 And I'm not talking about a vagina, 406 00:17:53,799 --> 00:17:57,434 I'm talking about a pussy! 407 00:17:57,535 --> 00:18:00,838 There he was just a-standing on the street 408 00:18:00,972 --> 00:18:02,940 With them lazy blue eyes 409 00:18:03,108 --> 00:18:04,741 Was he looking back at me 410 00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,977 I said boy where you going 411 00:18:07,145 --> 00:18:08,645 Don't care where you been 412 00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:10,981 You wanna drink, fuck and love 413 00:18:11,116 --> 00:18:12,649 It's a win win win 414 00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:14,884 I can tell by the way you walk 415 00:18:14,985 --> 00:18:16,720 What you gonna do with me 416 00:18:16,821 --> 00:18:18,555 I can tell by the way you talk 417 00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:20,657 You're gonna give it to me 418 00:18:20,792 --> 00:18:22,992 So please take my number 419 00:18:23,127 --> 00:18:24,861 I'll tell you where I live 420 00:18:24,995 --> 00:18:27,664 Gonna leave the light on 421 00:18:27,799 --> 00:18:29,199 Give give give 422 00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:31,034 What I, what I 423 00:18:31,168 --> 00:18:33,536 What I gotta do 424 00:18:33,637 --> 00:18:37,573 What I gotta do to get that dick in my mouth 425 00:18:37,674 --> 00:18:39,175 Hot sweet and sticky 426 00:18:39,276 --> 00:18:41,010 Like Mrs. Buttersworth 427 00:18:41,111 --> 00:18:42,611 Lick your fingers stick it in 428 00:18:42,713 --> 00:18:44,547 And get your money's worth 429 00:18:44,681 --> 00:18:48,718 You're a big tough daddy with a loaded gun 430 00:18:48,852 --> 00:18:52,588 Whip it out, slap it down and let your motor run 431 00:18:52,723 --> 00:18:54,790 I'm gonna let it let it rip 432 00:18:54,924 --> 00:18:57,226 To the tippy-tippy top 433 00:18:57,327 --> 00:18:58,728 Shit starts popping 434 00:18:58,862 --> 00:19:00,730 Ain't no way to make it stop 435 00:19:00,864 --> 00:19:02,998 Oh what I, what I 436 00:19:03,132 --> 00:19:05,367 What I gotta do 437 00:19:05,501 --> 00:19:08,503 What I gotta do to get that dick in my mouth 438 00:19:08,604 --> 00:19:11,139 Yeah what I, what I 439 00:19:11,274 --> 00:19:13,141 What I gotta do 440 00:19:13,276 --> 00:19:17,246 What I gotta do to get that dick in my mouth 441 00:19:17,347 --> 00:19:17,847 442 00:19:33,529 --> 00:19:35,229 This kitty is hungry 443 00:19:35,364 --> 00:19:37,564 Give her her ball 444 00:19:37,665 --> 00:19:40,634 Pop into the center of this Tootsie Roll 445 00:19:40,735 --> 00:19:43,037 I'll say one more thing 446 00:19:43,138 --> 00:19:44,872 And then I'll be done 447 00:19:44,973 --> 00:19:46,740 Put your (panting) 448 00:19:46,875 --> 00:19:49,277 In my hot dark oven 449 00:19:49,411 --> 00:19:51,245 Oh what I, what I 450 00:19:51,380 --> 00:19:53,113 What I gotta do 451 00:19:53,247 --> 00:19:56,417 What I gotta do to get that dick in my mouth 452 00:19:56,551 --> 00:19:57,384 Everybody! 453 00:19:57,519 --> 00:19:59,252 (all) What I, what I 454 00:19:59,387 --> 00:20:01,154 What I gotta do 455 00:20:01,255 --> 00:20:04,625 What I gotta do to get that dick in my mouth 456 00:20:04,726 --> 00:20:05,659 Y'all say it! 457 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,093 What I, what I 458 00:20:07,194 --> 00:20:09,129 What I gotta do 459 00:20:09,263 --> 00:20:13,433 What I gotta do to get that dick in my mouth 460 00:20:13,567 --> 00:20:15,201 What I, what I 461 00:20:15,303 --> 00:20:17,703 What I gotta do 462 00:20:17,838 --> 00:20:20,773 What I gotta do to get that dick in my mouth 463 00:20:20,908 --> 00:20:23,443 New York City! 464 00:20:23,577 --> 00:20:27,613 Ladies and gentlemen, Carmine Covelli and Adam Horovitz! 465 00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:30,182 466 00:20:30,317 --> 00:20:34,520 Uh, would you care to comment on the video surfacing on TMZ 467 00:20:34,621 --> 00:20:37,423 that reportedly shows you drinking vodka 468 00:20:37,524 --> 00:20:39,525 and queefing "Gangnam Style"? 469 00:20:39,626 --> 00:20:40,747 Yeah, can you please address 470 00:20:40,861 --> 00:20:42,627 the recently deleted tweet from your account, 471 00:20:42,762 --> 00:20:45,464 "Another day, another Valtrex, L-O-L"? 472 00:20:45,598 --> 00:20:47,799 Do you deny your high school roommate's allegations 473 00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:50,035 that you strung 30 billiard balls together 474 00:20:50,170 --> 00:20:51,603 and claimed they were anal beads? 475 00:20:52,939 --> 00:20:55,975 I have a couple more. (laughing) 476 00:20:56,076 --> 00:20:57,443 (woman) So easy. 477 00:20:57,610 --> 00:20:58,777 (man) Mmm, magic. 478 00:20:58,802 --> 00:21:00,802 Sync & corrections by XhmikosR www.addic7ed.com 479 00:21:00,852 --> 00:21:05,402 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34416

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