All language subtitles for Idiotsitter s01e08 Viva la Joy.eng

What are you doing?

Uh, as you know, we've been
studying American History,

and that's why I'm so proud
to introduce you

to a very special
and patriotic guest--

Why are you talking
from the other room?

[drum roll noises]

- Not a real drum.
- The 35th President,

John F. Kennedy!
[echoing] Kennedy! Kennedy!

[as JFK]
Hello, Gene.

I'm here to tell you all about

a very tumultuous time
in our country's history,

the 1960s.

Didn't you get shot in the head?

That's right.
Very impressive, Gene.

I did get shot in the head.

But how do you know that?

What do you mean?
I--

'Cause your brain bits would
be all over your lap and stuff.

I read the paper the next day,
and I saw that I--

Oh, so you're a ghost that reads?

No, I...
no, I--

Oh, you're Kevin Costner?
Playing JFK?

- He played a detective--
- Oh, I never saw it.

That was researching
the assassination.

I never watched it.
It looked boring.

How do you not know
anything about anything,

but you know everything about JFK?

So you are Billie!

- I called it.
- No, I--

I knew it when you walked in.

I was like,
"That's Billie."

I had a whole thing planned,

and I would do my--was
working on my accent.

Yeah, it's good.
It's a horrible accent.

- No--
- Keep doing it.

Okay, um,
"But because of that conflict" --

Are you saying "corn-flict?"

- Conflict.
- Oh, conflict.

- "And upheaval."
- Upheaval.

"Of the time,
we are now closer than ever

to being
an equal opportunity society."

If we're an
equal opportunity society,

why haven't I been served
my lemonade yet?

Hmm?
Think about that.

Ha ha!

Ugh, too mushy.

Too hard.

Oh, just right.

That's good.

You just said that one was good.

Yeah, I don't care
for peaches personally.

Gene, you're being a brat.

You're just making a mess
for Joy to clean up.

Joy doesn't clean those up.
Do you, Joy?

- S?.
- See?

"S?" means yes.

You're a saint, by the way, Joy,

to put up with this.

- Kiss-ass.
- Right?

You totally deserve a raise
for putting up with that.

You were just
throwing peaches on the ground.

Oh my god, you're obsessed
with the peaches right now.

Okay?
We've moved on

to Joy.

- Selfish.
- Uh-huh.

You do deserve a raise, though.
I agree.

Mr. Russell
doesn't give raises.

I do get to keep
Gene's hand-me-downs.

Okay, I'm sorry, that's crazy

that you've never gotten a raise.

Yeah, she's right.

You need to get you
some paper, son.

You know what?
Go in, make your case.

- He'll go for it.
- Oh, I know what you should do.

- She's gotta "Shark Tank" it.
- Mm-hmm.

- What is Sharks--
- "Shark Tank" it!

- Okay!
- "Hi, Mark Cuban,

can I have some money?"

That's such a good impression,
"Shark Tank" it!

[speaking Japanese]

Oh.
Hey, Joy.

I don't think the trash
is too full,

but I am glad you are here.

I want to talk to you
about the menu

for the big dinner party
this weekend.

- Mr. Kent.
- Hmm.

I've been with this family
for a very long time now.

And I do whatever is asked of me.

That's why I'm here to ask
for a 10% raise

in a 100% stake
for the rest of my job.

What's happening right now?

Are you "Shark Tanking" me?

I can't take anything
less than 10%.

You are "Shark Tanking" me.

Joy, you know I don't give raises,

and yet here you are
asking for one.

And for that reason...

I'm out.

What do you mean?

I saw this cool movie last night.

- Yeah.
- Have you seen "Forrest Gump?"

Everyone's seen
"Forrest Gump."

I don't think so.

What do you think
"Run, Forrest" --

Joy, what's wrong?

I listened to your
stupid advice and I got fired.

- He fired you.
- [scoffs]

- Who's gonna brush my hair?
- Gene!

I'm so sorry, Joy, I feel
like this is partially my fault.

Partially?

This is all your fault.

You think you're so smart
because of your books

and your degrees and your maxi pad

you left in your underwear
that I had to throw out

before I washed them?

I can assure you, I did not know

about the last thing until now.

Goodbye, ladies.

[door slams]

- I feel so bad.
- You should feel bad.

That's [bleep] disgusting.
I mean, I'm grossed out. Me.

- About Joy.
- Oh, right.

I can't believe he fired her.
I mean, you can't just

throw people away like trash.

Yeah, you should leave 'em
in your underwear

for the maid to find.

Hey, Joy.
Um, it's me.

Your phone's doing that thing
where it rings once

and goes right to
voice-mail--which is cool.

Totally cool.
I wanted to say how much

I really hate you--
- Message complete.

Not being here!

I hate you not being here!
[groans]

- God.
- Oh, Billie.

Yikes, first you get her fired,

now you're leaving her
hate messages?

I didn't get her fired.
Your dad is being ridiculous.

Well, we were a part of that too.

Damn it.

No--no, no!

How am I supposed to eat
with no Joy?

- That's it.
- What?

That's it!
We'll go on a hunger strike.

Huh?
Action through peaceful protest,

like our brothers and sisters
of the '60s, baby!

Yes, I am so in.
[laughs]

- Yeah.
- Whoo!

Except, I believe
it's called a "hunger stroke."

- It isn't.
- You wanna look it up?

- You're still eating.
- Oh, right.

Spit it out.

Don't put that in your mouth.

Oh, my gosh, Joy's back!

I never looked away.

Well, say what you will about Joy,

but she made a mean eggplant.

You can't plant eggs.

[clears throat]

Well, you probably noticed that
Gene and I aren't eating,

and I'm sure you're wondering why.

- I actually hadn't.
- We're on hunger strike.

Not a hunger stroke,
though it's totally normal

if you thought it was called that.

And we're not going to eat
until you hire Joy back.

Gene's eating right now.

I need it, I need it!

Look ladies, do you know why
a shark has no memory?

- Bad childhood?
- No.

A true predator never looks back.

I don't know if that's factual.

Word is "actual."

You can even
not eat as much as you like,

but I'm not budging.
How does that strike you?

It strikes me like lightning.

As in, never.

Which is how much I'm gonna eat,

and this one's gonna eat,

until Joy gets back in here.

Using her maid legs!

Get him, Billie!

And...
that's a... fact.

Oh, Billie, you're awful at this.

Hope for domestic rights!

Hope for domestic workers!

Hope for freedom--
- Stop yelling!

Who are you talking to?

Sorry, I'm just cranky
'cause this protest sucks.

There's no people here
but us and New Chet.

Yeah, man, and this sign stick
is giving me hella splinters.

You guys, don't worry.
This is how all movements start.

Plus, I called my old college
buddies from Baked Earth.

They will make it happen.

Your buddies sound like
hippies. I hate hippies.

They are a conscious
collective of peace warriors.

[car door closes]
Oh--oh, great.

Here comes another protestor.

See?
It's already working.

Oh, and she went all out,
wearing a sexy maid's uniform.

- Ah!
- Stop it.

- Hello, I'm the new maid, Hope.
- Maid?

- Drop--drop, drop!
- What?

- What do we do?
- Come on, lock paws.

- Form a wall of resistance.
- Hey, hey.

Baby girl, you want
to get in there?

- You gots to get by us.
- Yeah.

Yeah, and we're gonna eat your ass

- Uh-uh.
- Beat your ass!

I'm sorry, I haven't eaten.
It's very difficult for me.

- I could make you something.
- Oh, yeah--

- She doesn't want it.
- I would love a grilled cheese.

- Or like--
- War on hunger--

Oh, there you are.
Come on in.

Big dinner party tonight.
Lots of things to do.

Excuse me.

Just because you hired
someone knew does not mean

you will break our spirit,
Mr. Russell.

- Gene's eating again.
- Don't!

Scab!

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Oh, yeah, sure.
What's on your mind?

[gags]
No!

- Hey. Look at me.
- Huh.

I don't know
where this came from--

- My pocket.
- But you do not throw food

or beat ass
in a non-violent movement.

- Violence is not the answer.
- Violence is always the answer!

- Always!
- Okay, I--look, I am just

gonna go talk to her,
tell her whazzup.

What?
Why are you saying that to me?

Oh, like "What's going on,"
I didn't mean to,

like, do it, like...

- Billie,
- Wha--once she sees

what we're doing--
- Mm-hmm.

She will stand
in solidarity with us.

Hey, give me some ski--

She's the most racist
person I know.

Oh, is that fajitas?

Yeah, you want some?
You look hungry.

I--I am,
but I can't.

That's actually what I wanted
to talk to you about.

You see, Gene--
- The one who threw

the pizza at me?
- Yeah, sorry about that.

[laughs]
She's like, a child.

[both laugh]

Um, the thing is,
the last maid got fired.

- Oh.
- And it was, like,

totally unjustified,
so we're actually not eating

until Kent hires her back again.

So, it would actually
really help us out

if you would just, like, quit.

- Are you crazy?
- Leave.

- Why don't you quit?
- Oh, me?

No, no, what I do is
a lot more specialized.

Not that you're not special.

I mean, I think
you're probably really special.

Not in a like,
"Oh, she's so special,

get her a slice of cake"
sort of way,

I don't know,
you know what I mean.

[speaks Spanish]

Did you just call me a--
a "white puta?"

- No.
- All right, good first talk.

- Yeah.
- Hopefully the first of many.

Hope!

What a lot of people don't
know, though, is Malcolm X

started the Black Panthers
because he was

a "Pink Panther" fan.

- Oh, really.
- Yeah.

Who doesn't love Peter O'Toole?

- Why doesn't this work?
- Where'd you get that knife?

- Sponcer's Gifts?
- Hmm.

- Gene!
- Oh, what? I didn't...

- How'd it go?
- She's not quitting.

Oh. Okay, well, then,
let's do this, you know?

- Come on, don't give up.
- We're not doing

the peaceful protest crap
anymore, Billie, okay?

It didn't work!
My dad doesn't care.

So unless you have a better idea,

viva la pizza.
- Is it good?

So good.
You should taste how it tastes.

Oh, [bleep], hippies.
New Chet, get the crossbow.

Oh, no, no, no.
They're not hippies.

They're from Baked Earth.
They're here to help.

Hi, thank you for your presence.

Namaste.

These are some
ugly-ass chicks.

[drum circle music]

Hi, everyone.
Thank you all for coming

to this peaceful demonstration
for our sister Joy.

We need to educate people about

workers' rights for a fair wage.

- We can't hear you!
- Yeah!

Uh, human megaphone everybody!

Really?
It's pretty quiet out.

All: Really?
It's pretty quiet out!

Seriously, I'm pretty sure
you can all hear me just fine.

All: Seriously, I'm pretty sure
you can all hear me just fine.

Logically, if you're repeating

everything I say, you can hear me.

All: Logically,
if you're repeating

everything I say, you can hear me.

- Oh, I'm from England!
all: Oh, I'm from England!

This is so stupid.
I hate these people.

All: This is so stupid.
I hate these people.

- Ow, you're hurting my arm--
- Quit being such a baby!

This is a disaster.

Those people out there smell
like BO and cashews!

I love cashews.
They're the elite nut.

Listen to me.
I get it now.

Joy is a real person.
She deserves a real protest.

But those people
out there--those hippies?

They don't care about
getting Joy back.

I heard one of them go,
"Who's Joy?"

That's how they talk, Billie!
That's how they talk naturally.

Those people are just here
to crash between Phish concerts.

What the hell's a fish concert?

Like, a bunch of fish
playing instruments?

Is that really your first guess?

No, you're right.
That's crazy.

It's gotta be, like,
a bunch of people

using fish to play instruments.
Yum.

Yum, fish!
I'm Billie!

That's all I think about, is food.

Look at me!
Ahh!

That's 'cause I'm actually
doing the hunger strike.

Me, too!
What do you think I'm doing?

Do you know how many calories
I've had today?

- How many?
- 5,000!

Who are you, Michael Phelps?
Gross.

I need to eat.
I'm growing, Billie.

- No, you're not growing.
- Yes, I am!

I hope you have nightmares.
Indian nightmares.

Oh, no, no!
Oh!

- Attention!
- Attention, circus folk.

- Your head's a tennis ball.
- What?

You are all trespassing,
and my lawn

smells like dirty cashews.
- I told you.

Mr. Russell,
we're not going anywhere

until you hire Joy back.

- What do we want?
- Free O.J. Simpson!

- When do we want it?
all: Now!

My dinner guests are
going to be arriving soon.

I don't want them accosted
by a bunch of

shower-phobic vegans.

You can end this whenever
you want, Mr. Russell.

You just have to do
the right thing.

Have it your way.

[Connie Conway's
"Brighter Side" plays]

[in slo-mo] No!

[dramatic music]

What's the password?

The password?

- You got it.
- The password is "password"?

Yeah, but see the S's are fives.

Welcome to the revolution.

[overlapping chatter]
[electronics beeping]

She's here.

Oh. Hey, Billie.

- You've awakened.
- What is going on?

Your tactics didn't work.
You lost.

The only thing my dad
responds to... is strength.

It's time to fight fire
with flamier fire.

Gene, I don't know
what you're planning to do,

but I know it is a bad idea.

You know, my bad idea
was letting you be in charge

in the first place.

You were never willing
to do what it takes.

You were never willing
to go all the way.

You thought a hunger strike
was called a "hunger stroke."

Yeah, and we may never know
who was right on that one.

- It's me. I'm 100%.
- Well, perhaps.

It's that arrogance that makes
you such a weak leader.

This is crazy.
Joy would not want any of this.

Why don't you let
Joy tell you what Joy wants?

Who else is in this room?

Gene's plan might be crazy
enough to work...

white puta.
- I'm sorry...

I haven't eaten in 36 hours.

Did you just call me a white puta?

No. I said viva la revoluci?n,
white puta.

You definitely said it that time.

- Yeah, time you did.
- I did.

What are you planning to do?

Let's just say tonight's
turkey is gonna be da bomb.

[laughs]

[all laughing]

No. No!

This is a non-violent
movement!

Make love, not war!

- The five dollar foot long!
- Hey, everyone, stop.

- What?
- I-I don't know.

I'm feeling a little lightheaded.

I--uh-oh.

I think I'm gonna pass out again.

- Billie, you're fine.
- I'm passing out.

[echoes]
That would be, like,

a bunch of people using fish
to play instruments.

Is that fajitas?
I haven't eaten in 36 hours.

"Yum, fish!"
There's gonna be meat.

So, unless you have
a better idea, viva la pizza.

Imagine all the pizza.
Imagine.

Konichiwa.

What's going on?
Gene, what are you doing?

You were never willing
to go all the way.

- Words.
- [laughter]

The S's are fives!

- Ha ha ha ha ha.
- You understand it?

It's a gun.
For violence.

No.

[all speaking at once].

What are you going to do?

Let's just say
the turkey's gonna be the bomb.

The turkey will be the bomb.
The turkey will be the bomb.

The turkey will be--
- [gasps]

The turkey's a bomb!

And to Mr. Sasaki for coming
all the way from Kyoto.

[chuckles]
- Cheers.

I have a very important message

I want to share with you
for the future.

- You're all gonna die!
- Jesus Christ, Billie.

- What's this about?
- Get out! Get out!

This thing's gonna blow!
Oh oh oh!

[groans]

That's so good.
It's so moist.

Billie,
what the hell are you doing?

You.

You wouldn't listen.
You radicalized Gene.

Because
you're so hard-headed,

- Gene put a bomb in the turkey!
- Where?

- Huh?
- Where's the bomb?

You've almost eaten
the entire thing.

Billie, what are you doing?

I thought you put a bomb
in the turkey.

Are you crazy?

You thought I was gonna, what?

Kill all these people
and blow up my own house?

'Cause you said--

you said the turkey's
gonna be "da bomb."

It's an expression from the '90s.

I snuck in Joy
to do the cooking tonight.

I figured, dad,
if you tasted her food

maybe you'd remember
why we love her so much.

- Aww.
- I know, I'm a sweetheart.

- What--I ruined everything?
- Pretty much.

[crying]

What is that? Crying?

Or is that a cat
trying to breath in outer space?

Or like a ghost that's
trying too hard to be spooky?

We get it!
We all get it!

Look, I am sorry, but I am not

changing my mind on this one.

I'll make you an offer, Joy.

I've sat here.
I've eaten your appetizers.

And guess what?
I like what I taste.

How'd you like
to come work for me?

I'll give you 10% more
than you were making here.

- Well, of course--
- Not so fast.

I'm in love...

and her name is Joy.

I want to add you to my portfolio

of home care professionals.
20% raise...

and three nights a week off.

Yeah, I'm sure she'll love

cleaning up
after your three toddlers

and two mistresses, Charles.

Leave Susan and Bunny out.

This is business.

Join the Spielvogel clan, Joy.

What do you say?

[suspenseful music]

[whispers]

Both offers are great,
but--

Let me sweeten the pot.

I'm all-in
on the Joy business.

I'll give you 30%
more than you're making now,

plus first right of refusal
on all leftovers.

Sasaki goes through staff
like they're paper towels.

All the offers are on the table.

What's your decision?

Can we have a moment
to step outside

to think about our decision?
- C-can we just work out--

Wait!

I want back in.

Joy, I will double your pay.

That's 100% raise,
but more than money,

I'll throw in something
you really deserve:

an apology.

I'm sorry, Joy.
I never should have let you go.

I made a mistake.
Please come back.

Mr. Russell...

you've got a deal.
- Yes!

Nobody out "Shark Tanks"
Kent Russell.

We've got our Joy back.

- Oh, Billie.
- Ew.

- Oh, did you--
- Eat the whole thing?

I ate it all.
I ate the meat.

[crying]

- I ate the guts!
- Ew.

- I ate it's ass!
- Ugh.

Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.

- Do you have another one?
- I love you so much.

- Don't touch me.
- Do you have another one?

Well, the last few days
have been crazy.

It got nutty.

You thought I was gonna
murder my entire family.

That's what happens when your body

starts eating its own tissue.

[both laugh]

I learned a lot, though.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

I learned that you really
can send a message

with your actions.
- Mm.

I learned that
if you want to fight

for the little guy,
you become--

[screaming]

Right.

I forgot to untie Hope.

I tied her up in the panic room.

What do you think
JFK's doing right now?

[as JFK] I don't want
to talk about it.

[both laugh]

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