All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s06e22 Hogan Life.eng

( theme song playing )

♪ ♪

HOGAN:
Are you sure this is the road?

MAN:
Yes, I am sure.

We got drunk
together.

You know how wine
loosens everybody's tongue.

That's right.

I talk a lot
when I drink.

Yeah, but all
you ever say is, "Who's buying?"

Ho, ho.

The whole thing is
too pat, like a B movie--

running into
a Nazi sergeant in a bar

who gets loaded,

starts spilling highly
secret information.

I remember I saw it
in a picture once.

Only once?

You're lucky.

( footsteps approaching )

It's all right;
it's Bruenner.

Bruenner,
it's me, Albert.

Albert, it has been
a long time.

I was talking about you
only today to Olga.

Olga-- how is she?
Fine, fine.

How is Anna?
Oh, couldn't be better.

And the children are always
asking for their Uncle Albert.

Ah, the children
must be big now, huh?

Let me show you
some pictures.

I hate to break up
this reunion.

Colonel Hogan,
what are you doing here?

I was just going
to ask you.

My men and I are waiting
for a Nazi truck.

Carrying the shipment
of paintings

Göring liberated
from the Louvre?

Yes.

But that's why
we are here.

How'd you find
out about it?

I met a sergeant
in the Hofbrau.

He got drunk
and told me

of the top-secret
assignment.

But I met that sergeant
at the Rathskeller.

That's where
he got drunk.

Wait a minute.

Hold it, hold it.

Did he say they were

transporting
the paintings by truck

because the railroad's
been bombed out

between here and Berlin?

That's exactly
what he said.

Did he also say they
were using an ambulance

in order not to
arouse suspicion?

Yes, he said that, too.

All right,
the both of you,

get your men,
get out of here.

But I...
Don't waste any time; get going.

Hadn't we better
be getting out of here, too?

Hold it.

Stay around
for some of the fun.

Fun?

A truck is coming.

( pops loudly )

( ambulance pulls away )

Just as I thought.

Tallyho, men.

Hogan, I was wondering if
you were aware of the fact

that this is a prison camp.

Well, if it isn't,

you wasted a lot of guards
and barbed-wire fences.

That's very amusing.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Nothing like a good laugh,
is there, sir?

Look, Hogan, I'm going
to get to the point.

This is not a country club.

You and your men are not
members; you're prisoners!

You're leading up to something.

I have been very unhappy

with the way you and your men
have been falling out

at roll call every morning--

always yawning,
half asleep.

I won't tolerate it.

At a time like this,

you're letting
a little trifle like that upset you?

What do you mean,
"at a time like this"?

Colonel, may I remind you
there's a war going on?

Hogan...

I mean, just look.

More food rationing
in Berlin,

longer work week,

conscription of more
labor volunteers,

and you sit here
and talk to me

about a little thing
like a roll call?

I'm sorry, Hogan.

I didn't...

Hogan, you're doing it
to me again.

I warn you.

All right.

I'll give the fellas a pep talk

about falling out
in the morning.

Hey, I see you're going
to a party, sir.

What?

I'm going to a party?

Right here.

"Field Marshal von Leiter
is returning to the place

where he was born"--

that's our little town
right here--

"to attend a giant
birthday celebration

given in his honor."

Guest list is over 600.

Huh!

Well, I guess
you'll be getting out

the old dress uniform,
huh, sir?

Yes, I suppose I will.

Hmm.

Tomorrow evening, huh?

Well, you know that
from the invitation.

You're not invited.

That's ridiculous.

In a little town like this,
how can they invite 600 people

and leave me out-- the
commandant of the prison camp?

But they did.

You didn't get an invitation.

I will be invited.

Don't you worry.

It must be in
the morning mail.

Mm-hmm.

The invitations always arrive

the same day the party's
announced... in the papers.

It's standard... procedure.

Maybe it'll be
in tomorrow's mail.

You're just trying
to cheer me up.

No, I mean it.

You just wait and see.

That could be it.

That must be it.

Yes, that is it.

It will be
in the morning mail.

And you let me worry
for nothing.

Sorry, sir.

( knock at door )

Come in,
come in, come in.

Yes, Schultz, what is it?

Herr Kommandant,
Major Pruhst to see you.

Major Pruhst?

I never heard of him.
Send him in.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Major Pruhst.

Major Pruhst,
how very nice to see you.

How do you know
I'm Major Pruhst?

I didn't know it.

Schultz, didn't you say
this was Major Pruhst?

That's what he told me.

I could have told him
anything.

And the guard at the gate...

He admitted me without
looking at my credentials.

Your security here is
very slack, Colonel Klink.

How do you know
he's Colonel Klink?

That's right--
you don't know.

Don't worry, I know.

You were born in Leipzig.

Attended
the Gymnasium there.

Forty-third in your class.

Worked in your father's store
till after your graduation.

Received an appointment
to the military academy

through your uncle,
who was the mayor's barber.

Graduated 95th in your class.

( laughs )

( stomps foot )

It was a large class.

What is he doing here?

Oh, this is Colonel Hogan,
senior POW officer.

Hogan, dismissed.

Schultz.

So that is Colonel Hogan?

You heard of him?

Yes.

I know all about him.

Born in Ohio.

Graduated from
the Aviation Cadets.

Third in his class.

Well, their standards were
much lower than ours.

But why are you
so interested in him?

The Gestapo is
interested in anyone

who is a threat
to the state.

KLINK ( over radio ):
But that man is a prisoner.

He's harmless.

PRUHST:
What I'm going to tell you is not to leave this room.

You can rely
on my discretion.

I don't want
your discretion; I want your silence.

Shh. Not a word.

I'm not a talker.

Our records show

that this area has
the highest rate

of sabotage and
underground activity.

Really?
Our little area?

Oh, that's awful.

Our statistical department
has been working round the clock

for the past five months
sifting information

on every known person
in this area

and relating them

to the outrages
which have taken place here.

Your people are doing
a wonderful job.

We come to a conclusion

which we find difficult
to believe or explain.

Yes, yes, yes?

The evidence all points
to one man--

your Colonel Hogan.

KLINK:
That is impossible.

He's a prisoner.

PRUHST:
But the evidence is overwhelming.

I planted a man
here in town

to set a trap,
spread rumors,

but the bird was
too smart to take the bait.

With all due respect,
Major, I think that's ridiculous.

Are you saying
that Colonel Hogan

can walk in and out
of my prison camp

without my knowing
about it?

I got in without
your knowing about it.

Try getting out without
my knowing about it.

Klink, when the
Mannheimer Bridge

was blown up two months
ago, there was a witness.

He saw the leader
in the moonlight.

He saw him
very plainly.

His description
of that man fits Hogan exactly.

But Hogan is
an ordinary-looking man.

KLINK:
He looks like a lot of people.

Why don't you bring the witness
here and identify him?

I can't!

When my superiors
found out

that my suspect was
a prisoner of war,

they ordered me
to drop the case.

Then what are you
doing here?

I don't give up!

I need to send a picture
of Colonel Hogan

to the witness
in Berlin.

PRUHST:
And if he can make a positive identification,

they will have to listen to me!

All right,
we'll have a picture taken.

Schultz!
No.

If Hogan is
the right man

and he becomes
suspicious,

he will just disappear.

I want to take
a picture of him

without his knowing it.

How?

Let me show you.

( clicks )

So...

this is how we do it
in the Gestapo.

( shutter clicks )

Colonel, we just
can't sit around

and let that clown
take your picture.

And show it to
a witness who can recognize you.

Gee, you don't seem
too worried.

Would it help?

No.

What's the use
of worrying?

BAKER:
I'd say you're in a spot, sir.

It's a spot I wouldn't wish
on a leopard.

It's a joke, fellas.

Here comes
the Bobbsey Twins.

Okay, standard deployment.

Fellas, come here.

Look, from now on, when
we fall out for roll call,

I want everybody clean-shaven,
hair combed, nails tidy.

Oh, I didn't know
we had company.

Oh, that's
all right, Hogan.

I'm just showing
Major Pruhst around.

You keep on doing
what you were doing.

Doesn't sound
like a spy to me.

Okay, we're being
very well-treated here.

I think it's an insult
to our host, Colonel Klink,

if we don't, at all times, give
a neat and cheerful appearance.

Now... any questions so far?

LeBEAU:
I like what you said

about us being
guests here.

But my mother always taught me

that a considerate guest
never outstays his welcome.

Don't worry.

You're always welcome.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Now, remember the principles
I've outlined are

promptness, neatness,
and above all,

gratitude for all the blessings
bestowed upon us.

( shutter clicks )

Now, I want you guys
to get the buckets out

and clean those barracks
till they shine.

I want you to clean every
corner, window, ceiling,

everything.

( softly ):
All right, fellas, that's it.

You're not really going

to clean the place up,
are you, sir?

Since when do
the guests clean up?

We'll let
our host do it.

You know he got
your picture, sir.

Mm-hmm.
How?

I didn't see
a camera. It was in his glove.

Aren't you going
to do anything?

You just can't wait
for him to grab you.

I'll think of
something, I hope.

Oh! I almost
forgot.

I delivered Klink's
mail this morning.

This was in it.

I took it out.

It's from
a field marshal.

Field Marshal
von Leiter, huh?

Klink did get
an invitation.

All right, he's been
waiting for it.

Put it in his mail
tomorrow morning.

Why is everyone
so sad?

We've been in
trouble before.

Sure we have.

Only it's worse
this time, isn't it?

Why?

Well, I mean, before,
we were all in it together.

Now the colonel's
in it alone.

Okay, let me have
your attention, fellas.

I got it.

Yeah, where is it?
Right here.

You thought of something.
I knew you would.

You had more confidence
than I did.

Well, I'm glad
that's settled.

I'm going back
to my dream.

I hope
she's still there.

Come on!

Nobody's going to sleep.

We got a lot of work to do.

Baker, go through
our files.

Get on the radio.

Get me everything you can
on Field Marshal von Leiter.

I don't care how trivial;
I want it.

And use the code.

Right, sir.

LeBeau, I need a German
officer's uniform--

something fancy.

Make me a captain, huh?

Any special regiment?

Yeah, make it one

that's been to
the Eastern Front.

And I won't be likely
to run into anyone from that outfit.

Carter, you still got
Klink's invitation?

Yes, sir, I've
got it right here. Good.

Readdress it
to Major Pruhst. Pruhst.

He's the one guy we want
at the field marshal's party.

Here's some more on
the field marshal, sir.

Yeah, good.

You know, this von Leiter,

for a guy that's been busy
all his life,

really hasn't
done anything.

Well, that's
the field-marshal business for you.

Here's some recent photos
of his kids, sir.

The boy's about my age;
girl a little younger, huh?

Yeah, I put their
names on the back.

I'll have more
information later.

Good.

( door opens )

Hey, Louis, that's
real sharp, man.

Merci.

Here you are,
Colonel.

You're a captain,
15th Corps

assigned
to headquarters.

Fine.

Is that the fanciest uniform
you could get?

If it was any more fancy,

you would be in
the ladies' auxiliary.

Here's your
mustache, sir.

All right.

Your glasses.

Mm-hmm.

What's going on
in Klink's office?

Nothing.

He and Pruhst are still
sitting and staring.

They haven't said a word
for two hours.

Maybe they're dead.

Wait a minute.

Klink is going to the phone.

This may be it.

He's giving the phone to Pruhst.

This is it.

PRUHST ( over radio ):
You're sure?

There's no mistake?

Good!

What did he say?

The witness says
there's no doubt about it.

PRUHST:
The man in the picture is the man who blew up the bridge.

KLINK:
I can't understand it.

I thought
I knew Hogan so well.

Why did he not
confide in me?

What am I saying?

I knew it was him.

I knew it was him
all along.

I knew it!

I suppose that deep down
I really suspected him.

There's something
shifty about him

that has always
rubbed me the wrong way.

Well, we got him.

We...

"We"?

I got him.

It was all me.

Only me.

Well, you got the
phone call in my office.

I don't want
to do anything tonight

to make him suspicious.

In the morning,
I'll arrest him

and drag him back
to Berlin with me.

I can assure you
he will be safe here until then.

PRUHST:
I want a man to keep an eye on him every minute... every...

Let's go.

You hear?

Ja, ja.

KLINK:
Schultz!

Herr Kommandant.

Come here, Sergeant.

Major.

You see
that man there?

No, I only see
Colonel Hogan.

That's who I mean.

Don't take
your eyes off him.

If Colonel Hogan is
to leave that room for any reason,

get a detail
and lock him up.

You can depend on me,
Major.

No move will escape me.

I will watch him every minute.

Nothing will take me

away from the assigned
post... until supper.

You will stay here
until I dismiss you.

He's still
watching.

Okay.

Oh.

Have a nice game.

He's still playing chess,
but he's cheating.

He dropped a rook,
he bent down,

he picked it up

and he put it back
on another square.

I don't care
about the cheating.

Just keep your
eye on him.

Jawohl, Major.

Klink, do you know
what time it is?

We're going to be late for
the field marshal's party.

You were invited?

Of course.

Weren't you?

Well, naturally I was,

but I wasn't really
planning on going.

Oh, come on.

You don't want to disappoint
the field marshal.

I don't even know
what I did with the invitation.

You don't need one.

You're with me.

Well, if you insist,

I'll be ready
in 45 minutes.

Why should it take you
that long?

Well, you don't
want me to go

in these rags, do you?

Okay, how do I look?

Colonel, you look
like a million marks.

I have the
funniest feeling,

like I'm sending
my daughter

to her first dance.

Don't worry, Daddy,
I'll be home early,

and if anybody gets fresh
with me,

I'll remember
what you told me to do.

( relaxed fox-trot music
playing )

( indistinct conversation )

Oh, Field Marshal von Leiter,
happy birthday, sir!

How nice
to see you again.

Yes, how do you do?

It's been a long time.

I think 15 years.

That long?

No, you're right as usual.

It's 12 years.

It was at your daughter's
15th birthday.

Tell me,
how is Lisa?

Oh, she's fine.

She's married
and has three children.

Oh, I can't believe it--
little Lisa with three children.

Not so little--

number four
is on the way. (laughter)

Yes, I can't tell you
how many times

I've thought of the
wonderful holidays

I spent at your
summer place in Dintlager.

Yes, I remember the
time you said to me,

"Eric Shroffstein, the
army is the only career

for a young man."

I see you took my advice.

Advice, sir?

I thought it
was an order. (chuckles)

Yes, I'll never forget the
hiding you once gave me

for riding your
favorite horse, Uncle Hans.

What was her name,
um... Poopsy?

Poopsy, yes.

Oh, you always were
a regular rascal, Eric.

I had to ride
standing up for a week.

Yes, and then you
told my father about it

and he gave me
such a thrashing--

another week standing
in the saddle.

Tell me,
how is your father?

Oh, I'm afraid he...
he isn't any better.

I can't tell you
how touched he was

when you visited him
in the hospital.

Oh, it is the least
I could do for an old friend.

Look over there.

That's Hogan with
a mustache and glasses.

That's hardly
a disguise at all.

I've got my man now.

It's disgraceful.

Hmm?

He was invited,
I wasn't.

HOGAN:
You must remember this was my first safari.

The only rhinoceros I'd ever
seen before was in the zoo.

Well, he came charging at me
and I took careful aim,

pulled the trigger,
and nothing happened.

He was still charging.

There was no time
to get out of the way,

so I took out my saber,
sliced him right down the middle

and let him pass me
on both sides.

Happy birthday,
Field Marshal.

Oh, hello,
Pruhst.

Happy birthday,
Field Marshal.

Do you know
Captain Shroffstein?

I think I do.

Really?

I don't recall the meeting.

Do you remember me,
Captain Shroffstein?

I can't say that I do.

And yours is a face one
doesn't easily forget.

Hogan, you're
in deep trouble.

What did you call me?

It wasn't Captain Shroffstein.

What is going on here?

Excuse me, sir,

but how long have you
known this man?

Eric?

Why, I've known him
all his life.

His father, too.

Poor man is
in the hospital.

Are you sure, sir?

Of course I'm sure.

I visited him there.

Eric grew up
with my children, Manfred and Lisa.

When was the last time
you saw Captain Shroffstein?

Some time ago.

I think 12 years,
is it not? Ja.

12 years is a very long time,
Herr Field Marshal.

Do you remember the time
Manfred and I got tattooed?

You were so angry.

I remember it well.

It was a girl
with not much on.

Manfred still
has his. He has?

Do you still have yours,
Captain Shroffstein?

Yes, tattoos are not easy
to get rid of.

You should've seen the model.

( both click heels )

Do you know what
I'm thinking, Klink?

Yes, a remarkable
resemblance.

Hogan can't be in two places
at the same time.

We must get back
to camp right away.

Uh, Field Marshal, I didn't
want to miss your birthday,

but I do have
a staff meeting.

It's very late.

Of course.

I'll tell Manfred
and Lisa that I saw you.

I wonder if I might
impose upon you

to have your chauffeur
drive me.

I wouldn't ask,
but it's so late.

Certainly, my boy.

Tell the chauffeur
to use the siren.

You'll get there faster.

Danke,
and a happy birthday.

Thank you.

Oh, such a nice boy, Eric.

I've always liked him.

Klink and Pruhst are on the way.

Colonel.

Newkirk.

( yawns )

Hey, glad you
dropped in.

HOGAN:
Say...

would you sacrifice
a rook in this position?

And where were
you tonight, Colonel Hogan?

I don't know,
where was I supposed to be?

Were you here
all evening?

No, I, uh, I was at
Baron von Richthofen's--

one of those informal evenings
with World War I aces.

The usual things--
brandy and tall stories.

Hey, the Wright brothers
were there.

Roll up your sleeve.

KLINK:
No!

The other sleeve.

No, uh...
no rabbits up my sleeve.

Major Pruhst, may I
see you for a moment?

If there's one
thing I know,

you cannot get
rid of a tattoo

in half an hour.

That means there really
must be two of them.

The one your witness
identified was not Hogan.

But Eric Shroffstein.

We must get back
to the party at once.

Ja.

I can't understand that.

Some guys would rather go to
a party than watch a chess game.

One more time, Carter!

He can't hit!

One more strike and he's out!

Mind if I go outside the fence
and get the ball, sir?

Hogan, I want
to talk to you.

Okay, that's
the old ball game, fellas.

I suppose you're
wondering

what happened
last night, huh?

Matter of fact, I was.

I think this
will amuse you.

Major Pruhst thought
that you were a spy

and that you blew up
the Mannheimer Bridge.

( chuckling ):
That's funny, isn't it?

You don't think
that's funny, huh?

No, I don't, sir.

You're missing
the point, Hogan. You see...

You know what I see?

After all the time
you've known me,

you actually thought
I was a saboteur,

a man walking around
with dynamite?

Well, you don't have
to put it that way.

You have a very
low opinion of me.

It wasn't
that way at all.

You know what I think?

I think you owe me
an apology.

Hogan, I...

All right,
I'll apologize.

I accept.

See, no hard feelings.

You know I like you,

but I wish you had
Captain Shroffstein's sense of humor.

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