All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s05e24 The Merry Widow.eng

( theme song playing )

Got it.

Good.

So, that's the baby that's been
holding up the Allied drive.

The Germans planted tons of them
to block our advance.

I never saw a land mine
put together like that.

They must have had their hands
full trying to disarm it, huh?

Our tanks have slowed
down to a crawl.

That makes these
quite a prize.

They sure were.

A company
of British commandos

got pretty badly
mauled getting them.

How are the repairs
to the tunnel coming?

Melting snow is giving
us a little trouble.

We had to start a new
tunnel in Barracks 5.

It'll join the old
one past the cave-in.

All right.

Let's see
how it's coming.

Getting rid of the dirt okay?

No problem.

How's it going?

Almost to the old
tunnel now, sir.

All right,
keep them at it.

I promised London they'd
have the film by tomorrow.

We'll make it, sir.

Any of the Krauts
been sniffing around?

They don't suspect a thing.

If they find this tunnel,
I'll eat my hat.

SCHULTZ ( in distance ):
Eins, zwei, drei, vier.

Eins, zwei, drei, vier,
eins, zwei, drei, vier.

He caved in
the bleeding tunnel.

Bon appétit.

You won't believe this,
Herr Kommandant,

but I was checking
the plumbing, Mm-hmm.

looking for a leaky pipe.

Ja, ja...
did you find it?

Not yet, but I'm going
to keep looking.

The cooler!

Schultz, have
the prisoners fill in the tunnel.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

And double the guard.

If they see
anything suspicious,

tell them to shoot first
and ask questions later.

They shoot first,
ask questions later.

You won't get many answers
that way, sir.

Right,
Herr Kommandant.

Schultz,
I gave you an order.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Let's go!

Hogan, Hogan, when
will you ever learn?

These foolish
escape attempts.

It gives the men
something to do.

In all the time you've been
here, how many men have escaped?

None.
Exactly.

Face it, Hogan-- for you
and your men this war is over.

That is good news.

We'll pack and leave
in the morning.

Dismissed.

What do we do
after we pack, sir?

We got to get
that film out.

How?

The tunnel's gone;

they doubled
the guard.

We can't get out.

I didn't say anything
about us getting out.

I said we'd get
the film out.

Why don't we ask
one of the Germans

to drop it off
when he goes into town?

I think Klink would probably be
the best choice, don't you?

Ask Klink to deliver
microfilm to one of our agents?

He's the one man who can
leave camp whenever he wants.

Who's going to
twist his arm?

Let's keep violence
out of this.

Take my word for it:

The colonel
will be delighted to be our messenger.

KINCH:
It's all set, Colonel.

The underground
says they'll have

a woman agent
in town by tonight.

You told them we wanted
somebody special.

They guaranteed a knockout.

Good.

Carter,
bring Schultz in here.

Okay.

One fat sergeant coming up.

Schultz?
I thought Klink was our target.

He is, but he might get
suspicious if it comes from me.

So we hook Schultz--
back up my story.

Got it.

All right, Operation Merry
Widow is about to begin.

SCHULTZ:
You wanted to see me, Colonel?

Yeah, Schultz,
we're going to have

a little
card game tonight

and wanted to know
if we can count you in.

I think I have no time.

Other plans, Schultzy?

CARTER:
Yeah, like maybe a little rendezvous?

Come clean,
Schultz,

we've heard
all about it.

You dog--
you sly, sly dog.

You're a lucky man,
Schultz.

I don't understand.

The Countess Marlene,
the Merry Widow.

She picked you,
didn't she?

Countess Marlene?
Merry Widow?

He hasn't heard of her.

Only the most famous
temptress in all of Europe.

Come on, Schultz,
don't be cute.

Sure-- isn't a man alive

hasn't heard of
the Merry Widow.

Especially after
that thing with Hitler.

The Führer?

No!

It didn't do him
any good.

They say she only
loves fat men.

That's why
she picked Göring.

Men don't pick her;
she picks them.

According to
the old rumor mill,

that's why
she came to town.

She's crackers about
someone in this camp.

Yeah, we figured
it was you.

All the world
loves a fat man.

Maybe she's heard about your
reputation with the barmaids.

It gets around, huh?

Uh... did you
get the flowers?

Flowers?

That's her style.

She sends flowers,
then the phone call.

"I'm, uh...
I'm waiting, lover."

And then, paradise.

( mumbling ):
Paradise... paradise.

HOGAN:
You haven't much time to get in shape, Schultz.

Oh, I guess
she couldn't wait.

I better pick them up.

♪ Lover, when
you're near me... ♪

Over here, over here--
I'm Sergeant Schultz.

I'll take them.

Nein, these flowers
are for Colonel Klink.

I am Colonel Klink.

Thank you, sir.

"From one who is tired
of worshipping from afar.

Soon--
Countess Marlene."

Huh, must be
some foolish...

You, you... you can't.

It's the Merry Widow.

No!

You're a lucky man,
Commandant.

I don't know any merry widow.

Countess Marlene.

Only the number-one
temptress in all of Europe.

She has seen more action
than the First Division.

But I don't remember any...

Countess Marlene?

There was something
about her and Hitler?

Hitler wanted
to give up evil.

He even offered
to shave off...

Hitler?

No.

Yeah-- but it didn't help.

He wasn't her type.

She didn't like
his funny haircut.

She turned down
the Führer?

Ja...

Men do not pick her;
she picks them.

And you're it.

That wild, impetuous girl
sending me flowers.

You're going
to get an invitation,

then the telephone will ring,
and then...

"I am waiting, lover."

I better take these inside
and put them in water.

Well, tough luck,
Schultz.

I don't understand.

Why him when she
could have me?

Probably a masochist.

( humming airily )

I guess the old Klink
magic has struck again.

I'm used to it, Hogan.

Women are always
sending me things.

Flowers from
the Merry Widow.

That plant over there--

another gift
from an old admirer.

Can one man
have so much?

I can't fight it, Hogan.

Women are always
putting me on a pedestal.

I can see what
attracted her--

your good looks,
your bearing.

Uh, just a minute, sir.

You sleep in
this jacket, sir?

My jacket?

Maybe I'd better
have it pressed.

Uh, forget it, sir.

I don't think
that'll help.

It should really
be tailored.

Here.

Yeah, that's better.

You've got to look
your best, sir.

It's a pity LeBeau's
in the cooler.

He's a fine tailor--
he could really help you.

Oh, I'll have him
released, Hogan.

He's learned
his lesson by now.

Oh, I appreciate this
very much, Hogan.

Forget it, sir,
forget it.

One day you can do
something for me.

HOGAN:
Good job.

Well, at least you're
giving me a trade

for after the war.

It's better
than the cooler.

Now it just needs
pressing.

Yeah.

All she's got to do is
get the jacket off Klink,

slip the film out
and take off.

A plane is being arranged
to pick her up.

The colonel's?

Mm-hmm.

Hmph!
I don't understand.

I ask you--
who would you pick?

Don't fight it,
Schultz.

Fortunes of war.

How much taste
can this Merry Widow have

if she wants the colonel?

Schultz!

Oh! Lots of taste,
Herr Kommandant.

That's what she has.

Is my jacket ready?

Be just a few minutes,
Herr Kommandant.

We'll bring it
over, sir.

You better
hurry it up.

She'll be calling
anytime now.

A world of taste,
Herr Kommandant.

She's a very tasteful lady,
and a very lucky one.

Oh, shut up.

She's got to go
out of her mind.

Maybe you're right.

Oh, Hogan, you should have
heard her on the phone.

What a voice--
oh, she's all woman.

Shouldn't you
be leaving, sir?

There's no rush.

Make them wait.

They become
all the more anxious.

I keep forgetting
I'm talking to the master.

You see, in love and war,
the method is the same:

Keep the opponent off guard,
then go forth and conquer.

I wish I had a pencil
to get this down, sir.

You will give classes
after the war?

Now, there's a thought.

If everything
we hear

about the countess
is true, sir,

this may be the last
time I see you.

( laughing )

What a way to go.

What a way to go.

Uh, Commandant?

Be kind.

( clicks heels )

Good evening.

Good evening, Colonel.

Come in.

You're late.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Um, there was
an emergency at camp--

a top-level decision.

The traffic
was terrible.

I hurried as much
as I could-- honest.

Just so that
you're here.

Yes.

Sometimes, Colonel, it pays
to keep a woman waiting.

...and waiting.

I've heard so much
about you, Colonel.

You're much
better looking than your pictures.

And I've waited
such a long time

for this
little rendezvous.

Have you?

Mmm... and now that
I'm close to you,

I find you even more
attractive than I thought.

Those blue eyes.

That full mouth.

( sighs deeply )

I'm in the presence
of a love god.

Oh, you shouldn't
have done that.

I lost control.

Some wine, Colonel?

Please.

You know, I think in you...

I've finally
met my match.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, oh,
it's nothing.

It's... it's
just a little stain.

You'd better
take that off.

Oh, yes, yes, I will, I will.

Oh, thank you.

You'd better slip this on
while I try to clean that.

Do you know that
a suspicious person

might think that you had
done this purposely?

Oh... I'll be back
in a minute.

Mmm-- don't.

You make me hunger
all the more for your lips.

Oh, hurry-- please.

Klink left 30 minutes ago.

She should have
the film by now.

Colonel, we got a problem,
and a big one.

What's up?

This is Sergeant
Meadows, sir--

the SS just
brought him in.

He led the raid on
the land mine factory.

We got what
you went after.

The microfilms were
turned over to us.

They should be
on their way to London by now.

Well, you'd better
try and stop them.

Here, this is
what London needs.

That's a model of
the actual land mine.

What's on
the microfilm?

An early
experimental version,

all been
completely changed.

If our boys start to
use those for a guide,

they'll be blown
to bits.

KLINK:
I'm waiting, Püppchen.

( phone rings )

Hello.

I was just leaving.

I'm glad I caught you.

What?!

That's wonderful--

all of Hammelburg is crawling
with Gestapo

and you jeopardize my life
with the wrong film.

I should have left
when I had a chance.

Maybe you'd better go.

A lot of lives are at stake.

We'll try to come up
with another plan.

No, no.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm just jumpy, I... I think
I need a vacation from war.

I-I-I'm sorry.

I'll be all right.

Good girl.

We've got a model
of the real thing here.

Try to get rid of Klink
as fast as you can

and we'll get it over to you.

How much time do you have?

The plane is picking me up
at midnight.

Good.

The first thing
I want you to do is...

Come to your tiger,
my little apple strudel.

Out.
Take...

Out?
Out.

You want me to go?

You... you can't
be serious.

It's irresistible me.

Remember--
the blue eyes,

the kissable lips?

Think-- you'll never
forgive yourself.

Out!

How can you turn
all this down?

Good night, Colonel.

Here he comes.

Colonel Hogan,
Colonel Hogan...

I can't say.

You wouldn't believe it.

The Countess Marlene called me.

No kidding?

Queen bee has sent
for her honey.

Schultz going in
for Klink, huh?

( chuckles )

They're putting in
the first team.

Isn't that the colonel's?

Well, we thought it
brightened up the room.

I see nothing--
nothing!

Hey, Schultz, what
are you taking her?

Taking her?

Flowers, something.

You can't go there empty-handed.

Yeah, a woman like that is
used to diamonds and furs.

Tell you what, Schultz.

Here, take her this.

She'll love it.

The colonel's?

I couldn't--
I wouldn't!

The most desirable
woman in Europe.

But I will!

Colonel Hogan, please,
you won't tell the commandant that I...

I hear nothing,
Schultz, nothing.

Good.

Beautiful!

How thoughtful.

Exactly what I wanted.

Me, too.

How can I ever
thank you?

I'll make out
a schedule.

( knock at door )

Who is it?

KLINK:
Colonel Klink.

Oh.

What is it, Colonel?

I've come back
to give you another chance.

But I...

Maybe... maybe I was
too much for you.

I know how overwhelming
I can be.

Why, that's funny,
I have a plant

just like that,
even the pot.

Not now, Colonel.

Oh, I wouldn't want you
to hate yourself.

Out!

I'm going, I'm going.

This is no way
to treat a love god.

Good night, Colonel.

That is my plant.

( door opens )

Aha!

I'm glad you're here,
Herr Kommandant.

I found this woman
with your plant.

Out!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

You're not going
to take it away, Colonel.

( grunts )

Old Hot Lips
is back, sir.

KINCH:
I don't think he's going to be very happy.

Oh, no.

( grunts )

You are hereby
restricted to camp,

and starting
immediately,

you will march guard duty
until I tell you stop!

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

( grunts )

What do
we do now?

Notify London
to forget about those mines.

Not yet.

There's still
a little time

before the widow's plane
picks her up.

So what? It's a cinch
we can't get Klink to go back now.

If Klink won't go
to the mountain,

we'll bring the mountain
to Klink.

Kinch, get her
on the phone.

Tell her to come here--
it's the only way

we hope to get
that plant to her.

Right, Colonel.

But after catching her

with Schultz, Klink
will never agree to see her.

Yes, he will.

I'm on my way over
to tell him why.

Imagine passing me
up-- a colonel--

for that, uh...
sergeant.

She's twisted, Colonel.

Next thing, it'll be
privates and corporals,

and we colonels
will be out of business.

She's obviously
attracted by riffraff.

Then again,
she did pass up Hitler.

Hogan!

He was a corporal,
wasn't he?

Maybe this thing with Schultz
was a moment of madness--

she realizes her mistake

and now she's come back
to the big fellow.

It's too late, Hogan.

With me, there's
no second chance.

You're absolutely right,
Colonel.

How often does a woman get a
golden opportunity like you?

Hogan, will you leave
that plant alone?

And to abuse it,
she should suffer.

Exactly!

( phone rings )

Hello.

Colonel Klink speaking.

Who?

Hogan, it's her.

She's at the gate--
she wants to see me.

( whispering ):
No.

Yes.

I'll teach her
a lesson.

Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

You want her to suffer?
Here's your chance.

Obviously, she wants you.

You've got her
right here, sir.

Toy with her
and then crush her--

an eye for an eye,
complete rejection.

I'll give her a lesson
she'll never forget.

Have her come
to my quarters.

Before I get through
with her, she will crawl,

she will beg, but it
will do her no good.

I will be iron.

You better go, Hogan.

Don't let her cry
too much, sir.

Hi.

I'm Hogan.

You know what to do.

Yes, I soften him up
and get the plant.

It's going to be close--
I only have 15 minutes.

Just one thing--
he's going to play hard to get.

Hard to get?

Him?

He should give stamps.

We'll be right outside
if you need us.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Uh...

What can I do for you?

Well, normally I'm
a very shy person, Colonel.

I've never done anything
like this before.

I think I understand.

But I had this
uncontrollable urge.

I'm so sad for you.

Oh, I could not rest
until I saw you again,

and I thought
this would be our night.

We don't need that light.

Hmm?

You seem so distant.

Here I am,
hungering for your lips,

and you're making me suffer.

Don't I interest you
at all?

Earlier perhaps,
but not now.

Hmph! It will
do you no good.

( whimpers )

No good at all.

You've suffered enough.

I want much more
than just tonight, Colonel.

I'm yours,
364 days a year.

Christmas I have to spend
with my mother.

( chuckles )

Well, I was thinking
of a souvenir,

something I could have
and care for--

a lock of hair?

No.

A plant.

Perfect.

A living reminder of you.

It's yours.

And now...

Now.

Some champagne.

Now?

The wonder of your lips
makes this a festive occasion.

I'll get it.

I'll be right back.

Hogan.

I've got it.
( footsteps approaching )

Hold it--
Schultz.

What's going on?

My little strudel!

W-What are you
doing in there?

I've been looking
for you.

For me?

You're not going
to keep me waiting.

In there?

What about
the commandant?

He's gone out.

Hurry.

( whimpers )

Don't start without me.

KLINK:
I'll be right there, Püppchen.

Nothing is too good
for my Püppchen.

Ah... Oh!

But I don't know which
makes me more romantic,

champagne or caviar.

Mmm.

I'll get some
of that, too.

Mmm.

Shh.

Now, sit
in this chair.

Close your eyes.

Stay very still.

I just want to look at you.

Pucker up.

There you go, Kinch.

Careful, now.

Püppchen--

champagne and caviar,

and then one surrenders
to the inevitable.

Bye.

Danke.

( car engine starts )

Aw, I was hoping
it would last.

You're a sentimental
fool, Colonel.

Sue me--
I like a happy ending.

Püppchen.

Püppchen.

Colonel?

Send her off already?

Poor kid-- must have
broken her heart.

As I told you, Hogan,
she had to be taught a lesson.

And the old professor
gave her one, right?

Look, you're not supposed
to be out of the barracks

at this hour.

Oh, you're right,
Colonel.

Boy, I'd sure like
to see you in action.

Next time you'll have
to sell tickets, sir.

Good night.

Püppchen.

Püppchen.

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