All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s05e05 Unfair Exchange.eng

( theme song playing )

MARIA:
The Fourth Panzer Division,

the Tenth Grenadier
Brigade

on reserve
at position Bismarck.

"C" coordinate,
section 14.

No, no, that's no good.

London can't use
German map coordinates.

Don't edit.

Just give it to us
as you memorized it.

Relax, Maria,
you're doing fine.

I am nervous.

Well, don't be.

Carter's outside
protecting us.

Thanks for reminding me.

Now I'm nervous.

Well,
let's try again.

Maximum air support
to be committed zero plus one.

The First Panzer Corps
will assume primary defense

and counterattack
responsibility.

The following
infantry units...

Colonel!

Krauts on the road--
Gestapo.

Where are
they headed?

East. Slow.

They stopped
and turned around.

They may have
seen the light.

All right,
the party's over.

We better get
out of here.

Let's try a four-minute
mile back to camp.

I'll stay.

I may be able to stall them.

Are you out
of your mind?

Stall the Gestapo?

Lady,
you got guts.

If you are caught,

it will ruin your operation
at Stalag 13.

Wouldn't do us any good
personally, either.

Yeah, those firing
squads can sting.

No dice.

Come on.

Look, I'll say I was
on my way home

and stopped here to rest.

They'll believe me.

( car approaching )

All right.

Good luck.

Let's move.

Underground confirms
that the Gestapo

is holding her
in jail in Hammelburg.

They'll probably
question her a couple of days

and then have her shot
trying to escape.

Without ever
leaving her cell.

She wouldn't even
come with us.

She insisted on
staying back

and trying to stall
the Gestapo.

Boy, what nerve.

We're going to try
and spring her.

But Colonel, that's
Gestapo that's got her.

Right, they shoot people
for double parking.

She's had it.

Do you realize what she's
carrying around in her head?

Order of battle, German forces
in France, that's all.

Yeah, and we'd only
gotten half of it

before they crashed in on us.

And London wants the rest.

More important, she blew
her chances to get away

so we could make it.

Now it's her turn.

Hey, Colonel,
why don't we try

a drop of
the old flimflam?

You're the man for that.

Thank you.

You know, we show up
at the jail

in Gestapo uniform.

"Guten Tag.

"I am Officer Heindorf.

"Heil Hitler.

"I have here the orders
and transfer

"of Maria Hoffman, the prisoner,
to Berlin at once.

Schnell!"

No,
it's too risky.

If the local Gestapo

hasn't sent her file
to Berlin yet,

no reason to move her.

Let's think
about it awhile.

( brakes squeal )

Colonel, Burkhalter
just drove into camp

with his sister.

Gnädige Frau
Linkmeyer?

Right, in person.

The bride of Frankenstein
strikes again.

Boy, she was just here
two weeks ago.

We sure don't need
General Burkhalter

around here right now.

You're so right.

Klink will start
showing off,

tighten up security.

Bloody stupid,
that's what it is.

Maria's in jail

and there's that old slag
Gertrude Linkmeyer

walking around free.

Hey, Colonel,
I've got a thought.

If we were to fake
a call

to the Gestapo, say
we're from Berlin,

and then if I had
some nitro

and a few caps-- now,
I don't need much...

Hold it, hold it.

Newkirk, you just said
something rather interesting.

Accidents will happen.

I do it all
the time.

What did I say?

You compared
Gertrude Linkmeyer and Maria.

Question:

If Gertrude were missing,

what would the general do
to get her back?

Very little, if he's smart.

I mean, would he
exchange Maria for her?

What?!

Exchange her?!

Colonel,
you don't mean

kidnap a general's
sister?

He does mean it.

We wouldn't keep her
very long.

If the exchange works,
naturally we'd return her

and if it doesn't,
let her go anyway.

Where could we hide her?

Here.

In the tunnel?

Mm-hmm,
she wouldn't mind.

Besides, she looks
better in the dark.

What makes you believe

that there is
something going on

between Frau Linkmeyer
and myself?

She talks about you
a great deal.

Mm-hmm,
that's very flattering.

It's also very dull.

Every time I inspect
Stalag 13,

she asks
to come along.

And that leads you
to believe

that there is
something going on

between her and myself?

Now you are asking
my question.

General Burkhalter,
I can assure you

there's absolutely
nothing going on

between Frau Linkmeyer
and myself.

Why not?

It's her husband.

Her husband.

He has been missing in action
for two years.

And he's a lucky man.

I mean, he's very lucky

to have served Germany
and the Führer so well.

He can be declared
legally dead at any time.

Then Gertrude
will be a widow, free to marry.

That sounds logical.

She needs marriage, Klink.

So do you.

I can tell
by just looking at you.

I've not been too well lately.

I suggest you give it
a serious thought.

There are worse things
than being married

to the sister
of General Burkhalter.

Name one.

Why does he
hate me so?

He doesn't hate you.

Then why does he want me
to marry his sister?

Maybe he does hate you.

Hogan, you're
a worldly man.

You seem to know
a lot about women.

What shall I do?

Marry Gertrude.

What do you know
about women?

You need marriage,
Commandant.

Hogan,
you hate me, too.

Right now I can come
and go as I please.

If a pretty girl
smiles at me,

I can smile back.

I can stay out as late
as I please.

I can play cards
with the boys.

I can drink.

I can go to parties.

I'm as free as a bird.

Do you call that living,
Commandant?

Yes.

Gertrude is just
the kind of woman you need.

She's clever, forceful,
efficient, thrifty.

What about her looks?

Beauty is in the eyes
of the beholder.

What's there to behold?

She looks like her brother.

You'll get used to it.

You know, it's
just possible

that marriage is
his idea, not hers.

Well,
why don't you ask her?

No, that might
give her ideas.

But you could find out
for me, Hogan.

Little old me?

Yes, you could go
to the VIP quarters looking for me,

and if I wasn't there
but she was,

you could talk to her.

Would you, Hogan?

Well...

Please.

All right, Commandant,
anything for you.

Thank you.

Enemies to the end.

Colonel Klink talks
about you all the time.

Really?

I thought the bald eagle

never talked about
anybody but himself.

Well, in your case
he makes an exception.

He thinks you're
clever, forceful,

efficient, thrifty.

He has to say
those things.

I am not
a beautiful woman.

Beauty is in the eyes
of the beholder.

Ja, ja, that's what
I keep telling everyone.

I hope I'm not violating
a confidence, Frau Linkmeyer,

but, um, I really
think Colonel Klink

is crazy about you.

Why doesn't he
tell me himself?

Is he too shy
to mention it?

Not exactly shy.

I'd call it yellow.

It comes to
the same thing.

What is he afraid of?

Your brother
is a general.

Albert?

( chuckles )

Generals are harmless--

except, of course,
to the men

who do the fighting.

Yeah, you've got
something there.

Well, I'd better get
back to the barracks.

I really came over
to see the commandant,

but I'm glad we had
this little talk,

Frau Linkmeyer.

So am I.

( phone rings )

Hello.

Yeah,
this is Frau Linkmeyer.

Uh, Frau Linkmeyer,
I am a friend of Colonel Klink's

and he asked me to give you
a very important message.

Why doesn't he
call me himself?

The colonel
would like to see you

at the Hauserhof in Hammelburg
tomorrow night.

Oh, he would,
would he?

Yes, and, uh,
please do not tell anyone.

Tell the colonel
I will meet him as he asks.

Jawohl, Frau Linkmeyer.

The commandant wants me
to meet him alone.

Love will find a way.

Ja.

Klink is not my idea
of husband material,

but in wartime you have
to substitute for everything.

Well, actually
Old Blood and Guts

is a very lovable type.

Colonel, you should
really speak to the Red Cross

about a prisoner exchange.

Hmm?

You have been here
too long.

She just made
the turn, Colonel.

Headed this way.

Right.

Let's go.

Abend, gnädige Frau.

Abend. What's the trouble?

No trouble,
just a routine check.

Your papers, please.

I do not carry papers.

I am Frau Linkmeyer,
General Burkhalter's sister.

The sister of General
Burkhalter.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.

It's indeed
a great honor

to meet the sister
of General Burkhalter.

Ja, Mueller?

Ja, Schmidt,
a great honor.

Danke.

Your papers, please.

Dummkopf, I told you
I do not carry papers.

In that case, would you
please step out of the car

for one moment?

What do you mean,
step out of the car?

We must look around.

Search the car,
Mueller.

Search the car?!

Do you understand who I am?

What are you doing
in there?!

Please step away
from the car!

I'm General
Burkhalter's sister.

( Linkmeyer screams )

The situation, then,
is as follows:

Frau Linkmeyer did not sleep
in her bed last night.

Correct.

Correct.

Correct.

She requisitioned a vehicle
from the motor pool

at approximately 9:00.

The car was found abandoned
outside the camp this morning.

Correct.

Correct.
Correct.

Would you mind if only
one person agreed with me?

Of course. I'd be happy to.

It is my sister.

Yes, and I think
the general should speak for us.

And I agree.

Quiet.

Now, what conclusions
can we draw

from the facts I have
reviewed for you?

Frau Linkmeyer
is missing.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Your intelligence
reflects your commanding officer.

What does that mean?

Stupid, it's a compliment.

Thank you, Major.

Hochstetter, I called
in the Gestapo

because obviously
we cannot cope

with that sort
of thing,

but so far you have
done nothing but talk.

Where is
my sister?!

Yes, where
is my sister?!

I mean,
where's his sister?

Yes,
where is she?

Quiet.

I assure you,
General Burkhalter,

the Gestapo
will find her

if we have to turn
Germany upside down

and shake it.

Seems like
an awful lot of trouble.

And hardly worth it.

Quiet, Schultz.

Mmm... this is good.

Danke.

I will give you money
when I am free.

Danke.

Now, where am I?

Where is this place?

You are in a hotel
in Düsseldorf.

Hotel?

But it is so damp
in here.

I feel like
I'm in a cellar.

Well, it's one of
the cheaper rooms.

Is good, huh?

Ja.

Who is that?

Someone just came
into the room.

That is the chambermaid.

Guten Tag, Gretchen.

Don't bother
to clean the room now.

Wiedersehen.

She didn't answer you.

Her husband doesn't let
her talk to strangers.

There.

( alarm clock ringing )

Oop, excuse me, bitte.

The telephone.

Hello.

Ja, this is Heinrich.

What?

Well, I can't help it

if room service
is getting busy.

No, I'm still feeding
the lady in room 412.

Ja, ja, as soon as possible.

Wiedersehen.

That room service,
they're crazy.

They think I'm twins.

So, I am in
room 412, eh?

Oh! It slipped out.

Don't tell the boss,
he'll kill me.

But what hotel
is this?

Liebchen, Liebchen,

I can't tell you
everything.

Mmm.

Is good, ja?

Klink, do you know
any reason

why Frau Linkmeyer would
want to destroy herself?

We're just casual friends.

How would I know?

Klink and my sister
were practically engaged.

Oh, that would be

reasonable motivation
for suicide.

( phone rings )

Hello, Commandant
Klink's office.

Heil Hitler.

Uh, Commandant Klink
is in a conference

and cannot be disturbed.

What?

Oh, you have information
about Frau Linkmeyer?

SCHULTZ:
Oh, Commandant Klink cannot talk with you.

Please call back.

Give me that.

Hello, Commandant Klink
speaking.

Who is this?

It's a male voice;

he will not
identify himself.

( with German accent ):
Frau Linkmeyer is safe.

She will be free
on one condition.

You are holding a girl,
Maria Hoffman.

24 hours after you release her,

Frau Linkmeyer
will be returned to you.

We will call you again
with further instructions.

General Burkhalter,
I'm sorry to say

your sister
has been kidnapped.

What do they
want, Klink?

They say we are
holding a girl.

I'm not holding a girl.

Neither am I.

I wish I were.

Quiet!

Her name is
Maria Hoffman.

The Gestapo has her,

and they want to make
an exchange.

Ridiculous.

We are holding Maria Hoffman
on suspicion of treason.

Release her at once.

I said treason,
General.

I am curious--

why would they ask
to talk to Klink?

It doesn't matter;
we will do as they ask.

Major, make the arrangements.

General, this is
a Gestapo matter.

I am not interested,
Hochstetter.

For better or worse,
I have only one sister.

Thank heaven for that.

I mean, suppose
you had two sisters

and they were
both missing.

Two like
Frau Linkmeyer?

Impossible.

Maria Hoffman is
a suspected enemy of the state.

We must hold her.

I am sorry, General.

Major.

Unless you do as I ask,

I will be forced
to pick up that phone

and call my friend
Himmler.

BURKHALTER ( over speaker ):
He will order you to release Maria Hoffman.

I do not respond favorably
to this kind of force,

even from a general.

However, I uh...

I pride myself on
having an open mind.

Major Hochstetter--

now, there's
a real open mind.

At least the animals
went for it.

Right, we're moving.

Kinch, contact
the underground.

I want to know as soon
as Maria is released.

Okay, but that could be
big trouble.

The Krauts will monitor
all radio for miles around.

Limit transmission
for 30 seconds.

Right.

LeBeau, tell Newkirk
I want to see him right away.

I want to get started
on that letter to Schultz.

Oui, Colonel, at once.

What letter?

The blimp doesn't
know it yet,

but he's about to have
a big romance.

"I'm sure you
won't remember me.

"My name is Wilma Braun.

"We met on visitors' day
at Stalag 13 a few weeks ago.

I believe it was during
the Martin Bormann festival."

It's a nice touch.

Yeah, I like it.

NEWKIRK:
"I have not been able

"to get you out
of my mind.

"I'm staying
at Webber's Farm,

"where I spend my days
painting in the barn and thinking of you.

"I would love to see you again.

Could you come
and visit me soon?"

I signed it,
"Yours, Lonely Wilma."

Beautiful,
beautiful.

From now on, Newkirk,
I want you to write

all my
love letters, too.

Well, thank you, sir.

I do have a bit of talent
in that direction

if I do say so myself.

And I knew
you would.

Good news, Colonel:
Maria's out.

The Gestapo released
her 20 minutes ago.

Boy, I'd have never
thought it was possible.

Hochstetter's iron swastika
sure crumbled fast.

Colonel, you're
a bloody genius.

Not until we get rid of
the lovely Frau Linkmeyer.

Newkirk,
see that Schultz

gets that letter
right away, hmm?

It's done, sir.

Letter from a girl?

She's beautiful.

I remember.

She's not too tall
and not too small.

She's brunette
and slightly blonde.

She's not fat
and she's not skinny.

Yeah, I'd know her
anywhere, Schultz.

What's the problem?

Should I answer the letter
or go and see her?

Don't waste time
with a letter.

Get yourself
some flowers,

maybe a little wine,
and just show up.

You know what to do
once you get there, don't you?

Boy, do I!

I go there in a few days.

Wait, hold it, hold it.

She says, "Could you come
and visit me soon?"

"Soon" with a woman
means right away.

Uh, it does?

Yeah, I think you'd
better move fast,

go out tonight.

You off duty?

Yeah, I'll get off.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Oh, I feel so romantic.

Tally ho.

( with German accent ):
Frau Linkmeyer, tonight,

Webber's Farm, 2200 hours.

Any attempt to trap us will mean
disaster for Frau Linkmeyer.

End of message.

Hello?

They hung up.

Webber's Farm,
tonight, 2200 hours.

Excellent-- I will
arrest the criminals,

whoever they are.

They warned me,
if we set a trap,

it will mean a disaster
to Frau Linkmeyer.

I would not worry

about what happens
to the gnädige Frau.

That's true--
how could a disaster

happen to a disaster?

Men will be stationed here,
here and there.

All the routes in the area
are being patrolled right now.

Excellent work.

I couldn't have
done better myself.

Nothing must happen
to Gertrude.

General, you have
my word on it:

Frau Linkmeyer's safety
comes first.

His word, Herr General.

You couldn't do better
than that.

Yes, I could,
but I have no choice.

( chuckles )

Anybody home?

SCHULTZ ( outside ):
Anybody here?

It's me, Sergeant Schultzy.

( muffled shouting )

Oh, oh, excuse me.

I got a letter from...

( muffled grunting )

Frau Linkmeyer, I thought
you were kidnapped.

Frau Linkmeyer,
you are kidnapped!

Oh, Frau Linkmeyer,
you are kidnapped.

Frau Linkmeyer.

They kept me in some
terrible hotel in Düsseldorf.

How did you know
I was here, Schultz?

I came to see a lady--
Wilma Braun.

They could have killed me.

Oh, how terrible.

And I spent so much money
on flowers and on wine.

HOCHSTETTER:
Achtung!

This is the Gestapo!

This building
is surrounded!

Give yourselves up.

You have no chance
to get away!

You have no chance to get away.

Give yourselves up.

Colonel Klink,
do you mind?!

I have the situation
well in hand.

I was only trying to help.

Stop that nonsense,
both of you.

Order them to send
Gertrude out first.

Ja, Herr General.

Yes, Herr General.

I order you to send out
Frau Linkmeyer alone!

Oh... oh, I will do
as he says.

I will go out first
and then you follow, Schultz.

N-N-N-No, no, no!

They will think
that I kidnapped you.

Ah, don't be silly.

I will explain.

Oh, boy,
that's real trouble.

Aim high,
but give them plenty.

They will know
we mean business.

Fire!

( bullets ricocheting )

Now send out
Frau Linkmeyer!

Albert!

Gertrude.

Resume firing.

( guns firing )

Stop!

Schultz is in there!

Cease fire!

( wine splashing )

That cost Schultz
a bottle of wine.

Yeah, it didn't do
those bloody flowers any good either.

Well, at least
Burkhalter gets

his sister back
safe and sound.

Yeah, even a general
can't win them all.

I only know one thing.

I was kept in some terrible
hotel in Düsseldorf.

Room 412.

Danke,
gnädige Frau,

that will be
most helpful.

Clever to get
the room number, Frau Linkmeyer.

They were careless
and mentioned it.

Yeah, it happens
to even the best of kidnappers.

The investigation is
in your hands, Major.

Ja,
Herr General.

And I will want
to know more

about Colonel Klink's
involvement

in this
whole affair.

So do I.

Schultz!

All I did was talk
on the telephone.

I am completely convinced
that Colonel Klink

had nothing
to do with it.

So am I.

BURKHALTER:
Gertrude.

Frau Linkmeyer,
I have a few more questions

I will want to ask you.

I will cooperate
all I can.

And a few more questions
for Colonel Klink.

You always know
where to find me.

So do I, Wilhelm,
so do I.

Don't we,
Albert?

Of course, Gertrude.

Now, how dare he suggest

that I had anything to do
with the kidnapping?

See the way she rose
to your defense, sir?

She's crazy about you.

Hogan, I-I...

Colonel, what is
this fascination you have for women?

You've noticed
it too, huh?

Mm-hmm.

I suppose it's
terribly obvious.

That's the word
for it-- terribly.

Ja, ja.

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