All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s04e22 The Purchasing Plan.eng

( theme song playing )

Darn it, I dropped
a stitch again.

Forget it-- we've got
all the socks we need.

Yeah, but I'm sending these
to my kid brother back home.

You'd do a thing like that
to your own brother?

When you're finished
with those, Carter,

why don't you knit
something interesting?

Yeah, like a girl.

( banging )

Hey!

Why don't you warn
somebody before you come out?

NEWKIRK:
He's all good news.

Message from
London, Colonel.

It's urgent.

You know, after
the war, Andrew,

you're going
to make somebody a great little wife.

That's ridiculous--
ridiculous!

What's ridiculous?

London's dropped in a load of
ammunition for the underground.

What's that got
to do with us?

They want us to bring it
into camp, store it here,

and then move it out
to the underground units.

Well, that's ridiculous!

Turn a POW camp
into an ammo dump?

Well, good night--
I'm going to bed.

I'm going to resign
from the bloody RAF,

that's what
I'm going to do.

Sir, I'd like to
request a transfer to the navy.

Somebody wake
me in time for the next war.

( all talking at once )

Wait a minute.
Hold it.

When do we start,
Colonel?

We bring in the stuff
tomorrow night.

How did you know
the colonel

was going to accept
the assignment?

It was easy.

I read it in his face.

Every time it's a tough one,
his left eyebrow goes up.

Let his eyebrow
do the job.

Yeah, good luck
to it, I say.

Well, I'll tell
you one thing--

we should have enlisted
on the other side

and we'd be
a lot safer.

( dog barks )

Guten Abend, Schnitzer.

Hey,
Schultzy.

How goes
the war?

I don't know.

I haven't heard
from the Führer this week.

You're lucky.

Anybody who hears
from the Führer

is never heard from again.

I don't mix
in politics.

I'm a soldier.

Good!

I'll keep
your secret.

Hey, Schultz,
there's somebody I want you to meet.

I haven't got time
to meet anybody.

Come over here.

( groans )

My niece Heidi.

Sergeant Hans Schultz.

Guten Abend,
Sergeant.

Enchanté,
mademoiselle.

French.

Schön.

SCHULTZ:
Very schön.

HEIDI:
I've heard so much about you.

Onkel Albert
tells me you run the whole place here.

I have a little help,
but not very much.

It is not easy to get
good soldiers in wartime.

SCHNITZER:
It's getting colder, Heidi.

Come on,
let's go home.

SCHULTZ:
Wait a minute, hold it, hold it.

What's the rush?

I mean, we...
just got acquainted.

I'd be pleased you could give us
a nice cup of coffee.

SCHULTZ:
But it's in the orderly room,

and I'm supposed to be
here with the truck.

Orders, you know.

But I thought you
run things here.

Yeah, I do,
but... but...

I gave the orders
to myself.

Nobody can use this truck
to escape in, Schultzy.

Oh, your uncle
is so clever.

And so is his niece.

Klink, facts and figures
don't lie, even though you may.

Me? Lie?

Why is Stalag 13
the most expensive

prisoner of war camp
in Germany?

That's a very good question,
Herr General.

It costs 30% more to operate
this hotel of yours

than any other POW camp.

But we do have fun.

Silence!

Sir, it may cost
a lot more,

but may I remind you--

I have never had
an escape in Stalag 13.

Perhaps you should.

It might be cheaper.

I'd be willing
to try.

Quiet!

General... I keep my expenses
down to the barest minimum.

I order only those things
that are absolutely necessary.

Is that so?

Signed requisitions
for caviar,

asparagus,
champagne, brandy.

How dare you sign requisitions
for such things?

This is
your signature.

Why do you let me
sign such things?

I have to do everything
around here by myself.

How does this happen, Klink?

It's his fault.

BURKHALTER:
Hogan?

Yes-- he keeps
demanding his rights

under the Geneva
Convention.

Oh, sure-- luxuries
like bread and water.

He's passing the buck, General.

If it weren't for our packages
from home, we'd starve.

That's a terrible exaggeration.

Yeah?

We're the only
POW camp that doesn't have mice.

That's another
distortion of the truth.

Well, we do
have one mouse,

but he only
sleeps here.

He eats his meals
at Stalag 4.

I don't believe it.

Neither do I--
but it's not bad.

Klink!
I'm warning you.

Keep your costs down,
put your house in order,

or the next time
you want caviar,

you won't have
to import it--

you can catch your own
on the Volga.

But you'll have
to eat it there.

You can't take it
home, sir.

Hogan!

General, I promise you,

I will bring all my skill
and my intelligence

to bear on this problem.

Who knows?

You may be able
to solve it anyway.

Cor blimey! There can't be
any ammunition left in England.

The next one to light
a cigarette down here

gets a court-martial.

Before or after
the explosion?

KINCH:
Colonel?

London wants this ammo
divided into four lots

and delivered
to separate locations.

They must be kidding.

Shh... they're
sending them now.

Oh, well, that's lovely.

Prisoners of war delivering
ammunition all over Germany.

Maybe they would like to
have the stuff gift-wrapped.

It can't be done,
mon colonel.

We moved the ammo in,
we can move it out.

To four
different places?

Come on, Colonel.

Tell us how to do it.

I wish you guys wouldn't ask
embarrassing questions.

Excuse me.

Colonel, I think I've
solved your problem.

The Cub Scouts to the rescue.

Speak.

Well, your
basic problems in this case

are purchasing
and distribution.

Now, the Germans
are overlooking

a very simple
principle.

Carter, what are
you nattering about?

The colonel
told me

that Klink was
chewed out for mismanagement.

I've just been
fooling around

with a couple
of ideas.

We're trying to move ammunition,

and you're trying to make
the war easier for the Krauts.

Well,
not exactly.

What does
he know

about management
anyway?

I happen to have attended
a very fine business school.

I didn't waste my time
hanging around pool halls

like certain people
I could mention.

What do you got there?

Just a few notes, sir.

Now... now, the Krauts, they
deal with five or six POW camps.

Now, if they could centralize

their purchasing
and their distribution--

like use one camp as a depot--

then they wouldn't
have a problem.

But we would: you.

Which side are you on?

Andrew, are you
one of the good guys

or one of the bad guys?

Okay, just
laugh at a guy

who's trying to
use his brains.

( all arguing at once )

HOGAN:
Hold it, hold it!

Carter just may be
one of the good guys.

Could you write that up
to make it sound important?

Piece of pie.

It's "cake," Andrew--
"piece of cake."

What's the pitch,
Colonel?

Well, with Carter's plan,
we just might be able

to get the Krauts to move
the ammunition for us.

The colonel's gone
over the edge.

What is this--
a cuckoo festival?

Next time
you radio London,

tell them we need
a psychiatrist.

No, I don't have
an appointment, ma'am,

but it's very important.

I'll see.

Come in!

Excuse me,
Herr Kommandant,

a prisoner is
asking to see you.

Don't you see that
I'm up to my neck here?

I am drowning in paperwork.

I cannot be bothered

with the problems of
every individual prisoner.

It's driving me
out of my skull!

Don't you
understand that?

( loudly ):
Carter, what are you doing here without permission?

I wanted to show the
commandant my plan.

HOGAN:
Oh, that thing again.

I ordered you
not to show it.

CARTER:
Well, I think it's good!

It deserves a chance.

HOGAN:
I don't care what you think.

We're not in this war
to help the Germans, you know.

Now, give me that plan.

CARTER:
Yes, sir.

It's a good thing
I got it in time.

You're not to show this
to the Krauts.

Now get back to your hut.

But, Colonel,
I was just trying...

That's an order,
Sergeant!

Just one moment, please.

And what is this document

you're trying to keep
from the Krauts?

He's been
eavesdropping.

That's not very nice.

Any gentleman
would have coughed.

In his case,
grunted.

In that case,

it would not be
called eavesdropping, would it?

Now...
"reorganization...

"purchasing...
distributing procedures...

"central buying
authority...

"supplies shipped
to Stalag 13...

reloaded for Luft Stalags
in this area..."

And that last part is
mighty important, Commandant.

This is your
idea, Carter?

Yes, sir.

See, I heard you were
having management trouble,

and, uh, I took it
as a challenge.

You know, if you don't use
the old brain, it gets rusty.

See, I went to business school.

And after the war,
you're going to take

postgraduate work
in the stockade.

Hogan!

Uh, now, Carter,
you would like

to put your ideas
into practice, eh?

Yes, sir.

I'm making
a formal protest.

You're aiding
the enemy.

That's you,
Commandant.

That protest can wait
till after the war.

This has definite
possibilities.

You're in a lot
of trouble, Carter.

But, sir...

Save it for
your court-martial.

That's very unfair.

Go ahead-- fight
among yourselves, I love it.

Fräulein Hilda,
call General Burkhalter at once in Berlin.

I want an immediate
appointment.

This is most important.

You wouldn't actually
put that plan

in operation, would you?

Why not?

This is one of
the best ideas I've ever had.

Amazing.

You obviously
worked hard on this plan, Klink.

Thank you,
General Burkhalter.

I have given it many hours
of intelligent thought.

That's what's
so amazing.

What is your
opinion, Major?

Not a bad idea, but I doubt
that Klink can make it work.

That's terribly
unfair.

In fact, ever since
we at the Gestapo discovered

your mismanagement of Stalag 13,

I have had the feeling
that possibly

you should be transferred
to some other activity.

Ha! Me?
Where would I go?

I have a few ideas.

Let us be practical, Major.

This could save a lot of money.

Yes, it could
even be used

by some of
the other services.

I understand they're
already beginning

to call it
the "Klink plan."

Oh? Who calls it
the "Klink plan"?

Oh, some of the gang
back at the stalag.

As a matter of fact,
from now on,

I think it should be called
the "Klink-Burkhalter plan."

Klink!

I'm already leaning
in his direction.

Don't push me.

General, I'm
against this idea.

It's a Luftwaffe
matter, Major.

I will make the decision.

We will try it.

( smugly ):
Thank you, sir.

Your decision is final?

Ja!

Klink.

Order supplies for
the Luft Stalags in your area

and have them sent to Stalag 13.

Redistribute the material
to the other camps.

Understood?

Understood, sir.

Oh, it's amazing how you grasp
the essentials of this plan.

Absolutely brilliant.

Brilliant, sir.

Herr General, you have
made the decision.

The Gestapo cannot
interfere at this point.

Right.

As for you, Klink,
I will be watching.

One wrong move
and you will be smiling

out of the other side
of your monocle.

Herr General.

( clicks heels )

( door slams )

I despise that man.

So do I.

But I rarely mention it.

He has a microphone planted
in this office.

But, sir, you just agreed
that you despise him, too.

Where's the microphone?

At the moment
you are sitting on it.

Ah, Hogan,
another protest, huh?

You're darn right.

It's all over camp
you intend to use Carter

as foreman
on this new plan.

I do?

Sure, because
you know

he understands
how it should work

and he's
the logical man.

Well, that hadn't
occurred to me, but...

It's against
the Geneva Convention

to have
a prisoner of war...

Thank you,
Colonel Hogan.

You have practically
ensured the success of the "Klink plan."

Who calls it
the "Klink plan"?

Some of the gang
back in Berlin.

In spite
of my protests,

you're going to use
Carter to supervise

and let him pick his own
men for the loading, too?

Absolutely!

And that's another good idea
you've just given me.

Why can't I keep
my big mouth shut?

Ha!

CARTER:
Klink's orders are to ship the supplies out day after tomorrow.

Now, they go
to Stalags 4, 9, 11 and 14.

Are you sure
about that?

Never argue
with the foreman.

Kinch, these are the locations
of the four stalags.

I want you to get in touch
with the underground.

Somewhere along these roads,

they've got to stop those trucks
and take the ammunition.

Nice little job.

Newkirk, Carter, I want you
to divide up the ammo into four lots.

Mark the boxes W, X, Y
and, uh... Z for nitro.

Yes, sir.
All right, sir.

Kinch, radio that
information to the underground, huh?

Will do.

Hold it,
hold it.

Let's get to
the main problem.

There's more?

There's always more.

We got to move
that ammunition

to the storage building
with the other supplies.

And if the Krauts
catch us,

we'll move right on
into the cooler.

Yeah, their next move after that
is the firing squad.

How close is
the nearest tunnel?

Right here.

Holy cow! That comes
up under the guards' barracks.

In Schultz's room.

Yeah, it could be
Piccadilly Circus

for all the good
it's going to do us.

Wrong-- it's a break.

That's right next
to the storage building.

Now, we move our boxes
along through the tunnel,

surface in Schultz's room,

across the alley
into the building.

You've come out with
some harebrained schemes...

I think
it'll work.

It's optimists
like you, Carter,

that cause all the trouble
in the world.

What about Schultz,
Colonel?

He'll be sleeping
in there.

If he wakes up,
even he will know something's wrong.

LeBeau, I want you
to feed Schultz

some of your strudel
tomorrow night.

That won't
knock him out.

No... but this will.

Beautiful, beautiful!

It is so good, one shouldn't
even call it strudel.

How about caviar?

( scoffs )

Caviar? No.

I think I better
call it strudel.

Would you like to
have a nice cup of coffee to go with it?

Oh, ja-- the good, strong
amerikanischer Kaffee, ja.

Jawohl.

But it won't keep me
awake, will it?

I think I can
guarantee that.

Good.

( snoring heavily )

( thud )

Freeze.

SCHULTZ:
Guten Abend, Hogan.

Ho... Hogan, what is it?

What?

You're having a dream...
dream... dream.

But I see men with boxes
over my bed.

It's part of the dream...
dream... dream.

Yeah, but it looks so real.

That's the best kind.

Dream...

dream... dream.

( sighs )

W, X and Y
are all loaded, sir.

Okay, Carter.

That it?

NEWKIRK:
Yeah.

Okay, Z's taken care of.

You're the best
foreman we ever had.

I'd like to try
for a medical discharge

on grounds
of extreme fatigue.

Major Hochstetter--
who sent for him?

Major Hochstetter, what
a pleasure to see you.

I was just passing by.

If he asks questions,
what do we do?

It's a toss-up.

Either faint dead away
or start crying.

Carter.

Everything's all loaded and
ready to roll out, Commandant.

Thank you,
Carter.

Schultz!

Wait a minute.

Wh... what do you
mean, Herr Major?

Wine?

It's going
to Stalag 11,

requisitioned
to the officers' mess

for a birthday party.

Wine!

Birthday parties
in wartime!

Whose birthday?

The Führer's birthday.

Why didn't you say so?

Sergeant Schultz!

Let the trucks move out!

SCHULTZ:
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Fortunately,
Major Hochstetter,

you are just in time
to see the "Klink plan" begin operations.

Amazing, isn't it?

It will be if it works.

You were not able
to operate

the business of this camp
under the old plan;

why should anyone
expect you to...

I think, sir, you're
jumping to conclusions.

Yeah, well, if this plan
does not work,

the Gestapo will
jump on you.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.

You have some very
nice friends, Commandant.

That Hochstetter--

he's going to make me
an old man before my time.

What did you say,
Grandpa?

We hit the jackpot, Colonel.

The underground got
all the ammo.

( all exclaim )

We've got a play-by-play.

The first gang did it
wearing German uniforms.

They even signed a receipt
for the boxes marked "W."

Clever, clever.

Now, the second group, they shot
out one of the truck's tires.

The Krauts stopped
to change it...

( snaps fingers )

There goes the "X" shipment.

The third bunch got theirs

while the driver and his pal
were eating lunch.

And the last group,
the "Z" boxes--

they simply blocked the road.

( all exclaim )

We owe it all
to the Carter plan.

Aw, heck,
it was nothing.

Yeah, that's true enough,
but it turned the trick.

Let's get in touch
with London,

tell them
"Mission accomplished."

Right.

SCHULTZ:
Colonel Hogan...

Somebody call
for room service?

Colonel Klink wants
to see you and Sergeant Carter

in his quarters
at once.

What for?

Me, Schultz?

He says he has a little surprise
for both of you.

You don't get a minute to
yourself in this war, do you?

Let's go.

How is the strudel
situation tonight?

Forget it.

That's only
for special occasions.

That strudel
is wunderbar.

After you eat it, you sleep
like a little baby.

You sent for us, Commandant?

Ah! Yes, come in,
come in.

Oh, all the stalags
report supplies received.

The plan is a success.

Oh, congratulations, sir.

Yeah, that's very
gratifying, sir.

And now I think
we should have a little celebration, huh?

And you keep telling everybody
he's a monster.

Oh, ho-ho.

On that last truck,

there were a few cases of wine
for the officers.

Wine?

And I had Sergeant Schultz
borrow one for me.

It's got a "Z"
on it.

What?

Yeah, a "Z."

It was a vintage year.

Oh, yes!

Well, I'll just open it.

No, no, no!
We'll open it for you.

Carter, pick that up.

Oh, please
don't bother.

No, you'll mess up
your room, sir.

But...

Carter, pick it up.

Pick it up, Carter.

He's tired.

A foreman's job is not easy.

We'll-- here!-- be right back.

Settle down,
will you?

What will I do?

Listen carefully.

Take it back
to the hut.

Put a charge on it
and a timer.

Set it for 60 seconds.

Then leave it out
in the compound

where it won't hurt anybody.

I'll stall Klink.

You get back here
after you set it off.

Understood?

Understood.

Boy, everything
was going so well.

Move.

Boy, if Klink had
opened this box...

Don't talk-- work.

We want it set for
60 seconds, Andrew?

That's what
the colonel said.

Get on with it.

You want to do this?

I don't enjoy...

Shh.

You know, we Germans have
a great talent for plans and inventions.

That's true.

You invented Hitler.

Yes, we...

Oh, that's
very good, Hogan!

It's amazing what
you can do with a Tinkertoy.

( ticking )

I wonder what's taking him
so long with that wine.

He's probably dusting
the bottles.

Of course.

You know, Sergeant Carter
is a very thoughtful man.

I hope so.

( door opens )

Colonel....

Where's the wine?

Well, there was
something wrong with that box.

I left it outside.

Something wrong?

It was making
ticking noises, funny noises.

Ticking?

Nonsense.

I'll have a look at it.

( loud explosion )

( siren sounds )

What happened?

My guess would be
Major Hochstetter.

The Gestapo?

Right.

Couldn't stand your
plan being a success.

He tried getting
you another way.

That's terrible.

It's that man or me,

and I've got to find
a way to get at him first.

Carter?

Sir.

You think you
can come up with a plan for that?

Piece of pie.

Uh... he means "cake."

Yes, Herr General.

Carry on with the plan.

Yes, sir.

Oh, sir, when you have time,

I would like to discuss
a matter with you

concerning Major Hochstetter.

Forget it?

Don't be an idiot?

Yes, sir, I'll try.

Thank you, sir.

Heil Hitler.

He's very pleased.

I'm to continue
with the plan.

Congratulations, sir.

Believe me, Hogan,
this will make me general.

Before this war is over,

you will see the
insignia right here.

I better start thinking
about a gift for you.

I'll talk to the boys.

What will it be?
What, huh?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe we'll chip in
with the Gestapo

and buy you a case of wine.

Oh, a case of...

Dismissed!

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