All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s04e14 Man in a Box.eng

( theme song playing )

Now, the building
is right here

on the edge of town.

Oui, Colonel, I see it.

The Krauts want privacy, huh?

Security.

The place is full
of research equipment.

They're working
on a new magnetic mine.

It explodes
if you just look at it.

Nice. Very nice.

London wants information--

diagrams, formulas,
any notes they have.

They also want
pictures of the interior.

Oui, Colonel,
I have the camera.

Smile.

( clicking )

Okay. You'll rendezvous

with our underground contact,
Luise,

right here.

And if she
doesn't show up?

You carry on alone.

What am I supposed to do--
stop somebody on the street?

Pardon, monsieur.

Can you get me into the building
where they are doing research

on a magnetic mine,
s'il vous plaît?

Luise will
be there.

She's reliable.

I want you to get back here
as fast as you can.

No bars, no cafes
and no girls.

Do you mind
if I smile at people?

Only if it's absolutely
necessary.

Now, you got your
identity papers?

I am a French
collaborator from Vichy

looking for a job to help
the German war effort.

You rat.

Colonel,
the guys are almost ready.

Okay. Hilda will start moving
in five minutes.

Now, good luck, LeBeau.

This is a very important
mission, so don't blow it.

Right.
Let's go.

Oh, come on, Schultz.

You're a born killer.

That's enough.

Hey, Colonel, look at us.

We're on K.P.
Great.

Yeah, Colonel, how
come they volunteered?

Well, they need
the experience, Schultz.

Yeah, make a lovely
trade for after the war.

Come on, Schultz.

( Schultz chuckles )

( wolf whistle )

HOGAN:
Huh?

NEWKIRK:
Oh, blimey, look at that.

Hey, Colonel,
look at that.

Ho-ho.
( Carter whistles )

Yeah.

Now that's what I want
for Christmas, Schultz,

and don't bother
wrapping it.

( chuckling )

Wait a minute.
Hold it.

You already did that one,
Schultz.

How do you know?
You were looking at Fraulein Hilda.

And I'm gonna stand right here
until she comes back.

All you can think
about is girls, huh?

No, there's
one other thing.

Yeah, what?

Women.

( laughing )

Women.

Tell Unit Number Four
to begin searching east of town.

I repeat, east of town.

Unit Number Seven
will concentrate

on the woods to the north.

You have your orders.
Get on with it.

I'll have that little cockroach
back in this camp

before you can say
"Martin Bormann."

Did he escape, too?

Dummkopf.
You know nothing.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

I mean, no, no, Herr Kommandant.

Schultz, you are supposed
to smell out these escapes

before they happen.

He'd have to read the mind
of every prisoner in this camp.

He can't even read his own.

Hogan, you are very smug.

Your little escape committee
undoubtedly had a meeting,

and this is the result.

Could be.
You are supposed to have

advance knowledge
of these things.

Well, if you'd
come to a meeting of the Escape Committee

once in a while,
you'd know what's going on around here.

Silence!
( chuckles )

Quiet! Silence!

You did me already.

( grunts )

What interests me
is the method of escape.

Herr Kommandant,
maybe a tunnel.

Impossible.

Why do you think
I have you patrolling

all over the compound?

If there were a tunnel,
the ground would collapse.

The tunnel could
be very deep.

Schultz is heavier
than the tunnel is deep.

Danke, Herr Kommandant.

Excuse me,
Herr Kommandant.

What do you want?

The Burgermeister from Hamburg
is on the telephone.

Oh, good.

Hello?
Hello, Herr Burgermeister.

Good day.
Heil Hitler.

Herr Burgermeister,

we're having a little problem
here at Stalag 13,

and I would
like your cooperation.

One of our prisoners
has foolishly tried to escape.

Oh, he's just one
little Frenchman about so high.

He's no danger to anyone.

( whispers ):
Except girls. Ja, girls.

Silence.

Me, or him?

Herr Burgermeister,

I would appreciate
the help

of your small,
but efficient, police force.

What?

Of course the Luftwaffe
can handle it.

Yes.

Thank you, Herr Burgermeister.

Imagine the nerve of this man

telling me that the Luftwaffe
is inefficient.

He isn't even wearing a uniform.

Herr Kommandant,

the Burgermeister
is 72 years old.

He has sight
only in one eye.

So, what kind of an excuse
is that?

Commandant, I'd like to
volunteer my services

to recapture
Corporal LeBeau.

One of your own men?

How? Why?

I want the answer
to the first question first.

Well, if one of
your gang grabs him,

he might get hurt.

Let me go into
town alone,

in civilian clothes,
I'll get him for you.

Aha, that's the answer
to the second question: Why?

You will escape.

You have my word
as an officer.

Not good enough.

Not good enough
for me either.

Silence!
( mutters )

I'm sorry, Schultz.

He's got me
doing it now.

Hogan,
your request is denied.

I do not need your help
in recapturing the prisoner.

( sighs )

This is still the most secure
POW camp in all of Germany.

There has never been
a successful escape

from Stalag 13.

And all your bosses
in Berlin know it.

My reputation as camp commandant
speaks for itself.

Okay, tovarich.

"Tovarich"?

Yeah. You'll have
to speak for yourself

at the eastern front,

you may as well
know a word or two.

Hmm, that's
a very good idea.

Oh, shut up.

Dismissed.

You take the "shut up,"

I'll take the
"dismissed."

Sergeant, wait for me here.

I'll talk to Hogan alone.

Jawohl, Herr
Kommandant.

Had a bad day,
right, Commandant?

Not at all.

He's been seen
in several places.

As a matter of fact,

I've had a very
encouraging report

from Unit Number Seven

just before I came
over here, and...

Yes, yes, I've had
a very bad day.

Want to reconsider
my offer, correct?

Yes.

I'm going to let you
try it your way.

Okay,
I'll go into town tomorrow.

I want complete freedom
of action.

Do we understand
each other, Colonel?

We do, but if you go
back on your word

and try to escape yourself,

I'll have you brought
back in chains.

You can't even recapture
a five-foot corporal,

how you going to catch
a six-foot colonel?

Hmm, I never worry
about details.

Me, in civilian clothes,
Herr Kommandant?

Yes.

Now you will follow Hogan
everywhere in town.

I believe it's
called "tailing."

But Herr Kommandant,
I've never been a tail.

I'm not sure
I can do it.

Look, a prisoner
has escaped.

Your commanding officer's
reputation is in danger,

and all you can think
about is yourself?

What about me?

You wouldn't try
to escape, would you?

( grunts )

These papers
are in order--

military pass,
working permit,

but why did you bring
him here, Fraulein?

He stopped me
on the street

and asked me
where he could get a job.

That is rather strange.

He's a foreigner.

What gave you the idea

this is a factory,
Fraulein?

Well,
I heard it in town.

You know,
the word is passed.

This is not a factory.

We do not hire just anyone.

The people you see are
sent to us from Berlin.

I'm sorry,
I didn't know.

François.

Uh?

We must try elsewhere.

There's nothing for you here.

C'est dommage.

Such a nice place.

Merci, madam.

( speaks French )

Au revoir.

Heil Hitler.

He's hiding at my place
waiting for orders. Good.

He's teaching my mother
how to make potato soufflé.

He's a nice,
little man.

Yeah, be careful of him.

He creeps up on people,
especially girls.

I hope he got good pictures.

We'll know in a few hours.

Tell LeBeau I want him
back in camp tonight.

Come in through the
emergency tunnel.

I understand, Colonel.

And, uh, once we
study the layout...

Oops.

There he is, Sam Spade,
the giant economy size.

It's my shadow.

Is he following you?

Yeah. Keeps losing me.

I have to stop and wait
for him to catch up.

He's not dangerous?

Only if he gets dizzy
and falls on me.

Keep him busy a
few minutes, will ya?

I'm going to go
out the back way.

Got a light, big boy?

Any time, baby.

You must be new here
in town--

I haven't
seen you before.

Just passing through.

Welcome to our fair city.

I'm Luise Muller.

What is a nice
girl like you

doing in a
place like this?

( Luise giggles )

What is your name?

Well...
( clears throat )

I can't think
of a name...

( stammers ):
Name...

( chuckles nervously )

Schmidt. Wilhelm Schmidt.

I bet people call you "Willie."

And many other things.

( laughing )

How about buying a lady a drink?

Pleasure.

A drink for the lady,
make it a good one.

A lulu for Luise.

Oh, I love a man
with a sense of humor.

Oh, you came
to the right place, baby.

Prosit.

( Schultz laughing )

( laughing )

Good evening.

Are you having
a good time, hmm?

Marvelous.

Ooh.
I'm so glad.

Who is this creep?

Please, this creep
happens to be my...

Where, may I ask,
is the package

you're supposed
to be looking after?

Package? What
package? What...?

Oh, oh, Luise Muller.

( sotto voce ):
Hogan.

Hogan.

Colonel Hogan package.

He is sitting
right over...

there.

You Dummkopf,
go find him.

Jawohl, Mr. Creep.

Oh, I mean, Mr. Commandant.

Uh, do you have a
light, big fellow?

( soft, sexy chuckle )

Anytime... for a lady.

They keep the blueprints
and sketches in here, Colonel.

That's a pretty
big safe, huh?

Oui, and strong, too.

All right, we're going
to need some nitro.

Carter?
I'm your man.

I got some nitro
I've been saving

for a special
occasion like this,

and believe me,
when this job's over,

if you don't come
over to me and say, "Carter" or "Andrew,

that's the greatest
nitroglycerin I..."

HOGAN:
At ease, Carter.

Louis, you ever
cracked a safe before?

I have studied under
one of the great masters.

Oh, he'll manage.

No genius, mind you,
but he can bring it off.

I want you take as
many of the blueprints

and the research material
that you can carry.

On your way out, set
fire to the place.

How does he get in there,
Colonel?

Yeah, good question.

There are no windows,
only one door,

and a 24-hour guard.

All right, the Krauts get
their supplies by truck

every Thursday
from Dusseldorf,

according to Luise.

Boxes of chemicals, testing
equipment, stuff like that.

We're going to
stop that truck

on the Hammelburg Road,

and we're going to put one
extra box on the truck.

In that extra box
will be our, uh, brave little friend.

You're joking.

What do you think,
brave little friend?

I want a lawyer.

I can understand
him being in a box

after they catch him, but...

Leave off,
Carter.

Blimey, sir,
a man could get killed

just being in the same army
as you.

What do you got in mind,
Colonel?

I would have asked
myself,

but I'm already shaking
too much.

Well, Krauts will
take that extra box into the laboratory.

LeBeau will have
everything he needs with him.

As soon as it's quiet, he
breaks out and does the job.

At least you'll have
a box of your own.

For a nice
military funeral.

Colonel, the Krauts are looking
for Louis right now.

They could easily connect
that sabotage to him.

Not if our timing is good.

There's a barn right here.

It's not too far
from the laboratory.

When you've done the job,

get there as fast as you can,
go in through a side door.

I'll make sure
you have an alibi.

I want a lawyer
and a priest.

All right, measure
him for the box.

Come over here, laddie.

Do you fancy a bit of padding
in the shoulders, sir?

No.

Make sure he has
plenty of room.

And, uh, Sam, don't
make the nails too long.

Couple of fine private eyes.

You guys
ought to invest in some lessons.

That's enough, Hogan.

Did you find out anything?

How could I?

You scared off
my contact.

Maybe you could find her again.

With your help,
I suppose.

Oh, shut up.

You can find
LeBeau yourself.

I'm out of it.

Hogan, just a minute.

Frankly, our search
has turned up nothing.

Are you willing
to try again?

Well, okay, but
no tails this time.

I want complete
freedom of action.

I guaranteed I would
not try to escape, and that still goes.

Of course.

By now you must know
that I trust you implicitly.

Fine.

One wrong move,

and you'll be in the cooler
so long

it won't be worth
coming out.

Dismissed.

( dog whimpering )

Hey, Schnitzer...
Hmm?

I don't understand
this extra trip for the dogs.

SCHNITZER:
Do I tell you how to guard the prisoners?

SCHULTZ:
Nein. Do I ask you

why you put on
ten more pounds?

Nein.

Schultz, do
you understand

what I'm trying
to say to you?

Nein.

Mind your own
bloody business!

Mmm, hmm-hmm.

It is good to see your
old, jolly self again.

Well, Hans,
auf Wiedersehen.

You all right, Louis?

( muffled yelling )

He's okay, sir.

Thanks. He may even
get to like it.

( muffled yelling )

Maybe not.

Watch it--
here they come.

HOGAN:
Gestapo.

Papers, please.

All right, everything
seems to be in order.

Proceed,

and drive carefully.

( engine starting )

( phone ringing )

Colonel Klink speaking.
Heil Hitler.

Commandant, I found LeBeau.

Excellent, Hogan;
bring him in at once.

It's not that easy.

He's holed up in a barn

outside of town
on the north road.

I said bring him in--
that's an order.

He wants a guarantee

that he won't get more
than 30 days in the cooler.

Well, give it to him.

I can always change my mind.

It only takes ten minutes
to assemble a firing squad.

He wants it from you in person.

Such arrogance.

I'll order a squad over there
and bring him in by force.

Ugly scene, Commandant.

The Gestapo
might get into the act.

I don't care about the Ge...

All right, Hogan.

I'll be there
as soon as I can.

Right, Colonel.

I'll wait for you at the barn.

Hogan, what's
the situation?

He's got himself barricaded
in there, sir.

I've been talking to him
through the door.

I'll do more than talk to him.

Schultz, surround the place.

Hold it, hold it.

He says
he has a grenade.

He'll use it
if you try to rush him.

Don't surround the place.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

That little cockroach
must be nuts!

What does he want,
an engraved invitation?!

He wants to talk to you, sir.

He says you're the only one
he can trust.

Me?

Now I know he's nuts.

I had no idea
he felt this way.

To know you is to trust you.

It is?

Oh, of course.

Let's talk to him.

LeBeau... Colonel Klink is here.

Go ahead, sir.

Corporal LeBeau,

this is your
commandant speaking.

Can you hear me?

I don't hear anything.

That's because
you talk too much.

Colonel, please.

LeBeau, I am trying
to help you.

What is it you want?

Your word of honor
that he won't get more

than 30 days in the cooler
for the escape.

Is that right, LeBeau?!

That's right, sir.

This time I heard him.

Now I know
where we stand.

And of course,
you must realize

that being the commandant
of a prisoner of war camp

is not the easiest thing
in the world.

You must try to see things
from my point of view.

I try to be fair
in all my dealings

with the unfortunate men

who have been placed
in my charge.

MAN:
Open the door!

( pounding on door )

Who's in there?!

( pounding continues )

Open the door,
or I'll shoot!

( explosion )
Open the door!

( hissing )

And I recall
when I was a cadet in Potsdam

and one of my instructors--

a Colonel Schleswig--
oh, a fine officer and a great gentleman.

He was later executed
by Hitler--

after all,
nobody's perfect.

He said to me, "Authority
is a dangerous thing

in the hands of fools."

And you know,

I thought that remark
was so brilliant,

I had my mother--
God rest her soul--

embroider it
on a pillow for me.

( clicks tongue )

What mothers wouldn't do
for their children.

Unfortunately, I
lost that pillow

when my canoe
overturned

on a "Strength
Through Joy" trip.

But the philosophy
lives on forever.

Now, if you give yourself up,
believe me,

I will not be a fool
and misuse my authority.

Oh, beautiful!

Bravo!

LeBEAU:
Kommandant Klink, I believe you!

I will surrender!

One of the great
leaders of men.

Bring your men.

If he makes
one wrong move,

shoot to kill.

Also a man of
great warmth.

LeBeau, I will now
open the door.

Come out with your hands up,
understood?

LeBEAU:
Oui, Herr Kommandant!

I understand!

Where's your grenade?

I had it
a minute ago.

I must have lost it.

Search the area!

I was bluffing, sir.

You...! Schultz, take him away.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Come on, you. Bluff!

And this, my dear Hogan,

is how you recapture
an escaped prisoner

without any bloodshed,
without any trouble.

So inspiring to see
a great man at work, sir.

I imagine it is.

Uh, oh, by the way,
I was wondering, uh,

you busy
Monday night?

No, I don't
think so. Why?

We're having another meeting
of our Escape Committee.

What?

It would be great

if you could address
our little group.

Two of your prisoners
are out of camp,

and a very important
research project has been sabotaged.

The prisoners were with me
at the time, sir.

All of you out having
a good time, I suppose.

Oh, that hurts.

Please, sir,
let me answer.

Major, I saw the colonel
personally recapture

a very dangerous prisoner
single-handed

just by using psychology.

It was brilliant.

Brilliant!

This man-- this man
deserves to be decorated.

A board of inquiry
will be convened in a few days,

and you will all be required
to testify,

and I can promise you...

heads will roll.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.

Heil Hitler.

There's a lovable type.

Huh. He does not concern me.

My record stands.

There still has never
been a successful escape

from Stalag 13.

Board of inquiry,
indeed.

Just one thing worries me,
Commandant.

I'll be under oath.

I might have to tell them

that I was the one
that found LeBeau

and I was the one
that told you

how to smoke him out.

Unless...

Unless what?

Unless LeBeau were
released from the cooler.

Impossible.

Well, maybe the major
didn't mean it

when he said
"heads will roll."

I mean, how do you
roll a head if you...?

I have given this some
very careful thought,

and since LeBeau
did cooperate, I...

Uh, thank you, sir,
thank you.

Hogan...!

I don't know what you were
in civilian life,

but as a soldier,
you are a dishonest man--

a blackmailer.

I'm ashamed, sir.

You ought to be.

Don't you want
to change?

More than anything in the world.

Good. I'll give you
all the help I can.

Well, maybe I'll be able
to go straight anyway.

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