All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s03e24 What Time Does the Balloon Go Up.eng

( theme song playing )

Over.

Let's get it!

Aw.

Hey, that was out.

What are you doing?

Everybody, back, back,
back, back, back.

Hey, give me
that ball!

Everybody, back!

Now, just a minute.

Look, we got our rights.

The Geneva
Convention says

we're supposed to have
one hour a day exercise.

We haven't been
out here more than 20 minutes.

Commandant's orders!

Everybody inside.

Now, back, back, back,
back, back, back!

Boy, if I don't
get my exercise,

I'm going to wind up
looking like a big tub of lard.

Now, Carter, that's
in very bad taste.

What'd I say?

I don't see anything
in bad taste.

Well, old Schultz
knows you mean him.

That's in very bad taste.

I didn't...

What's going on,
Schultz?

I have
my orders.

Everybody
inside.

Why don't you tell
us why, Schultzy?

I know nothing, nothing.

You're wasting
your time, Newkirk.

Klink doesn't tell
Schultz any important information.

Ah!

( chuckles
knowingly )

You think he didn't tell me

that the Gestapo is
around the camp, huh?

You're crazy.

Possible.

Why the Gestapo,
Schultz?

That, I do not know,

and that, even Commandant Klink
does not know.

Now, everybody inside.

March.

Everybody inside, inside!

All right, all right.

Hey, Schultz...

a little something
from the boys.

( grunts )

What do you think's
going on, Colonel?

I don't know, but this
isn't a good time

for a visit
from the Gestapo.

Is it ever
a good time

for a visit
from them?

You know, Kinch
and LeBeau ought to have made contact

with the British
spy by now.

Yeah, let's check
the tunnel.

If they're not back
in ten minutes,

we try a diversion.

I'd say this is a bit
of a sticky wicket.

What's a sticky wicket?

It's the British version

of "up the creek
without a paddle."

Hi. Colonel Hogan.

Downes is my name,
Christopher Downes.

This is Carter
and Newkirk.

Glad to know you.

How are you,
sir?

LeBeau and Kinchloe.

Yes, I've met them.

It's a rather
smashing idea you have

for getting people
into your camp, Colonel.

Getting you in
was a lot easier

than getting you out.

But I was told

that wouldn't be
much of a problem.

Ordinarily,
it wouldn't be,

but it looks like
you brought half the Gestapo with you.

I'm afraid I had no choice.

Berlin headquarters was
getting very suspicious,

so I took all
the valuable documents

I could lay my hands on

and got out
as fast as I could.

We could keep him
down here, Colonel.

They should call off
the Gestapo in a week or two.

But that's impossible.

I've got to get
this information

to the Allied commanders
immediately.

Not a chance.

Well, what about
your wireless?

No good.

The Gestapo
always brings in

a radio-detection unit.

We're out of business.

Colonel...

I must get word to London
by Tuesday night.

The British are going
to drop agents and arms

for the French resistance,

and the Germans
know the drop zones.

All right, but you have
to stay down here

till we figure a way
to smuggle you out

in the trunk
of Klink's car.

Who is Klink?

Colonel Klink, sir,
the camp commandant.

And you expect
to smuggle me out in his car?

We've done
it before.

If he drives
any more of the prisoners out,

he'll have to apply
for a chauffeur's license.

Well, I imagine that now
it's a bit different situation

with all those SS chaps
out there.

Well, it is a bit
of a sticky wicket.

I do hope I jolly well
don't get marooned up the stream

without an oar.

( knocking at door )

Come in, come in, come in.

Morning, Colonel.

Dismissed, Hogan.

If you have come
here to complain

about being confined
to the barracks,

it will do you no good.

Question your orders?

Not at all, sir.

I know you come from a
long line of Prussians...

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

that you're a dedicated
career officer

steeped in tradition...

Yes, yes, yes.

and you're the finest
prison commandant in all of Germany...

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

and when the Gestapo snaps
their fingers, you jump.

That's right.

Hogan, sometimes you go too far.

Dismissed.

I don't blame you
for being upset, sir,

what with
the fun-loving Gestapo

crawling all over the place.

They're probably looking
to put the blame on someone else

for their mistake.

What mistake?

I just hope it isn't you, sir.

I had nothing to do with it.

You may have a chance
to prove that

if you're lucky enough
to get a trial.

Trial?

He was one of their own men.

For three years,

he was a trusted secretary
to Heinrich Hausman,

a big Gestapo official
in Berlin.

Now, last week,

they found out
he was a British spy.

Why would they blame me?

Jealousy.

Ah, I bet I know

what's on your
cunning mind, sir.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

What's on my cunning mind?

You won't call
General Burkhalter,

because you figure
the phones are probably tapped,

so you'll get
in your car,

and you'll go over
and fill him in

on the whole setup.

Oh, I admire the way

you military men
stick together.

That's exactly what was
on my cunning mind.

To save time, sir, I'd
order that car right now.

You're absolutely right.

Mm-hmm.

I want my car brought around
to the office at 3:00.

4:00 would be
more convenient.

Make that 4:00.

You will cancel the car, Klink.

Cancel the car.

No one goes in or out of this
camp until further notice.

Major Hochstetter,
I'm still in charge of this camp.

The Gestapo is now in charge.

By whose orders?

By General Burkhalter's
orders.

That's good
enough for me.

Are you satisfied,
Colonel?

Hmm... satisfied.

What is this man
doing here?

Yes, Hogan, what
are you doing here?

Undergoing intensive
interrogation.

He's brutal, sir, brutal.

Yes, sir, I am.

Bah!

I will deal with you both later.

Klink, anyone leaving
this camp will be shot!

Yes, Major.

Ah, these orders
are probably phony.

Look, why don't you
wait until dark,

grab the car,
keep the lights off.

You know the area cold.

Go over and see
Burkhalter,

he'll pull the Gestapo
out of camp.

Hogan, that's
the most terrible idea

I've ever heard
in my life.

Why?

If I get into that car,

I could be mistaken
for an escaping prisoner.

Now, the Gestapo
has orders to shoot and kill.

I would end up dead.

Now tell me the part
that's terrible.

Dismissed!

All right, fellas,

we got problems.

What happened,
Colonel?

Hochstetter just
sealed off the camp.

Nobody can get in or out.

Including
Klink?

Especially Klink.

That's what I call
a sticky picket.

That's wicket.

I'm making up
my own saying.

Think I should try
a radio message, Colonel?

Too risky.

Downes has to get word to London

no later than Tuesday night.

But that is impossible.

Why doesn't somebody
tell him

that's like trying
to get blood from a parsnip.

That's turnip.

Did you ever try
to get blood out of a parsnip?

Hey, Schultz!

What do you
got there?

Hey, a teddy bear
and a bunny rabbit.

It's his birthday.

Happy birthday,
Schultzy.

Happy birthday,
Schultzy.

* For he's a jolly good fellow *

* For he's a jolly good fellow

* For he's a jolly good fellow *

* That nobody can deny.

How old are you,
Schultzy?

Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!

It is not my birthday.

Don't tell me
it's Klink's birthday.

No.

Oh, these are
the perfect gifts

for the man who
has everything.

It's my nephew
Wolfie's birthday,

but I couldn't get out to
deliver him the presents.

Why not,
Schultz?

Nobody is supposed
to leave the camp.

If they do, the Gestapo has
orders to shoot to kill.

( balloon pops )

( screams )

What's the matter,
Schultz?

It's just
a balloon that popped.

No damage.

Who did that?

Uh... I did,
Schultzy.

You did it
on purpose?

No, honestly, it
was an accident.

Here,
Schultzy.

Go back to
your barracks

and play
with your toys.

Here you are.

SCHULTZ:
Aw, look at my balloon.

It's flying away.

Right now, it looks
like a balloon is the only thing

that can get out of this camp.

Okay, thanks,
Sergeant McMahon.

I'll contact you
as soon as I make all the arrangements.

Right, Colonel.

Men, let's have
a council of war.

You got
a plan, sir?

Of course, he's
got a plan.

He always
has a plan.

I bet I know
what it is.

You're going to get
my English friend out in the dog truck.

The laundry truck?

The water truck?

Newkirk, could we hear
Colonel Hogan's plan?

Carter, if you'd
stop interrupting,

we'd be able to hear,
wouldn't we?

All right, fellas,

let me have your
undivided attention.

Newkirk, you play a key role
in this plan.

Naturally, sir.

I want you to start
a basket-weaving contest.

A basket-weaving contest?

That's right.

Carter'll be with you.

I'm not very good
at basket-weaving.

Could I enter
the beaded bag contest?

Just do as I say.

Yes, sir.

Am I supposed
to weave baskets, too, Colonel?

No, LeBeau, you're going to be
busy with a kite flying contest.

You want me
to fly a kite.

That's right.

Sergeant McMahon'll
tell you what to do.

Kinch, you and the RAF
sergeant that was here

are in charge
of building a tent.

Yeah... how big
a tent did you want, Colonel?

Oh, big enough for the baskets
and the kites.

You're almost right.

I'll give you the exact
dimensions later.

Right now, I have to
talk to Colonel Klink.

Look, don't just stare at me.

Start getting
your material together.

Basket-weaving?

Kite flying.

Making a tent?

I'm afraid
Colonel Hogan's gone round the bend.

I guess
the pressure was too much,

and he
finally cracked.

What are we
going to do?

Well, the first
thing we got to do is

not let him know
that we know.

Yeah, Newkirk
is right.

We'll humor him.

Even if it means
weaving the baskets

and flying
the kites.

I just hope Klink doesn't think
Colonel Hogan's out of his mind.

Colonel Hogan, you are
out of your mind.

Well, what's wrong with some
of your men building us a tent?

We need someplace to store
our athletic equipment

and Red Cross supplies.

May I remind you that your men

are prisoners in
this camp, not guests?

Well, since
the Gestapo took over,

your men have
a lot of free time on their hands.

And busy hands
are happy hands.

Hogan.

All right, all right.

Well, then who's going
to build the tent?

Your men are going
to build the tent.

Okay, I'll get them
started on it right away.

Oh, Colonel, I wonder
if you'd do me a favor.

Now what is it?

Would you be the judge in
our basket-weaving contest?

Your what?

My men have been
inactive lately,

and I thought a little
basket-weaving would be a help.

Basket-weaving.

That's what your men
would like to do?

Oh, they were crazy
about the idea.

Mm-hmm.

Of course, if
you don't want

to be the judge,
I'll ask Schultz.

Hogan! Never mind!

I'll be the judge.

Thank you, sir.

Basket-weaving, huh?

Mm-hmm.

No wonder you're
losing the war.

All right, lads,
now remember,

don't do anything
to upset Colonel Hogan.

Yes, in his condition,

any little thing could make
his mind go like this.

CARTER:
Here he comes.

Act casual.

Casual.

Okay, everything's
all set with Klink.

In fact, he's going to judge
our basket-weaving contest.

Klink is going to judge
the contest, huh?

That's right.

And you know what?

He thought I was
out of my mind.

Oh, that man needs
some attention.

Well, we have to have
a talk with him.

KINCH:
Yeah, but we got to be very subtle

with a man
in his condition.

We'll skirt the issue and
don't mention his mind.

Kinch is right.

Let's go.

What can I do for you, fellas?

Colonel, we were
just thinking

that you've had an awful lot
of pressure lately.

Yeah, on your mind.

I mean things on his mind.

Yeah, we figured

that as soon
as the heat's off,

maybe we could
spring you for a little rest.

NEWKIRK:
No trouble at all, sir.

LeBeau says you could
stay with his relatives

for a few days in France.

Just think, Colonel--
one week on the Riviera.

I think you fellas are trying
to tell me something.

Oh, no, Colonel.

We can't wait for that
basket-weaving contest.

And there's nothing I like
better than flying kites.

Let's face it, fellas.

You think I'm cracking up.

Well, that's ridiculous!

That's crazy, sir.

All right, let me put all
the pieces together for you.

The basket-weavers
are really making a basket

large enough
to carry a man.

The tent makers
are making a balloon

out of old parachutes,

and the kite flyers
are gathering wind information

for our meteorologist,
Sergeant McMahon.

Now, we attach the balloon
to the basket,

fill it with hot air,

put our British friend inside
the basket with a parachute.

The balloon takes off,

he bails out over Dusselhafen
and is picked up by a sub.

Well?

How about two weeks
on the Riviera, sir?

SCHULTZ:
LeBeau!

What do you think
you're doing?

What does it look
like I'm doing?

Flying a kite.

Very good.

I don't know why everybody
keeps saying you're stupid.

Who said I'm stupid?

Schultz, I don't want
to name names.

Never mind.

The prisoners
have permission

to build a tent
and to weave basket.

Nobody said anything
about flying a kite.

I know that, Schultz.
I just wanted...

Now, you listen to me.

If you don't take
the kite down,

it will be ten days
in the cooler!

It would be worth it, Schultz,

to know that I made
one little boy happy.

What little boy?

Your nephew.

I made this kite for him.

I just wanted to make sure
it would fly.

You made the kite
for my nephew, Wolfgang?

Well, war is war,
Schultz,

but I still would
like to bring a smile to a little boy's face.

( voice quavering ):
You made it for Wolf.

Now, now, Schultz,
don't cry.

Wolfie loves kites.

I used to take him
into the park,

and we both
used to fly them.

Here, Schultz,
fly this one.

May I?

Go ahead.

Oh... whoo...

It's a very good kite.

Well, I'm glad you like it.

Oh, it is a wonderful thing
to do something like this

for a little German boy.

I hope he remembers it when
he grows up into a dirty Boche.

LeBeau!

Schultz, what do you think
you're doing?

Flying a kite.

While you're on duty?

No wonder everybody says
you're stupid!

Klink, what do you think
you are doing?

Flying a kite, sir.

I can see that! Why?

Well, actually, I was taking
it away from Schultz.

One of your guards
is flying a kite?

Actually I was taking
it away from LeBeau.

I never saw that kite before
in my life!

But you said you made it
for my little nephew, Wolfie.

Now why would I make a kite
for a dirty, little Boche kid.

Klink, the prisoners are trying
to signal Allied flyers!

There'll be no kite flying!

Yes, sir.

What are those men
doing over there?

KLINK:
Making a tent.

So they can dig
escape tunnels under it?

There will be no tents
for prisoners, Klink.

Get rid of it.

And what are those
men doing?

Oh, they're having
a basket-weaving contest.

Colonel Klink
is the judge.

Yes.

Klink, I will
have to start

another dossier
on you.

Major Hochstetter,

if you would only
consider my record, I...

Major...

Good to see you put
the Gestapo

in their place, sir.

Hogan, I did not give you
permission to fly kites!

Sergeant!

Take down the kite
immediately.

DOWNES:
Right, Colonel.

And I want you
to tell your men

to get rid
of that tent

by tomorrow morning
roll call!

They'll get rid of it.

Hogan, you've got
me in trouble

with the Gestapo again.

The Colonel Klink I know
would stand up to them.

Well, of course.

Like the Germans
at Stalingrad.

Dismissed.

Everything's set
for tomorrow night, Colonel.

Yeah, but tomorrow night
may be too late.

Klink wants the tent
out by morning.

Sarge, how's the weather?

Perfect,
but I don't think

the men can get
everything else ready in time.

Well, they're going to have to,

because tonight,
the balloon goes up.

SCHULTZ:
...dreizehn, vierzehn, funfzehn!

Report!

All present
and accounted for.

Thank you, Schultz.

Dismiss your men.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Everybody dismissed.

NEWKIRK:
Thank you.

Oh, Colonel...

don't forget
our contest, sir.

Really, Hogan.

Oh, wait till
you see the baskets.

They're great.

Oh, look, look, look.

Is that beautiful, huh?

Hogan, don't you think
it's about time

that you realized
that this is

a prisoner of war camp,
and I, as commandant,

have better things
to do than to...

That one, I think,
is the best.

Who's judging
this contest, you or I?

You, Herr Kommandant.

Go, go.

Uh-huh...

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

KLINK:
Oh, yes, I like

the workmanship.

Yes.

Oh... that's
magnificent.

That's ridiculous!

What would anyone
use that for?

I told you so when
you were weaving it!

That's terrible!

Well, who asked for
your blasted opinion?

All right,
all right, fellas.

Remember, it's not
whether you win or lose;

it's how you weave
your basket that counts.

Well, I told him it
was a terrible basket.

Oh, listen, you just
keep out of this.

All right, all right,
you're both out of the contest.

Now get this
out of here.

I officially...

Both!

I withdraw!

What a gyp!

Now, this one,
I like.

But this one has
a very good shape to it.

I would say that one of these
two baskets is the winner.

Ah, this one has
excellent workmanship.

That's the one
I would have chosen.

Oh.

Well, this one
is the winner.

That's the one
I made, Colonel.

Hey, congratulations,
LeBeau.

Sorry.

Colonel, LeBeau
would like

you to have
that basket.

You would, huh?

I would be
my pleasure, sir.

It has a handle
and everything.

It'd come in very handy
at the Easter egg hunt.

Easter egg hunt?

Well, we wouldn't
have one

and not invite
you, sir.

( electricity crackling,
alarm bell ringing )

( guards shouting orders )

( dogs barking,
alarm bell ringing )

Someone is trying
to get over the fence.

( siren wailing )

Get that balloon
in the air.

I don't know how long
we can stall them.

Right, sir.

( guard shouting in German )

HOGAN:
Good luck, Downes.

Thank you, Colonel.

Get him out of here.

Right. Come on,
boys, here we go.

You! Get that kite
off the wire fence!

No! No! The current!

Somebody turn off the current!

I want some organization here!

What is going on?!

Oh, come on, faster.

You're like an organ grinder
who's lost his monkey.

That's right, build it up.

( pump whining softly )

Hey, LeBeau.

Ready?

I think we're about ready.

Try it, take out the pole.

Here we go, gentlemen.

Keep your fingers
crossed.

CARTER:
Boy, if this works, I'll be surprised.

NEWKIRK:
Ha-ha! Look at that.

Hey, look at that,
will you?

It's going up.

Here we go, lads.

There you go.

Watch that over there.

KLINK:
What is going on?!

This is absolute madness!

What is going on here, Klink?

Is someone trying to escape?

Well, it's not one of our men.

Who'd want to escape

in the middle
of a basket-weaving contest?

No one has ever escaped
from Stalag 13, ever.

What is going on here, Klink?

I told you to get rid
of those kites!

I told you to get rid
of those kites.

We're trying, sir,
we're trying!

NEWKIRK:
Sandbags, Carter.

LeBEAU:
It's going to be all right.

The sub's going to pick you up.
Don't worry about it.

Have a nice drink
in London, sir.

SCHULTZ:
Hey, men!

What are you
doing there?

Oh, we're just getting rid
of the basket

and the tent like old Klink
said we should, sir.

Oh, it's a very nice basket.

I wouldn't mind
having it myself.

Well, no, we have
to get rid of it,

because an order
is an order.

What's this pipe?

LeBEAU:
Uh, Schultz!

SCHULTZ:
What?

There's a man going
over the fence.

Where?

Right over there!

I see nothing.

You always see nothing.

Let's go over and see.

No!

No, it's not my station.

LeBEAU:
If you don't get that prisoner,

I'm going to turn you
in to Klink!

Ho!

You're going to turn me in,

because I did not arrest
a prisoner?

I never wanted
to tell you this.

Come over here.

What is it, LeBeau?

You better come
over here.

( siren continuing to wail )

I'm a secret member
of the Gestapo.

I'm Hermann Goering.

Don't you get it?

Hermann Goering.

( laughing and shouting
over each other )

Klink, I will not mention this
to General Burkhalter.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

No, I will report this directly
to Heinrich Himmler himself!

Hogan, this is your fault.

My fault?

Yes, it is.

Now I am in very deep trouble
with the Gestapo.

And if I'm lucky,
they'll transfer me to the Russian front.

Don't worry, sir,
if that happens,

we'll have a knitting
contest to make you

a set of long
woolen underwear.

Hogan...

do you realize they haven't
found that spy yet?

And they suspect...

that it has something
to do with Stalag 13.

I suspect it has something
to do with you.

Me!

I'm a prisoner in the
toughest P.O.W. camp in all of Germany.

I suppose next
you'll be saying

I smuggle a spy in
under the Gestapo's nose

and flew him out
in a balloon!

Good night, sir.

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