All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s03e21 War Takes a Holiday.eng

( theme song playing )

NEWKIRK:
I'm going to build one of these bunks,

you know,
at home after the war.

What will you
do with it?

I think I'll chop it up.

I'm not sure
I should get rid of this old mattress.

It's so nice and thin,
I could use it as a sheet.

Oh, look at the lumps
in that bloody thing.

How'd you ever
sleep in it?

For every lump
in that mattress,

there's a
corresponding dent in me.

SCHULTZ:
Schnell, schnell, schnell, schnell.

Oh, schnell yourself.

You should be glad
to get new mattresses.

I am, Schultz, but it's
like losing an old friend.

What's the angle,
Colonel?

Angle?

What do you mean?

Yesterday, a new stove.

Today, new mattresses.

I don't understand
you, Hogan.

Every time I do
something decent,

must I have an angle?

Yes.

Dismissed.

Oh, Hogan, you
better see to it

that the barracks
are in order.

The Red Cross
inspector's going

to surprise us
with a visit.

Mm-hmm, and as soon
as he leaves,

so do the new mattresses.

You know, I never
thought of that.

Hogan, I think
you would have made

an excellent
prison commandant.

I applied for the job,
but they wouldn't take me.

I passed the mental test.

( giggles nervously )

( convoy approaching )

Schultz!

Come on, Schultz...

"Come on, Schultz..."

( groans )

Fancy bumping
into you.

Major Hochstetter, how
very nice of you to drop by.

If anyone makes
an unnecessary move, shoot to kill.

Shoot to kill?

What do you have
in the truck, prisoners?

No, dancing girls.

Of course prisoners!

The most important
prisoners you will ever see--

every important
leader of the underground movement.

Well, my congratulations,
Major Hochstetter.

What is this man
doing here?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Major Hochstetter,

this is the American prisoner,
Colonel Hogan.

Colonel Hogan, this is...

Klink, did I ask
for an introduction?

I just thought I'd show
the new prisoners around,

with your permission,
of course.

What is this man
doing here?!

Schultz, escort Colonel Hogan
back to the barracks at once.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

A special armed guard
is coming

to take these
prisoners to Berlin.

In the meantime,
I want you to prepare

a maximum-security
block for them.

Yes, sir, maximum security.

You can depend on me.

I am sure
it's not necessary

to tell you what
will happen to you

should there be
an escape, hmm?

An escape from Stalag 13?

That's a good one.

You will be shot.

That's another good one.

What is this man
doing here?!

Just leaving.

Colonel Hogan, those
prisoners won't escape

from Stalag 13,
will they?

I don't know, Schultz,
but if they do,

I'll make sure
you're the first to know.

Please, Colonel Hogan,
if they do,

let me be
the last to know.

Hi, Schultzy.

Have a cigarette?

Go on, Schultz.

Five guards
with machine guns.

They're sure not
taking any chances

with those
underground prisoners.

NEWKIRK:
And look who's guarding us-- Schultz.

I think it's a plot
to make us feel worthless.

We will be if we don't
free those prisoners.

I don't want to seem
negative, Colonel,

but getting those
new prisoners out of the cooler

won't exactly be
a piece of cake.

That translates into
French as rien à faire

and then back
into English

as meaning
definitely impossible.

I'm with you.

From Hilda.

Information on
the underground prisoners.

"Lydon from Austria,
Albins from Belgium,

Calaruso from Italy,
Belét from France."

( whistles )
The major leaders of the underground.

With those fellas
out of action,

the Resistance movement
will be at a standstill.

Well, what are
we going to do about it?

It's simple-- a tunnel.

We dig a tunnel.

Forget it.

It would take a week
to dig a tunnel.

That special escort
will be here any day.

Well, all right.

It was
a rotten idea,

but at least
I was first.

The cooler
they're being kept in--

it's in pretty bad shape,
isn't it?

Shocking.

And with the Red Cross
inspector due,

it should be put in shape
like the rest of the camp--

new mattresses,
new stove, right?

Right, but
I still don't see

how that's going to help us
get those prisoners out.

Good.

Maybe Klink won't
see how either.

And despite adverse conditions,
I am again forced to report

that Stalag 13 is operating
at 100% efficiency.

I guess that sums it up,
Fraulein Hilda.

Wouldn't you say so?

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Is that all?

Not quite.

You see, I just came
into possession

of a perfectly splendid
bottle of wine,

and I thought possibly this
afternoon you and I could...

Not today, Colonel.

I just don't quite
feel up to it.

Perhaps tomorrow?

( door opens )

Fill out that memo in triplicate
and send it out immediately.

Of course, sir.

Hogan, I don't recall
having sent for you.

Not a very friendly attitude.

I certainly hope the new camp
commandant is more agreeable.

New camp comma...

That's ridiculous!

You didn't expect to keep
your job

after the Red Cross inspector
sees this place?

You know, Hogan, there are times
when you can be most tiresome,

and this is one of them.

Stalag 13 is
a model prison camp.

Really?

Every inch.

Including the cooler,

where the underground
prisoners are being held?

The comfort
of those prisoners

is Major Hochstetter's
concern, not mine.

You're not concerned.

Well, I certainly think
Major Hochstetter

wouldn't want
to hear that.

Hogan...
Colonel, I'm trying to help you.

Would Hochstetter
do as much?

He gave the orders.

No one is to interfere
with his prisoners.

Sure, what does he care?

Is the Red Cross going
to mention his name

to the
Inspector General?

You can bet your monocle
they won't.

But that's different.

Well, sure, it is.

But just remember,
the Inspector General

always has
an extra ticket handy

for the Stalingrad Express.

Just a moment, Hogan.

What's to be done
exactly?

Nothing much--
clean up, a new stove.

We have new mattresses;

they should have
new mattresses.

Otherwise the old ones will
stick out like a sore thumb.

But Major Hochstetter...

Change them when
Hochstetter isn't around.

It'll only take
your men a few minutes.

I'll supervise for you.

My men?

It's your idea.

Your men will change them,
and I will supervise.

I wouldn't have it
any other way.

Can't your men
work any faster?

All right,
come on, fellas.

Speed it up.

Look at the time.

They're supposed
to be finished by now.

Relax.

Hochstetter's in town,
isn't he?

What if he comes
back early? So what?

Who's in charge here?
You give the orders.

You're not afraid
of Hochstetter.

If he interferes,
tell him off.

Yes, of course.

I'm glad you feel that way,
because here he comes.

What is going
on here, Klink?

What are these men doing
around the restricted area?

Major Hochstetter,
please control yourself.

We're just doing
a little housecleaning.

Housecleaning?

This is a prison.

Major Hochstetter,
back from town so soon?

Klink, isn't this man
ever locked up?

Careful how you talk
to Colonel Klink, sir.

The Gestapo doesn't
frighten him.

Hogan!

Sir, Colonel Hogan is
most cooperative.

It's the only
way to be, sir.

And I'm sure you've
got more important things to do,

so don't let us
hold you up.

HOCHSTETTER:
What is this?

This is a mattress, sir.

I know
it's a mattress.

What are you doing
with it?

Oh, that's
all right, Major.

They are just
following my orders.

Oh?

The Red Cross
inspector--

he would never approve
those mattresses.

Why? What's wrong
with them?

Well, they're old,
they're worn.

Probably
contaminated.

HOCHSTETTER:
They look all right to me.

Halt!

Hogan, you and your men...

HOCHSTETTER:
The truck!

This is your idea
of housecleaning?

Major Hochstetter,
I don't understand.

Believe me...

Kruger!

From now on, anyone
who crosses this line will be shot...

Major Hochstetter...

Especially
Colonel Klink.

This is unheard of.

I assure you...

Just a hunch,
Colonel,

but I don't think
you're wanted around here.

We really blew
that one.

All the way.

NEWKIRK:
Yeah, the old Kraut's going to be

pretty tough to
live with from now on.

Oh, I can handle Klink.

It's the guys in the underground
I'm worried about.

We can forget
about them.

Hochstetter's doubled
the guard.

LeBeau's right--
they're done for.

NEWKIRK:
They won't get out till the war's over.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's it.

NEWKIRK:
What's it?

What you said.

That's the answer.

They won't get out
until the war's over.

NEWKIRK:
So?

It's simple.

We'll end the war.

Do you really think

we're going to convince
Klink and Hochstetter

that the war is over?

There's no guarantee,
but if we pull it off,

those underground
prisoners are going to go free.

It's got to be
worth a try.

All right, good. Thomas?

The radio station
in Hammelburg.

We'll take
it exactly 4:55.

You got your script?
Yeah, right here.

All right, good.
Newkirk?

I take care of
the switchboard, sir.

And you intercept
Hochstetter's call to Berlin.

What if he doesn't
make it?

Don't worry,
he'll make it.

LeBeau...

Dummy newspaper--
plant it on Schultz.

Good. Now, Hilda knows
what to do?

Don't worry. She'll get Klink
to turn on the radio

at exactly 5:00,
just for you...

and a pound of coffee
and six pair of nylons.

Ain't love grand?

Thanks.

Let's go.

Fraulein Hilda,
one sip of this

and you won't be able
to control yourself.

Why, Colonel, whatever
gave you the idea

that I would want
to control myself?

Don't be bashful.

Bottoms up.

Mmm... that's marvelous.

It makes me feel warm all over.

Me, too.

But you haven't had any yet.

Oh.

Do you know
what I'd really like?

Name it.

Music.

Romantic music.

( clicks radio on )

( music playing on radio )

( music ends )

That was nice, ja?

And now our Fuhrer's favorite,
The Ride of the Valkyries,

dedicated to our victorious
troops on the Russian front.

( The Ride of the Valkyries
playing )

( shuts off phonograph )

Achtung! Achtung!

We interrupt this program

to bring you
an important news bulletin.

The war is over.

KINCHLOE ( continues ):
Armistice has been declared.

At 4:55 this afternoon, the
Berlin High Command announced

the end of hostilities between
Germany and the Allied forces,

officially ending the war.

We repeat, the war is over!

Stay tuned to this station
for further bulletins.

Fraulein Hilda,
did you hear that?

The war is over.

Call Colonel Hogan,
Major Hochstetter.

The war is over!

It's over! It's over.

But I tell you,
I heard it with my own ears.

Impossible!

There must be
some mistake.

How could I make a mistake
about something like that?

If anybody could
make a mistake

about something
like that, Klink, you are the one.

It was on the radio.

The High Command announced it.

I heard it with my own ears.

Fraulein Hilda heard it, too.

Fraulein Hilda!

Yes, sir.

Did you hear
the armistice announcement?

Well, I'm not sure.

You see, I was concentrating
on something else at the time.

Dear girl.

There must be some way
of confirming it.

Well, there's
Colonel Bomberg.

Surely he
would know.

Call him! Call him!

Very well, Klink,
but I warn you--

if you have me make
a fool of myself...

I tell you,
it's true, sir.

It is true.

Operator.

Hello, operator.

( with German accent ):
Your call, please.

Ja, this is
Major Hochstetter.

I want to speak
to Colonel Bomberg.

( music playing,
girls giggling )

( with German accent ):
Colonel Bomberg's office.

Leutnant von Streckner speaking.

This is Major Hochstetter.

Is Colonel Bomberg in?

Jawohl, Major, but he may
have a little trouble

getting to the telephone.

The last time I saw him, he
was swinging from a chandelier.

Bomberg is swinging
from a chandelier.

( chuckles ):
Well, if the war isn't over,

he just cracked up.

Hello.

Hello, Bomberg.

Hochstetter here.

Bomberg, I wonder
if you could verify a rumor that...

( as Bomberg ):
It's all over, Hochstetter!

Did you hear the news?

It's over.

( female voice ):
Ach, Liebchen, kommen sie back to the party.

Hello.

Hello!

( as Bomberg ):
Heidi, I told you, everybody out!

( footsteps clopping )

( party sounds stop,
door slams )

( party sounds resume )

Hochstetter, it's wild here,
I tell you.

Wild!

I can't believe it.

Are you sure the war is over?

What is this,
some kind of a joke?

Sure, I'm sure.

Don't you think I know
when a war is over, Dummkopf?

Oh, of course, I do.

It's just that it's so sudden.

Look, if it's too sudden
for you, Hochstetter,

why don't you make believe
that the war is on

for a couple of days
while I go back to the party.

No, no, I heard that
the war was over.

I just wanted to check with you
to make sure.

You can take my word for it.

The war is definitely over.

( door slams,
footsteps clopping )

( female voice ):
Oh, what about the party?

Everybody's coming
and it's my...

( as Bomberg ):
Oh, Liebchen, give me one...

( another voice ):
But you told me...

( as Bomberg ):
Ah, but ladies, please, please...

You're tearing my uniform!

Get back!

( horns blow )

Oh, so long, Hochstetter!

Well, it's over.

It's really over.

See, I told you so.

( chuckles )

Yeah, not bad.

Not bad, Colonel.

Had me fooled for a minute,
but that hokey phone call.

Come on, Hochstetter!

Hokey phone call?

You went one step too far,
overdone.

It's like your German operas.

I heard it
from Bomberg himself.

Hey, Schultzy, did
you drop this can of chocolate?

Did I?

You must have,
it isn't mine.

I'll get it for you.

Ah, ah!

I wouldn't ask a prisoner to do
something I would not do myself.

Ja, it is mine.

I must have a hole
in my pocket.

You also have one
in your character.

No one is perfect.

Ha!

( humming )

"D-Der Krieg Ist Zu Ende!"

Der... der Krieg ist zu Ende!

Believe me, Hogan, if Bomberg
says the war is over,

the war is over.

Really, Hogan, you're
the most stubborn man I've ever met.

I'm not stubborn,
I'm wise to you.

You release the prisoners,
they walk out the gate,

the Gestapo's
waiting outside with machine guns--

"Shot while escaping."

I'm just not buying it, Klink.

Colonel!

Colonel!

Colonel, it's over!

The war is over!

Well, Hogan,

what do you say now?

I... I don't know
what to think.

( groans )

I am the colonel,
you are the sergeant,

and you are not
discharged yet.

Speaking of discharges,
what are you planning on doing, Colonel,

I mean, if the war
is really over?

Well, back to civilian life.

You know, Hogan, a man with
my experience as a bookkeeper

shouldn't have any trouble
finding work.

All the big companies
need bookkeepers.

How about you,
Schultz?

I was in toys, but
the government took over the toy factory

for the war effort.

Now that the war
is over,

I hope they're
going to give back the toy factory.

Then we can
make toys again.

And what company was it,
Schultz?

The Schatzi Toy Company.

Oh.

Hogan, you wouldn't
know about that,

but the Schatzi Toy Company
is the biggest toy company

in all of Germany.

Schultz, do you think your boss

would give you
your old job back, huh?

Why not?

I'm the boss.

You own the Schatzi Toy Company?

Jawohl.

Schultz, would you
like a cigar?

Thank you, Colonel.

Please don't
call me "Colonel."

Call me "Wilhelm."

Danke, Wilhelm.

Hogan, you're a free man.

The war is over.

You may go.

If you don't mind,
I'll wait.

I'm still not sold.

Do as you wish.

Of course it's really
none of my business, Major Hochstetter,

but you could help
erase the bad image the Gestapo has

by releasing
your prisoners now.

I mean,
they're civilians--

that is, if the war
is really over.

Hogan, the war is over!

But I think
I'd better wait.

A special armed guard
is on its way here

from Berlin
to pick them up.

Believe me, Hochstetter,
those armed guards turned back

the moment they heard the news.

While you're here
waiting for them,

they're back in Berlin
dancing in the streets.

You may be right.

And I think Colonel Hogan
had a very good suggestion.

I don't think
it would do any harm

for the Gestapo to act
a little bit more human.

Klink!

Careful, the war is over.

You know what?

What?

I think I will go
release my prisoners.

Now I'm convinced
the war is over.

ALL:
* In all my dreams

* In all my dreams... *

Look at them.

I told them they can go

and they're having
such a good time,

they don't want to leave.

No one ever wants
to leave Stalag 13.

Excuse me a minute.

I should be sharing
this moment with my men.

( singing and laughing )

All right,
hold it, hold it.

We didn't go to all this work

just to have the eight of you
organize a singing group.

Sorry, Colonel,
we couldn't tell them.

Schultz was here.

Okay, beat it.

Haven't you heard, Colonel?

The war is over!

I know, the five of us ended it,

and as soon as Klink
and Hochstetter find out,

they're going
to start it up again.

What a beautiful job.

How did you do it?

No time now.

You can read about it next month
in Stars and Stripes,

now beat it.

Keep up
the good work.

Yeah, same to you.

Come on.

Good-bye, then.

Hold it, hold it.

You guys should go in style.

Major Hochstetter, can
I see you a minute, please?

Don't push your luck,
Colonel.

Haven't you heard,
there's a war on.

You've got
to take chances.

Yes?

Your... your prisoners
have decided to leave us,

but it's a long hike
into town.

I was wondering if they
might borrow your car.

Borrow my car?

Well, they'll return it
tomorrow, won't you, fellas?

MAN:
Yeah.

These are going to be
big men in industry,

and who knows?

You may need a job.

Well, I don't...

Look, I'll tell you what.

I'll sign for it.

If they don't return it,
I'll pay for it.

Yes, but...

What difference
does it make?

The war's over.

Well, yes, the war
is over... but...

Well, all right,
take the car.

( car engine starts )

Well, gentlemen,
shall we celebrate?

Ah, General Busse,
this is indeed a great pleasure.

Speak for yourself,
Klink.

Now, what is this--
guards without guns,

uniforms unbuttoned,
prisoners running wild?

Well, I...

You call this
discipline?

No, sir.

General.

At ease.

I heard in Berlin
that congratulations are in order.

Capturing those
underground leaders

is quite a feather
in your cap, huh?

Thank you, General.

Of course, it doesn't
mean as much now, hmm?

Now that the war is over?

The what is what?

The war-- it's over.

The war is over.

That's right, General.

Haven't you heard?

No, and neither have
the Americans.

They bombed Berlin
just one-half hour ago.

You mean the war
isn't over?

Of course
it is not over!

Gee, Hochstetter,
what a bad break,

and after you let
those four underground prisoners go.

But you made a lot of
friends for the Gestapo.

You stupid fool, you!

You have been tricked.

And you... you...
you idiot, you.

I will see to it that you are...

Sir, I hate
to butt in,

but all of Colonel
Klink's prisoners are still here.

That's right.

That's right!

Schultz, close the gates.

The war is back on.

I will deal with you
back in Berlin.

Now follow me
in your car.

( clicks heels )

My car?

I...

Well, sir...

my car...

Uh, sir, knowing
your sense of fair play,

you can understand
the major

lending his car
to the prisoners.

I mean, it's
miles to town.

You did what?!

Get in my car!

Amazing, Hogan,
absolutely amazing.

What was, sir?

That the underground
could create such a hoax.

I'm surprised they
fooled the Gestapo.

Well, it didn't
surprise me.

I'll remember that.

You'll forget it.

Wilhelm, if you work for me
after the war,

I hope you won't be
so easily fooled.

You and Hochstetter...

( cigar box closes )

The war is not over.

The war is not over.

Out?

Out!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

What was that you said
about the Gestapo?

Forget it.

He would make
a lousy bookkeeper.

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