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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 -00:00:00,745 --> 00:00:04,260 2 00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,866 "The first meal..." 3 00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:04,115 No, no, no, Mr. Atkinson. 4 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,852 I completely understand. I know it's late. 5 00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,653 The reason why I'm actually calling is beca... 6 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,357 I'm literally just walking from the office now. 7 00:08:11,359 --> 00:08:14,962 Yeah, we got some news in today that I thought I'd run by you. 8 00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,763 Yeah, um... 9 00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:19,398 we got another offer 10 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,202 on the house that you really like. 11 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,772 Yeah, I know, these things happen all the time, sir. 12 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,672 How are you? All right. Yeah. 13 00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,374 Can I get the usual please? 14 00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:32,444 Um, an Italian thin crust pizza. 15 00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:34,513 Pepperoni, obviously. 16 00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:38,986 Um, can you do me that... that sour cream dip that you guys do? 17 00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:44,692 Yeah, um, one strawberry cheesecake. 18 00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:48,160 Yeah, and, um... 19 00:08:48,162 --> 00:08:51,833 could you throw in like a cheeky bottle of coke? 20 00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,802 Yeah. You letch. 21 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:57,636 You know my address, yeah? 22 00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,308 Okay. All right, then, how long would that be roughly? 23 00:09:01,142 --> 00:09:04,142 All right. Yeah, no worries. 24 00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:05,747 All right, take care. 25 00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:29,169 Hey. 26 00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:31,139 You all right? 27 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,275 Yeah, how's it going? 28 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:37,845 Nice. 29 00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:41,179 Yeah, when are you back? 30 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,780 Yeah, no, that shouldn't be a problem. 31 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:45,452 Let me... write it down. 32 00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:48,620 Yeah, go on. 33 00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:49,991 What was that? 34 00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:54,829 Terminal... 2. 35 00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:58,165 12:22. 36 00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,866 Yeah. Not a problem. 37 00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,169 I'll be there. 38 00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,569 Of course I will. 39 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:05,872 For you, anything. 40 00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:35,087 What the fuck? 41 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:56,938 Fuck. Fuck. 42 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:46,277 No, no, no. 43 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,578 The last thing I'm trying to do, sir, 44 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,115 is to pressure anyone into making a decision 45 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,851 that they don't want to go through. 46 00:15:52,853 --> 00:15:55,286 Yeah, and 15 percent is the preferable rate these days, 47 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,522 but I know some vendors that are willing to offer 10 percent. 48 00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,857 And if I'm being completely honest with you, sir, 49 00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:02,126 I saw you. Your aura... 50 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:05,396 and... the whole ambiance in the house... 51 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,833 that just connected really well. 52 00:16:07,835 --> 00:16:08,867 So I'll let you sleep on it. 53 00:16:08,869 --> 00:16:09,734 Then you can let me know 54 00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,169 what you want to do in the morning. 55 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,506 You have a good night. 56 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,100 Oh, shit. 57 00:16:47,975 --> 00:16:51,075 So... yeah. Listen, man, I need to re-up. 58 00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:54,145 Yeah, quick one. 59 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,116 It's been like two scores or something, yeah? 60 00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:06,191 That right-wing pussy telling me to black it up. 61 00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,591 Is he mental? 62 00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:20,938 So! So! So! 63 00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,273 Your lift stinks. 64 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,410 Shut up, man. That's you that stinks, not my lift. 65 00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:27,380 Bruv, I mean, it's so quick. 66 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,923 What are you wearing? 67 00:17:37,925 --> 00:17:39,156 What do you mean, what am I wearing? 68 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,925 Why are you dressed like that? 69 00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,462 Went to a casting, innit? 70 00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,496 Oh, yeah. How did it go? 71 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,698 Bruv, the director, walks up to me and goes, 72 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:50,671 "Excuse me, mate, do you mind blacking it up?" 73 00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:53,539 - What? - Yeah. 74 00:17:53,541 --> 00:17:54,909 I looked at him and goes, 75 00:17:55,609 --> 00:17:58,076 "How much more black can I get?" 76 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,177 - So, what did you do? - I had enough of that. 77 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:02,482 Afterwards, he comes up to me and goes... 78 00:18:03,684 --> 00:18:05,183 "Do you mind adding a 'motherfucker'." 79 00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,618 Like, because I'm black 80 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,355 I have to say "motherfucker." 81 00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:11,725 Just racist, innit? 82 00:18:12,626 --> 00:18:14,294 Now, imagine you're at the office... 83 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,361 and someone comes up to you and says 84 00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:20,467 "Hussein, do you want this bacon sandwich?" 85 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,638 Would you eat it? 86 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,407 Yeah. 87 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,607 'Cause I eat bacon. 88 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,445 Isn't it against your laws? 89 00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:33,480 I mean, yeah... 90 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:37,182 but I eat pepperoni as well, so... 91 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,616 There's no much difference, innit? 92 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,221 But is it halal, though? 93 00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,457 There's no such thing as halal pig. 94 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,827 Halal that. 95 00:18:51,031 --> 00:18:52,433 All right, cool. 96 00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:16,409 Hey, you all right? 97 00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:19,376 What? 98 00:21:19,378 --> 00:21:20,648 Already? 99 00:21:21,348 --> 00:21:22,880 Now, wait a minute. 100 00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:25,683 I thought you said 3 p.m. 101 00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:27,987 That's what I've got written down. That's what you told me. 102 00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:31,659 Wha... So what are you gonna do? 103 00:21:33,260 --> 00:21:35,797 A-All right, all right, I'll come now then, won't I? 104 00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:37,861 W-Wha... 105 00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:39,597 Okay. Chill out. 106 00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:41,401 I'll pick you up from the station then. 107 00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:44,434 Yeah. 108 00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:46,271 Hello? 109 00:21:46,273 --> 00:21:47,808 Hello? 110 00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:50,707 For fuck's sake, man. 111 00:21:50,709 --> 00:21:52,780 You told me 3 p.m. 112 00:21:53,647 --> 00:21:54,913 So it's my fault, innit? 113 00:21:54,915 --> 00:21:56,246 I can never do anything right. 114 00:24:14,587 --> 00:24:16,753 - You got me a present? - No, I didn't get you one. 115 00:24:16,755 --> 00:24:19,357 Why would I get you a present? 116 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:20,525 Look, I wrote it down on the wall. 117 00:24:20,527 --> 00:24:21,826 - Where? - On the fridge. 118 00:24:21,828 --> 00:24:23,529 I told you I did. There. 119 00:24:23,531 --> 00:24:25,730 Oh, my God. The hell are... 120 00:24:25,732 --> 00:24:26,897 Oh, my God! 121 00:24:26,899 --> 00:24:28,832 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Oh, my God! 122 00:24:28,834 --> 00:24:31,336 Oh, my God! W... Where did these come from? 123 00:24:31,338 --> 00:24:33,471 - Get rid of them! - I'm trying to get rid of them! 124 00:24:33,473 --> 00:24:35,106 - Can you give me a towel or something... - No! 125 00:24:36,443 --> 00:24:38,342 - Come on, man. - No, I'm scared. 126 00:24:38,344 --> 00:24:40,377 - Well, what am I trying to do? - Open the door! 127 00:24:40,379 --> 00:24:42,079 I need one. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 128 00:24:42,081 --> 00:24:43,647 Give me a towel, quick. 129 00:24:43,649 --> 00:24:45,482 No! Talk to them. 130 00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:48,453 Talk to them? I don't know how to talk to the pigeons. 131 00:24:48,455 --> 00:24:49,854 Hey, pigeon. 132 00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:53,090 No! 133 00:24:53,092 --> 00:24:54,425 Get off my chair, man. 134 00:24:54,427 --> 00:24:55,659 Get off! 135 00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:57,127 Go! Go! Go! 136 00:24:57,129 --> 00:24:59,563 Man! Oh, they've shit on my La-Z-Boy. 137 00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:01,000 Fuck, man. 138 00:25:10,543 --> 00:25:12,844 I swear I never left that window open. 139 00:25:12,846 --> 00:25:15,780 Well, you clearly did. Have you not got any food? 140 00:25:15,782 --> 00:25:17,048 There's loads of food in there. 141 00:25:17,050 --> 00:25:18,582 You haven't even got teabags? 142 00:25:18,584 --> 00:25:20,117 What're you talking about. I can see two teabags 143 00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:21,485 with my own eyes right there. 144 00:25:21,487 --> 00:25:22,886 - Where? - On the counter. 145 00:25:22,888 --> 00:25:24,055 They're used. 146 00:25:24,057 --> 00:25:25,990 It's called recycling. 147 00:25:25,992 --> 00:25:27,090 Wow. 148 00:25:27,092 --> 00:25:29,659 I'm not your fucking houseboy. 149 00:25:29,661 --> 00:25:31,896 I'm a professional salesman. 150 00:25:31,898 --> 00:25:34,499 I ain't got time to be fucking buying food for you. 151 00:25:34,502 --> 00:25:35,767 - So I'll go shop, yeah? - Yeah. 152 00:25:35,769 --> 00:25:37,601 I think that's a great idea. 153 00:25:37,603 --> 00:25:40,405 Okay, cool. I'll go shop, so we can eat some food tonight. 154 00:25:40,407 --> 00:25:42,874 - How 'bout that? - Can you get me some... 155 00:25:42,876 --> 00:25:43,941 chocolate chip cookies? 156 00:25:43,943 --> 00:25:45,245 No, I can't. 157 00:25:55,088 --> 00:25:56,356 Glass of red? 158 00:25:57,424 --> 00:25:58,760 Oh! 159 00:26:15,007 --> 00:26:16,942 Game over. 160 00:26:30,689 --> 00:26:32,159 This is nice. 161 00:26:32,926 --> 00:26:34,728 Came to 35 quid. 162 00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:38,766 What, you're asking for money now? 163 00:26:39,631 --> 00:26:41,133 We said half and half. 164 00:26:42,001 --> 00:26:43,804 Half the bills, half the rent. 165 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:48,307 I'll pay you tomorrow. 166 00:26:49,809 --> 00:26:51,642 What do you want me to do? 167 00:26:51,644 --> 00:26:53,610 Run out of the house now, run to the bank or something? 168 00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:55,046 I'm just saying. 169 00:26:55,048 --> 00:26:57,748 And I'm just saying, what if your food was actually dead. 170 00:26:57,750 --> 00:26:59,951 Okay, cool. 171 00:26:59,953 --> 00:27:02,422 I'm going to bed, yeah? You can do the washing up. 172 00:28:22,968 --> 00:28:24,635 Breakfast is served. 173 00:28:24,637 --> 00:28:26,904 Morning. 174 00:28:26,906 --> 00:28:28,239 Morning. 175 00:28:28,241 --> 00:28:29,906 - Listen... - That's nice. 176 00:28:29,908 --> 00:28:30,974 I'm so sorry, yeah? 177 00:28:30,976 --> 00:28:34,011 Don't be sorry. Just be nicer. 178 00:28:34,013 --> 00:28:36,914 I didn't mean to write the wrong time down, did I? 179 00:28:36,916 --> 00:28:39,817 Yeah, I didn't mean to be a massive bitch, but fucking hell. 180 00:28:39,819 --> 00:28:42,086 I think I was feeling hemmed in or something. 181 00:28:42,088 --> 00:28:43,954 My head weren't in the right place. 182 00:28:43,956 --> 00:28:45,526 It's all right. Don't worry about it. 183 00:28:49,294 --> 00:28:51,163 Listen, I was thinking 184 00:28:51,863 --> 00:28:52,996 we should do something today. 185 00:28:52,998 --> 00:28:55,700 - What? - Like... 186 00:28:55,702 --> 00:28:58,573 - go to the cinema, watch a film. - Mm. 187 00:28:59,705 --> 00:29:00,972 Go and get some more food. 188 00:29:00,974 --> 00:29:02,339 What food? 189 00:29:02,341 --> 00:29:03,741 Go to the Chicken Shop. 190 00:29:03,743 --> 00:29:04,875 Okay. 191 00:29:04,877 --> 00:29:06,344 - You like the Chicken Shop? - Yeah. 192 00:29:06,346 --> 00:29:07,949 Then we can come back... 193 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:10,280 and then I can... 194 00:29:10,282 --> 00:29:12,284 What's that? 195 00:29:13,119 --> 00:29:14,784 What's that? 196 00:29:14,786 --> 00:29:16,153 - It's the... - What? 197 00:29:16,155 --> 00:29:18,723 - The Slider. - The Slider. 198 00:29:18,725 --> 00:29:20,257 Yeah, it's time for the Slider. 199 00:29:20,259 --> 00:29:22,292 You need to work on your moves. 200 00:29:22,294 --> 00:29:23,994 You know I can always use the Slider. 201 00:29:23,996 --> 00:29:25,629 You need to work on your Slider. 202 00:29:25,631 --> 00:29:26,963 Your Slider's dead. 203 00:29:26,965 --> 00:29:28,799 - You said the Slider was good. - Mmm. 204 00:29:28,801 --> 00:29:30,300 That's not what you were saying. 205 00:29:30,302 --> 00:29:32,168 I faked it. 206 00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:33,937 What? 207 00:29:33,939 --> 00:29:35,039 You faked it? 208 00:29:35,041 --> 00:29:36,874 I'm so sorry. 209 00:29:36,876 --> 00:29:38,908 Stop it. 210 00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:40,944 - Were you faking that now as well? - Yeah. 211 00:29:40,946 --> 00:29:43,114 Yeah, but that's different. That's tickling me. 212 00:29:43,116 --> 00:29:45,816 Oh! You're meant to be nice. 213 00:29:45,818 --> 00:29:47,385 - I'm being nice. - No, you're not. 214 00:29:47,387 --> 00:29:49,286 - I am. - No, you're not. You're being... 215 00:29:50,121 --> 00:29:52,123 - Do you wanna be any louder? - Yeah. 216 00:29:52,125 --> 00:29:54,224 I'll fucking scream the place down. 217 00:29:54,226 --> 00:29:55,925 You're meant to be nice to me. 218 00:29:58,798 --> 00:30:00,397 Stop it. I don't like it when you play. 219 00:30:01,734 --> 00:30:03,200 Mmm. 220 00:30:03,202 --> 00:30:05,001 You said my Slider was dead. 221 00:30:05,003 --> 00:30:07,905 - Dead. - No... 222 00:30:07,907 --> 00:30:09,706 Fine, I ain't gonna bring out the Slider. 223 00:30:09,708 --> 00:30:11,175 No, I'm joking. 224 00:30:11,177 --> 00:30:12,742 I'll give you The Brown Hammer. 225 00:30:12,744 --> 00:30:16,315 The Brown Hammer... 226 00:30:23,955 --> 00:30:27,023 ♪ I know you and you know me and I know you, yeah ♪ 227 00:30:27,025 --> 00:30:29,859 ♪ That's my other half, she stick to me like glue ♪ 228 00:30:29,861 --> 00:30:31,095 What are you doing? 229 00:30:31,097 --> 00:30:33,097 - I didn't do that on purpose. - Don't lie. 230 00:30:33,099 --> 00:30:34,065 Don't get ugly. 231 00:30:34,067 --> 00:30:35,899 What if my head was to crack into that door. 232 00:30:35,901 --> 00:30:37,233 Oh, you're so dramatic. 233 00:30:37,235 --> 00:30:39,002 You wouldn't be living in this amazing flat then. 234 00:30:39,004 --> 00:30:41,004 - You do know that, right? - Are you serious? 235 00:30:41,006 --> 00:30:42,509 This place ain't amazing? 236 00:30:43,408 --> 00:30:44,809 - Mmm, it's all right. - What? 237 00:30:44,811 --> 00:30:46,077 It'll do. 238 00:30:46,079 --> 00:30:47,411 So what would you change about it then? 239 00:30:47,413 --> 00:30:49,946 I'd get some plants in, I'd get some candles in, 240 00:30:49,948 --> 00:30:51,248 I'd get some quotes. 241 00:30:51,250 --> 00:30:52,982 Quotes, all right. Quotes I can work with. 242 00:30:52,984 --> 00:30:54,117 - Yeah? - Yeah. All right. 243 00:30:54,119 --> 00:30:55,453 We can do that. Can you, um... 244 00:30:55,455 --> 00:30:56,721 help me when you're done. 245 00:30:56,723 --> 00:30:58,289 Yeah, 246 00:30:58,291 --> 00:30:59,889 I can. 247 00:30:59,891 --> 00:31:01,959 What time are you home tonight? 248 00:31:01,961 --> 00:31:04,794 Um, probably later than usual 249 00:31:04,796 --> 00:31:06,097 - because... - What? 250 00:31:06,099 --> 00:31:08,168 I've got to impress my first day back. 251 00:31:09,001 --> 00:31:10,434 But you said tonight we're gonna... 252 00:31:10,436 --> 00:31:11,368 What? 253 00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:13,803 - Put you against the wall. - Yeah, we can, 254 00:31:13,805 --> 00:31:15,306 but I'm just gonna have to be later. 255 00:31:15,308 --> 00:31:16,139 All right. 256 00:31:16,141 --> 00:31:18,274 You better sell five houses today. 257 00:31:18,276 --> 00:31:19,743 - Five? - Yeah. 258 00:31:19,745 --> 00:31:21,078 I mean, I got twelve lined up already. 259 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:22,346 Oh, you're so full of it. 260 00:32:57,409 --> 00:32:59,309 Take these off. 261 00:33:02,881 --> 00:33:04,915 Come, then. Show me what you've got. 262 00:33:04,917 --> 00:33:06,050 Show you what I've got? 263 00:33:06,052 --> 00:33:07,350 - Oh, it's like that now? - Yeah. 264 00:33:07,352 --> 00:33:09,052 - It's competition time? - Yeah. 265 00:33:09,054 --> 00:33:10,522 - Last time that happened... - Mmm. 266 00:33:10,524 --> 00:33:11,856 ...I'm sure I won. 267 00:33:11,858 --> 00:33:13,392 - Really? - Yeah. 268 00:33:25,071 --> 00:33:26,406 Mmm. 269 00:33:30,075 --> 00:33:32,277 - Hello. - Mmm. 270 00:33:32,978 --> 00:33:34,346 Hello. 271 00:33:40,386 --> 00:33:42,555 What's going on? Why is it not... 272 00:33:43,255 --> 00:33:45,124 Oh, for fuck's sake. 273 00:33:47,092 --> 00:33:48,761 It's all right. Don't worry about it. 274 00:33:49,494 --> 00:33:51,261 Why are you so ugly? 275 00:33:51,263 --> 00:33:53,667 It's all right. You ain't got to be Mr. Lova Lova all the time. 276 00:33:55,234 --> 00:33:56,634 - All the time? - Yeah. 277 00:33:56,636 --> 00:33:58,234 - It's fine. - Of course I have to. 278 00:33:58,236 --> 00:34:00,570 No, you don't, man. It happens. 279 00:34:00,572 --> 00:34:02,540 And when is the last time this happened to me? 280 00:34:02,542 --> 00:34:04,908 Before I went on a holiday. 281 00:34:04,910 --> 00:34:07,344 There's been so many times we're about to have sex and you can't get it up. 282 00:34:07,346 --> 00:34:08,611 So what? All this is my fault? 283 00:34:08,613 --> 00:34:10,616 No, I'm just saying it's probably the weed. 284 00:34:11,950 --> 00:34:13,283 Messes with your libido, innit? 285 00:34:13,285 --> 00:34:14,685 - It's not the weed. - It's not the weed, no? 286 00:34:14,687 --> 00:34:16,687 - Nah, it's not the weed. - What is it then? 287 00:34:16,689 --> 00:34:18,689 It's you. 288 00:34:18,691 --> 00:34:20,089 It's your fault. It's not my fault. 289 00:34:20,091 --> 00:34:21,460 Why would it be my fault? 290 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:23,627 'Cause you got a flat arse. 291 00:34:23,629 --> 00:34:25,162 That's why. 292 00:34:25,164 --> 00:34:26,600 How else can I not get it up? 293 00:34:27,332 --> 00:34:29,098 There's nothing even there, man. 294 00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:30,968 Cool. 295 00:34:30,970 --> 00:34:32,468 Prick. 296 00:35:11,010 --> 00:35:12,812 I feel like dog shit, man. 297 00:35:13,579 --> 00:35:15,315 Well, you look like dog shit. 298 00:35:19,017 --> 00:35:20,117 What? 299 00:35:20,119 --> 00:35:22,218 - That's funny? - Yeah. 300 00:35:22,220 --> 00:35:25,055 You're such a pussy. Man up. Grow some balls, man. 301 00:35:25,057 --> 00:35:26,458 Man-flu? 302 00:35:35,633 --> 00:35:37,667 - Have you seen my diamond tiepin? - No. 303 00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:39,303 - What do you mean no? - I mean no. 304 00:35:39,305 --> 00:35:40,974 We all great, innit? 305 00:35:43,242 --> 00:35:45,344 Shut up, man. 306 00:35:47,479 --> 00:35:49,314 So rude. 307 00:36:43,401 --> 00:36:45,304 Where is it? Oh. 308 00:37:27,513 --> 00:37:29,782 "Big monster dick." 309 00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:33,051 "Big monster dick." 310 00:37:34,285 --> 00:37:37,724 "Soldier in my Ass." 311 00:37:43,329 --> 00:37:47,933 "Suck My Nine Inch in a Gloryhole." 312 00:37:52,838 --> 00:37:54,906 "Monkeys in the Shower." 313 00:37:59,245 --> 00:38:01,380 "Cock-a-cock." 314 00:39:50,488 --> 00:39:52,555 - Oh, that's funny? - That's not me. 315 00:39:52,557 --> 00:39:54,258 So, what is this? Why is it cut? 316 00:39:54,260 --> 00:39:55,591 I don't know. 317 00:39:55,593 --> 00:39:56,527 I left this morning, Mel. 318 00:39:56,529 --> 00:39:58,261 I found out mid-day whilst I was at work 319 00:39:58,263 --> 00:39:59,763 walking around like a fucking dickhead. 320 00:39:59,765 --> 00:40:01,832 Oh, there's no change there. Is there, Hussein? 321 00:40:01,834 --> 00:40:03,399 Come on, Mel, man. I'm being serious. 322 00:40:03,401 --> 00:40:04,635 So am I, being serious. 323 00:40:04,637 --> 00:40:05,801 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 324 00:40:05,803 --> 00:40:07,437 - And what about my phone? - What's... What? 325 00:40:07,439 --> 00:40:08,939 - What did you do to it? - What do you mean? 326 00:40:08,941 --> 00:40:10,673 I put it on charge last night next to you. 327 00:40:10,675 --> 00:40:12,475 - Okay, cool. - That's not funny. 328 00:40:12,477 --> 00:40:15,278 I walked out this morning, and it was fucking zero percent. 329 00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:17,714 - Okay, what about my laptop? - What about your laptop? 330 00:40:17,716 --> 00:40:19,783 Why is there porn on my laptop? 331 00:40:19,785 --> 00:40:21,752 - I don't know. - You've been watching porn on my laptop? 332 00:40:21,754 --> 00:40:22,818 - No! - No? 333 00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:23,919 - No! - Okay. 334 00:40:23,921 --> 00:40:26,289 I don't watch porn on your laptop. 335 00:40:26,291 --> 00:40:29,792 Okay, so you're telling me, Hussein, that 336 00:40:29,794 --> 00:40:31,694 "Soldier in My Arse" isn't you? 337 00:40:31,696 --> 00:40:33,597 - What? - You've been watching gay porn on my laptop? 338 00:40:33,599 --> 00:40:34,997 - No, I haven't. - I took this to work today. 339 00:40:34,999 --> 00:40:36,600 You know my boss, he saw that today. 340 00:40:36,602 --> 00:40:38,635 It's disgusting. It's actually rank. 341 00:40:38,637 --> 00:40:40,437 - Mel. - What? 342 00:40:40,439 --> 00:40:41,972 I haven't been watching gay porn on your laptop. 343 00:40:41,974 --> 00:40:43,640 What else has been watching porn on my laptop? 344 00:40:43,642 --> 00:40:46,310 Why... Who else lives here? 345 00:40:46,312 --> 00:40:48,077 - Don't ask me dumb questions. - Who else lives here? 346 00:40:48,079 --> 00:40:50,013 - No one. - Okay, so just you and me live here, yeah? 347 00:40:50,015 --> 00:40:52,316 - Yeah. - So you're telling me that somehow 348 00:40:52,318 --> 00:40:54,551 a ghost is watching porn on my laptop? 349 00:40:54,553 --> 00:40:57,453 - I don't know what "Solider in My Arse" is. - Is that what turns you on? 350 00:40:57,455 --> 00:41:00,022 Is that what turns you on? You know, it actually makes sense. 351 00:41:00,024 --> 00:41:01,591 That's why you can't get it up, ain't it? 352 00:41:01,593 --> 00:41:02,993 'Cause you like dick. 353 00:41:02,995 --> 00:41:04,461 Mel. 354 00:41:04,463 --> 00:41:05,961 I haven't been watching gay porn on your laptop. 355 00:41:05,963 --> 00:41:07,232 And what the hell is this? 356 00:41:10,035 --> 00:41:11,968 - They're your knickers. - Yeah, what's that? 357 00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:13,569 - Ugh! I don't know. - It's your cum. 358 00:41:13,571 --> 00:41:15,505 - No, that's not. - Yes, it is your cum. 359 00:41:15,507 --> 00:41:17,341 Why're you wanking over my knickers for? 360 00:41:17,343 --> 00:41:19,509 - You've been trying... - That's nasty, Mel. I would not do that. 361 00:41:19,511 --> 00:41:21,111 I can't believe I actually let you touch me. 362 00:41:21,113 --> 00:41:23,580 - It wasn't me. I didn't do anything. - Whatever. 363 00:41:23,582 --> 00:41:25,082 - Why don't you ever understand? - You're sick! 364 00:41:25,084 --> 00:41:26,587 You never listen. 365 00:42:29,148 --> 00:42:30,914 Oh, my God! 366 00:42:30,916 --> 00:42:32,015 - Hussein. - Yeah. 367 00:42:32,017 --> 00:42:33,950 - Come flush the toilet. - What? 368 00:42:33,952 --> 00:42:35,051 Flush the toilet. 369 00:42:35,053 --> 00:42:36,086 Why? I never used it. 370 00:42:36,088 --> 00:42:37,787 - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't. 371 00:42:37,789 --> 00:42:39,455 You've done a shit, and you've not flushed it. 372 00:42:39,457 --> 00:42:40,756 It's disgusting. Flush it. 373 00:42:40,758 --> 00:42:42,191 - I haven't shit yet. - I'm not flushing that. 374 00:42:42,193 --> 00:42:43,727 What? Oh! 375 00:42:43,729 --> 00:42:46,028 - That's nasty. - Yeah, it's nasty. Flush it. 376 00:42:46,030 --> 00:42:47,800 - It's not mine. - It's not mine. 377 00:42:48,767 --> 00:42:51,200 - What do you want me to do? - What are you lying? 378 00:42:51,202 --> 00:42:53,636 - I'm not lying. - Yes, you are lying. 379 00:42:53,638 --> 00:42:56,906 - No, I'm not. - And I guess you never used this, no? 380 00:42:56,908 --> 00:42:59,176 - No. - This is my shampoo. You know that, right? 381 00:42:59,178 --> 00:43:00,776 - Yes. - Cost me 40 pounds. 382 00:43:00,778 --> 00:43:02,547 It's empty. 383 00:43:02,549 --> 00:43:03,713 I've got my own shampoo. 384 00:43:03,715 --> 00:43:05,214 So use your own in the future. 385 00:43:05,216 --> 00:43:06,917 - I do... - This is empty. 386 00:43:06,919 --> 00:43:10,053 This cost me 40 quid. You're so selfish. 387 00:43:10,055 --> 00:43:11,888 It's probably you overusing it. 388 00:43:11,890 --> 00:43:13,926 No, I haven't used it yet. 389 00:43:14,626 --> 00:43:16,128 All right. 390 00:43:18,062 --> 00:43:20,629 I can't even use that shampoo anyway. 391 00:43:20,631 --> 00:43:22,031 It don't even work in my head. 392 00:43:22,033 --> 00:43:23,466 I can't use that shampoo... 393 00:43:23,468 --> 00:43:25,167 I don't care whether you can't use it or not. 394 00:43:25,169 --> 00:43:27,136 - I didn't do it. - You're a compulsive liar, you know that? 395 00:43:27,138 --> 00:43:28,939 - I'm not lying. - Yes, you are. 396 00:43:28,941 --> 00:43:31,073 You don't know the difference between reality and a lie anymore. 397 00:43:31,075 --> 00:43:32,642 I didn't take a shit, and I didn't use your shampoo. 398 00:43:32,644 --> 00:43:35,745 When are you gonna take these fucking make-believe images out of your head? 399 00:43:35,747 --> 00:43:37,514 - It's not make-believe. - Yes, it is make-believe. 400 00:43:37,516 --> 00:43:38,615 - No, it's not. - It really is. 401 00:43:38,617 --> 00:43:40,484 - No, it's not. - I haven't done it! 402 00:43:40,486 --> 00:43:42,885 I'm worried. You got something wrong in your head. 403 00:43:42,887 --> 00:43:44,488 - Really? You think I'm mental? - Yeah. 404 00:43:44,490 --> 00:43:45,888 You got bipolar or something. 405 00:43:45,890 --> 00:43:47,292 - You think I got bipolar? - Yeah. 406 00:43:48,193 --> 00:43:49,959 You're a selfish asshole sometimes. 407 00:43:49,961 --> 00:43:51,160 - I'm selfish? - Yeah. 408 00:43:51,162 --> 00:43:52,261 - Me? - Yeah. 409 00:43:52,263 --> 00:43:53,662 When all I've done over these whole 410 00:43:53,664 --> 00:43:55,664 past few years is care for you. 411 00:43:55,666 --> 00:43:57,100 - Really? - Yeah. 412 00:43:57,102 --> 00:43:58,901 - I've never not cared for you? - And I've loved you. 413 00:43:58,903 --> 00:44:00,569 Yeah, have I loved you? 414 00:44:00,571 --> 00:44:02,705 - And I've allowed you to stay in this place. - Ah, cool. 415 00:44:02,707 --> 00:44:04,207 - You've allowed me to stay in here, yeah? - Yeah. 416 00:44:04,209 --> 00:44:06,843 Yeah, you've allowed me to stay in here like I'm a burden? 417 00:44:06,845 --> 00:44:08,545 - How dare you? - Is it not the truth? 418 00:44:08,547 --> 00:44:12,214 Whether it's the truth or not, Hussein, how dare you! 419 00:44:12,216 --> 00:44:15,685 I stayed here 'cause I wanted to stay here, not 'cause I needed to stay here. 420 00:44:15,687 --> 00:44:18,555 What, you think you're some amazing estate agent, yeah? You're not. 421 00:44:18,557 --> 00:44:20,122 You're a little pussy, all right? 422 00:44:20,124 --> 00:44:22,091 Know that. I'm done. 423 00:44:22,093 --> 00:44:25,194 - You do that all the time. - Do what? What do I do? What do I do? 424 00:44:25,196 --> 00:44:26,963 Just step away from the problem. 425 00:44:26,965 --> 00:44:29,201 You are the problem, Hussein. 426 00:44:32,970 --> 00:44:34,973 I think you should get ready for work. 427 00:44:37,675 --> 00:44:40,245 I won't be here when you get back. I'm done. 428 00:44:42,648 --> 00:44:44,183 Cool. 429 00:44:49,588 --> 00:44:51,588 Don't call me and don't come back knocking on my door. 430 00:44:51,590 --> 00:44:53,589 I ain't gonna call you. 431 00:44:53,591 --> 00:44:55,528 You fucking always do. 432 00:45:24,323 --> 00:45:26,859 Bon voyage. 433 00:47:18,003 --> 00:47:19,702 Oh, man! 434 00:47:19,704 --> 00:47:21,339 What the fuck is that? 435 00:47:23,441 --> 00:47:25,076 Ugh! 436 00:47:26,878 --> 00:47:28,912 So, what are you telling me? 437 00:47:28,914 --> 00:47:30,248 You've got a ghost? 438 00:47:31,716 --> 00:47:33,484 A ghost who shits. 439 00:47:34,419 --> 00:47:38,220 Well, how else do you explain it then, man? 440 00:47:38,222 --> 00:47:41,490 I don't know. I think your bra is too tight or something. 441 00:47:41,492 --> 00:47:43,158 I don't wear a bra. 442 00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,828 I'm telling you, it was all her. 443 00:47:45,830 --> 00:47:47,263 I hear you. 444 00:47:47,265 --> 00:47:49,168 But you didn't see the size of... 445 00:47:49,867 --> 00:47:51,267 what I saw. 446 00:47:51,269 --> 00:47:53,435 It was a man's work, you know. 447 00:47:53,437 --> 00:47:55,505 Like a builder's work. Know what I'm saying? 448 00:47:55,507 --> 00:47:57,339 Yeah, that's exactly what I said, bruv. 449 00:47:57,341 --> 00:47:59,441 You fucking dodged a bullet with that one, mate. 450 00:47:59,443 --> 00:48:02,745 I told her. I actually told her... 451 00:48:02,747 --> 00:48:04,414 I laid down the plan. 452 00:48:04,416 --> 00:48:07,518 She was crying. Tears running down her eyes. 453 00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:09,885 - Yeah? - You know... 454 00:48:09,887 --> 00:48:12,789 "No, what? No, Hussein, don't do this. 455 00:48:12,791 --> 00:48:14,990 We can still be together." 456 00:48:14,992 --> 00:48:17,160 - Hmm. - "Let's stay friends." 457 00:48:17,162 --> 00:48:18,260 Stay friends! 458 00:48:18,262 --> 00:48:20,863 - "I'll change." Fuck off! - Fuck that. 459 00:48:20,865 --> 00:48:22,432 I got my life back now, innit? 460 00:48:22,434 --> 00:48:24,200 I'm a free man. 461 00:48:24,202 --> 00:48:26,002 - With the girls. - Yeah, you're right. 462 00:48:26,004 --> 00:48:27,937 Yeah. You're right. 463 00:48:27,939 --> 00:48:32,111 And all you need to do now is to stop looking like shit. 464 00:51:23,682 --> 00:51:25,516 Hello, Gerry. 465 00:51:25,518 --> 00:51:28,184 Yeah, mate. Um... 466 00:51:28,186 --> 00:51:29,651 Yeah, no, I'm not good, man. 467 00:51:29,653 --> 00:51:32,187 Listen, I've been meaning to ring you, man. 468 00:51:32,189 --> 00:51:35,325 Yeah, I'm iller than a motherfucker right now, mate. 469 00:51:36,660 --> 00:51:39,328 Yeah, I can send you the schedule. 470 00:51:39,330 --> 00:51:40,633 Hm... 471 00:51:41,633 --> 00:51:44,469 Mmh, mmh... 472 00:51:58,450 --> 00:52:01,283 But I never even ordered one of these, man. 473 00:52:01,285 --> 00:52:04,053 Yeah, well, I dunno. Must be a gift or something, innit? 474 00:52:04,055 --> 00:52:06,022 - A gift? - Yeah. 475 00:52:06,024 --> 00:52:07,756 Who gets a freezer as a gift, mate? 476 00:52:07,758 --> 00:52:09,359 That's not our problem, is it? 477 00:52:09,361 --> 00:52:11,160 Look, if you don't want it, fair enough. 478 00:52:11,162 --> 00:52:12,627 But if you want to have it taken back, 479 00:52:12,629 --> 00:52:14,564 you're gonna have to contact the depot yourself. 480 00:52:14,566 --> 00:52:18,237 - What? - Yeah, you shouldn't have signed for it if you didn't want it. 481 00:52:29,146 --> 00:52:30,849 So immature, Mel. 482 00:52:34,151 --> 00:52:36,487 Oh, for fuck's sake, man. 483 00:52:37,222 --> 00:52:39,222 Hold on, what? 484 00:52:39,224 --> 00:52:41,793 What the fuck are you talking about? Quilted for softness. 485 00:52:42,727 --> 00:52:44,463 Quilted for softness? 486 00:52:45,497 --> 00:52:48,031 You asked me for tissue, and I gave you tissue. 487 00:52:48,033 --> 00:52:49,836 You're lucky I didn't give you fucking sandpaper. 488 00:52:51,403 --> 00:52:53,301 No, man, I know. I'm grateful. 489 00:52:53,303 --> 00:52:55,171 Don't be grateful. 490 00:52:55,173 --> 00:52:56,671 Be embarrassed. 491 00:52:56,673 --> 00:52:57,975 Be ashamed. 492 00:53:00,745 --> 00:53:02,914 Listen, you staying for a puff or what? 493 00:53:04,082 --> 00:53:05,714 You what? What, share your joint? 494 00:53:05,716 --> 00:53:07,486 Yeah. 495 00:53:08,218 --> 00:53:10,752 And catch your herpes. 496 00:53:10,754 --> 00:53:13,222 Bruv, I rather eat onions. 497 00:53:13,224 --> 00:53:15,457 Look, I'm not doing this bullshit again, man. 498 00:53:15,459 --> 00:53:17,495 I'm a busy man, you know? 499 00:53:18,396 --> 00:53:19,694 Yeah, I know you are but like I said, 500 00:53:19,696 --> 00:53:21,129 it was an emergency, wasn't it? 501 00:53:21,131 --> 00:53:22,832 - That why I needed you, bruv. - Yeah. 502 00:53:22,834 --> 00:53:25,635 But, you know, when you get yourself back on your feet, yeah, 503 00:53:25,637 --> 00:53:27,371 you owe me. 504 00:53:28,205 --> 00:53:31,106 Yeah. I'm starting to get better anyway. 505 00:53:31,108 --> 00:53:32,707 Look, I'm going to give you some advice, yeah? 506 00:53:32,709 --> 00:53:34,345 You're gonna listen? 507 00:53:35,113 --> 00:53:36,749 Look up at the stars... 508 00:53:37,448 --> 00:53:38,884 and not at your feet. 509 00:53:40,151 --> 00:53:42,185 And try to make sense 510 00:53:42,187 --> 00:53:43,523 of what you see... 511 00:53:44,254 --> 00:53:46,254 and wonder... 512 00:53:46,256 --> 00:53:49,493 what really makes this universe exist. 513 00:53:52,363 --> 00:53:53,899 Be curious. 514 00:53:54,599 --> 00:53:57,435 Yeah, yeah. You're right, man. 515 00:53:58,336 --> 00:53:59,801 I need to be more. 516 00:53:59,803 --> 00:54:01,740 What the fuck is that, anyway? 517 00:54:04,374 --> 00:54:05,677 That. 518 00:54:07,845 --> 00:54:09,514 That's a freezer. 519 00:54:26,131 --> 00:54:28,597 ♪ Strangers in the night ♪ 520 00:54:28,599 --> 00:54:31,667 ♪ Exchanging glances ♪ 521 00:54:31,669 --> 00:54:34,403 ♪ Wondering in the night ♪ 522 00:54:34,405 --> 00:54:37,109 ♪ What were the chances ♪ 523 00:54:37,809 --> 00:54:39,908 ♪ La-la-la da-da ♪ 524 00:54:39,910 --> 00:54:41,843 ♪ La-la da-da ♪ 525 00:54:41,845 --> 00:54:44,149 ♪ La-da ♪ 526 00:54:47,584 --> 00:54:50,720 ♪ Something in your eyes ♪ 527 00:54:50,722 --> 00:54:53,693 ♪ Was so exciting ♪ 528 00:54:54,392 --> 00:54:57,193 ♪ Something in your smile ♪ 529 00:54:57,195 --> 00:55:00,495 ♪ Was so inviting ♪ 530 00:55:00,497 --> 00:55:02,834 ♪ La da-da-da-da ♪ 531 00:55:03,934 --> 00:55:07,169 Come on, Mel. Just answer your phone, man. 532 00:55:07,171 --> 00:55:08,571 Please. 533 00:55:08,573 --> 00:55:09,872 I just wanna talk to you. 534 00:55:09,874 --> 00:55:13,709 ♪ La-la-la da-da ♪ 535 00:55:13,711 --> 00:55:15,778 ♪ La-la-da-da ♪ 536 00:55:15,780 --> 00:55:17,816 Ring me back when you can, yeah? 537 00:55:18,516 --> 00:55:19,781 I miss you. 538 00:56:55,912 --> 00:56:57,982 What the fuck? 539 00:56:58,916 --> 00:57:00,986 I need one as soon as possible. 540 00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:05,453 Yeah, um, preferably today. 541 00:57:05,455 --> 00:57:08,058 Yeah. No, sorry, it's an emergency, you see? 542 00:57:09,494 --> 00:57:10,996 One second. 543 00:57:13,398 --> 00:57:14,796 All right, Gerry, mate. 544 00:57:14,798 --> 00:57:16,332 Look, I can't really talk right now, man. 545 00:57:16,334 --> 00:57:17,603 I'm a bit busy. 546 00:57:21,606 --> 00:57:23,039 What? 547 00:57:23,041 --> 00:57:24,606 Hold on a minute. 548 00:57:24,608 --> 00:57:26,008 What are you talking about? 549 00:57:26,010 --> 00:57:28,013 I sent you the full schedule yesterday. 550 00:57:30,448 --> 00:57:33,553 Warning? You're gonna give me a warning? 551 00:57:34,619 --> 00:57:36,452 No, cool. No, it's fine, Gerry. 552 00:57:36,454 --> 00:57:38,421 It's all right. Go on, give me a warning, innit? 553 00:57:38,423 --> 00:57:39,888 'Cause I let you know, yeah? 554 00:57:39,890 --> 00:57:42,758 That warning ain't gonna be as bad as chemotherapy, is it? 555 00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:44,760 No, and just in case you wondered 556 00:57:44,762 --> 00:57:47,430 it's terminal as well. 557 00:57:47,432 --> 00:57:50,332 So, sorry if I got some other things on my mind, mate, yeah? 558 00:57:50,334 --> 00:57:51,737 Fucking prick. 559 00:58:03,747 --> 00:58:05,847 A million and 50. 560 00:58:05,849 --> 00:58:07,383 A million and 10. 561 00:58:07,385 --> 00:58:08,653 A million and 20. 562 00:58:10,053 --> 00:58:11,386 Gerry. 563 00:58:11,388 --> 00:58:12,991 What are you doing here? 564 00:58:15,093 --> 00:58:17,362 What is that? 565 00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:21,366 It's a cock. 566 00:58:22,666 --> 00:58:25,368 - It is disgusting. - Yeah, I know. 567 00:58:25,370 --> 00:58:28,069 - Are you sure it's not yours? - It's not mine. 568 00:58:28,071 --> 00:58:29,805 But why are you looking at me like that? 569 00:58:29,807 --> 00:58:31,707 It certainly ain't mine. 570 00:58:31,709 --> 00:58:33,078 Have you seen it? 571 00:58:33,778 --> 00:58:35,477 It's white. 572 00:58:35,479 --> 00:58:36,613 Whose cock is it then? 573 00:58:36,615 --> 00:58:38,580 How the fuck am I meant to know whose cock that is? 574 00:58:38,582 --> 00:58:40,482 It was sent from your phone. They all were. 575 00:58:40,484 --> 00:58:42,386 Well, my phone must have got nicked then. 576 00:58:43,086 --> 00:58:44,819 I spoke to you this morning. 577 00:58:44,821 --> 00:58:46,689 Yeah, and it must have been in the afternoon. 578 00:58:46,691 --> 00:58:48,790 After I came out of the doctor's. 579 00:58:48,792 --> 00:58:51,127 That's it. My phone got nicked in the afternoon, 580 00:58:51,129 --> 00:58:52,727 and they got sent. 581 00:58:52,729 --> 00:58:54,399 Why? When... when were they sent to you? 582 00:58:55,166 --> 00:58:57,499 - This afternoon. - Hah! There we go. 583 00:58:57,502 --> 00:58:59,033 Makes sense, don't it? 584 00:59:04,474 --> 00:59:06,142 Oh dear. What is that? 585 00:59:09,479 --> 00:59:11,046 Look, Gerry, man... 586 00:59:11,048 --> 00:59:13,918 - I swear, I didn't mean to lie. - Save it. 587 00:59:14,785 --> 00:59:16,151 You're fired. 588 00:59:16,153 --> 00:59:17,620 Effective immediately. 589 00:59:17,622 --> 00:59:19,655 - No, you can't do that. - I just did. 590 01:01:11,536 --> 01:01:13,035 You better not be lying this time, 591 01:01:13,037 --> 01:01:15,236 or I swear to God. 592 01:01:15,238 --> 01:01:16,772 Yeah, well, of course I'm gonna ask you. 593 01:01:16,774 --> 01:01:18,877 You're the only person who had access to my wallet. 594 01:01:19,577 --> 01:01:20,642 So it wasn't you 595 01:01:20,644 --> 01:01:22,010 who ordered this massive freezer 596 01:01:22,012 --> 01:01:23,981 that just sitting in my living room right now? 597 01:01:25,015 --> 01:01:26,814 So, Mr. Hussein, 598 01:01:26,816 --> 01:01:29,184 new lock, bolts, and chain. 599 01:01:29,186 --> 01:01:31,321 You can't really do much more than that. 600 01:01:32,590 --> 01:01:35,025 Safe as houses, as they say. 601 01:02:44,394 --> 01:02:46,828 Go on, then. 602 01:02:46,830 --> 01:02:48,333 Sh-show your face. 603 01:02:50,133 --> 01:02:52,202 Fucking prick. 604 01:03:04,215 --> 01:03:06,317 What the fuck? 605 01:04:00,271 --> 01:04:02,937 "According to the law in London, 606 01:04:02,939 --> 01:04:05,106 you may sit down for the night, 607 01:04:05,108 --> 01:04:07,743 but the police must move you on 608 01:04:07,745 --> 01:04:09,447 if they see you asleep." 609 01:04:22,193 --> 01:04:24,328 Hey, how's it going? 610 01:04:25,028 --> 01:04:26,496 My friends. 611 01:05:07,137 --> 01:05:09,406 Yes, Mum, I've eaten. 612 01:05:10,441 --> 01:05:13,111 I had, like, a pepperoni pizza before. 613 01:05:14,845 --> 01:05:16,278 No. 614 01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:18,049 I don't know whose it is. 615 01:05:18,883 --> 01:05:21,283 I'm being serious. 616 01:05:21,285 --> 01:05:25,123 Wh... Why are you asking me anyway? Like you haven't seen my willy before. 617 01:05:27,423 --> 01:05:28,957 No. 618 01:05:28,959 --> 01:05:32,263 Th-That's not me trying to show you that I'm gay. 619 01:05:33,898 --> 01:05:35,165 Mum. 620 01:05:35,865 --> 01:05:36,964 It... 621 01:05:36,966 --> 01:05:39,136 The willy was not even circumcised. 622 01:05:41,171 --> 01:05:45,307 So why... I don't understand why you would even think it's mine. 623 01:05:45,309 --> 01:05:46,778 Have you seen the color of it? 624 01:05:48,845 --> 01:05:50,748 It looks like a fucking fish finger. 625 01:06:22,847 --> 01:06:24,682 I guess it's just us guys now, innit? 626 01:06:27,151 --> 01:06:29,219 Guess we gotta look after each other. 627 01:08:11,321 --> 01:08:13,724 You fucking idiot. 628 01:08:29,673 --> 01:08:32,210 Never a lender or borrower be! 629 01:08:33,109 --> 01:08:34,746 You used to say it all the time. 630 01:08:36,647 --> 01:08:38,816 Look, I know we're a working family, 631 01:08:39,550 --> 01:08:41,449 and... 632 01:08:41,451 --> 01:08:43,351 this isn't me trying to get you and Dad 633 01:08:43,353 --> 01:08:44,418 to pay for my mortgage. 634 01:08:44,420 --> 01:08:45,724 That's not what I'm asking. 635 01:08:46,622 --> 01:08:50,191 I just wanted to see if he was able 636 01:08:50,193 --> 01:08:52,831 to lend me a couple hundred quid until the end of... 637 01:08:57,067 --> 01:08:59,133 No, I know. 638 01:08:59,135 --> 01:09:01,339 There is not a lot out there, Mum, but... 639 01:09:02,339 --> 01:09:03,771 I'm gonna try it. 640 01:09:03,773 --> 01:09:05,373 I hope to find one. 641 01:09:05,375 --> 01:09:06,910 Pretty confident I can. 642 01:09:10,179 --> 01:09:13,181 Just gotta look up at the stars and not down at my feet, 643 01:09:13,183 --> 01:09:14,519 I guess. 644 01:09:17,086 --> 01:09:19,290 What's the matter with you? Can't say hello? 645 01:09:26,030 --> 01:09:27,931 What the bumboclaat? 646 01:09:29,767 --> 01:09:31,802 Holy shit! 647 01:09:37,707 --> 01:09:39,845 Bruv, what's going on? What's the matter? 648 01:09:47,317 --> 01:09:49,150 Are you all right, bruv? 649 01:09:49,152 --> 01:09:50,920 Looks like a fucking crack den in here. 650 01:09:52,456 --> 01:09:53,754 Bruv... 651 01:09:53,756 --> 01:09:56,595 just give me my weed and fuck off, innit? 652 01:09:59,129 --> 01:10:00,632 Oh, so, it's like that, yeah? 653 01:10:06,202 --> 01:10:08,339 You know what, take your fucking weed, yeah? 654 01:10:39,870 --> 01:10:41,168 Hola! 655 01:10:41,170 --> 01:10:43,137 Holy fuck! 656 01:10:43,139 --> 01:10:45,239 What the fuck? What are you doing in my house? 657 01:10:45,241 --> 01:10:46,508 Fuck you! 658 01:10:46,510 --> 01:10:48,275 You didn't give me anywhere else to go. 659 01:10:48,277 --> 01:10:49,311 Who the fuck are you? 660 01:10:49,313 --> 01:10:51,346 Mister Flash Bastard! 661 01:10:51,348 --> 01:10:53,147 Mister Wheeler Dealer! 662 01:10:53,149 --> 01:10:54,783 Fucking crazy-boy! 663 01:10:54,785 --> 01:10:56,354 Get out of my fucking house! 664 01:10:57,420 --> 01:10:59,924 Come on. Make your fucking move! 665 01:11:02,392 --> 01:11:04,493 I'll snap your fucking neck. 666 01:11:04,495 --> 01:11:05,827 Oh, please, man, please. 667 01:11:05,829 --> 01:11:08,131 We can sort something out. We don't have to do this. 668 01:11:09,232 --> 01:11:11,134 I got some cash. I can give you some money. 669 01:11:12,169 --> 01:11:14,269 Money. Of course. 670 01:11:14,271 --> 01:11:16,541 Money? Fuck you! 671 01:11:17,241 --> 01:11:18,510 Sit down! 672 01:11:29,520 --> 01:11:32,591 Probably don't remember my girlfriend. 673 01:11:35,358 --> 01:11:37,191 Well... 674 01:11:37,193 --> 01:11:38,630 she lost her baby. 675 01:11:41,331 --> 01:11:43,000 She lost the baby, anyway. 676 01:11:45,902 --> 01:11:47,937 And I lost her. 677 01:11:48,938 --> 01:11:50,541 Court. 678 01:11:53,876 --> 01:11:56,880 I lost both, both of them. 679 01:12:01,751 --> 01:12:03,953 They do say it's stressful... 680 01:12:05,656 --> 01:12:07,891 losing your home. 681 01:12:13,897 --> 01:12:16,668 Man, I was just doing my job. 682 01:12:17,901 --> 01:12:19,967 They tell us to do that stuff. 683 01:12:19,969 --> 01:12:22,671 Wait it out for the highest offer. 684 01:12:22,673 --> 01:12:24,942 'Cause I'm a victim of it just as much as you are. 685 01:12:33,783 --> 01:12:36,217 H-Hey now, come on. 686 01:12:36,219 --> 01:12:38,121 Hey, now, you ain't gonna do this, man! 687 01:14:08,010 --> 01:14:09,476 Goodbye, my friends. 688 01:15:08,572 --> 01:15:10,571 Hello, Mum. 689 01:15:10,573 --> 01:15:12,606 Yeah, listen to me, yeah? Listen to me carefully. 690 01:15:12,608 --> 01:15:13,807 I need your help. 691 01:15:13,809 --> 01:15:15,476 Can you get Imran please? 692 01:15:15,478 --> 01:15:18,147 Tell him to come to my house... ASAP. 693 01:15:18,915 --> 01:15:21,318 Yeah. No, it's an emergency. 694 01:15:23,387 --> 01:15:25,052 I-I'm... 695 01:15:25,054 --> 01:15:27,721 Basically, some old, crazy man 696 01:15:27,723 --> 01:15:29,627 has stuck me in a freezer. 697 01:15:31,161 --> 01:15:33,665 It's in the hallway. Why does that even matter? 698 01:15:34,630 --> 01:15:36,834 Yeah, can you just tell him to come quick. 699 01:15:38,869 --> 01:15:41,168 Yeah, I'll explain more la... 700 01:15:41,170 --> 01:15:42,872 No. 701 01:15:43,906 --> 01:15:46,376 This has not got nothing to do with sex. 702 01:15:47,844 --> 01:15:49,179 Yes, Mum. 703 01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:52,180 Hello? Hello? 704 01:15:52,182 --> 01:15:54,718 Mum? Mum? 705 01:15:55,552 --> 01:15:56,920 Mum? 706 01:16:51,674 --> 01:16:53,475 As far back as I can remember, 707 01:16:53,477 --> 01:16:55,446 I always wanted to be an estate agent. 708 01:16:57,581 --> 01:16:59,213 All right, calm down. 709 01:16:59,215 --> 01:17:00,748 That was a little lie. 710 01:17:00,750 --> 01:17:02,650 A fake statement. 711 01:17:02,652 --> 01:17:04,953 I got no qualifications, no experience, 712 01:17:04,955 --> 01:17:07,689 no license, nor training. 713 01:17:07,691 --> 01:17:09,857 I answered an ad in a job site saying 714 01:17:09,859 --> 01:17:13,595 "Spineless and love negotiating?" 715 01:17:13,597 --> 01:17:14,695 At least I'm not like them 716 01:17:14,697 --> 01:17:16,663 "Home Under the Hammer" spanners. 717 01:17:16,665 --> 01:17:18,932 Once the property is completed, I advise 718 01:17:18,934 --> 01:17:22,669 shut the fuck up, you bunch of wankers. 719 01:17:22,671 --> 01:17:26,240 I spray a can of Brut over my 60 percent polyester suit. 720 01:17:26,242 --> 01:17:27,876 I spit shine my shoes. 721 01:17:27,878 --> 01:17:31,945 "Yes, Mrs. Brown. I'll meet you outside at noon." 722 01:17:31,947 --> 01:17:33,847 See, to my face, people call me Hussein. 723 01:17:33,849 --> 01:17:37,284 Behind my back, "Saddam, pak rat, Taliban." 724 01:17:37,286 --> 01:17:39,523 Some even think Gandhi's my name. 725 01:17:40,256 --> 01:17:42,190 I know I'm not Indian. 726 01:17:42,192 --> 01:17:43,458 But we're still all the same. 727 01:17:43,460 --> 01:17:47,830 This race-based hate can raise the strain and take the piss. 728 01:17:47,831 --> 01:17:49,998 You think I'm a cabbie? 729 01:17:50,000 --> 01:17:52,266 A corner shop Ali, serving curry? 730 01:17:54,103 --> 01:17:57,572 As if. I'm an estate agent. A great agent. 731 01:17:57,573 --> 01:18:01,174 I make payments. And if there's a new space vacant, I'm chain breaking. 732 01:18:01,177 --> 01:18:05,680 I could give a fuck if I sold you a lame, stained basement. 733 01:18:05,682 --> 01:18:08,215 I mean, you viewed it, right? 734 01:18:10,085 --> 01:18:13,489 I remember this one story about this one don. 735 01:18:14,256 --> 01:18:16,290 I think his name was John. 736 01:18:16,292 --> 01:18:19,127 He put a house on the offer, for a mansion. 737 01:18:19,129 --> 01:18:21,762 Oh! I thought the lot was on. 738 01:18:21,764 --> 01:18:23,765 But my commission was rotten. 739 01:18:23,767 --> 01:18:26,100 He wanted this place so bad. 740 01:18:26,102 --> 01:18:28,302 I decided to bend and break. 741 01:18:28,304 --> 01:18:31,105 "Yeah, mate, I'll ring the vendor, and I'll negotiate." 742 01:18:31,107 --> 01:18:33,607 That's how I fucked him over. 743 01:18:33,609 --> 01:18:35,810 And that's the money that paid for my holiday. 744 01:18:35,812 --> 01:18:39,247 So what if a client outbid himself in the end? 745 01:18:39,249 --> 01:18:41,783 We're not relatives, acquaintances, 746 01:18:41,785 --> 01:18:43,319 or personal friends. 747 01:18:44,019 --> 01:18:45,852 The more you zoom in... 748 01:18:45,854 --> 01:18:47,187 the less we all count. 749 01:18:47,189 --> 01:18:50,123 It's like we're all rats, ants, and parasites. 750 01:18:50,125 --> 01:18:51,592 All crawling around. 751 01:18:51,594 --> 01:18:53,695 It's a vicious cycle. 752 01:18:53,697 --> 01:18:55,797 We signed our lives to a trap. 753 01:18:55,799 --> 01:18:57,868 They say, karma can't harm ya... 754 01:18:58,602 --> 01:19:00,132 if it can't catch up. 755 01:19:00,135 --> 01:19:02,973 So run fast towards the darkness 756 01:19:03,706 --> 01:19:06,977 in hope... not trust. 52580

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