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1
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,489
(Liquid bubbling softly)
2
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,625
(Snoring)
3
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,252
(Snoring continues)
4
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:04,723
Deadpoqol: Psst!
5
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,181
Wakey-wakey, frosted flakey.
6
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,892
Hey, brought you
a special present.
7
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,315
Come on.
8
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:15,147
Story time, chicken nugget.
9
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,782
Rise and shine, there we go.
10
00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:20,444
Clear eyes, full hearts,
can't lose.
11
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,200
Welcome back.
12
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:26,332
What's going on?
Wait a minute... what?
13
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,706
Where am I?
14
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,293
Who dressed me? I did.
15
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,374
I'm a big fan of bears.
16
00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:35,668
I'm not wearing pants.
17
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,928
When's the last time you saw
a bear wearing pants?
18
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,301
What the... (Exclaims)
19
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,392
Easy now. Hey.
20
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,763
The only f-bomb
we're using around here...
21
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,723
Is "Fred savage."
22
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,929
Now, I want you to take
a deep breath...
23
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,019
And listen to me
very carefully, Frederick.
24
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,935
You're in a pg-13 version
of deadpool 2.
25
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,445
Which means we only get two...
(Bleep) One... (Bleep)
26
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,356
And a glass of white wine.
27
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:58,899
Are you bleeping yourself?
28
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,910
You bet your... (Bleep)
Little... (Bleep) I am.
29
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,204
That seems weird that
you would do that yourself.
30
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,203
(Bleeping)
31
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,875
(Inaudible)
32
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:10,835
Please stop that.
33
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:11,964
Deadpool: Sorry.
34
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,801
Did you reconstruct
35
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,844
the bedroom set
from the Princess bride?
36
00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:21,050
Inconceivable!
37
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,141
Oh, god.
38
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:23,590
Yeah, always wanted to say that.
39
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:24,727
Felt real good.
40
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:25,975
Why am I here?
41
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,933
Well, the reason that you're
voluntarily here...
42
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,564
Is that so I could read you
the story of deadpool 2...
43
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,651
Filtered through the prism
of childlike innocence.
44
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:35,821
I'm a grown man.
45
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:36,966
And nobody does
childlike innocence
46
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:37,990
like you, Fred. Nobody.
47
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,736
I need you almost as much
as you need me.
48
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:40,826
I don't need you. At all.
49
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,110
You need me to untie you...
50
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:44,497
Once we're done.
51
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:45,581
(Bleep)
52
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,497
Hey! Easy, sugar mouth.
53
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,853
(Rapid bleeps)
This thing will go all day,
54
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,583
all right? Lithium-ion
batteries. Hey...
55
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,832
You are gonna love this story.
I promise you.
56
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,542
It's got fencing, fighting...
57
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,716
Revenge...
58
00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,508
Giants, monsters, true love...
59
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,385
And miracles.
60
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,971
(Sighs) Now...
61
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,512
Once upon a time, there was
a boy named deadpool...
62
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,803
Who starred in a surprisingly
popular movie...
63
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,845
Which, in an industry
dominated by
64
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,421
the exploitation
of existing brands...
65
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,941
(Chuckles)
Demanded an immediate sequel.
66
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:19,693
And, believe it or not,
deadpool 2 is a family film.
67
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,026
True story.
68
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:25,035
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
69
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,867
Bambi, the lion king, saw 7.
70
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,781
Really, anything from Disney.
71
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,246
And this family film
is no different.
72
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:36,121
Anyway, you know [I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
73
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,335
Well, this guy, oof...
74
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,967
He was one of the worst of 'em.
75
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,467
(Saw whirrs)
76
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,298
Open up! Let me in!
He's got a...
77
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,678
(Alarm ringing) (Gunshot)
78
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:48,769
(Body thuds)
79
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,815
A panic room? Really?
80
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,272
Can you come out?
(Watch beeping)
81
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,526
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
82
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,575
(Guns cocking)
83
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,725
Man: (On radio) Over and over,
I hear people say,
84
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,184
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
85
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,290
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
86
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:13,457
It's something you create.
87
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,744
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
88
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,583
A sense of confidence is nothing
89
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,026
but a sense of power
within yourself...
90
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,258
Deadpool: Start the car!
Start the car!
91
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,171
Dopinder, start the car!
92
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:27,349
(Screams)
93
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:32,681
(Men shout indistinctly)
94
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,471
Whoo! Oh, I shit my pants.
95
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,898
Actually, that may have been me.
96
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,103
Oh, mission accomplished?
97
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,109
Oh, in a George w. Sort of way.
98
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,770
Can't stay
in a panic room forever.
99
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,342
Dopinder: Oh, you're living
the dreams, dp.
100
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,152
It has been
quite the run, dopinder,
101
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:46,403
and who'da thought?
102
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:49,411
Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus and ll.
103
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:51,412
Passion of the Christ, then me.
104
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,706
At least domestically.
105
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,036
We beat them overseas,
106
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,742
where there's no such thing
as religion.
107
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:58,162
I do want to live
the dreams, pool boy.
108
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,547
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
109
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,423
I want to fill my... pockets?
110
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,378
What's your poison?
A little, uh, Instagram?
111
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:06,840
Can't maintain focus
112
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,493
without buying shoes online?
(Horn honks)
113
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,428
I've never experienced
that last one.
114
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,599
Talk to me, goose.
115
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:14,477
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
116
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,606
I want to belong to something,
like you, pool, sir.
117
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,228
Dopinder... hmm?
118
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,769
You never cease to surprise me.
119
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,731
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
120
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,524
We all need
a sense of belonging.
121
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,450
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
122
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:30,538
A place in this world.
123
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:31,982
I want to become
a contract killer.
124
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,496
I'm sorry. What did you say?
125
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,623
Remember when I kidnapped bandhu
126
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,104
and threatened him
with great violence?
127
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,459
You kind of killed him.
128
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,566
And then remember the movie
interview with the vampire?
129
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:41,590
Don't want to.
130
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:42,758
When Tom Cruise fed
131
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,629
10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood
132
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:45,879
for the first time...
133
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,965
And she looked up at his smooth,
134
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:51,219
handsome face and said...
135
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,133
"I want some more."
136
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:57,096
Oh, pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
137
00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:00,432
I'll never not picture that.
138
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,316
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
139
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,065
as soon as possible.
140
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,946
We're here. (Brakes screeching)
141
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,077
You're my Tom Cruise!
142
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:11,826
Deadpool:
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
143
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,198
Kristen? Kirsten?
144
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:19,871
Sorry I'm late.
145
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,582
There was a bunch of
146
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,379
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
147
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:24,550
Nope.
148
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,874
You're right. I was rounding up
149
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,154
all the gluten in the world...
150
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,418
And launching it into space
151
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,469
where it can't not hurt us
ever again.
152
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,717
Try again.
153
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,673
Diarrhea?
154
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,389
We can't be sure
till I get this suit off...
155
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,895
But, uh, all signs point to yes.
156
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,145
Kiss me like you miss me, red.
157
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,236
Well, come here.
158
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,041
Aren't you gonna say it?
159
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,584
Say what? You know...
160
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,214
The thing.
161
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,300
What?
162
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,799
The part, where, you know...
163
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,113
You want me to say the thing?
Yeah, from...
164
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,364
Oh, you want me to say the...
From the... no.
165
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:11,532
Deadpool:
"Is this a kissing book?"
166
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,676
I'm not gonna say that. Why?
167
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,507
Because I don't think that's
gross anymore. I'm not 12.
168
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,721
And I think a kiss is
a very sweet, loving gesture
169
00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:18,812
between two people.
170
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:21,809
Unlike taping someone to a bed
and kidnapping them.
171
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,894
I did not kidnap you! All right?
172
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:27,152
I like to call it "unsolicited
location enhancement."
173
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,732
Whatever, ball gag.
174
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:31,193
I'm just saying that
if you're gonna force me
175
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,990
to sit here
and listen to this crap...
176
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,361
I'm gonna have thoughts, okay?
177
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,657
I'm gonna opine about things,
all right?
178
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:37,934
I'm an actor, I'm a director.
179
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,994
I know. I love
modern family so much.
180
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,958
The point is, you need to anchor
181
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,252
the story in believability...
182
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,921
And I just don't believe
that she'd be kissing you.
183
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,153
I mean, she's gorgeous,
and you're, like, you know...
184
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,964
If rocky Dennis
had a baby with lava.
185
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,504
Hey, zip it.
186
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:57,140
We already pay someone to say
stuff like that to me, okay?
187
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,266
And you're wrong
because she would kiss me.
188
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,974
She loves my insides.
189
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,148
Trust me.
190
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,227
We all saw the first movie.
191
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,858
Fred: I didn't.
192
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,689
I kinda prefer marvel movies.
193
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,491
We are marvel.
194
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,275
Yeah, but you're, you know,
marvel licensed by fox.
195
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:18,069
It's like if the Beatles
were produced by nickelback.
196
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,283
It's music...
197
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,374
But it sucks.
198
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,791
Just checking the nose
for blood, there.
199
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,584
I love nickelback!
200
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,620
You get your dirty mitts
off Chad kroeger.
201
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:32,042
And the joke's on you because
fox is being bought by Disney.
202
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:33,804
Mouse ears.
203
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,253
I think that puts
the joke on you.
204
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,549
Ears closed. Mouth open.
You were nicer as a kid.
205
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,183
Now, where was I?
206
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,264
(Clears throat) Right.
207
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:45,397
Wade swept Vanessa
into his finely toned arms...
208
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,602
And she kissed him
209
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,979
with an expression that could
mean only one thing...
210
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,943
True love.
211
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,197
I'm gonna shower and get out
of this suit. In that order.
212
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,652
Don't you want your surprise?
213
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,658
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
214
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,819
I got one for you, too.
215
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,113
Happy anniversary, baby.
216
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:03,873
Open, open, open.
217
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,327
Skee-ball token.
218
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,870
Our first date.
219
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,129
Yup.
220
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,466
That's genuine, high-grade lead.
221
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,175
I'll keep it forever. (Chuckles)
222
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,010
Thank you, baby.
223
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,514
Open yours.
All right, all right.
224
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,349
Oh...
225
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,440
Well, that's...
226
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,753
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
227
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,233
I don't know what this is.
228
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,939
My iud.
229
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,197
A bomb?
230
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:36,193
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
231
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,656
What, you mean that your...
232
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,322
Baby factory's open
for business.
233
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,576
Oh, my god! (Box clatters)
234
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,993
(Vanessa laughs)
Oh, my god! I want a boy!
235
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,954
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
236
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:50,620
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
237
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,290
Like Cher or Todd.
238
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,674
You gotta put a baby
in me first, cowboy.
239
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:56,762
Yes, I do.
240
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,699
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.
241
00:09:58,723 --> 00:09:59,883
Let's do that.
242
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,470
(Singing) Papa...
243
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,268
Can you hear me?
244
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:09,230
Papa, can you see me?
245
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,641
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
246
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,528
May.
247
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:19,866
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
248
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,069
(Chuckles)
249
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,871
So weird. (Laughs)
250
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,540
Family was always
an f-word to me.
251
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,128
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
252
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,624
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
253
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,793
to draw off of for Todd.
254
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,844
Hey.
255
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,546
Look at me.
256
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,724
You are not your father.
257
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,514
Besides...
258
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:52,524
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
259
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,528
But here's the thing,
260
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,273
isn't that how it always works?
261
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,937
Like in star wars,
262
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,193
men are destined
to become their father...
263
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,526
And then have consensual sex
with their sister?
264
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,537
I think you missed big,
big chunks of that movie.
265
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,290
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
266
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,246
Baby, that's empire.
267
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,211
The point is, kids...
268
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,465
They give us a chance
to be better than we are.
269
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,420
Better than we used to be.
270
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,506
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
271
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,847
I'm gonna go make dessert.
And then...
272
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,969
Let's make a super baby.
273
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,934
Vanessa: What about Krystal?
But with a "k"?
274
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,762
(Timer ticking)
It's too stripper-y.
275
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,521
Kevin with a "k"!
276
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,777
No, too stripper-y, too.
277
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,946
Uh, Earl!
278
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,573
(In slow motion)
He's gonna go straight to jail
279
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,495
if we name him Earl.
280
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,831
What about Bruce?
281
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:52,993
No.
282
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,251
Get down.
283
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,662
What? (Gun fires)
284
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,049
(All grunting)
285
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,801
(Gun firing)
286
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,902
Baby? Baby?
287
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,481
(Breathing heavily)
288
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:24,531
I'm okay.
289
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,739
Thank god I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
290
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,411
(Both panting) (Gasps)
291
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,216
(Inaudible)
292
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:03,984
(Mouthing) Please.
293
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,577
Please. Please.
294
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:13,785
Baby, I'm so sorry.
295
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,416
No!
296
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:22,962
Fred: Wait. Wait a minute.
297
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,717
You fridged Vanessa?
298
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,173
Uh, "fridged." ” I don't
know what that means.
299
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,463
It's a comic book trope,
300
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,411
in which the wife or the
girlfriend of the hero dies...
301
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,892
In order to further said
hero's motivation or story.
302
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,185
Well, that sounds misogynistic.
303
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:36,917
Yeah. It reduces the woman
to a plot device...
304
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,647
Existing in the film
for no other reason
305
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,575
than to serve as a source
of pain for the hero.
306
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:43,524
(Gasps)
Like mufasa in the lion king.
307
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,481
Yeah, that's right, like
mufasa from the lion king.
308
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,659
You got it.
309
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,163
(Dings)
310
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,381
(Panting)
311
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,176
(Horn blaring) (Grunts)
312
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,677
(Tires screeching)
313
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:27,949
(Thunder rumbles)
314
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:31,825
(Breathing heavily)
315
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,326
(Engine stalling)
316
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,740
(Yells)
317
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,727
(Melancholy music playing)
318
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,858
(Thunder rumbling)
319
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,105
(Horn blares)
320
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:24,169
(Singing) Papa, can you hear me?
321
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,672
Is it just me, or does
322
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,559
do you want to build
a showman? From frozen...
323
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,959
Sound suspiciously like
324
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,635
papa, can you hear me?
From yentl?
325
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:32,722
(Sniffles)
326
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,055
(Singing) Papa, can you hear me?
327
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,467
Wade, you've been here
for three days, okay?
328
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:38,851
Go home, take a shower.
329
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:39,938
You smell like
330
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,978
rush limbaugh's couch cushions
after shark week.
331
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,681
I love frozen.
332
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:47,227
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
333
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,611
An ocean is water.
334
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:53,445
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
335
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,073
George Michael was right.
I'm never gonna dance again.
336
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,033
Oh, god.
337
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,617
He's dead, too.
338
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,116
At least we still have bowie.
339
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,785
Mr. pool, David bowie is...
340
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,040
Uh, uh, uh...
341
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,621
Still with us.
342
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,173
We do. We still have bowie.
343
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:10,760
I'm sorry.
344
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,130
Shot after shot,
345
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,301
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
346
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,993
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?
347
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,633
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
348
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,392
Is he pissing? I'm on it!
349
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:21,928
There you go, dopinder.
350
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,888
If you want to be
a contract killer...
351
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,478
You gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
352
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,713
Although I don't
quite understand
353
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:28,977
how they are at all similar.
354
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,441
Well, they both have handles.
Now, leave me.
355
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,902
Go home, Wade.
356
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,567
I don't have a home,
weas, you know. I got a...
357
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,278
Okay, I'm fine.
358
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:40,457
I'm fine.
359
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,077
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
360
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:45,835
F'd up, insecure, needy,
and emotional.
361
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,415
According to the...
362
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:49,922
Kubler-Ross. Yeah.
363
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:51,532
According to
the kubler-Ross model...
364
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,836
Denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
365
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,970
Jesus Christ, buck!
366
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,507
No more speaking lines for you.
367
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,102
(Laughing)
368
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:06,018
(Jack Benny scatting on radio)
369
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,773
(Comedy series playing on radio)
370
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,118
(Audience laughing on radio)
371
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,463
"I'm thinking it over!"
372
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:30,292
Mother...
373
00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:32,842
(Sighs in relief)
374
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,175
The hell you doin' here?
375
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,132
Don't you know how to knock?
376
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,092
I thought you saw me...
377
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,677
With your ears.
378
00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:41,954
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...
379
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:42,978
The wall?
380
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,520
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
381
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:50,733
Blind al: I heard the news,
sweetie.
382
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,859
I'm very sorry. I am.
383
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,816
What am I gonna do, al?
384
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,107
Probably something terrible.
385
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,108
Knowing you.
386
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,823
It was my fault.
387
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,904
I did this.
388
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,575
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
389
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,785
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
390
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,004
She's gone.
391
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,962
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
392
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,094
Thank you...
393
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,425
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
394
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,430
Listen to the pain.
395
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,304
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
396
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:27,345
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
397
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:31,391
Sometimes it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
398
00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:35,061
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
399
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,487
Deadpool: Precious, aren't they?
400
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,406
Whoa!
401
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,029
Are you a superhero?
402
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,697
You bet your pigtails, sweetie.
403
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,286
What's your name?
404
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,247
Captain delicious pants.
405
00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:53,208
Who's captain delicious pants?
406
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,669
(Kids screaming)
(Animal growling)
407
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,879
No, no, no. Come on, hey.
408
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:03,048
There's, like, a hundred
benches around here.
409
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:04,761
Go find another... beat it.
410
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,550
It's a free country.
411
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,436
You're right.
It is a free country.
412
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,474
Hey, I want to just say,
I loved your work in up.
413
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:13,610
I'm sorry?
414
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:14,854
(Chuckles) No.
415
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,901
(Cocks gun) I'm sorry.
416
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:17,989
Whoa!
417
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,655
What? You don't like up?
418
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,815
There's gotta be
some way to die.
419
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,859
I just need to die harder.
420
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,153
Trademark fox.
421
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,917
(Overlapping voices)
422
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,587
Wade: Your crazy
matches my crazy.
423
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,474
Wade: Skee-ball token.
424
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:51,520
(Voices echoing)
425
00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:57,442
Vanessa: I love you,
Wade Wilson.
426
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,020
(Gasps)
427
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:01,400
Wade: Ness?
428
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:03,983
Ness?
429
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:05,829
Ness.
430
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:09,113
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
431
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,000
Your heart's not
in the right place.
432
00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:15,335
(Stammers) Wait, hold on. What?
433
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,084
Your heart's not
in the right place.
434
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,374
Wait. What do you mean
435
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:20,737
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...
436
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:21,796
(Timer ticking)
437
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,718
Turns out, I can die a little.
438
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,345
I just can't stay dead.
439
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,433
(Timer dings)
440
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:45,533
I'm terribly sorry for your
loss, Wade. You're broken.
441
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,407
Deadpool: Oh...
I know that voice.
442
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,205
Deadpool:
"Heart's in the right place."
443
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:56,939
"Heart's in the..."
What does that mean?
444
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,625
You've been sleep
for three days.
445
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,414
I took a Liberty
of dressing you.
446
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,833
Deadpool: No kidding.
447
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,797
Why can't I finally die?
448
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,381
Colossus:
Take your mask off, Wade.
449
00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:07,092
We must talk.
450
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,473
You need fresh start. (Groans)
451
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,017
With training, you can be x-man.
452
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,270
You're wasting your time,
shiny Jesus.
453
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,471
I'm not x-man material.
454
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,272
Understatement of the year.
455
00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:18,735
Wade, yukio.
456
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,355
Yukio, Wade.
457
00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:23,271
What in the fudgcicle is this?
458
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,189
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant...
459
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,779
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
fox & friends.
460
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,693
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
461
00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:32,238
Especially pinkie pie
from my little pony.
462
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,156
I like this guy.
463
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:35,995
Give him a chance.
464
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:37,856
It's great seeing you like this.
465
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,916
(Laughs sarcastically) Yeah.
466
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:41,588
Bye, Wade!
467
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:44,091
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
468
00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:47,128
"Rule number one. No killing...
469
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:50,514
'Anyone ever, no matter how bad.
470
00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:53,391
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator.”
471
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:54,479
Wade?
472
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:56,356
Wade?
473
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,440
Wade!
474
00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:59,356
Don't try to chase me.
475
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,392
(Whispers) I'm not ready
to be touched again.
476
00:22:01,904 --> 00:22:04,020
All these elderly white men
on the walls...
477
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,813
Should have brought
my rape whistle.
478
00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:06,908
(Objects shattering)
479
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,241
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
480
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,765
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
481
00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,905
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
482
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,665
And how would I do that exactly?
483
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:19,460
'Cause where the hell
is everyone?
484
00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:20,630
It's always just you
485
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,275
and negasonic teenage
longest name ever...
486
00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:23,299
Enough!
487
00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:25,170
(Gasps) I said no touching!
488
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:32,180
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
489
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,467
One that doesn't
end up in my mouth.
490
00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:37,011
The first movie made more money
491
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,305
than the guy who invented pants.
492
00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,565
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
493
00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:43,726
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
494
00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:45,064
What do those do anyway, huh?
495
00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:46,474
Carry him
three feet off the ground
496
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:48,568
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
497
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,778
(Doors close) No, no, no!
498
00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:53,740
I am not x-man material at all.
499
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,121
First off... (Breathes deeply)
500
00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:58,499
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more... (Groans)
501
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:00,584
(Grunts)
502
00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:01,706
I should have left you
503
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:03,458
in the self-pity mess
I found you in.
504
00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:06,499
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
505
00:23:06,677 --> 00:23:08,338
Not when convenient or easy.
506
00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:12,088
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
507
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:15,512
(Breathing heavily)
You are unwell.
508
00:23:15,686 --> 00:23:17,768
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
509
00:23:17,938 --> 00:23:19,678
(Straining) Wait.
One of the assholes
510
00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:21,183
who killed Vanessa got away.
511
00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:22,984
(Grunts)
512
00:23:23,777 --> 00:23:25,768
Oh, Jesus Christ!
513
00:23:25,988 --> 00:23:28,008
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.
514
00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:29,885
Please know I wouldn't be able
to stop you if you did.
515
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,945
Wade, whoever they are...
516
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,280
We track them down
and bring them to justice.
517
00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:35,786
It was me.
518
00:23:39,126 --> 00:23:40,707
I'm the asshole who got away.
519
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:44,453
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
520
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,546
Couldn't kill me.
521
00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:51,836
We were gonna start a family.
522
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:55,681
We were, uh... (Sniffles)
523
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:56,768
(Clears throat)
524
00:23:56,852 --> 00:23:59,218
We were gonna be a family.
525
00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:00,355
Colossus: Wade...
526
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:03,309
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
527
00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:07,109
This may not be
family you want...
528
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,565
But it's family you need.
529
00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:10,980
You have a good heart.
530
00:24:11,075 --> 00:24:12,611
It belongs here
where it can grow.
531
00:24:14,411 --> 00:24:15,992
What did you say?
532
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:18,787
About my heart?
533
00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:23,996
(Exhales)
534
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,287
I think I'm in the right place.
535
00:24:35,557 --> 00:24:37,138
(Grunts)
536
00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:12,007
(Inaudible)
537
00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:16,800
(Screaming)
538
00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:20,768
Fred: Whoa!
539
00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:24,053
Cable? You got cable?
540
00:25:24,231 --> 00:25:25,351
If I didn't know any better,
541
00:25:25,399 --> 00:25:26,980
I'd say that
you're getting into this.
542
00:25:27,151 --> 00:25:28,151
You know cable?
543
00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:31,227
Uh, the biological son of
cyclops and madelyne pryor...
544
00:25:31,405 --> 00:25:32,440
Jean grey's clone.
545
00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,525
Half-brother to Rachel summers
and Nate grey.
546
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:35,906
Raised as the askani's son,
547
00:25:35,993 --> 00:25:37,273
and genetic template for stryfe.
548
00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:38,809
From a possible
alternate timeline...
549
00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:40,945
Having been taken as an
infant to the future...
550
00:25:41,123 --> 00:25:42,684
And infected with
a techno-organic virus.
551
00:25:42,708 --> 00:25:44,744
I hope you have given
this deeply-nuanced
552
00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:46,996
and richly-layered backstory
its due.
553
00:25:52,092 --> 00:25:54,128
Yeah, we're covering
the time travel stuff.
554
00:25:55,179 --> 00:25:56,614
Instructor: We have
eight weeks of boot camp
555
00:25:56,638 --> 00:25:57,638
ahead of us, men.
556
00:25:57,723 --> 00:25:59,463
That'll get us
toned and prepared
557
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:00,718
for all matter of combat.
558
00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:06,937
Not working out at all.
559
00:26:07,149 --> 00:26:10,983
Masking tape. It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.
560
00:26:12,321 --> 00:26:13,321
Velcro.
561
00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:15,521
Color-coded. Efficient.
Environmentally friendly.
562
00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:17,651
Who's he talking to?
563
00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:19,471
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?
564
00:26:19,495 --> 00:26:21,235
Can we focus for a moment,
ladies?
565
00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:23,475
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.
566
00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:25,535
Obviously, everyone hated
the ceviche.
567
00:26:25,709 --> 00:26:27,145
I read the suggestion box.
That's on me.
568
00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:28,409
I'm gonna stop you right there.
569
00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:30,623
I see through this weak act.
570
00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:35,087
You may have fooled colossus
with this nice guy shit...
571
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,340
But not me.
572
00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:37,547
Don't be mean.
573
00:26:37,721 --> 00:26:38,801
Back off, ntw.
574
00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:39,889
Wade: No, no, no.
575
00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,217
No, let her go.
576
00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:43,928
Let her go. It's okay. She
has a right to be skeptical.
577
00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:46,719
Look at me. I'm an easy target.
578
00:26:47,856 --> 00:26:48,936
You know, historically,
579
00:26:49,024 --> 00:26:51,140
mischief has been my mistress...
580
00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:54,230
So I understand, you know.
But I like to think that...
581
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:57,863
Well, you guys have really
rubbed off on me.
582
00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:01,320
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you too.
583
00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:02,818
A lot.
584
00:27:02,996 --> 00:27:05,578
And for the first time
in a long while...
585
00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:07,205
I ike me.
586
00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:10,079
I accept your apology.
587
00:27:10,254 --> 00:27:11,369
I never apologized.
588
00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:12,957
I was talking to your heart.
589
00:27:13,132 --> 00:27:15,464
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.
590
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:18,717
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.
591
00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:20,718
Thank you, colossus.
592
00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:22,489
Just trying to be
the world's best x-man.
593
00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:24,051
Sorry, x-person.
594
00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:27,551
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.
595
00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:30,513
It's fine. I just filled it.
596
00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:31,889
Give it a few more pumps there.
597
00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:37,649
Now, if you'll excuse me,
it's dust bunny season...
598
00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:38,823
And I'm hunting wabbits.
599
00:27:39,533 --> 00:27:40,693
Bye, Wade.
600
00:27:46,081 --> 00:27:47,161
Colossus: Wade.
601
00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:48,749
Wade.
602
00:27:49,543 --> 00:27:50,543
Wade!
603
00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:53,703
Hey, I was just taking cerebro
for a spin here...
604
00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,462
Looking deep into the future.
605
00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:56,792
Phew. This thing...
606
00:27:56,967 --> 00:27:58,862
That's not how cerebro works.
That's not how cerebro works.
607
00:27:58,886 --> 00:28:00,422
Yes. Yes, it is.
608
00:28:00,888 --> 00:28:02,424
We have mission.
We have mission.
609
00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:04,384
We do. You do.
610
00:28:04,558 --> 00:28:05,718
You guys be safe out there.
611
00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:08,635
No, I want you to join.
No, you want me to join.
612
00:28:10,272 --> 00:28:11,387
I'm sorry, what?
613
00:28:11,565 --> 00:28:12,600
You are ready.
614
00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:14,694
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.
615
00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:16,350
Be at the x-jet in five.
616
00:28:19,281 --> 00:28:21,613
Reporter: Irene merryweather,
whit news.
617
00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:23,607
Live here at
a breaking news situation
618
00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:26,284
at the essex house
for mutant rehabilitation.
619
00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:28,320
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
620
00:28:28,415 --> 00:28:29,621
some sort of an incident...
621
00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:31,561
With police here behind me.
Russell: Get away from me!
622
00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:33,826
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
623
00:28:34,004 --> 00:28:35,369
Russell, calm down. Freak off!
624
00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:36,524
Reporter: A scene of
absolute chaos here.
625
00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:37,788
Officer: Calm down.
626
00:28:37,883 --> 00:28:40,625
Russell: I'll burn you!
You stay back!
627
00:28:40,761 --> 00:28:42,001
Get away from me!
628
00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:43,095
(Breathing heavily)
629
00:28:58,237 --> 00:29:01,195
It appears as if
the X-Men are arriving...
630
00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:02,445
Deadpool: Scatter!
631
00:29:02,616 --> 00:29:04,607
Reporter: With what appears
to be a trainee.
632
00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:07,985
Deadpool: Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
633
00:29:08,163 --> 00:29:09,198
We're the X-Men!
634
00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:11,538
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
635
00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:14,325
So, respect.
636
00:29:14,503 --> 00:29:15,743
At ease, officer.
637
00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:19,170
What are you doing?
638
00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:20,501
My job!
639
00:29:20,676 --> 00:29:22,076
You're the one who said
I was ready,
640
00:29:22,135 --> 00:29:23,466
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
641
00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:26,049
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
642
00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:29,222
Like Beyonce says, "please...
643
00:29:29,393 --> 00:29:30,724
"Please, stop cheating on me."
644
00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:31,891
Officer: Hey!
645
00:29:31,979 --> 00:29:33,219
This is the fifth incident.
646
00:29:33,397 --> 00:29:35,479
This kid needs to be
in the ice box, not here.
647
00:29:35,649 --> 00:29:37,264
Russell belongs in our care.
648
00:29:37,442 --> 00:29:39,103
Not in prison. I assure you...
649
00:29:39,194 --> 00:29:40,338
We have everything
under control.
650
00:29:40,362 --> 00:29:41,464
Russell: Stay back!
I'll burn you!
651
00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:42,648
Not getting a real
652
00:29:42,739 --> 00:29:44,400
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
653
00:29:44,866 --> 00:29:46,777
It is Glen, isn't it? Daniel.
654
00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:48,283
I'll ask the questions, Miguel.
655
00:29:48,370 --> 00:29:49,610
Let me talk to the kid.
656
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:54,248
You stay here with your
weird, secret sex lips.
657
00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:56,787
Russell: You wanna die?
658
00:29:56,878 --> 00:29:57,939
Deadpool.: This kid's adorable.
659
00:29:57,963 --> 00:29:59,107
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
660
00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:00,587
I'll burn your arms off!
661
00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:03,248
First day. (Chuckling)
I'm so nervous!
662
00:30:04,136 --> 00:30:05,626
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
663
00:30:06,346 --> 00:30:07,506
Yeah, probably should've
664
00:30:07,597 --> 00:30:09,178
brought a super soaker. (Laughs)
665
00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:11,048
Hi, there!
666
00:30:12,102 --> 00:30:14,559
Stay back or Justin bieber dies!
667
00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:18,184
(Laughs) Justin bieber.
He called you Justin bieber.
668
00:30:19,067 --> 00:30:21,058
(Russell grunts)
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
669
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:24,194
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
670
00:30:24,364 --> 00:30:25,729
Okay? Let's just talk!
671
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:27,151
It's Russell, right?
672
00:30:27,576 --> 00:30:29,407
Firefist. Firefist.
673
00:30:29,870 --> 00:30:31,986
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
674
00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:33,964
Just the fist, or all the
way up to the elbow?
675
00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:35,666
(Grunts)
676
00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:38,252
(Crowd exclaims)
677
00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:40,578
Definitely all the way
up to the elbow.
678
00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:43,254
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
679
00:30:43,925 --> 00:30:46,837
You stole that from robocop!
That's from robocop!
680
00:30:47,012 --> 00:30:48,593
Just stand down!
681
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,671
You're embarrassing me.
Look, fire...
682
00:30:51,099 --> 00:30:52,099
(Laughs)
683
00:30:53,310 --> 00:30:55,266
I can't say it! I'm so sorry!
684
00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:56,560
(Grunts)
685
00:30:56,646 --> 00:30:58,182
(All screaming)
686
00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:02,809
Oh, my gosh! That does it!
687
00:31:03,236 --> 00:31:04,567
Put your hands behind your knees
688
00:31:04,654 --> 00:31:06,110
and get down on your head! Now!
689
00:31:06,281 --> 00:31:08,363
Wade! What was first rule?
690
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,364
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
691
00:31:10,535 --> 00:31:13,072
Do not escalate!
Rules are meant to be broken!
692
00:31:13,246 --> 00:31:14,611
Colossus:
That's the exact opposite
693
00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:16,071
of what they're meant for!
694
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,831
Come on! Finel
695
00:31:19,002 --> 00:31:20,202
I'll start from the beginning.
696
00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:22,957
My name is deadpool,
and I'm an x-man.
697
00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:25,292
Trainee! Shut it!
698
00:31:25,967 --> 00:31:28,253
Look, I get it.
699
00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,420
All right, you're scared.
700
00:31:31,598 --> 00:31:32,633
Alone.
701
00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:33,759
You got no family.
702
00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:34,911
I didn't have a family, either.
703
00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:36,641
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
704
00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:39,185
I used to live in a
shithole just like it.
705
00:31:39,356 --> 00:31:41,847
But you know something?
To make matters worse...
706
00:31:42,025 --> 00:31:43,785
It's a confusing time
in your life right now.
707
00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:47,352
Your body is going through
some fiery changes.
708
00:31:47,531 --> 00:31:49,396
Too far?
I went too far, didn't 1?
709
00:31:49,491 --> 00:31:50,571
(Grunts) (All exclaim)
710
00:31:56,706 --> 00:31:58,196
That was effervescent.
711
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:00,581
(Sighs) Stay in school, kid.
712
00:32:01,044 --> 00:32:02,534
Or don't. I didn't.
713
00:32:03,046 --> 00:32:04,582
And I'm an x-man. (Thuds)
714
00:32:04,673 --> 00:32:05,673
Trainee.
715
00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:08,457
Superhero landing coming up!
716
00:32:10,429 --> 00:32:11,429
(Grunts)
717
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:15,589
(Groans) Ouch, ouch, ouch!
Oh, god, that hurts.
718
00:32:16,393 --> 00:32:17,428
(Grunt (gasps) 7
719
00:32:19,229 --> 00:32:20,344
(breathing heavily)
720
00:32:26,069 --> 00:32:27,069
(Groans)
721
00:32:31,074 --> 00:32:32,655
(Crowd cheering and applauding)
722
00:32:36,413 --> 00:32:38,244
I could get used
to this x-man shit.
723
00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:39,559
Negasonic teenage warhead:
Trainee!
724
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:40,618
Deadpooqol: Trainee!
725
00:32:41,084 --> 00:32:42,824
Officer: Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
726
00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:46,002
Deadpool: Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
727
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:47,840
(Device whirrs)
728
00:32:47,924 --> 00:32:49,334
What's that do?
729
00:32:49,509 --> 00:32:50,965
Power-dampening collar.
730
00:32:51,052 --> 00:32:52,332
Shuts down all mutant abilities.
731
00:32:52,429 --> 00:32:55,136
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
732
00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:58,181
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
733
00:32:58,351 --> 00:32:59,591
Headmaster: Thank you!
734
00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:03,561
That was absolutely thrilling.
735
00:33:03,732 --> 00:33:05,723
True heroism in action.
736
00:33:05,901 --> 00:33:08,017
We are in your debt.
737
00:33:08,195 --> 00:33:09,935
We can take it from here.
738
00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:12,195
Take me to the ice box, please!
739
00:33:12,365 --> 00:33:13,525
Anywhere's better than here.
740
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:14,815
Deadpool: Believe me, son,
741
00:33:14,910 --> 00:33:16,275
you do not wanna go
to the ice box.
742
00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:18,360
Let's get you inside, young man.
743
00:33:18,538 --> 00:33:20,278
No, wait, wait. Wait.
744
00:33:20,457 --> 00:33:21,947
You guys stay there.
745
00:33:30,717 --> 00:33:32,548
Those guys hurt you?
746
00:33:33,929 --> 00:33:34,964
Who?
747
00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:39,722
Baldilocks? Jared kushner?
748
00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:42,676
Both of 'em?
749
00:33:46,816 --> 00:33:47,976
Ah, screw it.
750
00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:49,607
Four or five moments!
751
00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:50,736
I'm sorry?
752
00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:54,028
Four or five moments!
753
00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:58,025
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
754
00:33:59,079 --> 00:34:01,070
People think
you wake up a hero...
755
00:34:01,414 --> 00:34:03,029
Brush your teeth a hero...
756
00:34:03,625 --> 00:34:06,116
Make love to
a soap dispenser a hero.
757
00:34:06,503 --> 00:34:07,834
(Speaks Russian)
758
00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:11,664
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
759
00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,624
A few moments...
760
00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:17,294
Doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
761
00:34:17,389 --> 00:34:18,424
(Groans)
762
00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:27,145
Wade, what did you do?
Colossus, no!
763
00:34:27,315 --> 00:34:28,771
That kid was abused!
You can tell.
764
00:34:28,858 --> 00:34:30,461
You can always tell!
Colossus: We have rules!
765
00:34:30,485 --> 00:34:33,147
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!
766
00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:36,154
Forget your rules!
I fight for what's right!
767
00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:37,905
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
768
00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:41,159
You've let me down
for the last time, Wade.
769
00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:42,903
Officer 1: Collar him, too.
770
00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:44,742
Officer 2: And get these guys
in the pod.
771
00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:46,060
Take them to the ice box.
(Sirens wailing)
772
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:47,369
(Indistinct chatter)
773
00:34:58,847 --> 00:35:01,589
(Prisoners shouting) (Whistling)
774
00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:03,631
(Gate buzzing)
775
00:35:05,228 --> 00:35:06,388
(Shouting continues) (Grunts)
776
00:35:07,772 --> 00:35:10,058
I wonder what gang I'll be in.
777
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,937
Is there, like, a sorting hat?
(Mouths) Hi.
778
00:35:15,614 --> 00:35:16,614
I've always seen myself
779
00:35:16,698 --> 00:35:18,404
as more of
an east coast hufflepuff.
780
00:35:18,491 --> 00:35:19,491
Gol
781
00:35:20,076 --> 00:35:22,909
I've made a critical error
on my airbnb reservation.
782
00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:27,163
This is not what the website
looked like at all.
783
00:35:28,752 --> 00:35:32,290
I love the decor though. I had
no idea hopeless was a color.
784
00:35:32,464 --> 00:35:33,704
Guard: Hard left, douchebag.
785
00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:39,338
Please, after you.
786
00:35:41,556 --> 00:35:44,013
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.
787
00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:45,100
We'll sleep well tonight.
788
00:35:45,268 --> 00:35:46,268
Let's get a bagel.
789
00:35:46,353 --> 00:35:48,719
(Taser crackling) (Groaning)
790
00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:52,514
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!
791
00:35:52,609 --> 00:35:54,600
(Continues groaning)
792
00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:27,181
Man: I'MMA tell you
what the big lie is.
793
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:28,746
(Escape playing on radio)
Toilet paper.
794
00:36:28,770 --> 00:36:31,853
Toilet paper
is a plenty fine appetizer.
795
00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:34,139
But, then...
796
00:36:34,317 --> 00:36:36,558
Huggies natural care wet wipes.
797
00:36:36,736 --> 00:36:38,067
That's your main course.
798
00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:41,355
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
799
00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:45,070
Finally, one more pass
with the toilet paper,
800
00:36:45,161 --> 00:36:46,742
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
801
00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:48,449
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
802
00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:49,820
if you can get you a hair dryer.
803
00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:52,206
Just about 30 seconds
will do you good.
804
00:36:55,922 --> 00:36:57,128
What the heck?
805
00:36:58,174 --> 00:36:59,209
Year?
806
00:37:00,218 --> 00:37:01,218
What?
807
00:37:02,429 --> 00:37:04,044
What year is it?
808
00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:06,213
What kind of dummy question
is that to ask?
809
00:37:07,225 --> 00:37:08,806
(Groaning)
810
00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:12,394
(Escape continues
playing on radio)
811
00:37:19,904 --> 00:37:21,519
(Vomiting)
812
00:37:25,493 --> 00:37:27,779
Russell: You're a long way
from your superpowers.
813
00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:28,954
Wade: Yeah.
814
00:37:33,543 --> 00:37:35,408
I wanted to be a superhero.
815
00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:37,870
Always wanted a real super suit.
816
00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:39,625
(Sighs) What happened?
817
00:37:39,799 --> 00:37:41,919
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
818
00:37:42,343 --> 00:37:43,503
Never.
819
00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:45,714
The industry discriminates.
820
00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:47,841
Forget superheroes. (Coughs)
821
00:37:48,433 --> 00:37:50,719
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
822
00:37:50,894 --> 00:37:53,010
Burn the headmaster alive...
823
00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:55,679
And then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
824
00:37:55,857 --> 00:37:57,597
Who says
prison isn't reformative?
825
00:37:57,984 --> 00:37:59,190
What did he do to you?
826
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:00,566
He thinks we're evil.
827
00:38:01,404 --> 00:38:02,769
(Whispers)
Blessed are the wicked
828
00:38:02,864 --> 00:38:05,071
who are healed by my hand.
829
00:38:05,241 --> 00:38:06,481
Your abilities...
830
00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:10,075
I know how seductive they are.
831
00:38:15,043 --> 00:38:17,159
(Electricity crackling)
(Grunting)
832
00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:22,455
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
833
00:38:23,676 --> 00:38:24,676
And we'll make him our...
834
00:38:24,761 --> 00:38:25,967
(Rumbling)
835
00:38:27,096 --> 00:38:28,096
(Wade coughs)
836
00:38:28,181 --> 00:38:29,591
What was that? (Clears throat)
837
00:38:29,766 --> 00:38:32,508
That is the biggest guy in here.
838
00:38:32,602 --> 00:38:34,558
Fun fact about the ice box...
839
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:36,515
Though no one's ever seen it,
840
00:38:36,606 --> 00:38:38,688
they keep a monster
in the basement.
841
00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:40,564
Right next to a huge,
842
00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:42,188
steaming bowl of foreshadowing.
843
00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:43,821
Look.
844
00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:46,734
I can't protect you. (Coughs)
845
00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:48,231
With this collar on,
846
00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:51,318
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
847
00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:54,488
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically hawkeye.
848
00:38:54,999 --> 00:38:56,955
Now, if you'll excuse me...
(Coughs)
849
00:38:57,126 --> 00:39:00,289
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
850
00:39:00,463 --> 00:39:02,704
I'll start by making us a shank.
851
00:39:02,882 --> 00:39:04,668
Good listening.
I stole that guard's pen...
852
00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:06,754
And stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
853
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,176
if you know what I'm saying.
854
00:39:08,805 --> 00:39:11,342
Prison wallet? (Coughs)
855
00:39:11,474 --> 00:39:14,181
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
856
00:39:15,019 --> 00:39:16,304
(Siren wailing)
857
00:39:19,482 --> 00:39:20,842
Reporter: (On TV)
And to update you
858
00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:22,180
on the story reported earlier...
859
00:39:22,277 --> 00:39:23,733
After a lengthy standoff
860
00:39:23,820 --> 00:39:26,402
outside the essex house
for mutant rehabilitation...
861
00:39:26,573 --> 00:39:27,858
Two mutants were arrested
862
00:39:27,949 --> 00:39:29,689
and transported
to the ice box...
863
00:39:29,868 --> 00:39:31,348
Automated voice:
Entering repair mode.
864
00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:57,895
Psst!
865
00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:02,222
Don't do that.
866
00:40:03,151 --> 00:40:05,483
What? Why are you winking at me?
867
00:40:08,197 --> 00:40:09,482
I got your back.
868
00:40:09,657 --> 00:40:10,692
Oh, my god.
869
00:40:10,867 --> 00:40:12,198
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
870
00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:14,233
Just leave me alone, kid.
(Man whistling)
871
00:40:15,413 --> 00:40:16,448
Oh, great.
872
00:40:16,998 --> 00:40:18,078
(Wade coughs)
873
00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:20,532
Well, hello there, new fish.
874
00:40:20,752 --> 00:40:23,744
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
875
00:40:23,838 --> 00:40:25,954
(Coughs) I've done some
light catalog work...
876
00:40:26,132 --> 00:40:28,623
But, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
877
00:40:28,801 --> 00:40:30,837
I was talking to him. Oh.
878
00:40:31,554 --> 00:40:34,637
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
879
00:40:34,933 --> 00:40:37,470
Black Tom Cassidy.
White Wade Wilson.
880
00:40:37,644 --> 00:40:40,886
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
881
00:40:41,064 --> 00:40:43,555
You're supposed to be
the toughest con in here.
882
00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:45,564
You don't look like much to me.
883
00:40:46,235 --> 00:40:47,441
First rule of the yard...
884
00:40:47,695 --> 00:40:49,435
Find the biggest guy
and make him your...
885
00:40:49,822 --> 00:40:51,687
(Groans) (Inmates exclaim)
886
00:40:53,701 --> 00:40:55,362
Second biggest guy.
887
00:40:55,828 --> 00:40:58,114
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
888
00:40:58,373 --> 00:41:01,661
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
889
00:41:01,834 --> 00:41:03,234
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
890
00:41:03,836 --> 00:41:04,951
(Groans) (Inmates exclaim)
891
00:41:05,046 --> 00:41:06,627
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
892
00:41:07,048 --> 00:41:09,209
No, I didn't! He's my friend!
893
00:41:09,592 --> 00:41:11,548
Zip it. We're not friends.
(Inmates cheering)
894
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:13,710
Take a seat, shit dick.
895
00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:16,508
(Inmates shouting) (Coughs)
896
00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:20,391
(Shouting continues)
897
00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:27,453
I had so much fun!
You were like... (Grunts)
898
00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:29,350
And I was like,
"take a seat, shit dick."
899
00:41:29,529 --> 00:41:30,735
Just let me die in peace.
900
00:41:31,447 --> 00:41:33,187
(Grunts) We make a great team!
901
00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:36,032
Oh, god! We're not a team.
(Coughing)
902
00:41:36,202 --> 00:41:40,286
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
903
00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:42,492
We're not partners or friends.
904
00:41:44,419 --> 00:41:46,501
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
905
00:41:46,671 --> 00:41:48,627
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
906
00:41:48,798 --> 00:41:50,379
And you winning
the ice box award
907
00:41:50,466 --> 00:41:52,331
for most pinchable cheeks.
908
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:53,719
(Wade coughs)
909
00:41:54,095 --> 00:41:55,710
There's only one person
in this world
910
00:41:55,805 --> 00:41:57,511
that I care about,
and she's gone.
911
00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:01,299
You wanna survive?
912
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,557
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
913
00:42:05,732 --> 00:42:07,768
And make friends with them.
914
00:42:09,068 --> 00:42:10,649
Make friends with someone.
915
00:42:11,904 --> 00:42:13,815
Anyone but me.
916
00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:16,360
Maybe even black Tim.
917
00:42:16,909 --> 00:42:18,365
Black Evan, I don't know.
918
00:42:18,536 --> 00:42:21,027
All I remember is
he was African-American.
919
00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:30,790
(Guards groaning)
920
00:42:30,882 --> 00:42:32,242
(Breathing heavily)
(Alarm blaring)
921
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,386
(Indistinct shouting)
922
00:42:43,311 --> 00:42:44,426
(Beeping rapidly)
923
00:42:45,813 --> 00:42:47,223
(Guards groaning)
924
00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:55,987
Automated voice: (On pa)
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.
925
00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:03,038
(Beeping)
926
00:43:09,378 --> 00:43:12,962
Automated voice: System
malfunctioning. 7, 4, 3.
927
00:43:13,132 --> 00:43:14,713
System malfunctioning.
928
00:43:21,599 --> 00:43:23,214
That was our cell.
929
00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:25,098
What did I do to piss off
930
00:43:25,186 --> 00:43:27,723
a grumpy old guy
with a winter soldier arm?
931
00:43:35,154 --> 00:43:36,644
Get away from me, kid!
932
00:43:38,658 --> 00:43:39,818
Listen to me! Go!
933
00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:44,990
Hello, Russell.
934
00:43:48,042 --> 00:43:49,042
(Cocks gun)
935
00:43:52,672 --> 00:43:54,412
(Wade grunts) (Groans)
936
00:44:03,975 --> 00:44:04,975
(Grunts)
937
00:44:16,362 --> 00:44:18,478
(Guards groaning)
938
00:44:27,665 --> 00:44:28,780
(Groaning)
939
00:44:41,137 --> 00:44:42,422
(Groans)
940
00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:43,513
(Gasps)
941
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:47,176
Hello, superpowers.
942
00:44:50,938 --> 00:44:52,644
(Grunts) (Groans)
943
00:44:53,941 --> 00:44:55,397
(Both grunting)
944
00:44:59,864 --> 00:45:01,024
Who are you?
945
00:45:01,657 --> 00:45:02,988
I'm Batman.
946
00:45:12,084 --> 00:45:13,084
(Gasps)
947
00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:15,337
Ooh!
948
00:45:15,922 --> 00:45:16,922
(Grunts)
949
00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:22,504
Oh. That's got some zip.
950
00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:33,015
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
951
00:45:33,147 --> 00:45:34,147
Talk!
952
00:45:34,315 --> 00:45:36,055
What kind of
spineless shit stick
953
00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:37,731
tries to kill a 14-year-old boy?
954
00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:39,936
You might wanna start talking!
955
00:45:39,987 --> 00:45:42,774
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
956
00:45:43,407 --> 00:45:44,943
The name's cable.
957
00:45:45,451 --> 00:45:48,534
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
958
00:45:48,829 --> 00:45:49,829
Ohl
959
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:51,658
so, you're from the future.
960
00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:54,039
I have a question then.
961
00:45:54,210 --> 00:45:55,746
Is dubstep still a thing?
962
00:46:03,344 --> 00:46:04,675
(Both grunting)
963
00:46:12,478 --> 00:46:14,514
(Breathing heavily)
964
00:46:16,732 --> 00:46:18,393
(Shouting) (Choking)
965
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:20,360
(Groaning)
966
00:46:20,778 --> 00:46:22,643
Dubstep's for pussies.
967
00:46:22,822 --> 00:46:23,902
You're so dark!
968
00:46:24,073 --> 00:46:26,485
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
969
00:46:26,993 --> 00:46:28,233
I love dubstep!
970
00:46:28,327 --> 00:46:30,443
(Dubstep music playing)
971
00:46:37,503 --> 00:46:39,289
(Grunts) (Groans)
972
00:46:51,183 --> 00:46:52,389
(Groans)
973
00:46:53,144 --> 00:46:54,475
Wade: Is that a Fanny pack?
974
00:46:54,645 --> 00:46:57,011
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
975
00:46:57,940 --> 00:46:59,851
Something to remember you by.
976
00:47:00,026 --> 00:47:03,564
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
977
00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:05,274
Like the memory
of your Fanny pack!
978
00:47:10,786 --> 00:47:11,786
(Groaning)
979
00:47:14,957 --> 00:47:16,288
Why are you protecting the kid?
980
00:47:16,917 --> 00:47:19,203
He's just some kid with an
are you my mother? Complex.
981
00:47:19,545 --> 00:47:21,536
I don't give a damn about him.
982
00:47:26,344 --> 00:47:27,504
What's this one do?
983
00:47:28,763 --> 00:47:29,969
(Beeping rapidly)
984
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:40,270
Wade: In every film,
there's a moment
985
00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:42,644
when the hero hits rock bottom.
986
00:47:42,818 --> 00:47:44,729
In cool runnings,
it was when John candy's
987
00:47:44,820 --> 00:47:46,356
prized bobsled broke.
988
00:47:46,739 --> 00:47:49,355
In human centipede,
it was when those people...
989
00:47:49,533 --> 00:47:51,489
Signed on to be in that movie.
990
00:47:51,827 --> 00:47:53,283
But in this film, well...
991
00:47:54,163 --> 00:47:55,494
You're looking at it.
992
00:47:57,750 --> 00:47:58,865
Rock...
993
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:01,492
Meet bottom.
994
00:48:02,838 --> 00:48:04,624
(Indistinct voices echoing)
995
00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:12,757
Vanessa:
I love you, Wade Wilson.
996
00:48:13,474 --> 00:48:14,474
Ness?
997
00:48:15,684 --> 00:48:17,140
Hey, ness!
998
00:48:18,020 --> 00:48:19,556
Ness, can you let me in?
999
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:21,891
Please! Please.
1000
00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:24,984
Jeez.
1001
00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:26,149
(Sighs)
1002
00:48:28,030 --> 00:48:29,790
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
1003
00:48:29,824 --> 00:48:31,610
I'm at the end of my rope.
1004
00:48:31,700 --> 00:48:32,985
(Timer ticking)
1005
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,361
Then I joined the X-Men.
1006
00:48:36,831 --> 00:48:38,367
I went to prison. I, uh...
1007
00:48:42,378 --> 00:48:43,959
Is it the kid?
1008
00:48:46,006 --> 00:48:48,964
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
1009
00:48:50,219 --> 00:48:51,219
The kid! (Timer dings)
1010
00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:55,888
(Gasping)
1011
00:48:57,810 --> 00:48:59,516
(Wheezing)
1012
00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:06,648
That's exactly what she meant.
1013
00:49:06,735 --> 00:49:08,046
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
1014
00:49:08,070 --> 00:49:09,731
I'm not gonna abandon this kid.
1015
00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:12,487
He's never had anyone, ever.
1016
00:49:12,658 --> 00:49:13,864
I need to be selfless.
1017
00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:15,865
Yeah, but what does that mean?
1018
00:49:16,036 --> 00:49:19,153
It means I'm gonna save Russell.
1019
00:49:19,331 --> 00:49:20,741
Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa...
1020
00:49:20,916 --> 00:49:23,874
But maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
1021
00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:26,022
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
1022
00:49:26,046 --> 00:49:27,566
I literally don't know
what that means.
1023
00:49:27,631 --> 00:49:28,666
Jesus Christ.
1024
00:49:28,841 --> 00:49:31,457
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
1025
00:49:31,635 --> 00:49:33,626
Those muties
are being transferred
1026
00:49:33,721 --> 00:49:35,177
to a supermakx, 80 miles away.
1027
00:49:35,347 --> 00:49:37,053
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
1028
00:49:37,224 --> 00:49:39,340
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?
1029
00:49:39,435 --> 00:49:41,266
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
1030
00:49:41,437 --> 00:49:44,053
And a vicious super soldier
from the future...
1031
00:49:44,231 --> 00:49:46,392
Who is dead set on turning
your skull into an ashtray.
1032
00:49:46,567 --> 00:49:49,559
You know what we need to do?
We need to build a team.
1033
00:49:49,737 --> 00:49:51,523
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
1034
00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:53,904
And young enough to carry
this franchise 10 to 12 years.
1035
00:49:54,033 --> 00:49:55,614
We need ocean's fourteen stuff.
1036
00:49:55,784 --> 00:49:57,820
The mother of all teams.
John wick 3.
1037
00:49:57,912 --> 00:49:58,912
Cheap. But with
1038
00:49:58,996 --> 00:50:00,098
the original directors. Smart.
1039
00:50:00,122 --> 00:50:01,224
My body is an
instrument of death.
1040
00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:02,283
Not now, dopinder.
1041
00:50:02,458 --> 00:50:04,244
I could be of great use.
1042
00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:05,999
What's your superpower?
1043
00:50:07,838 --> 00:50:09,169
Courage. That's adorable.
1044
00:50:09,340 --> 00:50:11,126
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
1045
00:50:11,300 --> 00:50:13,416
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
1046
00:50:13,594 --> 00:50:15,630
It's time to get back
on linkedln.
1047
00:50:16,764 --> 00:50:17,799
(Exhales)
1048
00:50:25,231 --> 00:50:27,222
(Child singing)
1049
00:50:40,871 --> 00:50:42,390
Male guard: (On pa)
Attention, all inmates!
1050
00:50:42,414 --> 00:50:45,201
Transport to cross force
maximum security
1051
00:50:45,292 --> 00:50:46,532
mutant containment facility...
1052
00:50:46,627 --> 00:50:48,413
Will begin at 0800 hours.
1053
00:50:48,587 --> 00:50:51,078
Inspection of your cells
and out-processing
1054
00:50:51,173 --> 00:50:52,504
will begin at 0600.
1055
00:50:55,886 --> 00:50:57,501
Female guard:
Attention, all inmates.
1056
00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,796
Transport to cross force
maximum security
1057
00:50:59,890 --> 00:51:00,951
mutant containment facility...
1058
00:51:00,975 --> 00:51:01,975
Black Tom: Oi.
1059
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,390
Mutant: What do you want?
1060
00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:05,142
You stole my pudding.
1061
00:51:05,312 --> 00:51:06,802
What pudding? You like pudding?
1062
00:51:07,189 --> 00:51:08,804
(Grunts) (Prisoners clamoring)
1063
00:51:08,899 --> 00:51:10,355
(Alarm blaring)
1064
00:51:25,249 --> 00:51:26,249
Hello?
1065
00:51:28,544 --> 00:51:30,034
I know you're in there.
1066
00:51:41,098 --> 00:51:43,384
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.
1067
00:51:44,768 --> 00:51:46,474
Lonely at the top, eh?
1068
00:51:46,937 --> 00:51:48,973
They're moving us tomorrow.
1069
00:51:51,358 --> 00:51:53,223
Maybe I can get you out of here.
1070
00:51:54,445 --> 00:51:57,687
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
1071
00:51:59,450 --> 00:52:01,190
We need a secret code.
1072
00:52:03,037 --> 00:52:04,037
(Imitates bird call)
1073
00:52:04,121 --> 00:52:06,863
(Softly) No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
1074
00:52:09,084 --> 00:52:10,494
(Rhythmic banging)
1075
00:52:11,295 --> 00:52:12,910
(Rhythmic banging in response)
1076
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,621
We're a team.
1077
00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:17,547
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
1078
00:52:17,718 --> 00:52:19,504
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like ice cube.
1079
00:52:21,472 --> 00:52:23,588
Weasel: Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
1080
00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:24,766
Deadpool: I like that.
1081
00:52:24,850 --> 00:52:26,135
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
1082
00:52:26,310 --> 00:52:27,925
Meet bedlam.
1083
00:52:28,103 --> 00:52:30,264
Cool name! Superpowers?
1084
00:52:30,439 --> 00:52:31,929
I can distort electrical fields.
1085
00:52:32,024 --> 00:52:33,059
(Electricity crackling)
1086
00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:35,232
Including the one
inside your brain...
1087
00:52:35,402 --> 00:52:37,984
Causing anxiety, confusion...
1088
00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:39,155
Pain.
1089
00:52:40,324 --> 00:52:42,189
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
1090
00:52:42,368 --> 00:52:43,608
We can use him.
1091
00:52:45,412 --> 00:52:46,777
I'm zeitgeist.
1092
00:52:46,955 --> 00:52:48,115
Cool. I like it.
1093
00:52:48,290 --> 00:52:49,530
So you have the power
1094
00:52:49,625 --> 00:52:52,082
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
1095
00:52:53,003 --> 00:52:54,209
(Stammers) No.
1096
00:52:54,380 --> 00:52:56,120
No, I spit acidic vomit.
(Sniffs)
1097
00:52:56,215 --> 00:52:57,250
Oh. Do you want me
1098
00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:58,401
to demonstrate? Deadpool: No!
1099
00:52:58,425 --> 00:52:59,819
Weasel: We'll take
your word for it.
1100
00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:02,072
Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've
all eaten at arby's, okay?
1101
00:53:02,096 --> 00:53:04,758
And this is the vanisher.
1102
00:53:08,227 --> 00:53:09,227
But...
1103
00:53:10,396 --> 00:53:11,806
Vanisher!
1104
00:53:11,939 --> 00:53:13,475
(Laughs)
1105
00:53:14,233 --> 00:53:16,394
Nice! Right?
1106
00:53:17,111 --> 00:53:18,271
He's not here, is he?
1107
00:53:18,445 --> 00:53:20,106
He may be running late.
1108
00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:23,989
My name's rusty,
but I go by shatterstar.
1109
00:53:24,410 --> 00:53:25,490
Both: That's good, yeah.
1110
00:53:25,661 --> 00:53:27,697
"Rusty" is terrible. Toughie.
1111
00:53:27,871 --> 00:53:30,578
So, uh, where are you from?
The planet mojo world.
1112
00:53:30,749 --> 00:53:32,660
So you're an alien, I guess.
Bad name.
1113
00:53:32,835 --> 00:53:34,371
How does that, uh, help us?
1114
00:53:34,545 --> 00:53:37,332
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
1115
00:53:37,506 --> 00:53:39,226
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
1116
00:53:39,258 --> 00:53:40,714
that are worse than me
at everything.
1117
00:53:40,884 --> 00:53:42,966
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
1118
00:53:43,137 --> 00:53:45,156
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.
1119
00:53:45,180 --> 00:53:46,180
Isn't that Canada?
1120
00:53:46,265 --> 00:53:48,677
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
1121
00:53:49,852 --> 00:53:51,058
Weasel: Meet... domino.
1122
00:53:51,228 --> 00:53:53,184
Deadpool: What's your shtick?
I'm lucky.
1123
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:54,480
That's not a superpower.
1124
00:53:54,815 --> 00:53:55,855
Yeah, it is. No, it isn't.
1125
00:53:55,899 --> 00:53:56,934
Yes, it is. No, itisn't.
1126
00:53:57,151 --> 00:53:58,231
Yeah, it is. No, itisn't.
1127
00:53:58,402 --> 00:53:59,402
Yes, it is. No, itisn't.
1128
00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:00,547
Yeah, it is. It really isn't.
1129
00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:01,686
No, it isn't. Yes, it is.
1130
00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:02,780
Told you.
1131
00:54:02,865 --> 00:54:04,355
Get out of my head!
1132
00:54:04,450 --> 00:54:05,485
I'm not in your head.
1133
00:54:05,701 --> 00:54:07,345
It looks like I'm in
an 11-year-old's bedroom.
1134
00:54:07,369 --> 00:54:09,514
If you're so lucky, then what
are you doing here with us?
1135
00:54:09,538 --> 00:54:11,266
I don't know yet.
What's that supposed to mean?
1136
00:54:11,290 --> 00:54:13,351
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.
1137
00:54:13,375 --> 00:54:15,270
Everything usually just
kind of works out for me.
1138
00:54:15,294 --> 00:54:16,374
You're hired! You're hired.
1139
00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:17,834
Oh, lucky me.
1140
00:54:18,005 --> 00:54:19,005
Deadpool: She's great.
1141
00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:21,667
And last, but not least...
1142
00:54:21,842 --> 00:54:22,957
Peter.
1143
00:54:24,261 --> 00:54:26,217
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
1144
00:54:26,847 --> 00:54:28,803
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
1145
00:54:28,891 --> 00:54:29,891
Peter: No.
1146
00:54:30,434 --> 00:54:32,015
I don't have one.
1147
00:54:32,186 --> 00:54:33,346
Um, I just saw the ad.
1148
00:54:33,479 --> 00:54:35,310
No superpowers at all?
1149
00:54:35,481 --> 00:54:38,473
I have both type 1
and 2 diabetes.
1150
00:54:38,942 --> 00:54:40,273
Ow! Oh!
1151
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:41,566
That's all the diabetes.
1152
00:54:41,737 --> 00:54:42,897
Right, yeah, you got 'em all.
1153
00:54:42,946 --> 00:54:45,278
If you find a type 3,
let us know.
1154
00:54:45,449 --> 00:54:46,449
Yeah.
1155
00:54:46,533 --> 00:54:47,568
You're in.
1156
00:54:47,659 --> 00:54:48,774
Come on!
1157
00:54:50,996 --> 00:54:52,987
It's fulfilling work.
1158
00:55:03,926 --> 00:55:06,008
Guard: This is convoy 17
departing the ice box.
1159
00:55:06,178 --> 00:55:07,293
We are en route.
1160
00:55:15,395 --> 00:55:17,807
Cable:
Peacetime makes people soft.
1161
00:55:19,399 --> 00:55:21,264
I was born into war.
1162
00:55:22,736 --> 00:55:24,101
Bred into it.
1163
00:55:24,988 --> 00:55:25,988
Okay.
1164
00:55:26,865 --> 00:55:29,481
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
1165
00:55:31,119 --> 00:55:32,180
These restraints are pretty...
1166
00:55:32,204 --> 00:55:33,319
Cable: I've got a list.
1167
00:55:34,623 --> 00:55:36,579
We're gonna work down it.
1168
00:55:37,459 --> 00:55:38,539
Together.
1169
00:55:39,628 --> 00:55:42,165
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
1170
00:55:42,631 --> 00:55:44,917
Something that was not
meant to bend.
1171
00:55:45,092 --> 00:55:46,194
I'm gonna stop you right there
1172
00:55:46,218 --> 00:55:47,403
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
1173
00:55:47,427 --> 00:55:48,667
I won't even make it to one.
1174
00:55:48,846 --> 00:55:50,246
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
1175
00:55:50,389 --> 00:55:52,721
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
1176
00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:54,886
I cried when they
canceled Felicity.
1177
00:55:56,186 --> 00:55:57,288
I don't want you to hurt me,
1178
00:55:57,312 --> 00:55:59,553
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
1179
00:56:00,774 --> 00:56:02,105
Except for where they are.
1180
00:56:02,651 --> 00:56:03,920
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
1181
00:56:03,944 --> 00:56:05,684
on Gerry duggan parkway.
1182
00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:07,423
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't mess with him.
1183
00:56:07,447 --> 00:56:08,508
Deadpool: You all know the plan.
1184
00:56:08,532 --> 00:56:10,898
Intercept the convoy,
grab the boy.
1185
00:56:11,076 --> 00:56:12,111
But not inappropriately!
1186
00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:13,202
Weasel: You know what,
1187
00:56:13,287 --> 00:56:14,347
I wouldn't mess
with deadpool either.
1188
00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:17,033
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
1189
00:56:17,207 --> 00:56:19,664
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
1190
00:56:19,835 --> 00:56:22,326
Watch out for this guy, cable!
1191
00:56:22,504 --> 00:56:25,371
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
1192
00:56:25,549 --> 00:56:28,336
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
1193
00:56:28,427 --> 00:56:30,713
Weasel: So if you go after
them, cable, I warn you...
1194
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,295
There's a wind advisory
in effect.
1195
00:56:38,604 --> 00:56:40,219
(Wind howling)
1196
00:56:44,651 --> 00:56:46,291
Pilot: (On pa)
A little turbulent up here.
1197
00:56:53,660 --> 00:56:55,400
I don't know much
about this cable fella...
1198
00:56:55,579 --> 00:56:56,859
But I guarantee he hasn't killed
1199
00:56:56,914 --> 00:56:58,779
as many people as melanoma has.
1200
00:57:00,042 --> 00:57:01,122
We're getting close!
1201
00:57:01,501 --> 00:57:03,037
As a former x-man...
1202
00:57:03,211 --> 00:57:05,076
Trainee. Thank you, bedlam.
1203
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,962
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
1204
00:57:08,050 --> 00:57:09,050
in the group's name.
1205
00:57:09,217 --> 00:57:10,753
X-Men! Men!
1206
00:57:11,303 --> 00:57:14,170
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
1207
00:57:14,348 --> 00:57:15,633
Gender neutral.
1208
00:57:15,807 --> 00:57:18,594
From now on,
we'll be known as...
1209
00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:21,635
X-force.
1210
00:57:28,195 --> 00:57:30,481
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
1211
00:57:30,656 --> 00:57:32,362
Intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
1212
00:57:32,532 --> 00:57:33,718
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
1213
00:57:33,742 --> 00:57:35,403
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
1214
00:57:35,494 --> 00:57:36,529
All: Yeah!
1215
00:57:36,620 --> 00:57:38,406
(All whooping)
I can't wait to kill!
1216
00:57:38,497 --> 00:57:40,158
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1217
00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:43,077
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
1218
00:57:44,002 --> 00:57:46,744
You know, you guys look amazing!
1219
00:57:46,922 --> 00:57:49,664
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
1220
00:57:49,841 --> 00:57:50,876
This is the family
1221
00:57:50,968 --> 00:57:52,754
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...
1222
00:57:53,303 --> 00:57:54,964
Ah, darn. I just...
1223
00:57:55,055 --> 00:57:56,055
(Sniffles)
1224
00:57:56,139 --> 00:57:57,699
I just get a little
choked up sometimes.
1225
00:57:57,849 --> 00:57:59,635
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1226
00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:01,011
about the high winds?
1227
00:58:01,186 --> 00:58:02,471
Gary. My name's Peter.
1228
00:58:02,646 --> 00:58:04,406
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.
1229
00:58:04,523 --> 00:58:05,963
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
1230
00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:08,269
Did he just call himself god?
I think he did.
1231
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:09,360
I'd like to go home.
1232
00:58:09,444 --> 00:58:11,150
I spent 10 years
in special forces.
1233
00:58:11,363 --> 00:58:12,507
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
1234
00:58:12,531 --> 00:58:13,941
because of a light breeze?
1235
00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:16,815
You're in this shit now,
mustache!
1236
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,972
(Whispers) I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
1237
00:58:18,996 --> 00:58:20,876
I'd never let anything
happen to you, sugarbear.
1238
00:58:21,415 --> 00:58:23,576
Leonard, hit it!
1239
00:58:23,667 --> 00:58:25,703
(Alarm blaring)
(Thunderstruck playing)
1240
00:58:32,175 --> 00:58:34,211
Gol go! Gol
1241
00:58:34,302 --> 00:58:35,917
(man singing)
1242
00:59:09,921 --> 00:59:11,286
Let's get some!
1243
00:59:11,381 --> 00:59:12,496
Whoo!
1244
00:59:12,591 --> 00:59:13,706
Oh, yeah!
1245
00:59:13,884 --> 00:59:16,717
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
1246
00:59:17,679 --> 00:59:19,169
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
1247
00:59:19,514 --> 00:59:20,674
Whoa!
1248
00:59:26,521 --> 00:59:28,057
Little off course here.
1249
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,891
Holy mommy, what the...?
1250
00:59:34,112 --> 00:59:35,602
Ah, there they are.
1251
00:59:36,073 --> 00:59:38,735
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches. (Blows kiss)
1252
00:59:39,242 --> 00:59:41,198
Oh, yeah! That's right, bedlam!
1253
00:59:42,996 --> 00:59:44,327
(Bedlam grunts) (All gasp)
1254
00:59:44,414 --> 00:59:45,574
(Gasping dramatically)
1255
00:59:46,124 --> 00:59:48,706
No! Tripping billies!
1256
00:59:49,294 --> 00:59:50,294
Shatterstar.
1257
00:59:51,004 --> 00:59:52,494
Okay, you got this.
1258
00:59:54,674 --> 00:59:55,674
I eft!
1259
00:59:55,801 --> 00:59:57,041
I eft!
1260
00:59:57,219 --> 00:59:59,210
No, stage left, you idiot!
1261
00:59:59,513 --> 01:00:00,548
(Gasps)
1262
01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:02,838
Well, I guess we found something
1263
01:00:02,933 --> 01:00:04,013
you're not better at.
1264
01:00:06,061 --> 01:00:07,061
Vanisher.
1265
01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:09,177
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1266
01:00:10,607 --> 01:00:11,607
(Grunting)
1267
01:00:11,691 --> 01:00:12,691
Oh! Really?
1268
01:00:12,818 --> 01:00:14,149
Wait, wait, wait. Was that...
1269
01:00:14,778 --> 01:00:15,778
Benjamin button.
1270
01:00:15,862 --> 01:00:17,398
Brad Pitt?
1271
01:00:17,572 --> 01:00:19,358
How'd you get Brad Pitt?
1272
01:00:19,533 --> 01:00:20,533
You're here, aren't you?
1273
01:00:20,659 --> 01:00:22,320
Yeah, but I didn't agree to...
1274
01:00:22,702 --> 01:00:24,238
Both: Oh.
1275
01:00:24,621 --> 01:00:25,621
See, Brad...
1276
01:00:25,872 --> 01:00:27,612
He's still locked
in my storm cellar
1277
01:00:27,707 --> 01:00:29,538
along with Celine Dion
and Matt Damon.
1278
01:00:30,168 --> 01:00:32,159
It's like Shawshank down there.
1279
01:00:32,254 --> 01:00:33,460
(Snickering)
1280
01:00:33,547 --> 01:00:35,037
Matt Damon's in this shit?
1281
01:00:35,215 --> 01:00:36,500
Yeah. (Laughs)
1282
01:00:36,675 --> 01:00:38,666
I suggest you go down there
first thing...
1283
01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:40,334
And just punch him
as hard as you can.
1284
01:00:40,512 --> 01:00:43,094
You wanna establish dominance
or that guy will own you.
1285
01:00:43,265 --> 01:00:45,677
And quit burning our "s" words.
1286
01:00:46,101 --> 01:00:47,621
I've always wanted
to fight Matt Damon.
1287
01:00:49,980 --> 01:00:51,040
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1288
01:00:51,064 --> 01:00:52,064
What did I say?
1289
01:00:52,149 --> 01:00:54,265
I thought you said...
(Bleep) Matt Damon.
1290
01:00:54,484 --> 01:00:55,753
I did. I wanna...
(Bleep) Matt Damon.
1291
01:00:55,777 --> 01:00:56,777
You wanna what?
1292
01:00:56,862 --> 01:00:57,862
I wanna... (Bleep) Him,
1293
01:00:57,946 --> 01:00:59,173
and then I want him to...
(Bleep) Me.
1294
01:00:59,197 --> 01:01:00,341
And then,
if I'm doing a good job...
1295
01:01:00,365 --> 01:01:01,425
I want all my friends and family
1296
01:01:01,449 --> 01:01:02,529
to come watch me... (Bleep)
1297
01:01:02,617 --> 01:01:03,617
Tell me more about that.
1298
01:01:03,702 --> 01:01:05,542
Well, I feel like, if we...
(Bleep) Each other,
1299
01:01:05,579 --> 01:01:07,444
you know, in private,
kinda work on our moves.
1300
01:01:07,622 --> 01:01:09,578
Then we kinda sell
some tickets...
1301
01:01:09,749 --> 01:01:10,949
And we get an arena, you know?
1302
01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:12,562
And then we... (Bleep)
Each other in the arena.
1303
01:01:12,586 --> 01:01:14,306
We get outfits.
You know, like cool outfits.
1304
01:01:14,421 --> 01:01:15,648
And we... (Bleep) Each other...
1305
01:01:15,672 --> 01:01:17,400
And everyone's cheering
and betting on who's gonna...
1306
01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:18,664
(Bleep) Each other the hardest.
1307
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:20,165
And then, when it's all done,
1308
01:01:20,260 --> 01:01:21,750
there's gonna be
a champion... (Bleep)
1309
01:01:21,845 --> 01:01:23,156
And it'll be like,
I think I'll win...
1310
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:24,615
'Cause I'm like
a really strong... (Bleep)
1311
01:01:24,639 --> 01:01:25,700
Right. Yeah, totally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1312
01:01:25,724 --> 01:01:27,724
And they'll be like,
"wait, no, lay off Matt Damon!
1313
01:01:27,851 --> 01:01:29,182
"You're... (Bleep) Him
too hard!"
1314
01:01:29,269 --> 01:01:30,269
And I'm gonna say,
1315
01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:32,309
"no! I got a little more...
(Bleep) Left in me."
1316
01:01:32,397 --> 01:01:33,457
And then I'm gonna... (Bleep)
1317
01:01:33,481 --> 01:01:35,209
And I'm gonna... (Bleep)
And I'm gonna... (Bleep)
1318
01:01:35,233 --> 01:01:36,233
Why are you buzzing that?
1319
01:01:36,401 --> 01:01:38,129
'Cause I feel like
you're making it sound like
1320
01:01:38,153 --> 01:01:39,338
I'm saying something
I'm not saying.
1321
01:01:39,362 --> 01:01:40,362
What are you saying?
1322
01:01:40,447 --> 01:01:41,507
I'm saying
I wanna fight Matt Damon.
1323
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:42,531
Oh! (Laughing)
1324
01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:43,901
You should've said so!
1325
01:01:43,992 --> 01:01:45,872
I thought you were saying...
(Bleep) Matt Damon.
1326
01:01:45,952 --> 01:01:46,952
No! No!
1327
01:01:47,037 --> 01:01:48,368
That's crazy! Crazy.
1328
01:01:48,538 --> 01:01:49,538
Why, did he ask about me?
1329
01:01:49,664 --> 01:01:50,664
No.
1330
01:01:50,749 --> 01:01:51,749
Okay.
1331
01:01:52,959 --> 01:01:54,915
All right,
we could do this with four.
1332
01:01:55,086 --> 01:01:57,828
Sugarbear. You got this, buddy!
1333
01:01:58,006 --> 01:02:00,122
That's the stuff!
That's the x-force spirit!
1334
01:02:01,134 --> 01:02:03,170
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1335
01:02:03,345 --> 01:02:04,710
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1336
01:02:04,804 --> 01:02:05,919
(Whoops) We did it!
1337
01:02:06,014 --> 01:02:07,595
You're a goddamn superhero, you!
1338
01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:08,801
X-force!
1339
01:02:09,392 --> 01:02:10,392
X-force.
1340
01:02:11,061 --> 01:02:12,392
Whoo-hoo!
1341
01:02:12,479 --> 01:02:13,594
(Screaming)
1342
01:02:13,688 --> 01:02:14,688
(Wood chipper whirring)
1343
01:02:14,773 --> 01:02:16,638
(Gasps) Oh!
1344
01:02:17,692 --> 01:02:18,772
(Exhales)
1345
01:02:20,362 --> 01:02:21,362
Peter.
1346
01:02:21,529 --> 01:02:23,174
Peter: I got you, buddy!
You're gonna be fine!
1347
01:02:23,198 --> 01:02:24,984
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1348
01:02:25,158 --> 01:02:27,319
Look at me.
We're x-force, right?
1349
01:02:27,494 --> 01:02:29,610
Yeah, we're x-force.
We're x-force.
1350
01:02:33,291 --> 01:02:34,906
Oh, my gosh! What the...?
1351
01:02:35,085 --> 01:02:37,041
Acidic vomit! (Screams)
1352
01:02:37,128 --> 01:02:40,120
Oh, god! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1353
01:02:40,215 --> 01:02:41,215
(Exhales)
1354
01:02:42,133 --> 01:02:44,374
Domino:
Okay, I'm over the convoy.
1355
01:02:44,552 --> 01:02:46,463
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1356
01:02:47,138 --> 01:02:48,674
Deadpool:
Good news and bad news.
1357
01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:51,931
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1358
01:02:52,102 --> 01:02:53,102
The good news is,
1359
01:02:53,186 --> 01:02:55,142
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss shatterstar.
1360
01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:58,396
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1361
01:02:58,566 --> 01:02:59,566
Domino: Peter!
1362
01:02:59,651 --> 01:03:00,891
Peter, I'm gonna miss him most.
1363
01:03:00,986 --> 01:03:02,021
Domino: The whole team?
1364
01:03:02,153 --> 01:03:03,814
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1365
01:03:03,905 --> 01:03:05,305
(People exclaiming)
You are so dumb.
1366
01:03:05,448 --> 01:03:07,939
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about it.
1367
01:03:08,118 --> 01:03:09,983
Who knew these winds
would be so strong?
1368
01:03:10,161 --> 01:03:12,527
Domino: Everyone!
Everyone on the helicopter!
1369
01:03:12,706 --> 01:03:14,412
And everyone
not on the helicopter!
1370
01:03:16,543 --> 01:03:17,953
Deadpool:
Looking good, vanisher.
1371
01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:29,127
Domino: They're headed
into the tunnel.
1372
01:03:29,306 --> 01:03:30,716
I'm that kid's only hope,
1373
01:03:30,807 --> 01:03:32,763
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1374
01:03:32,934 --> 01:03:33,934
Domino: I'm dropping in.
1375
01:03:34,102 --> 01:03:36,093
Deadpool: Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1376
01:03:36,271 --> 01:03:39,434
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so screwed!
1377
01:03:39,607 --> 01:03:42,644
No, we most certainly
are not screwed.
1378
01:03:42,736 --> 01:03:45,148
(Cars horns honking)
(Brakes screeching)
1379
01:03:46,531 --> 01:03:48,897
Deadpool: Seriously,
I don't get it!
1380
01:03:49,075 --> 01:03:51,737
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1381
01:03:52,871 --> 01:03:54,577
It's just it's hard to picture.
1382
01:03:54,748 --> 01:03:56,739
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1383
01:03:58,251 --> 01:04:01,288
I mean, luck? What kind of
caffeine-chugging...
1384
01:04:01,463 --> 01:04:03,954
Diet-soda-swillin'
freakshow comic book artist...
1385
01:04:04,049 --> 01:04:05,505
Came up
with that little Chestnut?
1386
01:04:05,675 --> 01:04:07,791
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1387
01:04:15,727 --> 01:04:18,594
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1388
01:04:18,772 --> 01:04:19,999
It's why I'm cursed fo be
a solo act.
1389
01:04:20,023 --> 01:04:21,103
Wander the earth... I'm in.
1390
01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:22,556
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1391
01:04:22,734 --> 01:04:23,734
I'm in.
1392
01:04:23,818 --> 01:04:26,230
How in the name of Satan
are you in already?
1393
01:04:26,321 --> 01:04:27,321
Oh, shit.
1394
01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:28,941
It's cable. 12 o'clock.
1395
01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:30,234
Deadpool: Okay.
1396
01:04:30,325 --> 01:04:32,737
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1397
01:04:32,827 --> 01:04:35,443
to stop cable
from killing that kid.
1398
01:04:35,622 --> 01:04:37,237
I'm coming up on your six.
1399
01:04:44,881 --> 01:04:46,746
That gun is amazing!
1400
01:04:46,841 --> 01:04:49,207
(Grunts) (Tires screeching)
1401
01:04:56,976 --> 01:04:58,466
Domino: Where is he?
I can't see him.
1402
01:04:58,645 --> 01:05:00,135
Deadpool: He's on the top.
1403
01:05:04,609 --> 01:05:06,224
Deadpool: He's in! He's in!
1404
01:05:06,444 --> 01:05:08,560
Russell! Russell Collins!
1405
01:05:08,738 --> 01:05:10,774
Deadpool: Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1406
01:05:20,083 --> 01:05:21,198
Shit!
1407
01:05:22,127 --> 01:05:23,833
(Prisoner screaming)
1408
01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:25,671
(Grunts)
1409
01:05:33,763 --> 01:05:35,173
(Beeping rapidly)
1410
01:05:43,148 --> 01:05:45,059
Deadpool.:
Two can play that game!
1411
01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:48,152
Got it!
1412
01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:49,518
No, I don't.
1413
01:05:49,696 --> 01:05:50,696
Showtime, mama!
1414
01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:52,395
Lady luck, take the wheel.
1415
01:06:00,415 --> 01:06:01,415
(Gun clicks)
1416
01:06:07,088 --> 01:06:08,088
(Groans)
1417
01:06:14,387 --> 01:06:15,387
Eat me, mutant!
1418
01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:17,055
Deadpool: Ouchiel
1419
01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:23,388
(Horns honking)
1420
01:06:24,355 --> 01:06:25,355
(Domino grunting)
1421
01:06:26,441 --> 01:06:28,102
(Both grunting)
1422
01:06:40,955 --> 01:06:41,955
Hang in there, doms!
1423
01:06:43,291 --> 01:06:44,531
Oh, this is really hard.
1424
01:06:44,626 --> 01:06:45,866
(Tires screeching)
1425
01:06:55,178 --> 01:06:56,178
(Gunshot)
1426
01:06:56,262 --> 01:06:57,672
And give me back
my skee-ball token.
1427
01:07:01,184 --> 01:07:02,549
You're doing great. X-force.
1428
01:07:04,729 --> 01:07:06,720
I guess dubstep never dies.
1429
01:07:06,814 --> 01:07:08,475
(Bangarang playing)
1430
01:07:11,027 --> 01:07:12,027
Whoo!
1431
01:07:13,279 --> 01:07:14,279
(Laughing)
1432
01:07:15,698 --> 01:07:16,698
(Black Tom groans)
1433
01:07:16,783 --> 01:07:17,898
(Deadpool gasps)
1434
01:07:21,496 --> 01:07:22,496
(Growlys)
1435
01:07:23,289 --> 01:07:24,324
That's unfortunate.
1436
01:07:27,460 --> 01:07:28,700
We got no brakes!
1437
01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:30,118
(Straining) Figure it out!
1438
01:07:30,713 --> 01:07:31,953
(Both grunting)
1439
01:07:33,508 --> 01:07:35,044
There's nothing I can't kill.
1440
01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:37,970
Ooh.
1441
01:07:38,429 --> 01:07:41,717
Somebody knows karate.
1442
01:07:44,102 --> 01:07:45,638
Give me your best shot,
one-eyed Willy.
1443
01:07:56,990 --> 01:07:57,990
(Panting)
1444
01:07:58,074 --> 01:07:59,860
Those bullets are like,
super fast.
1445
01:08:00,034 --> 01:08:01,034
Here we go.
1446
01:08:01,578 --> 01:08:03,785
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1447
01:08:03,955 --> 01:08:05,661
(Sighs) Here goes nothing.
1448
01:08:05,748 --> 01:08:06,954
(Horn honking)
1449
01:08:12,130 --> 01:08:13,336
(Honking)
1450
01:08:24,309 --> 01:08:25,469
(Grunts)
1451
01:08:26,561 --> 01:08:27,561
(Groans)
1452
01:08:31,608 --> 01:08:32,814
Man: Knock, knock.
1453
01:08:38,531 --> 01:08:39,771
That's my boy.
1454
01:08:39,866 --> 01:08:41,322
(Both grunting)
1455
01:08:45,330 --> 01:08:46,695
Holy...
1456
01:08:46,789 --> 01:08:47,789
(Grunts)
1457
01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:53,076
(Only time playing)
1458
01:08:55,381 --> 01:08:56,587
(Yelling)
1459
01:08:57,175 --> 01:08:58,665
Deadpool:
I'll be first to admit...
1460
01:08:58,843 --> 01:09:01,129
This did not go
according to plan.
1461
01:09:02,513 --> 01:09:04,049
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1462
01:09:04,140 --> 01:09:05,926
that plan was written in crayon.
1463
01:09:06,392 --> 01:09:08,508
Looks like Russell found
a hew friend.
1464
01:09:09,228 --> 01:09:10,889
Turns out domino's
a bit of a badass,
1465
01:09:10,980 --> 01:09:13,972
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1466
01:09:14,150 --> 01:09:17,267
But cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1467
01:09:17,445 --> 01:09:18,445
(Chuckles) A mood that is
1468
01:09:18,529 --> 01:09:20,315
about to get
significantly worse.
1469
01:09:21,574 --> 01:09:22,574
(Squeaks)
1470
01:09:26,579 --> 01:09:27,579
(Sighs)
1471
01:09:40,385 --> 01:09:41,966
(Groans)
1472
01:09:44,097 --> 01:09:46,338
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1473
01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:50,720
Oh. (Neck snaps)
1474
01:09:52,730 --> 01:09:54,220
Oh, man, that hurt.
1475
01:09:56,442 --> 01:09:57,932
(Groaning)
1476
01:09:59,612 --> 01:10:00,692
Russell.
1477
01:10:03,408 --> 01:10:04,488
Russell!
1478
01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:07,192
Russ, where are ya?
1479
01:10:10,832 --> 01:10:12,914
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1480
01:10:13,084 --> 01:10:16,247
Oh, thank... oh, my god!
1481
01:10:16,546 --> 01:10:17,752
Juggernaut!
1482
01:10:17,839 --> 01:10:18,919
(Gasps)
1483
01:10:19,006 --> 01:10:20,917
I thought that was you!
1484
01:10:21,092 --> 01:10:23,174
I should've worn my white pants.
1485
01:10:23,803 --> 01:10:26,920
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1486
01:10:27,765 --> 01:10:31,007
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411.
1487
01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:32,345
X-Men unlimited 12.
1488
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:34,556
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1489
01:10:34,731 --> 01:10:36,471
To see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1490
01:10:36,649 --> 01:10:38,605
As you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1491
01:10:38,776 --> 01:10:40,312
I don't mean right now.
1492
01:10:40,653 --> 01:10:42,518
I'm gonna rip you in half now.
1493
01:10:42,697 --> 01:10:44,938
(Laughs) That is such
a juggernaut thing to say.
1494
01:10:45,032 --> 01:10:46,863
(Deadpool screaming)
1495
01:10:48,453 --> 01:10:49,488
Oh, my god!
1496
01:11:01,883 --> 01:11:04,249
Oh, my god!
I can't feel my legs.
1497
01:11:04,343 --> 01:11:05,343
I can't feel...
1498
01:11:06,471 --> 01:11:08,052
Oh, no, they're right here.
1499
01:11:08,598 --> 01:11:10,259
Got 'em. Russell.
1500
01:11:10,433 --> 01:11:12,014
I have a mission.
1501
01:11:12,727 --> 01:11:13,967
To get my revenge.
1502
01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:16,598
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1503
01:11:16,773 --> 01:11:18,855
You're not the revenge type.
1504
01:11:19,025 --> 01:11:20,231
Take it from a friend.
1505
01:11:20,818 --> 01:11:23,480
Friend? You said it yourself.
1506
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:26,612
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1507
01:11:26,783 --> 01:11:27,989
So I did.
1508
01:11:28,075 --> 01:11:29,190
(Grunts)
1509
01:11:29,410 --> 01:11:31,492
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1510
01:11:31,662 --> 01:11:34,950
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1511
01:11:35,124 --> 01:11:38,366
"I care about you"? 'Cause
I care about you, Russell.
1512
01:11:39,003 --> 01:11:40,914
What's juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1513
01:11:41,088 --> 01:11:43,921
Don't you say legs! I know
you're gonna say legs!
1514
01:11:44,091 --> 01:11:46,924
Legs!
Still hurts to hear out loud!
1515
01:11:49,180 --> 01:11:52,047
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1516
01:11:52,308 --> 01:11:54,424
You get back here, young man!
(Sirens wailing)
1517
01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:56,551
Doms!
1518
01:11:57,021 --> 01:11:59,012
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1519
01:11:59,190 --> 01:12:01,431
Use my arms as backpack straps.
1520
01:12:04,278 --> 01:12:05,358
I think we may have found
1521
01:12:05,446 --> 01:12:07,402
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1522
01:12:07,824 --> 01:12:09,405
I'm pretty sure this isn't it.
1523
01:12:09,575 --> 01:12:10,860
Deadpool: X-force.
1524
01:12:24,257 --> 01:12:25,918
Blind al: No child is hopeless.
1525
01:12:26,175 --> 01:12:29,042
Don't give up on the boy.
How could he just walk away?
1526
01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:31,961
It was the coldness in his eyes.
1527
01:12:32,473 --> 01:12:34,054
You should've heard it.
1528
01:12:34,851 --> 01:12:35,886
(Wade sighs)
1529
01:12:35,977 --> 01:12:38,263
I guess family
really is an f-word.
1530
01:12:39,105 --> 01:12:41,187
(Groans) Rub my legs, mama.
1531
01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:42,725
Why would I rub your legs?
1532
01:12:42,900 --> 01:12:45,482
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1533
01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:47,193
(Blind al sighs)
1534
01:12:48,948 --> 01:12:50,154
What in the...
1535
01:12:50,658 --> 01:12:52,899
Why is your hand so tiny again?
1536
01:12:53,411 --> 01:12:54,776
That's not my hand.
1537
01:12:55,288 --> 01:12:57,119
Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph!
1538
01:12:57,707 --> 01:12:59,493
That was nice for me.
(Door opens)
1539
01:12:59,667 --> 01:13:02,409
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1540
01:13:02,503 --> 01:13:03,538
(Gasps)
1541
01:13:05,172 --> 01:13:06,252
(Weasel retches)
1542
01:13:06,924 --> 01:13:08,755
Why wouldn't you cover that up?
1543
01:13:09,260 --> 01:13:11,672
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1544
01:13:12,305 --> 01:13:13,795
Yeah, but you do. Look at you.
1545
01:13:13,973 --> 01:13:15,117
You're just straight, just...
1546
01:13:15,141 --> 01:13:16,597
Full winnie the pooh.
1547
01:13:17,059 --> 01:13:18,595
Toddler style?
1548
01:13:18,769 --> 01:13:19,769
Yes, sir.
1549
01:13:19,937 --> 01:13:21,417
Fred: Wait, hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
1550
01:13:21,647 --> 01:13:26,266
If the top half of deadpool
is growing baby legs...
1551
01:13:26,444 --> 01:13:29,436
Does that mean the bottom half
is growing a baby head?
1552
01:13:29,739 --> 01:13:31,008
Well, I don't see
why that matters.
1553
01:13:31,032 --> 01:13:32,032
I think it matters a lot.
1554
01:13:32,199 --> 01:13:34,261
I mean, if you want us to buy
the regeneration thing,
1555
01:13:34,285 --> 01:13:35,285
you gotta address it.
1556
01:13:35,369 --> 01:13:36,654
Are there two deadpools now?
1557
01:13:36,829 --> 01:13:39,036
And if so,
what's the other one doing?
1558
01:13:39,206 --> 01:13:40,206
And is he like you?
1559
01:13:40,291 --> 01:13:42,282
Does he have
the same personality as you?
1560
01:13:42,460 --> 01:13:43,495
Or the same memories?
1561
01:13:43,586 --> 01:13:44,586
And if he does,
1562
01:13:44,670 --> 01:13:45,981
then is he going to re-enter
the plot later?
1563
01:13:46,005 --> 01:13:47,461
'Cause he should.
1564
01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:49,151
You're really freaking
me out right now.
1565
01:13:49,175 --> 01:13:50,711
And if that one got cut in half,
1566
01:13:50,801 --> 01:13:51,945
then there would be
three deadpools?
1567
01:13:51,969 --> 01:13:53,729
I mean, you can see
where it all falls apart.
1568
01:13:53,888 --> 01:13:55,594
And quite frankly,
why I prefer marvel.
1569
01:13:55,765 --> 01:13:56,765
We are marvel.
1570
01:13:56,849 --> 01:13:58,885
(Laughs) Hilarious. You're fox.
1571
01:14:00,519 --> 01:14:01,519
Describe it.
1572
01:14:01,604 --> 01:14:03,040
I wouldn't ask him to
do that, if I were you.
1573
01:14:03,064 --> 01:14:04,464
Weasel: It's like, um...
Here we go.
1574
01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:06,043
It's like he's a muppet
from the waist down.
1575
01:14:06,067 --> 01:14:08,274
But this time, you can see
the muppet's twig.
1576
01:14:08,361 --> 01:14:10,213
Dopinder: Mr. weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1577
01:14:10,237 --> 01:14:11,837
I've had three tickets
already. (Screams)
1578
01:14:13,574 --> 01:14:16,111
No, no, no, dp, not again!
1579
01:14:16,285 --> 01:14:17,741
This has happened before? Yeah.
1580
01:14:17,828 --> 01:14:18,828
(Dopinder retching)
1581
01:14:18,913 --> 01:14:20,265
(Door opens)
Dopinder, either vomit
1582
01:14:20,289 --> 01:14:21,809
or don't. The indecision
is killing me.
1583
01:14:21,916 --> 01:14:23,781
Why couldn't god
take my hearing?
1584
01:14:25,711 --> 01:14:27,451
Oh. Wow!
1585
01:14:27,630 --> 01:14:29,166
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1586
01:14:29,340 --> 01:14:30,921
I'm talking about your face.
1587
01:14:31,258 --> 01:14:33,123
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1588
01:14:33,302 --> 01:14:35,384
Jesus Christ!
Looks like an avocado.
1589
01:14:35,554 --> 01:14:37,169
Domino: Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1590
01:14:37,515 --> 01:14:39,301
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1591
01:14:40,893 --> 01:14:42,178
I'm glad everybody dropped by.
1592
01:14:45,272 --> 01:14:46,762
I'll tell you why I'm here.
1593
01:14:46,941 --> 01:14:49,102
The time traveler's wife's
husband...
1594
01:14:49,276 --> 01:14:50,504
Beat me within
an inch of my life.
1595
01:14:50,528 --> 01:14:51,688
He was torturing me!
1596
01:14:51,862 --> 01:14:54,729
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1597
01:14:54,907 --> 01:14:57,068
So, I'm here to help us gear up.
1598
01:14:57,451 --> 01:14:58,762
So we can go after him
without me.
1599
01:14:58,786 --> 01:14:59,786
Wade: No!
1600
01:15:00,204 --> 01:15:01,535
I'm doing this alone.
1601
01:15:01,706 --> 01:15:02,706
The juggernaut
1602
01:15:02,790 --> 01:15:04,030
will kill you all. Fair enough.
1603
01:15:04,208 --> 01:15:05,686
Wade: I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1604
01:15:05,710 --> 01:15:06,937
I ain't letting
cable get to him.
1605
01:15:06,961 --> 01:15:09,293
I just need a couple of hours
to get some legs under me.
1606
01:15:09,463 --> 01:15:10,498
What will you do?
1607
01:15:10,589 --> 01:15:11,650
The first order of business is
1608
01:15:11,674 --> 01:15:12,734
to get me in front of cable...
1609
01:15:12,758 --> 01:15:14,111
So I can pull all the blood
out of his body...
1610
01:15:14,135 --> 01:15:16,376
And fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1611
01:15:16,554 --> 01:15:18,215
Then, I'm gonna take his skin...
1612
01:15:18,389 --> 01:15:21,472
And stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1613
01:15:22,810 --> 01:15:24,471
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?
1614
01:15:27,857 --> 01:15:28,857
(Cocks gun)
1615
01:15:33,195 --> 01:15:34,901
What in the ass?
1616
01:15:35,072 --> 01:15:38,189
Is this apartment listed
on tinder? Grindr?
1617
01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:40,358
You're much taller
in the comics.
1618
01:15:41,954 --> 01:15:44,320
Ugh. Is that really necessary?
1619
01:15:48,461 --> 01:15:50,247
Why? No.
1620
01:15:50,421 --> 01:15:51,461
What can we help you with?
1621
01:15:52,214 --> 01:15:53,829
I'm here to proposition you.
1622
01:15:55,342 --> 01:15:56,342
(Laughs) Oh, boy!
1623
01:15:56,427 --> 01:15:57,654
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1624
01:15:57,678 --> 01:15:59,589
Who gets to make the first joke?
1625
01:15:59,764 --> 01:16:01,116
I think we should all
do it at the same time.
1626
01:16:01,140 --> 01:16:02,140
Good call.
1627
01:16:02,266 --> 01:16:03,326
For $45, you get succotash.
1628
01:16:03,350 --> 01:16:05,181
Both: I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1629
01:16:05,561 --> 01:16:06,621
The proposition has a wonderful
1630
01:16:06,645 --> 01:16:07,645
guy pearce performance.
1631
01:16:07,730 --> 01:16:09,641
Wade: Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.
1632
01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,056
Give us the line again.
I need your help!
1633
01:16:12,568 --> 01:16:14,768
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1634
01:16:14,904 --> 01:16:16,184
But you unleashed
the juggernaut.
1635
01:16:16,739 --> 01:16:18,775
I can't bring him down alone.
1636
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,440
So here we are.
1637
01:16:21,702 --> 01:16:23,317
We're no longer
accepting applications
1638
01:16:23,412 --> 01:16:24,492
for x-force, unfortunately.
1639
01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:25,700
We don't have a lot of time.
1640
01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:27,511
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1641
01:16:27,666 --> 01:16:29,146
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1642
01:16:29,210 --> 01:16:31,576
Why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1643
01:16:31,796 --> 01:16:33,787
I use a device
to slide through time.
1644
01:16:33,964 --> 01:16:36,376
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1645
01:16:36,550 --> 01:16:39,132
I got two charges:
One to get me here,
1646
01:16:39,220 --> 01:16:40,505
one to get me home.
1647
01:16:40,596 --> 01:16:41,631
Well.
1648
01:16:41,722 --> 01:16:42,928
That's just lazy writing.
1649
01:16:43,099 --> 01:16:45,681
Oh, yeah. I get it.
I see what you did there.
1650
01:16:46,018 --> 01:16:47,018
What?
1651
01:16:47,103 --> 01:16:49,469
Jokes about lazy writing to
cover up actual lazy writing.
1652
01:16:49,647 --> 01:16:51,558
Why don't you just write better?
1653
01:16:51,732 --> 01:16:52,938
Why don't you just shut up?
1654
01:16:53,943 --> 01:16:55,649
Your boy's gonna
kill the headmaster
1655
01:16:55,736 --> 01:16:57,146
of the orphanage tonight.
1656
01:16:57,321 --> 01:16:59,437
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1657
01:16:59,615 --> 01:17:01,526
Like a 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst.
1658
01:17:01,700 --> 01:17:03,315
So he keeps killing...
1659
01:17:03,494 --> 01:17:04,950
And killing, and killing,
1660
01:17:05,037 --> 01:17:06,322
and killing. (Guns cocking)
1661
01:17:06,705 --> 01:17:09,697
Until one day,
he kills the wrong people.
1662
01:17:12,419 --> 01:17:13,784
My people.
1663
01:17:17,758 --> 01:17:18,793
Relax.
1664
01:17:18,968 --> 01:17:21,334
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1665
01:17:21,512 --> 01:17:23,753
It's a goddamn Fanny pack...
1666
01:17:23,931 --> 01:17:26,593
And you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1667
01:17:26,767 --> 01:17:28,428
The difference is night and day.
1668
01:17:32,565 --> 01:17:33,680
I'm sorry.
1669
01:17:34,066 --> 01:17:35,418
I said, "you remind me
of my wife."
1670
01:17:35,442 --> 01:17:36,586
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...
1671
01:17:36,610 --> 01:17:39,272
While making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1672
01:17:39,446 --> 01:17:40,606
Cable: She always struggled.
1673
01:17:41,740 --> 01:17:43,150
But she was funny...
1674
01:17:43,325 --> 01:17:45,737
And filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1675
01:17:46,579 --> 01:17:48,820
Something I could never master.
1676
01:17:49,623 --> 01:17:51,955
It was my fault she died.
1677
01:17:53,586 --> 01:17:56,623
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1678
01:17:57,298 --> 01:17:59,254
I came close a few times.
(Tomorrow playing)
1679
01:18:03,470 --> 01:18:05,210
He wasn't too happy about that.
1680
01:18:06,807 --> 01:18:07,887
He was trying to hurt me...
1681
01:18:08,058 --> 01:18:10,674
And he knew exactly
how to do it.
1682
01:18:12,438 --> 01:18:14,099
Older Russell:
Blessed are the wicked
1683
01:18:14,190 --> 01:18:16,556
who are healed by my hand.
1684
01:18:19,695 --> 01:18:21,526
Cable: He came into my home...
1685
01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:25,114
And took the only thing
that made it a home.
1686
01:18:27,453 --> 01:18:28,943
Sound familiar?
1687
01:18:30,039 --> 01:18:31,700
I'm sorry. Uh-huh.
1688
01:18:31,790 --> 01:18:33,530
No, I'm really sorry.
1689
01:18:35,586 --> 01:18:37,167
But that isn't Russell.
1690
01:18:37,630 --> 01:18:39,710
It doesn't have to be him.
If you knew what I knew...
1691
01:18:39,798 --> 01:18:41,538
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1692
01:18:41,717 --> 01:18:43,127
Maybe a small
learning disability...
1693
01:18:43,302 --> 01:18:44,667
Splash of diabetes...
1694
01:18:44,845 --> 01:18:46,130
But nothing that can't be fixed.
1695
01:18:46,222 --> 01:18:47,758
If you could go back...
1696
01:18:47,932 --> 01:18:50,548
And stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1697
01:18:50,726 --> 01:18:51,761
Of course I would.
1698
01:18:51,936 --> 01:18:52,976
But I wouldn't kill a kid.
1699
01:18:53,103 --> 01:18:55,435
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!
1700
01:18:55,522 --> 01:18:56,853
I'll kill the kid.
1701
01:18:57,024 --> 01:19:00,391
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1702
01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:02,776
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1703
01:19:02,947 --> 01:19:04,858
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1704
01:19:05,032 --> 01:19:07,819
Would want you to do the
right thing, wouldn't she?
1705
01:19:08,244 --> 01:19:10,951
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1706
01:19:11,538 --> 01:19:13,119
Give me a chance to save him.
1707
01:19:13,290 --> 01:19:14,621
What? You said...
1708
01:19:14,792 --> 01:19:16,436
Once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1709
01:19:16,460 --> 01:19:18,701
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1710
01:19:18,879 --> 01:19:20,494
Promise you'll give me a chance
1711
01:19:20,589 --> 01:19:22,295
to put him on a different path.
1712
01:19:22,466 --> 01:19:23,626
Define "chance."
1713
01:19:23,801 --> 01:19:25,153
I don't know.
How long does it take
1714
01:19:25,177 --> 01:19:26,321
to save someone's soul?
That's not...
1715
01:19:26,345 --> 01:19:27,585
I'll give you 30 seconds.
1716
01:19:27,763 --> 01:19:29,594
What? No! Best I can do.
1717
01:19:29,765 --> 01:19:31,050
Take it or leave it.
1718
01:19:41,527 --> 01:19:42,967
(Cable groans)
Weasel: He's doing it!
1719
01:19:43,112 --> 01:19:44,672
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1720
01:19:44,697 --> 01:19:46,528
(Retches) There he goes.
1721
01:19:46,699 --> 01:19:48,109
Cable: Jesus Christ!
1722
01:19:49,702 --> 01:19:50,702
Ugh.
1723
01:19:51,662 --> 01:19:53,152
Weasel:
There you go, little fella.
1724
01:19:53,706 --> 01:19:55,116
Go on, you're doing it!
1725
01:19:55,541 --> 01:19:58,783
My beautiful, hairless,
twizzler-legged baby boy.
1726
01:20:00,587 --> 01:20:01,667
Domino: Geez.
1727
01:20:01,839 --> 01:20:03,249
That's disturbing.
1728
01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:04,664
30 seconds.
1729
01:20:10,264 --> 01:20:11,754
Deal. Deal.
1730
01:20:14,351 --> 01:20:16,808
Blind al: I have no idea
what's happening.
1731
01:20:16,979 --> 01:20:18,560
(Softly) Probably for the best.
1732
01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:23,599
Deadpool: And that is why
you never eat a raw starfish.
1733
01:20:23,777 --> 01:20:25,438
It's just common sense.
1734
01:20:26,071 --> 01:20:27,402
Where the hell are we going?
1735
01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:28,853
Deadpool.: You said it yourself.
1736
01:20:28,907 --> 01:20:31,740
Nothing can stop the juggernaut.
We need backup.
1737
01:20:31,910 --> 01:20:34,652
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1738
01:20:34,747 --> 01:20:36,954
(Bollywood music playing
on radio)
1739
01:20:39,001 --> 01:20:40,616
Can you turn off the music?
1740
01:20:41,628 --> 01:20:43,619
You'll do no such thing.
1741
01:20:43,797 --> 01:20:45,597
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1742
01:20:45,716 --> 01:20:47,252
I'm sorry? Apology accepted.
1743
01:20:47,426 --> 01:20:49,462
This is a side of you
I do not like.
1744
01:20:49,553 --> 01:20:50,553
Let me guess,
1745
01:20:50,637 --> 01:20:52,637
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.
1746
01:20:52,681 --> 01:20:53,681
What the hell are you...?
1747
01:20:53,766 --> 01:20:55,597
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1748
01:20:55,809 --> 01:20:57,265
I am so sorry. It gets better.
1749
01:20:57,436 --> 01:20:58,801
I'm not a racist, moron!
1750
01:20:58,979 --> 01:21:00,765
Precisely what a racist
would say.
1751
01:21:00,939 --> 01:21:02,554
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1752
01:21:02,649 --> 01:21:04,014
And that's a twist.
1753
01:21:04,193 --> 01:21:05,378
Deadpool: So what exactly do you
1754
01:21:05,402 --> 01:21:06,463
do in the future, anyway, huh?
1755
01:21:06,487 --> 01:21:07,852
Some kind of soldier?
1756
01:21:08,197 --> 01:21:09,858
Yeah, something like that.
1757
01:21:10,032 --> 01:21:12,193
Deadpool: I was a soldier.
Special forces.
1758
01:21:12,368 --> 01:21:14,825
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1759
01:21:14,995 --> 01:21:16,951
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1760
01:21:17,122 --> 01:21:19,488
Your entire generation failed
this planet into a coma.
1761
01:21:19,666 --> 01:21:21,122
Boom! (Imitates explosion)
1762
01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:22,370
Spoiler alert.
1763
01:21:22,461 --> 01:21:23,461
(Snickers)
1764
01:21:23,545 --> 01:21:24,785
(Sighs) Planets.
1765
01:21:24,963 --> 01:21:26,248
Here's a spoiler alert.
1766
01:21:26,423 --> 01:21:27,663
I should have finished college.
1767
01:21:31,303 --> 01:21:32,530
Deadpool:
Well, I got news for you.
1768
01:21:32,554 --> 01:21:33,794
My heart is in the right place.
1769
01:21:33,889 --> 01:21:35,345
Russell's not gonna kill anyone.
1770
01:21:35,516 --> 01:21:37,535
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1771
01:21:37,559 --> 01:21:38,559
We're all gonna die.
1772
01:21:38,644 --> 01:21:39,746
Because of you, I'll always know
1773
01:21:39,770 --> 01:21:41,931
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1774
01:21:42,106 --> 01:21:44,017
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1775
01:21:44,191 --> 01:21:45,251
God, I wish this were a bus,
1776
01:21:45,275 --> 01:21:46,628
so I could pull the string
and get out.
1777
01:21:46,652 --> 01:21:48,313
It's a good thing
cable's not driving,
1778
01:21:48,404 --> 01:21:49,404
or you'd be in the back.
1779
01:21:49,530 --> 01:21:50,530
I am in the back.
1780
01:21:50,614 --> 01:21:51,614
Deadpool: Right here!
1781
01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:53,522
(Brakes screeching)
1782
01:21:55,077 --> 01:21:57,193
(In your eyes playing
on boom box)
1783
01:22:10,175 --> 01:22:11,836
Deadpool: I made mistakes!
1784
01:22:12,219 --> 01:22:13,925
I wanna take them back!
1785
01:22:14,096 --> 01:22:17,338
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1786
01:22:17,516 --> 01:22:18,801
And turned it
into a toilet stall
1787
01:22:18,892 --> 01:22:19,892
in an airport bathroom.
1788
01:22:20,060 --> 01:22:23,348
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1789
01:22:23,522 --> 01:22:26,229
But even you know
I was once an x-man.
1790
01:22:26,400 --> 01:22:27,560
Trainee!
1791
01:22:28,569 --> 01:22:29,569
(Music stops)
1792
01:22:32,239 --> 01:22:34,651
You're still using
my velcro labels. Aw.
1793
01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:36,281
They do stick better than tape.
1794
01:22:36,452 --> 01:22:38,158
Hi, Wade! Please don't.
1795
01:22:38,245 --> 01:22:41,328
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.
1796
01:22:41,415 --> 01:22:42,780
Right. Quick. It's this kid.
1797
01:22:42,958 --> 01:22:44,323
Just like you, I let him down.
1798
01:22:44,418 --> 01:22:45,418
And just like me,
1799
01:22:45,502 --> 01:22:46,896
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him...
1800
01:22:46,920 --> 01:22:49,080
Because the entire world
wrote him off a long time ago.
1801
01:22:49,173 --> 01:22:51,334
Look, he's teamed up
with the juggernaut!
1802
01:22:51,425 --> 01:22:52,631
(Gasps) The juggernaut!
1803
01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:54,446
Who's like my favorite
marvel character ever.
1804
01:22:54,470 --> 01:22:55,470
And hi, yukio!
1805
01:22:55,554 --> 01:22:57,954
That was really nice of you to
say hi, so I'm saying hi back.
1806
01:22:58,056 --> 01:23:00,422
You guys make
a super cute couple. Yeah.
1807
01:23:00,601 --> 01:23:01,636
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
1808
01:23:01,810 --> 01:23:03,788
You should never meet your
heroes, because honestly...
1809
01:23:03,812 --> 01:23:05,052
It causes nothing but problems.
1810
01:23:05,189 --> 01:23:08,352
Look, you can stop the
juggernaut. I know you can.
1811
01:23:08,525 --> 01:23:11,437
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?
1812
01:23:11,612 --> 01:23:13,648
I would be disgraced.
1813
01:23:13,822 --> 01:23:15,778
You are a criminal, a fugitive.
1814
01:23:15,949 --> 01:23:19,316
But worst of all,
you broke my heart, Wade.
1815
01:23:20,871 --> 01:23:23,738
You know what? Your heart's
in the wrong place, big guy.
1816
01:23:24,708 --> 01:23:27,415
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1817
01:23:27,586 --> 01:23:30,919
And screwed up, and not
particularly convenient!
1818
01:23:31,089 --> 01:23:33,922
So stay here
in chateau de virgin...
1819
01:23:34,092 --> 01:23:36,083
While we go get our game on!
1820
01:23:39,223 --> 01:23:40,588
Domino: You're doing great.
1821
01:23:43,602 --> 01:23:45,217
(Car door closes)
(Engine starts)
1822
01:23:46,146 --> 01:23:47,665
Russell: So you wear
that helmet because
1823
01:23:47,689 --> 01:23:49,270
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1824
01:23:49,441 --> 01:23:52,558
Juggernaut: Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-Steven.
1825
01:23:52,736 --> 01:23:55,193
Man: Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.
1826
01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:56,820
And he's not alone.
1827
01:23:57,324 --> 01:23:58,985
Headmaster: Secure the children.
1828
01:24:01,161 --> 01:24:03,698
They will not replace us.
1829
01:24:05,874 --> 01:24:08,331
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1830
01:24:08,585 --> 01:24:10,496
Amen, brother.
1831
01:24:11,255 --> 01:24:12,620
(Brakes screeching)
1832
01:24:16,677 --> 01:24:18,167
Time to make the chimichangas.
1833
01:24:18,345 --> 01:24:19,960
30 seconds.
1834
01:24:20,597 --> 01:24:22,713
I finally know why I'm here.
1835
01:24:23,141 --> 01:24:24,972
I was raised in this place.
1836
01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:27,429
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1837
01:24:27,604 --> 01:24:30,220
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1838
01:24:30,399 --> 01:24:31,639
Shall we? This is gonna be fun.
1839
01:24:31,775 --> 01:24:32,775
Deadpool: Yeah!
1840
01:24:32,859 --> 01:24:34,315
Hey! Been meaning to ask you...
1841
01:24:34,486 --> 01:24:37,273
What's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?
1842
01:24:37,447 --> 01:24:40,280
It's not dirt. It's the
blood of my dead daughter.
1843
01:24:40,784 --> 01:24:43,275
Are you bear, god?
It's me, Margaret.
1844
01:24:43,453 --> 01:24:44,818
Give me some.
1845
01:24:44,997 --> 01:24:46,407
They say laughter
heals anything.
1846
01:24:46,498 --> 01:24:47,704
Except, of course, that.
1847
01:24:50,168 --> 01:24:52,375
(Rap music playing)
1848
01:25:14,234 --> 01:25:16,941
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1849
01:25:18,155 --> 01:25:19,155
Russell!
1850
01:25:19,323 --> 01:25:21,655
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1851
01:25:22,701 --> 01:25:24,095
Why are you dressed
like the unabomber?
1852
01:25:24,119 --> 01:25:25,359
(Yelling)
1853
01:25:28,332 --> 01:25:29,332
That's why.
1854
01:25:29,416 --> 01:25:30,476
I told you he was too far gone.
1855
01:25:30,500 --> 01:25:32,536
Zip it, thanos! We have a
deal and you forgot...
1856
01:25:32,628 --> 01:25:33,913
(Groans) Juggernaut: Hey!
1857
01:25:34,963 --> 01:25:38,080
I'm gonna shove that cab
driver right up your tailpipe.
1858
01:25:38,508 --> 01:25:40,590
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1859
01:25:40,719 --> 01:25:41,863
You should probably
head back to the car.
1860
01:25:41,887 --> 01:25:43,207
I think I'll head
back to the car.
1861
01:25:44,389 --> 01:25:47,176
It works best when you
pull the trigger.
1862
01:25:48,935 --> 01:25:50,015
(Groans)
1863
01:25:50,103 --> 01:25:51,388
That gun is amazing!
1864
01:25:52,773 --> 01:25:54,388
Russell: Say it!
1865
01:25:56,360 --> 01:25:58,225
You are an abomination!
1866
01:25:58,320 --> 01:25:59,320
(Grunts)
1867
01:26:04,201 --> 01:26:07,193
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1868
01:26:07,371 --> 01:26:09,987
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1869
01:26:12,876 --> 01:26:13,876
Gotchal
1870
01:26:14,252 --> 01:26:15,412
juggernaut: Beat it, midget!
1871
01:26:18,423 --> 01:26:21,130
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1872
01:26:21,635 --> 01:26:22,635
Uh, that's not good.
1873
01:26:23,595 --> 01:26:24,595
(Screaming)
1874
01:26:34,815 --> 01:26:36,021
(Juggernaut laughs)
1875
01:26:36,400 --> 01:26:37,640
Come here, beautiful.
1876
01:26:44,366 --> 01:26:45,366
Whoo!
1877
01:26:50,664 --> 01:26:51,664
(Juggernaut laughs)
1878
01:26:53,667 --> 01:26:54,702
Russell: Say it!
1879
01:27:08,724 --> 01:27:10,715
(In your eyes playing)
1880
01:27:41,006 --> 01:27:42,006
(Mumbles)
1881
01:27:42,299 --> 01:27:43,379
You came for me.
1882
01:27:43,550 --> 01:27:44,960
I'm not giving up on you,
1883
01:27:45,051 --> 01:27:46,916
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1884
01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:48,926
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1885
01:27:49,097 --> 01:27:50,962
It's time to fight dirty.
1886
01:27:51,141 --> 01:27:52,472
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1887
01:27:52,642 --> 01:27:55,099
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1888
01:27:55,270 --> 01:27:57,306
That's such a you thing to say!
1889
01:27:57,397 --> 01:27:59,183
Go get him, tiger!
1890
01:27:59,357 --> 01:28:01,564
Big cgi fight coming up!
1891
01:28:02,152 --> 01:28:03,312
(Both grunting)
1892
01:28:03,528 --> 01:28:05,109
(Music playing)
1893
01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:06,645
(Grunts)
1894
01:28:08,158 --> 01:28:09,614
(Both grunting) (Bone cracks)
1895
01:28:09,701 --> 01:28:10,701
(Screams)
1896
01:28:18,752 --> 01:28:19,832
He's doing great.
1897
01:28:20,003 --> 01:28:21,288
Russell: Say it!
1898
01:28:25,550 --> 01:28:26,960
Russell. Deadpool: Bingo!
1899
01:28:29,638 --> 01:28:30,638
(Groaning)
1900
01:28:31,097 --> 01:28:32,097
Oh, great!
1901
01:28:32,182 --> 01:28:33,284
Orderly: There they are!
Those freaks!
1902
01:28:33,308 --> 01:28:35,328
Deadpool: A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1903
01:28:35,352 --> 01:28:36,967
Can I have one of those guns?
1904
01:28:37,562 --> 01:28:39,223
No. That's fine.
1905
01:28:39,397 --> 01:28:40,757
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1906
01:28:40,816 --> 01:28:42,016
I'm just gonna use this brick.
1907
01:28:42,734 --> 01:28:43,734
Maximum effort.
1908
01:28:45,028 --> 01:28:46,689
Who says you
can't go home again?
1909
01:28:48,824 --> 01:28:49,904
(All grunting)
1910
01:28:51,660 --> 01:28:52,660
Children: Yeah!
1911
01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:53,779
Say it.
1912
01:28:54,454 --> 01:28:55,454
Say it!
1913
01:28:55,539 --> 01:28:58,576
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1914
01:28:59,209 --> 01:29:00,540
Blessed are the wicked...
1915
01:29:00,710 --> 01:29:01,950
Who are healed...
1916
01:29:02,420 --> 01:29:03,956
By my hand.
1917
01:29:12,764 --> 01:29:14,345
(Both grunting)
1918
01:29:18,228 --> 01:29:19,934
You annoying little punk!
1919
01:29:22,357 --> 01:29:24,018
(Children cheering)
1920
01:29:24,109 --> 01:29:25,109
(Spits)
1921
01:29:25,193 --> 01:29:26,808
(Yells)
1922
01:29:32,242 --> 01:29:33,242
(Groans)
1923
01:29:36,079 --> 01:29:38,866
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
1924
01:29:44,337 --> 01:29:45,337
(Speaks Russian)
1925
01:29:46,339 --> 01:29:48,546
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
1926
01:29:48,717 --> 01:29:49,717
(Gasps)
1927
01:29:53,889 --> 01:29:54,924
Orphans.
1928
01:29:55,682 --> 01:29:56,682
Oh, geez.
1929
01:29:58,727 --> 01:30:01,309
It's time to burn
for what you've done!
1930
01:30:01,479 --> 01:30:03,970
A child should not be burdened
with such power!
1931
01:30:11,197 --> 01:30:12,482
Russell! Wait!
1932
01:30:16,995 --> 01:30:17,995
Deadpool: Oh!
1933
01:30:23,877 --> 01:30:25,583
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
1934
01:30:25,670 --> 01:30:26,731
What more do you need to see?
1935
01:30:26,755 --> 01:30:27,755
No, he's just a kid!
1936
01:30:27,839 --> 01:30:29,830
Tick, tock. Meter's running!
1937
01:30:37,641 --> 01:30:39,256
(Colossus groans)
1938
01:30:42,479 --> 01:30:44,310
I'm gonna make a necklace
out of your teeth.
1939
01:30:50,070 --> 01:30:51,070
(Grunts)
1940
01:30:53,990 --> 01:30:54,990
(Growlys)
1941
01:30:55,492 --> 01:30:56,527
(Grunts)
1942
01:30:56,618 --> 01:30:58,358
(Electricity crackling)
(Groaning)
1943
01:31:02,749 --> 01:31:04,865
I told you! Leave me alone!
Come on!
1944
01:31:05,251 --> 01:31:06,331
Listen to me!
1945
01:31:08,588 --> 01:31:09,748
(Russell screaming)
1946
01:31:10,548 --> 01:31:11,913
(Both grunting)
1947
01:31:15,720 --> 01:31:16,720
(Grunts)
1948
01:31:27,524 --> 01:31:29,139
Colossus: (Scoffs)
That's how we do it
1949
01:31:31,945 --> 01:31:32,945
(groans)
1950
01:31:33,029 --> 01:31:35,020
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
1951
01:31:35,115 --> 01:31:37,606
Oh, no. You're doing amazing.
1952
01:31:37,784 --> 01:31:39,991
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
1953
01:31:43,665 --> 01:31:44,700
Deadpool: Go, go, go!
1954
01:31:44,791 --> 01:31:45,791
(Grunts)
1955
01:31:48,211 --> 01:31:50,042
He dies tonight, Wade.
1956
01:31:50,213 --> 01:31:51,749
You can't stop me!
1957
01:31:52,716 --> 01:31:54,172
Cable: He even runs
like a pervert.
1958
01:31:54,384 --> 01:31:57,251
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1959
01:31:58,471 --> 01:31:59,881
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
1960
01:32:00,056 --> 01:32:01,936
Wait, wait, wait! Please,
just give me a second!
1961
01:32:02,100 --> 01:32:03,431
I got this.
1962
01:32:03,601 --> 01:32:05,717
Russell!
Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1963
01:32:05,895 --> 01:32:08,102
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1964
01:32:08,606 --> 01:32:09,891
That piece of shit...
1965
01:32:10,316 --> 01:32:11,956
He deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1966
01:32:12,110 --> 01:32:14,021
He hurt you badly.
1967
01:32:14,738 --> 01:32:18,731
But look,
if you kill him, he wins.
1968
01:32:18,908 --> 01:32:22,025
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1969
01:32:23,079 --> 01:32:24,785
You're just a kid.
1970
01:32:24,956 --> 01:32:26,571
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1971
01:32:28,043 --> 01:32:30,659
It isn't too late. Don't do it.
1972
01:32:36,217 --> 01:32:38,208
I never should've left
you there.
1973
01:32:40,305 --> 01:32:42,421
I never should've left you
in that prison.
1974
01:32:49,647 --> 01:32:50,887
I can't trust you.
1975
01:32:53,109 --> 01:32:55,225
I can't trust anybody!
1976
01:32:56,029 --> 01:32:57,360
(Groaning)
1977
01:33:04,412 --> 01:33:05,618
Wonderful kid.
1978
01:33:05,705 --> 01:33:07,036
Russell:
You can't stop me, Wade!
1979
01:33:07,165 --> 01:33:08,165
(Deadpool groans)
1980
01:33:09,501 --> 01:33:11,617
I got one more idea.
1981
01:33:11,795 --> 01:33:14,582
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
1982
01:33:14,756 --> 01:33:15,836
Wade, what are you doing?
1983
01:33:16,007 --> 01:33:17,622
This is for
all the marbles, kid.
1984
01:33:18,343 --> 01:33:20,129
You're gonna kill
someone today...
1985
01:33:20,512 --> 01:33:21,843
Blessed are the wicked...
1986
01:33:22,013 --> 01:33:23,924
Then it's gotta be me.
1987
01:33:25,141 --> 01:33:26,927
Who are healed by my hand!
1988
01:33:30,188 --> 01:33:31,188
(Inaudible)
1989
01:33:33,858 --> 01:33:35,644
(Tomorrow playing)
1990
01:33:36,402 --> 01:33:38,518
(Girl singing)
1991
01:34:30,874 --> 01:34:32,284
(Groans)
1992
01:34:33,209 --> 01:34:36,167
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1993
01:34:37,630 --> 01:34:39,040
(Deadpool coughing)
1994
01:34:41,176 --> 01:34:42,666
Oh, that's not good.
1995
01:34:44,262 --> 01:34:45,672
No, sir.
1996
01:34:52,687 --> 01:34:55,770
You sacrificed yourself for me.
1997
01:34:56,191 --> 01:34:57,191
Yeah.
1998
01:34:57,275 --> 01:34:59,140
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
1999
01:34:59,235 --> 01:35:00,235
(Coughing)
2000
01:35:00,320 --> 01:35:02,311
I told you I care about you.
2001
01:35:02,488 --> 01:35:04,149
You're a good kid, Russell.
2002
01:35:05,325 --> 01:35:06,405
Hey.
2003
01:35:07,660 --> 01:35:08,866
The bear.
2004
01:35:09,037 --> 01:35:10,322
It worked.
2005
01:35:16,336 --> 01:35:17,416
Because of you.
2006
01:35:17,587 --> 01:35:19,578
No, Wade, because of you.
2007
01:35:20,131 --> 01:35:22,087
Stop, stop, stop!
2008
01:35:22,258 --> 01:35:23,258
Stop!
2009
01:35:24,761 --> 01:35:27,298
Just let it happen, okay?
2010
01:35:27,722 --> 01:35:30,759
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
2011
01:35:30,934 --> 01:35:33,346
(Groans) That riddle
is so messed up.
2012
01:35:36,105 --> 01:35:38,016
(Groans, coughs)
2013
01:35:38,107 --> 01:35:40,098
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
2014
01:35:40,276 --> 01:35:42,463
Don't be. I've been trying to
make this happen for a while.
2015
01:35:42,487 --> 01:35:43,897
Please, just don't leave me.
2016
01:35:44,072 --> 01:35:45,562
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
2017
01:35:45,740 --> 01:35:46,900
We are not going anywhere.
2018
01:35:47,075 --> 01:35:49,111
Wade: Oh, god, I hope
the academy is watching.
2019
01:35:49,285 --> 01:35:50,365
Just rest, okay?
2020
01:35:52,121 --> 01:35:53,201
Papa.
2021
01:35:54,290 --> 01:35:56,201
(Singing) Papa, can you hear me?
2022
01:35:58,461 --> 01:36:01,373
Papa, can you find me in the...
2023
01:36:04,092 --> 01:36:05,377
Night?
2024
01:36:25,738 --> 01:36:26,978
Before I go... (Coughs)
2025
01:36:27,490 --> 01:36:29,230
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
2026
01:36:29,784 --> 01:36:30,944
Domino.
2027
01:36:31,119 --> 01:36:35,613
I want you to have
my adventure time watch.
2028
01:36:35,707 --> 01:36:36,947
(Wade coughing)
2029
01:36:38,209 --> 01:36:41,076
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
2030
01:36:41,838 --> 01:36:42,953
Thank you.
2031
01:36:44,257 --> 01:36:47,215
Hey, Sabrina, the teenage witch.
2032
01:36:47,844 --> 01:36:49,926
It has been a pleasure.
2033
01:36:51,556 --> 01:36:54,263
Hi, yukio. Hi, Wade!
2034
01:36:54,350 --> 01:36:55,350
(Chuckles)
2035
01:36:56,144 --> 01:36:57,350
And you...
2036
01:36:57,895 --> 01:36:59,180
Chrome bone.
2037
01:36:59,897 --> 01:37:02,354
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
2038
01:37:02,942 --> 01:37:05,183
But you've always been
that to me.
2039
01:37:05,361 --> 01:37:06,646
So thank you.
2040
01:37:08,698 --> 01:37:10,484
Say the f-word for me.
2041
01:37:11,242 --> 01:37:12,482
Just once. Come on,
2042
01:37:12,577 --> 01:37:14,097
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
2043
01:37:14,162 --> 01:37:15,652
Here we go. One, two, three.
F f. F..
2044
01:37:17,582 --> 01:37:18,582
(Bleep)
2045
01:37:18,666 --> 01:37:21,999
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
(Chuckles)
2046
01:37:23,421 --> 01:37:25,252
And you, cable. (Coughs)
2047
01:37:26,591 --> 01:37:30,254
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
2048
01:37:31,137 --> 01:37:34,345
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
2049
01:37:34,807 --> 01:37:36,167
That you'll start
judging people...
2050
01:37:36,267 --> 01:37:37,598
Not by the color of their skin,
2051
01:37:37,685 --> 01:37:39,550
but by the content
of their character.
2052
01:37:40,271 --> 01:37:41,886
Jesus. Wade: R-dog?
2053
01:37:43,941 --> 01:37:45,021
Look.
2054
01:37:45,360 --> 01:37:47,942
Family is not an f-word.
2055
01:37:48,613 --> 01:37:49,898
All right?
2056
01:37:50,073 --> 01:37:51,938
There's one out there for you.
(Coughs)
2057
01:37:52,533 --> 01:37:54,239
Just keep looking, okay?
2058
01:37:57,288 --> 01:37:59,654
Guys, for a second there...
2059
01:38:01,000 --> 01:38:02,786
We made a pretty good team.
2060
01:38:07,256 --> 01:38:09,087
Can you see it?
2061
01:38:09,801 --> 01:38:12,087
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
2062
01:38:13,429 --> 01:38:14,589
There it is.
2063
01:38:20,853 --> 01:38:22,059
Oh, that's the sun.
2064
01:38:22,146 --> 01:38:24,011
Don't stare directly into that.
2065
01:38:24,190 --> 01:38:25,521
I just have a few final words.
2066
01:38:25,608 --> 01:38:26,608
(Exhales)
2067
01:38:30,196 --> 01:38:32,312
Do you want to build a showman?
2068
01:39:01,102 --> 01:39:02,842
(Mellow music playing)
2069
01:39:48,608 --> 01:39:49,768
Sorry I'm late.
2070
01:39:49,942 --> 01:39:51,523
There was a bunch of
2071
01:39:51,611 --> 01:39:52,963
handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.
2072
01:39:52,987 --> 01:39:54,193
No. No.
2073
01:39:55,281 --> 01:39:57,943
But I did have to help a kid.
Yeah.
2074
01:39:58,409 --> 01:40:00,274
He's got a terrible name.
It's just awful.
2075
01:40:00,369 --> 01:40:01,369
Ugh. I tried to tell him.
2076
01:40:03,706 --> 01:40:05,116
Is this heaven?
2077
01:40:06,000 --> 01:40:07,206
It is now.
2078
01:40:10,671 --> 01:40:12,081
I am so sorry.
2079
01:40:13,382 --> 01:40:14,622
Vanessa: It's okay.
2080
01:40:34,445 --> 01:40:36,185
I missed you so much.
2081
01:40:42,036 --> 01:40:43,697
What is it? What's wrong?
2082
01:40:45,623 --> 01:40:47,113
It's not time.
2083
01:40:47,750 --> 01:40:49,615
What do you mean it's not time?
2084
01:40:49,794 --> 01:40:51,284
I'm here, I made it.
2085
01:40:51,462 --> 01:40:53,043
You can't stay. No, no, no.
2086
01:40:53,214 --> 01:40:55,830
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
2087
01:40:55,925 --> 01:40:56,925
It's okay.
2088
01:40:57,426 --> 01:41:00,259
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
2089
01:41:01,264 --> 01:41:03,721
They need you. Who?
2090
01:41:05,768 --> 01:41:07,053
Vanessa: Your f-word.
2091
01:41:08,312 --> 01:41:09,312
Wade: Why?
2092
01:41:09,689 --> 01:41:11,475
Vanessa: You'll find out.
2093
01:41:12,358 --> 01:41:13,848
I love you.
2094
01:41:14,026 --> 01:41:15,266
I love you.
2095
01:41:17,780 --> 01:41:18,940
I know.
2096
01:41:19,115 --> 01:41:20,115
Now, go.
2097
01:41:21,450 --> 01:41:23,406
Go on. Go, get out of here.
2098
01:41:24,453 --> 01:41:25,453
Go.
2099
01:41:28,249 --> 01:41:29,249
Hey!
2100
01:41:32,086 --> 01:41:34,418
Kiss me like you miss me, red.
2101
01:41:35,047 --> 01:41:36,162
Well, come here.
2102
01:41:49,478 --> 01:41:51,719
Wait, hold the mustard.
2103
01:41:51,897 --> 01:41:53,012
Are you crying? No.
2104
01:41:53,190 --> 01:41:54,230
Yes, you are. No, I'm not.
2105
01:41:54,358 --> 01:41:56,358
You got emotion juice
coming out of your eye holes.
2106
01:41:56,527 --> 01:41:57,629
It's not me. I'm not crying.
2107
01:41:57,653 --> 01:41:59,109
I think it's
this dusty soundstage.
2108
01:41:59,196 --> 01:42:00,196
Oh, really? Or bedroom.
2109
01:42:00,281 --> 01:42:01,508
It's a dusty bedroom. Thank you.
2110
01:42:01,532 --> 01:42:02,863
That's normal. Let it out.
2111
01:42:04,243 --> 01:42:06,279
(Tearfully) I am crying.
Yeah, you are.
2112
01:42:06,454 --> 01:42:08,098
And I'm caught off guard
'cause the movie's so bad.
2113
01:42:08,122 --> 01:42:09,122
Complete garbage.
2114
01:42:09,248 --> 01:42:10,454
It's very compelling. Yeah.
2115
01:42:10,541 --> 01:42:11,602
There's something that
really resonates for me.
2116
01:42:11,626 --> 01:42:12,626
It kinda gets you.
2117
01:42:14,712 --> 01:42:15,872
(Sighs) There is more.
2118
01:42:16,047 --> 01:42:18,208
I would love to read it
to you, Fred savage.
2119
01:42:18,382 --> 01:42:21,215
"Once again, Wade picked up
the love of his life
2120
01:42:21,302 --> 01:42:23,042
“in his approachably
shredded arms."
2121
01:42:30,436 --> 01:42:31,642
Vanessa: It's all right.
2122
01:42:32,313 --> 01:42:33,598
I'll be waiting.
2123
01:42:34,940 --> 01:42:36,771
It's pretty awesome up here.
2124
01:42:37,193 --> 01:42:39,275
I can have anything I want.
2125
01:42:39,528 --> 01:42:41,644
Can every day be
international women's day?
2126
01:42:41,864 --> 01:42:43,104
It is heaven.
2127
01:42:43,199 --> 01:42:44,199
(Chuckles) (Timer dings)
2128
01:42:48,996 --> 01:42:50,361
(Screaming)
2129
01:42:53,709 --> 01:42:54,915
Time to make the chimichangas.
2130
01:42:55,002 --> 01:42:56,002
30 seconds.
2131
01:42:56,087 --> 01:42:57,327
Hey. Been meaning to ask you...
2132
01:42:57,380 --> 01:42:59,746
What's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
2133
01:42:59,924 --> 01:43:01,664
It's my daughter's Teddy bear.
2134
01:43:02,051 --> 01:43:03,291
Her name's hope.
2135
01:43:03,552 --> 01:43:04,552
Deadpool: Well...
2136
01:43:05,680 --> 01:43:07,466
What are you doing?
2137
01:43:07,640 --> 01:43:09,050
Somebody swiped right.
2138
01:43:09,141 --> 01:43:10,677
(Fast-forwarding)
2139
01:43:19,944 --> 01:43:20,944
(Groans)
2140
01:43:21,654 --> 01:43:24,145
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
2141
01:43:24,657 --> 01:43:25,657
(Deadpool groans)
2142
01:43:27,493 --> 01:43:29,108
Russell: You sacrificed
yourself for me.
2143
01:43:29,286 --> 01:43:30,901
Deadpool: It would seem I...
2144
01:43:33,499 --> 01:43:34,499
Huh?
2145
01:43:35,418 --> 01:43:37,750
Genuine, high-grade lead.
2146
01:43:39,797 --> 01:43:42,584
You time-sliding son of a bitch!
2147
01:43:42,758 --> 01:43:44,339
You did this for me?
2148
01:43:46,220 --> 01:43:48,711
Wait. You can't go back.
2149
01:43:49,348 --> 01:43:50,588
You used the last of your fuel.
2150
01:43:50,683 --> 01:43:52,298
What about your girl, your wife?
2151
01:43:52,476 --> 01:43:55,718
No, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
2152
01:43:57,231 --> 01:43:59,517
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
2153
01:43:59,692 --> 01:44:00,692
And make sure the world
2154
01:44:00,776 --> 01:44:02,687
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
2155
01:44:03,404 --> 01:44:06,271
No. You did it for me.
2156
01:44:07,032 --> 01:44:08,363
No, I didn't.
2157
01:44:08,534 --> 01:44:09,819
You did. I really didn't.
2158
01:44:09,994 --> 01:44:11,834
Pretty sure you did.
No, I'm positive I didn't.
2159
01:44:11,871 --> 01:44:13,532
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
2160
01:44:13,706 --> 01:44:16,288
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
2161
01:44:16,459 --> 01:44:18,459
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
2162
01:44:18,627 --> 01:44:20,959
We must get the collar off.
Forget it. It's no use.
2163
01:44:21,130 --> 01:44:22,441
These collars
don't just come off.
2164
01:44:22,465 --> 01:44:23,465
Wade.
2165
01:44:24,592 --> 01:44:26,173
I have an idea.
2166
01:44:26,635 --> 01:44:28,626
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!
2167
01:44:28,804 --> 01:44:31,090
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
2168
01:44:31,265 --> 01:44:34,382
Oh, gosh! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.
2169
01:44:34,602 --> 01:44:36,638
(Collar buzzing)
Russell: We need the code.
2170
01:44:36,812 --> 01:44:38,598
Try, uh, seven?
2171
01:44:38,773 --> 01:44:40,229
Deadpool: Settle down,
captain lucky.
2172
01:44:40,399 --> 01:44:41,730
It's not gonna be one number.
2173
01:44:41,901 --> 01:44:43,061
Oh, god, that's lazy writing.
2174
01:44:43,986 --> 01:44:45,317
I still got it.
2175
01:44:46,947 --> 01:44:48,278
(Deadpool groans)
2176
01:44:48,365 --> 01:44:50,447
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
2177
01:44:52,036 --> 01:44:53,822
I don't know how to thank you.
2178
01:44:53,996 --> 01:44:55,486
But I do know how to hug you.
2179
01:44:55,915 --> 01:44:57,121
No. Yes.
2180
01:44:57,291 --> 01:44:58,747
Here we go. Bring it in.
2181
01:44:58,834 --> 01:44:59,834
Come on.
2182
01:44:59,960 --> 01:45:01,245
Pelvis to pelvis.
2183
01:45:01,420 --> 01:45:02,660
Let's go tummy to tummy.
2184
01:45:02,838 --> 01:45:05,329
There we go. The kids
call this tummying.
2185
01:45:05,424 --> 01:45:06,459
(Knife unsheatheys)
2186
01:45:06,550 --> 01:45:08,131
Is there a knife
in my lower extremity?
2187
01:45:08,302 --> 01:45:09,712
There's a knife
in your leg, yeah.
2188
01:45:09,804 --> 01:45:10,884
I'm just gonna back up now.
2189
01:45:11,013 --> 01:45:12,449
Yeah, yeah.
No need to go full yentl.
2190
01:45:12,473 --> 01:45:15,135
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
2191
01:45:15,309 --> 01:45:16,924
Let's go home, Russell.
2192
01:45:20,898 --> 01:45:22,684
All you dirty mutants
2193
01:45:22,775 --> 01:45:25,141
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
2194
01:45:25,319 --> 01:45:28,277
Your souls are
beyond redemption!
2195
01:45:28,447 --> 01:45:29,607
Let's see your soul, perv!
2196
01:45:29,782 --> 01:45:32,489
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
2197
01:45:32,660 --> 01:45:33,740
We're better than him!
2198
01:45:33,911 --> 01:45:36,493
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
2199
01:45:36,664 --> 01:45:38,120
We'll let Karma
take care of him.
2200
01:45:38,290 --> 01:45:41,282
The day of reckoning is here!
2201
01:45:42,002 --> 01:45:43,583
(Tires screeching)
2202
01:45:43,671 --> 01:45:44,831
(Crashing)
2203
01:45:50,636 --> 01:45:52,592
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
2204
01:45:52,680 --> 01:45:53,760
Whoo!
2205
01:45:53,848 --> 01:45:56,214
Courage is my power!
(Deadpool laughs)
2206
01:45:57,309 --> 01:45:58,995
Deadpool: I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
2207
01:45:59,019 --> 01:46:00,779
I could barely keep
a straight face. (Laughs)
2208
01:46:00,813 --> 01:46:02,678
I want some more.
2209
01:46:02,857 --> 01:46:04,222
I bet you do, brown panther.
2210
01:46:04,400 --> 01:46:07,517
We should leave
before fudgernaut wakes up.
2211
01:46:07,695 --> 01:46:09,981
Good call.
You guys coming with us?
2212
01:46:10,155 --> 01:46:11,986
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
2213
01:46:12,157 --> 01:46:13,442
Besides, we're X-Men.
2214
01:46:13,701 --> 01:46:16,283
No, you're x-people.
2215
01:46:16,453 --> 01:46:17,659
You're exhausting.
2216
01:46:17,830 --> 01:46:19,491
I see what you did there. Puns.
2217
01:46:19,832 --> 01:46:20,947
Our door's always open.
2218
01:46:21,125 --> 01:46:22,885
That's kind, but I'm not
ready to date again,
2219
01:46:22,960 --> 01:46:23,960
let alone two women.
2220
01:46:24,712 --> 01:46:26,794
Bye, Wade! Bye, yukio!
2221
01:46:26,922 --> 01:46:28,537
(We belong playing)
2222
01:46:29,800 --> 01:46:30,800
Deadpool: What do you get
2223
01:46:30,885 --> 01:46:32,070
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
2224
01:46:32,094 --> 01:46:33,129
One pinch of courage...
2225
01:46:33,304 --> 01:46:34,419
A cup of good luck...
2226
01:46:34,597 --> 01:46:36,007
A dab of racism...
2227
01:46:36,181 --> 01:46:37,261
A splash of diabetes...
2228
01:46:37,433 --> 01:46:40,140
And a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
2229
01:46:40,311 --> 01:46:42,347
Answer: A family.
2230
01:46:43,063 --> 01:46:46,055
See? [ Didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
2231
01:46:46,233 --> 01:46:47,627
If there's anything
you take away today...
2232
01:46:47,651 --> 01:46:50,518
Other than the need to Google,
"what the heck is dubstep?”...
2233
01:46:50,696 --> 01:46:53,984
It's that we all need
to belong to someone.
2234
01:48:47,354 --> 01:48:48,719
Okay, there we go. Here we go.
2235
01:48:48,814 --> 01:48:50,179
(Moans)
2236
01:48:50,274 --> 01:48:53,766
After-credit scenes.
I love after-credit scenes.
2237
01:48:53,944 --> 01:48:55,184
They feel so private, you know?
2238
01:48:55,362 --> 01:48:56,881
'Cause it's just you in
the theater. Everyone's left.
2239
01:48:56,905 --> 01:48:58,145
Here's the curtain. Peek, peek.
2240
01:48:58,282 --> 01:48:59,592
Fred: But you know something,
you know?
2241
01:48:59,616 --> 01:49:01,481
(Laughs) You stayed.
2242
01:49:01,827 --> 01:49:02,827
(Deadpool sighs)
2243
01:49:18,927 --> 01:49:20,667
How something so small generates
2244
01:49:20,763 --> 01:49:22,594
enough energy
to reverse time is...
2245
01:49:22,765 --> 01:49:24,721
Oh, just fix it, eleven,
2246
01:49:24,808 --> 01:49:26,639
or I'll take it
to the genius bar.
2247
01:49:26,810 --> 01:49:28,410
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
2248
01:49:28,520 --> 01:49:29,520
Never heard of him.
2249
01:49:29,605 --> 01:49:31,061
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
2250
01:49:32,316 --> 01:49:35,308
The lord works in
mysterious ways, don't I?
2251
01:49:35,486 --> 01:49:36,942
Have a good day.
2252
01:49:37,529 --> 01:49:38,644
Bye, Wade!
2253
01:49:39,031 --> 01:49:40,146
Bye, yukio!
2254
01:49:41,450 --> 01:49:43,281
That was probably a bad idea.
2255
01:49:43,577 --> 01:49:44,577
What have we done?
2256
01:49:45,120 --> 01:49:46,951
(If I could turn back time
playing)
2257
01:50:02,805 --> 01:50:04,761
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
2258
01:50:04,848 --> 01:50:06,179
(Both panting) (Gasps)
2259
01:50:10,979 --> 01:50:12,435
I'll be right back!
2260
01:50:14,274 --> 01:50:17,061
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
2261
01:50:17,528 --> 01:50:18,528
Whoo!
2262
01:50:20,155 --> 01:50:21,395
Deadpool: Peter!
2263
01:50:21,573 --> 01:50:22,938
Whoo! X-force!
2264
01:50:23,117 --> 01:50:25,324
Walk away! Just walk away!
2265
01:50:26,203 --> 01:50:27,989
But we're x-force!
Nope, we're not!
2266
01:50:28,163 --> 01:50:29,619
X-force is just a marketing tool
2267
01:50:29,706 --> 01:50:30,850
designed by fox executives...
2268
01:50:30,874 --> 01:50:32,535
To keep Josh brolin employed.
2269
01:50:32,709 --> 01:50:33,994
It doesn't exist.
2270
01:50:34,169 --> 01:50:37,457
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
2271
01:50:37,631 --> 01:50:39,212
And I need to feed my cat.
2272
01:50:39,383 --> 01:50:41,749
Go home, sugarbear. Go home.
2273
01:50:41,927 --> 01:50:45,169
Okay. Will you give
domino my email?
2274
01:50:54,106 --> 01:50:56,017
Wade, is that you?
2275
01:50:58,402 --> 01:50:59,733
I guess stryker finally
2276
01:50:59,820 --> 01:51:01,276
figured out how to shut you up.
2277
01:51:04,408 --> 01:51:05,408
(Gunshot)
2278
01:51:07,786 --> 01:51:10,869
Hey! It's me! Don't scratch!
2279
01:51:10,956 --> 01:51:13,038
Just cleaning up the timelines!
2280
01:51:13,542 --> 01:51:15,157
(Whispers) Love you!
2281
01:51:17,462 --> 01:51:18,918
Welcome to the big leagues, kid.
2282
01:51:20,382 --> 01:51:21,382
(Gunshot)
2283
01:51:23,510 --> 01:51:25,421
You're welcome, Canada.
2284
01:51:25,512 --> 01:51:27,719
(If I could turn back time
continues playing)
2285
01:56:51,296 --> 01:56:53,332
Deadpool: "The end."
2286
01:56:54,716 --> 01:56:55,716
Fred: Just in time,
2287
01:56:55,800 --> 01:56:58,086
because I have lost almost
all feeling in my legs.
2288
01:57:00,514 --> 01:57:02,220
Ooh. No, they feel fine.
2289
01:57:02,390 --> 01:57:03,390
Can I go?
2290
01:57:03,558 --> 01:57:05,139
As you wish.
2291
01:57:06,269 --> 01:57:07,269
(Fred grunts)
2292
01:57:07,354 --> 01:57:08,935
That must feel good.
Yes, thank you.
2293
01:57:09,105 --> 01:57:10,105
Deadpool: Yeah.
2294
01:57:12,567 --> 01:57:14,228
Come on. Whoa! Easy, now. Hey.
2295
01:57:14,402 --> 01:57:15,983
Easy, now.
There you go. Come on.
2296
01:57:16,154 --> 01:57:17,860
Take it slow. Take it slow.
Baby steps.
2297
01:57:18,031 --> 01:57:19,550
I can't feel my legs.
I can't feel my legs!
2298
01:57:19,574 --> 01:57:20,689
Deadpool: I know. Yeah.
2299
01:57:20,867 --> 01:57:23,859
You've been asleep for
three days, buddy. Come on.
2300
01:57:24,037 --> 01:57:25,823
Fred: Three days?
Deadpool: Yeah! Three days.
2301
01:57:25,914 --> 01:57:27,314
Fred: I've been here
for three days?
2302
01:57:27,374 --> 01:57:28,851
Deadpool: (Laughs) Yeah!
Fred: Why so long?
2303
01:57:28,875 --> 01:57:30,019
Deadpool: Oh!
Fred: That's too long!
2304
01:57:30,043 --> 01:57:32,083
Deadpool: Uh, can somebody get
this guy a Starbucks?
150328
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