All language subtitles for Champaign ILL s01e02 Loop De Loop Fastballs.eng

(music playing over radio)

Fuck.

I mean, we had it all.

Now where are we?A bar and grill.

I'll do you one better, dawg.

We never had it all.

Lou had it all.

We were just kind of there.

At best, we were"had it all" adjacent.

-We are in a fuckingbar and grill. -You know what I can't

get out of my head?

The image of our best friend'sskull shattering?

I mean, of course that.I mean, RIP forever, baby.

-May you rest in power. -I meant, I'm talking about Courtney, dude.

Like, pfft.Like, seeing her reminded me

of, like, all the stuffI left behind.

Like, I loved her, man.

And we were gonna get married. Instead, I spent the last

15 years trying to win someinternational suck-n-fuck-athon.

Player,

I got a 1600 on my SATs.

I'm a legal genius.

I was supposed to go to Yaleand change the world.

Now the only thing I'm goingto change are the sheets

on an air mattress becauseof Taffy's fucking splashback.

I mean, we are fucked, bro.Like, forever.

No, man.

That's bullshit!

This crew doesn't give up.

If Lou was here--which I believe he is,

'cause I believe the deadare around us at all times,

but that's a largerconversation--

he would want thisto be a wake-up call.

-Listening.-We can stilllive sick lives, bro.

-Yes.-I can still get Courtney,

and you can still go to Yale.

Preach. Now take me home, daddy.

'Cause this isour time, motherfucker!

-Yeah!-For Il Lou the Sickest!

Is Peter Berg directingthis moment?

-'Cause I'm fucking amped!-Well, I think he is.

-Yes!-'Cause we're about to blow uplike Patriots Day, motherfucker!

-Oh! He done did it.-Boom!

ALF: Courtney! Courtney Riley?!

Oh, God...

Courtney! Courtney!Courtney Riley?

Oh, hey, Court.

Hey. Hello.

What are you doing here?

I still love you.

Yep. There it is.

Now, I understand if you'restill a little upset...

You mean 'cause of howI had a full ride to Stanford,

but chose Illinoisto be with you,

and then you chose to go beLou's paid friend instead?

And then I didn't see you againuntil... he died?

Yes. Okay.

But have you consideredthe possibility that,

you know, maybe,our detour was good for us?

'Cause before you pickthe ice cream you want to buy,

it's smart to, like, try

all the different flavors.

You know, from chocolateto vanilla to...

I'm trying to thinkof a yellow ice cream flavor.

Like... bananacustard? Yes?

My point is, Asian girls.

My real point is:

Court, you aremy favorite flavor.

I'm not askingyou to marry me.

I'm not even asking youon a date.

I'm just an old friendasking another old friend

to grab a cup of joe,you know, see what happens.

I'm married.

Yeah, well, in a worldwhere most marriages

end in divorce...

You know, in a world where notevery pregnancy goes to term...

Get out.

(laughter)

(Alf laughs mockingly)

-(tapping continues)-(Taffy whines)

Family...

I have an announcement.

Oh, are you finallycoming out?

(laughs)

Shayna, be niceto your brother.

In this climate, Shayna? Really?

And, Mom, I didn't take itas an insult.

Anyway, I have decidedwhat I'm gonna do

with the rest of my life.

I will be attendingYale University.

Please hold your applause...

until right now.

Ground beef.

Wow, Ronnie, Ithink I can speak

on behalf of the whole familywhen I say... how?

-(Shayna and Agnes laugh)-It's simple, Shayna.

I was acceptedto Yale University.

Then I deferred.Then I deferred the deferment.

Now that deferment is up,so, Yale, here I come.

Go Bulldogs.

-Beans.-Okay, but have youactually talked to Yale?

'Cause I can't imaginethat they'd, you know,

honor a deferment after a year,let alone 15 years.

-Well...-Just feels like a lotof time has passed.

News flash, Shayna:they're gonna.

-Cheese.-SHAYNA: Okay. Great.

Congratulations.

Except, um, I was doing somelight googling on my phone--

uh, somethingyou can't even afford

to keep operational.

(Shayna and Agnes laugh)

Oh, come on, Ron.

It's funny because it's true.

It says that Yalecosts over $250,000

for four years.

-So...-Tomatoes.

When you're a genius like me

and you got a 1600on your SATs,

they pretty much roll outthe red carpet for you.

Pretty much pay youto go to school there.

-Tomatoes.-Oh, I don't wantto keep poking holes in this.

Then don't. Thenstop poking holes.

Yeah, but, like,I hate to be this person

-right now. Yeah, I don't...-You hate to be this person?

'Cause you've got a smileon your face.

-I'm not smiling.-Ear to ear.

That's howmy face lands, okay?

-I have resting smile face.-Well, then, God forbid

a child ever comesin contact with you,

'cause they would be frightened.

When I have my child,they're gonna be so happy

'cause they're gonna seethis smiling face all the time.

Oh, when you have your child.You don't think that boat

-has sailed?-I have folliclesfor days, motherfucker.

You kids used to be so close.

-Lettuce.-SHAYNA: You really think

that Yale is going to acceptyour SAT scores

after all these years?

You're an old man.

-Why wouldn't they?-Because they replaced

the SAT with the ACT,like, 100 years ago.

But good luck with that. I alsohave an announcement to make.

-(tapping on glass)-AGNES: Oh!

What is it, Shayna?

I am about to openmy fifth candle kiosk.

-(screams, laughs)-Oh, wonderful!

-I know.-Wonderful.

♪ You're my brightand shining star. ♪

Well, we gave it a shot, huh?

Hey, you want to dosome of this oxy

that my dad gotfor his foot surgery?

-We just agreedthis crew doesn't give up.-Ha ha!

(laughs)I was just testing you.

You know, I don't--I don't even like pills.

You know, unless you have someand want to do them

in celebrationof us not giving up, but...

This is just, like,a minor hiccup.

(laughs):Honestly, thank God.

We almost made huge mistakes.

Doing oxy in the middleof the day, you mean?

I'm glad that Courtneyshut me down.

I mean, I could've donewithout the whole office

laughing in my face.

But I bet that we don't havea thing in common anymore,

you know? (laughs)

I need to findlove for Alf now.

Not Alf then.

You're so right.

You know, I'm gladI'm not tethered to Yale.

You know, I could've donewithout the laughter, as well.

But I'm sure that there'sanother university

that is better suitedto the Ron that I've become.

-Exactly.-And fuck Yale.

I'm gonna go retake the SATs,which are now called ACTs.

I'm-a torch them shits.

I'm-a get a scholarship

to any universityI goddamn please.

I'm gonna goon a normal date for once.

Instead of fuckinganything that moves

like I'm a guest at Westworld.

That's a way better idea.

-You know? -All right.

Normal dates.

Where do you even find,like, a pedestrian woman?

Like, what, do you, like,walk around the sidewalk

and wait for oneto pop up or...?

You got to go on, like,a dating app, like Raya.

That's where Mobypulls all his fucks.

Dating apps? Bro, you do knowthat I'm good-looking, right?

And so are they.

These dating appsuse math to link you up

with the one girlin the entire universe

that you have the mostin common with.

That's how Bella Hadidmet The Weeknd

and how Selena Gomezmet The Weeknd

and how one can only assume

The Weeknd will meetwhoever is next.

Oh, all right, then.I can fucks with this.

So, like,the most important thing

when you're filling outthese online shits

is that you need to picka good picture.

Whoa!

Man, relax, bro.

That's a lot of picturesof your dick on there, man.

(laughs) Why are they allin tiny costumes?

They're dollclothes, all right?

And they're not tiny.

I'm a Mattel extra large.

You send people pictures of yourdick dressed in doll clothes?

Dicktures. Hey, look, I'ma sex and love addict.

I want love, but Ineed snizz. All right?

Besides, nowadays millennialsexpect a quality dick

and a sense of humor.

Well, I don't wantto critique you

because you are clearlysome kind of an artist...

although I do thinkthat if you're looking for love,

you might want to startwith a picture of your face.

Yeah, no, I can see that.

LAFONSO: Hey, Alfy, dinner's ready.

Come to bed.

(groans)

-You sure you don't wantto stay?-Oh, yeah.

I'm-a have dinnerat my house. At a table.

-Later.-Good luck, pimp.

Peace, player.

ALF (laughs): Uh...

uh, where is the minivan?

(sighs)My mom's a real dickhead.

But I think it's way chillerto go to Lou's memorial

all humble andshit, right?

All right, then.

("Wobbin" by Packy playing)

♪ Run it, run it ♪

All right, man.

Skrrt, skrrt, let's do it.

♪ When I come around,got the whole thing wobbin ♪

♪ Wob-wob wobbin,wob-wob wobbin ♪

♪ When I come around,got the whole thing wobbin ♪

♪ Wob-wob wobbin. ♪

RONNIE: Such a fucking bummer, dude.

(melancholy music playing)

Pretty nice turnout.

Yeah, I mean,the man was beloved.

Hey, man, what's upwith the 5-hour Energy?

How many hours of energya motherfucker need?

72. I found outthere was an ACT test

in three days, so I'm gonna do

a back-to-back-to-backall-nighter sesh.

Is that safe?

It's how I studiedin high school.

I smoked that examlike the CIA smoked Biggie.

-And Tupac.-And the bees.

Mm-hmm.

-Mmm.-Hey, Mrs. P.

Hey, Mrs. P.How you holding up?

Well, you know.

I wanted to talk to you boys.

I've been going overthe final details on everything,

trying to figure outwho should get what.

And you two were Lou'sdearest friends.

If anyone deserves something...

something substantial, it's you.

Oh, well, no, we couldn'tpossibly accept.

The memories are morethan enough for us.

No. I've made up my mind.

-Who are we to argue?-I know not to tusslewith you, Mrs. P.

-It's what Lou would've wanted.-And that's what's important.

And we reluctantly accept.

Good.

Now, I know this is gonnaseem like too much, but...

MAN: Excuse me, ma'am. Where would you like these flowers?

Oops. I'll be right back.

You want to, um, just saywhat you were gonna say

before you head out?No? Okay.

-(chuckles)-Yes.

(sighs)Oh.

Oh, brah. So, I mean,what do you think we gonna get?

-Just straight cash?-Could be the cars.

Could be, like, Craig.

I would take it.

It'd be good to have,like, an assistant.

It would teach ussome responsibility.

I mean, we'd have to feed himand stuff, probably.

-You don't think she'd payfor the food for Craig, too?-Oh.

-Probably.-I'm sorry.

Now, what was I saying?

-I don't remember.-I think it wasin the area of, like,

something substantialbeing given to us.

-That's right.-Of course.

I put a lot of thought into whatLou would've wanted you to have,

and then it was obvious.

Lou.

Yeah.

Would've wanted usto have what?

Lou.

Would want us to have...?

Lou.

It's such an honor.

Ugh. I mean, worth morethan any possession.

To be in charge ofa man's final resting spot?

-Forget about it.I mean, honestly,-(chuckles)

there's, like,nothing I'd rather have.

Yeah.

So, where's your head at?

I don't know. Maybe wedrop him on Mount Fuji?

Wimbledon?

The rooftop at the Delano?

He said multiple timeswhen we were there,

"If I die, bury me here."

He also said thatabout Fatburger one time.

That's true.

It was kind ofhis go-to compliment.

Yeah. I mean, it's gotto be perfect, you--

-(phone chimes)-Oh.

Oh, just got my first hitfrom that dating app.

You got your phoneworking again?

Yeah. My dad put meon his company plan.

That's cool.

You still carry thewalkie-talkie, though, right?

What, like, out in the world?

Like a militia man?

W-What if I needto google something?

You're gonna haveto walkie-talk me through it.

Oh, this chick is crazy hot.

Whoa.

You got a 99% compatibility.That never happens on there.

Check her Insta.

And she just moved herefrom Iowa.

Don't you have familyin Iowa?

Wait, she likes restaurants.

You like restaurants. You guysare basically the same person.

So, basically, my first hitis the woman I'm gonna marry.

Ronnie, do you seewhat is happening right now?

Oh, yeah. Th-The, uh...

-Bruh, Lou sent methe perfect chick.-Lou.

He is guardian angel-ing usfrom heaven.

Oh, Jews don't believein heaven.

That is insane.

Lou's up there right now,getting fucked up with Jesus,

FDR, Macho ManRandy Savage,

André the Giant,Bam Bam Bigelow...

I-In your head, you believethat Jesus's crew in heaven

is one ex-presidentand a bunch of wrestlers?

Nah, brah, you know Jesusrolls hard with WWF ghosts.

Talking 'boutmotherfuckin' Big John Studd,

fuckin' Rowdy Roddy Piper,

fuckin' Junkyard Dog,

Ultimate Warrior,Gary Hart,

Owen Hart, Dean Hart...

Mm...

Someone should've really"Saving Private Ryan"ed

that last Hart kid.

ALF: It is staggeringhow many of them guys is dead.

♪ Backwood in one hand ♪

♪ Double cup in the other hand ♪

♪ Feeling like P. Diddy 'causeyour girl just made my band ♪

♪ Eat the pussy like Pac-Man,Pac-Man ♪

♪ Might not call her again,yeah ♪

♪ Up all night getting rowdy,getting rowdy ♪

♪ Don't talk about it,be about it, yeah ♪

♪ Don't talk about it,be about it, okay ♪

♪ Don't talkabout it, be about it, okay ♪

♪ Don't talk about it,be about it, we about it ♪

♪ We about it, we about it,we about it... ♪

(woman moaning in pleasureon video)

(indistinct chatter)

Ta-- Uh, Tasha.

-Alfonso?-Yeah.

-Hi. Um... That's okay.-Ooh. Yeah.

-Sorry, I'm-I'm so nervous.-That's okay. (chuckles)

I mean, I've never been on a--on a date before.

Not, like, a formal date,you know? Like--

It's not like I've never beenwith a girl. (chuckles)

-(chuckles)-I've slept with over hundredsof 'em, so...

Okay.

-That's a red flag. -Oh. No.

Well, not in,like-like, a gross way.

I was inthe music industry,

so, like, a lot of them girlsare, like, really high-end.

No, wait.I'm-I'm...

Uh, I'm sorry. Look, uh,

the truth is,I've been a dog my entire life.

But my best friendjust died, and...

I'm trying really hardto be different, you know?

To, like, really take it slow

with a-- with a good girl,so I don't die alone.

Wow, that's... really sweet.

You know,I'm in the same kind of space.

I mean, I had sexwith so many guys.

Should we order or...?

RONNIE (voice-over): "Joe andBrittney want to get married,

"but they're worriedthey might be related.

"Joe's mother Gert's father,Darrel,

"has a sister, Judy,whose son, Earl,

"is Tammy Lynn's twin brother.

Are Joe and Tammy Lynn'sdaughter, Brittney, related?"

(Southern accent): "Excuse me,I'm Joe's granddaddy, Darrel."

(feminine voice): "And I'mDarrel's niece, Tammy Lynn.

In 1981, I was crownedMrs. Mr. Pibb."

(screechy voice): "And I'mBrittney, Tammy Lynn's baby

and Joe's second cousin."

Yes. Joe and Brittneyare related.

(Southern accent): "Like howAlf and Tasha are related."

Yes, just like how--Wait, what?

"Uh, brother Earl here.

"Didn't you think a 99.7% matchwas a little fishy?

"Or that both their familiesare from the same tiny town

in Iowa, you fat fuck?"

Not sure body shamingis necessary.

(feminine voice):"Well, how 'bout the fact

"that they have 73 Instagramfollowers in common,

even though they've never met,Dr. Chubby Cheeks?"

All that could just bea coincidence.

(deep voice): "Then whydoes she have a picture

"of the Webb family reunionon her feed, you chunk?

-I'm Tammy Lynn's baby."-Oh, dear.

Sir, i-if you leave, you fail.

I accept that,

because I need to go stop myfriend from fucking his family.

Stormshadow! Stormshadow!This is Pubes!

Abort! She's kin!

(laughing)

No, but-- and then, at thebottom of the e-mail, it said,

"Sent from my iThumbs.

-Please excuse the tyfos." -No.

Look, if you're tryingto be clever

with your iPhone signature,

you might as wellgo straight to hell,

like, via 9/11 2.

-(laughing)-(laughs) Stop.

You're so crazy.

(laughing)

Look, um, I know we said that,

you know,we were gonna take things slow,

-we weren't gonna go hometogether...-Yep.

...but does the date haveto end right now?

-No. Of course not. -Oh.

You know what I mean?Like, I think we are

two mature adultswho are completely capable

of just, like, going on,like, a walk,

you know, without making love.

-Yeah. We're mature.We can do that. (chuckles) -Yeah.

-Yeah.-But it is chilly outside.

I live right aroundthe corner from here.

-Okay, let's go.-Okay.

♪ ♪

-(horn honks, tires screech)-Hey!

♪ ♪

(laughing)

(both laughing)

-God, you're amazing.-Aw.

And hotter thana double-peckered billy goat

-in a pepper patch.-In a pepper patch.

Uh... (laughs)I've literally never heard

anyone else usethat phrase before.

Really? My Grandpa Wesleyused to say it all the time.

-My grandpa Eddie did, too.-Oh.

God, these dating appsdo not fuck around.

♪ ♪

-Out of the way!-(woman screams)

-Hey!-(horns honking)

♪ ♪

-Yeah. Iowa's finest, baby.-(chuckles)

Oh. Oh, yeah. You're from Iowa.

You know, my dad'sgot family there.

Do you know the Litmans?

You know, unimportant.

'Scuse me! Out of the way!

♪ ♪

Shayna, get out of the way!

Out of the way...!

-SHAYNA: Hey! -(gasps)

-What the hell?! -(gasping)

You piece of shit!

I'm telling Mom!

-(moans) Oh, my God.-Oh, my God.

-Oh, my God!-(moans)

Alf!

(pants)

(snoring)

-(school bell rings)-(mumbles)

(clock ticking)

Oh, God.

-(panting)-It's so amazing, like...

-It's like it was meant to be,you know?-(moaning) Yeah, yeah.

-Don't stop, okay? Don't stop.-Oh, yeah.

-Like, you know,we talk alike, and...-Mm-hmm.

-our familiesare from the same place.-Yeah.

-And, like, you havea grandfather named Wesley.-I do.

I have a great-uncle named Wes--

-Oh, God.-Oh, God.

-Oh, God!-I'm co--

I'm co--

-I'm co... usins with you.-Oh, God!

(panting)

Uh...

(Tasha exhales)

We should probably doa 23andMe.

And a Plan B.

Yeah.

(music plays quietly)

It's just a small hiccup,you know?

Just got to figure out what thenext move is, right, Captain?

Let me know wh--

Where are we headed next?

There is no next move.

We're fucked, Ron.Like, forever.

What are you talking about?You said that it's not too late

for us, that we couldstill live fucking...

dope-ass lives.

(laughs)

You think I was gonna finda better girl than Courtney?

What?

I've had sexwith 600 women since her,

thinking each onewas the one,

and none of them were.

600?

Oh, sorry. 601.

Yeah, I almost forgotabout my fucking cousin.

Thanks for that, by the way.

"Oh, a 99% match never happens."

Well, it does when you sharethe same fucking DNA.

Are you seriouslyblaming that on me?

(stammers) That is someprojection and a half, homie.

I-I was just simplylooking out for you.

You know what?Maybe we're better off

trying to figurethis thing out on our own.

-What are you saying?-Oh.

You're a fucking idiot.

I am a genius!

Are you? 'Cause all I seeright now is a fuckin' burnout

who lives in a dog's room,who just got a fuckin' donut

on his ACTs.

Look around, Ron.

Most people live sad,pathetic fucking lives, okay?

These people right here,

that dude in afucking Kangol hat,

Jesus Christ, thesemotherfuckers in this booth,

drinking only water-- y'allbeen here for 20 minutes,

y'all got waters,y'all poor.

They're called"normal people."

And now so are we.

And the sooneryou accept that,

the happier you'll be.

Well, you know what?Not happier,

just slightly less suicidal.

Fuck these walkie-talkies.

AGNES: Okay, Ronnie, we're leaving.

We'll just be gonea couple of days.

Here's some moneyfor pizza.

Now, do not forget to feed

-our little Laffy Taffy Doo-dah.-(groans): Oh, God.

-(Agnes smooching)-We have a car waiting, Agnes.

-I'm gonna miss you, Taffy. Bye, Ron.-(stifled cough)

-(door closes)-(exhales)

(coughs loudly)

(line rings)

MAN: Hello?

-Oh, h-hello. Mr. Saunders? -Yeah. What's up?

Yes, well, I'd love to tellyou about Midwest Bell's

-new One Rate Long Distance... -What?

Like I want a fuckin' landline.I'm not your mother.

-Although I fisted her, you fuckin' piece of shit. -Oh, my God.

Good.

Better.

Uh, but remember,we never hang up.

Whatever they're saying,it's not personal.

Just let roll off your back.Let me show you.

(line rings)

-WOMAN: Hello?-Hi, Jen.

-Yeah?-Now, I can tell by your voice

that you're probablyin your early 20s.

And I know what you're thinking:"I don't need a landline."

But I promise you, I wouldn'tinconvenience you if I didn't...

Whoa, this is so funny.

I was just thinking about getting a landline.

Jen! Every year I makehundreds of phone calls

to folk all over the U.S.

for organizingour family reunion,

-and I can save you up to... -Wow, a family reunion?

I'm surprised you're so social,

'cause by the sound of your voice,

I'm guessing you're a super lonely, morbidly obese,

impotent shut-in.

Ooh, with, like, some kind of bad facial hair

you hope is creating a jawline. It's not.

You know, the kind of guy whose family wishes

that instead of picking up the phone to harass them

about some lame reunion, he'd just pick up a gun

-and finally end his miserable... -Oops.

Almost had her. Heh-heh. Lunch?

Yeah.

-♪ I said I was high ♪-(doorbell rings)

♪ I said I was high... ♪

RONNIE: Kanye. Oh, my God.

Thank you so much for gettingon the phone with me.

Um, this is, uh, Lou's boy, Ron.

Yep. Uh, the white one.

Not sure if I wouldcall myself annoying.

But listen, I was just wondering

if you had any openingsin your crew.

No, I know there are no handouts. I mean...

What about, like, Pusha T's crew?

Hey, it's Lou's boy, Ron. I thought my friend told you

he was gonna be calling you.

Oh, that little dick. He can'teven get an annulment right.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

RONNIE: Busta Bust!

What up? It's, uh,it's Lou's boy, Ron.

LeAnn?

(laughs):Oh, my God.

I have you in my phoneunder Rimes.

Um, now that I have you, uh, you don't, um, I don't know,

like, have a crew, do you? Understood.

You don't have Busta's number,do you?

What about Shonda's?

(chuckles)Rough night for Ron.

♪ ♪

(growling)

(barking)

(whimpering)

♪ ♪

RONNIE: Yo, Alf,I know you're mad at me,

but if you get this message,my snake just did cocaine.

Oh. It's tryingto suck my dick, yo.

(screams)

Taffy! (wails)

It's not what it looks like.

(phone buzzes)

(scoffs)

Dude!

Oh, hey, Courtney?What the...

what are you doing here?

So you don't call or e-mailor write for 12 years,

and now you're stalking me?

-Are you okay?-No.

Look, Courtney,my life is destroyed.

All right? You're the onlygood thing I have left.

But you don't have me.

Get it?

I never want to see you again.

Well, then why not sendyour husband out, huh?

I mean, maybe...

maybe you want to see mea little bit?

Because I'm not married, okay?

Not that it's any of yourbusiness, but I decided

to have a kid on my own.

You know, that isvery progressive.

-Very Wonder Woman of you.-See, I learned

at a very young ageto never rely on a man.

I loved you, Alfonso.

(choked up):And you really fucked me up.

RONNIE (over walkie-talkie): Stormshadow, this is Pubes.

Over.

You scared the shitout of me, dude.

And did you forgetthat I hate you?

I hate you, too, dawg, but just hear me out.

We told Lou's mom we'd find a place for his ashes,

and I think I found the perfect spot.

Just... can you please give me a chance?

Ronnie,

why would we spread Lou'sashes in a stupid apartment?

Because... you were right,Lou is guardian angel-ing us.

Okay, check it.

I was in my mom's living roomgetting yelled at

like a little kidbecause Jake ate Taffy...

-Wait, what?-It's kind of a long story.

Actually, it's a short story.

Jake fuckin' housed Taffy.

It was in that moment

that Lou spoke to me.

Wait, what?

He talked right to me,

through the television.

AGNES: How could yourip my heart out?

My heart gets beaten,

then thrown on theground and stomp on it!

What did youcome home for?

I should have just kicked youout when you were a toddler

-and watched you crawl away...-LOU (echoing): Ron. Ron.

-Lou? -Yeah, I'm talkin' to you.

What the fuck, man? I'veonly been dead for a minute.

Keep the crew together, fat boy.

(chuckles)

RONNIE: And that was when I knew what I had to do.

-I had to sell Jake.-What?

You love that fuckin' snake.

Jake "The Snake" The SnakeRoberts and I were close, but...

bros before boas,and I stand by that.

So I flipped himfor first and last month's

for our new apartment.

Because Ghost Loutold me

that if this crewstays together,

we could be unstoppable.

I'm listening.

We got soft.

All we remember werethe good times.

We don't rememberhow hard the climb was.

Like, was week oneof our comeback a little rough?

I ejaculatedinto a family member.

And I got news for you,

week two ain't gon' beno picnic, either.

(chuckles)Okay.

Yeah, maybe notthe voice, but okay.

-Noted. I will watch iton that voice.-Thank you.

But this crew startedfrom the bottom once before.

Uh-huh, all right,now you rollin', papi.

-All we need is you...-Uh-huh.

-me...-Uh-huh.

...and Lou.

You done placed themotherfuckin' urn.

Done placedthe motherfuckin' urn.

Maybe you are a genius,you son of a bitch.

Lou is gonna bewith us always.

Maybe not in body,but in spirit...

and ash.

It's that classic "Angelsin the Outfield" scenario.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's gonna turnour pop flies into home runs,

and our fastballsinto loop-de-loop fastballs.

I was thinking more literalthan that, but yes.

Yeah, I could fucks withthis place-- we could put

-like a hot tub right here,you know what I mean?-Uh-huh.

-Yeah, maybe put a hot tubright here.-Yeah. Two hot tubs.

Two hot tubs. You walkin' away,you're like, "Which hot tub?"

-"I don't care."-I'm telling you, dude...

this feels right.

You know, there'snowhere in the world

Lou would rather be thanour comeback headquarters.

You got a lighter?I'll trade you a key.

-Deal.-Deal.

All right.

So, what's the next stepin our grand comeback tour?

Honestly, just gettingthis apartment done

feels like a huge step for me.

Oh, off the charts,off the charts.

Plus, the way that I presentedeverything to you, like,

having the urn in the cupboard,then being like, "Butt out!"

You know, that's like hittinga walk-off granny,

so I'm kind of spent.

This does feel like anatural stopping point.

-Okay, so fresh eyes tomorrow?-Fresh eyes tomorrow.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Whoa-ho!

-Oh, my God, dude!-Eh.

One of my superpowersis my girth.

Yeah, man.Not that long.

-Yeah, very short, but very fat.-But so...

so thick it's almost round.

Yeah. Yep.It's a disk.

It... it's true,you don't have a dick,

-you have a disk.-I have a disk.

So a misspelling turnedinto an opportunity for me.

Yeah. That's crazy.

How did you get a bolofor the cowboy one?

Oh, you just make a littletiny small one. It's easy.

-It's real easy to do.-Did you make that?

-Is that seaweed?-Uh-huh.

That was from myAtlantis costume.

But look at how manypictures there are.

It's the volumethat is...

-astonishing.-Yeah, whatever.

Hello, I'm Sam Richardson

and I play Alfon the show you just watched.

Thank you for watching.

Please subscribe.

You can do that by clickingright down there.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0