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Dr. Crypt Keeper,
2
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:36,626
I'm not the one with the problem here,
she is.
3
00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:40,188
Relationships aren't about
who's right or wrong.
4
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,791
Look, do you remember
how you felt about each other
5
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:45,099
when you were newly bleds?
6
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:49,505
Do you want to feel the same way
you felt at your marriage scare-emony?
7
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:50,736
Good.
8
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:54,746
Then let go of what you find
irritating about each other
9
00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:57,749
before it gross too far.
10
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:03,817
Which is the kind of advice the young
couple in tonight's tale should take.
11
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:07,348
They're fiends and lovers
whose relationship is clot
12
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:09,987
between a rock in a horrid place.
13
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:13,999
I call this one "Cold War. "
14
00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:39,149
I thought you said this
beautiful borough had a bank.
15
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,813
- Shut up.
- How sweet, Ford.
16
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,152
Do you French kiss
your mother with that mouth?
17
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,486
Nice one.
18
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,490
I said shut up, both of you.
19
00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:52,162
It's here somewhere. Just keep an eye out.
20
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:45,943
Get a move on, Cutter. Come on.
We haven't got all night here.
21
00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:56,292
The bank's just up ahead. I know it.
22
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,590
Ain't here, mate.
23
00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:01,031
Oh, well, I don't remember asking you,
ass bag.
24
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,467
Maybe you should pay more attention
to the pecking order round here, huh?
25
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:10,070
Not on the face! Not on the face, okay?
Chill out, Cutter. Just chill.
26
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:14,307
All I'm trying to tell you, boss,
is it ain't here,
27
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,542
'cause it ain't here.
28
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,820
It used to be a bank,
now it's a launderette.
29
00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:25,921
Damn it.
30
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,052
I'm sorry, baby.
31
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,089
What do you want to do now?
32
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:36,395
I got a plan.
33
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:47,846
You know the routine.
Just keep it running.
34
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:53,783
Ford, don't be such a wanker.
35
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,844
This isn't a good idea and you know it.
36
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,652
I don't know what a wanker is
and I don't care.
37
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:01,956
Look, a man's gotta do
what a man's gotta do.
38
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,859
Who ever heard of putting
a Laundromat in a bank?
39
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,659
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
40
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,256
It's a bad omen.
41
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,233
Let's just get back in the car.
42
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:10,997
No can do, princess.
43
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,698
I was really looking forward
to robbing that bank, you know that?
44
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:16,003
I know. But there'll be others.
45
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:19,806
I'm telling you, this whole thing's
giving me a bad feeling.
46
00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:24,773
Don't do this. I mean it.
47
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,619
Come on, what's your problem?
48
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:30,622
We must've done a thousand jobs
like this before now.
49
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:33,284
Only the bad guys had guns, remember?
50
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,694
Look, what could possibly go wrong?
51
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:44,493
Okay, party people,
let's put our hands up in the air,
52
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,437
and lets all wave them around
like we just...
53
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,239
Shit.
54
00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:01,244
Ford, if they don't kill you,
I'm going to do it myself.
55
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,981
Yeah, promises, promises.
56
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:06,047
Hey, be cool, kids.
Okay, let's just be cool here.
57
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,820
I'm a firm believer
in the teachings of Buddha,
58
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,691
and like the fat man always said,
59
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:13,095
first come first served,
so we'll just be backing out of here...
60
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,861
Do not move.
61
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,232
Not in my face. Anywhere but in my face.
62
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:23,001
Come on. Here.
63
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:29,340
Drop your gun. Drop it.
64
00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:32,680
I'll just put it here. Just put it there.
65
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:33,844
Drop it, bitch.
66
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,683
- Bitch?
- Shit.
67
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,017
Who the hell do you think
you're talking to?
68
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,425
- No!
- Drop it or he's dead!
69
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:44,292
In your dreams.
70
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:47,059
I'm gonna wear your ears
on a fucking necklace, Kato.
71
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,896
Don't call me Kato, bitch.
72
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,300
Then don't call me bitch, Kato.
73
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,007
Cam... Cam... Cammy... Cammy!
74
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,608
You've got every right to be breathing
fire here, no one says you don't.
75
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:10,884
But the spray on that bird gun
is pretty wide, honey.
76
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,288
Your point being?
77
00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:14,952
Well, my point being, we've got a better
chance of getting out of here alive
78
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,187
if you use what's between your legs
79
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:19,425
instead of that thunder stick
in your hands.
80
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,296
I suppose you're right.
81
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,460
Put the gun down, please.
82
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:34,640
You win.
83
00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:40,778
Gotta nick me some matches. Laid it out!
84
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:47,548
Cammy!
85
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:04,971
Go on, baby!
- You bitch.
86
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,168
Run!
- Go!
87
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,613
So long, Cutter!
88
00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:20,452
Come on, Cammy!
89
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:26,531
Come on, baby!
90
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,767
Bye, bye, Cutter.
91
00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:31,359
Wait for me.
92
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:36,440
- What did I tell you?
- We'll discuss it later! Just drive!
93
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,913
Oh, shit.
94
00:09:57,129 --> 00:10:00,462
Come on, baby.
Come on. You can do it.
95
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,933
Here. Have some of this.
96
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:05,993
Okay.
97
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,569
Is that better? Is that better?
98
00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:16,307
It's gonna be all right.
99
00:10:18,417 --> 00:10:21,147
Careful. Careful.
100
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,389
I'm doing my best.
101
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:29,392
Hold still. I can't find it.
102
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,926
Well, of course you can't find it.
That's the wrong leg.
103
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,129
Well, how was I supposed to know?
104
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,729
- There was a hole there.
- Well, that's an old hole.
105
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,673
The new one
with the slug in it is in this leg.
106
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,211
Fine, if you're gonna be
such a wanker, do it yourself.
107
00:10:46,278 --> 00:10:48,178
Oh, there's that word again.
108
00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:50,442
I mean, it's not like
you haven't been shot before.
109
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:52,950
Why do you always have to make
such a big deal out of it?
110
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:56,113
Because each and every time it happens,
it still hurts!
111
00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:57,712
Here, let me show you.
112
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,351
You bastard!
113
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:05,920
Ah, quit your crying. It barely grazed you!
114
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,466
I could have done some serious damage
if I wanted to!
115
00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:10,092
You people are making
too much noise.
116
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,899
Shut up, Shavey!
Don't make me come up there!
117
00:11:14,907 --> 00:11:19,674
Right, that's it, Ford. No more.
I'm through letting you treat me like shit.
118
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:23,272
Good. Go on, then, leave. You'll be back.
119
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:27,046
And to the women God said,
"Your yearning will be for your husband,
120
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:29,246
"and he will dominate you. "
121
00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:31,221
Genesis 3:16.
122
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,356
Not this time.
123
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:36,884
Yeah, well, that's what you said last time,
and the time before that.
124
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:38,623
Besides, who else would have you?
125
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:42,691
- Plenty of men.
- Wrong. The answer is nobody.
126
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:45,430
Don't you see? That's our bond.
127
00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:48,098
We're in this together.
We're two of a kind.
128
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:50,199
I don't believe that anymore.
129
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:53,837
- People are more accepting.
- People are shit.
130
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:57,041
Look, go on! Go, if you wanna go so bad!
131
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,186
- Ford!
- Go on! You'll be back!
132
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,614
You'd better hope not.
133
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:07,887
'Cause if I do, you're gonna regret it.
134
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:16,060
- I'm leaving.
- Eat one!
135
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:38,448
JIMMY: Excuse me, barman,
can you help me out here?
136
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:43,016
I just hit town
and I'm looking for a friendly face.
137
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,757
Yeah? What is it you want?
138
00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:52,401
Look around you, man.
I think that's pretty obvious, huh?
139
00:12:52,471 --> 00:12:56,305
I mean, do you see any big titties
rubbing up against me?
140
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:57,399
Do you see me doing the bump
141
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,501
on the dance floor
with any fine looking bootie?
142
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,705
- No, you don't.
- Well...
143
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:02,941
Mmm-mmm.
144
00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:05,415
I didn't ask you if you could see
any one-eyed, banjo playing,
145
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:08,749
big-headed Deliverance types
with teeth missing
146
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,221
and tattoos on their necks.
147
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,417
Those, my friend,
148
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,689
you have plenty of.
149
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:18,992
No.
150
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:23,763
What I need to know is, where are
all the good looking ladies, man?
151
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:25,736
How many do you need?
152
00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,737
Will one do?
153
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,010
Yeah.
154
00:13:39,084 --> 00:13:40,711
That's fine.
155
00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:10,074
- Hello.
- Hello.
156
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:18,515
What's your name?
157
00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:21,549
And now reality sets in.
158
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:23,087
You don't like reality?
159
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:27,785
Reality sucks. I've had reality up to here.
160
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:31,655
But if you must know,
161
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:36,664
the name's Jimmy. Jimmy Picket.
162
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,497
Hi, Jimmy Picket.
163
00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:45,074
If I said I could change your reality,
would you be interested?
164
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:46,873
Baby, I've been underground for so long,
165
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:51,076
if you dance a little closer
I'll show you just how interested.
166
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:54,779
- I'll take that as a yes.
- In a big way.
167
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:02,643
The holes in my floor...
168
00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:05,857
Shavey! I don't know shit
about the holes in your floor.
169
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,722
Sounds to me that you've been
smoking the crack again, buddy.
170
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:12,594
Guns are illegal.
Every Tom, Dick and wanker knows that.
171
00:17:12,664 --> 00:17:15,827
Wanker? I'll give you the wanker.
Every time you making the noise...
172
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:21,168
Wankers. Sounds like some fucking
breakfast cereal to me. Wankers!
173
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:28,546
I told you you'd come back, didn't I?
174
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:31,611
Cammy?
175
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:38,445
Cammy?
176
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:47,421
Cammy?
177
00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:51,194
Ford.
178
00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:58,309
What the hell have you been doing
all day, baby?
179
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,368
I think you mean "who. "
180
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,714
Hey, that's my robe!
181
00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,616
That it is.
182
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:15,890
- This the guy you were telling me about?
- That's him.
183
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,189
I expected more.
184
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:24,633
Hang on a minute.
Is this your big idea of revenge?
185
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,029
With this guy?
186
00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:33,970
Okay, okay, I apologize. I'll never shoot
at you again. Now get rid of him.
187
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:37,311
Too late, Ford. This is my new partner.
188
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:38,905
So...
189
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,312
Eat one!
190
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:46,986
You can't partner one of them.
191
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,822
Jeez, I can't even believe
you let him do you.
192
00:18:48,894 --> 00:18:50,361
Take another shower, Cammy.
193
00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:52,897
- The thought of it's making me sick.
- You racist little prick.
194
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,330
Maybe it's time somebody
taught you some manners.
195
00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:56,162
- Jimmy, no!
- He doesn't get it, does he?
196
00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:58,999
Oh, I get it all right.
You're gonna be my bitch.
197
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,868
Superfly, chill out.
198
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,066
Look, this isn't about
the color of your skin.
199
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,939
In my world
there's only one thing that determines
200
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,910
who rates and who doesn't.
201
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:10,346
Simply put, are you alive or are you dead?
202
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,921
Any more questions?
203
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,551
Bastard! I hate it when you do that!
204
00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:24,528
I thought we agreed.
After Cutter, no more humans.
205
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:27,394
Then stop treating me like shit.
206
00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:29,730
I'm tired, Ford.
207
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:30,995
I want out!
208
00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:35,233
There is no way out.
Face up to it, we belong together.
209
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,469
Now tell me why?
210
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:42,739
You know the answer. Tell me!
211
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:44,941
Because we're zombies.
212
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,680
That's right.
We're ghouls, the walking dead.
213
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:49,880
Whatever you want to call us,
214
00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:52,549
we're no longer
a part of the world out there.
215
00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:55,350
The living can't be trusted.
216
00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:57,122
Neither can the dead...
217
00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:06,268
Zombies.
218
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:10,206
You can stick your dick in them,
but you wouldn't want to feed off one.
219
00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:11,842
Let me go!
220
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,675
Ford, you gotta believe me.
221
00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:15,872
I didn't know.
222
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,439
Okay, baby. I'm coming, baby.
223
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,242
I'm sorry!
224
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:42,106
You ever tasted zombie blood?
225
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:45,405
It's putrid, like beer that's gone bad.
226
00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:50,779
One sip and you are shitting
your stomach lining into the bowl.
227
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:54,250
I gotta hand it to you, bloodsucker,
you paint a pretty picture.
228
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,651
Trouble is not one word of it's true.
229
00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:59,589
He's right. We're no different than you.
230
00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:03,594
Blasphemy! Your kind are garbage eaters.
231
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:08,599
Mindless, lazy critters
who live off of the flesh of the dead.
232
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:11,602
You feast on what
we vampires throw away.
233
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:17,336
Now, bow down to me, bitch,
and show your master some respect.
234
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:20,675
What did you call me?
235
00:21:20,746 --> 00:21:23,943
A name worthy of your species.
236
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:25,982
Dog.
237
00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:27,109
Hey.
238
00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:29,983
You're gonna regret that.
239
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:36,693
Bitch. That's what I thought you said.
240
00:21:36,762 --> 00:21:40,721
Kiss my zombie ass, motherfucker!
241
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,466
Bull's-eye!
242
00:21:51,009 --> 00:21:52,601
Going somewhere?
243
00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:57,413
I'm going to tear your head
from your shoulders
244
00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:59,143
and shit down your throat.
245
00:21:59,217 --> 00:22:03,677
Tell it to someone who cares.
You can't kill us, we're already dead.
246
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:06,918
He's right. Fight's over, Count Chocula.
247
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:11,554
You can walk away peaceful or in pieces.
Your choice.
248
00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:14,258
No! Not the face! No guns to the face!
249
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:17,029
See? We're not that different after all.
250
00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:19,662
Men, all vain as shit.
251
00:22:21,306 --> 00:22:24,673
Hey, zombies. Y'all so easy.
252
00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:28,469
Out we go!
253
00:22:43,395 --> 00:22:44,987
WAITER: There you are.
254
00:22:45,964 --> 00:22:51,334
So, vampires can turn into bats
and fly away before they hit the ground?
255
00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:54,062
Does that really make them
that different?
256
00:22:54,139 --> 00:22:55,436
Mmm-hmm.
257
00:22:55,841 --> 00:22:59,106
Okay, maybe you've got a point,
but it doesn't give them the right
258
00:22:59,177 --> 00:23:02,010
to treat us like second-class citizens.
259
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,243
If I ever see that
blood-sucking rodent again,
260
00:23:05,317 --> 00:23:08,616
I'm gonna break both his wings.
261
00:23:08,687 --> 00:23:12,521
No, those snobbish vampires
don't have anything on us.
262
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,684
That's right.
263
00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:19,492
Things will be a bit different now,
but we'll manage.
264
00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:23,022
I mean, we both can't be the pretty one.
265
00:23:23,101 --> 00:23:26,093
Oh, did that shotgun hurt you?
266
00:23:27,839 --> 00:23:30,774
Here, let me help you with that, sweetie.
267
00:23:31,209 --> 00:23:33,734
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
268
00:23:36,681 --> 00:23:37,909
Oh!
269
00:23:38,650 --> 00:23:40,880
There, there.
270
00:23:40,952 --> 00:23:43,113
Don't you worry.
271
00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:45,949
I'll take care of you.
272
00:23:46,958 --> 00:23:49,290
Don't really have a choice.
273
00:23:49,861 --> 00:23:53,228
After all, we're two of a kind.
274
00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:01,197
Shit.
275
00:24:06,411 --> 00:24:08,470
I guess Cammy and Ford
276
00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:12,779
won't be joining
Jimmy's fang club anytime soon.
277
00:24:12,851 --> 00:24:17,288
Still, I do see a little blight
at the end of the tunnel for them,
278
00:24:17,355 --> 00:24:20,222
if Ford's new look gross on her.
279
00:24:23,161 --> 00:24:27,359
So, how's our struggle
with wife and death?
280
00:24:27,432 --> 00:24:29,366
Are we happy?
281
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:35,535
Looks like they'll be
headed for divorce corpse instead.
282
00:24:36,535 --> 00:24:46,535
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