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1
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:04,805
[music playing]
2
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:08,709
And this is our kitchen.
3
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,678
Well, kitchen area.
4
00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:12,446
Ooh, very exciting.
5
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:15,849
[yawns] And yet I
yawned for some reason.
6
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:16,984
Do you have any cappuccino?
7
00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:18,452
We don't have a
cappuccino machine.
8
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,088
Espresso?
9
00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:20,988
Instant coffee?
10
00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,323
[sighs]
11
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:23,457
I'm assuming
you have a kettle?
12
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,326
Of course we have a kettle.
13
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,261
Tom, your mom wants
her kettle back.
14
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,829
But I was just going
to make Monica coffee.
15
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:29,730
Oh, Monica.
16
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:31,031
Come down to the real kitchen.
17
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,233
I'll make you something decent.
18
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,601
Mm?
19
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:34,702
OK.
20
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,104
Is it just me, or does
your mom still think
21
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,105
you and I are kind of a joke?
22
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,072
No, no.
23
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,273
I mean, that's
just how mom talks.
24
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,741
It doesn't mean
anything, right, Monica?
25
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:42,110
Boring.
26
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,245
I think the question is why
don't you have your own stuff?
27
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:46,780
Oh well, you know the
saying, the best things in life
28
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,716
aren't things.
- Yeah, that's not true.
29
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:51,285
The problem is you haven't
had a bridal shower.
30
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,186
Oh, no.
31
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,121
I don't believe in--
32
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:54,222
Still boring.
33
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,223
Look, I'll tell you what.
34
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,457
We're going to organize
a bridal shower.
35
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,392
You invite all of
mom's rich friends.
36
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:00,328
This place is going to look
like the back of a mob truck.
37
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,329
I don't know.
38
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:05,433
Well, mom does
like to plan a party.
39
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,101
Could be a good chance
for you guys to bond.
40
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:08,402
You think?
41
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,803
So let me get this straight.
42
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,772
The back of a mob truck thing
doesn't really do it for you,
43
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:12,773
but the bonding does.
44
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:16,009
God, you two are so weird.
45
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,911
Thanks for this, Monica.
46
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,147
Your happiness
is thanks enough.
47
00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:20,481
And I get first
pick of the gifts.
48
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,082
Ciao.
49
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:24,185
I'm still worried your
mom doesn't to us seriously.
50
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,919
You are being crazy.
51
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,055
Look, I will make you
a killer breakfast,
52
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,224
and we'll forget all about it.
53
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:33,794
Just got to borrow
the frying pan.
54
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:36,797
[theme music]
55
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:43,504
Can we find a way that
we could be together.
56
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:48,476
Is there any way that
we could be together?
57
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:52,946
And oh, by the way,
baby, do you love me?
58
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:53,947
Yes, I do.
59
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:55,449
Yes, I do.
60
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,951
Yes, I do.
61
00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:58,952
Yes, I do.
62
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:06,927
Wait.
63
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,796
Jessie is having
a bridal shower?
64
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,264
That's awesome.
65
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,865
Yeah, I don't
think we're invited.
66
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,267
No, idiot.
67
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:18,005
See, if Jesse has a shower, that
means you get a bachelor party.
68
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:19,640
It's called status quo.
69
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,041
Do you mean quid pro quo?
70
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,976
Exactly tit for tit.
71
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,111
- It's tat.
- What did I say?
72
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,012
Tit.
73
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,515
[snorts] You said tit.
74
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:28,649
You know, maybe you're right.
75
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,518
A bachelor party
could be a good excuse
76
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,186
to get away from the family.
77
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,287
What's this?
78
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:35,489
Did I hear something
about a bachelor party?
79
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:38,792
Uh, well, party is
kind of overstating it.
80
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:43,631
Tom and I were just planning on
having a nice dinner together.
81
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:46,600
Oh, well, that sounds nice,
girls, but you leave it to me.
82
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,735
I've been known
to plan a bachelor
83
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:48,736
party or two in my day.
84
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:49,637
Oh.
85
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:50,904
Good.
86
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,940
Because that would mean you'd--
87
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,642
you'd come.
88
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:56,777
So for food,
we'll need some hors
89
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,146
d'oeuvres and sandwich trays.
- No problem.
90
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:00,448
I'll call Frangelico's
91
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,250
No.
No Frangelico's.
92
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,117
Their products
aren't fair trade.
93
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,453
Well, first off,
you don't trade.
94
00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,487
You give them money.
95
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,188
Lots, in fact.
96
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,357
I got it, princess.
97
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:11,259
Frangelico's
will be fine, mom.
98
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:13,627
Judith, maybe you and I can
work on the menu together.
99
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,128
Oh, that's OK.
100
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,196
I have it covered.
101
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,065
I'll take care of
drinks and decorations,
102
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:20,301
and I suppose we'll have
to plan some shower games.
103
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:21,201
Like what?
104
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,636
Pin the veil on the bride?
105
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,605
You know that's a
real thing, right?
106
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:25,506
Wow.
107
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:28,709
I am never getting married.
108
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,744
Maybe you and I could come
up with some games together?
109
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:31,745
Oh, that's OK.
110
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,547
I have a book around
here somewhere.
111
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,048
I'll take care of it.
112
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:36,384
I love bachelor parties.
113
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:38,686
Hey, why not have it
right here at the house.
114
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,288
That way, I get to
meet all your chums
115
00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:42,089
and kick their
butt at ping-pong.
116
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,557
[laughter]
117
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:44,958
- Oh, darn.
- Oh.
118
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,427
We're planning on
having it the same night
119
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,128
as Jessie's shower, so.
120
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,930
You guys talking
bachelor party?
121
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:50,898
Evidently.
122
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,132
Well, if you're
looking for a venue,
123
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,401
we could have it at my place.
124
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:54,435
Yeah, I don't think my dad--
125
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,169
- Done.
- Really?
126
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:57,305
Now, listen.
127
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,440
These boys are young,
so I don't blue movies,
128
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,675
but I thought we could get
those little swizzle sticks
129
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:02,810
shaped like naked ladies.
130
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,177
I love those.
131
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:05,979
How they get along.
132
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,215
So invites.
133
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:09,717
Here we go.
134
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,752
They're made from
composted material
135
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,822
and colored with vegetable dye.
136
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,725
Is that barley?
137
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:18,859
Buckwheat.
138
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,394
I took the liberty of
drawing up a guest list.
139
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,896
Hm.
140
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,865
Are these arranged in
order of net worth?
141
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,900
Alphabetical tells us nothing.
142
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,536
I have a list of my
friends too, Judith.
143
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:29,703
Should we combine them?
144
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,238
No, that's fine.
145
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:32,940
Why don't you send
your invitations,
146
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,041
and I'll send mine.
147
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:37,210
There's no point in
overcomplicating things.
148
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:40,481
We're-- we're really
starting to bond.
149
00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:43,317
Yeah, I'm jealous.
150
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:44,918
The only reason I
agreed to a shower
151
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,287
was to bond with your mom,
and now she won't let me.
152
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,656
Whatever do you mean?
153
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:51,058
Well, I keep suggesting fun
things we can work on together,
154
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,225
you know, as a team--
155
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:53,126
OK.
156
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,328
Stop right there.
157
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,396
What?
158
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,698
My mom doesn't exactly
do the team thing.
159
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,667
You want to connect
with her, there's got
160
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:02,069
to be a little give and give.
161
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:06,273
And stay away from words like
together and team and fun.
162
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:07,908
What does that mean?
163
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:09,209
Tagging along.
164
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,211
So if I want your
mom to like me,
165
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,614
I'm supposed to just
follow her around and agree
166
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:14,682
to whatever she wants?
167
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:18,386
No, I-- yeah, actually,
that's it exactly.
168
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,421
I'm going to write that down.
169
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:21,321
How did you say it again?
170
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,322
It was really concise.
171
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,758
Tom!
172
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:25,959
Look on the bright side.
173
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,729
My dad could be
planning your shower.
174
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,698
Your father might throw
a good bachelor party.
175
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:31,599
You don't know.
176
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:32,700
Yeah, I do.
177
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,937
My dad's not good at parties.
178
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,507
If either party
disagrees with my decision,
179
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,208
they can file what's
called an appeal.
180
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:42,876
Now, an appeal-- yes.
181
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,912
Can you cast spells
with your hammer?
182
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:45,813
I'm not a wizard, kid.
183
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:46,714
I'm a judge.
184
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:47,815
And this a gavel.
185
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,717
OK?
186
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:54,154
My friends come to this party,
and I can kiss my rep goodbye.
187
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,055
Really?
188
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:56,056
Rep?
189
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:56,957
No good?
190
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:57,858
Yeah.
191
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,226
Nobody talks like that anymore.
192
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:01,462
I'll tell you one thing.
193
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:04,598
Our friends come to this party,
you can kiss your rep goodbye.
194
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,099
So what do I do now?
195
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,300
That's simple.
196
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,437
We party with your two
dads at the Hill's place.
197
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,539
I wish you wouldn't
call them my two dads.
198
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:14,575
But we tell the boys to
meet us at the frat house,
199
00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,344
where the real party kicks in.
200
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:20,280
After your father nods
off watching Fox News.
201
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,181
The frat house?
202
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,950
Yeah, the frat house!
203
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:26,053
I mean, we've got [inaudible],,
beers, guys acting like idiots.
204
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,120
Cool.
205
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,756
So like any other night
of the frat house,
206
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:31,492
except there won't be girls.
207
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:32,593
Well, jeez.
208
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,227
When you say it like
that, it sounds lame.
209
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:35,463
Oh, wait.
No.
210
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:36,864
There's going to be a stripper.
211
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:38,732
[laughs] I forgot to
mention the stripper.
212
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,000
I would have lead
with the stripper.
213
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:40,634
Yeah.
Good note.
214
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,610
I don't think
the shower guests
215
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,211
are going to want to play a
Hannah Montana board game,
216
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:52,312
sweetie.
217
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,447
There's a drinking version.
218
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:59,587
Anything I can do to help
with party prep, Judith?
219
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:00,521
I don't think so.
220
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,122
- Invitations?
- Taken care of.
221
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:03,090
Decorations?
222
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,224
Picking them up right now.
223
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,125
Music?
224
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:06,026
Got plenty of CDs.
225
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:10,798
Wow.
226
00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:12,766
These are great.
227
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,702
Michael Bubl ?
228
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:17,838
"The Lighter Side
of Michael Bubl ."
229
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,840
You're really good at this.
230
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,942
Thank you, Jessie.
231
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:26,914
Um, could I come with you
to pick up the decorations?
232
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,549
I've already chosen the
color scheme, you know.
233
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:29,149
Oh, yeah.
I know.
234
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,484
I know.
235
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:33,120
I just-- I thought it might
be fun to maybe carry a box.
236
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,254
[laughs nervously]
237
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,255
Sure.
238
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:36,624
Why not?
239
00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:37,525
OK.
240
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:48,802
That was fun.
241
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,038
I'm glad we got to
spend time together.
242
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,039
You know what?
243
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,006
I am too.
244
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:54,374
You sound surprised.
245
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,476
Well, I usually do this
sort of thing on my own.
246
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,278
Oh, that's silly, Judith.
247
00:07:58,378 --> 00:07:59,780
You're not a control freak.
248
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,017
Who said I was?
249
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,586
Nobody.
250
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,254
Hey, here's something.
251
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,389
Did you know I've always
loved those jeans on you?
252
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,591
Yeah.
253
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:14,361
You have such great taste
in high-waisted pants.
254
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:15,262
Really?
255
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,463
Yeah.
256
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:18,899
Maybe someday you can show
me where you buy them.
257
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:22,570
Well stores are
open for another hour.
258
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,537
Oh.
259
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,437
Taxi!
260
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,116
Oh, let me help you, there.
- Oh, thanks.
261
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,654
Oh, tonight's really
going to be fun.
262
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,723
Way better than
Tom's bachelor thing.
263
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:43,691
Oh, I don't know.
264
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:45,559
Ben throws a pretty good party.
265
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,860
[chuckles]
266
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:51,264
And then they burned
my village down.
267
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:59,973
[clears throat] OK.
268
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:03,276
Well maybe wedding night stories
weren't such a great idea.
269
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,078
What say we kick this
party into high gear
270
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,748
with a little Chateaux Hill?
271
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:08,882
Yes.
All right.
272
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:09,783
Oh, no, no.
273
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:10,884
Phil, I-- I can't allow that.
274
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,486
These boys are under age.
275
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,222
I'll see you later.
276
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:16,389
Where-- where are you going?
277
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:17,290
Anywhere but here.
278
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,765
These are Judith's friends?
279
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:28,535
They're a little more candle
and sandal than I expected.
280
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:29,569
These are my friends.
281
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:30,437
Oh.
282
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:31,504
Oh, they're nice.
283
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:32,572
Yes.
284
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,975
They're--
285
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,476
A, we need a corkscrew.
286
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,111
And B, where the hell
are mom's friends?
287
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,012
It's early.
288
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,347
The party just started.
289
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:41,849
I didn't suggest this so I
could walk away with a bunch
290
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:42,950
of hand-knitted tea cozies.
291
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,118
I want my weight in
cold, hard appliances.
292
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,120
You said you just
wanted one gift.
293
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,822
I renegotiated the
terms of our agreement.
294
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,724
You weren't there.
- But--
295
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,559
Corkscrew.
296
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:53,526
[sighs]
297
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,044
Jessie.
298
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,080
You never mailed the
invitations to your friends?
299
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:13,981
Wait.
300
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:15,582
It's not as bad as you think.
301
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,785
It's not that I don't like you.
302
00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:21,154
It's just that I haven't
told any of my friends
303
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:24,591
that Tom got married to you.
304
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,159
How is that not
as bad as I think?
305
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,527
OK.
You're right.
306
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,529
It is as bad as you think.
- You know what?
307
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,398
This party was a terrible idea.
308
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,104
I've been to worse.
309
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,011
This was fun.
310
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,279
You know, how come you never
had a shower for your wedding,
311
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,614
Tara?
312
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:50,183
Because Phil and I never
actually got married, remember?
313
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,218
That's great.
314
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,519
Mm.
315
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:55,422
You know, Jerry and I have
an open relationship too.
316
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,725
We don't have an
open relationship.
317
00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,159
Yeah.
No.
318
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,160
Well, we-- we don't either.
319
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,865
Hey Jess, you OK?
320
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:05,766
Great.
321
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:09,069
Just great.
322
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,871
Come on, I know
that you're upset.
323
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,505
Spill.
324
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,307
Tom's mother didn't
invite any of her friends
325
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,675
because she's embarrassed
Tom married me,
326
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,210
and she's never going accept me.
327
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,411
She's a miserable shrew.
328
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,048
And those high-waisted
jeans chafed my rib cage.
329
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:24,217
Man, when somebody
says spill, you spill.
330
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,253
Everyone, I would
like to propose
331
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:29,322
a toast to a very special lady.
332
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:32,726
I think you all know
who I'm talking about,
333
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:35,896
our hostess, Judith Bellow.
334
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,598
Party planner
extraordinaire and someone
335
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,601
who obviously loves
Jessie very much.
336
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,536
Everyone, to Judith.
337
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,438
To Judith.
338
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,374
To Judith.
339
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:48,842
[dice rattling]
340
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,012
Yahtzee!
341
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,347
Woo!
342
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,284
Man, oh man,
this place is dead.
343
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,219
You sure you gave your
friends the right address?
344
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,421
More so with each
passing second.
345
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:05,392
Boy, I could use a soda pop.
346
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:06,960
How's the real pretty going?
347
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,962
Check it out.
348
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,731
I did not know a
dog could funnel beer.
349
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,566
Man, I can't believe
we're missing this party.
350
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:16,103
I thought your dad
would be asleep by now.
351
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,972
It's 8:30.
How old did you think he was?
352
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,673
I don't know.
70?
353
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:21,909
What are you guys looking at?
354
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:25,512
Oh, uh, an application
that tracks climate change.
355
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:26,613
Apparently, it's
still happening.
356
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:28,248
Let's see.
357
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,417
Well, now that is a party.
358
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,451
[laughs]
359
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,752
what is this?
360
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,255
Oh, this is going
on right now, is it?
361
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,689
Uh, yeah.
362
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,892
I guess the guys
at the frat house
363
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,060
are having a thing tonight too.
364
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,129
I guess if you boys
would rather go there,
365
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,496
it's all right with us, huh?
366
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,697
- Seriously?
- Sure.
367
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:45,698
Why not?
- All right.
368
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:46,599
Yeah.
369
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:47,534
[laughter]
370
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,003
Whose care we taking?
371
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:50,904
Oh.
372
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,476
Well, we're about
to start the games.
373
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:57,477
Are you coming?
374
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,412
I guess I didn't
get my invitation.
375
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:00,580
I deserve that.
376
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:01,882
Why don't you just
admit that you still don't
377
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,951
take this marriage seriously?
378
00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:05,919
All right.
379
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:08,121
I don't take it seriously.
380
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,789
You want to know what
really went through my head?
381
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,058
Yeah.
382
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,459
I thought that maybe if I
don't tell my friends that
383
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:16,029
my 18-year-old son got married,
then maybe I won't have to tell
384
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,130
them when he gets divorced.
385
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,832
[scoffs] I--
386
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,567
I can't believe
you just said that.
387
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:21,935
Well, don't ask
the question if you
388
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,871
don't want to hear the answer.
389
00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:26,006
We're not going to
get divorced, Judith.
390
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,274
We love each other.
391
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:28,575
You don't know what love is.
392
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,143
You met when you were children.
393
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,478
So what?
394
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:35,849
When I met Ben, I was an
adult. I remember every detail.
395
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:39,152
His crisp blue blazer,
the sweat on his upper lip
396
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,321
as he hurled insults at
the no nukes protesters.
397
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,423
That's when I knew he
was the one for me.
398
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:47,760
I just want my son
to have what I have.
399
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,829
Instead, he marries
the girl next door.
400
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:50,730
[scoffs]
401
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,631
That's not love.
402
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:52,866
It's convenience.
403
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,302
Well, thank you
for clearing that up.
404
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:56,203
I've got to go lie down.
405
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,977
[sighs] Um, we're
out of salmon thingies.
406
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,779
[music playing]
407
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,418
- Ah!
- Oh!
408
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:12,319
[laughter]
409
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:15,088
[cheering]
410
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,826
[inaudible]!
411
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,094
How do they know you?
412
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,931
I was the condom rep on
campus for a couple of weeks.
413
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,632
How do you think they
learned how to play Frisbeer?
414
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:29,669
Yo, you are nuts.
415
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,438
This might not be so bad.
416
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,572
[laughter]
417
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:33,473
Hi.
418
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:34,374
Narc!
419
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:41,348
OK everyone, we're going
to play the newlywed game.
420
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:42,983
So we quizzed Tom with
a bunch of questions,
421
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,151
and now we're going
to see how well
422
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:46,086
Jessie knows my idiot brother.
423
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:48,488
I mean, her loving
husband, who's an idiot.
424
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,890
And if she gets the answer
wrong, she has to take a drink?
425
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,259
No.
426
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,427
So the first question comes
from Tara, mother of the bride.
427
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,698
All right.
428
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:02,669
For 10 points, what did Tom
say his favorite fast food
429
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,137
restaurant was?
430
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,705
Does it matter?
431
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:08,541
No one thinks this marriage
is going to last anyway.
432
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:09,609
I'm sorry.
433
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,179
The answer we were
looking for was Arby's.
434
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:13,246
Arby's.
435
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,147
Yeah.
436
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,583
[music playing]
437
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,289
Hey Bellow, is that your dad?
438
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,091
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
439
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,959
Thanks, buddy.
440
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:26,893
He's old.
441
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:27,794
[laughs]
442
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,298
And he's killing his liver.
443
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:32,199
Huh?
444
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:33,133
All right, everybody.
445
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,269
Knock it off!
446
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:39,039
So even though you boys
have an exam on Monday,
447
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:42,609
you're all in here partying
like a bunch of animals!
448
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:45,578
Well, apparently, I'm going to
have to teach you all a lesson.
449
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:49,782
[music playing]
450
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:53,253
[cheering]
451
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,790
Kroger, I can't get a lap
dance in front of my dad.
452
00:15:57,890 --> 00:15:59,892
Uh, you are now.
453
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:02,795
[cheering]
454
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,243
Oh my God, Ben Bellow?
455
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:17,877
- [laughs]
- Amber.
456
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:18,811
How are you, hon?
457
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:19,712
I'm doing great.
458
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:20,913
How are you?
- Good to see you.
459
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,015
Oh, it's been
such a long time.
460
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,150
We have to catch up.
461
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:24,284
Absolutely.
462
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,053
Listen, go easy on him,
will you, sweetheart?
463
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,120
It's my son.
464
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,321
Oh, [giggles] that's so cute.
465
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,522
Hey!
All right.
466
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:30,423
Here we go.
467
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:33,093
[cheering]
468
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,395
How do you know her?
469
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,397
She's been in and out of
my courtroom a few times,
470
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,898
and I've decided to be lenient.
471
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,133
You know, get her
some counseling.
472
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,702
Apparently it really helped
turn her life around.
473
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,771
But she's a stripper.
474
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,039
Yeah.
475
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,440
But she used to be
an investment banker.
476
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:52,979
What would your husband
like to have more than
477
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,981
anything else in the world?
478
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:58,151
A second shot at happiness
with someone he hasn't met?
479
00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,519
Hm, is everything OK, Jess?
480
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:00,887
Yeah, sweetie.
481
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,422
I mean, I don't want to get all
motherly on you or anything,
482
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,957
but you really
suck at this game.
483
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,426
I'm sorry.
484
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,761
I'm ruining everyone's fun.
485
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:09,962
Let's keep going.
486
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,364
OK, Jess.
487
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,533
Moving on to the next question,
so we can move on to the gifts.
488
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,368
What with Tom say was
the moment the two of you
489
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:16,403
both fell in love?
490
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:23,176
Well, I can't say for sure
what the moment for Tom was,
491
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,946
but I remember mine.
492
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,981
It was the first grade.
493
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:32,452
I was the new kid
and kind of shy.
494
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,188
I looked across the
playground, and there
495
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:44,464
was Tom, in blue overalls,
sneakers, and mismatched socks.
496
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,633
I couldn't take my eyes off him.
497
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,168
And not just because
of the chocolate
498
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,002
pudding all over his face.
499
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,438
It was like time slowed down.
500
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:58,578
He smiled at me, and then all of
a sudden, he shouted, look out!
501
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:02,582
And I turned, and I just missed
being puked on by Ken Paulson.
502
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,251
[laughter]
503
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,720
Tom always has my back.
504
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,493
That's one of the reasons
why I married him.
505
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,596
And it's been that way for
as long as I can remember.
506
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:20,467
I just-- I didn't
realize until now.
507
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:23,236
[women cooing and awing]
508
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,773
Now, a word about vermouth.
509
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,341
Personally, I never
touch the stuff.
510
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,077
But it's always good to have a
little on hand for the ladies.
511
00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:31,978
Huh?
512
00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,713
He's doing the
vermouth speech.
513
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:34,981
This is brutal.
514
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:36,082
Relax, man.
515
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,550
Everyone loves him.
516
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,419
Are you sure they're
not just humoring him?
517
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,287
dude, look.
518
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:41,621
That guy's taking notes.
519
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:44,824
Let's say you find yourself
after work with a date.
520
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,659
No time to go home.
521
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,561
Well, if you don't
have any cologne,
522
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,731
try rubbing a little lemon
rind behind your ear.
523
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,333
Dude, where are you going?
524
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:56,636
This guy is awesome.
525
00:18:56,736 --> 00:19:00,473
Not like that old dude over
there who's trying too hard.
526
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,275
And another charitable
donation to Save the bark
527
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,176
beetle.
528
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:04,411
Thank you.
529
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,279
I told my friends
that you would probably
530
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,680
want to do something
good for the world
531
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:10,250
rather than just collect
these meaningless trinkets.
532
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,551
God, this party sucks.
533
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:12,452
OK.
534
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,187
So why don't we cut the cake?
535
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,222
Where's Judith?
536
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,624
Oh, I think she's
down for the night.
537
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,893
Say hello to a
few late arrivals.
538
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,262
What's going on?
539
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,664
Well, I thought you might like
to meet some friends of mine
540
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,399
from the neighborhood.
541
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,068
So which one is
the lucky bride?
542
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:34,807
Everyone, I'd like you all
to meet Jessie Hill Bellow,
543
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:36,476
my daughter-in-law.
544
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,010
Mazeltov.
545
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:38,911
Come over here.
546
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:39,979
JESSIE: Thank you.
547
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,448
Sorry, Jessie.
548
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,850
I'm just doing the best I can.
549
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:44,984
Why are you crying?
550
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:51,658
Because I'm never going
to get a panini maker.
551
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:53,460
No.
552
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,628
Where did you learn to
hold your liquor like that?
553
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:58,798
Well, son, your grandmother
was a woman of hidden depths.
554
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,099
[zipper unzipping]
555
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,901
Wicked party, Tom.
556
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:04,304
Hey, don't tell your mom
I peed on the hydrangeas.
557
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,473
When did you--
558
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:08,708
Those are your
hydrangeas, Phil.
559
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,543
Oh.
560
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,613
Dad, I have to
confess, I didn't invite
561
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,915
anybody to our bachelor party.
562
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:17,049
I know, son.
563
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,185
You're unpopular, but
you're not that popular.
564
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:20,152
To be honest, I--
565
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,554
I thought you
embarrass me, but--
566
00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:22,455
PHIL: [vomiting]
567
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,591
You didn't totally suck.
568
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:27,327
This is a rite of passage
in a young man's life,
569
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:30,630
to see his father as
a man, not just a dad.
570
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,766
So when do I get that
lesson on the perfect martini?
571
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:34,667
When you're 25.
572
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:43,843
Hey, how was your night?
573
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,345
Mm.
574
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,679
I'm so glad to see you.
575
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,014
I feel the same way.
576
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,483
[moaning]
577
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,453
[vomiting]
578
00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:54,921
Oh, [laughs].
579
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:08,368
Well, all things considered,
it was a perfect day.
580
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:09,268
Really?
581
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:11,070
Well, it sounded pretty rough.
582
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:13,473
You mad at Jessie,
Jessie mad at you.
583
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:15,542
Monica going through
everybody's purses for cash.
584
00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:18,110
You do know when you
say all things considered,
585
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:21,748
you're not actually supposed
to consider all things?
586
00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:22,649
Oh.
587
00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:23,816
Sorry, honey.
588
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:26,586
I did get to relive
one great memory, though.
589
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:27,487
Hm?
590
00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:29,689
The moment that we first met.
591
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:30,590
Huh?
592
00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:35,227
Ah, the chairlift.
593
00:21:35,328 --> 00:21:37,730
Was it a gondola?
594
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:39,265
Spain.
595
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:43,570
[sighs] Way to
ruin the perfect day.
596
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:44,837
But it was on the first--
597
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:46,639
Go to sleep, Ben.
598
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:47,540
[claps]
599
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:50,276
Chairlift.
600
00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:51,277
[music playing]
601
00:21:51,378 --> 00:21:55,247
In the glare of their lights.
602
00:21:55,348 --> 00:22:02,355
While the natives kept
repeating ancient jungle rites.
603
00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:06,826
Oh, and once the dusky warriors
began to raise their arms
604
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:13,132
to skies above, and the
natives stepped forth to chant
605
00:22:13,232 --> 00:22:15,835
to his voodoo goddess of love.
606
00:22:18,037 --> 00:22:18,838
Hm-baloo!
607
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,544
[music playing]
608
00:22:30,316 --> 00:22:33,285
[music playing]
609
00:22:33,335 --> 00:22:37,885
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