All language subtitles for The Wayans Bros S05E11 A Country Christmas 1080p WEB-DL DD2 0 H 264-squalorAVC_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,266 --> 00:00:03,166 [instrumental music] 2 00:00:04,216 --> 00:00:05,266 - Here you go. - Thanks. 3 00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:07,000 Have a merry Christmas. 4 00:00:07,330 --> 00:00:10,183 Uh-huh, you know, Santa knows you've been naughty. 5 00:00:10,216 --> 00:00:13,330 Do you wanna take a trip to the North Pole? 6 00:00:13,660 --> 00:00:14,116 Hmm? 7 00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:18,100 What's wrong? What happened? 8 00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:19,366 'Cause I'm black? 9 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,100 Here you go, Marlon. 10 00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:23,100 Try one of these. 11 00:00:23,133 --> 00:00:25,366 Wow, pop, gingerbread men. 12 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,330 Hey, wait a minute. 13 00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:28,300 How come they got three legs? 14 00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:32,660 Because these are gingerbread brothers. 15 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,233 God, I can't stand this holiday traffic, man. 16 00:00:34,266 --> 00:00:36,216 People rubbing up against you all day. 17 00:00:36,250 --> 00:00:39,150 I was on the subway and someone grabbed my butt. 18 00:00:39,183 --> 00:00:41,183 Did you have on brown corduroy pants 19 00:00:41,216 --> 00:00:44,660 and was riding in the D-train? 20 00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:45,383 Yeah, how'd you know? 21 00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:49,266 Uh, um, let me go finish makin' my rounds. 22 00:00:55,266 --> 00:00:56,350 Snap! 23 00:00:56,383 --> 00:00:58,250 Cousin Sheila sent us another fruitcake. 24 00:00:58,283 --> 00:00:59,383 Oh.. 25 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,150 [clears throat] 26 00:01:01,183 --> 00:01:03,830 How about a little tip for Christmas? 27 00:01:03,116 --> 00:01:05,116 I got a tip for you, if you get fired 28 00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:08,116 don't go shootin' your boss. 29 00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:09,316 Oh, look, Shawn. 30 00:01:09,350 --> 00:01:12,160 Cousin Sheila sent a nice little card. 31 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,200 (Shawn) Aww.. 32 00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:17,350 "Dear kinfolk, how do you do? 33 00:01:17,383 --> 00:01:20,160 "Come on down to the farm for Christmas. 34 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:21,316 "We got a huge gala. 35 00:01:21,350 --> 00:01:23,366 "We got turkey, a 20-foot tree 36 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:25,366 and pig feet pie." 37 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,333 Hmm, that sounds nice, but she live too far away for me. 38 00:01:29,366 --> 00:01:34,660 "We also have eggnog spiked with 150 proof homemade whiskey." 39 00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:36,366 [mumbling] 40 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,366 An 18-hour drive in the car with no heat ain't that bad. 41 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,183 Uh, I don't know about Christmas in the south, pop. 42 00:01:43,216 --> 00:01:45,133 From what I heard, lights ain't the only thing 43 00:01:45,166 --> 00:01:46,350 they hang on trees. 44 00:01:46,383 --> 00:01:51,000 That's nonsense. That's exactly what we need. 45 00:01:51,330 --> 00:01:53,116 Classic old-fashioned country Christmas. 46 00:01:53,150 --> 00:01:54,250 - Oh, man. - It's perfect. 47 00:01:54,283 --> 00:01:57,283 It'll remind us what the holidays are all about. 48 00:01:57,316 --> 00:01:59,660 Yeah, I guess. 49 00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:01,116 I mean, it has been a long time since I've really thought 50 00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:04,000 about the birth of baby Moses. 51 00:02:04,330 --> 00:02:06,330 [theme music] 52 00:02:07,830 --> 00:02:08,300 ♪ We're brothers ♪ 53 00:02:08,333 --> 00:02:12,830 ♪ We're happy and we're singing' and we're colored ♪ 54 00:02:13,183 --> 00:02:15,250 ♪ Give me a high five ♪♪ 55 00:02:15,283 --> 00:02:17,830 (male #1) 'Alright, cut and print.' 56 00:02:17,116 --> 00:02:18,383 'Beautiful guys. Dynamite.' 57 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,000 [theme music] 58 00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:31,100 [music continues] 59 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,216 [instrumental music] 60 00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:52,300 Well, everybody. 61 00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:55,000 Here's it is, home sweet home. 62 00:02:55,330 --> 00:02:57,133 Watch it, I gotta go. 63 00:02:57,166 --> 00:03:00,116 I'm so happy to be celebratin' Christmas with my family. 64 00:03:00,150 --> 00:03:01,333 Too bad, moms couldn't come. 65 00:03:01,366 --> 00:03:04,183 Well, you know, it's winter time, she's hibernating. 66 00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:05,366 Oh, Sheila. 67 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,183 Thanks for inviting me. 68 00:03:07,216 --> 00:03:10,330 Oh, you're welcome, Dee. You're like family. 69 00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:12,316 But how come you're not spendin' Christmas with your mama? 70 00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:15,500 She put me out, she says she wanted to spend time 71 00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:18,166 with her 23-year-old Jamaican boyfriend. 72 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:22,000 Ooh. I bet they're jerkin' more than just chicken. 73 00:03:23,660 --> 00:03:24,250 Oh, this is what we wanted. 74 00:03:24,283 --> 00:03:27,233 - A taste of the simple life. - Yeah, this is great. 75 00:03:27,266 --> 00:03:29,500 Now that we've seen the slave quarters 76 00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:31,183 can we go to the main cabin? 77 00:03:31,216 --> 00:03:33,250 This is the main cabin. 78 00:03:33,283 --> 00:03:35,383 Oh, well, my bad. 79 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,216 Sheila, uh, sweetheart. 80 00:03:38,250 --> 00:03:40,000 You need to sue your architect. 81 00:03:40,330 --> 00:03:43,150 - You don't have a toilet. - I got a toilet. 82 00:03:43,183 --> 00:03:45,150 - Where? - See that shelter? 83 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,183 You're talking about that shed, with all them flies on it? 84 00:03:47,216 --> 00:03:49,830 Mm-hmm, right next to the drinkin' well 85 00:03:49,116 --> 00:03:50,233 where we get our water. 86 00:03:50,266 --> 00:03:52,160 (Marlon) 'Oh.' 87 00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:56,316 - That's disgustin'. - Oh, come on, cousin. 88 00:03:56,350 --> 00:03:59,160 You got to toughen up, you in the country now. 89 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,000 Besides, a little E. coli never hurt nobody. 90 00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:04,200 I mean, you don't have nowhere to go inside the house? 91 00:04:04,233 --> 00:04:07,183 - I sure do. - Oh, thank God. 92 00:04:07,216 --> 00:04:08,366 Phew. 93 00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:13,000 - Man, oh.. - You know what.. 94 00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:15,266 Maybe I'll just clench my butt cheeks together 95 00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:19,660 hold it till we get back to New York. Okay. 96 00:04:19,366 --> 00:04:21,250 Um, Sheila. 97 00:04:21,283 --> 00:04:23,366 What happened to the 20-foot tree? 98 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,333 Yeah, what are you doing with Gary Coleman's Christmas tree? 99 00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:30,333 Sheila, you don't have any food, sugar dumplings. 100 00:04:30,366 --> 00:04:33,200 Only thing that I found is six cans of deviled ham 101 00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:35,660 and a box of brownie mix. 102 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:38,116 Don't.. Don't eat that! 103 00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:40,250 Well, back off me, woman. 104 00:04:40,283 --> 00:04:43,500 That's Christmas dinner. 105 00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:45,830 Sheila. 106 00:04:45,116 --> 00:04:49,330 Are you sure that you were prepared to entertain guests? 107 00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:50,300 What's going on, Sheila? 108 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:53,330 Alright. I admit it. 109 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,100 I didn't think you guys'd come if I told you the truth. 110 00:04:55,133 --> 00:04:56,216 Oh, no. 111 00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:59,316 Me and Franklin have fallen upon hard times. 112 00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:03,000 Things have been rougher than a burlap G-string. 113 00:05:03,330 --> 00:05:04,183 Oh.. 114 00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:06,316 That explains where Franklin is. 115 00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:08,383 He left when the going got rough, huh? 116 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,100 Oh, no, Dee. 117 00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:11,383 Franklin loaned hisself out to another farm. 118 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,133 He'll be back in a month. 119 00:05:13,166 --> 00:05:17,000 I wouldn't hold my breath, sister. 120 00:05:17,330 --> 00:05:20,160 I-I just wanted to be around my family 121 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,200 in my time of need. 122 00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,183 - Oh.. There, there. - Alright, cousin. 123 00:05:23,216 --> 00:05:26,150 There is no shame in not having any money. 124 00:05:26,183 --> 00:05:27,233 What are you talkin' about? 125 00:05:27,266 --> 00:05:28,350 That's not what you told 'em homeless guys. 126 00:05:28,383 --> 00:05:29,366 You called 'em some broke-- 127 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,133 Shut, shut, shut your mouth. 128 00:05:31,166 --> 00:05:32,166 Please. 129 00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:35,216 The important thing is 130 00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,133 you have your family here to support you. 131 00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:38,283 Here, let me give you a little something. 132 00:05:38,316 --> 00:05:40,300 Oh, no, but I could take no money from you.. 133 00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:42,330 I insist, I insist. 134 00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:44,133 Uncle John, I could take no money from.. 135 00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,216 My lucky rabbit's foot. 136 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,330 Pop, you could do better than that. 137 00:05:52,660 --> 00:05:53,333 I wish I could, Dee. 138 00:05:53,366 --> 00:05:56,166 But around Christmas time, things get a little tight. 139 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,366 Yeah. Tight like them pants. 140 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:00,366 Hey, look here. 141 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,160 All I know is I'm so hungry 142 00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:04,116 I could eat the corns off pop's feet 143 00:06:04,150 --> 00:06:06,350 and the peas off his nappy chest hairs. 144 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,166 I know where we could get some food. 145 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,316 - Where? - New York. 146 00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:12,100 - Let's get the hell outta here. - Oh, stop! 147 00:06:12,133 --> 00:06:15,150 Come on, everybody. Things ain't that bad. 148 00:06:15,183 --> 00:06:17,250 Every year at the Christmas fair, I make a bundle 149 00:06:17,283 --> 00:06:19,330 sellin' my pigs. 150 00:06:19,660 --> 00:06:22,000 I just need some help around the farm until then. 151 00:06:22,330 --> 00:06:23,283 We don't know nothin' about farming. 152 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,000 No, uh-uh. 153 00:06:25,330 --> 00:06:26,350 Last thing we grew was a Chia Pet. 154 00:06:26,383 --> 00:06:28,116 I'll teach you. 155 00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:30,316 I'll have you farming quicker than Cousin Jasper 156 00:06:30,350 --> 00:06:33,183 can suck the gunk out of some chitlins. 157 00:06:33,216 --> 00:06:35,216 [instrumental music] 158 00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:38,366 [pig squealing] 159 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,266 Hey, hey, relax, man. 160 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,000 Look, hey, dude, I'm on your side. 161 00:06:43,330 --> 00:06:45,216 Uh-uh, see I'm, I'm, I'm Muslim. 162 00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:47,330 See, we down. 163 00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:50,300 See, I'm not about the swinin' and dining, my brother. 164 00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:53,116 See, I know your problem. 165 00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:55,830 You've been hog-winged. 166 00:06:55,116 --> 00:06:56,383 Hamboozled. 167 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,133 You didn't land on ham hock. 168 00:06:59,166 --> 00:07:02,250 Ham hock landed on you, my brother. 169 00:07:02,283 --> 00:07:04,383 [squealing] 170 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,266 Chill out. 171 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:07,350 Chill out! 172 00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:09,283 - 'Chill out!' - What's wrong, cuz? 173 00:07:09,316 --> 00:07:13,000 You look scareder than a sheep at a shepherd's bachelor party. 174 00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:14,283 Oh, She's just flirtin' with you. 175 00:07:14,316 --> 00:07:17,266 Now you go and pour that slop in here the way I showed you. 176 00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,133 Uh, what's in that slop anyway? 177 00:07:19,166 --> 00:07:21,160 Oh, egg shells, corn cob 178 00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:22,133 and a little bit of hotdog water. 179 00:07:22,166 --> 00:07:24,000 All you gotta do is add some pinto beans 180 00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:26,233 and you got pop's chili recipe. 181 00:07:26,266 --> 00:07:29,333 Oh, Marlon, come on over here. I want you help me do something. 182 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,266 Yeah. I'm gonna teach you how to churn some butter. 183 00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,383 Oh, alright. 184 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:33,383 - Okay. - Okay. 185 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,133 Alright, now all you gotta do 186 00:07:35,166 --> 00:07:37,233 is pump the stick up and down. 187 00:07:37,266 --> 00:07:40,160 But you gotta do it fast. 188 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:41,266 Okay. Well. 189 00:07:43,183 --> 00:07:44,333 This is easy. 190 00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:47,830 Hey, you look like you've been doing that 191 00:07:47,116 --> 00:07:49,150 your whole life. 192 00:07:49,183 --> 00:07:50,366 'Just don't let your arm get tired.' 193 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,383 Oh, no. My arm is strong, girl. 194 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,000 Besides, I'm ambidextrous. 195 00:07:55,330 --> 00:07:56,350 See. 196 00:07:56,383 --> 00:07:59,660 Well, I'mma go on over here and, and pick some hay. 197 00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,233 Alright. 198 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,330 (Pops) 'Ow!' 199 00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:07,366 Hey. Stop that. 200 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,250 Uncle John, what are you doing with Franklin's moonshine? 201 00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:14,660 Now what's he gonna say when he gets back? 202 00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:15,150 Why don't you wake up? 203 00:08:15,183 --> 00:08:17,183 He ain't comin' back. 204 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,150 Wow, Marlon, that's great. 205 00:08:29,183 --> 00:08:30,300 Can you go again? 206 00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,233 Uh.. 207 00:08:32,266 --> 00:08:35,150 What do you think I am, Superman? 208 00:08:35,183 --> 00:08:37,216 No wonder why Franklin left your behind. 209 00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:40,283 I don't know about you.. 210 00:08:40,316 --> 00:08:43,160 ...but I ain't eatin' that butter. 211 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,000 [instrumental music] 212 00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:49,366 I kind of like these homemade ornaments. 213 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,500 They give the tree a personal touch. 214 00:08:52,830 --> 00:08:54,150 A little too personal for me. 215 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,830 Look here. I found a angel.. 216 00:08:58,116 --> 00:08:59,316 ...but I don't know where to find batteries. 217 00:08:59,350 --> 00:09:03,283 Now, Marlon, where are we gonna find batteries way out here? 218 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:08,160 (all) 'Dee.' 219 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:11,183 Me? Why would you all think I have some batteries.. 220 00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:12,366 Alright, I'll get 'em later. 221 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:17,000 Uh, Marlon, is this your best sock? 222 00:09:17,330 --> 00:09:21,000 Is the...hole there that smell like cheese 223 00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:22,366 - Ugh, yeah. - Yeah, that's me. 224 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,316 Hey, right here I got some toe jam. 225 00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:26,160 Hey, everybody, come on. 226 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:27,250 Let's go string some Christmas lights. 227 00:09:27,283 --> 00:09:28,250 Yeah. 228 00:09:28,283 --> 00:09:30,316 [pounding on door] 229 00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:33,150 Y'all got Jehovah Witnesses out in the country? 230 00:09:33,183 --> 00:09:34,383 Alright, everybody, quick, hide, get down. 231 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,160 Be quiet, cut the lights out. 232 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:44,000 Bill Stimpson, what did I tell you about pounding 233 00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:45,250 on my door at booty call hours? 234 00:09:45,283 --> 00:09:47,133 I'm here for the mortgage. 235 00:09:47,166 --> 00:09:48,366 'You run out of time.' 236 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,200 I told you I will pay you next week. 237 00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:54,200 Hold on, hold on. Hold on, baby cousin. Hold on, baby cousin. 238 00:09:54,233 --> 00:09:57,216 Hey, yo, my man. This punk givin' you a problem? 239 00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:59,233 Hey, yo, my man, now you wanna see how we be handlin' 240 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,350 our business back in the city? 241 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,133 How's that? 242 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:07,660 We'd be using lawyers and stuff. 243 00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:08,200 That's, that's the legal way. 244 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,333 You don't get in trouble like that. 245 00:10:09,366 --> 00:10:12,160 Carry your business, cuz. 246 00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,333 I'm gonna give you till the weekend. 247 00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:19,116 After that, you and your farm are history. 248 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,266 Damn. 249 00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:28,300 Sling Blade wasn't playin'. 250 00:10:30,316 --> 00:10:34,216 Sheila, why didn't you tell us things had gotten this bad? 251 00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:37,350 Uncle John, I told you, once I sell my pigs at the fair 252 00:10:37,383 --> 00:10:39,830 I'll be fine. 253 00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:40,183 Oh, yeah. 254 00:10:40,216 --> 00:10:42,350 That reminds me I gotta let the pigs back in. 255 00:10:42,383 --> 00:10:45,183 - Let them where? - Let them back in. 256 00:10:45,216 --> 00:10:47,133 See, I sent them out so they could graze. 257 00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:49,160 - What? - Yeah. 258 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,283 Uh, they'd look hungry so I just.. 259 00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,333 At first they wouldn't go. 260 00:10:51,366 --> 00:10:53,830 Then I set some firecrackers on 'em 261 00:10:53,116 --> 00:10:54,383 and then they went off runnin'. 262 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,000 Marlon, pigs don't graze. 263 00:10:58,330 --> 00:11:01,160 If you open the gate, they run away. 264 00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:04,330 Marlon, those pigs were my last chance. 265 00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:06,216 Now I'm gonna lose the farm! 266 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,000 Oh.. 267 00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:11,330 [instrumental music] 268 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:19,183 I can't believe it. There's only one pig left. 269 00:11:19,216 --> 00:11:21,316 This is my worst Christmas ever. 270 00:11:21,350 --> 00:11:24,250 I lost my pigs. I'm losing my farm. 271 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:27,333 Ooh, and don't forget, you lost your husband. 272 00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:31,830 He's comin' back. 273 00:11:31,116 --> 00:11:33,266 Uh-huh. 274 00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:36,233 Uh, cuz, I just wanted to say I'm, I'm sorry. 275 00:11:36,266 --> 00:11:38,183 And if there is anything I could do to repay you 276 00:11:38,216 --> 00:11:39,383 you just let me know. 277 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,166 - Get my darn pigs back. - Okay. 278 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,160 Sheila, don't feel bad. We're family. 279 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,116 We are all in this together. Come on, come on. 280 00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:49,150 On the count of three, let's get the hell outta here. 281 00:11:49,183 --> 00:11:50,216 Okay. 282 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,660 Wait, I got an idea. 283 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,333 Now I didn't wanna have to do this. 284 00:11:54,366 --> 00:11:56,500 But I'm gonna go down to that fair 285 00:11:56,830 --> 00:11:57,116 and I'mma sell my stuff. 286 00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,316 - No, no. - No, come on. 287 00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:00,233 It's the only way. 288 00:12:00,266 --> 00:12:03,350 It's sweet, it's sticky, it's taut. 289 00:12:03,383 --> 00:12:06,183 And the menfolk can't seem to get enough of it. 290 00:12:06,216 --> 00:12:07,366 I can get a buck a pop. 291 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,183 Oh, oh, oh, wait, well, time out, man. 292 00:12:09,216 --> 00:12:12,216 Ain't no cousin of mine gonna go sell her stuff. 293 00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:14,330 Come on, now you're cheapenin' yourself. 294 00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:16,283 Marlon. Marlon, stop that. 295 00:12:16,316 --> 00:12:18,500 Not that stuff. 296 00:12:18,830 --> 00:12:20,000 I'm talkin' about my preserves. 297 00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:21,383 I got 100 jars in the basement. 298 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,166 Here's one that's open. 299 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,333 Oh, I love jam. 300 00:12:25,366 --> 00:12:28,830 What kind of berries did she use? 301 00:12:28,116 --> 00:12:30,316 Uff! I think she used dingleberries. 302 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,183 [laughing] 303 00:12:33,216 --> 00:12:34,216 Dingleberry. That's.. 304 00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:38,116 Why is everybody laughin' at me? 305 00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:39,200 My hat? 306 00:12:41,330 --> 00:12:43,116 Oh, so I'm just a dumb old country girl 307 00:12:43,150 --> 00:12:45,660 who's losing her farm. 308 00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:47,000 I'm the family joke.. 309 00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:49,133 Aww. 310 00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:51,300 Relax. Don't say that about yourself. 311 00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:53,200 Everybody knows Marlon's the family joke. 312 00:12:53,233 --> 00:12:54,250 Yeah, that's what. 313 00:12:54,283 --> 00:12:55,333 - 'Marl..' - Hey. 314 00:12:55,366 --> 00:12:57,216 Y'all might as well just go on 315 00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:59,000 go home anywhere, I don't wanna ruin 316 00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:01,133 everybody's Christmas with my problems. 317 00:13:01,166 --> 00:13:03,160 That's a good idea. 318 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:04,150 Peace out. 319 00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,266 Hey, hey, hey. 320 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,250 Yo. Come on now, pop. 321 00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:08,366 Now nobody's going anywhere. 322 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,166 Nobody's gonna leave you, Sheila 323 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,660 especially during Christmas time. 324 00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:14,116 But then what are we gonna do? 325 00:13:16,133 --> 00:13:18,166 Well, there's five of us, right? 326 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,116 Why don't we all set up booths at the fair? 327 00:13:20,150 --> 00:13:22,266 - Oh! - That's a good idea, son. 328 00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:24,233 A lot of people, they're gonna have the Christmas spirit. 329 00:13:24,266 --> 00:13:26,333 We're gonna have to convince them to spread it around. 330 00:13:26,366 --> 00:13:28,133 - Yeah. - That's right. 331 00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:29,250 And if that don't work then 332 00:13:29,283 --> 00:13:32,216 Sheila can always just sell her stuff. 333 00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:34,233 [instrumental music] 334 00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:42,200 [indistinct chatter] 335 00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:45,250 Hi, I'm one of Santa's helpers. I'm Uncle Shawn. 336 00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,183 And I'm here to read you guys a nice little story. 337 00:13:48,216 --> 00:13:51,300 It's called "'Twas The Night Before Christmas." 338 00:13:51,333 --> 00:13:53,266 Yes, it was. 339 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,150 Yes, it was. 340 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,216 Alright. 341 00:13:57,250 --> 00:14:00,330 "'Twas the night before Christmas. 342 00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:01,366 "When all through the crib. 343 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,266 "Not a creature was stirring 344 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:06,333 "And the place smelled like ribs. 345 00:14:06,366 --> 00:14:08,366 "When up on the roof 346 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,366 "arose such a noise. 347 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,183 "So I pulled out my gat 348 00:14:12,216 --> 00:14:14,166 "and called for my boys. 349 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,330 "I crept up the stairs all quiet and easy 350 00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:18,150 "kicked open the door 351 00:14:18,183 --> 00:14:20,200 "and said its gonna be off the heezy fo sheezy 352 00:14:20,233 --> 00:14:22,333 "govment peezy tweezy. 353 00:14:22,366 --> 00:14:25,250 "The church bell started ringin' for late midnight mass 354 00:14:25,283 --> 00:14:28,316 as I busted two caps off Santa's.." 355 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:31,133 What? What? What.. 356 00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:33,166 What, what did I say? What happened? 357 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,183 You.. You don't wanna hear the rest of the story? 358 00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:37,233 You don't wanna hear the one about the Grinch 359 00:14:37,266 --> 00:14:38,350 who stole my car? 360 00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:45,366 [instrumental music] 361 00:15:02,366 --> 00:15:04,350 [Dee whistles] 362 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,183 Now tell Santa what you want for Christmas? 363 00:15:21,216 --> 00:15:23,200 And talk real slow. 364 00:15:25,183 --> 00:15:28,660 Hey. You ain't nothin' but a ho ho ho. 365 00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,183 You freakier than Vixen. 366 00:15:30,216 --> 00:15:31,383 Next. 367 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,333 "One Silent Night," coming right up. 368 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:37,160 Another five, I give you a real loud night. 369 00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,660 Alright, anyway.. 370 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:40,133 - You ready, Sheila? - Mm-hmm. 371 00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:41,266 Okay. 372 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,333 And.. 373 00:15:43,366 --> 00:15:48,000 ♪ Silent ♪ 374 00:15:49,233 --> 00:15:53,500 ♪ Night ♪♪ 375 00:15:54,366 --> 00:15:56,000 Ho.. 376 00:15:56,330 --> 00:16:00,200 ♪ Holy night ♪ 377 00:16:01,183 --> 00:16:06,150 ♪ All is calm ♪ 378 00:16:06,183 --> 00:16:08,350 ♪ There ain't shootin' or nothin' outside ♪ 379 00:16:08,383 --> 00:16:12,183 ♪ I say all is bright it's so bright ♪ 380 00:16:12,216 --> 00:16:14,000 ♪ I can't see I'm Ray Charles ♪ 381 00:16:14,330 --> 00:16:16,300 ♪ Put your sunglasses on girl ♪ 382 00:16:18,216 --> 00:16:22,116 ♪ Round young ♪ 383 00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:25,316 ♪ Virgin ♪ 384 00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:27,830 ♪ Can't handle that y'all ♪ 385 00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,660 ♪ I'm a good girl ♪ 386 00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:34,330 ♪ Mother and child ♪ 387 00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:41,500 ♪ Holy infant so ♪ 388 00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:45,266 ♪ Tender and mild ♪ 389 00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:53,660 ♪ Sleep ♪ 390 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:57,383 ♪ In hea-ven-ly ♪ 391 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,183 ♪ Peace ♪♪ 392 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,330 A remix. 393 00:17:07,166 --> 00:17:09,116 One thousand three hundred and forty. 394 00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:11,350 - Sixty, eighty, a hundred. - Whoo! 395 00:17:11,383 --> 00:17:14,233 One thousand four hundred dollars. 396 00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:15,366 Alright. 397 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,330 That's, that's great, but it's not enough. 398 00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:19,233 I'm still $800 short. 399 00:17:19,266 --> 00:17:21,300 Gotta be something we could do. 400 00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:23,150 Not by tomorrow. 401 00:17:23,183 --> 00:17:25,383 I guess, I'll just go start packin'. 402 00:17:33,350 --> 00:17:36,183 I'm ready to go. 403 00:17:36,216 --> 00:17:37,383 Hey, I just wanna say I'm sorry for ruining 404 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,250 your Christmas...and your life. 405 00:17:40,283 --> 00:17:43,166 It's okay, Marlon. I know you didn't mean it. 406 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,233 I'm sure gonna miss this place. 407 00:17:45,266 --> 00:17:47,830 It might not look like much to y'all 408 00:17:47,116 --> 00:17:49,216 but to me, it's been home. 409 00:17:49,250 --> 00:17:51,500 Goodbye, stove. 410 00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:53,316 Thank you for the food and warmth you provided. 411 00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:56,366 Goodbye, cupboards. 412 00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,233 You're barren now, but you've been filled with vittles. 413 00:18:02,316 --> 00:18:06,183 Goodbye table. I've had some great sex on you. 414 00:18:06,216 --> 00:18:08,216 - Hey! - Hey, oh! 415 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,200 So what you're gonna do now, cousin? 416 00:18:12,233 --> 00:18:15,316 Well, I was kinda hopin' I can stay with you and Marlon 417 00:18:15,350 --> 00:18:17,150 until I got back on my feet. 418 00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:19,000 I'm serious, come on now. 419 00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:20,233 Stop playin'. 420 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,316 I think I might just cry. 421 00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,133 Uh, I think, I'mma cry too. 422 00:18:27,166 --> 00:18:29,166 I hate to help people move. 423 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,160 Come on now, we can't give up, y'all. 424 00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,266 Oh, come on, Marlon, let's face it. 425 00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:35,166 The only thing that can help me now is a miracle. 426 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,316 [pig squealing] 427 00:18:36,350 --> 00:18:38,660 You hungry, Dee? 428 00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,133 No, what is that? 429 00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:42,266 Oh, my God. My pig. 430 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:44,216 - What? - Oh. 431 00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:47,350 (Shawn) 'She's dyin'.' 432 00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:50,116 No! No! 433 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:56,350 Why? 434 00:18:56,383 --> 00:18:58,300 Hey, Lord. 435 00:19:00,116 --> 00:19:02,116 [sobbing] 436 00:19:02,150 --> 00:19:04,266 Please, first you killed Charlotte's Web 437 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:07,150 now you wanna take Wilbur. 438 00:19:07,183 --> 00:19:09,160 No, no, please, please, please.. 439 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,300 That's all folks! 440 00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,183 Oh, man. 441 00:19:13,216 --> 00:19:16,660 Marlon. She's not dyin' 442 00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,116 she's birthin' babies. 443 00:19:18,150 --> 00:19:19,300 What? 444 00:19:19,333 --> 00:19:21,133 [pigs squealing] 445 00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:23,133 Yo, man, check it out. She's makin' pork rinds. 446 00:19:23,166 --> 00:19:26,150 (Pops) 'Hmm. Good.' 447 00:19:26,183 --> 00:19:28,250 And I got my stock back. 448 00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:31,330 Now when I take these little piglets to the market 449 00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:32,383 I'll have my money to pay my mortgage. 450 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,366 And you have some money left over. 451 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,100 Oh, yeah, I can buy myself somethin' I always wanted. 452 00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:40,100 What's that? Some indoor plumbin'? 453 00:19:40,133 --> 00:19:43,133 No, a man that'll stay at home. 454 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,100 - Can't argue with that. - Hmm. 455 00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:47,366 Hey, y'all. 456 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,330 Even though we went through all this trouble, this actually 457 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:53,330 turned out to be one of the best Christmases we ever had. 458 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,330 That's what Christmas is all about. 459 00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:59,283 Giving, sharing and caring for your fellow men. 460 00:19:59,316 --> 00:20:02,216 - Or cousin as the case maybe. - Aww. 461 00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:04,200 Yeah, and let's not forget miracles. 462 00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:07,116 - I think we just saw one. - We sure did. 463 00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:08,300 Yeah, you know what? 464 00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:11,500 This truly showed me what Christmas is all about. 465 00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:12,300 - Yeah. - For real. 466 00:20:12,333 --> 00:20:13,350 [knocking on door] 467 00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:15,250 - Ooh. - Let me get that. 468 00:20:20,283 --> 00:20:22,116 I'm sorry to bother you 469 00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:24,183 but my wife is pregnant 470 00:20:24,216 --> 00:20:26,133 and we have no place to sleep. 471 00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:27,383 - Oh. - Oh. 472 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,283 Could we stay in your barn tonight? 473 00:20:32,116 --> 00:20:33,316 (all) 'Hell no!' 474 00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:35,830 Peace out. 475 00:20:40,316 --> 00:20:42,316 ♪ Sleep ♪ 476 00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:47,300 ♪ In heavenly peace ♪ 477 00:20:52,216 --> 00:20:54,216 ♪ Sleep ♪ 478 00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:59,183 ♪ In hea-ven-ly peace ♪ 479 00:21:02,266 --> 00:21:04,166 (Shawn) Look up, Marlon. Say cheese. 33596

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.