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1
00:00:01,266 --> 00:00:03,166
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:04,216 --> 00:00:05,266
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
3
00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:07,000
Have a merry Christmas.
4
00:00:07,330 --> 00:00:10,183
Uh-huh, you know,
Santa knows you've been naughty.
5
00:00:10,216 --> 00:00:13,330
Do you wanna take a trip
to the North Pole?
6
00:00:13,660 --> 00:00:14,116
Hmm?
7
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:18,100
What's wrong? What happened?
8
00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:19,366
'Cause I'm black?
9
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,100
Here you go, Marlon.
10
00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:23,100
Try one of these.
11
00:00:23,133 --> 00:00:25,366
Wow, pop, gingerbread men.
12
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,330
Hey, wait a minute.
13
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:28,300
How come they got three legs?
14
00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:32,660
Because these
are gingerbread brothers.
15
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,233
God, I can't stand
this holiday traffic, man.
16
00:00:34,266 --> 00:00:36,216
People rubbing up
against you all
day.
17
00:00:36,250 --> 00:00:39,150
I was on the subway
and someone grabbed my butt.
18
00:00:39,183 --> 00:00:41,183
Did you have on
brown corduroy pants
19
00:00:41,216 --> 00:00:44,660
and was riding in the D-train?
20
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:45,383
Yeah, how'd you know?
21
00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:49,266
Uh, um, let me go finish
makin' my rounds.
22
00:00:55,266 --> 00:00:56,350
Snap!
23
00:00:56,383 --> 00:00:58,250
Cousin Sheila sent
us another fruitcake.
24
00:00:58,283 --> 00:00:59,383
Oh..
25
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,150
[clears throat]
26
00:01:01,183 --> 00:01:03,830
How about a little
tip
for Christmas?
27
00:01:03,116 --> 00:01:05,116
I got a tip for you,
if you get fired
28
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:08,116
don't go shootin' your boss.
29
00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:09,316
Oh, look, Shawn.
30
00:01:09,350 --> 00:01:12,160
Cousin Sheila sent
a nice little card.
31
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,200
(Shawn)
Aww..
32
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:17,350
"Dear kinfolk, how do you do?
33
00:01:17,383 --> 00:01:20,160
"Come on down to the farm
for Christmas.
34
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:21,316
"We got a huge gala.
35
00:01:21,350 --> 00:01:23,366
"We got turkey, a 20-foot tree
36
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:25,366
and pig feet pie."
37
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,333
Hmm, that sounds nice, but she
live too far away for me.
38
00:01:29,366 --> 00:01:34,660
"We also have eggnog spiked with
150 proof homemade whiskey."
39
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:36,366
[mumbling]
40
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,366
An 18-hour drive in the car
with no heat ain't that bad.
41
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,183
Uh, I don't know about
Christmas
in the south, pop.
42
00:01:43,216 --> 00:01:45,133
From what I heard,
lights ain't the only
thing
43
00:01:45,166 --> 00:01:46,350
they hang on trees.
44
00:01:46,383 --> 00:01:51,000
That's nonsense.
That's exactly what we need.
45
00:01:51,330 --> 00:01:53,116
Classic old-fashioned
country Christmas.
46
00:01:53,150 --> 00:01:54,250
- Oh, man.
- It's perfect.
47
00:01:54,283 --> 00:01:57,283
It'll remind us
what the holidays are all
about.
48
00:01:57,316 --> 00:01:59,660
Yeah, I guess.
49
00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:01,116
I mean, it has been a long
time
since I've really thought
50
00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:04,000
about the birth of baby Moses.
51
00:02:04,330 --> 00:02:06,330
[theme music]
52
00:02:07,830 --> 00:02:08,300
♪ We're brothers ♪
53
00:02:08,333 --> 00:02:12,830
♪ We're happy and we're
singing'
and we're colored ♪
54
00:02:13,183 --> 00:02:15,250
♪ Give me a high five ♪♪
55
00:02:15,283 --> 00:02:17,830
(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.'
56
00:02:17,116 --> 00:02:18,383
'Beautiful guys. Dynamite.'
57
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,000
[theme music]
58
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:31,100
[music continues]
59
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,216
[instrumental music]
60
00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:52,300
Well, everybody.
61
00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:55,000
Here's it is, home sweet home.
62
00:02:55,330 --> 00:02:57,133
Watch it, I gotta go.
63
00:02:57,166 --> 00:03:00,116
I'm so happy to be celebratin'
Christmas with my family.
64
00:03:00,150 --> 00:03:01,333
Too bad, moms couldn't come.
65
00:03:01,366 --> 00:03:04,183
Well, you know, it's winter
time, she's hibernating.
66
00:03:04,216 --> 00:03:05,366
Oh, Sheila.
67
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,183
Thanks for inviting me.
68
00:03:07,216 --> 00:03:10,330
Oh, you're welcome, Dee.
You're like family.
69
00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:12,316
But how come you're not
spendin'
Christmas with your mama?
70
00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:15,500
She put me out, she says
she wanted to spend time
71
00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:18,166
with her 23-year-old
Jamaican boyfriend.
72
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:22,000
Ooh. I bet they're jerkin'
more than just chicken.
73
00:03:23,660 --> 00:03:24,250
Oh, this is what we wanted.
74
00:03:24,283 --> 00:03:27,233
- A taste of the simple
life.
- Yeah, this is great.
75
00:03:27,266 --> 00:03:29,500
Now that we've seen
the slave quarters
76
00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:31,183
can we go to the main cabin?
77
00:03:31,216 --> 00:03:33,250
This is the main cabin.
78
00:03:33,283 --> 00:03:35,383
Oh, well, my bad.
79
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,216
Sheila, uh, sweetheart.
80
00:03:38,250 --> 00:03:40,000
You need to sue your architect.
81
00:03:40,330 --> 00:03:43,150
- You don't have a toilet.
- I got a toilet.
82
00:03:43,183 --> 00:03:45,150
- Where?
- See that shelter?
83
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,183
You're talking about that
shed,
with all them flies on it?
84
00:03:47,216 --> 00:03:49,830
Mm-hmm, right next
to the drinkin' well
85
00:03:49,116 --> 00:03:50,233
where we get our water.
86
00:03:50,266 --> 00:03:52,160
(Marlon)
'Oh.'
87
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:56,316
- That's disgustin'.
- Oh, come on, cousin.
88
00:03:56,350 --> 00:03:59,160
You got to toughen up,
you in the country now.
89
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,000
Besides, a little E. coli
never hurt nobody.
90
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:04,200
I mean, you don't have
nowhere to go inside the house?
91
00:04:04,233 --> 00:04:07,183
- I sure do.
- Oh, thank God.
92
00:04:07,216 --> 00:04:08,366
Phew.
93
00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:13,000
- Man, oh..
- You know what..
94
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:15,266
Maybe I'll just clench
my butt cheeks together
95
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:19,660
hold it till we get back
to New York. Okay.
96
00:04:19,366 --> 00:04:21,250
Um, Sheila.
97
00:04:21,283 --> 00:04:23,366
What happened
to the 20-foot tree?
98
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,333
Yeah, what are you doing with
Gary Coleman's Christmas tree?
99
00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:30,333
Sheila, you don't have
any food, sugar dumplings.
100
00:04:30,366 --> 00:04:33,200
Only thing that I found
is six cans of deviled ham
101
00:04:33,233 --> 00:04:35,660
and a box of brownie mix.
102
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:38,116
Don't.. Don't eat that!
103
00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:40,250
Well, back off me, woman.
104
00:04:40,283 --> 00:04:43,500
That's Christmas dinner.
105
00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:45,830
Sheila.
106
00:04:45,116 --> 00:04:49,330
Are you sure that you were
prepared to entertain guests?
107
00:04:49,660 --> 00:04:50,300
What's going on, Sheila?
108
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:53,330
Alright. I admit it.
109
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,100
I didn't think you guys'd
come if I told you the
truth.
110
00:04:55,133 --> 00:04:56,216
Oh, no.
111
00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:59,316
Me and Franklin
have fallen upon hard times.
112
00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:03,000
Things have been rougher than
a burlap G-string.
113
00:05:03,330 --> 00:05:04,183
Oh..
114
00:05:04,216 --> 00:05:06,316
That explains where Franklin is.
115
00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:08,383
He left when
the going got rough, huh?
116
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,100
Oh, no, Dee.
117
00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:11,383
Franklin loaned hisself
out to another farm.
118
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,133
He'll be back in a month.
119
00:05:13,166 --> 00:05:17,000
I wouldn't hold
my breath, sister.
120
00:05:17,330 --> 00:05:20,160
I-I just wanted to be
around my family
121
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,200
in my time of need.
122
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,183
- Oh.. There, there.
- Alright, cousin.
123
00:05:23,216 --> 00:05:26,150
There is no shame
in not having any money.
124
00:05:26,183 --> 00:05:27,233
What are you talkin' about?
125
00:05:27,266 --> 00:05:28,350
That's not what you told
'em homeless guys.
126
00:05:28,383 --> 00:05:29,366
You called 'em some broke--
127
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,133
Shut, shut, shut your mouth.
128
00:05:31,166 --> 00:05:32,166
Please.
129
00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:35,216
The important thing is
130
00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,133
you have your family
here to support you.
131
00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:38,283
Here, let me give
you a little something.
132
00:05:38,316 --> 00:05:40,300
Oh, no, but I could
take no money from
you..
133
00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:42,330
I insist, I insist.
134
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:44,133
Uncle John, I could
take no money from..
135
00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,216
My lucky rabbit's foot.
136
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,330
Pop, you could do
better than that.
137
00:05:52,660 --> 00:05:53,333
I wish I could, Dee.
138
00:05:53,366 --> 00:05:56,166
But around Christmas time,
things get a little tight.
139
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,366
Yeah. Tight like them pants.
140
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:00,366
Hey, look here.
141
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,160
All I know is I'm so hungry
142
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:04,116
I could eat
the corns off pop's feet
143
00:06:04,150 --> 00:06:06,350
and the peas off
his nappy chest hairs.
144
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,166
I know where we could
get some food.
145
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,316
- Where?
- New York.
146
00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:12,100
- Let's get the hell outta
here.
- Oh, stop!
147
00:06:12,133 --> 00:06:15,150
Come on, everybody.
Things ain't that bad.
148
00:06:15,183 --> 00:06:17,250
Every year at the Christmas
fair, I make a bundle
149
00:06:17,283 --> 00:06:19,330
sellin' my pigs.
150
00:06:19,660 --> 00:06:22,000
I just need some help
around the farm until then.
151
00:06:22,330 --> 00:06:23,283
We don't know
nothin' about farming.
152
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,000
No, uh-uh.
153
00:06:25,330 --> 00:06:26,350
Last thing we grew
was a Chia Pet.
154
00:06:26,383 --> 00:06:28,116
I'll teach you.
155
00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:30,316
I'll have you farming
quicker than Cousin Jasper
156
00:06:30,350 --> 00:06:33,183
can suck the gunk
out of some chitlins.
157
00:06:33,216 --> 00:06:35,216
[instrumental music]
158
00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:38,366
[pig squealing]
159
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,266
Hey, hey, relax, man.
160
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,000
Look, hey, dude,
I'm on your side.
161
00:06:43,330 --> 00:06:45,216
Uh-uh, see I'm, I'm, I'm Muslim.
162
00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:47,330
See, we down.
163
00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:50,300
See, I'm not about the
swinin'
and dining, my brother.
164
00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:53,116
See, I know your problem.
165
00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:55,830
You've been hog-winged.
166
00:06:55,116 --> 00:06:56,383
Hamboozled.
167
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,133
You didn't land on ham hock.
168
00:06:59,166 --> 00:07:02,250
Ham hock landed on you,
my brother.
169
00:07:02,283 --> 00:07:04,383
[squealing]
170
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,266
Chill out.
171
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:07,350
Chill out!
172
00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:09,283
- 'Chill out!'
- What's wrong, cuz?
173
00:07:09,316 --> 00:07:13,000
You look scareder than a sheep
at a shepherd's bachelor party.
174
00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:14,283
Oh, She's just
flirtin' with
you.
175
00:07:14,316 --> 00:07:17,266
Now you go and pour that slop
in here the way I showed you.
176
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,133
Uh, what's in that slop anyway?
177
00:07:19,166 --> 00:07:21,160
Oh, egg shells, corn cob
178
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:22,133
and a little bit
of hotdog water.
179
00:07:22,166 --> 00:07:24,000
All you gotta do
is add some pinto beans
180
00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:26,233
and you got
pop's chili recipe.
181
00:07:26,266 --> 00:07:29,333
Oh, Marlon, come on over here.
I want you help me do
something.
182
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,266
Yeah. I'm gonna teach you
how to churn some butter.
183
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,383
Oh, alright.
184
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:33,383
- Okay.
- Okay.
185
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,133
Alright, now all you gotta do
186
00:07:35,166 --> 00:07:37,233
is pump the stick up and down.
187
00:07:37,266 --> 00:07:40,160
But you gotta do it fast.
188
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:41,266
Okay. Well.
189
00:07:43,183 --> 00:07:44,333
This is easy.
190
00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:47,830
Hey, you look like
you've been doing
that
191
00:07:47,116 --> 00:07:49,150
your whole life.
192
00:07:49,183 --> 00:07:50,366
'Just don't let
your arm get tired.'
193
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,383
Oh, no. My arm is strong, girl.
194
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,000
Besides, I'm ambidextrous.
195
00:07:55,330 --> 00:07:56,350
See.
196
00:07:56,383 --> 00:07:59,660
Well, I'mma go on over
here and, and pick some
hay.
197
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,233
Alright.
198
00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,330
(Pops)
'Ow!'
199
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:07,366
Hey. Stop that.
200
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,250
Uncle John, what are you doing
with Franklin's moonshine?
201
00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:14,660
Now what's he gonna say
when he gets back?
202
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:15,150
Why don't you wake up?
203
00:08:15,183 --> 00:08:17,183
He ain't comin' back.
204
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,150
Wow, Marlon, that's great.
205
00:08:29,183 --> 00:08:30,300
Can you go again?
206
00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,233
Uh..
207
00:08:32,266 --> 00:08:35,150
What do you think I am,
Superman?
208
00:08:35,183 --> 00:08:37,216
No wonder why Franklin
left your behind.
209
00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:40,283
I don't know about you..
210
00:08:40,316 --> 00:08:43,160
...but I ain't eatin'
that butter.
211
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,000
[instrumental music]
212
00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:49,366
I kind of like these
homemade ornaments.
213
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,500
They give the tree
a personal touch.
214
00:08:52,830 --> 00:08:54,150
A little too personal for me.
215
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,830
Look here.
I found a angel..
216
00:08:58,116 --> 00:08:59,316
...but I don't know
where to find batteries.
217
00:08:59,350 --> 00:09:03,283
Now, Marlon, where are we gonna
find batteries way out here?
218
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:08,160
(all)
'Dee.'
219
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:11,183
Me? Why would you all think
I have some batteries..
220
00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:12,366
Alright, I'll get 'em later.
221
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:17,000
Uh, Marlon,
is this your best sock?
222
00:09:17,330 --> 00:09:21,000
Is the...hole there that
smell like cheese
223
00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:22,366
- Ugh, yeah.
- Yeah, that's me.
224
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,316
Hey, right here
I got some toe jam.
225
00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:26,160
Hey, everybody, come on.
226
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:27,250
Let's go string
some Christmas lights.
227
00:09:27,283 --> 00:09:28,250
Yeah.
228
00:09:28,283 --> 00:09:30,316
[pounding on door]
229
00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:33,150
Y'all got Jehovah Witnesses
out
in the country?
230
00:09:33,183 --> 00:09:34,383
Alright, everybody,
quick, hide, get
down.
231
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,160
Be quiet, cut the lights out.
232
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:44,000
Bill Stimpson, what did
I tell you about pounding
233
00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:45,250
on my door at booty call hours?
234
00:09:45,283 --> 00:09:47,133
I'm here for the mortgage.
235
00:09:47,166 --> 00:09:48,366
'You run out of time.'
236
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,200
I told you
I will pay you next week.
237
00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:54,200
Hold on, hold on. Hold on,
baby
cousin. Hold on, baby cousin.
238
00:09:54,233 --> 00:09:57,216
Hey, yo, my man. This punk
givin' you a problem?
239
00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:59,233
Hey, yo, my man, now you wanna
see how we be handlin'
240
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,350
our business
back in the city?
241
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,133
How's that?
242
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:07,660
We'd be using lawyers and stuff.
243
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:08,200
That's, that's the legal way.
244
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,333
You don't get
in trouble like that.
245
00:10:09,366 --> 00:10:12,160
Carry your business, cuz.
246
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,333
I'm gonna give you
till the weekend.
247
00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:19,116
After that, you
and your farm are
history.
248
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,266
Damn.
249
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:28,300
Sling Blade wasn't playin'.
250
00:10:30,316 --> 00:10:34,216
Sheila, why didn't you
tell us
things had gotten this
bad?
251
00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:37,350
Uncle John, I told you,
once I sell my pigs at the
fair
252
00:10:37,383 --> 00:10:39,830
I'll be fine.
253
00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:40,183
Oh, yeah.
254
00:10:40,216 --> 00:10:42,350
That reminds me I gotta
let the pigs back in.
255
00:10:42,383 --> 00:10:45,183
- Let them where?
- Let them back in.
256
00:10:45,216 --> 00:10:47,133
See, I sent them out
so they could graze.
257
00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:49,160
- What?
- Yeah.
258
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,283
Uh, they'd look
hungry so I just..
259
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,333
At first they wouldn't go.
260
00:10:51,366 --> 00:10:53,830
Then I set some
firecrackers on 'em
261
00:10:53,116 --> 00:10:54,383
and then they went off runnin'.
262
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,000
Marlon, pigs don't graze.
263
00:10:58,330 --> 00:11:01,160
If you open the gate,
they run away.
264
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:04,330
Marlon, those pigs
were my last
chance.
265
00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:06,216
Now I'm gonna lose the farm!
266
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,000
Oh..
267
00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:11,330
[instrumental music]
268
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:19,183
I can't believe it.
There's only one pig left.
269
00:11:19,216 --> 00:11:21,316
This is my worst Christmas ever.
270
00:11:21,350 --> 00:11:24,250
I lost my pigs.
I'm losing my farm.
271
00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:27,333
Ooh, and don't forget,
you lost your husband.
272
00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:31,830
He's comin' back.
273
00:11:31,116 --> 00:11:33,266
Uh-huh.
274
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:36,233
Uh, cuz, I just wanted
to say I'm, I'm sorry.
275
00:11:36,266 --> 00:11:38,183
And if there is anything
I could do to repay you
276
00:11:38,216 --> 00:11:39,383
you just let me know.
277
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,166
- Get my darn pigs back.
- Okay.
278
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,160
Sheila, don't feel bad.
We're family.
279
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,116
We are all in this
together.
Come on, come on.
280
00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:49,150
On the count of three,
let's get the hell outta
here.
281
00:11:49,183 --> 00:11:50,216
Okay.
282
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,660
Wait, I got an idea.
283
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,333
Now I didn't wanna
have to do this.
284
00:11:54,366 --> 00:11:56,500
But I'm gonna go down
to that fair
285
00:11:56,830 --> 00:11:57,116
and I'mma sell my stuff.
286
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,316
- No, no.
- No, come on.
287
00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:00,233
It's the only way.
288
00:12:00,266 --> 00:12:03,350
It's sweet, it's sticky,
it's taut.
289
00:12:03,383 --> 00:12:06,183
And the menfolk can't seem
to get enough of it.
290
00:12:06,216 --> 00:12:07,366
I can get a buck a pop.
291
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,183
Oh, oh, oh,
wait, well, time out,
man.
292
00:12:09,216 --> 00:12:12,216
Ain't no cousin of mine
gonna go sell her stuff.
293
00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:14,330
Come on, now you're
cheapenin' yourself.
294
00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:16,283
Marlon. Marlon, stop that.
295
00:12:16,316 --> 00:12:18,500
Not that stuff.
296
00:12:18,830 --> 00:12:20,000
I'm talkin' about my preserves.
297
00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:21,383
I got 100 jars
in the basement.
298
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:23,166
Here's one that's open.
299
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,333
Oh, I love jam.
300
00:12:25,366 --> 00:12:28,830
What kind of berries
did she use?
301
00:12:28,116 --> 00:12:30,316
Uff! I think
she used
dingleberries.
302
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,183
[laughing]
303
00:12:33,216 --> 00:12:34,216
Dingleberry. That's..
304
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:38,116
Why is everybody
laughin' at me?
305
00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:39,200
My hat?
306
00:12:41,330 --> 00:12:43,116
Oh, so I'm just
a dumb old country
girl
307
00:12:43,150 --> 00:12:45,660
who's losing her farm.
308
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:47,000
I'm the family joke..
309
00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:49,133
Aww.
310
00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:51,300
Relax.
Don't say that about yourself.
311
00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:53,200
Everybody knows
Marlon's the family joke.
312
00:12:53,233 --> 00:12:54,250
Yeah, that's what.
313
00:12:54,283 --> 00:12:55,333
- 'Marl..'
- Hey.
314
00:12:55,366 --> 00:12:57,216
Y'all might
as well just go
on
315
00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:59,000
go home anywhere,
I don't wanna ruin
316
00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:01,133
everybody's
Christmas
with my problems.
317
00:13:01,166 --> 00:13:03,160
That's a good idea.
318
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:04,150
Peace out.
319
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,266
Hey, hey, hey.
320
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,250
Yo. Come on now, pop.
321
00:13:07,283 --> 00:13:08,366
Now nobody's going anywhere.
322
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,166
Nobody's gonna leave you, Sheila
323
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,660
especially during
Christmas time.
324
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:14,116
But then what are we gonna do?
325
00:13:16,133 --> 00:13:18,166
Well, there's five of us, right?
326
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,116
Why don't we all set up
booths at the fair?
327
00:13:20,150 --> 00:13:22,266
- Oh!
- That's a good idea, son.
328
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:24,233
A lot of people, they're
gonna
have the Christmas spirit.
329
00:13:24,266 --> 00:13:26,333
We're gonna have to
convince
them to spread it around.
330
00:13:26,366 --> 00:13:28,133
- Yeah.
- That's right.
331
00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:29,250
And if that don't work then
332
00:13:29,283 --> 00:13:32,216
Sheila can always
just sell her stuff.
333
00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:34,233
[instrumental music]
334
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:42,200
[indistinct chatter]
335
00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:45,250
Hi, I'm one of Santa's
helpers.
I'm Uncle Shawn.
336
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,183
And I'm here to read you
guys a nice little story.
337
00:13:48,216 --> 00:13:51,300
It's called "'Twas The Night
Before Christmas."
338
00:13:51,333 --> 00:13:53,266
Yes, it was.
339
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,150
Yes, it was.
340
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,216
Alright.
341
00:13:57,250 --> 00:14:00,330
"'Twas the night
before Christmas.
342
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:01,366
"When all through the crib.
343
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,266
"Not a creature was stirring
344
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:06,333
"And the place
smelled like ribs.
345
00:14:06,366 --> 00:14:08,366
"When up on the roof
346
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,366
"arose such a noise.
347
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,183
"So I pulled out my gat
348
00:14:12,216 --> 00:14:14,166
"and called for my boys.
349
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,330
"I crept up the stairs
all quiet and easy
350
00:14:17,660 --> 00:14:18,150
"kicked open the door
351
00:14:18,183 --> 00:14:20,200
"and said its gonna be
off the heezy fo sheezy
352
00:14:20,233 --> 00:14:22,333
"govment peezy tweezy.
353
00:14:22,366 --> 00:14:25,250
"The church bell started
ringin' for late midnight
mass
354
00:14:25,283 --> 00:14:28,316
as I busted two caps
off Santa's.."
355
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:31,133
What? What? What..
356
00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:33,166
What, what did I say?
What happened?
357
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,183
You.. You don't wanna hear
the rest of the story?
358
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:37,233
You don't wanna hear the one
about the Grinch
359
00:14:37,266 --> 00:14:38,350
who stole my car?
360
00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:45,366
[instrumental music]
361
00:15:02,366 --> 00:15:04,350
[Dee whistles]
362
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,183
Now tell Santa
what you want for Christmas?
363
00:15:21,216 --> 00:15:23,200
And talk real slow.
364
00:15:25,183 --> 00:15:28,660
Hey. You ain't nothin'
but a ho ho ho.
365
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,183
You freakier than Vixen.
366
00:15:30,216 --> 00:15:31,383
Next.
367
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,333
"One Silent Night,"
coming right up.
368
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:37,160
Another five, I give
you a real loud night.
369
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,660
Alright, anyway..
370
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:40,133
- You ready, Sheila?
- Mm-hmm.
371
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:41,266
Okay.
372
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,333
And..
373
00:15:43,366 --> 00:15:48,000
♪ Silent ♪
374
00:15:49,233 --> 00:15:53,500
♪ Night ♪♪
375
00:15:54,366 --> 00:15:56,000
Ho..
376
00:15:56,330 --> 00:16:00,200
♪ Holy night ♪
377
00:16:01,183 --> 00:16:06,150
♪ All is calm ♪
378
00:16:06,183 --> 00:16:08,350
♪ There ain't shootin'
or nothin' outside ♪
379
00:16:08,383 --> 00:16:12,183
♪ I say all is bright
it's so bright ♪
380
00:16:12,216 --> 00:16:14,000
♪ I can't see
I'm Ray Charles ♪
381
00:16:14,330 --> 00:16:16,300
♪ Put your sunglasses on girl ♪
382
00:16:18,216 --> 00:16:22,116
♪ Round young ♪
383
00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:25,316
♪ Virgin ♪
384
00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:27,830
♪ Can't handle that y'all ♪
385
00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,660
♪ I'm a good girl ♪
386
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:34,330
♪ Mother and child ♪
387
00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:41,500
♪ Holy infant so ♪
388
00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:45,266
♪ Tender and mild ♪
389
00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:53,660
♪ Sleep ♪
390
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:57,383
♪ In hea-ven-ly ♪
391
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,183
♪ Peace ♪♪
392
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,330
A remix.
393
00:17:07,166 --> 00:17:09,116
One thousand
three hundred and forty.
394
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:11,350
- Sixty, eighty, a hundred.
- Whoo!
395
00:17:11,383 --> 00:17:14,233
One thousand
four hundred dollars.
396
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:15,366
Alright.
397
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,330
That's, that's great,
but it's not enough.
398
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:19,233
I'm still $800 short.
399
00:17:19,266 --> 00:17:21,300
Gotta be something we could do.
400
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:23,150
Not by tomorrow.
401
00:17:23,183 --> 00:17:25,383
I guess, I'll just
go start packin'.
402
00:17:33,350 --> 00:17:36,183
I'm ready to go.
403
00:17:36,216 --> 00:17:37,383
Hey, I just wanna say
I'm sorry for ruining
404
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,250
your Christmas...and your life.
405
00:17:40,283 --> 00:17:43,166
It's okay, Marlon.
I know you didn't mean it.
406
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,233
I'm sure gonna miss this place.
407
00:17:45,266 --> 00:17:47,830
It might not look
like much to y'all
408
00:17:47,116 --> 00:17:49,216
but to me, it's been home.
409
00:17:49,250 --> 00:17:51,500
Goodbye, stove.
410
00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:53,316
Thank you for the food
and warmth you
provided.
411
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:56,366
Goodbye, cupboards.
412
00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,233
You're barren now, but you've
been filled with vittles.
413
00:18:02,316 --> 00:18:06,183
Goodbye table.
I've had some great sex on
you.
414
00:18:06,216 --> 00:18:08,216
- Hey!
- Hey, oh!
415
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,200
So what you're gonna
do now, cousin?
416
00:18:12,233 --> 00:18:15,316
Well, I was kinda hopin'
I can stay with you and Marlon
417
00:18:15,350 --> 00:18:17,150
until I got back on my feet.
418
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:19,000
I'm serious, come on now.
419
00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:20,233
Stop playin'.
420
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,316
I think I might just cry.
421
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,133
Uh, I think, I'mma cry too.
422
00:18:27,166 --> 00:18:29,166
I hate to help people move.
423
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,160
Come on now,
we can't give up, y'all.
424
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,266
Oh, come on, Marlon,
let's face it.
425
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:35,166
The only thing that can help
me now is a miracle.
426
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,316
[pig squealing]
427
00:18:36,350 --> 00:18:38,660
You hungry, Dee?
428
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,133
No, what is that?
429
00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:42,266
Oh, my God. My pig.
430
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:44,216
- What?
- Oh.
431
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:47,350
(Shawn)
'She's dyin'.'
432
00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:50,116
No! No!
433
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:56,350
Why?
434
00:18:56,383 --> 00:18:58,300
Hey, Lord.
435
00:19:00,116 --> 00:19:02,116
[sobbing]
436
00:19:02,150 --> 00:19:04,266
Please, first you killed
Charlotte's Web
437
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:07,150
now you wanna take Wilbur.
438
00:19:07,183 --> 00:19:09,160
No, no, please, please, please..
439
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,300
That's all folks!
440
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,183
Oh, man.
441
00:19:13,216 --> 00:19:16,660
Marlon. She's not dyin'
442
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,116
she's birthin' babies.
443
00:19:18,150 --> 00:19:19,300
What?
444
00:19:19,333 --> 00:19:21,133
[pigs squealing]
445
00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:23,133
Yo, man, check it out.
She's makin' pork rinds.
446
00:19:23,166 --> 00:19:26,150
(Pops)
'Hmm. Good.'
447
00:19:26,183 --> 00:19:28,250
And I got my stock back.
448
00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:31,330
Now when I take these
little piglets to the market
449
00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:32,383
I'll have my money
to pay my mortgage.
450
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,366
And you have
some money left over.
451
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,100
Oh, yeah, I can buy myself
somethin' I always wanted.
452
00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:40,100
What's that?
Some indoor plumbin'?
453
00:19:40,133 --> 00:19:43,133
No, a man that'll stay at home.
454
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,100
- Can't argue with that.
- Hmm.
455
00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:47,366
Hey, y'all.
456
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,330
Even though we went through
all this trouble, this
actually
457
00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:53,330
turned out to be one of the
best Christmases we ever had.
458
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,330
That's what Christmas
is all about.
459
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:59,283
Giving, sharing and caring
for your fellow men.
460
00:19:59,316 --> 00:20:02,216
- Or cousin as the case maybe.
- Aww.
461
00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:04,200
Yeah, and let's
not
forget miracles.
462
00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:07,116
- I think we just saw one.
- We sure did.
463
00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:08,300
Yeah, you know what?
464
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:11,500
This truly showed me
what Christmas is all about.
465
00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:12,300
- Yeah.
- For real.
466
00:20:12,333 --> 00:20:13,350
[knocking on door]
467
00:20:13,383 --> 00:20:15,250
- Ooh.
- Let me get that.
468
00:20:20,283 --> 00:20:22,116
I'm sorry to bother you
469
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:24,183
but my wife is pregnant
470
00:20:24,216 --> 00:20:26,133
and we have no place to sleep.
471
00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:27,383
- Oh.
- Oh.
472
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,283
Could we stay
in your barn tonight?
473
00:20:32,116 --> 00:20:33,316
(all)
'Hell no!'
474
00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:35,830
Peace out.
475
00:20:40,316 --> 00:20:42,316
♪ Sleep ♪
476
00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:47,300
♪ In heavenly peace ♪
477
00:20:52,216 --> 00:20:54,216
♪ Sleep ♪
478
00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:59,183
♪ In hea-ven-ly peace ♪
479
00:21:02,266 --> 00:21:04,166
(Shawn)Look up, Marlon. Say cheese.
33596
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