All language subtitles for The Truth About Women (1957).en

[uplifting orchestral music]

[romantic orchestral music]

[tense music]

[engine roars]

[doorbell rings]

Oh, there you are, I thought you were
never coming. I want to see my wife.

Miss Diana's not at home, sir.

Isn't that her car?

- Yes, sir.
- Alright.

Tell her I want to see her.

But, er, but she's not here, sir,
she went to town.

- What, and left her car behind?
- Yes, sir.

Alright, alright. Is Lady Tavistock in?

No, sir, Lady Tavistock
went with Miss Diana.

And I suppose Sir Humphrey went too?

- No, sir.
- Better come up.

Come in.

Thank you.

Er, you two been having a fight?

- Didn't she tell you?
- No.

We've had a heck of a fight.

It's been going on for weeks.

Friday night she left me.

"Alright," I said to myself.

"Alright, you'll be back, my girl."

So I sat back and did nothing.

She didn't come back.

So, after five days I thought
I better do something about it.

Well, I guessed she'd come here
so here I am.

To do what?

Well, to have it out with her, of course,
once and for all.

- Oh, great mistake.
- Why?

You'll get the worst of it.

Yes, you're right, you know. [Sighs]

A man can't be master in his own house,
not if she's in it.

It's an interesting type.

I got mixed up with one myself once.

Remember it like it was yesterday.

Just down from Cambridge...

[dogs barking]

[hunting horns blare]

You should be more careful.
I might have knocked you down.

I should be more careful?

Aren't you supposed to have a man
with a red flag in front of this... thing?

On a public highway, yes.

But this happens to be a private road
and you happen to be trespassing.

Oh.

I was with the hunt, my horse threw me.

I didn't imagine that was a walking costume.

- Want a lift?
- No, thank you, I...

It's five miles to the nearest cottage.
I think you'd better hop in.

Thank you.

[engine rumbling and misfiring]

[whimsical music]

I think I'd better be getting along now.

I don't know how to thank you.

Don't you? It's quite easy.

All you say is, "Thank you,"
like that, and then forget all about it.

Thank you. But I won't forget it.

Pop in again sometime when your horse
has the good sense to throw you.

Perhaps I shall see you out
at the hunt one day.

You will not. I detest hunting.

You mean, you don't like to ride?

I love to ride, but I detest hunting.

I shouldn't pursue the subject if I were you,
it's one of my hobby horses.

I'd like to know why.

Alright, you asked for it.

The idea of 50 men and 100 dogs
chasing after one poor little fox

seems to me a brutal and uncivilised way
of spending the afternoon.

Oh, come now,
the fox enjoys it as much as we do.

- There's only one way of proving that.
- How?

Set 50 foxes and 100 dogs to chase you
half across the county and see how you like it.

- I told you I had strong views.
- So I gather.

Do you say that sort of thing to my mother
when she calls?

If so I'd love to see her face.

- What makes you think she calls?
- But surely...

Oh, you mean you've only just arrived.

That's right. Five months ago.

Don't look so startled.
Nobody calls on Ambrosine Viney.

You know why? Because she's fast.

She drives a horseless carriage.
She lives alone without a chaperone.

She has strange views.
You just had a sample.

And it's even whispered
that she's a suffragette.

No?

Of course, she's also a woman

and scarcely anyone notices that.

I've noticed it.

Shows how enlightened you are.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

[whimsical music]

[engine puttering]

[tense music]

- George.
- Yes, my love.

What do you suppose Humphrey's done now?

I've no idea, my love.

It really is too provoking.

Just when we've got the Duchess and
General Lansford for dinner, he has to go out.

It's upset my whole table.

I'll never get a spare man at two hours' notice.

- I've got someone for you.
- Who?

- Charles.
- Charles?

Yes, I forgot to tell you, my dear,
I've invited him to come down.

I want to talk to him about Humphrey.

Really, George, you're as bad as Humphrey.

Suppose he hadn't decided to go out?

- But he has, you say?
- Yes.

- And where to, do you suppose?
- I have no idea.

That Viney girl again.

[George] Perhaps he likes her.

Mate.

You're too good for me.

Nonsense, you just don't concentrate,
that's all.

I can't today, I've got something on my mind.

Ambrosine, I must speak to you.

Go ahead, I'm listening.

Well, it's just that...

Ambrosine, I-I want you to marry me.

Oh?

I'll pour the coffee.

Have I upset you?

- Of course not.
- Then you will?

I'm not sure, not yet.

The Diplomatic will be sending me overseas
at any minute.

I'd like us to get married before I went.

Humphrey...

I must talk to you, seriously. Sit down, please.

I'm very fond of you.
I think you'd make a very good husband.

And I'd like to marry you.

But I can't afford to make a mistake
and nor can you.

So here's what I suggest.

I'd like to live with you for a year first.

Live with you?

And then, if we're still happy, I'll marry you.

But only in a register office,
no love, honour and obey.

Just a legal partnership.

Oh, and there's one other thing,

if at any time we're not happy together,

I want you to promise that we'll break off

amicably, swiftly and cleanly.

Keeping all the fun we've had
and no recriminations.

What do you say?

I don't know what to say.

Think it over.

Take your time.

I know it's a bit of a pill
but I also know it's the only way for me.

I don't mind a register office wedding.

The family won't like it,
but they'll just have to put up with it.

- It's our marriage, not theirs.
- Good.

And I wouldn't want us to stay together
if we weren't happy.

Although I can't believe we wouldn't be.

Well, I can't believe this house will burn down,
but I still take out an insurance policy.

It's the other condition I'm not sure about.

You mean, you don't want to live with me?

Of course I do, you know that.

But... well, what about your reputation?

Well, what about yours?

- Oh, it's different for a man.
- Well, it shouldn't be.

I'm quite prepared to live
by the same standards as you.

Where should we live?

Here, if you like.

And if I get posted overseas?

Then I shall come with you wherever you go.

Yes, but... but how shall I introduce you?

- You know my name, don't you?
- I mean--

Oh, you mean, you can't say,
"This is Miss Viney, we're living together"?

Well, don't, say nothing.

It's nobody's business expect ours.

Or say, "This is Ambrosine Viney,
the woman I hope to marry."

- If you do.
- You know I do.

Well, then.

There's just one other thing.

I don't come into my money
until I'm 25 or when I marry,

unless my father agrees
I should have it earlier.

What's your money got to do with it?

Well, I can't possibly live with you
without an allowance.

My diplomatic salary
won't keep us in bread and butter.

But I've enough for us both.

I can't live on your money.

Why not?

Well, a man can't live on a woman.

- Plenty of woman live on men.
- Yes, but that's different.

Oh, here we go, back to the same old argument.

It's nothing to do with men and women,

it's just that I want to pay my own way.

Well, you must do as you think best.

I think I shall go up to Scotland tomorrow
for a few days.

Are you trying to say you're turning me down?

Of course not.

It's just that I'm giving you time
to think it over.

If you're still of the same mind
and your father hasn't talked you out of it,

your room will be ready and waiting
and so will I.

If you do change your mind,

well, no hard feelings.

Agreed?

I'll be there.

I hope so.

Goodnight.

[woman singing]

[piano playing accompaniment]

[applause]

[men laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

Oh... Uncle Charles, I...

I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there.

So I gather, my boy. What are you up to?

Trying to sneak up the backstairs
without being seen?

No, I'm waiting for the party to finish.
I want to talk to Mother and Father.

- What, tonight?
- Yes.

Well, after a party, is that wise?
Much better keep it till the morning.

This won't keep, I'm afraid.

- Ah, a woman?
- Yes. How did you guess?

Ha! When it won't keep till the morning
it's always a woman.

- Want to marry her?
- Yes.

Don't do it, my boy. If you want my advice,

I don't suppose you do,
but you're gonna get it just the same,

my advice is, love 'em and leave 'em.

That's what I've always done
and look what it's got me.

- What has it got you?
- Well, a comfortable bank balance,

a great deal of freedom,
a happy and contented life

and no children to worry me,

the way you're gonna worry
your mother and father.

If everyone behaved like that
the world would come to an end.

Maybe.

But it'd be a darn sight happier place
while it lasted.

Have you ever been in love?

[chuckles] Hundreds of times.

And if it ever happens to you
there's only one thing to do.

- What's that?
- Cut and run.

The faster, the further, the better.

Fortunately, I can help you there.

You've been posted.

- But where to?
- Yakut.

Yakut? Where's that?

Next door to Turkey.

[men laughing]

- When do I leave?
- Straight away.

Boat leaves tomorrow, as a matter of fact.

I've brought your instructions down with me.

- [man] Shall we join the ladies?
- Hmm, party's breaking up.

Prepare yourself for battle, my boy.

As for me, I'm gonna have
a quiet brandy in the smoking room.

Morning, my boy.

Morning, Uncle Charles.

Ha! You look as though
you've been up half the night.

I have.

Just coffee, please.

- Family conference go well?
- Beautifully.

Mother had hysterics
and had to be carried off to bed.

When she recovered she insisted
on Father cutting off my allowance.

Said I must learn to live on my salary.

[chuckles]
That'll be deuce difficult even in Yakut.

I know it.

I'm afraid I lost my temper and practically
got myself ordered out of the house.

Would you do something for me?

Something very important and private?

- Something to do with a woman?
- Yes.

- No danger to me?
- No.

Well, what is it?

Will you make sure
this gets delivered personally?

Alright.

Ambrosine Viney.

Nectar and ambrosine, eh? [Chuckles]

I daren't give it to anybody else,
Mother's sure to get at them.

If you could just ride over with it.

Well, suppose I meet the girl?

You won't, she's away until next Friday.
You will do it for me, won't you?

- Alright.
- Quick, put it away.

[Charles coughs]

Yes, well, as I was saying,

they're deuce good kidneys.

- Morning, Charles.
- Morning.

I say, you look as though you got
out of the wrong side of the bed.

Yes, I did. Humphrey.

I want to wish you Godspeed.

Your mother wants to say goodbye to you,
she's in her room.

- Oh, Lord.
- I know, but you asked for it.

Now come along with you.

And when you get to Yakut don't do anything
more infantile than usual, will you?

- No, Father.
- Mm.

- What about this other matter?
- I'd rather not talk about it if you don't mind.

Think I feel the same. Goodbye to you.

Goodbye, sir.

Goodbye, Uncle Charles.

Goodbye, my boy. And remember when
you see the whites of their eyes, run.

Kipper, Sir George?

Oh, no, just some coffee, please.

I'll have a kipper.

Thank you.

[call to prayer]

His Excellency thought you might
like to share this with me,

anyway for the first few days.

And then you can make up your mind
whether you want a house of your own.

I'd much rather share if you can put up with me
and it's not too expensive.

[porter speaks Yakuti]

I can't afford very much.
I'm afraid I have to live on my salary.

Dear boy, you'll starve.

My people give me a thousand a year
and I'm still nearly always in debt.

Now this is Abdulla, the porter,

Mudra, his wife who does the cooking.

If you can call it cooking.

Fortunately the food at the embassy's not bad
and there's usually a party on somewhere.

Er, who's that one?

Oh, that's Saida, the daughter.

Abdulla...
[speaks Yakutia]

Er, give me a shout when you're unpacked

- and I'll take you along to see HE.
- Thank you.

Oh, wait a minute, I nearly forgot,
there's some letters for you.

- Came overland.
- Thank you so much.

See you later.

[Abdulla speaks Yakutia]

[Ambrosine] "Dear Humphrey,
I waited for you on Friday

and Saturday and Sunday.

It wasn't until Monday
that I heard you'd fled the country.

I hadn't realised that
you found me so frightening.

I feel sure that you'll be happy in Yakut.

Particularly as it is so close to Turkey.

The Turkish attitude to woman and marriage

is one which I know you will approve
and try to emulate.

It is considerate of the Foreign Office
to put 2,000 miles between us.

My earnest hope is
that it will continue to do so.

Ambrosine."

Isn't that just like a woman?

Kicking a man when he's down.
Promising one thing and delivering another.

- Oh, it wasn't her fault.
- Whose was it then?

As a matter of fact,
it was a kipper bone that came between us.

- A kipper bone?
- Yes.

Poor Uncle Charles choked on a bone,

had an apoplectic fit and died.

Ambrosine never got my letter
and drew her own conclusions.

I wrote and tried to explain

but by then she'd closed the house
and gone abroad

and all my letters came back.

Not much loss, if you ask me.

Not with all those Yakuti girls
waiting to console you.

I only ever knew one at all well...

and that was Saida.

When I say I knew her well
that isn't strictly true.

She couldn't speak any English

and I knew very little Yakuti.

So there was no real contact between us.

Yet somehow she seemed to realise
that I was hurt and miserable.

She couldn't have known why

but I'm sure she tried in little ways
to show me that she understood and sympathised.

Often, when she as going about her work,

I would notice her eyes fixed on me

and I'd wonder what was going on
behind the veil,

which hid the rest of her features.

Perhaps it was because I was on
the rebound from Ambrosine,

but perhaps it was just plain curiosity,

but I found myself suddenly, desperately anxious

to know what she was really like.

One day, when we were alone in the house,

I asked her to take off her veil.

She was embarrassed at first,

but eventually, very shyly, she did so.

I think she was the most beautiful girl
I ever saw.

The next day I found her by the fountain
in the courtyard

obviously unhappy with tears in her eyes.

I tried to comfort her but how could I explain
that I was her friend?

I didn't even know the Yakuti word
without looking it up in the dictionary.

Suddenly, she disappeared completely

and I began to worry about
what might have happened to her.

Have you seen Saida this morning?

Saida? No.

She's gone to the Asea Pazaro.

- What's that?
- Slave market.

Just an old Yakuti custom.

[loud indistinct chatter]

[man speaks Yakuti]

[man continues speaking Yakuti]

[man laughs]

Saida.

[crowd gasps]

[crowd gasps]

[men bidding]

[speaks Yakuti]

You can't bid against him,
he's the buyer from the Sultan's harem.

[speaks Yakuti]

In any case, you can't outbid him.
He's got the whole national treasury behind him.

- Are you mad? That's a whole year's salary.
- I don't care!

[crowd gasps]

[sombre music]

- Hello.
- Rollo, erm, can you spare me a moment?

Yes, I should think so.

What does that mean?

Where on earth did you get this?

Oh, erm, from a friend of mine.

As a matter of fact, he's writing a book
with some Eastern scenes in it.

Wants to use that phrase,
asked me to check it for him.

- Is it good Yakuti?
- Oh, yes, fine.

A couple of spelling mistakes.
That should be a U, that should be a P.

Good, I'll tell him. Grammar alright?

- Oh, yes, perfectly normal.
- I see, thanks.

Don't you want to know what it means?

Yes. Yes, if you like.

[speaks Yakuti]

"Before Allah, I love no man but you."

[speaks Yakuti]

"Rather than love another,
I will end my worthless life."

Thanks, sounds like a very romantic book.

- I wouldn't try anything if I were you.
- What do you mean?

The Sultan's harem is like a fortress.

Iron bars, guards at every door.

Nobody can get in or out,
unless they have a marker.

- Marker?
- Yes, it's a sort of medallion.

You know, rather like the plaques
they use on the tables at Monte Carlo.

If anyone has business,
legitimate business, in the harem,

he's given one on the way in.

Sort of passport.
You give it up when you come out.

- Could I get one?
- Not a hope.

Unless you know the right people.

[man speaks Yakuti]

[Rollo speaks Yakuti]

[shisha bubbling]

Yes, you'll do.
Provided you don't open your mouth.

The odds shorten.

I should say no more than 10,000/1 against.

Good luck.

[grand music]

[men speaking Yakuti]

[traditional Yakut music plays]

[gong rings]

[music stops]

[tense music]

[man speaks Yakuti]

[man speaking Yakuti]

[tense music]

Psst!

[romantic music]

Saida?

[man speaks Yakuti]

[Saida] Ow!

[Saida groans]

[man speaks Yakuti]

[tense music]

Come on, Saida!

[men shouting in Yakuti]

[men shouting in Yakuti]

[man speaks Yakuti]

Sit down, Mr Tavistock.

- You will take coffee?
- Thank you.

Rana.

Rana.

Forgive me for bringing you here
so unceremoniously.

I was interested to know the reason
for your conduct yesterday

and your extraordinary costume.

I think you know already.

I was trying to help a girl
escape from your harem.

So I was told. I find it hard to believe.

It's true.

Mr Tavistock, you puzzle me.

On my table here are three valuable ornaments.

If I turn my back will you take one?

Certainly not.

Then why should you steal
one of the ornaments of my harem?

You're not suggesting it's the same thing?

This a woman, a living, breathing human being

with a mind and a will of her own.

She's also my property,

just as much that cup in your hand.

I don't admit that.

Mr Tavistock,

when I was at Oxford...
Oh, yes, I studied in your country,

although I regret, like you,
I was unable to go to Cambridge.

When I was at Oxford I studied the tenets
of you law and your religion.

I found them most extraordinary,

although I was too polite to say so.

Have you had an opportunity of studying ours?

- No.
- Then perhaps you should.

In our religion it is written,

for a woman there is no god on Earth
other than her man.

And again it is written,

it is the law of nature that women
shall be kept under the control of men

and not allowed any will of their own.

I don't accept that, it's barbaric.

Mr Tavistock, if we are to use
such words as barbaric,

I must tell you that your marriage customs
appear the most barbaric of all.

To us it is barbaric to expect
one woman to be wife,

playmate, mother, housekeeper,
business partner and slave.

Here, each of these things is a different woman.

And I think if women in England
had a trade union,

they too would insist on one woman, one job.

But I'm not here to argue with you.

You will leave my country within 24 hours
and you will not return.

I've communicated this decision to your embassy.

I'll go, of course, but, erm...

Please, tell me, what will happen to Saida?

- She will suffer the due process of law.
- And that is?

Death in the form and manner prescribed
for women who are unfaithful.

But you wouldn't do that.

It is the law.

But do not distress yourself.

She is of our country and knew what to expect
even if you did not.

[tense music]

- But won't you please let her go free?
- I told you, it is impossible.

Can I see her before I go?

You should count yourself fortunate
that you cannot.

If you were of our race and religion,

you would be forced to witness her execution,

which would immediately proceed your own.

[speaking Yakuti]

But I...

An hour later, I was on board
the Orient Express on my way home.

The Foreign Office gave me a reprimand
and packed me off to Paris.

Paris. That must have been fun.

Not for me.

I couldn't forget what I'd done to Saida.

I went into mourning.

Devoted myself entirely to work.

Determined to have
nothing more to do with women,

cut them right out of my life.

- In Paris?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, you're a better man than I am,
that's all I can say.

I might have been doing it still it if hadn't
been for a visit I had at the end of the year.

I was working late one evening
when the office door opened

and there stood Rollo.

- Rollo!
- Hello, Humphrey.

But how wonderful to see you!
What on earth are you doing in Paris?

On leave, of course, dear boy,

and where else should one spend
one's leave but in Paris?

But how long are you staying?

- I mean, when do you have to go back?
- I don't.

I've finished with all that.
I'm leaving the Diplomatic

and taking up the law.

- What made you do that?
- Well, I have an uncle who's a barrister.

He's always wanted me
to follow in his footsteps.

And as he's childish and worth half a million,
I thought it my duty to oblige him.

- What's all this I hear about you?
- What do you hear?

That you've became a swot.

That you work all night as well as all day.

You never go out, you never see anyone.

You're noted as being
the most antisocial diplomat in Paris.

- Can this be true?
- I just don't feel like going about anymore.

I bet you've got a pretty little midinette
tucked away somewhere.

I'd rather not joke about it, if you don't mind.

I made a vow I'd have nothing more
to do with women.

Not after what happened to Saida.

You know what happened to her then?

Well, of course I know.

Well, how did you manage to keep in touch?
I only heard about it the day I left.

Good thing for her it was a boy, what?

- What on earth are you talking about?
- Saida.

I don't believe you know
what happened to her at all.

Not about her being promoted to number one wife.

You mean she's still alive?

Well, of course, the Sultan's no fool.

He decided that if you thought
she was worth risking your life for, well,

she must have a little something
that the others hadn't got

and killing her would be rather a waste.

So she got a reprieve and the Sultan got a son.

His first, incidentally.

Hence the promotion for Saida.

- But is this true?
- Of course!

- [Humphrey chuckles]
- What are you doing?

Taking off this black tie.

- Won't you look rather odd without one?
- What of it?

I've been mourning for Saida for a whole year.

Now you tell me she's alive,
I feel like celebrating.

And so you shall.
How long will it take you to change?

- About half an hour.
- Well, then you come with me.

The Comtesse de Flamberie
is giving a ball.

[lively music]

[indistinct chatter]

There she is.

Rollo, you are late. That is very naughty.

A thousand apologies.

But I bring you a peace offering.

May I present Mr Humphrey Tavistock
of the British Embassy.

The Comtesse de Flamberie.

Enchanté.

You are most welcome.

Why do I not see you before?
You have just arrived in Paris, yes?

Yes, er, very recently.
In fact, I'll let you into a secret,

he has not spoken to a woman
for more than a year.

- It's not possible.
- It's true, I assure you.

[in French] Poor little boy.

We must find you a partner.

Ah, I have just the one for you.

Come.

[indistinct chatter]

Louise, here is a man you must meet.

Only today he has arrived in Paris.

And think, for two years
he has not spoken to a woman.

- You're joking?
- No, it's quite true, I assure you.

[tuts] Poor man.

How he must have suffered.

Humphrey Tavistock, Louise Tiere.

Would you like to dance?

Yes, please.

[in French] Shall we dance?

[lively music]

[waltz music]

[music ends]

It's late, chéri. I must go.

Must you?

You'll escort me to the stairs
while I get my cloak.

Can I...

Can I see you home?

- If you wish.
- I do.

You call for a vehicle while I get my cloak.

We arrive, chéri.

When shall I see you again?

- You wish to go now?
- No.

We have one little glass of champagne, oui?

Yes, thank you.

[maid humming]

Bonjour, Marcelle.

[in French] Come in, darling.

Marcelle.

[whispers in French] A glass of champagne
and watch out for my husband.

Chéri.

Will you excuse me for one little minute
while I take off my cloak?

Oui?

Marcelle will bring the champagne
in one moment.

[pensive music]

[whimsical music]

Oh.

You do not pour the champagne?

I don't want any.

Unless you do.

I'm drunk already but not on champagne.

[giggles] You are so gallant.

So jaunty. Come, come sit here with me.

Chéri.

[Marcelle] Madame!

[in French] Madame!
Quick! Your husband is coming!

[in French] You can't be serious!

I peered through the window as you told me.
I saw him coming with his crew. He's on his way.

- What is it?
- It's my husband, chéri.

- You mean you're married?
- Well, of course, naturellement.

I never realised, I thought--

There is no time, you must go quickly.

[both in French]
It's too late he's coming up the stairs.

- Oh, my God! What should we do?
- The balcony?

Yes! Go and open the door!

Chéri, chéri. You wait on the balcony,
very quietly, not a sound.

Presently he will go to bed
and Marcelle will open the doors and you go.

Hurry, quick. Chéri, chéri.

We'll meet at the Comtesse's tomorrow at six.

- Please say that you'll be there.
- Alright, I'll be there.

[in French] Let's hurry!

[frantic music]

Madame!

Oh, Marcelle!

- [in French] Good evening, Louise.
- Good evening.

- Did you have a good day?
- Yes.

Good.

[tense music]

[comical music]

[Francois exhales heavily]

Psst! Monsieur.

Au revoir, Margaret.

Monsieur Humphrey Tavistock.

My poor boy. What an escape.

And poor Louise, she is devasted.

You never told me she was married
and nor did she.

It should not be necessary.

Yes, but... but how was I supposed to know?

If she had not been married
you would not be left alone with her.

And you would never, never be allowed
to escort her home.

- I see.
- You make a great conquest.

She's crazily, madly in love with you.

Yes, but if she's married--

No, I can see you do not understand.

In France when we speak of love and marriage

it is not always the same thing.

Marriage is important to a woman.

Her husband must be a man of honour
and reputation

and position and substance.

He must be able to keep her in the proper style.

And she, she must keep his house,

entertain his friends, bear him children.

But love, that is something else.

But how can you marry someone you don't love?

Naturally, it is better if the man you marry
is also the man you love.

But it is not essential.

A girl's marriage, you understand,

is arranged by her parents.

If she and her husband are happy, eh, bien!

And if not, then the man has his mistress

and the woman her lover.

It is a convenient arrangement.

Reasonable too.

- [knocking]
- [in French] Come in.

Oh, it is from Louise.

She's not coming?

No, she has learnt that her husband
will be calling on me this evening.

And then he will be at the Chambre des Députés
until after midnight.

She begs that you call on her at nine o'clock.

I think it would be better
if I broke it off now.

When she is there, waiting for you?

And mad with love for you. Oh, monsieur.

- But is she?
- [knocking]

Monsieur le Député, Francois Thiers.

Ah, Francois.

[in French] I'm pleased to introduce you
to Monsieur Humphrey Tavistock.

He's of the British Embassy.

Monsieur Tavistock,

I present an honoured member
of the French National Assembly,

Monsieur Francois Thiers.

- Enchanté, monsieur.
- How do you do?

You will excuse me.

- If you promise one thing.
- What is it?

That you do not forget our appointment
at nine o'clock.

I won't forget.

[daunting music]

[romantic music]

- [knocking]
- [Marcelle] Madame.

- [both in French] What's happening?
- Your husband is coming.

Nonsense! I thought he was in
the Chamber of Deputies.

- No, Madame, he's downstairs.
- Oh!

Go! Hurry up! Let's go!

Oh, go! Quickly!

Marcelle.

[frantic music]

Oh, Marcelle, Marcelle!

Give me a second.

- [in French] Good evening, Louise.
- Good evening.

- Did you have a good day?
- Mm-hm.

[Francois speaking in French] Do you remember
what's happening tomorrow? I invited...

[Louise in French] Oh, I forgot!

[Francois] It's always the same with you.
You forgot everything, as usual!

[Louise] You're really mean!
What do you want from me?

[Francois] I want you to be here
when I come back every night.

I want you to be nicer to me.

- I'm paying for everything, this is not reasonable.
- What's the problem?

[arguing continues]

[loud bang]

[tense music]

- [in French] Is he your lover?
- No, sir.

Yes, sir.

My card, monsieur.

But I know who you are, we met this afternoon.
Remember?

Would you please explain to your lover
what is required of him?

I can't. Please, please let him go.

Do as I say.

You must take the card

and you must give a card of yours to him.

He wishes to fight with you a duel.

A duel?!

A duel? His Excellency won't like that.

But what am I to do? I don't want to fight him,
I'd feel such an idiot.

I thought you said it was the usual thing
for wives to have... lovers?

He didn't seem to think so at all.

You must understand that no husband
can ignore what happened last night.

Then it becomes a matter of honour.

But you do not despair.

I will find a way to prevent this duel.

But what am I to do meantime?

You must make your preparations.

You will have the choice of weapons.

So you will choose pistols.

It is all very romantic. Is it not?

Not for me.

And after, every woman in Paris
will be at your feet.

The man who fought a duel for love.

It... It's alright, Rollo, come in.

- What on earth are you doing?
- Oh, practising.

- Didn't you find her?
- No, she wasn't there.

Apparently she hadn't been in all night.

What are we going to do?

Very much afraid, old boy,
you're gonna have to go through with it.

Don't worry, you'll be alright.

- Don't worry?
- Well, at least you've got an equal chance.

All you've got to do is keep calm,
aim low and pray.

I don't know which is going to be worse,

my killing him or him killing me.

Oh, don't you? I know which I'd choose.

Carriage is waiting.

[tense music]

[man in French] Attention, sir.

Walk!

One, two, three,

four, five...

Shoot!

[gunshots]

[birds squawking]

[tense music]

You stay here. I'll go and see what's the form.

- [in French] Is he dead?
- I don't know for sure. Sir?

Oh, Francois...
[speaking French]

[men speaking indistinctly in French]

Relax, old boy, no duel for you today.

- Why not?
- Your man's in no fit state to meet you.

Not to put it too strongly, he's dead.

You mean...

- You mean, that was Francois Thiers?
- Yes, that's right.

But... but...

but he was supposed to be fighting me.
What's happened?

I haven't the faintest idea, old boy,
all I know is he's dead. Come on.

[in French] This is incredible!

- Monsieur Tavistock?
- Oui.

[in French] Please come with me, sir.

Get in, sir, please.

Did I not tell you I would arrange everything?

I still don't understand.

There is nothing to understand.

You will excuse me if I am...
[in French]...a little distracted.

To see the man one has loved killed
is not pleasant.

Even if one's love has died already.

But I thought it was Francois Thiers
who was killed?

[in French] That's true.

You mean, he was your lover?

Oui.

For ten beautiful years until last month.

Did Louise know?

But of course. Should I deceive
my greatest friend?

No.

It was he who was the deceiver.

But if she knew, why...

Six weeks ago Francois transferred his affection

to the wife of the Minister of State,

entirely because of his political career.

You understand? She is attractive,

like a horse.

All this I forgive him.

But when he interfered
with Louise's happiness

and challenged you,
my friend and protege, to a duel,

this I do not forgive.

So, I do my duty.

- You?
- Me.

I send a note to the Minister of State

requesting him to be at a certain apartment
at midnight.

The Minister has a great affection for his wife.

He is also a very good shot.

I am... I am very grateful to you but...

I didn't wish him any harm.

Neither did I.

That is why it is so sad.

You will excuse me now.
I must go to comfort poor Louise.

[in French] Goodbye, my friend.

Goodbye.

[sombre music]

[classical piano playing]

Excuse me, I must speak to you in private.

Let's go over here, yes?

Now, what is it?

It's Louise. She said she won't see me again.

That was only to be expected.

You mean, she hates me
after what happened to Francois?

But no, not at all.
She is madly in love with you.

Well then, why doesn't she
want to speak to me?

Oh, you English, you do not understand
the woman at all.

- Now she's a widow, oui?
- Yes.

So, she must marry again.

So it is important that should be no scandal,

no lovers, nothing.

So you say perhaps why should she not marry you?

Yes, why not?

My friend, as a husband you are...

Not quite rich enough?

[in French] That's it!

So she must not see you again.

Not until she is remarried.

You come back in two years.

I'm afraid I can't wait that long.

Oh, there is no need. See who comes here.

It is Randyl Margot.
She is lovely, n'est-ce pas?

You would like to meet her?

- No, thank you.
- No?!

I too have a bereavement in my family.

If you'll excuse me.

Isn't that typical?

All women think about is money.

They make love to you,

lead you on to think you're the only thing
they care about

and all the time their grasping little minds
are going click, click, click,

like adding machines.

Totting up to see what
they can get out of you.

Oh, come now, that's a little sweeping.

- Not all women are mercenary.
- Just tell me one that isn't.

I met one once.

As a matter of fact, I nearly married her.

It was just after I left Paris.

The Foreign Office were sending me
all over the world

as though they were playing chess with me.

And somehow, I don't know how it was,

there seemed to be a girl in every port.

But it wasn't until America
things got really serious

and that was my father's fault in a way.
He died.

And once I succeeded to the title,

American girls seemed to find me irresistible.

Oh, pardon me.

Mama, this is Humphrey.

Hi. Go right ahead, don't let me disturb you.

Mama, we're gonna be married.

- You don't say?
- Yeah.

Oh, my little baby.

Darling, Humphrey's a sir.

And when we're married I'll be Lady Tavistock.

Well, what do you know?

Congratulations, honey.

But just a minute,
hadn't you better get rid of, er,

what's his name, Brent, first?

Oh, sure that's all fixed.

I'm going to see the lawyers this afternoon
and I'm going to Reno tomorrow.

- [telephone rings]
- I'll take that.

It'll be the American Express for me
about our reservations.

She's a sweet girl, Lord Tavistock.

I'm sure you'll be very happy together.

Not Lord Tavistock, just Sir Humphrey Tavistock.

Erm, Humphrey to you, of course.

You mean, you're not a lord?

No.

Mary won't be a lady? Oh, she won't like that.

Oh, she'll be Lady Tavistock, alright.

Erm, I'm what's called a baronet.

What's that? A little baron?

No, it's, er...

Well, it's higher than a knight
but, erm, lower than a lord.

Do you have a castle
with a moat and all that?

- Good gracious, no.
- Then where do you live?

At, erm, Tavistock House.
It's a sort of English manor.

- Sir Humphrey.
- Just Humphrey, please.

Alright then, Humphrey.

- You know I'm a widow?
- Er, yes, Mary told me.

Now, see here,
Mary's been very carefully brought up.

She's always had everything she wanted

and I want it to stay that way.

The day you and she get hitched

I'm gonna give you a million dollars.

Just to make things easy, you understand.

I couldn't let you do a thing like that.

Ah, think nothing of it. I can afford it.

So I gather but...

Shh.

Fascinating study, Mary's mother.

Backbone of America.

The women with the fortunes their husbands
killed themselves to get.

Most business-like woman I ever met in my life.

Very next morning I received a letter from her,

enclosing a cheque for a million dollars

and welcoming me as a son-in-law.
The cheque of course was post-dated.

And when you went to cash it, it bounced.

Oh, not at all.

I never got round to cashing it
but the money was there alright.

The day Mary came back from Reno,

a new young attaché arrived
at the Hungarian Embassy.

His name was, er, Prince Meisteratzi.

She met him at a party. I introduced them.

It took Mary five minutes to discover

that his wife would have the title of
Her Serene Highness,

Princess Meisteratzi.

The next day they were married.

His cheque I believe was for five million.

Bad luck.

Oh, there was some compensations.

One was when they found
the prince to be a fake.

Only they didn't discover it
till after the wedding.

And the other was when I got stuck in a lift
in Mayfair House.

[woman muttering]

Excuse me.

- Which floor would you like?
- Seventh, please.

[lift whirs]

[lift whirs]

- Are we there?
- I don't think so.

- Well, what's happened then?
- We appear to have stopped.

- May I see?
- Certainly.

Hello? Hello there!

Oh, it's broken down.

Yes, that's what I thought.

You sure you didn't do it purposefully?

Well, certainly not.
Why should I want to get stuck in a lift?

Why, I don't know.

If you're thinking what I think
you're thinking, you're quite wrong.

I have a very important appointment
and I'm late already.

So am I.

Nothing seems to happen.

Try ringing it again.

How long do you think we'll be stuck here?

Depends what's wrong.

I once read of a case in The Times

when three people
were marooned in a lift for four hours.

No!

Hello!

Is anybody there?

Is anybody there!

I don't think that's really doing much good,
do you?

No, I suppose not.

It must be an omen.

Much more likely to be a fuse.

No, it's an omen. I shouldn't have come.

I knew all the time it was wrong.

Then you should be grateful
to this old rattle trap.

Why?

For giving you an opportunity
of changing your mind.

When they get it working again,

all you have to do is to push the button
for the ground floor

and walk straight out of the building.

I can't, it's too late.

Anyway, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings.

He's been very kind to me.

- Then why are you afraid of him?
- I'm not afraid of him.

I'm... I'm just not sure
I want to marry him.

[man] Hello!

Hello! Anybody down there?

Yes, there is.

- How many?
- Two.

We've sent for the engineers
and the fire brigade.

Don't worry, we'll get you out.

I should hope so.

We'll be as quick as we can, sir.

Stay where you are.

We haven't very much option, have we?

- May I make a suggestion?
- Yes.

As we've a long wait ahead of us
we might as well make ourselves comfortable.

Oh, I can't sit down, not in this. It'll crease.

It's the only decent dress I've got.

If you've got to
spend a couple of hours in a lift,

well, you're entitled
to look a little creased.

Well, alright.

Where are you going to sit?

Right here.

There, now we can have a nice cosy little chat.

What about?

Anything you like.

I never know what to talk about.

Well, you can start by telling me why you're
afraid of this man who wants to marry you.

Otto? I'm not really.

It's just that...

Well, he's more like a father than a husband.

Do you love him?

Well, he's... he's been very kind to me.

You mean you don't.

Does he love you?

I don't think so.

Oh, it sounds silly.

But I think it's... it's really
my painting he's in love with.

Well, what's the matter?

I've just realised,

here I am talking to you like this
and I don't even know who you are.

Well, that's easily remedied.

Humphrey Tavistock,
civil servant in the Diplomatic.

Just got back from America.

And you?

Helen Cooper.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Confound the thing!

I'm very sorry, sir, the lift is out of order.

It's always out of order.
And what has happened to it this time?

It's stuck between floors, sir.
The men are working on it now.

- When are they going to finish?
- I couldn't say, sir. They're doing their best.

Well, it's devilish inconvenient.

Nobody minds walking upstairs
when there isn't a lift.

When there is one,
well, it's devilish upsetting.

Much more upsetting for the people
who are in it at the time, sir.

They've been stuck between floors
five and six for nearly two hours.

Oh. Hm.

Your lifeline's long and strong.

And you're going to live to a ripe old age.

- Oh, unless something happens to you there.
- Where?

Just there, see that little break?

Oh, it's dirt, I think.

No, no, it's only just a tiny little break
in your lifeline.

Mmm, maybe nothing, maybe everything.

You're going to have four...

no five children!

[both laugh]

You're just making it up.

No, I was taught by an old, old Spanish Gypsy.

I must say, you make it sound very convincing.

It's also a wonderful excuse
for holding a girl's hand.

No, please, I was only joking.

I think you're laughing at me now.

No, I'm not, honestly. I'm deadly serious.

Please. Please, give it back to me.

Well, alright, but don't think
I believe a word of it.

Now.

Now this one says you're warm and passionate.

Emotional, temperamental.

Ah, this one says you're artistic.

Are you artistic?

- I suppose so, I paint.
- Ah, you see.

Painting's very important to you, isn't it?

Oh, yes. That's how I met Otto.

He bought one of my pictures.

And he asked to see some more of my stuff
and he bought another three.

Oh, he'd have taken more, only...

They were all I'd got that were fit to show.

You see, I'd never sold a painting before.

I was so broke I was working in a shop

and only painting weekends.

As a matter of fact,

I borrowed this dress from the shop
to wear here this afternoon.

That's why I didn't want to get it creased.

Oh, well, so,

so Otto said it was all wrong
that I shouldn't be able to paint properly.

Well, you know, all the time.

And that's when he asked me to marry him.

I've got to give him my answer this afternoon.

Does he know anything about painting?

Otto?

But he's famous, Otto Kerstein.

You know, the art dealer.

Well, he's terribly well-known.

And terribly rich.

You're not in love with him and
he's only in love with your painting.

- I think so.
- [banging]

- [lift whirs]
- We're moving.

[whimsical music]

How do I look?

Lovely.

No, no, my dress, silly.

Is it terribly creased?

Anyone who notices your dress

when they could be looking at you
is stark, staring, raving mad.

That's quite enough of that.

Well, put your jacket on.

- Helen.
- What?

- Helen, don't go.
- I must.

You're two hours late.
He'll have given you up long ago.

Slip away with me.

No, I can't.

In a few seconds we'll be at the top,
the door will open

and you'll be swallowed up by Otto
and his beastly art galleries. Please!

It's no good. I can't, it wouldn't be fair!

[lift stops]

We're going down.

[upbeat music]

[old Humphrey] The next day we went down
to break the news to the family.

But we found the house full of lawyers
and Mother in bed with one of her hens.

When I heard what the lawyers had to report,

I must say I didn't blame her.

Helen.

[birds twittering]

- Was it awful?
- Worse than that.

Tell me straight up.
Don't try to soften it or make it easy.

Alright then, straight out.

We're broke, ruined.

My father left a load of debts.

The house will have to be let.

My income for the next seven years
has got to go to pay off all the creditors.

And half my salary from the Diplomatic.

Oh, is that all?

Isn't it enough?

It'll be all I can do to live on half my salary
for the next seven years.

I... I can't ask you to marry me now.

You've asked me already.

Now I'm letting you go free.

Humphrey, do you really want to get rid of me?

Of course not, you know that.

Then what an earth are you worried about?
We'll manage.

Haven't you ever heard that two
can live as cheaply as one.

[romantic music]

[old Humphrey] Three months later,
when we were married

and the Foreign Office had sent me to Prague,
she proved it to me.

Two could live as cheaply as one.

And not only two, but three...

and four...

and five.

[daunting music]

What an earth are you doing?

Just giving my cuffs a manicure.

Will I do, do you think?

[chuckles] You look lovely.

I look terrible and well you know it.

If anyone else said that to me,
I'd knock 'em down.

It's the dress I'm worried about.

It's gone wrong somewhere.

Looks alright to me. Where'd you get it?

Well, this bit is last years.

And this is the year's before.

Afraid they don't go very well together.

It's the best I can do.

If anyone looks at your dress
when they could be looking at you

then they're stark, staring, raving mad.

You've said that to me once before, remember?

What a long time ago, it seems.

Oh, there now, don't let it get you down.

In another three years you'll be able
to buy all the dresses you want.

Oh, don't say that, please.

I'd rather live just for today.

I could never be happier than I am now,

not if you bought me 100 dresses.

- [baby crying]
- Oh, dear.

Susan. Susan, darling.

There, there, it's alright.
It's alright, darling.

Don't worry, it's alright, darling. Shh.

- Look at your painting.
- Never mind.

Here. Here, let me.

Shh, shh, darling. Shh, shh.

Darling, look at your dress!

Oh, well, that's that.

You'd better ring up
and tell them I've got a headache.

Oh, and I was so looking forward
to that goose and sauerkraut.

You'll have scrambled eggs and like it.

Oh, come on, poppet.

Let's see if we can scrape you clean.

I felt then...

and I know now...

that those were the happiest days of my life.

And there were exactly

1,902 of them.

On the 10th of April 1914,

the twins were born.

On the 11th...

Helen died.

[sombre music]

It was a week after the funeral

and the children had already left for England
to stay with my mother,

when the visitor arrived.

- Sir Humphrey Tavistock?
- Yes.

I have come to speak with your wife.

I'm afraid you can't do that.

But I have travelled all the way
from New York to London,

and from London to Prague just to see her.

- Who are you?
- Otto Kerstein.

- [bells ringing]
- I deal in pictures.

So you're Otto Kerstein.

You know my name?

Yes, I heard it once.

Then I may speak with Lady Tavistock?

My wife's dead.

She has no further interest in pictures
and nor have I.

That I should come at such a time.

Please forgive me.

You weren't to know.

Excuse me, you are leaving here?

Yes.

Then I must speak to you before it is too late.

You see,

five, six years ago I buy four paintings
from an artist.

Helen Cooper.

She's young, but she's talented.

They're good, very good.

Later, I sell three of them in New York.

One of them now is in the Metropolitan Museum.

So I write to her for more.

My letters come back.

Then I look at that painting,
the one I kept, the best one,

and I say this painting is very good.

Perhaps she will be one of the great ones.

And it was I, Otto Kerstein,
who found her first.

So I come to London to buy more of her work.

They tell me she has gone to Prague
and is married.

So I come to Prague.

You tell me she's dead.

I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do for you.

- But there is.
- What?

Show me, please, her paintings

before she so unhappily died.

They're over there.

But is that all?

Yes.

Our oldest daughter did that.

She pulled it down and put her head through it.

It's a pity.

[melancholic music]

They're all like this?

I'm afraid so.

You know it is as though

this morning I had discovered Cézanne.

Tonight, he is dead.

How good a painter was she?

Oh, who can tell.

One looks,

one waits, one hopes.

A little flame.

Perhaps one day it will grow
into a great conflagration.

Perhaps a puff of wind will blow it out.

Goodbye, Sir Humphrey.

I am sorry you had this journey for nothing.

I count myself fortunate
that I still have one of her paintings.

I suppose you wouldn't consider selling it?
I'd like to buy it.

If it's not too expensive.

It is not for sale.

Not even to you.

You have had her for five years

and you have her children.

Leave me at least with her picture.

Well, she must have been a girl in a million,
that's all I can say.

She was.

Oh, there's an exception to every rule.

Strangely enough I have known others.

Well, then you're luckier than you deserve.

I say, look at the time.
Where the blazes is she?

Oh, she'll be here soon enough.
Help yourself to another drink.

I don't want anymore, I want to have
all my wits about me when she does arrive.

Oh, do stop that, there's a good boy.

You remind me of a man
waiting to go over the top.

[distant explosions rumbling]

[whistle blows]

[explosions]

[gunfire]

[ominous music]

[echoing] It is alright, you are quite safe.

Go to sleep again.

You will soon be well.

[whimsical music]

Shhh.

Okay?

Lift your head up.

You will look at the time, please.

Half an hour already you should be in bed.

I don't want to go to bed, I've slept enough
to last me for the rest of my life.

So, you're a convalescent, the war is over

and you think you can play
loose and fast with me, yeah?

I'd like to.

So I see.

I think you're a very dangerous man.

Well, what you going to do about it?

Maybe I scream for help.

Alright, I'll come quietly.

Ah, your River Thames is beautiful this evening.

You know I haven't been in a punt
since I was a kid.

We used to keep one at home on the lake.

Fell in regularly every week.

[chuckles] If you promise not to fall in again
I'll take you on the river tomorrow.

- Would you do that really?
- Yes, if you like.

You know you're very sweet to me.

Tell me, do all patients fall in love
with their nurses?

Mmm, yes, most of them.

And the nurses,
do they fall in love with their patients?

Only the very silly ones.

No. No more, please.

You only want to make me forget
that you should be in bed already.

[romantic music]

I heard some bad news this morning.

Oh, but what?

I'm to be discharged at the end of the week.

But, of course, you are much better now

and very strong.

- Julie.
- Hm?

Julie, what are you going to do
when the hospital closes down.

Oh, I don't know. Perhaps I go back to Sweden.

I was happy there.

And you're not here?

Not always.

You were married once, weren't you?

Yes, how did you know?

Just guessed.

- And you're alone now?
- Yes.

Have you ever thought of marrying again
and settling down?

No, I never thought of it.

- Or having a family and a home?
- No.

- Most women do.
- [laughs] Not me.

I could provide you with one ready-made.

Could you see me with five daughters?

Quite clearly.

It would be a very pretty picture.

I'm sure they would hate me at sight.

Well, why don't you come
and find out for yourself?

No.

No, it's no use, Humphrey,
to start something that you can't finish.

There is too much of the past between us.

Things I do not wish to remember.

- Things I don't even want to talk about.
- Then don't talk about it.

At least you can come to Tavistock
for a week or two,

it'll be the start of your holiday.

No, it's no good.

Besides, I am frightened of children.

- Frightened?
- Yes, it is true.

I do not know what to say to them.

I'm nervous and they sense it.
I cannot play their silly games.

[children laughing]

[girl] Hurry! Hurry!

I'll catch you! I'll catch you!

Tea. Come on, break it up.

Tea's ready.

Oi! Thank you.

- Thank you very much.
- Can we play again tomorrow?

- If I'm here still, yes.
- You're not going?

Well, would you like me to stay?

Oh, yes, I want you to stay forever.

Please say you won't go.

Well, we shall see. But run along
and wash your hands before tea, yeah?

Alright!

[girls shouting, laughing]

You see, they don't want you to go and nor do I.

Er, you wanted to see me?

- Sir Humphrey Tavistock?
- Yes.

Well, it's really the lady I want to see, sir.

What lady?

Mrs Julie Eton.

Well, what did you want with her?

I've got a letter for her. Special delivery.

Well, you can give it to me,
I'll see she gets it.

Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that, sir.
Definite instructions.

I was to give it to the lady and nobody else.

Something rather personal as you might say, sir.

I see.

Julie, will you come here a moment, please?

This gentleman has a letter for you.

- What is it?
- Something personal he says.

Erm, alright, you can hand it over now.

- Mrs Julie Eton?
- Yes.

Will you accept this, madam,
with my compliments.

I have one for you too, sir.

- Thank you, sir.
- Madam.

And a very good afternoon to you both.

What is it, Humphrey?

So far as I can gather, your husband is suing me

for enticing you away from his bed and board.

But that is ridiculous.

Well, apparently, he's done it.

What do you make of it, Rollo?

Well, it's a bit outside my normal line.

I... I'd need to know a lot more about the facts
before I could advise you.

Such as?

Well, there are one or two questions
I should like to ask Mrs Eton.

If you don't mind?

No. No, of course not.

You don't have to answer anything
you don't want to.

I have no secrets from you anymore.

Ask your questions.

Well, first of all, this gentleman,
Trevor Fotheringham Eton,

- he's your husband, is he?
- Yes.

- How long have you been married?
- Eleven years.

Am I right in thinking that
you've not lived with him recently?

Not since 1914.
I've been nursing all through the war.

I only gave it up six weeks ago.

When did you first meet Humphrey?

Just over a year ago.

When he was wounded
he was brought to my hospital.

I see.

At who's suggestion was it
that you came down to Tavistock?

Mine, of course.

She was tired and needed a holiday.

When I was discharged from the hospital

I asked her to come down here to stay with me.

Mm.

Did you know of the existence of Mr Eton
when you made that suggestion?

I knew she had been married, yes.

Did you know her husband was still alive?

No.

I wish he weren't.

Yes, it's better that I tell you the whole story.

I am Swedish.

My father sent me to London to study.

I was very lonely.

I was only 19.

After a time I met Trevor.

Oh...

Oh, he was charming, attentive, gay.

When he asked me to marry him,
my father objected.

But I would not listen to him.

After we were married,

my husband did not trouble
to be charming anymore.

So...

I gradually find out about him.

He is, what do you call it, a complete waster.

He has never done
an honest day's work in his life.

- He has a succession of other women.
- Have you evidence of that?

I do not have him watched,
if that is what you mean.

I'm not sufficiently interested.

You say you haven't seen your husband
since 1914?

Oh, yes, I have seen him.

If ever his allowance was as much
as one day overdue he would turn up.

Has he ever asked you to go back to him?

In a way, yes.

- In what way, Mrs Eton?
- I think that's quite enough, Rollo.

No. No, it's alright.

From time to time he writes me
silly sentimental letters,

ridiculous nonsense.

Always suggesting that I am
the only woman in the world for him.

Begging me to come and live with him again.

But he knows he's quite safe.

Nothing would persuade me
to spend even an hour in his company.

I got his last letter here,
if you would like to see it?

Yes, please.

[barrister] Now, Mr Eton.

I want you to take a look at that letter.

Have you ever seen it before?

Yes. I wrote it.

To whom?

To my wife.

Would you be good enough to read
the last paragraph of the letter?

What, aloud?

If you please.

[coughs]

"I am lonely and miserable.

All the light has gone out of my life

now that you are no longer here to brighten it.

Every night I pray only one prayer,
that you will come back to me.

That is all I need and desire from life."

- Do you want me to go on?
- No, that will be sufficient.

How many other letters
did you write to your wife

begging her to return to you?

Oh, I... I should say at least 20.

And how many replies have you had from her?

Not one.

What was the general tone of your letter?

Well, I...

I-I-I told her that I loved her
and I asked her to come back to me.

Do you still want her to come back to you?

More than anything else in the whole world.

Thank you, Mr Eton.

[indistinct chatter]

Mr Eton, you describe yourself
as a company director, I believe?

Yes.

Would you tell m'lord and the jury

of what companies you are a director today?

Well, I was on the board of Sharp & Davison
until quite recently.

Yes, that's not quite what I asked you, is it?

How many directorships do you hold today?

- I resigned all my directorships.
- Why?

This case had been taking up so much of my time.

It's affected my health, you know.

I see.

Mr Eton, if your wife came back to you today

would you be able to support her?

Well, of course.
As well as I could when we were married.

That wasn't very well though, was it?

Have you in fact ever supported her
for as much as a week since you married?

Well, of course I have.

Would it not be more true to say
that she supported you?

Most certainly not.

Have you ever borrowed money from her?

Well, occasionally, yes.

That isn't a crime, surely?

The marriage service says for richer,
for poorer, you know.

- [laughter]
- [Rollo] I know very well.

Richer for you, poorer for her.

[indistinct chatter]

[tense music]

Now what are we faced with here?

We are faced with a man who says

my wife has been stolen from me

and I want her back,

or her equivalent in cash,

which he puts at £5,000.

Now it's true that if someone
steals your pet dog

or your jewellery or anything else
which is demonstrably yours,

you're perfectly entitled
to come here into court

and say I want my property back.

But in this case we are not dealing with a dog,

or a diamond, we're dealing with a human being.

In my submission then

the plaintive is offering to sell his wife

for £5,000.

Of course, this is no new thing.

On the 17th of May 1826,

you will find this in the records
of Brighton market,

a certain Mr Hilton of Lodsworth

publicly sold his wife for 30 shillings.

- Less one shilling commission to the market.
- [laughter]

And as recently as 1883,

Betty Ward of Ecclestone

claimed as defence to a charge of bigamy

that her first husband
had sold her to her second

for a quart of beer.

[laughter]

Mr Jefferson, are you proposing to call evidence
with regard to either of these cases?

No, m'lord.

Then I don't think we can proceed any further
on this line.

If you'd like to produce either
of those other ladies whom you mentioned

and say to the jury,

"This wife was valued by her husband
at 29 shillings,

how much do you think Mrs Eton is worth?",

that might be an illuminating comparison.

I'm advised, m'lord, that in parts of Africa

the market price of a wife
is three cows or eight sheep.

I take it my friend
is not proposing to ask the jury

to render their verdict in terms of livestock?

I can see nothing wrong in that,

provided we can arrive at a figure.

The Old Testament, I believe,
expresses the opinion

that if one can find a virtuous wife

her price is far above rubies.

On the other hand,
if I remember my Latin correctly...

[speaks in Latin]

"I would not give a farthing for a bad wife."

I do not indeed that latter figure, Sir Jeremy,
to be a hint to the jury, of course.

- [laughter]
- I'm much relieved to hear it, m'lord.

[tense music]

And you never knew Mrs Eton's husband
was alive until the writ was served on you?

That is so.

Thank you, Sir Humphrey,
that is all I have to ask you.

Er, Sir Humphrey,

is Mrs Eton your mistress?

- [crowd gasps]
- Certainly not!

Have you ever considered
making her your mistress?

No.

Have you ever considered marrying her?

- Yes, but--
- What, Sir Humphrey?

Nothing.

[Sir Jeremy] As you please.

You know what damages
my client is claiming from you?

I understand he's asking for £5,000.

Do you consider that a prohibitive figure?

I think that is for the jury to decide.

And what about you?

Do you consider Mrs Eton to be worth £5,000?

I consider that to be an impertinent question
and completely beside the point.

Nevertheless, I should be glad
if you would answer it.

Must I answer, my lord?

The council is entitled to ask it.

Though, I must say, in my opinion,
it's in somewhat doubtful taste.

Very well, Sir Humphrey.

Even if these things are not
usually discussed in polite society,

do you consider Mrs Eton to be worth £5,000?

I consider her to be beyond price.

Beyond £10,000.

If you like.

Beyond 20,000, perhaps?

M'lord, the witness said beyond price.

Is there any point in my learned friend
quoting figures to him?

Do you consider her more valuable
then the national debt?

Infinitely, your lordship.

[sombre music]

Good morning, Mrs Eaton.

- You wanted to see me?
- Yes.

Yes, please.

You have been so kind during this case.

I feel I can ask you to do one more thing for me
but it is confidential.

Nothing that I say to you this morning
must be repeated to Humphrey.

- Do you understand that?
- Yes.

Is it true that my husband is asking
for £5,000 damages?

So I understand. Doesn't mean that he'll get it.

But suppose he does.

Can Humphrey afford to pay the £5,000
and the costs?

I'm not sure that I can answer that.

I think I know the answer already.

I'm... I'm only asking you to confirm it.

It would cripple him financially, would it not?

Bankrupt him.

Yes.

That is what I thought.

Then, this is what I want you to do.

M'lord, with your permission
I should like to call one further witness.

Mrs Julie Eton.

What does Sir Jeremy say?

I have no objection, m'lord.

Very well. Call your witness.

- Mrs Eton, will you go into the witness box?
- Yes.

- [whispers]
- She insisted.

Silence.

Will you read the oath on the card, please?

"I swear by Almighty God

that the evidence I shall give

shall be the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth."

Mrs Eton, is your full name Julie Eton

and are you the wife
of the plaintiff in this case?

Yes.

Did you hear your husband say in that box

that it was his dearest wish
that you should return to him?

Yes.

- Are you prepared to do so?
- Yes.

Are you further prepared to give an undertaking

never to see the defendant after today?

I am.

[tense music]

Thank you, Mrs Eton, that's all I have to ask.

[tense music]

But you can't possibly expect me to give up now.

You have no option. You've got to accept.

After what you said in the witness box,
and you did overdo it a bit, you know.

If you don't accept,
the most the jury will reward you is a farthing.

Oh!

I only hope you won't regret this, Mrs Eton.

- [knocking]
- Come in.

Excuse me.

Sir Humphrey's asking to see you,
Mrs Eton, urgently.

No. No, I can't see him, please.

Don't you think you owe him an explanation?

There's nothing to explain to him.

He will understand.

Can I get out this way, please?

Yes.

Thank you.

Please, thank him most warmly for his offer.

But I'm afraid I'm too expensive for him.

A brave woman, Mr James.

Yes.

I wonder if Sir Jeremy would care
to put a price on her now.

And I never saw her again from that day to this.

Now that's the kind of woman I really admire.

I do hope you're talking about me.

Oh, Ambrosine, so you're back.

You, er, know this young man?

I've heard a great deal about him
in the last five days.

- How do you do, Lady Tavistock?
- How do you do?

Did... did you say Ambrosine?

That's right.

Oh, erm,

I eventually caught up with her
and finally she allowed me to marry her.

Did Diana come back with you?

- Yes.
- Where is she?

- Packing.
- Packing?

She saw your car outside.

- And do you know what she said?
- What?

"It's Anthony, bless him.

He's come to apologise
and ask me to go back to him."

I never came to do any such thing.
I came to have it out with her.

You do want her back, don't you?

Well, yes, on my terms.

Which are?

Well, I want to be able to come home at night

and find my slippers in front of the fire,

dinner on the table and Diana there
waiting to welcome me.

I want a wife who's a wife.

The truth about women today is they don't want
to be women at all, they want to be men.

Oh, no, no, no, you're quite wrong.
They want to be women, alright.

The fact is, they have a different definition
of what the word means.

To a woman it means a person.

An equal partner in the business of life.

Free to do what is right and best for herself.

I'll tell you the truth about women.

It's hell living with them,

but it's a damn sight worse
having to live without them.

Where are you going?

To look for Diana.

Second door on the right.

Hello.

Hello.

Let me take those.

Alright.

I had a feeling you'd be here
when we got back.

Did you?

- I'm glad you've come to your senses at last.
- What do you mean?

- Well, you are coming home, aren't you?
- Naturally.

But only on my terms.

Now, Diana, don't start that all over again!

You didn't think for one moment
I'd go back on what I'd said?

Well, if you don't you might as well
count me out, that's all.

I suppose you're gonna say now that
you didn't even ask me to come back?

No, I didn't! I simply came here
to have it out with you.

Oh, really, how impossible can you get?

Impossible? I don't know
what you're talking about!

Now, look here, Diana,
you ought to understand...

Even the bed wasn't made!
I had to make the bed!

- Get out of my car!
- [front door shuts]

[whimsical music]