All language subtitles for Children Ruin Everything S01E04 Truth 1080p NF WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-DJSF_track3_[eng]

♪♪♪

(Video game beeps, car races)

- (Whispers) He's coming.
(Game sounds muffle)

(Footsteps approach)

Viv and Felix: (Humming)

- Hey, you playing games
on my phone?

- I don't think I was.
- Mm-hmm.

- Stop picking on Felix!

- I'm not picking on Felix,

I want him to tell me
the truth.

- Let's go, Felix.
(Game sound play)

- Hey, what's going on
with you?

I mean, I told you
not to play on my phone.

The second my back's turned
and I'm cleaning the kitchen,

you take my phone.
- I smell chocolate.

Did you have chocolate?

Astrid: When you have kids,
your relationship

with lying changes. They're not
ready for every truth.

- It's just chocolate's
in the cleaning spray.

- Sometimes it's just easier
to lie

because they're so gullible.

James: And because
it's so useful.

You lie so they behave,
or to avoid a fight.

Or because life
is harsh enough.

- Listen Buddy,
you gotta be honest with me

'cause there's gonna be times
where telling me the truth

is gonna save your life.
- Like what?

- No, you get nightmares
from watching "Ponyo".

I'm not gonna start listing
all the ways you could die.

Just tell me the truth.
Always.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- I like it better
when Mom puts me to bed.

(Muffled video game plays)

- There... was that so hard?

♪♪♪

- Ah! I miss you guys!

- I made this one.
Felix and me.

- That's beautiful.

- We saw a skunk
in the backyard

and we named it Fart Captain.

- Uh, we?
I named him Fart Captain.

- I have a wiggly tooth.
- What?

No, you gotta keep that in.
I wanna be there

when the Tooth Fairy comes.
- Hmm.

- Okay, speaking of teeth,
let's brush ours, right?

Say goodbye to Mommy.
Kids: Bye, Mommy!

- Bye!
- Okay, let's go.

- I'll be back from work
training tomorrow night.

Hey! Hey! Remember me.

- So, tell me how's the preview
of your new job?

- Yesterday I was all,

"The analytics modelling
for waste management doesn't

allow for the city's growth
from now until 2026, Dummies."

- Sounds like
you're crushin' it.

And maybe being a bit mean.

- Yeah, it's a real um, cool
girl, back of the class vibes

that I'm cultivating.
Everybody loves it.

- So, um...

I think Felix is done
with the Tooth Fairy.

- How could you
let that happen?

- I don't know what to tell ya,
he knows his teeth

are worthless. But if we don't
get in front of it,

I think he's gonna tell Viv.
- Okay, well I wanna be there

for that conversation.
That's huge.

- I agree. When you get back
we'll take him out

for ice cream,
maybe on a long drive.

- Sounds like we're having
him put down.

- Hmm. Well, we'll see.
Everything's on the table.

Viv: Daddy!

- Okay, bye my love,
I gotta go.

(Baby crying)

(Cereal rattles, lid clangs)

(Baby crying)

- She's not happy, huh?
- I'm so sorry. She's teething.

- No, don't be sorry,
we all need teeth.

(Baby crying)

- You know, if you leave that
spoon in ice water for a bit

it'll feel really good
on her gums.

- (Sighs)
- Hot tip. Cold tip.

- You've done this before.

- Two times. Maybe three,
but you know,

life's so busy already
but I just, when I see a baby

I just, I love you!
I love you.

(Giggles) Sorry.

Um, let me get you some
ice water. You stay here.

♪♪♪

(Backing up truck beeping)

(Box cutter zipping)

- Hmm, good, good.
- (Box rustles)

I needed a bigger terrarium
for my scorpion.

- They grow up so fast.
Am I early for our meeting?

- Blowing past the small talk
and getting down to business.

Good.
- Let's do our jobs.

- Okay.

Jeff Tremblay, Gero's Grocery
VP of Operations is dead.

- Oh, my God!

He bought me a muffin once.
I never thanked him.

- I mean retiring.
- I see.

So, people either work here,
or they're dead.

- His absence has created
a gaping leadership hole

and we are jumping
into that hole, James.

I have suggested that you
become regional manager

for our four new locations

while Tremblay's successor
is found.

- You, okay,
what does that mean?

Do I get, is that a raise?
Do I get a raise?

- (Gasps) Do you hear
that sound, James?

I just scratched your back.
Ack, ack!

- Ooh, my, that's not
my favourite sound

but I'm very grateful.
- I need a favor.

- Yes.
- Currently, we are opening

four new franchises

but what if it were five?

- Yes, any fool could see
that that's more,

but wow, how do we... how?

- I need you to figure out
the distribution logistics

for a potential franchise
in Gatineau,

for Monday morning.
- Mon-- okay,

it's, today is Friday.
- So you have two days.

- Yeah.

- Scratch my back, James.
Ack, ack!

- Yes. okay.

(Files thud, stressed exhale)

- Hey, would you drink a gin
cocktail out of a can?

- Depends how it got in there.

- My cousin is marketing these,
they're called Gindestructible.

All the names are dad jokes.

You've got "Cruel Gintentions",
"Five-Star Gineral".

- Why do dads have to take
the hit for puns?

Why can't it be sportscasters
and weathermen?

- They're the dads
of the broadcast world.

- I can't deal
with this right now.

Marla is making me
regional manager.

It's a lot of extra work.
- Hey, you're movin' up!

Wait, wait, don't leave me here
alone, okay?

Who am I gonna talk to?
Simon?

I don't even know
if his name is Simon,

we've just been calling him
Simon. Hey, Simon.

- I'm not going anywhere,
okay?

I'm just trying to build
a career, I guess,

and just make some extra cash.

- Well, you're a real
ginspiration.

Hey, I'm emailing that
to my cousin.

- Can I ask you something?

When did you figure out
the Tooth Fairy?

- I was 10.

I really believed.
- Oh boy, big mistake.

- My mother used to leave
little footprints

made of glitter
and write little notes.

It was magical.
I've never forgiven her.

I defended the Tooth Fairy so
hard we had to change schools.

And I had to get a new haircut,
for a litany of reasons.

- Yeah, I think Felix
is starting to doubt

that there's a fairy walking
around with cash

collecting billions of teeth
a year.

- Well then, you gotta do
your son a favor

and rip the band aid off.
I can still hear

Todd Westerland calling me
a baby idiot.

A baby, idiot.

(Meditation music plays)
- They're in here meditating.

Bo: Breathe in.

- Oh, it's like a very peaceful
double homicide.

Viv: Daddy!
- Hey, Wonder Girl! Yeah!

- Has the Tooth Fairy come yet?

- No, Sweetie,
Tooth Fairy only comes at night

when everyone's asleep.
Oh, where'd my daughter go?

There she is.
- Like Fart Captain!

- Yeah! Like... yeah,
like Fart Captain.

Do you wanna do me a favor
and get your shoes on for me?

Thank you.
Dawn: Hmm.

- The uh, the fart, that was,

that's not uh, we saw a skunk.

Felix named him.
- That's wonderful.

I love humor.

- If you can't laugh at life,
you'll probably cry.

Both are healthy.

- So, any plans for the weekend
while the cat's away?

I'm referring to Astrid.
- (Laughs)

- Uh, no big plans,
just friends coming over

tomorrow night to watch
the basketball game.

- You should invite Bo.
- Oh.

- Mm-hmm, um... (sucks lips)

Bo?
- Mm-hmm?

- Do you wanna uh, come over
and watch the basketball game?

- Me? I would absolutely
love that. Thank you!

I'll go pack.

- Huh? No, no. Hey, Bo, Bo, Bo,
it's tomorrow night.

- I know. I hate doing
anything last minute.

- Hmm. Mm-hmm.

- So, is he... mm-hmm, okay.

♪♪♪

(Plate clunks)

- Whatcha drawin' there,
Wonder Girl?

- This is the Tooth Fairy
and her knife.

- Okay, why does
she have a knife?

- The knife cuts the hole
so the Tooth Fairy can get in.

- No, she's magical. She uses
magic to get in the house.

- A magical knife.
- Yeah. Uh...

(Paper crinkles)

Oh, it's a beautiful one.

Astrid: The carbon footprint
of a parent is massive.

Kids use up a lot of stuff.
Every toy is packaged

in 10 layers of plastic
and cardboard.

Entire forests have been
levelled to make

coloring books that kids
scribble in and chuck.

James: They waste food,
they leave taps running,

they gobble up batteries.

Not literally.
Well, once, almost.

Astrid: And of course, you
wanna use less, and recycle,

and take care of the planet,

but also sometimes you want
like, 15 minutes. Sorry, Earth.

(Paper scratches)

♪♪♪

- Thank you. I'm not gonna
put this one in the gallery.

(Doorbell rings)

(Door opens)

♪ Snacks and fun
and snacks and fun ♪

♪ And bonding
with my brother-in-law ♪

- I just made that up.
- Hi, Bo.

- Yeah, they're clean.

- You are, no exaggeration,
seven hours early.

- I need some extra time
to prepare the snacks.

Hey, Vivvy!
- Hi!

- Phyllo pastry parcels
stuffed with goat cheese

and cranberry compote.
- Hmm.

We're just watching
a basketball game,

we're not, you know,
entertaining the mayor.

- I don't get to do this
very often, James.

In basketball terms,
I'm a roo-key.

- It's pronounced rookie.

But listen, I'm really glad
that you're here.

- Me too!
- Because I need to work.

I need to get some stuff done
before Ennis comes,

so can you watch the kids
for me first?

- James, I recognize a man
who's work is a succubus

drinking his life away.

That was me before
I broke down.

- I can handle a little bit
of homework if it means

getting a raise, okay?

- Yeah, but that's how
it starts - a raise,

work on weekend, higher stress,

less time for family.

One day you light your tie
on fire and walk to Guelph.

Felix: Daddy! Daddy!

- Hey, there he is? What's the-
- It came out!

- Oh! That's exciting, right?

- The Tooth Fairy's
gonna come tonight.

Cut a hole in our house!
- Magic.

She magics into the house
and takes our teeth

for her own mysterious
purposes. Right, Uncle Bo?

- Perhaps she grinds them into
a powder then makes a paste

that she can mould light clay
into beautiful sculptures.

- No, no! She'd, she's, we'll
never know the real reason.

But not that.
- I wanna see the Tooth Fairy.

- Oh, but Buddy,

she only comes after we're
asleep. What're you gonna do?

- I could record her
on my iPad.

- Hmm.
- I wanna see what her deal is.

- Yes!

- Yeah, it's a super smart
idea, Buddy!

- I'm gonna start cookin'.

♪ Snacks and fun ♪
(Humming)

(Keys clacking)

(Phone buzzing)

- Hey! So you're not gettin'
hammered on the golf course

with the World Cup Committee?

- No, but I drank a beer
in the tub.

- Oh, like a cowboy.

So, it was a good day?

- Yeah! Chuck wants me
to come back next month

instead of in the fall,
because they're obviously

nothing without
my muscular brain.

- And I might get a new
job title and pay bump.

Wait, are we...
are we a power couple?

- Well, for dinner I ordered a
room service burger with bacon,

so you tell me.

- Hmm, you know, I would,
but I'm too busy looking at

the 30-million-dollar homes
on the Bridle Path, so.

- I should actually go
'cause Chuck wants me

to go over something
for tomorrow. But hey...

congrats on your
maybe promotion.

- Mm-hmm, thank you.

- I remember when you started
working at Gero's,

you said you wouldn't
last two years.

Now look at you.

- Totally.

- Love you. Bye!

(Viv and Felix
scream in background)

Felix: You're not gonna get me!

♪♪♪

Ennis: Whoa!

What time is it?
It's game time!

(Imitates horn sounds)

- Come on, come on, come on.
- Are your kids here

or can I do voices?
- They live here.

Also, they're asleep.

- Okay, then let's keep
our voices down.

I don't wanna have to say hi.

Huh, do you want
a Gindestructible?

We got uh,
"Ginsane in the Membrane"

and "Gint of Lime".

Some of these names
need work still.

- Hello, Ennis.

I hope you brought your mouth.

- I don't feel safe.
Who is this?

- This is my brother-in-law,
Bo.

He's gonna watch the game
with us. It'll be great.

- Mm-hmm. Excuse me.

Tonight's line-up of snacks
will be very vegetable-forward,

but I can adjust
for any food allergies.

- Okay, I'm gonna go.
- Wait, no, no, no!

Come on, there's booze,
and there's snacks,

and there's a game.
What more do you need?

- Mmm.

(Phyllo crinkles)

(Crunches in mouth)

You're lucky these are divine.
-Mm-hmm.

- Help yourself to any
gin-flavoured beverage.

- I don't drink.

But I do like to indulge
when I feel my mood darken.

Homemade edibles!
(Bag crinkles)

Yeah, just helps me relax.

Here, have one.

James?

It's mild.

- How mild?

- So mild.

It's nothing.

- See, the thing about guys
is we know where to buy

stuff like technology
and running shoes,

but where do we go
when we're in the market

for organic surf apparel,
or a simple crocheted vest?

- You're exactly right. I
wouldn't know where to begin.

Hey, I think the second half
of the game started.

- Oh no, it's been over
for a while now.

We're watching a nature
documentary and Bo's telling us

his business idea.
- Oh, I see what happened.

- So, I created GoBo.

It's like Etsy, for men.

- So, would this be like,
sneakers designed by rappers,

or is it stuff made out
of antlers?

- Exactly!
And I have start-up capital.

All I need is someone
like James.

- What? Someone like me?

- Yeah, someone who's good at
logistics, and distribution,

and workflow. I mean, to
balance out my pure,

creative energy.
- What?

- I have to be the Tooth Fairy.
- (Bo gasps)

And Felix set up a camera
in his room to catch you.

- Yes. Hmm.

- Means he's on to you.
You gotta end this.

- No, look, it's not about
Felix, it's about Viv.

You only get so much magic
in your life.

I don't want Felix
to ruin it for her.

- Okay, let's do it.
You changed my mind fast.

Bo, these are not mild.

♪♪♪

- So, about half an inch.
- Okay.

- This is for her body.
James, you're doing amazing.

- Thanks, Buddy. (Laughs)

- Do you think she's a blonde
with brunette lowlights

or a brunette
with blonde highlights?

- Uh, just--
Bo: So, just yeah, make a--

- Twist them around? On it!

(Scissors snipping)

(Laughs)
- Bam! That's it.

Ennis: Some more string
for the hair.

- Oh. Ooh.

- Here's an idea
for a final touch: perfume.

Bo: Oh!

- She's done!
(Music stops)

James: Bo,
this is really great.

- Yeah, she's... really pretty.

- This might be the weed gummy
or the Gindiscretion talking,

but you guys are great friends.

- She's bold and powerful.

But she has a secret.

I'd never tell a soul.

♪♪♪

(Footsteps thud lightly)

(Crickets chirp outside)

- (Whispers) Okay, guys,
we've gotta be very quiet

so we don't wake Viv or Felix.

- Oh, I don't wanna see
your kids.

I just came up here because
I'm scared to be alone.

- Sh-sh-sh.

- Do you expect the fairy to
put the money under the pillow,

or to take the tooth?

- I didn't actually think about
either of those things

because I'm too messed up
on your weed gummy!

- It sounds counterintuitive
but have another.

(Giggles) I did.
- Ah, forget it!

Bo, you army crawl behind
the iPad, and I'm gonna fly

the Tooth Fairy right
in front of the camera

and you turn off the iPad.
- Hey, careful with her!

She's... delicate.

But she has a wisdom, you know.

- Stop creeping
on the Tooth Fairy

and let her do her job, please.
- We can do this.

- Ennis, you watch Viv's door.
Make sure she doesn't come out.

- I'm gonna hold on
to the doorknob

so that she can't get out.
- That's... okay.

Bo. Here we go.
Let's do it.

Ennis: That's just like
in the army.

Where'd you find this guy?

James: Slide it out.
Like an eel.

- That's great.
- There we go. Slide...

- Hey, James?
- Yeah?

We should get an apartment
together.

- Let's... we'll table that.
- Okay.

- All right, fairy's coming in.
Here we go!

♪♪♪

Bo? Bo! Bo!

- Bo!
- Bo!

- Bo!
- Bovert! Bo!

James: What's the matter
with him?

- Oh, he fell asleep.
That's actually not a bad idea.

My cab's been waiting outside
for about 10 minutes.

Super fun night.

Oh, do you text me later to let
me know that I got home safe?

(Crickets chirp outside,
footsteps recede)

- Okay, okay, yes.
We got this.

♪♪♪

(James grunts quietly)

♪♪♪

(Phone rings, clatters,
clicks call off)

Viv: Daddy! Daddy!

- Hello.

- Felix' iPad made a movie
of the Tooth Fairy!

- What?! Let me see.

- She turned off my iPad
and gave me 10 dollars.

- Ten?! Not five, huh?
She must've uh...

yeah, confused the bills
in the dark. Lucky you!

- This is weird.
- Hmm. What do you think, Viv?

- She came! She cut a hole
in the house and left money!

- Yeah! So fun, right?!

- I'm hungry.

- Okay, we've moved on.
Uh yeah, just help yourself

to some breakfast, guys.
Get started.

(Email alert chimes,
keys clack)

Bo: Workin' on Sunday?
- Okay, hi.

- I don't miss that.

Doesn't have to be that way.

GoBo is always there for you.

- I'm gonna work on something
that exists, so, yeah.

(Phone rings)
- Oh.

Can I borrow that clean pair
of underwear I brought back?

- I gonna take this.

No, it's actually a great idea
because the new franchise

could uh, restock from
the two existing depots.

Okay.

And um, yeah, it would
save us about 15 percent.

So, I can started on that
uh, on Monday.

Yeah, no, or I could
have it done by Monday.

Both work great!

♪♪♪

- You lied to me!
- I gotta go.

♪♪♪

(Swears under breath)

(Video game beeps, car races)

(Knocks)

- You tricked me.
- Yeah.

I know, Buddy. I'm sorry.
- I feel dumb.

- No, hey, hey, no, no, no.
Stop, you're not dumb,

I just wanted you
to believe and have fun.

- Why do grownups
trick kids so much?

- Okay, look, the Tooth Fairy
is just a game

that makes losing a tooth
less scary.

- You said to always be honest.

- Yeah.

Um... and you should.

Most of the time.

But sometimes...

lying can be useful.

It can get you out of danger,

it can help you spare
somebody's feelings.

It can keep your sister
believing in the Tooth Fairy.

- You want me to lie to Viv?

- Uh, no, I-I want you to be
part of the longest-running

and weirdest conspiracy
in the world!

And I want Viv to have fun.

- She can have my tooth
to put under her pillow.

- That's cool of you, Buddy.

Unfortunately I can't allow it.

It's against Tooth Fairy rules.
No swapsies.

- That's a lie!
- Hmm?

- I'm gonna delete all your
games on your phone.

- Um... that's a terrible lie.

Can I just give you a couple
of notes?

What you wanna do is you wanna
make eye contact,

you wanna exhale.
Look at me. Ready?

Like this.
(Clears throat)

I'm not gonna bop you on
the head with this pillow.

Bop!
- Oh! (Giggles)

- See? Oh!

Astrid: If you're a parent,
you gotta lie sometimes.

Get over it.

James: You don't want your kids
terrified of a local

serial killer or knowing
where the chocolate stash is.

- Hold up, where's
the chocolate stash?

- Oh, it's above the dryer.
- Smart!

You gotta reveal the complex

and garbagy parts
of the world slowly.

- Sucks!
- Mm-hmm. Right?

I had one yesterday,
"Gin There, Done That".

Tasted like pennies.

James: Unlike with your
partner, where it's best

to lob the truth
like a grenade.

- What's up?
- Screw Chuck.

- Wait, what? What happened?

- He offered me a sweet job,

a job that I'm clearly made for,

with a two-year contract.
- Oh, that... dirty.

I don't know why we're angry.
Why are we angry?

- If we decide
we wanna have a baby,

- Yeah?
- I can't wait two years.

And then, if I take mat leave
partway through,

who's to say that I have
a job to come back to?

- Yeah, have you tried
asking him about it?

- I don't wanna have
to ask Chuck

if I'm allowed to have a baby.

Men have it so much easier.

- Yeah.
I hate my job.

- What?
- Yeah.

I... I hate my job.

I'm not trying to trump your
very real and sexist dilemma,

but I hate it and I'm...
makes me feel depressed

and... unfulfilled.

- I'm sorry.
Thank you for telling me

and for having your soul
crushed for us.

- For... yeah.

♪♪♪

- Blech.
- Oh.

- So, there's a layering
of the texture there.

Bo: Yeah, it's nice.

- All right? Faye Dunaway,
eat your heart out.

- It's moving the glitter glue
around, just--

- Yeah, well I'm blowing it.
- Don't put your fingers on it.

- But I'm not. I'm making it
drier, faster with my...

my mouth breath.

- Hey, what's your favorite
Tony Shalhoub show?

Mine's "Wings".

She's a blonde but she's got
sort of brunette lowlights.

That'll be nice.
- I'm not sure

about a lowlight.
Ennis: When it's darker.

See you have brown hair
and then you have highlights

that are blonde.
But if your hair is blonde

and you put brunette streaks
in it, then they're lowlights.

That's what they call them
when it's darker.

Should've gone blonde for
a while, eh, it was my chance.

James, would pass me
the purple glitter paint?

Take a little hit of purple
sparkles.

Bo: No, no, no! No, no!

- What? It's just a little
purple sparkle!

- No, no, no, no!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪