All language subtitles for Wit.2001.eng

♪

You have cancer.

Miss Bearing, you have

advanced metastatic
ovarian cancer.

[vehicle horns honking]

Go on.

You are a professor,
Miss Bearing.

Like yourself,
Dr. Kelekian.

Why, yes.

Now, then you present

with a growth that
unfortunately went

undetected in stages
one, two, and three.

Now it is an insidious
adenocarcinoma...

Insidious?

Insidious means undetectable
at an early stage--

Insidious means
treacherous.

Shall I continue?

By all means.

Good. In invasive
epithelial carcinoma,

the most effective
treatment modality is

a chemotherapeutic agent.

We are developing
an experimental combination

of drugs designed
for primary-site ovarian,

for the target specificity
of stage three

and beyond administration.

Am I going too fast?

No.

You will be hospitalized
as an in-patient

for treatment each cycle.

After the initial
eight cycles,

you will have another
battery of tests.

The antineoplastic
will inevitably affect

some healthy cells,

including those lining
the gastrointestinal tract

from the lips to the anus
and the hair follicles.

We will, of course, be
relying on your resolve

to withstand some of
the more pernicious

side-effects.

Miss Bearing?

Oh. I beg your pardon.

[clears throat]

Do you have any
questions so far?

Please go on.

Perhaps some of these
terms are new...

No, no. You're being
very thorough.

I make a point of it.

And I always emphasize
it with my students.

Oh, so do I.

Thoroughness. I always
tell my students,

but, they are
constitutionally averse

to painstaking work.

Yours, too?

Oh, it's worse
every year.

Mine are blind.

Oh, well, mine are deaf.

You just have to hope.

Mm-hmm. I suppose so.

Where were we, Dr. Bearing?

I believe I was being
thoroughly diagnosed.

Right.

Now, the tumor is
spreading very quickly.

And this treatment
is very aggressive.

So far, so good?

Yes.

Better not teach
next semester.

Out of the question.

The first week of each cycle,

you'll be hospitalized
for chemotherapy.

The next week, you may
feel a little tired.

The next two weeks

will be fine,
relatively.

Eight months like that.

This treatment is
the strongest thing

we have to offer you.

And as research,
it'll make

a significant contribution
to our knowledge.

Knowledge...yes.

Here is the informed
consent form.

Should you agree, you
sign there at the bottom.

Is there a family member you
want me to explain this to?

Oh, that won't
be necessary.

Good.

The important thing is
for you to take

the full dose of
chemotherapy.

There may be times
when you'll wish

for a lesser dose due
to the side-effects.

But we've got
to go full force.

Dr. Bearing?

Yes.

You must be very tough.

Do you think you can
be very tough?

You needn't worry.

Good.

Excellent.

♪

I should have asked
more questions.

But if I knew there
was going to be a test.

Hi. How you
feeling today?

Fine.

Great. That's just great.

This is not my standard
greeting, I assure you.

I tend toward something
a little more formal,

a little less inquisitive,

such as, say, "Hello."

But it is the standard
greeting here,

so I just say, "Fine."

Of course, it is not very
often that I do feel fine.

I have been asked "How are
you feeling today?,"

while I was throwing up
into a plastic washbasin.

I have been asked

as I was emerging
from a four-hour operation

with a tube
in every orifice:

"How are you feeling today?"

I'm waiting for the moment
when someone asks me

this question and I am dead.

I'm a little sorry
I'll miss that.

I have cancer,

insidious cancer, with
pernicious side-effects.

No, the treatment
has pernicious side-effects.

I have stage four
metastatic ovarian cancer.

There is no stage five.

Oh. And I have to be
very tough.

It appears to be a matter,
as the saying goes...

of life and death.

I know all about
life and death.

I am, after all, a professor
of 17th-century poetry

specializing in the Holy
Sonnets of John Donne...

which explore mortality
in greater depth

than any other body of work
in the English language.

And I know for a fact
that I am tough.

A demanding professor,

uncompromising,

never one to turn
from a challenge.

That is why I chose
to study John Donne

while a student
of the great E.M. Ashford.

[knock on door]

Oh, yes.

Your essay on
Holy Sonnet VI,

Miss Bearing,

is a melodrama
with a veneer

of scholarship
unworthy of you

to say nothing of Donne.
Do it again.

Oh. I...

Begin with the text,
Miss Bearing,

not with a feeling.

"Death
be not proud,

"though some have
called thee

"Mighty and dreadful,
for, thou art not so..."

You've entirely missed
the point of the poem

because, I must say,
you've used

an edition of the text

that is inauthentically
punctuated.

In the Gardner edition
of the text...

Well, that edition
is checked out of the li--

Miss Bearing?

Oh. Sorry.

You take this
too lightly.

This is
metaphysical poetry,

not the modern
novel.

The standards
of scholarship

and critical
reading which one

would apply
to any other text,

are simply
insufficient.

The effort
must be total

for the results
to be meaningful.

Do you think that
the punctuation

of the last line
of this sonnet is

merely an insignificant
detail?

The sonnet begins

with a valiant struggle
with death,

calling on
all the forces

of intellect and drama
to vanquish the enemy.

But it is ultimately
about overcoming

the seemingly
insuperable barriers

separating life, death,
and eternal life.

In the edition
you chose,

this profoundly
simple meaning

is sacrificed to
hysterical punctuation.

"And Death,"
capital D...

"shall be no more;"

Semi-colon.

"Death," capital D,
comma...

"thou shalt die!",

exclamation mark.

If you go in for
this sort of thing,

I suggest you take
up Shakespeare.

Gardner's edition
of the Holy Sonnets

returns to the
Westmoreland manuscript

source of 1610.

Not for sentimental
reasons, I assure you,

but because Helen
Gardner is a scholar.

It reads: "And death
shall be no more,"

comma,
"Death thou shalt die!"

Nothing but a breath,
a comma,

separates life
from life everlasting.

Very simple, really.

With the original
punctuation restored,

death is
no longer something

to act out on a stage
with exclamation marks.

It is a comma. A pause.

In this way--
the uncompromising way--

one learns
something from the poem,

wouldn't you say?

Life, death, soul, God,

past, present.

Not insuperable
barriers,

not semicolons.

Just a comma.

Life, death. I see.

It's a metaphysical
conceit. It's wit.

I'll go back to the
library and rewrite--

It is not wit,
Miss Bearing.

It is truth.

The paper's not
the point.

Isn't it?

Vivian, you're
a bright young woman.

Use your intelligence.

Don't go back to
the library. Go out.

Enjoy yourself
with friends, hmm?

VIVIAN, VOICE-OVER:
I went outside.

It was a warm day. I...

There were students on
the lawn talking about, well,

nothing, laughing.

Simple human truth.

Uncompromising
scholarly standards.

They're connected.

I just couldn't...

I went back to the library.

Anyway...

All right.

"Significant
contribution to knowledge."

"Eight cycles of chemotherapy."

Give me the full dose,

the full dose, every time.

VIVIAN, VOICE-OVER:
The attention was flattering...

for the first five minutes.

[man coughs]

Name?

My name?

Vivian Bearing.

Huh?

Bearing. B-e-a-r-i-n-g.

Vivian. V-i-v-i-a-n.

Doctor?

Yes, I have a Ph.D.

Your doctor?

Oh! Dr. Harvey Kelekian.

I am a doctor
of philosophy...

Take a deep breath
and hold it.

[inhales]

OK.
[Vivian exhales]

a scholar of
17th-century poetry.

Arms above your head,
and hold it.

[machine beeps]

OK.

I have made
an immeasurable contribution

to the discipline
of English literature.

I am, in short, a force.

OK, that's it.

Name?

Lucy, Countess
of Bedford.

I don't see it here.

My name is
Vivian Bearing.

B-e-a-r-i-n-g.

Dr. Kelekian is my doctor.

OK, lie down.

VIVIAN: After an astounding
undergraduate career...

I studied for three years
with Professor E.M. Ashford,

during which time I learned
by instruction and example

what it means to be
a scholar of distinction.

As her research fellow,
my principal task was

the alphabetizing
of index cards

for Ashford's monumental
critical edition

of Donne's "Devotions
Upon Emergent Occasions."

I am thanked in the preface:

"Miss Vivian Bearing
for her able assistance."

Thank you.

Where's your wheelchair?

I do not know.

I was busy just now.

Well, how you gonna
get out of here?

I could walk.

It's not permitted.

Well, I do not know. Perhaps
you would like me to stay.

I guess I got to go
find you a chair.

Don't inconvenience
yourself on my behalf.

WOMAN: ...cc drip...

You want
their feedback?

MAN: Sure. If you
can, make it 4...

Ms. Bearing,
this is Jason Posner.

He's gonna do
your medical history

and ask you
a few questions.

He's Dr. Kelekian's
fellow.

Professor Bearing,
I'm Dr. Posner,

clinical fellow

at the medical
oncology branch,

working
with Dr. Kelekian.

Sit over here,
please.

Professor Bearing,

I was a student
at the university.

I took your course

in 17th-century
poetry.

Did you?

Yes. I thought
it was excellent.

Well, thank you. Were
you an English major?

No. Biochemistry.

But you can't get
into med school

unless
you're well-rounded.

And I made a bet
with myself that I

could get an A

in the three hardest
courses on campus.

How did you do, Jase?

Success.

Really?
A-minus.

It was a very tough
course.

Yeah,
I'll call you.

OK.

I'll wheel this over.

OK, now, I'm going to be
taking your history,

which is a medical
interview,

and then I give you
an exam.

I believe Dr. Kelekian
has already done that.

Well, I know,
but Dr. Kelekian

wanted me to do
one, too.

Very well.

OK, let's just
get started.

Uh...how are you
feeling today?

Fine, thank you.
Excellent.

And how's your
general health?

Fine.
Good.

Now, we know that
you're an academic.

VIVIAN: Mm-hmm. Yes,
we've established that.

So we don't need to talk
about your interesting work.

No.

Uh, how old are you?
48.

Are you married?
No.

Are your parents living?
No.

How and when did they die?

My father, suddenly,
of a heart attack when

I was 21.

My mother, slowly,
when I was 41 or 42,

of cancer,
breast cancer.

Cancer?
Yeah. Breast cancer.

I see. Any siblings?
No.

Now I'm going
to ask you

about your past
medical history.

Have you ever been
hospitalized?

Yes. I had my tonsils
out when I was eight.

Have you ever
been pregnant?

No.

Heart murmurs?
No.

High blood pressure?
No.

Venereal diseases,
uterine infections...

[clears throat]
No.

Thyroid, diabetes,
cancer...

No. Well, cancer, yes.

Well, when?

Now.

Well, not including now.

In that case, no.

OK. Uh...

clinical depression,
nervous breakdown,

suicide attempts...

No.

Do you smoke?
No.

Ethanol.

I beg your pardon?

Alcohol.

Oh. Ethanol.

Yes, I drink wine.

How much? How often?

A glass with
dinner occasionally,

and perhaps a scotch
every now and then.

Do you use
any substances?

Such as?

Marijuana, cocaine,
crack cocaine, PCP, ecstasy,

poppers...
No.

Do you drink
caffeinated beverages?

Oh, yes.

Which ones?

Coffee,
a few cups a day.

OK. How many?

Two to six.

But I really don't think
that's immoderate.

How often do you undergo
routine medical checkups?

Well, not as often
as I should probably,

but I've felt fine.

I really have.

So the answer is?

Every three
to five years.

What do you do
for exercise?

Pace.

Are you having
sexual relations?

Not at the moment.

Are you pre
or post-menopausal?

Post.

When did your
periods stop?

About two years ago.

OK. Uh...

When did you first notice
your present complaint?

This time now?

Yes.

Oh. Um, well, about
four months ago,

I felt a pain
in my stomach,

in my abdomen.

Um, like a cramp,
but not the same.

How did it feel?

Like a cramp.

But not the same?

Duller and stronger.
But I can't describe it.

Mm-hmm.
What happened next?

Well, I just--

I don't know...

I started noticing
my body. Little things.

I would be teaching
and feel a sharp pain.

What kind of pain?

Sharp...

and sudden.

Then it would go away,
or I would be tired...

exhausted.

I was working on
a major project...

the article
on John Donne

for the "Oxford
Encyclopedia of
English Literature."

It was a great
honor,

but I had a very
strict deadline.

So would you say
you were under stress?

It wasn't so much more
stress than usual.

I just couldn't
withstand it this time.

I don't know.

So...

So I went to see
Dr. Chin,

my gynecologist,

after I'd turned
in the article

and explained
all this.

She examined me,

sent me to Jefferson,
the internist...

who sent me to Kelekian

because he thought
I might have a tumor.

And that's it.

Till now.

That's very
interesting.

Um, well, I guess
we'll start the exam.

Why don't you just sort
of lie back and relax?

[clears throat]

Won't take a minute.

[clears throat]

Um, let me get
this sheet.

Here.

OK. OK.

Um...um...oh, yes.

Just...um...

JASON: Um...just...

Feet in the stirrups here.

OK.

[metal clanking]

OK.

Um...could you just...

Uh, yeah.
Can't--

There. OK.

Good. OK.

Um...

OK.

OK. Oh! Oh. I've got
to go get Susie.

I got to have
a girl here.

Some crazy
clinical rule.

Don't move.
I'll be right back.

Susie?

I wish I had given
him an A.

JASON: Susie!

Two times one is two.

Two times two
is four.

Two times three is...

six.

Ohh.

"Death be not proud,
though some have called thee

"Mighty and dreadful,
for, thou art not so,"

"For, those, whom thou
think'st, thou dost overthrow,

Die not, poor Death,
nor yet canst thou kill me..."

Has anybody
seen Susie?

"One short sleep past,
we wake eternally,

"And death shall be no more,"

comma.

"Death thou shalt die!"

OK, here's
everything. OK.

What is this? Why did
you leave her like this?

JASON: I had to find
you. Now, come on.

We're ready,
Professor Bearing.

Just get this on.

Uh...

All right. All right.

Just get this up.

Ooh, just relax.

OK. Isn't
that interesting, Susie,

that I had
Professor Bearing?

Yeah.

Yeah. I wish I had taken
some literature.

I don't know
anything about poetry.

JASON: Professor Bearing

was very highly
regarded on campus.

It looked very
good on my transcript

that I had taken her course.

They even asked me about it

in my interview
to medical school.

Jesus.

What?

What?

Y-yeah, I survived
Bearing's course.

And no problem.

Yeah, John Donne, those
metaphysical poets,

that metaphysical wit.

Hardest poetry in
the English department.

I'd like to see
them try biochemistry.

OK. We're almost
done. All right.

Yeah, OK.
Uh!

Uh, that's it. We're done.

Uh, OK. I got to go.

Uh, take her feet out of...
Yeah.

Thank you.

I'm just gonna...

[chair humming]

VIVIAN, VOICE-OVER:
That was...

hard.

That was...

One thing
that can be said

for an eight-month course
of cancer treatment:

It is...

highly educational.

I am learning to suffer.

Yes, it is mildly uncomfortable
to have an electrocardiogram,

but...

the agony of a colonoscopy
sweeps it from memory.

Yes, it was embarrassing
to have to wear a nightgown

all day long.

Two nightgowns.

But that seemed like
a positive privilege

compared to watching
myself go bald.

Yes, having a former
student give me a pelvic exam

was thoroughly...

degrading.

And I use the term
deliberately.

But...

I could not have imagined
the depths of humiliation.

[coughing]

Oh, God. It can't--

Please--

God help--

Steady.

Steady. Unh...

Oh, God.

[groaning]

What's left?

I haven't eaten in two days.

What's left to puke?

[breathing heavily]

You may remark
that my vocabulary

has taken a turn
for the Anglo-Saxon.

God, I'm gonna barf
my brains out.

If I did actually
barf my brains out...

it would be a great
loss to my discipline.

Of course, not a few
of my colleagues

would be relieved

to say nothing
of my students.

It's not
that I'm controversial.

Just uncompromising.

[spitting]

False alarm.

If the word went round
that Vivian Bearing

had barfed her brains out,
well,

first my colleagues,
most of whom are

my former students,

would scramble
madly for my position.

And then their consciences
would flare up.

So to honor my memory,

they would put together
a collection

of their essays
about John Donne.

The volume would begin
with a warm introduction,

capturing my most
endearing qualities.

It would be short
but sweet.

"Published and Perished."

Now, watch this.

I have to ring the bell.

[bell chimes]

SUSIE: How you doing,
Ms. Bearing?

You having some nausea?

Uh, yes.

OK, I'll be with
you in a second.

Someone has to come
and measure this emesis

and record it on a chart
of my intake and output.

This counts as output.

[door opens]

It's about 300 CCs.

Is that all?

[liquid pouring]

It was very hard work.

Yup, 300.

Good guess.

[liquid pouring]

OK.

Is there anything
else I can get you?

You want some Jell-O
or something?

Thank you, no.

Are you OK all
by yourself in here?

Yes.

You're not having
a lot of visitors,

are you?

None to be precise.

I didn't think so.

Is there somebody
you want me to call

or something?

That won't be necessary.

I don't want visitors.

OK.

Well, I tell you what,

I'll just pop my head in
every once in a while

to see how you're doing,

make sure you're OK.

If you need anything,
you just ring.

Thank you.

OK.

You just call.

♪

VIVIAN, VOICE-OVER:
Do not forget

that you are seeing
the most interesting aspects

of my tenure
as an in-patient

receiving
experimental chemotherapy

for advanced metastatic
ovarian cancer.

But as I am a scholar,
I feel obliged to document

what it is like
here most of the time

between the dramatic
climaxes.

In truth, it is like this.

You cannot imagine
how time can be so still.

It hangs.

It weighs.

And yet there is
so little of it.

It goes so slowly.

And yet it is so scarce.

If I were writing this scene,
it would last a full 15 minutes.

I would lie here
and you would sit there.

Not to worry.
"Brevity is the soul of wit."

But if you think eight
months of cancer treatment

is tedious for all of you,

consider how it feels
to play my part.

All right. All right.

Let's say
it's Friday morning.

"Grand rounds"
is what they call it.

Action!

[loud metal clank]

Dr. Bearing.

VIVIAN: Dr. Kelekian.

Professor Bearing, how are
you feeling today?

Fine.

JASON:
Great. Just great.

Very late detection.

Staged as a four
upon admission.

Hexamethophosphacil with
Vinplatin to potentiate.

Hex at 300 milligrams
per meter squared,

Vin at 100.

Today is cycle four,
day three.

All cycles are
at the full dose.

Primary site is here...

behind the left
ovary.

Metastases
are suspected

in the peritoneal
cavity,

mainly in this area
here.

Full lymphatic
involvement.

At the time of
first-look surgery,

a significant part
of the tumor was

de-bulked, mainly
in this area here.

Left, right ovaries,
fallopian tubes,

uterus, all out.

Evidence of primary-site
shrinkage.

Shrinking in metastases
has not been documented.

Primary mass frankly
palpable in pelvic exam,

all through here.

Excellent command
of details. OK.

Problem areas
with Hex and Vin?

Myelosuppression.

Of course there's
myelosuppression,

a lowering of
blood-cell counts.

That goes without saying.

With this combination
of agents,

nephrotoxicity will
be next.

Anybody else?

Side-effects?

Nausea, vomiting.

Jason?

Routine.

Pain while
urinating.

Routine.
Psychological
depression?

No way.

KELEKIAN:
Anything else?

Other complaints
with Hex and Vin?

Come on.

Mouth sores?

Not yet.

MALE FELLOW:
Skin rash?

No.

Why do we waste
our time, Dr. Bearing?

I do not know,
Dr. Kelekian.

Use your eyes.

KELEKIAN:
Good grief.

Hair loss.

Come on!

FELLOW 1:
Doesn't count.

FELLOW 2:
You can see that!

KELEKIAN:
Jason?

Hair loss after first
cycle of treatment.

KELEKIAN:
That's better.

Dr. Bearing.

Full dose?

KELEKIAN:
Good. Excellent.

Keep pushing
the fluids.

Big
shot.

Jason,
clinical.

Oh, right. Um...

thank you,
Professor Bearing.

You've been
very cooperative.

Wasn't that grand?

Full of subservience,
hierarchies.

Gratuitous displays,
sublimated rivalries.

I feel completely at home.

It is just like
a graduate seminar...

with one important
difference--

in grand rounds, they
read me like a book.

Once I did the teaching.

Now I am taught.

This is much easier.

I just hold still
and look cancerous.

Jason was impressive,
wasn't he?

I taught him, you know.

Nephrotoxicity,
kidney poisoning,

myelosuppression.

They are medical terms.
I looked them up.

It has always been my custom
to treat words with respect.

I can recall the time,

the very hour
of the very day

when I knew words
would be my life's work.

I like
that one best.

Read another.

I think I'll read

"The Tale of
the Flopsy Bunnies."

It has little bunnies
on the front.

[exhales]

"The Tale
of the Flopsy Bunnies"

by...

[pronounces BEE-uh-TIKS]
Beatrix Potter.

"It is said
that the..."

e--ef--"effect

[reading slowly]
"of eating

"too much lettuce...

is...so--"

sop--sopo--

What is this word?

Say it in bits.

"Sop-or-i-fic."

[so-poor-eye-fik]
So-por-i-fic.

What does that mean?

[SAW-per-IF-ik]
"Soporific"?

Causing sleep.

Causing sleep.

Makes you sleepy.

So-por-ific...

means makes you sleepy.

That's right.

DAD: Now, use it
in a sentence.

What has a soporific
effect on you?

YOUNG VIVIAN: What has
a soporific effect on me?

What makes
you sleepy?

Uh...nothing.

[chuckles]
That's right.

What about you?

What has a soporific
effect on me?

Let me think.

Boring conversation,
I suppose,

after dinner.

Me, too.

Boring conversation.

Good, excellent.

Carry on.

VOICE OF YOUNG VIVIAN:
"It is said that the effect

"of eating too much
lettuce is

[SAW-per-IF-ik]
soporific."

The little bunnies in
the picture are sleeping.

They're sleeping, like
you said, because of...

[SAW-poor-FIK]
soporific.

The illustration bore out

the meaning of the word

just as he
had explained it.

At the time,
it seemed like magic.

So imagine the effect
the words of John Donne

first had on me.

Ratiocination,
concatenation,

coruscation,

tergiversation.

Medical terms are
less evocative.

Still,

I want to know what
the doctors mean

when they anatomize me.

My only defense is the
acquisition of vocabulary.

♪

[sirens]

Fever
and neutropenia.

OK, when did it start?

I was at home reading.

I felt so bad.
I got cold.

Fever and neutropenia.
They said to come in.

Well, you did
the right thing.

Now, did somebody
drive you?

A cab, cab.
I took a taxi.

OK.

Can you walk?
Yes.

OK, just sit
here a minute.

I'll get Jason. He's
on call tonight,

and we'll get him to
give you some meds.

I'm glad I was
here tonight.

I'm gonna get you
to a bed soon, OK?

[device beeping]

I'm gonna get you some
juice, some nice juice,

with lots of ice, OK?

Lights. I left all
the lights on at my house.

Don't worry about it.
It'll be OK.

Professor Bearing,
how you feeling?

My teeth are chattering.

JASON: Vitals?

Temp 102, pulse 120,
respiration 36.

Fever and neutropenia.
It's a shake and bake.

Blood culture
and urine, stat.

Admit her.

Prepare her
for reverse isolation.

Start
with acetaminophen.

Vitals every four hours.

I'll be right back.

Jason, I think you need
to talk to Kelekian

about lowering the dose
for the next cycle.

It's too much for her
like this.

Lower the dose?
No way. She's tough.

She can take it.
Full dose.

Wake me when the counts
come from the lab.

Good morning,
Dr. Bearing.

Full dose.

Definite progress.
Everything OK?

Yes.

You're doing swell.

Isolation's no problem.
A couple of days.

Think of it as a vacation.

Oh.

Jason!
What?

Oh, OK.

In isolation, I am isolated.

For once, I can use
a term literally.

The chemotherapeutic agents

eradicating my cancer

have also eradicated
my immune system.

In my present condition,

every living thing is
a health hazard to me...

I really have not
got time for this.

particularly health-care
professionals.

Just to check
the I&O sheets

for one minute takes me

a half an hour
to do precautions.

Oh.

5, 7, 11, 250 twice.

[peremptorily]
OK.

Oh. Um, Professor Bearing,
how are you feeling today?

Fine, just shaking sometimes

from the chills.

IV should kick in
anytime now. No problem.

Listen, I got to go.

Keep pushing
the fluids, OK?

Hmm...

I am not in isolation

because I have cancer,

because I have a tumor
the size of a grapefruit.

No. I am in isolation

because I am being treated
for cancer.

My treatment imperils
my health.

Herein lies the paradox.

John Donne would revel
in it.

I would revel in it
if he wrote a poem about it.

My students
would flounder in it

because paradox is
too difficult to understand.

Huh.

"Think of it as a puzzle,"

I would tell them,
"an intellectual game."

Or I would have told them...

were it a game...

which it is not.

"...threw death on else
immortal us..."

"If lecherous goats,

"if serpents envious

"Cannot be damned,

"alas, why should I be?

"Why should intent
or reason, born in me,

"Make sins, else equal,

"in me more heinous?

"And mercy being easy,
and glorious

"To God, in his stern wrath

"why threatens he?

"But who am I,
that dare dispute with thee?"

"O God,

"Oh! of thine only worthy blood,

"And my tears, make a heavenly
Lethean flood,

"And drown in it
my sins' black memory

"That thou remember them,

"some claim as debt,

"I think it mercy,
if thou wilt forget."

A typical prayer would
plead, "Remember me, O Lord."

True believers ask
to be remembered by God.

The speaker of this sonnet
asks God to forget.

We want to correct
the speaker, hmm?

To remind him
of the assurance of salvation.

But it is too late.

The poetic encounter is over.

We are left
to our own consciences.

Have we outwitted Donne?

[knock on door]

SUSIE:
Ms. Bearing.

Or have we been
outwitted?

Ms. Bearing?

What is it?
[clears throat]

You have to go down
for a test.

Jason just called.

They want to do
another ultrasound.

They're concerned about
a bowel obstruction.

No, not now.

I'm sorry.
They want it now.

Not right now. It's
not supposed to be now.

Yes. They want
to do it now.

I've got the chair.

It should not be now. I...

I am in the middle of this.

I have this planned for
now, not an ultrasound.

No more tests.
We've covered that.

I know. I know.

But they need for it
to be now.

It isn't a bad
procedure,

and it won't
take long.

So why don't you just
come along now?

I do not want to go now.

Ms. Bearing.

Name?

B-e-a-r-i-n-g.

Kelekian.

It'll just be a minute.

Time for your break?
Yup.

Take a break.

"This is my play's
last scene;"

"here Heavens appoint

"My pilgrimage's last mile;"

"And my race,

"Idly, yet quickly run,

"Hath this last pace..."

"My span's last inch,

"My minute's last point;"

"And gluttonous death
will instantly unjoint

My body and soul..."

John Donne, 1609.

I've always particularly
liked that poem...

in the abstract.

Now I find the image of
my minute's last point

a little too,
shall we say, pointed.

I don't mean to complain,
but I am becoming very sick.

Very, very sick.

Ultimately sick, as it were.

In everything
I have done, I have been...

steadfast...

resolute.

Some would say in the extreme.

Now, as you can see,

I am distinguishing
myself in illness.

I have survived
eight treatments

of Hexamethophosphacil
and Vinplatin

at the full dose,
ladies and gentlemen.

I have broken the record.

I have become something
of a celebrity.

Kelekian and Jason
are simply delighted.

I think

they see celebrity
status for themselves

upon the appearance
of the journal article

they will no doubt
write about me.

But I flatter myself.

The article will not
be about me.

It will be about my ovaries.

It will be
about my peritoneal cavity,

which, despite
their best intentions,

is now crawling with cancer.

What we have come
to think of as me...

is, in fact,
just the specimen jar.

Just the dust jacket.

Just the white piece of paper

that bears
the little black marks.

My next line is supposed
to be something like this:

um...

"Oh. It is such a relief

to get back to my room
after those infernal tests."

This is hardly true.

It would be a relief
to be a cheerleader

on her way to Daytona Beach
for spring break.

To get back to my room
after those infernal tests

is just the next thing
that happens.

Ohh. Oh, God.

It is such a relief to get
back to my Goddamn room

after those Goddamn tests.

Professor Bearing?

I just want to check
your I&O.

450...

605.

OK...

How you feeling today?

Fine.

Great. That's just great.

How are my fluids?

Pretty good.

No kidney involvement yet.

That's pretty amazing
with Hex and Vin.

How will you know

when the kidneys
are involved?

Lots of in, not much out.

That simple?

Well, no way.

Compromised kidney function

is a highly complex
reaction.

I'm simplifying it for you.

Thank you.

We're supposed to.

Bedside manner.

There's a whole course
on it in med school.

It's required.

A colossal waste of time
for researchers.

I can imagine.

Jason?
Huh.

What were you saying
just then?

When?

Never mind.

[clears throat]

Professor Bearing, are
you experiencing confusion?

Short-term memory loss?

No.
You sure?

Yes.

OK.

No, I was just
wondering...

Why cancer?

"Why cancer"?

Well, why not
open-heart surgery?

Oh. Well, yeah.

Well, why not
plumbing?

Why not run a lube rack

for all the surgeons
know about

Homo sapiens sapiens
and...

No way.

Cancer's the only thing
I ever wanted.

Huh.
No, really...

cancer is...

uh...

Awesome?
Yeah.

It is awesome.

How does it do it?

The intercellular
regulatory mechanisms,

especially
for proliferation

and differentiation.

The malignant neoplasia
just don't get it.

Neoplasia, cancer cells.

Yes, that's right.

You grow normal cells
in a tissue culture

in a lab,

and they replicate
just enough to form

a nice confluent
monolayer

and then they divide
20 times or 50 times,

but eventually
they conk out.

You grow cancer cells,
and they never stop.

No contact
inhibition whatsoever.

They just pile up.

They keep replicating
forever.

It's got a great name.

You know
what it's called?

No. What?

Immortality in culture.

Oh. That sounds
like a symposium.

Well, it's an error
in judgment

in a molecular way.

But why?

Even on a protistic
level,

the normal cell-cell
interactions are

so subtle, they take
your breath away.

It's incredible.
It's perfect.

So what's up
with cancer cells?

The smartest guys
in the world,

the best labs,
funding...

They don't know
what to make of it.

What about you?
Me?

Oh. I've got some things
I'm kicking around.

Wait till I get a lab
of my own,

if I can survive
this fellowship.

Oh. The part with
the human beings.

Everybody has got
to go through it,

all the best
researchers.

They want us to be
able to converse

intelligently with
the clinicians.

As if researchers
were the impediment.

Clinicians are such
troglodytes.

Just cut the crap,
I say.

Are you going
to be sorry when...

Do you ever miss people?

Everybody asks that,
especially girls.

What do you tell them?

I tell them, "Yes."

Are they persuaded?
Some.

Some. I see.
Hmm.

And what do you say
when a patient is

apprehensive, frightened?

Of who?

Oh. I just...

Never mind.

Professor Bearing,

who's the President
of the United States?

I'm fine. Really,
it's all right.

You sure?

I could order
a test.

No. No. I'm fine.

Just a little tired.

OK.

Listen, I got to go.

Keep pushing the fluids.
Try for 2,000 a day, OK?

OK.

To use your word...

"OK."

So...

the young doctor,
like the senior scholar...

prefers research
to humanity.

At the same time,

the senior scholar
in her pathetic state

as simpering victim,
wishes the young doctor

would take more interest
in personal contact.

Ah. Now I suppose
we shall see

how the senior scholar

ruthlessly denied
her simpering students

the touch of human
kindness she now seeks.

[inhales]

How, then,

would you characterize...

[slaps table]
You!

How would you characterize

the animating force
of this sonnet?

Huh?

In this sonnet,
what is the...

[clears throat]

What is the principal
poetic device?

I'll give you a hint: It has
nothing to do with football.

What propels this sonnet?

Um...

You can come to this
class prepared

or you can excuse yourself
from this class,

this department,
and this university.

Do not think for a moment

that I will tolerate
anything in between.

[chuckles softly]

Did I say,
"You are 19 years old.

"You are so young.

You don't know a sonnet
from a steak sandwich"?

By no means.

To scan the line
properly,

we must take advantage

of the contemporary
flexibility

in i-o-n endings,
as in "expansion."

The quatrain stands:

"Our two souls therefore,
which are one,

"Though I must go,
endure not yet

"A breach, but an expansion

Like gold to airy
thinness beat."

Bear this in mind
in your reading.

That's all for today.

Professor Bearing?

Can I talk to you
for a minute?

You may.

I need to ask for an
extension on my paper.

I'm really sorry. I know
your policy, but...

Don't tell me.
Your grandmother died.

You knew?

It was a guess.

I have to go home.

Do what you will,
but the paper is due

when it is due.

I don't know. I...

[inhales deeply]

I feel so much...

What is the word?

I look back, and I see
these scenes,

and I...

♪

[device beeps]

[device beeps]

[device beeps]

Ms. Bearing, is that
you beeping

at 4:00 in the morning?

Did that wake you?

Sorry. It just gets
occluded sometimes.

I--I was awake.

You were?

What's the trouble,
sweetheart?

Oh. I don't know.

Can't sleep?

No. I just keep
thinking.

If you do that too much,

you can get kind of
confused.

I know.

I can't seem to
figure things out.

I'm in a quandary,

having...

these doubts.

Well, what you're doing
is very hard.

Hard things are
what I like best.

No, but it's not
the same.

It's like it's out
of control, isn't it?

[stammers]

I'm scared.

[sobbing]

Honey, of course
you are.

I--I--I want...

I don't feel so sure
of myself anymore.

And you used to feel
sure, didn't you?

Yes, yes. And I used
to feel sure!

Oh, Vivian, it's OK.

It's all right.

And it hurts.
I know. I know.

It's all right.
It's all right.

Let me just--
Hold on a sec.

Here you go.
It's OK.

It's all right.

Vivian, it's OK.
It's all right.

Hey, Vivian, you
want a popsicle?

Yes, please.

OK. I'm gonna go
get one.

I'll be right back, OK?

The epithelial cells

in my GI tract

have been killed
by the chemo.

The cold popsicle
feels good.

It's something I can digest

and it helps keep me
hydrated.

For your information.

Here you go.
Thank you.

Here.
You sure?

Mmm.
Thanks.

Thank you.

You know,
when I was a kid,

we used to get
these from a truck.

A man would come
around,

and he'd ring
his bell,

and we'd all go
running over.

And then we'd sit
on the curb

and eat our
popsicles.

[chuckles]

That's pretty
profound, huh?

It sounds nice.

Vivian, there's
something we need

to talk about,

that you need
to think about.

My cancer's not
being cured, is it?

Mm-mm.

They never expected
it to be, did they?

Well, they thought
the drugs would make

the tumor
get smaller.

And it has. It's
gotten a lot smaller.

But the problem is,

it's started
in other places, too.

And, I mean, they've
learned a lot

for their research, and
it was the best thing

they had to give you.

It was the strongest
drugs.

It's just that there--

there really
isn't a good cure

for what you have yet--

for advanced ovarian.
Huh.

I'm sorry.

They should have
explained this to you.

I knew.

You did?

I read between
the lines.

What you need
to think about is

your code status--

what you want them
to do, um,

if your heart stops
beating.

Well?

Well, you can be
full code

which means that
if your heart stops,

we'll call
a code blue

and the code team
will come in

and resuscitate
you and take you

to intensive care
until you stabilize.

Or you can be
do not resuscitate,

which means that
if your heart stops,

uh, we'll just let it.

You'll be DNR.

Now, you can think
about it.

But I just...

I just wanted to present
you with both choices

before Kelekian
and Jason

come in and talk to you.

And you don't agree
about this?

They like
to save lives.

So anything's OK as long
as the life continues.

Doesn't matter
if you're hooked up

to a million machines.

Kelekian's a great
researcher. He is.

And the fellows
like Jason,

they're really smart.

And it's an honor
for them

to be working with him.

But they always want
to know more things.

I always want
to know more things.

I'm a scholar.

Or I was

when I had shoes...

when I had eyebrows.

OK, well, that's fine.
I mean,

you'll be full code.

No.

Don't complicate
the matter.

No, really, it's fine.
It's up to you.

Just let it stop.

Really?

Yes.

So if your heart
stops beating...

Just let it stop.

You sure?

Yes.

OK. OK.

I'll get Kelekian
to give the order

and then...

Susie?
Yeah.

You're still going to take
care of me, aren't you?

Of course I am.

Don't you worry,
sweetheart.

♪

OK.

Thank you.

Well, that certainly
was a maudlin display.

Popsicles, "Sweetheart."

I can't believe my life
has become so corny.

But it can't be helped.
I don't see any other way.

We are discussing
life and death,

and not
in the abstract either.

We are discussing my life
and my death.

And I can't conceive
of any other tone.

Now is not the time
for verbal swordplay.

Nothing would be worse

than a detailed
scholarly analysis.

Erudition, interpretation,
complication.

No.

Now is the time for simplicity.

Now is the time for--

dare I say it--

kindness.

And I thought being
extremely smart

would take care of it.

But I see that
I have been found out.

Ooh.

I'm scared.

[inhales sharply]

Oh! Oh, God.

I--I want...

I want...

No.

No. I want to hide.
I just want to--

I just want to curl up
in a little ball.

♪

[strained breathing]

I...

I want to tell you...

how it feels.

I want to explain it.

To use my--my words...

, it's as if--
like I can't.

There aren't...

I'm in t-terrible pain.

Susie says...

[moaning]

I need to be--be
in aggressive pain management

if I'm going to stand it.

"lt." Such a little word.

I--I think in this c-case...

"it" signifies being alive.

[Vivian groaning]

OK. OK. OK...

We've located
Dr. Kelekian,

and he's on his
way here.

And we'll get
you some meds.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh,
it's just so painful.

Shh.
So painful.

So much pain.

Shh. I know.

Just try and relax
and clear your mind.

We'll get you

patient-controlled
analgesic.

It's a little pump
with a little button,

and you press it,

and you decide how much
medication you want.

It's very simple,
and it's all up to you.

OK.

[Vivian moaning]

Dr. Bearing.

Susie.
It's time...

for patient-controlled
analgesic.

The pain is killing her.

Dr. Bearing...

are you in pain?

I don't believe this.

I want a morphine drip.

What about
patient-controlled?

She could be more alert.

Ordinarily, yes.
But in her case, no.

B-but I think she
would really rather...

She's earned a rest.

Morphine. Ten push now

and start at 10 an hour.

Dr. Bearing, try to relax.

We're gonna help you
through this.

Don't worry.

Dr. Bearing...

Uh! Uh-huh.

Excellent.

KELEKIAN: Susie.

[Vivian groaning]

Will you?

Hi.

How are you feeling today?

These are my last
coherent lines.

I'll have to...

leave the action
to the professionals.

It came so quickly
after taking so long.

There's not even time
for a proper conclusion.

I trust this will have
a soporific effect?

Um, I don't know
about that,

but it sure does
make you sleepy.

[device beeps]

[chuckling]

What's so funny?

What?

What?

It's just...

It's just--
soporific means...

"makes you sleepy."

It does? Ha ha!

Well, that was sort
of dumb. Ha ha!

No, no, it was--
it was funny.

[laughing]

Yeah?
In a dumb sort of way.

[both laughing]

Well, I'm glad you
explained it to me. Ha ha!

I never would've
gotten that.

[laughter]

I'm a teacher.
Ha ha!

♪

[laughing stops]

[breathing deeply]

Yeah, she was
a great scholar.

Wrote tons of books,
articles.

She was the head
of everything.

People used to hug
the walls when she passed.

275, 520.

Let's up the hydration.

She won't be
drinking anymore.

See if we can keep her
kidneys from fading.

Yeah. I had a lot
of respect for her,

which is more
than I can say

for the entire
biochemistry department.

What do you want,
dextrose?

Give her saline.

She gave a hell
of a lecture.

No notes, not a word
out of place.

It was pretty
impressive.

A lot of students
hated her, though.

Why?

Well, she wasn't
exactly a cupcake.

She hasn't exactly been
a cupcake here either.

Now, Ms. Bearing,
Jason and I are here.

We're gonna insert
a catheter

to collect your urine.

It's not gonna hurt,
so don't you worry.

Like she can hear you.

It's just nice to do.

Eight cycles of Hex and
Vin at the full dose.

Kelekian didn't think
it was possible.

I wish they could all
get through it

at full throttle.

Then we could really
have some data.

She's not what
I imagined, you know.

I thought someone
who studied poetry

would be more dreamy.

Not the way she did it.

Her course was more like
boot camp

than English class.

This guy, John Donne,
was incredibly intense.

Like, your whole brain
had to be in knots

before you could get it.

What, he made it
hard on purpose?

Well, it has to do
with the subject matter.

The Holy Sonnets we
worked on mostly

were mainly
about salvation anxiety.

That's a term I made up
in one of my papers--

"salvation anxiety."

but I think it
fits pretty well.

He's this brilliant guy.
I mean brilliant.

This guy makes
Shakespeare sound

like a Hallmark card.

And you know you're
a sinner.

And there's this whole
promise of salvation,

the whole religious
thing.

But you just can't
deal with it.

Well, how come?

Because it doesn't stand
up to scrutiny.

But you can't face life
without it either.

So you write these
screwed-up sonnets,

Like a game to make the
puzzle so complicated.

What happens in the end?

The end of what?

To John Donne.
Does he ever get it?

Get what?

His salvation anxiety.
Does he ever understand?

Oh. No way.

The puzzle takes over.

You're not even trying
to solve it anymore.

Fascinating, really.

Like, great training
for lab research--

looking at things

in increasing
levels of complexity.

Until what?

What do you mean?

Well, what happens
in the end?

Do you ever get
to solve the puzzle?

Nah. When it comes
down to it,

research is just trying
to quantify

the complications
of the puzzle.

You help people. I mean,
you save lives and stuff.

Well, sure, I save
a guy's life.

And the poor slob

goes out
and gets hit by a bus.

Yeah, I guess so.

Guess I just don't
think about it that way.

I guess you can tell I never
took a course in poetry.

Well, if there's one
thing we learned

in 17th-century
poetry, you can

forget all
about that--

all that
sentimental stuff.

Enzyme kinetics
was more poetic

than Bearing's
class.

Besides, you can't
just go around

thinking about all
that meaning-of-life

garbage
all the time.

You'd just go nuts.

Well, do you
believe in it?

Believe in what?

I don't know.
The meaning-of-life garbage.

What do they teach you
at nursing school?

JASON:
She's out of it.

Shouldn't be
too long.

You done here?

Yeah,
I'll just tidy up.

[thud]

See you.

[chuckling]
Bye, Jase.

♪

MAN: This is so excellent...

Vivian...

Vivian...

It's Evelyn.

Vivian...

Oh, God.

Professor Ashford?

Oh, God. Oh...

I'm in town visiting
my great-grandson,

who is celebrating
his fifth birthday.

I went to see you
in your office,

and they directed
me here.

[sighs]

I've been walking
all over town.

I'd forgotten how early
it gets chilly here.

I feel so bad.

[strained breathing]

Yes, I know you do.

I can see.

Ohh...

Oh, dear.

Oh. There, there.

There, there.

[moaning]

Oh, Vivian.

Vivian...

There, there.

There, there, Vivian.

It's a windy day.

Don't worry, dear.

Let's see.

Shall I recite
something to you?

Would you like that?

I'll recite
something by Donne.

No.
Mm-hmm.

Very well.

Let's see.

"The Runaway Bunny"
by Margaret Wise Brown.

"Pictures by
Clement Hurd.

"Copyright 1942.

First HarperTrophy
edition, 1972."

"Once there was
a little bunny

"who wanted to run away,

"so he said
to his mother,

"'I'm running away.'

"'lf you run away,'
said his mother...

"'I will run after you.

For you are
my little bunny.'"

"'lf you run after me,'

"said
the little bunny...

"'I will become a fish
in a trout stream

"'and I will
swim away from you.'

"'lf you become a fish
in a trout stream,'

"said his mother,

"'I will become
a fisherman,

and I will fish
for you.'"

Oh. Look at that.

A little allegory
of the soul.

Wherever it hides
God will find it.

See, Vivian?

"'lf you become
a fisherman,'

"said the little
bunny...

"'I will be a bird
and fly away from you.'

"'lf you become a bird

"and fly away from me,'

"said his mother,

"'I will be a tree
that you come home to.'"

Ohh. Very clever.

"'Shucks,' said
the little bunny.

"'I might just as
well stay where I am

"and be your
little bunny.'

And so he did."

"'Have a carrot,'
said the mother bunny."

Wonderful.

Time to go.

"And flights of angels
sing thee to thy rest."

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Professor Bearing,
how you feeling today?

It's 3 PM.

IV hydration totals--
2,0000 in, 30 out.

Oh. Well, that's it.

Kidneys gone.

Professor Bearing?

"Highly unresponsive."

Wait a sec.

Jeez, 4-5-6.

4-5-6.

Code blue, room 707.

Code blue,
room 707.

Dr. Posner, P-o-s-n-e-r.
Hurry up.

[alarm]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9, 10,

11, 12, 13, 14, 15.

What are you doing?

The Goddamn code.
Get over here.

She's DNR!
She's research.

She's no code!

Jason!
She's no code!

Kelekian put the order in.
And you were right there.

You saw it yourself!

God. the code.

4-5-7-5. Cancel
code, room 707.

Sue Monahan,
primary nurse.

No, Dr. Posner's--
No, no.

MAN: I got it. I got it.

WOMAN: Move the bed.

No, no, no, no. The
patient is no code.

She's DNR!
Let's go.
Let's move it.

SUSIE: The patient is DNR!

MAN: OK, unit staff
clear!

SUSIE: She's--Listen,
she's do not resuscitate...

MAN: Back away
from the bed.

Put the machine on.
Let's go.

She's do not resuscitate.
The patient is no--

The patient is
no code!
She has no pulse.

The patient is
no code...

Get that board under.
Let's roll her. Ready?

I'm the doctor...

SUSIE: Stop it!
WOMAN:
She's charging.

Please listen to me.
JASON: No.

Keep it going.
Bicarb amp...

She's do not resuscitate!

Do not resuscitate.

Hey. She's no code.

Move out of
the way. Go!

MAN: Still no
reading, no pulse...

Clear!

JASON: Hey. Hey,
listen, I made a mistake!

No code. The patient
is no code!

Who the hell
are you?

I'm Sue Monahan. I'm
the primary nurse.

Let me see
the Goddamn chart.

WOMAN: Should we stop?

The patient
is no code.

Just get away
from her.

"Do not
resuscitate. Kelekian."

The order was
put in yesterday.

It's a doctor screw-up.

WOMAN: What is he,
a resident?

Got us up here
on a DNR.

Called a code
on a no-code.

♪

BEARING: "Death be not proud,
though some have called thee

"Mighty and dreadful,
for, thou art not so,"

"For, those, whom thou
think'st, thou dost overthrow,

"Die not, poor Death,
nor yet canst thou kill me.

"Thou art slave to Fate, Chance,
kings, and desperate men,

"And dost with poison, war,
and sickness dwell,

"And poppy, or charms
can make us sleep as well,

And better than thy stroke;"

"why swell'st thou then;"

"One short sleep past,
we wake eternally,

"And death shall be no more,"

comma.

"Death thou shalt die!"

♪