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1
00:00:01,216 --> 00:00:02,316
Enjoy yourselves.
2
00:00:05,333 --> 00:00:07,166
Damn, pop.
3
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:09,000
Why is it so packed in here?
4
00:00:09,330 --> 00:00:11,500
You must have got rid
of those roaches.
5
00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:12,266
Shh!
6
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:15,166
I told you
those were water bugs.
7
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,383
Take a look at this.
8
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:23,300
"Pop's Cheesecake
Eating Contest.
9
00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:27,116
Eat a whole cheesecake
and win a $100."
10
00:00:28,266 --> 00:00:31,166
[laughs]
I dropped these bad boys
by the colleges
11
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,383
and now I got these idiots..
12
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:37,116
I mean, frat boys,
buyin' these cakes at $40 a
pop.
13
00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:40,116
The secret, nobody can eat
a whole one. I'm gonna be
rich.
14
00:00:40,150 --> 00:00:41,333
- Ye-ti-ti.
- Oh, brother.
15
00:00:41,366 --> 00:00:44,500
You're a genius, pop.
16
00:00:44,830 --> 00:00:45,366
- Oh!
- 'Uh-oh.'
17
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,283
Another one bites the dust.
18
00:00:47,316 --> 00:00:49,500
Excuse me, gentlemen.
19
00:00:49,830 --> 00:00:50,383
- Oh!
- A good try, my dear.
20
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,266
That would be $40, thank you.
21
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:55,383
Oh, I don't feel so good. Oh!
22
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,830
Well, you know,
we'll not be liable
23
00:00:57,116 --> 00:00:59,160
for any medical problem
that might incur
24
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:00,250
while you pickin' up
on yourself, my dear.
25
00:01:00,283 --> 00:01:02,233
Would you
kindly sign this release?
26
00:01:02,266 --> 00:01:04,233
Oh. Oh. No.
27
00:01:04,266 --> 00:01:05,350
- Come on, sign the release.
- Oh, my God.
28
00:01:05,383 --> 00:01:07,150
Sign the release.
Please sign the release.
29
00:01:07,183 --> 00:01:10,330
- You have to help me. Oh!
- Sign the release.
30
00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:11,183
Well, damn, Greedy.
31
00:01:11,216 --> 00:01:13,150
[groaning]
32
00:01:14,166 --> 00:01:16,200
How much cheesecake
did you eat?
33
00:01:16,233 --> 00:01:20,500
Marlon, that's not cheesecake.
This lady's about to give
birth.
34
00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:21,366
You know we don't deliver.
35
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:25,383
People, people, we have
an emergency situation here.
36
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:29,160
Can anybody help us
deliver a baby?
37
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,133
Wait. Hold on, everybody..
38
00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:32,366
Oh, Lord.
Help me, somebody, please.
39
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,100
Help me, help me,
help me, help me, please.
40
00:01:34,133 --> 00:01:36,150
[theme song]
41
00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:39,330
♪ We're brothers ♪
42
00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:40,266
♪ We're happy
and we're singing ♪
43
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,250
♪ And we're colored ♪
44
00:01:43,266 --> 00:01:45,366
♪ Give me a high five ♪♪
45
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,166
(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print!
Beautiful, guys.'
46
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,366
'Dynamite! That is..'
47
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:56,330
[upbeat music]
48
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,366
Sit down..
There you go.
49
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,116
- Move!
- No, man. Wait, wait, wait.
50
00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:01,133
Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
51
00:02:01,166 --> 00:02:02,150
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
52
00:02:02,183 --> 00:02:03,166
We can't just leave
53
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,250
this young lady like this.
54
00:02:04,283 --> 00:02:06,116
It's up to us
to birth this child.
55
00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:07,133
Pop, I can't.
56
00:02:07,166 --> 00:02:08,133
Pop, I threw up
57
00:02:08,166 --> 00:02:10,300
when I dissected a frog, pop.
58
00:02:10,333 --> 00:02:14,150
Pop, I faint
when I get a paper cut,
pop.
59
00:02:14,183 --> 00:02:18,000
Pop, I wet the bed
when I see blood,
pop.
60
00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:20,250
- I wet the bed.
- Will you stop it, Marlon?
61
00:02:20,283 --> 00:02:22,300
- Marlon. Listen to me,
Marlon.
- Yes.
62
00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:24,660
Just dial 9-1-1.
63
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:26,316
9-1-1, 9-1-1, okay, okay.
64
00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:28,160
What's the area code?
65
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:30,166
- 9-1-1, 9-1-1!
- 9-1-1.
66
00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:33,830
Don't slap me.
67
00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:39,200
I need some towels.
I need some hot water.
68
00:02:39,233 --> 00:02:41,133
And get me a half a
pint
Old Grand-Dad.
69
00:02:41,166 --> 00:02:43,830
- Make it half a gallon.
- What's the whiskey for?
70
00:02:43,116 --> 00:02:45,160
I know what it's like
to watch a women give birth.
71
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:46,150
Oh, come on, pop,
enough with the jokes, man.
72
00:02:46,183 --> 00:02:48,150
We gotta get this table
out of the way.
73
00:02:48,183 --> 00:02:50,233
- Hold on a little, lady.
- Okay, lady. What's your name?
74
00:02:50,266 --> 00:02:52,830
Tracy. O-oh!
75
00:02:52,116 --> 00:02:53,300
- Alright, Tracy Oh..
- Oh!
76
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:55,216
Lay back, lay back.
77
00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,350
Make yourself comfortable,
okay?
Make yourself really comfort..
78
00:02:57,383 --> 00:03:00,233
Whoa! Hey! Whoa!
Wait. Not that comfortable.
79
00:03:00,266 --> 00:03:02,300
I don't know
you like that, girl.
80
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:05,500
Okay, um..
81
00:03:05,830 --> 00:03:07,233
[screaming]
It's coming.
Oh, it's coming. Oh.
82
00:03:07,266 --> 00:03:10,160
I'm leaving, I'm leaving.
Pop, take over.
83
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,250
Well, you were the wide
receiver
in high school. You take over.
84
00:03:12,283 --> 00:03:15,183
Hey, I lied.
I was the water boy. Take
over.
85
00:03:15,216 --> 00:03:17,383
Her water just broke, boy.
86
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,350
Okay, hang on, chill.
87
00:03:19,383 --> 00:03:22,100
Help me, somebody.
Help me, somebody, please.
88
00:03:22,133 --> 00:03:24,316
- Come here.
- Okay, where is the patient?
89
00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:27,250
She's the one with the baby
stickin' out. Like this.
90
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,500
Alright, honey,
you listen to me now.
91
00:03:31,830 --> 00:03:34,316
Okay, I want you
to concentrate on breathing
92
00:03:34,350 --> 00:03:35,383
during your contraction.
93
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,330
Short little breath.
94
00:03:37,660 --> 00:03:39,000
Breathe..
Breathe.
95
00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:41,500
- Oh!
- Marlon!
96
00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:44,116
Here, here, here.
Bre-breathe, breathe,
breathe.
97
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:46,100
Okay, here, breathe! Okay.
98
00:03:46,133 --> 00:03:48,366
Breathe, breathe.. Breathe.
99
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,166
- I think I see it coming
out.
- Breathe. Okay, okay, okay.
100
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,350
Now listen, when I say so..
101
00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:55,116
...I want you to push.
102
00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:59,330
Just bear down and give it
everything you got.
103
00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:01,383
Ready?
Okay. Push!
104
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,166
[all screaming]
105
00:04:07,366 --> 00:04:10,200
[baby crying]
106
00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:11,383
Oh, my..
107
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,266
[panting]
It-it's a boy.
108
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:16,300
- It's a boy.
- Howdy do?
109
00:04:16,333 --> 00:04:19,250
Damn! Well, baby's
sure got a big--
110
00:04:19,283 --> 00:04:21,830
Hey, stupid.
111
00:04:21,116 --> 00:04:23,366
That's the umbilical cord.
112
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,350
Welcome to New York.
113
00:04:25,383 --> 00:04:28,500
[upbeat music]
114
00:04:29,216 --> 00:04:32,150
Oh, he's perfect.
115
00:04:32,183 --> 00:04:36,133
Welcome to the world,
little boy.
116
00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:39,116
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, excuse me.
117
00:04:39,150 --> 00:04:41,116
[babbling]
You just hold it a minute.
118
00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:45,500
Smile for your Aunt Dee Dee.
119
00:04:45,830 --> 00:04:47,500
- Just a little..
- Uh, excuse me.
120
00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:49,283
Thank you for your help,
but, can I have my baby?
121
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:53,183
Oh, yeah.
122
00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:56,000
Yes, yes.
123
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,216
[whispers]
Yes, yes.
124
00:04:57,250 --> 00:05:01,660
Okay. Yeah, okay.
Alright, be careful
now.
125
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:03,100
Be careful, be careful.
126
00:05:03,133 --> 00:05:05,116
Yes! Oh.
127
00:05:05,150 --> 00:05:07,250
Oh.
128
00:05:07,283 --> 00:05:09,366
Oh!
129
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,160
There is nothin'
like the miracle of life.
130
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:14,830
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
131
00:05:14,116 --> 00:05:15,830
Who would think that
132
00:05:15,116 --> 00:05:16,233
fifteen seconds of passion
133
00:05:16,266 --> 00:05:18,283
could create
another human being.
134
00:05:18,316 --> 00:05:19,350
Ah, boy..
135
00:05:19,383 --> 00:05:22,150
- It's beautiful, isn't
it?
- 'Yeah.'
136
00:05:22,183 --> 00:05:23,166
Wait a minute.
137
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,216
I don't think that woman
138
00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:27,133
paid for her cheesecake.
139
00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:29,150
Uh, you know..
140
00:05:29,183 --> 00:05:32,233
...I always
wanted
to have a baby.
141
00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:33,283
[laughs]
142
00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:35,233
[giggling]
143
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,216
You, a baby? Hah!
144
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:43,366
What's wrong with that?
You don't think I'm
motherly?
145
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,300
You don't think
that I could nurture
somebody?
146
00:05:48,166 --> 00:05:49,166
You're very motherly..
147
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,166
We-we were just laughin'
148
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,366
because, uh, 'cause, uh..
149
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,500
Come on, Shawn,
help a brother out.
150
00:05:54,830 --> 00:05:55,216
Oh.
151
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:58,133
Oh, what's he's tryin'
to say is, Dee, basically..
152
00:05:58,166 --> 00:06:00,116
Look, the last thing
you wanna do is get pregnant.
153
00:06:00,150 --> 00:06:03,500
I mean, you don't want
any more stretch marks, do you?
154
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:04,300
I-I mean, what I mean is..
155
00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:07,500
I mean, you don't
want your ass drooping and..
156
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,200
What, uh, pop,
help a brother out.
157
00:06:11,233 --> 00:06:14,233
Well, Dee, raisin' kids
isn't
all it's cracked up to be.
158
00:06:14,266 --> 00:06:18,133
It's rough. I tried to leave
these two at the park one
time.
159
00:06:18,166 --> 00:06:21,100
But that damn doggerman
brought 'em right back home.
160
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:24,366
Well, ever since
I was a little girl
161
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,100
I always wanted a family.
162
00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:31,660
I don't think I'll ever
feel complete until I do.
163
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:32,350
Oh, who am I kiddin'?
164
00:06:32,383 --> 00:06:36,500
I can't even find the right
man,
much less have a baby.
165
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:37,333
Girl, you better stop it.
166
00:06:37,366 --> 00:06:39,316
What you need a man for?
167
00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:41,333
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon.
168
00:06:41,366 --> 00:06:44,216
How many times do I have to go
over this with you?
169
00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:46,316
When a man and a woman
wanna have a baby
170
00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:49,183
the man takes the girl
out for drinks
171
00:06:49,216 --> 00:06:50,250
and they get back to the hotel--
172
00:06:50,283 --> 00:06:51,350
Yeah, he pays her $20
173
00:06:51,383 --> 00:06:53,330
and he takes her
back
to the strip
174
00:06:53,660 --> 00:06:54,233
so a politician
can pick her up.
175
00:06:54,266 --> 00:06:55,383
I know the routine.
176
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,333
Look, what I'm sayin'
to you is, you're single.
177
00:06:58,366 --> 00:07:00,183
You could just go
to a fertility bank.
178
00:07:00,216 --> 00:07:02,366
Oh, how romantic.
179
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,500
It can be
180
00:07:04,830 --> 00:07:06,200
if you bring
some candles with you.
181
00:07:06,233 --> 00:07:08,250
Incense with coco-mango.
Whoo.
182
00:07:08,283 --> 00:07:10,200
No, I don't think
anyone should set out
183
00:07:10,233 --> 00:07:12,660
to raise a child
without a father.
184
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:15,200
It's about family, and love.
You need two people.
185
00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:17,500
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
186
00:07:17,830 --> 00:07:20,660
Well. Who knows?
187
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:21,316
Might give it some thought.
188
00:07:23,830 --> 00:07:26,216
Now, how do you know so much
about the fertility bank?
189
00:07:27,316 --> 00:07:29,283
Look, Shawn,
I can't tell you
that.
190
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,333
Those donations are anonymous.
191
00:07:31,366 --> 00:07:35,830
Besides, if you say
that
there's a job that
exists..
192
00:07:35,116 --> 00:07:37,250
...well, I don't
mind
working hard. Whoo!
193
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,150
(female #1)
'Mr. Gilbert.'
194
00:07:52,116 --> 00:07:55,316
Hey, Dee.
What's up, girl?
195
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:58,660
Oh, Dupree,
what you doin'
here?
196
00:07:58,100 --> 00:07:59,216
Oh, you know, you know
197
00:07:59,250 --> 00:08:02,000
trying to make
some spare change.
198
00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:05,350
Mr. Dupree,
it's your turn, again.
199
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,116
Ka-ching!
200
00:08:11,216 --> 00:08:13,830
May I help you?
201
00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:15,316
Hell, no.
202
00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:25,160
Pops, give me a coffee,
and make it strong.
203
00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:28,166
Hey, Dee, how'd things go
down
at the fertility bank?
204
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,830
Oh, it is not an option.
205
00:08:31,116 --> 00:08:34,166
Unh-unh. Who knows
whose genes I'd end up with.
206
00:08:35,333 --> 00:08:40,500
I might get a big blubber baby..
207
00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:44,266
...with beady eyes
and the brain of a clam.
208
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:47,300
(both)
Dupree.
209
00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:49,166
That's what
I've been sayin', Dee.
210
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,200
You can't take chances
like that.
211
00:08:51,233 --> 00:08:54,500
You gotta find someone that you
know who's willin' to help out.
212
00:08:54,830 --> 00:08:56,100
Someone intelligent,
honest and good-lookin'.
213
00:08:56,133 --> 00:09:00,200
Well, I do know somebody
who fits that description,
but..
214
00:09:00,233 --> 00:09:03,316
...I don't know if he would
go
for something like this.
215
00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:05,133
- Well, Deirdre.
- 'What?'
216
00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:08,166
You'll never know until you
ask him, right? Right?
217
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,316
I mean, didn't you say
that
this is the most
218
00:09:09,350 --> 00:09:11,100
important thing
you ever wanted?
219
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,183
That your life would not
be
complete without it?
220
00:09:13,216 --> 00:09:15,316
So now
why are you gonna act all
shy?
221
00:09:15,350 --> 00:09:17,166
[giggling]
222
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,300
- You're right.
- 'What?'
223
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,216
- Shawn.
- Hmm?
224
00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:23,333
I want you to be
my baby's daddy.
225
00:09:24,383 --> 00:09:27,500
[upbeat music]
226
00:09:30,366 --> 00:09:32,830
Let me get this straight.
227
00:09:32,116 --> 00:09:35,316
You want me
to be your baby
dad-d-d-dy?
228
00:09:37,383 --> 00:09:40,500
Yes, I want you to be
229
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,383
the father of my child.
230
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:46,000
Uh, uh-uh, Dee,
I know you might think
231
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:47,383
I'm the perfect
physical specimen
232
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:52,200
but, uh,
in-insanity runs in our
family.
233
00:09:52,233 --> 00:09:55,350
- And so does violence.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
234
00:09:55,383 --> 00:09:59,200
Come on, Shawn.
You won't have to do anything.
235
00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:03,500
Well, there is one thing
you have to do.
236
00:10:03,830 --> 00:10:05,100
But once that's over,
you out of it.
237
00:10:05,133 --> 00:10:08,133
Now, just take your time,
and think about it.
238
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,133
Dee, I don't
have to think about it.
239
00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:12,000
Look, you're my friend,
and I love you.
240
00:10:12,330 --> 00:10:14,000
I'll probably do
almost anything for you.
241
00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:15,333
But when I bring
a child in this world
242
00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:17,350
I wanna be responsible for it.
243
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:20,333
That's just the way
it's gonna be.
244
00:10:20,366 --> 00:10:23,183
Yeah, I see your point.
245
00:10:23,216 --> 00:10:27,133
- Let's get married.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
246
00:10:27,166 --> 00:10:29,200
Look here, Dee.
How 'bout me?
247
00:10:33,316 --> 00:10:35,366
I'd be more than happy
to help you out, girl.
248
00:10:37,183 --> 00:10:40,133
Thank you,
but no thank you.
249
00:10:40,166 --> 00:10:42,116
Shawn, come on.
250
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:45,100
Come on, I've never asked you
for anything before.
251
00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:47,283
Don't you understand,
I have so much love to give.
252
00:10:47,316 --> 00:10:49,283
I have so much wisdom
to pass down.
253
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:52,100
Who am I gonna give it to?
I mean, I just want--
254
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:54,283
Alright. Everybody, look,
look,
look, just hold on.
255
00:10:54,316 --> 00:10:56,133
Everybody, just calm down.
256
00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:58,266
We're missing
one obvious alternative.
257
00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,830
A puppy.
258
00:11:01,216 --> 00:11:02,266
No.
259
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:04,660
Dee, there are hundreds
of kids out there
260
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,330
who need love and-and wisdom.
261
00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:07,216
Think about adoption.
262
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:11,266
Yeah, but then I don't get
a chance to be pregnant.
263
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,116
But you'll have a kid
who really needs you
264
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,660
a kid who also
have a lot of love to give
265
00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,216
no one to give it to.
266
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:18,160
True, true.
267
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:19,183
Think about it, Dee.
268
00:11:19,216 --> 00:11:21,216
You can adopt Marlon.
269
00:11:25,150 --> 00:11:27,166
Only if I could breastfeed.
270
00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:31,166
Got milk?
271
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,183
[upbeat music]
272
00:11:37,283 --> 00:11:39,233
Hey, shopping.
What's the-the special
occasion?
273
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,350
Oh, Pops,
I've been takin' your
advice.
274
00:11:41,383 --> 00:11:44,330
I've been talking
to the adoption
agencies.
275
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:48,183
And tonight, they're coming
to interview me at my
apartment.
276
00:11:48,216 --> 00:11:49,350
Well, good for you, Dee.
277
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,330
I think you're makin'
a wonderful decision.
278
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:53,266
Oh, gosh, I'm so nervous
279
00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:55,183
I have to make
a good impression.
280
00:11:55,216 --> 00:11:57,116
Tell me..
281
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,316
...what does this dress
say to you?
282
00:11:59,350 --> 00:12:03,150
It says, "I escaped
from a Puerto Rican weddin'."
283
00:12:03,183 --> 00:12:05,830
Dee, Dee,
why don't you pick out
284
00:12:05,116 --> 00:12:07,500
something that's nice
that you already have.
285
00:12:07,830 --> 00:12:10,830
The point of the interview is
they just wanna see who you
are.
286
00:12:10,116 --> 00:12:12,000
Well, that's the problem.
287
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:15,116
I've been doing some research,
and I'm not their ideal choice
288
00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:18,000
for an adopted parent,
because I'm not married..
289
00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:19,233
...unless..
290
00:12:21,150 --> 00:12:24,316
Dee, I don't like that
look in your eye, girl.
291
00:12:24,350 --> 00:12:28,116
Sh-Sh-Shawn, what if you
pretended you were my husband?
292
00:12:28,150 --> 00:12:29,333
- Just for the interview?
- No.
293
00:12:29,366 --> 00:12:32,660
It would make me look
a lot better in their
eyes.
294
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:34,266
I'll say it in Chinese.
Ho ho ho, no!
295
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:35,350
Oh, come on.
296
00:12:35,383 --> 00:12:37,250
No, no, come on, Shawn!
297
00:12:37,283 --> 00:12:40,830
Come on! Please!
Shawn, please!
Please!
298
00:12:40,116 --> 00:12:43,660
I don't ask you for
much,
okay?
299
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:46,216
I just have to prove to
them
that I can give them
300
00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:48,133
a stable environment.
301
00:12:48,166 --> 00:12:50,000
- Okay, Dee.
- Uh-huh?
302
00:12:50,330 --> 00:12:51,316
No. Okay.
303
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:54,333
You can grab
my breast all you want..
304
00:12:54,366 --> 00:12:56,266
...but, look,
I can't lie to the state.
305
00:12:56,300 --> 00:13:01,100
Why not? You do it every
year
during tax time.
306
00:13:01,133 --> 00:13:05,330
Shawn, this is the most
important thing of my life.
307
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,266
And-and when I ask you
for a favor
308
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,133
you turn me down twice.
309
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:11,000
I thought you were my friend.
310
00:13:11,330 --> 00:13:12,283
I am your friend.
311
00:13:12,316 --> 00:13:15,133
Friends do things
for each other.
312
00:13:15,166 --> 00:13:17,133
(Marlon)
'Mmm.'
313
00:13:17,166 --> 00:13:20,316
Well, let me know if you ever
need a ride to the airport.
314
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:22,266
[upbeat music]
315
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:24,100
Hmm-mm-uh.
Hmm-uh..
316
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:25,366
What? What?
317
00:13:27,266 --> 00:13:30,116
[doorbell rings]
318
00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:31,283
Hmm.
319
00:13:31,316 --> 00:13:33,366
-Mamacita.
- Oh! Marlon, Come on, now.
320
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,283
The interviewer's gonna be here
any minute. Get outta here.
321
00:13:35,316 --> 00:13:38,366
Uh, Dee, hey, look, girl,
I know this, I know this,
look.
322
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,333
Dee...I'm your husband.
323
00:13:41,366 --> 00:13:43,166
My what?
324
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,166
Your husband.
325
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,333
You better get outta here.
326
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,200
- Get out of here!
- Dee, look, uh, look.
327
00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:49,500
- What?
- No joke, listen.
328
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,160
Look, I know you'll
be
a great mother.
329
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:52,316
I just wanna help you out.
330
00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:55,333
Okay, but who's gonna believe
that I would marry you?
331
00:13:55,366 --> 00:13:57,500
Girl, you better
recognize all
that.
332
00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:58,100
[doorbell rings]
333
00:13:58,133 --> 00:14:00,150
Well, hush-hush-hush.
N-now that's them.
334
00:14:00,183 --> 00:14:02,160
- Now just act human, okay?
- Alright.
335
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:03,366
- Okay. Okay.
- How's this?
336
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,283
No..
337
00:14:05,316 --> 00:14:07,116
I'm joking.
Joking. Joking.
338
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:08,200
[laughs]
339
00:14:11,316 --> 00:14:13,830
- Deirdre Baxter?
- Yes.
340
00:14:13,116 --> 00:14:14,150
Hi, I'm Greg Seller
341
00:14:14,183 --> 00:14:15,283
a-and this is Kate McCleary.
342
00:14:15,316 --> 00:14:16,300
We're from the adoption agency.
343
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,500
- Oh, come in.
- Hi.
344
00:14:18,830 --> 00:14:19,250
Thank you.
Thank you.
345
00:14:19,283 --> 00:14:21,166
- Gregory, how are you?
- How are you?
346
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,300
Wassup, man..
You alright?
347
00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:26,330
How are you, ma'am?
348
00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:28,660
Hey, wassup?
How you doin'?
349
00:14:30,183 --> 00:14:32,183
Um, uh..
Uh, what?
350
00:14:32,216 --> 00:14:34,660
Would you like something?
351
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:36,216
Um, some home-baked
cookies and milk?
352
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:39,100
- Oh, yes. Thank you.
- Well, thank you. Thank you.
353
00:14:39,133 --> 00:14:41,830
You better get down on those.
354
00:14:41,116 --> 00:14:44,500
Yeah. There's one thing
my baby girl can do is cook.
355
00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:46,350
Boy, she could tear up
some neck bones.
356
00:14:46,383 --> 00:14:48,233
Ain't that right, baby?
357
00:14:49,350 --> 00:14:51,316
[chuckles]
Oh, you know?
358
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,366
You are not a bad cook yourself.
359
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,660
- Hey, Dee, that's my spot.
- Ho ho ha ha ha!
360
00:14:57,100 --> 00:15:00,116
You're gonna start some
other cookin' happening,
right?
361
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:03,116
Excuse me, but,
uh,
who are you?
362
00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:05,366
Oh, this is Marlon.
363
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,383
He's my husband.
364
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:10,150
- Muah.
- Oh, you're married?
365
00:15:10,183 --> 00:15:11,316
For how long?
366
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:13,300
- Two years.
- Four years.
367
00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:16,383
Well, you know? We've been
trying so hard to have a
child.
368
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,000
- We lost track of time.
- Yeah.
369
00:15:19,330 --> 00:15:22,100
You know how it is
when you're knockin' the
boots.
370
00:15:22,133 --> 00:15:23,300
Bam! What's happening?
371
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:26,233
- You know..
- Okay, yeah.
372
00:15:26,266 --> 00:15:28,160
Well, what sex would you like?
373
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,233
Uh, it doesn't matter to
me,
you know?
374
00:15:30,266 --> 00:15:31,333
I'll try anything once.
375
00:15:31,366 --> 00:15:33,200
[chuckles]
376
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,660
Well, almost
anything.
Whoa!
377
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:39,333
[laughs]
You are so silly.
378
00:15:39,366 --> 00:15:41,366
He is so silly.
379
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,100
- Oh, thank you very much.
- Why don't you have a seat.
380
00:15:44,133 --> 00:15:45,100
Thank you.
381
00:15:45,133 --> 00:15:46,266
Oh, what she means was, uh..
382
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,233
Well, would you prefer
a boy or a girl?
383
00:15:48,266 --> 00:15:52,133
Oh, whatever it is,
we will love it.
Yeah.
384
00:15:52,166 --> 00:15:54,330
Why do you want
to adopt a
child?
385
00:15:54,660 --> 00:15:58,660
Well,
I always wanted
children.
386
00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:01,500
I, I think, I have so much
387
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:04,000
to give a young person.
388
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:05,350
Would you feel
the same way about
kids
389
00:16:05,383 --> 00:16:07,300
as your wife, Mr. Baxter?
390
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,333
You betcha, by golly, wow.
391
00:16:11,830 --> 00:16:13,183
You see, uh,
Deirdre and I
392
00:16:13,216 --> 00:16:16,183
we always wanted children
and, uh, you know
393
00:16:16,216 --> 00:16:19,830
one day I went in
for...routine
394
00:16:19,116 --> 00:16:21,166
kidney stone removal and, uh..
395
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,133
Well, the, uh, shots
got mixed up and, I'm..
396
00:16:27,383 --> 00:16:30,200
[sighs]
397
00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:33,830
[sobbing]
The doctor, he, uh..
398
00:16:33,116 --> 00:16:35,100
He tied my tube.
399
00:16:37,216 --> 00:16:39,830
What tube?
400
00:16:39,116 --> 00:16:41,150
My tube.
401
00:16:41,183 --> 00:16:42,350
He tied one of those little
Boy Scout knot.
402
00:16:42,383 --> 00:16:44,350
You know, those are hard
to get out of.
403
00:16:45,333 --> 00:16:48,330
[all chuckling]
404
00:16:48,350 --> 00:16:50,660
'You know..'
405
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:51,383
Well, you seem
like a very loving couple
406
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,133
and yeah, and you would make
a perfect candidates, I think.
407
00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:57,830
- Oh!
- We'll be in touch.
408
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:58,100
[doorbell rings]
409
00:16:58,133 --> 00:16:59,166
Oh, I wonder
who that can be?
410
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,300
Why don't you get that,
uh, sweet buns?
411
00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:05,233
[Marlon and Dee chuckle]
412
00:17:07,266 --> 00:17:09,100
- Oh, S..
- Hey, sweetheart!
413
00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:10,366
[moaning]
414
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,366
I was savin' that
one
all day for you.
415
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,150
Shawn.
416
00:17:18,183 --> 00:17:20,160
What you doin' here?
417
00:17:22,183 --> 00:17:25,183
Well, is that any way
to talk to
your...husband?
418
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:29,216
Oh, w-what's my
brother
doin' here?
419
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:34,166
Wait? I thought
he was your husband.
420
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,333
They both are my husbands.
We're a very close family.
421
00:17:37,366 --> 00:17:39,316
Wait, hold it, hold it,
you mean to say that
422
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:41,266
you are married to two brothers?
423
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:45,150
Oh, well, uh, see,
we're-we're Mormons.
424
00:17:45,183 --> 00:17:47,316
Yeah, and we just
escaped
from the main church.
425
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:49,300
Uh, the-the Osmonds
threw us out.
426
00:17:49,333 --> 00:17:51,216
Right, you know,
they were trippin'.
427
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:53,216
So, you know,
we got with Rick James
428
00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:55,250
and we formed our own church.
429
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:58,000
The Church of Mighty Freaks.
430
00:17:58,330 --> 00:18:01,216
- Hey, my sweet petunia!
- Oh, Pop.
431
00:18:02,366 --> 00:18:03,333
Pop?
432
00:18:03,366 --> 00:18:06,350
You're married
to their father
too?
433
00:18:06,383 --> 00:18:09,000
Oh-oh, I think
I got to the wrong
apartment.
434
00:18:09,330 --> 00:18:11,116
Hey, Jessie, Jessie!
435
00:18:11,150 --> 00:18:13,233
Hey, well, you
know
what they say
436
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:16,133
"A family that plays
together
stays together."
437
00:18:16,166 --> 00:18:17,350
Now you see
why we gotta
adopt.
438
00:18:17,383 --> 00:18:19,660
You see,
we don't want to
inbreed
439
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:20,266
and have those
kids
with three eyes.
440
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,333
Yeah, yeah.
441
00:18:21,366 --> 00:18:23,200
Oh, I saw
something
just like this
442
00:18:23,233 --> 00:18:24,200
on "Jerry Springer."
443
00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:26,660
- Mm.
- Let's get outta here.
444
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,250
No, no, no, please.
445
00:18:27,283 --> 00:18:31,133
Please, just let me explain.
No, I am not married at all.
446
00:18:31,166 --> 00:18:33,216
I asked one of these guys
to pretend to be my husband
447
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:35,383
so that I could look better
in front of you.
448
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:41,000
Um, I so desperately
want a child, that I, I..
449
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:43,830
I don't have an excuse.
450
00:18:43,116 --> 00:18:45,266
I see. Well, I'm sorry.
451
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:47,830
We're gonna have to report
this to the board
452
00:18:47,116 --> 00:18:49,366
and we-we'll get back to you,
we'll get back to you.
453
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,250
Hey, Dee.
454
00:18:55,283 --> 00:18:57,150
- How's it goin'?
- Great.
455
00:18:58,383 --> 00:19:01,383
[sighs]
Does anybody wanna buy
a cheap crib?
456
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,250
Oh, Dee. Don't give up, girl.
457
00:19:04,283 --> 00:19:06,350
Yeah, Dee,
you still got a chance..
458
00:19:06,383 --> 00:19:08,266
...even though we did kinda
screw up your interview.
459
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:11,660
Hm-mm. Don't worry about it.
460
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:13,350
I shouldn't have asked
you to lie for me anyway.
461
00:19:13,383 --> 00:19:15,283
Well, we still feel responsible.
462
00:19:15,316 --> 00:19:18,333
Hey, I'm destined
to be one of those
463
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,166
old ladies
who raise lots of
cats.
464
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,316
Walk around
in a dirty house coat
465
00:19:23,350 --> 00:19:26,160
with her breasts
hangin' down her knees.
466
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,183
But don't feel bad.
467
00:19:28,216 --> 00:19:31,330
Now you know, Dee,
that's not gonna happen to
you.
468
00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:34,330
You're allergic to cats.
469
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:36,330
(Marlon)
'Hey, look, it's the old
dude
from the adoption agency.'
470
00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:39,330
Tryin' to cheer me up. You
just
let me be depressed, okay.
471
00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:41,166
- Hey, wassup, man?
- Good.
472
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,250
- I'm alright.
- Cool.
473
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,333
Uh, Deirdre, I think
we need to discuss
474
00:19:45,366 --> 00:19:46,383
what happened last night.
475
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,183
Oh, I already said
I was sorry.
476
00:19:48,216 --> 00:19:50,150
You're not here
to press charges, are you?
477
00:19:50,183 --> 00:19:52,100
No, no, no, it-it's, uh..
478
00:19:52,133 --> 00:19:54,316
Well, actually, we're thinking
of giving you a second chance.
479
00:19:54,350 --> 00:19:57,500
Oh, my God!
480
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,250
Oh, Lord!
Thank you.
481
00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:02,233
- Thank you. Thank you!
- Yes.
482
00:20:02,266 --> 00:20:04,166
Well, you know, it's not
a sure thing by any means
483
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,183
but after we talked about it,
Kate and I just thought that..
484
00:20:07,216 --> 00:20:09,200
Well, to put on
that kind of a production
485
00:20:09,233 --> 00:20:11,383
it seems like you're
a pretty dedicated person.
486
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,133
And-and your friends, they seem
to think a lot of you too.
487
00:20:14,166 --> 00:20:15,250
- Oh.
- She's the best.
488
00:20:15,283 --> 00:20:16,300
- 'Yeah.'
- Couldn't be better.
489
00:20:16,333 --> 00:20:17,383
Wish she was my mama.
490
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:21,160
Oh, I don't
know
what to say.
491
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,160
Look, all you have to do
is make a separate appointment
492
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:25,830
with Kate and meet with her
by yourself
493
00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,133
and then if things go well
494
00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:27,383
then she'll put you
back on the list.
495
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,250
You're not gonna
be there this
time?
496
00:20:29,283 --> 00:20:32,283
No, I-I think, I need to
remove
myself from the process.
497
00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:35,233
I, uh,
have a conflict of interest.
498
00:20:35,266 --> 00:20:36,266
What's that?
499
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:37,350
Well, I was wondering
if you might
500
00:20:37,383 --> 00:20:39,283
want to go on a date with me.
501
00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:43,183
A date?
502
00:20:43,216 --> 00:20:45,333
Oh-oh-oh,
I don't believe
it.
503
00:20:45,366 --> 00:20:48,350
Oh, a good-lookin'
man
with a job
504
00:20:48,383 --> 00:20:49,383
and you're not married?
505
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:51,000
- Oh, no.
- Oh, Lord!
506
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:53,283
It's Christmas again.
507
00:20:53,316 --> 00:20:55,000
So I can take that as a yes?
508
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:58,830
Oh, I better take you
up
on this promise
509
00:20:58,116 --> 00:20:59,316
just in case
somebody pinches me.
510
00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:03,000
- Uh, well, it could be me.
- Oh, you better stop.
511
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,166
[chuckling]
512
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,300
- Oh.
- Come on.
513
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:07,160
Bye, gentlemen.
514
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:08,350
[chuckles]
515
00:21:08,383 --> 00:21:13,200
♪ It's beginning to look
a lot like Christmas ♪
516
00:21:13,233 --> 00:21:16,333
♪ Everywhere we go ♪♪
517
00:21:16,366 --> 00:21:19,150
Oh, isn't that something?
Dee's gotta date.
518
00:21:19,183 --> 00:21:21,133
Yeah, that's strange.
519
00:21:21,166 --> 00:21:24,500
'Cause with Dee and men,
somethin' usually go
wrong.
520
00:21:24,830 --> 00:21:25,266
Yeah, well not this time.
521
00:21:25,300 --> 00:21:26,316
I tell you,
it's pretty good to see
522
00:21:26,350 --> 00:21:28,133
thing go Dee's way for once.
523
00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:29,133
Yeah.
524
00:21:29,166 --> 00:21:30,283
[tires screeching]
525
00:21:30,316 --> 00:21:32,233
[crashing]
526
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,200
Don't worry, he's okay.
527
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:42,660
♪ La la la la la la ♪
528
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,500
♪ La la la la la ♪
529
00:21:44,830 --> 00:21:46,316
♪ It's Christmas ♪♪
530
00:21:46,350 --> 00:21:48,300
Oh, shut up!
531
00:21:49,316 --> 00:21:51,316
[indistinct chattering]
532
00:21:55,183 --> 00:21:57,830
Okay, I want you
to concentrate on breathing
533
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:58,216
during your contractions.
534
00:21:58,250 --> 00:21:59,216
Short little breath.
535
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,200
Breathe..
Breathe.
536
00:22:01,233 --> 00:22:02,383
- Oh.
- Marlon.
537
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,183
Here, here, here.
Bre-breathe, breathe,
breathe.
538
00:22:05,216 --> 00:22:06,266
Okay, here breathe.
539
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:09,383
Okay, breathe, breathe..
Breathe.
540
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,150
- I think I see it comin'
out.
- Breathe.
541
00:22:11,183 --> 00:22:12,216
Okay, okay, okay.
542
00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:15,500
Now, listen, when I say so..
543
00:22:15,830 --> 00:22:16,200
...I want you to push.
544
00:22:16,233 --> 00:22:17,316
Just bear down
545
00:22:17,350 --> 00:22:20,000
and give it everything you got.
546
00:22:20,330 --> 00:22:22,383
Ready?
Okay. Push!
547
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:24,160
[all screaming]
548
00:22:25,133 --> 00:22:27,830
(Shawn)Look up, Marlon, say"Cheese."
39351
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